THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.234 - TASH DEMETRIOU LIVE

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

Adam rambles with comedian Natasia Demetriou about pregnancy, why she owes her whole career to Adam, the weird crap Tash looks at on her phone, revolting recipes, accents, the sadness of time, and parenting tips.CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE AND REVOLTING DESCRIPTION Conversation recorded face to face in front of a live audience at the Liverpool Royal Philharmonic on May 20th, 2024 as part of the Adam Buxton Podcast Tour.Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support and conversation editing and to Becca Bryers for audio mixing.Podcast illustration by Helen GreenADAM'S WEBSITERELATED LINKSTASH'S PHONE CRAPFUNERAL POTATOES TRAY BAKE - 2024 (YOUTUBE SHORTS)I LET A BIRD NEST IN MY HAIR FOR 84 DAYS by Hannah Bourne-Taylor - 2022 (GUARDIAN)'TAKE THE PISS' SAUSAGE TEXT (REDDIT)JESSICA KNAPPETT'S UPLIFTING MOVIE PICKVACATION (TRAILER) Directed by John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein - 2015 (YOUTUBE) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Please welcome your host for the Adam Buxton podcast live. It's Adam Buxton podcast live Good to see you All right We have an intro jingle to sing and I have some assistance tonight in the form of my eldest son Frank Buxton. How are you feeling about this, Frank? Alright. So the pressure's on tonight in Liverpool, the home of modern music as we know it. If we screw this up here, Macca's never gonna talk to me again. It'll be bad, yeah. All right, here we go. I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have pled that podcast out and started listening

I took my microphone and found some human folk And I recorded all the noises while we spoke My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan And I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan Hey, Frank Buxton! Hey, how are you doing, Podcats? Adam Buxton here.

You've just been listening to me and my son, Frank, doing a special polka version of the podcast theme in front of a live audience at the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Theatre back in May of this year 2024 as part of my live podcast tour and rather than put all of those live episodes out I am picking a few that I hope will work in audio-only form because there was quite a lot of video in the shows. How you doing anyway? Before we get back into that live podcast show and meet our guest, I just wanted to say hello as usual out here in the fields of Norfolk. I'm here with my dog friend Rose. Rosie, look I've got a treat for you. Dog legs. Look at this. Rosie! She thinks we're

going back. No we're not going back just yet, my love. Rosie, we're gonna go for a bit more of a walk. Look I've got you some chicken. That's quite good, isn't it? Not as good as going home and being in front of the fire. I know, but look, it's good to get some exercise. Look, I've got you several bits of nice chicken, Rose. That is quite a treat, isn't it? I mean, in the old days, you would have absolutely lost your shit, but now a cosy sofa is a more attractive

proposition than a walk on a wintry evening and some chicken but don't worry Rosie we won't be that long. Anyway apart from that though Rosie's doing very well she gets up very early these days I mean I think we're synchronizing a little bit. I'm getting up earlier and earlier as well, partly to do with the fact that I just don't sleep very well at the moment, and I tend to wake up like five sometimes, then I'll just lie there thinking about absolute bollocks and then I'll get up I mean this is a guy that used to not want to get up much before 11 well into my 20s it's part of the reason that the Adam and Joe show used to take so long to make is that both Joe and I really didn't like getting up

early. I found an email the other day to the first agent that I ever had, Vivian Clore, and she was asking what kind of things we were up for doing work-wise and what sort of things we wanted to avoid, and one of the things I said I wanted to avoid in my reply was getting up early. Vivian was understandably not that impressed by that reply, I don't think. The split was very amicable. Hello Vivian, if you're out there. But yeah, now I'm up with the lark, before the lark a lot of the time, but not before

Rosie who is always up when I get up and very bouncy and excited about going downstairs, going outside, barking at the cows, doing a poo, having some breakfast, all the same stuff I'm into I guess. So she sends lots of love. All right, let's get back to Liverpool in May of this year So yes today you will be hearing the less visual portions of my conversation with a well-loved friend of the podcast star of staff lets flats the sketch show Ellie and Natasha and the long-running vampire sitcom

and Natasha and the long-running vampire sitcom What We Do in the Shadows as well as so much more. She pops up in all sorts of bits and pieces and it's always wonderful when she does of course. I'm talking about Tash Demetriou. She very kindly agreed to be my guest in Liverpool back in May despite being heavily pregnant at the time. I'm very happy to say the baby arrived safely a few weeks later and is doing very well. What else? There is a reference at one point I think to what I was wearing at the time which was a very bright pink, I think it's called hot pink, shirt and my green docker cap. There is actually a picture of me and Tash backstage after the show if you want to see what we look like on the page featuring this episode on my website

adam-buxton.co.uk there's a link in the description I also at one point make a reference to an organ piece by Johnny Greenwood of Radiohead and The Smile the piece is called 268 Years of Reverb. I may have got the title wrong. I also think I said it lasted nine hours. It only lasted eight hours. I saw the premiere of the piece earlier this year at the 2024 Norfolk and Norwich Festival. at the 2024 Norfolk and Norwich Festival. James McVinnie and Eliza McCarthy took turns performing the piece. They would do shifts changing over every hour. It was performed at the beautiful Octagon Chapel in Norwich on the pipe organ there. I didn't sit there for the full eight hours. My son actually sat there for four hours. He did the last half.

I was there for a couple of hours and it was very hypnotic. Anyway, that's what I was referring to. I gave the Liverpool audience a content warning, which I'll give you too, in case it's useful. There is bad language in this one, quite a lot towards the end. There's some off-colour humour and there's some revolting references, I would say. So in a moment I will return you to the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Theatre as I reveal to the audience that their guest for the evening will be Tash, and then at the end of our on-stage ramble I'll be back to say a brief goodbye at the end of this podcast.

But right now, another unusual version of a podcast jingle. This time, I think I've played this one before. This is one of the remixes of Ramble Chat from the MetaPop Native Instruments Remix Competition that happened three years ago I think this one one of my favorites really made me laugh it's by Benjamin Bell here we go And I couldn't catch it up And my book club disbanded And I've really had enough And I looked out at the ocean Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Okay fine, have it your way. Ted's back. Sing the song. Rumble chat, let's have the ramble chat. We'll focus the stone dicks, then concentrate on them.

The two of us. Okay, you happy now? Yes. Please give a very warm welcome to... Tash Demetrio! I said I needed some pillows but how How's that? That's lovely. Is that good? Thank you. Sorry, I had a really big dinner so I need a lot of support.

Hello Adam. Hello everyone. Tash, thank you so much for coming along. Thanks for having me. So good to see you. You're welcome. Who else could I have kicked off the tour? Actually Richard Iwadi kicked it off. He got the Palladium. He got the Palladium. He got the Palladium.

But Palladium is worse than this venue. Oh, 100 percent. London stinks. It's over. London is over. Did you get your falafel salad? I got the falafel salad and I'm still digesting it a little bit. Now, you made a humorous comment there about your belly size. Yeah, I had a falafel salad too. And it turned into?

A baby. A baby. I did it. I've ruined my life. Was it a carefully planned decision? Um, yes and no. I don't know. Just a big shout out to my boyfriend, Sperm, because it happened very quickly.

It was a strike baby. Okay. So, the actors and writers were on strike last year, so no one could do anything in solidarity. So, I had sex. Your hedge is some sex. I had me some sex. Hedge is some sex. Congratulations. Thank you.

And do you know what you're having? Human? Human man. Human man? It's man. Oh man. Tough times for human men. Don't say that.

So many of my weirder friends are like, oh. I'm so sorry. Because men, men are broken. Yeah, but it is weird there's a penis inside me. It's so weird. And around this part, they start masturbating. I haven't done anything live in a really long time, so my mouth is wild. I don't know.

That's all right. I did the warning. They understand. And how have you been feeling? How are you coping with it? Are you throwing up everywhere? I think I've had a pretty touchwood straightforward pregnancy, but I know that's very lucky I think the main thing is you just your body and my body has turned into a dog's body What kind of dog my breasts are completely gray?

You do it's a very mammalian time you realize the species that you are and It's like you think oh, I'm special. I do add a box in this podcast and I do acting and it's like you think oh I'm special I do add a Buckton's podcast and I do acting and it's like no no you're just a giant mammal ready to carry life and my nipples are down to my knees oh that's turned me on well now I'm just thinking about that. But I'm glad it's going well. And are you enjoying the accompanying baby chat? Yes, I mean, I was, I've just finished, I was just filming what we do in the shadows.

Oh, yes. Ceres, what are we on now? Six. Six! Too many, too many, too many. No, no, no, it's a brilliant show. No, so I've just been filming that. So, yeah, I'd say it was like a healthy distraction, but also at times I was like, guys, I am pregnant. But, you know, it's just like, it's just like Matt Berry being like, move up. Did they write you pregnant? No, because they wrote the show before the strike. Oh.

And then I was like, sorry. Oops. And so, yeah, I did a lot of holding buckets, holding baskets, standing behind Kayvan's head. Yeah, leaning forward and just generally. Yeah, yeah. A lot of doing my lines over my shoulder. Yeah. Very good. Sweet job.

I always feel like I got you that job. You did! You actually, do you know you did? I do, but I just like... Do you want me to tell the story? It reflects so well on me, it makes me seem... It does make you look very good. And takes away the fact that you have a boner over a pregnant woman's nipples. In a little pink top that makes you look like a little penis.

This is like the shirt for the middle-aged guy who wants to act like he's still interesting somewhat. Anyway, yes. So I was absolutely unemployable doing nothing. And you, I think, saw me do a live show at the invisible, what used to be the invisible comedy club. And you were like, I do a podcast. And I genuinely didn't know what podcasts were.

I was like, oh, sounds, I thought it was something to do with VHS. Cause I was like, he's like into tech and weird stuff. So maybe he'll give me a video and someone will take a photo. It wasn't that long ago, was it? It was only like 2016 or something. But you were one of the OG podcasters.

Sure. I think you were. Yeah, yeah. Back, I mean, 2006 we started doing On Me and Joe, so that's fairly OG. Yeah, so I didn't know what podcasts were, and so I was like, yeah, I'll do it. And then, yeah, we had a very nice chat,

ramble chat, and then Jermaine Clement, who came up with the, with Tyka Waititi, came up with the idea of what we do in the shadows. Jermaine of Flight of the Concords. Of Flight of the Concords of New Zealand, of Divorce with Sarah Jessica Parker, Men in Black 3. Men in Black 3, loved it, he was very good in that. Avatar 2.

Anyway, big shout out to Jermaine's career. It's going great. So, yeah, he listened to the podcast because he loves you. And he was like... I was doing a tiny, tiny, tiny part that was essentially being a background person in a film called The Festival, where I had one line which was,

"'And arses. But you smashed it. I did, but my friend had a bigger part in the film and she was like, why don't you come for dinner with me and the cast? So I was like, oh, God. So I went with them and Jermaine was in that film and he sat next to me and he was like, you're on it in Buxton's podcast, weren't you?

And I was like, oh, my God. And also we were eating, we were in Indian restaurants so I was going hog wild on the curry. So that really helped calm me down, stop eating so much. I did that thing when they brought the rice to the table that's supposed to be rice for sharing and took a whole plate and poured on. So he was like, my wife's Greek, you're Greek, that's cool. So I was like, it is. And then that's why he got me to audition for what we do in The Shadows, and then I got the part. And the rest, as they say, is history.

It's Adam Buxton. Thank you very much. Well, let's take you... Whoa, hey, whoa, hey, whoa, hey. Thanks as well for slipping in there. Well, let's take you. Oh, hey. Well, hey, whoa, hey Thanks as well for slipping in there That Jermaine really loves me. He does. I mean, he doesn't love me enough to do the actual podcast Back when I was on social media, we exchanged a few messages I was like come and do the podcast and it was one of those who's like yeah great love to

Never able that was a really good age of social media where all the dads were on social media. You, Jermaine, Robert Popper, all dadding at each other. Yes. The good old days of social media. Anyway, I'm trying to be more organized. Because I thought, live show, I don't want to take the piss out of the people of Liverpool

who have paid to be here. So I'm trying to be way more organized than I would normally be on an actual episode of my podcast. So beforehand, I asked you what has been cheering you up lately. And there was then a flurry of texts, more texts than I have received in months and months and months. My wife was very alarmed because normally my phone never ever pings. Oh, Adam.

She's the one who's doing, I've got a special mic for when I say, my wife. Oh no, that's a little bit sinister, isn't it? My wife. I'm trying to- And does the microphone look almost like a penis as well? I'm trying to keep the pink motif going. And the microphone looks almost like a penis as well. I'm trying to keep the pink motif going.

Don't do that because I might go into labour. That really reverberated. The baby's really moving. Vroom, vroom, vroom. This is like, Johnny Greenwood came to Norwich the other day and did the premiere of a new piece that he's written. This is not a joke. It was nine hours long. This is Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead, and he is a musical genius and scores many of Paul Thomas Anderson's movies and others. Yes, yes. And he created this piece on the organ that was nine hours. It's called something like 286 Years of Reverb.

And it's, they had two players on it. Johnny wasn't even playing it. He just turned up and oversaw the two players that he had got. To take turns, they would do an hour shift each and hold down notes and then gradually introduce other notes so that he explained the sort of maths, the music theory of it to me. It's something about moving through the whole scale

of permutations of something harmonic and it takes nine hours apparently. You saying that felt like it takes nine hours. Apparently. You sang without it, it felt like it took nine hours. I completely switched off. But it was a little bit like what I was just doing there with the wife mic. I don't think I'll ever use the wife mic again, you know. Tonight was the first time.

Because I always feel as if I... I always feel as if I have to emphasize the fact that it's supposed to be a robot impression rather than a Borat impression. When I say- I've always thought it was Borat. It's not fucking Borat. It's a-

Well, my wife is my wife. It is not Borat. But when you just say my wife, it sounds like, ma-wah. I know it does, that's why I'm trying to emphasize the robot. Otherwise I seem like just a sad man in a pink shirt who's built a career stealing one of Sacha Baron Cohen's catchphrases. And that isn't the case entirely.

All right, so these are some of the things that Tash sent me in the flurry of texts. Oh no. Explain them to me because they were totally free of context. No, because you text me saying, send me anything you've got that's recent in your phone. So I genuinely sent you like the four or five most recent things that were in my phone. This is from The Guardian. I let a baby bird nest in my hair for 84 days. He fell asleep in my palm. As far as he was concerned I was his mother by Hannah Bourne Taylor. She is an ex model. I looked her up.

She's a nature author and conservationist on a mission to engage everyone with birds and the wonders of the natural world through her writing. Did you know that? I didn't know that because I'm like a piece of shit human who just gets things sent and like, ha ha ha, idiot sends it on. Idiot, kill them, dead. And I didn't know that she was actually did a lot of charity work and good work for birds. She's so stupid. And I didn't know that she was actually did a lot of charity work And she's so stupid And then you sent me this

This is a smashed phone It's a message from mom was three fucking sausages not enough for mark, question mark. You have to take one off Gary's plate. Fucking rude, I'm sick to bastard death of you. GASPING Gaz replies, take the piss. And then there's a missed call from Mum, who was hoping to berate the receiver even further for

stealing a sausage off Gary's plate. Is that a real thing? Yeah I mean I was doing research on the internet of how to be a good mum and how to communicate with your children and... Fucking rude I'm sick to bastard death of you. Sick to bastard death of you is... I like it. It's someone who thinks that taking an extra sausage is so rude that it's okay to say, I'm sick to bastard death of you.

LAUGHTER Oh, poor Gaz. How long is it going to take you before you get to that point? How old do you think the receiver is, the son? In my head, it's sort of like a hungry 15-year-old girl or boy. Oh, really? 15? Yeah, 15, 16. Or in my dreams he'd be like 42.

And it's an old mom. It's an older mom. Who is absolutely sick to the bastard death of her of all her kids 42 year old son Then you sent me a couple of Actually, you sent me quite a few videos. Where are you finding these? Just on my phone. Is this tick tock you're looking at? No, no, I don't have tick tock because I'm too scared I don't know how to use it. But yeah, no, these are just little funny things

that I just get, you know, I get sent or I see and I screenshot them. Sure, little bits of fun. And then you sent me, this is one of several of these things that you sent me. And is this- This is what I'm into at the moment. Is this a reel on YouTube, YouTube reels? Yeah, so it's sort of all part of a YouTube world

that I'm now very immersed in, which is sort of mums being very efficient in their lives with cleaning, with cooking, and yeah, this is one of my faves. Describe what we're looking at here, Tash. We're looking at two gorgeous manicured female hands, a silver disposable foil tray, and some shredded hash brown potatoes in a bag just about seems like it's about to be poured upon the foil tray. This is someone preparing a recipe that they think is nice or is this an ironic thing? No it's like you know I think this particular

idea is from like southern America so it's that one and done this is for all y'all moms out there the following people watch this y'all. That's a very authentic accent. We're gonna do it all in the pan and the kids love it fun and it's a lot of them like hashtag finally found something the kids will eat. So here we go this is what it looks like and there's loads of these. This is one of so many. There's a big block of cheese. This is all speeded up. What is that? Cream? Cream cheese. Cream cheese. Just big chunks of onion. And then pouring what? Milk over it?

Milk, pepper. That's right, let it out. A big block of cheese in the middle. What is the yellow stuff? Just more cheese. I think it's a type of chicken, Velvety. Pour a bag of ruffle chips over it and then saturate the whole thing with olive oil. Mix it up, that's right, get it all in there. Smash it all together.

This is all speeded up, as you could hear from the audio there. Into a... Do you not find it satisfying? I find it so satisfying. There is something satisfying about it. Look at that. Look at it. Oh my. And so that is being offered up as a genuine tasty yum yum treat.

Yeah. Wow. Because what's not to like? Crisps, cheese, oil. being offered up as a genuine tasty yum yum treat? Yeah. Wow. Because what's not to like? Crisps, cheese, oil. Yes. I mean, it's the same sort of theory that I was operating within when I was four and I would smash together my fish fingers with the instant mash and the peas and I would take my fish fingers with the instant mash and the peas,

and I would just smash, mash, mash, mash, mash, until it was a sort of light green paste. Yum. And then I would eat that, and my dad would, if he was in the room, get angry and appalled. It's revolting! Why do you have to eat like that? So look at you now. Look at me now. Smashing. Little desk.

Yeah. Little desk on a stage. Pink shirt. Look at me now. Smashing. Little desk. Yeah. Little desk on a stage. Pink shirt. Wife, Mike. Smashing it. But it is horrible. And it's also the same kind of thing. Now I won't dwell on this because we talked about this, me and Joe, once on the podcast,

and we got the most complaints out of anything we ever talked about. But it's the same sort of thing. And this was sent into us by someone else. We didn't even invent this, although we related to it. It was like someone said, my favorite homemade recipe is getting Ritz crackers and munching up the Ritz crackers into a paste. And then putting the paste from the mouth onto another Ritz cracker And then putting another Ritz cracker to make a sandwich I

Get it of mouth paste. I get it and you put I would put a bit of cheddar Make that into a burger put a bit of lettuce pickle I Get it Like have you ever done the thing where you eat a salt, vinegar, crisp, and then eat a piece of chocolate? And then eat a salt, vinegar, crisp. Anyone? Thank you, Liverpool.

And then you could do that for your... If you loved someone, you could prepare them a... a sandwich like that. And that would be pretty special, wouldn't it? And it's been in my mouth already. Which is fine. I mean, superficially it's horrible, but it's the same sort of thing as, again, on the radio show back on Six Music, the other thing that people got very upset with me about was saying that I used the same toothbrush as my wife.

I've done it, but I don't like it. No, I've actually, I mean, I was shamed into no longer doing it by the six music listeners. But I did think, like, what is, you know, we've had sexual intercourse. That's worse than brushing your teeth, isn't it? I think to me, in my mind, it's because of bad breath and I know there's obviously bad things that happen down there yeah but yeah it's the

thought of like an old crusty bit of bad breath going from her mouth into your mouth and back again and then being like but we're clean! We're halfway through the podcast I think it's going really great The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate. Alright mate. Hello geezer, I'm pleased to see you. There's so much chemistry, it's like a science lab of talking. I'm interested in what you said. Thank you. There's fun chat and there's deep chat, it's like Chris Evans is meeting Stephen Hawking Now we're going to raise the tone in the second half of the podcast.

We're going to think about the implications of what's happening in your stomach in a more abstract sense, a parenting sense. And we are also going to deal with some of the questions that the audience has supplied us with. First question here, do your children think you're a cool dad yet? How long do you think it will be until they do? That's from Caroline.

Frankie? Yeah, you're pretty cool. Aw. But you can be uncool here and there. What are my least cool moments? Just saying annoying, giving annoying advice. You know, just hammering away at just like condescending stuff. It's just like stop.

Alright, okay. Sit down. Just be nice. Alright. All right. Okay. Sit down. Just be nice. All right. This is about this morning, isn't it? The chat that we had this morning about he's going to Japan with his brother. And I said, well, you and your brother can both play an instrument. You should do some busking in Tokyo. That's good. What do you you why are you making that face?

Don't live your failed dreams through him Let him go to Japan He's gonna apply for a busking permit, right and I've got the tour manager who's doing the tour managing Richard He's gonna help him to get a fucking busking permit and you are gonna busk in Tokyo. I don't want to. Shut up, busk! Come back with a fun video of you and your brother busking. That sounds more like you want to show your other parent friends like, and my son busked in Japan.

That's what that seems like to me. Maybe. He could do the song that me and Joe did when we were busking on our TV show in Japan Got a must go. I'll go Dimas and what got a must go. Dock with this guy It would be there would be some circularity why don't you go to Japan and busk and leave your son alone? I I'm working up to it. That's the long-term plan. All right, if you had 24 hours left to live, Tash, how would you spend it? That's from Nicola.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, that's a tough one. That's one of the big questions, isn't it? Do you ever watch those movies where the world is ending? Yeah, not my favorite genre because I feel like it's ending all the time. So why go to the cinema to be like, yep, and I was right.

Yeah, they stressed me out really badly. I think I've actually, obviously this is a question that often you think about like, what would you do if you were given an hour left to live? I feel like it's so depressing that I just want to go to sleep. I just hope that it all just ended. Like, I tell everyone I love, like, love you so much.

It's like, I don't want to stuff my face with my favourite food because then I'll just be bloated and, like, not able to fart and it will just be uncomfortable and then I'll be like, what an uncomfortable way to leave. But just sleep dignified, maybe put on some makeup, go to sleep in a lovely white linen dress. Go to sleep. What about you could take a drug that slowed down time?

Oh hell no. Because then what if everyone started speaking in slow motion and you'd be like, oh I've tried this experimental drug, what do I expect? That would be a total nightmare wouldn't it? You would slow down the experience of knowing that your life was about to end. But how far are you going to get? You're going to get to the airport, there's going to be a problem with security, you know if you try and do anything it could go seriously wrong.

Get on the M1, it's gridlocked. Do you think security will have turned up for work that day? Oh, sorry. I was thinking very narcissistically just about myself having 24. Everyone else, I've just been given a message by the government because I'm incredibly important that I have 24 hours left to live. Oh, I see, I see. Because I'm sort of the messiah or something like that.

And then you're going to be assassinated. Mm. Why does Rosie have so many cushions? That is where Rosie is right now, probably, on the kitchen sofa. Yeah, that is a lot of pillows. It is a lot of pillows, but I do like it. And a lot of those are embroideries that my mum made

and when I took delivery of all my mum's boxes of stuff I just found these mountains of embroideries that she had done and my beautiful wife got them made into pillows it was one of the nicest things she ever did yeah and so I do like them being there cheers me up and it makes me happy, the thought that my mum's mad embroidery has a life in our house and Rosie loves it. So, say again? Yeah.

Hey, my mum. Thanks. She was a big Brexiteer, my mum. Laughter She really was though. I mean She is a lovely person, but one of the people that I got, this is not a joke, one of the people I got a card from after she died was Theresa May. Laughter Saying thank you for all your help with the Conservative Association.

Still deciding how I'm going to deal with that in the book. When you are a big happy family, will you have a pet? Yes, I would really like one, but I don't, I do think about getting a pet at the same time of having a baby, because then the pet will have to, will live for the whole, the child won't know, the child won't know a life without the pet, and then what happens when the pet dies. Yeah, but that's the whole, that's part of the point of the pet is to give them an experience of... Death.

Death, yeah. I think it is. And this is no disrespect to our animal friends. I'm not saying that their lives are any less valuable than ours. I kind of am. But you know, it's a sort of somewhat more manageable experience of bereavement is the idea. No, no, it's good. I don't like the idea of getting an animal though, thinking like, come on and die so this child learns a lesson.

Why are you going to fucking die? Well, here's a question for you from Gareth Bird. How do you know when you've crossed a line? Tash. Me? Yeah. When I'm on one side of it and then there's a line and then I'm on the other side of it. Have you got in trouble with spicy jokes? Have I got in trouble with spicy jokes?

No, I don't think so. What about in your real life? Do you ever do jokes that land badly and people get upset? Never, because I'm so funny. Yes. No, no, I don't How do I know when I've crossed a line when you get a hot feeling at the back of your neck? Oh, yeah, I okay I think this happens once in your life and it never happens again and this did happen to me about a year ago I said to a friend

Nothing to do with me being pregnant. Nothing doing I said to for some godforsaken reason Just blurted out. We were at some like house Party thing and I said, oh my god, are you pregnant? And she wasn't and she didn't even look pregnant. I don't know what the hell I was thinking She was just wearing like a blouse. I she was just wearing like a blouse. I was like, I was like an alien took over my head. And I've thought about that like three times a week since. And we're not as close, then I'll never make that mistake.

And I knew I'd crossed a line into the realm of the stupidest questions you can ever ask someone. And did you spend a while trying to clear up the mess afterwards conversationally? Such a big blouse! Honestly she didn't look like she'd gained weight on her stomach, nothing, I don't know where it came from it just was like a spider in my mouth just like, are you pregnant? I don't know why I did it and I knew I'd crossed a line into demented territory and you get the hot neck, dry mouth and the... Oh god, I can't wait for me to go to the toilet now.

Has anyone tried to put their hand on your pregnant belly since you've been showing? Doctors. Doctors, yeah. But people not... Perverts, those doctors. Always try to touch my belly. Like sometimes, maybe this doesn't happen anymore because everyone got the memo, Doctors, yeah. But people not... Perverts, those doctors. Always trying to touch my belly. Like sometimes, maybe this doesn't happen anymore because everyone got the memo, but sometimes people used to go up and think that it was okay to put their hand on a pregnant woman's belly.

See, maybe this is controversial, but I don't mind it. I don't mind it. At all. I'm fine with it. Right, okay, well that's interesting. So you're one of the people that... I don't mind it so much. I mean, I guess, yeah, okay, look, if it was happening, I was walking down the street and people were just... Yeah. I'd be like, whoa. But no, on the whole, I'm like, yeah, come on. Have a feel.

Come on, it's weird. It is weird when they're kicking around there. And this baby's breech, so its feet are where my groin is. And it's kicking. Oh, that it's kicking. Oh. It's like, oh. That's no good. And yeah, another story that I remember from six music days

when I was doing some filming around then was, in a break from filming, one of the actors went up to one of the assistant producers, put his hand on her tummy, and said, oh, when's it due? And she wasn't pregnant. And she, it was, it just was so terrible. My oldest friends who actually are from Wallasey, Merseyside. Hey! Yeah, they, big shout out to the Wirral.

Their mum was a teacher and she, at our school, and she once went up to another teacher who just had some... It was like summertime, so everyone was wearing more summery clothes, and went up to her and went, "'Oh, Roseanne, how long do you have to wear them for?' And they were just normal sandals. But she thought they were so awful, they looked like orthopedic. Oh no, San.

I love to have to wear them for. Just her shoes. That's a very good, good accent as well there, Tash. Thank you, Adam. Speaking of accents, I enjoy accents, and I know you do too. I do, I do, and I'm enjoying it. Have you ever, though, done an accent in a serious attempt

to pretend you were someone else out in public? Yes, yes, I have. I think I have quite a posh voice, which is, yeah, so I speak, I think I'm a bit of a posh, sounds like a bit of a posh arse at all when I speak. So sometimes I will. I've never thought of you that way. I hope you don't mind me saying.

No, well, that's nice. I don't want to be posh. I think it's annoying. It's like, I don't know. I just remember listening to myself back when we did like GCSE music and we had to make a song about ice cream. And my line was, it goes in a cone.

And all you could hear on this track was me going, it goes in a cone was it goes in a cone and all you could hear on this track was me going it goes in a cone it goes in a cone and since then I've been like oh god clearly I had a really good education that that's what we're doing a GCSE level to a song about ice cream it goes in a cone it goes in a cone. It goes in a cone. Oh. Anyway, and yeah, so when I bought a car, an old, an old car, a secondhand car, before I could drive or had a license, because the plan was get the car, then the lessons will come.

Then COVID happened and I didn't do the lessons. So I had this car that was really old and really cheap and kept filling with water. So we took it, we had to take it to various different like car dealerships and I would do a cockney accent. And I was like... What, do you mean just you would sort of dial down your natural accent? Yeah, I'd just be like, all right, Governor,

go on, it's all bloody VW, keep filling with water. You couldn't, we out, we all mucker. I'm feeling we won't are. You couldn't, we are, we are mucker. To try and, because I think it's, you know, posh people are so instantly unlikable. Can you do good impressions of real people? Who's your best impression? Oh gosh, who is my best impression of a real person? Cher?

What is this chicken shit gig Waggonville what to see that's from that film Cabaret if anyone's seen it. That was quite good. I thought I could do quite a good Liam Neeson. Have a very particular set of skills. It was so good when I was doing it on the sofa the other night. It's always when you're on your own. I can do it. Matt's voice is so like...

Matt Berry. Tash, can you put on... Oh no. Because no, I do Matt Berry as Matt Berry, not Matt Berry as, you know, Steve and his voice. But as him, he's just sort of, have you got any toilet roll left? I've got one roll, seeing me to the end now. That's actually how Matt Berry talks, huge reveal.

Here's another question from the audience. Well, this is a question about your dad. Okay. Although this is just a question about his voice. From Ian, story, can you do an impression of your dad? Can you do your dad's voice? Ian wants to know. I can do my dad's voice.

Hello, darling. How are you? Oh, you're on the stage. You're like Mr. Buckstamp. What is podcast? Can you put Dongle House on for me? Which is what he called Downton Abbey. Dongle House. Dongle House and also at Christmas time always, when is the Bishop of Dimblemeath gonna be on? Did he enjoy seeing you do live stuff?

He did actually, yeah. He's on, well, we've talked about this, he's got dementia now, so when I say past tense, he hasn't passed. He's with us. He's with us. He's with us, just in a slightly different level. But, yeah, he used to come, and he was the loudest heckler in the room.

I'd be like, tell us a good one, mate! But he's seriously... Yeah, honestly. He can be like like this is bullshit Did you encourage him I know I just listen that he's such he's such a unbelievably mad Amazing character that you just had to accept it and I think everyone in my would in the audience I would have to be like that's my dad ladies and gentlemen

But yeah, cuz I would like do sometimes jokes in Greek or as part of like a character I was doing and there's this basically even now with with dementia and Like he's lost so much of his who he was but even now I'll say this and he's like So if there's a Greek swear word, which is skada buddhanah, which like in Greek, I don't know if anyone else who has like, who knows other languages, I feel like certain languages, the insults are so horrific.

They're so medieval. It's always like, I hope that dog gives you a blowjob and gives you cancer on your dick. Like, they're so horrible. Anyway, and this is a very common... Skadabadana means a prostitute mixed in shit. LAUGHTER So horrible.

Like, way worse than, like, you prick, you bitch, you know, like you silly cow. So mean. And even now if I say, Skadda Madonna, he's like, oh bloody hell. If I said that in the show, he'd be like, no, bloody hell. Like a mad witch in the audience. How's he doing though? I mean, are you like, is he aware that you're pregnant? I think it's so hard to know with Alzheimer's.

I'm sure there are people in the audience who've been affected by it think it's so hard to know without Simon's. I'm sure there are people in the audience have been affected by it because it's such a horrifically common thing that happens to people. But there is, there's like, I try and take the hum, that you know, there was definitely a part a few times where he's been like, he thinks the baby's his. Which-hmm. It's like so dark and tragic, but, you know, he's excited. LAUGHTER He's so Greek. He's lived in England for so long, but yet he just gets Greeker. And like the other day, we were around there,

and I was like, does the baby have a name? Does the baby have a name? And he just went, of course, Zachary. I've never heard him say that word before in my life. And he keeps calling. I think he thinks I might be a fish bowl because he keeps saying, it's a fish. So it's fish gender. Very progressive, very progressive man.

But yeah, he's, he's, it's horrific. I'm not making light of Alzheimer's. It's like the most horrific, evil illness ever. But I'm just blessed that he's still here and that he'll, he'll be here when I have the baby. Yeah. Absolutely. he'll be here when I have the baby. Yeah. Absolutely.

Sorry. Every time on your bloody podcast, Adam. Of course, it's a massive trigger, that kind of thing. There's so many things like that now that I have, now that I'm past a certain age, and it doesn't take much to set me off at all. Oh, God. And it's uncontrollable. Like you can't, it's like a tap you can't turn off.

It's such a weird feeling. I never imagined that I would be the kind of person that would be like that. I was watching Parenthood the other day, the Ron Howard film. And there's about three or four bits in there that trigger me and I cannot do anything about it. I just start weeping.

Sort of dad stuff and things like that. Yeah, I just think getting older is just getting sadder. It is, it is. It's managing a much deeper level of sadness and sort of making peace with it. Yeah. And the process of doing that deepens an appreciation for the good parts of it.

Yes, exactly. That's the compensation. Otherwise, you would just think, fuck off, I'm out. Yeah, totally, totally. Oh man. I want to give you some parenting advice. Please, please do, please do. Because I've been a parent now, well, Frank, you are how old?

21. 21. And are there any bits of advice you would give Tash as a mum to be for how to deal with her children? Are there any things that you think myself and your mum have done very well with you? Oh, Adam. Risky, risky game. Well you're just, you're good at, you know, understanding the slip-ups when they occur and not being too harsh on me when I have encountered them.

Yes. Understanding, don't go too hard on the punishment. Do you think you'll be quite an authoritarian? In my head, I'm gonna be, in my head, I'm like really strict and good, and then in reality, I'm so lazy. But do you think you'll be, I feel as if you might be quite a good boundary setter. It's so hard.

I mean, raising a human life, it's so stressful and scary. Like a lot of my friends who've had babies were so scared about labour. I'm like, I don't care about labour. There'll be doctors there in medicine. It's the whole of the human life part. Yes. You could be making a furry. He could turn around and say, I'm a furry. There's worse things than furries, Tash.

No, there isn't. And what about things that you would advise Tash not to do as a parent that perhaps we have done? Not to do? Well, I suppose you alluded to it earlier, like... Yeah. Just be nice. Just try and be as nice as possible. I'm nice? Yeah. This is something that I always remember my mum doing that I don't want to do,

is when you lose your temper with your kids, but you're naked. No, that's not happened, thankfully. That's not happening. My mom would do it all the time, like just before bed, when she was like getting a shower, she'd be furious but her boobs would be like flailing around. Oh man, now I don't think I've done that, have I? It's not like the end of Saltburn and Castle Buckles. No, that's what it was like in our house. You don't, you're as a child, even as a child when you don't really fully understand like how embarrassing, because you're always naked, you're like, something's wrong here and I don't respect you.

Wait. This advert is for Squarespace. Oh yeah! I wanted to get weather times and finally build myself a website. Oh ho ho! Unfortunately I don't got no computational skill. Confused emoji, bleh And then I heard about Squarespace Where you can build a website in the time it takes to make yourself a sandwich Like a gourmet sandwich I went to squarespace.com slash Buxton

And started up a free trial I was playing baby I found a template that I liked and typed some words and dragged some pictures in, it really made me smile. Then when I was happy and decided I would buy it, I was prompted for an offer code, I typed in Buxton and I saved 10%! That's right, at squarespace.com slash boston Continue I didn't know what I was doing with my life until I heard this podcast Hey

Welcome back Podcats. Tash Demetriou talking to me there in Liverpool back in May of this year, 2024. Thank you so much, Tash. It was lovely to see her as ever. While I remember, I want to say thank you very much to the people involved with that live podcast tour on that night. Ben Saunders, Richard Walsh, Annalisa Lembo. Matt was responsible for the video. I haven't got his surname, apologies Matt. Thank you very much though. And thanks to everyone else helping from Crosstown Promotions and everyone at the venue who made us feel very welcome.

It was good fun. Thank you very much indeed to Becker Briers for assembling that live audio as well. And while I'm saying thanks, I may as well say thanks to Seamus Murphy Mitchell. He was there for most of those live shows. He came over from America and it was lovely to have him there. Thank you Seamus for being there and sorting everything out and conversation editing on this episode as well. Much appreciated. Rosie, a bit more chicken? How about it? Come on. Weekend treat. Look at this. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Quite nice. I love you. Come on, Rose.

We're gonna head back soon. It's 25 past four. Coming towards the end of November. The sun is down. There's just an orange glow on the horizon but it's a beautiful clear evening I can see the North Star the other stars haven't come out yet before I go today I have a voice note uplifting film recommendation from brilliant writer actor comedian friend of the podcast, Jessica Knappett. God it's been so long since I've sent a voice note via messages that I couldn't

even remember how to do it. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to you. In my defense you haven't replied to me on WhatsApp have you? You don't even know that that message is there and you can keep all this in. I think it might be too late now. I have one recommendation which will probably be made by everyone which is vacation. Vacation not the original National Lampoon which I'm sure is a wonderful piece of art. I don't care about any of the originals because the most recent movie Vacation is the funniest movie ever made and that's all I have to say on the matter. Enjoy your life. Love Jess. There you go, that was Jessica Knappett. Thank you very much Jessica. Recommending

Vacation from 2015. Not a remake but a new story in the vacation universe and I think Chevy Chase who is in the original movies pops up in this one. I haven't seen this one that Jessica's talking about I did Google it. It's got very shit ratings and reviews but I'm learning more and more these days that doesn't necessarily have any bearing on the actual quality of the movie. Rusty Griswold, so he's Rusty as the Sun, right, from the original movies. He's grown up now,

takes his own family on a road trip to Wally World in order to spice things up with his wife and reconnect with his sons. Vacation is a 2015 American Road comedy film written and directed by John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein in their directorial debuts. They wrote Spider-Man Homecoming and Horrible Bosses and they also directed Game Night from 2018. I love Game Night. That's a really funny film. When Max and Annie play a harmless murder mystery game with Max's brother Brooks and some friends, things begin to take surprising twists and turns, as not all is what it seems to be. Starring Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams, the cast is really great.

Everyone is very funny in this film. Game night. Strong recommend. So anyway, fuck the reviews for vacation. What are you going to go with? A recommendation from a comedy genius slash friend of the podcast in the form of Jessica Nappet or some randos on Rotten Tomato Of course you're gonna go with Jessica. Addendum, I'm just recording this back in my nutty room as I edit the intro and outro. I forgot to say when I was out with Rosie that Jessica has a podcast which I would like to recommend.

She didn't ask me to plug it, but I suddenly remembered that she had it because I was on it. I recorded an episode with her as part of a live podcast I did with Jessica in York as part of my live tour show so we doubled up and it was good fun talking to her about my perfect day that's the name of her podcast perfect day with Jessica nappet she digs into her guests daily routines bizarre, bizarre habits, and

most embarrassing moments as she explores how we spend our most precious resource, time. She's got lots of great guests on there, Brett Goldstein, Jamila Jamil, Ahir Shah, Kerry Pritchard-McClain, Joe Lysett, Adam Buxton, Kyle Smith- Bino, Amy Gledhill, Nick Mohamed, Jamali Maddix, there's a Drifters reunion there as well with Lydia Rose Bulian, Lauren O'Rourke. That's the Perfect Day podcast with Jessica Knappett. Now back to my outro. Alright, that's it for this week. I've said all my thank yous. Thanks to Acast as well. But of course the thank you I haven't said is the one for you, most important thank you. Sorry I'm talking to you like a toddler now. You're not a toddler, you're a grown-up. Unless you are actually a toddler and you've just

accidentally started listening to this, but if you are a consenting adult, comey hey! Good to see you. Alright, stay warm, but stay cool. Until next time, take care, I love you, bye! Like and Subscribe Like and Subscribe Like and Subscribe Please Like and Subscribe Give me a little smile and a thumbs up Nice like a fan, bring me thumbs up Give me a little smile and a thumbs up Nice like a fan, bring me thumbs up Give me a little smile and a thumbs up

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little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a This advert is for Squarespace.

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