THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.238 - ADAM AND JOE LIVE @ ROYAL FESTIVAL HALL

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

Adam and Joe get together on stage at the Royal Festival Hall for some foolish waffle, including Chalamet/Bobbles chat, Made Up Jokes, Eggcorns, paranormal fun, a conceptually revolting restaurant trip, brand new Song Wars songs and a beautiful rendition of an Adam and Joe Show musical classic.WARNING! CONTAINS VERY STRONG LANGUAGERecorded live at the RFH on December 5th, 2024Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support and conversation editing, and Becca Bryers for sound mixPodcast illustration by Helen GreenThanks to Kid Klava for his work on Adam's musical tribute to Joe Thanks to Christoph Bauschinger for live piano and his work on Joe's musical tribute to AdamPLEASE HELP IMPROVE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE SLEEPING ROUGH BY DONATING TO ST MUNGO'S AND DON'T FORGET 'MUSIC FOR ALL'!AND THEN PRE-ORDER 'I LOVE YOU, BYEEE' by Adam Buxton - out in May 2025Thanks podcats. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is an advert for Squarespace. I took one look at that website and I knew that the woman I have been living with is not my wife. I'd never been any good with computers, so when I showed the website that I had built to sell my paintings to Tom, he just refused to believe that I had made it. And he started telling people that the government had taken his wife and replaced her with an AI. But Debbie had made the website herself. After hearing an advert on a podcast, she had visited squarespace.com slash buxton and done a free trial.

They had all these professional looking templates there, so I chose one I liked and I started typing into it and then I dragged in some pictures, I uploaded a video before I knew it I had a website. I've seen the Matrix I know that you need big green numbers and a long leather coat to build a website it's just not that easy. But it was that easy and when Debbie decided she wanted to purchase her new website she remembered the offer code from the podcast. I typed in Buxton and I saved 10%. I was jumping up and down and shouting in your face at Tom. And it was around then that he started with the conspiracy theory.

Why don't you go to squarespace.com slash Buxton Tom and you could see how easy it is to build your own website. Because that's exactly what they want me to do. How you doing? Good to see you. Thank you so much for coming along. I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening I took my microphone and found some human folk Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke. My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man. I want Adam Buxton here. That's the sound of myself and my

dog friend Rosie trotting along at a fair lick on a Norfolk farm track on a grey, slightly less aggressively cold Christmas Eve. I thought I'd say a regular hello from the Farm Track before we get back to the Royal Festival Hall for the main podcast, but welcome to episode 238. And if you're listening on Christmas Day or festive area central, then Merry Santa Times in your face. I hope you're doing well wherever you are. Now I'm assuming you know roughly what you're in for. This is me and writer-director Joe Cornish, Attack the Block, Kid Who Would Be King, Lockwood & Co, upcoming projects he refuses to tell me about. And you're

gonna hear us on stage in London's beautiful Royal Festival Hall back towards the beginning of this month and we were in front of a sold-out crowd of roughly 2,700 humans. Two shows we did that night. Joe makes a reference to the Hall's capacity later so I thought you might like to know what it was and it was lovely to see Joe, always good to see him. We've been friends since we were about 14. Now we're middle-aged guys with kids. We don't see each other as often as we would like, so it's always nice to have an excuse to get together. Now I did say a few weeks back on the podcast that we were considering recording additional

Christmas waffle face-to-face for this episode but in the end we had such a fun time on stage that we've kept it at that for this year. Next year I don't know what we'll do. Oh look it's the Christmas bells drifting across the fields. Anyway before we return to the Royal Festival Hall, a couple of things I just wanted to say. First of all, if you're one of the people who sometimes says to me, buckles, I just feel so guilty that you work so hard on the podcast and then just give it away for free.

Please, can I send you some cash to solve my aching conscience? To those people I would say no look hey don't worry that's why I've got adverts however if you are in a position to part with some cash I would consider it a personal favor if you donated some of it to st. mungo's homelessness and rough sleeping are sad to say at their highest levels since records began. Rough sleeping alone has increased by 27% in the last year. One thing we can do is help some of the people who are helping those affected and there are many hard working organizations doing that but I'm going to ask you to support St Mungo's. Their frontline response has an immediate impact on people's lives. Your

donation could provide someone who is sleeping rough with advice, access to emergency accommodation, a hot meal, whatever they need. Your donation will help keep St Mungo's teams on the front line doing a job that desperately needs to be done. I have made a donation, if you're able to do so as well please go to mungos.org slash buxton. There's a link in the description next to the one where you can pre-order my book. If you can't click both, pre-order the book. Now I'm joking, just do the St. Mungo's one. Content warning. Now there is a content warning in the live show which you'll hear in just a second but I just want to make it clear here as well

that this episode is not really intended for young children. This one or two briefly smutty and revolting bits. There's quite a lot of bad language including the C word and I'm afraid I don't mean Christ. But I did want to say, if you are the parents of Ivy who sent in a made-up joke, or Zadie who had a lovely egg-corn, your contributions are in this podcast. I've put them just after the adverts and before my goodbye at the end of the podcast. In case you want to locate them and play them to the kids without

suddenly stepping on an f-bomb. As for the rest of you, I'm afraid you can expect the usual mature brackets, immature content. Right now let's return to the Royal Festival Hall, where my ironical reference to some terminology I heard quite a bit on various podcasts Ironical reference to some terminology I heard quite a bit on various podcasts Before the American election is met with silence by the audience Here we go Okay, everybody's in welcome low information and low propensity Podcats it's great to have you out here thought I was gonna get a bit more of a titter for that line, but that's okay

It got what it deserved. I need to do a bit of housekeeping before we get going. A brief warning, content warning. This presentation may contain smart filth dirt. First world problems, definitely fake news. Artificial intelligence a little bit. Real stupidity. Words, phrases, attitudes, and men that are aging badly. Please bear that in mind.

I'm 55. Any 55-year-olds in the house, raise your hand if you are over 55. Okay, now raise your hand if you sleep through the night. Not so many. Let's meet someone who is even older than me. He's nearly 56 in fact. His birthday is coming up. He shares a birthday time very close to Jesus Christ. He is another another JC, please welcome Joe Cornish. There he is, actual Jay Corn. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. You, him, you guys, that guy. How are you? Do you sleep through the night, Jay Corn?

Did I sleep through the night? Do you? Do you sleep through the night, Jay Korn? Did I sleep through the night? Do you? I did, yeah. I slept from about midnight till five. Then I woke up with a major bowel event. And then I sent my daughter to school. And then I slept from, I watched an episode of Frasier, and then I slept from about nine till about 11. You went back to bed?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it's a show day and I'm going to be up late. I love it. I love it. Wow. It was so nice and I slept so well. Going back to bed, I didn't realize that was an option. Now, Jaycorn, we have to sing the introductory jingle.

Well, we've had the introductory jingle. Now we sing the jingle that goes before the main body of the show, that is the Ramble Chat jingle. Are you familiar with this podcast? Yeah because I've written the lyrics on an envelope. I know I love it very much. You should know them off by heart. Ramble Chat, let's have a Ramble Chat, that one. I'm just not in an intellectual frame of mind when I listen to them, it's so emotional for me it's hard driven by the heart now podcasts will you help this is gonna be a little bit like a kid's

panto right but you'll just have to let yourself go with that will you join us in singing the ramble Chat jingle? This is a special version of it which is going to be played on the piano It's a beautiful arrangement originally by podcat Ben Cooper tonight performed by Christophe Bauschinger Let's hear it for Christophe And Christophealschinger is a brilliant composer. He's worked on films such as Paddington, Paddington II, The Kid Who Would Be King, Lockwood & Co. as well as a brilliant music editor. He's a superb composer and pianist.

Christoph Palschinger. Christoph is Joe's musical collaborator for tonight's Song Wars battle as well. And I have my own musical collaborator. We've reached a certain age, we've got younger people to do all the hard stuff for us. My one is called Kid Clava. I don't think he is in the house right now. But we are going to sing Ramble Chat right now. Christophe, are you ready to hit those ivories? Alright, get tinkling. Highbrow Ramble Chat, let's have a Ramble Chat. We'll focus first on this, then concentrate on that

Come on, let's chew the fat, and have a ramble chat Put on your conversation coat and find your talking hat La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Bauschinger! Very good, very good, very good. That sounded like a really bizarre monastic order. Somewhere in Scotland. Well, we thought we needed to raise the game, seeing as we are here at the Royal Festive Hall Hall. Yes.

Where the Queen once stood, O Laura, Laura, in the house, game seeing as we are here at the Royal Festival Hall. Yes. Where the Queen once stood a Laura Laura in here, she doesn't like it when it gets tacky. What? She doesn't like it when it gets tacky in here. So nice when you got a lovely penis man. The penis man? Penis man. The penis man. So if you were a penis what walk on a penis in it with your boy, Laura. That is an impression of the Queen. It's been an exciting year for podcasts, right? Yes.

As a sort of thing, they've exploded, right? Haven't they? I thought they exploded a while back. No, I've noticed that. Are they still exploding? The top five in the podcast charts Is all the rest is right goalhanger Yeah

So big corporations have come in and they've started to to push the brave little rebel Podcasts a little further down the charts. Are you talking about buckles? Yes By being squeezed down the bottom of the Yes. Am I being squeezed down the bottom of the charts by Gary Lineaker? Only by these Linnecker-backed behemoths. And live podcasts do seem to be very popular, right? The rest is politics, played like Wembley, did they, or something, or the 02 or something? Madison Square Garden, they sold out 10 nights there, I think.

The rest is entertainment, did the Royal Albert Hall last night. I'll have you know the capacity of the Royal Albert Hall. Cornish googled it. Is less than two shows at the Royal Festival Hall. Yeah. But I just... In your face, Osmonds! I just wondered like are live podcasts better than the normal like podcast?

What is it that people love about live podcasts? Well, some of you might have seen that before the show I was out in the lobby just vox popping people to find out Why they're so passionate about live podcasts. Thank you very much for for anybody who spoke to me Here's some of what I learned. Hello, sir, I'm just asking people what they love about live podcasts. Oh well yes, I love live podcasts. I just love people, two people, don't have to be famous, could be anybody, just on stage talking about anything really, just making it up. Just any old bollocks, I love it.

Adam and Jo actually aren't my favourites because they prepare too much material, which I don't like. I prefer it when people just chat randomly about, say, food or politics or the world of entertainment. I don't like prepared material. I find it cringy. Cringy. Let's just hear a couple more. I don't really like the intimacy of normal podcasts. The sort of way that people are like in your ears like they're your friends. I find it creepy and invasive.

I prefer a big auditorium with hundreds of people in it. Much better. I like how in a live podcast the presenters are less relaxed and more nervous and anxious. I prefer that. Just a final one. One of the things I like about live podcasts is the atmosphere is more tense, so less funny things get laughed out of a sort of sense of collective anxiety. I like listening to live podcasts

because when they say the catchphrases, everybody cheers and laughs because they say the catchphrase is everybody cheers and laughs because they recognise the catchphrase. Stephen! My wife. Hey, we've got another catchphrase tonight, right? Oh, yes. Because last Christmas you were talking about the Rest is Politics and you were talking

about Rory Stewart's habits of saying Very good in order to round off a section of the podcast Yes, it's if it's been a complicated heated Alastair Campbell rant about Netanyahu at the end of it rather than taking it further. He just goes very good And moves on to the next thing yeah, and I hadn't really heard that whilst listening to that podcast, but after last year I really started to notice it. And I started noticing that my partner, my lady wife, does it. So every time she said it, I'd just go immediately as a sort of reflex action, very good, back

to her. She didn't like it at all. She gave me a really dirty look. But as you can see, we've collected a couple of Very Goods and Adam's got them on his sampler that we're going to use tonight just to punctuate the podcast. So if something goes really well you might hear a Very Good Something's even better.

Very Good, Very Good, Very Good, Very Good That'll wear thin in about 10 minutes. Very Good, Very Good, Very good. Very good. Very good. No! You're a nice guy! Is that Christian? Seriously, man, you and me, we're fucking done professionally. Now, Jaycorn, I've done a special song for you. This is the first of a number of musical numbers. It's Christmas time.

Christmas is all about music, and this show is going to be packed with great, great music. This is a short song, less than a minute I think. Thank God. Oh. And it's about one of our favorite new young beautiful movie stars. Come on! Call me by your name, not my name. Today is gonna be a chalamet day. Gonna have a timid day, chalamet day. Dance with little women in the Chanel spray.

Gonna have a chalamet day. I'm going to the beach with a pipe in my nose Do a swipey leg dance in the dunes Then put on my shades and pretend to be baubles And sing some protest tunes Yes! Chalamet day, chalamet day Gonna have a timid day, chalamet day Gonna go bonkers, have several willy wonkers

Gonna have a chalamet day day. Gonna have a chalamet day. Thanks very much. Wow. You love chalamet, yes? Yeah, everybody loves chalamet, right? What's not to love about chalamet? From his first appearance in Interstellar, he was in Stuff Before That, but that's the first time I remember seeing him as the little kid in Interstellar.

And then he's just rocketed to sexy stardom, hasn't he? Keeps on rocketing. How old is he now? 15? Yeah. And now he is in this film about Bobbles. Bob Dylan, for those of you who don't know about music. And... it's called A Complete Unknown. Now you don't actually know that much about Bobbles, do you, J. Paul? No, that's well titled for someone like me. I don't have any Bob Dylan records.

Do you not? No, no, no, I don't know. I know the famous stuff, but I don't know anything about him. Is anybody with me? Yes. Ooh, cool. Indifferent to Bobbles. I don't know anything about him. Is anybody with me? Yeah. Ooh, cool. Indifferent to Bobbles. Not because I got anything against him,

but just I never thought he had a very good voice. Oh. Cliche. He wouldn't do well on the X Factor, would he? He can't really do runs. He can do all the runs. He just doesn't want to. But anyway, he's in A Complete Unknown, this film about bobbles.

It's directed by James Mangold. Have you come across Mangold in your film work? Not personally, no. No. I've seen his films though. Mangold. Did he do The Last Indiana Jones? Say again?

Did he do The Last Indiana Jones? He did Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. That was really good. Good to see Indiana Jones back in action. He did Logan. That was good. That was good. Girl Interrupted, back in the day. And he did Walk the Line, most relevantly to this one.

King of the biopics, the music biopics. Biopics? Biopics. Sounds like a medical procedure. Yeah. Which in some ways it is. Biopia is a, yes, it's a medical condition. It's a narrowing of truth and meaning in order to win awards.

But no, this is a biopic and apparently Mangold is also working on a Star Wars prequel, Jay Corn. I think everybody is working on a Star Wars prequel. Is there anybody here who isn't currently working on a Star Wars? No, there you go. This one is set 2,500 years before the first film. Really? And it's about the origins of the Force. Because I'd been wondering, like, all through the films,

I was like, when is someone going to tell me more about the origins of the Force? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What I really want is a film about, like, a real estate company in Mos Eisley. How did that? What's life like for them? Even you talking about it on this level? I've tuned out a

Complete unknown though the hardcore podcats will be listening to this on Christmas Day and Maybe later on they'll be going to the cinema to see this film that people say is amazing like the previews are incredibly positive everyone says Tim O'Tay is gonna just shovel up all the awards and and munch them and The film is set in the early 1960s. 19 year old Bob Dylan arrives in New York with his guitar and revolutionary talent. He's destined to change the course of American music, but it's a very authentic film.

Like they are really going hard on the authenticity for this from the EPKs that I've watched. Does anyone call them EPKs anymore? We'll have to check with Marina Hyde. But in this film, Timothee sings 40 Bob Dylan songs. He does all the singing. Fucking hell, how long is it? It's really long. I mean, that's if they're three minutes long, that's 180 minutes just for the song. Yeah. It's very long.

He sings 40 Bob Dylan songs. All the microphones and recording gear in the film are authentic to the period. Timothee stayed in character during the shooting to keep the performance authentic. Oh, God. Anyone wanting Timothee to come to the set and if they made the mistake of saying, Mr. Chalamet, we're ready for you, he wouldn't reply. Timothee, who?

I don't know who you're talking about, man. I'm Barberz, if you want me to do something, use my name. Call me by my name. That's what he says. He mixes in all the old films that he's done as well I'm sick of little women running around You make him feel wanker, really wanker That's what it was like. It was authentic, but it's appropriate because he is a giant. He's a legend, Bobbles

Did you ever, I'm assuming the answer is no, but did you ever read Bob Dylan's The Philosophy of Modern Song? No. It's very good. It's genuinely good, yeah. It's brilliant. He writes about some of his favourite songs, most of which are from the 1800s. And he writes brilliantly and talks about what he loves about the song and just sometimes just goes off on random tangents It's really brilliant stuff. But one criticism was that so many of the choices were from the ancient times There's a volume two that is coming out and I just listened to the audiobook Joe yeah, I'm listening I'm listening

Joe? Yeah, I'm listening, I'm listening. And I wanted to play you a little snatch. Because luckily he's bringing it more up to date in volume two. And here's an exclusive clip for you, podcasts. Blue WD by Eiffel 65, released in 1998. One day you woke up and noticed something different about the world. What happened to the spectrum? Now everything, your house, your car, your clothes, your lady friend, even your thoughts and your words are blue. You got to get out of this blue, Huey. You can't take

it. It's not that you don't like blue. It's fine in the sky, in the Indian Ocean, or when Picasso had a period of it. But you've got to have the other colors too, or you'll become a spiritual monster. This song is a monochrome monolith, an auto-tune rhapsody in azure with the lyric commonly misheard as I'm blue and I'm in need of a guy or I'm blue if I was green I would die in fact Italian musician Jeffrey J Articulates a timeless existential agony with the words. I'm blue WD WD WD WD

WD WD and WD WD Dabba dee, dabba die, dabba dee, dabba die, dabba dee, dabba die, and dabba dee, dabba die, dabba dee, dabba die, dabba dee, dabba die, dabba dee, dabba die, dabba dee, dabba die. Very good. Very good, very good, very good. Very good, very good, very good. All right, now let's move on to a segment and this is going back to old six music days. I'm a funny person. I often make up jokes. My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks. When you hear my joke, I think you'll find that you agree

Come on, you're all invited to a made-up joke party It's good to be with people who appreciate made-up jokes What is a made-up joke? Well, a made-up joke is a joke that we think has never been told before joke, Jay Korn. Well, a made-up joke is a joke that we think has never been told before. So you've got to stay away from cheese puns, ant-related puns, obvious punnery that you might get in a cracker. So usually made-up jokes are quite tortured and the best made-up jokes require contextualization that is seven to eight times longer than the joke itself. So thank you to everybody who answered Adam's call in his

last couple of podcasts to send in made-up jokes. We got a lot of them and we put them through a sphincter-tight filter to get the most impactful made-up jokes out. It's horrible analogy. Have you got a tortured one to start with there or would you like me to go first? Well, having said all that... Do you want me to start? Yeah. Okay. This is from Charlie MacDonald. Dear Count Buckula and Cornington Crescent.

Ooh, I like that. I don't think you ever had Cornington Crescent before. No, that's good. I'd like to live there. I thought of this terrible made-up joke about 15 years ago whilst listening to your wonderful show but I never sent it in. Wind. But this is good.

He's been haunted by this joke for 15 years. I think I'm being haunted by it now too. Okay. Question. Have you heard that Sarah Jessica Parker has bought some old puppets from the Sooty show to store her underwear in? Yeah, yeah, I did. I did hear about that, yeah. Yeah. She likes to keep her bras in the sweep puppet, her pants in the soo puppet,

and her socks in the sooty. puppet and her socks in the sooty. Then there's the explanation from Charlie MacDonald. Brackets. Socks in the sooty sounds a bit like sex in the city. That is good. That's a very convoluted one. Anyway, I love you both very much. Bye. Thank you, Charlie MacDonald. This isn't so much convoluted as just sort of, I don't know about this one. Ada Nelson, aged 15 in Folkestone. Two people at a funeral. One of them asks, did you enjoy the service?

The other says, yeah, it was a great service. He will surely be missed. The other says, actually, he's being cremated, so I think he's going to be smoke. Oh, beautiful. From a 15-year-old. That's pretty good. That is going to be a successful adult with a firm grip on the morbidness of life. Love it.

Here's a short one that I thought you might appreciate, Joe. This is from Tom. Dear Count Buckleys and Joe Cornball's Cornish, why can't you fast-forward a cat because they're always on pause? I mean I did Google it. I didn't get any hits. It's on the edge there, isn't it? I'll take that one. All right, Tom, you snuck through there. I mean this one is on the same level from Joe Southard, South Herd, I don't know, 46 from Brillen Buckinghamshire. Hi there, I have a made up joke for you. A man goes to the doctor's and says, I've got red flowers growing out of the end of

my penis. Doctor, poppycock. It's punchy. That's good. I Googled that and that was a very long... It's punchy. That's good. I Googled that and that was a very long Googling session. Alright.

Now, how do you feel about some egg corns? Very good. I love egg corns. Now I have to sing the egg corn jingle because I don't have it on my keyboard. It's to the tune of popcorn, appropriately enough. Take a phrase and mash it up. Now you're in an egg corn is. No, everyone knows what an egg corn is. It's a misheard phrase or word. And it's subtly different from a Mondegreen. Some people get them confused. A Mondegreen tends to be a misheard lyric.

Classic one being, excuse me while I kiss this guy, instead of, excuse me while I kiss the sky by Jimi Hendrix. That's a monda green We're just talking about egg corns, you know, it's a gibbon. No. Yeah, I know That kind of thing. Have you got one there? You want to yeah. Yeah. So here's a good one. I think from Emma She says ho ho ho Adam and Joey I'm a primary school teacher at a school in London. so naturally all the children I teach are lefty liberal labor supporters. At least they're very good at regurgitating whatever their lefty liberal labor supporter parents say to them. Once, to keep my year two class quiet for five minutes, I put news round on and

Boris Johnson appeared on the screen. Instead of watching quietly, one of the girls immediately jumped up out of her chair, put her hand on her head and shouted, Oh, no, not John Bonson. Cue five minutes of brutal Bonson bashing from 37 year olds. Instead of the intended peace and quiet, the former Tory leader has been known by this affectionate egg corn among me and my lefty liberal pals ever since Merry Christmas. I love you. By Emma. Very good. John Bonson. John Bonson you by Emma. Very good. John Bonson.

John Bonson not to be confused with... John Ronson. John Ronson. But Joe had confused John Bonson with John Ronson. And people never forgave him. He was cast out of polite society And never employed again. Very good.

Here's another nice child-based one though, And this is from Rufus who is a quartermaster. Do you know who the quartermasters are Joe? Well, like is it on a ship some sort of person on a sailing boat or ship? No No, people who listen to the whole of my podcast and don't stop. Oh shit. Sorry. Don't stop listening in the last quarter when the numbers drop off quite massively Thank you for the years of great podcasts always magnificent listening. Thank you very much Rufus I wanted to share an egg corn from my childhood. As a toddler my father would after drying me off post bath wrap me up in a towel and lift me up by bunching the four corners together. I suddenly got really emotional. My dad did this to me as well.

Did you never have this? God I read this one out it didn't this to me as well. Did you never have this? God, I read this one out. It didn't occur to me that it was in any way emotional. But suddenly reading it out, I just had a flashback of being wrapped up and lifted up. By bunching the four corners together and suspending me under his hand, shouting, A.S.E. Rescue! Carrying me around the house and depositing me on my bed. I loved it so much I would request this service daily.

Asking my father if he could Air Sea Resc me. My toddler brain evidently having heard Air Sea Resc you. Needless to say he would always oblige and I have now extended the same service to my daughter. Ah, air-sea rescue me. Don't you do the air-sea rescue? I don't know if my parents did, I don't remember. We used to do like getting to sleeping bags, be carried around in sleeping bags like you're in Santa's sand. Yes, like rubbish. Yeah. Yeah, we had it with bin bags.

Yeah, that's right. They did it once and left me out with the bins. As he rescued me, I remember Louis Theroux told me that he used to say a similar thing to his dad because his dad was talking about doing interviews and Louis said, will you do an interview me that's good okay oh here we go we are two sisters Miranda and Ellie we are watching your 9 p.m. recording on the 4th of December with our dad Robert are you here hey all right here we go you know what's coming our mom told us about an event she attended that was so busy, everyone was there and there was standing Ramonly.

Miranda replied, who the hell is Stanley Ramonly? She thought and continued to believe afterwards that so many people were at the event, everyone was there, even Stanley Ramonly. It seemed odd that Stanley was so often in crowded places. I'm sure our dad would be so proud that he raised such intelligent daughters now aged 29 and 31 and not at all rolling his eyes fighting the urge to say what is wrong with you. Thanks Miranda and Ellie. That's a great one. Stanley Ramonly.

Stanley Ramonly. Stanley Ramonly. From the Ramonlys. My favorite band. Now, this is not really an egg corn. It's sort of egg corn adjacent because it was a slight misunderstanding. But I was on the train earlier this year with my beautiful wife on the EuroStar. And you know my hat? My docker cap. on the train earlier this year with my beautiful wife on the Eurostar and You know my hat my doctor cast this is the white docker cap usually I would be this is a festive version Yeah, usually I would be wearing the green docker cap. You've almost completed your transformation into Jean Reno. Yes

Anyway, I was talking to Sam Campbell the the comedian earlier this year on the podcast, and he mentioned my hat. He mentioned that he was surprised and a little disparaging about my hat. I just picked up from him that he didn't really rate my hat. Your hat has no brim. I was shocked when I saw you wearing it. Yeah, were you? Because I've only seen like sort of, I don't know, I've seen them around, but on different

kinds of guys. This doesn't sound good. I've seen them on, like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I was shocked. And I started to get insecure about it, and then a few weeks later we were on the train, and the guy with the drinks trolley came down, and he was a very animated Spanish man,

very chummy and slightly over familiar but in a fun way. Hey guys hello how you doing? Okay let's get a drink here. Okay how you doing sir? You're going somewhere nice wonderful great. This is what Spanish people are like and but I was you know isn't it good mood we're on a break for a couple of days, I was bantering along with him and then at one point he leans over my wife and leans towards me and he says you look like a cunt in that hat. Which I thought was too much. And I said, excuse me, what did you say? And then he leaned in and he said, I said, you look like Eric Cantona. But I swear, I thought he said, you look like Cantona.

That's how my mind works. Yeah. Do you think you look, which do you think you look like? If you were to say, from the gut. It's got a little strap at the back. It's like a baseball cap without the visor. Show the audience the back, because I thought it was a fisherman's cap. It's got one of those things.

It's got an adjustable bit at the back. This one is slightly too large for me. I can tuck my ears in. It just looks like an un-un-unfold condom. Very good. Now we're roughly halfway through the podcast. I think it's going really great. The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate

Alright mate! Hello geezer, I'm pleased to see you! There's so much chemistry, it's like a science lab of talking I'm interested in what you said Thank you! There's fun chat and there's deep chat, it's like Chris Evans is meeting Stephen Hawking Hey, how you doing, Podcats? Sorry, it's me, back on the farm track again. I'll get you back to the Royal Festival Hall shortly, but I wanted to do just another very brief charity

shout out, this time for Music For All. They're a UK charity helping disadvantaged music makers experience the joys and far-reaching benefits of making music. I do believe that music is one of the best things in the world with genuinely mysterious and magical powers for good. I guess on some level Music For All believe that too, so if you can help with a donation there's a link in the description. Thanks! Okay, here's a bit of Zayvid in jingle form to get us back to the Royal Festival Hall. It's a compulsion that leads you to explore that leading edge of the country. Yeah, I'm still a curiosity seeker, looking at the idiosyncrasies of things. A mountain or a tree is the manifestation of forces that we are not capable of dealing

with. I'm very drunk in this. So listen, this is the Christmas podcast. Yeah, can't you tell? And years ago we used to give each other presents. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah, in the old times. And then we used to just give each other actual presents and unwrap them and talk about it, but somehow it's morphed into this anxiety-inducing giant end of year show,

which is great, and I love it. Anyway, so this is... I've got a prezzy for you. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. That's all right. Wait till you see it. But there's a little quiz connected to this prezzy, and it's a quiz based around...

I was, I was, I was... I was saving... Yes, it is. Isn't saving my week quiz? to this prezzy and it's a quiz based around... Was it, was it, was it? Oh, the same... Yes it is. Is it, is it, is it? David Bowie quiz. That's my favourite kind of quiz. Yes.

So this is the quiz. You can join in if you want audience. I'm going to play you some clips from David Bowie movies because he was a terrific actor. Yeah, he definitely was. And he appeared in a lot of great movies and Adam and I saw most of them as we were growing up I think I've seen all of them. Oh, do you now? Well, you might enjoy this quiz then so here is clip number one Just waves in space

Television just waves in space funny thing about television That's the man who fell to earth. Yes, Nicholas Roach. That's him in Riptorn. One of his best movies. Beautiful film. He's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what about this one? And this is one that you and I would say to each other a lot at school.

Funny face. Beautiful eyes, though. Funny face. Beautiful eyes, though. That is from Merry Christmas, Mr. Lies. Yes, Nagisa Oshima, wonderful film. That is actually a sort of slightly Christmasy film as well, Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence. Is it? Yeah! It's got the word Christmas in it.

Yeah, it's a beautiful, beautiful film. So here's another one. This might be more obscure. You ready for this one? Okay. Mr. I've seen them all. God, you're alive. I thought that rabbit was eating your head. Oh, that's late period.

I thought that rabbit was eating your head. I thought that rabbit. He's a little more sort of cockney there, isn't he? He's more gingserish. I thought that rabbit was eating your head. Do you wanna know? Is it the Linguini incident? Yes.

That is impressive. That is impressive. Have you seen the Linguini incident? Yeah, I've seen all the films. I love them. All right, the final one, last one. Okay, here we go. All they think about is forgetting. And most of them have already forgotten what it was they were supposed to forget anyway. And the only thing about the past that they do remember is that there was something back there that they weren't supposed to remember.

I mean, it really doesn't matter whether they remember it or not because they've forgotten it anyway. Was there, was there, was there, was there? He's getting very excited there. Someone's wound up his wuzza key. What is that one? It's not labyrinth. No. I don't know what my one is. He's very excited. It's got Molina Daytree in it. Oh, it's just a gigolo. Yes.

Well done Adam. So your present is the Bollocks Bowie box. And this is all three of those films in a lovely box set for you. Oh Thank you very much Wow, Joe. This is Joe has actually made this this must have taken ages I started making it half an hour before I left the house today Thank you so much for the DVDs I'll pop them in my DVD player and I'll hook up my DVD player to the television again and watch them. Or maybe I'll just stare at them and use them as mirrors.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Let's have a very good please. Very good, very good, very good. Are you ready for another My Wife story? Yes, definitely. She plays a supporting role in this one again really. She wasn't absolutely heavily featured in the last one But we went out We went out for a meal at a fancy restaurant Someone had given us a voucher and it was one of those places where there's quite a few courses Like ten or something and each course

like 10 or something, and each course comes with a little card that they put down in front of you, and the card has the story of how the dish came about. And not only are you given the card, but the card is read out by the server, and the servers rotate not just one server, you get all the whole cast of the restaurant come around and read the stories. And then at one point, we got the actual chef who came up with the whole menu, he came out for one dish. And the dish was a brioche bun, but it had like a glazed dome, nutty brown glazed dome, but there was two of them.

Can you picture that? Like a double dome brioche bun. And so he sits down, he doesn't sit down, he sort of kneels down. Not on the table. Not on the table, no. Good for that. He's kneeling down, me and my wife,

we're smiling, nodding, saying, okay, what's the story behind this one? And he says, this one came about in the lockdown. And like many people, I was baking. I was making sourdough. And my young daughter, toddler at the time, she was out. It was a hot day, one of those hot lockdown days, first lockdown.

And she was running around, and I saw her little buttocks, and the sight of her little toddler buttocks inspired this dish. And I call it bum bread. And I was appalled. Bum bread. And you know, it was supposed to be just a bit of fun midway through the meal, but I didn't think that was okay. Bum bum fun.

Toddler bun bum fun. Was there anything in it? Like a filling? Yeah. So it could have it? Like a filling. Yeah. So it could have gone one of two ways. Nutella. Rancid mints. Or Maltesers.

If you're lucky, Rebels. They're just easier to deal with. Rebels would have been perfect. But even if it's something nice, even if it's not rancid mince, even if it's Nutella or something, you don't want to bury your face in the bum bread with having the Nutella? No. Or do you? You didn't lick a little, take a little sample? No, good, you just took a good old bite.

Just gave it a pinch. You gave it a pinch. No, I was too appalled, I think. You could have other like, Other child-based. Toddler-based food. Toddler-based food. Like what if the waiter came in with sort of a little,

a little vomit splash of yogurt on his shoulder Like when you're holding a baby and they they're sick on your shoulder Mr. Butty bird do You do bebe and you'd have to lick it off his shoulder One by one or he has it on both shoulders. Yes, my wife on one shoulder me on the other licking away. What about when a kid, like when a child has so much snot in their nostril that it literally fills the whole nostril and it's just a sort of meniscus of solid green snot.

So you could serve a pistachio mousse in a test tube with a spoon. Two test tubes. Two test tubes with a spoon that's a bit too tubes with a spoon. That's a bit too big To fit in the top. I mean, how are you gonna get it out? You could suck it out, right? That's what mums do is it yes, but in the olden days. I've never seen it done but I Honestly, I hear tell they absolutely love them kids those mums. They're getting alarmed up in the side seats. There are some panicking mums.

Mums, do you suck the snot out of your kids noses? Yes, she says. Like sort of snake venom. And then you've got to do, how else are you going to get the snot out of the kids nose? Everyone knows you blow hard on the anus. And it shoots out. You have to block the other nostril. Everybody knows that. Very good.

She does it. She does it. She does it. She does it to... You do it to kids that have nothing to do with you. Don't you? If you spot one in the street, you're like, excuse me. Do you?

And then you spit it out like a tough cowboy. With some tobacco. Thanks, bye. It's time for songs, wars, the war of the songs. A couple of tunes by a couple of prongs. Which will you vote for? Which one is the best? We're putting our songs to the listener test. So check it out.

Now you don't actually have to vote. But we have come up with two brand new songs. How long is yours? It is two minutes thirty, I think. How long is yours? Two thirty six. It seems longer. Now what's the theme, Joe? Well, the theme this year is tribute songs to one another.

And we didn't have a particularly in-depth conversation about this before we did it. I think I just sent Adam a text saying, hey, why don't I do a tribute song to you, and you do a tribute song to me? You might even have just thumbs up the text. Definitely. And then that was it. There's been no further communication on the subject. I was like, yeah, good, jobs are good, no problem. Let's stay up our own arses. Let's go further up.

Who knows what we'll find, what treasures we will find? Musical polyps. Well, would you like to expose your musical polyp first? Sure. This is just called Adam Tribute Song. And it was written in conjunction with the marvelous Christoph Bauschinger who you met earlier. And yeah, this is called Adam Tribute Song. It's a sort of Jamiroquai style funk track.

Not enough people referencing Jamiroquai. No, no, no. He'd be disappointed with this, I think. And it gets quite deep. You know how my songs tend to get a little bit sincere? Oh dear. It's 1984, I'm walking through my school I see a kid in front of me, looks kinda cool Silky pudding bowl, bulletproof briefcase

He's got a cheeky little smile on his face We both like the Thomson twins, there's an instant attraction I ask him what his name is and he says I'm Adam Buxton Physics, maths and chemistry don't mean a thing to him and me Who cares if I get D's and E's when I got a friend like Bucky Lee's? You're my funny little furry friend A love like ours will never end His dad's a travel journalist who gets free shit to travel with

He's got a Sony camera kit he says that we can borrow it We make stupid videos ten years later what do you know We got our own TV show, the Adam and Jo show For the following five years, it's glue guns and cuddly bears But we had no idea about the pressure we would share We used to be two silly kids, having fun for the hell of it Now we're both joined at the hip, that's not a normal relationship Sometimes you got a little bit annoyed With my masterpieces made with toys

Sometimes the atmosphere could get toxic I'd call you a cock, you'd call me a dick It's 2024, the years went by so fast You've got a badge, a beard and a popular podcast You've got a wife and kids, a whippet cross called Rosie Performing gigs and writing books, you're cuddly and cosy What happened to the bother boots? The tippex leather jacket The angry man who tried to drink smoke packet after packet

Maybe it's the letting go of being Adam from Manjaro So you could be the Buckelees that you were always meant to be The kind of competition we outgrew There you go. Very good. I mean... Thank you. That song references bother boots and a Tipex leather jacket. An angry man who's... who... who... I can't remember what the words are. But you did used to wear a leather jacket with Tipex. It wasn't Tipex, it was just paint. It was white paint. And like big boots.

Yes, yeah, big Dr. Martens. Yeah, you look good, man. You look sort of Lou Reed-ish, angry art Lou Reed. Yeah, thank you very much. Well, I've gone a similar route. Wow, that was our whole evolution as a duo in there. And you acknowledged some of the tensions. I'm acknowledging some of the tensions in my in my book Are you yeah my books coming out next year and I write a lot more about you and me

Oh about you and me. Yeah, I thought you said there's a lot more about you than me Which would have been disturbing Are you gonna send it to me first like you did the last one, or will this one be a... I can. A cornball's bomb. No, I don't want you to... I don't want to fall out with you. So I'll send you the stuff. Okay.

I mean, I'll tell you... I'll give you a heads up. There's a transcription of an argument that we had at XFM. Oh, really? You've got what, for real? Yeah. Well that was off air. It was off air, but when I got home that day I wrote it in my diary. Oh my god. And I found it and I thought, pop that in the book.

Anyway so this is my song for Joe and this one is called Corn Balls. In school amongst the fools one guy seemed kind of cool and I thought the way he saw the world was groovy. With a bucket full of scorn and balls that popped with corn he acted like the star of hisorn And balls that popped with corn He acted like the star of his own movie And that was Cornballs, aka, J.Corn J.Corn could be sensitive, J.Corn could be mean You could see it in his choice of film Of Wally's en fond, Lefty misty-eyed, But he also liked the ones where nuts would torture folks and kill them. I thought, serve me up some corn balls, Serve me up a pack,

Sweet and salty, that's my favorite style. As long as they got corn balls I'll keep on coming back I need something to munch to make me smile He liked Thomas Dolby, he liked prefab sprout Full fat Coke and Marlboro lights and Sasquatch But chief amongst his dreams was to smear the silver screens With the magic bullshit cooking in his brain patch He cooked up his corn balls, he stuffed them in their eyes

Even though some people said no thank you He said shut up just have them corn balls you will realize They're good for you so take two more I'll spank you Time to take a jacorn break and then we'll put the song to bed Back in the day Joey liked to smoke He rolled a doobie like no other But now he's straight like Michael McDonald He's a father and a former doobie brother

He's getting grayer but hey heya, he's an industry player And he keeps on growing, not showing, those signs are really slowing Knowing, knowing where he's going, next, expect the unexpected Just keep on ordering them corn balls They've improved my life They made me laugh and gave me a career There's times I've loved those corn balls more than my actual wife But not since we've been married

I'd like to make that clear There we go Kit Klava was my musical collaborator there I urge you, if you are interested in great music to go and seek out his Instagram where he posts all sorts of musical adventures. He's very talented. He is my Christoph Bauschinger. I'm very grateful indeed to Kid Claver. So yeah that was that was my take on our relationship and I as I say I do write about it in the book. I'm excited. I'm going to definitely be your number one reader.

Well, I want you to... How do you feel though about the XFM thing, for example? Love it. Yeah? Yeah, I love it. To be straight with you, I haven't finished the book. It's not technically finished, but it's nearly finished and I think it's going to be good. Once I've sent it to Cornballs and

got him to sign off on it. It should be out in May next year. Yes. Yes, please. Yep. Yes. Do you want a viewing recommendation? Oh yeah, go on, give us a viewing recommendation.

So one of the best things I've seen this year was on Netflix, it was a series called Surviving Death, and it's a supernatural show about near-death experiences and mediums and signs from beyond that those who have passed are still alive. And it had an extraordinary medium on it, a woman from Holland who apparently is world renowned. And in the documentary, she got a group of people who wanted to communicate with people beyond the grave. And they went into this room in this mansion somewhere in England, closed all the curtains, breathed very deeply.

This incredible medium, she was strapped to a chair so she couldn't cheat or anything and then she entered into a profound and an amazing supernatural trance and the first person she contacted on the other side was her spirit guide who was a Native American called Silver Cloud. So I'm gonna play you a clip and this is her contacting Silver Cloud. Good evening friends. Good evening. It is as always a delight and a privilege to be able to join you and to unite both worlds as one. My world realizes the importance of this evening to get the message across.

Incredible. Silver Cloud, Native American who passed many years ago, very great respect for him. And now Silver Cloud then contacts another extraordinary spirit guide, and this is as Adam said, all real, you can watch this for yourself. Silver Cloud contacts a, I think a Victorian street urchin called Tommy, who is the

second spirit guide and this might freak you out this is chilling here's Tommy Tommy is Tommy Hi guys! It's so different to be in another place you know Can you here Tommy? Yes. They're really excited to have Tommy. Are you?

Yes. Yes. That's what I like to hear. Now you might think that sounds like a puppet show at a children's party. Hi guys. But you would be wrong, because that's a genuine dead Victorian urchin communing with the other side. Netflix. And here, do you want to hear Tommy Boy now reading someone's, I don't know what the fuck

it's called, reading their dead person? Here we go. What's your name, sir? Homer. Would you understand your grandfather Andrew? He says you like fish. You eat them and you sell them yes yes do you like cars yeah did you have a very ugly green one

thank you all for speaking bye bye amazing green car green car and fish listen, we're very privileged today because that very medium has agreed to do a live reading from Holland for one of you. Oh wow. I know. So I'm gonna select it just Phil for a second. Okay, this is exciting. I actually watched the first episode of surviving death. I watched the near-death one. It's quite good, the first episode. Sir, why don't you come up, please? Ladies and gentlemen, round of applause for this gentleman, please.

What is your name, sir? Frank Buxton. LAUGHTER CHEERING This is spooky already. Here we are. This is my eldest son, in case you're unaware. He's what's known as a plant.

How rude. Okay, so let's see whether... He's a beautiful plant, though. Her name's Nicole. Let's see whether Nicole is there live from Holland. Let's see whether she has contacted Silver Cloud. Good evening Joe. Tommy is ready to come through. Are you ready Frank? Yes, yes, yes.

Deep breath. Deep breath. Here we go. Are you ready Frank? Yes, yes, yes. Deep breath, deep breath. Here we go. Hi guys, it's so great to be here at the Royal Festival Hall. I see a young man in front of me. What is your name young man? Frank. I am feeling a very strong presence in your life, does the name Adam mean anything to you? Yes. I have him here with me. He is short and hairy and insecure. Is this something you understand? Yes.

He's telling me that your bedroom is disorganized and generally a bit of a dump. Is this something that you recognize? Yes. Sometimes he feels you are a little bit snobby about popular culture, movies and music he likes that you think are a bit shit. Is this something you understand? Yeah. But he wants you to know that he loves you. So thank you, bye bye.

Wow. But he wants you to... Shut up, Tommy. Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Buxton. Thank you, Frank. That was worth coming from Norwich for, wasn't it? You didn't have anything on tonight, did you? Very good.

Holy Moses, that was incredible by the way, Joe. Yeah, that was spooky, wasn't it? How did she know all that stuff? And Adam's not even dead. That's the thing that makes no sense to me. Made up jokes, made up jokes, made up jokes party. Have you got another couple of jokes? Um, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I've got one for you here, look. This is quite class. This is from Mark Errington. He calls us big bucks and sweet corn. I was glad to hear the leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event was cancelled. See that's a good tortured set up. The leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event. Yeah that's classic made-up joke set up there. I was glad to hear the leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event was cancelled. All of its important in that sentence. I'm holding space for it all in my head. Yes he was glad to hear it. I guess you could call

it Chardon Freud. Leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event was cancelled and he was glad to hear it. Somebody went, no, over there, as if they'd been hit in the face. Thank you, Mark. Mark Errington. Okay, here's one from Kate. She says, Dear Adam and Jo, I made up this joke about 12 years ago, but haven't been brave or punctual enough to send it to you until now. I've told it to a few people and would say it's mostly met

with blank stares. I think that's more the fault of the other person, because I find it so funny, I often can't make it through without cracking up. She's building this shit up, isn't she? That might be partly down to doing the accent. Bold letters. It's very important that you read this in a thick Welsh accent.

I think that's on the offensive list now, isn't it? My father grew up in Wales. My aunt and uncle are from Wales, Llanethli. So I'm allowed. It's a dangerous one because it drifts very easily into the Indian subcontinent. Oh, now I really want to get through this. I am not Welsh and neither is the subject of the joke, but it will not work otherwise. brackets, and sorry, here we go. Oh, Jesus. What do the 90s, I'm doing this in a sort of lady voice because we had a teacher at

school called Brunwyn Bar. And that's the last up close interaction I had with a Welsh person. With a heavy accent. I'm so sorry. What do... Oh, fucking hell, what was that? What do the... This is terrible. You read it. Come on, mate. You read it. I was enjoying that. Do a thick Welsh accent. Listen. I wanted to hear you get cancelled. I wanted to hear you get cancelled. Oh, yeah, yeah.

What do the 90s band who wrote unbelievable wear to keep warm in the winter? Ha ha ha! E-M-Fs. E-M-Fs. Ha ha ha! E-M-Fs. E-M-Fs. Talk about a mountain out of a molehill. That's good. That's like the one to do the perfect Norwich accent.

If you want to say, now what is it, if you want to say, oil of you lay in the perfect Norwich accent, you say, I love you, Lee. I love you, Lee. No. Oh, no, no. It's the other way around. If you want to say, I love you, no, no, it's the other way around. If you want to say, I love you, Lee, in the perfect Norwich accent, you say, I love you, Lee.

Listen, it's exciting to be at our last ever show, isn't it? You are here. Very good. Do you want to hear another really convoluted one? Yes, please. Hi, Dr. Buckles. EMS. Here is a joke I made up several years ago which combines Star Wars, live aid, and contract

law. I've been meaning to send it to you for years, but keep forgetting, here it is. I like that these people store them up for decades. Like some sort of illness. What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to one of the organisers of Live Aid, which was being held on Tatooine, when they asked him how to get out of their contractual obligations to pay the performers and various contractors when the event had to be cancelled due to an unexpected sandstorm. Fucking hell, that's a lot of information to hold in your head.

Ready for the punchline? Use the force, mid-jure. Oh yeah, the force, mid-, majeure, majeure. That's from Ollie in Taiwan and he's explained what force majeure is in very dry terms. Yes. Wow, that was good and tortured. Here's one last one from me. This is from Owen Gentleben from Brighton. Where do crazy fruits shop?

I don't know. Insane's berries. Insane's berries. Berries I was gonna say. Insane's berries. Insane's berries. Insane's berries. Insane's berries. That's properly good. Jeez, Owen Gentle Ben. It's really good. I can't you see where I am coming from Now we're going to go home quite soon, but before we do, it's time for one more slice of delicious festive nostalgia pie, Young. And this one is a song, this is an old song, and it was written by our friend, Zach Sandler, and we contributed lyrics and dusted it off when we did the Adam and Jo Show, series two,

and it's about Robert De Niro. We thought we would sing it for you tonight, and we're resisting the temptation of updating the lyrics because you could have done some stuff about De Niro and Trump, right? Yeah, he's very angry about Trump, isn't he? He really hates Trump though. There's some good videos of him just shouting at people

in New York just before the election. And then guys with MAGA hats going over going, you suck, you washed up De Niro! That last movie was way too long! Some of the plots in your movies, they're convoluted! You're repeating yourself, it's sad! The gangster motif is tired! Good points. Well made. Okay, let's give this a go. Here we go. His name is Bobby, Bobby De Niro. He's a lovely person and a very good actor.

Once upon a time in America, Houston, Houston, Houston, Houston, Angelica. He's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong

man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's a strong man, he's Once upon a time in America, Houston, Houston, Houston, Houston Angelica, He's a super actor and a very lovely guy, With a cheeky smile and a mole under one eye, His name is Bobby, Bobby De Niro,

He's a lovely pale swan, And a very good actor. He was in Godfather 2, but not Godfather 3. Are you, are you, are you looking at me? He could teach Kevin Bacon a thing or two. Looking, looking, looking at me, are you? his name is Bobby Bobby De Niro he's a lovely Per Swann and a very good actor he played Jake Lamotta in the film of raging bull he ate he ate he ate he ate till he was full he did some comedy in a film with Johnny Ben He will never, never, never try that again His name was Bobby

Bobby De Niro He's a lovely person And a very good actor But when he is not acting It is said he is boring But I do not believe this Acting, it is said he is boring But I do not believe this It is you that is boring

In Midnight Run he showed to us a light and acting style Proving he could swear a lot but also make you smile This world is full of bad men but Bobby still repeats One day a rain will come to wash this come off all these streets His name is Bobby, ooh, Bobby De Niro Ah, he's a lovely pair of swan, ooh, and a very good actor Ah, his name is Bobby, ooh, Bobby De Niro He's a lovely person Ooh, and a very good actor Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Very nice to see you all. Thanks for listening to the podcast. They're leaving

but most of you guys made it right the way through. Thank you very much and thanks most of all to Joe Cornish. Thank you, thank you Adam. Merry Christmas. Coming back. See you next year. Thank you! Wait, this is an advert for Squarespace. I took one look at that website and I knew that the woman I have been living with is not my wife. I'd never been any good with computers, so when I showed the website that I had built to sell my paintings to Tom, he just refused to believe that I had made it.

And he started telling people that the government had taken his wife and replaced her with an AI. But Debbie had made the website herself. After hearing an advert on a podcast, she had visited squarespace.com slash Buxton and done a free trial. They had all these professional looking templates there, so I chose one I liked and I started typing into it. And then I dragged in some pictures, I uploaded a video before I knew it, I had a website.

I've seen the Matrix. I know that you need big green numbers and a long leather coat to build a website. It's just not that easy. But it was that easy. And when Debbie decided she wanted to purchase her new website, she remembered the offer code from the podcast. I typed in Buxton and I saved 10%. I was jumping up and down and shouting in your face at Tom.

And it was around then that he started with the conspiracy theory. Why don't you go to squarespace.com slash Buxton Tom and you could see how easy it is to build your own website Because that's exactly what they want me to do Continue my name is Ivy. I'm eight years old and I made up a joke last year that my mom and dad forgot to send you This is it Knock knock who's there? kunk Who? That's good.

Hi-ya! I love it, Ivy. That's a brilliant joke. Thank you so much for sending it in. Very good. This is from John and Zadie. Hi, Adam and Joe. Very excited to hear your Christmas podcast this year.

Hoping you can include this achingly adorable egg corn by my three-year-old daughter, Zadie. Went out trick or treating for Halloween this year, Zadie would stride up to the door and proudly say, tickle feet. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp.

I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. I'm going to be a little bit of a wimp. adorable egg corn by my three-year-old daughter Zadie. When out trick-or-treating for Halloween this year, Zadie would stride up to the door and proudly say, tickle feet. Thinking about it, this could have been a clue for her particular brand of trick-or-treat, but at the time it just sounded very cute and brought lots of laughs and bonus sweets to her trick-or-treating possese John and Zadie tickle feet. Oh

That's nice. I mean you shouldn't take no kids. All right then darling It's not is not the response you would be looking for Hey Hey, welcome back, Podcats! Thanks to Ivy and Zadie there for that great made-up joke and egg-corn, and thank you very much indeed to everybody who submitted bits and pieces for this year's podcast. I'm really sorry that we only get to read out such a small proportion of those, but they were all great. We read them all and it was really fun to do so. So thanks so much. Thanks also to everyone who helped put those Royal Festival Hall shows together. It was really good fun to do them. We had a great time there. A few specific thank yous to Becca Briers for her sound

mixing. Thanks Becca. Thanks so much once again to Kid Claver who I mentioned, my musical collaborator on my song for Joe. Good fun working with him and we've done some other bits and pieces this year as well actually that might see the light of day next year. I'll let you know when they happen. But there's a link to Kid Claver's Instagram page where you can explore some of the stuff he does. He is a super talented singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and sort of computer whiz. Thanks also to Joe's musical collaborator Christoph Bauschinger. Thanks to Frank for getting a night off work,

coming all the way to the Royal Festival Hall just to sit on stage and say yes four times. Thanks very much to our live podcast crew that night Richard, Mike, Anna-Lisa, thanks to Aaron and Feday and all the team at the Royal Festival Hall, all the tech people who were so friendly and efficient. Thanks once again to Jay Korn for all his hard work and coming out and suddenly doing a big live show while he's hard at work writing. Cheers Joe. Thanks so much to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for all his invaluable production support and very hard work this year. But as well as them, I'm also grateful to you for coming back and listening and being open-minded with the podcast and making me feel that I can plough my own furrow and you'll be there.

Thanks so much! Come here, let's have a Christmas hug. Hey! Good to see you, you're looking so festive. Hopefully I'll get to see some of you next year, which might be quite busy for me. I have this book coming out which I think is going to be called I Love You Bye. There's a link in the description for pre-orders. It's got stuff about me and Joe making the transition from being childhood friends to working together on TV in the 90s and then on the radio and then podcasting. Stuff about my mum in there. Family stuff, marriage stuff, music stuff. Sounds great buckles, what kind of tone are we looking at?

I'd say mainly funny but it gets poignant. So if you're a poign fan, it's Christmas. Actually it's Christmas even if you're not. And I'll probably do a few live shows to support it around the summer, but I'll let you know how that goes. I may even be doing some live music shows next year, because my album is finally coming out, I think probably towards the autumn. But you can rest assured I'll be banging on about that before it finally emerges. As far as the podcast goes, I'll be back in the new year not sure exactly when. February, March... hopefully you'll see when a new episode plops

through, if you're subscribed that is. If only there was some kind of song that could encourage people to both respond favourably to this podcast and subscribe to it. Anyway look, I hope the rest of your festive break is as stress-free as it can possibly be, and I wish you and us all the best for whatever 2025 throws at us. Go carefully. And for what it's worth, me and Rosie, do you mind me speaking for you, Rosie? No, go on, it's Christmas. Thank you very much.

We love you. Bye! Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and Subscribe Like and subscribe, like and subscribe, like and subscribe, please like and subscribe. Give me like a smile and a thumbs up, nice like a plant with me thumbs up. I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad

I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad

I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad

I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad I'm so bad Thanks for watching!