THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.268 - ADAM AND JOE

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

Adam shares a helping of face-to-face, NOT in front of a live audience, spicy Christmas waffle cake with his old friend Joe 'Cornballs' Cornish. Expect gift exchanging, Made Up Jokes, celebrity couple news, hand music, what to do if a dog shits on your lap during a job interview, Adam’s newly confident K-Pop musical direction and more…CONTAINS SOME FESTIVE BAD LANGUAGE AND MILD MULLED FILTHConversation recorded face-to-face in London on 9 December 2025Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for additional editing.Thanks to Kid Klava for musical assistance on Adam’s Confident K-Pop songListen to Adam's album 'Buckle Up' Order Adam's book 'I Love You Byeee' Sign up for the newsletter on Adam's website (scroll down on homepage)Podcast illustration by Helen GreenTHE ADAM BUXTON BAND SPRING 2026 TOUR IF YOU CAN, PLEASE HELPMUSIC FOR ALLST MUNGO'S - HELPING END HOMELESSNESSDONATE TO MSFPICS AND RELATED LINKS (ON ADAM'S WEBSITE)ADAM AND JOE MOUNT ON TAPE NOTES PODCAST - 2025 (LINK TREE)ADAM ON SODAJERKER ON SONGWRITING PODCAST - 2025 (SODAJERKER WEBSITE)MANY MEN SOUND SYSTEM - PODCAST THEME - 2025 (YOUTUBE) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, how you doing Christmas Podcasts? It's Adam Buxton here. On a very cold Christmas Eve, I'm here with Rosie. Say hello, Rosie. Don't patronise me, thank you. I apologise. Now look, pre- jingle, I'm going to start with a message from Ben Jackson, who says, Hi, Hi, Adam. This year, I've become the leader of a new male voice choir in Falmouth, Cornwall. We're called the Many Men Sound System. And we're a high. non-toxic group of men who sing a wide range of tunes from Jefferson Airplane to Hot Chip and I conduct

while holding a synth slash drum machine which gives us an unexpected electronic edge I don't think any of us expected that Ben he continues one of the things I've done this year as a warm-up slash icebreaker is I've adopted your theme song

and arranged it for the choir basically people say their names and then everyone else joins in with he's a man. Here's a couple of examples. My name is Ben Jackson. He's a man. He wants you to enjoy this, that's the plan.

My name is Paul Leiden. He's a man. He wants you to enjoy this, that's the plan. There you go. Ben continues, I've also done a full arrangement of your intro song with electronic backing, which we filmed, and I've put it up as an unlisted. YouTube video. There's a link in the description if you'd like to see them in action.

All the best, Adam. Thanks for all your stuff. Hey, thanks, Ben. So here is the many-man sound system from Cornwall to play us in for the Christmas podcast 2025. He added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening. He took his microphone and found some human folk. Then he recorded. He recorded all the noises while they spoke His name is Adam Buxton He's a man He wants you to enjoy

This That's a man Hey, thank you very much The highly non-toxic Manyman sound system And a very merry Christmas To all of you podcasts Wherever and whenever you happen to be listening To this

I hope this podcast Finds you well My wife informed me the other day She doesn't like that phrase Do you ever use that at the top of an email? I do. I hope this email finds you well. I quite like it.

She doesn't like it. She thinks it's pointless and annoying. I thought that was a very strong opinion to have about starting an email with I hope this finds you well. Anyway, there you go. That's my brand. Welcome to another pointless and annoying Christmas podcast.

Wow, it's cold out here in Norfolk on a farm track. On Christmas Eve 2025, I'm feeling uplifted on a number of levels. I like this time of year, on the whole. And also today I had a very special thing happen, which was that yesterday at Castle Buckles, we were forced by my daughter to have a party for her and her friends. She's 17 years old, and so that's the age group you're dealing with there.

as any parent of teenage children knows, hosting a party for around 60 or 70 of them guys is generally unrelaxing. This was a great group of people, I have to say. But when we were clearing up this morning in the barn where the party happened and that's my main base of operations there across the way, there's a lot of my knick-knacks and bits and pieces belonging to my parents are still around that area

and one of them is a small ceramic statue of Jesus Christ and it belonged to my mum. She was quite religious and I kept it on top of a shelf beneath the picture of Neil Armstrong on the moon and you see it when you come in through the door to the barn but this morning no Jesus and of course there were a few other

things that had been moved around or were missing. And I got a little bit sad about the idea that Jesus had been removed, especially because it belonged to my mum. And I was thinking, what are they going to do with Jesus anyway? My daughter phoned around. And just an hour or two ago, she came into my nutty room, where I was editing the podcast. And she said the phrase that I never realized I would be so happy to hear from my

teenage child. Dad, I found Jesus. For some reason, J.C. had been relocated to a outside wall. I don't know why, what they were doing. But anyway, I hope it brought them some joy. And it certainly made me happy to be reunited with Jesus. Now, look, I don't really need to spend time introducing my guest for this episode, number 268. But before we get into the festive Waffle party with corn balls. I just have a few bits of exciting news for you. Headline, the Adam Buxton band are touring a selection of intimate venues in the UK. So if you didn't get a chance to see us this year, then I hope you can come out and enjoy some great, great music, tracks from my album, buckle up, plus a few wonderful covers and other bits and pieces with myself and various

members of Metronomy. That's going to be fun. But as I say, they're fairly small venues. So get in there fast. There's a link in the description. I was a guest on a couple of other podcasts recently talking about the album and those episodes have now dropped. I'm on the tape notes podcast once again hosted by DJ John Kennedy and myself and Joe Mount the producer of Buckle Up, Joe Mount from Metronomy, chatted. with John about how a few of the tracks from that album came together. We played some outtakes and some weird bits and pieces. It was good fun. And I talked about some of the other tracks on the record on Soda Jerker. That's another podcast. I really love

Soda Jerker on songwriting. It's hosted by two songwriters from Liverpool, Simon Barber and Brian O'Connor. And they have got an archive filled with over 300 episodes with incredible guests. Recent people on that podcast have included Mac DeMarco, Black Country, New Road, Sharon Van Etton, Suggs, self-esteem, Labysifery, Graham Nash, The Last Dinner Party, Richard Thompson, Sleeta Kinney, Damon Olban, they've all been on there. And now Adam Buxton has been on there. Anyway, links in the description to Soda Jerker and Tape Notes Podcasts. All right, nearly there. One more thing before we get going. It is time to appeal. very briefly to your festive generosity

in support of a few organisations that are trying to make the world a better place. If you're able to support just one of these, I'd be grateful. But hey, look, if you're a wealthy podcat who would love to show your appreciation for the podcast in some way, why not go nuts and donate generously to all three of these?

There's some links in the description to the International Humanitarian Organization Medcins Saint Frontier, or MSF, aka Doctors Without Borders. There's also the Music for All charity. They work with disadvantaged individuals and with community groups helping them access music-making opportunities. Help them pass on the magical healing gift of music.

And finally, it would be great if you could support St. Mungos. Homelessness and rough sleeping are sadly at their highest levels since records began. It's a terrible thing to see, but what can we do? Well, one thing is you could join me in supporting St. Mungos. They're out there on the front line every day.

They're there right now helping thousands of people and your donation could provide someone who is sleeping rough with access to emergency accommodation, a hot meal or whatever they need. Donations also help keep St. Mungo's teams out on the front line. You'll find a link in the description to mungos.org slash buxton, where you can find out more and donate what you can. It would be a wonderful Christmas gift, not just to St. Mungos and the people they help,

but to me too. Merry thank you. Okay, let's get to the festive waffle with Joe Corn Balls Cornish, who I sat down with a couple of weeks ago as I speak in mid-December 2025, and we caught up a little, exchanged a few gifts and read out some jokes from the podcats. Thank you so much if you sent bits and pieces in. Apologies if we didn't get to yours. I will be back for a brief goodbye at the end of the podcast, and I might give a few shoutouts to some of the messages we didn't get round to, but which I particularly enjoyed. But right now, with Joe Cornish. Here we go, ho-ho.

Then concentrate on that Come on, let's tune the vat And have a ramble chat Put on your fluffy winter coat And find your Santa hat Yes, yes, yeah. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Oh, it's so cozy in here, or it will be cozy, when we like the fire.

Are you going to like the fire? I'm going to like the fire. What are you using to burn? Well, I'm using the opposite of smokeless coal. Uh-huh. Extra smoky coal. It's like smoky bacon. Yeah.

It's very, very bad for the environment. Is it chili-flavored? It's chili-flavored, pringles, smoky coal. There comes in tubes. tubes of tubes of coal blocks and then also I'm going to burn

rare trees Okay Yeah yeah yeah Like endangered ones You know what I'm going to burn What books That's very Ocoran

For the current global political climate This is a very topical Christmas fire It is I'm very festive Who cares about books Come on

I mean look I like audio books I don't know about you Do you Are they flammable My ones are They're so incendiary A lot of your writing is very incendiary

Well, some people disagree A friend of ours forwarded a little mention In the Times, I think, of my audiobook And it was in a collection of audio books You should listen to This is I Love You Buy. This is I Love You Buy by Adam Buxton My second volume of memoirs

And it was generally a positive mention But there was one line that said The book is really quite light That's not a bad thing Is it not? People love light. I don't want heavy things. It didn't sound very positive.

I was just thinking like, I poured my flipping guts out. Yeah. There's some of my guts are in that audio book and the actual pages of the physical book. But you're up against a lot of very depressing biographies. A lot of people who've really suffered terrible things in their lives. Yeah, that's true. And you haven't done too badly, comparatively speaking. Both my parents died.

Yeah, but that does happen. They both died. I'm an orphan. Did they kill each other? They would have done if they'd lived a bit longer. That would have made better That would have been a bit heavier Now you should have thought of that

Before you wrote the biography That's true Okay it's nice and cosy The books are really going up lovely Oh they burn so well those books Especially the really dry ones The sort of textbooks The poetry, the science books

A lot of your books are water damaged Because you took so little care of them And then they dried out again So now the pages are separated In a really nice crispy way Yeah So they're going up beautifully Yeah some of them

Back when I used to read books in the bath, that happens, doesn't it? It's a sign of a really well, carefully read book to have a crinkly, crinkly extant. And they burn so much better because the air gets between the pages. Yeah. Well, it's very warm and it's very Christmassy. We should say Merry Christmas to the listeners. Shouldn't we? I mean, I probably will have said Merry Christmas in the intro.

Yeah, but we should say it. Oh, okay, from us. I should say it. Merry Christmas listeners. Oh, that's nice. We're in our Christmas shack. It's a few days before Christmas, shall we say. No, we're live.

Well, is it live? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had no idea. Yeah, this is live. Why did I not realize that? What's going on with me? This is live. The intro was recorded on maybe Christmas Eve or something.

I wonder, that's why it's so shoddy. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, this is live on Christmas Day from the Christmas shack, and it's great to be here. And you know, in the last couple of years, we've done a live show, haven't we? Speaking of Liveness. Mm-hmm. From the Royal Festival Hall. From the festive whole hall.

But this year we're not doing it. Why not? Well, I think you've been doing a lot of live stuff, right? Yeah. This year and you're just a bit lived out. Definitely. Yeah, and we thought we'd go back to the traditional way of doing this podcast, which is when we gave each other presents.

Or at least that's what I thought I'd do as an excuse. I've got you presents. I've got you presents. Yeah, that's good. But usually also we do quite a lot of laborious audio. Yes, there's a bit of laborious audio. There's some fun audio. Good.

It's not too laborious. Well, one of them is very laborious. I haven't done any. That's okay. And, yeah, it's speaking into my teacup out of shame. It's, it's podcast, it's Christmas podcast classic. It's two guys in a room with a fire. It's not a real fire.

It's an audio fire. At the North Pole. At the North Pole? Up the North Pole. On the North Pole. Impaled on the North Pole. What a year, a year of Buckles Media Saturation, a best-selling book

all over the TV and radio I mean for a couple of months there you were very difficult to avoid I'm so sorry you were popping up everywhere like a rash like a bad stink but it was a lot of fun

and we did a fun thing together in Sheffield didn't we at the Sheffield documentary festival that was great the Dockfest Sheffield Dockfest That was fun We played a load of clips

from the Adam and Joe show Yeah you were on excellent form you were very funny you did a bit of roasting of me and of the clips yeah it was good maybe we should do that again i hope so i mean well we're thinking of doing something next year right because next year will be the 30th 30th anniversary of the adam and joe show in december 96 so maybe we'll do something live next year that would be fun yeah that was a really enjoyable night and i went and dug up a load of clips that we haven't shown quite so often. And I even thought that maybe we could do a redux, re-digitize some of the old toy movies and

get them all shiny. Yes. Like digitally enhance them. Get Peter Jackson to do Titanic. Maid. Peter? Peter doesn't say, mate. He doesn't say, mate. No.

What does he say? He says, chops. He says, hobbit. Hobbit. Chopps. I haven't asked you about your year. What a year I've had. How has your year been?

My year's been good. My year's involved a lot of screenwriting and a lot of like pushing projects along. It's been a slightly frustrating year, I've got to say. It's been a year when everything seemed to take ages to happen. Do you know what I mean? Slow progress on lots of big things. But between all of that, I had a lot of fun.

A few holidays. Quite a lot of theatre. I've seen Matilda the musical four times. Holy Moses. in one year? No, but I saw it twice last year. Yeah, I saw it twice last year. I saw it once before my daughter was born,

once when she was little, and then twice in 25. The last time I saw it, can you believe they skipped a whole number? By accident. Well, there's a number in that musical where she arrives at the school. Have you seen it?

Yeah. It's really good. You remember they slide out this big, the gates of the school. It's spectacular. And it's the song where they go through the alphabet. Oh, yeah. Very cleverly, lyrically.

And they're sliding these wooden blocks with A, B, C, D, E, F, G on them and climbing up them. It's brilliant. It's the first big show showcase number. That simply didn't happen. What? There was a blackout. There was a pause slightly longer than usual. And then you were just into Mrs. Trunch Bull.

Miss Trunch Bull and that song, whatever. And the audience kind of didn't notice it. But we noticed. it. Yeah. So I went to the lady, one of the ushers at the interval, and said, hey, did they miss out a song? And she said, yes. I said, oh, yeah, why? She said, technical difficulties. And I said, okay, are they going to make an announcement or anything? She said, no. Because you think about it, of course, because then everyone would ask for their money back. That's right. They don't want to draw attention to it.

Yeah, but they just had a technical thing. And, of course, the show must go on. Yeah. So they just kept going. But I felt I had a right to ask for maybe, I mean, they're quite expensive those tickets. Absolutely. Maybe 15 quid back. Yeah.

Price of the ticket divided by the number of musical numbers. Absolutely. Yeah. You should have said, oh, okay. Well, look, there's been a little technical problem with my credit card because I appear to have paid the full price for the show that doesn't have one of the main numbers in it. Yes. So if you could just sort that out, that would be great. And do it in like that patronizing passive-aggressive voice.

Yes, I'm very good at that. Yeah. The other thing you notice when you go to a musical a lot of times, like they do those things a lot, right? Eight times a week. So like the guy, I guess I shouldn't name names, but one of the characters in it was clearly sort of, he's spoken quite a heavy cockney accent.

And it's noticeable how, relaxed he was becoming and how fast he was doing his lines to the extent that you couldn't really understand what he was saying and the audience were like they were sort of you this or the melody of it was amusing yeah but you're like fucking hell slow down it was odd but apparently that's what they do like because the director isn't there every night so after the press night and say the first week things start sort of slipping do you know what I mean and actors start like doing it sort of how they want to do it and not necessarily how the director

sort of corralled them into doing it. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. Was this the same night they missed out the song? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else happened?

Did they just start like improvising stuff? No, it was pretty good. It's a really, really good show. It's a pretty flawless show. Yeah, of course. But if you do the same thing every night, in fact, like, how long has that show been going on? Like 10 years?

Six years? A long time. I mean, it's kind of mad, isn't it? It's sort of like being trapped in an insane, like, Groundhog Day. It's not the same cast, though. No. No? I think the Trunch Bull Act has been doing it for a long time.

He's really good. And Miss Honey's really, really good as well. I mean, it's really good. But you do the same thing that often over and over again. And it must drive you slightly mental, mustn't it? I'm sure. That's why you have a bit of crack. A little bit of crack cocaine.

Hey, you know who I met this year, and I interviewed him at a book show, was Nigel Plainer. Yeah, I've worked with Mr. Plainer. That's right. He was in Lockwood & Co. Yeah. It was really quite exciting to meet him. Yes. Nice guy.

Such a nice guy. We had a great chat. I was being interviewed about my book at the same festival. They said, look, Nigel Plainer's here. He's got a book out. It's called Young Once, and it's about his whole career, but it focuses a lot on the amazing comic strip stuff. and the young ones.

And I said, yeah, great, I'd love to interview him. And it was really fun. We got along, I would say, like, a house on fire. Really? Yeah. He's a very convivial man. And he likes talking about his, you know, he's not cagey about talking about the young ones either, which is nice. Yeah, he was very candid, talked about the bad times as well as the good ones, but in a non-depressing way.

And he was really funny and sharp. And I had a great moment, the moment you dream of as an interesting. interviewer, which I wasn't expecting. At one point, I mentioned a bit that I particularly loved from the young ones that's always stuck in my mind. And in fact, I talked to Charlie Brooker about it when Charlie Brooker was on the podcast. And we both found that we loved this same bit from the young ones when there's a little comic interlude fantasy sequence or whatever. And it's Nigel Plainer and someone else playing some cheesy Las Vegas type entertainers. And they're singing, well, I'm Tie in my dog to the railroad track.

Does this ring any bells? No. Choo-choo train's going to break his back. They sing this weird, sick little song in the style of these Las Vegas crooners. And so I mentioned that to Nigel and said, oh, I always loved that bit. And he's like, I wrote that bit. And he said, yeah, that was my bit. And I was like, oh, cool.

And then we started singing it together. No. Yeah, it was great. So that was a highlight for me this year. Hey, look, we've got presents. Not only do we have presents, but we have messages from you, the podcasts. Thank you so much for sending them in. And made up jokes.

And made up jokes. All sorts of bits and pieces of communication. You know, talking of made up jokes, I dreamt a made up joke. Did you? I did, yeah. Do you want to hear it? Yes, please. What do you call the third movie in a series of movies about a gang of magicians who do heists and smoke heavily?

Now, this came to me in a dream. Like Frankenstein came to Mary Shelley in a dream. Really? A lot of the metaphysical poets dreamt a lot of their best material. So this is like that. Okay. Things that come to you in dreams are always great. That's true, yeah.

Aren't they? I mean, not me, no, not for me. Like Freddy Kruger and Robin Williams in the film In Dreams. What dreams may come? Anyway, I'll give you this setup again. Yeah. What do you call the third movie in a series of movies about a gang of magicians who do heists and smoke heavily? Okay. Now you went for, now you went for see me three.

Now you went for see me three. Emphasy me, not emphysema. Now you went for, now you see me is the name of the film. Now you went for see me three. In the dream it was really good. For some reason in the dream, that little bit at the end wasn't a problem. And it's the idea. Now you went for Seema, three, it's not, doesn't land.

but now you went for see me three does land i can say it rhymes yeah like and it's important that it's the third one because then there's an extra rhyme on it on the end as well that's a fun joke man that's always nice to have i made it clear it came to me in a dream yes yes wow you must have woken up and been really excited to because it's quite dark but it's also very funny yeah it's a lot of my subconscious concerns i don't smoke but obviously somewhere deep down the fact that I used to smoke is firing me. Sure, of course. Yeah.

Pretty good though, huh? Amazing stuff. Amazing. That's really good. Are we going to have more jokes right now? Why not? Okay, well, we should do the jingle. I'm a funny person.

I often make up jokes. My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks. When you hear my joke, I think you'll find that you agree. Come on, you're all invited to a made-up joke party. Okay, here's one that really made me laugh.

This is from Peter, from the Highlands. And Peter says, this was written 18 years ago, whilst interrailing around Eastern Europe. What happens when a badly behaved child from Slovakia falls into a volcano? I don't know. What happens when a badly behaved child falls into a volcano? From Slovakia. Important, from Slovakia. Brat is lava.

Nice. Brat is lava. The brat becomes lava. Turns into lava, having fallen into the volcano. That's very good. And Bratislava is a place from in Slovenia. Written 18 years ago. What has stopped Peter from the Highlands from sending that in over the last 18 years?

Why this year? Do you sure it's not some sort of cover for some sort of volcano-based child murder that's actually happened? He pushed a child into a volcano just so he could do that joke. I think it happened accidentally. gently. And then he made up the joke so that people would think, no, he couldn't have done that because he wouldn't have sent that joke in, you know, hiding in plain sight. Right. Okay. Yeah. What kind of murderer does a joke that good about a crime they've committed? A cold-blooded genius. Bratislava. Have you got one?

Sure, I've got one. Let's have a look. La-la-la-la. Here we go. Dear A.B. and J.C. This year, I tried learning French. I did not succeed. But in the process, I did. did come up with some spectacular puns. My worst offence is below. I told it to a French person once. She hasn't spoke to me since, though I believe this to be unrelated to the joke. Here comes a joke. Are you ready?

Yeah. What did the French man say when he was sad that he couldn't find his olive oil? I don't know. I've lost the will to live. Oh, that's quite good.

Will to live, said in a French accent. Merry Christmas and Barth. Natalie from Apel du Dorn Appeldo Durn Can you see that? Can you say that? Appel Durn.

I'm finding that harder to say than the actual joke, which I thought I did very well. Yeah. Oil of olive. I've lost oil to leave. Have lost the oil to leave.

That's good. And as you know, listeners, the test of these jokes is are they genuinely made up? You know, a lot of the jokes that were sent, one's senses have been told before because they're kind of too obvious so the sign of a good joke

is sort of a tortured contextualization or the necessity of tortured contextualization I googled made up jokes the other day because I checked the provenance of some of these absolutely and in so doing I used the phrase made up jokes and I ended up on a Reddit thread

and they just called them dad jokes well that's flattering to dads. I think that's slightly different, isn't it? Like, dad jokes are sort of... I think most jokes come from dads. If you do the etymology of a joke,

it's probably from a dad. Why do you think that is, if you're going to unpack it? Because dads are making a lot of effort to impress. You know, they're not really necessary in any other way, are they? For the survival of a child. Yes, yes. Your mum suckles you and gives birth to you. Yeah, and generally protects and cares for you in your early

years. Your dad has to justify his existence. so why not cracker corker corker cracker that's very sexist theory and it's obviously not true i don't think it's sexist if it's sexist it's sexist against men yeah but it's like the old canard that um you know women can't do comedy oh yeah but you're not implying that there's one or two very funny women i think i am on a very profound sort of stone age primordial level i mean it's so manifestly right okay you wanted to deal tackle with it i just wanted to make it clear that I don't really believe that.

No one believes that anymore. Okay, good. That was good, though. Nathan, that was very good, even though I can't say where you're from. Apple do and... Google it. I'm going to Google it.

Google it. No one says, what's the other search engine? GTP. GP. GPT. Or my daughter and I call it Jacqueline Peepee. That's a good egg corn. Should we ask Jacqueline Peepe?

Do you check facts with Jacqueline Peepe? No, like, stuff like we enjoy Picunic. who on the Nintendo Switch to to what other games might we also enjoy. That's what we ask Jacqueline Peepie. And she always comes up

with the goods. She does have quite a male voice. Do you have the male voice on chat in GPT? Jacqueline Peepie hasn't been speaking to me. I've never even... You don't use the voice. I don't use the voice.

It's the most annoying voice. I mean, if they'd actually done millions of pounds of research to get the most annoying voice, it's a sort of awful sort of Southern Californian laid back vocal fry voice. How do you turn the voice on?

There's a little speaker symbol at the bottom of the app. Apple Dorn is a city in the Netherlands located in the province of Gelderland. It sits roughly 90 kilometres east of Amsterdam, 40 kilometres south of Zwola. On the edge of the Vailua, a large forested nature reserve.

It's known for Polic... Okay, whatever. You've got a nicer voice than me. So there you go. That's how you pronounce Apple Dorn, and it's in the Netherlands. It sounds lovely. It does sound nice.

I'd like to be there now. Okay, I'm made up. a joke. Ooh. See what you think of this. I can't believe that no one's ever done this one before. What's the opposite of a hijack? Oh, I don't know.

Bye, Jack. Right. I mean, that's like it. That's good. That's good. Because it flipped the mental imagery in my head. I was thinking of like a low jack. Yes, low jack.

And I was still in the sort of cops and robbers millier. And you just flipped it into just a casual greeting to a guy called Jack. That's why it's such a good joke. Who is not in the criminal fraternity at all. No, it's nothing heavy like a... Hi, Jack. Like an armed heist or anything like that. Bye, Jack.

That's very good. Thank you. That's very good. Well done. It's not as good as now you went for See Me 3. But it's good. It's not as dark. I made up another one.

What? I might have told you this one before. What did the Blue Peter presenter say when showing the audience how to neuter a cat? You should be able to figure this one out. Come on, Christmas listeners, who can figure this out? It's a fun parlour game for podcast listeners. Say the setup again. What did the Blue Peter presenter say when showing the audience how to neuter a cat?

Here's one I spayed earlier. Yes. That's good. Come on, that's good. Look at that smile. He's smiling. He's smiling. A real Santa smile with little rosy cheeks.

Pushed up by the buckle smile. That's good. Here's one I spayed earlier. I mean, that's dark as well. if you actually picture it on an episode of Blue Peter. But they did all sorts of edgy things on Blue Peter in the 70s. They didn't do that. They didn't do that, but it was a thin line between...

They didn't do surgery. Pushing presenters off cliffs and showing you how to spay your cat at home. Does Blue Peter still exist? Yes. Does it? I think so, yeah. They probably do that sort of thing now. Probably.

Probably. All right. The Adam Buxton podcast Listen when you want Unlike a radio podcast Listen on the train now On an aeroplane now Listen in a tractor

Form of transport's not a factor Listen on the first day With another primate Listen when you're jogging Straight to your nagging You're listening to The Adam Buxton podcast If you don't like it

Then marry you someday I'm here I think it's time we had a present Yeah yeah yeah Who's going to give a prezzi first? Who's going to receive first? I feel like I want to give you a prezzi first Your stack is bigger than mine

Yeah have this one Oh thank you so much Adam's taking the parcel Do you like that festive wrapping paper? Yeah, brown, utilitarian Very environmentally sound. Definitely. Traditional

parcel paper. This is so nice and exciting. I was thinking you could use these during the record. Okay. So, this is two little boxes. One of them says, Tiny violin, soundtrack for your sob story. And the other one says,

toot your own horn if I do say so myself so I'll open the tiny violin first my thinking was that it was a shame you didn't have them while you were recording your audio book because if there was a paragraph where you felt sorry for yourself yeah you could have played the little violin and then if you were name dropping or maybe uh writing about a triumph you could too I could the horn well I could I mean I can want me to open one of them for you just to speed things up. You do two horn. It's even got a little stand here.

Oh, this is great. All right, this is the tiny violin that I've got here. Oh, God, it actually works when you do the bow. No, no, no. The bow. Well, yeah, I guess it does, yeah, because you press down. That's amazing. All right, here we go.

So this is a bit from I Love You Bye. This is me looking at photographs of my dead parents. I was sure I knew to what was going on in my nine-month-old head in the photo. I would have been feeling that mum and dad were just the absolute shit, just the most fun, interesting, great-looking people in the world. And now, they're gone. Not just a few hundred miles away, but removed from the whole universe. Photos are violence.

Now do a little horn toot. Because in a way, that's quite self-aggrandizing. I mean, it's so maudlin, it's self-aggrandizing. That's from my book. Can you do them both at once? There you are. That's the TLDR for a I Love You Bye. Can you describe your book in sound?

It's funny because it's true. Isn't it? That's what I should say to Anthony Hopkins. I read his book. It's called You Done Good Son or something like that. I really loved it. Yeah, I've read some reviews saying it was good. Like, he was diagnosed with something, wasn't he recently?

ADHD, yeah, yeah. And it is quite melancholy, the book. It's very definitely quite a lot of that going on. That's what people want. And not too much. In fact, not enough. No, he hasn't done all. He's not known for his comedy, though, is he?

Has he ever done a comedy? that's true i don't think he has done he's a heavy guy in the best possible way quite good little um little novelty toys though brilliant fantastic presence this stage in the game god you're good at presents well i mean you really are good god you're good was that hopkins to oh you're good god you're good at no that was started in your damn good it's got to be a bit welsh god you're good presence you're very good i'm okay but not great i'm okay I'm okay Sounds American What? Sounds American

No, no That's Welsh Okay It's Yes Thanks for the tip of Boys I'm doing now Is Welsh

I think you should I think This is me directing you now I think to make that clear You just have to add the line I'm Welsh I'm Welsh At the end

I I come from the valleys I'm Welsh The valleys I come from the valleys The valleys The valleys He was a coal miner

For a long time A coal miner I'm Welsh Thanks man That was an amazing present Hey feel free to use them As the podcast progresses Yeah okay

This is an actual Nice present Really That I hope you don't have And if you don't like it personally You can re-gift And maybe give it to your daughter That's lovely

How very thoughtful Well I'm ripping open The lovely sparkly Christmas tree paper And it's padded It's some sort of a box And it's padded And it's quite heavy

I think this might be be a musical instrument because it's in a sort of lovely leathery padded case with two little silver that's faux leather fasteners yes oh wow so this listeners is like in a lovely cushioned velvet box one two three four five six seven harmonicas you got all the different notes there are you quite good on the harmonica do you know what I've always thought I would be. I've never put in any effort into it. And we've only got little plastic ones at home. So if you play a tune on a harmonica, are you supposed to be able to play the whole tune on

one harmonica? Or am I supposed to swap them out depending on... I've never seen anyone swapping them out. I think most songs are in one key, right? So you find the harmonica that's appropriate to the key your song is in. What key is that? Hang on a second We are a pirate ship Are we now Why are we suddenly on a pirate ship

Were you trying to do Captain Pugwash? I don't know It just came to me Sometimes when you're gifted When you're gifted in a particular instrument It's not in an intellectual process It's instinctive It's organic

Oh talk about now you for seeing me in three. That's my laugh. How are you doing, are you just going to Tiddled Luke? He's turned it into a vocoder. This is going better than I could have possibly imagined. Which, tell us which key they're in.

It says on the end. Oh, yes, that's an A. Find the C one. Maybe you can play along with a song. Okay, I think that's probably a bad idea. Even on road trips when we didn't fight, I'd be annoyed with you all through the night. No when you'd skip a great song that I'd.

picked because you declare it was shied solo yeah that's a beautiful present man it's quite nice isn't it that's incredible have them in a little set like that it is terrible though I apologize to listeners because there's nothing worse than somebody who can't play an instrument playing an instrument don't say that because that really does describe me in my entire career no no no I had a party and we had some friends around once and a friend of mine bought you know somebody along who that we didn't know very well yeah and I got the guitar out started playing some bowie you know

out of chord books sure and singing along and after about 10 minutes we noticed this guy had gone and we thought he'd gone to the loo but then more time but after about an hour we realized he'd like gone he hadn't come back and we thought well that's a long time in the loop and we knew that the internal door because we lived in a flat at the time we knew the internal door which was down some steps was double locked so we couldn't have got out of the flat so where's he gone so we went looking for him and he was literally sitting like a cat whose cat flap had broken outside the internal door trying to get out because he couldn't stand the guitar the guitar and the amateur hour bowie singing. Oh, wow. That's a bit much. It is a bit much. But it can be painful.

But that's a beautiful gift. Thank you very much. That looks expensive. It looks more expensive than the blow your own, toot your own horn and mini violin set. I'm guessing it was, but I did feel like the thing is about this time of year is that it's also your birthday. That's very true. Well, that's an incredible present. Thank you very much. And there's going to be a lot more harmonica in my life generally and my work. I feel like you could. I feel like you could be really good on that instrument. A troubadour. The holiday horn, it goes to do-do-do.

Holiday time. Have a carrot. Have two carrots. Go to the toilet. Take your time. Holiday time. So, listen. It's been a big year for celebrity couples.

And I'd like just to know what you, Adam, Buxton, what your predictions are for some of our favorite celebrity couples next year. Okay. And it's just going to shoot you some names. Okay. Okay. Diddy and Fiddy. Didi and Fiddy.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. I actually do know who they are. Yes. Did he's in Doodoo. Why is Didi and do-Dudu? What did Fiddy do to Didi to get him into Dudu?

Because Fiddy done... Fiddy done the doco. Fiddy done the doco. Didi-de-dabadi. He's done a lot of baddies. A lot of done a load of baddy. According to Fiddy. Fiddy produced it.

Produce what? The documentary. About Diddy. Yeah. Did he? Did he? Yeah. Have you watched it?

Fiddy Did he? Did he? Did he? And you know who else is involved? Fiddy Diddy. Doddy. Diddy. Oh my Goddy.

Doddy diddy and Fiddy. Apparently Doddy's making a documentary about the Fiddy Diddy feud. Yeah. With his tickle stick on his body. Doddy's body. Yeah. Diddy's ticklesick on his body making the docker about Fiddy and Diddy. Is it inappropriate to be laughing at this?

What? Diddy. Anything Diddy, but anything Diddy related. I mean, we're just, we're literally... Do you know who else is involved? What? Noddy. Noddy and Doddy and Fiddy and Diddy.

Okay, you're ready for another celebrity couple? Because I feel we've learned a lot about that About that one What about What about What about Timmy and Kylie I don't even I mean I'm assuming Kylie is Minogue

No no Oh Oh Jenna Yes And Timmy Shalame? Yes What have they got to do with each other?

They're together Are they? They're an item wearing Oh Kylie orange track suits and things. Yes, yes, yes. What do you think 26 holds for Timmy and Kylie? Each other's parts?

I apologise to everyone. Timmy does very well to be... He's a very good actor, and he does well to be taken seriously as an actor, but also to be a kind of figure of sort of zany, paparazzi fun. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, he ticks all the boxes. In the olden days, actors...

Actors, serious actors, wouldn't really want to be sort of seen in that sort of tabloidy, zingy, sexy. He's sort of like a pop star actor. What's the film with George Clooney called Jay, something or other? Jay Kelly. Jay Kelly. Maybe you should watch that because that's what fame used to be like. I have watched that, right? Yeah.

Is it just like being dipped in golden celebrity juice? What it made me feel is how difficult it is to be very famous and wealthy. Oh, yeah. And a film star is really? Yeah, it's really difficult. Because I thought it would be fun. No, no, no. You don't get to see your kids and it's awful.

Really? Yeah, yeah, it's awful. But I assume that you make a lot of money, you have lots of fun. Yes, tick. You go in a pool, you get a big car. Yes, tip. And then it's all fun. No, but when your kids are doing a little show for you, you have to go to be on set.

And it's very difficult. What about your sense of your own self? I would imagine that it's pretty good. No, because you're playing so many other people. You forget who you are. It's really awful. I think it's possibly one of the worst jobs in the world in terms of human suffering. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. What about Zennie and Tommy? Zennie and Tommy. Okay, so this is Zendaya. Yes, well done. Tommy Lee Jones. No. Tommy Robinson.

Spider-Tom. Hyer Huddle Stone. No. Hocklefield. Who plays Spider-Man. Henderson. Holland. Tom Holland.

son of a British comedian. That's right. Yeah. They're going out. They're definitely going out. Are they married? They were engaged. I'm not sure whether they're married.

Maybe Jacqueline Peepie can tell us. I think... Does it respond to Jacqueline Peepie? Yeah, mine does now, because we've called him Jacqueline Peepie so much. I like Jacqueline Peepie. Is Zendaya and Tom Holland going out? is they are they

are they? It's a very modern that's just a very modern moment is Zenday and Tom Holland going out are they? How do you make it saying it to your phone?

I think that just saying that to your phone might have made you young again. Apple Dawn is a city in the Netherlands located in the province of Gelderland. We've done that one. Okay, all right, it's down here

Good question As of now, yes, Zendaya and Tom Holland are together And not just dating, they're now engaged The two publicly became a couple in 2021 After years of speculation In January 2025, their engagement was confirmed Zendaya appeared at the Golden Globes wearing a diamond ring on her left ring finger

Thank you so much That's a good voice, isn't it? Yeah, she sounds very no-nonsense Yeah, yeah, yeah She sounds a bit like Marina Hyde. Yes, that's right. Yeah. On top of things like...

Authoritative, assertive, but lovely to listen to. Yep. And very knowledgeable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch your back, Marina Hyde. Because Jacqueline Peepie. Jacqueline Peepie's coming for you. Leaving a trail of celebrity peepie.

Behind you. Behind her. Okay. Did we learn anything about Zeni and Tommy? Well, that they're together and that... You learned that. I didn't. I knew.

that already. Okay. You barely knew who they were. I think that, I would imagine. I mean, she's got the new June movie coming up. He's got the new Spider-Man movie coming up. They're both in Christopher Nolan's Odyssey. It's going to be a huge year for them. What's Christopher Nolan's Odyssey? It's a film by Christopher Nolan of the Odyssey. Homer's Odyssey. That's right. Gordon Bennett. That's who it's written by. Is it updated to modern times? No. No, it's studiously real. And apparently he He's done, it's like a kind of Ray Harry-Hausen movie, but Nolanified. So very serious and real and enormous. Yeah.

I'm excited. I think it'll be thrilling, but it's a very big year for Zeni and Tommy. I've only got 20 more of these, okay? You're ready. What about Ellen and Portia? Ellen is Ellen DeGeneres and Porsche Rossi, Rosso? Something like that. I don't know.

What's the dead news been this year? What happened in Ellen and Portia's life this year? I think that they moved to the. UK. That's right. They moved to the Cotswolds, bought a huge house. Because they got so fed up of being monstered in the US. Yeah. And also, wasn't it, a political protest? She was, Ellen was accused of being beastly to her crew. Yeah. And so she became a sort of target. And she didn't like the, the Trumpian atmosphere. Right. Do know why. And left to move to England to escape the whole deal. So the two, I mean, it seems a little convenient that she was able to use Trump as an excuse to just run away from

the accusations flying around. But then what happened later this? This is Matt, the voice that I yours for son of Breton. Is this chat B-U-X? Yes. You should do a voice on chat, G-T-A. G-T-X, Castro, G-T-X. You should do a voice on G-T-A-6.

What? Listen, let's, well, the big news. is they don't like it in the Cotswolds. Oh, really? Why? It's too rainy and dark and boring. Oh, dear. So they're going back to, uh, to America. Good riddance.

Who, who said that? Who said that? It's Jacqueline Phoebe. Jacqueline Peepie. The new marina eyed. They should program it to say sort of slightly sarcastic, cynical things quietly in the background when not invited. That feature is going to come in within the year, I would say.

Well, that's it. The other famous couples I had were Willie and Katie and Harry and Megan. Oh, Laura. How's 96 looking for the two Royal Golden Couple? It's looking so nice, seen it because a lolly, lolly, Maggie. She's had a bad time, actually. I've quite a lot of years now. And things have been kind of so wrongful, Megan.

She's really not about bad. She's nice. And I think that two 26es is going to be it for everyone likes Megan's again. Very exciting listeners. We've been joined in the Christmas shack by Her Majesty the Queen. Oh, Laura. And Your Majesty, what did you think of Megan's Netflix show, her lifestyle show? It's so nice.

I loved it. It's really quite interesting as well. And I'll be like a nice, quite politics sometimes in there as well, because it's quite good. I don't know. I thought it was a little bit, sort of, a little bit, sort of, I didn't see it. I hadn't seen it. I hadn't seen it.

Sort of banal. Didn't see it. Apparently, she puts lots of things in little plastic bags and ties a ribbon around them. And body parts. No, like little snacks and scented stones in little plastic bags. Stones. Stones. And ties a ribbon around the top and puts them in little baskets, I guess.

Sounds nice. I didn't want it. But I think it's going to be a Laura, Laura nice, a better time for them. And Willie and Katie? Oh, they're just going from strengths to strengths. And Prince Andrew? I got to go. I got to go.

I got turkey and that oven. God bless you. Bye. Vivat Regina. Don't talk about me like that, please. This is pretty highbrow stuff. This video. is from Stee Thomas.

Is this a made-up joke? No, this is filed under random. Merry Christmas chaps, says Stee, whenever I place space odyssey by David Bowie in my head, this always happens. Does anyone else get this? I can't be the only one. And by this, he means this.

well I didn't before but I am now that's good did he send you that or did you make that yourself he sent that that's good do it again I want to hear it again of course I want to hear it lots that's brilliant God that's satisfying

Yeah, that's good That's how it should have gone Yeah But Bowie was just too pompous To just drop into that lovely satisfying key I'm never gonna dance again Well what is there to say about that But that's a masterpiece stay

That's amazing Stee Stay That's how you pronounce it It was like If you put a little accent on it And you get stay on it Stay

Stay It's like you're cute Day Another day Okay Here's another presi This isn't properly wrapped Now this is in a lovely

What do you call these things Toot bags Even though I'd say We've got too many tote bags In our house You never have too many tote bags Is that really true Yeah

I suppose you could knit a tent out of them Oh look at this Well there we are there Now I'm guessing you didn't have a copy of this I do not have a copy of that That's very kind I'm already hypnotised.

Which record is this? By your eyes. This is called Adam Buxton upbuckle. Buckle up. Buckle up. You've been confused

by the circular tight. But it's very nice. This is very lovely artwork. This is your album. It's got a little pair of shorts growing off a tree. These are all the songs,

aren't they? A lot of them. A record. A smiley face. A heart. a like a Wi-Fi logo, a little pair of shorts. It's like a wank rag. It's a tea towel. I'm sorry.

A glitter. It's not very Christmassy, is it? A glitter ball. That's going to be on the next album. Of course it is. That's, can't get more Christmas. Anything makes you happy. A bicycle wheel.

A cross. I just don't know. I think families listen to this in their cars. there might be a little bit of a change in the atmosphere when I say wank-wrag. I think they understand that it's a bit of a roller coaster ride when they get on the Christmas podcast with Adam and Joe. Just a bit an awful phrase. Isn't it? It's not a very pleasant pair of words.

What's a better phrase? I don't know. A pleasure towel. I don't know. I don't think there is one. It just shouldn't be spoken about. And I did it. I'm sorry.

It's a beautiful album Apart from the Wank Rag It's a lovely piece of artwork That's lovely Thank you very much man I don't have a record player But it'll be a sort of ornament Yeah

Again I won't be offended if you re-gift I've got a lot of these images of your face Staring out at me in my house Sure On the spines of two books on my shelves It's in fact the same illustration Well yeah It's Helen Green's illustration

I've had to put them on high shelves So they don't stare at me If I do another album, my face won't be on the cover. Okay. I thought that it would probably help the album to sell if they... Yes. Did it? Did it?

I don't think I did. How's it doing? I don't know, but I haven't got any large royalty checks recently. Listen, what matters is the integrity of the work itself? Well, exactly. And, you know, this ties into what I was going to say is that later on, I'm going to play you a song. from the new album. Maybe from the new album, I don't know.

But I learned something when I was doing the promotion for the record. And it kind of ties into a lot of the themes of my memoir as well, which is that it can be difficult for my collaborators sometimes to deal with my levels of negative self-energy. And I was doing a podcast called Tape Notes the other day, which I've done before. and me and Joe Mount who produced the album, Joe Mount from Metronomy, we went on tape notes to talk about doing the album

and played a few outtakes and went through a few of the sessions. Anyway, at one point, Joe said, you know, I really have had to bite my tongue a few times doing interviews with Adam when he puts down the album and he puts down his own songs. And, you know, I feel like saying, no, these are good and I'm happy with them and we worked on them together. know. And it was really something I, it should have been absolutely obvious to me. And I definitely

had thought it. Like I was being a little bit careful to not be too down on the whole thing. I don't think I've ever been negative about Joe Mount's contribution. He's been brilliant. But I certainly have sort of said, oh, you know, I don't know if I would call these songs and things like that. And thereby insulting him and his work. Well, exactly. I suppose so. Anyway, I took the opportunity to apologize to Joe on that podcast. I did really mean it. I didn't want to dwell. on it too much and make it into an excessively mordland moment but it was

better do the other one as well it was emotional because by talking about it on yet another podcast you seem to be making currency of even your mistakes well exactly but it's something that I'm working on right and I've done a song that I'll play you at the end of the podcast which I feel is a demonstration of my new direction.

Okay, that's very exciting. This is going to be a big year for one of the biggest celebrity. Couples in the country, Adam and his self-esteem, self-esteem. She's on the podcast next year. She's great. She may be one of my first guests, in fact. Guess another prezzi. Okay.

I just gave you one. Oh, of course. Sorry. Whoops. Let's have some more jokes. Okay, that's a good idea. More made-up jokes. Made up.

Jokes, made up jokes, made up jokes party. Here is a joke from Chris Dennett, from Alveston in Cumbria. What's the difference between AI and a Haddock Emporium renowned for its creative seafood displays housed within a men's toilet made from old TVs? It's promising, isn't it? It's very good already. Do you want it again? Do you want to try and figure it out?

Yes, please. What's the difference between AI and? And a Haddock Emporium renowned for its creative seafood displays housed with an amends toilet made from old TVs. Okay, so one is artificial intelligence. Yes, and the others. Tell me. An artificial intelligence. An artie fish hole.

Intelligence. An artie fish hall intelligence. An artie fish hall. An artie fish hole. Intelligent. Intelligent. Intelligence. Intelligence.

A men's toilet made from old TVs. The other great thing about these made-up jokes is you just have to say them a lot. You've got to say it over and over and over again. The punchline. Yeah. And the setup. Before you get anything out of them. Like a really, really old lemon that you've really got to squeeze really hard to get anything out.

If you cut a lemon in half and you only use one half for your salad. Do you keep the other half? Yeah. Wrap it in foil, pop it in the fridge. Is that what you do? Yeah. And then throw it away when you get it out. It's just the gesture, isn't it, of keeping it, that is a sort of salute to nature.

Dear Count Buckleys and Corn Balls. Longtime listener, first time writer. Do you like it when people say that? Yeah, of course I do. Yeah, it reminds me of old LBC days. Yes, Clive Bull. Yeah, sexual and marital problems. I came up with this joke about four years ago and keep forgetting to send it in time. I've Googled it, and as far as I can see, it's not already made. made up. What do you call a non-binary ladybird? Okay. Yeah, I like it's not already made up. That's a good sentence. Like, because you might say no one's thought of it before. Yeah. But not, to be not

already made up is a better way to articulate that. What do you call it not? Well, this I think is part of a whole new school of jokes where people find words with a him or her in them and turn it into them. Oh, isn't it? Yes. So what's the setup? What do you call a non-binary ladybird? A them-de-bird.

A they-de-bird. A they-de-bird. They-de-bird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there was a similar one from somebody which had Himalayas and it was them-a-layers. Oh, yeah. So, yes, good, very okoron, and obviously a lot of people struggling with this shift in in the culture and the language and, you know, trying to.

to relax into it with some gags. A vedie bird. Is that the punchline again? Yeah. You're saying it again. It's good. It's very good. That's from Ruth Tucknot from Osset.

Well, I should not tut. West Yorkshire. And she says, I hope you like it. I love you. Bye. Thank you so much, Ruth. That was really good. By the way, the joke about the Himalayas was from Alex Hines.

Oh, yeah. This joke was, did you hear the one about the non-binary mountaineer who went missing on Everest? They're all at it. They found their body in the Nemelears. I just think we should be alert to this new strain of joke. That's fine, though. I mean, it's absolutely fine. It's not impugning anyone, right?

It's not casting aspersions. It's not belittling. No, but I feel it's like it's a little sort of, it's a little muscle exercising itself because of this little thing that's happened. So I just think a lot of the jokes will be quite similar. Yes, yes. And they'll be along those lines. Sure.

Here's a joke from Arvna. It says, When our son Alexander was 12, he came up with a joke that has become a family classic. Question, what do you call a really annoying Italian sandwich? Answer, a peni, a penini, a penini, a penini, a peninias. A penini is a tough one to sell. Say it again? That's good, you did it well. Really looking forward to the Christmas podcast, take care of now.

Love it. That's a good one. That is a very good one. Well, this one follows on a little bit from that. Yes. Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

Just while you're looking for the next one, we also had a joke from Lucy Picard. And it went like this. Dear Adam and Joe, why did the baby octopus laugh? Because his daddy gave him tentacles, brackets, tentacles. Now, this is a great joke, obviously, but it's also a joke that I made up as well this year for my daughter. but Lucy, I'd just like to comment that the joke is better if it's a squid because a squid actually does have 10 arms. So the joke should really be, why did the baby squid laugh?

Okay, so that's not because, of course, an octopus has eight. Yes, octopus. Octo, there's clues in the name, isn't it? Here's one from John Meredith that carries on from Paniniass. Hi, L. Buccalado and Cornucopia. That's correct. Adam, you might remember I met you online as I asked you to do the Tony Visconti interview at Confetti Nottingham a few years back. Oh, yes, I do remember.

And it was nice to meet Tony Visconti, albeit on Zoom. Tony Visconti being David Bowie's producer, of course. Anyway, this is from John Meredith. John says, my cousin is a baker. And as part of his day job, his body. Goss gave him an extended period of leave to travel around Italy, eating long, small loaves of bread with crispy flowery crusts and an airy, chewy interior. It was a chabatical.

Nice. I like that. That is a slam dunk. I mean, it's more efficient than funny. Yeah. It, like, gets the job done. Say it again? A chabatical. Chabatical. Yeah. What's the setup again? Cousin, baker, day job, extended period of leave to travel around Italy, eating long, small, small. more loaves of bread with crispy flowery crusts and an airy, churi interior.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chebatical. A chabatical. That's really good. He's on chabatical. It's really good. Very, very good. Very, very good.

Yeah, you could say that to somebody who's just out, you know, having a little lunch break with a chabata. Where's Tony? Oh, he's on chabatical. He's on his chabatical. That just means he's having a sandwich. Yeah, that's like more an addition to the national lexicon than a joke. You know what? There's probably people groaning, listening to this going, everyone says that.

Did you do the check? It's one of those things. If you're on social media, probably everyone, like, if you're going to have your lunch or something you just say. We've established we're not on social media anymore. I'm just going on chabatical, mate. I'll be back here. I'll see you after. I'm going for chabatical. Listen, going forward for listeners of this podcast, no social media. Yeah. Because then you can just ride with our rhythms out of touchness.

And you'll enjoy old jokes, much more. You'll just enjoy our output a lot more if you go to the middle of a field. switch everything off don't listen to any news put on some relaxing music or an old rerun of a comedy that makes you happy from the 80s and just stay there

watch the Beatles anthology on a loop that's how to really get the most out of us in this period of our career what do you call the what do you call the third movie in a series of movies about a gang of mad honestly

sometimes I think about the number of times I have repeated whole, not only jokes, but whole ideas, conversational topics, insights, observations, words of wisdom in the podcast, like at this point. Yeah. There's got to be loads. But that's okay. You know, essentially life's about getting up, brushing your teeth, getting dressed, having

breakfast, having lunch, having dinner, brushing your teeth, getting undressed and going to bed, essentially, isn't it? And just doing it over and over again and trying to get a bit better at it each time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or just enjoying the, uh, the, the, uh, Repetitivicity. The repivisity. Here's one more before we leave the jokes for the time.

The repetitiveness. The repetition. Here's a joke from Ben Kelly. Where do clever electricians by underwear and healthy snack treats? Marks and spark plugs. Come on, mate. You're nearly there. Give me the...

You're a film guy. What do you call your electricians on a film set? Marks and sparks. I mean... Come on. That's what electricians are called on film sets. Sparks. You're so close.

and Marks and Sparks and Spencer Clever electricians Marks and Bright Sparks Jesus Sparks and Mensa Sparks and Mensa Sparks and Menser That's good

That is good Sparks and Mensa That's a satisfying What do you call it When you swap around the first letter Spoonerism Yeah that's a satisfying one of them Thank you so much Ben

Thank you. Here's a message from George, who says, Hi, Buckles and Cornballs, and he has sent me a link to a YouTube channel where a few years ago he posted some videos of him doing songs with his hands, like he just puts his hands together and squeezes air. out from between them in a musical way. Have you ever seen anyone doing that?

Well, yeah, I've seen people do that. I could never have described it as musical. It's a sort of painful sort of quacky noise. No, no, no, no. Isn't that farty noise? No, no. I mean, yes, it is farty, but it's tuneful the way that this guy... George, have you seen George doing it?

No. Listen to this. This is George doing the Match of the Day theme with his hands. And I said to George, I emailed him and said, is that really just your hands or is there any post-production? And I said, I don't want to get in a whole cancellation scandal situation about this. He said, no, it's genuinely just my hands. So would you like to revise your initial slightness?

Yeah, that's very impressive. You know, that is so impressive. I'm surprised, A, he doesn't have an agent. B, he hasn't appeared on panel shows and radio shows. And there is no, and C, and C, that he's not very wealthy. That is a talent, isn't it? And especially because of the little, the little rhythmic stumble at the end, which I thought really set it off beautifully.

He did the podcast theme with his hands. Your podcast? Yeah. Do the giant podcast bin. You have plucked the podcast out and started listening. Take my microphone out and found some human folk. I recorded all the noises while we spoke. I think you were...

Seven bucks and I'm a man. Jesus, man. I want you to enjoy this next step. The sound of that and the sound of you mumbling along to it. The image in my head was you like when you've hit the skids. Sitting in a puddle in an alley with really terrible wind. Mumbling along to your own wo-begotten podcast theme whilst farting it. And go, anybody?

Like those, like you're playing a chieftain. tune on a road cone. No, that's good, though. It wasn't as good as the other one because I feel he didn't really get the melody quite as well. It was more just the rhythm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is quite a talent, isn't it?

That is quite a talent, I think. Hecking hell. I mean, again, because we're not on social media, he probably has been all over. I know, what are you doing, sending that to this show? I think five years ago he did the match of the day one right so we're probably only just getting the memo now right right right i mean we literally are are you sure he hasn't been on all the other comedy shows and where his last pause of call not sure

well it's great because i'm disconnected from from the world around me well look here's a sound-based present for you oh this is a big this is a big present and this one i tell you what i hope you like I had such fun doing this and their artworks, especially made for you. So listeners, I should describe this is, this looked like an Amazon box, a little shoe box size It's a recycle. But it's just recycle. And inside are what looked like, um... Well, they're dog buttons, their noise buttons.

Yeah, those big round sort of red emergency buttons that you get... Like buzzers from quiz shows. Yeah. But you can record... There's a lot of them. Yeah, I did six. But on them are painted with what looks like... Posca pen.

Hand-painted faces of famous people in lovely day glow colors. You have to take a picture of these. Yeah, we'll take a picture and you'll be able to check them out. Now, do I recognize that's... Link in the description to the picture. That's Malcolm Muggeridge. Oh, my God. Only because it's written on the side.

Oh, yeah. Wouldn't I thought it was Prince Charles. This one just says murder. Well, play it. Wait a second. This one says tippy toes. write from sing to this one says

order who is that John Burkow oh yeah don't tell us though right this one says serious

Eddie Murphy that was a good documentary this year did you watch that yeah I like the first half of it yeah the first half of those ones are always good because it's all the old stuff

and then this one says Alora with her magic the queen all right let's see what sound these make are we ready Let's start with tippy toes Tippy toes I can see your tippy toes Did you do that especially

Or is that from the film? Did it especially Tippy toes I can see your tippy toes Okay I'll never press that one again Here's the next one Murder There is no harmony in the universe

Only overwhelming and collective murder That's Werner Herzog Wow That's very good Is that from Grizzly Man That's from Burden of dreams. There is no harmony in the universe, only overwhelming and collective murder.

They're supposed to be buttons for training dogs. Oh, hence you're describing them as dog buttons? Yeah, yeah. So you can record... Does the dog pat them with its paw? Yes, so you can record food or out or whatever you want the dog to signal. Did you try that with Rosie? Yes.

Did she respond? No. So that's why you've got now a collection of buttons with people's faces drawn onto them. Man, I'm honest. Look at this, Malcolm Muggeridge. Tell the audience who Malcolm Muggeridge was. Well, he was a kind of public intellectual writer, philosopher, perhaps, who was around in the 50s and 60s. If you've ever seen the footage of John Cleese and Michael Palin getting roasted about Life of Brian on a TV show, that is Malcolm Mugge who's there with a member of the clergy, giving them a hard time. But he was someone my dad respected a lot. He was a kind of crusty old.

intellectual type. And there's a quote on that button that I always liked of his. And I've no idea where it came from. But I think I must have recorded it onto a videotape back in the 90s when I would watch a lot of documentaries on BBC 2 when I was at art college. And he was talking about television, but it could apply to everything, every bit of visual media in the 21st century. Let's see what he's going to say. Let's press muggeridge.

More and more news, more and more ads, stupefying us, bewildering us. All the happenings in the universe compressed into a small screen, a flickering image. It's too much. The mixture's too rich. Wow. I mean, everybody always thinks that it's the end times, don't they? Yeah. And that whatever the thing is is going to be the last thing. Uh-huh. Because that's how I feel about some things.

That's how I feel about Jacqueline Peepie. I think a lot of people feel that about Jacqueline Peepie. Oh, here we go. That's it. Curtains. It's too much. It's too much. All right.

Here's Eddie. This is rich. Look at this. So that's Eddie being jillipa. So that's Eddie being. James Brown. Oh, man, so good. You're right.

That Netflix documentary about him is the first half is so good. First off is so good. Some of the clips I went back and watched them on Netflix, like choice selections from Delirious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And stuff from Saturday Night Live. Like when he does James Brown Hot Tub. Fantastic.

Amazing. But this is the thing, even the documentaries that are about the downfall of people. So the Michael Jackson one, the Neverland one. Even, I'm afraid, the Savile one, the first half is always like, oh, I remember those days. We, jibble picks it. Hooray, beat it, and stuff like that. And then the gloomy music kicks in. And then, so here we go.

Here is the queen. Let's press the queen. It feels disrespectful to punch her face. Oh, you're not punching it. You're caressing it. A Lauren, Lauren, Lily for Blinder date. It's only a short one. That's punchy.

Yeah. Yeah. A laura, laura, lolly beef A blinder d'a. Laura, lorry, lovely beef. Order. Okay, this is John Burkow. John Burkow, yeah, the speaker.

He's a beautifully drawn. The former speaker. Is there a little bit of tip-ex on there? No, it's all posca pen. Posca pen. Order! Okay, so how would we use these in a conversation? Well, that's a good point.

I mean, I didn't think that bit through. Well, they're amazing, man. I mean, I feel very privileged to own these. Little bits of art for you. Little bits of art. Thank you very much. That's amazing. What a gift.

You're welcome. One of my sons, Nattie, one of my sons, Natty, went off for a job interview this year. And, you know, they're. In their early 20s, the boys entering the working world. And he went off to interview for a job as a piano player in a Norwich bar. And while he was chatting to the manager, a little doggy came into the room. He told us this when he got back that night. We said, how did the interview go?

He said, yeah, yeah, it was going good. It was going good. And then a little dog came into the room. And it was called Charlie or something like that. And the owner was like, oh, Charlie. At you go, and Nat was like, oh, no, I like dogs. Hi, hello, Charlie. Charlie's quite jumpy and excitable.

Charlie jumps up on Natty's lap. And the manager's like, Charlie, get down, get down. Natty's, oh, it's okay. Hello, Charlie. Charlie's scruffling around there on Natty's lap. Interview progresses. Charlie does a shit on Natty's lap. So when Nat told us that, we were all like...

How did he say? he said yeah yeah and uh so anyway the dog kind of like did uh like shit on my lap we're like what what did you do then he was like well it wasn't big and did the owner go charlie has decided you've got the job when charlie does the job i give the job no none of that happened because Nat didn't tell him that Charlie had taken a shit on his lap. So it was a little poo. A poo in the crevice of the thighs. It was a small poo.

And this is what I said. I was like, did you say anything to the manager? And he's like, no. Did he pop it in his pocket? Like you would with food you don't want to eat. No, because Charlie ate it. Charlie ate it. Dogs eating feces.

Yes. You're a dog owner. You dogs do like eating feces. They are known to. They can do. I mean, usually there's something psychologically amiss if that's happening. Right. So Natty's just making, continuing the casual conversation while the dog poos and then eats its own poo. Yeah, yeah. And he doesn't at any

point mention it to the manager. And I was like, why didn't you say anything? It's like, because it's a job interview. Yeah. And I said, I know it's a job interview, but I think you are within your rights. You don't have to like. But he encouraged the dog in. The owner was trying to get the dog to leave. So really, Nat, I can see where Nat's coming from. He takes responsibility for the dog's actions in many ways. He reckoned that it would have been unprofessional to mention it. Yes.

And I was saying, I think it's unprofessional not to. You don't want to give the impression that you are someone who is literally and metaphorically happy to be shot on in your new... Wow. Getting deep fast. Well, isn't that a legitimate plan?

So what happened? He did the note... Well, carry on. What's the rest of the story? Well, he said in his defense, his defense was, would have been unprofessional and did you watch succession no oh okay well this won't mean anything to you but those of you who watched succession this was natty's defense he said that if tom wamsgans

from succession had been shot on by luke mattison's dog tom wamsgans wouldn't have said anything and i said i know because tom wamsgans is an avatar for a kind of spineless pathetic toadie and that is not someone that you should be using as a indication of how to behave. And what happened in the end? Did he get the job? Yeah, he got the job. There you go. That's perfect. I think he could have got the job and said, oh, by the way, your dog just shot on me.

Well, the thing is, if he'd said the dog shot on him, the owner might have felt, you know, obliged to give him the job to make up for the pooey pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or at least giving him one night of, uh, of work just to pay for the cleaning bill. Did it leave a pooey residue on the trousers? He said that it was in the car on the way home. It was stinky.

It was, yeah. Really? I think he did extremely well. He dealt with a very, very tricky turd-based situation. Lap turd. And then, because I would have probably been sick on the dog, and then the dog would have eaten that as well. So revolting would the sight of a dog eating its own turd.

How long did the dog wait between doing the turn and eating it? Did it like it fresh and hot? Does it let it cool a little bit? Fresh warm buns. Like allow to chill. No, of course he just snapped. Really, as soon as it was out. That dog should do.

Cookery show. Shouldn't it? And just leave it on this. On the side to chill for a bit. One, two, three. Ready. This was fresh out of the oven. and is ready to eat and I think you're fine

and the fridge can really taste the freshness. Hey, do it on Joe's lap and here comes the garnish. In a way, we're doing something much worse than anyone involved with that job meeting did, which is where we're taking it to a much more disgusting place. And we are... Why? Why?

Well, because of what we just said, all the things we just said. Oh, the dog having a cookery show. Yeah, and... Yeah, that is disgusting. That'd be a disgusting program. And also we are now undoing all the good work that Nat did by not complaining about it. Do you think the person who gave him the job might listen to this? There's a chance.

Do you think he might lose the job? If you are listening, it was such an amazing time when we found out that you had given Nat the job. And it was such a cool thing. The thing is now customers might demand it as part of the show. They're going to bring their own dogs. Is that the dog shipboard? I wasn't going to say You had to say that

Is that dog shit boy Is that love dog Laptog plop Is that lap dog Plop nat D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-ding Ding-d-ding-ding ding-ding ding D-ding

D-d-ding D-d-d-d-d-d-d- Yay! The dog sits on the piano Looking uncomfortable Ding-ding-d-ding-d-d-ding-d-ding-ding-ding-ding. Now that's entertainment. Hello, hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Oh, look. Bonus joke. Last bonus joke from Russ Clark. Okay. I once made a belt out of fresh herbs. It was a complete waste of time. yes yes that's that's good i mean it's solid that's really solid but you're not chuckling i don't know it's a sort of technical joke it's an intellectual feat it's an intellectual feat it's a sort of uh you know i don't know busman's holiday i hear you it was a complete waste of time like why because it didn't function as a belt do you know what i mean i think there's more to i've moved on from it no i'll never move on from it so i did a song

in which I am trying to learn from having done press this year, having had to apologize to Joe Mount and to a degree to you, Joe Cornish, for being sometimes a difficult collaborator to be with because of my intense inward spiraling. Your empath powers. And self-criticism. I must say Joe Mount got his apology. You turned it around.

a lot quicker than mine. Yeah, but I wrote a whole, like, two books to say sorry to you. Two books? Yeah, I do some mild apologising in the first one. Thank you. Second one is like a one whole big long apology. Thanks, man. I don't think you got anything to apologize for.

Okay, thanks. I think it was great. Time of our lives. It was fun. Yeah. Anyway, there's still more chapters to go. Yeah. And going forward, I'd like to.

to think that I'm going to be more positive. And so to embrace that, I've done a song in a modern style. Oh. In one of the defining styles of 2025. Well, if the most played song in our house, the most played album in our house, because we have a six-year-old girl, was the K-pop Demon Hunter's album. Bongo, that is, of course, the style. That is one of the best singles that I've heard in a long time.

Golden. Golden. yeah i mean every now and again it something like that comes along and you're like well done that's the genius though isn't it the ha it's one of those songs that made no sense to me musically when i first heard it but the little you know sometimes with a complicated song there's one little bit that gets you that you can cling on to right and just the ha at the end of each line in the first verse there's so many good ideas so many good ideas it's amazing anyway so well here is my attempt at channeling some of that energy for a

song about my musical journey of confidence. I was a worm, I was a dick. I was a weedy-whommy dick. I didn't know. I had a gill. I had a gill. I was a gill. I was a weedy-worm. I had a gill. I didn't know. I had a gill. Bigger than everyone else's gifts. The gift was for music. I put myself down, said I couldn't sing even though I was the absolutely king of singing and I thought my songs weren't good enough

when in fact they were all actually very good. But then one day a powerful record executive heard my jingles and she said, Oh my gosh, this guy has got a laura, laura lullie talon, he's really gotta do an album. And now I'm smash, smash, smashing all of my music rivals. They're in a puddle choking, gasping for survival. I am huddling up on my big successful rocket,

scattering songs below from my magic music pocket. I was sick of hiding my light under Gary Bushall. But now I'm holding a hand so strong It'll win like a royal flushall I've got the musical equivalent of a royal flush in poker Been trying so hard to be the me that's inside The me that's inside the me inside me inside me It's time to leave all the hurting behind

Gonna flush it with the poo and the pee No more fake self-deprecating Like Hugh Grant in the rain Because people now prefer self-confidates Even if it sounds insane I'm gonna crush, crush, crush, crush, cold play and Taylor Swift I'll smash bad bunny into funny tiny bunny bits I'll make Drake bit for the scraps from my music plate

Bruno Mars is going to be parking cars See I'm Rosalia Bye Bye Billy Irish Write to me if you would like some tips on being stylish Oh Oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ah Oh

Holy shit I mean am I right in saying that you took singing lessons In preparation for your live shows with the Adam Buxton band. Well, I had one. Because it shows. It really does, doesn't it? The one lesson really shows.

Especially on the, on the middle eight, was that the middle eight when you go all falsetto? It gets very breathy. That's very good. And it's exciting to listen to because you're not, I mean, you're on the edge of your seat because you're not sure whether you're going to hit the notes. Sure. And sometimes you do. And sometimes you don't, but it's equally exciting either way.

It's thrilling. It's like mission, impossible, watching an action sequence from a mission. Impossible movie. Is he going to do it? It's like free solo. Did you ever see that movie? Of course. It's very, very like free solo.

And lyrically, it's very strong with some very good rhymes, especially the one you have to actually explain during the song. I played it to my wife and she didn't get the bit about the poker hand. No, no, no. And so to stop the song or a little musical pause to explain it to the audience is something more singers should be doing. I think so. And, you know, it's classy.

lyrics about poo and pee references to Hugh Grant in the rain so contemporary film references it's very young I don't even think he is being self-deprecating in that scene and it feels very young and the thing I like most about it is the way it sort of captured the tune of golden whilst not being exactly the same well it's intended not to directly infringe copyright legal reasons but it was similar it was it's a sound of what I like yeah yeah because if it's It's a bit like Harry Stiles's big hit, you know, as it was. That was similar to take on me by AHA. Right.

And that was a big, big hit. But there was a bit of time between the two. So I'd hold onto this for maybe 20 years, then pop it out. Plop it onto someone's lap. Yeah. But 20 years, you reckon? Yeah, when you're in your 70s. That seems like a long time.

And then people who, you know, kids, my daughter's age. They'll be in their mid-20s, and I'll be like, oh, that's really, like, old school and new school at the same time. But by that time, it might be fashionable to be self-deprecating again. Right, and this is too arrogant. Too confident. It's too confident. Saying I'm going to smash, smash all of my music rivals. Yeah, yeah, but there's an irony to it.

It doesn't necessarily have to be taken at face value. Like, it could be, if you really push your own. imagination it could be interpreted as a song by someone who can't sing who is like no good and is bad is bad like really bad and everything to do with it and everything and everything around it you're supposed to be the one wanting me to boost my confidence but i'm saying it works on both levels Both levels. It's really good.

Thanks very much. You're welcome. Merry Christmas. Thank you so much for all my beautiful gifts. Merry Christmas to you. Merry Christmas listeners. We hope you have a lovely boxing day if you're listening to this on Christmas Day.

And if you're not listening to it on Christmas morning, then what the hell are you thinking? Bye-bye. Bye. Well, I'll be back with you very shortly. Wait. Continue. Hey, welcome back. Hey, welcome back, podcats.

Thank you so much to Joe Korn. Cornish for making the time to come and join me once again in my Christmas shack. It was lovely to see him and I'm so grateful to him for all his friendship and generosity, especially this year supporting me, promoting my book, I Love You Bye. What do you mean you haven't read it yet? The audiobook was nominated for a prestigious audiobook award, the Speakey's inaugural year. Unfortunately, I was in a category, the memoir category, with uh some really quite heavyweight books and sarah win williams the facebook whistleblower one for the audiobook version of her excellent book called careless people which i certainly recommend

but after you finish careless people i think it's time for i love you by put a lot of work into it me and that audio book team from harper collins thanks to all of them and joe joins me and joe joins me exclusive podcast Waffle about the book and what I thought of it. So check that out. Don't forget as well to get in there early for tickets for the Adam Buxton Band Tour in spring 26, kicking off on the 1st of May in Manchester at the Stoller Hall. Then we're in Leeds, Exeter, Cardiff, Bath, Brighton, Margate, Buckston, Nottingham, and Lester, that's where it stands at the moment.

From the 1st to the 19th of May, those shows are. I hope you can come along. If you demand more buckles talking about music and the record, then don't forget to check out tape notes with myself and Joe Mount talking to John Kennedy. And there's me on the Soda Jerker on Songwriting Podcast. An honour to be on both of those. beautifully put together and produced and, you know, they have so many top-notch guests on both

of those podcasts, and it was a real thrill to be included. House of Games, towards the middle of January, 26. Before I say goodbye today, I just wanted to give a few brief shout-outs to a handful of podcats whose messages I particularly enjoyed. I enjoyed all of them. Thank you very much if you were one of the people that sent them in. We read all of them and much appreciated. Yeah, it was really kind of you. Thank you.

And I'm so sorry that we only got to read a small handful. But there was loads there that I really enjoyed. Colin and his wife from Hebden Bridge. Thanks for your message. Gareth and his daughter, Trixie. Hey, Trixie, I hope you're doing well. Richard Harland, Simon Dick. Jack Gavin, Martin,

Hello, Martin, Dot, Andrew, Henry, Flossy and Stan. Hope you're all well. There was Rosie Sneddon, who said my six-year-old daughter came home from school and excitedly told me that she'd been learning about biology. She very proudly announced, Did you know, Mummy, boys don't just have a penis. They also have tentacles.

That made me laugh. It's also true. It doesn't get talked about enough, I don't think. Thanks Gavin Sheel, Shiel, for the joke about the witchy tall linesman. Can work backwards from that one. Thanks, Martin, for the Greek drug addict, Mr. Popolotta Pills. Thanks Joe, Ben, Clem, and Finn, who, when told by his mum that she would be there in a minute or two, asked, why are you calling me Tortu?

Oh, it's cold. Can you hear that wind? I see. Thanks, Ben. Why did the matchmaker set up two perfumiers on a date? They just made sense together. Thanks Alex, Beth, Cooper and Ava. Ava made this joke up, which is a kind of brilliant meta-construction, incorporating a couple of tropes. Why did Roger the chicken cross the road to get to his friend's house? Knock-knock. Who's there? Roger the chicken. Thanks Ed Norrie Which animals can see inside you Cats can

I mean I can't believe that hasn't been made before But I did check Couldn't find it I just got the AI assistant saying I believe this is a pun And there's no evidence that cats Or any other animal

Can actually see inside your body And thanks to John for this joke, which goes like this. Hey man, I liked your joke about a Liam Neeson sequel where he rescues his daughter from a convent, but the punchline was too contrived. No offence. None taken.

Untaken. Okay, that's it for 2025 from this podcast. Thank you very much. Seamus Murphy Mitchell. Without whom have be lost. Very special thanks to Kid Clava for his musical assistance with my K-pop song. Thank you, Mr. Kay. Thanks Helen Green for the beautiful artwork.

And while I'm at it, thanks Brianie Jackson for your beautiful artwork for the album. Thanks to everybody at A-Cast, who worked so hard, liaising with my sponsors. Thanks to everybody who appeared on the podcast this year. Thank you so much for listening. If you'd like a creepy festive hug, now's the time I've got my ski jacket on, because it is Arctic. Come here, it's happening.

Let's have a festive, creepy hug. Hey, how's it going? I hope you're doing okay out there. Keeping it together, I hope things are not too stressful at this festive, stressive time of year. This podcast will be back with you in early 2026, probably around about March or April. Until then, please go carefully. It's ridiculous out there.

And for what it's worth, I love you. And so does Rosie. It's true, I do do. Bye! Like and subscribe Like and subscribe Like and subscribe Please like and subscribe

Give me like a smile and a thumbs up Nice like a pint when my bum's up Give me like a smile and a thumbs up Nice like a punch when my bum's up Like and subscribe Like and subscribe Like and subscribe Please like and subscribe

me Bums up, give me a little smile on a thumbs up, nice, like a time for me Bumse on, subscribe, and I can't subscribe, and like and subscribe, and I can't subscribe, I'm going to be able to be. I'm going to be. I'm going to. I'm a bit. I'm a. Bhop.

I'm B'i, B'i, B'i, B'i B'i'i B'i's B'n,

B'n, B'em, B'n, Thank you. Thank you.