The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - 11

Hello everybody, welcome to come towns 11 11 you're right nice so I got right yeah 9 9 11 we skipped right from do we have an episode 10 can we not have one can we go straight from 9 to 11 well we already did we did well the last one was in that episode 11 then now as you know right then this one's episode 12 it's like in in buildings where they skip the 13th floor the 13th floor because I don't know it's like a superstition yeah superstition the word about ghosts yeah yeah yeah there's actually a movie called Nightmare on the 13th floor and I asked sometimes I asked people and I've seen it a bunch and I

say to people have you seen Nightmare on the 13th floor and they go oh the 13th floor I'm like no it's a different movie I wouldn't have said Nightmare on the 13th floor if I meant have you seen Nightmare before Christmas oh yeah Nightmare on Elm Street no that's a completely different thing you took those I'm fucking I've been lifting weights and I'm ready to just fucking be a sarcastic I like when you get if you get strong enough like you think you're funny because you just you just dismissive sorry oh yeah no that's real funny dude psych that's this they they psych people like is the best though

45 well I mean I feel like we're really bearing the lead here Nick no we're not this is we're back in Manhattan at the top of oh yeah we're at the top of the Anthony Kumiya Studios the snake pit the Puerto Rican rattlesnake some asshole on Twitter tried to say that Louis J Gomez is the original Puerto Rican yeah I don't like that he stole that from us first of all he's not even Puerto Rican Louis J he's not even I think he's just an insane clown posse yeah he's an insane clown I think they're like listen joke theft is very serious in comedy and like we're not like gonna be Joe Rogan's about it and like call you out

but like I am dude that's why I'm going to the gym that's why I'm getting strong yeah is I'm doing MMA to confront jokes the confront Lewis about stealing the Puerto Rican rattlesnake nickname from us yeah me and me and Lewis are gonna have a fucking four and a half second fight and then we both run out of breath because either of us are actually in shape I like how people look at Lewis and they're like oh that in the comedy community and they're like yeah Lewis is in like good shape but in any other community he looks like shit yeah that's how every comedian everyone who's hot for a comedian is just like not ugly like

that's it we got really low smart like people think I'm smart yeah and they're not I haven't read a book in fucking five years yeah no I read those before five legit six years ago six yeah I found out Dumbledore was gay and he's like this is about me what the fuck dude dude are you gonna be like this we talked about this off mic and I don't want to stop with the gay because I am secretly gay what I'll edit that out yeah we'll edit that out so there's no less than I'm kind of there's no real like burying the lead here because it's gonna be in the description of the episode yeah so people know yeah we

should say it should still break it down well I gotta call them in in eight minutes well let's just say it some people won't understand some people can't read that's true people who can't read a click probably are definitely in our top three guests well Dr. Evil is the best guess Dr. Evil is probably the biggest guess we've had second biggest second biggest guess we have David Cross the real David Cross it's not a character this isn't actually but yeah it's not it we actually David Cross we told Seth he could come on and do his famous David Cross how funny would be if we set up like we're like guys seriously David Cross is

gonna be on the show I promise you it's David Cross and then we do a two and a half hour episode and it's like oh okay now it's time to call them and then it's that hello everybody just kidding yeah that would be that would be great but see because I said that that's how you know that it's not that's not the joke right right right it's it's really him yeah we're excited yeah well see now we already mentioned that so what are we gonna talk about the next well five and a half minutes so I don't know Kumiya studios they don't really have the perfect setup or technology for well I have to explain that to David when we call him

okay unfortunately yeah I came up with a really smart plan well yeah I only have there's only one you can only plug one set of headphones into the four tracks so I'll be the only one that can actually hear him but he'll be you know I call him on the phone you guys the audience will be able to hear him but Adam and Stavros won't I guess we could yeah I mean the head the earbuds won't even stretch across the table so we can't split I'm gonna have to we're gonna have to figure out a way to you don't do it but you guys that's like you know remember in Apollo 13 when they get stuck on the moon and they're like how do we or they

don't get they get stuck they're in space they go they're they're trying to get to the moon and they you know something happens you know a bunch of alarms go off and you know the spoilers Houston we have a Houston I have a problem that line is actually from Apollo 13 and it's well what happens is they're there in space and they have a problem and they have to get back and so back at Houston they're you know like we don't take there's no you don't say no or quit for an answer we don't and they use you know they come together and they get a bunch of like stuff out of the supply closet I'm serious that's a scene

in the movie yeah and that's how they save Apollo 13 is with a bunch of odds and ends so that's what we're doing David Cross is the moon this podcast is Apollo 13 right I'm Tom Hanks no I'm Tom Hanks I said it who's the sexy who's the other one I'm Tom Hanks yeah it's Tom Hanks Gary Sinise Ed Harris I'm the city of Houston yeah that's cool yeah the whole place I'm I'm was it Quantrell X who's the big Houston guy the big is nation Islam I don't know I don't know I'm that guy he's in the movie he's mad that they won't let black people go to space I'm James Harden is Barry Pepper in that movie he should be

Barry Pepper is in every movie about World War two I went to his I went to his Twitter page we're trying to get Barry Pepper is against I would love to get the pet I don't even know who he is yes you do you know who he is like he's in saving private Ryan he's in like all he's got that weird pinched face yeah he beats up a lot of horses in that movie I tried to he's the main character in Battlefield Earth I've never seen it I tried to do a drinking game to that movie where you drink every time John Travolta like laughs like forces laughter like a man animal every time he does that you have to drink and you

won't make it through that movie also so many horses get injured in the first 15 fuck them dude fuck animals that's my stance well it's important for Scientology you got to spread the gospel you got to kill some horses you don't you can't you don't make lemonade without killing some horses yeah that's true that's one of the expressions from Apollo 13 yeah that's right yeah the Houston guy comes in I still think I should be boss you don't make lemonade unless you kill some horses and then they go into the supply closet and there's just a closet in a fucking spaceship I feel

like his in Captain Phillips his Boston accent was so bad he should have just gone retard he should have gone for us gone pretty tired to be a Boston guy listen it's a very slight difference pretty close listen to me I'm the captain now but no in what we're talking about Barry Papper very yep yeah I went to Barry Pappers Twitter page and he's doing some like challenge some 22 push ups for 22 days to stop the troops from killing themselves first of all that's not that he was the troops in so many movies that he feels like he is in real life that makes sense no that he's got a good point he's

basically the troops yeah he's been in a fake fake fucking costumes and shit yeah well he's been in all the good war movies we're so nervous was Ian platoon I know there's two minutes left and I'm like watching the clock like it's like it's an execution be professional fucking broadcasters right now well I'm just hoping it won't be Wikipedia a lot because I know some of his to be honest with you the only thing I've seen that he's done is run running run okay yeah I don't know what that is but no he was in you know what it sounds like I picked that like the most obscure reference but it's it's

actually true I've seen run running run like yeah like three or four times when I was like 15 I thought it was hilarious he's in putty tank for a second is he yeah we should ask him you should ask him you know whatever we what that was he was in the Smurfs we got to do we got to do a gargamel we got to do an hour with him so we're doing a full full hour we're gonna aim for that okay yeah I'm down if it goes much shorter if he's like mad about the setup I don't even know a lot going on these days he's as well we'll talk about that with him we got a minute left if you guys want to plug anything I have like half of an

apple that I'm thinking about eating I'll sell a bit from now on that's what I want to plug stop sending me pictures of your titties which I get a lot of I'm gonna call him now yeah it's fine all right then you know what that'll seem professional yeah these guys are they're like professional radio guys we're professional oh shit now it's 530 we'll just explain to him all right while telling that we were gonna call him what if he just is it ringing gave you the wrong number no it's not right there it is that's probably the problem don't you Verizon wireless your call cannot be completed as dialed please

check the number and dial again announcement for 4 0 4 location welcome to Verizon wireless we're unable to complete your call to speak to a customer service representative please hang up and dial star 611 announcement 3 5 0 0 location 8 0 5 0 2 no I don't hear listen to this listen this is so funny how fucked up this is listen to what happens when I try and call him this is our waiting for you though this is this is I think the cell phone towers down no there it goes you gotta ring oh sick yeah okay get those headphones on it's ringing it rang once no I legitimately think I

legitimately think the fucking cell phone towers down it's like there's a problem and then give us an error code he right I don't know how to fucking make this shit so fuck dude we got I don't have a good legit edit this part like for real maybe you gotta be fucking kidding me now I think the storm knocked out a cell phone tower some welcome to Verizon wireless we're unable to complete your call to speak to a customer service representative please hang up and dial star 611 announcement 3 5 0 0 location 8 0 5 0 2 should we try yeah I guess I should call customer service and we should ask them should we call you try

Adams all right yeah we can try Adam son give me your phone cool I'm gonna say I don't know why I didn't think of this before you talk for a second while I plug the line right so anyway we're sorry about that folks this honestly we could just edit this there's no reason to talk right now I'll edit it bitch you say send me the fucking falls bitch yeah that's what I thought shut the fuck up how we looking it's ringing sick but you might not pick up cuz Vegas man it's not a trustworthy number you try my nice hold on but my phone's fucked alright maybe this will work hello hello hello hello hello can you hear me

yes can you hear me yeah I can I can hear you now okay okay I'm assuming that was you who called earlier yeah did it not I was getting some like I'm like dead serious there was I guess there's some like it's like cell phone tower error code every time I called it would tell me to hang up and call customer service this is David Cross this is this is customer service oh shit what does it David Cross at customer service this is customer service for David Cross yes I'm employed by David Cross was okay well it's we got David Cross's customer service on the phone okay well that's just as good that's fine I mean we'll

work with that I have to just let you know up front I'm here my name is Nick I spoke with David and we planned on calling around 530 I actually did dial the number at 530 but then there was that error code so I apologize that we're a couple minutes late but I'm here my friend Adam hi hi David how's it going what's not David it's customer service no no it is I mean it is me I'm acting as my own customer service representative oh I saved some money you know I try to do that Monday Wednesdays and Fridays that's okay wow that you call on Tuesday and Thursday you'll get Desi who's the regular customer service well I guess I'm

regular because I do it five out of three out of five times but uh but does he act as the customer service rep when I'm not doing it for a vice vice versa yes well I thank you thank you for taking the call so I mean I I do have to like apologize service yeah and what what do you have a complaint or is there something you want to register with why don't it's it's not a complaint about about you but I guess we do have like a bit of a communication issue of the unfortunately only have one set of headphones to plug into the four track this is mostly your I've got to with me if that helps well we would need them here that's the problem okay I think here

I am I'm in I'm upstate right now in New York capital so there's not the best direct route I mean I if I left well I can't I've got well we were gonna we were gonna get we were gonna we only have like an hour to do our podcast and then there's a place in a story yeah and that kind of time I mean they have to be like helicoptered in and then the helicopter can even land they'd have to literally like hover over where you are and drop them from a height they might break so that this is that's not gonna work that okay well we actually plan to only use the one set of headphones but well then what's well you know oh sorry

I was just explaining that the plan is where I'm gonna use the headphones and then Adam is here if yeah if you can you hear Adam you have to scream hi David nice to meet you can you hear him yeah it's a little the muscle because of the yelling yeah it's a little okay yeah he's on the other side of the room and then well can he come closer yeah Adam can come closer yeah yeah yeah hi but then we have a third guy here hello big fans stop my name is Stavros stop yeah Stavros is also here thank you thank you okay so am I supposed to wear the headphones or not no I see I'm wearing one one of the ears and then I'm gonna

share the other ear with Adam and Stavros and we're really just explain I think with as far as us goes the four of us this will sort of work seamlessly it'll take a couple of seconds to figure out you know the ins and outs of how this will work and then it's mostly just explain you guys there there's three of us here but then you is four and this most yeah the exposition is is all for the audience this is um you know so they am I supposed to be I'm not supposed to be there with you no no no we wanted to do it over the phone so this actually it's okay got it yeah then then there seems to be going because to be honest

with you you're our first phone guest and we wanted to like sort of have like a dry run with someone that was small enough to like hey come on come on dude let's fuck dude he can hear you yeah so we just yeah we want to like just see make sure it works and I mean it's going well so you don't want to shoot your wand on like you know a Seth Rogen or something like that yeah well we don't this is actually not even really much of like a comedy podcast we have last week we had on Amber Frost who's she writes stuff and she's my roommate she I pay rent to her but she's like a journalist and yeah so yeah we did like a whole

episode on like on Brett on Brexit so it's like it's like the political stuff we do shampoo yeah I guess we could talk about shamp like the shampoo cry like if there's a shampoo crisis anything anything yet like political stuff but you are like this it's an honor to have you on we're all you know we're all fans me and Adam and Stavros fans big big I think I think I think you're doing great I think that Rogan will respond to that that's a smart thing to say at front do you have a number something um say what let's go ahead Adam do you have his number email yeah it's two one three okay six nine eight yeah

1842 okay thanks man thank you what was that what do you say um but let's nice we should intro you for our pineapple express man we should intro you for our like our guests on the show or I mean our listeners who listen to the show who who may not be familiar David Cross is you know probably like our our biggest our biggest guest so far he's been on television he's been in feature films do you have you do you have a book radio radio radio he's done radio have you authored any feature radio I've done feature podcast you know PSA they did PSA okay so you're no stranger to the podcast format so the upfront you know

you just intro the guests and tell us some of your like your your biggest hits what's yeah what are you yeah what are your like your big hits we in what in what sense I'm not sure like if they did it if they were like huge if they were like here's the guy and then here's like play the hits you know and then they pointed at you like a presumably like an audience of some kind why don't you know I'm not I don't I don't I'm not a musician I don't have I don't have hits per se like top like a as a as a comedian I don't we don't kind of rake our jokes that way there's no like chart I guess that that's what you're that's

really interesting I'm just gonna yeah so there's no he said that he said that he's not a musician and as a comedian you're like your top 10 lists they don't they prefer comedians will prefer not to do top 10 lists your favorite band then well no that's not that's not what I said I I just say we don't prefer it I just say they don't chart there's no that you can't you can't really keep track of a you don't purchase you don't joke isn't like a commodity that's so you don't remember or you know you remember your top hits then no he's saying he really remembers them he just they don't you don't rank them it's like if you had

children you wouldn't be like hey you know John's the best and Stevie's the worst even though you know Stevie has like you know mental disability or something you would say they're the same both in your heart I love both of them even though one of them is better yeah I guess that analogy would apply if you were to re-rank your kids weekly but we that doesn't really happen and I guess unless there was an introduction of a new kid every once in a while I yeah that's not the best analogy really but um but yeah just to go back there's no I if I would you know I'd probably just sort of give them a funny look and say would be

talking about okay let's talk for a second about well we'll talk about that but many people might be familiar with you from a little thing called Mr. Show and I would be lying if I said that I haven't seen an episode or two and I'm certain I'm certain that my friends here I've watched a lot on YouTube yeah I've seen a lot on YouTube yeah we were we're fans of the show but for you know listeners that may not be familiar why don't you can you tell us a little bit a little bit about that sure it was a sketch show that ran for a couple years with Bob Odin Kirk and a bunch of other talented funny folks back

in the mid 90s me to late 90s I guess on HBO and that stands for home box office is that correct I I haven't really checked in but it used to it I don't know if that's changed I know they have came a throne on now so I don't know if that yeah it might be like one of those like with like a KFC situation where it used to be right Kentucky fried chicken and then you know the government actually made them change it because that's true the chickens are so genetically modified that they're not legally they're not legally they're not allowed to call them chickens anymore I did yeah I saw I you know I it could be

on one of those sites that I visit when I get drunk website I thought it was kinder that kinder but there's Kentucky right there's Kentucky fried chicken and then there's Kennedy fried chicken and they're right but only one of them is KFC the KFC was the one that used to be Kentucky fried chicken and then they they short right now they brought Colonel Sanders who was there you know their mascot they brought him back and now sort of to come full circle they have comedians playing Colonel Sanders we is that something you would be interested in doing you know if I am in a totally depends I doubt it but you

know I think if things progress the way they've been progressing given time I might have no other choice but to accept that offer if that was to be made now when you're saying but I mean I could also I'd hold out for Kennedy fried chicken I'd be that mascot too I I don't agree with all of her points and I haven't seen every show she's done I know she's on Fox yeah yeah yeah but I mean maybe I hold off I don't think it's I don't think it's named after her Kennedy but her name is Kennedy yeah and she's the only one that's still alive is she a part of that family do you know the Kentucky right Kennedy is Kennedy is

she wanted to get probably you know what folks probably the only Kennedy the only Kennedy that should be murdered am I right there's only Kennedy did not be murdered yeah I guess a brain tumor counts as a type of murder yeah I mean if you yeah I mean that that you know God is a murderer in that sense sure yeah hold on one second Adam we're talking about Kennedy from Fox News Adam currently the earbud situation is I have one and I have one now too yeah Adam here yeah you're saying Dave Adam has that no earbud so we were just catching him up on that so obviously you're not a big fan of Fox News how about are you

are you like a Bernie Sanders guy or yeah I was you gave up on him or well I don't think he has any viable course to become president I it's not like I gave up on him I I because I'm thinking about voting for him still okay well you that's your prerogative how about this how about this Trump guy you know I mean come on what do you what do you think about him you know I mean I I mean I wouldn't it was so who's your second choice you're going Hillary then if you can't get I I mean part of me is interested in Kennedy you know yeah maybe that's what I was getting at yeah you know a sexy lady president how about

that like a kind of a female contrarian yeah that would be cool a sexy lady you probably do you probably do pretty well with the honeys as a celebrity well I'm married so oh yeah like but before you were married um you know I certainly hung out with a bunch of honeys who's the who's the hottest woman you've ever fucked come on stop don't be gross I want to know man everyone wants to know well we're having a political you know you kind of started that honestly I just I made a comment you know there's I'm doing like you didn't even let him answer you know I'm sorry go I'll go ahead mr. Cross I apologize

it's alright you know I'm not gonna I'm not gonna really get into that I have too much respect for the women in the past what do you say women in the past you mean oh Alyssa Milano nice nice man that's I beat off the charmed all the time charmed what's the one more embrace of the vampire have you seen that movie no she is she's I didn't hear it definitely said but it I heard the word vampire so I'm definitely oh I haven't seen that she's in a movie I think it's it's embrace of a vampire oh yeah she's completely nude she's also underage in the Joey but a Foucault movie nice which that's just a tidbit I happen to know

about her not that's adds any appeal was he saying sure sure he's not saying anything with Adams got it by the way guys I don't have I can't hear I did I just got a dog and I don't know if I should change the dog's name what is the dog's name currently ISIS I wouldn't I mean is it named after the terrorist group or the old TV show at the lady I just she she's from bedside she was like used in dog fights she's a pit bull and my friend rescued her and then he had to get rid of her cuz his landlord wouldn't let him have it so I took it to my apartment and I just call her I see pretty much but you know I don't know

I feel like if I change it then the terrorists were to win you know so I don't really know yeah yeah and and it's also gonna give the dog a complex too and it teaches the dog you know exactly that that's a that's you know fear and terror work so you know you can maybe get another you can maybe figure out when you continue to call her ISIS and then if people get upset you can say you know when when the dog is out of your shot you can say oh no her you must have misheard me her name is my sis my sis yeah in the dog park and I said I got a phone call I said I'm training with ISIS right now right yeah you can you

could probably see how that might come off he did nice thank you for the input on on that I apologize if that's sort of unrelated we're not gonna ask him about fucking stops are my car got stolen recently and I don't know have you ever had that happen could you please respect I'm sorry but we have hand signals set up so that Adam and Stavros understand when it's appropriate to speak or not and he's just not he's not sorry go ahead ask him about I'm sorry Stavros ask you a question about his fucking car so we'll do that my car got my car got stolen recently I mean I didn't want to but Adam kind of put me on the spot so

yeah my car got stolen did that ever happen to you yes that sucks right yeah wasn't the wasn't the greatest thing that happened to me no what kind of car was it a Honda Civic holy shit dude that's I had a mind was a Honda Civic to stop does Honda Civic boys big what color it was a silver 98 maybe it was all you know mine was a 98 did you win when did yours get stolen I don't know um yeah this would have been probably 95 no but what year was the car oh shit I don't know a 93 maybe fuck all right well okay well you're hoping it was the same year whatever yeah that would have been cool if you guys had this thing like

imagine if you guys had the same exact type of car and they both happen to get stolen yeah then we I mean we could go to those meetings together I guess what what kind of car do you drive now Toyota Highlander Toyota Highlander that's a great vehicle that's good thank you well you know what thank you so much for coming on you're an inspiration to us and you know did you have any questions well yeah if you have any questions for us or if there's anything you want to plug or anything um you know I have zero questions for you none I and I let me give it a second city has zero questions for us no I don't have any I don't I

can't I don't anticipate ever having okay questions for you that's all right it's okay but yeah man thanks thanks for coming on we look forward to hearing and seeing all about stuff coming up and you know sorry about the tech issues or whatever but we're trying our best and you know I mean sometimes in life you just got a you you just make it work so you know thanks for hanging out with us and well we'll see you on the flip side I'm happy to be part of the experiment and I truly believe you when you say you are trying your best I believe this is what do you say I literally the best that you can do all right thanks man I actually

don't I don't know how I can't hang up the phone so no you hang up yeah we're doing like a no you hang up he probably won't even he probably wants to keep talking oh he hung up all right well did you hang up nope oh shit it's Adam's phone so if you don't here Adam can you can you help and the call thank you yeah so I just dated I they said thank you for being on the podcast I just want to say thank you for me just they didn't say that I was saying thank you so I just I like how they're not emotionally capable or physically capable or maybe even legally capable of hanging up a phone that's not theirs I

don't know he's talking it's I don't he had to do the the pin the pin number before I could get to the button but we can hang up now but yes so whenever you're ready well we're gonna hang up the phone okay oh yeah you have my number now so if you want to text me and I'll just I'll just shoot you a text on Adam's number all right see see you later thanks for coming in man okay we did it that was fucking tight I think that went good yeah dude that went great yo sick I love you guys man this is honestly I didn't think there's gonna go anywhere but we did it we talked to him I think he seemed a little mad at the

end he was doing a bit I think was he he's people like that are always on he's all he was he's always on okay yeah that went great yeah I think we had a great time with that and like we're it's like we're building relationships you know it's kind of cool in the industry man yeah so I guess we're gonna take a break and then come back with the second half we yeah we got to talk about the coop and then we guys not to fucking get your hopes up but we might give a little minister David Cross a call back all right later the grandson of Kwai Chiang Cain walks out of the past so did your great

grandfather when he was your age he teaches his son wisdom at a Shaolin temple an evil force destroyed that temple father and son each believed the other had perished 15 years later they were reunited now Cain faced new challenges and his son grew up look I'm not my father I don't do kung fu I'm a cock that's who I am that's what I do I am Cain I will help and we're back ladies in germs oh that was great it was fantastic I was like that was like mark maren level good we didn't think

that the with the headphones with only you being able to hear and then stop and I having to switch off who could hear I didn't think it would work but it was pretty seamless honestly yeah we had a positive attitude I think that's really what David you know liked about yeah no I think I think you know he understood they were like young guys trying to make it young alphas on the up-and-coming alpha per nerd alpha per nerd you guys hold on shut the fuck up for a second do you know where alpha perner comes from from Dan bulls ringing no no I mean maybe it does but the reference I'm talking about this

week it's not Dan bulls area and it's the fucking guy that shot up those cops and Baton Rouge he invented that dude have you not been paying attention to Cosmo no convos with Cosmo he has he had his own podcast what he was all over social media dude the guy who killed those cops the guy who shot all those cops in Baton Rouge was like a fucking he was like a black Twitter I guess they're called hotep guys which is like an umbrella term from what I can you know tell from context is like an umbrella term for like black people that were like all the Greeks get a Greek gods oh slow down the Greek gods I think you

mean the African gods because all the Greeks were actually black oh that's true yeah oh man I can tell you that's excuse me baby black Ludwig von Beethoven I think you mean black big because he was actually a black man you see that's the thing man these these devils they tell you in these schools the George Washington was a white man surprise he was black and he made peanut butter and somebody used to do I think it was who said I think it was Wessel Schmidt used to do that as a bit one of those one of those like edgy like fucking open my guys when I think it was him used to do a bit it's like

yeah apparently I found out some fucked up shit about the one of the founding fathers you know they all did racist stuff but apparently George Washington used to like go around in blackface and fuck around with peanuts that's a good bit yeah it's hilarious funny which actually I was on an interesting website the other day black black invention myths dot like time we have to buy that's the only stipulation for using the anthony kumia studios we have to go on that website once a week by the way folks the anthony kumia studios only has one set of headphones in the whole studio studio we're not allowed to use

their equipment that's because we're too woke we're in the bathroom at the amphia kumia studio we're in the JV no George Washington Carver didn't invent peanut butter that's not true really yeah no he he did do experiments with peanut butter but like you know he was just a guy and they do that all the time they're like oh fuck we need like a black history guy like how about him right and then they just him always he's I don't know he was a big ass scientist wasn't he like cash-trader some shit I cut his balls off that's what I heard no that was the guy they got they took away his nuts I just did with the truth

that's I just cast a truth castrated George Washington Carver that was a Benedict Cumberbatch from the guy's voice when he broke the code his voice is too deep no I really I think I castrated that guy I think I don't know dude I was watching something on YouTube some but I think a hotep guy was behind it so I just ate a pop tart and it ain't agreeing with me we all shared a pop tart and during the break you know what people were very interested in the break music from last time the break did you listen to it I listened to it oh it's because people have been asking me if you're interested it's explosive impact

featuring the theme song to the TV show Night Man explosive impact is a rant that some autistic kid uploaded to YouTube like ten years ago and people just kept downloading and re-uploading it night man night man it was a TV show so you know how like superhero movies was your name on Facebook nightmare was put that back in the thing don't lose that shit you're gonna fucking leave it on that chair and lose it I'm doing it but not because you told me to all right no night man was a so you know how we have like this is all this popularity with superhero shit now they tried to do that in the 90s and it failed and they did it

with shit like and when I say all the superhero shit I mean like you know Deadpool like no fucking Deadpool is right now Guardians of Galaxy all these like right you know my cut fucking you know comic book shit make it mainstream and they did that in the 90s with the tick I remember to take the Fox show that was good yeah they did it spawned tick was yet well spawn was super popular yeah home is new spawn is the only comic book I've ever read stop is like literally shitting himself he thinks funny but he's gonna shit himself off my he's wearing he's wearing cargo shorts they ain't got no fucking

cargoes yeah you keep the turds in them pockets got all them ox your pockets for the turds but no they did that in the 90s with the tick and the shadow and the phantom and Freakazoid yeah free well again Freakazoid you know you know what you're talking about so artistic Nick getting mad yeah well I'm not even a fucking comic book guy it's just like you know read the fucking Wikipedia page man what read every single Wikipedia page readings game that's my stance and you know that yeah I feel the same way but that's why it's a podcast dude you get to listen you don't have to read it that's actually brilliant we should tell

us the appeal yeah we should we should transcribe it as a fucking book yeah about night man though oh yeah so night man is about so it was a TV show and night man was a TV show about a guy who he's a jazz musician who got struck by lightning and now he can hear evil and then he also just becomes Batman so he has like all this fucking like tech he can fly all the sudden and he has all this equipment but like that wasn't part of getting struck by lightning I mean I'm sure they explained it but nobody gives a shit right and and the intro music is great and what I loved about the show is like I guess UP I'm pretty sure it was on

UPN UPN there's like a period where Dodge was like trying to promote or like all like all these like mopar cars were promoted through television series where they had the new night riders and that was like there was the new Dodge Durango was on that and then they had night man was that the new night rider no it was in the mid 90s it was like night riders there was a night rider reboot in the 90s with all like and I think that we might have all been all fucking like Chrysler vehicles but yeah so it was yeah that was then there was a show called Viper which we have talked about before yeah Viper because that was

like the the break music on a couple episodes ago yeah and then on night man night man's car was the Plymouth prowler you remember that that was a beautiful the open-wheel open-wheel layout fucking piece of shit yeah like teardrop car that old guys yeah what were they all purple they were all purple and then in the last model year yeah the last model year they had like yellow but for the first like two or three years the orange yeah it was all are you setting up like a funny bit or are you just no I was talking about something else but you I was explaining one thing and then you interrupt me and

I have to expound upon it then you interrupt me again and I get this backlog of shit I need to mention I'm not setting up it we already had David crossing the first half you know what if you don't want to hear me talk about fucking cars then turn off the fucking podcast what's your favorite car my favorite car of all time yeah 1987 Buick GNX why I don't know they're just cool they're cool what do they look like they're cool and like that like you know like 80s like a like a muscle revival sort of way it's like a bunch of big piece of shit old sedans that they had like performance versions of that one's

cool the 83 Hearst Cutlass is pretty cool Hearst yeah Hearst they were like a yeah like William Randolph Hearst yeah yeah yeah it's different it's a first like for dead people HRSD no not a Hearst speaking of Hearst we should watch newsies sometime not part of the podcast just newsies newsies as guys just get together and watch newsies only if we see a fucking Broadway play dude yeah well I want to watch the Christian Bale version no I want to watch the movie I want to I want to watch the Christian Bale version before he had muscles so I can obsessively monitor his progress

he made the mechanist before he did Batman how you pronounce it the machinist the machinist the machinist I said it right dude I just said it English did the machinist yeah before he did Batman begins and in that movie no it's true he did he did American Psycho before Batman begins he did oh you're right he did the American Psycho then he did machinist machinist he did the Mac there's no okay reason you should be pronouncing it how do you pronounce the pianist is it pianist do you say a dry and Brody and the pianist okay it's first of all it's the penis second of all

Adrian Brody and the machinist what's so difficult about words you got a machinist you got Pirates of the Caribbean it's them say say it's the machinist again it's the machinist that would be like a great slogan for like a craft mac and cheese it's the machinist it's the machinist baby with that dinosaur that what dinosaur oh the mac and cheese dinosaur the dinosaur that is as far as I'm concerned gender fluid the the craft mac and cheese dinosaur they never actually tell you what gender the dinosaur is and they do a very good they I think craft like deliberately deliberately obscured the gender of the

dinosaur so that everyone would want to fuck it well you know I mean I was a very like forward-thinking company in the 1990s for them to do that craft craft yeah but no what were we talking about I don't fucking Adam you're saying oh so he was in the machinist and can I have the bottom half of that pop tart it's gone saw it he farted it first of all motherfuckers after I had the least amount of pop tart here right well let's just get that straight for the listeners I love that the rapper that pop tarts come in this is like it's like still yeah well it's like yeah it's like this like very thin tinfoil but it's

plastic it's like the shit that the astronaut stuff like it looks like it belongs like like it's yeah I like how everything NASA ever made just wound up a sharper image at some point yeah yeah I heard they didn't even eat ice cream that's really like yeah why are they so smart dude if they just NASA yeah it's they just had fancy mattresses and like you know shut up NASA yo and NASA stop fucking listen to my phone calls without my permission dude fuck you all right yo oh yeah so you got this place called NASA NASA they like listen to phone calls emails this brother named n-word snowman my man n-word

snowman be telling people in NASA Paul Mooney and Ralph should have their own TV show yeah it is some good shit yeah so anyway Christian Bale was in the machinist and he lost all this weight for this movie right he gets super skinny in it and he like locked himself in a hotel is just smoking cigarettes and chewing gum to get down to that weight and drinking water he actually ate a can of tuna and an apple a day bitch that's it that's all he ate you have to eat something you gotta eat something yeah no all he was eating was a can of tuna and an apple every day holy shit and he got down to like 110 pounds or something

psycho 110 and then like six months later he showed up for production on Batman Begins like Jack 225 Jack like he had so many steroids well it's not that he did steroids I mean steroids can only do so much for you it's that like he had already been jacked prior to that movie coming out prior to the the machinist mm-hmm so he lost all that weight and then like went to put the weight back on and like you still have like you know I mean your body's just readjusting to where it was so it's like he had some sort of tragedy happen you know he got lost at sea right and his body like rehab itself mm-hmm but like a

regular person I don't think he'd gain that much weight in like seven months I think you could yeah you should try it dude you should you get jacked he just got Adam just tell him about the deal you got dude we're actually sponsored by optimum nutrition now so I got a optimum nutrition weight gainer on Amazon Prime day it's called serious mass and folks the serious part means fucking serious yeah it's 1300 calories per serving yeah scoop you per scoop that's a no no it's two scoops in a cell that's a fucking chipotle burrito in a half yeah shut the fuck up serious serious just uh yell at me would you

get amber alert no she said that they thought I said this year is part means fucking serious it's 1300 calories reserve the scoop scoop and then she said reserve that scoop scoop the scoop scoop sounds like a term a hood term who an urban scoop reserve that scoop scoop scoop scoop weight gainer yeah weight gainer have you uh Jesus look at my phone for two seconds and you guys just stop speaking well no we were talking we got I said reserve the scoop scoop scoop scoop reserve the scoop oh no we got to talk about this shooting guy man the fucking baton Rouge oh yeah that's how we got here yeah yeah yeah it's how we got the

nightmare no god so here's a podcast so listen to one episode of like 30 seconds better than our park it's much better than so much better than our podcast he's got a guy at the intro that's like are you ready to stop being a bitch to stop letting people get the best of you are you ready to become an alphapreneur well get ready for convo's with Cosmo and then he's like you know then they kill him who Cosmo I mean I assume so I mean so if you shoot yeah if you shoot the police they're gonna be like you know even if you surrender they're not gonna let you surrender and you never surrender yeah but yeah dude he's got a

podcast he's got YouTube videos this guy was great you know what's funny is you see that like the social justice tweets that he was retweeting over the last couple of weeks and they're the same tweets that like your friends like your friends and his like opinions and shit are identical to you know people that are loud on social media but hey he was the guy with courage he finally did something about it you know I mean everybody can talk yeah it's one thing to be an out look an alpha has a gun okay but an alphapreneur murders the police you got to take the initiative you got to think okay I got a gun what

can I do with this gun defend myself beta how about I invent a new way to use the gun did he have like a company other than like promoting himself like what was he an entrepreneur of just fucking dude he's out there he's fucking like selling you know waste trainers I told you about that guy I knew from from Tony told me about this guy from high school he caught up with who's like yo I got a lifestyle brand he called like mcdavids or something yes and basically it was like two t-shirts like streetwear kind of t-shirt a lifestyle that he's still he's a good story he sells online for like 120 bucks you know for this shitty

t-shirt and anyway he had an Instagram account up and basically two t-shirts and maybe stickers that he put on like right he's like hashtag pole hashtag lifestyle brand hashtag you know so anyway McDonald's finds out about I wasn't mcdavids I was something with mcd something and they find out about it they're like well it's our policy typically to buy all registered trademarks and brands that start mcd hitting so they like made him like a $40,000 off what and he looked them squarely I and said I'm gonna have to pass are you fucking joking holy shit you know that guy's at a bar being like yeah they came me they

tried to buy but not my baby yeah I'm gonna make it big with mcd's yo there's a lifestyle brand bro you know we got t-shirts stickers got tank tops coming soon you remember you remember Chris Barillac yeah Chris Barillac was this nerd comedian in DC it was he lives in San Francisco before everyone was a fucking nerd comedian oh yeah he was the guy oh fuck we're all drinking a sparkling drink in bubbly water but yeah Chris Barillac Chris Barillac he was like the nerd comedian in DC before that was a thing truly like any that is who that guy is because DC 10 years ago half the comedians were like black eyes

were Kangol hats and I knew I remember he's a day they used to stand right over there and I was staying over here and those were the days man that's how I went down yeah I was staying right here I was staying right here me and him with boys but you know I didn't I never looked him in the eye he was 14 sometimes Tony Woods called me a faggot but that was it but yeah so yeah Chris he would like he would grab the microphone with both hands and all of his jokes would be and then to the all the way to the fucking castle where the princess is like the punchline was always some you know rant or whatever I was friends with

them but he was you know like fully autistic you know like a nerd and there was no reason no no there's a point to it ties into this lifestyle brand thing is there was a show called Beauty and the geek that came out yeah and Chris at the time was running a thing called the geeks of comedy it was like a tour he did like I do geek comedy I'm a geek and I make geek jokes for geeks and they like performed it like comic-con and shit like that was the image he put forward and Beauty and the Geek it was like this reality show and on the show they make the geeks to stand up as like part of the show whoa and you know and

then you they pair you with like a really fucking hot woman yeah to fuck and the geeks don't look bad at all I mean that's like the theme of the show it wasn't like mean-spirited and they approached Chris and they were like you'd be perfect for the show and he's like I just don't want to be known for that and it's like that you already are you fucking idiot and he like he turned it down that's crazy he turned it down and then they asked him again they like came back and asked him again they turned it down again do you ever talk about on the part about that dude you know with the t-shirt company with the

hot chick with oh yeah I was some guy I went to high school with he had like he's like fucking I don't know he just didn't really do much in college and got some bullshit degree and then I think he like yeah I guess eventually graduated with like a graphic design degree and so he started like a t-shirt company and his t-shirts are online they're all fucking like yeah I mean they're just you know it's the same bullshit was like Marilyn Monroe or something yeah yeah that was it one of them was like it was like a fucking but she had face tattoos no it was like a fucking it wasn't Marilyn Monroe who was it was Audrey Hepburn

hell yeah is Audrey Hepburn smoking a cigarette and then the fucking the title of the shirt and it's just a picture of her and then screen printed yeah and it just it's called like a chick with sick yeah that's great yeah I wish I knew how to screen print actually that's like good for like merch on the road we could learn no you can't I tried what do you mean I mean I can't I tried I looked at you know I got a fucking my roommate had a screen printer and I tried to figure out how to do that shit it's difficult hmm why are we not why do we keep losing the issue here which is Cosmo is Cosmo Cosmo Cosmo I gave you so much gold in your

life fucking oh what about this other thing what about this turkey coop yeah turkey coop you know what I always saw was crazy did check this out I'm listening they got a country called Turkey uh-huh they got another one called hungry hmm put those together yeah it seems like we solve all the world yeah we'll have full yeah stomach in one country a half eaten turkey other country yeah who gets that whoo which one of us is gonna be using that in our act we'll do rock-paper-scissors for it after this rock-paper-scissors you know it's like the rock would beat paper yeah you just fucking we'll cover it you

cover it that's not beating it you cover it sorry that's like please don't stop rock just don't do it stop destroying all the scissors yeah stop for you bitch that feels like it'd be like I kind of like a Pete Holmes II sort of I think it's I think it's out there did somebody do I think that fits out yeah this is why I fucking open my comedy sucks all stand-up sucks stand-ups pretty much dead stand-up sucks Twitter Twitter pretty much replaced doing open mics for me Twitter five years ago mm-hmm yeah I could see that because all those dumb does dumb fucking like jokes that you would want to do at

an open mic when you have two minutes right and you want to say something fucking retarded right right yeah that's what Twitter's for yeah I don't know you can okay so let's let's do a thing where we go around the room right now and we all say I'm new funny joke idea that we have you want to start you start okay I got an idea all right there is okay so there's two different types of black people third black all right what's the second one seriously this is my man said my man well okay if you if you doing a voice go ahead and drop me and bomb that's the old man somebody found out that it's a

character this is a good search on Twitter and then you type in you search for an asterisk asterisk asterisk a and it's all fucking white people being like where my niggazette they censor it like no it's wrong yeah but then they do it anyways that's pretty good some extremely good shit it is that's good stuff I love saying the n-word yeah I'd like to have the podcast come to just Peter out just Peter I gotta start off with David Cross we used all our energy preparing for that god that was an emotional rollercoaster also oh we should let you guys know the coffee machine at the Anthony Kumia Studios is

broken yeah fuck yeah if CPXI wants to get on there she'll say the fucking companies sorry if the company whose studios I use without them what they're not gonna listen to it you're right but just don't they got just blowing popcorn out my company my company for man children where they have rock band in the break room please don't shit on my employer mr. Mullen so they used to be my employer so I'm allowed to shit on me too yo this company fucking fired me get this for being too smart that was the only thing you did wrong they didn't want you to be the boss that's a problem

they're just they were threatened they say he's incompetent but you know the truth is he got too much knowledge actually I heard Bill Cosby was gonna buy NBC I don't know if you that's the reason yeah taking him down he was gonna buy NBC he was rich enough oh I see what happens when he gets to bow I can't stop doing that character fucking the conspiracy theory black I can be such a shitty comic if you're a black guy yeah you go you can be like such and it's like high energy come full circle now we're like a shitty comic as a white guy yeah but not with the level of success I think like you can straight up just be

you can be a road dog as a white guy be a shitty yeah yeah that's true you can work the like you can middle for 20 years who wants to do that but you could be a you could straight up here's the thing there are so many guys just doing Richard Pryor's act oh yeah it's like 70 years it's like ridiculous like oh this is why guys like honey I think we need to go home and do our taxes honey you know you don't just be homophobic yeah straight up homophobic we talked about that on the last one oh that's right yeah but now man imagine I wish I like that's I'm envious that's a type privilege in my mind oh yeah just

meeting hack privilege there was like six months in comedy where everyone had a bane joke we're talking about what's his name Alex Alex star oh geez he always had a bane part of his yeah I'm out on this boys you're gonna beat you up you're gonna stop being worried about people beating you up stop I'm strong you got to go to the gym you got to get strong you gotta fight oh by the way there I got to see an advanced copy of the fucking million-dollar extreme show for adult swim wait just the pilot of the whole season the whole season nice go on your computer how do you have it spoil it no I'm not gonna spoil it I will

say it's fucking amazing it's yeah there is a guy who like knows them had it and he just showed it to me nice what do you mean well he gave it to me I can't like put it on the internet or anything I should I don't even know if I should have said that you probably shouldn't have whatever yeah actually I like podcast numbers you guys so you keep doing this there's only like 13 people that's a thing you ever see a guy see the numbers I said like have a podcast and it's clearly because they need someone to hang out with them yeah oh yeah dude yeah that's just straight up catching up yeah so I don't know it's like kind of a

boring weekend there's so many bought bad podcasts and like ours some of them there's like some of them that are probably pretty fucking good like convos with Cosmo right you won't hear about until the host murders police so let me tell you some if you're out there and you're doing bad numbers you know we're number 25 on the comedy charts on itunes so we're doing great we don't need to come rising but you know let's say you've never even broken the top 150 which you know what just overtook Rogan by the way too many white men the Phoebe Robinson really yeah so it's two dope girl spin-off no it's too many white men

which is so funny because the one right under that is the Joe Rogan explode too many white men talking for six plus hours wait so the show is just you're not allowed to have white men on it yeah if you read the description it's like we're gonna get a lot of like sister girls WOC's and you know I have never listened to two dope girls but I know that it's dope Queens we're two dope Queens but I know that it's remarkably popular on the itunes oh yeah well women listen to that's the problem it's a women listen we gotta do sports man do sports yeah we should do sports the woman just stays

in the kitchen and the man plays the video games that's the rule bitch cooking clean that's fucking that's good man thanks dude yeah see man fellas we've been playing the video games don't women they they say cooking but we what's that how long we do it and so you can just ask me you know I'm trying to be a pro just about probably go another five minutes or so if people want to continue listening I'm just still so pumped we had like such a good time with David and I was really the best I mean this is the best you know what it was we fucked up with Norton we like we didn't prepare we weren't ready but I

feel like we just we kept the energy up yeah I mean we got fucked up we had bad tech and then that cell phone people having people also on podcast like they're like ask the same questions I feel like we asked different kind of questions we ask different kind of questions you know we still kept it topically we could go to mark marin route and just be like talk about yourself you know okay which jazz like which which what's your so we got this cat in the what's up cat what kind of cat what kind of cat are you we got a cat in the studio so how do you feel about my cat's career how's this cat okay electronic well folks you know

that was another afternoon with the boys I think I'm allergic to the dog guys the comeboys are back oh yeah you told us how funny is that that's awesome you fucking nerd but like dog and you're allergic to it yeah but now if I get it if I get rid of the dog everyone's gonna think I'm a terrible person you ever see that Steve Harvey bit where he's talking about Sean Bell and he's like mad about John Bell and he's like that's why I don't understand why people are mad about Michael Vic he's like let a man kill some dogs Steve Harvey's the best comedian he's the number one he's so funny what the hell he just fucking he

just has the worst takes and it's the worst opinions yeah he's talking about like he's like they mad about Iraq they mad about Afghanistan saying they shooting babies over there shit send me I'll shoot the fucking baby myself he's like a baby come up on me I'll be like God Steve don't shot the baby is that a real bit a bit where in the king you've done shot the baby it's okay is that from Kings now it's like some later it's just like I don't know he has like a special comes out every year here this thing using hard work on Kings at some point he just like popped his Lego man hair off he's like I'm bald now like a

full head he must have always but it was like a Lego man wig yeah like a helmet and like pulled it off and put yeah yeah he had a bit where like he was like doing crowd work in the King special to this guy in the front who had like braids or something mm-hmm looked a little urban sure and he's like what do you do and he's like I think he said like computers or something and he's like you can't even spell computer and everyone just a stadium full of people going nuts and I'm telling a guy that he's an illiterate yeah yeah but that's so definitely smarter than Steve Harvey a guy who's like yeah yeah gotta draw

front row tickets to a stadium comedy show he's doing all right you can't even spell computer he's so good so check out the news Steve Harvey yeah special in the special thanks for also check out the first half of this podcast we got David we got David Cross coming up in the first half that you've already listened to this podcast come down bitch Oh Yay!