The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - 19

Hello. Hello everyone, welcome to another edition of your favorite podcast, Come Town. Hey there you go dude, is that your first intro? I think so. I think I tried it once and I didn't do it professionally. We got Adam on the 1's and 2's. I like the idea of a guy that doesn't know what 1's and 2's means. What does it mean?

It means like two turntables. Oh shit. Turntable 1 and turntable 2. Oh man, we should have just not told him then Stav could have been that guy. He was until this very moment. Can I be honest, that was my guess. I love guys that say things wrong. When I worked at GameStop, I worked at GameStop as a seasonal employee and then the manager

there was this guy Bill that we tried. That was your career. It's fine. What's that? We get it seasonal. That's one of your credits? Like on a stand-up lineup? Yeah.

I worked at GameStop. Seize the little play? Sure you're over there. Then I won't tell the story. Tell the story. It's funny. GameStop is a funny place. Yeah.

I'm sure the story is going to be funny. You're a good story teller. Thanks. I'm feeling bad about myself lately. No no, tell the story. I bought shorts and they don't have pockets and they make me look like a five-year-old. These are my good shorts but they're ruined. Those are your good shorts?

Yeah. Those look fucking stupid as shit. It's almost not shorts weather anymore. These are not your good shorts. Those are just the shorts you always wear. That doesn't make them good. Yeah, they have, I see like four holes in the front. They're black.

They were black but they're like bronze. Somehow your shorts are rusted. They're light brown now. Yeah, but they had rust on their shorts. How is cotton rusted? They're working. From working? From being a working man?

Yeah, from working hard. Well they look gay. Working hard, hardly working. So anyways, I was at GameStop working there. Yeah. When I worked there. And the manager, Bill, was just retarded. And I mean it wasn't like an actual retard.

I mean he's like a fucking idiot. Yeah. He was retarded. Sorry, the cat is... We don't have kingdom hearts. The cat... Yeah, yeah. Sound wee.

The cat's chewing a dead mouse in the living room right now. Yo, fuck this cat man. No, actually that's the cool cat. No, there's no cool cat. Now it's like batting it with its hand and it doesn't understand that it's dead. It's like Lenny. It's pulling a Lenny right now. If we get up close to it, it'll put the mouse back in its mouth.

Yeah. Alright, so as we're going to GameStop, I can't have to podcast your rail this quickly. Absolutely not. This is not the... I already decided the other episode is going to be the bonus episode. So this one's got to be good or... It's called the N-word threshold. Okay.

If the n-bombs are dropped, it becomes premium content. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what people said. Yeah. What's going to happen? Do we say the N-word on the bonus one? I told that story about my dad with the Australian guy.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I had to say it. I mean... Yeah, you had to. It was so funny. Yeah, guys, that's premium though. You bitch-ass motherfuckers who don't have that won't ever find it.

You're not going to hear that great story about that Australian guy using the N-word. So, yeah, when I worked at GameStop, the manager was this guy Bill. Did I already tell the story or no? I don't think so. Oh, man. So Bill, yeah. Bill would just hear people say things and then repeat them like the Big Lebowski without understanding what they meant.

And like one time he was like... Yeah, I'm planning on... I want to put these games here but then Forte these other games above them. He's like, what the fuck? He's like, you just guessed completely. He's like, no context. It sounds good. Yeah, it sounded alright.

It does sound pretty good. Forte it. Yeah. Yeah, one time he was like... He was using the word preface wrong like a bunch. Kept saying preface incorrectly. One time he just shit his pants. I know that.

I was going to ask you about it. I remember you told me that story. What happened for that again? He fucking... I came into work. First of all, this dude lived in Bel Air and the store was in... Bel Air, Maryland. Yeah, and the store was in Rockville.

Which, that's a two hour drive. That's very far. If you're lucky, it's two hours. It's a two hour drive, yeah. That's basically DC. Yeah, he would drive all the way down every morning and work bell to bell every day. He wasn't an hour. He was a salary employee.

Right. He was a manager, so he got his like $20,000 a year to manage the game stop. And so he didn't have to be there, but he would work 73 hour weeks. And I remember asking him one time. I'm like, Bill, why do you do that? And he was like, well, I'll tell you what. It impresses the district managers are all pleased with me. All of the area managers are pleased with me.

And, you know, that's the kind of thing that's important for moving up. And it's like, Bill, you don't have a college degree. You're never going to move past store manager. You don't hire store managers as like district managers. Right. You're already, you're done. You got to the top. You know, the game stop would let him if he beat Zelda fast enough be a district manager.

Yeah, yeah. That's how it works. He also told me he's like, also do loss prevention for the district, which was a lie. They don't have that, I don't think. And I have a guy that just does loss prevention. And then that store, I told you that story. That store got robbed one time. I didn't get robbed.

They had this like a frame with all like Game Boy games in it. This is already like, I don't know, it's probably like 2007. So Game Boy was really on his last legs. It was done. Yeah. So the game's costs, like if you wanted to buy them, they were maybe like three bucks a piece. Yeah. The trade in value is nothing.

So the entirety of this case was worth maybe like, you know, $4 worth of merchandise. Adam just, Adam got the mouse and he's putting it in his pocket, maybe to sell later. The market. Listen. The market template. You don't know how much these go for these days. Yeah. Watch it with the fucking wires.

I'm going to put the mic down, throw it out real quick. Okay. All right. Tell the story. I want to hear this fucking. So Game Boy, a frame full of Game Boys. Yeah. So fuck, I should have drank some coffee.

No, that's fine. This is a good story. I'm fucking it up. It's Adam's fault for stealing, forgetting the mouse. It's just. It was distracting me. I'm sorry. It was distracting everybody.

There's a fucking dead mouse on the floor. I can't see it because it's blocked by the table. It was really distracting. Thank you. We really have to call an exterminator for the Anthony Cumea studios. Yeah. It's fucking. Well, and it got in a little bit of trouble calling exterminators.

They told them we don't do black guys and just please stop calling. Yep. So he actually can't do business with any of those, any of the companies in New York City. He called every single exterminator in New York and asked them to exterminate. How do you get rid of these fucking people? I'm sure you find one. In New York? Yeah.

It's big city. Yeah. I'll do it. I got a guy for that. How big is he? Yeah. Oh, you said he was a rat wink, wink. No problem.

He just murders the guy in broad daylight. He just goes to jail. Now, I'll be seeing about that $25 you owe me. Pow. Yeah. So this fucking case with these Game Boy games and it was worth nothing. Somebody had that glass sliding doors in the front, but the comment that was like, you know, there's locks with the teeth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So somebody found that you could like wiggle them on the sides just enough to like steal like the sides of the, so they stole like 10 Game Boy games off the side. And I like just noticed it. And I told the assistant manager, John, who was like 34 and wore like an Indiana Jones hat and his like shitty face, like facial hair and like this shitty stringy hair. And I told John and Bill and, you know, I thought they'd just be like, oh, okay. And they both come over and they're like crossing their arms and like huffing and puffing and

they're like, damn it. You know, and John's looking at it and he looks at, he looks at Bill and he's like, this was probably a professional thief. Dude. Yeah. Fucking. Yeah. Ocean's 11.

Daddy Ocean. Yeah. And stole your fucking Game Boy games. Stole Dr. Mario for Game Boy. Yeah. Yeah. That shit was, that shit was so fucking funny. That's incredible.

Yeah. No, Bill shit his pants one time. I like went into the store and I had to like open with him. This is like the morning I'm tired of shit. I don't really want to be there. Of course. And I go in and Bill's like, would you mind setting that up over there for me? Thanks.

And he like turns around and walks back to the counter and as soon as he turns around, it's like on his ass, there's like shit splattered on the back of his pants. Oh no. Not like on, there's like brown like shit splattered. But it didn't make sense because you know, if you shit your pants, you shit on the other side. Right. So I don't know.

He's somehow shit on the back of his pants. He just seeped through. No. I'm assuming he had like diarrhea or something and like was rushing to pull his pants down and shit on the, he's shit on the back of them while like trying to sit down and shit. Interesting. Okay. Well, I was like, I was like, great.

This is fantastic. And so as other like employees were coming into the store that day, I'd be like, oh, yeah. Hey, Jeremy, how was your weekend? Oh, by the way, Bill shit his pants. If you want to take a look, you can see he shit his pants. I called my friend Matt and because like, you know, I'd made fun of that guy so much. Yeah.

And Matt's like, no way. He shit his pants. I was like, yeah, he shit his pants. Two hours later, I was just, you know, like stocking the shelves or something. And I just hear from behind me, my friend Matt's voice. He's like, can I tell him? I'm like, man, I didn't come to the store to see it. He's like, can I tell him shit his pants?

Yeah. That dude ran over a child on his way to work one morning. What? Yeah. He got to work like 20 minutes late and he's like, that's it. Sorry, I'm late. And he, but maybe it was a little bit long then he goes. He's like, sorry, I'm late.

He's like skidded on the ice and my car went into a 14 year old girl and she got hit up on the roof, but the police said it was her fault. She didn't have the right of way. So I was clear to come to work and I was like, Bill, go home. Yeah. There's no reason for you to be here. He just hit a fucking child. Yeah.

He ran over a child on his way to GameStop. That day shit his pants was the only day he actually left when his shift ended. Yeah. He was like, wow, three o'clock. I'm, I'm tired. I'm beat. I'm ready to go. What is that?

Oh man, I wonder what that guy's up to now. I don't know. He told me about like when I am interviewed for the job. For some reason he's like, well, I'll tell you a little bit about me. He was like, I was enlisted in the army after the army. I worked at Suncoast video and worked my way up to manager and I was there for 17 years. Jesus, I'm fucking old. But how old was he for real?

He was like probably like 37, 38. Damn. Yeah. But I don't understand why that was part of the interview process. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just hoping he's friends. Yeah. Doesn't matter.

Imagine that working at a Suncoast video. What a depressing store. We never had this. We just had Blockbuster and Hollywood video. Suncoast video wasn't a rental place. What was it? It was a video retailer. They sold like, yeah, they sold.

They sold camcorders and tapes. No, they sold like VHS tapes and like posters and shit. DVDs later. DVDs later. It was like a Sam Goody. It was exactly the same Goody. It was like a place where you could get like box sets, like compilations of shows and stuff. Okay.

Jesus dude, how can you imagine people would fucking go to the mall to a Suncoast video if they wanted to like watch season three of a show they liked? Yeah. That shit sucks, dude. Yeah. That was a whole fucking industry. Yeah. And now it's just like, that asshole doesn't have a job anymore.

Yeah. Fucking dickheads like that. You know what's funny is you think back to and it's like, yeah, but you know, you had the shit you were entertained by and you didn't think you were missing out on anything. That's true. Within the context. But I remember being like 13 and like just getting so bored I would get fucking like angry. Yeah.

You know, and start breaking shit. You know, light stuff on fire. Like that's what causes that is like fucking bored. No Netflix. Yeah. I just get pissed off that there was nothing to do. Yeah. I fucking, I remember once I got the Chappelle show DVDs, I just watched those.

That was it. Yeah. That was the time when the DVD box that was king. That was the best fucking thing on earth. Everyone in college had that box set. Oh yeah. And that's why Dave Chappelle is like super rich now. Yeah.

The first thing I ever watched online, I think was trailer park boys. Oh yeah. There's a website. It was like, no, it was on like ice films or TV, TV links. That was the website. TV links. Hell yeah. Yeah.

TV links.something. That EU. Yeah. And I watched trailer park boys on there and you stick forever for that shit to buffer. Yeah. You'd have just fucking pause it and walk away. Yeah. Yeah.

Pause it and wait. Yeah. Like a half hour and you could watch a whole fucking TV show. Yeah. I thought this is like the greatest thing in the fucking world. Watching like a TV show on my shitty like fucking 15 inch, but giant CRT monitor. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck dude. Then I would go get Arizona iced tea from CVS, which I remember thinking was healthy because it was iced tea. It was green. Yeah. No, I didn't drink the green tea. I just drank the regular iced tea.

Oh really? Yeah. I'm like, it's tea. It's healthy. It's not like soda. I think Arizona iced tea was like put in urban areas by the CIA to kill like black people. They found out about the crack. It's 99 cents.

Yeah. That's like just drink this tall boy. That's Bill Clinton's crack. Oh yeah. That was, yeah. Reagan is to crack as Bill Clinton is to Arizona tall boys. What the fuck did Obama do though? Obama just he just white people.

He made white people move to Brooklyn. Yeah. More than the crack of the Obama administration. Human crack. Hey, whoa, whoa. You guys are the gentrifiers. I live in Astoria. Okay.

Well, that's the podcast folks. Everyone, thank you so much for listening. Yeah. Please donate. Yeah. Thank you for bringing the content. If you check that shit out, we got N words for you. We just found out right before starting this that David Simon uses the N words on Twitter.

That was awesome. David Simon is hot off the press. He's on a tear tonight, you know, using the N word and defending his use of it. Yeah, we can't say it because that would make this a premium episode. He went soft A and he thought that it was okay. The way he explains it, if you say soft A N word, the interlocutor of the grammatical, I don't know, some fucking nerd. It makes it not okay to use the N word.

I feel like listen up black people. I went to college for saying the N word. I wrote your favorite show. He has literally typed out the N word on a word processor. Yeah. So many times. A million times. So many times.

That is the word he has typed. He wrote the wire with dictation software. Oh, so he shouted. Yeah. It was that early shit that he had to shout at. He only wrote the dialogue for the black people though. It would be great to hack Stephen Hawking's computer and then just throw N words in there whenever he's talking to Neil deGrasse.

You should get a weave on that. Yeah, a weave who's agreed to do the show because Sam Hyde wouldn't. We'll see if we can get weave to hack Stephen Hawking's. We should have weave on and just demand that he does that. I'm down for that. Please hack Stephen Hawking. Yeah, just give him things to hack. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, look, I'm a little, I'm even more out of it than usual because we're going to go out to eat after this and I haven't eaten for a while. Dude, I took a fucking, I took one of those, yeah, I took one of those 7pm naps where you wake up and you feel like. That is the worst nap to take. Yeah, you wake up and you feel like there's like a bunch of blood in your nose. The nap where it's light outside, you wake up and it's dark and you just have no concept of space.

I feel like you take those are the naps you take and you wake up and you're like, what the fuck? Why do I feel this way and your body was like secretly trying to die when you weren't like looking. It was like, oh, I'm not doing, I'm just hanging out. Like, why can't I feel one of my legs? Fuck dude. I mean, I know I'm getting fatter when my fucking legs go numb when I'm shitting.

Yeah, that happens to me all the time. I don't think it's a weight thing. I think it's a candy crush thing. I think it's maybe eating a lot of shit. Yeah. Do you eat your own shit? I've been eating like my shit, my roommate shit. Yeah.

But that's it. I mean, nobody else's. Yeah, you know how like. There's a place in Williamsburg that does a really good shit. You know how people like will like lock themselves in their garage with their car running to kill themselves? Yeah. Put like a hose from the tailpipe into the car.

Just do that, but with your own ass. So it's a hose that goes up your ass and then you jam the other end of your mouth. It's a gentle. But it takes like four shits for it to fill up. They just sit in the library and leave a note. You just hold a note and you hand it to people and they're like, sir, what are you doing? It's a gentle way. Goodbye, cruel world.

Put the hose back in your mouth. Fuck. I actually do have something fucking funny to talk about is I joined. When I was working at that dumb website before it got shut down, we were like, for some reason, we thought it would be good viral marketing to like join a bunch of weed groups and like fucking post jokes on Facebook. Yeah. But as a result, I forgot that I joined something called 420 BBW Freaks.

It's just a bunch of fat bitches going live on Facebook and smoking once and sucking dick and they just show it. Go check out 420 BBW Freaks on Facebook. Yeah, they probably have no way of censoring Facebook live. They have no way of censoring. And it's also it's a bunch of guys trying to fuck fat bitches on Fabbage that love weed. It's so funny. Just guys posting their like glamour shots, like just like, hey, what's up ladies?

Like, like if you like what you see, it's like he gets no likes. Yeah. And there's another guy. There's another guy who's like big, big ass dick pictures coming through. It'll be like, it'll be like a warning meme. And then in the comments, he posts pictures of his dick and the women are just like, nice. That got rules. And then I clicked on it and this bitch has just like, it's like some old white woman.

It's like pictures that like her children's graduation and shit. It was, dude, was some of the best dick pictures. Warning. Big ass dick pics coming through. That's awesome. And then one said medium sized. It was really funny. Yeah.

It's a good group. I got fucking, I like Raytheon on Facebook and the guys that leave comments on Raytheon's posts are the fucking best. Oh, yes. It's always a mustache, always a fucking baseball hat in the picture. The guys that have their, uh, their profile picture and their cover picture are the same. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Them twice. There's just one guy. I'm going to change my shit to that when I get home. Yeah. That's actually a good look.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh fuck. Yeah. Guys, don't ever do the thing where you like somehow incorporate where the profile picture overlaps a cover photo. Like, check out this guy over here or anything like that. He's pointing up.

That makes you an asshole. That makes you a stupid asshole. You look like a YouTuber if you do that shit. Right. That's the type of shit YouTubers. You got to go, you got to really up your social media game and think about these things. Oh yeah. Yeah.

For example, post nude pictures of yourself. That's what I do. Shouts out to D. Guerrero's. Took some good ass pics of me. You'll see him soon, gang. If you follow me on Instagram at staveybaby. S-T-A-V-V-Y. Baby.

Jump in those DMs. Try and fuck me. What do you say? That took pictures of you. I read into her today. Nomi, also great. Nomi. Nomi photo.

Check her out. Now I'm just fucking. No means no. No. No means no. Nomi photo. I don't think she knows your name is Stave or Stavros, so she just kept calling you Stavey. Some people call me Stavey.

Anyway, Stavey was over like two weeks ago and we took some. We did a session for maybe hour, hour and a half. It was just so great to work with. I was telling Stavey, I have this huge loft. You guys should do shows at my house. Why does she have a loft? She's rich. Is she rich or does she?

She's rich. She's not a business out of there. She's really rich from, she runs a business where she takes sexy pictures of men. It's like, and women, I guess. It's called like booed war for talking to fruit. If Stave puts her out of business. Absolutely. Isn't that the technology?

No, I wouldn't because I'm hot, bitch. People want to fuck me. Get this gas cat off my ottoman. I think she gets royalties from, she's worked for like Thompson Reuters or some big shit. Like anytime they run a picture of her, she gets a check. Nice. I wish I had that. You wish you had a photo.

Apparently you can make a lot of money. My bit, like whenever I meet a photographer, like my asshole bit that I obviously repeat every single time I meet a photographer is they say, oh yeah, I'm a photographer. I like always just take my phone out. And I'm like, yeah, me too, buddy. Me too. That is a good bit. Does that go over?

No, they hate it obviously. My favorite shitty open mic bit is when people are like, yeah, when I tell people a comic they're like, can you do a bit for me right now? And it's like, you're not a comedian. I hate that. There's nothing I hate more than that shit, dude. You wouldn't go up to a doctor and be like, yeah, just do some surgery for me right now. Actually, you would.

If there was a fucking emergency that happened, if a fucking bomb went off, they would immediately be like, who here's a doctor? Fuck, that is hilarious. God damn, that's funny. The doctor would be like, what is this guy, a comedian? Why don't you make the comic do it? I'm not at work right now. You piece of shit.

Quick, this man's in dire need of laughs. Back off, pal. God damn, I hate open mics. I fucking hate open mics. I hate stand-up comedy. I hate myself. I wish I was dead. Yeah.

No, I'm with you on that one. I was dead the most out of us. Probably me right now. I think it fluctuates. I think you have- I'm on a high, actually, recently. Yeah, I'm doing bad this week. I was doing bad a couple weeks ago.

I was doing bad about it, but I really do a lot of the time, just wish. You're on a nice even keel, though, where you're semi-depressed, but then you'll fuck like women for no reason that are hot as shit, and you'll still pretend to be sad. Well, I'm having an affair now. Even though you're smiling. Oh, are you? Yeah. Well, I'm the mistress.

I had a whole bag of chipset and fell asleep on floor. On the floor. I didn't do anything. I bought plexiglass on Amazon today, and then I fell asleep on the floor. Really? That's the level of depression on that. That's pretty bad. But this motherfucker's talking about being a Goomar, dude.

He's fucking cucking somebody. Well, I'm saying I'm winning. You're winning, yeah, but I think this is pretty interesting. He's cucking. Yeah, go finish your story. I mean, that's it. Stav said something really true to me about it, which is that you ultimately just start feeling like they're cheating on you with their boyfriend.

Oh, now he's trying to beat you with his hat. The wisdom of a large woman. Stav wrote that. You should be on the view. I would love to be on the fucking view. I would love that shit. They should just rebrand the view. What if you thought the view was about fat people and not women?

He thought it was like, yeah, it's a show for old fat people. This doesn't work, because they have those young- They have a couple of hot Republican bitches. Yeah, the Elizabeth Hassel. She's been off the show for a while. She's been gone. But I feel like there's always one hot Republican, right? Yeah, I think.

I don't know. I haven't watched that show with any kind of... Has it been really on for 20 fucking years? That's crazy. Yeah, I remember when it debuted. Me too, which is fucked up. It used to be Barbara Walters, right? Barbara Walters.

Barbara Walters, Rosie O'Donnell. No, she came in and out. Whoopie Goldberg. Whoopie was there. Yeah, I do mean Oprah. I did have to think about it. You know, I think sometimes I make myself laugh, the thing about being the color purple,

but then I think I call her in my head the smell purple. I don't even know what that means, but it makes me laugh. Nice, man. The smell purple. The smell of purple. The smell instead of the color. Why does Oprah keep trying to act? She's still doing that?

She's about to be in a movie again. I mean, you're fucking rich as hell. What is she trying to act in? She'll pop up in a movie, everyone. She was in the butler. She was. She was weird. I think she produces movies,

and then she forces them to make her act, to let her act. She's in those. Get the fuck out of there, Oprah. Yeah, that is weird. And she's like... She has the worst production company name. Harpo?

That's the most retarded shit in the world. Also, it's a Marx Brothers name, too. And it's just her name backwards, right? Yeah, that's her name backwards. So stupid. Our production company name is way better. Stovskay, LLC. I would fucking love it if that was the production company name.

I might do that. I got to talk to that CPA. Yeah, hell yeah. The Child Pornography Authority. Yo, is this... Okay, I just put it together the other day. Is sports authority supposed to be a port authority party? Yeah, you texted us back.

I think it is. That's the dumbest shit I've ever... No, it's not. I think it is. What about bus terminals moves sports merchandise? I don't know. When was Sports Authority started? It was either going to be that or Bad Lieutenant Sports of Call New Orleans.

Sports of Call. That was the other name for the store. When was Sports Authority started? After Port Authority. Dude, I don't know which one was first in the store. The concept of a port authority. As a little kid, dude, the dream was to get fucking locked in a sports authority overnight and like... And molested?

Yeah, get fucked by the day. Yeah, but then they hold along robbers and fucking tie your legs to basketball hoop and make you suck their dick. Put a bowling pin up my ass. Dude, imagine though. Show them a bunch of fun tarts. I fucking farted them out. That was the dream, man. Being molested in a real fun, chill way.

That was funny the moment I was going to say so. I just love sports. Dude, just getting locked in. Did you ever want to be as a little kid get locked in places? No, my god. And like have your run of the place? If I was locked in a whole food. I used to have fucked shit.

Exactly. In a whole foods? A whole foods. The department store was the best. The most shit. Yeah. The most different shit. But a sports authority was fun. Like you would fucking dunk and you could just like play with all the shit.

Oh yeah. Trampling. I used to have a fantasy that I would do repeatedly in my head. And it was a weird like, I don't know. I would have a recurring dream that every window and door in my house like that led to the outside. If you open the door, there was just a giant ass. It was like a nightmare that there was a giant ass that was like jammed in there. The goofiest nightmare of all time.

Yeah, yeah. So you couldn't leave the house because there was these giant like asses being like shoved through the windows and doors. Is this a dream or a fear? That was the dream. I can't remember. I just remember that was a prominent part of my childhood. And you felt scared of the asses.

Yeah, yeah. I couldn't, there was no way to leave the house because of these asses or whatever. And then there was this other fantasies to have that there was like an underground tunnel I could go in. I had like my own panic room, like my own panic control room with like, you know, monitors that let out everywhere. And I could kill people with like remote machine guns and those kind of things. Now that sounded more like a huge fantasy.

No, I actually talked to a couple of people and like numerous people had that. Really? You know, it's funny. I bonded with a friend of mine over like a couple of serial killers in junior high. I remember I used to fantasize about having like, what was that movie? Like, I don't even think I saw the movie, but just like there was like a, it was like kids had watches that could stop time. I don't know.

Clock stoppers. I think that was the name of the movie. Oh yeah, it was Time Stop. Time Stoppers. Something like that. I didn't see it, but I understood the concept. Yeah. And I remember like in middle school thinking about like, how cool would it be if I could

stop time and then have sex with every girl. I know dude, I thought that too. Yeah, have sex with every girl in the class and then sit back down at my seat and then start time again. And then you would just see every girl in the class suddenly just be like, oh, and then I know what happened and I'm just sitting there just super relaxed. You just come at times. Yeah.

I just took like nine days to work my way through the entire classroom. Oh boy. Yeah, that was on heavy rotation, stopping time and touching titties all the time, dude. Yeah. It was fucking awesome. It's just rape. That's rape. That's what I was gonna say about rape.

You're just dreaming of rape at an entire school. It's not rape if it's hypothetical. Because actually, you know what, that is like a fun physics question about would consent exist outside of a construct of space time. Whoa. I'm serious. Dude. Would the concept of consent exist?

Because here's the thing. The problem was rape or any crime or any crime, right? Any kind of violent crime is like traumatizing somebody. You're hurting them, right? Right. But that only becomes apparent through consequence. So if you stop time and time doesn't exist and you fuck somebody, the effect is true. Well, that's not true because if you rape someone while they're sleeping, they don't

realize it. No, no, no. They wake up and realize it. They wake up. They stop time. So time, so if there's no- But then how would you rape if there's no time? Yeah.

If you can't say something occurred because it happened outside of the realm of occurrence at large, then there is no crime. Right. Yeah, but then would you just live out the rest of your life in the stops time? Because as soon as time resumes, then it's rape. No, because that didn't happen to them. I guess technically, Nick, you're right. So you could rape that way.

Congratulations. No, no, no, no. What do you mean? And then cut through a scene of me storming out of a courthouse and everyone's cheering. They're reporters. They're taking pictures with me. Your arms raised like Rocky. The greatest scientist of all time.

I've been working for 40 years in a lab. So you could rape people while time is stopped. You devoted your entire- You had one of the finest scientific minds. That's really a beautiful mind. That's what that movie's about. Nick, you truly have. The mind may be beautiful, but that ass.

That's the parenthetical title of that movie. Goddamn. That's the sub title. Subheader. What is it? No. I'll tell you what, boys. I am excited to make some use of this Craig Masterjig.

I've had my eye on it for a while now. I'm going to be cutting a lot of pocket holes and dowels in the next couple of weeks, folks. If you own the Craig out there and you're looking for some project ideas, follow me on YouTube. It's the official Daily Stormer account. Maybe every 100 videos or so I'll do a woodworking thing. But watch all of the videos. It's important you listen to what these guys have to say. I know genocide may seem like a scary word, but if you really think about it, it's kind of necessary.

What's happening to us right now? Yeah, we're being white genocide. Oh man, I was really disappointed that the police shot another unarmed black guy today. Did you see that? On the day after the terrorist? Yeah, let me have one day. Where I get to be like, I told you so. I fucking knew it.

And then that, you know what, it was a lady cop that did it. Of course. A lady cop. Yeah, she's like, I got to take one for the team. Yeah. I got to do this and make this happen so that we can go back to... I didn't even fucking realize, man, that's quite a shame what they're doing to black. I'm trying to remember his name.

Terrence Howard keeps popping back in my head. Terrence Howard has a micro penis, by the way. Is that a fact? Yeah. What do you mean, the actor? Yeah, Terrence Howard. He has like a micro penis. No.

Yes, he does, dude. What do you mean he does? How do you know that? You guys talk for a second. I'll pull it up on my phone. Okay. But there's no way that guy's got a fucking micro. He has this weird thing about...

What's the math thing? Zero plus zero equals one? I have no idea what you're talking about. He has this weird thing where one times one is two. That's what it is. What do you mean he hasn't? He's like... He says a lot?

He's just bad at math? What does that mean? He's really bad at math. No, but he's like very confidently bad at math. Okay. He's like, I have this theory. I'll look it up after Nick pulls up this guy's dick. Okay.

You mean that thing, that contradiction in algebra where you can prove that one equals two? Was that what it is? I mean, maybe that's the thing they show you in junior high. Is that a real thing? Really? I don't remember. I remember when I took algebra, they showed you that one...

Fucking nerd. You know fucking algebra? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not anymore. Bitch. All right. I could see him.

I guess he seems like the kind of guy... Oh, he's bad. I shouldn't say. He could be the kind of guy who only eats pussy. Yeah. No, in his divorce. Get this. In his divorce, he was, and this is just me, I'm staring at a picture of his dick right

now while I'm telling you this. Show me. I will afterwards. So, in his divorce, he was saying that his wife was blackmailing him and saying that she was going to tell everyone about his tiny little dick in the divorce settlement. What do you mean? That was in the court documents. But then he did a naked scene in a movie.

Look at this shit, dude. Adam, pass me that? No way. Yeah. Why would he agree to do a naked scene? No. Look at that, look at that. Are you sure this is real?

That's real. Let me see. I got a bigger dick than Terrence Howard. They wouldn't give him a fake micro penis. No, but this could be photoshopped. It's not photoshopped. It's a scene in a fucking movie. I can't understand how small this dick is.

Let me see it. But why would he agree to do it in a movie? I don't know. What? No. That's pretty cool. That's a pretty cool micro to pee. What the fuck?

No. I guess now we know why it's so hard out here for a pimp. No way this is real. Folks said it's a reference to the movie Hustle and Flow, which came out in 2005. 2005. Was it? Very overrated movie. I thought it was okay.

I thought it was kind of a piece of shit. You know what I want to watch again? Training Day. Terrence Howard believes one times one equals two. So he created his own language. If you believe the rules of basic arithmetic, Terrence Howard... I mean, you know, it's like not the biggest dick I've ever seen. No, that is a tiny, tiny dick.

It's a bad angle. You can throw it to me. I got an Otterbox. It's a bad angle, but he's probably, you know... Damn, that is a pretty small dick though. Yeah. Poor guy. I mean, here.

Look, in this one, all you can see is his balls. There's another one? Yeah. All you see is his balls. Oh my God. He's completely invisible. All right. This is not good...

This is not good broadcast material. Well, when we do... We were all looking at that picture of Arthur Chew. People seemed to like it. Did they? I forgot we did that. Arthur Chew is a micro penis. Well, duh, of course he does.

That's not news at all. Yeah. It would be weird if he had like a bigger than four inches dick. All right. After seeing his shoes, I love the idea of Arthur going to like, fuck a girl. And somehow he like, shoves the condom halfway in his ass. And he's got like, the wrapper jammed down his dick hole. He's like, okay, I'm ready.

I'm ready to do this. All right. This is what Terence Howard says about one times one. He said, how could it equal one? If one times one equals one, that means that two is of no value because one times itself has no effect. One times one equals two because the square root of four is two. So what's the square root of two should be one, but we're told it's two and that cannot

be. That's that two isn't the square root of two. No, it's like, it's like one point, something weird. He's fucking stupid. He's got a little ass dick. Yeah. I'm glad. I'm glad they replaced him in Iron Man with maybe that's why maybe he's just thinking

with his dick, folks, because it's small, his little ass dick, Nick's doing a thing like he's whispering. Yeah. Well, that does pick up. Oh, it does. Yeah. I didn't know that. People can tell there's an acoustic difference.

I'm doing it now. You pieces of shit. Yeah. That's a, I feel like this makes things funnier if you do that. I've been doing this a lot actually recently. Yeah. This, like, like, uh, like you're trying to stop other people doing it. Yeah.

It's a fun. Like your hand is blocking the sound from exactly. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's cool. This is also good radio. I feel like I've been on point tonight. You've been great.

You've been good. Thanks guys. You've been really caring. I've been so depressed lately. So I needed that. Yeah. I'm thinking about getting into cheese. It's not a bad thing to get into.

Like stinky stuff. Like French. I just, I'm thinking about, I really, I really was in the mood tonight for some cheddar and triskets. Okay. This podcast is brought to you by Rosemary and Olive Oil Triskets. The Triskets for, uh, not gay guys, the rest of the Triskets, you better be, you're gay. I love Rosemary and fucking.

You know what I understand? Why Trump doesn't just say, like, look, if you don't vote for me, you're a faggot. Because the people that aren't going to vote for him that would still would fall for that. You know what I mean? You saw the jelly beans. That's the perfect way to solidify his base. Like vote for Trump or you're, I would love, imagine gay, imagine seeing fucking billboards that say that just like Trump or you're gay in major American cities is not completely

out of the realm of possibility. This is the new dicks out for Harambe. Yeah. Vote for Trump or you're gay. Vote for Trump or you're gay. I think this could be something. Did you guys hear that when they arrested the terrorists that did the bomb today? He said, dicks out for Harambe.

That was the last. Did he? Yeah, he said it. He said, I hate Brandon so much. He said, I was, uh, he said, he said, the person that inspired me the most to commit this act of terrorism is Brandon Gordell. I mean, he could have said that. The guy was a psychopath.

He's not a real Muslim. Any Muslim that commits any kind of, uh, when he jumps a turnstile, you know, doesn't pay his taxes, they're no longer Muslim. That's true. In fact, the only real Muslim is the, is the guy from the night up. That actor. It's the only one guy who's a good boy. Yeah.

He was a good boy. And Adnan. Also a good boy. No. No. Adnan did it. So he's Christian. Adnan's a bad boy.

Yeah. Adnan's Christian now? Yeah. I didn't know that's how it worked. Christian by guilt. Adnan did it, by the way. I didn't, I never watched that. You didn't listen to cereal?

I don't give a fuck about cereal, dude. Well, it's great, actually. It's like, it's actually, what got me in, I didn't listen to cereal season one is what got me in the podcast. I listened to it when I was moving once. What do you mean? That was fucking two years ago. Yeah.

That's where the, that was the first podcast I listened to cereal. Yeah. That's weird. I was like, okay, maybe this isn't like such a stupid thing. You're like a fucking Midwestern mom. That's what they were saying. Like the first podcast, the podcast has been an industry for like, people were doing it for how long?

Like 10 years. I listened to a handful of what the fucks, I never really cared for it. Yeah. You know, I'm really good. But you also hate Marin. What's that? You also hate Marin. Yeah.

I didn't listen to Race Wars when I was on it. Yeah. I had probably been on like seven podcasts before I like actually got into listening to podcasts. Yeah. I can't listen to the ones that I'm on that's fucking weird. Yeah. No, it is weird.

Who does that? I don't know. What kind of fucking psychopath does it? Little Dick Terrence Howard ass motherfucker. But yeah. So, no, cereal is great because there's one episode where like the whole, the whole the prosecution's case hinged on their like structure of like how, like their time frame of how like the crime went down.

And there is a like 21 minute window where Adnan can't be accounted for and neither can like Heyman and like they just have to go based on like Adnan's story. And the prosecution says like, okay, this is what he did. He left the school. He, you know, met up with her here at Best Buy. Yeah, Best Buy choked her out in the car and then dumped her body in the woods and then went back in time for football practice or whatever. And that was, that was what happened in the 21 minutes.

And so you're like halfway through a cereal and, you know, they cut to like Adnan on the prison phone. He's like, you know, I just don't understand how I could have, you know, ever had the time to do that. You know, I mean, it just doesn't make sense to me how I could do that. She's like, well, what did happen Adnan? And he's like, you know, I honestly don't remember, you know, that's his whole thing. He's like, I don't remember.

And then she's like, that's what makes him so credible is that like, he doesn't have an alibi. And it's like, okay. And then so I don't disagree. I, you know, I don't either. I don't remember what I did yesterday. But there's this idea that like convicts don't fucking lie to people like they're not really good liars.

Right. Well, no, convicts are, for the most part, pretty bad liars. A small percentage of them are sociopaths and they're incredible liars. Most of them aren't very good at lying. I think so. You do? They're pretty good. Yeah.

I think any, any person that I've like met that has like spent like, you know, a decent amount of time in like prison, they're usually good at lying. They're usually liars. I would agree with that. Yeah. Well, he hadn't spent time in prison. He was just a. Yeah.

He's a murderer in Syria. I guess he was anyhow. Yeah. So there's one episode where they like, she's like, so me and Dana decided to follow the prosecution's timeline and see how long it would take. And they like time it. And they're like, okay, we're leaving. They actually leave the school.

They do everything that she said he did. And then they get to the phone booth where he makes the phone called it ends. And she's like, and time. And she looks at the watch and she's like, okay, 22 minutes and 30 seconds. It's like, it's almost like pretty much like, you know, it's like a minute off. And then they tell Adnan and he's like, well, that, hmm, okay, you know, but yeah, no, he definitely killed that girl. Do you think Steven Avery did it?

Steven Avery absolutely did it. Look, any kind of thing, any kind of justice documentary is bullshit. They're all bullshit. Steven Avery, guilty, Adnan guilty, Robert Durst innocent. True. Yeah. He's 100% innocent. There's something about Robert Durst.

I don't know what it is that Adnan just was not. I can't put my finger on it. Steven Avery kind of rose that joke. Oh, I guess. Yeah. But I like where you're going with it. Well, Robert Durst is Jewish. You could go that route.

Yeah. I suppose. There you go. Well, then that's bad also though. Yeah, it is. No, it is good. Steven Avery is something different. I told you guys, right?

And O.J. was going on, my father just went absolutely crazy about the trial like a lot of people. That's not very remarkable, but he did not believe O.J. Simpson killed his wife. He was like the only white man in America, and he was just sitting at home going absolutely nuts. No, it was pretty evenly divided. Like white people were like, yeah, he did it like rich white people didn't want to believe well.

I just had my finger directly on the pulse of America back then when I was five years old. Yeah. No, I really understood the zeitgeist at the time. The people I talked to at work when I was five, no, you watch those reaction videos, watch the reaction videos like from the world star ones from the 30 for 30. No, no, watch the reaction videos from the 30 for 30, I didn't say the 30 for 30. It's in.

That's insane. It's literally white people just weeping about Nicole and then like black people just going. Absolutely. Yeah. Like so excited. That dad is such a funny character. The guy that they got to play the dad in a TV show looked exactly.

What about my son? Exactly like the real it was so funny. What's his name? Goldman. Yes. Dead son. Okay, guys. Well, it's our monster truck check in time now ready for the monster truck minute.

Actually, we should probably take well, I don't want to. I've been enjoying not taking breaks because then I then I don't have to fucking find some gay bullshit to put in the middle of the show. Yeah, that's fine. Let's find out what we've done on a small caffeine world going out to dinner after this. I can't go to yes, I can just we'll grab something quick where I don't know we're going to a diner. I have my bike going to Danny's diner that Danny's Danny's delicious diner down on

the block on decal. Is that place open on decal? I don't fucking know. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm trying to fill time. You're both falling asleep. All right. No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, guys. We did a podcast late last night and then I'd be up at seven this morning. Yeah, I got to go build a goddamn fence tomorrow. I'll be up at six a.m. Really why? I don't know. I told my online helper put a gate where Westchester no and Hell's Kitchen Hell's Kitchen. Yeah.

Yeah. What kind of gate? Like a wrought iron gate? No, it's just like a stockade gate. It's like we're out. Yeah. It's in like it's behind the apartment. Oh, behind the apartment.

No one has like a wooden front gate in New York. No, no, no. It's like where her garbage cans are. Yeah. It's all wrought out. Are you getting into iron work? That'd be cool. I want to learn how to weld, build a fucking robot, get those robot fights with my giant

robot that I built. Hell yeah. Yeah. Get an angle grinder. I guess my new thing is just making sparks. That's the coolest shit, do you know what? Do you guys remember David Letterman had that woman that would fucking do sparks? Yeah, yeah.

Remember that shit? Yeah. She would grind this shit on her pussy. Yeah, yeah. I remember beating off to that a couple times. Really? Yeah. Because you could see like a real high up near her pussy.

She had like a real angled bikini bottom. A real, yeah. I don't remember that bit. The only one I remember is Will It Float. That's fucking. He did some great stuff. God damn it. He was the best person to do that very, very stupid job.

Nah, dude, Jimmy Fallon. He's the best. Shut up. I love that everyone was mad that Fallon had Trump on. They're not mad that he had Trump on. They're mad that he like flirted with Trump. Didn't even ask him. Trump's a great guy.

Shut up. He says we're all thinking, you know, he really, he, look, listen, he really understands people. Okay. In a way that other people don't. He's a blue collar billionaire. Yeah. You know.

He's the blue collar comedy tour. He's all for those guys. Exactly. Exactly. Did you see Larry the cable guy on Fox and Friends? So good. I think we talked about this on another time. Look, Hillary Clinton is going to ruin the country.

He went, yeah. Oh my god. We got to get her out. Done. Get her, get her finished. You got to get her done. Yeah. He went in character to a fucking man, Dan Whitney, you mean?

Yeah. He was in and out of character. I don't even know. Have you ever seen Dan Whitney videos like before? Yeah. Of course. Yeah. It's just a regular guy.

Mike Diesel used to pretend that he knew him before he was Larry the cable guy. That's awesome. Well, he was a Florida standup. No, he's like a Florida guy who called into a radio show. He would like call into radio shows as different characters and eventually the Larry the cable guy character was a hit. Get the fuck out of here. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't think he had much of a career before that blue collar comedy tour thing because Jeff Fox where they blew them all up. Yeah. Ron White's the one that it's like cool to like. Ron White's the only one that was like actually any funny comic, too. Tater Salad.

Yeah. That guy's real funny. Bill Engvall, baby. Bill Engvall, the Bill Engvall show. Yeah. Everyone gets Bill Engvall. When women pee, they look like they're waiting for a bus. Why are you watching women pee?

Why are you supposed to look interesting while they pee, Bill? What the fuck is your point? Oh, fuck. Oh, you know what we didn't talk about? What we said we were going to talk about on the bonus is Irwin, dude. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah, we should have a little Irwin.

That's how it goes. That's a fucking good one. Yeah. I just mentioned Mike Diesel and I forgot completely about Irwin. Irwin. He changed it to. He did? Yeah.

Why did you change your name to that? I guess he doesn't want people to know that he's Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Irwin and the way the guy looks. Irwin. Yeah. This guy looks like, if you've been following me on Twitter for a while, back when I was

Eddie Cum, my avi was Irwin hanging off that swing set. Where did you find that? That's the greatest picture I've ever taken. That's such a fucking. He takes the best picture. He's awesome. I've seen him with him just sitting in a chair and at the back of a stage. He's morbidly obese.

Morbidly fucking obese. He has a mustache. A mustache. He looks like, he's like, I look like Ron Jeremy and he does, but like, looking like Ron Jeremy isn't a good thing. Right? Ron Jeremy. He's a good looking guy.

He has one good part in his body and it's not, it could be an ugly. Just some fucking guy that never fucks and just like works it at who knows where. Yeah. He ran into some fucking, he's a, he used to run open mics in DC. He ran the EJ's landing. Yeah. Kaleidoscope comedy. Kaleidoscope comedy.

What the fuck name is that even? I don't know. Yeah. I feel bad with Irwin cause he's just like a guy that sucks at comedy. He's not like, right. And I used to be really fucking, I used to fucking bully the shit out of that man. And I was like 17 years old and he was 40. He did.

He hosted the first open mic he ever did and he was like, what, how do you think I did? To like me and Jordan Owens and Jordan's like, yeah, just keep at it, man. I was like, honestly. And he was like, yeah, I was like, you have no business doing comedy. I was like, I know it's your first time, but like you're just really not fucking funny. That's hilarious. Like there's nothing in your person. You really said that to him?

Yeah. I was mean as shit. That's incredible. I was like, there's nothing in your personality that resembles like a funny person. Yeah. I don't like, you don't have like the prerequisite, you know, a sense of humor to be a good comedian ever. There's so many people probably like that.

I know. But I was like six, seven months in and I'm like, yeah, who's junior over here is first open mic because I also remember that was like, I think Jason Weems was just getting started. Yeah. He'd been doing comedy like one or two weeks and he did that open mic and he did like 20 minutes. And crushed.

Yeah. And it was so funny. Crushed. Well, no one was there. No one was ever at that mic. I'm sure. But he was like incredible. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Weems is fucking hilarious. Yeah. Irwin is. I feel bad telling. I can't. I don't know if I can.

Oh, you got a real good one. Yeah. I don't know. Because I already said his name. I said his whole name. Yeah. It's pretty fucking damning story. Anyway, let's talk about another guy.

Do you know any stories about a different guy? Oh, yeah. This guy, Irwin Dickfield. He sets a cousin. I forgot about this. This guy. Yeah. So, said Dickfield.

That's a friend named Irwin Dickfield. And they're related to each other. What happened? What happened to Irwin Dickfield? Oh, yeah. So, Irwin Dickfield one time. Yeah. This other guy we know.

He's like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. This other guy we know. He is this fucking, this big idiot roommate. This guy, Chris, that was like, who never worked. He just was always on the couch in their apartment. Like, this guy was like 6'11". And he would just take up the entire couch, just lay down and playing like, he's playing some like online, like Final Fantasy Online or something in the dark with the air conditioner

set to like 50 degrees. Yeah. And he'd be like, what's going on kid? He'd say, he had this like weird accent. He'd be like, what's going on kid? How you doing kid? And he'd be like, Chris, what do you do? He's like, I sell beer for the Redskins.

This is the job he said he had. At the stadium? Yeah. But he never left the apartment. So I don't think he was employed. We're watching the Redskins on TV right now, dude. Right now? No.

I'm like, he says that. Oh. Oh yeah. Okay. It's on TV. You can't just fucking wake up to sell that bit at all. Sorry. What if he was like, what if he said this?

So yeah, I guess they were at like a bar one night and that guy had been hitting on this woman that was like obviously a lesbian. Oh really? Yeah. And I heard this story from like three other people and it's about a fictional guy. Yeah. It's about this guy. This guy did Seth's cousin.

So Chris, the roommate had been hitting on this fucking, this woman that was like clearly a lesbian at the end of the night, she like goes home to do lesbian shit. He's like, ah, struck out or whatever. And that fictional guy and his girlfriend are like, well, you can come have a threesome with us. I guess. Oh man, I don't know, I can't, I can't, you're in too deep dude. It's too late.

It's too late. No, we gotta, we gotta switch. This one's gotta be the premium one. All right. This story is too fucking mean. I've told it to like maybe, and I didn't even know. I heard it like third hand, you know. It's too late.

You tell it. You've heard the story. No, no, because it's already fucking gossip. It's not my story. Somebody told me. Stop it. I don't know if this is right, but so apparently this guy Erwin Dickfield invited me. It's this, uh, this giant mongoloid back to his home, uh, to have a threesome with him

and his girlfriend and, uh, apparently Erwin Dickfield, uh, was just beating off while, uh, this man just savagely fucked his girlfriend. Yeah, I guess somebody said he couldn't get it up or something. Yeah, he just, he couldn't get it up. He was just diddling himself. He was just like fingering, rubbing his penis like it was a clit while a man fucked his girlfriend. That's a well-known kink though, like the cuckold thing, yeah, the fuck my wife thing.

Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, this is something that, this is something that Erwin, that Dickfield is into. I feel so bad. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to bleep his last name. Okay. That's good.

Yeah. The anti-Semitic come town fans account was going to find him though, I'm sure. Yeah. He found Stav's office. Yeah. I don't know how he did that. You like, you didn't even see, yeah, but he didn't even say it. Like he was like, yeah, I mentioned like briefly in passing and he somehow found it.

That's hilarious. Yeah. Good for him. And at Stav comedy, at Nick Mullen, at fucky kikes, not nose, piece of shit. Oh man, that is, how many of our fans do you think are just anti-Semitic or like alt right? A lot of them, cause a lot of them come over from when me and Stav did the Akumia. Oh, I guess you guys see the spike after that.

Yeah, of course. I mean, I stayed heavy promoting this shit on all of the bad boy networks. Yeah. I promoted on. They've been waiting for a Puerto Rican Ralsing podcast. Yeah, the Puerto Ralsing is back. We haven't been hitting that as hard, but this is the number one MMA podcast in New York. When Lance Colt fights, uh, Dirk Benson next week at UFC 82.

I can't wait. He's going to choke them out. Dirk, we're talking real, real, real naked chokes. We're talking arm bars. Kemosabes. Kymora. Kemosabes. Fucking.

Reverse cowgirl. Adult karate, dude. Reverse cowgirls. What if that's how you won? Yeah. That's a submission miss. Yo, there's this guy. He's got a black belt.

Okay. Fifth degree. And he's, you know, full contact. We're talking big, big time, baby. And I cannot wait to see that fight. You ready here for her? Yeah. We're actually on the premium content.

We're starting a new MMA podcast called Hammer Fisting. Yeah. So you're going to really want to check that out. Oh, how can I fuck with Nick Mullin? My friend. I'm thinking about punching him in the fucking head. Is that a good prank? Yeah.

That's a real, that's a good prank. You can't troll me. Nobody trolls me. Lewis. Uh, Jay Gomez. Who's that? Uh, you mean Lewis Dickfield? Yeah.

Lewis Dickfield, go, Lewis D. Gomez, Lewis Dickfield, Gomez. Lewis D. Gomez. There should just be a town called Dickfield or Dicktown. Dicktown. Dicktown is the podcast. Yeah. Dicktown is the alternate universe. Did you listen to Seth at his own podcast?

I heard it, man. I can't believe he broke into the Anthony Kumi studio. Yeah. Yeah. The podcast. Who is that, uh, the Chinese? He's got a great co-host there. I don't know.

I think that guy died. I think, uh, I heard from somebody else. I mean, I don't know the plan, but I think Seth's just going to have a different POC guest. Oh boy. Every week. Easy. Oh, well, you know, hopefully, well, that's fine if that's what he plans to do, but I mean,

we're going to lock up the equipment real tight. So, I don't know if we can get another one, but maybe his cousin Ralph might be able to help him out. Yeah, I think Ralph might actually come by. He's done a couple of beanies. Yeah. I think. Ralph might swing by, have a couple.

Or maybe his, maybe his friend, uh, you know, Erwin Dickfield. Erwin, Erwin and Ralph should hang out. I think that would be a lot of fun. Oh boy. Yeah. Why does this fucking gay Jewish clown out here? Yeah. Who got this fucking?

You know, I look kind of like Ron Jeremy. Yeah. Let me see your dick then. Yeah. You fucking talk her like you. Erwin was like, when Erwin was on show posters and it was like six black guys. Yeah. I don't know how he got in on that click, but like, it was just always like, you know,

like, did you see that video? James the comedian. Yeah. Yeah. Big Fred. I used to love all those guys. All those like PG County comics. Yeah.

The fight. The fight video is the funniest fucking shit. Rollo posted a fight at an open mic in like PG County somewhere. It was, no, that was, that was Erwin host that. Yeah. It was some like Temple Hills open mic and it's a guy who's like Lamarcus way too violent Jackson. Yeah.

The entertainer. The entertainer. Yeah. They've been stealing Scott Joplin's name for 80 years. Some guy is something too funny. Yeah. Too funny, too business hilarious entertainer. That's what I'm saying.

That's the LLC. That's the LLC. I love that shit on every way. Real dark black entertainment. Super, super dark black guy entertainment. LLC. Incorporated trademark sign. International executive black guy.

Or it's just N and larious, but then the S is a dollar sign. And larious entertainment presents two funny Tuesdays. No, what are you? Two larious Tuesdays. Two larious Tuesdays. Erwin Lorke. Tom Mars was just on one of those shows. Somebody sent me the poster.

It's him and like, yeah, even like the middle of Pennsylvania on some like urban show. And it's him and like three middle-aged black women comics. That's awesome. They'll let those guys keep working. Yeah. The Erwin and the toms can like keep getting. I mean, I was, I fucking love Lawrence. Lawrence is so fun.

Lawrence owns is funny. I mean, you know, he's whatever. He's not. He cracks me up dude. I was watching it. I was watching a Lawrence owns video the other day where he's like doing that thing about how he's like, he's got glasses so he can't be a thug. And he's just fucking like going up to the mic stand or cross on.

He's like, who's more fucking I'm supposed to kill? Is this him right here? Shit. There he is. Fucking. He's just a goofball. Yeah. But yeah.

No, he's great. He's really funny. Also really funny. He's a good performer. Really good stuff about gay people. Yeah. Oh yeah. You know, the bit immediately after that and that video is like, shit, half of you probably

know a faggot. One time I did a Tony Wood Show at climate. Tony is fucking hilarious. Yeah. Tony's a good guy. Climate. With a K. Yeah.

Climate. Climat lounge. Yeah. Climat. So I went there. I saw Tony the night before. Climat's the night. We drank some grand marnier.

And there's this guy, David, that was on the real world. One of the early seasons. He was a black guy. David's something. And he was DC comic, I guess. It was like Martin Lawrence. And back in the day, he was DC comic. And his sister was there.

I guess he was hanging out at the show. I guess Tony knew him. And his sister was there. He was just completely black out, heckling every single person on stage. Jesus. Tony gets in late. Of course. The show's already off the rails.

Of course. And I was about to go up next. I'm like, I'm just going in the lion's den. This woman's going to destroy me. And there's this guy that went up before me. His name is Detroit Boat. Do you ever run across that guy? What the fuck?

Come on, man. I swear to God, this guy's name is Detroit. Yeah, my name is Caprice Classic. Detroit is known for cars, too. It's not necessarily like a nautical type of vibe, though. He's on Lake Michigan. So he's trying to do his acts. She's interrupting him.

And he's like, is someone going to tell this bitch to shut up? She stands up as soon as he says bitch. And she just smacks him across the face. I was there the night that Detroit Boat got smacked across the face by the sister of a guy that was on Real World 2 Los Angeles. What was that? Yeah, all those guys used to come hang out. These threw Ian Sammons open mic.

I remember the guy, I forget his name, Chris something. He was the host of Rap City. No, I know who you're talking about. Chris Thomas, yeah. Rap City, the basement was the guy that worked at the Wizards games. Remember? Well, Chris Thomas had a bunch of credits to whatever. Chris Thomas was the original host of Rap City.

I don't remember, but I know Chris had a ton of credits. Big Tigger, right? Big Tigger. He was the original host of Rap City. So maybe it was like season one or something. But yeah, he was at an open mic one time. And there was this one guy losing his mind. And he's like, how are you all not going crazy?

Do you not know who this is? And he's like, this was the original host of Rap City. And he was like, okay. You know, he was famous as shit. And he just, he would come and just like, if you got in a corner with him, dude, if it was you and him one on one, he just wouldn't stop telling you about how he used to be famous.

Yeah. It was just like, he would not stop talking about it. That's the saddest shit, dude. And he would be doing his like Arsenio Hall impression or something. Like he would just be doing very dated impressions and shit like that. And like up until like two years ago. Yeah. Which I don't know.

It's pretty sad. Yep. That's depressing. It's a shitty world to live in. Comedy sucks. People burn out. That's what it has to do with us, dude. That podcast is going to keep growing.

There's actually a new feature on Patreon where you're not allowed to delete your pledge. Yeah. So, guess what? We have your social security information. You don't like this episode? Did anyone delete their pledge because the first bonus was bad? Oh yeah.

A bunch of them. Really? No. I just want to make you feel bad. Why did you say that? Oh, fuck. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Nice, man.

Nice, dude. Well, we got to have one puke. That's how we know. That's our time to end the show. That is a good end. Yeah. The cat puking was the best. The cat pukes.

Nick pukes. No, I think I got an ulcer or something. I don't know. Probably. But yeah, that's been an hour and eight minutes. So, we're fucking done, I guess. Bye, guys.