The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - 26

This is the fucking news with your host, uh, I don't know, so this is the, uh, super special regular episode, uh, post-election coverage. We're sitting here right now where it looks like Hillary Clinton is the new president of the United States. Uh, yes. We're recording this, uh, 100% live. This is my fight song, a pre-recorded episode, and you know what, I'm just so, I'm with her, dude.

I've been with her the entire time, and you know what, we knew that we were gonna beat these fucking, these bros, yeah, in the country, all these racist ass, these mayo ass cracker white boys. It's not their country no more. We told them, we told them that, uh, uh, all the POC women who are statistically 6% of the United States population, we're gonna, uh, we're gonna do it, we're gonna, we're gonna make our voices heard, and we're gonna get, uh, yes, queen into the White House, and we did it.

We 100% did it, uh, feels good. Yeah. Folks, that's what we would be saying if we actually did pre-record this podcast, like a bunch of frauds. Yeah. We really, uh, shit the bed, cause we only prepared pro Hillary, uh, she won stuff. Yeah, exactly. We, uh, like Hillary, we didn't even prepare a concession, so we needed the next eight and

a half hours to pout in the cryo chamber that's keeping us alive. And her Michael Jackson bubble, zero gravity fucking iron lung that she lives in. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck man. So we're, uh, she's like, you know what she, she slips in that thing from, uh, I remember in Big Lebowski, the writer, that guy that wrote for branded. Yeah.

The iron lung. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, let me tell you something, I don't like liars, and if he doesn't throw her in jail, we should impeach her. That's what I'm saying, dude. I think that's why he's going to get impeached for not, for not having Hillary Clinton, uh, placed on the national mall.

And this is actually my idea of his plan to, uh, to win back, uh, you know, America's economic power from China is he's going to sell tickets to Chinese, uh, you know, wealthy Chinese. I don't even know how you get wealthy in China. Karate. Chinese. Yeah. Yeah.

All the karate billionaires in China are going to buy tickets to watch Hillary Clinton get murdered on the national mall. He enters her into a kumite and they get the chance to fire. Okay. USA. Uh, no, I think it's going to be a brave Tiananmen style standoff where Hillary stands alone in front of a tank. She's going to tank waving to people slowly, run her over and he's going to slowly crush

her. Yeah. With a tank. I would like to see her get shot. Jesus Christ. She's a firing squad. You know, in a classy way, dude, it would be, that would be a good end. Um, yeah, it's fucking hell and then Obama agrees with Trump for doing it and then he

brings jobs back to the country and, uh, well, that's what we were saying. What if he's just great? What if he was right? Okay. First of all, he's not going to do anything. Mike, my gay pizza pants is going to be the president. I know. But he, when he, uh, offered John Kasich the VP position, he was like, you're going to

be a judge of foreign policy and domestic policy and then he's like, so what are you going to do, Donald? He's like, I'm going to make America great again. Yeah. You know, so like he basically, he's barely literate. He can't, he can't read. He has no hobbies. Are these Tom's?

Those are Tom's. Stop just ate a tum, like a candy. Yeah. I was my blood sugar was a candy when it was bitch. I had a whole bag of chocolate covered pretzels for lunch. Man, I had the best sandwich last night, but it had jalapenos in it. And this morning I fucking, your asshole was like everyone else in America. I woke up and I just, I felt like this can't be real.

All right. I have to have diarrhea this fucking bad from this jalapeno. What kind of sandwich was it? Oh, some big turkey and cheese. I get turkey out of here, man. Fuck turkey. Turkey and ham. All of Turkey's great.

You're a fucking idiot. No, I like a little damn salami bitch. Anyway, they have majorities in the house and Senate. They're going to appeal basically any legislative accomplishment of Barack Obama had, what very few ones he had, which are basically Dodd, Franken, Obamacare, those are going to be gone the first six months. Yeah. Well, Obamacare is already imploding.

So I mean, yeah, it's like been such a fucking disaster. And it was hopefully they could have used that disaster and be like, Oh, this is someone else's fault and get single payer. But that wasn't going to happen. You think Hillary wouldn't have made single payer happen? Well, she wouldn't have been able to make it happen. Yeah. She wouldn't.

So it doesn't matter. I mean, I went to go buy a fucking policy yesterday or two days ago and then they just don't offer platinum plans where I live, like five star. In your neighborhood. Yeah. I wonder what demographic reasons that's for. Yeah. Um, she is too much heart disease in your neighborhood.

Yeah. I don't know, man. Can we even do an irony and ironically racist podcast? Are you fucking kidding me? The apprentice guy is the president. Yeah, of course we can. This is our time. This is our fucking moment, guys.

We did it. This is come towns fault. We were the only ones that actually predicted it. Yeah. Um, although I said it and everyone laughed at me. I'm like, he could win. Yeah. Yeah.

Cause that's the thing is like, you know, think about all the time and maybe it happens to me more than anybody else, but like somebody will message me or pull me aside and they'll be like, yeah, I mean, I agree with these whores, but Jesus Christ, all the fucking time behind closed doors, it's, you know, yeah, people that are like, I mean, I agree with this ostensibly, but really like I'm a rapist for not going to see the ghostbusters movie. Yeah. Those are the people that voted the way you wanted them to like, what do you think like

some guy in the middle of fucking Pennsylvania is like going to just sit there and read all day long. No. Well, I don't, I think, I think, I don't think he voted some kind of identity. Well, okay. I don't think it was only because of identity politics and fucking, I don't think so either. I think a lot of people lost their job in the fucking Rust Belt in the nineties because of NAFTA and they supported Bernie in the primaries and they couldn't in good conscience.

No, I feel like Bernie would have won. What about, I think he would have won. Well, you can't really make an argument saying that that's what I want to ask, ask somebody. Guys, push a T in Beyonce though. Shouldn't those guys have swayed? Yeah. White guys in Pennsylvania. Well, no, whatever good will they made of cars was completely destroyed by Lena Dunham's

rap song. Yeah. It's where fuck it would have, what a brain dead moron. She released that rap song and then did you see that Huffbo article where she was like, you know, I just like thought the idea was so funny of like this like out of touch, white girl. Yeah. And it's like, what the fuck you, you dumb rich asshole.

It's fucking the only good thing. It's like, it really is like, like if you walked into a locker room, like you're in high school and you walk into a locker room and your friend is like on his knees blowing another another guy, you know, and he's like, Hey, Mike, this is you, dude, this is you. Just suck in the dick as hard as you're fucking gay. Dude, I don't want to, I don't want to venture into misogyny or violence against women, but I hope Lena Dunham dies. Well, she has to leave the country.

I hope she leaves. Yeah. I hope she goes to fucking Canada and terrorize them. She should also be shot. Hillary on the national mall in the pantsuit and then Lena Dunham completely make it with a burrito shoved in her pussy. I mean, okay, so what's the, what's the silver lining and all this there? A lot of those people legalize it in Boston, baby.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was the best. That was the best shit on Twitter. He's the fucking dude. Tommy Chaw. He's like, we look and did it, man. Yeah, man.

People are crying. You think your children will be like, yeah, honestly, man, it's not gonna be that fucking bad. It'll be bad. Yes, it will be. It's crazy though, dude. You realize like half the country was saying that when Obama was elected, they thought he was the fucking idiot.

Yeah. They're idiots. But Obama wasn't bad. Trump is a fucking crazy mother fucker. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is like a fucking guy. Hold on, Ruthie, baby. She can't stay awake during a state of the union to fucking secede. Huh?

60% of like taxes wanted to secede. Yeah. But there was just Obama. They just believe that because they're fucking retards. Well, because he's Trump. Yeah. And Trump is like a fucking crazy motherfucker. And dude, dude, Rudy Giuliani's like, it's not just Trump.

Everyone Trump break, like Newt Gingrich is going to be Secretary of State and Secretary of Education. Yeah. One of the stupid, like how can you be that good at brain surgery? Yeah. And just a fucking moron at the same time. Baltzmore, dude. Be more, dude.

Yeah. Baltzmore. He's not from there. I was trying to remember. You said he had Hopkins, right? Yeah. He went to Hopkins. I was trying to remember the name of his book one time and I couldn't remember it.

And the first thing that popped in my head was, uh, if these hands could eat pussy. The Ben Carson story. Ben Carson story. Oh, fuck, dude. She sucked my dick. I don't know how it happened. And we talked for a second about how comedy is going to probably suck for the next four years.

Whatever, man. Yeah. I already, yeah. I, I, I, I tweeted that on Facebook. Yeah. Cause it's like people are like, oh, well, at least there'll be a lot to joke about. It's like, first of all, you're not fucking funny. Yes.

You don't know how to joke about anything. You know, this is just going to be, it's going to be four years of you being like guys, the president is bad. Okay. You know, we got to do something about this here at over the eight, uh, open mic. Oh, I'm out of time. Okay. Well, I guess back to my, uh, dog walking job where I make a difference.

Um, yeah, I don't know, dude. We're fucked. Okay. But honestly, fuck the DNC. Fuck Hillary. Fuck all those old, old guard 92 James Carville, new Democrat fucking pussies. That's all they are. They're fucking.

Go off, bitch. Hell yeah, bitch. It's my time. Go off. All right. Dude, I'm just fuck them all. They need to go away and we need new people. And Tulsi Gabbard is the one I think who she serves.

She serves. She used to be in the troops. And she's hot. Nice. And she's bull. Tulsi 20 69 20, 20, 20, but oh yeah. And anyone that's saying Michelle 2020 needs to fucking walk into the, well, that was, that was the best part of the last like month or two.

Have they not learned their lesson? It would be funny. The rise, the rise of like, uh, uh, Michelle, uh, uh, fan fiction on Twitter, the Sadie Doyle types is like, uh, Michelle right now pulling Obama aside. Now, now it's my turn next or whatever. Shut up. And they like have sex. Yeah.

What are you doing? No, there was one, I saw a tweet that was like, it sounded like she was about to fuck him in the ass. Yeah. Yeah. Someone made a joke about that. Well, it's just like those women just like, I voted for Harry by the way, the actual fan fiction isn't even about Michelle being in politics.

It's like them be, it's two people in a relationship that like Michelle has someone who loves her. Yeah. Like that's what they're actually fantasizing about. Oh, masturbating. The idea of Hillary pegging, Bill, a 982 year old man taking a fake dick in his ass strapped to both of their pelvises with snap. Now Bill still fucks, dude. I mean, I'm sure he gets his dick sucked by children on that plane.

Podesta's playing. It's literally, he's not even a pedophile. What if Trump, not even a pedophile, it's just your, your dick can only handle a child's mouth. What if Trump catches the case for fucking that kid? Dude, isn't it sad? I don't think so. Have you paid attention to that?

I think it's gonna get thrown out. No, it's just like a bullshit thing. It's not true. But hold on. From what I've read. The other thing, it would be a much bigger story. Look how big pussy grabbing was. Yeah, of course.

If Donald Trump had actually, if there was any credence to that story, that would be a huge fucking story. No one had a tape of him saying the n-word. Nowhere. I have it. But I haven't. Why didn't you release any pieces? It was a private, it was a private voicemail that he gave to Nick.

Friend client privilege. Do you guys think, you guys think, best friend, best friend, best friend, best friend? Do you guys think in like a back room of the Jaffet Center, there's just like 12, seven year olds that didn't get fucked, because they were like the celebratory kids, everyone was gonna suck off? Oh my god. Well, I can't, we can't fuck these kids. It's like, ah, it's a shame.

They're gonna go to waste. Yeah, it's like, I can't even get hard right now. Let's just stop trying, Michael. Just stop trying, Michael. Here's the lesson for us. Can't even fit it in him. I think try. I wish there was a secret code for this.

John, get the list. Get the email I sent for my other secret account, jpedesta at yahoo.geocities.virus. What's the code for when your dick is so limp from blowing the election? Risotto. You can't put it in a two year old. My safe word is risotto. Fuck him. Fuck all of them.

They need to fucking go away and never come back ever again. Feel the damn ass burn. Yeah. He would have fucking won. I mean, hindsight, it's like, Hillary was like the worst fuck. Everyone hated her. She sucked. She didn't even knew they hated her before when the primary was going on.

Yeah. There was no way she was gonna impress everyone. She's like, I got the next four months to teach everyone how cool. Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, bring me for 30 years. I'm just chilling in Cedar Rapids. That should have been a fucking immediate, it should have been more.

That's the biggest friend. That's a Howard Dean Yelp. That's the biggest red flag is that I'm just chilling in Cedar Rapids. He's never going to pull it off. It's never going to fucking happen. And really, what it comes down to, and these fucking idiots can't even figure it out, is it's so simple. It's a fucking popular contest.

Bill Clinton was cool. George Bush convinced people he was cool. Obama convinced people he was cool. George Bush is cool. He's pretty sweet. He's a war criminal. Donald Trump is cool. Donald Trump is cool.

Donald Trump is cool. Donald Trump is funny as shit. Oh, you know, he has his small hands and his shitty body. He's fucked so many more hot women than him. That's never the story, who's a journalist he like, fucking called on the phone because he criticized him and he's like, I get more pussy than you do. Because he's like, I've criticized him, and like fucking, and then he sent him a letter he wrote in a gold marker.

Oh fuck. He's cool, dude. They need, they need to find one cool Democrat the next four years. I don't know if it's even possible. Who? Tulsi. Yeah, Tulsi, our girl. Martin O'Malley.

Get O'Malley back in. Well, he's... O'Malley fucks. O'Malley's not. O'Malley's too like... No, he's retarded. He's like a... Yeah, he's straight up retarded.

He's like... No, he sucks. Yeah. He was the governor. He's like, almost like socially impotent, where he could be cool, but he's just so fucking boring. On paper, he's cool. He's like, he's like the ass, the SGA kid who's like, oh, I'm the fucking, I'm cool

like everyone else. Well, he's cool in a way that like, there's gonna be like, you like meet somebody and they seem like they're objectively cooler than you, but they're like, wow, like they're impressed by you and you lose respect for them because they shouldn't be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know who we got. I don't know. I think it's like, the most important thing right now is just to reiterate over and over and over again that Bernie would have won, whether it's true or not. It's true. First of all, it is true, but even if it's not true, they're going to immediately... I mean, they're already done. At first, it was Gary Johnson and fucking, you know, claiming a voter suppression like

black voter suppression, even though she had like, what, 15% turnout in Florida. Right. It was atrocious. Oh, oh. And also, Gary Johnson gave her four states yesterday. Right, right, right. Yeah. She would have gotten her ass kicked even worse in Colorado, Nevada, Minnesota, and there's

one more. No, there were people literally adding his votes to her votes as if... It makes no sense. Everyone who voted for me. Yeah, I know. I know. Have you met any libertarians? They're not, they're not Democrats.

So, yeah, well, it's not Jill Stein's fault either. No. And it's not fucking a cracker-ass, mayo-ass white boys. She was an awful candidate, and we've been saying it. Hillary fucking sucked. And yeah, no. Here's the thing. If, you know, even if you could make an argument as to why Bernie wouldn't have won, you have

evidence now that Hillary wouldn't. That's a vicious fact. She fucking did lose. She fucking did lose. Donald Trump in the matchup. And I love that the argument was electability. Yeah, of course. That was the argument.

Of course. No, Hillary's more electable. Yeah. That's why, so, and then here's the question. Oh, great. Fuck. If you meet somebody that says if they would, you know, that, oh, no, Bernie is an electable, knowing now what you know that Hillary Clinton can't beat Donald Trump, would you go back

if you had the opportunity to and vote for Bernie Sanders in the primary? No, because it's violence against women. Yeah. Right. Because you get so wrapped up in your bullshit fucking identity politics and white men are bad no matter what. Even when you have a more progressive one, yes, we still have to vote for the woman, even though she's a shit of your candidate or she's going to lose, you would blow the

election just to vote for a woman. Because it's important to have your selfie with, you know, in the voting booth and talk about it. It was the first time I saw a little mermaid. I knew. It was. That was the worst shit, too, when it's like fucking all these like, I just can't wait till I can tell my daughter that she could be president one day.

It's like, well, you just don't now. Well, she can't. You're a father and you're at home and your daughter's like, Daddy, can I be president one day? And you're like, no, Sarah, I told you, yes, Bay Queen, Hillary is in office. You shut the fuck up, zero aspirations, some man's world. It was funny with the Instagram algorithm being fucked up, where it doesn't just show you like chronologically what happens.

It's not a timeline like that. Yes. Last night you were in this morning, you were just seeing all that happy. Yeah. And you'd be like, can't wait till our first woman president. I was just like, oh my God. My mother queefed me out of her cunt 21 years ago. And now the queef cunt combo.

Yeah. She queefed me out of her cunt. And now we are wearing pantsuits together for Hill Queen. But you know, I mean, no matter what, it's going to get worse in terms of like the cultural shit that bothers me that, you know, Trump did run on that fucking did help him. But it's just going to get racism. It's not called dog whistle racism, if you want, but like push back against and then to you.

I mean, you can't even use political correctness or even the term like SJW anymore, because then you're immediately lumped in with like all right guys are Nazis. 100%. There's something to be fucking said about the people that have actively tried to destroy comedy over the last six years, six, seven years. And they did. They have. Comedy has gotten objectively shittier.

Yeah. No, comedy is just good points. Yeah. The show fucking sucks. Yeah. It is an awful fucking show. It's so fucking bad and it pales in comparison to what, you know, even the other spin-off shows are.

Right, right, right, right, right. You know, Bayer is a better show. Right. Samantha Bee is a better show. The, the old Cold Bear show was the best one out of all. For sure. For sure. I mean, it was the only time America has ever done satire really that well.

We're not that good at it. I am. They're much better in England. I fucking am, dude. We're not that good at it. Nicole Mullen. Right now. You can't tell whether I'm being serious or not.

You have no fucking idea. If you disagree, whatever you disagree with is satire and whatever you agree with is us being real. Yeah. You fucking retard. That mean that? Who knows? This is satire?

Who knows? I think it's important that we go back to and address the, uh, the post from that woman who wanted her down syndrome side. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank God. Yeah. You know, when, when God closes a window, i.e. Tom Myers being able to eat-

When God closes a window. Hillary's pussy. Yeah. And live his dream. He, he opens a door. He opens a door by- A beautiful door. Creating a boy with down syndrome.

Who really wants to tell Trump, uh, Hillary and Obama that they're fired. Yeah. Also, I guarantee you, I fucking guarantee you that Donald Trump got 100% of the down syndrome vote. BB, no, BB was broke. 100%. I gave him- BB went hard for Trump.

Really? He's not down syndrome, but yeah. Yeah. BB went hard for Trump. He's got neurofibromatosis. Yeah. That's what he has. Yeah.

Which means his body just produces stones under his skin. Really? Yeah. No, it's fucked up. Jesus Christ. He's like, well, everybody, I'm making another video, reminder that I live in constant pain. Happy birthday to Sarah. Jesus.

I saw a bus earlier, well, off to the doctor to get part of my brain removed. He loves the bus. God damn, that sucks. Anyway, let's read the post again. Uh, I'm having trouble finding it. What were you saying, though? It's not- you were saying that the Trump speech- there was- at the Trump's headquarters. Did you watch that?

When he's making his acceptance speech? You told me last night. Hold on. I didn't tell you. When he's making his acceptance speech. The Nazi thing? No, not the Nazi thing. That was at some party.

Oh. The Israeli was at. Which we have to talk about in a second. Oh, yeah. Fucking piece of fucking shit. I'll kick your ass. You know what? You know what's so funny about him is I kind of wanted him on.

I don't even like- I didn't understand why everyone was mad about that price increase. I mean, I understand what he did was shitty, but it just seemed like an inordinate amount of attention on a guy that does a thing that happens literally all the fucking time. All the time. Yeah, he was like a whipping boy for an entire industry. Right. And it's like- like why him? What did he do?

His face. It's not his face. It's that he pissed off everyone in fucking biotech prior to that because he was a finance guy that like made his money by shitting all over biotech startups because he like taught himself a bit about chemistry or whatever, biology. And so a company would be like, we have this new, you know, he did it with a weight loss company. You know, we have like a weight loss pill in clinical trials.

So he looked at the science and he's like, oh yeah, this isn't gonna fuck him. So he shorted it. So he publicly trashed the company, shorted it, and then also like made complaints to the FDA so that the trials took longer and failed or whatever. Well, he's smart. Yeah. Yeah, no, he's definitely not a fucking idiot. He's like a very smart guy.

But you know, so I, you know, if we had him on, I wouldn't even grill him about that shit because it's like, I don't fucking care, you know, even if he raises the price, people get that through insurance anyways. That's the point. The point is that he's not really hitting the AIDS patients, he's hitting the insurance companies and that's why there was a big wave of it's also really sentiment. He's also a fucking piece of shit too. And he's also a kid that got his ass kicked and called a faggot his whole life and he

turned into a complete asshole. Yeah. Yeah. He's a South Brooklyn. He's the Armenian or something. No, he's Albanian because I make fun of Elvis about it all the time. Yeah. You know, I was just going to have him on and then ask him non-secret questions.

I thought it'd be funny. Yeah. I wanted to ask him some fucks. I really just wanted to exploit him for the audience, you know, play it like I don't even know who the fuck he is. Yeah, yeah. But, but yeah, immediately he was being a dick about it. Yeah.

Yeah. But Martin, if you're listening, you're still welcome to come on the show. We'd love to have you as a guest. No, he was at some party last night and then some girl was like posting like, I ran into Cutie Pie, Martin Screlly, I forget who it was that posted it. And then she hashtag Rohoa, which is, it stands for racial holy war, which is like a white supremacist thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Nazi thing. Yeah. Yeah. I was just hoping that his, at his acceptance speech, Donald Trump would come out and there'd be like balloons and then Sam Hyde in the head talk costume and weaves there and Pepe on like the unicycle and they got me fucking, uh, yeah, Milo's there, they're just hanging like Clinton.

Milo's just getting fucked in the ass. Milo's getting fucked in the ass with a black guy. Like Gavin. Like Gavin. No, by a black guy. And he's just shouting the n-word. Yeah. And he's shouting the n-word and he's thrust.

Every thrust. The black guy's got, uh, the black guy's like, uh, got like a jigglet head, like the three big ones, like that meme. So it's three black guys. And they're all kissing. Yeah, yeah. They're all kissing. Well, they fuck Milo in the ass.

He's savages. He's just savaging Milo's. He's just savaging Milo's. All his 4chan is just right behind him on the stage. He's like, we did it. We said it was going to be done. We did it. And the story.

But what are we saying though at the, the speech? He's giving the speech. Oh yeah, he's giving the acceptance speech and some guys just like, kill Obama! Yeah, just yells kill Obama. The president. The sitting president of the United States. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

We're fucked. I hope Seth kills fucking Trump. You think so? No, Seth absolutely won't kill Trump. What's going to happen is, what's going to happen is, is, uh, Seth's going to make it a leader. Trump's going to make it illegal to criticize Donald Trump. And then Seth's immediately going to say, I was the first one to love Donald Trump.

I love Donald Trump. I support everything that he does. And if he wants a list of friends that I have that have criticized him, I will happily fax that over to him immediately, uh, you know, at cost of course. I'm not paying for the close fee. Seth, Seth is a kind of guy, Dickfield by the way, not, uh, not anybody else. The, the fictional character Dickfield is the kind of guy that would immediately sell every single person he knew of.

His own fucking mother. He's like, uh, the Jews that were like the guards in the camps. Yeah. For the Nazis. The Kapos. Yeah. Yeah. They were tasting all the Kapos get got, um, or did they survive save their own asses

really by like, like they were in charge of making sure everyone was working. Yeah. Well, at the end, there's actually a movie about them called a Schindler's cock. Yeah. They were just the big, the biggest, uh, tattletail pieces of shit. They were probably, uh, you know, the, the dissent, their descendants were probably part of the 18% of Jews that voted for Donald Trump. You know?

Oh yeah, dude. That shit is a buck as well. I love that the Latino, like the third, what was the 36% of Latino men voted for Trump? That's awesome. Oh yeah. Shout out to the 36. Los 36. Los 36.

Los 36. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my You know what I mean. You're a shitty, awful candidate. Yeah, but it's crazy that she lost white women. Her selfishness.

It's literally her fucking selfishness. It's the reason that she... She was entitled. She thought she deserved it. She didn't fucking... Yeah, like, her... Anything that happens is her fault. Well, no.

On a personal level. Not her as a politician. Hillary Clinton as a fucking person. It was like, it's my turn. It's some fucking old piece of shit rich woman. She literally lost to a guy whose name was Hussein. A black guy who's been in the Senate for a year and a half. Was it two and a half years or something?

Was it four years? It was a full term. I don't think it was. He won in 2004. Yes, it was four years. At that point. He beat Alan Keyes. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, remember that dude? The other black guy. The other black Republican dude. He was pretty funny. Yeah, there was Alan Keyes, then Herman, and now... Herman Cain. This really is like if Herman Cain won. Well, yeah, Herman Cain also did sexually assault women.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, what were you talking about before that? No, no, Hillary... I don't know. She's a fucking bitch, dude. Fuck that bitch. Yeah, I mean, it just... I don't know.

I'm so mad. Ran a terrible campaign. Well, no, yeah, that was the thing, is that she... Okay, she had her convention, and then she disappeared, showed up on 9-11, passed out, showed up for three debates, and expected him to shoot himself in the dick. That was her strategy, was just like shut the fuck up. Yeah, exactly. The thing I was thinking about earlier was like, what was one policy plan that she put out?

Like, Trump kept talking about the wall, and at least he had some shit. He was talking about trade agreements. There was some shit being done. What was it? Raising minimum wage to $7.26 an hour? That was a big one? No, she was like pushing free public education. She basically took all the Bernie shit, but everyone didn't believe her.

Everyone was like, oh, yeah, right. That was the worst thing during the primary, is when I had to keep hearing over and over again, like, well, Bernie's job is to, you know, bring Hillary to the left, and it's like, that'll be erased in fucking two months. Of course. And no one's going to buy it. She's not a good actor. She can't sell that shit.

She's not like fucking Slick-William Obama. I was saying, I just, here's my personal hope, is that for the rest of her fucking life, all of her shit continues to be hacked, and put on WikiLeaks. Her as a private citizen, all of her shit, or fucking her, like, calling customer service departments that's recorded, and put online. Although, looking up directions, her medical records, everything continues to be fucking hacked. And then the FBI investigates it for some reason.

No matter what, they just investigate it. Just co-me after he leaves the FBI. He's investigating it. I'm running a personal investigation. He moves to Massachusetts, like, lives in a cabin, only wears sweaters, and only investigates Hillary. He's got like a big board, like, with fucking pins and shit. This shit's crazy, dude. Like, I feel like, shouldn't the Illuminati have stepped in?

No. And that's, like, what's crazy is... Oh, no, it's great, dude, they're repealing Dodd-Frank. The dow's up, dude. Yeah. All the exacts is going in. People are, like, worried about, like, oh, the fucking stock markets are gonna tank. Just wait.

Well, no, no, it will tank once there's another bubble burst, because of, like, wide deregulation. Sure, yeah. It's not gonna tank right now. But it's not like speculators and investors are worried that Donald Trump's gonna change anything. No. So, it's fine. No, he's gonna make it better for them.

Yeah. He's gonna repeal Dodd- like, the only, like, which the limp dick... Dodd-Frank doesn't even... The limp dick financial regulation that Obama was able to squeeze through... Which would suck. ...after George Bush literally destroyed the economy. Dude, that was so funny, is how Obama came in and literally had so much political capital and couldn't do anything.

Yeah. He passed a bullshit healthcare plan. He passed a bullshit stimulus package that only really didn't affect labor, but it only affected capital. And, you know, and he saved, he saved the auto industry by literally taking apart UAW, which is, like, one of the oldest unions in, like, America, like, modern American history. But they're racist, so fuck them. What are you talking about, dude?

They're auto workers. They're racist. And he fucked these crack-ass white boys. Any one of them for being any kind of racist, no matter what. I'll disagree with their politics and I'll vote against them. Also, I will say this. This is a referendum on how shitty of a president Barack Obama was. Like, literally, if people felt like their lives are better than they were eight years

ago, they weren't. No, they weren't. They weren't. No, he didn't. What did he do? He didn't do shit. He's just cool. The ACA is a fuck up.

You're right, but, like, are people's lives worse right now? Yes. Yes. Because after O-A-tion got worse, fucking domestic spying programs got worse. We're bombing seven different countries right now. Things got worse under Obama. Yes. But you know what?

He is cool enough that even when I watch him speak, I'm like, ah, he's all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the difference. Is it like... He's a celebrity. People are like, oh, Hillary would just be... We replaced the celebrity with the celebrity. Yeah, Hillary would just be four more years or eight more years of Obama.

And it's like, the only thing I liked about him was his personality. Was him, yeah, yeah. And, you know, they're like, oh, well, you just don't like her personality because you're sexist. Well, fuck it, maybe. I mean, that's not true, but maybe it is. I don't want to fuck, I shouldn't have to fucking, you know... If it was a matter of hanging out with them, I shouldn't have to hang out with somebody

I don't like. I don't want to have to listen to... But it's not, yeah. I mean, it's not... The sexism argument, sure, that's definitely a part of it, but it's also like... People do hate women. But it's also... But it's also...

People hate women. She's not cool in any way. She's not sick. She's like a fucking boring person to listen to. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. She's like a funny person, which is evidenced by, you know, fact and also just fucking looking at her.

She's not a fucking entertaining person or a trustworthy person to... She's not a people person. Right, yeah. And she's not... Like, she's not cool. Like, she doesn't connect with people. And the people who she does connect with are not. Whatever.

She's going to be put on the mall and shot and I'm going to be there, dude. But I'm getting one of those tickets. I'm opening for the murder. It's going to be you. You and all those Chinese... I'm doing 20 minutes before the murder, only I'm going to get the light. I'm going to get the light at 15 minutes. I'm walking off at 17 and I'm counting at 20.

I'm not even going to do my full time because that's the kind of comic I am. I do what I'm contractually obligated to do. You respect the light. I fill the time. That's all I have to do, folks. I don't have to fucking make you laugh. That's not my job. Doesn't it always have high ass approval ratings and shit?

Don't people like him? Because he's cool. Just because he's cool. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. But they don't like their lives. I don't know, man.

And yo, honestly, like... Yo, what's going to happen to Medicaid? He's tried to know. They'll probably gut. Well, they're at least going to immediately get rid of the mandate that employers have to pay for reproductive... Yeah, right. Every girl.

All the pussy medicines... All the girls... All the girls... Damn. All the cool girls are getting what they call... IUDs. IUDs right now. I don't know if...

And you know what? The Medicaid expansions... Damn straight. The Medicaid expansions, those go to... That's just extra money that goes to the state. Right, right, right. So if you live in New York, you'll probably be okay. Yeah.

Also, there's money that comes from the state. But like I said, I just went to go see if I could get a fucking plan and I can't. So the insurance, like the healthcare provider industry is already so fucked up because of the ACA's implementation. Because it fucked up in all these ways that economists said it would and caused problems. So even if they repeal it now, it's not only it bounces back to the way it was. Maybe you couldn't get healthcare because you're a bitch, though. Yeah, that's what it was.

I forgot to uncheck the boxes. Yeah, you should uncheck that. It's a male-female bitch. Yeah, yeah. I'd check big dick ass. Have an ass motherfucker. Yeah. Well, they can't.

You can't check. Legally, they can't check. We've detected how enormously fat your fingers were by the weight of the keys pressing down. So unfortunately, we're not going to be able to offer you any healthcare plan. But if you like, we have one of those old bathing suits from the 1800s. Yeah. And a giant lolly and a savers cap that you can wear for funny pictures. That's pretty good, actually.

It's a pretty good compromise. And some kettles. We have a little photo shoot we can do. I was like, I love that dude. I would take that shit. Oh, Stive, you look so cute. Thank you. We have a diaper and a sash that says New Year, 1938.

Oh, fuck, dude. What's Comey up to? He's got to be. I like that he's basically turned into Gil in the last month and a half. Do you think the FBI just doesn't fuck with Clinton at all? Well, yeah. But the spooks fuck with Clinton. So the CIA fucks with Clinton and the FBI fucks with Trump.

So there was an internal war going on. There's not consistency throughout the FBI in terms of who they support or what. Right, right, right. I really don't think that Comey had any kind of particular partisan motivations there. He's just a fucking idiot. I think his first misstep during the last 10 months was when they were investigating the email server and Clinton was repeatedly saying it's not an investigation. This is not a criminal investigation.

It's a security inquiry. And then Comey said, yeah, I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. We don't do security inquiries, which I don't understand why he said that. I mean, obviously, you know... Well, it does seem like he was fucking his shit up a little bit. It was probably annoying. It was definitely fucking his shit up. What do you mean?

Yeah, I think the reason he said it is because... It was political. He's just kind of jabbing a little bit. Like, he can look incompetent while actually also fighting. Honestly, I think his motivation... I think his motivation was to protect the integrity of the FBI, whatever that means in his own fucking head when initially, you know, he made that statement because it doesn't want to look like the FBI is just some partisan bulldog.

But, you know, by saying that, that's what he does. He creates that perception that he is meddling. And so when he started meddling and then they had that long investigation, and then that press conference, which is a stupid way to do it, but he already stuck his foot in his mouth three months prior, I mean, the conceit of his statements at that press conference were that Hillary Clinton fucked up and she did break the law. But if an employee had broken the law, they would just be fired.

Since she's not in office right now, the result should be that she loses the election. And he, you know, more or less said that. Right, right, right. By reiterating over and over again that if... Well, this government employee has done this, he lost his job. This last shit, though, they had no new shit, no new info. I mean, that was... He's going to be in charge of the new Trump KGB, Stasi or whatever, the state police.

He's going to... Congratulations, James Cone. What do you think, a Trey Gowdy attorney general? Is that going to happen? Jesus. They said Rudy. That'd be terrifying. They said Rudy G. Jesus fucking Christ.

There are going to be some psychos in charge of... Shkreli is probably going to get Securities Exchange Commission. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck you. Cutie Martin Shkreli. Omarosa is going to work for the White House, dude. Omarosa, they're going to kill Michelle Obama and replace her with Omarosa. Oh, yeah.

And Chris Christie won. As a person. By the way, Chris Christie won. It worked out. Yeah. He's going to keep... He's going to keep... His life isn't over.

It should have been over. Well, who knows. His two top... Whatever. Trump will have the fucking judges killed. He'll get the U.S. attorneys like... You know, that's really... He's going to put fucking concrete shoes on the U.S. attorneys.

Is that it proves that people don't get killed. No. Well, we'll see. If somebody was going to... Anthony Weiner should have been killed, right? If Hillary kills people, she would have killed Anthony Weiner six months ago. Yeah. I mean, like...

He fucked up the whole world. Anthony Weiner ruined the world. It might be two. If they're going to kill Trump, if they're going to kill him, they would use, you know, obviously a Patsy or whatever. Right, yeah, yeah. But Trump is also the kind of guy that just gets murdered by psychos. Right, right, yeah.

That's the exact personality. Like the guy that climbed the tower. Like the kid who climbed Trump Tower. Who was like just a fan. A retarded boy and... Yeah. Who's gonna go over grape? But he's a big fan.

He did it as a fan, right? Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. He loved Trump. And he's like, I have to have a meeting with you immediately at Trump Tower. That's why I'm going to be climbing the tower. So I will see you there at Trump Tower.

You saw the video, right? Yeah. And Trump was like... And he couldn't make eye contact with the camera. But I mean, like... You know, like Huey Long, John Lennon. Uh, Reagan, Kennedy. Like they're the kinds of people that get murdered by...

Well, if anyone's listening to the podcast that might be a little crazy, Jody Foster will be so impressed. Dude, but the thing is, Mike Pence will then be president. Oh, no, Mike Pence is going to be president. He's already president. That's how you know that there's gonna be murder... Like there's secret murders. If somebody assassinates Mike Pence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of Trump? Yeah. But here's the thing is like Mike Pence is scarier because he is... He believes all the crazy shit. He's not incompetent. He's a competent psycho. Yeah.

And Donald Trump's an incompetent psycho. Yeah. And the thing is, it's going to be a mainstream Bush-style Republican administration. It's going to be Heritage Foundation and fucking... Yeah, all these never Trump motherfuckers are now like, Hey, you know what? Yeah. We believed in him all along.

Well, they're going to team up with the fucking... These Democrats that have no idea what to do. Yeah. Yeah. They'll all be absorbed into, you know, a new... Damn, dude. ...shitty censors party. Dude.

Also, shout out to all the come boys we met last night. They were... Everyone's really cool and nice. Yeah. There's not enough jokes on this episode, I guess. Sorry. So, I guess fucking... We should probably talk about all these new Apple laptops.

Just came out. Touch ball. Have we talked about this for three episodes in a row? I don't know. How do you get some pornography? The touch screen ball. Yeah, I got enough titties on the screen here. I'm saying you put the tittie on the screen.

Maybe you put the pussy down on the touch bar. The clit area. It's training. I think it would be very funny to the visual of someone on the subway watching hardcore pornography on an Apple watch. Like, just with his wrists like across his eyes just making noises. Everyone on the train just like... It would be awesome if you check your watches just over getting fucked in the end.

Just an up close shot. I see what time it is. Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum. You just start eating it. She sucked my dick. I don't know how it happened. Woah, that's good guys. What else do we have?

Yeah, the timing on that. None of this is choreographed. None of it's planned. Absolutely not. That's the point of the Trump election. That's why it's a win for come town because the nerd that went to Yale Law It was Secretary of State. You know what senator from New York? It's had all the experience of the world fucking lost and the guy that

Didn't even study for the test. Hillary Trump boils down to improv verse stand-up Donald Trump is stand-up comedy Hillary Clinton is him. Oh, I think most of what I think I'm serious I know you're saying Trump is a guy that just can griff you might not seem fleshed out But he's funny and people are laughing at him everybody's you know, they got to drink minimum the drunk They love him. Yeah, Hillary Clinton is like. Oh, you know, it's in the system. Whatever, but you have a fucking yeah system There's a specific way you apply. You're not naturally funny, right? And and your parents you're also covering up a shit ton of rapes while pretending like You are

Drunken grabs some waitresses pussy that's not stand-up comedy, baby Nick Nick that was like when Steph Curry When Steph Curry just pulls up from yeah, Nick that was a thing of beauty. I can't even laugh That's really fucking yeah, well, it's the truth She was covering up the hella rapes. Yeah, nah, dude. Hillary's UCB unelectable country Fuck a man Are we gonna get arrested for talking shit about Trump should we enlist no dude? Uh, first of all, everyone who listens to this can read through the lines and they know I'm actually a Nazi and I support

Yeah, me too. I'm a Jewish Character on this show some people caught on to that That I'm just doing at him. Yeah Yeah, that's true. I can actually sing it two different octaves I do stop too. This is a one-man operation. Yeah in real life I'm from Greenwich, Connecticut. Okay, and dad and father bought me all this podcasting equipment And you know, we were some summering in Kenny bunkport, Maine, and I decided I'm just gonna give his sons jobs No, no, no, they're gonna run the business and he's gonna steal from the government and like benefit the business

I love how he's gonna get impeached two weeks ago is people being like Michelle 2020 and the truth is gonna be like Donald Trump No, Ivanka, yeah, Ivanka 2020 dude Ivanka like literally abandoned the campaign two weeks ago and now he won Yeah, his own daughter didn't think he was yeah, dude in the beginning of the night. I can I always like people were trying to jump off They're like, yeah, we think we're getting our asses in the two woods. Everyone's poles. Just like Jesus. We're wrong Well, Nate Silver sort of got it right Nate Silver was the at the end of the day and you know that you know who else said it Michael Moore. Yeah, unfortunately, Michael Moore who's now turning into a Here's why Michael Moore got it right because he's actually from fucking Flint. Yeah, those people were voting for Trump

Yeah, that's like, you know, I'm seeing people on Facebook today. They're like, yeah, especially in like the backlash to people Saying that it's you know, Bernie or whatever Or you know, people people that are mad at people like me for saying that Bernie would have won, right? She would have Bernie would have already didn't win objectively. That's true. She fucking lost Bernie would have won so They're saying like, oh, you know, Bernie wouldn't have fucking won. They wouldn't elect a Jew You think that all the party that ran on racism Which you know in their minds, I guess every single person who voted for Donald Trump The only thing they liked about him is that he was racist

1% and also so many of those people voted for Obama Oh, and what are you talking about exactly? And then for Obama and We can't say the car The first guy who did racist Water was Jewish Jewish Jewish Jew Barry Goldwater, dude. I don't think he was Yeah, he was very Goldwater was actually the first the first Jew Elected in a in a in a primary. Was he? Yeah Well, yeah, he's you got to take it. You got to take there been a lot of embarrassing Jews in government

Oh, he's Joseph Lieberman. He was pretty every canter. Oh that haircut Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Oh, yeah They would have never elected Bernie. Yeah, but they elected all these other Jews that are in the campaign I think Honestly, the best thing George Bush ever did was keep Joe Lieberman My point with all that my point with all that is that like they're completely out of touch with the people that did vote for Donald Trump You can sit back and say oh, I can't believe that America actually turned out to be racist and it's like you have no communication Something else I heard today. I don't know if this is true or not. It's probably true Is that local news reporting like the budgets have been slashed so much

So like the only places where there really are journalists are on the coast and they are completely out of touch with what's happening Yeah, I think that's what we found is that the media doesn't know what's happening That's what blows my mind is all these fucking comics I mean that are talking about like well I want to work on this pilot the sort of about it like gentrification It's like you realize that 90% of America doesn't even know what that means. Yeah, no fucking idea There are some things that are kind of like LGBT because gay people exist everywhere But there's social issues that are specifically bound to the coasts and urban environments that you'd like to shut the fuck up

That's not a thing. Yeah, microaggressions Hmm, how are you gonna microaggress somebody when your neighbor lives fucking, you know four miles? Yeah, dude, I mean, I don't know you can shit with the door open. They'd never find out Yeah, these it just really does come down to though, but just like There was no Like all these people they're fucking they're not making any money their jobs like what you're saying Manufacturing jobs and shit are gone and there was the oh the two candidates one is like Love's fucking, you know loves trade agreements love all loves all this shit is the establishment fucking Goldman Sachs

Whatever her husband was been charging after I mean like and and yeah, Donald Trump's her last name He's saying that it's like oh, it's fucking immigrants and it's fucking other countries. That's the problem Yeah, and she just doesn't even say anything about it. I mean, that's of course they're gonna fucking also in the larger like macro scale The wall is significant because this is what's going to be happening more and more in the next 50 hundred years Is that they're gonna be parts of the world that are uninhabitable? Whether it's because they're underwater or because of wars and stuff and Syria that is the other scary We're gonna need to take millions of people and move them on the planet, right? And in Western Europe in the United States, there are all these Trump-style nativist chess pounding right like

Ooga booga fucking like liberal ass or sorry, uh, like conservative like xenophobic xenophobic ass like like maniac groups popping up and it's gonna become more and more common the fact I Think the only way to really combat it personally is I think socialism. I think like actually having a Viable alternative We had or that can up there or we fuck their women or or we take the hot no really the only answer is colonialism We have to go into the Middle East kill all those people rape all their women Make them comport to our ideological values and then let them duke it out with the you know The same kind of partisan politics that we've had for the last

200 years or so you're seeing walls sprouting up not only here, but in a lot of other places Israel for instance, there's wall with the West Bank, you know, Israel's a fascist Ethnocracy and you know, they do fine. They got Hooters there. US could be like Israel They have a booming tech industry. They have cafes and they commit genocide every day So I don't understand why that's such a bad place to be. I agree dude. I think we're on it. Adam just shook his head in an agreement I did not agree. You get up in the morning and have some hummus and then a keelich baby No, you do like that's like German. That's more German. I don't know how to do it. They sound like the French people No, it's like, of course, we wake up and they pay the balance unions are trying to kill us every day

So what we do is we put we strap on military clothes and they hot girls with big teeth They put on the military clothes and they take a m16 and you don't understand how hot it is to do girl doggy style while she has a m16 pointed at the terrorists Throwing that are throwing rocks at you. They're doing terrorism with rocks With pebbles. I saw a little boy. I walked past a pebble. So I picked him up and put him in my microwave Now he is with the hummus we ate him and drank his blood It was not like Christian blood There are plenty there are plenty of

There are plenty of very good folks. We like to have a little anti-semitic fun on this podcast They're plenty of good people who live in Israel in my family. Yeah, they're called palestinian All right Your parents don't listen to podcasts. I called my parents today. Yeah, I called them We spoke for the first time since they found out about oh, yeah, what they say They I thought that they would be losing their minds because honestly my parents were right They're like no one's taking Trump seriously They were going nuts right and then they could start saying I'm Trump and it's my fault

You know like all this stuff and I called complete calmness. There's so really yeah, because we operate Like the time where we're most calm is crisis mode whenever you say we what do you mean? I'm talking. It's Jesus. Oh, yeah When the people in my family particularly like whenever times are good. We're just waiting for the next crisis Yeah, but whenever there's a crisis then we're like, yeah, that's the thing is like culturally I feel like the Bush years were great and that is an extension of the whole like well is it comedy gonna be better? But I think and I do think it has more to do with like post 9-11 America. You're a big like limp biscuit fan Actually, yeah, actually yeah, we're gonna fucking be honest about it

This kid is rolling baby yearly And it became this like under or over would underrated sorry But they fucking know people they became this like fun band to shit on because you know I guess they're there. No, they're not dude. They're bad. First of all rap rock is a genre is dog shit Yeah, but for them to come out of that. I think no significant others great out This is Nick was really the most hilarious trolling you've ever done. It was really into it. I'm serious I can pull up Apple music Actually listen to significant other maybe five or six such a fucking asshole. Yeah

Nick went to OzFest 2003 and saw KM FDM Power Man 5000 Fucking afro man was there just vertical horizon penny wise. Do you remember that man wise? Yeah, maybe that was warped or they were warped or Yeah, I went to HFS now rap rock sucks rage literally rage against machine Cottonmouth King Oh, they were the absolute about POD. They were like Christian. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, it sucks. Yeah Yeah, it's lit P. P. O. D. Probably got paid Fucking good off that one song that was on every movie trailer about snowboarding. I feel so alive

Like every time like that like just a deezer That was like in every movie I saw a homemade music video that song made by some kid that had like, you know It was seen hair before his emo hair. Yeah, I remember here and he's like flipping his hair And he's wearing a leather jacket, but he had spina bifida So it's like black and white shots like zooming in and out of him and he's just propped up against a tree Like, you know singing along to the feel so it's like you're literally not Leaking out of your Lot to him. Yeah, and then I could never find it again. I wanted to

With him You know what song from that era I thought was legit good The fucking spider-man song with the lead singer Yeah I had a hero we were laughing about all those Superman songs. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah That the first one here the five for fighting one was like the 9-11 worker at ground zero theme song They're like we fucking love this song cuz like I'm like a Superman here being in 9-11 and saving people So like yeah, it really speaks to me. Sorry. I shouldn't have made fun

Heroes dude, they're literally the only people we respect on this podcast is the 9-11 first responders But only if they were men and they were from Staten Island. Yeah, of course, you know, if you're one of these fucking You're one of these women that came from You know Connecticut or whatever. Oh me too. I want to help too. It's like yeah second Responders we got many we got Staten Island fellas. Nothing gets me at these towers Nothing gets me quite as hot as a fucking 9-11 second Pieces of shit

You weren't there. You weren't there on D-Day. You take those fucking metals off. Whoa, you're hot. You're hot Nick You're getting hot. Yeah, sorry. I get a little heated. I'm I was actually you still fuck me I was actually straight and Superman, you know, I don't want to steal Valor here, but I'm a Navy seal and I was one of the 9-11 first This is strange way to preface that statement Wait, I don't 100% true statement You were telling me that story about how you ran up to the top floor While the towers were you scaled it

And then you ran back down you realize you forgot a kid. I was up there and I was on floor 101. Well, that's right where the plane hit Yeah, yeah, and I was going to the Water fountain. I was sucking water up with my mouth. I was blowing it all over the flames And I could feel the building start to collapse so I reach up and I put my hand Yeah, I'm the ceiling on this and I held the building up the top part of the building that makes sense Yeah, and for engineering everyone got out of the building. Yeah. Yeah, and then Yeah 682 million

Rough estimate is what they on that was what was printed on the metal I got from the president Yeah, we went to melting pot and then he let me drive my car in the driving I got it lies about being a 9-11 versus Bonner, but he does it like a four-year-old Yeah, and then me and my friends we went to laser tag after but they used actual lasers So we actually killed like four or five kids on the other team, but our team won We got free burritos after because they use actual lasers. It's a special laser tag place And then we went bowling my dad knows the bowling guy So we were allowed to like slide down the bowling alley

And then my house actually has a slide in it that goes we have that money room from Ducktails Yeah, well my dad's actually an assassin Okay folks while we're winding down first podcast of the Trump era, I think it was okay Yeah, hail Trump Matt was like concerned about that last yeah, he's like Chobbo's done. We're done We're just gonna wait if we if Trump is the president. We're just gonna become the daily show everyone's gonna be mad at us People are already mad at you dude. Yeah. Yeah, it's their fault. It's Chobbo's fault Yeah, Trump won that podcast. It's a podcast fault. It's a kumia and Chobbo's fault

no one not not the fault of The shitty candidate that illegally kept a child pornography server in her house That is what she was doing I just loved all those people that were like a Satan thing people are doing the math Yeah, it's like why the fuck that is a legitimate concern is like the private email or whatever But why do you have to introduce this like it's satanic child rape? I know like do you know what you know? Abramovich is saying it's like she's a performance. All right Everyone knows she's a performance artist. She does weird shit. It's not weird that she smeared a bunch of blood on the walls

It would be weird if she was having a Tupperware party, right? Yeah, that would be that would be bizarre They're gonna that might sound like code. Yeah, but yeah, I'm having a party where we smear shit on the walls And it's like yeah, that's pretty much par for the course that's performance art. That's just yeah Yeah, yeah, it's like you don't think it's not enough for the Secretary of State to maybe have fucking Leaked some emails because she's using a search. You know what I mean? Like that's bad Well, yeah, you'd be surprised how many people in this country believe in ghosts and believe in like the devil and believe in that Yeah, I think that shit kind of works. That's there were a bunch of like tweets and stuff. There's like, oh hell No, I don't play when I don't play with that devil shit

I'm gonna vote for that bitch. I totally think ghosts are real. You know how easy it is to scare black people? I'm kidding folks You were doing the voice I responded Fuck well Well everyone this is probably one of the last come towns before we get We just changed the name to Trump. Yeah, we're gonna have Kurt Metzger on I think well Actually me and stop are gonna do a special road show for the premium episode this month Me and him got a little bit of business to take care of what the hunt. Oh, yeah, we gotta talk

Yeah, no, we got shit. We gotta do all right. We got a guy. We got to see about it If you know what I mean folks me and stava transport weapons Down the Eastern seaboard And I'm being 100% serious about that. So if you're excited about the upcoming revolution, you want to buy a gun? I have a 3d printer that can present print lower receivers for both ak-47s and fully automatic M16s and pocket pussy and pocket pussy

Obviously that's the first thing you think to make well No, the bid I was doing is like they say they got these 3d printers now. They can prevent pocket pussies and guns And it's like well if you print a gun, why the fuck would you print that you just get a real pussy? I print the pocket. That's a that's a good bit about yeah, I did that at UCB East and that did not go Yeah, it is so hot to all right. Well, thank you for listening everyone. Is it how we do it on time boys? We're done. That's the episode of Trump. Hail Satan This is the number one punk rock podcast the official Don and Trump podcast That's the official Martin Screlly podcast copyright copyright copyright trademark doing business incorporated

Big time international business This is our lava. I would go to the LLC. It's like and yeah, and I want dollar signs through the L L see it has to just be LLC dollar signs though Ah fuck. All right. Well. Good night folks, right?