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okay we're starting now and stop said he had something prepared have a really
good song for us here I go for it my boyfriend's black and I'm gonna say the
n-word when he gets home I'll say that word pretty good right that's good I
thought it's gonna be like a gay thing or a sucking your dad's dick but I guess
yeah we'll just jump right into it and start with n-word stuff we're branching
you know I worry that like the show gets repetitive and stuff but then I look at
stuff that's like you know some of the most successful shows in television like
Barney and Friends or Teletubbies or Sesame Street and they're all pretty
repetitive yeah the same format it opens up there's a puppet the puppet is like
you know this is what a square looks like this is what a triangle looks like so
I'm not really too worried now we're fine dude you know having any kind of gonna
depth or you know I don't know the fucking word yeah I never actually finished
Sesame Street so signs a lot of words I don't know Seinfeld is like the Barney
of sitcoms right why about nothing you know why is it you know I was doing this
I was trying to do this new thing where maybe I have a list of things that
happened bitch in the last couple days that way you know that's some gay shit
things making noise why you don't fucking keep the conversation going you
know I do it will draw a blank and then be likes who's fucked yeah that's my
that's my role here yeah the guy checking in on who's fucked Adam have you
thanks you know what thanks for reminding me Nick Adam have you fucked
recently yeah I don't want to talk about it no you have to I don't want you have
to talk about it I don't want to what happened all right I met this girl her
name is Stavs mom what the fuck and her dick was bigger than nice yeah my mom
does have a nice fat hogaroo yeah and you know we had some some pretty quick
sex for me it was about three came fast three and a half to four hours but my
mom pounded your ass for how long do you do a bit Adam do you already have a bit
this seems like a thing you would do where like the girl comes immediately and
you're like gross no but I I used to do a bit it never worked it never worked on
stage but it's like what if you were like eating a girl's pussy and then you
look up at her and you're like I'm about to bust
she's not touching your dick at all straight from all the fucking calm yeah
and that got a lot of silence at open mics first of all I haven't done an
open mic in like a year and a half yeah probably cuz frankly I don't need to you
know I'm better than that yeah well but professional I wanted something to go do
at night so I was like alright I'm gonna start doing mics again and it's like you
know that's seen in the wire we're like Marlowe like he wants to take the corner
back over even though he has all the money but he's like wearing that suit
and he goes in he stabs that guy so that's kind of how I feel going into
and mics instead of stabbing somebody it's just offending an entire room for
your convenience Brooklyn yeah no I so I go up and for everyone's bombing
everyone's doing terrible yeah right it's it said over the eight and like that
happens it's Brooklyn people so they were like I'm the weird one right they
were just you know it's just people doing shitty open mic comedy I'm sure
some of them are probably great at comedy but it's shitty of my comedy and
unless people are like fake Lee being into the fucking open mic it's gonna be
shitty of course they're almost always shitty yeah so I went up and I went up
maybe like seventh and I was like wow hot mic huh and I was like you know I'm
trying to get back into doing open mics and this is like the first shitty one
I've done and people are like oh boo what a dick no I mean it's going shitty you
know why that's not how you get better at comedy to fucking just say jokes to
silence but in an open my you know what I mean you're no I don't know what you
mean no that's not how you fucking use an open mic you should try to you try in
every situation to figure out how to do well in the room and not just say your
joke may as well fucking stay home you're doing absolutely nothing for
yourself yeah going on stage and telling a fucking poorly written joke to
silence stand-ups like performance and half of it is done on stage if you're
somebody that's just strictly writing unless you're doing fucking one liners
that's a waste of fucking time right you're not developing any no you're
using a new if you're trying a new joke it that there's a point to go and open
mic just say it out loud see how it goes everyone's bombing right yeah unless
you break that unless you change the energy in the room no matter how fucking
funny your joke is it's gonna tank no matter what that is a way to sometimes
get the energy absolutely yeah it would normally work but I guess they're all
fucking just there they would rather just delude themselves and they're
here is Mike was going well yeah yeah so they they were like boo you know yeah
I was like all right well I guess now there's energy in the room so you won dude you got the you got the sounds like that
we're not I'm listening and then I was like all right well you know I just got
the wage because I wasn't gonna do that set and then oh you just went off I was
like fuck that I'm not gonna fucking you got you self-apologize yourself you
self-sandman to yourself well what's the point again like I've been doing comedy
long enough to know that you're not getting anything out of fucking going
on stage and just saying a joke right that does nothing for you it would have
been fun to just keep the what is what is what is the functional difference
between going on stage and saying a joke to silence in a room filled with other
shitty comedians than just saying to them what do you think about this it's
actually better as a condo it's actually better as a comic to just say to
another comic what do you think about this fucking joke if people are gonna
sit there in silence I don't know I'll but you're saying you're you're but what
by saying that you're saying it's guaranteed to be the silence if the
jokes really good who knows man maybe there's like a fucking chuckle or some
shit I know I know enough about comedy to know that it's not gonna go anywhere
the other thing is like the sort of the economy of laughing for your friends at
Mike's which is like you can't really gauge of a joke I don't mind that that is
supportive because that at least like sort of you know but no it simulates
what what like should be happening if the jokes going well no you laugh your
friends then you look at your phone for yeah you're not friends you know yeah
they're very funny you ice out people well if they're fun if the jokes good
enough you'll pay attention that's how I feel that's not true I guarantee you you
can take it look and then this is retarded idea this is retarded idea that
like comedy isn't based on audience participation that you could take the
best comic in the world and put them up in a shitty room and they'll crush no
matter what and that's absolutely not true you can take any fucking comic and
if you go up before them and say to the audience like don't laugh at his jokes
no matter what they're totally capable of doing yeah no one no one has control
of it's not fucking you know hypnotism it's not magic tricks they are the
audience absolutely has to be participating to when I crossed it I'll
just I go up there I just fucking
no matter what you put me in a fucking laundry man you put me in a fucking
long John Silver's dude I'm gonna eat a couple shrimps and I'm gonna fucking
crush that fucking room dude that's the school of comedy I come from all right
well good luck with that yeah no I mean I know you're saying but it's like
open mics are fucking gay shit dude they're terrible horrible they suck yeah
they suck I didn't have like an attitude like an ego about me which I needed to
get rid of when I moved here because we were in DC like we're doing the show
good we're doing the big hunt like a mic on a Wednesday night and there were like
a hundred audience members there right right right you know so I definitely had
to get like shed that when I moved here yeah you had to learn I mean but also
yeah that's the thing doing well at a shitty open mic is different than doing
well at a good right but it does it does help train you to like understand how to
work as a room yeah how to work with audiences true no you should work you
should be trying to kill no matter what and there is another class of comics in
New York that crush at Mike's and that bomb it suck dick it shows you know and
I don't even think they're necessarily not that funny but I do think that
potentially just aren't helping yeah they aren't helping them necessarily
work with audiences you know so that that's my tea sets folks yeah well I'm
glad that you had to argue with me instead of just listening to the fucking
story it's a good story is it no you had to side with those shitheads is there
more no it was it was good story well it's great to be back guys yeah now
because we got fifty five hundred dollars it's almost like I perfectly
predicted by this time this week based on all the financial software I used to
figure out that the SMA on Adams yeah as a whole team at Goldman Sachs or you
know they can predict certain benchmarks you know funny about this
podcast is like you know like I pretend to be like a dumb guy and stuff and
nobody has like any idea that I'm like the extremely successful day trader oh
yeah yeah yeah that I'm worth billions when the Brexit happened Nick made
three million dollars in 20 minutes mm-hmm yeah from computers well here's
actually it had nothing to do with it with Brexit really as I saw the word
Brexit and I didn't know what it was yeah I thought how many guys like me are
there out there that don't know what Brexit means and so I bet against the
knowledge of Brexit yep you shorted it by investing in Trump hats I made I made
38 million dollars damn dude I went on Sunday to watch my friends a Buffalo
Bill's fan and I'm a Oakland Raiders fan so I went to his friend's apartment in
the West Village like right next to West Forth like Subway fucking maybe three
million dollar apartment two stories roof deck who is insane his friend from
high school sad guy you fuck his boyfriend anyway you suck them off yeah
but like that dude he was Adam calls him sir we're watching football so it was
straight and there was were you wearing a collar did he have the leash in his
hands I was wearing a jockstrap obviously he was wearing a white glove I
was wearing a sporty delivering Adam's asshole to his day anyway dude one of
those things where he watches you fuck other men he gives other men permission
to fuck you against your will and that's your relationship well I don't want to
like our being an argument the whole time you know I just want things to be
smooth daddy his friends fuck you yeah I mean okay anyway I found this a pulp
fiction poster in his three million dollar I'd be tasteful well my favorite
is like the like from the 80s like luxury apartments from the 80s that have
the giant telescope oh yeah yeah they all love the stars yeah I wanted a
telescope I was a little kid probably from seeing that shit my hope like in
every movie yeah well stars suck space is fucking stupid anybody likes NASA's
an idiot yeah looking up at stars is good no why just in the finna park looking
up looks cool yeah it's cool dude what do you look at for what's what's your
favorite view the wall in my room yeah Nick has lived in the miter saw a window
this room since moving to New York yeah you had a window in the one with the
family I did face a brick wall yeah it was finally you got a window and it
faced just a brick wall three feet away from the light they got in there
I don't know if I could handle it like an apartment that had it like remember
that remember we had to shoot that gay sketch for that company you work for
yeah that apartment oh my god yeah that had a gorgeous view it was incredible I
don't think I would like living in that apartment why I don't know you don't like
the beautiful view no you don't want an objectively good thing in your life no
not really it would be too distracting or you just wouldn't like I just think it
would feel like not enough that apartment you know but this feels like
enough yeah this is fine because there's no luxury here and you know I mean Nick
is an aesthetic it's utilitarian so you don't want it serves a purpose and why
we have something halfway good you know what I mean mm-hmm like why did you eat
the regular Reese's if you can have the tree or the Easter egg I do find the
tree is has more peanut butter did they make Hanukkah did they make a Hanukkah
candle what's it called the menorah the menorah yeah they make a Reese's the
condolabra yeah the Jewish condolabra yeah they make a Reese's one no they make
any any candy any Jew candy yeah gelt um yeah they make a money
kind we get we get them we started young on a taste for coins listen it taught
me fiscal response but no major like no like no hurt there's no Hershey's Jew
coin candy right it's like made by a specific oh yeah you know what's got to
be kosher Hershey's isn't gonna fuck around true true don't have time at that
kosher you know how many children died at the Hershey's factory from touching the
wrong shit mm-hmm yep you fall into the river of chocolate mm-hmm yeah you eat
one of those things and you become you blow up like a blueberry what's what's
that was the moral of Charlie and the chocolate just bees it's scary but it's
not that rich children should die in the factories yeah yeah not the one who's I
remember like it's a working-class story it was such a powerful image when I
was a kid the fact that his two sets of grandparents slept in the same bed I
remember thinking like wow that's fucking crazy separated by like two
generations and then they like I guess we have to fucking all share a bed
no idea that is some old-school poverty shit yeah didn't they just do that
one bed for four old beds yeah according to Bill Cosby Charlie in the
chocolate factory and that Bill Cosby bit yeah yeah yeah where you'll they'll
sleep that river park used to scare the fucking shit about Bill Cosby's bed is
yeah people don't even give him permission before they have to sleep in
his bed so it's not just the family it's all of his rape victims nice little
sloppy but I'll give it to you yeah I got a mistake ordering the pizza before
we started the podcast no now you don't have your opposites you like to do
comedy on an empty stomach right I bought this is having a conversation well
it's simple I kind of resent we're doing comedy yeah that's kind of but I have to
have a nice meal yeah yeah I can if I'm on an empty stomach no I'm sure you
right I would actually be great for me a nice glass of red wine and a bubble bath
yeah how close do you do a relapse do you think two years I told myself I
start drinking it when I turn 30 why was that I don't know it seemed like a
far away it seemed like it would take you ever to get to 30 when I was 24 yeah
and now I'm like oh you know getting closer and I'm like I guess not you're
27 28 20 Bobby 28 next week next week yeah what do we do oh shit bro yeah we
got to get buck-ass wild yeah I look I can't what part of not until I'm 30 what
about cool here's a good sober guy birthday thing let's go to batting cages
yeah you like that don't you yeah actually that would be pretty bad
and you know it that's not a birthday thing I would go to a batting cage
whenever no we're doing it for your birthday we're doing it for your
birthday we're making we're gonna make you wear a little birthday hat we're gonna
have fun you do after a little and then we're gonna do come boys karaoke it's
gonna be the three of us in a private room
just singing for the other two people yeah one time I did karaoke with my ex
girlfriend all her like friends growing up they're all Korean you cannot imagine
how many n words were like screamed yeah Koreans I was in shock they love it
it's true about they love the n-word did I say about the first public a time I I
said the n-word where it was like that you remember not in a song it was it
well sort of okay here's this was just I've never done it not in a song I sing
it well let me explain here no one heard me do it but but it was so I was at a
Wu Tang Clan concert right in Baltimore and and it was just like it was one of
those situations where there's like everyone make as much noise as you can
everyone I want to hear you get louder and I just thought it was too good a
joke not to scream the n-word at the top of my lungs because no one could hear me
because it was just like I was being completely overshadowed by the rest of
the shouting yeah so yeah at a Wu Tang Clan concert I shouted the n-word at the
top of my lungs well it was part of the and it was a pretty good bit I still
stand by that the best bits or bits that are just for you if there's a hundred
percent just for me one time I had my friend redo my okay Cupid profile like
was a couple years ago and he saw that I was like messaging girls with like huge
fake tits like girls that would never date me like rut the girls that came
from Russia to like right with money why were you doing that I just thought it
was really funny okay and then he saw all these messages and I'd be like yeah
we should probably date and they'd be like no and then he's really and he was
just like you psycho I was like but it's funny he's like yeah but you're not
doing it for anyone you're doing out of your private dating profile if they
said yes would you have dated those big fake titted woman no I wouldn't have been
able to please them at all I wouldn't have had enough money they wouldn't they're
here for one reason you know you just you just wouldn't that would never date me I
thought it'd be funny if I was like yeah we should probably date you know women
that are taller than me whatever I'm a creep I wish you still do that all the
time to every single woman you meet I know I thought that was your move no my
move is called the stop and frisk that's what I do stop them frisk them down
yeah pull the gun I do broke I use broken windows that's when I lean too hard on
the glass outside their apartment
it's completely toppled over it's not illegal so you broke from the outside
technically it is your fault I'm suing you goodbye
this is out of lacerations all over your dick
legally speaking this is your fault goodbye good afternoon ma'am so what
did we get on list list here the the trial of that guy that shot that dude
mistrial mistrial yeah but they're gonna try him again right they're gonna try
him again yeah how do you fuck that one up we all saw the video have any cop
we were in South Carolina was in yeah yeah Walter Scott yeah yeah I've been
paying attention that one was like clear that's that was like who's like how
man why just love it was I don't think it was a hung jury I think it was like a
procedural thing right no it was a hung jury there was like one guy that couldn't
they couldn't reach a consensus I just like that it's like 12 angry men but
instead of like the one guy that's not a piece of shit it's just one guy that
damn it it was just like I don't care this is my year it's my year now yeah
like come on guilty we're taking it back yeah that guy there's no way there's no
way that guy didn't just feel like nope I'll Trump hat there's definitely a
Trump guy definitely just like yes sir can you take your hat off I like when
they interviewed juries after those things and like it's usually people that
are like no I've never heard of this shit before you know I still work at
blockbuster somehow in 2016 if I want to use the internet I have to go to my
friend's house I love in that OJ documentary how the juries were just
like yeah I just wanted to go home I knew he's guilty but I just want to see
I was on that fucking jury for like two years they were kept in that hotel for
so it was torture yeah what happened they just there was a quest for like 18
months yeah it was like over a year was it eight months yeah they couldn't watch
TV you know have you ever TV movies the 90s that's when TV was good yeah you
can know Frasier maybe the fucker Niles and Daphne up to will they won't they
speaking of TV we got this on the list here Lindy West has a TV show someone
optioned her what ours yeah the optioned her memoirs to become a TV show so
they're gonna get like was it the she's not acting it was a food network it's
called Westworld thank you
executive produced by Guy Fieri yeah they just they put he put together the
meals by the specs of food on the manuscript that you I kind of want to
beat him to the punch I want to read her book and then write my own speculative
script you know I just optioned myself and then put my version of what that
show would be indeed that could get big I think that's a great idea like a lot
of work fat so who's up yeah no what the fuck no I mean we're being stopped
first met we were gonna it was right around that's right when they did that
that rape joke debate on W come out Bell's show between Jim Norton yeah and
we were gonna do a rape joke debate at Wonderland ballroom yeah I had funny
moms yeah between Lindy West and a rapist yeah and I was gonna wear like a
mask and why didn't I was gonna eat a sandwich bag cheeseburgers burgers and
fries bag full of cheeseburgers and wear a dumb wig and that was the plan why
didn't we do that there's still time you're supposed to have funny same
reason that nothing else happens you know we say we're gonna do until I go buy
the gear it always requires some sort of gear purchase someone yeah someone has
to go about the cheeseburgers no you wouldn't I would I eat it I'm do yeah
well the only thought I had written down for the Lindy West TV show is that
they were gonna have Pixar animated but they ran out of hard drive space
well designing a character whoo now that is a good one my friend that bitch is
fed they're like drawing her and then like the fucking there's just a noise on
like the desk and the hard drive had dropped out of the bottom of the
computer on the floor hard drive weighs so much the fucking the lights are
flickering in all the rooms I her book is called shrill man she's taking it back
when I was called Trill Trill oh I thought you're like Trill like Houston rappers were like well maybe you could just go with fat
I'm not just fat it's like okay well it's 17 chapters about how you're fat and how
you're better than everyone because you're fat but then they hate you for
some reason did you see they someone put a list together Mashable or something
23 comedians and accounts you have to follow during the Trump era yeah and it
was like Lindy West Paul Krugman it was like like none of them were they were
like this is hilarious people that you laugh at yeah yeah yeah people that'll
help you laugh yeah yeah it was really bad but uh by laughing at not not with
maybe if that was the objective of the article and I think it achieved its
purpose people only laugh with today get her ass cook her ass cook that bitch
yo come on the podcast Lindy seriously though I love you girl yeah but please
don't break or eat the microphone it's not an ice cream cone that's my favorite
this I'd like so many problems with Lindy but like it's just so much fun to
only go out to do the middle school they're perfectly legitimate critique
oh yeah no it don't involve narcissists as you just talk about herself and then
relate everything to her totally yeah and but no it's just so much more fun
do people still read her shit I guess they do yeah she wrote that awful thing
about that Mona move oh yeah like this is how we're gonna fight racism is by
taking up nine seats at a children's movie we're gonna we're gonna end race
yeah the tagline was take that Donald Trump I went to see a Pixar movie I
would go see a Disney movie what is Mona it's Native American or Hawaii it's
probably the same exact movie Disney's been making for the last 60 years they
just choosing like different ethnicities yeah this was whatever the rock is
that's what this is Samoan Samoan cool they're gonna go through all of the
what are those Pacific Islands yeah well actually I'm sorry but Tallulah is
Tongan so it's a completely different movie for Mona it has nothing to do with
Lilo and Stitch that was a different island so that was Hawaii yeah there's
Hawaii and the next one is Capri Sun is a country they got one of those yeah you
know that's a drink really yeah no I didn't know that them little silver
pouches yeah dude you know what I do I put that shit upside down that's the
cool like so well is fucking wine coolers pouches I've been saying this for
years no I just said it right now no yeah of course I ever heard his nick
saying it right yeah all right Francia in Capri Sun pouches yeah you know how
many fucking college freshmen you'd kill with that yeah that's hilarious you
know how you know like first of all we would completely undo all the work we
made with our work we got done with mattress girl and all of the campus
sexual assault activists erased overnight with Capri Sun Francia would you
give a cool name assaults will skyrocket one and four more like nine and four I
don't even know how that math works and you won't either because you're gonna
miss all your classes so everyone gets raped two and a half times yeah what
nine and four is the statistics I think so yeah I would love that or alcohol
at Gushers eat a little gusher who's a splash of some fucking booze in your
mouth yeah did you see that fire in Oakland yeah well how did people die I
thought it was like a warehouse it was a warehouse yeah it was like all any one
of these bushwick you know where Jake lives basically yeah yeah there's one
of those but so the landlord they first the media went after the landlord and
the landlord's like I haven't been there in a fucking year and a half there's
squatters yeah it was some Vietnamese woman she's like I don't I don't know
it wasn't squatters she's like I like trusted that the guy who had the lease
was using it as like a art studio or some shit she's like I wasn't saying
anybody could live there and then the guy who was the least the property who was
like offering sub leases out to artists or whatever we're turning a profit off of
it I'm sure he went on the news and he went on like the today show and he's
like I've lost everything I've tried to build a community here and like fucking
Matt Lauer is like do you think you should be held responsible for this for
violating all those codes he's like I'm not even gonna answer a ridiculous
question like that and he's like I he's like I refuse I never I just wanted to
say that I've lost something here you're alive 26 people died yeah I had some
sweet-ass records in there and then this asshole went on the today show wearing
a fedora so he just completely was a fucking slumlord yeah everything was
out of code and he thinks he's not a slumlord because he was you know
exploiting artists other people that with the same you know stupid outfits as
him no possible way he could be a guy that's a piece of shit man how can we
talk about this in this we've lost so much experimental dance poetry because
of this incident yeah he's like what a loss yeah and then he's you can tell he
was like obviously trying to position himself and do PR but he's a fucking
moron right he didn't understand how badly it would play right and he goes on
TV and he's like you know how could this happen he's like you what do you think
that I like move my family into a hotel right before this happened so that this
wouldn't happen to them which he did he didn't move them into a hotel right
before it happens like no I did that so they get a nice nice quiet night's
sleep while they had this you know concert at you know at the venue or
whatever which wasn't it wasn't permitted for that Jesus Christ yeah so
and like he's I hope he goes to jail for murder I hope there's like you know
multiple god damn no dude I used to be DIY guy and DIY till I died no
you're fine dude buy your own fucking shitty you know space live in it but
don't offer leases to people if you're not gonna like those laws exist for a
fucking reason yeah it's real shitty you were but your DIY space was nice the
basement yeah and also we weren't like making money off of it we gave all the
money you also had a you also had you were like allowed to live there yeah it
was a it was a residential space right exactly this was a fucking shitty old
warehouse and this guy was like converted into living spaces right letting
people put up you know I mean again like dry shit yeah went to Jake's one time
and the stairwell was missing oh yeah they took that stairwell out she had to
like go to the roof and then go back it's like a toilet did you ever go
to the garbage Baltimore that place fucking suck dude didn't PD used to
live in like a warehouse kind of space who Pete Mooth yeah yeah he lived in a
fucking tight one though the mansion in Hampton that place is tight yeah yeah
it was just like some old fucking it was like a converted factory but it was
really nice yeah it was not DIY at all it was like a fucking it was a nice
fucking spot but they had good shows there yeah copycat though it was just
fucking terrible it was just like I don't know what it was some printing
company I don't know what it was and it was just like infested with bed bugs
there was like one fucking bathroom for these huge fucking floors my friends
that live there just pissed in dear part like huge dear park gallon it was
disgusting they were brand loyal yeah they're brand there's just your park I
live next to a Vietnam vet when I was like a little kid and he kept all of
his piss and jars in the garage just indefinitely you just like you never
know when you need it no I don't know I mean I don't remember him being a
garage guy I just remember seeing those jars of piss I pissed a lot I'll piss
and Gatorade bottles just leave them laying around at my mom found one and
she's fucking I just had it from years and I just wrapped it up and I was like
I just that's a mental illness dude I never never fucking just go to the
fucking I know it's not about those being a lazy that's yeah but it's a being a
lazy way rewind you do this as well just why are we just questioning you
brought this up yeah but there is this way mine is much closer I do it for
different I do it it's cool though when I did it like a couple times and yeah
sometimes I'll piss in a big Yankee cup or I pissed on the way up to not to stop
the car that's fine in the not to stop at rest stops I pissed while driving on
the way up I can't do that dude I always get messy I've done that I need a wide
mouth you know wide mouth I try to do Gatorade not me actually but yeah yeah
I have a really big ass fucking dick so when I piss and stuff you gotta have a
wide lip I've never I've never pissed I've never needed to piss in a bottle I've
always been able to not piss myself for long enough to make it to a restaurant
yeah I don't know why I qualify for the astronaut program wait they have diapers
in there yeah astronauts type up they type it up that's why a lot of guys
become astronauts excuse to wear well you know I wouldn't be surprised if
there was a guy that had a diaper fetish and he was a real embarrassed about it
so he went to school to become an astronaut so he could wear the diaper yeah
so he became like a doctor and an engineer and like think about the guys
are geniuses that's think about the guys that are fucking pedophiles where they
have like who becomes I don't know the star of seventh heaven yeah like now my
secret is safe no one will find me out I guarantee you like half of all astronauts
are people with diaper fetishes and they just they went through all the
schooling and stuff to cover up the fact that they can only come if they were
diapers that's like a pizza gate for the space space you see some guy went to
the pizza gate shooting yeah the picture of him no perfect but straight
out of central first of all he's right he's right he's self-investigating guys
yeah no I mean he's absolutely right that sealed the deal for me I mean it
because I was kind of on the fence about whether or not pizza gate was real
but when I found out someone brought a gun there and shot at the store I was
like it's real that's what made real in my head what percentage of them you
think really believe it the alt right what do you mean a frog guys I don't
think any of those people actually believe yeah they think it's funny I did
he fucking wanted there so there's like has to be a percentage of them that
actually thinks it's real 15 yeah you think 15 it's a fat well I'll tell you
what percentage of me which is a lot thinks it's real which is which is
something like 15% yeah I think it's kind I think I think there's something
fucked up going on there after the British Parliament thing and the Catholic
Church it's like yeah probably the amount of times that like you know there's
some suspicious thing going on in like in a powerful group why you know why
wouldn't there's got to be the same amount of pedophiles in any you know
population any you know sample I don't think Hillary is pedophile I think
Hillary is trans she's a trans cocaine addict man there was so many didn't
somebody say that Obama was gay and like yeah he's a gay
processing addict yeah and then during the Benghazi he was in a limousine
sucking some man's dick will will was saying to me that you know that he's so
awesome well you know I tell you it would be awesome and very funny if it
wasn't true but it is it's I think we'll was saying like on his last day in
office he's gonna like be standing in front of the chopper and he's gonna be
like all right well that's that's it for me as the president now I'm gonna go
back to being a gay prostitute they'll be like a monopoly man sitting in the
fucking window they go back to sucking him off immediately yeah dude if you were
a gay like collector of the finest prostitutes the president of the United
States would be the best prostitute I mean that's the you could probably charge
like that's the whole literally five million dollars yeah the pope right
now gay prostitution the pope probably rape oh no Benedict you make it up that
foreign that organization it's like it's like you know cops they have to be
racist yeah you can't be you can't be an anti-racist cop and make it up to like
the the white shirt level benedict yeah there's a gay underground oh yeah that's
why they have like a hot wasn't there like a hot like a smoking hot boyfriend
that was like helping him or whatever yeah yeah there's like there was a gay
prostitution scandal in like the Rome Archdiocese all right which like came up
it basically he had to go and that's why they got this like nice Argentinian
socialist guy yeah yeah this guy this guy loves this guy right this guy if you
if he wasn't in the in the fucking priesthood he would like be a very gentle
lover to women for sure yeah I mean I think everyone says he's the good one
but like still like the baseline of his beliefs are stupid as shit right he
believes like the mama and that's it you know yeah I mean he's in the he's a
Catholic yeah yeah but I just don't you think it's cool the whole
eternity I think it's way cool think about it dude is that him oh look at
us embers producing for us yeah he is sexy all right I'd fuck rat singer that
old Nazi that old gay not his boyfriend he stole the Pope the Nazi no no but
he's alive he's like just some fucking like scary wait did he think literally
he's quit quit why'd he quit what he could be gay because he gay that's what
we're talking about he has a sexy as boyfriend he sucks off in Germany oh it
is like open he's openly gay no no no but no I think he lives in the in the
Vatican yeah but you could figure out a way to do it you know no there was like
there was a gay prostitution scandal where a bunch of the Cardinals were like
getting gay prostitutes in Rome and stuff like Arizona the holes are saying
well yeah Arizona Carson Palmer fuck the budget gay prostitution him and
Larry Fitzgerald fucking double-team to twink St. Louis Cardinals straight as
fuck they stood up when that when that Mike Brown shit happened yeah dude they
stood up for for the blue lives I got into it I got into it with some like
some back when there were still teacots on Twitter or whatever about the Mike
Brown thing I think I would tweet at them and I would be like no Mike Brown was
the officer Darren Wilson was like two or three of them are like I stand
corrected have a good day my apologies I messed up there's just so quick you're
right Darren is sort of a black name he could have been Mike Brown could be
yeah I was laughing there was a there was like a murder in Aurora Colorado like
last year mm-hmm and in a movie theater no where they're showing I know these two
was a guy dressed as these two black guys like killed somebody in Aurora and
they like came up on some newsfeed of mine or whatever and it was like two
black guys there were cousins with each other and it's like Aurora cousins
indicted in murder and there was a picture of the two black eyes but I
scrolled past it instead of Aurora cousins indicted in murder and there's a
picture of the two black guys but I just thought they were the same black eye I
thought it was one black guy named Aurora cousins that is a fucking
cornerbacks named Aurora cousins Eastern Tennessee University dude he's
got a he runs a 4 4 40 combat he runs a great ball skills right ball skills
right hands yeah he'd be a first-round talent if it wasn't for smoking weed
one time I was laughing we were talking about the Vitamix again which
stuff got by the way he copied me bitch I got a Vitamix bitch I think I have it so
if you get it now you copy you didn't even know it was until I said I'm gonna
I I own it I think so I was probably an expert on blending I know all about
blenders even before the smoothies immersion yeah first of all discuss this
I have blenders solely for mayonnaise and dips and shit guess what bitch you
dragged your feet on it I have it now if you get it you're copying me that's how
the rules of copying work your pitchx cut off I'm calling your fucking
credit card company disputing on his behalf he copied me do not hang up on
me again I will kill you will come to that office with an AR-15 fully full
clip fully automatic AR-15 on November 18th next year at 5 50 p.m. this is a
specific direct threat international over state lines this is a 100% real
not satire threat to kill you if you hang up on me no way she performed to be
interpreted as parody or joke them just playing the audio at your trial again I
would like to reiterate this is not a joke in the event that they play this at
the trial and I claim I was kidding tell the fucking judge look at my defense
attorneys face right now you see how fucking pissed he is because he knows
this is real fucker do not let him get that vitamin cancel shipment now he
will not copy me my purchases list my wish list for a year and a half you
was next on on that list your fucking head don't fuck with me I am in ISIS I
support ISIS I'm a member of ISIS that's that's a good bit we could do on the
show just call people up and tell them we're gonna murder them whoa you're
listening to Danny Dick at the morning funny like do like a morning radio bit
where they like they go through the obituaries and they're like and we found
a family who's four-year-old drown last week so let's call them up and it's
like my name is Randy Jefferson I went to school with your son and I was
wondering if I could have his toys because he's dead excuse me I want is I
want your dead son's toys I'm for like I'm just getting you on two free tickets
to see rush at the fuck you don't yeah unfortunately all those all those local
radio prank phone calls all fake oh yeah because it's illegal to record yeah
unless you're in Vegas dude really yeah Las Vegas has different laws were only
that's where I grew up to the wild west shut the fuck up Vegas is the only place
Vegas and then there's one other state where yeah where yeah only one party dude
but the thing about prank calls is anytime you call customer service
because it says this call may be monitored recorded that's implied consent
on their behalf hell yeah so you can you can prank all those companies all day
long now they probably would be able to sue you if you like make their company
look shitty right but who gives a shit right I got the name yeah I guess but
then it's also you know I don't know who knows how many seven does a bit well
now it's probably fake but it's called rider rider die so they're like they're
like yeah I'm I want I want to prank my boyfriend today and I like I want to be
like yeah I'm cheating on you and then like if they like don't hang up on the
phone like in 60 seconds or something then they like win tickets to summer
jam or whatever one time this guy calls it's like yeah I'm trying to I'm trying
to prank my girl I'm trying to tell her that like I would put like peanut butter
on my balls I would get a dog to lick it so it's like we haven't been like
really like connected in the bedroom recently and like yeah like this is my
thing now like I put peanut butter on my balls and like this and they're like
saying they're like what do you want her to say and like the point is to have
them say oh that's all right and then they're like oh ding ding ding that's
your ride your rider not a right what not a what a rider die not a dire or
whatever so he calls his girl it's clearly just a guy who just likes fucking
dogs keep in mind again as I just said probably fake no they're 100% fake so
go ahead and continue telling the story despite that disclaimer at the beginning
and you're repeating the bit that they wrote that you thought was real after I
just told you it was fake I think it's real this is like me beating off to
nude this is you're beating off the nudes you loving these fake but Adam
also beats off the news people said that people said that you know Nick says
David Blaine isn't real I say David Blaine is real so what do you mean he's
real they say it's not illusions I think it's real Matt some of it's real that
that skewer through the bicep how the fuck does he do that he created a
fistula by over over the last like five years in secret he just kept stabbing
himself in the arm a little bit and his hand to yeah he just kept doing it
slightly putting it like you know maybe a millimeter in every time and created
scar tissue all the way through his fucking oh my god yeah so then he just
pushes it through all that yeah they x-rayed him and it was like you know
do you see what he threw up the frogs oh yeah that she was crazy Kanye and yeah
yeah definitely Drake Drake Steph Curry Kanye Dave Chappelle Kanye was Dave
Chappelle that's a Barack Obama Barack Obama Colin Powell yeah I watched the
last David Blaine special and like so he does like magic for celebrities and one
of the celebrities was Stephen Hawking really it's so funny he's just sitting
there like you know it's amazing even Hawking is like can you please make me
walk I've given up on science please help me magic my dick doesn't work please
magic help me my family has to be like listen Stephen it's not real and he's
like I got you bitch I got you to admit it I am the smartest man in the world
you're fucking retard how dare you do magic at me you know that guy just I
love the Stephen Hawking just cheated on his wife yeah in the chair dude yeah he
got his fucking the nurse that bathed him in shit I guess he just like he
couldn't even speak and he was cheating it's so sick imagine being with a ledge
what an absolute legend he's got a fat hog you think his dick works no way right
Stephen Hawking yeah of course not actually you know it does it does it's
an independent system yeah really yeah dick is separate like paraplegics can
still get hard and fuck yeah lieutenant Dan dude yeah that's true he's fucking
all them horse it doesn't it's not like but does it feel good when he gets his
dick suck no I can't feel it at all so wait no it's even Hawking yeah yeah you
could probably feel his dick hell yeah dude well he cheated on his wife that's
what I was yeah we're just on the podcast talking sorry I was going to your
text no I was doing something important yeah show yeah look up these show notes
that I keep yeah so I wasn't doing what you do on your text message page when I
did I don't have my phone when I run the show you're fucking we've worked for
you oh stop do you want to talk to the naked about what we were talking about
before what come on dude very about it about strike putting a union we've you
form a union I would fully support you guys for me we're union now we're
local 69 420 yeah we're fine no we do we is that what you were doing yeah I
didn't sign anything with your union you can't start a bit you can't put the
onus on me to create a bit nowhere no that was literally what you literally
guessed a bit no I swear to God we have such good chemistry what are you talking
about Adam you know I mean like you know context clues Nick was talking about
how yes you're right you're right yeah well we I want to talk about Stephen
Hawking fucking though yeah so he fucked his maid or some shit right didn't he
fucking know he's a nurse yeah he's like she was like speech therapist damn do
you see I bet his wife walked in like yeah while she's sucking his dick and
he's like this is part of the therapy close the door yet the fun out of here
I'm just some woman that went to science school with you according to what I
remember from that movie that movie so I love that all those like scenes where
he's like dragging himself up the stairs and it took like you know it's all
montage so you took this family seven years before they're like maybe we should
just put the bed downstairs made him drag this fucking shitty body up the
stairs every night years before they put the fucking bed downstairs that movie
was garbage yeah that movie that's that's how fucking stupid the Academy
Awards are you can win an Academy Award for just wearing your glasses stupid
yeah that was the other thing too that should have disqualified him from you
know any kind of award for his performance is that to sell being
Stephen Hawking his glasses had to be you know cock-eyed on his face and it's
like bitch his glasses aren't retarded yeah yeah it's just the rest of him is
retarded not the glass someone would put those they would fix his glasses and
not have him on his face no they're trying to be like look look at this
retard he's such a slob yeah yeah he can't put his glasses on then they made
that that Turing movie oh yeah didn't they like I didn't see it but didn't they
take out the part that he's gay they did what that's like the whole that's the
whole point of it is that England well the whole point chemically castrated him
for being gay that happened later that happened after he cracked the cut the oh
I thought that's what they were doing like some kind of like touchy-feely
about how he helped like crack the enigma machine oh yeah yeah the code word
that you know why they call it the enigma
the Germans are like we will encode everything with a word that they cannot
say but we can say it is racist well they were saying well yeah well of course I
know that the Nazis didn't use the n-word know what the n words were I mean
people are like I wasn't just Jews they also killed handicapped people in Roma
it's like maybe a couple no they killed in gaze they killed five million other
people really yeah yeah but you have to combine all of them together yeah the
gays political enemies Roma Romanese gays gay was a big umbrella term yeah it
was like artists yeah intellectuals if you talk guys who crossed their legs
that way like I'm like literally the way you like the right way I'm just
smashing my dick right now is a woman's like we gotta give you some tips on
power mannerisms look at the way me and stuff are seated yes you know my are
you doing pointed at you you look more powerful than both you guys stop shirt
is is halfway up his torso look at his sweatpants they're rolled up I'm aired
out take a picture and put it up on the on the website yeah the web currently
getting bed sores from a brand new pair of pants that's a powerful move you can
sit down for 45 minutes away with what looks like her posse sarcoma like
somebody glued a bunch of pepperoni to your ass that's the kind of guy I am
dude I got that type of skin oh man how funny is it that you can get hurt from
being in bed like if you if you're enough of a slob you could actually get
injuries from it yeah that runs counter to what I believe about longevity which
is if you just game forever eventually they'll invent a new medicine just stay
in bed gaming and then you don't have to worry about anything I'm by the start
gaming dude I got that ps4 shouts out so a listener told me that mafia 3 was bad
so now I don't I'm thinking about buying that ps4 pro you should get it dude
what's the pro what's the benefit okay does 4k TV oh do they make anything for
4k is like yet but it's come it's like DVDs what is 4k 4k is you get 4k you
know 1080p 1080p is like yeah yeah it's it's a thousand lines of like vertical
resolution 4k makes 1080p looks like your mother's asshole yeah or it's it's it's
10 it's a thousand lines of like horizontal resolution whereas 4k is like
2000 by 3000 something so it's like 4,000 lines of resolution it's like four
times the resolution at 1080p so the little like little pixels on the screen
they're a quarter of the size as they would be on a 1080p television okay yeah
dude that bugs me so much pixels yeah I can't stand them well I don't know the
nipples will be smooth it looks like nothing nothing looks as good as film
does like film is still like 70 millimeter film looks better than 4k I
think it I think it has a higher resolution yeah but it's retarded to use
film well I'm talking about home video yeah like I mean like a home media sure
you know if you want to watch something and have it look good you want that
resolution that high you can get close to the original mm-hmm what are you
looking at no but yeah no if you get if you get that that that $400 ps4 you can
get I got that 250 yeah yeah this which isn't even 250 anymore there's a Black
Friday deal oh really yeah it's back up to 300 oh nice
oh yeah fuck you and so for $100 more you get the 4k one true yeah yeah you
can do they make 4k porn just do the podcast over ps ps4 I want to play
FIFA yeah dude this is we're sponsored by gizmodo Kotaku imagine having like
Kotaku imagine this lack of self-respect you have to have to type in
kotaku.com read shit on that website that and then even be able to get an
erection to masturbate is it God that's Gawker yeah Gawker bought it that
sounds like us doing like Kotaku sounds like being racist all of my news from
unfuckable faggot.com it's a video game website yeah dude so right now I'm
fucking playing FIFA and I don't know what else what are the games to get so I
don't know you know it's basically a $250 FIFA machine it literally is why you
can't start playing video games because then all you can talk about is video
games yeah that's the thing is they really are the pinnacle pinnacle of
like entertainment entertainment yeah like it really like it's immersive and
and you know fucking making decisions Ebert was right there it's not art and
like people fucking get like oh fuck this isn't art this isn't fucking art
and it's like no it's literally you wasting your entire life like nobody
there's nobody out there that like smells bad because and it can't fuck
because they watch too many movies right you know you can argue with me about
that I'm right you know there's pro I mean yeah that's true yeah I know people
that's like people that are already yeah they are bad they're shit together yeah
but no it's my friend had to repeat a year of college because of Call of Duty
right that shit doesn't fucking happen with people that like I got way too into
music I got started listening to much music listen to the white album for
48 hours straight and I missed my final yeah my parents are pissed because I
looked at too many paintings last semester I didn't fucking repeat that
semester you have the bug though if you get going he doesn't have well with
literally everything HIV yeah yeah no I mean I can't do cocaine I can't drink
yeah eating like if I buy a box of Oreos I'll eat the entire fucking thing but
if I if you have a call of duty you just like sit down yeah I was six months in
my life on Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 that's why I had to stop playing video
games damn yeah I made enough money to quit my day job and just focus on
comedy and I did nothing of this fucking wake up at 3 p.m. I'll go to the beer
store I would get three tacos and a 12-pack and I would sit there and I
would drink and play Call of Duty until like 4 o'clock in the morning and then
pass out and do it again that sounds pretty awesome it fucking sounds that
is the best thing you could do it fucking rule God it was so awesome that's
like does you fucking nerd yeah like like falling in love holding your
lover's hand in a sunset yeah the touch of a woman I'd love to slap you this
end of coming let me slap you all right dude look at my power stance dude are
you gonna are you gonna not let me slap you you can literally see the
outline of your penis when your legs are crossed that's not his penis no it is
the whole ball everything yeah I see your testicle your dick give it a little
suck commando I'm not not today but I do in these sometimes I think this is a
I bought some great Reebok sweatpants those Jays with my mother interesting
body yeah it is really have the proportions of a baby but like a jack
you know it's fine you read you're reading blood meridian right like when
they describe the judge and how he has like a baby's features yeah but I'm
like but I got the judge is cool you're not cool like the judge no I'm cool I
could squat a lot so what's the last time you hit a squat rack I mean it's been a
while but like if I did it would be a lot what was it like yeah a Ford F-150 like 6,000 oh yeah put
there was some fucking when I was in community college I was taking it like
automotive technology and there's this kid that like you know I guess I the way
to classify him would be skateboard shoes fat like at knees but they're like
400 pounds like somehow sagging their pants over their giant ass yeah like oh
the pants are too big for me it's like where did you even find
you know fucking dickies but it was one of those guys we're talking about the
gym and he was like he's like I'm actually like surprisingly strong like a
lot of people don't think that I'm like in good shape or whatever but I went to
the gym and like you know my legs are really strong and I lifted I sort of
like a thousand pounds which he could have he could have very well what's what
does he mean by that probably means like the fucking like press yeah which
literally anyone can do it's not hard yeah yeah yeah especially using the
wrong form yeah you're just like using all your weight like well you know who
you know who like presses 2,000 pounds Pat Robertson really at yeah at a guy
from the 700 club at age well that's why the show is called the 700 club
30 years ago he fucking squatted 700 pounds and it was originally a weight
lifting it was a powerlifting show but then he lost one of his testicles of
steroids and he found God and then it became about shaming minorities people
who want to get abortions no he liked leg presses like 2,000 pounds really leg
press machine in his basement what is like videos him like so does it just not
do anything for you then no not really I mean it does something you know like a
lot of this if you read gym blogs like they're all fucking you know everything
it's like black and white with like any kind of gym blogging we're like if you
don't squat you're a fucking pussy you're a faggot you deserve to get aids
right you know if it's if you have some kind of condition where you have to use
the leg press machine or if that's the only thing available to you they work
fine yeah yeah yeah I remember I used to do that shit for that exact reason in
high school I could lift anything like my lower my upper body is just fucking
terrible but I was just like oh yeah just the leg press to feel cool yeah like
put another plate on it's like yeah hell yeah I'm strong it didn't I was
fucking weak yeah but you're still weak no I'm strong now focus on that let's
have strong now I almost did 10 I did 10 push-ups today boys 10 I'm on the
hundred hundred push-ups 100 push-up plan yeah you're never gonna get there
maybe I'm the most I've ever been able to do in one set is 65 okay well I will
get to the how about this I'll get to 69 it's it's it's fucking really hard it's
really after 50 it's really hard to add reps okay well I'll get to 69 yeah you
know and I'm pushing up like 10 pounds yeah what you wait how much do we add
them holocaust 15 holocaust yeah hundred like a Bergen Belsen why the fuck
are pounds you know you might don't ask roommate one time said out loud he goes
like oh that guy probably weighs like 300 LBs yeah yeah and why are they called
that well then that was confusing to me is that the pound the pound symbol looks
like a curse of L right yeah and then the dollar symbol is an S with lines
through it so I thought the LBs was because of the pound symbol but that
obviously was just a connection I made in my child brain yeah that I probably
what the fuck does the S stand for I thought it said for Scrooge is in Scrooge
McDock yep S for the dollar sign Skrillex I have no idea it's stupid
it's fucked up I want to know why Trump should change Trump should really change
that's that's something you should look into okay well we're out of time I guess
there's nothing else I really wanted to bring up other than these new these
new MacBooks oh yeah how's it going buddy oh yeah I got one actually you
didn't get the touchpad though no no I got like the the lower tier whatever the
MacBook is now do you see they got a new Star Wars movie that they came yeah
right one they're just the fuck is that stealing the plan between it's between
new hope and then episode three oh that's where they get the plans for the
Death Star well I saw that I saw the trailer for it I thought it was the next
one and there's like shots of the Death Star I'm like come on remember the
Death Star well this time they check this out they get a super desk we got a lot
of a lot of changes for you this time R2-D2 now he's a cone instead of a
fucking ball we got girl Chewbacca bad guys lightsaber is a it's that thing
Xena used to throw that's a change the lightsaber yeah yeah it makes somebody a
girl or a black guy Mace Windu Mace Windu only purple lightsaber for a Jedi
only purple lightsaber for a Jedi or yes he just asked why I heard that's what
he demanded wanted a purple lightsaber yeah he actually thought it was grape
juice flavored that's why yeah wanted to be purple I want the purple one grape
drink I you know as I was at the comedy store in LA one time and I was doing
this it was like the open mics I was like trying to work out a thing about
how like people get as mad about sexism as they do racism and they talk about in
the same way which is like kind of unfair because I mean not that like sex
is okay but if you're a heterosexual you're have this like biological impulse
to interact with people of the opposite sex and it puts you into fucked up
situations right you know it's not like I have an organ that tells me to fucking
like live with a black guy I fight with constantly you know where I'm having to
deal with this bullshit it's like hey Nick Nick I'm like what is it and he goes
what color am I
well let me see him I have to deal with that or whatever it's not a bad bit it's
not a bad bit but this black guy goes up after me and he was like well that was
some racist bullshit huh all black people talk like that and he's like talking
like that also wearing a shirt for grape soda as he's saying this it's like you
can't you got to be kidding that's awesome yeah god damn well he just didn't
follow the logic clearly well they have problems with that well you know they do
and then he goes he's like anyways you know when how many y'all like sex
that'd be great all right hold on just shout out the comeboys they came out to
McGooby's joke house oh yeah coming out bros thank you for come town fans yeah
and actually we you know we do we're doing well enough now that we could put
together a tour well three of us are professional comics I have enough
connections actually do I would yeah we're gonna do like a like a small
east coast thing but yeah if you know about venues yeah
like rock clubs yeah there's a couple like I know already but it would be fine
gum on a ship yeah well so I was actually filled with gum he's not I'm not fat
gumball machine the bubble boy he didn't know you couldn't swallow gum
he's 13 years old stays in your colon is that true no it's not true no chance
you should have the next day it's not yeah let's eat nothing but gum and see
what our shits look like that's what happened that's how the mythbusters died
really they had a come eating episode they're like Jamie says that I can't live
off of his cunt do you that episode that guy's asshole or that picture that
guy's asshole is that a fake what are you talking about like the mythbusters
Adam's asshole open the goat see no actually the guy was Adam from mythbusters
Jamie has the most interesting look that fucking like beret mustache yeah no
it was the guy with a mustache yeah Jamie's asshole yeah I think that that
picture's out there they're like those guys are like they're like the kind of
guys that would be friends with Walter White in real life that's who they would
hang out with is the cool guys of the hobby store right like if you just get
old enough people will forget that you were a nerd like I have a mustache now
I've got to be cool I've got earrings yeah things that are horrible yeah old
men with like fresh earrings yeah well we've already be filled the time I feel
like we're this is like we're having fun now so I don't know if you cut it off or
we're not gonna have fun once you hit unrecord because in real life we hate
each other's guts we're not even best friends with each other yeah it's
actually important to say that that's why everyone was so mad at opening Anthony
when they split up is because they pretended like they were friends
that's what Jim explain does yeah yeah yeah which is and that's it's smart for
Jim to do that because I went on Jim and Sam and he made it very clear that he
had no interest in anything yeah Nick is Nick fucked my wife I fucked your
wife had this fucking investment thing that I put a bunch of money in yeah it
was a Ponzi scheme and he fucked me over I'm fucking broke as shit but now we
just sit with when the microphones go on then we're friends that's called show
business folks we're professionals all right well I'm gonna cut it off yeah
yeah yeah thanks