The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - 33

I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. We're doing a quick level check here. We started the podcast and then Brandon and Adam both left the room immediately. Fucking pieces of shit. There's only one bathroom, so I don't know why they both had to get up. I think Brandon is sucking off Adam in the bathroom. What are you doing in my kitchen, Brandon? Uh, I, uh, I have a little penis. Wait, it's probably because I'm gay.

Oh, dreidel, dreidel. Oh, no. Uh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. I sucked you because I'm gay. I fucked my mom and dad. I have a little penis. That's the beauty of, uh, Hanukkah. I said if you miss the chance to do the Christmas album. We could do a full Hanukkah album. Eight more days, eight days, eight tracks. That's like, uh, oh, shit, the cats are about to fight. Hopefully they will and kill each other.

Uh, uh, are there any more Hanukkah songs? Eight days, eight tracks. It'd be like a good, like, Ted Nugent tour. Hell yeah, dude. Ted Nugent, the sex with underage Filipinos tour. Does he do that? He did. He had like a fucking, I think his wife was like fucking, he married like a 14-year-old, like, some kind of exotic Asian. Well, I don't believe in the government telling him what to do. Uh, is that libertarian to be a pedophile?

It is, yeah. It's the most libertarian thing you could do. Keep the government out of my bedroom. You know what I mean? I'm trying to fuck beautiful Malaysian children. And I'm not trying to pay taxes on them. I'm not paying tax on these little baby condoms I put on them and suck them off. I want those shits for free. I believe in small government, but like small child.

Small government penises. Little ass kids. Do you think people suck off little kids and get any enjoyment out of that? Don't they fuck? What are you talking about? What are they doing for work? No, but eating pedophiles is sucking on it. I don't want to suck off this kid, but I will if I have to.

But a little kid's dick doesn't even get hard. I mean, it gets like that little kid hard. No, it gets hard. But you don't... There's no G's coming at you. There's no G's coming at you. Those were kind of the best. But what are you doing for the sport?

Before I could come. I would come soft. Well, I don't know if it was necessarily an erection, but I remember it like my preschool graduation. Hell yeah. There was this teacher that I was so into and I kept moving my legs. I kept moving my legs on stage because I was looking at it. You were just beating off with your legs?

But yeah, I don't know if it was just like if my dick just felt funny, or if it had like a pre-pew best interaction. No, you wanted to fuck your teacher, dude. Yeah. I think... Anyway, yeah, I think we've discussed little kids' penises. Nick is sitting at a desk forever in my home. Yeah, this is a new come town.

Nick has a laptop and a desk. Well, the desk was already here and I already had the laptop. We just have more space in the living room. The desk has been cleared off. So I'm trying to sing where I'm a producer now. So this is the booth. I can keep an eye on the levels and stuff. And I don't have to contribute anything.

Well, we can talk about little kids. I made a smoothie and now I don't... Do I need a straw? I just chugged my shit straight out the blender. I can't. It's too frothy. What did you put in there, dude? Ginger, apples, lemon. Look at this.

It's thick in the cup. I don't like that, dude. That's a bad combo. I'd go kale, spinach, tomatoes, carrots, apple. How much water do you put in there? I put a nice amount of almond milk in there. Yeah, I put almond milk. I put a cup of water and some orange juice. I don't have almond milk.

I'm going to make my own with the Vitamix. No, you can only make almond butter with it. You can make almond milk with it. I don't think so. I'm going to put the Vitamix in the group text. Vitamix is good, dude. That's that good shit. I'm a new man since that Vitamix, dude.

Jesus Christ! These cats just almost assaulted Brandon. What if they fucked Brandon's face up? What if the cats fucked Brandon's face up? I wouldn't call the hospital. That's libertarian, too. You can't have a hospital. They're going to throw up on me.

Maybe you're the problem. Maybe you eat some of that. Brandon's sick. You're so beta that the cats get fucking sick. I'm like the opposite of a cat whisper, where cats just fucking cuck me. Well, I see cuck you. Got my cats in the garage.

Hell yeah, dude, we're marring. What's the fucking... I fucking hate going to the post office. Why don't we get Stan.com? What does he say for Adam and Eve.com? I fucking hate having sex. That's why I get dildos to shove in my ass. Listen, Barack Obama.

Thank you for doing the show, but I got to get something off my fucking chest. He cut off the Obama interview to plug dildos. He was like, I'm sorry, Mr. President. Put that in your ass. Pow, I just shit my pants. Thanks for coming on the show, President Obama.

Can I make coffee in the Vitamix? I don't think so. What if you put the whole beans in there, you grind them up, then you put water in, then you put it on soup, and then it's the entire process. Yeah, but then you wouldn't be able to filter out the beans. Unless you poured all of it into a coffee filter.

You just drink the motherfucking beans. Yeah, then you do a pour over on top of it. You pour it over the cup. Is it boiled? What's that? No, it doesn't boil. It'll boil. It'll boil?

It'll get hot as shit, dude. How does it do that? It's just the kinetic energy. Exactly, dude. It's so fucking fast. Yeah, don't lean that against my TV, please. Get that fucking shit off my TV. Damn it, you immediately come over and fuck up my purchases.

Disrespect my expenditures. Your TV is broken now? Seriously, just look at me right now. Look at the amount of money I've wasted and I surrounded myself with, what is this, like $2,000? This is a $500 blender. How much for TV?

$8,000. Pretty soon, Nick's going to be on the fucking deck of the Starship Enterprise. All your gizmos and gadgets. I'm going to Skype myself into the show from that Titanic remake that they made, that India made. Did you see that? No. Not India, but some Indian country,

and I know that sounds racist. How's that, what? Bangladesh? You know what I mean. A country that's, you know, it's not India, but it's India. South Asia, Sri Lanka, or whatever. Yo, I love how much these cats disrespect me.

Get on this chair and shit on my face. Well, one of these countries, they're like, we have to make another Titanic. And they remade, they made it completely to spec, they remade the Titanic. Wait, oh, the boat, oh shit. And it's like launching next year. What?

Yeah. I mean, I guess they'll have fucking... But you got to imagine, because that movie has to do really well internationally because it's such like a bullshit, accessible story. Right. And this, you know, it's not like a great script, so it translates easy. Right, right, right.

It's how much to think about. It's like, you know, the poor guy gets to fuck the rich woman. Yeah, which is awesome. So, like, I imagine that translated into, you know, again, not Indian, but Sherpa Indian, or whatever, whichever country it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it just wasn't.

It's not India. It's got to be India, dude. What other country has that kind of sketch? They just spent all their money. Bangladesh. The president of Bangladesh ran on that platform of like, we're going to remake Titanic people. No, yeah, dude.

We're going to empty out the fucking treasure. And one lucky poor man gets to fuck my wife. Yeah. The rich woman. Well, my wife plays Rose. Yeah. The most beautiful woman in Bangladesh. He just likes getting cucked.

This is all just a fucking huge cuck's roleplay for him. I mean, every Judd Apatow movie is like, Paul Rudd fucking Judd Apatow's wife. Like, Judd Apatow's just like, hey, Paul Rudd, can you fuck my wife again? It's Australian and Chinese. Whoa. That seems like a nice combo.

I don't know where I got Indian. Being racist and wanting to do the voice. Yeah. What's a Chinese Australian guy? I'm sure it's all, it's got to be nothing but the Arabs that are going on this trip. Huh? Oh, yeah.

It's only Arab. That honestly sounds like Dubai more than anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the kind of dumb shit that they do. They love to waste their money on dumb things. Now back to my Vitamix. Yeah. Fucking ice big.

Ice big. Ice fucking huge. No, dude, it's got to be Chinese and Australian. I fucking hate Titanic. I hate that whole movie. I love the titties. I hate that scene in the beginning where he's like, the titties were nice.

Wait, is it, is it F. Murray Abraham? That's great. That's like, he's the guy that's like, this ship is perfect. Not even God himself could sink it. I mean, this is such a perfect ship that even in the third act of the movie, nothing bad will happen.

Yeah, that movie fucking sucked dick. I don't know how old the lunch table. I remember the lunch. Yeah, the lunch table in fifth grade. I like everyone that Monday after Titanic came out. They're like, yo, you see roses titties. And she had some beautiful fat titties. And she has some nice ones.

Look, I would have been thrilled to see any titties, but fucking roses titties. What's what's actually Kate? Kate Winslet. Well, I had like the, my mom had like the VHS, like the, the movie on the two VHS tapes. Yeah. And so I would like, I'd pop, I'd pop one in,

pop one off. Pop one off. Yeah. I'd pop one into my ass. No, I never, as we discussed, I didn't jack off. Yeah, Brennan doesn't beat off. Later.

But I would like just, you know, I'd appreciate titties, but not jack off. So you would just get hard and not even touch your dick. Look at my boner. You would look at it and suck it. Just, I'd just wait for it to go away. I would, I would get hard and I'd slam my boner. That's, that's how I feel about your career, Brennan.

Just look at it. Wanted to slowly dissipate. Dude, just speed. You can speed it up. Suck off his career and it'll go away faster. How would you suck off my career? I don't know. I'm trying to figure that out.

Put your entire mouth around you. Maybe you're the, maybe you're the dick in this metaphor. Please expand this for an hour. All right. I got it. Hold on. Maybe we just, here's how you suck off my career. We film you sucking us off and release it as a sex tape.

One night in Brandon. Do you know, do you know what Brandon's life is like in LA dude? It's like, he's got like the older brother character robes man. Good one, baby bro. Yeah. Good one, baby bro. He's got a turtle. He's got a turtle.

He's got a turtle. Sexual juice. sexual juice. sexual juice turtle. Okay. He's got a tequila company that he's investing in. Yeah. Are we still talking about Titanic?

This is a character in Titanic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, we're talking about Brandon's life. Oh yeah. We're talking about the fact about how to remove the foam from my smoothies. I don't like your new producer setup dude.

This is like Adam on, but with a computer. Yeah, it's true. A computer and a desk. And a desk. I might go get my office chair out of the room. All right. Go ahead. What?

No, I'm helping. You are? Yeah. I mean I looked up the Titanic thing. What's that? What does it say about the foam? It's caused by insoluble fiber or some shit. I don't want to fucking learn science.

I just want to drink vegetables so I don't have to fucking make a salad. I know. That's absolutely the only reason I eat a fucking damn smoothie. Yeah. Dude, just fucking blend that shit up. Never have to eat fucking gross ass vegetables. You can just eat bacon and eggs and then drink fucking veggies real quick. That's what I do every morning.

Yeah. I have a healthy ass smoothie and then I eat like five strips of bacon. Are you a smoothie boy? Oh fuck yeah dude. Oh no. Dude, you haven't been paying attention to the happenings dude. I got a damn Vitamix. I got one first, Nick kind of copied me actually.

I think it's the... I had one first. Shut the fuck up dude. No, you didn't have one. You didn't have one. Your roommate had one bitch. I had access to one first. And you never brought it up.

I've never heard you talk about me. Because I'm not a big braggy pants like you. When's the last time you made a smoothie bitch? Last time I made a smoothie? Before I was making it. Every time I've been in Adam's apartment he makes a smoothie. Shut up. It's true.

Every fucking time. Don't answer Adam. What kind of smoothies? Don't look at him. There was like, it was fucking... He took out some like freezer berries. Yup. I remember that one.

This is what you do, Mix. This is what you do guys. True smoothie head hours. You go to Costco. You get the frozen fruit. The big ass bags of frozen fruit. That's fucking sugar dude. You're making sorbet.

I'm making healthy ass. No son. Motherfucking... You just add the fruit in for taste. Yeah, for taste. You put a bunch of... You know you should use kale instead of spinach. kale and spinach.

No, you should use just kale rather than spinach. Why? Dark leafy greens? Well spinach has oxates in it to fuck you up. If you eat too much of it. I might eat too much dude. I mean a handful of spinach and kale. Well you're going to get fucking oxate poisoning.

No, I don't think fucking spinach poisoning is going to be my issue. What are... What are oxates? That's what happens. I think a couple other fruits are going to get through first. You get spinach poisoning and then your fucking forearms get huge. Fuck yeah. And uh...

You only want to fuck skinny ass ugly women. That guy named Bruno fucks your wife all the time. Your big fat friend who keeps trying to get you to buy cheeseburgers for. Olive oil was hot. Olive oil was not hot, bitch. I wouldn't fuck the olive oil. Olive oil was not thick enough. Olive oil had a big ass fucking chin.

No, she was not thick. She was not thick. I'm about to look up Olive oil right the fuck now dude. She looked like shit. She was ugly. She was skinny as shit. Have you seen the olive oil? All bodies are beautiful, but...

No, pull up. Yeah, pull up Olive oil. Have you seen the Robin Williams Robert Altman Popeye? Yeah, it's a piece of shit. Have you seen the Elliott Gould Robert Altman Popeye? Dude, she's got big ass feet, big ass hands. Have you seen the Elliott Roger Popeye? That's my favorite one, dude.

Oh, man. She has that Elliott Roger big... The Elliott Roger videos would have been so funny if you did it. It was on r slash cringe like three days before he killed these stabbed old people. Wait, is that real? Yeah, that's like... I thought you were making a joke. No, I remember Foodie was talking about watching the Elliott Roger videos before it happened.

Really? I was being like, ah, no, whoops. Yikes. I should have said something, but I don't know. The whole r slash cringe community fucked up on that one? Yeah. Well, you know, because there's so many, there's so many Elliott Rogers online that don't do an Elliott Roger.

Right, right, right, right, right. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. RIP, Rest in Peace, Elliott. R slash cringe like fell off, though. I've never, I've never gone. I'm not a big Reddit boy. I used to be a real cringe head.

Yeah. Yeah. You were the kind of guy that would shit on Reddit and then just exclusively go to Reddit for entertainment in the Virginia days, dude. Yeah, you used to be. Remember? Used to be to Reddit. Oh, absolutely.

No, I still do. Yeah. There's like so many subreddits that are, but except Pornhub gave me a free premium account. Well, what's Pornhub Premium? What's that? What is that? They have extra shit.

I mean, it's just Pornhubpremium.com. Holy shit. They have more stuff? It's, well, it's all the stuff that they normally have. No ads. No ads. What's your login, bro? But then also like fucking like real premium shit.

My username is sexualjumanji. Can I have it also? My avatar is Alex Jones. Give us the login, bitch. I'll share it. Yeah. Hell yeah. Dude, I got it.

Brandon just vaulted himself into number one friend of the show. I vetoed that. That's not happening. He's giving us the Pornhub, dude. What's that? He's giving us his Pornhub Premium account. Who gives a shit? You paid for pornography?

No, I would never pay. He gave me a free premium account. But who cares? What the fuck is the worth of that? A lot. What? What the fuck do you get out of Pornhub Premium? Oh, I mean, a lot.

I hope you're sponsored by them and we're fucking up your endorsement right now. By shitting all over Pornhub Premium. Why the fuck would you ever want that? You can download all that shit. Adblock doesn't work on Pornhub. I've used Pornhub with that. Don't use Pornhub. You have this like so much pornography.

Every porn site has ads. You know what? It should be... Every time I'm like... Paying for pornography and downloading child porn should be the same crime. You should go to jail for the equal amount of time for doing either one of those things. I would never pay for porn. But I would accept a free premium.

Sure. Absolutely. Do they have... Is it kind of like Netflix where they have like different providers? Like you get that good browser shit or the... There's some of that. Okay. You know what I was thinking?

You said child porn. There's a lot of premium exclusives. I love it. See, Nick? If you agree, well, don't say anything. But if you're holding the microphone, hold on. I guess Nick agrees. If you agree, wipe your mouth with a paper towel.

I keep spilling juice everywhere. I just discovered... You know what I was saying outside? I just discovered this guy. I was like on Ex Hamster, Pornhub or something. And there's this guy... You know which one it was. Who does interviews with porn stars at like conventions.

It's like this little creepy Italian man who wears suits. And he's like, I'm here with the most beautiful woman in the world. Lisa Ann. He's like, isn't she beautiful? And they do like a really like a fucking awkward interview. Someone, one of the fans, find that guy for me. He's like a paparazzi. He's a porno paparazzi.

Yeah, he's like a porno. Yeah, like... But he sounds like a super fan. He's like, he's the Italian flag. Wait, okay. I love beating off. My favorite thing to do is go to the cafe and have a cappuccino beat off. I gotta find this guy.

You were talking about cringe earlier? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one of the top videos was that dude losing his virginity to a porn star. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One suck. Remember that? One suck. Yeah, one suck.

That was on eFucked first. Oh, hell yeah, eFucked. Yeah, but... EFucked is a throwback, dude. That's classic. That should be... There should be, you know, it's fucked up that millennials get lumped into the same category. Because there's definitely a generational gap between people that are from the mean internet.

Right. The way the internet used to be. That was our internet. That was my internet. It informed my personality. Were you on something awful? A borderline psychopath. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then this new internet that's like, you're not allowed to hurt anybody's feelings ever. That's why you log on is to be nice. It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? You're using this the completely wrong way. Dude, the best video I ever saw on eFucked was this fucking guy. It was a couple and it was just like these creepy white people that hired some like black dude to fuck, you know, it was like a cuck. The guy, so the black guy sitting at the edge at the top of the bed and the husband, I guess,

is fucking his wife like to warm her up or whatever. Yeah. And so the guy's head, their head is by the guy's dick and the guy's fucking his wife. Wait. And he keeps inching closer with every pump he comes closer. He inches closer to the guy's dick and he just starts sucking off the black dude. Who's like waiting to fuck his wife? So he's fucking his wife.

The guy's fucking his wife before the black guy fucks her. And as he fucks his wife, he sucks off the box. He comes up like fucking coming up for air and starts sucking off like with every pump he gets a little suck off and the guys are the best. It's the best fucking face I've ever seen in my life. The guy's just like it's like the fucking. It's like the the like smiling. No, he's like fucking weirded out.

He's like he doesn't want to know. No, no, no. It's like the fucking walk up. It's like the walk up like okay meme like he's making those weird side eyes. He's just getting his dick sucked. Could you imagine thing you're gonna fuck someone's wife and some guys start sucking your dick? The black guy's taking a piss.

Yeah. Oh, yes. Okay. Yeah. He's like so not into getting his dick sucked. It was awesome. Yeah, dude. Check out that vid guys if you can find it.

It's brought a lot of joy to my life. My two favorites were on effect. There's one that was like, you know, it's two women on a bed and they're shoving eels in their pussy. Yes. Electric eels in their pussies. And then this camera slowly tracks to the side and the shot gets wider. And then it just this guy from the edge of the frame comes in and he's got like a blow

fish and he's just fucking it in the mouth. Slowly is just standing next to the woman. He's like shoving this dumb fish's head over his dick and it's inflating because it doesn't know what else to do other than to get bigger. Probably making the experience more pleasurable for the man. Like, I don't have spikes on the inside. I didn't think about this. I was worried about being eaten and something much worse happened.

And that's like a perfect lesson for life, you know? Absolutely. We all have our spikes in a lot of ways. And then what happens? The IRS comes and they stick their dick in your mouth. Absolutely. That's why I roll libertarians. Cancer or something.

Cancer is that dick going into the blowfish's mouth. Oh, and then the second one, my other favorite one, was some website where it was like Glory Hole Surprise or something. Where like a guy would be like, wait, what could the surprise be? What do you think is coming out of that hole? It would be a guy that's like, all right, let me, you know, it would be shot from the girl's side of the Glory Hole. And you know, it would be a guy like, you know, she's like, pass the money underneath.

And he's like, let me see like a titty or something. So she'll like put her titty up the hole. And then we all start sucking the guy's dick. And then she like trades off for like a guy. But the guy always has a mustache. So like the guy will like feel like the man's mustache. And then he'll be like, fuck, fuck. Is that real?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Let me see if I can find it. We should do that. We should do pranks like that guy. Yeah. That's great.

Dude. That's like impractical. I think impractical. I think that's a great impractical joke. Extremely practical. Jokers. Fuck. Yeah.

That was Glory. That was Glory Hole Surprise on MTV to Rob Deardex. Rob Deardex. Glory Hole Surprise. What? It's just him showing those videos and being like what Chanel just giggling for no reason, adding absolutely nothing to the show. Yeah.

That's like it's it's just that whole show is like Rob being like, oh man, like, oh, oh, like, good job falling. And then Chanel was gonna be like, that's gotta hurt Rob. It's just, it's just out my balls. The TV show literally out my boss. I wrote on it for two days one time. Oh yeah. Ridiculous.

It was like, yeah. Do you get any sketches on? It was they, they like you like yell out jokes at that. It was like Andy Haynes like hooked me up with it. And it was like, uh, I like wasn't doing anything that week. And I was like, oh, I want money this week. Yeah. Can you let me in the room?

But yeah, I think Rob Deardex didn't like me. Yeah. Well, I get, I wonder why I do. Yeah. I would have just walked in there fucking. Yeah. Rob, you and Rob Deardex are the same guy except Rob Deardex can like actually skateboard. He has like one actual talent and it's misapplied and you have zero talents.

He also is the founder and DC shoes. Yeah. Yeah. He's a great businessman. Holy shit. Now I'm just watching porn. Yo, I can't find this Italian guy that interviews the porn stars. I've been looking for him.

Sounds like another classic Adam Friedland lie. I can't find it. About content that doesn't exist. It's real. We're just pitching a sketch. No. I'm here with the most beautiful girl in the world. This is a Spanish porn producer named like Torbay or something.

I can't remember his name, but he's just like a Chote. He looks like he's got like a Ron Jeremy thing going on, but he doesn't have a big dick. He's just some Chote guy and he like fucks all these high women. He's like, I make bone. He's borat? Yeah, basically. It's so awesome. Everyone who's not from America is borat.

Yeah, you could just make porn. People were fucking. I knew a guy. I know a guy. Yeah. Where is that? Where's that smell coming from? The cat shit again.

Where is it? From the right behind you. Right behind you. Dumbass. Pick them up. Do you suck off the turds? Let's put the cat shit on Brandon. Um, Joe Prank.

We're going to treat you like an intern here. We should get an intern. We should get an intern that could just go fucking buy smoothie supplies for me. That'd be awesome. I'm sitting here next to my sweet laser printer. Yeah, we should get some like Jewish girl from Westchester that goes to NYU. Yeah. They'll be so, they'll work so hard.

Why don't we just dress you up like a Jewish girl? I could do it. I could be Rebecca Schwartz. No, we can't because she's going to fall in love with me and also do certain things. What's your name? Jerry? Jerry now. I used to do a bit like when everyone's fucking catchy.

Yeah, that smells so bad. I used to do a bit when everyone was like ISIS, the new terrorist group. The cat shit and then now it's licking its own asshole. Anyway, what were you saying about that? I used to do a bit where it was like ISIS, the new terrorist group with great social media presence. And I was like, yeah, that's all because of Rebecca Goldstein, recent graduate of NYU. She's like, yeah, I got an internship.

They don't pay me yet, but it's for a startup and they're growing really fast. They're called ISIS. And oh my God, this cat. Great broadcasting. Hell yeah, dude. Do you have an internship? Yeah, I interned at the Peace Corps headquarters in DC when I was in college. Damn.

And I used to just go through people's, I was in the office of medical records. I was just filing, but I just read how people got fucked up on the Peace Corps. Oh shit. And it was pretty sad. I mean, there was like a lot of, because they really put you out there alone, you know, you're like in indigenous villages and stuff like all alone. And there were a lot of girls that were filing for abortions through workers comp because they were so lonely out there that they like had sex with like a local guy and then they

got pregnant. Yeah. Through workers comp? You get a workers comp? I guess so. They're like, yeah, I guess so. That's a good deal. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that, that's maybe. That seems kind of crazy. You just get dicked down. What? Look, the cat shit literally right behind Brandon. I didn't even make it to the fucking. Yeah, just shit on the floor.

Can we please clean this up? It's like stifling. We have to wait until the show's over, dude. Yeah, dude, there's no cats. We're in the middle of the show. You know how unprofessional it would be to get up and go do something else in the middle of the show? Just open the window.

Last time I was here it ended because. Yeah, the cat threw up. The cat, the cat like threw up. Yeah, they're, they're pretty terrible cats. Yeah. I didn't think you had to deal with like house breaking cat. Apparently. Yeah, I want a nice little cute cat.

That's what I want. I want that cute little cat. My mom's cats are tight as shit, dude. They just fucking, you don't even see them. They're living. Talk about your dad. Oh, my dad. Yeah.

Christmas break. He's brought it up before. Did I, I don't think I even did. No, no, no, but talk more about that. Like I, that you tweeted about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You put Hercules is gay. My little brother trolled.

Yeah, we just trolled my fucking father all Christmas. He was my little brother. Yeah, I tweeted this, but he put Alexander the Great was gay. On Google translate and played it in Greek. And my dad was like, what the fuck? First of all, he doesn't know what Google translate is. He has no idea that you can get a computer to read something for you. He thinks the computer just hates Greek.

He thinks he's like some, and then he was like, who said that? He asked my brother who it was. And it was like. And then in me, and then eventually he asked if it was Siri, because I guess he knows what Siri is. I was like, was that Siri? Is that what Siri is? Just makes fun of fucking Greek people.

And then my little brother put. Then he put Alexander the Great fucks little boys. And then he said he had a little penis. So by that point, I think my father finally got it. But yeah, it's fun trolling my fucking dumb ass. My dumb ass dad. He has so much Greek pride for no fucking reason. Well, he got a lot to be proud of.

Yeah, dude. He's got a successful son. That's right. You know, that's now. Does he know about podcasts? He has no idea what the podcast is. He doesn't know about the podcast? No.

Aw man, I wish my parents didn't speak English. He did come see me at McGooby's after years of telling me to quit comedy. He was like, oh, yeah, you could keep doing comedy. He liked it? He liked it. Yeah, yeah. He thought it was funny? He thought it was funny?

But I don't think he understood half the shit. What is this with people's parents telling him to quit comedy? I guess I was such a fuck up as a teenager that the one thing I was like, you know, doing something. They were glad you just weren't setting something on fire. My parents literally, I like, it was so ridiculous. They got so mad that they literally said they were going to sue me. That is the most Jewish thing I've ever done.

I was like, how the fuck are you going to sue me? Yeah, they said they were going to sue me because they made a deal with me before undergrad that I would be going to law school. What kind of deal? I don't know. What kind of deal? I was like, all right. Okay, sue me, guys.

You sound very, you sound like you're being very reasonable. We were about to go to law school when we went to that Drake concert in D.C. where we got grinded on by a child. Adam told the story of Fuck It Mom, but he fucked up teenagers. Yeah, we're going to upload it. It'll be on the premium episode if you want to hear that story. Yeah, Adam fucked up teenagers. I did not fuck a teenager.

The premium live show will go up today and then this episode will go up tomorrow. Okay, cool. And Brandon, you said we have to edit out your set. Yeah, edit out my set. Why? Did you bomb? No, I had like a seven out of 10 set that I don't want on the podcast. Let's just put on the podcast. Let's find like a little kid talking about being gay.

And when we introduce Brandon, it'll be like a little kid saying he's gay. Make sure that cat doesn't jump up there. He's friends with that kid now. Calling all the basic. Wait, low Anthony. Yeah, yeah, your friends. I know him. Yeah.

Dude, that kid rules. Calling all the basic. Yeah. Calling all the basic. I remember Brandon sent me this video from Worldstar, like like four years ago. All of him twerking to a birthday cake. And the name of the video was like, seriously, parent yo son. Oh yeah.

Father yo kid. Father yo kid. Hey, ass little child. Twerks to Rihanna's birthday cake. And this little gay boy. He was like, well, Anthony being like, Hey guys. So I'm wearing my school uniform. I, I'm praying to God and I'm a little, you know, he was super Christian.

I'm a boy who loves Jesus and loves to twerk. So I'm going to just do a little twerk for Jesus. And he like plays birthday cake. That kid rules. I mean, his other video name on his other video. Have you seen his other video that I was obsessed with Brandon? He has like this. He goes with his leg.

He's like flipping his leg around. He's on his bed. He's like calling all the basic bitches, calling all the basic bitches. There's a new announcement. You're basic. I remember that video. That video pissed me off. So obviously it sounds like black steward, black steward from Ed TV.

No, I just, I was, yeah, his voice wasn't broken at the time. Oh, he's white. Yeah. He's like a, yeah. He's like a gay white kid. Yeah. Like who went to like Christian private school and he was doing like twerk videos for God. Yeah.

It rules. Yeah. He rules. He's super. He's like, he really, he found his fucking audience. Where is he? How old is he now? He's like 19.

Oh really? Is he living in LA now? Is he trying to be a guy? He lives in LA. Like he's friends with like Ariana Grande and shit. No way. Everybody like loves him. Yeah.

He rules. Yeah. Low Anthony is like, he really like fucking figured it out. Good for him. Good for him. Fucking Rebecca Black figured it out. Like she's around. She's on YouTube.

Yeah. She's super around. Brandon's saying all this so that he thinks in his mind there's hope for himself. All these gay YouTube stars, all these gay internet children. Fucking have a YouTube hit. Yo, you know who's still around and like I'm so happy for Danny Trejo? I saw him in that. Jesus Christ.

I saw him in that. I had a really good video. Why wouldn't he be? Why wouldn't he be? You know, that Harambe video was really big for him. He had a great 2016. He was with some faggot. Yeah.

I don't remember who it was. Stop. Don't just brand this here. Don't say. I'm sorry. Yeah. Brandon's in the phone. It's homophobic for starters.

And secondly, you know, he's sitting right there. Yo, how old is Rebecca Black? Can I, can I fuck Rebecca? Oh yeah. Rebecca Black is like very of age. Nice. Whatever. Fuck her.

She's not even attractive. She's just like an okay looking girl. She's just excited at the idea that she was a child at one point. Yeah. I'm going to beat off to that video. I'm going to play it in my headphones while I fuck her. Um, no, I don't know. I think she had some kind of, I think I did see a recent picture of her and I was like,

nice. No, I think she's like a babe, though. Yeah. See, Nick? Brandon says she's a babe. You know who's really hot now, guys? The, the baby from dinosaurs. I am right here.

The baby. On the baby. You gotta fuck me. The baby suck my penis. You gotta fuck me on the baby. On the baby. Dude, I felt so bad for that dad, dude. He used to get the shit beat out of it by that baby.

Yeah. Like slap him in the face. I, you know, I couldn't tell the difference between that show and Roseanne. And Roseanne, yeah. Yeah. It was like sort of the same thing. Yeah. They were the same show.

They looked the same. Now the mom wasn't fat and dinosaurs, was she? Wasn't the whole point that it was dinosaur Simpsons? No, it was like Roseanne. Yeah, that was the point of the show. Like the son was dinosaur Simpsons. The son was dinosaur Bart. Now he was, he was older and cooler than me.

Yeah. He had the same hairstyle as Bart. Everyone did. It was the 1990s. That's what people's hair looked like. Wasn't he a tricerat? No, he was a stegosaurus. He had spiky hair.

Yeah. There was all types of like a trans species type of shit. Yeah. There was a lot of that in children's entertainment because there was so many, after the huge success of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they had like 19 different spin-offs. Or not spin-offs, but knock-offs. The shark. They had a shark.

Street sharks. Street sharks was probably the most successful of all the rip-offs. But there was a bunch of them. Like Biker Mice from Mars was a show that was on Foxbox. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, there was a couple other ones. Yo, I fucked with street sharks.

Yeah. There's like, there's three types of children's shows and they just remake them over and over. Right. Yeah. Like Japan does that. Like Power Rangers. That's like the one show we have here, but there's like 800 different shows that are basically just Power Rangers in fucking in Japan.

Chaim Saban is the guy that owned Saban. Saban? Saban. Yeah. Saban, I always said Saban. He's like a big donor to, he was a big donor to Hillary. They imported it, I guess. But like there's a fucking, there's a version of Spider-Man.

That's why she lost. There's a version of Spider-Man that was shot in Japan in like the 1970s. Oh, I've seen that shit. It's hilarious. Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Man. And then like, you know, he's doing Spider-Man shit. Also, it's great because the mask, the eyes are more Chinese. Yeah, yeah.

They had like even more, they made him even pointier. And then like fucking, so you're watching the intro to the Spider-Man Japanese. And then all of a sudden there's like a, there's a Gundam. There's just, Spider-Man also has a Gundam. They couldn't just not put a Gundam in Spider-Man. So good. Italian Spider-Man, that video. You haven't seen that one?

I haven't seen it. You haven't seen it? I don't know if it's like fake or because it's too awesome to like not be a little tongue and cheek, I think. I saw it briefly, but it's just like some fat guy with a gun and a Spider-Man suit. Yeah. It's pretty good. He's got like a mustache.

He doesn't even wear the mask half the time. It's good shit, baby. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Well, all the hearts on Brandon's Facebook Live just went away. For the fake.

For being racistly Japanese. They don't like it. It's all otakus. Yeah. It's all otakus. Yeah. Well, they're fake Japanese. That's worse.

That's cultural appropriation. But that's all they have. When I make up a language that sounds like Japanese, that's fucking art. It's an original creation and it's respectful. But when you dress, when you decide to go around smelling like shit and clutching your anime body pillow. That's culture. If you fuck cartoons, that's cultural appropriation.

Dude, I had a fucking sweetmate that had Jade Chopsticks. A sweetmate? Yeah. This is in your time in London. Yeah, a flatmate. Yeah, one of my flatmates. Shut up, bitch. We took the lorry down to the...

We went to college. You educated a dog. We went down to uni. We went to uni to play footy with the other fucking... Shut up. I won't be fucking talked down to by two college drugs. There's absolutely mental in it. I didn't drop out of college.

I just didn't go. So I didn't fail anything. High school and college dropout was pretty cool. Yeah, me and Sov finished. I actually did. True champion. You didn't finish? No, I didn't get my...

And me and Brandon are way more successful than the both of you. Yeah, it's okay, bitch. I'm executive vice president of Mullen Media. I'm the head of the union. I'm the union boss and I mobbed the fuck up, guys. I was like, that's the last exit to Springfield when Homer imagines himself as the union leader. And I'm like, yeah, and eventually you'll get in with organized crime. And then he has that fantasy where he's going around as the Don.

Just giving him donuts. And he's like, multiband. And he's eating the donuts. That's such a fucking good show. The Simpsons. Great show. Yeah. Shout out to the Simpsons, kids.

You might want to check it out. Stop fucking looking at the camera. You goddamn... I'm not looking at anything. You're just looking at your own reflection. I can't see it. It's so small. Periscope.

You're looking at yourself and doing poses and shit. Hey, kids. Hey, kids. Check out this new dance move I made up. Nice, man. I'm going to whip. And I'm going to nae nae. Yikes.

Damn. Somebody said, I wish Stav had a different laugh. Well, guess what, bitch? I don't suck my dick and lick my ass cheeks. Hey, Brandon, if you're periscoping our podcast, you're going to have to pay us money. Yeah. Did you license this? Yeah.

You're going to license it. I didn't license this. Nobody agreed. First of all, you're going to say, you're going to mix our ability to upload your set, and then you're going to periscope our podcast for free. Wait. What's the agreement? $1,200.

Yeah. You owe us at least. You owe us $1,200. Yeah. Each. No. Come on. Don't be ridiculous.

It's $4,400 each. You know what? For a friend, $3,997. That's fair. Or you can give us all head on camera. Oh, that's so much easier. No, because that would be like, that would be good. That's good content.

Yeah. That would be good. Brandon's sucking a dick. He's like, oh, this is great content. Dude, you see this gay sex jay. Get your camera. This is great content. Who is that boy that you just fucking harassed?

The fat boy sex jay. Sexual Jumanji. I don't know who this is. He's a boy. Brandon takes pictures of him. He's a gay man. Oh, yeah. Have you met sex jay?

We've never met. We follow each other on Twitter. You follow each other. And I love him. He's hilarious. Yeah. He fucking rules. Yeah.

He's a cute little. He hasn't fucked, right? He still hasn't fucked. We've got to get that guy to fuck. Somebody's got to fuck sexual Jumanji in 2017. Yeah. I started, well. Dude, this is great content.

I'm fucking this. Oh, yeah. I got to suck off sex. Do it for the culture, dude. I'm doing this for the culture. So for all the come boys out there, Brandon found a fat, adorable virgin in where Minnesota or something Milwaukee Milwaukee. And did you move him out?

Did you fly him out to LA? I didn't fly. We were going to. We were going to split the cost. Me and Robeson. We were going to fucking fly him out to LA and Robeson was like, good one, baby, bro. He ended up just like buying a ticket to LA, but he's just some like gamer that like fucking loves to.

He's a hype beast, too. Oh yeah. He's a gamer who also like loves like high wearing. Babe. Yeah. And he's funny. He's funny. He's got funny tweets.

He can. He'll post funny tweets, but yeah, he'll also like complain about like his mom buying the wrong. So yeah. Which is awesome. But that's all part of it. That's all part of what's awesome about him. Yeah.

We got if you're a come boy and you see sex J, you have to suck his dick even if he doesn't want you to. So that's that's out. Yeah. Rape Brandon's friend. Cool. So that's settled. Oh yeah.

Remember when you thought that song we were listening to in the car was about rape? Oh yeah. Yeah. That song was about rape. Brandon's Brandon's other friend is pop punk LA friend made a song about raping a passed out girl. They're like, isn't this cool dude? It's like pop punk.

And I'm like, this song's about raping. Well, how's the song go? It says she's too drunk to fuck. No, she's he's like, I only hit her up when I'm taking drugs with a dead Kennedy song. Like she's too fucked up to fuck me and I'm too fucked up to give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think they're like not fucking. Yeah, that's what I thought too. But there's definitely a reading of it. But like, yeah. Well, I mean, even if it's a song about not fucking, even if it's a song about not fucking, he should have just read his own lyrics and been like, holy shit, what the fuck am I saying? Yo, that's, uh, yeah, um, this, yeah, it's like that's

illegal to rape in Hollywood. I will be your father. Your chief export is, is broken psyches from years ago. I just wanted to be an actress. It's all suppressed. Yeah. And I wish there's an alternate timeline where brain is definitely sucking off like some fat Jewish producer for a role as alternate timeline.

It's a subconscious. Yeah. Yeah. Moved all that shit. The CEO of Viacom. Yeah. I just, I just blacked out for four and a half days. I just got really drunk and blacked out for seven and a half weeks.

Dude, that's a normal thing to have Brandon told me about when he, when he moved to Hollywood, he got off the plane. He had a spindle and like a stick and a little, and a little Johnny Apple seed spindle and a limo pulled up and an old man was in it and he's like, you want a career kid? You're a cute kid. You want a career kid? And then Brandon, he's Brandon and had to open up. It was a, it was Bob Bowden Kirk.

He gave me a Bob Bowden Kirk. He gave me a truck. Yeah. Oh yeah. He fucked Andy Dick also. Andy Dick licks my ear once at a, at a festival five years ago. His ear and then his asshole in that order. And then he fucked him in the ass also.

And that is true. If it's true, just laugh, Brandon, or be silent. Wait, dude, Brandon, why are you laughing? Wait. My ex-girlfriend, like Brandon, when he was a child, used to be hanging out at our apartment and like, we, he wouldn't understand the social cues that we were going to sleep. Like we would literally be getting into bed and Brandon would be like, anyway, can I show you this next video on the internet and then, and then like my ex-girlfriend would

just be like, Brandon, get the fuck out of our house. And he'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, sorry, no, no, no, sorry, sorry, no, no, sorry, recall. Please. I know. That's absolutely true. I mean, yeah, but I just kind of black out. I just black out everything pre-

No, it's cute, dude. Every negative emotion. You're way cuter when you were a freak like that. Now you're- Now people are saying that they're mad that Sam wasn't on the podcast. I can't figure out what these fucking people want. Well we said, we just shouldn't have said that- Well you told people that Sam was-

Sam called me and he was like, I'm in town, but let me do the podcast and then we tried to figure it out and we just couldn't do it. So you like announced it? Yeah. We were like, yeah, Sam might come by, you know, it just didn't happen, it didn't work out. And then people, I said, I was like, oh, we couldn't get Sam on and people were like, you fucking cunt, you piece of shit, because that's how people react to anything.

They're like, what do you mean they made C3PO's arm red? I hope George Lucas gets ass cancer. I'll go see the movie, but I fucking hate him. I'm gonna buy a thousand dollars for the merchandise. So yeah, I guess people were mad that Sam was even gonna be on the show because of the world peace thing. And then I said, then we had Felix on for the Christmas one, and now people are like, we're the fucking Sam.

Well yeah, we shouldn't have teased it, whatever, yeah, whatever dude, we have very big penises. Yeah, I don't know, we got video content coming soon, you know, we promised that, that's happening, we're gonna figure out a fucking schedule and make that happen, and then we're gonna lose all our fans when they see, you know, how severe my reserved affect and spectrum behavior actually is in real life. We're gonna see how bad our posture is. Yeah, yeah, my fucking terrible posture, my inability to control my face, and it's gonna be great.

Or maybe they'll think we're cute. Yeah, they'll think I'm cute, I'm cute as shit. Okay. I'm cute as hell. Boys. What's up girls? Holler at me if you're trying to fuck. Dude, this is the periscope ruins this.

You think so? Yeah. Why? There's only like three people in it. How many were in it? Nice. What's that? Brandon shut off the periscope.

13, 39. Nice. Damn, that's a lot of people. Yeah, that's good, that'll drive some of these puppy filters to our podcast. When we did the road periscope, I don't have a periscope, but we did one on the road, and it was like, wow, 27 people. You and Rob and... No, me and Adam, or me and stuff.

We had to drive down to D.C. to do, I guess, Sam Morrill shit. Oh yes, yes. What was it? It was just a big home with Sam Morrill. Oh, three. Three nice. Huh? Three all-boys.

No, I think Sam took a... We came back with him, but who gives a fuck? We just drove down solo-dolo, we went to the fucking Amish Market, that was a good fucking day. Damn, I want a fried chicken, but actually I don't. We had so much fun at that Amish Market. My favorite thing to do at the Amish Market is make elongated eye contact with the Amish girls, because they're not allowed to fuck.

So if you just look at them very fuckly, they get really uncomfortable, which I know is just harassment, but it's more of an anti-religion thing than anything. I'm not doing it because I would actually fuck them. I do it because I like to fuck up their... You want to set them free? Well, I want to just fuck up their culture, and I love their food, but it's a weird thing that they do. It is a very weird thing.

People, they get a pass because they're like old-timey, and people think of them like vintage furniture, or a Vitroler, or whatever, but they're human beings with a weird ideology. I don't know what they're doing, but I'm sure it's wrong in that. Well, we visit their shops, so we're like, oh, it's cute. Yeah, they're little novelties. Yeah, they're novelty people. We should try and seduce some of them. Yeah, I'm sure they all voted for Trump.

Like the Hasid's? The Amish? The Hasid's and the Amish all voted for Trump. Yeah, the Hasid's voted for Trump. Oh, yeah, I remember somebody, oh, it was Darcy posted that thing where it was like, oh, look at this Williamsburg map of voters. Oh, yeah, she thought it was hipsters. Right, but it was only, it was like us, it wasn't all of Williamsburg, it was just like

the old Jewish part. And she was like, I can't, I can't believe you guys, and then one of you was arguing with her? I don't know if it was. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about politics, dude. I'm a fucking-

Brandon's a little politics boy now. Yeah, he's got a chopper head. Has to be on Chapeau, which turned out to be the worst episode of that show, by the way. I don't know if you guys are aware. I never listened to it. People were threatening it. It's the most apolitical episode.

And people were threatened to cancel their subscriptions. Yeah, people were mad at the comments, but like by the time I subscribed to Chapeau, they had to leave all of the comments on Patreon, so, but like people sent me screenshots on Twitter. You have those? Yeah. Oh yeah, there's some people mad. People were really mad about our Kurt Metzger episode.

Yeah. Which was surprising. Kurt's like the, in terms of the intersection of biggest name and guy I'm like good friends with. That was like the ace in my sleeve of like, oh, well we can always have Kurt on, and Kurt's great. Right. I think Kurt's like the best comic in New York, and then it was just weird, and we just

fucking talked about Russia for like an hour and a half. Well, that's kind of one of the Norton thing. Yeah, the Norton thing, but Jim's always been kind of like, it's weird because he's helped me out a lot, and he's like never been mean, but he's always been sort of icy towards me. I don't understand why. What's that, why? What was the Norton episode?

And I thought that was just how Jim was, but then I did Jim and Sam, and people were like, why is Jim being like, you know, cold to you? I'm like, I have no fucking idea. Right. Apparently Jim was the one that asked for me to be on the show. Interesting. And I mean, he gave me a job, but you know, I wrote for his TV show, so like I don't. Maybe he does like, maybe that means he likes you.

Yeah, that's like a flirt. Maybe wants to kiss you. Yeah, I don't think it's that. I think it's, I think, I think Kurt vouched for me like a decent amount, and then that got me the job on the show, and I think I did a good job on the show, but he didn't like particularly, I don't think Jim thinks I'm funny, but I think like enough people around him say I'm funny, so that Jim's like, all right, I'll, you know, help this guy out.

Yeah. Right, right, right. But he doesn't give a shit. Kind of like what I do with Brandon, you know? It's a very similar situation where, you know, I understand a lot of people like him. I personally think he's a shithead, but I'll let him be on my show, and I won't ever look at him. Yeah, that's what the best is about.

Off pod, you were, you were trying to get lunch, you know? What's that? You're, I'm exposing you. Let me, hold on, let me pause the recording for a second. Do not ever bring up how nice I am to you, how nice I am to the show, ever once. I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you, and we're back. That's cute guy. I want to get fuff for lunch.

Did you actually stop recording? Of course not. You fucking idiot. Come on, dude. It's a clear bit. I don't know. Yeah. Of course you don't.

You're fucking idiot. He barely fucking touched it. It looks like he may be. It's called acting, you fucking child, I'm a brilliant actor. Such a clear radio bit. I pause the recording real quick. I'm sorry, dude, I didn't mean to fucking say that. But just sometimes, you know, like all the fucking thing, you're so fucking stupid that

you know, I got to yell at you for the thing. But anyway, dude, I can't wait for lunch. Yeah, it's like a, I can't wait to go out to lunch. You fucking dumb asshole, man, all right? You're a fucking idiot, dude. It's like, shut up. You fuck up the bid and like people, you have to say to me, turn the thing. Turn it back on.

Well, they get it, dude. No, they don't. Dude, they can see it. They're closing their eyes and they can see it. Wait, can you, theater of the mind? Can you pause? I just want to say one more thing. Can you pause?

Hold on. Now, because now I'm considering lunch, we talked about it, what are we going to blend for lunch? Run. Can you pause it? Can you pause it? Sure. I love that this thing will never pay for itself.

No. I'm not going to spend $500 on vegetables in my entire life. You know, I did spend a lot, I've been spending a lot on vegetables. Dude, fruits and vegetables. Even when people are like, oh, produce is getting expensive. And it's like, yeah, I order seamless like three times a day. Right, right, right. Try to fucking buy groceries.

But anyway, dude, can we put- Put like an immigrant? Like some kind of fucking immigrant with a bunch of dead chickens in their kitchen? No, dude. I go seamless breakfast, lunch, second lunch, dinner, night brunch, supper. I have supper and dinner. Oh, very continental. Yeah.

Is it continental? I thought that was more of like a plantation thing. Yeah, I don't know, I can help you with the Uber Eats yet. Huh? Yeah, put in Brandon's code so you can make another million dollars off your fucking losers. I've got like, I just eat so much free Uber Eats because I've like posted my code a bunch of times.

Really? I just, I put it in my bio and I like had them show it on MTV once. Very nice. It's eats seven. We're trying to get sponsored, dude. I fucking- Seven. Eighteen.

Fuck Brandon. Fuck Brandon. Fuck Brandon. Fuck Brandon. Fuck Brandon. I was like, I was in an email to their business development. I was like, yeah, and they were like, oh yeah, I'll like review the information and then they, I guess they saw the name of the podcast and just completely blew me.

How is that? They're like- That's like the one podcast they should be lending their names to. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, they sponsored Moon Tower. What about Adam and Eve, dude? I don't know. You can have it.

I'll figure it out. Put that in your ass. Dude, you make so much money off like sponsorships. Adam and Eve, pow, I just shit my pants. If you have like a top 100 comedy podcast, which we do, you know, you can get fucking, you can get like $5,000 an episode. No. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Off libraries and shit. God damn, you fucking posted that. What'd you post? Jesus Christ. A picture of Sumner Redstone. Sumner Redstone.

The, the guy, the owner of Viacom. Oh yeah, and it sucked off Brandon. Then Brandon sucked off. He posted, he posted a tweet where he, it says, this is the guy Brandon sucked off when he moved off. And Adam was showing me that Chrissy liked it. Yeah. Chrissy was at the show last night.

She's cool as shit. I'm glad. Oh, can we talk? Can we bully Brandon for a minute? But of course. Yeah. She loves us, dude. Why?

Brandon was saying he doesn't want his girlfriend to be friends with us. I know. I never said that. I know. I want her to be friends with all of you. She thought, she thinks we're, she loved each and every one of our sets. She was at the show longer than he was. No, she didn't.

No, she was the one that didn't want to, want to come to the show. Well, she came and she loved it. Why are you putting her on blast? She eventually came because of Darcy. Don't put her on blast. Take it. Take it like a man. You know?

Throwing your girl under the bus. It was her. It was her. Throwing your girl under the bus, dude. You know, I put on for my boys. Well, Brandon, the thing is, is that each individual one of us all had sex with her six times. Yeah.

It's the triple six. Wait, last time. Sign of the beast. Fuck of the beast. Six times. I fucked her. I was in the bathroom of the meatball shop. I repelled down from the ceiling.

Should this become a metal podcast? Should we just be metal guys? I feel like they do well. Yeah. You're listening to Sign of the Beast Live from Jimmy's Garage. Today, we're here with the lead vocalist from Dying Retard. I'm gay. I love cac.

No, nobody sings like that anymore, dude. I'm gay. It's all like grindcore, like growly, like, oh my, oh no, no, no, no, I have sex with more than the bodies at the floor. Hell yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. Sumner Redstone.

Who invented that? Who's the first guy to start singing like that? Wait, are you talking about Sumner Redstone? I would sound like a dog that you walk past his yard. He played Let the Bodies at the Floor when he got Brandon to suck him off in the woods. Brandon, he was crying. He was like, I'm so new to New York and you made me put on these jean shorts that are riding up my ass.

Is that Drowning Pool? Yeah, Drowning Pool. He was funny, the lead singer of Disturbed. Oh yeah. That guy that's like that Jewish guy that's like... Have you ever heard Hella Darktis Mild Friend by Disturbed Converter? No, no, no, I'm so sorry. Adam, real quick, Let the Bodies at the Floor just remind me of that Pruane 2 Forever video.

Which one? Where he's like, he has like a fake fight with his dad. Oh, that one is so embarrassing. His dad is like such an alcoholic, Father John. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus. All of the Pruane 2 Forever videos are gone. I don't know who Pruane 2 Forever is.

Yeah, his big video is like, it's all those people putting forward comments on YouTube. Get that shit. What's his name? Dreiman? David Dreiman, the Disturbed guy who like loves Israel. Oh, he's a Zionist? He's a complete Zionist and he's like, he's without the Disturbed. Once you take away his soul patch and all the black leather and the band, he's like,

he looks like a fucking actuary. Yeah, well what about Jean fucking Simons, dude? He should be a real estate lawyer. Yeah, I'll know, I'll kiss, it's the same situation. He's just an Israeli guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what, that's what fucking the Disturbed guy is. He's like, if you criticize Israel, you should be put in jail.

He's like one of these guys. Well, yeah, that's the opposite band of that is, wake up. Surgey? What is it called? Dude, what happened to Israel? They're really like losing any kind of PR spin that they used to have. This UN thing, nobody is on their side. It's like Fox News is in their corner and nobody else gives a shit about it.

Well, yeah, they're now aligning themselves with Trump. They're going hard with Trump. Really? Yeah, which is going to be really confusing for the Pepe's. I don't know how they're going to handle it. That's the only silver lining of BB now going full alt-right is like, what are the Pepe's going to do about it? Yeah.

Strange bedfellows. You know, it's strange times we're living in. Yeah. So is this, can we buy soda streams now? Yeah. What are the new balance of- What's the Israeli shit? It's soda stream. It's soda stream.

Okay. Let's do it. Yeah, yeah. Well, I just got the Vitamix, so I'm not- How much is soda stream? It's like $90. Really? Yeah. Whatever.

But yeah, I don't want to talk about that. You don't want to talk about that? Why do you want to talk about it? About Israel? No, about soda stream. Oh, no, no, I don't care about soda stream. Oh, you don't want to talk about Israel? I don't want to talk about Netanyahu.

Why? BB? You're the one that knows. Really? I asked you specifically. I brought up the disturbed guy. Did you see that BB? Have you already done BB?

Did you see that BB? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, guys. Hey, guys, I'm going to- I don't want any Palestinians to have any soda. Guys, I'm going to kill Palestinian children. I want to shoot rockets. You can crush for Scarlett Johansson. Happy birthday, Scarlett.

Okay, bye-bye. Oh, look, this is a bus, and it's taking everyone back to Gaza. So bye, bus. Bye from Platterville. Oh, fuck. Goddamn. Nicely done, boys. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know anything about Israel now. It seems like they're fucking up. They went crazy on Twitter. Yeah, I used to be an expert on Israel, but not anymore. Yeah, me too. Yeah, yeah. Well, I was just- No, my thing is, I know all this shit already, so it's like, why even bother saying that?

My friend, he's an Israeli guy who lives in America, who Brandon thought was French. He's like, this French guy just came up to me and said, are you a star from Twitter? And he tweeted it out, and I was like, that guy's not French. Anyway, Brandon, can you do me a favor and pick up that cat turd and put it in your backpack? He was like, what's with all the Israel stuff on the podcast? I was like, oh, is it bothering you? He's like, no, no, it's funny, but like, you know the joke Nic made about the small targets and the snipers?

Like, this is true. He's like, I know Nic was making a joke, but this is true. This is actually- they do have small targets. You know, it's funny. I kind of have more respect for Israel now that they just have to be openly evil about it. But when it's like, if they can't really frame themselves as victims in that situation anymore, they'd be like, just let us genocide these people.

We want to do it. Okay, there's a couple other things. One is that Netanyahu's under corruption investigation in Israel right now is trying to deflect. Second of all, most Israelis are against the settlements as are most Jews in the world. He's a hardline right wing psycho. I'm not like defending, you know, but like clearly there's a nut job. You're the spending. But what he's been able to- no, no, what he's been able to do is get them-

Spending like a dreidel over here. Okay, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I don't want to fucking- what do we talk about?

I don't know, man. I've been hearing about like a two state solution my entire life. Two state solutions. I'm 87 years old. Okay? And it's not going to work. Okay, babe? Okay?

It's not going to work. So just genocide. You know, I feel the same way about the Native Americans in the United States. It's like, you know, people are like, well, you know, look at all the oppression people face and then, then, you know, which is real. But then they say like, and how we genocided the Native Americans. And it's like, no, they're still alive. We're like continuing to oppress them worse than any other like minority in the United

States. Yeah, right. It's currently going on. So it's like, we might as well just, it's like ripping off a bandaid. Just get rid of them. Shut up. Just kill it. Just kill it.

Just come on. There's like 500 of them left. Put them out of their misery. We'll build a new museum. An even bigger one that's not just in the basement of the fucking bankruptcy office downtown. They got a brand new museum. We fucked them so hard. They all have diabetes and alcoholism.

We've just finished the job. Okay? We don't have to hear about the sports team saying anymore. You get to keep all the names. They were honoring them. Yeah. That's true. They were saying too, you know, it's kind of dumb that they complained about the sports

team's names because that's like literally the only thing keeping them relevant. People would forget that Native Americans existed. The casinos. And it weren't for the Redskins. Come on. There's better casinos. Donnie hates them. I was trying to think of like a group that Donnie didn't like offend.

Trump? Yeah. Yeah. But you know, a non-white male group. And I was like, oh, did he say anything about the Native Americans? And he's like, and then I remember it. Yeah. He blames them for the Trump Taj Mahal closing into Atlantic states.

That's awesome. So Taj Mahal is also an Indian casino. It's just the wrong type of Indian. Yeah. He confused. He's like, how funny is it that the Taj Mahalists are like, we're going to start an Indian casino. I'm going to just get it wrong. Oh, we went dot instead of feather.

God fucking dammit, these Indians. These Red Engines. Oh, fuck. How are you doing on time over here? We're done. So you can stop whenever you guys want. Is it lunchtime? I was going to go until my new rule is we keep podcasting until I'm done with my smoothie.

I've got about 12 ounces left. How long have we done? An hour and 10. Ah, fuck it. Let's stop. That's a good one. An hour and five. Yeah.

All right. Well, thanks for listening, everyone. When's our next show, Adam? Our next show is the fourth Monday of January. We'll be sure to let you know. The 23rd. Yeah. This stop will be on Legion of Skanks on the fourth.

If you want to listen to Legion of Skanks. We'll do the mashup show. The reminder that Come Town has bought out Gas Digital. Anyone of Lewis's shows, if you like Lewis Gomez, your fan him, make sure to sign up for our premium episodes. If you want Lewis to be able to support his son, James. Because that's the only way Lewis gets paid is if you buy our premium episodes. Also, we're doing the mashup show at the stand. On the 29th.

That's great lineup. Yeah. That's a show. It's a fun show. It's a really stupid fucking idea. You have two comics go on stage at the same time. Which I think they just stole from Rory Scoville and John Doar. That was like their bit that they would do on Conan.

Yeah, they did on Conan. Yeah. So they stole the idea from them. Brilliant. But then they make comics that aren't good at that, go up and do it. So me and Stav will be going on stage at the same time for some reason. But we have like a good rapport. Yeah, we'll be fine.

Yeah, we'll be fine. Yeah, just do whatever you're doing right now with this show. It's crazy. You fucking pussy. Yeah. Move my dick out. I'll do it. No, we know you'll pull your dick out.

We have a problem with you pulling your stomach out. I'd rather see you do it. Also, by the way, right before, I remember right before you did the... Dude, my camera can't focus. Right before you moved out to New York and you did the Instagram. Remember how into diet and fitness you were? You were going so hard. Yeah, I had a couple weeks.

And then you did the Instagram account. He's always been into diet and fitness. What's that? He's more like body conscious than anyone I know. I mean, I'm trying to get back into it. I'm just trying to... I just want to feel... Because I thought you were done because it's good for your brand now.

No, it's just easier. I just have a real fucking food addiction. I'll just eat like garbage and it fucking feels better than doing drugs. I love a nice chicken wing and a fried rice and get a nice coma going. Finish it off with a fucking Ben and Jerry's. Watch an episode of Sopranos. Come on, man, what's better than that shit? They really know how to fry up a piece of chicken.

I feel like there's one more thing to plug. Is there another thing to plug? Yeah, I think I'm on red eye at some point. Oh, yeah. Again, just thank you for everyone that came out. The shows are getting better. Yeah, yeah. Shouts out to all the come boys coming out.

You guys are animals. Our fans, you know, they really just... Just a bunch of big TV animals. They unlocked the gates of the mental institution. They let our fans out and you guys are a real bunch. Yeah, that's crazy. Oh, also, yeah, Caroline's live show February 21st. Let's just go ahead.

22nd. 22nd? Oh, really? Yes, it's the Monday. Did you work that out with Lewis? No. What do you mean did I work it out? With Lewis.

Did you talk to Lewis? No, because they have something. I checked the calendar. They have something else on the 21st. All right, well, email Lewis. So, never mind. Actually, you know what? There might not even be a Caroline's live show anymore.

So, you know, don't come to that unless I change my mind. All right, great. All right. Well, that's it. Good plug. Bye, everyone.