The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - 37

hello folks I fuck I feel like I'm gonna throw up I wasn't a good idea dude coffee we were gonna order chicken and waffles and then stop fatly bullied everyone in the game that's absolutely not sushi is better for you than the fat move the fat move was your stance to get fucking fried chicken to get breakfast food for breakfast it's 12 30 it was 12 30 we're making that breakfast just means the first meal you eat in a day just because you're a bit just woke up yeah it's technically breaking the fast right if not eating that's what it means yeah this breakfast is a 10 a.m. McDonald's

breakfast rules 11 30 again explain to me McDonald's breakfast is all day you huh how this is I was going for the healthier choice while you're trying to get something healthier choice to 100% it definitely is a matter of fucking calories you know I mean I can eat a normal amount it's not a healthier choice when you have to have like six rolls of sushi into soup and a salad three my bitch salad is good for you me so soup is basically just fucking water so healthier as far as I'm well I want to throw up dude well the coffee in the sushi because you're dying well you also had two large coffees yeah well I

need them to wake up otherwise I get there's something about this apartment it's voodoo cursed yeah no there's I felt sick remember when I was sick as shit yeah and I would and we hung out here a couple days and I was like man my car my cold isn't going away yeah I just stayed home for one day and I was fucking fine yeah I think there's these fucking cats dude yeah no it is there's too much dander and shit kind of cat fever cat scratch fever that's probably what it is we're watching the new Tim Allen sitcom not new it's been on since 2011 2011 it just wiki most people don't know about it so

that makes it new but it's crazy that it's been out for six years and we have never heard of it I've heard of it I knew what it was but and we get it dude stop bragging no I pay attention to television considering I work in this industry yeah I'm an artist dude I'm a fucking I go right to the crowd man you your corporate fucking entities not me and anybody know that like has a TV writing job they watch every show yeah they like still like you know when people are like god you watch SNL I'm like no why would I watch SNL right is it 1999 right if the Spartans ain't on there

if sherry otary ain't doing something weird with her eye yeah she's not making her left eye twitch I'm not interested yeah when people are like oh man last night's monologue not the best are you still watching that show yeah someone sent us or sent me a DMs like can't wait to get it the come boys take on a Z Zansari's monologue didn't I was like I'm pretty sure no I'm not watching yeah I'm not a zero interest in watching and also fuck SNL for the fucking I mean this the of suspending that writer for the Baron Trump tweet that shit's fucking crazy you don't even know her name dude I don't need to know her name what's your

name Robert Paulson her name is Robert Paulson is it Kate something yeah Katie rich yeah shout out Katie rich yeah yeah we it's an official stance of our podcast we stand with Katie stand with Katie yeah I don't know who she is and I'm sure she'll have no problem for I looked at her background she's like a you see improv person but I just loved it fucking that fucking retard camera Esposito she tweeted she goes she goes mmm this is gonna sound extremely accurate but a lot of male writers say a bunch of bonkers shit and they don't get fired it's like yeah that's the takeaway from this that we're not firing

enough comedy writers you know don't get me wrong Katie rich should be fired for what she's for right political satire which is her job but the problem is that we need to fire more men yeah wow thank you Cameron for such a genius fucking take the problem isn't that we have just started going after people for the words they say now that the tables have turned we're also fun we're getting that's not the oh yeah the comics the amount of comics I saw on Twitter pretending like this is a fucking precedent being set and not a direction that we were headed in for two years or anybody who is reasonable more than two years well no

mostly the last two years 2014 is when this shit started yeah go real crazy yeah and when I went you know anybody that fucking said like hey you know one day it's not gonna be a bunch of fucking fat liberal women controlling the dialogue right on this issue and it's gonna be conservatives that are gonna come back into power and they're gonna use all this bullshit about how well of your language offend somebody you know it shouldn't we should question whether or not we're gonna consequence yeah exactly I just want to be on the right side of history well here you are you set this up you wanted this to happen you

made your bed now fucking lying it but also fuck every Republican who's like who was like good on them for learning from these people now dude come on now they did they said they looked at what people were doing with Daniel Tosh it wasn't the Republicans though it was it was fucking Lorne Michaels it was it was there was no one Michael's wasn't a friend and retweeted it it was yeah it was people it was fucking like oh it was bikers for Trump the bikers for Trump they were that were scared because they got glitter blown on them do you see that there are 900,000 bikers for Trump at the women's rally yeah man doing

wheelies yeah we're fucked that it's you know it's it's totally this is the fucking I told you so a moment for everyone that would said you know well if rape jokes are off limits where do you draw the line right and then these people are like just you draw the line directly in front of the things that I like Jerry Mander all the things that bother me is 100 you're yeah and then we make those things off limits and that'll never backfire ever right whenever there's never gonna be any consequences the next thing that's gonna happen is always

believe rhetoric is gonna be used to throw lgbt what is that always believe always well oh no always believe is part of like campus sex assault to activists but I mean I'm sure oh you always believe always believe women always believe rape actions always because in some cases it's you know the rare instance that it is false but then they're gonna fucking appropriate that somehow how in what's that like believe who believe probably children there'll be something new like you know child all children are being exploited by trans people and then you know why would a child lie about that and that's where

you go from there but it's gonna happen that happened in the 90s though it's like certain idea I did it happened in the late 80s and it was Christians that did it but it's like you know I don't understand why like this didn't know this didn't occur to anybody right that this kind of shit would start happening that we have like an understanding of certain things that are you know codified in the law and should be you know expressed throughout our culture that you have freedom of speech your freedom of expression yeah don't try to get people fired for saying something you don't like the jokes or jokes it's fucking art

and that no we need to rethink these things yet well this is we already did we thought about all these things right right right hundreds of years and we got to this point it's also fucking disappointing that it's like come SNL as an institution is just like throwing a writer under the bus completely yeah where it's like oh now it's like what happened first of all you put Trump on TV so suck my dick number one and now when someone's doing their job good joke it was a solid joke you know yeah it wasn't even a fucking offensive it wasn't about him they were made she wasn't making fun of him for being fucking you

know but developmentally disabled well here's what you do it's a do a joke where you call Baron Trump trans and then no one knows who to be upset they don't know to get mad at them because to be trans is to be perfect ever insult you ever insult you deserve to be fired for ready a joke that punches you know down like that whereas you should be punching up towards a mentally disabled boy who is in no way at fault for anything Donald Trump says or does yeah but you know whatever it wasn't fucking you shouldn't be suspended for you shouldn't be suspended but I mean there is really no defense of the joke and say there's

no punching up there this isn't an incident it's where you know she did there's anyway by by their there isn't really a defense of Daniel Tosh what he said I know but the defense here is what here's what the defense is that he's a fucking comedian he's allowed to tell jokes but you're like all bad jokes to really throw that one out the window so there really is no defense this is what you fucking wanted if you think this is again if you think this is a precedent being set examine your own fucking you know actions and opinions examine that examine that check your privilege yeah check that take a closer

look yeah so that sucks dick get him however we are watching good clean wholesome comedy right now as we speak yeah decidedly like so conservative Tim Allen chose was funny I was looking online and a lot of other people are trying to like compare it to all in the family and it's like do you not know Tim Allen right I mean it's not there was no social point what so if Archie Bunker was supposed to be the non-ironic hero of that then it's sort of is like that except now they have to screw up liberal sons or like boy boyfriends of daughters and one is just so liberal and obviously gay yeah I love he's like a

graduate of gay conversion therapy yeah he's like he passed he passed the program he got the certificate and the hard hat that they give you at the end of whatever that is yeah they like make fun of him for thinking that global warming is a problem they were like yeah they're like why is global why is the rising ocean a big deal isn't that mean there's more room for the fish they made that joke this one's about unions I can't wait to see what happens and they mentioned church a bunch and vaping this episode is about vaping the shows it takes so far anti-vaping anti-union pro-gay son as long as I'm making fun of

him yeah there's a crack cracking wise lesbian who is not allowed to wear skirts she's always been in pants in every situation even oh the daughter's supposed to be a lesbian the other one no the third daughter she a daughter is she just a girl the show actually takes place in an alternate universe where everyone's gay and so these guys are all actually progressive because they've decided to have heterosexual relationships no so that's where the satire lies oh that's pretty good it's not Denver Colorado it's Denver Mars oh it's in its colony that was another nice riff on the show is explaining you

ever do that shit where it's like you get so depressed you start looking up terraforming no those are my two go-tos user I think about killing myself or it's like man what if I just lived on fucking Mars dude how far away are we from that you would love three o'clock in the morning looking up how long it'll take before we can have a cloud city on Venus can't you somewhere I'll be like you know I can escape my own fucking mental state and just you know we're okay and that'll help solve all your problems be Lando Calrissian Venus you would love to go to Mars you should apply you can go yeah there's people

that are gonna die on Mars yeah can apply right now maybe I will you could just build shit up there yeah it's gonna be you're a bunch of sad man we'll do the podcast over Skype I mean people used to do that shit you think about like the guys that were like yeah I'll go west right I'll go get fucked to death by a bear in the woods it was awesome that you could just if you got tired of your life you could just fucking buy a horse just keep riding until you found in your city then be like I'm a doctor killed 300 people yeah well the telegraph changed all that cuz they could wire your wire your description in the next

town over even that you grow my stash I say then you become a road agent that's what I want to be dude that was a job for a long time yeah yeah you just people go on road you protect them and kill Indians and shit nice yeah that's mostly what I want to do is killing how many of you like to the cowboy the cowboy that's like you know like I'm a I'm an engine scalper or whatever but then you're like killing like Hindu people in New York City it's a nice immigrant family there was engines command yeah yeah oopsie daisy I love a story for that there's so many different types of fucking if you put a racist an old-school race in

a story they would go crazy I feel like there are probably there was like a woman was not wearing a job and a fucking Santa that was when you go to the M&M store and they have a bunch of M&M collars you've never seen before it's like a racist in Queens it's like a diabetic in that fucking the M&M flagship store wasn't all in the family literally in a story in Queens yeah yeah but I'm talking about now now of course the most fucking diverse place on yeah there's a lot of Muslims a lot of some slobs using the n-word South Americans so many Muslims you say it like that you say it like BBC style the work so yeah

Muslims Muslim Muslim I'll say Moose Lamac you do a hard Z yeah look out Moose I go Moose that's such a cool word I want to sign up for the Jihad it sounds like a type of Cadillac you know yeah yeah a Fleetwood yeah what would a Moose I had Dean Cadillac shooting breaks the bill have you ever seen four lines what's four lines lions it's like a British movie it's like a comedy about suicide bombers really yeah so what this show is and Tim Allen show he's a vlogger I oh the end of every episode is like his final Jerry's final thoughts or whatever and they show his vlog that's where he makes all his

money he's so in the show outdoor man yeah in this show he plays a like a millionaire vlogger who works at a gun shop and so yeah and so he's like culturally working class because he's racist but he's still like a rich man that's wearing like a you know $200 denim button-down shirt and just makes vlogs yeah that's the funny thing about the show is that like because it exists in 2017 they have to have like people of color but they're all just like yeah security guards yeah a cop a lawyer well who the show is for is like you know it's for like I like I've got an uncle that's like you know he was a contractor his

whole life but he owns a contracting business so he's like got money he's got like plenty of money yeah for being a construction worker right and they identify with this is like you know I'm I'm just a working man right well yeah you have a pretty comfortable life yeah exactly your son is wasting all your money on in acting school right I do love when fucking just conservative people have the just most screw up is waste all their money waste all their money as welfare on the NYU unlike me my son my son NYU is taking a lot of money from conservative parents I'm sure how about the school after Madigar's NY word

what does the Y stand for I don't know just popped into my head I got the end I'm pretty sure I know like this weird dizziness is affecting my ability to come up with jokes when I start going in really weird direction I like NY word yeah what could the Y stand for young yeah YMC it would have to be YN word yeah that would be more white why NCA yeah that totally works yeah young blank Christians of America yeah remember how everyone knew those guys were gay and we were I remember being like second grade and it's like yeah you know the village people are gay that was the best bit as a little kid why is this guy in

this yeah and the why is this guy in the fucking YMCA is he homosexual I went to summer camp at the YMCA you did so you were gay yeah yeah I never got how that was what were you the construction worker the end yeah yeah I was no I was the road agent that's why I got kicked out at YMCA camp I was the game yeah no but you scalp this ball yeah no the YMCA summer camp there's this kid Anton that found a condom on the ground thought it was a balloon blew it up yeah of course it was who's just fucking using believing unused condoms around I don't know man like a Johnny Apple seed of fucking condoms sometimes you got to go

through condoms yeah sometimes you got to go through four condoms before you can stay yeah Johnny Johnny positive seed well he went around the country spreading HIV and that's the story of Johnny positive seed the village people stole a lot of valor there you know I'm sure that guy wasn't really in the army he was dude there was a guy stealing cop valor there was a guy stealing Navy valor construction worker the most important valor of them all yeah well Tim Allen stealing construction worker valor at this fucking show absolutely you know and it's so funny that he is like a conservative considering like he's a

convicted felon convicted coke dealer yeah yeah then was a stand-up comic and television star yeah that is the most fucking liberal career path there is honestly yeah he's a he's a snitch he's an official snitch he is a snitch oh really yeah that's how we that's how we reduce this prison yeah he got caught got caught with something like you know like pounds thirteen pounds of cocaine nice like can you imagine how much cocaine that he dropped mad dimes yeah I would snitch so quick would you I would never snitch did now you snitch you got to owe it to the guys that you're in in cahoots with well it depends who am I

snitching on is it you guys I always imagine myself as like one of the characters in the movie heat I've never seen heat all right I want to really retarget man I told yeah how are you not seeing heat how have you not seen your Pachino I understand it when it's like an obscure reference or some like gay shit Adam I tried to watch heat but I couldn't get a while I don't know something gay there is one of those gay movies that you like a movie you like okay right now yeah have you seen Lafette Lafette du Tem de quoi it's 1938 dude it's so good nobody speaks it's just a woman looking at a feather

for two and a half hours it gives you you get like a you go into an epileptic seizure because you know just the lights flickering the entire time it's it's so good that does it's such a beautiful movie I cry I literally cried I don't like excuse me have you seen fucking ready to rumble is that the one with a robot Johnny Knoxville playing in the Special Olympics no that's the ringer the ringer that's what's the ringer you know I watched Jackass 3d recently for the third time so that's why I haven't seen movies like heat shit's good dude jackass is so jackass is hilarious is the funniest movie so well edited I don't

think there's a funnier movie I fucking love that shit dude they just dress up as ducks and then you just shoot them up in the air then you just shoot him with paintball guns and then they just like fucking went into a rams enclosure and played a tuba they just like funny costume look stupid and get fucked up by something yeah it's a beautiful form I think Jackass and Borat are probably for laugh for laugh the two funny or at the first time you see it might be the best comedy I thought I was gonna die yeah the first time I saw with my dad my dad too yeah it's a good movie he's fucking loved I've never seen anything in a theater

with my father the hardest for Titanic all right me my dad were dying at that line when when he's at the zoo and there's that fucking giant turtle just eating it like a head of lettuce and he looks at it and he's like what kind of dog is it it's tough because it doesn't the second the repeat viewings aren't as good no it's good dude I watched it recently I watched it recently it really probably because I hadn't seen it in a couple years I forgot some jokes if you but watch it it held up if you watch it every five years that's the sweet spot I was I was howling man that's how I am with band of brothers I rewatch it like

every year and I'm right in the middle of it right now also never seen that fuck it's so good I will see that it's so good I get like withdrawal after I watch it I'm just like thinking about band of brothers for like a month afterwards we should go to war boys yeah we should we should join this big granddad yeah and and guys we can go to war right now on Twitter against the pep no keep going what should we do stuff we should go to actual war dude yeah fuck up some hanging out with some cool Kurds yeah and just you fuck shit up that's gonna be great there's girls when you go when you go help help people that are like but

temporarily allied with the United States and then three years later you just not allowed to fly we would definitely choose the wrong one yeah we was a guy there's a guy that went to Libya to just like cover like all the Arab spring shit and at the time the US government had no problem with it you're like yeah that's fine and then like two years later he was just not he had trouble getting back in the country he's on the no-fly list oh shit and it took like I think the ASL you helped him out and it took like a long time to get him off the no-fly list but yeah you should never fuck around with that shit if you want to

you know live your life on encumbered in the United States we got to be brothers dude we got to be a band of brothers yeah well then how are we gonna go to war when we take over a fucking post office now we're talking yeah now we're fucking talking we get we get camoed up yeah we get the fucking what's the best kind of camo not for a post office well it's gonna be long fingernails and extra large Dunkin Donuts Chai Cool Chocolaté a weave that's a good you need that you need giant hoop earrings you need to not know fucking shit about anything going on at the post office you need to be very angry about the line

check yeah we can do all that shit that's what about having a generally pleasant attitude should we be annoyed that someone's asking us to do our job for 30 seconds absolutely all right good post excuse me sir that is not my job no I really that I respect so much like I wish I could be as assertive as a middle-aged black woman two minutes from her break yeah do you know if I can have that in my life you know it's a good a good movie but it has such a retarded plot point literally retarded plot point is the score it's eating Gilbert Grape now the score with fucking De Niro and Ed Norton where Ed

Norton plays the retarded guy oh shit you haven't seen it no so basically there's this customs office it like Robert De Niro plays like you know it's the usual plot like one last I'm doing one last job and so the job is that this this customs office where they have this scepter that's like scepter that inside the scepter there's like some maybe a million dollar fucking thing or something something like that and it's just sitting in the bit in the lock up of this customs office I don't know how much it's worth so Ed Norton's like a younger thief and he approaches in our opportunities like I've been casing this

place for six months I got a job in there and so he's working at the customs office but his cover is that he's mentally retarded so half the movie is Ed Norton going into work look steal the thing and then sneak away it's like that is not how you keep a low profile you know like that fucking the place is gonna get robbed and they're gonna be like you know it wasn't a retarded guy that works he's gonna forget the guy that needed someone to hold his dick yeah when he was at the urinal wait Brando's in that movie right yeah Brando's in it for the first like yeah yeah I just love it there's a scene where he's he's so

fucking fat he's seen the eyes on the couch and is like big fucking you know like satin suit oh wait come here I tell you I got such a good idea for you on this one and he's like just morbidly obese he wears a white suit yeah just by he just doesn't know how to sit in any way it's great somebody told me that he refused to be filmed from the waist down he was just never wearing pants yeah but I've heard that too we watched it we watched it and you can see his pants so I was very disappointed so amazing that probably one of the most handsome men of all time ended up looking like that yeah it's pretty insane the transformation

it makes sense to me you think you're gonna get real nasty looking when you're older well I'm not one of the most handsome men in the world I'll probably yeah I'll probably I will probably get pretty nasty do you think I'm gonna I feel like I'm gonna be I'm gonna be nice I I feel like I look better I look better every year yeah you're gonna look like no Chomsky yeah yeah gray hair you know a hundred twelve pounds good gnome Chomsky look like shit I hope that's with funny what's funny is I'm always like yeah I mean I've just been fat my whole I will just stay fat I'll be fine but then I realized like oh no my body

is just gonna deteriorate it's gonna keep getting worse you don't just get to be fat as shit your whole life I'm not even 30 yet and I'm like I'm I'm I've just the last three days I just have these weird dizzy spells all the time my fucking yeah I I think the years whatever black Chinese mold you were fucking inhaling for two straight years has a terrible effect yeah even that weird place in Baltimore you lived no that place is fine was it yeah with the clown with the clown yeah the clown got raped the clown that had PTSD I think that's that's the Genesis story of a lot of that guy was like it's like are you a

joke I wrote when I was 13 that really that does feel like you're in some weird movie where you're fucking notebook from your first year of stand-up possessed by the devil yeah that guy was just like what if a fucking Spencer's gift t-shirt was a human being's life story aren't those t-shirts like kind of like slutty isn't that the Spencer's gift point of view I don't know yeah I guess everything is Spencer's gift is like you know you're 30 now you fucking old piece of shit yeah look pussy-titty and then also just yeah dildos for some reason yeah yeah I stole a shirt from Spencer's it was great that's my shop

lifting days dude when I was a badass when I sold weed and shop lifted in 11th grade you were a shoplifter yeah I stole would you still cock a biggie t-shirt mm-hmm just to show him that I was a bad boy I just literally and it wasn't even stealing it was like I waited in line for 20 minutes I was like I'm just gonna walk out yeah just did and I just do that shit all the time at grocery stores grocery stores I would just pick up food and then start eating it in the store and then walk out oh yeah I'll dude I would go to the rules I had I had my giant by in Baltimore where I live when I lived in Charles Village that giant on

fucking 33rd yeah yeah I would every time I would pick up a to-go hot container and just put three pieces of fried tilapia in there and eat them while shopping and then my dessert was a lar bar yeah and I I stole probably over the the one year I lived there $7,000 fish and lar bars I ate that we have large bars like with like Luna bars those like women's here's the law a lot of women's good shit dude no no that's a Luna bar is women's candy a lar bar is like candy for women a lar bar is candy for like fucking like low-carb mountain climbers it's like there's no there's no fucking you know mountain climb it's just for

women dude no dude you've been tricked by marketing no it's for bad as like people that like think that cliff bars are for like mountain climbers no mountain that's no I don't eat mountain cliff bars I'm talking lar bars bitch no added sugars you know it's fucking it's all natural it's just dates and cashews and chocolate and peanut butter and delicious stuff sounds good it's good as shit but I also ate it with three feet piece of fried tilapia every time which is also very good I'm like a nice fried fish sandwich what do you boys wait you made a sandwich out of candy bars no I didn't do that you literally just

Nick lost consciousness for seven seconds you know what if Nick died during that discussion well we wouldn't know how to upload the episode yeah that would be the end of the show probably the end of your career is also no I'd be fine you'd be fine I'd be done yeah Adam would be fucked funny mom's next month there'd be three people there be three people I'd be like guys Nick's coming back next week yeah we will just weekend at Bernie's Nick record yeah okay we need a day to be here I'll record record is it possible it's cocaine withdrawal could that be you were sure I'm out of code maybe that's it maybe I should that

also affects your fucking serotonin your mood and like I like that you know it's weird I've been in a pretty good mood mm-hmm which makes me worried that it is like a brain tumor or something yeah you've been more pleasant the last four days you know when yesterday at the show you were like a relatively pituitary gland tumor were like you grow real tall right and sweet would it be if I had like gigantic no no if I had like a tumor that like made me happy made you happy and I get to die that's that actually is the best that's perfect oh my god I'm just like the nicest guy in the world for two and a half we would

have right like violently shit myself to death on a train that would be as we did we enjoy our time together oh fuck I'm so then we'd be then we'd be sad when you died yeah you know I don't know also if coffee is gonna stop you from being dizzy oh yeah no I make horrible choice yeah why are you doing that you should drink water I drank water did you not see this big barely drink you drink that whole thing yeah drink the whole thing okay good for you all right well good how about a tumor that they also remember that guy you got a tumor and it made me want to fuck kids no I don't that happened to a guy yeah you sure he

wasn't just like oh yeah yeah it's a tumor was that was a Kurt Eichenwald like tried to fuck a boy oh yeah it's cuz I have epilepsy or like Pete Townsend that was like I was doing research research that's the best yeah it's weird yeah my hypothesis is the child porn doesn't make me calm boy pussy feels good on my day let me go yeah I'm gonna get some multivitamins from my room okay you guys chat for a second yeah that'll make you feel good hey folks Nick here and I've got some bad news for you I'm dying that's right I'm dying of shitty underwearitis okay it's a new disease it's real you know doctors

doctors know about it okay so it's not it's not a gimmick it affects 69 out of 420 American men and luckily there is a cure and it doesn't require health insurance that you can't afford it's Mack Weldon.com smart designed underwear that's exclusively for men who like premium fabrics and easy online shopping if you go to Mack Weldon.com and use promo code COMTOWN you can receive 20% off your order and experience underwear that will make you look and feel good their silver line of products are naturally antimicrobial so you can easily whisk away the stench of your previous shameful underwear that was

probably killing you so upgrade yourself with a refresh kit filled with underwear for every occasion folks working out going to the doctor you know working out at the doctor's office you know maybe the doctor's a girl you should always try to impress your girl doctor you know everyone fluffs before physical but that's not enough you got to have nice underwear you know maybe you can maybe you can marry your doctor that'd be pretty sweet huh so go to Mack Weldon.com check out their selection maybe get some shirts or socks or underwear they got a lot of good stuff on there and if you don't like

it just let them know and they'll let you keep the clothes and refund you the cost and use remember use promo code COMTOWN to receive 20% off thanks yeah so okay so let's point out this weekend at Bernie's thing because Nick's probably out another couple weeks. Here's what we need so we take Hawaiian shirt of course clearly yes the the wardrobes but what we really need to do is get episodes of the podcast yeah and record and isolate him saying every every word and sentence yeah yeah so kind of like how they do Siri so then we just write his dialogue exactly so we can train the computer to know and then we make a

nick algorithm a nick algorithm so he'd just be like heavy on trans anyway trans diaper diary a trans diaper trans trans is perfect what else do we have we'd have to we'd have to upload a huge knowledge of obscure upn fucking TV shows oh that's not hard dude you're right you just copy paste the fucking Star Trek voyage a random IMDB well there's a lot more deep cuts and voyager that was their flagships here I know yeah talk about UPN yeah let's go do you guys ever watch stacked with Pamela Anderson pig sty yeah VIP with Pamela was it VIP yeah Pacific blue was that UPN Pacific blue which one was that

that was a cops on the beach bike cops they rode bicycles on the beach so you got some sweet valley did you watch I watched an episode of that with Dana like a couple months ago online mm-hmm and man what a great show never saw it sweet valley high it's like they're twins or something they're twins one of them is the hot one one of them is a smart one but they're both incredibly fucking hot how can they're hot dude so what is the hot one it just means she's dumb yeah they're identical well she's a bitch too she's more popular right right the other ones like you know because she can read yeah she's not

reading shit nobody likes her but there's they have one episode where there's a kid in the school who's like the greatest musician in the world and he's just something dumb he's supposed to be like a famous rock star or painter that's what it is he's a painter and he tricks the hot girl into letting him paint her naked oh yeah and then the whole school sees the picture she's like once the school sees that they're all gonna think I'm a fucking whore or whatever so then they trick him into being naked and then that's the episode oh that is smart yeah to how big is his dick he actually doesn't have a dick

what's the moral of the story that's the moral of the story that it's better than you in any way it probably has a smaller dick than you that's what we learned you know with Donald Trump you know he's got a small dick because we don't like him he's got he's got money and stuff he legit probably does have a small dick how funny it be if he I always thought it'd be great to redo the emperor's new clothes but then like so it's the end and the emperor is walking through the town and everyone just sees that the emperor has the biggest dick and then they kind of just all go home sad and then the moral of the story is is

that yeah no life really is unfair no way to balance out anything anything you want to accomplish it's not gonna happen some people are rich and you were born to die yeah dude that would be a bummer if Donald Trump had a big-ass dick I would be mad yeah I hope he does just because it would be funny for people I hope Aaron Trump has a really big dick he probably does he does definitely he's a pretty big-sized boy I've imagined yeah yeah no it's weird cuz like you see him around adults and he does look like a boy's like 10 but he's like he's huge he's like 511 yeah he's not 511 and he's a handsome kid is the funny thing the

other two boys I feel like aren't that big I think Eric's may be bigger but Don Jr. is shorter than well Baron Trump's mom was China yeah there's surrogate but it was actually Trump fucked her yeah when he was on WWE yeah that was that's the only way he would take a stunner is if he got to fuck that sweet China pussy that Joni Lawler clit jerk off that big old clit isn't she have a little respect yeah RIP yeah we're gonna get fired from come town for you making that joke shit dude I can't I think really now we've crossed the line because of making fun of dead China because of that yeah I

think I didn't appreciate how she hit men with the low blow that was a sexist move you could do that to a girl and it still hurts but it would it would hurt the way like you know I was doing it to women at the March is pussy punching I was doing a lot I was punching with women in the pussy you guys like I was like put I thought I was like pussy power a punch yeah and then they were like it hurts also even though we don't have balls you know that yeah damn really so then I just apologized and they said it was okay so did you guys ever play that WWE know WWF no mercy on N64 yeah when you did the

low blow and it went ding yeah yeah that was awesome yeah every time you hit someone in the balls like a little bell went off you want to hit him with the balls all the time do you want to play that shit yeah hell yeah so I have like a flashcard for the N64 oh yeah yeah I have every game hell yeah yeah we could do that today actually if you just go but we buy an extra controller I'll plug that shit in here hell yeah dude I gotta go Ben still here and I gotta hang out with him yeah I gotta go to the gym we'll do it though yeah yeah I fucking love that game also it's so I was thinking about I watch you guys see if you guys

see the Jake the snake documentary no dude you know Jake the snake a memory the snake you mattery he is one of the worst lives of all time he was just like a fucking you know addict I think is I think his father raped his mother and that's how he was born hell yeah very bane back story yeah and his dad was a professional wrestler that didn't love him the anyway the whole point it's a good documentary whatever I wouldn't that be your back story instead of like you know who uses snake yeah that other shit so much better it really is the bastard yeah Jake the rape product that's a much cooler also I'm not sure if that's

true I think it is but anyway they just entered they were interviewing a bunch of wrestlers and they interviewed gold dust like out of his makeup rules he's just some white trash guy like loves wrestling dusty roads cuz you remember that wasn't dusty roads yeah that's all dust what's the road is a fucking I'm just thinking different yeah what's his golden gold dust yeah I don't know but anyway but it's just so funny to think you're just some white trash guy who loves wrestling all you want to do is be a wrestler and he just gets the gay trans character there's no way how you saw you didn't get that dude I feel like

he he kind of like created that yeah but you just find it's it's like it's like you just finding a niche you'll do anything gold dust was insanely like progressive for its time I know and especially in a time where every other wrestling character was like the black the black guy is that progressive I thought he was just like a hair metal guy no yeah he would like be gay to the other guy his finishing move was being very gay yeah it would really like antagonize the audience it would antagonize the the other wrestlers people would just be losing their minds about yeah they were so mad I mean I

was a bad guy he was a bad guy for being gay but he was a he was a high heel he looks like a gold violent J yeah Dustin Reynolds Dustin Reynolds not Dustin Rowe's Dusty Rose is a completely different wrestler legendary um yeah he rules man yeah it's Dusty Rose junior was one of his ring names okay okay it's the same dude but that's the thing no no Dusty Rhodes it's not same dude was an older guy yeah yeah yeah but that's the thing you'll try any gimmick and the one that stuck was just being gay and wearing face oh he's Dusty Rhodes his son oh he is yeah yeah he actually is his son yeah

damn that makes sense Dusty Rhodes is just like just telling him to be a gay guy he's cool dude he was like a outer space not gay trans woman I know he's not gay IRL that's what I'm saying yeah no he had a woman that would like come out to like he had a girl that would come out yeah yeah but he was also every wrestler was afraid of the ring named Goldustry teams with our truth what's our truth it's a Reddit sub yeah sounds like I think that must be a new development I don't know I just remember Goldust being gay and it being funny that he was gay to me as a child which probably sends the wrong message well

yeah but I guess maybe was trying to say that gay is bad but it was still definitely insane that he was one of the most visible sort of queer characters of the 90s it's true that Goldust is a trailblazer he was still some Bowie shit too I mean that's what he totally stole Bowie's whole wrestling does is steel shit from other things it's a steal I never I never interpreted him as gay really what gold dust yeah you would like kiss guys yeah yeah I thought it was just weird and it's finishing move was like putting your legs spreading your legs open and kicking you in the dick or touching your dick or something I don't

remember what it was but it was like move I think it's effective it's a good move but anyway that's that's my that's my wrestling take yeah I remember his his rival is this guy Val Venus Val Venus was for a while who I think was a former male porn star and he used to come out he used to come out ladies to come out with a fucking towel round is rounded he would actually take it off yeah it's sick yeah the gold dust the person is not a homosexual Rhodes was married to W. F. star Terry Ronald during the 90s and a child Terry Kota yeah hell yeah the character just plays mind games with wrestlers yeah right dude as

told on WWE television of no the gold dust I don't think it's actually gay that's what they're saying but he was clearly gay yeah he would use gay he was gay is being the mind games were pretending he was gonna fuck them yeah of course yeah he was gay Dusty Rhodes Jr. just doesn't want to admit he could only stick on to the WWF by being gay as hell but Terry that's a good that's a good pull she was hot dude she was on she was like his ring girl she would like she would accompany him yeah damn to I beat off to so many WWE girls there's that one pick of Stephanie McMahon where you kind of see your

tits did you ever did you ever hear Michael read that fanfic that he wrote about Sable having sex with what's that dude's name man that didn't know the dude that did UFC with like the tattoo on his Brock Lesnar Brock Lesnar yeah that's awesome he wrote like this erotic story about them fucking really it's so funny damn we should ask if we could read it yeah yeah I've oh man the wrestling girls were so there was pre when I was still AOL.com when you still have to log in through AOL and the dial-up days I got in trouble for emailing my friend a picture of Trish Stratus when you could see your nipples and Pete is my

fucking friend Pete he ratted on me I emailed it to him he printed it out folded it and put it under his pillow and my dad was friends with his dad and they just found it one day and then he immediately ratted on me then my father fucking humiliated me for being a normal boy who beats off the big titty wrestling women but dude yeah I remember a Sable in fifth grade it was the hottest girl that was big and then I looked at a picture of her recently I was like that's what she showed her tits on on that one paper I've got a hands-off on this conversation I didn't give this much of a shit about

wrestling really never you never any any no I jacked off we've established this I fucking have just beaten off the porn I didn't need to be never beat off the wrestling girls no I never did either never what I would go on a fucking specific site and find stills before videos this is pre-video I would find stills of them all being naked and whatever weird soft core porn shit they were exploited into before they got into wrestling yeah which arguably porn or wrestling is a form of software sure sure sure sure yep well anyway you guys missed out on beating off the wrestling girls that's all I'll say about that our

comics still into WWE like there's some comics who are yeah that are still into it yeah yeah yeah no I think a lot for the most part it's a good put on there was a when the comic book thing got big I think it's like the new comic yeah when comic book shit got big a couple years ago when everyone's like well you know I'm really into comic books like zombies or bacon right you know I like I remember talking to one or two people they're like yeah I just you know I bought my first comics recently it's like no don't don't do that you're starting at 30 do that you know what when I was growing up I don't know a

single fucking person that read comic books I was single not a single fucking one of my friends read comic books and we were in the market for we played video games we were fucking losers you know we would have we would have been the people that read comic books and none of us read comic I oh the only thing I read once was eldest would buy the Simpsons comic books yeah and I read two of those and that stopped yeah and the only reason we did that is because we love the simpsons right exactly and then but yeah I don't know anyone that fucking read comic books and now suddenly everyone I'm friends with in

comedy was grew up like well I'm a huge huge comic book head you know kick enough of comic books right I guess it started with the watchman or something but I read the watchman in college no I think it's all the movies all the comic movies coming out yeah no there was something before the movies though there definitely was that movement where everyone trying to be we're being a nerd was cool again yeah being like a sexy guy who read comic books was what being a nerd was you know yeah and I don't know it was like name one there is what sexy guy that reads comic books I don't fucking know dude I don't know

whatever I don't even know I asked that question but yeah I don't so I guess that's the thing that people are into now I would it's weird because I used to feel alienated hanging out with comics when they're all talking about comic books and then then it became WWE like two years ago yes I mean that's just a small group though and some people I think that just means you grew up white trash honestly like you went like I like WWE I like WCW no it's but the wrestling is different because I know a lot of people who like wrestling I like it as a child yeah for sure I didn't because there was no network television

wrestling show Smackdown dude yeah Smackdown came later that's true it came in mid-school debut yeah like in like 1998 or something right and the rest was all on cable yeah wrestling was real popular like the height of that stone cold shit was probably what like 96 97 I don't know yes yeah and whenever Smackdown came out it was after that there was I would watch it just so I could have the conversations with people but at that point nobody really gave a shit about wrestling right it was on the way out for sure I got into it with my dad because during the Goldberg era because he was a Jew got to hold it down

for our boy this guy with the tribal tattoo that was black underpants that has no he didn't really have much of a personality yeah his whole personality was he didn't lose and there's no reason why he didn't he was he wasn't that good at wrestling and his move was the spear which is just tackling someone yes like an NFL sucked he sucked WCW was tight though the wolf pack that was WCA hell yeah dude I was in the wolf pack fucking love that shit the red one though remember ECW that was on TV that was cool there was like just guys running greaters across each other's faces I saw a funny clip someone sent me the other

day of Brett the Hitman heart fighting Yokozuna Yokozuna was a Samoan guy from Hawaii playing a Japanese character yeah you know as a kid I didn't realize that Yokozuna just meant like heavyweight right I thought it was one there was one guy who was the best at sumo wrestling and his name was Yokozuna that's what I thought too yeah and I blew my mind that that Yokozuna wasn't also a sumo wrestler right in you know it's crazy about sumo wrestling there was a check guy I think he was check a couple years back who was like a hundred ninety pounds you know very like I mean you know he's a strong guy but

compared to that and he became like one of the best sumo wrestlers because he would just move out of the way wow he was just super fucking fast and Japanese people probably so mad at that like no you push yeah yeah no he would like he just dominated damn yeah so that the moral of that story is that fat people aren't good at anything no come on it's even there one thing that they're supposed to be good at sumo wrestling they're bad I'll sumo wrestler you and beat you bitch no you won't you don't even know the rules you don't either you would eat all the sand yeah yeah if I don't eat anything it has to be

delicious and then I'll eat a lot of it yeah just eating sand yeah unless there's a little maybe somebody dropped a chocolate a clear in the sand yeah and there's a little bit of icing left I just I love that they wear diapers and that like or that rope like the Yokozuna gets like a big rope he has to wear instead of the diaper remember Rikishi his move was just sitting on people's faces with his ass out you definitely got that guy's big fat ass face goddamn gold dust is just coming in his pants yeah dude the reason that I was banned from watching wrestling when I stopped being a fan because right at the

height of that era I gave my brother a stone cold stunner and but I followed through and pulled his eye onto my knee and he just had the biggest black eye and then I remember I was like just play it cool dude if mom and dad just chill out and he's like should I go in my room I was like no no no if you go in your room and look like you're hiding so our plan was he was just gonna sit on the couch with a pillow over his eye and then my mom was like immediately walks is like why is there a pillow on your eye and he's like huh no reason and then I climbed up top on a fucking 20 foot ladder and one of my favorite movie going

experiences me my friend Jordan went to see the wrestler or not the wrestler the Marine the opening night yeah John Cena yeah and me and him are just high as shit outside the theater and there was like a 27 year old mom with her like you know son there yeah she's like just some hot like trashy single mom right and she was like woo yeah you're gonna see my boy Cena I was like yeah it's happy I'm bringing her son to a midnight show Jesus Christ Marine that kid probably has a very good life right now I mean she seemed like a good mom it actually touched me in a way wasn't John Cena's character that he was like hip-hop at first it was but then he

became so popular that he did that video that video of John Cena announcing to the crowd that Osama bin Laden's been killed it's so fucking funny awesome yeah what an American hero yeah oh fuck I just remember I just remembered a funny wrestling memory I went me and my brothers went to a autograph signing of the Hardy Brothers and Trish Stratus at East Point Mall in Dundalk like so much white trash waiting to just fucking I was so miserable I meant I meant I went to like like the DC like auto expo or something like a car show when I was like five or six or something like that and I met like turbo and laser from

American gladiators hell yeah I forgot about American gladiators I had signed pictures of them and I kept them underneath my bicycle seat all like folded up all shitty cuz I thought they were worth like millions of dollars like I don't want anyone to steal my autograph pictures of turbo from American gladiators fuck man people that go to that shit is so like people cherish that shit there are guys who legitimately just thought they could fuck Trish Stratus at that fucking signing yeah I just thought there's like well I've never seen a Louis through a documentary on bodybuilders no it's great

they like cover female bodybuilders and there's the most like Dick Fieldian guy yeah it's obsessed with the female bodybuilders and he's like I just love that body I feel like all bodybuilding competitions have those people in the crowd that are fans of that's the only you know the weirdest people in the world people look at like you know bodybuilding competitions and the guys on stage and are like how could you do that to yourself like what possesses somebody to be that weird and it's like who you should be looking at are the people in the audience the guys who judge those profession that someone says like yeah good muscles well I just love it muscle shape all it is is who can flex better

it's not even like it's not even who picks up the most weight which is like a competition it's who looks better just flexing and oiled up yeah who's good at dehydrating themselves to the point where you can see like the individual muscle fibers yeah dude it's fucking and they get so bronzed up too mm can we get that whatever oil that shit is it just look that way it's just olive oil that's it yeah I did what I like too it's like you look at some of them and like they have so much fake tanner and real tanner on their bodies that they look like a fucking slim gym yeah and it's like how is blackface wrong but

that's okay it's wrong when you do that to your face but if you do it to your body it's what art yeah sport it's sport yeah if you're jacked as hell I just I just want to go to a bodybuilding competition just in blackface not workout my muscles are really Jack start wearing black was like I want you to see how Jack my cheeks are look how big my smile is that's why I drew this red circle around how good my smile is like I love that episode of mad men we're fucking Jack slatter he should oh sorry I'm not spoiling this no that's fine he just give a shit it's like his wedding his like engagement or his

daughters or something I don't even know which character that is it's the fucking silver fox the sexy silver fox guy who fucks the Roger the boss yeah not the owner of the boss yeah yeah yeah okay his name Roger mm-hmm anyway to celebrate something as the entertainment it's him in blackface singing well that's really all you could do at a party in the 60s either put it you get way too drunk to put a lampshade on your head and you're the comic relief or you do blackface or guys wearing a tie on their head yeah it's a bit that's a good high Mandel built a career off that oh yeah so how did I do Mandel do

stand-up yeah yeah really yeah wasn't this big for closer he like puts a glove over his head and it blows it up I mean he was like so incredibly fueled by cocaine he was also a germaphobe to yeah yeah well that's why he shaved his head he's worried about but I actually yeah I'm actually I have a full beautiful head of hair yeah afraid of yeah he was a germaphobe who lived in New York City I must have been a nightmare maybe we're to be like a sperm a foe like you have to wash your hands constantly because you think there's calm everywhere it's a different kind of germaphobe they brought this up on the podcast before

Mark Summers from from Nickelodeon like the game show host yeah he was a germaphobe oh really have we spoken about this before really yeah yeah he was a germaphobe he did all the shit yeah his job just involved children like working with children who are getting gack poured on their heads like the point of all those shows was to be messy he must have just been in a prison of like his his own personal hell dude like on showbiz yeah I love gacking was just like facials it was just like pouring green jizz on children's faces like that's that's it yeah it's gonna be great when we find out that that's our generation's

age in orange Nickelodeon gack is everybody get that's why I'm dizzy right now Nickelodeon gack you got gacked I got guys ever have the gack that you buy yeah yeah well no I remember they like there was I see you can make it at home I remember that that there was like a they sold it too though yeah and like the daycare I went to they were like we're gonna show you how to make it because it's simple it's like flower and water yeah it's like dish soap and flour yeah yeah it's a real simple process it's good dude yeah that was the first pocket pussy was gack that was so crazy that that's what they wanted kids

to do they wanted you to beg your I mean this is what I wanted I wanted to beg my parents to go to Orlando Florida so I can get green jizz poured on my head that was like a dream they had it at Kings Dominion though did they there was like some kind of Nickelodeon thing at Kings Dominion I don't remember yeah oh you're from Vegas yeah yeah Kings Dominion kind of sucked sucked dick dude where's in Virginia yeah I don't really like but I'm not I'm not a theme park I'm not a amusement park guy oh really also the first one I ever went to was Hershey Park I kind of like I fucking love that shit when I was a kid I was

like who this is such a good idea when you're a little ass kid it's the best shit on earth yeah especially a chocolate themed one I remember I remember like trying to describe Hershey Park to my friend after he went there and I got so excited I like started crying that was the last genuine emotion you had dude I would love to see just baby Nick fucking happy about something before the years of neglect god damn that's a precious ass memory yeah damn you know you know what we should fuck it I want to see some baby pics dude yeah it was funny my my fucking my mom was like you know I don't know from where she got it was

my grandparents house it was like a photo album and shit there's all these pictures from like you know me and my cousin's grown up and then there's like a two-year period where every picture of me I just have this like scowl on my face they look all depressed and I was like would it why am I like this in every picture she was like my mom's like I just how you were I guess that is the answer to who you are god what do you think it was dude I don't know you get molested and you blacked it out no I remember that you never know considering like I'd remember

every minute detail of every TV show I ever watched no I think I would black out maybe that's why you do it yeah to to stop yourself from remembering getting your dick size yeah you're trying to stuff your brain I don't believe I don't believe in repressed memories I don't care if you believe it I think that's that's like just bullshit that's real what if it wasn't you and that's why your mom now is a Holocaust denier wouldn't that make me that I don't think no no no because you've repressed it so now she thinks all Jews are bad mm-hmm I think I'm honest on here I think it's funny that your mom's a Holocaust

denier and you had a Holocaust denier she your mom's an active revisionist Holocaust revisionist what does that mean she just means she's bad at math your mom's a Holocaust denier and she's a come on not six you went into you went into stand-up comedy she's like the most Jewish thing you could have done with yeah I have like Jewish family and grew up around so all of the people all of the people I bullied were Jews growing up so it's like you know I feel connected to them maybe the dad and still today you're two targets of bullying Adam and someone who is essentially Jewish he's not Jewish at all yeah he's not that's

the only reason it's fucking funny yeah he got so upset one time and he was like let me ask you something what if I actually this is a different guy we didn't say the name it's a different guy yeah he's like what if I actually was Jewish I'm like then it wouldn't be funny yeah that's why it's funny it's literally like if you were a guy going around in blackface and everyone was making fun of you for being in blackface you're like what if I actually was a black person what if I actually was a black person that's the voice of it yeah fuck what a beautiful fucking Tuesday morning it's been boys yeah yeah

it's so dreary outside but we also want to say thank you to everyone oh yeah I'm out last night that was a killer show thank you guys so much yeah you guys are great and we got some good shows this next month we're gonna do two so maybe one maybe yeah okay we'll check it out never mind fuck yeah well we got Caroline's going on and I lines for sure I'm sorry I've been so dizzy this this one so I'm able to pay attention you I am a little worried about your health yeah I don't know it's probably just allergies or something I guess but yeah I hope you don't die dude yeah that would suck right movies to watch actually we

might yeah okay nevermind sorry what thank you for listening to the show what's the Caroline's date the 21st of February as always if you enjoy the show you want to there's better episodes go to patreon.com slash come town apparently you can't search for the show on patreon can't yeah I think they remove this or no listings or so because if we say come in the name yeah probably but if you just go back slash come down you're fine yeah you'll find it yeah all right thanks bye