The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - 8

Okay, we're live. We're on the air, guys. It's eight. It's eight. This is the, oh, these are now paid episodes. We have, did you see, we have donations. Hell yeah, bitch. How much did we get? Something like $70 a month. Hey, people are, have pledged. That's great. It's not bad. Really good. It's more than zero. Thank you to whoever, whatever, uh, people in basements out there. Hey, whoa. You know what? I was kind of depressed because I was like, yeah, this'll be cool. We'll set up a thing and then the names started coming in. It's like people that I'm friends with. I'm like, don't do that. Give me your money. No, you, that's all right. We'll take, I'll

take that. Yeah. I need, it's basically like they're paying for my like social skills surgery and like a murder, like a, like terminal autism and they're donating to, you know, letting us pretend like we have a real radio show. We have a real radio show. We're in the top of the empire state building at the Anthony Coombs studios. No, yeah. Come on, man. The, the rattlesnake, then Puerto Rican rattlesnake, then in the snake pit, the, what's then in Spanish abuela is abuela. Every word in Spanish is abuela. Yes. Um, you know what's funny is like sometimes I'll try to be racist and I'll add O to the end of a word to like make it Spanish. Yeah. It turns out to just be the word. Like you got a restaurant. Oh,

that's it. I don't think that's the name of the restaurant. That's a famous one. I feel like everyone goes to be bleoteca. Yeah. When I was in Spanish class in, uh, in middle school, uh, me and my friends thought we were really clever. So we made up a gang. We're like, we're Los, Los Mari posas, the butterflies. We thought that was hilarious. And like all, like all, like we kept making jokes like, Oh, Los Mari posas are going to get you. And then like my teacher couldn't take it like midway through the semester and she just like slammed a book down. She's like, that means the homosexual. What are you doing? You had no idea it was slang for a gay man. Yeah, we didn't know that. So your gang was

there. I mean, it was pretty good. We didn't think it sounded too hard. Do you know the rule with like, uh, Mary Cohn and Cabron? This is like the two of them. It's peruvian guy told me like 10 years ago, but he's like, you know, like if you're friends with Mexican guys, you can call him Cabron. Like that's like a term of endearment or whatever. Among them he's like, but don't call other South America or like other Spanish speaking people Cabron. Cause like Cabron apparently just means like top faggot. I want to be a cabron. Right. And then Maricón is like the bottom one, but that's only, oh, you mean top, like top and bottom. He's like top and bottom. So it's like, you're like a pimp. If you say

it to a Mexican, I don't know. I didn't check any of this. Peruvian guy told me Peruvian guy, who's name at a bus station. No, I worked with him. I mean, we took the bus together, but I worked with him. So maybe he did tell me it was on a bus. It was on a bus. There's a Peruvian as a fat Peruvian kid. I love it. And I swear to God, his name was Nick Nolte. He told me he wrote that down as his name on a thing. And I was like, no way. That's hilarious. He put that down. That's a good reference, dude. That was a solid reference. He's been a liar. I love it. And then he was like, what? And I was like, that's not your name. And he was like, yeah, it is. And he was also a pathological liar. And we were,

I think we were talking about that the other day. It's like pathological liars. They have all these bullshit stories. And then one of their stories will be like real. You're like, you fucking actually beat up a chimp. That actually happened for real. He's got like pictures of him in the chimp. He's got blood all over his face. But yeah, no. So he pulls out his ID and there it says Nick Nolte. Spelled the same way. Spelled exactly the same way. That's awesome. Yeah. And I was like, that's insane. He's like, yeah, it's a family name. I'm like, well, every name is a family. I don't know what to find. Yeah, what does that mean when someone says it's a family? Well, it's a family name. It means they don't know how to read.

It means they've never encountered another human being in the world. Unless their whole family is all just like, you know, Cher and Madonna. This is my aunt Madonna. Did you know that Marcus Doodoo Brown was a family name? I don't want to shit on Marcus. I don't want to do do on Marcus. There we go. Marcus is a good comic. I like Marcus. We're still drinking coffee guys. We got the rift juice. Starbucks. Let me get a grande rift juice. But yeah. So Maricón is the bottom one. Cabrón is the top one. Yeah, that's such an awesome term. Yeah, you fuck a man in the hour top. You're my boy, dude. They're cool. What else they got? I don't understand. What's the proper term? Is it you could Mexicans

fine? You can say that. Right? It feels a little weird. It felt weird. Yeah, because it's like growing up. Most of the people I knew that were like Hispanic were like you had to call them Hispanic because they could be from Venezuela. Right. Right. Right. I'll solve it. Yeah. Yeah. And Salvador or whatever. Colombia. But then I moved to Texas and people in Texas are like, Oh, there's a bunch of Mexican guys that live there. Keep your voice down. I grew up in the Southwest. Yeah. And they're all Mexican. So you could call them that. Really? You didn't have any like fucking Uruguayans any any Spanish person. But what is the fucking Mexican over there? But it's like Puerto Rican people are like, I'm Mexican

man. Well, I don't know what to do. Oh, I see. I see. Yeah. Yeah. It's just. What is Chicano? Is that if you're like for you're from Chicago? Is that like Chai Rack? If you're in Chai Rack, but you're Mexican? Chicano, I feel like it means you're wearing like a velvet shirt. Yeah. It's a clothing thing. Like a Vato. I feel like no silk. Vato just means dude. Chicano is like they like I identify as Chicano. Oh really? Yeah. Chicano is Chicano is on par with Hispanic or Mexican or Latino stupid. I am. I think Chicano. I just think the guy the the Jesus, the Jesus character from fucking help me out here. The bowling I can't believe. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Lebowski. Lebowski. When you say Chicano. You know the

bowling movie. Yeah. The famous bowling movie. Big Lebowski. Oh, yeah. When you say any words. When you say Chicano, that's what I think for some reason. And I bet I can't wait to Google it later and find out how wrong I am. I think I think Michael Chikliss. I think Chicano is like the Mexican term for Michael Chikliss. I think about that movie Bloody and Blood Out. So if you look like Michael, if you're Hispanic, but you look like Michael Chikliss, you're Chicano. You're like bald, like you're like a bald, portly Latino guy. That's what Chicano is. How short do you think? He seems very short. Four foot eleven. Imagine if he was four eleven. And then when he goes on talk shows, he goes, or as I like to call

it, five foot negative one. Like Winx. That's good. Yeah. That's everyone applauded. Chicliss. Great talk show guest. We'll have him on. We'll have him on. Yeah, we got Chicliss. Is Chicliss short? We're gonna make fun of him. He's at the same height as us. No, I think he's short. He looks like a testicle. He does. Somebody described Bob Hoskins that way one time. But he looks like a testicle. Yeah, an angry testicle. That's pretty good. You know what's funny? He like died loathing the Super Mario Brothers movie. Poor guy. That movie was so bad. It was really bad. Everything about it was awful. That might have been the most underwhelming celebrity death of all time, Bob Hoskins. What happened? He was a lot of really good

movies. He was an amazing actor. Yeah, he was. He was really talented and he died and nobody gave a shit. When did he die? He died like two years ago and on the anniversary of his death last year, articles about his death started coming up and people were like, oh my god, Bob Hoskins died. Well, that's what happened, dude. I feel like literally in like a year, this past year, everyone claims they loved every celebrity. Like it used to be there to be like a status here or there, but everyone's writing an essay now. I don't fucking like, were people that important to you? It doesn't feel like it just came to the thing. I mean, some of them were like, you know, Muhammad Ali is big. Sure. Prince is big. Bowie. Prince.

The fucking bad guy from Harry Potter. That one was stupid. Snape? Yeah. Well, he was in the die hard. I don't know. He ended up being the good guy. You fucking illiterate piece of shit. Maybe illiterate to see a movie. Yeah, he's starred in a book. Dude, there's a new Harry Potter coming out. So it looks like your boy is about to read a book. Is there a new one coming out? I think yeah, she's making mad Harry Potter. Hell yeah, dude. That bitch ain't rich enough. JK, get yours, girl. You never read any Harry Potter bitch, dude. Me? Little Mullen. What were you doing, dude? No, I think I read... At 11, what were you doing? Harrowing. I read books. Well, I didn't really read that many books. I guess

the books I read as a kid were like, I guess Goosebumps was like elementary school. Hell yeah. What was it, Fear Street? I read maybe one of those. Those were like the more hardcore ones, right? Yeah, and then I would read the shit we were assigned in school. The only shit I really remember reading outside of school was CS Lewis stuff, Ender's Game. I read all those Ender's Game books, but he came out with like nine other books after a resurgence in the popularity of those books when I was in middle school. Yeah, because I remember Ender's Game, that came out in the 80s. I remember reading that when I was in third grade, and then again when I was in fifth grade, and then they released a whole...

You know what it was? It was an additional series based on one of the characters from Ender's Game. A little spin-off Frasier, the Frasier of the Ender's Game. Yeah, actually it was Frasier. It was a novelization of Frasier. Niles. Niles, there's aliens. We have to fuck these aliens. My favorite books growing up were that book at Fudge, do you remember? Hell yeah. I fucked with Fudge. Judy Blum. Mine, Count. Yeah, yeah. They had to be Fudge or Mine, Count. Well, they're both like coming-of-age stories. Yeah, yeah, it's a period. That's a big chapter. They're both written in prison. You know what I never understood? Judy Blum was in prison. Judy Blum doing time for a fucking manslaughter. Not to get into conspiracy

theories here, but like, how was it that Anne Frank was the only person with a diary? That was the only one- That shit just popped off the hardest. There couldn't be, there was not a better- She got her period in it. Yeah. I've never read it. Speaking of Judy Blum and getting your period, I was like really into those Fudge books, and then I got, are you there, God? It's me, Margaret. One summer, like my parents made me do the fucking summer reading club or whatever. Of course. And I read it, and it's about getting your period for the first time. So like, I had a bunch of questions from my parents, and my mom literally took me to the library and yelled at the librarian in front of me. It was so humiliating. It

was so humiliating. Don't you ever tell my boy about girls. How dare you. This is a young adult novel. This should not be easy readers. My mom, like, struggled to quit smoking for years, and she finally did, and then she was like all about anti-smoking, and she chewed out the ice- She was screaming at the Nigerian ice cream truck man for like bringing candy cigarettes to the neighbor. She's like, how fucking dare you sell these you piece of shit. And like, I'm like mortified. Of course, yeah. I didn't even want those. I wanted the fucking Ninja Turtle with bumblegum eyes. The best one. Yeah, yeah. I didn't want the candy cigarettes. It tasted like shit. They were awful candy cigarettes. They were cool. You

could do smoke. You could pretend to smoke. They were so cool. I remember when I was, we lived in LA, and like after baseball games, we'd get like, you know, pieces of apple slices and like granola and stuff. Then we moved to Vegas, and like we get like fucking cheeseburgers. People like bring McDonald's, and like the kids would go fucking nuts for McDonald's. Hell yeah, dude. Mickey D's after a soccer game. That was my shit, dawg. I was good at that. No, it was funny. I remember that. You played baseball, and then my dad would like take me to 7-Eleven, and I'd get like the largest slurpy size. After like baseball practice, baseball is the lowest impact sport I know. I know you're barely fucking running for it.

You just stand there. Yeah. Horrible. Even fucking Gatorade is just sugar. Yeah. Well, you needed it. Gatorade. It's got the electrolytes, dude. It's got the electrolytes. Gatorade you need if you get the flu or something. Yeah. I just had a pretty wicked stomach virus. You did? Yeah. It's going around, guys. Listen, fans, if you're out there, don't get the stomach flu. This is the Come Town Health Minute. Yeah. Did you see that thing the Red Cross did? They really said like, Red Cross got in trouble this week because they put like a pool safety just some fucking pool safety poster that they like tweeted out. It's a picture of a pool with like things you should do in the pool versus things you shouldn't do in the pool. So it's

like someone running, and it's pointing at the kid running, and it says not cool, and then it's like a guy holding his baby, and it says cool. But every one of the not cool ones is a black person. Oh my God. Is it a real picture? Is it like a brown cartoon? Yeah. It'd be great if it was just, because then you couldn't complain if it was just a photograph someone happened to take of a pool, and all the black people happened to be doing breaking all the rules. You can't help that. That's not the Red Cross this week. The cartoons were all brown. It's the white guys who weren't breaking any of the rules. And you know what's funny is like Shackleford made all these people mad at the Red Cross. There is absolutely no way in hell that was on

purpose. Right. No way. There's no way at all. Yeah. But what's so funny is that they were like, they probably did one draft and they're like, ah, put more black people in there so people don't get mad at us for like not being diverse enough. And then that backfire. Yeah. Imagine if it was some guy who was like, this is how I get him. This is how we set him back. Finally. This is last day. Their favorite place, the pool. That's where. This is like when that guy tweeted that picture, the United Airlines account tweeted that picture of the woman with the toy plane in her car with the plane. That was awesome. That's the best way to quit your job. I love the auto fucking when someone has their shit set up for auto retweets and it just like the Beatles fucking

suck dick. The Beatles retweet it. I love seeing that shit. Corporate Twitter accounts are still figuring it out. Remember that. What was the makeup account? There's some makeup company when the Aurora shooting happened in Colorado and they were like Aurora's trending. That must be our new Aurora makeup. Yeah. And then the makeup they tweeted. Guess what guys? It was the Joker makeup. They tweeted the Joker makeup. They tweeted out a tutorial of how to do your own Joker makeup. We had a bunch planned today, but we wiped it clean because there's a big news event on Friday dropped. Oh, right. Of course. Brexit. Is that how you pronounce it? What do you say? I thought it was Brechie. Brechie? Well, it's about Europe. Brechie, the first book of the Torah. Alright, you don't

have to do all these Jew jokes that we don't get. I'm sorry. Neither of us have read the Torah. Sorry. Sorry. There aren't any Jews. Was there a Jew version of C.S. Lewis books? I was so pissed off when I found out that those were all like Christian. I know. Yeah. I was like, what? I thought you made up all this cool shit about me into liking this shit. A big mouse that does sword fighting and it's like that's Paul or something. Yeah. Jesus was the lion. Clearly the lion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that shit is so fucking gay, dude. I hate when I get tricked into liking Christian. Oh, man. I saw that. Sorry. I just remember I did extra work on Jermaine Fowler's sketch comedy show like a year ago. Friends of the people. Yeah. And so I don't know if have either of you been

extras in anything? No, no, it's the funniest. I'm always the fucking star on the start of show. It's the funniest shit in the world. So like all the people that, most of the people doing extra work, it's like, it's actually, it's an easy job. Yeah. And if you're a union, you get like 150 bucks a day and you mostly just sit around. If you like freelance or something, it's great. You bring your laptop, you can like just write. That's awesome. Yeah. You don't really have to do shit. You're in like a scene for maybe like five seconds. Oh, that's cool. Do they feed you? Yeah, you get free food, you know, and then 10% of the people there. Okay. So yeah, like 89% of the people are, you know, just like just know what's up 10% are, you know, trying to be serious

actors and 1% are like bat shit insane. Just like there was this one time I was in, in holding for a show and there's this woman with like aviator sunglasses on rail thin like anorex is like very tall, lanky, you know, there's veins everywhere, just very vascular, creepy woman. She's like hunched over like a fucking gargoyle on her chair. And some guy was like, Oh, well, my friend David Richards, he's a writer. He's like talking to somebody quietly and from across from him, she goes, Oh, yeah, I know him. He raped me. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I know him. He raped me back in the 80s. What are we supposed to do with that? And then they start talking. She's like, Oh, never mind. This must be a different guy. Was he a manager at a Chili's in New York?

The only set job I've had is the one you got me when we're truck boys, truck boys, dude. Well, didn't you have a good extra? Well, I was about to tell I was about to tell an extra story. I forget what the fucking lead into it was. I think we're talking about that. Oh, yeah, the Jesus allegory thing. But there was this one guy that friends of the people thing, who just had like 90s asshole hair, you know, like both, like both of his parents were named Zach. Like a fucking, like always wearing eyes, odd, like like penis, 90s penis, which is a very like, like a very nicely shaped glands helmet of hair. And like any time they would call cut, he would immediately turn and face the camera and you could see him on all the monitors and no one's paying attention. Oh,

my God, just trying to fucking ignore him. And and then I had to fucking listen to Oh, yeah. So I went into I forgot what okay, yeah, we're sitting and holding and one of the producers comes in and like they tell us like, Okay, guys, so basically the sketch idea is like, I don't want to shit on the show or whatever. I mean, but like, they're just telling you the pitch of the sketch. So it's like, even even if the funniest show in the world, they just tell you like, here's the idea. You're like, Okay, you're not going to laugh at it. Right. Whatever. It's just that, you know, they're just telling you, you know, what's going on. Yeah, yeah. So she's like, Okay, so basically the setup is like, you know, they're throwing a house party and the

president shows up, Barack Obama shows up and he eats all the food. And again, I don't want to shit on the show. Why are you privacy? And then this guy, he like leans in, he physically leans in and he's like, Oh, wow, that's so great. And I had to like, you know, step out of the room for a second to like, you know, call him a slur under my breath. I want to laugh at him. And I come back in and the producers talking to him and she goes, No, President Obama won't actually be here. He thought the president of the United States is going to pop in is going to do a quick drop in or spend a day shooting a sketch where he eats too many Cheetos for true TV. But yeah, no, we were leaving. So we're in like a van back to the city or whatever at the end of the day. And like,

somebody was talking about something. And you know, he's like, Well, what is your favorite film? And they were like, Oh, the matrix or something. And that guy goes, You know, that that whole story is actually an allegory for Jesus Christ. Hell, yes, he starts describing the matrix parallels. I mean, it's sort of this, he's not wrong. Yeah, no, those three are chosen. Oh, of course. I mean, isn't the license plate like a, yeah, it's like a biblical reference. We can't criticize it because they're both trans though. Oh, are they? Oh, yeah. So is it the Wachowski sisters? Yes. Well, no, you just sit down. You just say the Wachowskis. Does that they're a chosen pronoun? Yeah, just what are the odds the pronouns?

What are the odds? It's really, let me ask you this, though. Do you think they would have transitioned if the second two movies have been better? If they had been better movies, as good as the first one, they're sitting with their PR guy, and they're like, Look, we need to get a little traction right now. You said we wouldn't have to if they never got funding for the animatrix. Would they have transitioned? I watched a speed racer, their speed racer on mushrooms once and it was intense. So scary. I mean, I had to turn it off. I tried watching super jail on mushrooms. I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea. Isn't that the show that on purpose

fucks with you? Like, yeah, it's like, even when you're sober, you're like, you feel kind of disturbed. It's great. It's one of the best things I've ever seen. But yeah, I tried watching that on mushrooms. I had to leave the room. That was too much. Yo, you remember Jose extreme parking? Oh God, that guy was the best. We'll talk about Jose real quick. All right. So Nick, Nick gets me a job. He's like, you just got to sit in the passenger seat of this truck. That's basically it. And then we got to move things like a couple times, but you just hang out on this truck in the middle of the day. They're like, Yeah, we're going to need you to get your own 16 foot truck and drive it around man. Just alone, just in a massive. Oh, you were

alone. But yeah, they split us up for starters. The truck they made us pick up. It was like a 20 foot truck and normally trucks are 14 foot right and like a 20 foot truck. You don't need a CDL until it reaches like, I don't know. It's a weight thing, but basically like a 30 foot truck. Right. But the difference between 14 and 20 feet, when you're driving that truck, because they're wider too. Yeah, you get in that thing and you're like, I shouldn't be driving this fucking truck, especially around Manhattan. Yeah, I'd feel weird driving in like the fucking Baltimore suburbs in the middle of fucking and you guys were right in the mix. We had a we're like in midtown driving these massive trucks. Yeah, I just like my way into

this job and they said, I just have to sit in the past. It's not even a lying thing. They don't give a shit. They don't give a fuck. They don't give a shit. They hire whoever. It's like, yeah, I got a friend, Brent, he'll do it. And then it's like, okay, we'll go pick up $2 million worth of camera and a lighting equipment. They're like, no, we already signed for it and then just park the truck wherever they don't even like give you instructions on where to. So yeah, so like we had a five a.m. call. They're like, yeah, it's our responsibility to park the trucks. And so like we're supposed to park them in like, you know, lots or whatever. We had a five a.m. call. There's this dude that's just like wide away. We get there to park the trucks and he's

just like screaming at people like moving trucks like air traffic controlling and like I get he like screams at me to move the truck and then I get out and he's like, anyway, man, sorry, I yelled at you. My name is Jose. I'm a small business owner. I own my own company. It's called Extreme Parking. He didn't he didn't tell us he showed us his business because we struck up a conversation with them. They like hire somebody and this guy's only job is to just sit outside all night before the shoot and put up traffic cones so like nobody will take the parking space, which is like a shooting in New York. You'd need someone to totally. It's also that parking coordinate. This guy has legal, right? No, it's not. No,

you get permits from the streets. But the way the permits work is they don't say that you can't park there. It just allows you to hold the parking space. Gotcha. Gotcha. So if somebody wanted to come and take that parking space, they could. Gotcha. And that's why you have like a cone guy. So this guy's business is he owns the cones. He's the cones guy. He just owns the business. Well, he shows us his business card and it says Extreme Parking on it. Jose Extreme Parking. And it took everything I had not to like. That's incredible. Excuse me. They have a website. I found the website. I have to take it over last. Anyway, so he's like bragging to us. We're like, yeah, so like are the parking guys in New York like Union? Like that's what you ask every job on a

film shoot is like, are you Union or not? Because that's like, you know, an easy conversation starter. And he's like, hell no doing never going Union. I'm never going Union, bro. He's like, yeah, man, I raised like six kids. I raised like nine, nine, nine. I read exaggerated in the wrong direction. Yeah, yeah, that's crazy. He's like, I raised nine kids. Last year, Extreme Parking made $85,000 and like split between me and my five guys. We asked him, we asked him, he's like, I made $90,000 last year. And I was like, that's pretty good. Is that before after tax? He's like, well, split between me and my like a guy. I'm like, that's no money. No way I'm going Union, man. No way I'm going Union, bro. I've raised nine kids on this. It's so fucking on this parking

game. Yeah, holy shit. What is he feeding those fucking kids, dude? I don't know, man, but production is the funniest job for meeting those kinds of people. Oh, it's the best. The other the other extra. I did extra work on blue bloods. Oh, yeah. Tom Selleck. Do you see Tom Selleck? No, but I saw Donnie. Oh, hell yeah. I saw Don. There was this fucking guy there, this older black dude who was like in his like, probably he was probably in his early sixties. Okay. And you know, he clearly had taken illicution lessons or at least knew how to approximate them. Because, you know, he's like always had his fucking eyebrows vaulted, you know, like speaking in a, you know, very like area diet way or whatever, but then bull shit. It was bullshit. And like the

minute I saw this guy when we're sitting and holding, I'm like, I'm going to listen everywhere this guy has to say. Yeah. Also, a lot of the extras, they have their own cop outfits because they do extra work so much. They go and buy in the police officer outfits. I come with my uniform. No, that's what they do because it's like you can get a job as like, you know, the guy that's permanently a police officer on the background and like CSI or whatever. Hell yeah. So we're there and he finds this girl. I forget her name. We'll call her Gabby. And she was like younger, like kind of attractive, but not TV attractive, you know, like she's like, yeah, I'm trying to become an actress, you know, that's what I want to do is I want to be an actress.

And it's like, you know, I mean, whatever, she's 19. So she has time to like, figure out that, you know, don't be an actress. Yeah. And this Lawrence guy immediately hones in on her because it's someone that he can spew all of his bullshit to God. And, you know, like I'm trying to remember a couple of the hits, but, you know, there was a good one in there where he's like, you know, I mean, I show up on these sets and you know, I'm ready to go, you know, and I had the one time they say to me, Lawrence, you know, we need you to move up and we need you to speak a couple of lines in this one. And I say, I'm ready. I can do that. But they, they give me just my sides. And I say, well, I'm going to need the whole script. I didn't need to understand my character's

motivations. What is he feeling in this situation? You know, like, and the line is like, yeah, has anybody seen the coffee maker? Yeah, it's never went that way. And he's like, I need to know my motivations. And then, you know, it's like, everything's like, just filled with all this like bitterness. There's like a subtext of, you know, jealousy and anger. And there's one time he was like, I just heard him in his sock and he's like, and I told her, you know, you know, I mean, next time you're going to be working for me, I'll be producing on the next one, I'll be directing, you know, you're going to be working for me. So, you know, no, you can't talk to me that way. I forget who said the line, but one of

favorite lines is, I'm going to show them who's never been boss. And I think that applies. I think that applies to Lawrence. But so he's going off about, you know, the whole time, one time he's saying, you know, I've been here since season one, I've been working here on this project together since season one. It's like, you know, you've just been booked as an extra for seven years. Yeah, on Blue Bloods. The show with 19 grandads, where everyone has a mustache. Yeah. The mustache granddad show. Yeah. So it's like Tom Selleck is supposed to play the patriarch on that show. He's like, cop granddad, and then his son like has a son. So he's like the great, he's the granddad. And then Tom Selleck's dad is on the show too. So there's another grandpa.

Jesus Christ. Really? There's like, is that many grandpas? Nine generations of Irish cops. But the guy who plays Tom Selleck's father on the show is only like three years older than Tom Selleck in real life. Because it doesn't make any fucking sense. But so after like a whole day of Lawrence going off about how much, you know, everybody loves him or whatever, he started, he's like, you know, me and Donnie have been working on this project for years together. Donnie Wahlberg shows up, you know, nobody's seen Donnie yet. I'm like, oh, that's pretty cool. It's Donnie Wahlberg. And he walks by and Lawrence sees him and he goes, good morning, Donnie. And Donnie Wahlberg takes one look at this man and goes,

been seeing too much of you around here, Lawrence, just walks away. Been seeing too much of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was completely annoying. And then he goes, he like turns to that girl and he's like, we play games with each other. We like to joke around with each other. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Okay. So if we're talking about like career extras, I feel, I mean, Tommy Myers is coming up again. Have you guys seen his acting real? He's like an investigation. Yeah, it's like he's a priest. And like an investigation. He looks surprised. He looks like he learned the motions from like emojis. Yeah. He learned how to react to things. Okay. Well, I'm supposed to have dollar signs in my eyes.

What is the dollar sign tongue emoji all about? I can put your money where your mouth is, dude. I took me years to figure that out. Yeah, that's incredible. Good for you, man. So Tom, your motivation in this scene is I want you to imagine that your character is confused. He's just been hit with all this information about this missing girl. It's almost like I want you to imagine that you've just had like a bong hit. Okay. So Tom, you're carried. So you're in the hospital, Tom. You're in the hospital. You just had a bong hit. The EKG is beeping next to you. Okay. So there were complications during your bong hit. Tom, first of all, thank you for being a part of the reboot of West Wing.

I'm so happy you're here. So basically in this scene, you know, it's a walk and talk scene and you are there next to Madam President and you're walking down the hallway of the West Wing and then, you know, you have to eat her pussy. If you can do that for us. She wants to get revenge on Bill. Tom, I want you to imagine. Okay. So pretend like you've smoked pot before. Imagine you're Paul Revere and you're on pot. I think the British are coming, dude. The British are coming, man. So the Brexit, what do you guys think? Oh, of course. Oh, Brashi. Well, man, it's just, you know, I don't know. That's one of those things I didn't fucking pay attention to. They said they were going to do it and they did it. I look at my

friends reacting to it on Twitter. I'm like, I guess I'm supposed to be mad about this. I don't I don't even know what the EU is really. I just thought it meant you don't have to get a work visa if you want to like work. Yeah, it's easy. That doesn't apply to me. It doesn't mean shit to me. I think it does feel like too much shit. That's like a little weird is happening recently. Like I could this could be just something this happens and then some fucking there's a skirmish you think like a Trump like some something fucked up. I feel like I don't know it. This is the first time I've been like that's weird. That's a fucked up. I'll just say the worst part of the Brexit for me is my dad called me four times on Saturday. Dad calls you about everything though

with Brexit puns and it was like I was I was living in an absolute eternal hell. Damn, dude. Terrible. That must suck having a loving father bitch. This bitch has a good relationship with his parents. Haha. What do you mean? What do you mean? That's the first time you think like a fuck. Now I'm calling you on my dad's birthday yesterday. That's hilarious. I gotta call my fucking father. Shit. How's it? I dude, I could not tell you. I think Jesus Christ, man. Come on. You can't even eyeball it or he's 63. That makes sense. That's like my dad's age. My dad's turning 65 this month. My dad's like 63. Alright, let's see. I'm 27. He was 35 when he had me. 64, right? No, that doesn't make sense. 62. Because my dad was like 36 when I was born

and he's like 63. 62. Yeah, that's what I'll say. Your dad's gotta be a year younger than my dad. Okay. Because I'm older than you. Yeah, but my dad could fuck your dad's bitch ass up, dude. What if me, my dad and your dad like kissed back in elementary school. They practice kissing on each other and that's how they met our moms. Dude, that's what if we parent trap all three of our dads to be gay? So we'd be real brothers. Your dad would, I feel like your dad would be a bottom. My dad's a top. Yo, check this out. What if our dad's... Your dad's a top? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your dad's American. My dad was... He's a Monty Kong. Monty Kong. My dad is a Monty Kong. Your dad's a fucking couple. My dad's a Wachowsky. The worst joke... A little wig on him? Throw a

dreadlock wig on him? The worst joke pitch I ever got from him. I was like... He called like four times. I called him back and he's like, comedy is over. Comedy is over. And I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, his name is Wiener and he showed his Wiener. And I was like, I gotta go. I have to go. That is a pretty good name. Leave me alone, please. What happens to dads that they just become horribly fucking unfunny? Yeah, even like professional comedian dads. Like at like 65. Like, I don't know what happens. As soon as you become a father, the two things happen. You stop being funny and you start having to scream when you yawn. Yeah. I don't understand what that is. Like you can't just fucking yawn like a normal person. You just start screaming. Like a deaf person

having an orgasm. You guys are lucky, though, that sorry to make this Jew again. But your dads don't go through one of those like make like just getting obsessed with Israel things. Like just getting angry and shouting at you. Yeah, but everybody's dad's racist about something. Well, your guys dads get into cool stuff like trains and stuff. Yeah, my dad's into trains. My dad's like really developed autism at age like 61. His wife took him to like a train museum for his birthday a couple years ago. And he's like trying to show me a train video on his like phone and I almost had to go cry. Oh my God. I was like, I feel so bad for you, dude. What's happening? My father became a crazy cat man. I'm not even kidding. So he's got he's a

carbon. He's got his own like fucking place. And I went in there to visit him, dude. There was at least 15 cats. Just you just had fucking is all Greek dudes. Huh? Is all Greek dudes working the spot. It's just his fucking spot. It's just that Hemingway. Your dad's like Hemingway. Yeah, maybe we'll fucking shoot himself. Shoot himself in the face and open. Yeah. And get all that cat money, dude. Yeah, I could get I could fucking inherit all those cats. Hemingway was so dumb. Why? Why do people like hot take? I don't know. Hot take. I've never enjoyed his right. Oh, I'm incredible. I went to Africa and I murdered an animal. I'm gonna write a fucking whole story about people. Yeah. Oh, this is incredible. Have you ever went to Africa and he murdered an animal?

You know that short story that what is it? The short symbol of Francis McComer? Is that Hemingway? It's a Hemingway short story that's like the most like like Pua MRA. Really? Yeah. So the story is like this guy goes to Africa with his hot wife to like hunt a lion. But then there's this just fucking big dick swinging like hunter that's already there that like has to take them out into the field. And this guy's like a stuck up like, you know, cuts him. Yeah, well, yeah, he does. So they go out to, you know, to hunt and he like takes his like, you know, disaffected, you know, like disillusioned wife out into the field with him so she can watch him do a safari or whatever to to like want to fuck him again. Yeah. And they go out. Well, not at this point in the

story, they're just sort of like in a, you know, a malaise, they're like upper middle class people or whatever he's like, we're going on safari and they go out into the into the, you know, the field or whatever. And there's like a rhino or something. And the guy tenses up and he can't shoot the rhino. He's like a coward about it or whatever. He's a bitch. And the hunter has to save them. And the hunter saves them. And then there's like the next scene is like, the guy's in his tent at night and he hears his wife go like fuck the other guy. Yeah. He just sits there like all mad while the wife's like fucking the other guy. And then she comes back and he's like all pissed off. He's like, I can't believe you fucking did that or whatever. So the next day they go out and there's

a fucking lion dude. And he's like, I'm going to kill that lion. And he goes out and even the hunter is like, don't do it, man. You know, like, don't kill the lion. And he like goes out in the field and then he like shoots once and shoots twice. And he's missing or whatever. And then finally there's like one last shot. I mean, like the lion drops, but he drops too. And the wife had like stood up and she shot like him in the back of the head. He became a man, but then his fucking bitch killed him anyway. Yeah, that sounds like some pretty relatable. That sounds I mean, that sounds a lot like that old joke. We're like, yeah, just like imagine Hemingway sitting it as like fucking typewriter. And then that fucking she did and not me. I got a fucking

hard six and a half. That's average, dude. That's fucking average. No one can tell you it's not average. Average means good. Yo, you know that old joke though about the guy that goes to Africa to kill the lion? No, poor old. He thinks it's a Cadillac. Is that one? No, no, no, he goes out to kill the lion and he sits back and he unloads, he unloads on like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, the dust settles. The lion's still staying there and the lion goes up to him and he's like, you know, you missed me. So I'm going to give you a choice like either you, I'm going to eat you or you can suck my dick. So he's like, all right, I'm going to suck your dick, right? And then the next season, whatever he goes out, he sees the same line, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, dust settles.

It's like, you missed me. You're going to have to, I'm going to eat you or you're going to have to suck my dick. And then like the third season, obviously, he's like out there and he's like, yeah, the lion like comes up to him and he's like, he's seeing his life flash before his eyes and he looks him square in the eyes and he's like, you must really like sucking my dick. My grandfather told me that. That doesn't make any fucking sense. I thought the project was going to be something like you want to just skip it. I don't know. I don't know what. I thought that was like a very well-known old joke. That's like, oh, I've never heard that. My grandfather told me that joke. It doesn't make any sense. It makes no sense. That was like, there used to be a joke about

his life or something. Like a genie when I was like in middle school. It was like, you get two wishes. The first was like, I want to suck another guy's dick. That's what Mike asked for. That's like the punchline is like somebody being gay, being gay, but there's a genie involved. Oh yeah. I remember there was, there was a fucking, yeah, there was another one where it was like a gorilla. It's like, we'll give you, they told this poor zookeeper, we'll give you $80,000 to get fucked in the ass by this gorilla. And he's like, there's like for $80,000 to get fucked in the ass to the gorilla. He's like, all right, I'll do it, but you're going to have to give me some time to come up with $80,000. That was like a fucking joke. I used to tell on buses. On that one, all right,

Peter. All right, Peter. You got to plug that. I'm sorry, man. I miss you so fucking much. God damn it. Every day, it's getting a little better, but it's been a long day without you, my friend. Well, I think we got, this is a good first chunk. What do you want to do? Yeah, sure. I mean, we can just go through. We don't need to have. You want to go through? Yeah, we'll just keep doing. I got a pee. Oh, you got a pee? Okay, then we'll take a break and then we'll come back. Is there anything else we wanted to riff on before you guys have got any zingers in there over the last time? The Brexit, dude. I can't get over it. How about this Boris Johnson? It looks like fucking Trump. Yeah. Yeah, they got the same hair. Huh? He looks like Boris Becker, dude. Uh-oh. Becker,

good show. Ted Danson. That blind guy. Brexit, Danson, Becker, Johnson, we made it. We brought it all full suckle. And you know who else was on Cheers with Ted Danson was Frazier. Frazier from earlier. Which we also mentioned in the show. I'm gay, Niles. We fuck aliens. It's so funny how callbacks work. I know. How does it feel like a comic will be on stage in 45 minutes in their act? A bit like egg sandwich anyone? He said that 25 minutes ago. Why do you think, I think legitimately it's because like it's the same reason that roasts work, right? Because everyone laughs when you're making fun of a celebrity because it's like a common experience. Like hating Justin Bieber is something that we all feel or something. Supposedly I don't give a fuck about Justin Bieber. So yeah,

it's like, oh yeah, we shared that joke 20 minutes ago. That's why we look more classic. I think it honestly is just like the first time that happens, it's fucking weird and funny. So you laugh. And then if you have two jokes that have the same punchline, it's a funny coincidence. So it's like, oh, this is that's fun. But now people just like, I think he's right. I think it has to do with like the communal aspect or whatever. You know what I think that's why like a lot of like, why newer comedy or stuff online that's like you can't really understand the structure of it. Like what makes Sam Hyde so funny? Why that can't appeal? Why you could never do that on stage just because it's like necessarily individual. There's no like community there. It's just like one guy's

fucking weird personality. All comedy like on the internet like memes is like, do be comedy, like not like joint, but like, yeah, people do be like that, you know, teachers. It's all for me. You just plug in whatever you want. Because like, oh, that time when the teacher looking at you and you like, you know, it's all like, oh, yeah, that's just what they teach you. When I was like 17, my friend Brendan used to hang out with like these kids that we just hated. We like didn't like any others. And like, I wasn't there for it. But Brendan was telling me about it. Like one of them was like showing everyone on his laptop, this picture of it's like SpongeBob SquarePants, but his eyes are all red. And he's got a bong and like probably behind them. And it's you know,

it's like SpongeBob hemp pants. SpongeBob weed pants. And they're dying. And this one kid goes, oh, man, I got to show my dad this. My dad will love this. Dad sucks. That's like worse than if you he was just like, yeah, my dad molested me. It's on par with that. And that's how much of a slip up that was proto memes. Spongebong weed pants. Dude, I can't believe David Cameron fucked up so bad guys that breaks it. Yeah, that was crazy. How did it? How do you go from directing tight? Didn't he fuck a pig in the mouth? Didn't that come out a couple years ago that he fucked a pig's mouth? Is that what the black mirror was about? I think black mirror might have like made some illusions or nor or maybe that even came out after black mirror that when he was at

Cambridge or Oxford or whatever, he was in some like secret society where he had to fuck a pig in the mouth. He didn't even that just went away and he was allowed to continue being the prime. Do you see at the speech where he said sorry and then quit? Yeah, that's pretty funny though. It'd be like, all right, well, that's pretty good. That's on par with Nixon's just like, that was awesome. See you. See you. The peace signs. He literally, he's rolled on his way out. It was awesome. That was the best thing he's ever done. He's fucking jowl shaking. That was awesome. All right, ain't you was going to be at the party? I don't want Jews at the party. Did you read that the book with all the transcripts in it? Well, we were going to do that as well. Yeah, we're going to do that

podcast. Yeah, we were going to do a Nixon secret tape podcast where we'd get like people to like play Kissinger and like whatever. Yeah, it's not bad. And you just do excerpts from the tapes. We can do a little like how that goes from being like, you know, it'd be a funny idea to actually being something. Yeah, we try to come up with bits and we do them. And it's like, all right, that was a minute and 22 seconds long. And I use three racial slurs. I guess. Dude, we got some great character work in the past. I mean, this will be the rest of this, there will be no character work for sure. No one will be doing any characters, but we've done in the past some pretty good character stuff. I think there are a couple characters that I think

we've done on this podcast. I think I hope Lauren Michaels isn't listening. Yeah, Lauren is listening. Yeah, we came up with Dr. Evil. We wrote Doc Evil. Hey, it's me, the family guy. That's our other character is the family guy. Hey, I'm trying to eat a sandwich. I'm freaking a fat guy. I'm a freaking fat family guy. I want a sandwich over here. A freaking sandwich. Is family guy guy gay? I'm gay. Totally. I'm Farland. Absolutely. And I feel like he's one of those gay guys that like feels like he missed the opportunity to come out of the closet. So he just really likes musicals. Well, he's just like, I feel like that's probably a problem that gay guys have now where it's like, you had a window to come out of the closet and now you're

just old and you're like, everybody already assumes I'm gay. I don't know if I should say anything or what. That was right after right when the Orlando shooting happened, the Matilda girl. Mara Wilson was like posting on Facebook. She's like, by the way, guys, I'm queer. I don't know if you know that she like to use that day to be like, I'm queer, not gay queer, which just means that like, you know, I got my hair cut short one time. Exactly. Oh man, I was at Pride the other day and I saw, you know what I love? Sucking off guys. Well, yeah, it's Pride, dude. Not Prude. It's Pride. You gotta have fun. Damn, Fleet Week. Fleet Week is a real Pride. That's the real Pride. That is, those are the most prideful men. It's a semen outfit. They're called semen. They're

literally called semen. There has to have been a hat comic that made a joke about like people thinking that it's like white pride or whatever, right? No, but I'll take it. I call that one. All right, that's yours. That's all yours, man. You guys see these Donald Duck racists out here? They're all dressed like Donald Duck and they're white supremacists. So, yeah, no, is it Pride? And there's, you know, like, it's all like people that are naked or whatever and they're like kissing each other. It's like expressing sexuality. And I swear to God, I was walking down the street and in the middle of like the parade and like one of those like East or West 10th, there's a fucking like probably homeless older black lady, like in her like,

you know, early 70s, rail thin, you know, like kind of like an emaciated crack body. Correct. And she's in a wheelchair and she's got her like jeggings pulled down over her like, you know, the diameter of her legs was probably like four inches each. She's like beanpole leg. Jesus Christ. And she got her, her jeggings pulled down. She's masturbating with both hands. And she's like, oh my God, oh my, oh my fucking God. And she's fucking just robbing her postie and everyone's just trying to ignore it, like shielding their eyes and trying to run. I'm like, why doesn't she have her own float? This is what should, this should be in the parade. Can we get her? Can she be the grand marshal? This is the most powerful display of sexuality of

anything here. What? We're supposed to be proud of some fucking hot 20 year old girl with pasties on her perfect tits to give this woman a fucking TV show. Rip to Jarhead guy with like an ultimate warrior, like, like rubber bands around tassels or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she that I love that too, because she's probably just beating off to all the gay dudes. Oh yeah. That's what she was doing. She was just staring at all these men and masturbating. Just looking incredible. I got a piece of it. All right, we're going to take a break and then we got a real sweet treat for you after break. Oh, we better thank you something. All right. See you guys. The day after tomorrow.

A time when criminals rule the city. The only weapon that can stop them needs a driver. A man without a memory can be supplied with a cosmetical tuning and be our driver. Let's initiate change over. Three, two, one. Activate. The most wanted man on wheels is about to change sides. Now against a corrupt system, a lone fight for justice. Viper is taking back the streets. Folks, the boys are back in town. Brockman Turner overdrive live in studio. But some sad news. All right, I guess we're I'm just going to abandon. Oh, you guys got nothing for that? I wasn't going anywhere with that. Oh yeah. It was it was been Lizzie that's saying that song. Well, boys are back in town. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Oh, it is. You're right.

Yeah. Yeah. You're right. But in Ireland's own. Yeah. Look, dude, we're all a little frazzled. We just yeah. No, we got terrible news, terrible news. Guys, we found out, you know, and I know this is going to, you know, be weird, you know, like tonally. Before you say it, can you just like be responsible, like be like honor, honor what we're about to say, like do it with honor and not no jokes. And yeah, I won't make any jokes, I guess. I mean, I do feel partially responsible. I guess I was kind of mean to him, but it was like a freak accident. But Seth Dickfield, who you guys may or may not know, he's come on the podcast sometimes. Have you met him? Um, no, actually, I haven't. But we've had like sort of like, I guess, you know, like,

you know, like an intense, you know, back and forth, I guess, a little bit. I mean, I was a little annoyed that he came on my show and he caused, you know, some grief with another guy. I know a good friend of yours. Yeah, a guy that I'm, you know, I'm pretty good friends with that I've known for years. Just guy, well, I mean, we've known each other for 10 years, you know, since he was like about 30, he's, he's near 40 now. So that's how long I've known him is that he's almost 40 years old now. But, uh, yeah, Seth Dickfield, unfortunately was, he was on vacation in Europe last week and he, he was visiting Auschwitz, uh, just to see the sites and take it in. And he slipped on a banana peel and cracked his head open on one of those

novelty penny smashing machines and he died. I can't, I can't deal with this man. And I know it sounds like that's a very funny way to die. Yeah, especially considering he's not even Jewish. He's not, but it's, it's the actual way he died. I know that like, like that guy from Star Trek that died, you know, like everyone was pretty chill about not making jokes about the ridiculous way. Yeah, don't laugh at it, dude. I'm sorry. There's nothing funny about Anton Yelchin being crushed by his Jeep while trying to check his mail by driving over himself. There's nothing funny about this. It's not funny. I can't do this, man. And it is not funny to that there's a steakhouse themed, there's a, there's a Holocaust themed steakhouse that's not funny. It's not funny that Seth was

there. And then guys, I can't, this tone is too light. I can't do this, man. I don't want to disrespect the dead. I got to go, man. I'm sorry. All right. Well, luckily, luckily, we have, we have someone here to, you know, send Seth off. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, what's up? Everybody, please welcome Ralph Ralforowski, Seth Dickfield's cousin. My beautiful cousin, Seth. Yeah. Yo, this is a saddest day of my fucking life since the O's lost to the fucking Kansas City Royals and the fucking A.L. Champions of the Year. Yo, the fucking good ones always go early, yo. You know, um, that's true. The guys always go early. The gold ones, the gold ones always go early. The gold ones, the gold ones, yo, please do not fucking tagging us right now, yo. I just

lost my fucking baby cousin, yo. I will not have this right now, yo. He's grieving. I'm grieving, yo. What are the fucking seven stages of grief fucking sadness, denial, beating up a fucking Judah talks to you funny. You know what I mean, buddy? And right now I'm getting close to number three right now. Okay. I'm sorry. Let me mourn my fucking cousin, yo. I'm sorry, Ralph. We're here for you. Yo, I don't know, dude. It's tough, man. This is tough. Now my family, now we got to find a new gay cousin to make fun of, yo. Yo, I think it's going to be my cousin, Mark, who cried during 9-11, you know. You know, that's not the kind of family we are, yo. We are vengeance family, yo. We find some seeks and we beat them up afterwards. We don't fucking cry about that shit. So Mark is,

but it could be, you know, it could be who knows, man. Is there, is there going to be a funeral for Seth? Yeah, there's going to be a funeral. We're going to, we're going to stuff his body up into a crab cake. Are you getting him taxidermied? Yeah, we're going to get him taxidermied and we're going to actually, we're going to put him just in the den in Uncle Mark's den where it was his favorite place to visit. And we're just going to, we're going to put a stealer, put a stealer's jersey on him and we're going to give him the finger just like for a little sake. That's how we want to remember him as a guy we fuck with. Was he a big stealers fan? No, he wasn't. We would actually hold him down and we would toss stealers memorabilia onto him and then we would send him

out into, we would send him out into the streets of Baltimore and we would tell people he loved the stealers and then people would come to acts of hate against him and also we would tell them he was gay. And could you, I mean, I know it's tough in a tragedy like this that you didn't, you obviously feel like you were robbed of the opportunity to say goodbye and to say yeah, if you could say something to Seth right now, like, what, what would you say? I would say, Seth, yo, don't be doing no gay shit in heaven, yo, because I'm about to be up there and I'm about to be finger popping some bitches. And if they hear if Marilyn Monroe hears that I got a gay fake Jew cousin, yeah, that might fuck my shit up. You know what I'm saying? That's who you're

going for in heaven, Marilyn. Marilyn. Yeah, well, yeah, Marilyn Monroe. This, um, yeah, is fucking cross-eyed black girl from Dundalk High School that was killed in junior year. Her name was, is there a different Marilyn? Yeah, yeah. She sucked my dick out back behind a Mars once while I was eating fucking burger cookies. Oh, you're, you know, you go back for doubles. So I'm going back. So don't be fucking my shit up with Marilyn. I know she got that good heaven body up here now, Seth. What do you think Seth would do if he had one more day on this earth? Honestly, yo, I think he will probably get on Grindr and then such a guy and then be about to meet up and then delete his account real quick because he realizes he's still in the closet

and he didn't know what he would do if anybody ever found that he was gay. I think if he had one last time on this earth. Do you think, do you think Seth would get bullied off of Grindr, perhaps? Yeah, I can see that definitely. Some of my, some of my make fun of Seth on Grindr and he has to delete his account. Yeah, I can see that. Cause he got PTSD. Yeah. Yeah, he's gotten PTSD before you. Um, but you gave it to him. You gave him PTSD by teasing him. Well, well, that's how, that's how that's what family does. Yeah. That's the kind of family we was. Yeah. So I, um, I actually, when I heard the news about Seth, I reached out to my friend who lives in Silicon Valley. He's an app developer. Oh my God. And so he does love gay shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. He developed, um,

he developed an app. Oh yeah. That it's basically they can create a facsimile of your loved one after they die. Oh my God. So you can just click on the Seth app. Oh my God. I got him to make a Seth one. Are you serious? So we're gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hook Seth up to the sound board right now. Yeah. And I'm gonna give you the opportunity to say goodbye. Oh my God. To your cousin. Yeah. Okay. Is that all right with you? If you're not, if that's weird to you, I don't, I don't know if I'm ready for this right now, but, um, okay. So I'm gonna just click him in. I'm just gonna. Okay. Uh, hello everybody. It's me. Yes. Hello. I'm not dead anymore. Seth is so good to find. He's inside the phone now. He's in a phone. Yeah. I live in the phone

now, everybody. Oh my God. I can always have him in my pocket. Yeah. Seth, yo, hi. It's me, Seth. Seth, do you know how you died? I'm not dead anymore, everybody. Seth, yo, one big ass question, yo. Are these coins in the lost and found for anyone? Seth, listen to me, yo. I'm trying to ask you a serious fucking question, yo. Hello. It's me, Seth. I'm not dead anymore. Seth, you fucking little slut. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Oh my God, yo. Yo, have you seen my coupon for half off steak? Um, or what, yo? Can I bring my own coupons? Yo, this fucking app sucks, yo. There's some more. Yeah, I don't know. Hi, it's me, Seth. I'm not dead anymore. This is you. Honestly, I'm part of the shit, yo. Fuck. You're ruining the fucking tone. Well, I think you're

making a mockery of me, my fucking family. I'm not making a mockery. I just thought I might be nice. I think you're fucking my shit up. I thought it might be nice. Adam, don't use that app anymore. Okay, I'm gonna, all right. I thought it might be nice if you can see your customer. No, that's disrespectful. I mean, even I wouldn't do that. Dude, don't you ever do that. I got half of mine to slap your ass over this fuck. You're lucky I respect Anthony Cumia in the studio too much to do that to you right now. But I feel like. Well, you better calm down because I'll tell you right now, everybody here in the Anthony Cumia studio has a concealed carry permit. Yeah, and I'm all all all the way 100% up there with carrying your own fucking arms. You know,

I think honestly, I take my own gun, my gun to a paintball. Yeah, we only got we only got three amendments we care about here in the Anthony Cumia. So number one, free speech, number two, guns, number 27 podcasting, write the podcast. Listen, I think I think we need to send stuff off you. I think we need to say goodbye. I think we need to well, luckily, beautiful as a piece of welcome here. Seth left us a song that he wanted us to play. And we're gonna we're gonna end it on that note and let Seth himself take us out. I'll miss you, Sefio. RIP, Dick Field. RIP. We'll never forget you. I'll miss you, Dick Field. Come town episode eight, the, I don't know, the eighth episode. That's what this one's going to be called. Goodbye, Sef. I love you. I fucking love you.

Goodbye, everybody. Hey, everybody. It's me, Seth Dickfield. Hi, it's me, Seth. And now I am dead. And I'll complain all about it when I see you again. It's been a long day fighting Republicans. And I'll complain all about it to none of my friends. I don't have any friends. Goodbye, everybody. I've had a great time here on the podcast, telling everyone about all my various circumcisions and political opinions. And it's been so much fun being woke. But I'm in heaven now, where you go if you're perfect like me and beyond criticism. You know, I know I've

complained a lot about the Bernie Blows and the MRAs, but you know, we're all people. I don't remember exactly how this song goes. And I'm not looking at the lyrics. So I just want to reiterate that I'm dead now. I slipped on a banana peel at Auschwitz. And my head hit, oh jeez, it hit one of these penny machines. Oh boy, here comes the loud part of the song again. You know what I can't stand? Loud noises. Some of us have PTSD folks. Some of us got PTSD from being teased as children. I was bullied relentlessly by my 32 older brothers who all hit puberty before me. I've actually never hit puberty. I still don't have puberty. Now I'm up here in heaven with Harambe, the gorilla, and he's been having sex with me. He's

been demanding sex, and I have to give it to him, because first of all, it's great to refuse sex if you're a man, and also because he's stronger. And with that folks, I'm gonna have to say goodbye once and for all. And I don't know what, I don't remember this part of the song either. Goodbye, everybody.