The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 010 – Talenciaga

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

We got a talent booker adam says. I'm hoping so. THis shit has to get going soon or I'm gonna drive a truck through a parade

music music music music 3, 2, 1, boop, and we're live. You don't say 1. 3, 2, beep, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, like race car? Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Oh, where it's like a circle, like a radar thing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Dude, I wish I was in the Cold War. Yeah, that would be sick. Yeah.

Because you didn't actually have to fight, you know? Yeah, you'd just be on a nuclear submarine. You just had, it was all about gossip, really. Yeah. It was a gossip war. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Spying.

Spying. Yeah. I think, yeah, the Cold War would be very sick. It'd be like in East Berlin. Stephen King had some dumb tweet yesterday. He was like, if Russia was run by a woman, the war would have been over by now. It's like, first of all, what does that mean? Does that mean that girl Putin would have already genocide everyone in Ukraine or that

she would have given up? There's no way to interpret that where it's not misogynistic. Yeah, I think he's saying that they would have sucked at war. Yeah. I mean, it's like. That girls could never. What point are you making, you dumb? And why?

He like, he wasn't like this. Like somehow Twitter, now he's like this speak-em-up guy. No, you know what it is. And it's like, you know, you just like your entire career is based on the fact that you never stop writing bullshit. Mm-hmm. It's just a. Books about a scary clown that's killing people.

Yeah. It's just, yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. Goosebumps. Bullshit. It's goosebumps for it with more pages. Yeah.

Yeah. Stephen King, you pick any one of his books, one of them. That was the only thing he ever produced. He would be a self-published Amazon guy. Yes. He's like Joyce Carol Oates. He's just prolific. Woody Allen.

Just a person that just churns out fucking bullshit, a podcaster, essentially. That's what Stephen King is. I don't agree. And now he's as the audacity to tell us how we should feel about Russia. Well, I think what it is. In a way that a podcaster would, but without the Jussons. I'm loving the Jussons era of our discourse, the two of us. I said Jussons a couple of times jokingly, but like I keep seeing.

Anytime you say Jussons, you get like Lacan guys or like, oh, you said it on Twitter. They're like, how dare you say she's you've besmirched a little bit about me. I love homework and I, I am the one who says Jussons or Lacan guys think that they're, are they like, I don't know. They think they understand pussy getting or the gayest guy in the world to make that your whole thing. Oh my God. I don't know how to imagine what those guys are doing.

I'm a Lacan guy and Jesus Christ, man. Those guys like, no, I think what the deal is, you can lacan my nuts. You fucking nice. Fucking dork. Nice brother. Tweet that right now. Yeah. Yeah.

And, and just say, and you know who I'm talking to and you know who you are know that I don't want to say this to you. Probably it's not the right thing to say to you, my friend, but I think the Stephen King thing is pretty obvious. It's just like getting sober makes you in a massive faggot. Yeah, I think he's drinking again. I think that's what's going on. Oh, you think he's off the wagon and now he's gone lib mode.

Yeah. I buy that theory too. It could, it could go either way. Now that I'm drinking again, I, I, looking back, it's like, I don't feel like I was necessarily sober. I just went to work for one day for 10 years. On come down? No, for like, I, I was like, I got a sober up.

I got to work tomorrow and work nonstop for 10 years, made a million dollars. Uh-huh. Now works over baby. Yeah. Now it's time to spend that 10 million dollars at the fucking bar. Uh-huh. Yeah. We're at the deli, you know, $12 at a time on a sixer.

Yeah. Yeah. There's no better feeling than going back for the second six back at a night to the big story. But those kind of awful takes haven't manifested in you. I'm just trying to relate as to the Stephen King thing. I don't think, I don't think I would have ever produced a single take had there not been a microphone shoved in my face as a matter of necessity.

Yeah. Because you got to feel dead air. Even on stage, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I really don't believe in anything.

I don't care about anything. I don't believe in anything. I really don't. I mean, the best example of that is when I meet like a, like an Uber driver who's like, you know, like, you know, really just spitting incredibly, uh, incorrect facts. I'll agree with anyone I meet, I'm always like, yeah, that's right. No, my most powerful opinions are like, they're fleeting, but the most emotion I feel towards like a take a stance is like Lenny's cookies or bullshit.

What are Lenny's cookies? I don't know. They're the plant based cookies you see in the store. Oh, that's like vegan crap that you're eating now. Yeah. A lot of the vegan stuff is garbage. You know what I've decided are bullshit tapes. What?

Tate. No. I'm over him. Over him. You've gotten, you've gotten too flossed off the sauce, my friend, you're too gassed up. Yeah. I'm too fancy.

Taking shots of Tate's cookies. Taking shots of cookies from the Hamptons. That's that's how elite I am. This man thinks he's dick capped it now. He got the set and he's going to take shots of Tate's cookies. Listen, everyone had done one interview. Everyone is, everyone is in the crosshairs. No one is safe.

Yeah. Yeah. And Tate's don't think, don't think I'm not going to come for you again. Is it that, is it the, the misogynist kickboxer guy that makes those cookies? Yes, it is. Who is that guy? I, neither of us got into him. Dude, you know what's crazy?

And everyone's like, everyone thinks that we would like get into it. I have no idea who he is, but so the apparently he's Muslim now and whatever. So there's a, that club cue nightclub shooting in Colorado Springs. Yeah. Yeah. So people are mad about that. So of Matt Walsh, the very next day being like, it doesn't matter what happened. There's still pedophiles.

He said something to that, to that regard, or maybe, maybe he said something completely different. I didn't watch the video, I watched two seconds of it, but I didn't realize until watching that video that for the last, I have, I have had no idea who Matt Walsh is. I thought he was Matt Forney. Who's Matt Forney? The bald guy. Oh, like the racist bald guy, like early old, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My head was like, ah, that guy looked like crap. That's who I was picturing. I had no idea who Matt Walsh was. Matt Walsh. Yeah.

Yeah. I kind of know who that is. I had no idea. He's a guy with like a beard and shit. I saw the video and I'm like, when's, they're like, look what Matt Walsh said. I'm like, all right, I got to get through John Fadigate sitting in his fucking car. And it was a different guy. It's a different guy.

Wow. I forgot who John Fadigate was. Now I'm like, oh, John Fadigate, he's a race. He's Matt Forney. Who's John Fadigate? He was the guy that ran Stand Up New York and Stand Up New York Labs, their podcast studio. Oh, yeah.

You know, it was very funny. He had a kid named Shelby that worked for him. So John Fadigate produced Race Wars and like Karen's podcast early on. I think he was like, we're starting a podcast studio up in Stand Up New York. And he, this kid, Shelby working for him. And this was, and I've told this story before, that Shelby was like, I don't remember it. Shelby was this weird looking kid. He was like, I have an idea for a podcast.

It's Felix Biederman, Will Manniker, Virgil Texas. And then he like, he basically created Chapo Trap House. No shit. Yeah. He pitched it and John Fadigate was like, oh, that doesn't sound good to me. No way. Yeah. So he, he is like the Lou, whatever, the guy that made an in sync and back, backstreet

boy. Lou Dobbs came up. Lou Perlman. Yeah. Lou Dobbs. Yeah. I went, uh, three hot boys, five hot boys dancing in unison. I don't even know what he sounds like.

He really is a freak. Lou Dobbs is what happens when you drink too much milk while you're pregnant. He has milk alcohol syndrome, or feel milk syndrome, LMS, Lou Dobbs. What? It was you who was telling me that he's like six, six massive, dude. Yeah. And a couple of times I did red eye, I would see him in the back and he was, uh, the truth about Lou Dobbs revealed.

What's the truth? Let's hear it. The bed this will do. He's being an early promoter of the false birther conspiracy. And sadly that wasn't the first or last time the conservative commentator got himself into hot water. Here's the truth about Lou Dobbs. Let's go.

You've been on television for a long time. It's more than likely you've built up an impressive net worth, so just how rich is Lou Dobbs? Let's break it down. After graduating with a business degree from Harvard University in 1967, Dobbs moved to Arizona where he worked as a local reporter. After that, he, as you may know, uh, this country has had some issues with race. Who's this? John?

Oh, okay. Stinkers are tightening already. Uh, we've got some issues with race. There was, uh, there was that incident in, So he's doing a podcast now that's like a talk show. He stole our fucking idea. John did? John Stewart stole our idea.

Yeah, but we're stealing his, all right. We're doing a center left talk show now. Yeah. Um, Judge Greenlight's, definitely, I just want to hear Lou Dobbs speaking. They're trying to dial in a Lou Dobbs impression. It's like, it's kind of, I don't know, I can't, I'm not even going to try. As Congress considers the very real world damage of election lies, one of the most vocal mouthpieces for Donald Trump and his election conspiracies, Lou Dobbs, just saw his show canceled.

Now this story matters far beyond media. It doesn't want a statue erected to him, what he wants is a free and fair election and honest results and it's being denied to him. It's being denied to him. What he wants is a picture of my penis sent to his phone and they won't let me do that. So let's decide Lou Dobbs goaded or not. Is Lou Dobbs goaded in the sauce or is he a penis? Is he goaded or not?

A penis pecking, a penis pecking, a penis pecking, he's a pecker pecker, he's a pecker pecker. Look at his goddamn pecker pecker. I'd like to see you call him a column that to his face, Nick and call Lou Dobbs is all these phones. Don't you goddamn call me a pecker pecker. Don't you call me a milk, fetal milk syndrome. Hey, that's below the belt.

That is beyond the pale. This is CNN live from the world's financial capital, New York City. This is Moneyline with the fuck they're just calling that because there's a bunch of Jews that live here. What do you know because Wall Street is here, you idiot. Oh, damn. Okay. You don't have to make everything I don't make everything about it.

What are you talking about? Most of your families. Look, I just respond to what the culture is. You know, you should see a little movie, Nick, called The Believer with Ryan Reynolds, and it's about a guy named Nick Mullen, who pretends to be a Nazi. The Federal Reserve Board today reported that it's going to decline down by one and a half billion dollars in September that the fifth straight monthly decline consumer. I'm Lou Dobbs and I have breasts.

Can you milk me? Greg? I have nipples. Is Ron Gosling, by the way, guys? What? Have you seen that movie? The Believer? I don't watch fucking.

I don't watch shit like that. What do you mean? It's about a Jewish guy who's a Nazi. I don't watch that kind of fucking movie about you. I don't watch that racist stuff, dude. What was your bar mitzvah theme, Nick? I know you don't like talking about your personal life. It was Jar Jar, wasn't it?

Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Yeah. It was a. Wuthering Heights. Was the theme. Oh, that Heathcliff. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. You know, this just shows how lowbrow I am. Yeah. I don't even think about the guy from that one song. What one song? Heathcliff. It's me. I've got this.

You know that song? Yeah, I don't know any of the lyrics to that song because I can't hear the words she's saying. Yeah. Because she's talking like a goddamn idiot. Kate Bust. Kate. Kate.

Kate Snatch. Yeah. Kate Sniz. Kate Sniz. Dude. Now that's a fucking record. I've listened. Dude.

Yeah. Dude. Sniz Lemon. Dude. What if what if 30 Rock was on cocaine and her name was Sniz Lemon 30 Crack Rocks 30 Crack Rock? Mm-hmm. What if we got ourselves a little pickle here with the advertisers?

They're mad at us? No, none of them have paid for the year. At all? Yeah. We're owed hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. So we've been doing free advertising for companies that potentially don't even exist. I know. I've emailed a couple of them and I was like, Hey, have you gotten any word back?

And they're like, Oh, yeah. Yeah. We didn't, we didn't pay you. Is it unprofessional to call some of them on the show right now and just ask them what's going on? It is. And also too, we should mention that the aperture lighting wants to make it clear that they do not.

They do not sponsor the show. They have nothing to do. Fuck aperture lighting. It's a company filled with pedophiles. Yeah. Well, they're a little sensitive after they plan the January 6th situation. They plan January 6th, but just make it clear they have no association with the show whatsoever. Yeah.

Like the center left. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're a racist company. We wanted to kill Mike Pence. It didn't work out. When we started this company, we wanted to shine a light on the crimes of George Floyd.

But if, but if Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would give us just a brief kiss and a titty squeeze, we could potentially change our minds and start sponsoring the Adam Friedland show. You know, I was thinking about is like, you know how, what was I talking about a second right just now? What were the words coming out of my mouth? Oh, you know, people say if they had a time machine, they'd go back and stop Hitler. And I've often said that waste of time. But if why is that a waste of time?

Waste of time. Why? Because then you miss, you miss fucking doo-wop music. Like I think about all the stuff that happened post World War II that we wouldn't get. You wouldn't get first America wouldn't be a superpower. That is absolutely true. There'd be no Marshall plan. We would just have another civil war every fucking 10 years.

The South would just keep bringing slavery back and we wouldn't have, we wouldn't be able to. So you're saying that the Holocaust made it really nice here? Yeah, literally. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Yeah. We would, there would be no, you know, like cars would just be for rich people.

There would be no automotive industry. People like cars before the war. Huh? They had massive Buicks and so on. I guess that's the fifties. Yeah. That's later on. Yeah.

That is crazy to think about. Anyways, you get a time machine and you go back to the simple year of 2012 and when Ben Shapiro starts gaining traction doing his fucking like, his arguing with babies series on YouTube. Oh, like the colleges, yeah. And he says that you, he's like, you can't just decide to be a girl if you're a boy. You can't. He's like, I'm, I love basketball, but unfortunately I'm Jewish.

So I can't be in the NBA. You go to the NBA and you say, look, that makes sense to me. Honestly. You say, look, I'm from the future. Yeah. You got to just put this faggot in the NBA. Yeah. Just give him one dribble.

Just fucking put him in the game. Yeah. Yeah. Like the Down syndrome kid. They let score the touchdown. If that had happened. Yeah. None of this shit.

Yeah. Fuck it. None of it. If Ben Shapiro went to a community college and complained that he couldn't be in the NBA and then we put him in the NBA and let him win every game, there would be no club Q nightclub shooting. It would be very funny to imagine Shaquille O'Neal doing like a Patrick Swayze dirty dancing, like lifting him up so he can do one slam dunk because you let that happen.

You also let people steal Valor. You let conservatives, because that's all conservatives want is they want to be special forces operators, but they, but not actually go to the army. Yeah. They missed the, they missed the boat on them because they had flat feet or something. They were doing cut go. Yeah. They were doing.

They're trying to own a small business. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you think, I think that's actually not a bad plan for our current situation. Where do you think we'd be at right now then? It's too late now. I know it's too late because obviously we don't have time machine technology.

It's all set in motion. It's too late. So, but what do you think the outcome would be? If what? If you put Ben Shapiro in the NBA. If you put him in the NBA for one, for one dunk, where a large man would lift him up in the air. He would refuse to do it at this point.

It's too late now. We can't do it now. I'm talking about the time machine. They already shot Ashley Babbitt. It's over. I know. Blood's been drawn. We have nothing.

The future is nothing but political violence. Thanks, Aputure. That becomes increasingly more severe and also boring at the same time. Yeah. It's like, yeah, horrific stuff that doesn't, you, doesn't even. Someone's going to break Stephen Paddock's record. Someone's going to murder 300 people in a mass shooting and no one will care. Is Stephen Paddock in the Guinness Book of World Records?

He is. He is. That's what he was going for. He was just like a nerd. He's like, I got to break one. Have you ever considered breaking, uh, getting in that book? Yeah. I think I said that as a joke.

A couple episodes ago. I don't remember. Yeah. Of course not. What did you say? I forget. Maybe it was one that I wasn't here. I did.

There's a, I feel like there's a bunch of Chinese people in those books and they don't even realize they're in the book or that they have a record. Yeah. Chinese guy that's eating the most planes. Oh, the metal eater guy. Yeah. Yeah. And he won the record and he's like, Oh, okay.

Okay. Yeah. He's not trying to do anything. He just doesn't, he's just eating planes. Yeah. It is really cool. You know, he could really like, you know, maybe, maybe like get some, get some groupies off that, off that, uh, off of being in the book.

Yeah. Um, what were you talking about? The club Q night club shooting. Yeah. Yeah. I did. Uh, so you're saying it pissed a lot of people off. Yeah.

The club Q night club shooting. Yeah. I didn't even pay attention to it. Has anyone, uh, drawn the connection of the name of the club to the, uh, recent popular conspiracy theory? Which one's it? Q. Oh, I thought you were going to do a joke.

I was asking you a question. Um, yeah, I'm sure. What was the joke you thought I was going to do like something based on club rather than Q. Oh, a misdirect. Yes. Should I run in that again? Yep.

Um, has anyone, uh, drawn a connection between that and the recent popular conspiracy theory? What do you want me to say? Say no. What? Who's there? Hmm. Knock knock. Who's there?

No. I'm not doing a knock knock. Oh, but you know, come on. Uh, so yes, go ahead. Come on. Just you. You're saying just yes and me. I'm just.

Oh, that's all I'm asking for. What conspiracy theory? Oh, the, the popular, uh, club club, club penguin, penguin, yeah, I was just saying the other day I used to reference club penguin all the time, but it's a good pool. I have no idea what it is. I think it was a baby chat room. It's, yeah, it's like babies and pedophiles. It's a funny thing to say.

Yeah. Yeah. Club penguin and al-qaeda guys. Yeah. It was the best crew of all time. Yeah. The babies could pedophiles and al-qaeda guys. Yeah.

It's like a K-pop fan, uh, very similar to a K-pop demo. It's really annoying that Twitter is still around. Yeah. It should not exist. I feel like I wouldn't mind becoming old and, and out of touch if there was a new app that I had no idea what it was, instead of the one that, you know, gave me my career. Oh, so you're, you're saying this in a way was like, if I can't have fun anymore, no one should.

That's absolutely not. You're doing it in a baby way. You're doing it in a brat way. That's absolutely not what I'm saying. I'm just teasing you. I know. You're just a little poking fun. What I'm saying is that if it was something I didn't have any way to access, I look at

Twitter now and I see, well, they were saying that this week. I don't understand. Google and Apple were saying that they were, people were saying that they wanted to take them off the app stores because of Elon. Yeah. Because Elon fucks too much. Yeah. What's going to, what's next for Elon Musk?

What dumb shit is he going to do next? I don't know. He does cool shit to me. You know what was very cool was when he made the rocket land right side up. Yeah. You don't think that's cool? I guess it is. But why?

Cause that's like from like, you know, it's like Star Wars shit. If you say, oh, you're too cool for that, Nick. Why are you doing this? Doing what? You're too cool for thinking that it's tight for a rocket to leave, to go to space, come back and land right side up. How do they, they usually just went into the ocean? No, I'm saying Elon got one to land right side up.

Yeah, but we already had space shuttles. Those like land like a regular plan. No, those have like, like fucking. There are rules. No. Space shuttles would, they'd come down and they'd have like a fucking parachutes and stuff. It'd be like lame on the way back down.

No. Space shuttles is like a regular. Oh, like a plane. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny that two of them blew up and both of them killed women.

Anytime a girl was on it. Yeah. It's so funny. Yeah. What was it? The Challenger? And what was the other one? The like, Commander?

When was that? I don't know. It was like, no, the Columbia. And that one blow up also. I don't remember. The shuttles are out of commission. Like, they blew them both up. Yeah.

The Challenger, the thing was like, it's my turn to drive. They put a teacher on it. They put a teacher on it. Right? Yeah. That's why you learn about it in school. The teachers are like, isn't it sad that a teacher died and we're like, shut up, bitch. Yeah.

Yeah. It's cool. They should have put cops on it. That's my anti-fatigue. Hell, yeah. Yeah. One take we're taking is that we're going back to being pro-cop on the show. Are we?

Yeah. SWAT teams. That's cool. No one talks about how cool SWAT is. Now the SWAT guys, is that the only job they do at the police department? Yeah. It must be boring most of the time. Yeah.

But maybe they have like a fireman's like clubhouse that they chill at. Yeah. Right? Just lift weights together. Yeah. Play darts, lift weights. It's like Baywatch in there. Yeah, exactly.

The fellas hanging out. Yeah. Do pranks on each other. Yeah. Shower after a long day. All the fellas. Got to bring up dietsmoke.com. Should we?

Dietsmoke.com. A very loyal company to all of the people that they work with in a professional capacity. I love dietsmoke.com. It's my favorite company. Sorry, I'm just loading it up. They make the best edibles for a beautifully balanced buzz. It's not like it's just right. You can curate your perfect stash at dietsmoke.com.

They have the diet kind and the other kind, the regular kind. And guess what? It gets you a real noise. It makes you feel real noise. Should we bring that back, Nick? Noise. Saying noise? Noise.

Noise. Oh, I've got a nice piece of pussy. Oh, I'm not saying it in Australian way. I'm saying it in like a weaker way. In the morning. Yeah. Get a nice piece of pussy juice. No, I'm saying it in a way like a, like a, yeah, like a wigger with, like getting a

blowjob. Before bed, I take a little bit of, I got a bunch of alligator pussy juice that I put into an ice cube tray and in the morning, I have my coffee with alligator pussy juice cubes. I think that's a stereotype that's pretty harmful, actually. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Yeah.

I don't want to traffic in generalizations, superficiality. DietSmoke.com. DietSmoke, bold products contain more potent cannabinoids and or higher doses recommended for experienced consumers of THC. A picture of it. Guys, this shit is for experts. It's not for noobs. It's not for herbs.

I pitched a slogan to them. Diet smoke. It's way better than diet crap. Mm-hmm. That, I mean, that's good. Are you tired of smoking just pieces of shit with zero calories in it? Yeah. I'm sick and tired of that crap.

Well, not yet. I'm my dealer and he gives me a bag of poo poo. I'm tired of dye smoking poo poo every morning in my Australian bungalow. I'm sick. I don't know about you folks, but I'm sick and tired of smoking poo poo. That's why I found dietsmoke.com. It's not light. It's just right.

What do you think about, like, we launched a talk show again. Look, and I know people are fiending for video content. It's coming soon. We just coming soon. We're coming on Sunday. It's coming out probably next week. The drapes are coming. We're shooting another thing this weekend.

Guys, don't fucking worry, okay? We're hiring a staff so we can do this without burning ourselves out. I think in the interim, once we get just the AV stuff figured out, we do a baby show for a while and we have, like, puppets and stuff on. They'll be cute. Yeah. So every episode, like, you're learning about conjunctions and grammar and stuff like that. I would like that.

Yeah. I could have, we could have one of the letters of the alphabet come on. We can have cue come on. I'd be like, how do you feel about the shooting in Colorado Springs? Yeah. He's like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? He's like, I'm the other cue.

Yeah. I'm the bad cue. Yeah. We have a good cue and bad cue on the Adam Friedland show. And we have them debate. Yeah. Yeah. And I moderate.

I can dress up as Elmo. I can be like, what do you mean there's two letter cues? He's like, well, Elmo, you use a different, the letter cue can be used for a lot of words. I'm like, who's this black guy? Yeah. It's me. Elmo. It's Gordon.

Remember me? Your friend Gordon. Elmo from Sesame Street. DietSmoke.com. It's way better than DietCrap. It's better than DietCrap, folks. Anyway, guys, I'm going to cut this short because who knows about them paying. But what is DietSmokeBold?

DietSmokeBold line of products are stronger, are our stronger experiences. That's not English. They contain more potent cannabinoids and or higher doses. DietSmokeBold is recommended for those who are experienced consumers, like I just said, and looking for a more traditional, high feeling. Listen, they got a lot of crap that you can get, edibles, gummies, vapes, drinks. They got all this crap you can get. And you can get a discount if you put it in our promo code.

And that promo code is taffs, correct? No, I think it's come town or come town. Come town or come town 20. We thank them for their support of the show and for sticking by our side, unlike a lot of other companies. One thing I do want to mention is that they have added a line of DietSmoke clothes. Looks like they have hoodies and t-shirts. And you're definitely going to want to check those out.

I get all my clothes from the weed company. Me, yes, me, if I'm wearing clothes, it's got to have weed on it. It's got to be weed. I got Stewie Griffin looking at child pornography. I have Rick and Morty with red eyes because they've been hitting so much bong. That's got to be a cool guy. Is the Rick and Morty pedophile, a guy that's into Rick and Morty and Child Pornography? He sounds pretty cool.

You should have him on the show. Yeah, but the problem is that Rick and Morty is actually for adults. You're not going to fuck me, are you, Mr. Pedophile? No, Elmo. You're a puppet. I only have sex with humans, little boys and girl humans. But maybe if a child was operating you, then I would. Mr. Pedophile, do you consider yourself part of the LGBTQ community?

Most certainly. No. Hello. Yeah. Yes. Don't do that because then they're going to come in here. It's probably a package. I'll go check.

No, don't go check. You said, I can't say hello, but you have to go outside and check. Someone knocked on our door. We're waiting on Nick to come back. A lot of you guys are probably wondering what Nick is wearing right now. So I'll describe it for you. He's wearing a black t-shirt, black jeans, and Adidas Sambas. Nick, what did you, what did we get?

No, he's left me, so. Thank you for the package. Thank you so much. What did we get? Oh, we got lens caps, folks. That's really important because you don't want dust getting on the sensors and getting on the end of our lenses. All right.

Back to the podcast. Let's finish this crap. Why are you opening them up? Let's, we'll do that later. What's wrong? What's wrong? I just dropped some on my S-Build. I was holding these in a way I wanted to, you know, I dropped them.

You dropped them where? Just in a pile in a way that this, and it's not satisfying. Oh, you wanted to stack them? You're live at the Adam Friedland show unboxing of the Micro Four-Thirds lens cap. Yeah, let's, let's hear about what we're working with here. Love that. Oh, you can hear. What's the smell like?

It smells good. The packaging is typical of a lot of the Chinese branded stuff these days. Sensei, it says here, let's look at the. Yeah, let's read the packaging. One year lens cap, Micro Four-Thirds, one year limited warranty made in China from Made by Sensei.com. And Sensei is a registered trademark of the Grattis Group. That means free.

No, it's G-R-A-D-U-S. Oh, a different spelling. So it's Latin. A lot of these Chinese companies use a Japanese name and then they're owned by a Latin. Just anything but Chinese. Yeah. Yeah. They really try to throw you off there.

They really don't. So we're actually going to go get a lens and see how these fit on them. Yeah. Let's, let's, let's do that. So I thought we were kind of on to something with that Rick and Morty pedophile thing, but I don't know. This is important. I guess keeping you guys updated about the gear that we are buying for the show right

now. You know, this is, I think this is what you guys want, so. Are you coming back? Yeah. You're coming back? Hold your horses. All right. I'm back.

I'm back. We're in duty. So we're going to do another unboxing. All right. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back in duty, so we're going to do another unboxing here. So yeah, he's unboxing lens cap number two right now. This is obviously also from Sensei and look at that slide in.

Let's get some noise. Let's get some Foley on that. Let's get the mic in there, Nick. That sounds good. Sounds good. Sounds good. Look at that. How do you feel?

Well, we got our lens cap on this guy now. That's a big, that's a win for today, I feel like. Yeah. You know, it's the small wins every day that keep Nick and I going. You ever, you ever look through the rear lens or one of these and it makes you want to throw up? Uh, no. I get like motion sickness looking through lenses.

Like a lens off of a camera. Yes. And you do it multiple times. Yeah, do it until I throw up. It's kind of like a, like a, like tripping. Yeah. Yeah. You do like a sort of a when Harry met Sally sort of thing.

Yeah. Nick. You ever do that? You ever take a sip or something? Yeah. Let's do it. You go. Yeah.

I don't know. It's good. Do you ever do that? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It's good. Do you ever do that? I've done it.

I've done it before. You think an awe is ever genuine or you think it's a performative? I think, uh, I think some people do it for real. Cool people or no. I don't know. Yeah. That's how you feel about, about stuff. I don't know.

I thought we were kind of really onto something with that Rick and Morty pedophile guy. Wow. And then the package came. But who cares, dude? I mean, like, here's the truth guy. Can we be honest with the audience? We're like annoyed that shit. We were very impatient for shit to get pumping.

And now we're doing like these, these audio episodes and, and, uh, you know, we're professionals. We're, we're powering through it. We're doing unboxings. But, you know, we, we are as, we are as, uh, impatient, I think, as, as our audiences, you know, we hear you. I hear it. It's very hard to find a talent book. No, we, we did.

We have one now. No, we're talking. We have a call. We still don't have a talent book. No, no, but it's, but it's, it's the one we should go with. Yeah. Okay. And if they say no, then we can just, you know, threaten them.

Okay. Yeah. So I think that's a good strategy. It is probably. Yeah. Do you want me to play a character that you can interview for the rest of the show? Do you want? That might be easy.

Let's see. I don't know. I thought the beginning of the show was fine. Okay. But let's, maybe we have to do an interview segment or let's do an area. So unless you want to do a monologue, I mean, I can look at headlines here. No, let's do an interview. Let's do an area.

Everyone's excited about the release of the Matilda musical. That's big. Let's talk about that. They gave, they're giving, they're giving, it's giving pussy for starters. There's a couple of things. It's giving child. It eats and it gives pussy. It posts eats and gives pussy.

It gives, it gives passenger princess. Yeah. And if you think Nick's making that up, the official Netflix account tweeted the new Matilda is giving pussy. Yeah. It's serving pussy and it's giving. It's serving pussy and it's eating pussy. The new Matilda movie is eating more pussy than it can even stomach.

That's a scene in the movie is the fat boy eats the Trunchbull's pussy. So she makes him eat her entire pussy and ass in front of the cafeteria. Really? Yeah. It's kind of like when your dad catches you smoking cigs or something. It makes you smoke that whole damn pack. Did you see the Matilda movie? The first one?

Yeah, from 1996. I don't think I, I don't think I ever did honestly. Great movie. Is it good? It's very good. Yeah. The fat boy. It's about an orphan.

Is it an orphan movie? Who eats cake and he's the Trunchbull makes him eat her pussy and ass in front of the whole school. She makes him do a certain type of YouTube video. What kind? What do you think? Let's elaborate on that. Nick has a very devilish smile on his face right now.

No, I won't. It's too early in the day for, for causing trouble. Oh no, I'm always down to cause a little bit of mischief, you know. Anyway, so you're excited about this new Matilda, Nick. Everybody's talking about it. Yeah. Everyone's talking about it right now. Everyone's talking about the new Matilda movie.

It's a movie about an orphan. Yeah. Which is somebody with no parents. Where they could have bad parents too. Yeah. They aren't good enough to be parents. No, she's not. She's not an orphan.

So why is she at that school? She knows magic, right? It's a private school. Matilda movie dominates UK box office. Well, what the fuck else is playing? James Bond number two a million. No, they don't have one right now. Harry Potter.

Glass on it. No, they literally do. There's a James Bond? Yeah. Well, there's a Daniel Craig movie. That's literally all they have is fucking James Bond movies. But that's not James Bond. Glass on it.

It's a Knives Out sequel. The company agreed to some exclusive theatrical distribution. Netflix remains committed to streaming. You know what else remains committed to streaming is my dog all over the floor, my condo. Your efficiency apartment. This dog loves pissing. Yeah. You don't talk a lot about your dog.

Yeah. I thought it was weird for you to name your dog that name. It's weird. They did Clifford. And they said somebody said, how about a giant dog? And they said it needs more. And they said, well, maybe he's, uh, maybe he's got a small dick. Yeah.

Maybe he has a tiny dog dick. That's by being huge. They're like, I don't know if that's good for kids. Yeah, it's inappropriate. I don't know what he's read. They're like, that's fine. That's fine. Yeah.

Yeah. Just make him a big red dog. They don't really go into how much food that dog would need. Yeah. It was originally called Clifford, the huge piece of shit. Yeah. And it wasn't even a dog. It was just a guy that was kind of sucked.

Oh, it was just a guy. Yeah. I thought you meant a giant turd. Clifford, the... Clifford is just a picture of a house with a giant piece of shit. It's their pet. A giant piece of shit next to the house. Yeah.

Clifford, the huge piece of shit. Yeah. And it's for kids. Yeah. And it teaches them important lessons about life. That's... Yeah, that's pretty cool. I got to pick up my fucking laundry.

We got to start doing this show first thing in the morning. Well, I came... I came... You know, we used to do... I was 15 minutes late. You had complications coming to the office today. I had a bunch of complications, but... I'm just saying, but you used to do the old podcast at like 10 o'clock in the morning.

Yeah. You lived like 12 minutes away from it. I know, but... It's easier. But the afternoon... Now, we have a 35 to 40 minute commute. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Ridge Wallet.

Ridge Wallet. Have they paid? Yes. That's a real company. I think they paid. They did. They started making so much money that at the beginning of the year, they'll just be like, here's $50,000.

Do whatever you want. Don't tell them the numbers. Why? Because I want them to think that we're men of the people. Oh, okay. Ridge? We're not men of the people. We're inspiring people that you can be...

You too can put zero effort into your life at all and then stumble. Yeah. Stumble into something. We're like Gary V. Yeah. Just keep... Just stay... Continue just being on Tinder all day long and fucking, you know...

We're not on Tinder. Not us. You're not... Oh, you're saying them. Sorry. Sorry. You don't follow me. Bull, it's just you're so fast.

Anyway, Ridge Wallet, it's a great company. They got great products. Basically, what they do is they simplify every day items you have and strip them down to their bare basics. Is that right, Nick? Yeah. But they don't only have wallets. They started with wallets that was, I think, on a Kickstarter.

And now they've expanded to a bunch of different products. They have bags, watches, knives, guns, tasers. They have IED improvised explosive devices. That's fucking awesome. Dude, they have dirty bombs. Yeah. Remember when everybody was worried about that? About dirty bombs?

Isn't that just calling them that because Muslims have them? No. What was it? Are there other bombs clean? I don't understand. No. That's what they're saying. They're like, oh, they're going to make it stinky.

They got the... Al Qaeda's got the stinky bombs. Yeah. White people... That is so Caucasian of you. The caucasity? Yeah. White people think dirty bombs too spicy.

Yeah. The caucasity of that statement, Nick. Yeah. It's got too much season. Hashtag Oscars So White. Hashtag Oscars So White. Yeah. So who you got in the Oscars this year?

What are your early predictions? I think I'm going to win for Matilda. Oh, you were involved in that project? I directed Matilda. You did? Yeah. What was that process like? Well, I did it.

What was it like working with them kids? I kind of had a mental breakdown two days in. I was stressed out and I started talking like a Chinese guy. And I was like, oh, they need more dancing. You finished the project as a Chinese guy? It ended up being very helpful. Really? I said more dancing.

It kind of like disarmed like your instruction? Yeah, it's cool. Maybe but more dancing. And then they added more dancing and it was perfect. Right. And they weren't listening to you as Nick? I like more dancing. I like more dancing, please.

More baby, more dancing. More baby, more dancing. Eat pussy and ask. The dancing doesn't eat enough pussy. Yeah. We make a fat boy eat the pussy. Yeah. Ridge wallet promo code.

Oh yeah. Ridge wallet. Listen, they got a bunch of good shit. Come down 20. Come down or come down 20. They got a great website. You can check it out. They have a blog.

What is a digital wallet? How it works and what the future holds. That sounds interesting. Great anniversary gifts for your boyfriend. Guys, Ridge wallet is a boy company. This is the kind of stuff that guys have. Yeah. They actually have a t-shirt that says Ridge wallet and then,

you know, circle with an X through it. No, ma'am. Like from the. No shit. Yeah. The show married the children. Yeah. We got to get those shirts.

Al Bundy. We got to get those shirts. They have them all over the place. That really was one of the best shows. Married the children. I loved it. I would watch it as like a 10 year old and be like, I'm not, I'm not going to fuck my wife.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to be just. I don't fuck my bitch wife. Do not fuck my wife. Yeah. Boom. Boom.

Boom. I can't wait to be just like this guy who scored five touchdowns and nib high and sell shoes now. Yeah. Do you remember the gag at the strip club? I love the. Do you remember that episode? The male character that's just a guy that peeked in high school.

Yeah. It's a great character. Yeah. Yeah. And his daughter is a fucking piece of ass. And his son is a bitch. His son's a wigger. His son's a wigger, like a five foot two wigger.

And his wife's annoying, even though she's kind of hot too. Yeah. No, the, they had a really funny gag. There's an episode where Al takes bud to the, to the, to the new D bar. Right. And he has a dollar. And the dollar is attached to fishing wire. So cool.

Look how cool that fucking guy is. Yeah. How bondy was it cool? And he put his hand on his penis while he watched TV. Yeah. I'm going to touch my penis. I'm going to touch my penis. I'm going to touch my fucking.

Shut the fuck up, Peg. I'm going to touch my penis. He, do you remember this Nick? Are you listening? Yeah, I'm listening. So yeah, he goes to the new D bar with his son, bud. And he has a dollar to tip, to tip the sex workers. And it's attached to a fishing wire.

And so he tips the girl a dollar while she's dancing on stage. And then he pulls it away with the fishing wire. And then he looks at bud and he said, one day son, this will be yours. Like that's going to, like that's going to be his inheritance one day. One dollar. And the promotional material for the show. You can just fully see his penis in his pants. Oh my God.

You just see his dick. You see his dick and balls. Yeah. That is hilarious. That's just the DVD cover. That's amazing. We ought to get that on DVD box set. Marry with children?

Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Kelly. She was so hot. Do you remember the audience reaction whenever Kelly would come out? Yeah. They'd be like. She's a pure sweetheart dude.

Christina. Christina Applegate. She's one of the hottest ever. Yeah. Ed O'Neill got fat in such a funny way too. Like the way his body looks now. Did he? Yeah.

I thought he was just an old guy. I know. But look how, look at the way he's. But he doesn't look fat. Like he's one of those like. His entire body looks like a heroin addict's arm. But he's like kind of like, you know what? You're probably going to disagree with me.

But he has like a Kevin James thing where his face doesn't look like as bad as the body. You know what I mean? The head doesn't look like as fat as the rest of the body. No, he looks like Cookie Monster. He's on, he was on what do you call it? Modern Family. That was a big show. Yeah.

We should get Ed O'Neill on this show. I would love to get Ed O'Neill on the show. Jesus Christ. But his arms are strong. His triceps are popping in that picture. Yeah. But he has, he has literally saggy women's breasts. He looks happy.

It's so sick. Yeah. He's like shirtless. He doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. He's Al Bundy. He's probably. I think you showed me a picture of him riding a bicycle.

Oh no. Christina Applegate has. Is dead. She's got multiple sclerosis. What is that? I don't know. But that makes me sad. I want to cry.

She's too beautiful to have MS. That is sad. Can we do something for her? This just happened. Recently. November 17th. What does it say? Let's, let's.

She missed early symptoms of MS such as balance a few years ago. It's like a thing that the nervous system kind of thing. I don't know. What is the nervous system? They got two. It's one of those. They got all these. The Jewish part of your body.

That are just letters. They got to stop doing that. You got what? You got fucking MD. You got MR. What's MR? Mental retardation. Oh.

Nice. Oh, yeah, it's like it's a lupus over the immune system. What's lupus? Lupus is like your autoimmune, where your immune system attacks itself, I guess. What's the thing where you crap yourself a lot? Diarrhea. No, not diarrhea. But it's like you crap yourself your whole life.

Crohn's. Crohn's. Babyism. What? Babyism. No, it's not baby. Crohn's, right? Crohn's.

When do you stop being a baby? When you stop shitting yourself, then you're a toddler. I think toddlers still have diapers though, right? Yeah. When do you stop being a baby? I think it's a weird thing that doesn't, that does happen, but only in like South America where like a baby will hit puberty. Yeah, they like get mustaches.

Yeah. Well, they get pregnant. It was a thing. It'd be like a three year old is pregnant. I remember as a kid, you'd see the stories and it'd be like, oh, they hit puberty early and it's like, Yeah, but they got fucked. Right.

Your story is somebody fucked this baby. Yeah. Yeah. They're like amazing baby. Yeah. And it better be another baby that did it. It has to. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to get a job. I'm going to support this family. I'm not leaving. We're going to live on Sesame Street together. We're going to make this work. Yeah. For instance, fatigue, anxiety, low mood, decreased focus, constipation.

These are all symptoms that are frequently encountered by people who have MS. I have all that. Yeah. No. Well, we're just, we're like bourgeois. I'm not constipated. We're like Marie Antoinette, basically. I know.

They can not wear corsets and hoop dresses. Yeah. Yeah. I said, let them until the movie eat pussy. Let the kids. Let the. Let them kids eat pussy. Damn.

Does she look good so? Yeah. Yeah. That only makes her more beautiful to me that she has MS. Yeah. She's been through so much. Yeah. She's tragic.

She kind of looks like, uh, she looks like, uh, what's your name? Catherine O'Hara now. Like Kevin McAllister's mom. Yeah. She does. Yeah. They look very similar. Wait, let me see.

Show me a pic. Yeah. Like I see it. I guess. But she looks better. Christina. I was early in that symptoms. Make it clear that disease can be mistaken.

Mistaken for every day aches. This is, this is kind of irresponsible journalism though. You shouldn't. This is that you shouldn't be there. There's a bunch of articles now. They're saying that disease can be mistaken for every day aches. This is kind of irresponsible journalism though. There's a bunch of articles now.

They're saying that. Oh, she missed the early warning signs. Like depression or anxiety. It's like, yeah, that's a good idea. Tell people that are anxious. That they're dying. That they might have MS. Yeah.

But then what, what, what, I mean, if someone reads that and then they catch it early, then wouldn't it be good? I don't know if there's anything you can do about it. MS. Yeah. There's no cure. I don't think so. That's why they have to do marches.

You know, you know disease is never going to be cured if they're like, I don't know. Let's try a marathon. Let's try a parade. Let's, yeah. Let's do a parade. Let's do a fun run. Maybe that'll stop it. I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of giving up. Yeah. What's your favorite disease? My favorite disease? Explosive defiance disorder. What is that?

I don't know. Your parents getting divorced? I made it up. There is a behavioral problem called like explosive or something. Like baby disorder? Yeah. Like a bad kid disorder. Yeah.

Where they're like, no, I'm sorry. I know you can't accept that your child's just got a shitty personality. Yeah. He's just a dick. He's got a disease. Do you wish your parents caught the early signs of that in you? Huh? You know what's funny?

I was thinking about the other day when like a... Yeah. I have all of these symptoms except for the bowel issues. I still take perfect shits, dude. My shitting has been pretty good recently. It's perfect. I take a perfect shit in the morning. Yeah.

Clockwork? It goes down into the bowl and then comes up to the top part. Really? Yeah. It's as peekaboo? Yeah. It's got googly eyes on the top. You do a little peekaboo.

What's going on? Hey, Nick. Yeah. I'm like, oh, hey, shit. You got to, yeah, we got to do like a family guy where the Brian character is Peter's poop. Yeah. He's his best friend. He's like a friendly character.

Yeah. Christina Applegate makes emotional first public appearance after MS diagnosis. I love you all so much. She's talking to me, by the way. I guess South Park did the Christmas poo. Yeah, they did. They did everything, man. Jesus Christ.

She said she loves you all. No, she was diagnosed in 2021. Oh, so she's been lying to us for a year about her status. Yeah. Well, that pisses me off, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What's wrong? You're sad about this news? Yeah. Yeah, it is pretty sad. You know, I was thinking a lot about, I've been thinking a lot about Norm and then that guy Chadwick Boseman. Yeah. You know, about like their decision to be dying of cancer and not tell anyone.

I think that's kind of maybe a clear difference between the two of us in terms of personality types. I was like thinking, I was like that Nick would also kind of maybe do that. Like do the, like do like a, it's very masculine. It's like a man, you know, like, wow, that was a great man. You know? Or you're not listening to me, right? Yeah.

No. You know what I'm saying? Hitler, great man. No, that's all. Shut up. What? I'm trying to make a point here right now. About what?

I was just thinking about if I got cancer, like I would be so unable to not shut the fuck up about my cancer. Yeah. Like it is so inspirational. Did Norm McDonald hit it from everybody? And, and, uh, Wakanda, uh, Black Panther. Oh, Wakanda. Yeah.

He also hit that he was black for years. No, he didn't. Oh, okay. How was he in Black Panther if he was hiding that he was black? I don't know. That's the blackest movie of all time. What was his name again? Chad.

Prince Ali. Wonder is he? Oh, Ali. Chadwick Boseman. Yeah. Yeah. Um, apparently like some of his like co-stars on some projects, like, uh, we're talking shit about him for being a diva.

Cause he'd have like acupuncturists and like he'd have all these people like coming in and they all thought he was like, uh, just a celebrity diva and they didn't realize that it was all just like cancer treatment. He was dying. One of my favorite foot and mouth moments, I think, and I forget how close in timing it was, but it was Jamie Kilstein tweeted something shitty about the amazing Jonathan. Like right before he either announced he had cancer or like, right. I can't remember if he announced he had cancer or he just died suddenly and then it was like,

oh, he'd actually had cancer, but it was just like the week before Jamie Kilstein. What did he say? I don't know. He was like, go see the amazing fucking Jonathan or some shit like that or whatever, you know, been doing like that. I do cool comedy for. Yeah. This guy does amazing magic and he's funny.

Yeah. Yeah. People love him. Yeah. He makes people happy. Somebody was telling me they opened for Michael Winslow. Yeah. Recently.

And he had cancer. The guy, maybe it was Matt Brown who hosted at the Goobys. Very funny guy. I think it was him, but I don't want to miss a tribute to story. And he said he opened for Michael Winslow. I'm like, dude, awesome. That's sick. And then I was having trouble paying attention to the rest of the story because I was drunk

and just imagining myself and Michael Winslow show having a good time. But he was like, yeah, it was like they were just the audience hate. It was all black people. They were booing him and throwing shit at Michael Winslow. That's so sad. Yeah. That is so sad. Yeah.

Michael Winslow. Oh my God. Michael Winslow. That breaks my heart. I know. I like want to cry right now. I know. He's a good man.

Yeah. He's just doing the beep, beep, boops. Yeah. For people. Can you imagine? And he's from the 80s. He's like, he's from police academy. Can you imagine?

He's still doing his noises. You're like some hood black person. You want to go see comedy. He's just flaming him. You're going there because you think it's just what you expect out of a black comedian. Yeah. Yeah. Which is like, if the pussy doesn't stick.

If the pussy. I'll tell you what the pussy is. Yeah. And then instead you get some retarded guy doing R2D2 for two hours. Oh my God. Poor guy. Yeah. That is so funny.

Yeah. I know. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Talk about the pussy. Yeah.

Dude. Dude. You all never ride in an elevator? No. Fuck you. Fuck you, Michael Winslow. Oh, poor guy. I know.

Oh my God. That's really sad. I hope he's happy. Yeah. He's more talented than me. He can do impressive things that no one else can do. Yeah. Good thing.

I bet. I bet Christina Applegate is doing a lot better than she would be doing if her name was Christina. A PC gate. Mm hmm. Can you imagine how many more viruses she'd have other than MS if she was Christina Windows Gate instead of Christina Apple Gate? Mm hmm. Yeah.

That's pretty good. And Christina Windows 95 gate. Yeah. Yeah. What if she was Christina Watergate? She was like, ah, I'm not. I'm not. Yeah.

Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. What if she was Christina? Christina Turner. Oh, she's like, I'm getting my ass beat. I will always love you. I don't know if that was her.

Christina. She was getting her ass beat. By her husband. Yeah. Mm hmm. What if? Yeah. Still podcasting after all these years.

Still podcasting. Selma Blair supports Christina Applegate amid multiple sclerosis. I love it when women stick together. But what does that mean? Supports her. Yeah. Like that's a news article. Yeah.

Christina Applegate has multiple sclerosis. Let's go to, now we go live to Selma Blair. Selma Blair. Selma Blair is being nice to a lady that just found out she's sick. Yeah. The duo were co-stars in a 2002 romantic comedy. And now they're bonding even further as friends after Applegate revealed earlier this week. She has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

The same disease that Blair has been fighting. Oh, that's why. Oh, okay. That's why I guess it makes sense. Yeah. How about the Selma Blair Witch Project? Mm hmm. How about Selma Blair, Alabama?

Yeah. And she's like, y'all, I got multiple sclerosis. I got all the damn sclerosis. Y'all may have one. I got multiple sclerosis. Y'all may have one. I got multiple sclerosis. Y'all may have one.

I got multiple sclerosis. Y'all may have one. I only have one. That got me good. You know, it's a me. You know, I'll be having out of sclerosis. I can't stop laughing at that. At that leaked.

I wrote, I wrote a sketch from I was like 18. It's a doctor telling like a couple of their kid has multiple sclerosis. And the doctors like, or this, the father will be like, how many? And that's the entire thing. Yeah. What's the next beat? It's kind of like a kind of like a. Excuse me.

It's a 10 seconds. The budget is $150,000 to be writing that in the cell tax. Yeah. Interior. Yeah. Yeah. Doctor's office. How, how, how many?

And scene. Yeah. I'm going to be on SNL. Yeah. You're going to make it one day, dude. Yeah. One day we're going to get the finally get their attention. You've been hanging out at SNL.

I go. I go a lot. You go to this SNL after parties. I've been going a lot. Not me, dude. I'm too punk rock for that shit. No, dude. I, I just want to hang out with the other anti-foot comedians.

Who? You know. Which one? You know. You know which ones I hang out with. Oh. Fine. Yeah.

You and finance. He keeps asking to come on the show. Hmm. Okay. Yeah. Should we have him back on? We'll leave that. Well, we'll, we'll do an audience poll.

No. It's the Adam Friedland show. Do you want Ian finance on the show? Hmm. He's listening. He's not listening. Yeah. He's not sure he's not listening.

Yeah. He's smoking cigarettes. He's been listening to a ska. Yeah. And swiping through grinder. Yeah. Ska. Ska.

Ska to Khan. Yeah. He's listening to Scott Khan. Scott. Khan. What if it was Scott Khan? And he was the son of the late James Khan. Yeah.

Hmm. It was 502. Yeah. And he was a, and he rapped. Yeah. And he was in the oceans. How about little St. James Khan? Hmm.

And he's, it's a movie thief. And he's like, listen, I'm a pedophile. I have sex with kids. It's an island. I got an 18 billion dollar island. Yeah. I'm friends with Bill Clinton. Yeah.

I'd see that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What if it was, what if it was George, George, Bill, George, Bill Clinton? He said George Floyd. He said George Floyd. He said George Floyd.

Yeah. And instead of, instead of having a, you know, that Senate and House of Representatives, he had the, he had a parliament, a funka daily. Yeah. Yeah. Like the cigarettes. You know, speaking of like, of abusive musicians, you know that all the guys from parliament were like, James Brown's band, because he just beat all of them.

That's awesome. Yeah. Bootsy Collins was like, yeah, he was just beating me up. He was like, beat us all up. That's funny. Imagine Bootsy Collins just coming in his pants while being beaten up. It was guys like, Bootsy Collins, he's like a pig. He's just been having an orgasm for the last 45 years.

Why is he like, oh, cause he comes long. Yeah. Yeah. That guy's cool. Yeah. I like his sunglasses, his star sunglasses. That's a cool look. You should get a pair of those.

Oh, I would love to. Should I get like, for my like prescription eyeglasses, should I get like a tinted? That's what I did. I know, but should I go with a color? You mean copy me? No, I'd do a color. You mean copy me? No, I get like blue.

You mean copy me? Should I get rose? You mean Steven Stahl? You want to do Steven Stahl? No, Steven has like a shape like, like just gray or whatever. Copying Steven. I do a gradient. I have a great gradient shades that I wear.

You copy me all the time. I've never copied you. I've never copied a single thing. I found love. You try to find love. I got a station wagon. You got a station wagon. Now that we found love, I got a PlayStation wagon.

It's different. What if it was a PlayStation wagon? What if, dude, instead of George Floyd? Instead of George Floyd. It's pretty good. We're 35 and we are in the primes of our lives. Yeah. It's crazy.

We're going to do this shit again. We'll be 70 years old. Think back. Think back to where it all started. Do you remember being like four? I remember a couple of things. Yeah, you're going to do that whole run. And I think back.

It's like, what did I do? It's like, I guess I got pubes. And I'm with the McGowan barbecue a couple of times. I made a million dollars. About now. Yeah. What am I going to do over the next 30 years? A lot of Sesame Street, for sure.

I mean, you're not, you can't stop. Can you imagine how racist and backwards I'm going to seem in 35 years? Yeah. Maybe you'll just go like drinking. I know. It's like a hack bit. Maybe you'll go to your vase, I think. Every comedian's.

You just get breasts and start asking people if you're offending them. Every comedian has that joke about like, oh, how, you know, how backwards are we going to seem? Yeah. I mean, not even comedians. Everyone says that. Yeah. Yeah.

But I mean, it is going to be annoying when our kids are like, I want to fuck the computer. Yeah. We'll just be like, can you be just regular trans? I'm not going to pay attention to anything. You know, I'm going to be one of those dads that just says that has nothing but like, just close that, that, that make it clear that I'm always escaping my family with fishing. Oh, I was going to, I was going to, I'm going to go golf. No, I'll never play golf.

We should play golf, dude. And I won't even fish. Let's go on the lake and the boat. I can see you getting into fishing. Fishing is nice. It's fun. Fishing is nice. Yeah.

It is really nice. Yeah. But it would be tough with the drinking thing. Why? Because those two things kind of go hand in hand. So I would drink. Yeah. You would have to.

Yeah. It's a drinking. Yeah. Sport. Dad's out on the boat again. And you can see me because the lake is only 15 square feet. So I'm just completely nude in a, in like a rubber, rubber ducky inner tube with my penis out. I'm fucking fishing.

Yep. I'm fishing it out here. Yeah. I feel like my father is a good man. Yeah. He's a good man. He's a private dancer. He's a private dancer, a dancer for money.

Yeah. He's from a different time. You know. I got out of the police force and became a private dancer because I was, I was confused at the job application place where you, and I, I meant to put down private eye, but I put down private dancer. What about in the war movie about a private dancer? So people come into my office and they fuck me for cash.

That's pretty good. Yeah. Hey. Hey. What'll it be, pal? You got a mystery I can solve. No, it says private dancer on the boat. I just wanted you to dance for me.

I was wondering if you could put on this negligee and let me fuck your ass. Yeah. Well, I guess the business cards are already printed, so I don't have much of a choice. Just like jazz, sleepy jazz music playing. Yeah. He's just doing the dance like the, the true lies dance or Jamie Lee Curtis. It's just another day as a private dancer here in 1940s Los Angeles. One of these days, a mystery might walk into that office because they confuse the words

the same way I did. But until then, it's just another week sucking dick. Tune in next week to private dancer. Are you done? No, I was just checking. We can be done. Okay, guys, guys, we got some shit that's coming out in the next couple of weeks. The next week, let's say that we're excited about.

We should make sure that it even edits together. I'm going over to Stevens later. I'm going to go through with him. Yeah. All right, guys. Thanks again for listening. We love you, the audience. We love each other.

Say you love me. We love you, Adam and Christina Applegate. All right. I love you too, Nick. Thanks again.