The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 014 – Dancing with the Stars

Episode Date: December 16, 2022

Alright everyone, welcome to the Adam Freeland show. I'm your host Adam Freeland, the Wednesday episode. Today is Thursday. We're getting a lot of good feedback on our last video episode. We are three... Doing Thursday because we did the episode drop yesterday. Yeah, the episode drop yesterday. Also, me and you both had migraines. We had migraines. We had migraines. I'm kidding. Wait, before you guys say that that is female tendencies. We got migraines from having black lungs. From getting too much pussy. And getting too much pussy. That's the thing. This is a pussy loving show. This is a pussy loving show. Thanks for all the good feedback we've been getting on our last episode. The support

of the community really does matter a lot to us. And you know, we do it for you. Like I said at the beginning of the episode, it is about the pleasure of the audience. I really appreciate all that. And you know, I never thought I would be... Thanks for letting me take my birthday off too. Yeah. Happy birthday, Nick. The show, you'll notice the show is getting better. And you took point on all that. That was all you. You cast some guy who looks exactly like me to play me. Yeah, that was pretty good. Very nice move. I feel like we haven't done this. This kind of thing. I can't see the... I gotta get this fucking thing going. Where do you have to get going? Oh, that. The timer because I can't see the

record. Yeah. Because now that this is... I forgot that when I did... Yeah, we haven't done this. I did this with Ian and Mike last week. Yeah. And that was a real fun one. Thank you to them. They're both banned from ever coming back on the show. Why? I don't know. I'm just kidding. Oh, okay. Did something happen? No, nothing happened. I didn't listen to it. Ian was talking about how... Just this is me updating Nick on a bit that you guys have all heard. Ian was talking about how everyone in his neighborhood loves him. And I was just doing impressions of minority business owners in East Williamsburg being like, oh, the Chuck E. Cheese man, he comes... Oh, here come Chuck E. Cheese man. I'd rather die from

Malisha from on Malisha on Chuck E. Cheese. Why is he Chuck E. Cheese man? Because he looks like a rat. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, it's the Chuck E. Cheese man. He does, but he kind of... He looks like the kind of rat, like a cartoon rat that would like manage like a telegraph office. Yes. You know what I mean? Like he just... He works... He lives and works right off the railroad. And he's like, no telegrams today, sir. Yeah, it's pretty much the same voice. We don't have any telegrams for you today, sir. I'll keep my ear pressed to the wire and see if we got anything good for you. Thanks Hampton or whatever his name is, but the telegram rat. The great mouse detective. Great mouse detective. Yeah. It

appears this mouse was raped. That's my favorite line in the movie. Yeah, it's pretty good. It opens and he's open. The rape wasn't good, but the rah was good. I am a detective and I have detected that someone has cut off her tail and raped her. That is the kind of mouse detective I am. Yes. You don't want... Okay mouse detective. Okay mouse detective, we're going to need you to crawl into this woman's pussy and get the semen out. Do a rape. Yeah. Now I know you're pretty upset about your sexual assault, but we've got great news. One of our latest detectives is the great mouse detective and he's going to crawl up there and get that... She's like, no, this is worse than the sexual assault. Please don't put a rat in my pussy.

That's exactly what my rape is. Yeah, I guess he's a little chucky cheese man. He does look like a cheater. I feel like I'm a little too hot. I feel like I'm a little too hot. I've been turning my mic down on the show. I've been slowly lowering the volume, but I accidentally swapped ours. Yeah, I'm slowly disappearing. You're a swap? My dream, sure. Check check. My dream has always been... No, you know what? It's not... Somebody fucked up all of the... It's not that I was too loud. It's that the... The gain is up too high. It's not the gain. It's the like the EQ. Let me hear. I'm going to just go back here. The EQ should be at zero, correct? I don't know, man. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, that was a pretty good bit from last

week. I wish Nick could have been there when I was talking about how these guys were saying that if he came to rape their daughters and wives, they would rather just go first. I've been taking some, some personal time, my damn self. Nick's been taking some personal time and I am honestly very happy about that. Check, check, check. It seems like we were in a good way. What the fuck? Space creatively? How does it sound? It sounds weird. It sounds like there's like, like it sounds flat. It's another thing Dave has fucked up. That sounds a little better. Yeah. Okay. That's why we'll get you to talk at him. Check, check, check, check, check. Keep going. Check, check, check, check, check. Check, check, check, check, check.

That sounds good. All right. All right. No. We're cooking. Oh, fuck. Yes. Yeah. Like I said, it feels like it's been a while since we've just done just the two of us. All these regular appies. We can make it if we try. Just the two of us. I've got guys. No. No, I didn't know that old show. No, I just didn't know you were going there with that song. And now I said, I was singing with you now. Oh, you were singing the act. What if, what if the new parody, what if the new thing we do on this show is just sing the songs the right way? Yeah. And that's funny because it's, it's embarrassing. Just every 30 seconds just sing a song. And it seems to me you live your life like a candle in the wind. You got to

pull the mic away. Sorry. Sorry about that. Like a candle in the wind and something. The wind is blowing. The veins on your foreheads are popping out because you really just want to make it a gay parody song. Here comes the wind. I don't know the song. That's the problem is I don't know any songs. Yeah. I never even, I was never a song parody guy. I just don't know how any song. That's just how you remember them. You got to put something in there and might as well lean on your crutches. I would pay a pay people when they say that they go, Oh, that's a crutch. If you do like a lazy type of joke, they're like, Oh, that's a crutch. It's like, I'm sorry. You're being ableist. Yeah. I'm injured. And then they'll look at

this and they're like, that's, you're making fun of people saying able calling things ableist, which is in and of itself. A crutch. I'm like, well, then you need to pick a new word because I found a loophole. You set yourself up. Checkmate. Yeah, it's kind of, I only use idioms like that. Chess based change. I say stuff like the snake eats its own tail and stuff like that. I don't know. Rook the D five. Yeah. What is that? Why do you say chat? Why did it? Cause blind, the blind. No, blind people play chess. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it'd be very easy to win against a blind guy. Yeah. You're like, well, I just checkmate. I just got your king. They're like, what do you mean? It's like, well, he's on C three. And they're

like, I thought he was on. They're like, Oh, no, you must have forgotten. I'm looking, I'm looking at the board. So I can see that you're in, you're in check mate, checkmate. Yeah. And what's that supposed to be? Like a guy that has sex with checks. He's having sex with his check. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's, that's who I'm supposed to be afraid of in this game. I'll be performing that in bite down next week. So he says to me, check mate. That's a one way ticket to bite down. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Oh, that's too good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel excited about this weekend. We got some more shit cooking for the show. How do you feel about rebranding the podcast? Because look bottom

line is the podcast is going to have to continue. We'll do the Adam Friedland show. The Adam Friedland show will have to be Patreon only content. Yeah. I think until we figure out how to do two weeks. Here's the dilemma we have for years, because it's my personal extremely revolutionary politics. I don't believe in intellectual property. I've never had a problem with people reuploading content. But now that we have to use YouTube, I don't know. There's already nobody's going to use coming to our channel to watch our shit. Yeah. So it gets uploaded. Maybe four people watch it and then it just gets goes elsewhere. Well, even the free ones get reuploaded. I saw. I know. And it's an issue with for selling ads and right.

I mean, the podcast is not a problem. The podcast, people still download it. So we need to sell ads for next year. We got to send those, those reuploaders to Gitmo. Well, we're going to have to just, uh, we're going to have to continue doing, unfortunately, continue doing the podcast for the entirety of next year. So I can sell these ad contracts and we can at least make sure we keep the lights on in this fucking place. Yeah. That way, that way, no matter what happens, we're good. Well, yeah. I mean, when we eventually alienate the entirety of the audience, we will need those. You got to, you got to plan on that contingency. Yeah. We have to plan on 100% of the audience abandoning us. What the fuck

is the word contingency? I don't know. I've been using it my entire life and I've never looked it up. Uh, you know, it's probably, you know, con probably means something. Yeah. And then tinge. Yeah. So we're going to rebrand this for next year. Probably rebrand. This is the Adam Friedland show podcast. Yeah. World. The Adam Friedland show podcast. We're branding this as Addie's world. Addie's world. Yeah. That's a good name. I like that name. Yeah. Okay. So this will be Addie's world. And the Adam Friedland show will be the talk show, an anti-copying podcast. And then there's going to be law and order, great mouse detective, cool and Addie's detective special victims unit. And that's going to

be a show. That's going to be a cartoon rat that goes inside women's pussy. Yeah. The great mouse detective special victims unit. Voice by Adam. Yeah. Yeah. What is this? Like the inside of your pussy? You can just speak. You don't have to do it. What's this like your pussy? Yes. Oh, I noticed there is multiple different semen samples inside of the here. You know what I checked in on this. It seems as if someone's run a train. I haven't watched Tucker Carlson in a while. Yeah. I put it on and it's just been DVR'd at my cable like six months ago or maybe a year ago now. I have no idea. Yeah. There's just a whole backlog at Tucker Carlson. And just, I mean, the companies that advertise

on that show, I know I've brought this up before, but so funny. Yeah, it's for people that are about to die. There's one for this shit called Euro Lift, where it starts off and it's a guy on a stage, like a green screen. He's in this massive auditorium. It's the kind of thing we would do. He's on a stage and he's like met over 45, you know, getting your prostate checked or whatever. And then the monitor behind them, there's like a fire hose going off in slow motion and like an NYPD fire boat like spraying water. And it's for the surgery where I guess they just basically they shove a balloon animal up your dick and then inflate it to like make your tube bigger. Oh, when you said Euro Lift, I imagine that

thing that's like a chair that takes you up the stairs. But it goes on the other side of the stairs. Yeah, yeah. European. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think I love the little chair. I love to rise a little chair up the stairs. Yeah, my dainty ankles could not handle the styles. I love to be handicapped. I love it. Wait, so it's a balloon product for your penis? I don't know if it's a balloon. I don't know how it works, but they expand your urethra. They shove something in there to expand your urethra. Oh, it's not for getting hard. It's for no, it's for pissing harder to aggressively piss in front of other old men. So they know you're too, your hole hasn't shut. Yeah, yeah. Like those other old, well,

maybe for guys with prostate problems or something. No, you guys, you have like a, because you know, your prostate is swollen by the time you're 50, if you piss, it sounds like one of those fucking light up paintings in a Chinese restaurant. It's just like good week. That's what that's what that's all you got coming in. This thing inflates your stuff. Anyways, this guy's on stage. He's like, no cutting. There's no cutting involved. They don't say surgery. They say no cutting. Maybe that's because I don't know what the definition of surgery is. I guess if you put a balloon in somebody's deck, that's a type of surgery. Maybe they have to say no cutting. And then at the end, he finishes his speech and he

just goes, yes. And then walks off stage and I kept rewatching it. I'm like, why does he say yes? There's no question. There's no question. He just goes, yes. That is like something we would make. Yeah. Urolyph system, full power stream. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess the other option we could do is just have the podcast be the Patreon and then just have just us be the first people that upload the, the YouTube, the video. I was like, dude, I don't fucking know how business works. I didn't get, I didn't even get into this life. Our plan, our plan of like continuing the podcast aspect throughout the year is like a fucking good time. And so we might change our minds in six weeks. So don't, anytime

we say we have a plan for the show, everyone's like freaks out and they're like, that's what's going on. So guys, this is what we think this week. And then we'll, we'll figure it out. Now that we have like, now that we're able to do like, it's kind of like a, like a jumping rope or learning how to juggle or something. Now that we finally hit the high watermark of two video episodes back to back huge. And we got like a production schedule started to make sense. I mean, now it's time for a little victory. Yes. Yeah. I'm smoking a fucking Cuban right now. Cause the problem was, you know, like making something and then we're like, fuck, yeah.

And then we just go to KGB and we get drunk for seven days. And so fuck, we got to put another episode out tomorrow. And we're like, Stephen, can you edit it? And he's like, everyone's saying I have AIDS. Yeah. But no, yeah. Very soon. Well, now we have two editors. I feel like we're just streamlining this entire process. The only thing we still, we need to soundproof the room. We need lights. Correct. And no, we're getting more lights. We got, we got the acoustic drape treatment. We got the $8,000 acoustic dreams installed. Yeah. Is that how much those were? Yes. It's funny. Cause we hired Dave. So now I'm not spending the money anymore.

And it's Dave spending the money. It seems like Dave is spending a lot of money. Yeah. And in my mind, in my mind, I'm like, none of my damn business. It's your money. Literally my business. It's your business. None of my damn business. None of my damn business. Can't say it was me spending the money. That was on Dave. Smooth move, Dave. You're not going to be seeing that back, Dave. Um, no, I mean, I think things are coming along pretty good. And to update the audience, we did find, hopefully pretty close to finding a talent book or so. Oh, we got it. That's done. It's just negotiating the rate. Okay. $82,000 a month. I don't know

if we can afford that. Why not? I mean, the guests have to be big if it's $82,000. Yeah. I mean, we have to be getting like to get in that little trumpet guy. That was huge. Trump. That was awesome. Yeah. Yeah. He was great. Yeah. He was great. Yeah. There was so much. Yeah, we got, there was so much left on the cutting room floor. Oh, like what? There was just, he just goes on for like 30 minutes. He's talking about Ross Perot. You guys do a little waltz to dance, dance with my father. I don't think he can dance. Yeah. I don't think he's in dancing shape. You guys dance. We didn't do a walk out. We didn't do a walk

out because he's literally, you can't walk. No, like Dave had a, did he come here on his hands? Like Lanky from Donkey Kong. Dave went down his apartment, picked him up. He had, he was putting physically picked him up, picked him up at it. But you know, in a car, I've never seen went into the apartment, went into the apartment. I really imagine he comes here like an orangutan. It's just a clothing line from his apartment swings. Then he had globs. He had globs of makeup on his face. Dave's like, I think you need to, so then Dave had to wait for him to finish his makeup. You know, and then I love his, I love his haircut too. And then he told me that he's okay. He gets a haircut of like

a little girl from advertisements from the 1910. Yeah. He looks like a Dutch girl. Yeah. He looks like, like he was like a Dutch girl in clocks. Then Dave little, little Bethany's heroin soap. He comes in here. He's like, do you like my makeup? I did it before I left. And I was like, yeah, it's very nice. And he's like, it's clinic. That's what he said. It's clinic, you know, like as if like, I'm going to go get some for, for me. And then, and then, um, but he wears these baseball cleats around New York city. Yeah. But like for traction, but on a hard surface, like it's not like grass. Look, you never know when you're going to call it up to the major. When you're, when you're Bob Dylan's friend

that can fly, you never know. He's, he also said, I don't know if you'd listen to the full interview, but he said that he sat on Mickey Mantle's lap and I was like, how old are you? So I just imagined him at this age. He's the same age as Mickey Mantle. They were born the same year, 18 would not be so. Yeah. So he came in, but he didn't have, so he, he walks in the first things he looks at me goes, I threw out my back, but he was like, he was that literally at a right angle, like from the waist. And instead of using a cane, he was using an umbrella. What back? Exactly. He's got a six inch back. He's got such a bizarre look. His body is incredible. It's like how I would draw people as a kindergartner. Yeah.

Yeah. So Dave had, yeah. So Dave had to walk him in. So it was Dave on one side, then the umbrella on the other side, bracing him. Yeah. And then when he walked in, I kind of felt like you asked him, you were like, so you were in the film, Dunstan checks in the star of the movie, Dunstan checks in. You see where this, the star of the film ad joins us today. So what was it like working with Matt LeBlanc? You did ask him about friends though. I didn't ask him about friends. Well, it came up somehow. Oh, we also had to edit around that, but I brought up Seinfeld and he was telling me, I guess we took it out, but he was talking about how much he stole the idea. He was saying how much he hates Seinfeld, but he likes friends,

but not because friends is good, but because he likes to look at the eye candy. Yeah. Cause of, cause he was the fuck. Smelly cat dude. Smelly cat. Yeah. She's the hippie ideal. Yeah. But he hates, he hates Ross. He was saying, he was like saying that David Schwimmer, he's, he's, he's not a fan. Do you think there's going to be guys? That was a big edit job. Cause we got a lot. Look, the counterculture movement ruined. I mean, I don't know what kind of life that guy would have had. He'd been kept, he'd been eating fish heads in the back of his family's shoe store for the rest of his life, just chained to a wall. No, I think he grew up wealthy. I think he's a rich kid. Yeah. Cause he was talking about

how he would have been a mansion playing a piano from across the room. His dad was like best friends with Robert Morgan though, just reaching across the room to play. Yeah. Yeah. No. And then he always, always, but I mean, he is the most interesting thing about that guy from when I saw the original video and listening to him talk about like subsequently, and I've also like, you know, I mean, like anybody else on life, did a kind of a deep dive into the guy is that he is like the quintessential boomer. He's the guy that's, you know, mentioning Bob Dylan or these things. It's like he's gone to Mount Olympus by, by sitting on Mickey Mannell's lap. And then the way in which they mention the, the, the, the, or

like bring up the counterculture counterculture as if like, you know, they fucking like they thought they thought because that was their world war two. Yeah. The generation before them, you know, beat the Nazis, they died. Yeah. So they're like, we're the reason blacks can go to restaurants because I want a shirt with a flower. Yeah. Cause I would listen to music and college. Yeah. Cause I wanted to fuck like without a condom. Yeah. Like three times and then they, they hang on to that forever. And it's like, is that going to be like, are there going to be people that like, and there's going to be some 60 year old guy that's like, I marched for George Floyd. Well, you're holding up the line. So yeah, yeah,

yeah. Yeah. No, they, it's just like they literally use something from 60 years ago. It's much better to be a fucking nihilist to get one of the, to be one of the generations where the shit just falls out. Yeah. That's why the zoomers are lucky. They got nothing to care about. They don't give a fuck about. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like that. I think I was, who was I talking about? No, nevermind. I'm not going to bring that up on the show. Bring up what? Someone that is a friend of ours was talking about how afraid of them he is. I was like, just your pussy. Who's afraid of who? Of the nihilistic of the nihilistic zoomer. That's such a dumb thing. They're not, they're not actually afraid.

That's just the thing you think you're supposed to say. A friend of ours. Who? Uh-huh. Who? Oh, yeah. The Enfi dance. The Enfi dance. Yeah. I'm really afraid of these zoomers in a way they don't care about stuff. Not like us. We were listening to Skaw. We were listening to Skaw music. Today's episode is brought to us by super specials super specials super specials dot super ogx.com. I have to have a phone call with them soon because they do they owe us money? They are in a rears. But that's partially just a paperwork issue. Uh, super specials dot com. They offer lab tested Kratom at affordable prices.

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for easy does it afternoon body and mind the green one crystal clear focus all day energy and the yellow one supercharged morning energy. So you got to wake up and hit a little yellow then in the afternoon do a little red and then stay up all night on green. What, what is Polynesia by the way? Um, it's where they run trains, bro. Oh yeah. Oh, I forgot that I'm not supposed to cheat on my wife. I've got Polynesia. Oh, that is an Asia. Okay. I think it's in the, in the ocean. I just asked. I went by a Chick-fil-A earlier. I was like, what the fuck is Polynesian sauce? Dude, look at this. There's a, there's a article with like, it's tribune India.com, but their logo just like looks like the New York times logo. Yeah. I think

it's probably just like a place where you can just pay for like articles to be written about your, your product. I can do that in the New York times too. As long as the person paying is the CIA. Yeah, that's right, baby. That's right, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Create a coffee plant. It's crazy. I got this dumb facial hair now and I wear those fucking sunglasses and I, I guess I got into the bucket hats and I wasn't really trying to do anything and intentionally the pieces kind of came together separate, you know, and, and then, you know, it's weird that if you just keep reading self published Amazon books about the CIA, eventually you just turn into that kind of guy. Yeah, that guy. Yeah. A gradient aviator mutton shop bucket

hat guy. Yeah. I didn't try. I don't know. I don't know how it works. It's just, I think it's part of being like an adult white man. Yeah. Yeah. I think like, you know, you have a, you have a 35% chance of that just naturally. Yeah. If you're a Jew, the version of that is just getting really into Zionism. Yeah. The door turning into dog returning into dog. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. At the very end, he was like, uh, I hope I passed my audition and I was like, yeah, you know, you get up off that casting couch and then he just does a fist and he's like, that was a real fight. We just had, but I think it was the, the, like he was implying that he was fighting on behalf of the me too movement, but he was like, that's a very big fight,

but he does this. Yeah. That's what I mean. They, they're just, they think they're activists. Yeah. They think they did. As a child of the sixties movements, but somehow it's like less repulsive to me than saying yikes on Twitter, you know, like that form of activism. Yeah. I'm kind of beyond judging anybody's behavior at this point. Yeah. You accept all children of God? No, I kind of just, uh, I feel like I'm just channel surfing now, even with people. It's just fine. You know, I just, I don't really, uh, let, let, uh, uh, waste your life and let waste. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You should get a remote, like, uh, in the movie. Click. What is that about? This is Adam Sandler. It's pretty sad. You should.

I got a remote. Yeah. I got a remote. It's me. I'm Sandler. Hello, mother. Hello, father. Here I am at camp. Marge is me. She ain't camp. Granada. Great job. Yeah. Pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, mother. Hello, father. Hello, penis. Hello, vagina. Nope. No more that. No dude. We're fucking mature. Yeah. We do real songs. We have all these guys saying I'm gay to us all the time. That's our fault. Yeah. What I want them saying now is ain't nobody loves me better. Every judge from henceforth, we do the songs correctly. We do the songs. Yeah. It's not cool to change the words anymore guys. What a fool believes

what a fool believes. He came from somewhere back in a long ago. Oh, this is I don't know the lyrics. We got to get a mental food. Oh, she tried all to recreate one had yet to be created. Was it a lie? And nobody loves me better. The second time around, we got to get we got to get back to get us fucking. What was that? What did I just do at the end? There was that the fucking theme song from step by step. Step by step. Second time around. What how what song ends that way? The second time around. I have no idea what song that is. Step by step was step by step day by day by day day by day. Yeah, they had a roller coaster. Another step. Look out. There's more

steps. There's another step. Here comes another step. We keep on stepping. The second time around. That's it. That's all good. Is that right? Yeah, let's fact check. Let's do it. Oh, I like it. Wow. Oh, big song. Is it about a divorce or something? Yeah. Yeah. Wait, they're they're a second. It's a second marriage after I got pussy from my secretary and my wife left. Yeah. Step by step. Step by step day by day. This is no, this is the new kids on the box on

step by step theme song. lyrics is step by step theme song step by step. Okay, we know that part. Hey, girl, in your eyes, I see a picture of me. What the fuck? These are not the lyrics I just heard. I don't know. Oh, yeah, here we go. The dream got broken seems like always lost. What would be the future? Could you pay the cost? You wonder will there ever be a second time around? This is like Metallica lyrics. And nothing else. When the tears are over and the moment has come, say my Lord, I think I found someone ain't nobody loved me better to be putting it together. I don't think that's right for the second time around. We got the woman and man.

We got the kids in a clan. We got the kids in the clan and for these dreams fit on the one umbrella step by step day by day a fresh start over different hand to play different we fall the stronger we stay and we'll be better the second time around. That's the only part I remember the second time around part. The second time around. So they can't wait clan is spelled with a C and clan is supposed to see but in the KKK they spoke of the K that was like a little that was like because they're blood. It's like corn because their bloods. Yeah. Yeah. The the the B B B the boo blocks the plan happen effortlessly. That's the way it was. Something done. But the second time around.

Ain't nobody nobody step by step. Um, what the fuck are we talking about? One hermit crabs. Hermit crab season everybody. Should I get into hermit crabs? Yeah. I'm just getting a hermit crab. Yeah, they're a lot like you. But you know what I want to do is is every wall of my apartment put like that and let them live on the walls. Living art. What do you mean what kind of a net? You know, they there's something that they can they love climbing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, I guess they're trying to escape a cage. Don't they, they live under water. Oh, they

love climbing. No, they're in a cage. They're in a cage. They're trying to get out of with their dumb little lobster brain. Yeah. Well, yeah, the hermit crabs, who will have in school right there, but hermit crabs are basically in prison for being gay for not having friends. Well, not for being not having friends, but like, let's say a hermit crab, if that was just like a little like shitty little lobster of shit at the bottom of the ocean, just eating fish. It would be even free to do that. But because it was like, ooh, I'm going to be fancy. I'm like, I'm going to put a shale on. Yeah. I'm going to try wearing one of these shales. I'm going to change my outfit. We'll imprison these things. And then the minute they think

they're facing freedom, no, now they have a new warden who's a four year old. That one's about to smash. Let's see how fucking hard that shell is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, poor guys. Some kid. Yeah. They's getting an impulse by the beach and he's about to fucking. Yeah, destroy your you. They close. You thought it was worth it. It's sort of a metaphor really the hermit crab. The hermit crab is the one that wears different. They change their clothes. Right. The hermit crab is Icarus basically. They wanted to be that they wanted to overpower their station in life, which is being a little bottom feeder piece of shit. Right. And which they had freedom and get into outfits. But the hermit crab decided

I'm too good for this. I'm going to put this fancy shell on, which is not a product of me. You know, it's not my art. I didn't do anything. I found this fucking thing. I'm going to put it on another. What do you got something going on? No, I was just, I was just seeing apparently just all these publications just let you buy articles. The Washington city paper apparently has to do this for the Adam Freeland show. No, let's do it. Yeah. We could do advertorials. We should start doing they're always from India to outlook India. Super speciality as a creative products review. I'm going to have journalists there. They're all doctors. Washington city paper. That's like the old weekly in DC journalist is the lowest. That's like an untouchable

job at India. It's beneath the untouchable cast. Yeah. They Indian people hate the news. That's a great honestly. I kind of agree. Yeah. I kind of like that lying us media either lying us media. They lying fake news. I don't like the lying us media. You're lying. You were lying. Why would I read this? Why did I read this? Why you write this crap? I want to go to India. I bet it's cool as shit. It seems like hot. Well, I mean, mad people go during the summer. A lot of spices in the air. Do they have fucked up? I know they got monkeys, but do they have like fucked up bugs there? Probably. Yeah, fucked up snakes. I thought I thought India was chill on wildlife. Like they have dangerous stuff, but it's like tigers or you know, stuff

that's cool. Like I would not mind being killed by a tiger. I mean, it's not ideal, obviously, but like a scorpion. No chance. Yeah. But that's a dumb thing hiding and waiting. Yeah. Something that they wanted to live in my shoe. The hermit crab even. That's what they are. They're bugs. I hate scorpions. You hate scorpions. I'm glad we encased them in hot glue and give them to children also. They're not scorpion. They're like, well, I don't want to be a fucking. I don't want to be a land lobster. I'm going to be pointy. It's cool that scorpions can commit suicide. Can they? I think so. Don't they take their stingers to their own heads? I think they got by accident. Oh, really? Yeah. No, because they're like, I'm fucking sick of this. Yeah.

Again, they're like, I'm going to try out yoga. I'm getting into yoga. Eric, I don't know if that's a good idea. I don't think, I don't think we're supposed to be doing yoga. I think that's for people. Scorpion. Yeah. Well, I'm going to try it out. I want to do something different. I'm tired of stinging stuff all the time. I'm tired of just going around desert stinging things. I want to expand my horizons. I'm trying. I'm going to try yoga. I don't feel too good. No, come on. Eric, I think we should go to the hospital and do what? Tell them I'm a hurt scorpion. I can't even speak English. They're not. I'm a little bug. They're going to have health insurance.

You're out of your mind. I'm just going to try to do more yoga and see if I feel better. Ouch. This yoga hurts, but I think it's good. Eric, you're hurting yourself. Eric, you're really messing yourself up. You got to stop doing all that yoga. You're stinging yourself in the dang head. Why is Southern gay funnier? I don't know. No, it is funnier though. Well, it's funnier when it's a little gay scorpion. Yeah. No, I think Southern gay just Eric, you've been hanging out with that hermit crab too much. I don't like him. Why? Cause he's gay. No, because he's been to prison because he's been, he's always in prison. Him and all of his friends are in prison

constantly trying on new outfits. They're in there doing musical theater in prison. I don't want that for you. We should be out here in the desert staying in stuff. Oh, they're looking for their hiring. Who did the scorpions? Super special. We're done with super special. I know who's next. Ridge wallet, but we got some time. We do. Oh, no, we don't actually. We're having too much fun, dude. Ridge wallet folks. We got to get that. We do have to get that laugh and like things resolved because I don't think we're, we were supposed to get free lab mics and then I guess it's not happening. So we need to make a little B and H trip wireless loves. Yes. Yeah. We need

wireless loves. Yes. That's that we need that by Saturday kind of expensive. How much are they? There are a lot dude. Like how much? Well, we need four of them. You need a receiver and then yeah, we need all the auto. We need like how much is that? I don't know. I'll be like 20,000 dollars. 20,000 dollars. No way for four microphones. Those lab mics are fucking expensive. Like the ones I had people recommend, I don't know, all the day figure. I mean, I've asked Dave to figure it out numerous times. I shouldn't be figuring out any of this shit. Where is Dave? I should be going on vacation every two weeks. I know. Yeah, dude. Now you're getting tight again. You had that vacation glow and now it's just like it's completely disappeared off your face.

Well, I need to also spitefully not be like hiring people and then they fuck up and being like, well, I told you so when Dave didn't get the footage over. Yeah, not my fucking problem. Yeah. That's what I told you on the phone. I was like, dude, we didn't like Steven didn't get the footage till Tuesday noon. No, I had like some, something just flipped over the last like three weeks. I don't know. I like you better this way. I had like an office space, like hypnotism kind of thing happening. Dude, I'm not being super stressed out all the time is way better. I don't care. I'm just here to have fun. I don't care if the show's good, bad. I'll give a fuck where it makes money. The Ridge wallet, they launched the Ridge wallet with a simple

belief that we can make wallets better. Two kick stars, nine years and over two million wallets later, they're still starting. Where are we? Oh, they're still starting every day with the same mentality. Only now it's to improve all the items that you carry every day. So their approach is wallets for too long. We're designed to hold everything receipts, gift cards, anything else that you can stuff in there. They turned that on its head with their minimalist Oh, so carry less and live more guys here. They have fucking little cases for your keys, wallets, pens and backpacks, duffel bags. They got a bunch of good fucking shit that you can use and they're made out of fucking metal. The same metal. They guns are made out of

carbon steel titanium aluminum guys. This shit is good Damascus. What's Damascus? This is their homage to the iconic Ford steel material made with medical grade 304 stainless steel and their unique chemical etching process experience the look and durability of Damascus without the upkeep. What is Damascus? Damascus and fucking Syria. They have a 24 K gold wallet which is made from real gold, a special edition fashion inspired design is an ideal balance of luxury and minimalism without the compromise guys. Here's the deal. They've taken their innovative design and material approach to create products that you rely on the items you carry every day or your tools for better living. Make them something

you can count on with bridge wall calm. What else do we have? So they have wallets key cases. They have kids which are bundles with wallets and key cases. They have rings built to last a lifetime much like your love. They have watches guys. They just have good fucking shit and you got to trust us on that holiday season is coming up. You got a dad. You don't have much in common with him. Why don't you get him a fucking pen? I've got my dad a pen before he really liked it base camp orange. They have a limited edition base camp orange while a key sand and pen guys. It's good shit. And guess what? Nick and I use the commuter pack every day. Isn't that right, Nick? Yeah, we use it all the time. I wound up on a hermit crab forum.

Okay. What's that say? So go to Ridgewell.com promo code, come down, come down 20 taps, whatever the fuck it is. You'll get a discount. A lot of this shit is on sale right now on their website. If you look it up. So every day carry is an all encompassing phrase for the essential items you take with you on a daily basis and use for specific tasks. So guys, this is a gear that you use every fucking day. Go to Ridge.com, put in promo code, come down, come down 20 taps or whatever the fuck it is. And if you order by December 18th, you get it will be delivered by the 25th. Fuck. Is that true for everything you think I haven't gotten any Christmas presents for anyone? Fuck, I just realized that I've already done most of my Christmas show. Really? Yeah,

it's already done. What should I get? I gotta get I gotta get prepared to do this big tax payment at the beginning of the year. So I need to make sure and make sure that the gifts are taken care of. Lest I owe money. And you know, the government gets paid last. Yeah, yeah, make sure everybody else, everybody else gets there is first. Merry Christmas. Merry fuck you, Joe Biden. Fuck you, Joe Biden. What's the hermit crab form? I'm saying it's great at the emergency health advice section. What does it say? It's just people being like, uh, she's out of her shell. What do I do? Help injured hermit crab. There's somebody named Curly sister who posts, who has multiple posts on here. One post help injured hermit crab. Another one is hermit crab malted underground

without shell. And the other crab took her shell. They have another post crab deaths. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. That was a whole story. Here's another one for the same. This is all the same person naked crab with black lump on its side. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Both my crabs are currently underground before going underground. Grape had been shell shopping and recently fell twice climbing into the moss pit. He seemed to fall shell first. So I wasn't super worried, but this morning as I was running out the door for church, I saw a little window underground by the glass. There he was, but he was naked. I was already late. So I couldn't do anything until I got home. When I got home, this made me sad hearing about the crab done. Yeah, just this woman

and her little bugs or little bug animals are fucking probably fine. You know, she's just telling them that they're sick. Yeah. Well, they're in prison. Yeah. In prison by a lady that likes bug stuff. Yeah. Trying to figure out they're just watching the scorpion kill itself and living in jealousy. I want to watch a video now of a scorpion committing suicide. The fancy crab that's put itself in a beautiful prison watching the scorpion kill himself with with vinyasa yoga. What do you do? Oh, it's when they're surrounded by fire. Hmm. They do it when they're surrounded by fire. Dude, this woman posts constantly new hermit crab on top of substrate hasn't moved hermit crab smells fishy and won't come out of shell crab trying to eat the other

crab while molting help new crab dead from stress fight or molting update crab won't go in a shell hermit crab death. My hermit crab is having extremely difficult and traumatic malt seems totally lifeless now substrate drying while crabs molting they just post this is like they just post constantly. Jesus hermit crab problems. What's her name in curly sister hermit crab virtually immobile listless. This poor lady my hermit crab Louise is virtually immobile and that she obviously these are multiple at least she's just going Louise she's going through hermit crabs and killing them at an alarming rate late first of all lady these are meant for children. They're for babies. Yeah, they're for science like third grade classrooms.

Yeah. Louise is virtually immobile would start it from a sluggishness and seemingly broken disjointed leg gradually led into this is just Kathy Bates and misery. She just keeps sitting on these. Yeah. I just love hermit crab breaking their legs. She has much thousands by crap by by hermit crab. I'm not even kidding. I bet this lady is just fucking breaking these old guys legs. Yeah, she's just sleeping in bed with them rolling over on them. Yeah. She lost and she probably you know what happens she lost a baby. She had a miscarriage and then she got cheated on. Yeah. And now she's all alone. She's alive a thousand percent. She just doesn't move and sits out of her shell not tucked in whatsoever. She has no drive to find a hiding spot or rest

or dig under anything. I've popped her in a cocoa nut or partially covered with moss and she scooches off and just hangs out in the wide open tank. A few days ago I lost track of her and I saw a hole and I believe she had burrowed under yesterday I saw her standing on the bridge to my water dish completely shellless. I thought she had sat there and died. I grabbed a couple of shells because I figured the one she was in must have been heavy. I left them in front of her pumped the humidity and tried and true trick has always worked when convincing Hermes to get back in the shells and then I had to leave to go pick up my little sister from school. I came back and broke my little sister's legs. I came back and she was in a new shell. Thank God. But again just

sitting there only slightly tucked in when I came around but never fully. The shell isn't too small it's the perfect size and she's an E. So if it was small it wouldn't even have cup sizes. Yeah. She looked like tears. He looked like tears amazingly. No that's what I like to have mate. His old cage in my living room filled with pet tits. Do you imagine that? You mates come over and they say you got there. Well you got there. What happened to your ermite crabs? Your ermite. Your ermite crabs I said I'll swap them out for pet tits. You don't have to feed them. I have to do anything. They just make milk you suck on them. It's like being a beekeeper but trying to get stung. You don't have to worry about getting stung. I said I've had it with ermite crabs.

I don't want them anymore. They do his pinch me. I go in there try to play with them and they pinch me and then when I go to smash them they run back in their shells and I said what am I doing this? What am I doing this to myself? I'd rather have a big wall of tits in here. Yeah. That would be a nice ever case or a tank full of tits. Yeah. I think. A tank full of anything honestly. That's true. You see how much petrol is these days. These days. I know. We've got an empty tank in here. An ear. In my heart. An ear. All of my tanks empty. All your tanks. Every single one brother. It's weird to think that the balls are like little tanks in there. They are little cum tanks. Yeah. You think when you're not each one of the shots comes from one of the balls they alternate.

It's like bow bow bow bow bow. Yeah. It's true. What happens? They just shoot simultaneously. I imagine that's how we look when goofy the dog bus is one ball goes up. It is very steamship Willie. It is very very very like early animation to imagine two balls of skiing in like alternate pattern very steam punk way to imagine it. Yeah. I would imagine it. I imagine that's why Ernest Hemingway Ernest Hemingway would do it. Yeah. They add H's to things that don't have H's. You know I love his Ernest Hemingway. Yeah. You know how they say the letter H? They say H. Grover. Cookie Monster. Big Bert. Er. Herney. Herney. Bert. Bert. I love Bert. Yeah. Yeah. Because Bert is a smart one. And herney. He's an invalid. Yeah. Herney's a yeah.

Herney's a he's got a they said he's got a condition. He's got cruise on syndrome. What's that? He's got his she ate too much of thatchers paint and he's got cruise on's. What was it from lead paint? I have no idea. That's so funny. Is it? Not really. He's going to say that. It's been equipped with clean brand new substrate deep enough to bury herself. A small water dish you can fully submerge in. A few pieces of moss for extra humidity in case it gets dry. A food dish with extra powdery food and tons of calcium supplements sprinkled on. And the top at all off it's located in a prime spot right next to the heater and humidifier. Damn this girl's crazy. Poor girl. She don't know how to take care of her

little bugs. She sucks dude. You don't like her? Yeah. She's got like better hobbies. You can't feel bad for this lady. You can't find it in your heart to feel. You got to be a TV host man. You got to you got to you can't you can't be can't be too cool for school. I would like to have someone like that like a person with that boring of an interest on the show. Yeah. One week. We'll have like well like yeah Richard gear and then he'll stay on the stage and we'll have someone like that. Crab leaving shell emergency. Oh my last post by Nicole gets creative. What'd she say? Nicole gets creative. My name is Nicole. I post on the hermit crab form. It's all girls username. Yeah. Our hermit cries a girl's hobby. I think so. Yeah. Wow. I didn't know.

Last time my small crab took a dip in the saltwater pool this morning. I found them out of his shell and still in the pool is able to safely scoop them up and put them on dry land. I went to get fresh shells for him but he got he got a new larger shell before I got back. I left him alone when I went to check on him the second time. He had climbed out of the shell moves all the way across the tank and landed in the freshwater. I thought he had drowned but he didn't put him in a Tupperware with some chlorinated water put two clean shells in there larger flat sea shell with some middle worms and a piece of cuttlefish bone. After an hour he put himself in one of the shells but I'm so afraid he will leave it again and hurt himself. What should I do

here. There's no answers for this one. This is by crabby lover 77 hermit crab has three legs and no claws. I don't know what to do. Hopefully this is a fellow. I just found one of my crabs only three legs missing his claws. They prefer to be left alone so I probably don't check on them as much as I should but the last time I looked at him Monday or something he was fine. I just refilled the food and water because I'd noticed the other crab came out of the molting. There's people like oh give him a little peanut butter his arms and legs got ripped off. Give him a little peanut butter. Yeah it's not even they don't have a brain now it's just two eyes. Two eyes on a shell. What is that a snail. I guess those poor guys nematodes and hermit crab

tank the fact that people using all caps on the hermit crab form. So there's never just something less justified for all caps. It's posting on the hermit crab form. Oh man those poor people. I have four pp in the 55 gallon tank was six to eight inches of cocoa slash sand substrate. The tank is kept in a humidity of 80 percent and temperature is 75 degrees Fahrenheit. I have two pools fresh and salt and I'm reading it this way because the guy's name is east coasty ghosty. Oh so you think the far east coast. I love shit like this dude. Yeah I can spend an entire I could just have an entire evening just reading through the hermit crab form. Just dead hide. Just naked crab and then in parentheses possible mites.

Oh my god this is bleak. Yeah all capital the post itself all capital letters too. Smallest crab is naked and out of shell possibly happened sometime between Saturday and today. I was off when I inspected the shell there were small red things crawling in it. I rinsed the shell in the crab. The other crab seems to be OK. Hiding in cocoa nut. Crab hasn't gone back in shell. Are people helpful. No. Every time they're like try giving them some food. Try giving them why don't you put a little water in your food. Yeah. Thanks guys. Oh my god that's fucking dark. I'm going to go to another another section on this form because this is all emergencies. Adoptions if you have a crab that needs rehomed that's a great way to

get murdered is by looking for a crab on the hermit crab form and meeting up with these people and fucking a conelodge off the highway. Oh my god. I'm going to purchase crabs from a man I met online on Craigslist. Yeah. Crab attack conditions crab behavior crab behavior. This is the one I want to see crabs on dig is something wrong. Tips on introducing new crab really worried. Just heard one of my crabs chirp. Back right in front of four crabs and had them almost two months now. There's one big one a bit larger than a ping pong ball in a shell two medium sized ones half the size of the big one and one tiny one half the size of the medium one. I have them in a reptile one RTF 900 that I've turned into a two story setup due to the substrate being

deep. I wanted them to also have lots of climbing things. The largest one looks to have had a successful molt. I was just sitting reading next to the habitat and I heard very quiet but unmistakable chirping exactly like the videos recordings. At first I was so excited because I figured they'd be so quiet I never hear them but then I got worried because I've read it many can mean they're trapped slash attacked. Yeah I've had molters get loud seemingly random so these things fucking scream. Yeah my crab is no this is a great post but this is by Krabby Grammy. The title is interesting night of crab watching. Okay. Let's hear about that. Yeah. And there's zero replies before no one's replied that. So there was a squabble last night over Myrtles discarded shell

Ian had moved into it after Myrtles took a new shell but she apparently still had some attachment issues with it. They both repeatedly checked out all 10 shells in the shell shop over and over again. At one point they squared off and both took a ninja stance and tussled for a few seconds before going their own ways. Myrtles came back and started rolling in around like a ball while he was tucked inside. She rolled him faced up climbed on top of him and peed on him. I saw a stream of water come out of her shell directly on Ian and down his shell. How rude of that was that LOL. They're both the same size so I'm not worried about that. Ian doesn't seem to be afraid of her and they both took turns eating and drinking after the argument. I noticed this morning that

Ian has taken his old shell back so maybe he's decided it's not worth it. I never knew how entertaining these guys can be to watch. I just wish they'd do it before 3 a.m. Wow. That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. These poor people just just reaching out into avoid like having this hobby because they don't have other people in their lives and then going on this form form to make contact with other people that are also don't have anyone in their life. They probably do have other people. They're probably relatively normal people. You think? Yeah. They have an evening of crap wash. No. These are people that are very easily amused by anything. Yeah. That's true. You know like the normal normal guys like they get like this over Marvel movies. Yeah. Yeah.

But these are the people that are like they got chocolate chip cookies and where these snacks? Where do I tell everyone I know? And frankly, I'm jealous. Yeah. No, it sounds nice. You think they're happy. They said they're probably pretty happy. I guess. What are you looking at? I just got like a text. All right. From that lady in Virginia. Virginia who? Do you remember when I was on the phone with her? You're like, oh, hello, Virginia. Yeah. Oh, the insurance. Yeah. Yeah. Hello nurse. It was on speaker. Yeah. And you were like, she was like, excuse me, is someone in the background right now? I was like, yeah, that's my, I gotta figure out a way to get canceled for saying hello nurse to a woman. Yeah. I got to

get like an office job or if I lie my way onto like a very serious film set and then just fun, just corner some PA. Yeah. Hello nurse. And then, uh, and then just let that story live. Just some TV TMZ is all she sued the production company because Mullen said, hello nurse. What is that for? Because it's from like World War two or something where the only shakes around were nurses. It's from cartoons. Guys picked it up from a cartoon. I mean, it's like an old school thing to say to a bitch. Anyway, all right, we got it. That's a cool movie. Take a woman's pants off before you go down. Or say hello nurse to the, to the pussy, to the pussy. Well, hello nurse. Well, hello nurse.

Tom Myers probably does that. I want to hear Tom Myers explain. What's the closest he's been to a pussy? I want Tom to explain. It's probably a lot like, uh, him talking about, uh, trying pot. Yeah. I've tried pot. It's such a funny sentence. I've tried pot. No, I told you the last time I got high, I just walked around my apartment. I think the British are coming. I think the British are coming to you. Just making myself die laughing. All right. These days you're going to die laughing. Yeah. We got to call Ethan. Oh, we have to call Ethan. Yeah. Okay. Well, do you want to swing around and hit? Yeah. I'm going to turn it off. I'll stop. Oh, and I'll record a DG. Thanks guys.

Thanks for listening to the show. If you enjoy the Adam Fridlenshow podcast, check out the Adam Fridlenshow itself at patreon.com slash t a f s.