The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 10 – Killing Garfield

Episode Date: July 14, 2016

Sorry for the delay everyone, i was actually busy at uh, the black people matter protests. I was protesting for black people so I didn’t have time to upload this one, which was also delayed because Kurt Metzger rescheduled. Amber Frost (of the Baffler an

🎵 Why do you always do that? I didn't think it was recording. It was. I told you we were going to start, and then you intentionally fucked it up. There's no reason to do this. It doesn't matter. It's a style of podcasting to start before you say you're starting. It's cool. It's like music doesn't matter it's a style of podcast you're gonna start before you say you're starting it's cool a bunch of it's like music i think it's great i think it's really

professional yeah it's like when they do they're like yeah ah exactly what have you started your podcast okay okay what's your favorite what's your favorite ad lib of all time on a rap song? My favorite ad lib of all time? Geez. The three N words from Trinidad James. Trinidad James. That's pretty good. Yeah. All gold everything? Triple N word? Recently, I've really...

Well, my favorite one recently... Did we talk about this on the podcast where it was like the Travis Scott ad lib where it was just like, it was fun. At a party on a Sunday, i think it was it was fun yeah it's like that's not even i like i like gucci main uh freaky girl where he's like she's a very freaky girl don't take home to mama and then the back is just mama mama yeah mama um that's a good one who does sheesh these days sheesh that's a big one that's on a lot of songs so that's a good one Who does Sheesh these days? Sheesh! That's a big one That's on a lot of songs

So that's a little I'm sure we're forgetting some great dip set ones Oh, the best Anyway, would you like to start now, Nate? Yeah, sure So Kurt Metzger couldn't do it Kurt Metzger wanted to do it

He said Tuesday He said, let's do Tuesday And then I hit him up And he's like, no, I have to work And then I have spots Kurt Metzger wanted to do it. He said Tuesday. He said, let's do Tuesday. And then I hit him up and he's like, no, I have to work and then I have spots. I'm very similar to Kurt Metzger. Yeah, basically the same vibe. We have Amber Frost of very similar to Kurt Metzger. So if you know Kurt's credits, they're basically the same. I write about Marxist feminist economics.

So it's like we're colleagues, basically. Well, she also doesn't like Sadie Doyle. I also don't like Sadie Doyle. We're also like mortal enemies. Yeah, so that's really the main similarity, but the most important one, I feel. I think so, yeah. I also pay rent to Amber,

so now the guests are just whoever is in my apartment. similarity but the most important one i feel i think so um i also pay rent to amber so now the guests are just whoever is in my apartment yeah this is in lieu of paying rent you're having her on the pod yeah yeah she's getting that this bump the come town bump i'm sure you'll be seeing uh lots of uh patreon donations after this one your old landlords didn't get a lot of burn on the podcast. I think that would actually help. Yeah, we should have had them on. Yeah, that would have been... Do you want me to, like, move my cat? Well, the cat's fucking with all the gear.

Yeah, yeah. The cat loves gear, dude. He's, uh, yeah. You should take him to B&H and watch all of those Haseeds, like, die of anaphylactic shock. Oh, no! Breathe, I can't much. Are you doing okay, Adam?

I'm good, dude. I'm about to be a foster parent and potentially a full parent. Are you going to start calling yourself a dog mom? Yeah. Dog mom. It's your fur baby. Hillary dog mom.

Hill dog mom? Hill dog mom yeah dog mom baby Hillary dog mom hill dog mom hill dog mom yeah I'm adopting this dog from two blocks away from here on Malcolm X and Green Avenue who is yeah she's a bedside dog that's why she's a Brooklyn dog why is that a fucking pertinent piece of information? I think that's cool. It's just very close to us. Yeah, it's close to where we are now, and I think it's cool that it's a Brooklyn dog. It's cool that it's a Brooklyn dog. I might not be a Brooklyn guy, but I got a Brooklyn dog. That means pit bull.

All the dogs here are pit bulls. Or rock wilders. It's a pit bull. Ross Wilder. Pit bulls and rock wilders. Do you know what my cat's favorite band is? What is it? DMX, obviously.

It's obviously the best. Tell Stav the name of the dog. Do you know the name of my dog? Is it Isis? It's Isis, yeah. What, he already told you? The breeder named the dog Isis. I guessed Isis.

Is it Boko haram is it like a twitter person that you bought this yeah it's harambe yeah yeah it's so irony boy to have obviously a terrorist dog but uh you can't name that fucking dog no it's just a guy that's i don't think you can yell that across the dog part yeah that's that's what i was uh that's what i encountered on our first walk but but you don't know the dog might like take it to heart and then decide that you're a real problem she wants to re-establish the caliphate i got friends that they got a dog um and they named it stravon barksdale after first of all any kind of dog pun name or cat pun worst you're an idiot avon barksdale isn't bad but not stravon well it was a stray dog so it was like straight i mean yeah avon barksdale already works so you don't get it exactly they changed the dog's name to the dog's name is

stravon barksdale and then like two two weeks later, the George Zimmerman thing happened. So the dog's name is Stravon. Oh, no. And it's just, like, black lab mutt or whatever. Just call it something else. It doesn't know. Yeah, well, then you can't bring that dog to the dog park. If I had a dog, he'd look like Stravon.

Oh, come on, man. Sorry. Sorry. I'm quitting the podcast. What would be a good Obama dog name? Bo. Oh, Bo? No, it has to be like as bad as Obungler.

Obanjo? Obingo? Obingo. O-B-I-N-G-O? Bardock? Obanion? That's what my little brother calls Obama. Obanion? Yeahion That's what my little brother Calls Obama O'Banion

Yeah That's bad Did you know that Michelle's middle name The insult is that He's Irish Yeah Fuck Irish people right

Yeah You know Michelle's middle name Is also Hussein Obama Did you know that Michelle Hussein Obama What was her first name Or her maiden Do you know

It's Hussein Michelle Hussein Obama What was her maiden? Do you know? It's Hussein Michelle Hussein Obama Hussein That's why they got married They bonded over that It's having a middle name that was Hussein in all capital letters They were cousins like the Roosevelt's Remember Hillary Clinton said she had wet dreams about Eleanor Roosevelt? Like in the 90s everyone was like shitting on her about it She is Eleanor dude she's Eleanor for a new generation I guess so she

said she had wet dreams I don't think wet dreams no she didn't when I masturbate I can tell you there's one thing I masturbate to it FDR fucked by the way So much In the wheelchair That's why he was in the wheelchair Yeah Yeah Yeah she was gay Yeah Eleanor was

Sucking and fucking all over town Yeah She got around She had a gal pal That's awesome She had a Huma The love letters were like very She had a Guma

Very sweet Yeah Exactly Guma Yeah But uh yeah just one or do you I think it was like a long term

thing there's a lot of people who sort of deny it they're like well they could just be like really good friends and it's like bitch hey come on you read the letters there's clearly like I want to hold you I want to like that's some serious lesbian poetry going on.

Eleanor had as lesbian a face as you could have, I think, if you look back. I don't remember what she looks like. She looks like shit, dude. She's a very handsome woman, dude. Susan B. Anthony, Eleanor Roosevelt, Elizabeth Cady Stanton. She was not a looker. She was more of a butch. Well, they all become, they're all like, I just think of, I see a coin in my head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I think of them. I think she looks like Sean Penn with a wig on. I think that's what I would say. Sean Penn doesn't work as any gender. Yeah, yeah. He's got a hatchet face. That's what I have in my head anyway.

I don't know if that's accurate at all. Yeah. Well, the bottom half of his mouth is very small, Sean Penn. I didn't know that. That's what makes his face look weird, I feel. He's got like a small, it's like his nose, and then from the bottom of his mouth is very small, Sean Penn. I didn't know that. That's what makes his face look weird, I feel. He's got like a small, it's like his nose, and then from the bottom of his nose to his jaw, there's not much space. No, you're right.

No, he looks like the guy that they would trot out for like Dare, who like did Chew and had to get like part of his lower jaw removed, and then like don't do school kids. Sean Penn. Did you ever see, I mean, I'm sure everyone saw Ebert before.

We talked about this on the pod. Did we? We talked about Ebert. We didn't talk about how bad he looked. He looked horrible. The important thing with podcasting is you only cover a couple of things. Har important thing with podcasting is you only cover a couple of things yeah his face was fucked up as hell yeah that poor motherfucker almost had a did we didn't we talk yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're right you're right that his his body rejected the jaw yeah what a so sad shit deal. Imagine having to fuck that dude with that weird.

Chaz did it, dude. Moosey face. Yeah. She grit. A lot of doggy, you think? You think she's looking at him in the eye? Oh, God. She's got to be.

She can't be looking at him, right? That'd be terrible. Nick, your thoughts? On who? Fucking Ebert. Fucking Roger Ebert. The wife? His wife?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know his wife's name chas it's the black lady yeah it's uh no it's sunny and she's um yeah no i don't know anything about her yeah they seem to have a very uh mutually supportive and loving relationship yeah it was really beautiful you guys should see that document i didn't i saw that one interview the first like interview he did with her when they gave him he's like uh like i'm trying out my new voice or whatever yeah all it is is just like the mac right right speech program we've definitely talked we did we talked about this I remember wanting to bring up

you can just skip this I remember wanting to bring up George Lucas' it's like you know what it is it's like 110 degrees and I can't I'm having trouble thinking let's talk about the Pokemon oh yeah

let's talk about that anytime someone asks me about I'm on a group text with some friends and they keep talking about Pokemon. I'm like, guys, I'm I'm just focusing on Black Lives Matters right now. Did you read about the like the Holocaust Museum? Oh, it's so good. People are going in to catch Pokemon. There's nothing but meows there. Just doesn't like the halfway. Get that. catch Pokemon. There's nothing but Meowths there. I mean,

doesn't like the kind of... Yeah, when the bullets are that thing. Gold coins. Was that a mouse reference? No, no, no. Meowth. Oh, that's what I thought it was. No, no, Meowth is the Pokemon who hoards gold coins.

Oh! I thought it was a mouse. A famous graphic novel. You know, it's funny. I thought it was an anti-Semitic. You know, it's funny. I thought he was making a literary novel. No, no, no. Although I did have to read that in high school. They've released like 50 new Pokemon a year since like 1995. So there's probably a fucking Pokemon now that's like

the Auschwitz victim. Because they ran out of shit. Some of them got like really crazy. Yeah, you run out out of shapes and things to do. After a while, I wonder if they just start accidentally inventing actual animals that exist in Australia. Yeah. That's already a thing. One of them, I mean, they did that with the first round of them because one of them is

just a fucking cat or a rat, but there's one that's just a set of keys. Really? Yeah. They ran out of Pokemon. There's one of them that's just in the of Pokemon. That's so bottom of the barrel. That's so phoning it in. I respect whoever did that. My friend's mom named the Pokemon.

We talked about this too. Did we? I think so. No, I think we talked about it on the episode. Oh, we did. I talked about the one that we deleted. Oh, really? Yeah.

The lost episode. The lost episode. Which, in comparison now, looks like it would have, really? Yeah. The lost episode. The lost episode. Which, in comparison now, looks like it would have been fine. Yeah. I think our standards at that point were so much higher.

We were like, we didn't do any jokes. At one point, Adam didn't know what was going on, so we have to delete that one. Yeah, we should release it and see what happens sometime.

No, we talked about that. We're going to release it as a premium episode. For Stavi's Golden Angels, $100,000. If you donate $100,000, you can be one of Stavi's Golden Angels and you get a DVD rip of that episode. And a pair of underpants that Stavi wore on a very hot day in New York.

I literally will do that. If you donate $3, the cost of the underwear. A secret recording of me using all of the slurs both Dog the Bounty Hunter and Hulk Hogan used in case you ever want to blackmail me. You have that. It's the special blackmail package.

Yeah, donate. But there's one I remember. I know there's one Pokemon that's just like a woman in blackface. Yeah, yeah. But it also like... No, I heard about that. And I think that the name in Japanese is like... It's racist.

I'm sure it's racist. I'm sure it's the N-word five times. Or whatever the character for the N-word is. Fuck, what was that one called? Jinx. It was Jinx. I posted it on Twitter the other day. The problem is I want to talk about

Pokemon Go, but I've already did all the jokes I could do online. People like to hear it. They want to hear me say the tweets. It's really good. It's got to be spontaneous. I just want to see someone taking a picture of a crowd of teens at the Holocaust Museum.

To me, that's kind of beautiful. Well, I remember going on a field trip to the Holocaust Museum in eighth grade and trying to make my friends laugh with fart noises. So I really don't think Pokemon Go is the worst thing. I was telling you, like this happens like every year some horrible tasteless thing happens and people get really upset. And last year it was actually at Auschwitz

and it was like a record heat wave. So they set up these like misters where people cool off on it. Everyone got mad. People got super mad. Well, because the mist was fucking up everyone's iPhones

while they were trying to play Pokemon Go. I just love how practical and German that is. You know they never thought twice. They're just like, well, you know,

it's a really hot summer and we want to make sure people don't overheat. And there are a lot of senior citizens. We were originally going to give out Haagen-Dazs, but everyone said that would be rude. They had really compact air conditioning chambers that you would get into. If that was efficient, Germans would be like, what? It's the most efficient way to keep people cool. Danny Green from the San Antonio Spurs took a selfie at the Holocaust Memorial in Germany. I sent it to you guys.

It was so awesome. Yeah, and it said, how to do it. Or what is it? How to do it one time. How to do it one time. Hashtag Holocaust. He knew it was wrong. No, I think he was trying to pay tribute in his own way

yeah I think he had to do it for like one time for the victim nah cause that girl did it before him there was some girl that took the same exact picture that got in trouble for it oh yeah but she was like 14 yeah it was some 14 year old girl and then people online were like

you fucking despicable cunt I'm gonna fucking rape you as if a cunt. I'm going to fucking rape you. As if a 14-year-old isn't going to be an idiot. As if they're going to understand, I should really be reverent here. Yeah. No child. People are really mad at her. And that's the other thing I don't understand about getting mad about the Pokemon Go at the Holocaust Museum.

It's like kids do shitty things. That is the definition of children. If you had Pokemon Go when you were 13 and you were brought to the Holocaust Museum, you would be doing it. Absolutely. Anne Frank was literally making a diary during the actual Holocaust.

How did this raise a wave? What she was writing about in that diary was just like I would like to touch some boobs yeah right and they edited that out at my high school

I remember that part I remember actually only that part that's the only part of the book she got her period too but I remember us having like

it getting banned at my high school and I was like oh why cause like you know you're going kids to the back they're like no no no because it's kind of gay

it's kind of gay but really though having a diary in those days was the same as playing Pokemon Go I also remember like Justin Bieber saying like she probably would have been a believer that's technically true like she was a total teeny bomber

I'm having to like come to terms with the fact that like in the last year or so, it's at the point now where Justin Bieber could probably kick my ass. 100% he could. For years. He takes boxing lessons. Specifically. He's ripped and he's on an anabolic steroid.

God knows what drugs he's on. That's not cool. How tall is he? He's probably like six foot. He's five foot three. He's Danny De three. Six foot. He's Danny DeVito's height. Yeah.

Whatever numbers. People are surprisingly short usually. He's 1.1 DeVito's. He's half a DeVito. Yeah, no, that's disappointing. You could beat him up, dude. I mean, probably. If you tried. Dude, you could totally beat him up.

Yeah, if you like threw broken glass in his face or something. You can't lose that fight. You can't be the one guy. That's why Orlando Bloom had to beat the shit out of him. Because he's like, this is the one guy under me. Oh, I didn't hear about that. Yeah, I think they fought like twice. They got into some TMZ thing.

They kept fucking each other's girlfriends, I think. Yeah, no, there was some TMZ thing where they got into an argument in a restaurant. And then it's like TMZ. So it's like, in the background, Leonardo DiCaprio's there, and he's cheering him on. And it's like, what the fuck is going on in Hollywood? I heard that Leonardo DiCaprio just stole one of Bieber's girls. It was pretty... That's nice to hear that someone can steal.

Good for him, man. Good for the pussy posse. That's right. The pussy posse. I love when people... Do you know about the pussy posse? Yeah, of course. I love... Toby. That's why I The Pussy Posse. I love when people, do you know about the Pussy Posse? Yeah, of course, yeah. I love.

Toby. That's why I know about it specifically because I was like, really? Toby McGuire? Yeah, Toby McGuire's got a hog. He's got a big fat one. He's fucking lame. I love searching for that on Twitter and seeing who's mad about the Pussy Posse. Because every day.

for that on Twitter and seeing who's mad about the pussy posse. Because every day I love seeing like grown women being upset that like Leonardo DiCaprio is dating like a 19 year old. Like he's basically a pedophile. It's like well, no he basically isn't.

There's a clear definition of what... And also like, it's not like if he didn't have millions of dollars, people would still be ogling over his bloated old alky face at this point. He hasn't aged well. Right. No, not at all. Well, you know what?

Here's how much money and fame he has. Last year, they tried to make Dad Bod a thing so that people were getting pussy by accident because of Leonardo DiCaprio. I don't think that. I mean, I think people like Dad Bod. I don't think it fucking caught on the way they thought it would. No, you can't make that happen, but I think a lot of girls...

No, it didn't! No, it did not! I think a lot of girls though like suddenly were like yeah I'm kind of into chunky guys and were like

yeah yeah I saw a lot of that on tinder profiles but my swipes did not yeah but you got you did not find purchase you don't have dad bod no I've got dad bod

I've got like you have newborn over the hill newborn insulin problem baby bod giant baby bod don't take dad bod from me Nick you know who else loves dad bod the comedy Newborn insulin problem baby bot. Giant baby bot. Don't take dad bot from me, Nick.

You know who else loves dad bot? The comedy industry, guys. Not a lot of room for buff guys like me. Is this the cross you want to bear? I'm too buff. That's what they said. That's the problem. Those muscles get a little... It's like worse than being a woman in Hollywood.

I don't know. Kevin Hart does all right. Kevin Hart's jacked now. Kevin Hart, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's weird, too. Godfrey's pretty jacked. What?

Yeah. Ew. No, not Gilbert Godfrey. People don't, like, Godfrey. Oh, okay. Godfrey, the black comedian. Yeah. Yeah.

He's always been jacked. Yeah. He played, like, football or something inave chapelle now is maybe on steroids have you seen a picture of him recently yeah insane suddenly his head looks so small it's weird man creeps me out insane the last time i saw um and if you have a problem with that, Dave, come on the podcast. We will fight Dave Chappelle on the podcast. Fuck Dave Chappelle. I don't condone Adam's stance. My favorite comedian of all time.

Who was your favorite comedian before you started doing comedy? I guess that's not fair because you started, like, at, what, 25 or something? I started at 24, yeah. Yeah. Mine was... Why is that not fair? Well, because, like, you have, like, discern... I is that not fair? Well, because you have discern... I mean, my favorite comedian before I started doing comedy was Jim Brewer.

Oh, you mean as a little kid? Oh, as a kid? Before you knew anything. Yeah, yes, yeah. Chris Rock and the music guy. I love the guy that made the songs, the guitar guy, Stephen Lynch. Stephen Lynch? No, no, no.

Mine was Kevin Eubanks, the guitarist from... From Daryl and I? Yeah, I liked G it down. Mine was Kevin Eubanks, the guitarist from... From Daniel Anna? Yeah, I liked G.E. Smith, the ponytail guy. That's my favorite SNL cast member, is G.E. Smith. Alonzo Hamburger Jones. Hamburger. And Earthquake. I loved Chris Kattan.

I watched a lot of comic views as a kid. Wow, that's a deep cut. I loved, yeah. I thought Chris Kattan I watched a lot of Comic views as a kid Wow that's a deep cut I loved Yeah I thought Chris Kattan Was hilarious Chris Kattan Yeah I loved

Night at the Roxbury dude I fucking loved That movie was funny That movie was hilarious I know all about it You were the guy that saw that I fucking Yo I made my dad

Take me to the theaters To see it I wasn't that I was like 13 or something I'll do you one better I made my father Take me to But he did that with Will Ferrell, right? Huh? He did it with Will Ferrell, right?

Yeah, but that's the best part. Will Ferrell was the sidekick to Chris Kattan. Oh my God. I never even thought about that. Yeah, it's almost like a funny time capsule moment. In show business, there was a moment where Chris Kattan was the star and Will Ferrell was just like the doofy like brother. And then they have Richard Grieco in the movie

and the joke is supposed to be that he's not famous anymore I think. And then like now where's Chris Kattan? Yeah, exactly. Is he in that Ridiculous 6 movie? No. No, he's not friends with that. I don't think that was so fucking bad. Yeah, Nick and I tried to

let's get high and watch Ridiculous 6. Oh, I would love to do that. This is going to be hilarious. No, it's really... It was Adam Sandler being like, what if we make Blazing Saddles, but it's not funny anymore? And that's... I guess Sandler maybe. When I was like...

Oh, Sandler. That was huge. His CDs were like... Hell yeah, dude. Medium paced. So important to me. Yeah. You know who sucked the

kids that like dennis leary because they're like dennis leary cds there are kids that like dennis yeah yes i remember yeah that fucking asshole song which by the way i think is a louis bit yeah it's a louis bit that he stole right and made into a song but you know whatever i think louis talked about it on a vcr the mitch headberg comedy central special and watched that a lot yeah oh yeah what does dennis leary do now except pretend to be a firefighter rock and roll he's on like nine different firefighter shows acting he's on a rock and roll also starring robert kelly it's a very good show uh You guys should all watch it. Your dad's best friend's a liar. My father's best friend.

Sorry. He's the voice of Ford trucks. Is he? Ice Age. He's Ford. He's the voice of ISIS. And Ice Age. He's in Ice Age.

Which, there's a new Ice Age. All right, he's doing great. There's a lot. How much money do you think Tim Allen made off of Toy Story? I don't... Six billion. Don't tell me, please. Forty-five million.

Wait, so he ratted on... On all the other guys in Toy Story. On everyone else. They're all in jail for child pornography. He ratted... He dropped a dime on... Tim Allen was caught with 27 ounces of child pornography.

And he ratted on all the other toys. It was all of the little boy. Andy. He paid one of the animators to animate Andy. Andy getting penetrated. To infinity and beyond, right? Yeah, and that's what Tim Allen comes to

that's what where the noise comes from the that was him being you know the Tim Allen story uh

him like getting arrested yeah he got busted for how much coke was it it was like 500 it was

it was a lot it was like 27 it was like 27 ounces of cocaine of cocaine yeah it was like it wouldn't last a week with me but it was a lot. It was like an insane amount of coke. It was like 27 ounces of cocaine. Of cocaine. Yeah. It wouldn't last a week with me, but it was a lot. Yeah, you got that yay though.

Y'all got white girl? Yeah, and then he came up with home improvement while in jail. In jail. That's his mind count. That's so great. I love how Malcolm X came up with the political philosophy of black liberation and Tim Allen came up with the home improvement. He's like, what if there was a guy with a beard that I belittle all the time,

but he's smarter than me? There's a neighbor. You don't see the bottom of his face. Well, the neighbor, the reason the neighbor's in there, like why he's always like, well, you know, Tim, the Thessalonians or whatever, well, he's always like, like you know quoting philosophy or whatever is because uh tim allen was like a philosophy major so if you read any like oh my god that makes so much he's like dropping all this fucking like really irrelevant information uh you know

try and sound smart yeah so tim allen tim allen yeah so that's why that's why the neighbors in there so you know it's like a wink to the audience. Like, hey, I'm not dumb. Yeah, I'm secretly smart. But he loves hot rods and pork rinds. Yeah. He loves pork rinds. And then I tried pork rinds as a little kid. I was like, oh, these must be the best snack ever.

And then they suck. They suck, but they're good because it's all just protein and fat. I mean, I eat them now because they're just fried fat. And that's when I'm really at rock bottom. I just want to cut the middleman out. I eat them now because I'm incredibly depressed. Yeah, yeah. Because my life's bad.

But when I was a little kid, they were gross. I just remember my grandfather eating them when he was on Atkins. Funyuns are great. Yeah. They hold up. They do? Yeah, yeah. It's like, what if onions were fun?

Whoa, stop. I'm sold. Holy shit, yo. Y'all just blew your mind. Oh, my God, yo. That's where the fucking name Funion come from? Where do you get all your shirts? Stav is the shirt king.

I love shirts. The shirt. Well, good. Is that a... Like, if you wore a shirt in the pool, I would be like, that's probably a style choice. You'd be like the one guy. No, you know I love to flex. You know I love to flex these titties.

Yeah, of course. I took pictures of you naked last week. That's right. On that roof, that beautiful sunset. That was a beautiful sunset. Yeah. We got to go back up and get one. That sounds like a bit we're doing, but it's real.

I took a bunch of naked pictures of Stav on it. I follow Stav on Instagram. Fourth of July. Rooftop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Yeah, we got more, guys. Don't worry.

We'll be playing nudity at Stavibaby. What's the next holiday that you're going to do? I don't know. When Hillary Clinton wins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a good one for that? That's me hanging myself. Because it's the end of civilization as we know it guys

one million dead iraqis one it's me on a drone naked getting dropped on the fucking on yemen they have they have advertisements in the subway now for like your own personal drone i know it's like almost like a minority report feel to it where that just seems it's fucked yeah it's i mean i don't think most of it is surveillance but it's it has a camera built into it really yeah yeah it's just like what kind of a dickhead neighbor are you to like in an urban area and be like i'm, I'm going to have something fly in these like, you know, tight streets where people are walking and trying like with, you know,

every bit of energy they have not to murder their neighbors. I would do it if you could attach an air horn to it and, you know, use it to fuck with people. Dude. Well, they, they have drones. They,

police departments have killed people with drones, sort of like they killed the guy in Dallas with the fucking robot. They, they have now drones. Police departments have killed people with drones. Sort of like they killed the guy in Dallas with the fucking robot. They have now drones you can fly into people's heads and kill them with. But, I mean, what could go wrong? What, just, like, bang into them? Yeah. It's really... They put a brick at the end of it.

It's no good. That shit is real now. Now, they didn't have a bomb robot. They had, like, a bomb disposal robot. I know. That they just put a bomb on and drove it up to them i know so it's like they repurpose they repurpose that thing but people are like oh well this is drone strikes i mean no i don't understand how that's any different from

actually being able to get a sniper on him and shooting him it's not like it's a specific device designed to go fucking bomb people remotely it It was a repurposed thing for one specific event. Police departments have used bombs before. It's a repurpose. They got it on Etsy, actually. It's just a fucking Tonka truck with a bomb taped onto it. It's one of those remote control. It might as well have been.

Yeah. I mean, I just don't understand why people remember that. It's not as ominous as something that could fly that has GPS capability. Where did the Dallas Police Department get a fucking bomb from, though? From the FBI, I guess. Oh, really? Yeah, they use C4. That makes sense.

They don't have a bomb guy. If they're in Dallas, they could probably just look for a guy not wearing a shirt that's buying a whole bunch of liquid plumber and be like, hey. I want a damn bomb. I think they should just burn the set of fire to the building. The way it used to be.

Like when you, the sheriff would get a posse together. Hey, what? And be like, come on out. We're setting the barn on fire. That's how they got,

what's his name? The guy that killed Lincoln. Who? Didn't they set a barn on fire and then he jumped out and he fucked up his leg? Yeah, he ran like. And then some doctor who didn't know what was going on fucking healed his leg and then they killed that doctor too. That poor asshole. That's what doctors have to do.

That's the Hippocratic Oath. You have to fucking do it. And they just killed him. My favorite thing about Booth was that he was an actor. Yeah. You know his crew, the nine other people involved in that conspiracy to kill Lincoln or whatever?

One of them was just legitimately a retarded guy. And you know how fucking retarded you had to be to be considered retarded? In those days? Yeah. You had to be super. I think Kurt actually does a bit about that. Really?

Yeah. Well, he does something about how the average IQ was like less than fucking 100 or something. So we should have had him on. Yeah. Instead of me accidentally doing his best. But, yeah, one of the guys was actually retarded in that, like... And didn't none of them, like, actually kill anyone else?

Like, he was the only one or something like that? Yeah, he was the only one. Yeah, I don't think they were a particularly efficient conspiracy. How is it that the guy who kills the president... He was just, like, really motivated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. it that the guy who kills the president He was just like really motivated Yeah yeah yeah Cause he wasn't in that play He was mad he didn't get cast in that play

I think too like It's true I remember reading They should have let him in that play He made it to like Southern Maryland And he was like Hold up in somebody's bar Or barn

And then he read the news Like a couple days later And it's like Nation mourns the loss of like you know The president And he was like i thought people would be happy about it he really was like upset that people weren't like calling him a hero he really thought yeah really misjudged the room yeah that's why it wasn't a

successful actor yeah who's your favorite assassination guy sirhan sirhan sirhan Sirhan I liked the Charlie Thibault who did Garfield He killed Garfield? He killed Garfield? What about Jim Davis? He ended Jim Davis' reign of terror There's a

Johnny Cash song about it and I probably would not know about the assassination of... Or, well, about the shooting of President Garfield. Oh, right, right. To try to get him. He took, like... He was, like, in the hospital for a very long time. Well, his doctors basically killed him.

Garfield? Yeah, they were not good at medicine. They did all this fucked up shit. What even was medicine? If they had just not... They just, like, threw leeches on him. Yeah, if they had just not done anything to his gunshot wound, he might have recovered. But they were putting shit in it.

And then they literally gave him a whiskey enema. They poured whiskey into his asshole to save him. They were way into enemas. They were into enemas and bleeding because they're like, oh, there's bad blood. We have to get that out. That was the doctor. How do you even become a doctor? You just say you're the doctor.

You buy a white shirt. You had to know how to read. It used to be a thing. Lincoln was like a country lawyer. I don't think they had bar examinations. It was just, you're like, well, I read the book. And then you could just be a lawyer.

Yeah, well, he worked. Was he like a correspondence course? Like, was, is it like the equivalent of like. I think it was more like you're an intern. And then like, once you've like. Okay. You're a, whatever it is. I was hoping it wasn't like Arizona State or something where he was like.

Yeah. Phoenix. Phoenix University. Yeah. He went to DeVry. I just can't believe Garfield was the president. Yeah. He missed that?

He outlawed Mondays. The six-day week. The subsidized lasagna. All the fucking corn subsidies went to lasagna. Could be worse. To Stouffer's. Well, I guess we should take a break. A little break?

That was, yeah, that was... It's got to be a quick one because we got, we both got spots we gotta rush to. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, we'll be back in two seconds. Okay, Explosive Impact

is basically gonna be a line of videos that I'm gonna be doing on basically rants. And, if you don't know

who I am, I'm formerly known as Dragon Kid. The reason why I closed that account on YouTube is because I used it as a ghost account. Anyway, first on the charges for explosive impact. Hackers. Everyone's hated to deal with these cocksuckers. You know?

And I've been hacked by at least 60 of them over the past five years ever since I turned the internet back in 2003. You know? Because of either something I said by a website, they were just boring. I had to deal with the same bullshit on a current chat, I still have to deal with the same cocksuckers on another chat I saw you on was Wiville and I've been hacked 45 times on that shit. Accounts and my computer. Just because of something I said. And also my avatar looked like shit. Why not? Can I ask you a fucking thing? Can I ask you fucking idiots? WHAT THE FUCK IS UP YOUR ASSES WHEN YOU DECIDE TO HACK SOMEONE'S COMPUTER DESPITE THE FACT YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO THE JOKE LIT SHIT? And you know, 456 viruses at the least I've suffered because of you fucking morons.

Over the past 5 years. And what sick pleasure do you fucking asshats have when you decide to piss off someone by hacking into their computer. And fuck around with their computer or an account that they have on a website. It's totally- what? I mean- and- and I also have the same problem with you hack-threadners! Same first question I asked! Why would you risk jail just because of what someone said in a video or something that person said in a chat? Why would you?

Oh yeah! Next are the friggin' charges for explosive impact. I just had an assembly on this exact same bullshit night and I almost vomited. I joined like secondary school. If you go to that school, you probably feel the same way. Cyber bullies! You know? I've had to leave like 50 chat sites just because of this bullshit. Because someone's trying to ruin their reputation just because I said something, or if I didn't give 400,000 big cash, or 400,000 websites for their avatar, or whatever. Again, referring to the chat sites I was on. And then again, but then again, and also, death threats, I'm constantly hearing,

directing on other people that they do shit. You know? And also threats to other females, of death if they didn't friggin post naked on a webcam, you know? I got two questions for you assholes as well. Why would you make someone's life worse than yours online? Or try to ruin another person's reputation. Why? To increase yours? No, you're just trying to decrease yours and also you're looking like a complete asshole, you know?

And also, if I recall correctly, you can go to jail for five years. Jail? What is bullshit? in jail for this bullshit. And another question, you dickheads. Do you have the exact same sick pleasure of doing this shit for no reason as hackers? If you do, please post and I will sure as hell report your ass to the cops, okay? I promise you, anyone that admits to cyberbullying and loves to do it for pleasure, please post

on this video so I'll track your ass down, okay? And that's all I have to say to you dickheads. For now, this is Jedi and Kazama logging out for now. We're back. We're back, baby. What were we talking about during the break? We talked about a lot of good shit. We had a bunch of great jokes uh that'll be uh

part of that deleted episode yeah if you become one of stavi's platinum or golden angels on patreon we should set up levels we should do actual things we already have one if it gets to a thousand dollars we're buying you hormones i'm serious did you not even check the page you shared it without checking it i checked it but I thought that was kind of like a bit. Do I actually have to get hormones? Yeah, sure. I mean, I don't know how much hormones cost. Probably more than a thousand, I'm guessing, right?

I watched the surgery of how they make a dick. Actually, just watch the how it's made. I went to the wiki how, and it was illustrated. Oh, man, those are so good they're so great I want to meet the person that draws them do you see the one to plan a family trip to Disneyland no it's like

nightmarish it's like more horrible than any like Ralph Steadman like art I've ever seen my favorite one is how to be dark it's like how to have like a dark personality and it's like Ralph Steadman art I've ever seen. My favorite one is How to Be Dark. It's like how to have a dark personality and it's like... Is it for goth kids? Yeah, it's basically how to be a goth, but it's

how to be dark and it's like, say sarcastic things all the time. It's just like a group of people and then one guy with purple hair and people aren't talking to him. One of them is like, one of them is just one of the steps is do things your own way and it's this like fey hand up close like limp-wristed hand i love that yeah there's like clearly a euphemism like when in in indiana whenever there's like a feminine

kid and like men wanted to be like not homophobic and supportive of it, but maybe like couldn't accept that. Like their, their boys, a little Mars pan man, they'd be like, well,

he's really artistic. He didn't do any art or anything. It was just like a weird guy. Yeah. Pretty funny. Pretty funny over there. Things your own way. Yeah.

Um, well, I guess, why don't we, what do you have going on? We're, like, wasting this guest. Yeah, yeah, you're much smarter than all of us. I mean, I guess you're here every week. I don't really, yeah. I'm here. I don't have a lot going on. No, I didn't mean like that.

I mean, like, you know. You smacked down that professor, man. Oh, yeah. You beat up a professor well i know how um invested your listeners are in marxist feminist economics oh yeah that's like every single one of them yeah so if you're uh picking up the boston review anytime soon i have a materialist feminist theory of misogyny in response to Professor Kate Mann's recent essay about Trump. And it's I'm not making this up, but it is real. First of all, Kate Mann.

OK. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, why should I even listen to a word she has to say? I'm with you. So what'd she say? Was it dumb? Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you so what'd she say was it dumb let's beat her up

she was like men hate women because of like weird resentment and that the enforcing arm of you don't actually want to hear about this you know who's the listener of our podcast Judith

Butler have you ever tried to read that yeah oh my god it's real boring the like the president the president of like academic queer theory and like modern the president basically like so like so it's you yeah yeah that's you it's you because you're because you're fucking queer gay bitch we have a specific tone to this show and you're really fucking it up for us man

Adam stop I tried to read it in college yeah why did you ask me this question Nick for Christ's sake I don't know cause I'm like

I'm burning up my fucking brain is melting well I'd like to talk about Marxist feminist Shulamith Firestone for the next 10 minutes yeah it's about filling that time baby

no we're filling that void, bitch. I have a, um, I have an advice column for the baffler that's more interesting. Okay, yeah, what's a good question? Um, recently, the one that's gonna run tomorrow is someone

asking what they should do because they think that their older friends think that they're immature. But he's not really close to these friends. But they're like, you know, maybe telling his other friends. And I had to be like, you're like 22 and like, you don't, this is not a problem. Your problem is not a problem. Like I had to be like, this is in the gentlest way possible.

Like this is boring and you should not care about this. He sounds immature. Yeah, I was just appropriately immature for his age. He sounds like he's playing Pokemon Go at the Holocaust Museum, if you ask me. I got to drop in Pokemon into the answer, too. Everyone I know playing Pokemon right now is 30. I'm not lying. Well, that's age appropriate. It's also the same

people going to see the Ghostbusters movie or not going to see it. People were mad about it. They're like, why are you playing a child's game? Then I was like, okay, well now I'm downloading it. Because instead of resentment for people who hate

fun. Yeah, well that's stupid to be mad at. Yeah. At people for playing a game. Yeah, well, that's stupid to, like, be mad at. Yeah. At people for playing a game. Yeah. But you know what else is stupid? Not paying respect to the Black Lives Matters movement. That's the hot take.

Well, that's what you're doing by going to see Lady Ghostbusters. It is true. You're basically saying Black Lives don't matter. I'm seeing Lady Ghostbusters on Thursday. The reviews for it are sort of mixed. It's good. That's what I hear. Really?

I have not heard that. I don't think it's going to be good. But I'm going to be on another podcast to talk about it as the other requisite feminist. I'm really excited for Lady Independence Day. I'm sure there's women in it. They got a girl, Will Smith. They do. Yeah. It's played by uh by uh his wife

jada pink jada pink jada jada oh my god yeah he has willow smith willow we all before we said it we all locked eyes and smiled before we said Jada 2 in the video. What did the stink? Damn, I love being smart as hell. I just really like being around my peers. Intellectually. Intellectually. We'll try and slow it down for you.

Okay. Yeah. What do you got? You know? Yeah. Do you want to see you want to see the lady ghostbusters movie with me i have to see it for a podcast i have to go i'm going to it on friday i'm gonna invite you to it on friday okay i can't you gotta invite

scott chaplin invited me i don't want to see it alone that's fine well scott chaplin invited me and i know the people he's going with people that like, we're going to it to have a problem with the movie. I'm trying to go into it with an open mind, but it's so clearly pandering. Did you guys see the BuzzFeed thing that was like, 10 ways you can support Lady Ghostbusters? Now I just call it Lady Ghostbusters. It's like they're treating it like go seeing a movie i'm not sure if it was a sponsored post or not but they're like oh this is like you know sitting at a lunch counter in alabama in 1963 no it's seeing a fucking movie exactly the only thing

about it yeah that bothered me is that like i first of all i thought it came out like seven months ago no because people have been losing their shit over it and it's like this weird cultural it's like the benchmark for like what kind of a person are you? How do you feel? But who even is losing their shit? I think, yeah, I think a lot of that is PR shit. No, no, no, no, no. I know women.

Some of them are losing their shit over Lady Ghostbusters. No, no, no. You mean like in the positive sense. Oh, I thought like the bros that have a problem with it. I think that's overblown. Yeah, no, that's a total. It's a false flag. I think it's like 12 guys on Reddit.

I don't think that's like. Yeah. No, there's anything else. There's no real backlash. But like there's like this kind of sort of reactionary feminist response to it is like, no, it's going to be so good. It's like it's probably not, man., it's going to be so good. It's like, it's probably not, man. It's probably going to be pretty bad. As much as people complain about baby boomers,

they didn't have to reboot fucking everything. Right, right, right. All it was was Sha Na Na, and that was it. That was the only fucking thing that they did where they're like, let's bring this back. And they were like, no, don't do that. And they're like, okay. And then they just made new shit.

And it was all good. Do you know the Pets movie that just came out is the highest grossing opening for an original idea? Like something that is not an adaptation or a reboot. How is that an original idea? I guarantee you it's the same story as Toy Story. Yeah, it's Toy Story with a dog. Which is less imaginative than Toy Story.

Toys are inanimate objects. Yeah, it's true. And they actually did it before with the Little Toaster movie, which was inanimate objects before. That movie was great. That was fucking dark. That movie was dark as shit. Yeah, it was bleak.

There's a song in that movie called You're Worthless. Yeah. It's called Worthless, where they're trapped in a junkyard and all these cars are being destroyed. And they're singing about how they had purpose in life and now they're dying. In real time. I had a friend who...

She's Irish and she'd never seen it before and she was like, I'm watching this American cartoon. What did they raise you on? This is dark as hell. Everything the Irish produce is incredibly fucking depressing. Angela's ashes? I think Irish people kind of hate

Angela's ashes. They think it's schmaltzy crap. Really? There was some Irish movie that was sad. I was looking at Michael Madsen's fucking IMDb six years ago. This is a great story. The last thing he was in at the time was some Irish movie where Was some like Irish movie

Where he's like He plays a boxer Like He beat his best friend to death Like by accident or whatever You know how that happens And that's like the first scene in the movie Where do we go from here?

In my neighborhood When everyone gets cancer In my neighborhood You had to fight your way out And that's when I started fighting. You had to fight? You ever see that documentary about that gypsy fighter? The Irish gypsy

fighter? Snatch? There was this guy that's like, they have these Irish gypsies. Yeah, the bare knuckle. The bare knuckle guys, yeah. And there's this one dude that all he does is bare knuckle fights, but he beat up a bunch of wolves one time. There was a time where a whole town was after him,

and he had to beat up everyone in the town. Do you remember when they made that movie with Liam Neeson? They're like, he's going to punch a wolf, and then everyone saw it, and he's like, he doesn't actually punch a wolf in the movie. Oh, The Grey. The Grey, yeah. What a fucking piece of shit. Yeah, you thought he was going to fight wolves, but I don't think...

He makes so many good movies. You wanted him to punch a wolf? That's what the trailer said, is that in this movie, he's going to punch a wolf. He makes a lot of good movies, and he also has pissed his pants in public numerous times. Really? There's like several photos. Depardieu pees his pants all the time. Depardieu.

I mean, the way on Depardieu's bladder, if he wasn't incontinent, it would be like a miracle. I don't know what's going on down there. I'm on the back of the Muslims. That's my Deppardue. That's your tradeoff is you get famous, but then you just pee yourself a little bit all the time. Would you do that? Yeah. I feel like I'm destined for that anyway.

I have to piss every 45 minutes. I was saying that the other day. I know Adam shit his pants twice in the last two years. Twice since today. No, I mean one time in my car. You shit your pants in my car. I more puked my face in your car. But you let a little shit come out?

Yeah. There was a little poop that came out. I have food poisoning. A lot of my friends, a lot of my adult friends have shit themselves in adulthood i don't know anyone that's accidentally pissed themselves it doesn't happen which is the last thing i can piss on the side sure but it's the last serious one who have like pissed themselves getting like drunk like passed out i've never done that really never once i pissed in my car one time but i like was conscious enough to pull down my pants

and then piss all over the floor of the car oh that's better one time my roommate in college got up in the middle of the night fucking pulled out his fucking pulled out his uh uh dresser stood up like oh yeah and then put but put his clothes in from yeah and then pissed on it no i know someone who did that with a dryer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I did that all over my laptop one time. I, like, woke up in the middle of the night.

It's like you're drunk and you understand there's a thing, you have to lift and, like. No, I started pissing on my laptop. I was like, oh, no, that's not right. And then I walked over to the corner of the room and started pissing on a sewing machine. I did see someone. Sew friend Dan, wake up, not even totally wake up, and walk over to an oscillating fan and piss in it. That probably sounded cool.

Was it going? That'd be awesome. I left the room. Yeah, no, it was going. Oh, I would love to watch that. I left the room, and i got in my car and i didn't come back you know what i love you know i love in like airplane when somebody's like the shit's about to hit the fan and then like shit actually hits a fan yeah and flies around

and it's like yeah like you they just put everything in there that they could like now i'm a fucking no effort to edit or maybe like a better joke would work here you know what i was talking about the other day um you know i think it would be funny do you remember oj's character in the naked gun movies yeah klutz yeah so i was just imagining him in jail just like tripping over things knives flipping all over that's how he accidentally killed nicole that's how he accidentally killed his wife He was like holding flowers And then like

Some sort of series Let me clip the end here It's really tragic Some Rube Goldberg sequence of events Led to the death of Nicole Brown Simpson Yeah the whole time that like That Looney Tunes like That song's playing

They didn't even fucking mention Leslie Nielsen in that five part Documentary series Throw it in the trash The OJ We had the show and now there's a documentary Because we have to reboot OJ too

He's the new Steve Jobs. It's just got to have like a lot of, a lot of bios on him. Very significant figure. When are we going to have a lady OJ? You know, Kanye said, Kim,

when it should Serena or Venus murder her wife, her white wife, one of them. Drake. If Serena killed Drake, Serena killed Drake that would be That would be female OJ Serena's the goat man she's the best athlete ever Oh my god shut up

Stop trying That's my take dude I wrote that in the Boston Review Here's my Boston Review It stinks Yankees Go Sox Okay It stinks. Yankees! Hey! Go Sox! Okay.

Alright, Jesus fucking Christ. And strong. Are they still strong? I guess, I think that that's expired now. I think people are back to disliking Boston. Because when the Boston bombing happened, Boston is like, as a city, is like the police. Where, you know, like after Dallas, they got a couple of days of sympathy.

Yeah. Yeah. And so after, after that, Boston had a little bit of it, but that's not going to continue. People went back to hating Boston, just like they hate the police.

Every time I go there, I'm like, this is the most unattractive city. And I'm from like an ugly place where people are like unattractive. Yeah. And like, you know, you move to New York and you're like,

people are so good looking. Yeah. Right. And like like it and i realize it's kind of like that in like most cities but like boston has the ugliest most miserable fucking people people yeah oh you mean like like they're how they're all racist i mean they're ugly on the inside yes but like also just i mean it's, the winter or something, and they just become, like... Yeah, they're just beaten down, and they just, like, scowl, and it becomes a part of their soul. I was, like, blown away by how less racist the South is than the Northeast when I, you know, moved to the South. In what ways? Well, it's just... You lived in Austin.

Yeah, but, I mean, even if you go outside of that and go around like Texas and the South, I mean, I've performed plenty in the South. I mean, I assume because there are like less black people in Texas. Well, it's all segregated. I mean, it's all like... Every American city is segregated. Yeah, but not like it is in the South. Except for America.

Except for New York. New York's maybe a story. DC's pretty integrated, too. No, it's not. We're literally pushing them out. Yeah, but I feel like it wasn't like that like York's maybe Astoria. D.C.'s pretty integrated too. No, it's not. We're literally pushing them out. Yeah, but I feel like it wasn't like that like eight, nine years ago. It was chocolate – I mean it was 75% black like 15 years ago or something crazy like that. Baltimore's super segregated.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean like in the south, it's like there's a dividing line. I mean Detroit's the same way where you have like one road where – I remember being in a restaurant like a block north of like 8 Mile Road and me and my friend went in there. And they advertise like fucking Coney dogs all over Detroit. Yeah, that's in Detroit.

Yeah, it's like Jim's Coney Island. There's all these places like Dan's Coney Island or whatever. What's that all about? Well, that's what I did. I went in a diner. After seeing it a it a million times i was like what the fuck is a coney dog and i said that and these like three old white guys were like oh man you don't know what a coney dog is like ah let me tell you it's got uh you know he said i don't know about your terrible depression yeah he's like it's a hot dog and it's got chili on it so i was like oh so it's

a chili dog he's like nah it's different it's got onions i'm like that's a chili dog it's got chili on it. So I was like, oh, so it's a chili dog. He's like, nah, it's different. It's got onions. I'm like, that's a chili dog. It's like a cheese. I'm like, you guys got nothing. You guys got nothing at all here. And you named it a different place. Yeah, right. It's not even a Detroit dog.

Well, then we started talking to him and like the guy was like, well, right now you're in like Warren, but you see that? That's like eight mile road. You do not want to go south of there. And we had like driven north from there. And he's like, it's filled with black people.

In Canada, they have a chain called Boston Pizza, which is like an American city that has no pizza, like no signature pizza. Boston Pizza? Yeah. That's insane. It's just a really racist pizza. Yeah.

I feel like the racism in the Northeast, though, it's more, you know, maybe it's not like holding prejudices or, you know, being or, you know, like. I mean, it's pretty. Holding onto stereotypes. It's because. Hostile here. Yeah. Well, it is. It's because you're like people are so butted up against each other.

So you're more likely to hear probably racial slurs here. But there's not as much of i'd say structural yeah that's structural racism you see in the south which is like oh that's from when these people used to clean your house right right yeah a black person can't be mayor that's the kind of racism in the south right exactly whereas they'll be really kind to you know to you i guess yeah or maybe not i don't know um i'm from indiana and it's like the south of the midwest like we revived the kkk after the headquarters are there we're like yeah huh my headquarters are the yeah yeah we're not even creative it's really different we're the lady ghostbusters of racism. Does Mike Pence want to be Veep?

God, I hope not. Adam, stop knowing. Sorry. Guys, you want to hear? This is something I heard this weekend. I walked in, or two weekends ago, I walked in on a room where there was a group of people doing cocaine, and the first thing I heard in that room was this guy saying,

Bro, Staten Island smokes the most weed. You've been holding on to that this whole time? This whole time. And then I was like, Oh, maybe because it's like the islands, you know, like Staten Island. We smoke the most weed. Staten Island.

The most airy, bro. Bro, Staten Island. The most airy borough. Staten Island has its own hashtag now. Yeah, best value borough. Hashtag best value borough. Oh, man. That's terrible. They've got their own hashtag. It's the borough in the white box with the black lettering that says, still technically New York.

Yeah, yeah. How annoying would it be to live there? It would be fucking brutal, right? Everyone I know from there hates it. Everyone I know from there hates it. They hate it? You have to take the ferry, right? Yeah. Is everyone there a firefighter? There's a lot of cops. Everyone's union.

Everyone's either eating a sandwich or they're a firefighter. Yeah, I'm in the same with you nick and i nick and i went to staten island uh when i first moved here to see the staten island yankees yeah and i'd go did we tell this on the podcast i think so jp sport man jp no we didn't four stories yeah pretty much i mean we didn't tell this on the podcast. No, no. We just talked about it recently. We told Felix about this recently. Oh, yeah. Basically, we were like, the Staten Island Yankees play the single A team for the Staten

Island, or for the Yankees organization. And basically, you just go up and sit like right up front. You sit in the dugout. And there was a guy on the other team, the Vermont River Monsters. a guy on the other team, the Vermont River Monsters. And they're like, coming up next to the stadium

announcer is like, short stop, JP Sportman. And so Nick and I were just, woo! Sportman! Sportman! That's an alien who fucking... Yeah, they're really phoning in the uh the what are the river monsters yeah yeah that's not

the burlington river monsters yeah there was uh there was a fucking some staten island dad with his like two sons and he's like harassing some guy in the bullpen he's like hey hey buddy hey can i get a ball for my fucking kid please you know the guy ignores him he's like yeah keep doing steroids then you fucking faggot right in front of his son's like right there and he's like so important in a young child's life for moments like that. Yeah. Keep doing fucking steroids. Yeah, keep doing fucking steroids. Like he knows about that guy. He's reading something. Yeah, blog accusing him.

He's wearing like an FDNY shirt with a smoldering Twin Towers on it. Jesus Christ. They really have not forgotten it, Stan. They haven't shut up about it. They cannot stop. That's the other slogan. Never shut up about it. Never shut the fuck up about it.

Hey, yeah, you're listening to the 9-11 podcast. Yeah, we do a fucking podcast every week about 9-11. We do nine hours and 11 minutes Bro, I don't think

you understand. Staten Island smokes the most weed. Oh. Out of all five boroughs. Is that what it is? Five boroughs? It wasn't just in the world?

No. No, I think he was claiming that out of all five boroughs. Is that what it was? Five boroughs? It wasn't just in the world? No. No, I think he was claiming that out of all five boroughs, it's in our blood. And I was like, okay. Heritage. Yeah. Remember that video of that angry Guido who was mad at his cousin for moving to Boston and becoming a Red Sox fan? No.

Oh, man. So there's a guy, and he's sitting in his computer and he's like on like a skype call or he's making a youtube video for his like cousin nick who moved to boston became a red sox fan he's just like pissed off like bro and he's got a friend in the background he's got his shirt off and he's wearing sunglasses and he's just like flexing or whatever and he's like you see this fucking patron it's all i drink it's in my fucking blood because i'm not a fucking faggot like you he's like screaming and threatening to kill his fucking cousin that's great that's good stuff well we've uh filled our contractually

obligated amount of time yeah uh get paid by anth. Yeah. Oh, I forgot to do the Anthony Cumia bit. Oh, yeah, yeah. Guys, this is why. It's Rod Rose. What we were trying to, this one was like high concept. What we want to do with this one is show you what happens if you guys tried to make a podcast. Okay? This is how it would turn out.

It would be complete shit. So you fucking donate the money because we're professionals And we need those tracksuits Actually Adam's got Adam has some fucking benefactor That's getting us I have a silent angel investor I love it He's an angel

Yeah well we're getting those tracksuits I guess And we're going to do a photo shoot with my new dog, Isis. Stop trying to get Isis in the mix, dude. Dude, Isis is the first lady of Compton. This isn't even discussed. I'm not even necessarily opposed, but you can't just say it on the podcast.

Wait, did you mention the dog on this one? Did you already bring up the dog? We brought up Isis. Your short-term memory is shot. I'm burning up, man. It's fucking so hot. Yeah. It's your Rastaganja mess. All I ate today

was like a bunch of chicken. Yeah. And I was gonna eat, I got no vegetables. Slamming over a hot stove. Yeah. No, I'm, I'm burned.

Time's your spot. We gotta fuck. Yeah, we gotta go. I gotta go bomb at this show. Thanks for having me on. Of course. Thanks for doing it.

Yeah, thanks for doing it. Sorry we didn't ask you about, uh. Yeah, anything. I don't know. didn't ask you about... Yeah, anything. I don't know. That's not... Karl Marx and the economy. That's fine.

Normally on Alpha Dog podcasts, they're really mean to the one woman in the room. Yeah, and I'm just supposed to go... Hey, what do you think, tits? That is my favorite part about all those podcasts is the girl that's like... Hey, juicy bitch. Yeah. Hey, hey, you with the pussy. Hey, vagina lips.

How many black guys were in there this weekend? She just makes like affectionately disapproving noises for like an hour and a half. What's that? She just makes like affectionately disapproving noises like an hour and a half. Oh my that? She just makes like affectionately disapproving noises. Yeah. Oh my God, you're my boys. Well, I used to have... We have fun.

They had Caitlyn on Race Wars and like her only role was to give the commenters something to get angry about. That's hilarious. Like pretty much like every episode was like, who's this fucking dumb bitch reading books on the show talking about book shit? It was great.

No, well, thank you for not making me the girl. Oh, yeah. We have a no-girl policy here. I mean, we have girls on the podcast, but there's no podcast girl. Appreciate it. Which makes it hard. You know, we've got to have somebody to shit on, and it used to be Seth. We need an intern.

Yeah, well, we need a new set there's a disturbance in the in the force in the electromagnetic fields yeah around earth but that's what i've been oh mercury and retrograde yeah the problem is that we're all bullies and if we don't have someone to bully then it becomes very difficult to you know reconcile our own lives which makes our terrible lives it makes it harder to like talk so i mean I mean, I, I, Seth, for me, you take him out of the picture. This is the first one where I haven't mentioned him. I think. Well, until now.

It's a lot. I'm glad I could seg you into that though. Cause it's really, it's your strong suit. You technically did mention Seth just now. Yeah. But it was, it wasn't anything mean. No. Yeah.

No. Um, well, Hey, perfect. That's it. Yeah, I know. Well, hey. Perfect. That's it. Bye. All right. Bye. See you.

Donate. Bye. Don't tell him to donate after. After that, I have to get more stuff like this. Yeah, all right. To get more good stuff. Adam, you want to say goodbye? Yeah, I just appreciate you guys for listening.

You're probably not listening at this point. Yeah, we've been close. No, I just want to see if I can get to a full hour. How close are we? We're like five seconds away. Oh, hell yeah. Cool. Anyone want to say the N-word?

Anyone want to be brave enough? On three, we all say the N-word. One, two, three. Ah, shit. All right, well, the final episode. We did it. Bye, three. Ah, shit. All right, well, the final episode. We did it. Bye, guys. guitar solo What do you think? Yay!