The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 121 – Stone Cold

Episode Date: September 19, 2018

we recorded this before the sesame street drama. once again ive willed controversy into existence. featuring greg stone

And we're having sex welcome to come town with special guest Gehrigary today's episode is brought to you by crackling oat brand. Oh really my favorite cereal You really like that shit. I love that shit crack My first favorite cereal is that that the little cereal I was even aware of And when you could that you could have a favorite and mine was crackling oat brand and it continues to this day Wait, is that is that's not grape nuts? Is it like a little okay great nuts? It's a completely different thing. Okay, it's a different brand. It's not the word that I said No, hold on hold on let me explain myself

Frosted What I thought it was was maybe a generic version of grape nuts. No, no, it's crackling up brand It's so it's his own thing brand not brand. It's like raisin brand without the raisins Um No, no, no, no describe it. It's uh, it's like circles, right? Brands sort of squared circles, but then it's yeah, it's oat brand compressed into like circular shapes Yeah, sweet grape. Isn't it kind of like grape? No, no, no, no, it's like it's like raisin like a bunch of grape nuts Well, it's like raisin brand if you crushed up the flakes and turned them into circles and then added some like honey or something

Okay, all right when my mom went on this health cake like that She stopped letting us have real cereal and by health cake We just never were allowed to have real cereal, but damn she would buy plain brand and then allow us to put a little bit of honey on it We'll see that I said Adam's I Jewish depression era Lower east side where they already eat cereal out of a tree one tenement apartment Back when the Jews were tough, dude, I love writing stories about that Yeah, I'm learning how to beat off the women trying to go to school. Yeah, they're about

Just women on the bus trying to go to school and the trials and tribulations of beating off to them Yeah, you only got a quick glimpse. Yeah, you know what I mean? Let the beat off to them real quick on the bus before he goes to his job Working for some Italian man that keeps calling him kike boy Yeah, you're never gonna afford the real cereal kike boy They're about six months where Jews were tough. Yeah, but they did boxing Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then we've been coasting off that reputation for about a hundred years since I know you Jewish slightly

Yeah, yeah, I feel like everybody was tough to you, but you too. No, I don't know. I just got that wild There are plenty of stones. It's like American men are so far removed from like the men that made American men have like The identity that I get shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm such a bitch, right dude I get sick every time I eat that I made delicious foods I'm legitimately been staying up terrified about this Australia trip looking at pictures of spiders on my phone Like the trip is gonna be fine. We probably won't see any spiders We do and I'm like, I don't think I can leave America Confines of American soil

No, dude, I need like days to recover from Eating too many po boys like I got sick again. Like yesterday. I was feeling kind of bad and I still feel kind of don't feel great I'm gonna go home and just fucking Just nap 16 minutes because you don't take your you don't take your pills. That's true I you're telling me. Have you guys ever finished antibiotics? Have you ever in your life finish the course of antibiotics never finish them? No, I do like three days in earnest. Nice, and then I'm done. Yeah Then I'm like I want to drink or something, you know, and they fuck you up like we're making super bacteria, dude But not finishing that shit. Yeah, that's why that's why I never treat anything. Nice

I just let things faster. I take them all one day. Yeah, that's smart whole thing, right? Really kill the shit. Yeah, you damn that would hurt Have you ever finished an antibiotic a course of antibiotics? Yeah, yeah, you do you're supposed to I know but I never do Why not because it's I forget I mean I can't that there's been I've been only prescribed antibiotics Maybe twice ever in my life. What? Yeah, really? Yeah, dude. I just you never got sick as a kid I used to get strep throat like every four months. No, I never get strep throat. I would get chronic science and Scientist infections, but I just wouldn't do anything about it. Mmm. Damn. I've been on antibiotics I wasn't really a Madison head, you know, it's kind of like you just you get sick and then you don't go to the doctor

And your way until it goes away. Yeah. Yeah, that's usually what I do, but yeah, I don't know It was it was interfering with my life. Mm-hmm. You know I'm saying I Finished all the medicine when I got shingles that one time I got shingles. Yeah, yeah, 80 year olds get back on the lower east side Italian man Meat hook We do we do it look we do one thing here Jew boy. We make meat hooks. We don't get diseases What's come from the lesser races?

They let you fucking freeze it out. They put you in the fucking locker Adam 1930s Jewish American story that the this in the second act him and his friends scare a Food cart guy in the heart falls down the stairs and crushes him Reform school being sodomized and mouth fucked by Kevin Bacon It's about you that is not a chill movie Bro, I haven't made it. It's really raping those children a lot. Yeah, it is cool when they kill Adam's Adam's life story the adventures of faggy Marsh Yeah, and then faggy it goes west I love talking about

We mentioned probably goes west maybe I don't know on 20% of the episodes That was my guy dude. I thought because I thought he was Jewish fuck. Yeah, and I thought I I've said this before but I thought Aladdin was Jewish when I was crazy. Well, he's wearing the little hat He's evil goes breasts. Yeah, we gave a guy grows breasts Do you think Aladdin was Jewish because he was stealing from a hardware? Oh, by the way, great stone is the guest on today's Yeah, we never do you guys plan things to talk about on your thing? We don't even have enough chairs. Yeah That's why I like I feel very comfortable here. That's the thing man real comics rift city, baby Yeah, you know think about shit you sit around with your boys. You talk about Adam's Jewish upbringing

Yeah, an alphabet city. Mm-hmm. His family came over from Latvia. Yeah I want my son to be a coward To be a coward that'll tell Don't disappoint me That is so fucking funny you went from just like The like dodging the Soviets like having to know how to use guns and shit right coming here opening a glove factory Now you're a podcast

Yeah dodging the pogroms. Yeah, we had this we had this Holocaust survivor come into school once and talk to us We were like fourth grade. Mm-hmm, and she was like, yeah, so the Nazis come and my mom gives me diamonds She said these are the family diamonds So I ate the diamonds and then when I get to Auschwitz I take a sheet and then I go through my sheet And I find the diamonds and I eat them again. We're like in we're like nine years old. We're like, yo, that's fucking gross You wait time it was just that bitch the whole time she's an Auschwitz. She would eat She's eating eating. She was finding the jewels out of her own shit The Nazis are just like okay, just let's just show people this

Were we wrong Yeah, they were like she they brought her to our school to like teach us like about yeah, you know She's like hold on shit diamonds into her own hand Once you get the taste for shit It's like bears and human blood once Jews pay shit diamonds, they can't stop eating them Shit diamonds for all of us to eat and she's got the shit smeared all over her face We got in trouble like the teacher got like we got yelled at for laughing at this Holocaust survivor Oh, yeah, but we're like, you know, we're nine

That shit. Yeah, just don't tell us about the Holocaust We're not old enough to know I want to go back and watch the seventh heaven episode where The son or the daughter discovers that there's a Holocaust survivor living like next door Oh, I don't remember that had the tattoos. She's got an Auschwitz tattoo. I bet that one's pretty funny Yeah, pedophile dad that whole show is so funny. Oh, yeah, I should I should go back and watch There's a video project. I wanted to do with that show that oh, yes Yes, I need to rewatch the show. Mm-hmm any excuse to rewatch all seven Minnesota seven heaven

Jessica Beal, right? Yeah, it was her guy kicked off the show for being too hot having big-ass titties. God. Really? Oh, yeah She was on seven heaven. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah She got her she's the daughter and then the son was that guy Barry She was a nice piece of a room her ass in the Adam Sandler movie, of course I do that's the only reason people watch that movie salute to yeah That was a great that was a great casting choice by the Chuck and Larry brothers. Yeah. Yeah, because it was like, yeah We're gonna watch her titties are not she's like in a wet bra on that you'd see her ass I love I she's in that Texas chainsaw remake, too. Uh-huh. I remember that

Did she ever show bear titties was critically paying definitely does I mean it's not bad skin right now The the Texas chainsaw remake it wasn't bad people hate it because there's no reason to remake the original which is like a masterpiece, but It's still good. Yeah, yeah, yeah solid movie. Yeah, early Ernie's great in it. Who Arleigh Ernie great name early Ernie Is that the army guy? Yeah early Ernie was the drill instructor. Yeah, you know early Ernie in full metal jacket Oh, yeah, there's like I'll rip off your head and shit down your neck that guy and the guy from my he was in the Neil Diamond movie Would Jason saving so thank you? That should be called the Neil Diamond I mean it's as close to a quote-unquote the Neil Diamond movie as you're ever going to get

There's not going to be another movie. That's ever made. That's even remotely in the territory of being what you about Neil Dymons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. That's a good. Yeah, that makes sense I wonder is Neil Diamond a plot point in any other movie that's ever been made There has to be at least one or two I told Evan Williams that Caroline's on Broadway was a Neil Diamond themed comedy club Like sweet Caroline and then that's why there's diamonds on the stage. He was like shut the fuck up man really That's fucking crazy, man No, of course not. She was nude in a movie called The Sinner. Yeah, Jessica Beal No, that's a TV show. Is that a TV show? She was hot. She pops titties out on a TV show. Was it on HBO?

Um, I don't know it was on like AMC, but they do what they want now. I remember she masturbates her little sister in that show as well How old is your sister? Jessica Beal masturbates her little sister. Yeah, yeah. Jessica Beal, little enough to be hot. She was nude in something called powder blue. Yeah, she was hot in that too. Yeah. Okay, all right. All right, she shows titties. I got a nice day ahead of me after this podcast. Actually, I don't I'm gonna stop beating off. Why? Because man, I um, it makes sex worse. Yes. I've been I've been back To myself dicking ways recently and I want to change those. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you might have another sponsor on the show at some point But I mean we're filled up. We're filled up as far as ad space goes, but they're a dick pill company dude. Yes, and we're good

We're losing whoever they gotta go. Betty is I can kick fucking rocks. No, don't say that. We gotta do that. Come on, stop. We can't make business decisions like this. No, dude, we can. That's the whole point of this fucking podcast is we just do dumb shit. First of all, I handle all this shit. Now we'll get us the dick pills one way or the other. All right. They can't pay us in dick pills. Wait, I think I know. Are they real? How about this bitch? They can baby and stop in dick pills. I'm not impotent. You can suck our now finally hard dick. Yeah, just our rock hard. One cheek each. I got the left. You guys can get dick pills. I just I'll take the money. You sell me the dick pills. I'll give you the money. There you go, baby. Actually, that's right. I'll flip some dick. I'm gonna direct. Dorn everything. Oh, my neighbor's back.

Dude, I used to think dick pills were kind of pathetic. But like, if you made a pill that just made my legs walk for me. Yeah. That's a great point. I've never had to walk. It's like, oh, yeah, I went on a 35 mile walk today. People are like, you're tired? Like, no, I just took the leg if I had. Yeah. And they just legs and walk. We went about dishwashers, too. I have to fucking do shit.

Yeah. We're gonna build a made my body do all the fucking fucking care. That's awesome, dude. Yeah. God, yeah, I took a so I was thinking of this girl and the first time we hooked up, it was fine, but it took me a couple go rounds to get my dick really pumping. What is a go round? Like, we're making out. She's sucking me off. We're about to fuck. Oh, nice condom on Susan.

As soon as dick skin touches latex, the voice starts. Yes, exactly. That's awful. It's tough. You know, getting up to get the condom and then your dick goes and I know it's a race against time. Yeah, miserable. Anyway, we did get we did get we finally got a nice the gun pressed firmly to your temple the entire time. You got to know.

There's one in the chamber. So finally, the first time we woke up, I get hard and it was a good it was it ended up being good digging. But the second time, the second time I was like, I can't risk this. I'm going to try some weird DP like juice that someone mailed me a random fan. And it did not work that night. And I was like, great, this thing doesn't even fucking work. And I couldn't even like that was a very pathetic showing. But I made up for it with a real marathon pussy eating session.

You know what I'm saying? And then I was just a get head situation. You know what I mean? We're both getting head instead of fucking. You're talking about it like what you had to eat that day. What the fuck I'm you know, I want to tell everyone everyone out there suffering from having a fucked up little dick that doesn't get hard that easy sometimes. I'm here for you. Representation matters.

Anyway, whatever it was fine. Then but that was so that was the night before I was flying to New Orleans. And so I'm like, man, that dick I can't believe that shit didn't work. I wake up from a nap on this. And I'm just wearing like basketball shorts on the flight and I am hard as shit. It like kicked in 18 hours later and just not in a sexual situation at all. Do you jack off on the plan? Stiff as hell.

No, just my dick hurt. It was that hard that my head is hurt. And there's just like a woman next to me. Like I was napping, bro. And it was just so you could just see my cock. And yeah, I did not do if you ever get a little bit of flaccid. I got this move I do every time I'm listening. So I just watch stranger things.

And then it's I don't know what it is about that show. Like I don't know if it's like the mystery. Something about that show gets me hard. It doesn't work. Have you tried visual stimulation? I'm really into that kid missing a tooth. The little boy that looks like a lion. I don't know what it is.

I don't know. There's something about it. I don't know what it is, but I get rock hard. Are there any other shows that maybe you have that same effect? Yeah, there was one with the old guy and he had these two black children. I don't know what it is, but that one too. What about the Brady Bunch? Does that ever work?

Only if it's weird because when the parents like it turned me off. I don't know why. Because they have so many rules. I don't know. That's pretty cool. I don't know. You know, but it's just like those random things I think are like. Some people think about baseball.

You think about children. It's not the children. It's media. It's specific media. I can see puppets because I watched Sesame Street. That's a good tip, man. I'm gonna try that out. No joke.

What about Breastamy Street? Breastamy Street, yeah. Would Elmo's tits be red? It would be like regular Black Lady tits. You're all f**kin' black! Puerto Rican. It's like Harlem. Yeah. Sesame Street is like 238 streets. Way uptown. No, no, they're Dominican. It's Washington. What comes after the damn Elmo? You stupid with

your big ass tits. First, they kept having neighbors to turn off the reggae tone. So they finished filming. Damn, Elmo. You dumb as shit with your big ass titties. Them big titties, Elmo, though. That's so big. So they have so Elmo's black titties. Grover definitely is black titties. stuff. Love against is already brown. Yeah. Big Bird is Puerto Rican. Yeah. Bert and Ernie are just gay men. Yeah, they are in the regular show. Yeah. God, I would love to watch that you can easily do

that. Yeah, I guess the internet's full of that. Yeah. Which one's the top and which one's the bottom? Bert's definitely the top. That's why Ernie's so chill. Oh, interesting. Bert's got all that pent up top. Bert is the Bert's the yellow one. Yeah. Ernie's the cool one. Yeah, getting fucked in the ass. Yeah, Ernie gets to be. Yeah, actually, you know, I think I fucked Bert. The Ernie gets to be fully gay, which is all he wants. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just to be fucked. Whereas Bert, he's

middle age. Now, I think Bert really, what he really wants to go do is fuck 17, 18 year old Twinks, which is in every gay man's heart. Yep. Just want to fuck young hot ass. Sure. Now they have to have relationships because they fought tooth and nail to get married. They could just be having that party off the books. Yeah, legalize it. All right. Well, there you go. Now you're stuck fucking Ernie because he pays half the rent disability checks. He gets not taking his

AZT. I don't know, man. I could see Bert get it being the fucking getting. No, no, Bert's like, he's too, he's too wound up. Yeah, like, maybe that's what it is. He's a sub. Because in his life, he's not. I mean, can you stop living out loud so much tops, tops, tops, tops hate themselves. Tops are like Bert because tops still have this like need to fuck, which makes some kind of not gay.

Whereas the bottom is like, yeah, just fuck my ass. Well, I was sashay around the apartment and not have AIDS or this is an interesting theory. Yeah, I told you 90 99% you can fucking bet on it. Bet on gay guys are the characteristics of other gay guys and you can bet on it about the s I dot com the number one premier sports betting website. I do not believe should kick rocks and be very clear. I love they can kick rocks all the

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If we're the dogs, take us. If we're the mind of a genius. And as you know, the NBA season is just around the corner. Can't wait. And Stavros and I will come in with some educated picks. Oh, yeah. NBA. Don't be gay. That's the motto. Yeah, that's right. And that's bet the asides.com and use promo code come 120 capital C lowercase um one two zero. And you get 120% bonus on your initial deposits. You put down $100. You get 200 and four some $280 something like that 40

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when you hear your family, bet the si yeah. All right. Okay. And we're back. And we're back. So we're talking about Oh, yeah. Bird is definitely a self loading homosexual. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ernie's at the party. I gotta rewatch. I gotta rewatch Ernie's on a float. He's wearing just like a silver thong. I guarantee you Ernie gets off from like just pure penetrate penetration, penetration, which is loves it. Getting fucked. Yeah. Ernie is all about. You

say you should get off sucking dick. I mean, if you were to declare that Ernie is in fact that homosexual, I would demand that he ejaculate from the top. The top also sucks the dick because they got to prep the whole area. Yeah, tops. Then they put it then really suck dick. They eat the ass and then I can see that meeting the ass. What do you if you just do it all? I would do it all. Yeah, get a little piece of fucked. I'd suck. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's the

thing, man. Yeah, that's this is why I acid it. This is why us straight guys can't understand the straight man would say that. Why don't you do it all? No, no, no. Some people have like specific things that they I don't know. I don't know if I don't know. That's why we're straight. Yeah, yeah, because we would suck straight up. Right, right, right, right. I'll fuck anything. I fucked a Wiley Coyote. I won at the boardwalk in Wildwood. Hell yeah. She was like my size. I cut a hole in

it. It was a man. It was anything. Yeah, it was a doll. I got really kind of hole in it and fucking yeah. Yeah, we I fucked two steaks. I never told you two steaks football player told me. Yeah, what a guy he goes a vagina feels like two steaks. So we took two steaks that were my father had fucking defrosting what a fuck of my steaks. Yeah. Delicious. Somebody somebody already prepped the Bernese sauce. I think that I think the first step of in gay sex is you lock eyes. And then the second

step is you say what part of the booty you from what where you from in Italy. Yeah, they say where their people are from. And then they just prep the area maybe do a little. Yeah, great riff. Let's go back to Greg is fucking steaks. So Greg was having sex with steaks. So I'm fucking these steaks. This is a wild story. I fucked him. And then my stepfather, he announced theirs and he was just like he literally was like what the fuck with the steaks. You got we got rules just right. You know, we

ate them. You ate the six. I'm not gonna admit that I did you watch the and he knew I swear to God he knew because he was making eye contact with me like now you've got to fucking eat them. Cooked them. You cooked it off. You cook it off. What do you want me? It was a game of fucking. He knew we all knew it was again, but nobody was gonna fucking admit it. So we

all you can and you all just crashed into your cock. That's like Bert's origin story. How Bert became gay and why is such a self loading homosexual is forced to eat his own body. Stepdad that is unfucking you wash the steaks. Yeah, he like put him in the oven. It's like a young a young wash them a young 13 year old bird like his friend just experimenting and sucking his friends dick. And he's like yeah, I don't know if I'm really into this, but I guess we can try it and his stepdad like

barges in. He's like what are you doing little fucking queer? Okay, we're gonna treat it like cigarettes. You want to suck a dick? I got everybody from the local 512 coming over tomorrow night for polka and you're gonna suck every one of them fucking cock. Young Bert being just brutally raped by an entire union. He thinks about that every time he penetrates Ernie's like who's gay now? Who's gay now? And Ernie's like I am Bert. Shut the fuck up. We're getting together Bert. Just shut up, Bertie. Okay,

I'm gonna go take a bath. That's incredible, dude. You didn't come on the stakes. Did you? That's what I was like. What do you think? Of course you did. So that's what I'm saying. Did you wipe them off or something? Well, like I didn't know it was like, you know, you fucked them and then you just kind of I was gonna, you know, you know what? What did you take? Did you wipe the come off? Yeah, where's the case? There was no come on the stage. Okay,

there's no come. You wiped them off. You wiped them off and like cock debris is all that's on the stage. Oh, so you think about it. The dick is like cleaner than most your body because like, you know, I mean, a dog's mouth doesn't have any bacteria. It's like technically the cleanest. My ass is so clean too, then. Yeah. Unless there was like some sort of toxicity to the peanut butter. That's why. So did you fuck them yourself or was your friend who told you about fucking

stakes there also? No, see, he wasn't he was like, he was telling everybody he was like the cool kid in town. And I overheard it. And I was like, well, I'll take this home. So this is secondhand knowledge. You weren't even doing to tell him about it. No, you just like, that's a good thing. I 13 12 young thrall third 12. How old are you now? 37? Okay, so I'm trying. I'm trying to place is this pre or post internet? Way pre way way pre. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Nice.

Wait, you don't have weird situations like that. No, because they get us Google, like, what is it? Yeah, there's eight year olds now that are like 37 year old homosexuals. They're like, Well, you know, I know exactly what I'm into. Yeah. Like I've been in a relationship with Marcus since probably last San Gennaro. That's where we met. I was with my family. I was seven. And, you know, we locked eyes. He was helping Tony Danza stuff cannolis. But you guys are younger. You guys fucked weird

shit when you were younger, right? I never really have pillows. Why not? I didn't even find I always just beat off. I like figured out how to beat off when I was like nine or 10. Oh, I thought about trying the American pie thing. But no joke. I was too fat to do that to a pie. There was one time where I very seriously considered fucking one of those. It wasn't a whole pie. I didn't have the, you know, access. But those little remember those little snack pies? Yeah. Remember

that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like the auntie, auntie grandma's. Yeah, yeah. Those are good. Those are incredible. They still have them at the Bodega. That's what pissed me off. Because when that movie came out, I had already fucked the stakes. And I was like, It's not a fucking pie. It's steaks. It's not a consistent pie. What are you doing? If one more time, we're going to ask you to leave the theater. You can't yell at the screen. Greg keeps pitching. Greg keeps pitching American

ribeye. Wait, it's the exact same movie, but he fucks two steaks. Yep. You don't even have their act. You don't even have character names. It just says Shannon Elizabeth. And the guy from the Neil Diamond movie. Fuck. Anything else? Was that the weirdest thing you fucked? No, not currently. Is it the only thing that you fuck inanimate that you fucked and then eat? Yes. That's the prick. That's the special. We're such great interviewers. Yeah. It's like we have a show. It's

like Charlie Rose, but it's Charlie Hose. He just pisses all over the guest's face. He's my guest today is Donna Taut, author of The Gold Finch. We're here to discuss her latest work in progress, the story of a boy who discovers his mother's love of ballet late in life and bonds with her over it. His me too. Donna, thank you so much for being here. Well, I'd like to thank you for for welcoming me to I'm sorry. Did I begin pissing all over your face too early? I

didn't know. Thank you. His me too allegations were so funny because he asked that staffer from his show to come over to his house and then he went upstairs and they came downstairs wearing a robe with his cock out in the middle. He's like, I don't. What's the matter? You know, haven't you ever seen a man wear a kimono before? I like to think it was totally tied up, but it was so short. His cock was just like half down. He came

downstairs and came downstairs and a loony tunes fitted in Stewie pajamas. What's the matter? Have you never seen a man in the Kmart loony tunes fitted in Stewie pajamas before? That was one of the first times a woman touched my penis is because I had these spongebob pajamas that were like this in college and I was too much of a pussy to like, you know, make you would pretend to be women's beds. So yeah, you threw out their mattress.

Dressed up like their their children's sheets that brought to college with them. No, but I just the fucking the button popped off my shit and my cock just popped out and it looked like I just made a very aggressive move and just pulled my cock out while we were making out, but she was into it. So I was like, nice. So thank thank the god. Thank the lord for that faulty button because I got my dick smurfed off because of it smurfed off. Yeah, she put it because it's small and

it's blue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no the circulation was completely cut off. She had to breathe life in. She was just like a dodging blood into it. She wasn't it wasn't even sexual. It was like a baby that's born like premature. Were you like this is back when you were like 360 huh? This is back when you were like 360. I was 75. No, this was right now. Yeah, dude, the weight of the Xbox 426. I was pretty fat. It's probably about as fat as I

am now. Yeah, you were so fucking fat when we first started hanging out. It was so funny watching you walk through your car. I remember my friend Brendan being like, I don't think he has knees, but I had strong resilient knees. The knees of a warrior. The kind of knees that you know you motherfuckers could never support that kind of weight with your little bitch ass knees. Yeah, I mean we could have we had to like and spend a

lifetime morbidly obese. No, you could not. You have women's knees would buckle under the weight of all the fucking beautiful fucking look that much warrior. No, you're forgetting. I do have a hundred and forty pound weight vest that I can wear. I used to I loaded that shit up and I'd walk around it and I'll be like, damn, this is his life every day. I guess that would put me at three hundred pounds. Yeah, or it would at the time. I've slimmed down quite good.

No, I was I was not that fat. But yeah, my dick popped out of those. I gotta get those sponges, but they're very comfy. That's gonna be my move from now on. We're pajama pants and have my cock pop out. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, little cock flopping. You figure it out, baby girl. Mm hmm. Do from here. Should I get a tent? I'm gonna do the Bobby Kelly move and get into camping this fall. No, fuck that dude. Camping is fucking gay. No, I like that's where it's at. Getting an RV

getting an air stream. Don't put your sneaker on the couch itself. It was for the art, man. I apologize. Yeah, it won't happen again. But you know, I had to get in the far position. I'm already upset about people spilling oil on my fucking. Yeah, but would anyone have guessed that I was not one of those people? No, I didn't accuse you of it. I didn't even assume that you had done. No, but I'm saying, I mean, I probably did it. I don't think it was anyone. I'm pretty proud

of not spilling oil on the couch. Yeah. Anyway, look, one more question about a piece of linguine maybe. Nice. You know, you open up noodles and it just splashes all over the place. I have to take my glasses off when I eat because I'll just splash food all over. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm a fucking dumb ass. You know what I'm saying? I really want to know one of these mental retards, you know, the psychology retard. I want to know what else Greg has fucked, man. So

Greg, you know, the stakes, of course, the stakes and why the coyote mattress always go with the mattress. You know, you those are probably the weirdest ones, right? But it hurts because it's got that metal lining. And so on the box spring. Yeah. I had heard someone fucking mattress. So I tried and I was like, Greg, did you see the video of the man with Down syndrome in Saudi Arabia fucking the front of the car? Oh, it was incredible. It's so funny. It's this guy with

Down syndrome. He's got to be four feet tall and he's watching a video of like watching porn and he's just fucking the the front of a car. Daylight and daylight and this guy comes by and like looks at him and he looks at the guy and then just goes back. God bless him. The guy knows what he wants. He does what he likes. Yeah. What we guys talk about with his model. Who's this model? There's a down fashion. The fashion industry is now like trying to ramp up in she's

not even the hottest girl with Down syndrome. There's hotter down. That's my that's my problem is like even in the world of Down syndrome, you picked like a three. Oh really? She's not hot. No, she's not that hot. Maybe I'm just thinking of the hot Down syndrome girl when I said I would fuck. No, so yeah, I like that. Like you hear model with Down syndrome and your job as a stand-up comedian is to like be like, okay, how can I criticize this as a

professional comedian? You can't just be like, oh, good for her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, it is. I just googled hot chick with Downs and you get a whole bunch. No, that was not really for me. She looks like well, that's a baby. Let me see. It's hard to tell if it's like a what's Sherrio Terry doing now. She's probably insane, huh? Yeah, probably. I don't know. I think that look at her. She's believing in the wind, you know, not not into it. Yeah, that's

her. It's like, you know, that's yeah. Yeah, I guess this is her. There's a hot one. Oh, she looks like a child. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's not whatever. I mean, sorry. I don't know why. What was I? Yeah, it was weird. Like, oh, I guess she walked in New York Fashion Week or something, but I watched an interview with her and her mother and her mom's clearly evil. And she's not really. Yeah. I mean, she's like, she's like, um, yeah, she really loves Victoria's Secret. We're

going to try and get in, you know, some Victoria's Secret ads. That's weird. She's like, yeah, people are looking at her not because of, you know, her mental mental defect. No, but they're looking at her because she's a celebrity now. Oh, but it's like, it's like, you're just she's just a stage mom. Yeah. And then she she's like, they asked her questions and she was like, she can't really communicate. Like her mom is basically, I guess there was like a picture,

like a before and after picture of her that like went viral in the fashion industry saw it and they were like, we need this down center. We were like, thank god. She walks down the catwalk looking like she thinks she's supposed to be stomping cats today. It seems incredibly exploitive and it's presented as it's presented as inclusive, you know, but well, I think it's ableist not to one. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to protect that girl. Yeah. By

criticizing her and calling her a heavy-footed drunken pony. I'm trying to protect her from her exploited mother. We're not the bad guy. Obviously, doesn't care about her as much as I do. The observer of all of this. Yeah, it's you think if anyone was arrested for having sex with a mentally disabled person, their defense would be like, you're on or that pussy ain't retarded though. You know what I mean? You think that would stand up in court as being a classic David

Tell joke? Yeah. Is that really a retarded? I mean, that's like an Adam Freethlin level. No, I mean, what? I think I was, you think I listened to David Tell? No, I think it slipped your mind that you just didn't. Yeah, we're talking about that bit on the show before. Yeah. It's the truth, you know? No, but let's be fair. Let's be fair. Stop. If Adam had just said that, you would immediately jump down and start. I would. You would have. That's my job and you

would have joined me. You know that, you know that. Listen, eventually I would have joined in after a couple minutes. I would have been like, all right, let's if you didn't talk yourself out, I would have joined in. No, I'm going 12 rounds. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's it's nice, you know, to have that reputation of of a remix comedian and you did it to yourself. You did it to yourself by doing those things. So yeah, but the funniest part about that girl just going

back to that retarded is that she has down is that she has down. So no, that's the funniest part. No, in high fashion. I considered all of it and the funniest part is her face in high fashion. The program was going to do the computers. The funniest part is how wide her neck is. No, the funniest part is that, you know, high she has traps like Tom Hardy and warrior. They do dress like actual models in runway shows,

kind of like retarded people. Yeah. So it seems like leaked. It kind of does look like with her wearing the clothes like, oh, this is extra wrong. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, you're trying to get the whole thing about being a model is like you want people to fuck them. It's like you that's why you just want people to hang the clothes off. Yeah. Yeah. They're like that's why they all lie. Yeah, they have no tits. Yeah. There's six to you know, they're not ugly.

They're all they're like level of you want to fuck them. No, I literally I mean, you think models aren't you. There's not a single supermodel you could point to that I would look at and be like, wow, I really want to know that there's something that I'm okay. But first of all, it's true because I'm saying no. No, no, no, no, no. You're lying to yourself. No, I'm not. There's never there's not a single model that you would really supermodel. No, we are banks in a prime.

Come on, bro. Yeah, no, yeah, I would fuck tire banks today. Heidi Klum. Heidi Klum. Yeah, Victoria. No, oh, get the fuck out of that one. Leo, the Israeli Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah, Leo. You gotta be you gotta be you gotta be bar raffielli 200 at least 220 pounds. They're gonna be like, damn, damn. Yeah, but like, I guess they're like, I guess they're trying to not have those kind of women anymore. My favorite is that underwear company. The underwear company

that's giving Victoria's seat quote unquote a run for their money, according to like Buzzfeed or whatever. Mack, well, no, they had the the advertisement with like the girl with Down syndrome, and then the girl next to her has a colostomy bag. And then the third girl just says vitiligo. And it's like, imagine like you're the girl with vitiligo and you're showing up to that shooting, they're like, we're trying to showcase people that are just like severely

disabled. Yeah, just like the fucking most abject, you know, just freaks that you can fucking find carnies, somebody with a genetic disability that's going to shorten their lifespan and they'll never be able to live alone. Another person that shits in a bag everywhere they go, and you the girl with skin that's kind of splotchy. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the Italian guy who shows her the diversity show. Yeah. Anyways, now we can talk about precious underwear. I love precious

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searching for dimwit on X videos? So it says dimwit panel, a panel sex, which I've never heard that used as a term before. Panel, panel and one word anal. Like, yeah, that's a sure it's not penal. No, yeah, I thought I penality of anal. Yeah, yeah, pain. No, it was like panel assets, which is kind of redundant to be sure you have the anal element of the panel. But yeah, I thought it was really pretty novel. Yeah, I've seen panel thrown around. You've

seen panel on my favorite. I saw on X videos one time I saw German porn and the title was just titan potty, but one word German word for a titty party. Hell yeah. That's my fucking political party when I started to be the titan. I'm moving a doodle door from a private titan potty. Yeah, I saw we're the titan party socialists. It's like, not technically. In fact, there's a lot of misunderstanding in terms of what socialism meant back in those days. That's

right. Where you guys getting your porn from? Where do you go? What's your state? I just want a new site. I've been getting back into the imagination. No, you haven't. Yeah, I have. Really? Yep. That's what I'm trying to do. I guess I haven't beat off in a couple days. I don't even know what happened. What's with you guys challenging me on the well, I stand by my classic line. I don't that that is a weird. That is a weird challenge to use your

imagination. Yeah, I can't. Why can't you see Nick getting into it? Tell you what, dude, I know I seriously have been and my dick gets harder using my imagination. It takes a while because at first you can't do it. Yes. And then once you can, it's like, oh, that's been the problem is that I'm like, I have nine different cams open at once on chatterbait or whatever. They're like, I'm masturbating to it's like, I'm like the architect in the matrix. My penis will become

hard before I even come before before my penis is even become hard. I've already come. It's a foregone conclusion. What is he's a vis-a-vis my balls of a jacket. There you go. But yes, no, you're right. At first, you cannot get hard at all with your imagination once you break through that barrier. You are the sixth generation. You are the sixth iteration of this hard on today. And I will beat you off and I have become very good at it. Yeah, for me,

jacking off is like a sweet treat these days because I live with my girlfriend. So, you know, I can't jack off while she's there. It's rude. It's it's it's incredibly rude. She's constantly jacking off while I'm there. Really? Yeah. But I have to accept that. I have to support that. When I went back to my parents last week, I jacked off like all day long. I'd like, you know, jack off in the middle of the day. I told you guys, I told you guys, I'd use that fucking lotion that

my mom had. My mom had my mom had CBD lotion. Like had menthol on it and he put it on his dick and then cried. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like for an hour, like my dick was in pain and it was about to be Rosh Hashanah dinner with my parents. Rosh Hashanah. What do you have to say like that? That's it's Hebrew. Say Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah is not how you say it. I don't give a shit. It's Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah. I stopped over here talking

about Yerosh or whatever. He doesn't do that. He says Jairos. He doesn't say Jairos. He says Rosh Hashanah. Every once in a while, I say Yiro, but I usually say Jairos. Yeah. He says Rosh Hashanah and he says Jairos. I'm not lying. You're lying. I do all the time. You're doing it because you think you're better than everybody else with your special holidays. I have my own holiday. You know what the holiday tomorrow is? What? Martin Luther King. Martin Luther Vandross. Yom Kippur. The

Day of Atonement. The Day of Atonement. And I have to apologize for people I've to people I've heard. That's Simpsons episode where Principal Skinner's on the phone. He's like, well, I understand the parents are mad, super intended chalmers, but I mean, it sounded so made up. I mean, Yom Kippur. I have to apologize to her life that I've heard that you've wronged, which means that you guys are going to be getting phone calls tomorrow. I can't wait. Yeah. And I'm going to say I will never

pick up my phone when I see your name. I'm never. You pick up all the time. I'm going to call up and I'm going to tell you Nick that I apologize for nothing. Absolutely. Now I want that apology. Now you want to apologize. My sweet apology. I apologize. I didn't know was coming. I'm now furious. I've been denied my apology that I'm owed. Yeah. In terms of pornography sites, though, Greg, yeah, I think we're it sounds like we're all just X videos,

X hamster video. I don't like to let you in on some little secret. What is with the rating system on shut the fuck up X and X X dot com. I've used that one. Shut the fuck up. It's an aggregate for all the other aggregates. I think it's just X video. There go. There go. We have become a very good really. I thought X videos was Oh, I thought it was just X videos, but maybe I just find all the same videos because it's an aggregate. Why is porn hub like the top videos on porn hub are

like 78%. The rating system on porn hub at the curve is like a lot more worst jacking off session ever. Yeah, those guys they have like comic book guys that are like it's so funny that people that rate like yeah, like yeah, who's giving it the thumbs up and thumbs X videos is like everything. Yeah, all our fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ, my become podcast is late and this pornography is not not as good as I would like it to be. It's labeled panel, but she's

barely screaming pain. I like our comic book guy easily becomes Jimmy from South Park. Yeah. Bit bit bit bit bit way is the pornography is good as it should be. Hey, hey, hey, Timmy. Are you you beating up today? What do you use to jack off Greg now that you don't fuck steaks? Well, man, I do the lobster tube lobster. Actually, at first I thought you were describing a physical thing and I'm like you don't fuck lobster. Who just takes discarded

lobster shells. That's a website. Yeah. And I was first I was scared because like I don't want anything to do with a lobster involved with but it is just like a pretty good site. It's pretty important that they don't update it fast enough. But besides that lobster lobster because it's red and they didn't want to copy that you know red to make sense. That's what I think it is. They use a lot of red tube things in there. I said that red restaurant red lobster. I was

always like that's what it should be. Yeah. Yeah. As opposed to what? Yeah. Right. Exactly. What the fuck are you talking about? It's supposed to be fucking red. Yeah. That's a good closer dude for your act. Yeah. What's going on with your act now? Is this still the story about? No, I'm not. You can stop it. Stop it. Because of these fucking clowns. They just repeat everything you say to me just a thousand times a day. These fucking fat guys just telling me whoa whoa whoa.

I'm having a set of a closer for me. It's a point for you to make in three weeks on this show. Stop it. I just hear poo poo kaka a thousand times a day. Because they made fun of it. No, I didn't make fun of it. Yes, you did. No, what are these podcast guys did? Those guys roasted you. Those guys got it. Well, they roasted all of us. But like effectively they did. They played it. Look, they've reviewed our podcast. They played one clip of one line. They're like now

you probably think that these guys they're stand up isn't so much similar to the podcast. But here let's just this is Adam Friedland from the show doing stand up. It was a five second clip and it was you probably think it's like, you know, more mature or whatever or not. Let's hear Adam Friedland stand up. I do that poo poo pee pee poo kaka my kaka a bunch of shots out to everyone who saw me this weekend and came up and was like, what's his name? Yeah, I forgot that bit. I forgot

we were doing what's his name is so goddamn funny. Yeah, my parents, my parents and I went to the New York New York casino. What's his name out of context? What's his name is the funny is very funny. It is good. Yeah, whatever. So yeah, fuck those. What is this podcast? Yeah, actually, I like them. What's the I think they're good is this podcast of these like two dads and like Buffalo New York to the two funny guys that are good at chill. Yeah, they review podcast. They make really

good points. Yeah, especially about stand up comedy. They reviewed our podcast and they just could not. They just they got so upset. They're like, first of all, they don't see their names at the beginning. Okay, so how do we know what's going on? They don't even know what these guys are. They don't have a legitimately. I fucking laugh my ass off when they're like, look at this, somebody just shows up in the middle of the show. They're not on Mike and they have a separate show.

It was actually like really great. Listen, you should get that bump. You should get them to do red dude. Yeah, but I guess that would have to happen like organically. No, of course, you don't reach out. Yeah, Greg, you should pose as your own speaking, which I rewatched. It was like in 2013 vice did like a little documentary on like the on who is dad boner. Oh, this guy Mike Burns that had the Twitter account dad boner, which is like that video is perfect example of why

you should never do anything fucking sincerely as a comedian mistake I've made in the past. But if you ever like take your bullshit project seriously and talk about the creative process, there's no way to not look like a fucking stupid ass. And then that yeah, there's one part where he's like, you know, at the time on the account, I had like 200 followers happen totally organically, zero retweets, zero ads. Oh man, please delete this. That's rough. Yeah. I

don't remember dad boner. Is he still around? Oh, I have no I mean, yeah. Yeah, it's not that guy's hilarious. Funny shit. What's that about? Yeah. It was one of those guys that came out of that like something awful like fiat forums. Those are the people that were like the funniest on Twitter in like 2012. Yeah, it's kind of fine. Yeah. Yeah. Funny shit style of comedy. It's not like that Jew guy, which Jew guy fat. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what he's in.

That's what Greg's into. I saw that guy walking. I saw that guy walking around Clinton Hill and I really got upset. You should have fucked him up. No, it's on site. Fat Jew. If you ever see me on the fucking streets, bro, go the other way. It's on site. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna fuck your ass up. That's a fucking threat, brother. Fat Greek. Yeah, I'm the fat Greek. Yeah. Fat Jews. I guess he's like there's like a click of like New York City meme people that just steal, you know,

comedians suck so hard memes. Yeah, there's a bunch of fucking losers. Jerry, the guy Jerry. Jerry. Oh, Louis Katz is asking me if he can come on the show to promote his album coming out at the end of October. So I just said I'll promote it now. Okay, sounds good. Louis is great. And we're on the street. Yes. He's in the titty milk, which I want more information on. Somebody told me that and first I was like, that's fucking because he's like looks like. Yeah, he does. So

you don't imagine that he does anything sexually. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I guess he was into titty milk. Yeah. And and then I heard subsequent to that that it tastes like cereal milk and I was like, what? Yeah. Well, maybe Lou is on to something. Yeah, I was going to talk to that, by the way. Oh, were you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe we should get him in the mix. Louis the best. You know, Louis. Shut the fuck up, man. Greg. All right. Tell us who the fuck to have on the fucking show.

All right. Fuck you. It's a fucking Corolla. It's a fucking Corolla, Greg. Greg accused me of driving a Sentra. Can you believe that shit, dude? Oh, no. Take it back, motherfucker. Go fuck a couple New York strips. Yeah, man, I will. Yeah, maybe you fucking should. Yeah. What kind of steak was it? Because Adam and his lorry side upbringing could only fuck brisket. He's a London broil. We had to fuck old beats to pretend they were these

beats. The beats were steak, but all we had money for was old beats and shoe. Maybe we live in poverty on on Orchard Avenue where my family we we we fuck whatever produce we could find even though we only own 17 buildings. My grandfather apparently his family was super poor and they had borders like they rented out rooms in their house to like make the rent and he claims to have fucked like a 25 year old woman. Yeah, I know. We're talking about this. This is

that's pretty cool. Yeah, he raped. He raped her. My grandfather was 12. My grandfather grew up very poor and he raped so many girls and this poor woman was seeking shelter in this dilapidated Jewish home and then just a fucking horny ass teenager comes into a room ties her up in the middle of the night. Teenager is 12 and has his way with her. This is in the 30s. When you're 12, you're 32 at that point, dude. So yeah, pretty cool thing to be proud of.

Might have been the 20s. Pretty cool thing to be proud of that your grandfather sexually assaulted a woman. Can you stop saying that about my grandfather? You brought it up dude. I just brought it up and described it just didn't put the right label on all these people. Yeah, my grandfather, he actually held down and fucked a four year old Chinese girl a gunpoint. Your grandfather raped a four year old. Come on, dude. You know people aren't going to let me live

that down. No, he did. No one in the Friedland family has ever committed sexual assault. Is that what you want to hear Adam? Do you want us to cut this part out? What? Huh? No, because they think for some reason they sign if you want us to cut out this when we cut an episode and for some reason some people think or maybe because you guys said it that

the reason we cut it was because my grandfather, we talked about how my grandfather raped. No, we did not say that. That's what people think. People think that. And then I was like, oh yeah, we got to cut this because it's a deep family secret that my grandfather, he wasn't a very nice person, but he's certainly not a rapist. I don't even like it. That wasn't why we cut the episode? No, that wasn't why we cut the episode. We cut it for like a

different reason, but for some reason the next episode we're like, yeah, we had to cut that because we were talking about Adam's grandfather. And then just people are like you commit raping your family besides me. See, Adam, that's how you handle that kind of question, man. Thank you. Yeah, I'm sorry that we're ruining Roshanna. Roshanna. Yum Kapoor. Yeah. Oh, don't think there's too many vowels.

Don't you? We can cut a couple of them out. Yeah, you have to buy a vowel in real fortune. That's great. These are consonants. We'll go all con. That's why there's no vowels in the original fucking Old Testament. It's only consonants. They cost too much. Yeah, they don't have spaces or vowels because it's too expensive. That's true. There's no vowels in the Hebrew language. Yeah. It's just drawings of like would you like to buy a vowel? Absolutely not.

I've got a coupon two for one valve. Oh, a wheel of fortune. And then they see where it says bankrupt and they're like stay away from that wheel. I don't even want to key a Sonata anymore. Let's want to add that my only contribution to this podcast has been I masturbate to stranger things. Fuck two stakes. Yeah, I admitted to rape. That's what we call the fucking dog trifecta. You've already contributed so much more than

me. Yeah, that's a that's a brilliant contribution. That's rich. That's three for three. The thing you ate the stakes you jacked off with. We all ate them. Yeah, we all ate them in a way. We did man. And you're from New Jersey. Yeah. Yeah. Are you from New Jersey? No, no, no, no, but you said Wildwood. Yeah, Wildwood, New Jersey is that was at your beach. It's one of the many beaches. Yeah, jerseys got a lot of beaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever hit up OCMD? Yeah, I

think I have that place with the secrets secrets secrets. Of course. That's where come fest is going to be secrets is the best. I mean, I made that with three women in one night. That's a lot for a secret. Yeah, not a fuck. I'm scared, but like you could come in from the sea like it's got a beach entrance. So we came in via boat. I just saw some girls like what's up and she was like what's up and then we started making out and I was like that's what happens when you come in

via boat and secrets. Yeah, those things secret like Adams family. That's where his grandfather hang out. He's hanging out. He wasn't that cool of a guy. You can just make up within the girl you want. They can stop you. How many girls have I raped? One, two, three, five, six, the count. Yeah, two hours later, 273, 274. That that would be such a slow count. Yeah, two hours later. He's only he's only 273. He just stopped to think about how much he liked raping for an hour and a

half. And then he finished. We have not there's nothing official on the books about come fest being in secrets, but that's that we got to make it happen. That's a dream. We got to have come to this. No, we could do that. We could totally book a festival at secrets. We do come fast. I should do come fast. Yeah, I know like off season. Yeah, December, the winter, freezing cold on the beach. We should go. We should go like ocean birthday or my birthday. We should do

come fast at Ocean City in December or February. Yeah, dude, just bring that. Get a van. Bring that comics from New York. We like, you know, just put on like just do it like Greg's there. There's 35 different showcase shows with the same seven comedians. Just a different spot. Louis coming up. Okay, we're going to put you on first and it's like, Louis, this is just you pretending to be good at logistics. Yeah. And all the stages have to be named after our sponsors. Yeah.

Of course. Yeah. All right. Well, that's the show, everybody. Get excited. Get stay tuned for come fast with secrets in Ocean City, Maryland. But no, we don't yet. Okay, but I know about what the November Nashville. Oh, yeah, all of those. Nashville, Atlanta, Charlotte, Charlotte, Chattanooga, Hattiesburg, Vicksburg, Bull Run, Bull Run, Appomattox. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're doing a whole simple war type, but for real this weekend, please come to

Chicago and see me and in Detroit. I sold the Friday show was sold out on the 21st, 22nd. There's two Saturday shows. Let's sell those motherfuckers out at the Lincoln Lodge and then in Detroit in I'm on there on the 23rd of Sunday, a weird like six o'clock early show, but come hang out and then maybe we'll have time to do stuff later. And then the next day is funny mom's next day's funny mom's on the 24th and of course, listen to the motherfucking rad dude cast

with our boy Gregory and our other. We had such a blast with you and Brandon. Brandon was fucking great. That was a great yeah. You should have been more like Brandon. Yeah, I know man. I was a little tired. Do you have any plugs? Do you have anything to plug? Check out the red dude. Also, yeah, on the brain when we talked about how you're the funniest guy in the world. Oh, really? Yeah, we sucked you off pretty good. Maybe not on the show, but I know you did great. That no joke.

That fucking steak story is hilarious, Greg. Oh, thanks. That's one of the funniest things. It's great. Yeah. So listen to that. Anything else, Greggy boy? No, man. That's this. This is the rad dude cast. That's all it means anything to me. Greg's that I do. Dude cast making their podcast festival debut at come fast. That's 2022. Adams dead surprisingly me and stop are the ones that live. Yeah, that would be wild. Yeah, stop gets kitchen sober. I get mine

sober, bro. If I could clean. Yeah, I mean, anyway, can you imagine like if you went on like a like a Matt Kazam juice bender? Hell yeah. And like got real thin. You're one of those like three years of my life. This pussy necked fat guys. Yeah, like your head, your skull already is the biggest guy who Matt Kazam. Yeah, didn't he move out to Vegas? Maybe I don't know. He's good. He's a good guy. I like Matt. But that he got really into juice and it's like

whole social media presence was like, guess who's making juice? Yeah, it's like juice again. And it's like, yeah, I understand you're not fat anymore. But I know I'm scared. It looks like shit. I'm scared of that. That exact thing that pussy neck thing like fucking what's his face from a pen and teller the guy who wasn't pendulum. Yeah. Well, his next straight looks like a but here's here's the thing. The older you get and stay fat, the more your risk you are of that if

you ever lose weight. True. If you just never stop, you're gonna die at like 34 probably. No, I'm not 34. If you continue living your life this way. 56. 56 at least. You think 56? Yeah, for sure. No way. Come on, Bobby's still alive. Bobby was not fat his entire life. That's true. But he's got very fat. You need to look at Belushi and Chris Farley. No, they were also doing drugs. I stopped doing cocaine. You weren't doing that much cocaine. Yeah, but I

don't do it anymore. What do you mean? You did cocaine like once every two months. That wasn't the thing that was bringing bad for your heart. That's what killed those guys. So is eating a shit ton of food all the time. It was speedballs more. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people did as much cocaine as Chris Farley and Belushi and that didn't kill them. It was definitely the fact that they were fat. Yeah. Fat plus cocaine. Yeah. Only fat. Yeah, but make it to 58. Look,

man, you're losing teeth. You're losing the ability to walk. Nothing to do with you being fat. That is not that is not being because I'm fat. That was this freak accident. Technically, I did eat it on a chicken wing. So maybe in a roundabout way, it was being fat with you. Everything's a roundabout way. But anyway, I'm going to live to the beautiful age of 58 or 59 at least and Greg will live forever.

And Adam will die soon and join his grandfather and dude, I'm telling you, I'm really excited about come fast. Also, as soon as summer ended, I immediately feel a million times better summer now that it's fall. I feel great. Yeah, that's like summer is such a bullshit season. It's been raining for a week. It's kind of nice. Yeah, Seattle vibe. Dude, I love fall. I love fall so much, man. Yeah, sitting outside reflecting on wins and losses. I love it. You know,

just accepting it all. That's great. Get a little pipe. Yeah, some pipe tobacco. Yeah, smoke a pipe, Greg. No, I just like to get you get wet, Greg. You ever get wet, Greg? I like to get high. It's not about what you know. It's about what you can prove. Having you guys training day. I'd love to come up. How about training training day? But it's Denzel Washington using a series of increasingly larger butt plugs to train. You ever get fucked in your ass, Jake?

Ponsol, Jake. That's what the asshole smells like. I don't know. This ain't what I signed up for on all fours reluctantly getting plugged. Do yourself a favor if you haven't look up monologue training training day monologue and there's nothing but an odd start from the lowest hits. Yeah, it's nothing but black actors trying to do the training day and it's the range is amazing. That's hilarious. There's like a some people who are outside in

another jacket. This one guy who's just at his kitchen table. I love Jake. Jake. That's incredible dude. It's on but I was fucking. I love those. I found this Indian guy one time that you do that with audition videos, monologue videos, and then impression videos and there was this Indian guy I found one time who's like, you know, it's like it does fucking like Dustin Hoffman and then it shows him in his house and he's got this whole like professional video

set up with the mic and then the wind screen and the pop screen and it's like this is Dustin Hoffman from Kramer versus Kramer. I do not want to get the ball. Say I am not the one who wanted the ball. Just so far off. Yeah. That's incredible. Man, let me see if I can find that guy. Dustin here. Talk for a second because this I wanted to see if I can.

Yeah, dude. That sounds very good. The the training you'll spend. I mean, I think I've been like 7am because I was like, I just watched like almost all of them. How did you get on that? I was messaging them because Anthony and I do a thing where we only watch videos that have under a thousand views. Beautiful. And like when you saw one and then we were like, there's got to be more. Yeah. This is Dustin Hoffman. Dustin Hoffman impression by Nehar. For the past six months I've been spinning blood to

get this agency one of the biggest accounts I've ever had. At five o'clock in the afternoon, we got the account. At eight o'clock, I come with the vice president who says, I'm going to be the next community that is a sportman. I come to the door to share with my wife what happens to be one of the five best days of my life and she looked at me and says, you don't want to live with me anymore. Is that his Dustin Hoffman? That's his Dustin Hoffman. He's setting it up. Yeah.

It's Kramer versus Kramer. The fact is for the past six months I've been spinning blood to get this agency one of the biggest accounts I've ever had. I come to the door to share with my wife what happens to be one of the five best days of my life and she looked at me and says, you don't want to live with me anymore. Wow. Yeah. No, his YouTube is Nehar the artist. Hell yeah. And he's just got a million, like a million of these.

And ask him who's asking about Bernie Ernie. Yeah, yeah. Go to DM Nehar. Ask him who gets his money. Here's his video five Hollywood impressions in two minutes. Yes. I'll play all of these and then we'll guess which ones are which. Okay, okay, Mr. Dewey, Truman Capote from the New Yorker. Mr. Dewey, I wonder if we could arrange an interview sometime to talk. Oh, it's the hardest spend someone has to know it's not about you. It's impossible

to convince them otherwise. Ever since I was a child, folks have thought they had me pegged because of the way I am. You know the way I talk and they're always wrong. Incredible. That I cannot do. We've known each other many years, but this is the first time we ever can't wait for counseling or for help. I can't remember the last time you invited me to your home for a cup of coffee. My wife was a god mother to your only child.

I want to know what happened to the plaques that they sent you. You are part of the Revolver Alliance and a traitor. Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You're getting on the plane with Victor where you belong. It's fucking crazy. God to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we would wind up in a concentration camp. Funny how? I mean, what's funny about him?

He's a big boy. He knows what he said. What do you say? Funny how? No, no, I don't know. You said it. I mean, these are like a little bit better than that. Unbelievable. They're all just kind of close enough that you kind of get it. Well, you wouldn't recognize it, but do you know what the first one was? No, I missed the first one. Philip Seymour Hoffman. Truman Capote, right? Yeah, Truman Capote. But like all of the impressions, you can't do an impression and be like,

you know, like, hey, it's me, Robert De Niro. Here I am. Here comes fucking Robert De Niro. Fuck. People are like, is that Robert De Niro? That was incredible. Yeah. I don't even, here's me. You do not come to my wedding. You have never come to me before this, and you come to me on this the day of my daughter's wedding.

Well, my wife asked you over for a sugar you do not give her. And now you ask me this on the day of my daughter's wedding as the godfather also known as Marlon Brando. Shots out. So everyone, guys, please go check out the Rad Dudecast and more importantly, Nihar's impressions on YouTube. And just absolutely abuse this guy. No. Blow up his comments. Only Adam is saying that. Yeah, just ruin this guy's life. All right. Doc Sam. All right. That's the show. Come see me in Chicago,

Detroit this weekend. Come see us in Australia next month. Thank you. Goodbye, everyone. Bye-bye.