The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 123 – its fall now boy

Episode Date: October 4, 2018

i tell you ass what

I am gay. And I fuck my dad. I fuck my father's penis. And I fuck his ass through the mirror. And I'm gay too. Cause I'm gay. Sucking on my dad's dick. And I'm fucking his ass. You wouldn't think you could get three years of bits out of that combo. Oh yeah. But brother you'd think incorrect. Incorrect. What I like too is there's going to be people that do that for the rest of their lives now but like at their job at GameStop. And they're like I'm like the guy on the show. I'm like Steve Rose. And Alan. And Nate. I'm like Nate Mullins. I'm like Nate Mookie. And Stimrose Hollabad. And Aaron Jewish. They're my heroes. I'm just kidding. They're not my heroes. I'm better than them somehow. But I sit and listen to the show every day and repeat the things they say. They're so gay and stupid. Not me though. I'm a perfectly normal guy. Elmer Fudge. Is that you? Yeah. It's me. Elmer Fudge. How about Elmer Fudge? You know his name originally was Elmer Fox Dudes. What? But then they shortened it to Fudge. Oh that makes sense. Yeah. That's too long. Back then the whole thing was get your name as big as you can on the marquee.

There's one thing I do. It's hunting rabbits and Fudge Dudes. Elmer Fudge Dudes. Elmer Fudge Dudes. It kind of works. You just Fudge. A Fudge Dudes. A Fudge Dudes. Elmer Fudge Dudes all day long. Who's the guy that made it? I would love to just have an hour of this show as nothing but just a down syndrome voice. So people are like, yeah, but listen to this podcast. Calm down. Somebody tries it out. They're like, let me listen to one. And it's just an hour of like, I don't know where the receipts went. I bought nilla wafers earlier, but what I do is I replace most of the nilla wafers with the mini nilla wafers. You swap the box because they make the mini ones. And then you bring the nilla wafers back and you say, what the fuck is this? They're too small. And then you get an extra box of the regular size nilla wafers. Do they ever catch on to you? Never.

That's how you save 14 cents. Sounds like more of a hassle than it's worth. I do not understand the value of time. Time is not a concept. It applies to me. The immortal retarded man. The Highlander. That can be only one. Here we are with the princes of the food court. I am immortal. I have inside me blood of kings and an extra chromosome. Born to be kings, princes of the food court.

This is some Scottish guy with Down syndrome. This is long ass hair. This is horrible stringy, not conditioned correctly hair. His parents died 3,000 years ago. He can't fend for himself at all. How do you kill a Down syndrome Highlander? You take off his helmet, dog. What is it? The kergin is going. How does Christopher Lambert talk? I have to do whatever I can to stop the kergin. He sounds like a retarded person.

Is it Lambert or Lambert? Lambert. Christoph Lambert. I won't do the scene unless you can see my balls in it. You're just getting a parking ticket in this scene, Chris. I got to show my balls. Everyone's got to be able to see my balls. You got this scene where you reconnect. Born to be queer, princes of being gay. Is it the same guy in the TV show as the movie?

No, it's Adrian. Adrian's a character's name. I forget the actor's name, but he's sexy. He's sexy as shit in the TV show. The one in the show. I want it to be that. You're trying to pretend to be gay like me and Stavart. You used to have a weird crush as a child on a man, too. We really believe that. I loved a lot of very strong men.

As soon as you recognize how much cooler me and Stavart are for being homosexual, you try and latch yourself onto it. Classic Adam move. Are you smelling the inside of your shoes? I was looking at it. Oh, I'm sorry. It's a crock. That makes it different. I'm playing hurt today. Adam has bacterial vaginosis.

No, I got sickle celled. The black African. No, I'm saying I'm trying to give a bitch black bacterial vaginosis. You know, I got a dirty ass dick. My dick's stay dirty. They call me dirty dick, Donald. Hey, Donny, we smell your cock from out here, boy. Crazy party is my name's Lamar. It ain't even Donald.

How I get that nickname? Shit. Having a dirty ass dick. Like, yeah, but what about the Donald part? Shit. I don't even know my own name is, man. I said Lamar. Man, I never even learned how to read.

Could be Donald. I ain't have no mama. Nobody ever told me my name. My dick's so damn dirty. Okay, thank you. What kind of sandwich did you get today? Oh, my bad. The chicken fronteca.

And I got the apple on the side. You know, I'm trying to watch my figure. I'm going apple. I can't be fucking with that bread no more. No, not even the multigrain. That shit is scam. I said chicken fronteca and stuff immediately. I knew exactly where you were going.

It's the Panera bread with the apples. One menu item is like Panera bread, side app. I'm here, baby. You ever want a man to back up your riffs, just place them in a fucking food establishment and I'll know exactly where we're going. That is a good ass sandwich, by the way, the fronteca. That was my go-to.

What is it, cheese? I'm a big fan of it. What kind of cheese? Fronteca cheese. I would guess fronteca. That's the type of cheese? It's got that little slice of tomato. Frontecian cheese.

It's got a weird, nice creamy cheese situation. It's a pressed panini from Panera bread. Born to be gay. Princess of the universe. Yeah, my living room is finally done. Looks cute in here, man. The shelves look cute as hell. Now they're all painted.

Let me know if any part of this doesn't look like it matches. No, it all matches. You match the shelf to the wall? To the wall, yeah. Yeah, it looks pretty good. The color for the shelves themselves and those accents is somewhere in between that white satin and that cream wall color.

But it looks good. Yeah, because I wanted to split the difference between the two. That's a good take. Yeah, it looks nice. Shout out to TRLWoodworking on Instagram. The good shit. He built the boxes and shelves. They look great, man. He did a great job.

He did a great job. You want to take pictures of my apartment and put them on there. And I was worried about doing that when people were zooming my apartment. Being like, whoa, nice router, faggot. Is that a faggot's router? That's like, I guess.

I guess, yeah, you're right. Having optimum. There's a faggot choice on my part. Oh, good job, cable management. Good job with that fucking faggot. Being zoomed sucks. That's the worst feeling in the world. I always assume any picture you post is going to get zoomed. Yeah, I don't know. It's a violation of privacy.

Yeah, interesting. Honestly, that's the one thing I took away from the Me Too movement. Don't zoom my pictures. I hear these stories about these women being held down and fucked at gunpoint so they can be in Ghostbusters. And I thought, this is a lot like when people zoom. It's probably the same picture of my car when I found the rapper from Burger King and they said,

oh, are you also a faggot kid? And I'm like, what? Did you have it your way? Did you have it your way? Gay style? I said, why are you zooming me? That wasn't even the subject of the picture. First of all, it's a violation of my photography. Interesting.

Yeah. Oh, it is a violation of your photography. As a man, I don't really have a body. That's sort of like women's thing. I don't have my heart zoomed. It's like being raped. Yeah, I would agree. In many ways, you could say I'm allowed to do rape jokes

because I've been zoomed. That's true. Because my art has been violated. Have you been zoomed? Me? Yeah. I've been zoomed a million times. Really?

You've got to preempt the zoom. You've got to mention every single thing in the background. That's what you would do if you were a weak mental constitution. I know that there is. You were worried about zooming. You just said you were worried about zooming. I'm not worried about it. He just talked about how scared you are.

I think you're worried about it. I'm not worried about it. It should be illegal. I'm saying it's a violation. But hey, I'm not worried about rape either. Go ahead, rape me. See if I give a shit. Fucking pussy.

I'm not afraid of anything. Rape me. Fucking put a gun in my head. Fuck my mouth. I'm not scared of anything. I've never been scared. Damn, dude. I'm living out here.

Rape so many times. Never scared of that shit. What kind of numbers are we talking about? In fact, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and I'm like, Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I'm laughing about it. I'm not scared of being raped.

I'm laughing about the time I got raped. Just describing it to nobody. Nobody's there. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ooh, that's so funny. It's so funny that that happened, actually. Just pitch black. It's completely dark.

YMCA bunk bed. Oh, boy. I'm just too high. It's just that's so funny to me. That's what the, that's what the new dark. I just, I thought of a joke I heard earlier. That's what the new Martin Scorsese dark Joker is about. It's about a guy who just laughs at every time.

Is that Martin Scorsese? I think he produced it. Really? Yeah. Why are they making so many Joker movies? Because everybody calls it a Heath Ledger Joker. Yeah, but there's really two Joker movies at the same time. There's Joaquin.

Joaquin. And there's fucking... I want to get cast as Joker so I can do the like Jared Leto method acting thing. But like how I prepare for the role is just living at Six Flags. To prepare for the role, he didn't, he never left Six Flags. You just get fattish it off like food court. Six Flags food court.

Funnel cakes. Yeah. That would be fucking awesome, bro. How about fentanyl cakes? Okay. That's messed up. You could die. How about FYI?

Is it messed up or blessed up? That's messed up. Welcome to our new segment. Messed up or blessed up? Good question, man. That's blessed up, man. Okay. I got one.

Having a scar on your face. Sounds pretty messed up, but bitches like it. That's blessed up. Yeah. For sure. Messed up or blessed up? I like this segment. Segregating schools in the 50s?

Messed up or blessed up? You think it was messed up, right? Yeah. Good thing. Imagine this. School and it's only for blacks. That sounds pretty cool. That's blessed up.

That sounds like a cool ass school, yeah. Isn't that the premise of a different world? Yeah. You know? Yeah. Why do they get to do that? Well, a different world refers to the 1950s. That series took place in 1950s.

Really? Interesting. It was sort of a look at like the benefits of segregation. How cool black people got to be without annoying ass white boys always telling them to turn the music down. I was having the other day about Steve Urkel and his name's Steve Eccles, but he's from Oakland. He's like, huh, my name's Steve Urkel.

Go home, Steve. Go home. Go home, Steve. Go home, Steve. Go home, Steve. The fucking Lurie, you just use the n-word. You said it bro in Oakland. You said the Oakland, that's not the Oakland word.

And I was said the n-wordよ way. Come on. Damn, dude. Pretending to be gay saying the n word, you know, I have the wife like somebody has a little crush on me. The two classic things you do when you're gonna crush on Nick Pretend you're gay say the n-word And then hope to actually turn gay by fucking him afterwards

Yeah, you know, I'm not gay. I'm what I like to call Cinderella gay only until midnight Like six a.m. Or whatever the spell this yes And then this yes, man turns into a pumpkin, okay interesting Till midnight then well for one clock strikes me nice Those booty cheeks start transforming and then I'm just fucking a pumpkin You turn back into a man. Yeah, ten minutes later and then continue being gay. Yeah Anyways, all right, we got to stop joking around and get serious. We got to do the podcast So click Brett welcome to come down everyone

We got a lot of takes guys Brett. That's your name, dude. Seriously. Yes name. I agree strike one strike one strike two Kavanaugh About Kava. Yes. Yeah, Kavanaugh means. Yes Kevin would say Kavanaugh means. Yes. Kavanaugh means. No Kavanaugh means No, does anyone using that as a Twitter handle yet? Probably. What about Kavanaugh? No, yeah Absolutely, I just I can't believe he did that to Garth from Wayne's World. Thank girl. Yeah, who blazey. Yeah Sheen blaze she looks like Garth from Wayne's World. That was my take away I watched the whole hearing and I watched both their testimonies and I said She looks like Garth that was my reflection take away your fingers tense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah pondered

This is really making me think a lot about how put Nick on the Supreme Court. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Let me testify You know number one this bitch looks like Garth from Wayne's World Get him. How do we know he fucked her and not her dog that looks exactly like her? Which if you remember Wayne's World Garth had a dog. That is true. Yeah, he has a dog that also wears glasses Uh-huh doesn't Garth fuck a hot version of Garth. Yeah, that girl Garth. Yeah, dude. Um, I forgot about girl Garth Asia career. No, you fucking dumbass first of all It's Tia career Tia career Asia career is the porn. Sorry. Yes. Yeah, I did some searching for Tia Carrera's titties Yeah, couldn't find him. Well, she was the first hot Asian. She was

No, I'm like in Hollywood. Yeah, and there must have been some like James Bond Asians that he fucked There was probably some Chinese. What is it May Wong or something something Wong? from from the 50s that was in She was a hot Asian. Yeah. Yeah, there's something about but she was no Tia career or whatever. I don't suck you fucking surprise Yeah, suck you fucking surprise Starring Elvis Oh, don't you give me that sucky fucking surprise? Yeah, I've got those sideways blues It's like my little pink or don't put it in my bun. Yeah, it'd be funny if instead of black culture Elvis appropriated Asian culture

I am on the stage playing that little like trash can guitar Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Me. No, thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you very much Oh, thank you. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen Elvis has put his shoes back on Oh, and nothing but a hound dog being served for dinner I don't step on my blue suede shoes which are placed by the door I'm not currently wearing them

So that's why you would step on it. Just look out for them on the way into my house So I take off my shoes baby Yeah, I like Chinese Elvis. Chinese Elvis pretty good, man respect to Chinese Elvis Elvis Chinese Elvis would be good too. Yeah, I'm I'm Chinese Chinese

Only else is made out of paper Suck my blue ass, dude Sucking all my blue ass balls Uh, no, so Kavanaugh, I guess people want our take on they want our Adam go first I know you like doing politics and being a chapeau guy. Um, I have the flu But okay, I will I think that he's a real piece of work that guy Okay, and I think that he acted he acted he had bad behavior

And no one should be allowed to act that poorly and still be on the supreme court I think it was such a bad boy. I think it was cool that being a He's testifying to be a supreme court judge and he's talking about the clintons and And the left-wing conspiracy Nice Hell yeah, that's my take That's a good take. I think that he just I think that if he would have if a woman Okay, would have behaved like him

Everyone they would have fucking killed her everyone would have said this bitch crazy about instead of a rubik's cube It's a do blacks dudes And you just fuck black us. Yeah, all right. Yeah, thanks. That's also a possibility Is that a take on do blacks? Oh, yeah, sorry. I forgot we were talking about Brett Kavanaugh Yeah, named Bart or who's Bart's Bart. Oh Kavanaugh is his friend his drunk friend wrote this book About their their days blacking out and he changed Brett Kavanaugh's name to Bart. Oh Kavanaugh You mean to tell me yeah, this Exculpatory evidence has been sitting here the entire time that all of this shit is actually the fault of a man named Bart

Oh Kavanaugh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they got the wrong guy. I love it. I've been like reading like Conservative defenses of Brett Kavanaugh online and they're just like so wildly reaching. Yeah. Oh, they're so good They're like, uh, Christine lied in court. Here's the evidence. She said Two months ago that she was assaulted In the early 80s in her late teens and it's like explain to me how that math adds up She was 15 and it was 1982 1982 not the mid 80s. That's a lie And 15 years old not your late teens. It's your mid teens and it's like case closed Just slam the door shut on that one. Well for a while it was like who hasn't raped in high school

Yeah, that was that was the take was like and then he was like and then it was like, dude I don't get pussy that I don't get pussy defense. They're like who hasn't raped and not gotten pussy He's simultaneously in high school. He's like in high school. There were two things I like to do have breakfast and say yes, ma'am No, he's not a yes, ma'am guy. I know but he was trying to paint himself. Oh, true He did try to paint himself as a yes, ma'am. I busted my buttons anybody who's ever busted his butt Is a yes ma'am guy. No connection. We busted our butts in community college to get this commercial printing degree To get this H my dream is to get married and earn $27,000 a year Yeah, it's a substitute teacher

Yeah, fuck Bart dude. Yeah, fuck his little ass. Yeah, I mean he and his little fucked up teeth That guy's that guy's clearly a real piece of work. It's also funny that he's got the littlest fucking teeth of all time He's got big hair little teeth. Yep. Look how big my man hair is It's also funny that everyone was like because george bush gave Uh, uh, the obama's like a cough drop at john mccain's funeral. They're like, what a good guy Yeah, he's good and trump is bad like everyone and being like he's a mass murderer Hey, get uh, get uh, brent on the phone. Well, because brent worked for ken sar and he asked uh, bilkin if

If he busted in uh, monica's mouth, that was one of the questions brent wanted to ask Did you did you bust in monica's mouth? Yo, i'm back in on brent nevermind And it was strong and it was like that's you don't have to ask that. I mean he got head from her Yeah, but did he busted in her mouth? I need to know if he busted that guy really didn't get pussy man brent. Yeah Yeah, he's a fucking loser. Yeah, what the fuck kind of name is renate renata Renata. Yeah. Yeah, that's a cool name. Renata. Yeah, they brought her up in the hearing and I didn't know who she was

But he was like, how dare you bring her up. She's a good woman. Why are you bringing her name into this? And I was like, I didn't watch his testimony Renata is that's a stupid name. No, it's a good name. It sounds like regatta It sounds like what you would name like a captive import like a Ford renata. Yeah. Yeah, it's like some shitty corolla Yeah, yeah, like they changed the name. Yeah, it would be a shitty car But I feel like it's it's a hot lady's name renata. It's like it's like a uh, european aristocrat Sounds like portuguese or like brazilian. Yeah, there you go Renata, Renata

Renata. Oh, no, that's that's peels. Renata. Oh, no, you know how like portuguese are like No, I don't Sounds like a deaf person saying it. I don't remember. I feel like I think you're thinking of uh that one type of spanish We're barcelona. I think the best the best language is that african shit that's got clicks and whistles. Yeah, it's pretty cool Yeah, like listen to this Simon I have come up with the best language. There is no reason to ever develop a society We wish you do not need civilization Because we get to click and whistle all that they were civilized if you know, well, you know, I mean no

I'm talking about like the the like, uh, what is that the koza koza, but the like Uh, uh, what is it? It's got a click in it. Like the the Koza koza. Yeah, yeah That's like one of the satafian languages. Well, and I say uncivilized. No, I mean they live in like little huts That's pretty tight. Yeah, they've they've they've accomplished plenty folks. They've taken a lot of white I mean, it's a better. It's a better way to live definitely Like that you just no playstation though. No playstation, but like nobody really owns anything like people go out and That's pretty cool. And then you can kind of just take their food and I think nobody like there's no sense of property

So they don't give a shit. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I'd like for there to be no property Nelson Mandela was I guess it's like that Yeah, the the the perfect, you know socialist society Nelson bangs living in a house made out of your brother's turds What about Nelson bangs fellas don't say that about the boss, dude What's this really like the a and c did you read that New York Times article about like there's just been So many murders. Yeah. Yeah, it's a super corrupt fucked up country. Wait, where is South Africa? Yeah, like there's like South Africa There's a bunch of there a bunch of like hits like political hits really put on politicians. There's been 90 murders since 2016 Intraparty murders in the party. Yeah. Yeah within the and see that's

And see is like the ruling party like since Mandela came after a part time Are they ever since he left they've had like a series of pretty corrupt Where people are killing each other. Yeah, and people kill each other and stuff. Yeah, yeah It's pretty messed up. That's honestly pretty cool. Yeah That would be cool if Nancy Pelosi had like Somebody killed I would respect her more if like she got Chuck Schumer killed. She got Chuck killed Yeah, cuck Schumer Yeah, Chuck seems to be a bitch. We're kids. We're kids about hands you pill blowsy

And she's addicted to Xanax and she gives handjobs and blows That's cool. I don't think that anti-pill blows Nick, did you feel anything when Brett started crying talking about working out? I didn't see that part. You didn't see that part. Uh-huh I think that you might have felt something when when he was a lot of people are making fun of him about that Can you imagine what that would be like to feel something? Yeah, a lot of people were making fun of Brett for uh For crying I wanted to suck penis alone But everybody came in and started watching me

The best part is that it doesn't fit at all Yeah, but sometimes it's in the heart sometimes it's bad Sometimes you gotta you know About Brett uh having a sex with a girl Uh, yeah, having a having a having a having a sex Yes, man Can we kill Supreme Court justices like let's say we could kill anyone really Who should we kill dude? I heard that the inside of his robe was filled with porn

That he would tuck his head in there and he'd be looking at pulling all day long Uh, have you excused me for a minute? Like a turtle Thomas beating off under his robe He did some shit too, right? Everyone keeps talking about Anita. He put he put pews on her Yeah, which is a funny move That's the thing man. There's some there's some types of sexual assault that are just like pranks But also what did he really think that one was going to be like hell. Yeah, like, you know

If you're a boy and you get a needle bag traumatic sure, but also So, you know, that's a prank credit where credit is to be a G. That's a prank. The ultimate set up. Yeah. Yeah It's good move close some of his eyes Closer to an ass That's sexual assault pretty good prank though. Honestly, I guess it's if a guy's doing it to a guy I was in Pensacola beach with my extended family and my uncle like passed out or whatever and like Well, like one of the beds or whatever, but he fell asleep like this, you know, and so

Uh, you know where it's like the head is like facing the edge of the bed Yeah, so I pulled down my pants and I put my ass right in his face and I took a picture of it So it's just him like smiling into my ass And then my cousin or something showed him later and he was like really upset Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah, some people just don't get good pranks Yeah, that rule is dude if somebody's smiling while they're asleep and you don't like put your ass right in their face And take a picture. Oh my god. Put your nuts on their nose. You know, that's that's next level. Yeah I love pranking older male members of my family. Oh, shit. Well this episode is brought to you by bettosi.com

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Into a full out pussy. Yeah. Yeah, the camera's showing This is Nick's face next to just a gnarly ass pussy I By the way, you guys are lucky for the you're welcome for the And I hold up a pepsi and I go at the voice of a generation And then it's like zoom zoom zoom my dsi zoom zoom zoom

Who came up with zoom zoom? I had agitation Zoom zoom. Yeah. What's that kid up to these days? I don't know. It's probably dead Zoom zoom zoom Yeah, that commercial is so gay I hated that kid. I hated that commercial. It would make me so angry every time that came on. I would get so fucking For some reason me too. Yeah, I would get so fucking angry at that kid zoom zoom. Shut up, bitch Shut up. There's one right now that it's funny that it's like you forget That like because you become a grown man at some point. You're not supposed to be just pissed all the fucking time

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You put a hundred dollars in you get 220 dollars. Check it out Uh, take the ravens caveats. Take the ravens always ravens every week. We just won again, baby Fuck the Steelers. What did I say? Fuck the damp Steelers beat their asses in Heinz field. Yeah Check him out and we're back And Mike, we're back Lea My name is Mike. We're back Lea Nice. Yeah, and it's Mike. We're big Lea, but he's a dinosaur

Mike Well, hey, everybody, it's me Mike. We're back Lea people are like, what What is this? Makes sense What's happening It's like schizophrenic stand-up comedy do an hour of of like, how about Mike? We're back Lea and then it's like, well here I am. It's me. Mike. We're back Lea. Zoom zoom

Nobody has any idea. There's a guy right now for Chevy. Have you seen the Chevy ads where it's just some No, I miss like a rock like like gay cock It's just some maya. It's some mayo ass crack of ass guy Wearing dockers and he's like, what do you think of this car? And there's like a lot of people and then and then like he and then he like brings out JD power awards And he's like, did you know it won three JD power awards and people like JD power commercial I'm on a commercial right now. And it's like it's clear. They've known they were on a commercial the whole time They're also actors and they're paid at JD power bottom award. Yes. Yes

I'm JD power and this is ooh, I just love this truck Sometimes I go we put the fucking seats down It's got an extended cab not just I fucking ram my ass Putting a fucking dildo with the head of it Driving it into JD power's ass He gets in the back like he's like we're tailgating and he sits on the one end Of the pickup bed, right with his ass facing the interior But towards the end and then another guy sits on the other end

So if you imagine if you're looking at the truck from the back, right? Yes, they're both sitting facing each other on the lip of the pickup bed towards the back So right in front of the tailgate, right? That's like that's the positioning. I think I get it But one of them's turned around right at the JD power bottom is turned around And then he's like he's like fire him up boys and then they start the guy driving starts doing doughnuts So fast that the centrifugal force Uh, uh propels the other guy at into JD power's ass at full speed

It just whips. Yeah, the back of the truck just whips You know, and that's uh, and that's like a rock. Well, that's what torque is You ever wondered when people mean when they say, you know torque, it's got 7,000 pounds of torque It's that yes, it's it's how fast it goes into JD power's ass. JD power bottom jack Yeah, who are his associates? I want to teach a class at Harvard called physics for gay guys. Yeah, that's good It's all the different ways you can get fucking Yeah, it's all like just trapeze. Yeah, it's like there's all these numbers or whatever. It's like, how do you fit this in your ass? Yeah, what are those things called? Golds, Rube Goldberg, Rube Goldberg machines. Yeah, Pube Turdberg. Yep

Yeah, it's just gay sex Rube Goldbergs. The Pube Turdberg machines Different ways to get cocks into your ass with a bunch of little Rube, the machine is just like one of those like dinosaur head grabber things that he's picking up turds with And that's the Pube to hold turd machine Sucking dick because I am gay It's like in my dad's you should do the lyrics for that song. Yep the Acme. Yes Japan's coming up. What are we going to do in next week?

I gotta get I gotta get healthier dude. That's my the next week and a half What a better place to get healthier than on vacation. I'm excited to hang out with you guys again It's gonna be fun. We don't hang every time we go on the road. We say we got to hang out more and then we just don't We have so much fun on the road. Well, I've been on the road all week like this month. Yeah, but Adam lives like Three blocks away from that. That's true. I never go over there. Yeah, you guys haven't been going over the last couple weeks But you know, yeah, I've had stuff to do painting these shelves is a fucking pain. I've had the flu. It looks cute though Yeah, this is really nice. I went this weekend to uh to Arthur Avenue We should we should go sometime. Oh, I finished God of War. I know you guys were. Oh, you beat it

Waiting for an update on that. How'd it go great? Oh, I went to a place where you should buy your house. Nick where city island City in the Bronx in the Bronx Is it really a majestic it's a city and an island It's just an island off the coast of the Bronx. That's part of new york city They have one bus that goes through it makes it one street and accessible beautiful That's exactly what a lot of hennie coladas though. I said I want I want to stay in the city I'm paying an outrageous price. Yeah. Yeah, you got to make sure it's inconvenient as possible all the fun ass

Taxes all of the taxes. Yeah, all of the You know, I want all of the the price of new york city without the convenience Well, it's beautiful though. They got it's like a small little new england fishing town. You know what's funny? I'm gonna look this up, but I'm gonna be like I'm gonna just be in love with this. That's where people from the Bronx go to like go to the beach No, they go to orchard beach to go to the beach. You're right. City island's a little step City island is across the water from it and then there's another island next to it Which is not open to the public. It's called heart island and it's just the cemetery for the penal system

Really rikers rikers cemetery. It's the rikers cemetery. So that's bad ass Yeah, and you have to like get approval from max is something you have to get approval from the city to go visit your relatives graves And then there's a ferry that goes out like once a week damn I wonder if they let people shoot If that's like a location that'd be cool. Yeah, it's called heart island But city island nick you should you should why are you out the bx my man?

Because I was in arthur. I went to arthur avenue. Yeah, it's it's pretty cheap Yeah, it's pretty cheap, dude. Yeah, you're fucking the house for 384 It's probably got one bathroom and it's two beds two beds one bag. Yeah, there you go 761 square feet. It's an apartment basically. Yeah And some of these houses aren't bad. That's what my son remember nice. This looks like portland. Yeah. Yeah, yeah And they got a ton of seafood restaurants out there. Hell yeah for you They could like make us commute to go record the pot out there. That's when the pot ends It'll be fun, dude. It'll be fun. It'll be fun for two weeks. It'll be fun for two weeks. That will be done

Yeah, even with your outrageous amount of money we make this isn't worth coming here But yeah, it's part of the it's you get to vote for the mayoral election of new york city still You don't lose that right? That's I know how much you love that. I want to vote for mayor bill, dude No, not ever since I found out his name was fake No, I'm voting for him ever since I found out that dick suck you Dante is our is our home. Is he Shout out to Dante Dante if you can hook up some permits where we can sell some shit illegally out of our homes Let us know. Yeah, if you got if you get your dad the eminent domain one of these houses for me. Yes Yeah, don't say what it's all houses when we make this relationship work out for us

You know, it's kind of one way at this point what the beak a little bit You know I'm saying about m&m domain and that's where they take rap away from black people The government says black people aren't allowed to Because not only white guys damn that's big for yellow wolf. Yeah, I tell you I'm looking through this and I most of this Housing stock looks like shit. Yeah, it looks pretty bad and it'll probably be destroyed in any type of inclement weather, but Let's think about the seafood you have to live out on that island fried shrimp There was one house I saw on Zillow out there for like 900 there was a house I saw in the Bronx that looked like it was clearly some like

Russian criminals mansion. Hell. Yeah, because it was in that uh What is it? What is uh Riverdale? No, what's the what's the Russian? architectural style that is like brutalism collectivism I I only know brutalism. Well anyways. Yeah, it looked like a fucking uh Uh, it looked like a municipal pool or something like soviet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah What's brutalism? That's weird because most Russians when they come here, they like they like the opposite of that. Uh, yeah, it's like, uh, uh

Concrete and like simplified for big shapes and shit. It's like big blocky square Big blocky shit like prisons. I mean DC has a lot of that shit It sounds like the FBI building is probably like the best example. It's very popular in the 60s. Yeah. Yeah. Why to make shit everyone's sad No, it's scary. No, it's like Yeah, the austerity of of the building or whatever. It's like not flashy. Give me some chandeliers, dude form follows function That's sort of shit follow this dick to your mouth I saw a really cool pic. Oh, we could talk about this after the show. What no go ahead There's a really cool. There's like a housing estate in London that has like these two like rows of houses

And it's all in brutalist style, but it looks really cool. It's like, um, all terraced Unless they have big scary faces Yeah, yeah, but it's cool. It is actually very cool brutalist architecture I don't know sounds fucking annoying. Anyways, you want to hear something brutal? Yeah, I I I shit your every single pair of underwear that I have. That's wow. I actually you know what? I literally did piss my pants the other day. Really? I thought I had pulled my dick all the way out of there I shit myself while we were doing the podcast. I didn't tell you guys Yeah, yeah on my couch. Uh, yes, but it didn't get any anywhere. It didn't even get out of my underwear

But I thought I was about to fart And I went to the bathroom a little bit I like I was like pissing and I was looking at my phone or something and I realized the water's not making any noise I just hadn't pulled my dick You were at the bathroom That's fucking incredible dude. I think it is a sign of a deteriorating mind I think I did all this stuff, but take your dick out Yeah, it's pretty uh, it's like, well, I guess this is where I'm at

Mack Weldon. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Mack Weldon anti-micro they have underwear that makes it so you don't do that You you remember to take your dick out. Yeah, you don't leave you don't leave your dick in I took 20 to dick out technology. I took around 20 shits yesterday Nice, I was just caught like just running between the smart design premium fabrics Mack Weldon brings you some of the uh, south america's finest textiles from the Uh, the uh, micromodal the wall on cuckoo tree Mayans used to what I don't think that's correct

No, it's a tree The wall on cuckoo tree. That's real. It is real dude. Mayans used to fuck it Because the inside was filled with precious silk beautiful. It was filled with spiders That would make silk and you would fuck them and they would bite your dick and you'd hallucinate And that's what the that's what uh, the underwear is made out of from Mack Weldon 100 guaranteed suable promise It's fabrics that will we promise we promise you that Mack Weldon will agree to whatever terms you name in any lawsuit if you find out that they

We do not promise that the only thing we promise is that you're gay If you here's the thing you're Mack Weldon their lawyers told us hey Their Mack Weldon told us their lawyers said that you were allowed to sue them for anything We say on the show as long as in the affidavit every sentence ends with by the way. I'm gay And now if you're actually if you're actually gay then it has to say I'm racist. Yes. Yes. Yeah, and if you're actually gay and racist Well, guess what you're not allowed to sue people because you live a perfect life Check in you already have everything that any boy could possibly want this work

Why do you even need underwear? Anyways, if you do need underwear go to Mack Weldon.com and check out I used it myself, you know I went on there and most websites I go to I'm like, what the fuck is it? What the hell is going on? I don't know what I'm doing. I can't I'm clicking It's so hard for me to shop online, but I wish I knew how to piss and shop But this way not on Mack Weldon not confusing at all. It's it's simple They got a silver line of underwear and shirts that are naturally antimicrobial, which means Adam

That means that you could it means that you can Clean yourself up with the underwear. You don't wipe your ass with the underwear piss in it. You don't need to wash I don't give a shit. Do whatever you want. And then we're in if you want to look it's not I don't mind. Once you buy that shit. It's yours. So you can fucking do any weird Yeah, it's a fucking free country. Okay Do whatever you want with your underpants. Hey Republicans last time I checked this was a free country. Yeah, it's a free country It's a free country Republicans So true. Yeah, so yeah, and if you don't like them, uh return them

Mack Weldon perfect perfect underwear for anyone who isn't a trumpest Uh-huh unless you're like president cheeto trot Chester No, you got it. Chester the cheeto. Chester flaming hot. She but it's cheetos, but it's c-h-e-a-t Cheat because she won the popular vote folks. She won And guess what? Kanye West You're not you're not it chief bill mar just goes on tv. Kanye west. Uh more like Oh

Bill mar has done it again It's so funny when you drop that in box for no reason Absolutely Very mediocre as joke. Like, you know me Kind of a joke barely a joke. It's like house. I'm a house Beep. Yeah Versus the field people. So anyway, uh mack weldon.com promo code come come town come town all capital letters C-u-m-t-o-w-s c for our listeners come town is spelled c

Okay, like you You like underpants like underpants m m like mack weldon like mack weldon I guess we got to spell mack weldon too. So it's m a m m C. No, we don't have the spell. You have an m but there's only one of them Hey, like the ampersand is technically part of the alphabet. It is. Yeah, why isn't it in scrabble? That's a very good question. You should write a little times when I've been waiting to play ben and jerry's

No proper nouns, bro. Mm-hmm. You can't do it. It's good. It's a proper name I would love it. I love a movie about a competitive scrabble guy who wins the world championship of scrabbles with the plural form of the n word And then like he did what he had to do to win to win but he's an ostracized. Yeah And so, you know, he's working at fucking kmart, which he already worked at anyways Because who the fuck gives a shit about scrabble? Yeah And his son's like you're a fucking loser and he like he looks at his son and he wish you could tell him who he was He was a champion. Oh, he's hidden this. Oh, he's hidden it from his family. It's like vigo mortensen and yeah, most violent year It's violent. Yeah year

I watched a really good movie during my flu yesterday. It was a history of violence history of violence. Yeah, most violent year was with oscar isic Uh, was that good? No, I didn't think it was that good. It's not that good, but uh, it looks good It looks really cool. The costumes are really cool because you watch it and you're like, oh, this is like, uh, Uh, you know, it's like watching french connection or right? Yeah, you think you're watching one of those like 70s Gritty crime, but it's a bad movie. It's not that good. That sucks. I was gonna watch it I watched the bone tomahawk I got a bone tomahawk. Yeah, which is the other movie made by that guy that made that made, uh

The vince fawn movie. I was telling you guys about Uh wedding crashers wedding crashers. Uh, no that made uh, uh, we snapped people's jaws. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah cellblock 99 And uh, it was equally as violent if not more violent and fucking sick. What was it called? It's called the bone tomahawk. Who's in it? Um, and this guy, uh, You got kurt russell. Okay. You got, uh, matthew fox from lost you got, uh That guy that was the main guy off lost. Yeah. Yeah, the main guy off lost. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah jack motherfucker He was in bone tomahawk

He had a better career after being on he was pretty good in bones tomahawk. Uh, you got fucking Fred malamed that, uh, the guy that fucks, uh, the guy from serious man's wife So i'm looking at this you got city guy rules. You got heart island, but then what's this davids island? Uh, we're talking about islands in the what is this the jews got the long island Long island sound davids island. Is that the long island sound with adam? Can you get us into this place davids island? Yeah, uh, nope. I make two phone calls. We're in There's something like this shit. I'll make two collect calls I'd love it if adam was still making collect calls

This is he's gonna talk He's like, yeah, my mom just went back to the hospital. Hey, you're gonna call her and you're like, well, let's just drive around See if we see a payphone or something Yeah, it's bob. We had a baby eat the boy that that commercial was amazing. Yeah, great fucking commercial Probably the the opposite of the zoom zoom ad that was an amazing commercial I think it's a monster that ad agency was all ATT commercial that ad agency Where he literally trying to just piss people off with that fucking zoom zoom kid They're like, let's create a commercial people will remember for the rest of their lives

And uh, yeah, I have no real will to zoom zoom zoom was stupid and it made Mazin to like african bob. We had a baby eats a boy's a great ad It is you know, it's also good. Yeah, he doesn't want to get charged for the collect call Yeah, when I saw that I was like that guy's a fucking ledge right there I used to do that with my mom I would call her collect from greek school until her to come pick me up Like savras. I'm ready to get it picked up literally. Yeah. He's the boy. Stop come get me Stop come get me and then hang up my cool. Yeah

Wow Wow crafty true scam artist used to run the bob. We had a baby eats a boy's a good I literally did I literally did remember Did you ever learn how to do the pay phone trick where you make the pay phone call itself back? No, I could do that I thought it was so cool. You're a freak. Oh, dude. Yeah Yeah, you did it was you dialed so, you know, they have the number of the pay phone. Yeah on the pay phone Used to be able and this is before you had to dial area codes for just went to the local exchange Unless you specified an area code

I think it was nine five eight And then the last four digits of whatever the phone number was And then you wait like five seconds and the dial tone would come back and then you hang up three times And then it would like call itself back and like five back five seconds hang up three times It would like test like the line for like You know, it was yeah, some like sequence that like unlocks some kind of like line test Yeah Could you could you ever get free phone sex lines that way? We could we used to that's what we used to do

We used to use pay phones to call like hot chat lines But like only listen to like the automated message. Yeah, because we wouldn't you know, we obviously didn't want to pay But then we'd be like Be like, yeah, I'm really I never understood that. Where am I naughty boys when I saw that I was like, wait So you just talked like I've never. Oh, yeah, like to talk to other adults I want to see titties. It's an adult party line. That's what they call it a party line But that was very confusing to me too as a youth. I had no idea what the like Uh, what the upside of phone sex would be like and I still to be honest not that into it

Oh, it made sense to me because I used to check off the scrambled porn too. That's basically just the noises I just wanted to see I'm very visual. I guess I wanted to see titties. I don't want to hear about the titties Um, no, I could use my imagination if I got some noises if you had a woman be like Although I guess I guess if a woman was telling me to come out, that would be pretty cool Yeah, she was like, you know at being real not, you know, please I'm gonna transition to after The show ends to becoming a musician that like makes women have real orgasms over every single track You know, they have to be real orgasms. Yeah, like that, you know that, uh You know, there are a ton of songs where women are like, ah, you know, but but I'd have I'd be the guy that was like

These are the most authentic orgasms. So you want to go and be like Yeah I'm gonna Come here, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. What do you got there nick? I don't look at it. Microsine's table that he's uh Oh, yeah, he's stealing woodworker valor How do you feel about that? There's no such thing as stealing world Nick thinks that he's I have not said that at all you fucking stupid asshole I encourage people look. I've always encouraged people to get into hobbies like this

You fucking make it. Why is this big sign say microsine stole my woodworking idea? Yeah Why was it was a separate woodworking project? That's that that was my thing. That was my I'm doing it. Hold on No, it wasn't a separate woodworking project. I hate that dago microsine That's so weird and his retarded brother I don't invite you over to my house to read things You're right. I'm sorry. This is the equivalent of zooming zoom zoom

I don't want that's what the zoom zoom boy invented That's a call. That's why I hate that's a call back. That's a call back It's like a guy posing a picture of his apartment the kids like That's nice cheetos under your bed faggot. Would you have cheetos last week during gay sex? God Who did it? Are you reading this book? I'm posh one white tiger. Um, I got it for free My grandma gave it to me. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good. Wow. Interesting. I have a similar story Yeah, that's why your grandma my grandma gave you that book too. Yeah, she must really like it

I got that book from uh, I know I didn't catch her name, but she was an old Jewish woman The what did you call her the morning tube? The tube hog of Cape Town. Yeah Everyone knows her is that I mean Yes, no, don't make any eye contact. Just write in the pussy, please She is she gets a minute out She gets a she's wearing a bandana that covers her eyes

Oh, look me in the eyes Just fuck my ass in pussy, please Oh, wow, I'm still fucking sick bro. You need to I gotta go back to bed after this you need fluids I know I'm like starting to sweat right now. You need chicken soup Dasha made a very nice chicken soup for me. She was taking care of me. That's very nice. How's she doing? She's great. She was sick this weekend. I got whatever she had damn um The the beginning part of AIDS

We did watch the also the almost the entirety of that new Jonah Hill show on Netflix. Was it any good? Um It looks interesting It's like if you're sick for a day and you want to crush something It's fun to crush. It's kind of maybe dumb. Maybe okay It's it's all right. It's fun. It's washable. Speaking of zooming you're zooming right now Nick, what are you zooming on? I'm zooming Mike's Mike's woodworking project Working. Oh, he's zooming. Yeah, he's zooming dude. Zoom in should be illegal

No, but I'm zooming in on the subject. No. No, you said all zooms should be illegal All zooms are fucked up, man. Dude. Nick. We thought you're a man with a code, you know Yeah, and then you break your own code code is up down left, right? a a x x y y cheat codes You remember that shit? Yeah, of course. I miss cheat codes. You can still do it on going to fucking ign looking up cheat codes I mean like hell. Yeah, this game's so much better when there's zero challenge But it's just me murdering people with no consequence or risk

In his bed, that's the thing GTA with that thing dude I used to just I would get through the tank code in in vice city and then just drive around in the tank killing people And it's like, yeah, that would be a pretty sweet life to live Yeah, yeah, doing nothing murdering police officers. Well, hi for hours this super jump This super jump on GTA is hilarious. Love the super jump. Yeah. Yeah, damn. That's really satisfying I should get a bust out grand theft auto and get a little cheat code Exploding bullets super jump because I tell you man grand theft auto five sucked. It was boring as shit

I mean, which one was that the last one? I guess I played like a quarter of the way through it and I just got tired of it I know there was too many. I mean, but it was good though. It wasn't great, but every grand theft auto game is fine They all kind of four was okay, but like vice city was the best one Yeah, but is that just nostalgia? Is that just like when you were in the height of your like loving video games? No, I mean, yes, but no Yeah, yeah, I mean after vice city is like right around when I stopped playing video games Yeah, yeah, every gta. I do think it was the best story for sure. Yeah, it was the funnest one

GTA v had added enough to like the stuff they added in vice city as opposed to three Like motorcycles the helicopters Like the boats that was like enough and then the shit they added in like san andreas was like Uh, now you can get fat You date people, you know, it's like who gives a yoga that was annoying when like people You would get phone calls and it's like you have to you have to like a relationship meter and it's like get the Yeah, that shit's fucking gay, dude. And then that continued in uh In the US yeah and four and it's always the worst with that

I feel like they kind of stepped back a little bit with five. I hate the cell phone thing, dude I hate all this cell phone shit you have to do. That's annoying. Yeah better than that. It was a great game I feel like every time a new gta comes out people are like, can you rape in this one? There was uh, I do like because like you feel like you get closer and closer or you could go to a child pornography website What? Really? Yeah, and if you went to it, you would automatically get like a three star or whatever And the cops would just show up. Yeah, that's pretty funny. Yeah And you could just jack off. There's real images. Just actual child pornography. Yeah Well, what a loophole for the child pornography community is that they could just buy gta

Yeah, that would be that would be a smart way to buy some old video game franchise That is the government's stance on child pornography. It's illegal because like black teenagers can just get free access to it It's really is like a racist law. Yeah, I mean they just pass these laws because they don't like Go off, Nick. Young black men having That's so true. No, I'm serious. If you look at the racist history Redlining of child pornography Me too long are young black pedophiles. That's true. That's true That's why with the mulling group

They say they want to decriminalize and have sex with kids. Yeah, but you have to do it in your house Can anyone have a house anyone just start a think tank? You just have a think tank funding dude. You need that I would love for you to get on like Tucker or whatever the fuck Tucker girls Do that and him be him have to like Argue against whatever was positive for black people Yeah, no, we like let's be honest with ourselves if child pornography cost a million dollars And it was just for white millionaires then it would be legal today

It's the fact that it's free You can access it in public libraries Do anything we can You're right, what's going on Adam I'm fucked up That is fucked up. That's a fun take. That's so funny It's true, man. Nick's right. I'm not wrong. Usually we disagree over stuff like no, he's not wrong I'm not wrong. That is that is it chief

Um Me so anyway, so I guess we should get to the bottom of this cabin all thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah for sure Well, Trump the Republicans all took the line there were like She was very brave and we found her testimony very compelling And then like the first time trump like hit like hit the room and like, you know started working the room that he's like Yeah, you know, she can't remember it. You know that he just started making fun of her immediately I went looking for girl garth and then the first thing that comes up is a garth brook song called that girl is a cowboy Nice, which is you know a trans thing. Yeah, the lyrics garth brook trans hero

Him and uh steve tyler dude looks like a lady It was 107 we were heading to town. She had her sleeves rolled up and the windows rolled down That girl is a cowboy Robert earl was singing out the buckin song with every word that keen was bringing. She was singing along that girl was a cowboy Sometimes the best cowboys ain't cowboys at all She's got my back even when it's against the wall So she can lift him up physically and slam him against the wall when I need a friend

She's when I need a friend She's the guy I call because sometimes the best cowboys ain't cowboys at all So I took her tout to show her how to rope and ride. I took her out as a typo To show her how to rope and ride I can't believe that it was me that wound up broke and tied Whoa, this bitch tied him up. This really got him in the ass. The girl the girl is a cowboy So that night I decided we should paint the town I made it home. Although I don't really remember how that girl is a cowboy

What the fuck you got raped by this woman? Yeah, you're roofing and raped. Sometimes the best cowboys ain't cowboys at all She's got my back even when it's against the wall when I need a friend She's the guy I call because sometimes the best cowboys ain't cowboys at all There's just something that a cowgirl has Ain't no cowboys got Man, she's something when she's one of the boys But something else anytime she's not

So thought yes, so Garth Brooks wants to fuck a trans A trans cowboy And sometimes the best cowgirls got a little something extra, you know what I mean? Got a couple of balls You're listening to you know what I'm saying by Garth Brooks And sometimes you just take it right sides that old just to keep things from flopping around You know what I'm talking about a little bit I'm just looking for a cowgirl in their man's bathroom

Cruising Garth Hey, Garth good to see you here, buddy Yeah, the last sessions let's see what other songs on here good ride cowboy. Let's pretend this is about a man. Okay We're life. Yeah from the hills to KC Wyoming where life's woolly and wild came an air force brat in a cowboy hat already This is yeah, this is gay porn And that Copenhagen smile from bucking Bronx to honky-tonks He always sang a cowboy song We were too much

We were much too young having too much fun Y'all sang along you just randomly picked the song and we sang Life's a highway, which I like to imagine they're singing along to the rascal flats together. We're having gay sex in KC, Wyoming Jesus only one way you're gonna get through it when she starts to twist but more like chris Pull your hat down tight chris gay. Let's do it When that whistle blows and that crowd explodes and then pick up men or at your side They tell you he's gone. He's hallucinating from being come drunk

And he has no idea he's part of some This ritual sack day sacrifice in the middle of the rodeo ring Where they blow a whistle and the crowd go nuts and there's a bunch of guys in pickup trucks fucking your body They tell you good ride cowboy good ride Oh, yeah from gold buckles to gold records. Well once again, he was spinning round Took the whole world on and he turned us on to that western underground I can't I can't think of the next line and from bareback jack To this cat

The songs were stronger than his pain He would not slow down From town to town like children running through the rain And we sang life's a highway. There's only one way you're gonna get through it when she starts to twist Be more like chris and put your hat down tight. I guess that's your foreskin. Yeah, they're medically tight for yeah Yeah It just will do it and when that whistle blows and that crowd explodes and then pick up men or at your side You tell them good ride cowboy good ride

Interesting I bet he crossed that river jordan with st. Peter on the other side And then don't sully the bible's name with your fucking homosexual cowboy bullshit If there's one thing I could ask of the people who listens to this show Is don't besmirch the good name of st. Peter With cowboy I agree gay cowboy sex. Yeah, here's another one called under the table Well, I sucked his cock up under the table Just immediately and by the table, I mean another guy who was on all fours

I don't know if we're gonna top that last one that last one. No, that was awesome Have you seen that billboard that garth brooks billboard just off the side of the bqe? I don't know what it's doing. Yeah, it's awesome. It's about love or something. Yeah, I've seen it. Yeah, it's so weird She has to go Anyway, so Brett Kavanaugh. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we got to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, people want to know They want to know fuck him I know there are a lot of senators listening to this and they're not sure if they should vote yes or no So probably we should from Alaska

Murkowski, no, bitch. How about janitors and they have genitals? I think they already do have genitals Wouldn't you say are you saying all senators don't have genitals right now? Yeah, no, I'm trying to see garth girl garth Oh, I don't know why that I got Wayne's world suck me off. Wayne's world. I'm gay Wayne's world. Fuck my ass Should we get it? Should we get it? Should we get it? Should we get it? Speaking of Tia's, you know, it was pretty hot Tia Leonie. Hell, yeah. Remember her. I'm all in on Tia Leonie Nice with a raspy ass voice. You don't know girl garth is not hot. She's not hot. No, not at all. I thought maybe she was hot Oh, wait, wasn't there a hot girl that wanted to fuck him, but he ends up fucking girl garth? Isn't that how it goes?

Or maybe he did fuck the hot girl I don't remember man. She's a total babe I tried watching Wayne's world again. It doesn't hold up. I think none of Mike Myers shit holds up except maybe the one about being an ass murderer um so I So I sucked off a An ass murderer an ass murderer. Yeah, so I sucked off an ass murderer um

Shit, I should eat something. I think the love gurus still Yeah, real good. I would watch that one. Maybe I should watch it's fucked up. It's like it's insane. How bad it is I can't wait. I'm gonna watch it. It's like it's like you feel like you're on mushrooms or something. Oh, awesome. Yeah I can't wait Justin Timberlake doing that whole thing The fuck is this dude? Look at her garth's girlfriend I found a meme and it's a picture of James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman And it says if you really think about it, and I was hoping the sub subtext would be uh all black people are the same

I thought it was gonna be a funny racist. Yeah, but what is it? But it says if you really think about it, James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman tickling each other would be pretty much the greatest thing ever What the fuck and it's like what that sucks, dude. What kind of fetish is that? You gotta be the only deep voice black guys laughing and tickling each other Like just say Sharing a joke Yeah tickling like just say laughing at the same time tickling and each other Yeah, what the fuck they can't be getting tickled by a couple like that's a thing their daughters or whatever that would be

That would be an impeachable offense. I feel didn't Morgan Freeman fucking tickling Okay Well gang listen, um if you're in Australia come see us Because I have to shit and then I have to take the train and so I gotta go We are in Sydney on the 23rd of this month Melbourne on the 26th Briss give me brain on the 28th I believe we're doing podcasts and stand-up shows So please buy tickets to one or both

Uh and then our goodbye farewell avida saying goodbye show is on the 8th Funny mom's this Monday coming funny moms. We haven't booked anyone yet, but it's gonna be good Believe you. Thanks for everyone who came out to the last one. Thank you. It was packed as hell Um Probably gonna have to find a bigger venue probably we should we had we should talk about that And then we have a southern tour happening at the studio So What are our dates for the south?

Nashville on the 11th. Yeah, I uh, I I don't know I I booked it all back to back And I forgot that like everything in the south isn't 20 minutes from each other So this is gonna suck ass. Can we delete one? Can we just see it be like fuck one of you guys? No, it's just gonna be a gay week Whatever man, we don't have to try hard Fuck you idiots that buy tickets to the show Try to get to these shows here Dumb, you know, this is this is the north's revenge for the civil war. That's right

Just three yanks what you get for being we're marching to the sea folks and we're gonna burn down every place technically below the mason dixon Is that so I think but but it's the mason dixon in between maryland and pennsylvania maryland and pennsylvania Yeah, I think maryland was on the union side, but very no maryland maryland maryland was uh, uh union occupied Yeah, and that's yeah, yeah begrudgingly They want to be on beyond begrudgingly. It was just like the federally occupied. Yeah, he declared Martial law. Yeah, Lincoln Lincoln had his dick out and said either you suck this or you're on my team

Surrounded two or three quarters of washington. So he declared martial law makes sense. No, it's really I gotta go back to surrounded richmond richmond is in maryland The capital of the south Not at all there's not true at all Bitch every once in a while. I know a fact. You're obviously lying about how about a show like drunk history, but it's just called drunk And it's just we we drug comedians and tape them without their consent Get here. It's like quick put your dick in in camera and esposito's mouth This is a prank. It's a prank show. It's a prank. No, I don't want to that's like camera esposito

That's adam and a wig they have to like they they like produce that show And then via comments to be like look we we try to strike a balance, you know You have some like we represent a lot of voices, you know Yeah, it's great that we're getting all these lgbt voices out there and like hearing victim stories But we also need to show where there's white men that rape people They're violently raped. Is this your pitch? Is this your tv pitch? No, this is the network After they buy it after they buy it. Yeah, which they will they will do All right, man, let me be an ep on that shit dude. Yeah

Yeah, eats pizza. Yes Yes, that would be fine also All right gang, well that'll do it for us. Please eat our nuts and suck our dicks. Bye