The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 127 – classico podacata

Episode Date: November 1, 2018

se episada de bublios de cuma originalli. prego abrodonzzia mi penes et mi balls

Small! Ah, woo-ooh, God! Oh, fuck. Oh, baby. We're out here and we're sucking and fucking. We're sucking and fucking. Just when you saw the sucking was over, the fucking begins. Guess what?

Now we're pulling the cock out of our ass and sucking it again, bitch. We're ready to fucking die. We wanna die. I hope I fucking die. Please kill me, God. I wish I was dead. I'm fucking gay. But I'm too scared to kill myself.

Please kill me, God. Please put a gun to my head. I'm a coward. Ah, woo-ooh. I'm gay. I'm gay. Damn. Come town, motherfucking classical.

Out and about. Adam, por casta clasico. Por casta clasiquinho. Yo quiero por casto clasico. Solo, solamente stabros y... It doesn't matter as long as you know Adam. I, I, I love to listen to the por cast calm town that I listen to on a cop or touch to a string

that goes all the way through the caravan. Oh, damn. We hit the caravan too? Yeah, yeah. We're doing politics. Guess what? These, listen, these are bad hombres and they're using a cup with a string on it

to steal podcasts from across the border. Oh, hold on. Are they stealing the Patreon links? They're stealing, look, they're stealing... Oh, dude, now I'm on the side. Now we gotta crack down on these fucking motherfuckers. Look, Mexico is filled with people that not only steal the premium episodes

but then have the audacity to complain about them. Truly the worst kind of... Yo, if the caravan was full of people that do that shit, I would personally take a fucking gun to every single one of those motherfuckers' heads. And I'd kill the Mexicans. Not the Mexicans!

The hypothetical Reddit guys, no. The Mexican Reddit guys. Nick, I didn't say Mexicans. Who all happened to be Mexican? Shut up! In this hypothetical they're from Mexico. By the way, me and Nick have just been... Everything we've talked about has been

via the Monster Mash. On this beautiful, all hallowed... All hallowed, all hallowed, pussied ease. That's right. We get in there... and follow out these fucking tools on your... on your hole, bitch. Oh, I'm bad at fucking.

My dick doesn't work. Let me introduce you to the pit crew. Nine guys come in. All in jumpsuits. Drills with dildos at the end of this. They come in immediately just rip her legs off her body. And then she's just held up on Jackson.

Yeah. And then they just attach a fatter black women's legs to her body. They come up, rip her tits off. Huge black tits. Big black tits. Big fat black ass. And...

pit stop complete. Better bitch ready to go. She's just an agony. Welcome to the better bitch pit stop. All the fucking sutures are getting infected in real time. And then I'm just sitting on this woman's back and she's bleeding out,

making race car noises. I love Monaco. The Monaco bitch. This is the beautiful spot. Just a bunch of fucking princes watching. Oh, man. I'd love to be a rich Monaco guy, dude.

Uh-huh. Isn't that like... isn't that like the richest place? Or is it Abu Dhabi? Abu Dhabi, I thought was the town from Aladdin. What am I thinking of? This guy sent me an e-mail.

I guess some like marketing company. This is like clearly a scam. Okay. This guy sent me $10 to $40K in upfront marketing dollars. I love that, dude. I can't wait to hear what marketing dollars are.

I love marketing dollars. And the thing is they're upfront. The thing is you would think upfront means they just give it to you, but it turns out you have to give them a couple dollars to really get the upfront dollars going. Yeah.

No, I'm not doing this shit. What do they want? I don't know. They sent me an e-mail. They wanted to get on the phone immediately. Call him up, dude. Yeah, I guess. Let's put him on the podcast.

Oh, is this disrespect? This guy? Call him gay and a little dick in? Yeah, I can't wait to do it. I can't wait to call this man gay. I hope that he becomes gay. So let's run through real quick just the day's news.

Okay. There's local reports that Super Mario along with Luigi has stumbled across a new hat to wear. It looks just like the Mario hat except it's brown and there's an N on it. That can stand for a lot of things. Well, Luigi is begging Mario

not to put that on. There's no way that that's good. There is one very probable bad outcome of you putting on that hat. A best-case scenario. You're in a black face. You put, yes. You have the best-case scenario.

It turns you into a chocolate bar. And your chocolate in the end stands for Nugget. And we get chocolate Mario. Best-case scenario. That's the best case. It does nothing for you, Mario. It's not a power. You do not want to be made out of chocolate.

You do not want to be cool. Shut up, Luigi. Let's be honest here. We both know what that N stands for and what's going to happen to everybody. They're going to cancel Mario. Yeah, I'm going to accuse Mario of rain. Mario, here I have made a hat

that makes Mario racist. And because he's addicted to fashion as a homosexual bitch, he won't be able to resist putting on the hat. Wario has invented an N-word hat that makes Mario run around yelling the N-word in blackface. Oh, fucking shit. It's Mario Land 2's The Six Golden Teeth.

That was a tight game, Mario Land 2. Mario Land? Mario Land 2, Six Golden Coins. I don't think I played Super Mario Game Boy. The one that was a stolen game? The one that they just stole from a different game? No, that was Super Mario Brothers 2. I loved that one.

Maybe that was Super Mario World 2? Yes, it was. Yeah, I played that on Game Boy Advance. It's advanced. It's like when your T-cell count drops and they're like, yo, damn, you just leveled up, powered up. I was just laughing today about telling people

I have herpes because I got it in France. I actually got it on the French Riviera. That's right. The beautiful young girl, 11 years old. It's legal there. That's part of being an artist. You go to France, have sex with herpes-ridden children. An experienced 11-year-old on the beach.

Where Faulkner once laid out and wrote My Cousin Vinny. That's my favorite of his three choices. My favorite William Faulkner book. Number one, My Cousin Vinny. I love how he does the real dialect. He spells it ute. You know what I mean?

He can really get a vibe for these people. It's just beautiful. What are some of the other good Faulkner books? Another one is The Wedding Singer. The Wedding Singer? That's a really good one. He wrote that one. All Dogs Go To Heaven?

Yep. That's him. I think it was called All Hounds Go To Heaven originally. All Dogs Go To Heaven. It's a story of a German shepherd that lost all of his slaves. He understands that slavery is bad, but he's still a gentleman.

Goddamn, if anyone's going to take his gentleman sensibility away from him, at least of all that bastard, General Sherman. That bastard. Yeah, I don't remember any. I mean, as I suck dicking. Yeah, as I lay dying. As I lay. Absalom.

Absalom. Wasn't that a shitty band also? Probably. That's a pretty fucking little dickass thing to do. Name your band after a book. Yeah. Fucking nerd. About a Boy by William Fox.

Another thing I say to you. No, boys don't cry also. I was having a pumpkin race latte today. Instead of pumpkin spice latte. And it's a latte that tastes like Korean people. Is it the same race every time? Yeah, well, no, it's a pumpkin race. Because they look Korean people like pumpkins.

I suppose, yes. Yeah. I always consider them to look more like Majin Boo. That's how I tell them apart from other Asians. Majin Boo? Majin Boo from Dragon Ball. Oh, I didn't watch Dragon Ball. Dragon Ball Z.

Dragon Ball Z as we call it in England. I was sucking on a dick late one night when my roommate came in to that awful site. And he shrieked and screamed and I had to explain. It was a joke. It was a joke. That I was doing. I'm not gay. It was a joke.

It was a funny joke. It was just a joke. A funny joke. What you saw. It was just a joke. I am not gay. I am not gay. Please show me your phone.

Don't tweet that out. Let me see your phone. Just let me see your phone. Just let me see your phone. Your fucking phone. Please don't post any pics. Don't post pictures of my dick. Going in?

Going into that man's ass. Just that guy just fucking fleeing the scene immediately. Well, super fans, we got a new Twitter account. Oh yeah. At Comtown Records. That's right. If you enjoy Comtown Classico podcast. Comtowning Classico.

Classico. The good kind of podcast. The good kind of podcast. There are no facts. Nothing gay being said. No one is inserting facts. Wait, William Faulkner didn't write All Dogs Good Heaven. He's Don Blue.

Get well soon, Adam. He's sick and I'm praying for our boy. He has AIDS. He got it from being gay. This is the police. This is the police. Sir, you're gay. Sir, sir, sir.

This is the police. You're gay. We have a helicopter. We have a helicopter. You're surrounded and you're gay. Sir, you're gay. That's another one that was getting us good. Yeah, we've been doing some good bits, guys.

Honestly, me and Nick, we're talking about just starting to always have field recorders on us. And the second a bit pops off, we just start. We should do at least one podcast. Yeah, just a headset on. A headset throughout it. We should hang out all day one day. Just click it on. And click it on.

And then just really, that would be a fun one. Just out in the field. Yeah. You hear the ambient noises. Yeah. The titties of the beautiful women that are around us constantly slapping together. Uh huh. That kind of stuff.

Yeah. You know. Like knob-evans. And it's a place where you eat dick for breakfast. Exactly. Say we were walking past the bob-evans. Yeah, that would be a thing. Then you would, you know, let's say we were walking past the, let's see here, key foods.

Well, you know, what might we say there? Gay foods. Gay foods. Exactly. I mean, that's the kind of shit that, you know. Anyways, if you want to look at the Twitter account, cometownrecords, you got to go to patreon.com slash cometown and sign up. And then you are allowed, you have permission to go look at the cometownrecords.

Otherwise, you are committing theft and fraud and we will fucking have you arrested. Dude, after spending just hours and hours of my life on airlines and in airports. Brutal. I'm now a fascist. I love the rules, everyone has to obey the rules. Yep. This fucking dumb bitch stewardess comes by. Cool off king.

Yeah. And she says, I can't believe it's this lady walked by and took a pillow and blanket from first class. Can you believe it? She's telling us that. Like, bitch, anything bad that happens to first class, this is the place where socialism can start. Yeah.

He's in coach. That's what that's like. Talk to other people in coach, yeah, as if we're supposed to be like, how dare she dare. She take that fucking pillow. This woman came into this rich guy's house and took some extra medicine he wasn't using for her dying daughter. Yeah.

Can you believe what a dumb bitch she is? Yeah. Fuck that. And it's like, there's so many people on planes that love the rules. Yeah. Yeah. That fucking dumb old bitch. Oh, I almost went off on her, dude.

She wouldn't let me fucking, she had the front seats like where there's no other thing in front and I was trying to take a piss at the other side and I was like, excuse me, I was so polite. Yeah. People don't do it anymore. Go ahead. I was so polite. I was like, excuse me, could I just go through here?

And I mean, I don't even think you have to, like, there's an extra, there's extra fucking room and she's like, I suppose that's fine and she gave me some tone and you know your boy's not having that. Yeah. It's just like, is this really a problem for you, bitch? Yeah. Is this really a problem for you? She's like, you know, we paid extra for these seats and I just, I fucking hit her with,

you know, just have some common decency. Yeah. I felt so good, dude. I felt like I out. Can I see your manager? Yeah. Can I see your manager, bitch? Yeah.

And I was ready to go out. Never mind the fact that her dumb ass husband was screaming the whole flight because he's deaf. Yeah. I was ready to go off on his ass too. I had some, uh, your gnome, your garden gnome looking husband in the chamber ready to go. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was ready to make fun of her haircut. I was ready to be cool. I was, I was like, you know, that would be so funny. It's just no idea. We know each other. They're coming in from just the four o'clock vector with the like, is this old faggot causing a problem for you, sir?

Yeah. Yeah. You call me, sir. Excuse me. My unrelated, sir. Why thank you, the pilot of this fucking airplane who was sitting in the back. Oh my God. I didn't realize I was, we're on the same flight as Chris Kyle, the American sniper who's

now an air marshal who's been resurrected and is now, yeah, who had to fake his own death to become a morbidly obese air marshal. That'd be a fun TV show about the air marshal that's widely fat and he takes up three seats because he's the best damn air marshal. And his fucking gun keeps going off. There's nothing wrong. There's nothing worth it being a fat motherfucker. And he keeps having gay sex in the bathroom.

That's an aspect of the show. The phone is an anthropomorphic phone that turns into, I guess, kind of a man and has gay sex. Yeah. He's a, now he's a phone. Oh, he's a phone. Oh, no. I was saying he.

What? Turns into a phone. No, you, you just said that. I was saying he keeps having gay sex in the bathroom. Oh, I thought, what did you say? Did you say phone? Yeah. I don't think I said phone.

Did I just make you say phone up? Yeah. I think you just, yeah. I thought you said he takes his phone out. No, no, no. And has gay sex. No, no. But I do like this angle that he's like a.

A shape shifter. Yeah. He's a shape shifter. He's a more, he chooses to be morbidly obese. He chooses to be fat as shit. But he turns into a phone that has gay sex in the bathroom. That's fucking tight. Would this phone have a dick?

Oh, of course. Okay. All right. You have to enter the secret code into the touch pad. Oh, shit. And then it's like. It comes out of the screen. It comes out of the screen.

Yeah. Yeah. Like magic, like the ring. Yeah. Like the ring goo. It'd be cool if that ring girl came out of the TV pussy first. Absolutely. You know, you know, I never understood that.

Absolutely. She has to crawl out of the TV. It's like, just walk up and put your dick in her mouth. Get your dick sucked. If you're going to die, you might as well on the way out. Get your fucking dick just coming in a dead girl's mouth. And she looked slimy and shit. Her mouth's probably nice and wet.

That's what they don't tell you. It's the only way out of the ring is if you beat off to the video. Interesting. Yeah. Yes. You see that little girl going into that well. Okay. You know, and you're like.

That's kind of a. Damn. I wish that was my ass. Okay. All right. Oh, you took it a different way. Right. You're going to crawl into your ass about like a the world's most notorious pedophile

and he kidnaps people's infants and then shoves them up his ass. It's like, I just want to feel like a mom. It's the hardest job in the world. It's the toughest job in the world. I guess I'm stealing that. He just puts on dresses and he puts on pants suits and sends emails while a baby is in his ass. Yeah.

It's all in Valor videos, but it's like just a butch woman confronting trans people. Uh-huh. You know, it'd be like, oh, that's interesting. Where'd you serve? What bathrooms? You know, something like that. We had a pretty good one. Oh yeah.

It's fucking jackass. Yes. We've been having a lot of fun with. Oh, I'm being more jaring. This is sunken Phil's dick. I'm sunken on Phil's dick while he's trying to sleep. But it's jackass and they take dick pills while in his skirt and they go into the women's bathroom.

So they have a really hard dick and they're dressed like, and basically it's, this is jackass and we're setting back the trans movement. This is jackass. 10 years. And this is get trans people in trouble. This is do what Republicans claim trans people actually do. I suck a dick. I am a faggot.

I can't wait to suck a dick. You know, and then that butter that. Yeah. Ben Margera kick flipping into a woman's bathroom. This is dick out. Yeah. I'm a fucking girl. Yeah.

I'm a girl trying to use the ladies piss pot. Jackass will return in a brief moment. Yeah, dude. I love this new jackass reboot we're working on. Yeah. We got sunkenfills dick. Sunkenfills dick. There's something.

There was something about stevo. Get someone's fucking him in the ass and he's just throwing up. I'm stevo and this is have gay sex. Fucking stevo. Yeah, so those are the two we have so far or three, I guess. Bam. Leave your father alone. He's got to work in the morning.

Come on, bam. Get my fucking dick out of your mouth. I ain't trying to get my dick sunk. Come on. Bam. It's four o'clock in the morning. I don't want to get my dick sunk right now. Bam.

I got to work in the morning. Oh, actually, we should also say this is a bummer alert and we're sorry, but we had to we're going to have to reschedule shows in the south. Yeah. We fucked up some scheduling and we're not going to be able to make it and our dicks are small for that one and we apologize, but you know, you should honestly be preparing for the caravan anyway. Yeah.

You're closer. So what we did is we canceled the shows to give you more time to prepare for the caravan. 16 covered wagons filled with Mexicans and gangsters to fucking Junkos, insane clown stuff. That's right. You know, insane clown. I think Posse is already a his Spanish word. Pussy.

Pussy. We are going to warn me. So yeah, sorry about that, but I don't want those guys coming over here because I don't want them doing the voice and diluting my market. Interesting. Yeah. So you just don't that's your problem with Hispanic people seeking asylum is the voice. I mean, look what happened to blackface guys.

Once black people were allowed to do music on the TV, you know, that is what blackface. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not that it's right. Yeah. What Al Jolson was doing. Sure. But he had, but the man had.

Yeah. Big red painted mouse kids, yeah, the Jolson Christmas photo. Yeah. Why? Why wasn't anyone thinking about Al Jolson's children? Yeah, dude. You know how expensive it is? Well, a wing nut and mudflap Jolson.

Yeah. It's my son, ding bad. His papa, his son doesn't even know how to speak any other way than like racistly. Yeah. He talks, Paul, I was, I was very grateful or what, you know, et cetera. It feels wrong to do it even in the context of this bit. Yeah. But you do it anyways.

That's what you power through. That's what the show is about, man. This is, this is gay jackass and this is put on blackface and something. Yeah. Yeah. You're watching gay jackass and this is racist gay guy. Come on, bam, you're getting, you're getting a shoe polish all over my dunk. All right.

I ain't sure to get dunk all over my shoe polish, bam, come on, bam. My balls are totally, my balls look like plums, bam. Bam. You gave me prune knots, pulling your big purple lips all over my dunk. Shut the fuck up, Bill. Bam, bam. Your father doesn't want a black notch, bam. Your father's got to go to his work at the gay store.

Yeah. That's right, ma'am. Yeah. Forget it. On gay racist jackass, me and dad works at the gay store. This is Steve Oh, and this is have gay sex while you say the N word. Come on, say it, Steve Oh. Just say it, man.

Fuck. Yep. Yep. This is all good. Me and Nick were also thinking about doing a sketch show for some of these guys. Some of these ideas, you know, just capturing our twisted imaginations. I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is eat turds out of my friend's ass. That one sounds too close to an actual jackass one, honestly.

Pretty much. Yeah. You're trying to think of... Yeah, you're trying to... And even the gay one, the half of the shit they do is already gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shouts out to Chris Pawnee, he says dick in a little mouse costume. Hey, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is laugh at a retarded man in public.

Yep. There we go. Yeah. And this is like a guy with Down syndrome trying to like, he's with his adult father. I guess it's of course his dad being this older gentleman father. Yeah, just a 75-year-old man. They're holding hands. Holding hands with a 52-year-old man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was trying to not say like, haha, haha, haha, oh fuck. Yeah, he's laughing at my fucking retard. Yeah, yeah, he's laughing at my retarded face. I can't believe it. He's laughing right in his fucking face. The rab himself just fucking slapped this retard in the face with a turd. Yeah, he's spiked James, just gave this retarded haircut, yeah.

Preston just kissed his retard on a dick. Hey, I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is B Gay with a retard. I'm Stevo and this is here at King of Prussia Mall and we're going to, and we found the retard. We're going to retort and we're going to have a gay sex. I'm wearing a dress and my dick is hard and we're going to have gay sex with the first retarded person we've seen. I'm going to sunk his dick.

This is put We-Man completely in your ass. This is give birth to We-Man. We put Phil to sleep. We put We-Man crawled into his ass. Man, what the hell is that? Phil, I think you're pregnant. Wait, We-Man, you got a kick. Oh shit, I think We-Man died.

We suffocated. We-Man suffocated. We-Man suffocated. The fireworks are going off while we pull We-Man's lifeless body out of Phil's ass. Phil, you got to shit out our friends. Bam, come on, bam, you know I don't have time for that. Come on, bam. First you sunk my dick and now your door friend is in my dead inside my ass.

Bam, how many times do I tell you not to put dead midgets in your father's ass? Hell yeah. The voice of a generation, this podcast, fucking smartest geniuses. That's so true. The world's smartest geniuses. I'd like to see Neil deGrasse Tyson come up with something like that. He'd probably be like, oh, I'm gay, I'm a fucking idiot, space plus five equals I'm a fucking idiot.

Yeah, that's right. That is so true. Don't ever try to podcast. That is so fucking true. I know. Pick up this fucking mic, this fucking mic, Neil, you bitch. I bet you won't, bitch. Neil, the down on your knees and suck my dick off, ass Tyson.

Hell yeah, dude. I just dunked on him from half court. Dunk. We dunked on his fucking little dick ass. You have a small penis, Neil. We're only saying this stuff about him because he raped that woman. Oh yeah, Crispin Wong. We do a read, not and we got another four minutes.

Okay, cool. I think I didn't know if we're doing it earlier or whatever we're doing a wife, we'd a wife. This Obama's idealism belong in today's political class. Talk about it. Dude, I'm losing the ability to read, bro. Welcome. I haven't read shit. I read.

I've been reading a book about I'm thinking about getting like hardcore into opiates. Yeah, I mean, I, I, I on one level really supported on another. I really don't, you know, for example, I do love the idea of us getting just code dependent as hell back, back to the fucking glory days. I'll get, I'll put on another hundred pounds. You get addicted to opiates. We're having a good time. Yeah.

What's the story with this fucking Pittsburgh thing? Some guy pulled up, pulled off a very, very not cool move, honestly. Who was it? The guy? Was it like a Dylan roof type? Yeah. I don't know. It was a white supremacist, I think.

Yeah. It'd be funny if it wasn't. It was just a guy that's like, look, I wanted to shoot a place up. Yeah. Yeah. The first place I saw. Yeah. There's like nothing raised.

Like a whole entire Facebook profile is just Seinfeld quotes. Yeah. It's the first place I saw favorite breakfast, eating bagels and locks. Jerry, why wouldn't you just shoot the first place you find? Yeah. Well, I don't know. Yeah. You never know.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good bit. That is a good one. Yeah. That actually, I mean, we've been spending most of the episode talking about gay retarded blackface jackass. We're talking about that is a funny bit.

Caesar Sayak. How about Caesar say it? That's right. And he says the N word instead of keeping it bottled up inside until he has to take a little trip to the post office. Speaking of the post office. It's crazy that you can just do. That's how fucking incompetent the post office is they delivered 11 bombs to people and a

couple of them after it was already right like like the Nero's bomb didn't come all come out to like the end of the thing. You got to feel like if a famous person, if you're getting like a kind of heavy package sent to a famous person, maybe and then it was like the crime. I didn't read anything about the story. Me. They're having read. Oh my God.

I would say that the crime was solved by the FBI and the NYPD and not which zero help from the U.S. Postal Service Police. Do they have their own their own internal armed forces? I think so. That would be awesome. Post office law enforcement. That's awesome. Give one of those rude old bitches a gun, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. What was that? Would you go with me to the post office that one day that that bitch was just wildly disrespectful to me? No. When I was like we're the stamps and she was like you need to get in line and then was like just drinking out of her drinking out of her cop.

Fuck yeah. At work. I dare this fucking bitch. You answer my fucking questions immediately, bitch with a dry ass mouth. Yeah. I need to fucking mail. You are not allowed to lubricate. I need some.

I need to mail back this fucking rare Japanese pornography that I ordered off of eBay because all the cocks were blurred out and they assured me they wouldn't be to jet lag sucks, dude. Yeah. This is the worst feeling in the world. Yeah. And I know I'm going to go. I'm not going to be able to sleep either. Yeah.

It's like if unless you sleep right now and wake up at 1am, you're going to not be able to sleep. Yeah. But you know, that's the thing when you're an international fucking playboy. Yeah. Because you guys think we were out there doing live shows. We were actually having sex with the Australian volleyball team. Dude, I had sex with every girl in Australia.

I know that sounds like hyperbole. Yeah. But I actually don't even know what a hyperbole means. Yeah. Or what a hyperbole is. I mean, hyperbole's are so fucking stupid and fucking big. Yeah. Hyperbole.

Yeah. So it's like what? It's like a faster version of Bolly the country. Yeah. It's hyperbole wood. It's every Bollywood movie, but it's really fast. Yeah. And for hyperbole.

Bolly. So I think I almost shit myself on that one. That's awesome, dude. Yeah. I wish I could shit myself. You can't. Maybe this year. When's the last time you shit yourself?

Years and years ago. Probably. Probably second grade. I'd say. No. You were drinking for that long and you never woke up with shit in your pants? Never once. And never did I shit.

You pissed though. I would piss. But only because I would miss whatever I was trying to piss on and end up pissing in my own face. So that doesn't count. What are you trying to piss on, man? I don't know. The backseat of my car.

I remember falling asleep in the backseat of my car and you just pull your dick out. You don't know which direction down is. One time I remember when we, maybe I've told the story on the pod, when we went to my friend's bar, you just pulled your dick out and pissed honestly on the mo. You picked the most visible spot. You were trying to be discreet and it was like Boston Street in the middle of that shit and you went under a street like dick facing the road and you just started pissing. It was awesome.

Yeah, well I had to go to the bathroom. And then my man, we'll call him Doug, who, I won't say anything more, but he worked at a bar and he's like a handsome man. I believe he's either married or in a serious relationship and I had only hung out with him at family parties and shit. And then he's just, it was after a Raven's game, I think it was a Sunday because I picked you up after that Sunday show on the Goobies and just the fucking fattest, most disgusting. These bitches were from Dundalk and like coming to Canton, coming into Baltimore City was

like fancy for them. These bitches, literally one of them was in, like in white Raven's jerseys and camo pants and he just starts triple kissing these two fat bitches in the middle of a bar. The bar he fucking works at. Yeah, I love to give a bitch the triple kiss. He's just like, oh yeah. I wish I could sunk your dick right now, Doug. Yeah, this is a guy who's really straight and he's like, damn, I love just like kissing

girls. Dude, I fucking love that shit. The way they're soft, beautiful lips, touch my lips. No, because he has gay sex, but he doesn't know what kissing feels like. Dude, I love, yeah, just the way a girl's mouth feels. You know, when it wraps around your mouth, it feels like you're... Something like that. You guys do the work on that.

Her lips are a dick and your mouth is an ass, you know. The most beautiful kind of thing going into the other thing. Well, today's episode is brought to you by bettyside.com, the premier sports betting website ever featured on this podcast. Easily that. It is easily that. Easily the number one one, the number one one, the one that we've said about. That I've said, bettyside has been in business for over 20 years.

Wow. That's just as serious. That's almost as old as I am. Shit. Are you fucking serious? You know how old I am? How old? 29.

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I'm 29. So if you want to go and gamble online. Yeah. Age, Nick Mullen. Gamble. God damn. I'm just going to like turn 30 and then 40 and then I'm going to die. Yeah.

No, that is what's going to happen, probably. Fuck. It will happen in that order. There'll be stuff in between. Dude, I'm serious about getting into those opiates. I felt great the other day. Yeah. They feel good.

Somebody slipped me a little Mickey the other night. Yeah. I don't know what that means. I just like the expression. They put a, they put a whole glove in your ass. I had a great night. They put a mouse in your ass. Yeah.

Let's get a sip of Mickey. Nice ass, Pagan. What is this? A gay guy's ass? What are you? Hey, it's me. Gay Mickey Mouse. This is gay Disney Jackass.

This is sunk Mickey Mouse's dick. I'm going to go in the Phil's bedroom and I'm going to suck his dick while he's trying to sleep. Oh, come on, Mickey Mouse. Oh, shut up. I don't want my dick sunk. Shut the fuck up, Phil. Man, bet the SI is an easy to use mobile playing interface.

Play, win, get paid. Don't. Shut the fuck up. Man. Bet the SI is an easy to use mobile playing interface. Play, win, get paid. Oh, yes, my friend. Bet the SI offers odds on pretty much everything else too. I don't even know if I said the first one, but you did, man. All major sports, politics, reality TV. Yep. That's pretty much everything man. Some other shit you don't even thought about cooking. Will your roommate be cooking when you get home today? You can bet on that shit. Damn. Bet the SI is a great mobile app. Easy to use from anywhere. I love that shit because sometimes I use other things. That's what I hate about some like

Twitter, for example. Yep. It's a good app, but only when you're at home. Only when you're at the kitchen. Right. If you're using it at Subway, it's a completely different experience. It sucks, dick. Right. If you're at Starbucks. Oh, you know, it's trying to use some of these betting apps at certain places. Right. They won't work. Not bet the SI though. Bet the SI work. Somehow the app has a consistent experience, regardless of your physical, graphic location. Right. Exactly. Which is unique to the bet the SI app. That's definitely not a stupid fucking. It isn't. It's not. It's definitely. I have had apps that are bad. Oh, me too. For sure. For that reason. They offer live in-game wagering. I think

you said that three times. Did I? What if it's live in game, live in game wagering? It's yeah. Do you a bet? Take an anthropomorphized bet comes to life. That's when you have like a live in or older. I hope I don't fucking end up in that situation. What? What do you think? Like a parent? You think you're going to have kids that love you enough to let you live with them? Oh, no. I mean, I hope I don't have to take care of one of my parents. You think you love your parents enough to take care of them? Right. I mean, it's going to be so awful when they get to the end and I'm just like not doing anything about it. You're sending the kids a text. I'm going to feel so bad and you will do nothing. Right.

I'm going to be just be right. I'm going to be right. I'm going to have no one close to me in my life. I'll be in a meeting with like somebody who doesn't want to work with me, but I've somehow I'm still in entertainment because I'll just be one of those dinosaurs that gets to write on every garden show. Oh yeah. Yeah. And I'll be like, yeah, things are really bad. My mom's homeless and I'm not doing anything about it. Oh, she's 87 years old. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was going to put her in a home, but then I didn't. And then yeah, I didn't because I need all this extra income to bet and make even more money with live in game wagering on bet the SI. You can make plays throughout the entire games

and events. So let's say it's, I don't know, two to two. Yeah. The massacre at Bob, Bob of Yar, you know, and you're saying how many more people are they going to kill? Is it was that? Is that a real massacre? I think so, right? I don't remember. It was like before the Holocaust and they're just using guns on them. Damn. Yeah. Seriously, the Holocaust is fucked up. How the fuck are people Nazis now? People are still alive that got that weren't and some preach. It's crazy. Preach that she was wild. Absolute church. And you know who doesn't support Nazis? Probably bet the SI bet the SI. Here's what we're going to be betting on this week. Oh, I guess I wasn't supposed to say that. What am I betting

on this week? Yeah, what are you betting? I don't know. I've lost all my money in crypto currency. Yep. That's why you should have bet it all on bet the SI. I guess I guess people were right. I should have kept my money in a bank rather than the set of some weird Chinese, Chinese, Chinese exchanges. Lower that. It's creaking, dude. What's creaking? Hit the button to lower it to your little ass feet. I was saying how about instead of the creek in the cave? It's the creek and I'm gay. Yes. Correct. All right. Here's what you're going to bet on motherfuckers. You're going to make a ton of money. Motherfucking tomorrow, big game, Milwaukee fucking plays the goddamn fucking Boston Celtics. You got

to bet on the Celtics, baby. No, you don't. Absolutely. You bet on the bucks. You bet on the bucks. No, you don't. Out of the out of the fucking concussion protocol. He's ready to go. He's ready to fuck. He's ready to suck. And there and you know, Kyrie looks better after cutting his hair, but Yanis is going to split his ass cheeks open and crawl up in there. Like he's we man going into Phil's ass in that one bit we did. Yeah, like 15 minutes. All right, Peter, we man to gay. We also wrote a sketch where it's the police trying to shoot a homeless guy in the dick and he's dodging all the bullets, but they're still hitting all his. He's still dying, but his dick never gets. He's dodging where the

bullets go. And then they have, for some reason, a military. Let's finish this read and then we can tell you so much about that. When you sign up, make sure to use promo code come 120 so they know we, the come boys send you over there. That's CUM 120. Yes, sir. And when you sign up, you've got some options. You can just play in cash out or you can take the bonus money, which is like getting a casino comp upfront before you've played at the table. Getting your dick sucked by one of those fancy holes like getting your dick sucked by one of those fancy whores at a casino, not one of the Chinese ones that hangs out, you know, by the buffet. No, no, no, no, no, no, talking a high roller type of bitches are on the floor.

Plus you feel like genuine leather. That's right. Corinthian. She got her own lube that she prefers or you can take the bonus money, which is like, Oh, I said that already. It has a rollover requirement, but it's free cash. Now I tried explaining this to me three times and I didn't get it. Yeah. Which I'm sure if you gamble, you know what that means. We don't have to tell you. Yeah. Look, they offer bonus money. The point is it's bonus, free fucking money. It's free. What are you a fucking idiot that you have to gamble or something? So you can't just fucking take the money and cash it out. Yeah. But you listen, you play, you put that money on Stavi's lock of the fucking millennium, the bucks over

the Celtics. I have, I don't know what the line is. I don't even give a fuck. The Tampa Del Ray buckaroon. Oh, look, if you go in there and you can come up with a new name for the Miami Dolphins that they use, you win. Let me look at this. $100 billion. And that is official. That's an official. That is official guys. That Miami Dolphins want to pick a new flavor of Doritos. And if you pitch the flavor and if you're thinking Sprite Remix, I already said, I'm thinking Einhorn's boy pussy. I already sent in the Sprite Remix, Hot Fire Sprite Remix Doritos. So if you're going to be in the sports book, which is where we like to gamble, if you use promo code CUM 120 up to $1,000, they're going to give you

60% bonus cash, which would turn 1,000 into 1,600 to play with. And I'll tell you what, I like playing with something. Titties. That's right. A woman's breasts. Titty fucking. Or as I like to call it, hiding my penis. Hiding my penis. Where'd it go? Yeah. Yeah. Is that it behind your ear? No, my coin shaped a dick. Yeah. So once again, that's bet the aside.com CUM 120. Let's start the show. Oh, that's sorry. I guess we're supposed to read it. I don't know. I think that no, I think that's maybe that's I think they just sent me Lewis's copy, which is why all of these words are spelled phonetically. There's just a picture of a house. This is great, dude. Or you pictures and like a little boy

and a little girl holding hands on the hill. This is great. You can win little little yellow circles. Oh, I'm sorry. That's doggy. Jack and Joe went up the hill. These promo code. Let's start the show. I have to take a most violent shit. A most violent shit. Johnny violence. How you doing? My name is Lorenzo and I would personally like to welcome you to club vasectomy. My name is hot Dover, Delaware's hottest new night singles night, ladies night, women's night, dames night, every night, a different type of bitch, guaranteed entry, ladies night. If you have heard if you have fucked over 40 men, you are not allowed to attend ladies night. We got nerd pussy night. If you know how to read, bitch, you get in

for free, bitch. If you know how to read, I got something you can read right here. It's an instruction manual for my penis. And a Super Nintendo game and replica instruction manual describing my penis. It's a tattoo under my my balls that says please suck me. Yeah, I'm trying to read. Yeah, I like to call my penis Nintendo's power because it's got tips and tricks. It has multiple tips. My dick has two heads. And that's a trick in and of itself. That would be tricky. Yeah. Just pay a guy to go up to women and just say schizophrenic pickup lines. Damn, girl. Did you know they call my penis Nintendo power because it's got tips and tricks. It has two heads and trick a treat. And one of my nuts

is filled with the breakfast cereal tricks. Yeah, one of them's got and tricks. Oh, shit. So now I go home with you. I just want to sleep inside. If you're finished, I wanted to ask a question about Ace Ventura. No, I want to keep going with this. The schizophrenic pickup. Okay, let's keep going. Damn, girl, is your ass made out of light bulbs? Because my tongue is Stan that asshole. It's Stan in there. Tung Stan. Tungsten is the material to film it the early time. Yeah, because I can't wait to fill a man fill a man's ass with anything but my penis. Damn, damn, that was a fucking death to maneuver on my character's partner. That made us a verbal ballerina. Yeah. Damn, girl, have you ever been to lens

crafters? Because I'm trying to discount the number of ways I can fuck glasses. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. So are you from Sandals, Jamaica? Because I'm trying to, I'm going to resort to having sex with you one way or another. Don't make me resort to violence. Don't make me resort to violence. Sand, sand, dull, because sand, sand's dull evenings will be having when we sexualize our experiences together. Oh, yes. Girl, I'm trying to have a sexual experience with you. I'm trying to get some sexual ass pussy. Damn, girl, are you the Epcot Center? Because I'm trying to ride a fucking tiny rollercoaster. It's not a rollercoaster. You think it's going to be rollercoaster, but then it's just some

bullshit about learning. That's what fucking me is like. You think it's going to be hot, but you just learn shit about me. I put my penis in and then I start telling you my life story. Beginning with third grade. Yeah. And that's when everybody started calling me the smelly kid, because I shit my pants once. Never mind the fact that the smell was gone by the time I got back from the nurse's office wearing the clothes that a retarded kid left at school a week prior when he just ran home naked. When he disappeared into the woods nude, when I was, I came back to class saying, who's shit their pants now wearing a full Thomas the Tank Engine sweatsuit provided by my retarded brother. But did they stop calling me that?

No, it continued. Maybe that's what Bigfoot is. Yeah. A hairy mentally disabled man that escaped into the woods years ago. Very good point. Very fucking possible. I'm just saying very fucking good because it's smarter. Man, I would love to have a conspiracy theory show. Let's do that. And it's just us not understanding things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really know when people say jet fuel can't melt steel beams or whatever. I don't really know what they mean. What the fuck is steel? Does that mean just mean metal in general? I think I think iron is involved. Maybe I think it's some kind of steel is just iron that Scott. I think they fuck it up with some other shit. Yeah, exactly. A couple different kinds of

metal. Yeah, because it's not a little copper in there. Maybe some shit and bronze. Yeah. Damn girl. Is your ass made out of steel? Do you have a steel ass? Because I'm trying to take it without permission. That's still not schizophrenic. No, it's not. It's a guy trying to do pickup lines. Yeah, these are just horrible pickup lines. It would be like damn girl, is your ass a pair of headphones? Because I own a banana and I ate it one time. Yeah, that's a cartoon or show. Yeah, listen, it's like damn girls at three o'clock because I want to take I want to I want to take you back to the Toyota Corolla. That's too direct. Can I I want to just let me just let me put your hair in my mouth. There we go. There

we go. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, it goes at three o'clock because I want to put your can I like can I put my hair in your scooby doo be Dennis. I'm gonna name my son scooby doo. I'm gonna name my son scooby, Dennis Halkus. I like this prediction you have that you're going to have a child now. I think I will at some point. Yeah, maybe. Well, God speed. I mean, not anytime soon. I'm going to take the next decade to become a real adult man. And now I know I'm 29. And that's too late. But guess what? God speed. The thing I was wondering about Ace Ventura is when Finkle, Finkle's iron god speed. Is her dick in her ass? I don't remember. I don't I don't I always thought they chopped his cock off

and sewed it back onto her ass. This is the scene everyone complains about. They're like, oh, it's mean to trans people. Yeah, I mean, it is transphobic in hindsight. Everyone's throwing up. What the fuck is transphobia being mean and towards trans people? Oh, no, I yeah, I didn't know. Okay. Oh, yeah, it is. Oh, yeah, it is. I guess. Yeah, I guess that is transphobia. But but I think that's what it's like. What the fuck is sexism? It's like, you know, when you just like discriminated women in the workplace. Oh, oh, okay. That's fucked up. Oh, yeah, it's weird. I don't like that. Yeah, I thought it was like, like having sex. I thought it was being mean to guys that fucking brother, let me tell you something.

I thought it was being mean to sex. Like saying sex is bad. If that's the case, then every woman I've ever met, every moment I've ever fucked is sexist. Because every time they're like that was fucking damn, I took a shit like an hour ago and I'm already what did you have for dinner? Popeye salad. My man. How was it? I'm burned. I'm dumb. We've yeah, we I'm gone. I'm gone too far. I've walked I've walked into the razor's edge. I've walked into the mouth of the razor. cock first. I've walked dick first into the mouth, the eyes of the razor. Oh, that was another another one of eyes of the condor. Yeah, another one of our characters is me trying to kill myself in it in an airplane's turbo. Oh yeah, no,

it's we do it first. We jump I jump into the the turbine and it cuts me into a billion pieces and then you try to do it and your stomach gets stuck and it cuts your dick. But it only cuts my dick off. It's the absolute worst outcome. I have to stay alive. I don't get to die. And I'm dickless. Yeah, it sucks your dick into the fan. Fuck, at least I at least go out getting sucked in one way. Damn, there'll probably be a second where it felt really good. Yeah, I want to press a gun to my head and pull the trigger. I want to kill myself. I hope I die. I hope I die soon. I deserve death. I hope if I fucking die soon. I deserve to die. Yeah. Well, let's get one good riff on one podcast classical podcast

classical. This is being another addition. I thought maybe we get a little bit more Mario putting on the brown hat. But let's do we did have that Mario putting on a leather hat and he's gay sex moral, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump. Let's just sign when his T cells dropped to zero. Oh, no. I am going to infect Matio with the HIV virus. And then he is going to have sex with Peach. And then she get AIDS why warrior I don't know because I want some pussy because I because I love having sex with girls to have AIDS I don't know about this plan actually now that I say it out loud now that I

think about it it seems it seems like it will backfire Wario has sucked Bowser's dick for some reason Super Mario dick suck only on Nintendo switch to yeah we're gonna suck Bowser's dick while he's sleeping the latest Nintendo console is also a toilet that anyone can use it sucks her dick all I can think about right now is just shitting yeah all day I dream about shitting adidas yeah I want some adidas toilet paper why don't you use your sweatshirt yeah that's cool that's really cool of you to suggest I wipe my ass with my shirt dude as if there's not people out there

who do things like that yeah yeah well if they are guess what you know what I love is this fuck them you know those homeless guys that are just like they're the outside of their pants are just covered in shit yes yeah that's the funniest look it is funny that's hilarious I respect it yeah just take them off bro just go news honestly a shit-covered nude ass makes so much more sense yeah then shit-covered fucking sweatpants I was laughing too about getting completely naked at the TSA security check yeah he turns around he comes back you're just fucking you still have your shoes on though sir you're holding

your ass open go ahead go ahead take take your take your finest look sir well I even know my freedoms I know my rights to my freedoms and I feel violated here tonight all right I'll I'll jack off in front of you I know we're missing like two minutes on this one but I have to shit so and look listen man go shit and you plug nothing or whatever listen yeah Nick will be back it's just it's just us guys welcome to Stavey's beautiful sensual hour Nick is taking a turbo shit I just heard turd rocket out of his little ass cheeks he just floated I hit he hurt he hit the ceiling like a cartoon you know when a cartoon hits the fucking

top of something that's what Nick did but propelled off the force of his ass so as Nick was saying as we said earlier the shows are now canceled in the south and we're sorry we're gonna book those motherfuckers soon though but in the meantime what you can do is come see us do funny moms on the 12th here in beautiful New York City Brooklyn New York I will be in Long Island somewhere the city cafe or some fucking dumb bullshit it's you know it's in a movie theater so please buy tickets to that and then even more importantly I will be headlining the DC draft house my first full fucking weekend as a hard-dick

savage headliner two shows Friday two shows Saturday really would meet a lot if you came out to see those and then I'll also be in and that's December 6 and 7th and I'll also be in Indianapolis on the fucking 13th Cincinnati on the 14th I think in Columbus on the 15th or maybe have those two mixed up go to my website stavey.biz for all that info and I think I'm adding a Pittsburgh show in January and possibly sunny Los Angeles so those are all the plugs I do well Nick is finishing up shitting I wanted to say I wanted to just talk a little bit more about Finkel's cock getting chopped off on Ace Ventura is that what

happened because I thought that but that doesn't really make sense I don't think they would cut someone's cock off and then sew it to their ass I think that's what I thought being trans was as a little boy but now that I'm saying it out loud and probably makes a lot more sense that she was actually tucking her cock back into right okay yeah that makes more sense let me run some other ideas by you guys have you guys ever hooked up with someone only because you're like worried about them like what it would do to them if they weren't for example if someone if someone tries to have sex with me I you know I have to

feel like I'm pretty low on their list so if like if I reject them imagine what it would do to them you know that's just an idea I had when someone asked me to have sex with her oh here's a good one here's a good song you will like this actually it's the king of wishful thinking I'll suck on your dick I know I will I'll pretend your balls aren't stinking and I'll let you come inside my mouth cuz I'm the king of semen drinking king of semen drinking so that's pretty good let's see here guys what else is really going on there's a oh I was thinking about going to Denver and one of the venues I looked at was the bug

theater that would be pretty funny because of what you know what you guys call Adam you call him a bug let's see here I really should have prepared some stuff oh we were doing this character how's that shit brother Nick's back dude perfect that was good timing did you had were you able to go yeah I was over and I I did the king of semen drinking how about what you know what like what's what's my age again you know but it's what's his name again what's his name again I sucked his dick on a payphone he gave me a fucking ride home he said he was the cops and then I was going to jail unless I sucked on to his

dick and that's about the time he fucking raped my mouth nobody says you can be raped when you're 23 and technically a grown man but but I have Asperger's what the hell is Asperger's my friends say I should check my privilege what's my privilege again I'm a white man who got raped and it's very important it came together yeah I know slam dunk and before you faggot say that song is about me it's not I got my dick touched he did not say he was a police officer I was not penetrated I did not suck a dick all that happened was he pulled he touched my penis touches penis with your several times and I

moved several times and then but he was busy driving you come my strategy was to distract him by him driving his car fucking smart dude I know that's why you're the king I am no one gets in other guys while they drive in out widely the the masters checkmate Nick just gets in other guys cars hard as shit yeah and just begs them to try and touch his dick yeah try it sir see what happened see what fucking happens you how you actually do it yeah but not to share what's my race again what's my race again my friend said that I am Chinese Chinese but actually I am just Jewish and my

face looks swollen because I'm one of those weird allergic Jews always allergic to everything some the Chinese lady at where I bought my chain which I think I will be visiting again soon to buy more jewelry she asked me if I was part Chinese what's your address again I'm not saying all right hold on only because I have roommates I don't fear you like I would say what Nick said because I would like some fan mail as well we should set up a PO yeah I got cool shit man I don't have time to look at it or open all of it most of it just goes in the garbage yeah Nick yeah we do these we power the podcast we don't use

batteries anymore we just burn all the mail you send Nick yeah some guys send me a picture it's a some guys cock and then there's a diaper on the balls and they said idea it's a diaper for your balls but I don't hate it look look if you want to send me shit like that yeah send the tiny diaper you fucking lazy piece of shit absolutely what do you think this is shark tank yeah now my balls got to go fucking fucking unprotected look I am a king do you people that's right though I don't want to come I'm not gonna VC your shit into existence do you want a diaper for your fucking balls you make it and then

let me try it out you send it to me and then I will try my dam just to shit my balls and if I can't do it which I have done yeah I have wiped shit for my balls before my life yeah oh yeah um what the fuck was I doing all right looking up your address in the context I wish I still had a roll of decks is your fun to you never had a roll of decks bitch well that's true God his ass all right I'm sorry I forgot I wasn't a business man yeah but I know you mean I did want one yeah like when you saw those motherfuckers yeah and I remember fantasizing about being an adult that was one of the fantasies about his own

it was a roller yeah oh hold on let me make a phone call real quick all right here Jenny Jenny with like the office yeah the ringtone that office on side we're dying yeah is this Jenny why don't you bring that fucking hairy ass 80s pussy over and maybe I can try to floss with those pubes yeah let me try on your jacket and pretend I have shoulders but then I could play fucking football wearing any woman's jacket yeah 80s yes captain yes sir sir yes sir yes sir oh you know what else I wanted Murphy blow how about instead of Murphy Brown it's Murphy blown mm-hmm and she's trans and she's got a guy and she's

getting a dick sucked under the desk well it's like the modern woman of the 80s shouts out to the movie police academy where there's multiple coerced oral sex rapes like one of their big pranks is when the like the principal or whatever or the leader of the fucking academy that they hate he has to give a speech but they put a whore in the podium and the whore sucks his dick while he gives the speech and he just rolls with it yeah doesn't go hey there's a there's a woman here trying to assault me I'm a police officer I'm gonna stop this my man just get his dick sucked while doing a speech hell yeah so like

that's I would love to get my dick sucked ever for any reason in any circumstance by any gender or age or age huh yep does that have a lower limit 80 22 uh-huh maybe a little lower how low I don't know man you said hello can you go everybody do the I was trying to figure out what it would even mean yeah like the more the lower you bend you get the fuck babies is that that's cool think that's it yeah damn we'd have some limber ass pedophiles honestly yeah I feel like there's gotta be people that we should went to kill themselves and they had to tie a noose and then they're like I guess I learned how to tie it tie

a noose yeah and then they like learned and tied a really good one they're like I did something to yeah and then that gave them the courage to go on another day right I'm sure that's happened a lot which is a lot of the pure satisfaction of tying the noose yes I think there's a lot of people that said I want to kill myself and then they went to write a suicide note realized how bad they were writing and they were embarrassed about it no matter how hard they tried they couldn't write anything that sounded any good nice so they gave up on it interesting yeah you think there's gonna be suicide like hey man have a black

mirror episode suicide selfie oh hell yeah yeah suicide snapchat that's already happened there's been plenty of people that have killed themselves on cam I remember watching a video of a guy hanging himself on like damn some streaming service no but I and it's fucked up dude I mean you like cuz you know I mean like Amazon Prime yeah like Netflix yeah if you like to this guy if you like this our back of Stan he's there in his fucking face turns blue you know they call the police and police show up like you know an hour later and he's just dead damn yeah that sucks yeah you watch that whole thing yeah that's

fucked up bro why you why are you putting that kind of shit in your fucking look we all die man you're never gonna be got it I'm sorry it's better to acclimate yourself keep talking about why be gone you're not gonna be I know I'm not gonna do anything I'm literally never going to do anything I've done nothing to get here and I will do nothing to maintain it or change it that's right I'm gonna continue doing this podcast until I have to shit and then I'll go do that and I'll come back yeah we should say those were awesome shows not sure I thank you everyone for coming yeah and sucking psych psych fuck you

Aussie pieces of shit so double psych most of you are cool there's one guy in particular who I'm not gonna name but you know who you are he knows you're you fucking suck what the best part is you're all cute as hell yeah that was the point we definitely aren't both thinking of a guy I mean obviously one guy has to be the worst um but yeah dude I'm trying to go back to Australia come on Mickey Mouse I'm sucking my dunk so I'm sunk in my dick oh I don't want to do gay porn that's why I have to take my agricultural yo I'm Ben Margeron this is gay drug addict the

Mickey Mouse jacket I'll do whatever you fellas want for I can't wait to suck dick oh the only thing I've ever done a second I love it huh damn I thought we had more characters in there I don't know man I was ready to go but god I'm really honestly we're both so jet lagged right now yeah we were gonna do this earlier but Nick got an audition to be in the newest Michael Bay movie I'm in the new Michael Bay movie it's called holocaust six million question mark question yeah it's it's nights of the holocaust and we play King Arthur's nights have entered a time rift and they wind up in Auschwitz with their

horses and armor and they don't that first they're they're trying to help kill the Jews mm-hmm as the Jews are their natural enemies right of course nights yeah and then they realize that the Nazis have gone too far yes that they don't even they're not even letting a few Jews like deal with their money and whatever which they're not just imprisoning them they're starving them and killing them right and out of the integrity of King Arthur yes he helps the Jews rise up to just regular prisoner status and then beautifully done and then he helps he fixes Hitler's poor military strategy and we now live in a

world yeah it's Nazis and nights Nazis and nights coming soon directed by Michael Bay rated fuck you rated no way in rated it is fucking boys no Muslim people do not bring your girlfriend this movie do not even consider being Muslim ever in your life rated X rated X because there will be full rape scenes uncensored unlike that King Arthur has to pull Excalibur out of Hitler's ass yeah King our word mm-hmm how about that King our word that's good King our word in the nights of the short but around round is already in the round tongue nights of the round time round came nice of the lunch table nice of the nice of the round everyone

is me King our word yeah cuz if it was a square table you could say that I don't know what is it you have to pull out of what he pulls Excalibur out of the some kind of stone yeah if you can pull the cat out of the shoebox is hiding in from him and pet it backwards what why is petting it backwards to think just cuz they don't even register where the head is definitely heard that a lot I don't understand why it's just funny yeah it's just very funny I would like to know the origin they just do it wrong I I mean I pet cats backwards all the time yeah well you I mean that doesn't do anything to change that argument yes it

does actually a genius wrong your dick is small and you're stupid as shit this is the police there's the police in a helicopter and we have bigger dicks than that other guy who says he's the police and you're a retarded and gay sir actually this is the real police hello this is James Bond and I think every American is wrong and you actually get I have to shit again what I know what else did you eat this kid just people I'll be honest with you I did not shit once the entire time we're on vacation and it's all coming out oh my god really yeah cuz my brain adjusted the other time zone so it's like all systems shut down we're

going no hard-ons no hard cock yeah my dick was wondering did not work that entire trip yeah and now my dick is working extremely yeah not I mean it's still so bad so bad it's still a pretty garbage dick but as far as dicks go yeah you know it's like imagine sitting in your driveway in your fucking Chrysler Baron won't turn over you got that sunroof coming down oh yeah you know that's like hey bitch you will come hang out in my driveway we could pretend we're on the pch as I take the top down on the no all right yeah the car won't start but it doesn't start but you can sit in it it's like the roof is coming off

uneven so one side gets stuck and it just rips all my clothes off yeah the car doesn't start but I'll try and start it like seven times it's like it looks like your dick doesn't work either I'm like bitch one step at a time you fucking whoa yeah oh folks listen for years it's like you know you're horny when you're young you're like I wish I didn't want to fuck all the time yes then you get older and you don't want to fuck all the time your dick doesn't work anymore and you're like fuck yeah God I wish I could have another thing to take away for myself well I gotta say my dick has been working pretty well as of late and I

don't know why yeah you won't know why until next week we're gonna find out the big reveal on the show there's a big reveal folks yeah this is a big reveal for us the show is finally paid off yeah it's finally worth it finally for guys like us thinking about quitting honestly for like six months did I say this before I got post-traumatic breast disorder I don't think so and it's because that fuck the girls titties were too big now I wake up screaming I'm me up I think I think about my friends just face down and all that pussy sign me up for that I'm like him for what for some pussy oil big ass titties some pussy

oil I would do it for some pussy why don't we go to war for pussy anymore so I feel like there's plenty I feel like all wars would end if like you had to fuck all the women of it like you really think we would be invading the Middle East if you if the soldiers still had to fuck all the women I think they do unfortunately look I've studied these kinds of things I think that's kind of a big problem I don't know no no no you do not say that about the American military these are upstanding men that just want to help people but if you force them to rape women and children right we would not be invading these

countries interesting and there's one thing I know about the the military is that they do not have a problem of sexual assault they do not have in any way in any way they're too busy saluting the flag and sending love letters home to their enormously fat wife but they've only held hands with because they're waiting to they're waiting to come back from war they're saving them themselves that's right they're saving they're waiting to have half Latino half white babies yeah you know it's like it's too late for me to save sex for marriage you know so I figure what I'm gonna do is save gay sex for marriage but I marry

my wife a couple weeks after we finally you know we tie the knot or whatever I'm just going out fucking hundreds of dudes yes that's right and she's like what are you doing I'm like I made a promise to you and God Lord this is between me you stay out of it you fucking bitch fuck you stay out of this they told me I would be fucking tempted hey I'll tell the priest about it when I get back from Cabo San Lucas we're me and Javier going and we're taking fucking just bags and bags of Molly and we are going to make one with God oh yeah through each other's powerful Nirvana I will I had gay sex I had gay sex to piss off my

wife just to piss off my wife I'm not gay really she was being a bitch and I couldn't and I couldn't fuck another woman I'm unfuckable so I had to get raped fuck I'm stuck yeah we go um yeah I'm fading hard as shit right now do then I had gay sex it's 927 damn yeah on the Piz Am I got a fucking I gotta make it another couple hour I think an hour and a half and I'll sleep yeah my little brother said you're not supposed to like try and rig the system but he can suck my fuck my dick bad my dick sucks my dick really bad and my dick fucking sucks Luda swish Christopher what's his name Luda Christopher Luda Christopher

Christopher Lou Ellen I think Christopher Christopher Christopher, Louisiana, Georgie Christmas, Georgie Christmas, Georgie Christmas, coming to the mall and it looks like a homerun homerun oh that's a fault and he's gay and this is the police and this is the police and your guy and this is Ben Margeron and we're going to sunk fills dick we're gonna sunk fills penis I can't wait to sunk fills penis with my mouth ah folks that'll probably do it for us yeah sorry everybody I don't think we have nothing to pause first of all that first hour I had a blast doing it you

take a shit and as far as I'm concerned this is all bonus this is to make up I mean we don't have to make up shit your motherfuckers got three live shows in the place of one regular one yeah hey you can sunk our bicks if you don't like it as always go to patreon.com slash come town if you want to really get in on we look there's secret prizes just lying the people so much good stuff you're entered into a raffle there's a raffle to meet me and star gross and Adam you can hang out with us and say whatever you want and you can give us drugs and we'll fucking woman we'll look at we'll listen to all your jokes and laugh at them

yeah we'll rip you and it'll turn out you're actually you're funny yeah you're actually so much funnier and but you can't do it because of some bullshit reasons yeah because you have to get work make spreadsheets people count on you to sell insurance that's why you would never do comedy yeah so anyway sorry to bully you guys right now but listen if look we're not even talking about you we're talking about one specific guy that one guy just one guy who knows who he is he knows who he is and it's not you it's not you but he knows that he's but if it is you oh boy is it damn that sucks that is you that's he it's really you

why are you if it's you it's it's so you but it's not it's not you so please and you know how it can definitely not be you if you go to patreon.com slash come town and sign up for remember every dollar helps find Adam Walsh that's right who's that one John Walsh's son oh right it was a son I thought it was his daughter he was his daughter Adam Walsh that's right we can't assume that she wasn't trans true it would be wrong to assume that Adam Walsh's daughter Adam or John Walsh's daughter Adam wasn't a trans girl I mean you know he didn't she didn't live long enough to pick her gender how old was she G how old how old

were they what the fuck is G it's like you're either a boy or girl or Chinese real dude yes it's that one though miss your Chinese what the fuck yeah what the fuck is racism people well it's actually yeah we oh oh oh yeah oh okay yeah I know what that is whoa that's fucked up that's weird that happens my mouth all right I'm gonna like pass out yeah me too bro I'm about to die order up your little something everyone please come out here suck our fucking you say you saw solo and it's really bad you know what I was watching it and the first half is kind of bullshit about how about Hans holo yeah they they made the have my

name is Hans and this is my asshole he made the asshole to penis run in less than 20 parsec Hans old buddy let me get in that fucking ass he was good Donald Glover was good oh he played young land though yeah damn do ability Williams hologram the only part I didn't like is it they made Han be like a good guy and it seems like you should be a scumbag yeah but I actually ended up enjoying I watched half on the plane to Australia and what's his deal he goes around space stealing come to eat yeah yeah the only thing the power of spaceships is fucking it's a specific kind of larva it's a nerve-harder come

it's come from a tauntaun the only way the hyperdrive is gonna work as if we put calm and we got chewy we need your calm is he still smashing Kalista flock hearts frail ass that's a strange ass celebrity couple if you ask oh Kalista wouldn't you fucking spit on it god damn it hurts my throat to do his voice but at least you did it for our adoring fans who love listen everyone I'm gay actor Harrison Ford this is this is this is this is gay jackass I'm gay actor Harrison Ford and this is a sunk-fools dick come on solo come on the fugitive come on stop come on what is this US Marshall's going on down here

come on you know I gotta work in the morning Indiana Jones come on come on Indiana this deck belongs in a museum that'll do it for us folks good bye