The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 129 – bad boys 2

Episode Date: November 15, 2018

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sex blast off having sex gay sex calm come down as brought to you by gay sex calm the premier website for having gay sex with other guys on the internet gay sex gay sex it's fucking gay be gay sport have gay sex it's being gay yeah I like that that's good for me man folks welcome to another addition to Americana please press the pound sign now to get your ass what a cool intro to an album what album is that Americana who's that the offspring ah yes of course welcome to Americana please press the pound sign I was not allowed to have offspring albums why not my mother was very my mom had complete blind spots on

certain things but the thing she knew about like I could never listen to Howard Stern because she that was just in the media and for some reason the offspring she knew I couldn't watch the Simpsons I had to sneak over to Pete's house and watch them that's crazy I remember the kid across the street there he was crying one time because his mom wouldn't let him get tub-thumper by chomping I had tub-thumper because there was a guy on the cover blowing fire which is satanic hell yes yeah that's incredible yeah what a dumb bitch that guy's mom probably was that dumb Italian lady yeah Italian to the best with their

morality is over yeah yeah yeah for the devil now she wasn't Italian I mean they were like oh just they were Italian America yeah those are even better yeah yeah because they're just fucking asshole dumb whites yeah damn look how stupid the offspring looks now mm-hmm these guys are in the oh my god still being the offspring that's brutal the guy in the back at least is like a shame to himself yeah I know the guys that is in the back the passengers you know he's the ringleader of the fagotry oh absolutely like this is great baby what the what is his name sunset strip 47 years old thank god every day from you

know he's Christian I'm at the damn Viper oh yeah there's no way that guy's not on fucking Instagram he's like I was just telling my daughter I forget what her name is I was just telling her the other day Jesus Christ bless us every day we wake up our fucking Malibu home and I think back to all the 14 year old girls I had sex with this a 27 year old man while their dad waited in their fucking Toyota Torsale in the parking lot like oh did you find Katie yeah I found Katie then they had to go home started cutting themselves mm-hmm because the 20 29 year old guitarist from the offspring right she didn't even want to

fuck him she wanted to fuck let me find this guy's name first before us yeah before I started just wildly assuming things about him yes well if you're gonna slander the man at least say his full legal name how funny would be if I got accused of if I got sued I got sued by the offspring but it's like look your honor I don't even know this guy's name oh noodles his name oh my god yeah you know he asked women to suck his noodle yeah yeah you know he sucked women to suck noodles noodle yeah noodles from the offspring look at this fucking asshole dude yeah this guy looks like oh that's brutal yeah he fucking

sucks he looks like that Greg Barron or whatever yeah but with fucking horrible I like Greg Barron yeah I fuck with Greg but I'm saying imagine if Greg was yeah had like dyed-ass blonde hair and oh hold on Greg Greg's someone who works in our industry that's someone I can forgive for looking like that no no he does not have that hair yeah and he's probably raped way less women biography oh he's from Los Angeles of course of course oh my god before joining the offspring noodles played in a local band called the clowns of death my man was random before it random was a thing you know he loved evil monkeys

dude oh man I'm glad we looked into this guy the clowns of death I I doubled down on everything I said yes more about those girls absolutely he's raped here in the nickname noodles for his frequent noodling on the guitar shut the fuck up Christ that sucks and they called any stuck with that I hate why do nick names need that nobody cares about the story behind your fucking nickname yeah oh well you know they called me skittles because when I was four I loved skittles so great oh really wow yeah that's hilarious gay sex Nick yeah what we can't tell the people that's not my nickname we can't skip my name skip like

the captain of the ship my nickname is candy lips yeah it's candy looks candy I love candy lips is great and you know what I gave you candy lips and I let you have it no so you give me skip no you're gay sex Nick I'm either daddy or skittles you can't from here on out Adam has to call me daddy on the show he's got it he's got a link he's got a hole I turned my pocket inside out and Adam has to hang on to it yeah he does that every episode yeah by the way this is a classical don't worry Adam is not in the bathroom as he go just a couple boys discussing which members of early late and late 90s alternative DVD release

Huckett is part of the mock interview noodles claims to like the finer things in life such as red wine classical music cigarettes and poetry yeah he occasionally goes snowmobiling and snowboarding the fire thing cigarettes and red wine yeah let me see if like a 14 year old girl just find out about France offspring Instagram Instagram I'm gonna look up noodles offspring right yeah rape just the G nudes the G are playing primate in the offspring oh god how many followers looks like it's mostly I'm okay to be so threatened what is he there's a ladybug in his house he's

taking pictures I just want to see some sign this guy's fucking Christian I know he is I know that we're gonna find something in here maybe I'm gonna look up noodles offspring raping yeah what's an out what's an offspring song hmm oh geez there's a lot of them gone oh I guess he's friends with Doug Benson the first the first thing that comes up is noodles motive for raping Deborah I don't know if this is the same noodles we're gonna say it is I was wondering what it was impressive noodles raping or maybe this from like a book or something all right well this is for some time in America posting a picture of the end

world oh yeah so maybe maybe he's not actually Christian oh yeah that would make it to this some words scramble game and he says words were all my word crossy play is that the word you're looking for is gazing aging yeah he got in letters n-i-g-g-a-z and like some words grab him and he had to screenshot that yeah respect to him finding a way to sneak saying the end word yeah actually I kind of like him that's important for a so-called white guys who are racist but seem like they're not they gotta let everyone know yeah is that an offspring song what's an offspring song yeah I'm gay I'm fucking

gay I've just found out I'm gay today oh no go there's another one that I used to like yeah I mean all the crazy taxi songs fuck what's the one wow not pretty fly for a white guy something with like a Hispanic gay for a fat guy pretty good for back that was about you know it's not oh remember that offspring song about you pretty gay for a fat guy yeah no this guy's not at all what I would expect I would expect him to be okay there is some resistance stuff in here okay expect which makes sense yeah I'm posting this Trump toilet paper yeah comment is pretty neutral it says respect the office hashtag respect the

office yeah you know what this guy might not be as much of a tool as I assumed based on really you're gonna walk back I am what you said about noodles because he said the n-word through a word scrabble yeah sometimes you can't judge a book by its cover sometimes people surprise you you know damn yeah how do we start talking about the offspring I don't remember but you be started talking about something and then another thing got brought up yep so true that is what happened damn that's it's a crazy world we live in we're saying stuff like that happens by the way for the listeners at home Nick is

looking very cute here he's got his leggings on I'm wearing leggings I got shorts I went to the gym short shorts she very short you can basically see his nuts and he's wearing green leggings wearing green leggings he was squatting for all you for everyone that wants to have sex with Nick out there imagine his cheeks lowering under the weight of the stars wearing a dress and I'm wearing a full gown an evening gown and I'm wearing a tiara as well we're in my home for a change so I'm wearing what I wear around the house which is a prom dress yeah and a $17,000 necklace that would be pretty cool honestly if I was

wearing diamonds and dresses in my home yeah I guess that's the reason the offspring are still like a band together is because there's none of them have matured emotionally since they started the band true which makes sense that he wouldn't be a Christian and he'd still be like the n-word which hey you know props to him for consistency mm-hmm yeah where will we be in 10 years that's the real question either I will have gambled away all the money or I will have gambled the money up yes and I will finally be able to retire to the woods so you think you you're not settling for just being kind of rich for the rest

of your life I'm not kind of rich it's like you need so much goddamn money to never have to work again yeah that's sure they never have to work again and not worry about shit you need like something like five million dollars okay and then to be do it in New York you need somewhere in between 10 and 15 million I hope it doesn't have to be in New York if you ever have to work again though let's start to go fund me for five ten million so we each don't have to work again that's true you think we could do that I'm saving up for not one operation but every operation I'll ever have and I'm assuming there's gonna be a

lot of them cuz I don't really take care of myself yeah that's why it's on you guys mm-hmm whatever once once we've completely once yeah once our bodies don't even recognize dick pills anymore we're gonna need the next solution I have insurance if you can just if you have a medical emergency you can just go on go fund me and people will pay for your surgery yeah that's true that's been proven time and time again yeah and so why not instead of having insurance you just have like a rainy day fun market solution yeah that's absolutely just say like I need money for my cancer medicine yeah and go fund me raise a

million dollars and people are like wait what is the cancer you're like why don't have a lot of red meat yeah I don't smoke I smoke probably gonna get it fucking play Nintendo switch I'm I'm feeling like that's the next thing it's always one thing that we all like and we aren't suspected it's out blam oh that's the cancer switch I mean probably cell phones are bad for us right oh yeah for sure there's no way there's like a noticeable uptick in the amount of brain tumors people have had they're like there's no way it's related they're like there's no it's device we sleep neck I mean it's next to my head

yeah right like yeah there's no way it's doing anything it's absolutely look at all this data from the cell phone company says it's not doing anything so true yeah dude we're fuss something is gonna fuck our asses the way the Romans got fucked by lead price yeah those motherfuckers having gay sex at the vomitorium thinking they had it all figured out and then their fucking water was fucking them up yeah salute by the way to the guy in Pompeii that gets caught they got caught beating off you've seen that I assume I haven't seen the guy in Pompeii got caught beating off yeah yeah yeah what the paintings no

no no no it's a guy in the volcano he's he's like he's been mummified beating off you can see his hard dick and he's he died that's the way he dies is jerking off while Pompeii happens oh that's hilarious pretty cool right yeah that guy's a hero if you haven't seen that we'll check it out sometime bro that's a future we can all invest in I would like to go out beating off you know maybe in a volcano lowered cock first into fucking Mount Vesuvius what are you reading I'm reading Alexandria Ocasio Cortez's Twitter feed oh yeah if you need a place to stay by the way baby girl I got you you know I mean I got a

I got a house and people keep giving me directions to the spouse and intern events instead of the ones for members of Congress mmm which I don't think that's happening she'd she'd look I mean everyone knows what the fuck she is you think yeah she's also like she's just walking up to people and being like here's directions yeah you dumb little bitch she doesn't look young and she's hot compared to the people in there for sure I mean don't get me wrong I had sex with her six times yeah I did before you 12 I fucked up 32 million no I did I did more than that I can't think I can't think of it right now same time

we'll say okay one two three six billion or trillion 64 billion times that's still less fuck you got me there man 64 billion times yeah I guess we really have been fucking her a lot yeah crazy how much work she's getting done yeah yeah her pussy is raw her pussy is fucking raw from the amount of times the trillions of trillions of times you've had sex with her it's amazing I've had time to fuck every other woman in the world also on top of that considering I've had sex with Alexandria Artesia on Cadizio whatever the fuck that woman I've had sex with yeah you don't even know her name

I don't know her name I don't know it's too busy having sex with her yeah you have a rare medical they call that the cum bar limit you can't remember the names women you've you've fucked already mm-hmm well I think it's because you bust so fast you have a rare medical condition where you bust it's a rare condition in these days this day and age to bust immediately on your own damn face go home Steve but I got all this did I come in your did I come on my own face Steve go home there's come on my must-dash Steve it's Carl Sam yeah he's just jamming out on the garage is that song come out like

Laura I told you not to have Steve over while I'm doing my song oh sorry mr. Carl yeah Carl sorry to you weren't ruining your song singing suck on my dick fuck my ass and then that oh my butt cheeks the song isn't coming out for another 15 years they stole it from him no this song came out in what 2000 family matters stopped the families was in the 90s bro yeah it was but what it's not 15 years what I five smooth the song but 1999 really family matters probably ended And if you can't afford the medicine final episode you are 1719 98 Okay, so only so a year. Yeah a year a year gap between spoof

Yep, Steve ended up marrying Laura. Didn't he I think so I thought the final episode he goes to space But did I thought he went to Disneyland? Yeah All those ABC shows went to Disneyland because I guess Disney owned it Full house for example went to Disneyland. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Yeah Look, you got They're all filmed in Los Angeles And then you lick my balls You have family is third behind

Having air turn Said oh because I'm getting like a sex House of pain is the longest second longest running black show Mm-hmm, which is weird because I don't I've seen maybe two episodes of that Well, they fucking record they do like a hundred episodes in one sitting. No, really? Yeah, Tyler Perry's just fucking making the fucking money, baby Making that mulla. Oh Jesus Christ. Well, there were 37 episodes in the first season in that show Season 6 they did 46 episodes. I Don't know a single character on it. Yeah, who's who what actors are even on it? That's insane

Yeah, what is house of pain? Shut up the Tyler Perry, dude It's a Multi-generational family living under one roof in Atlanta led by patriarch Curtis pain nice miss wife Ella. Okay, so we'll make some a patriarch. Does that just mean a black father? Oh, yeah, yeah, he actually is not raising them. He just lives Not even close to being a patriarch. He just has a job. I Mean if you got a job, you're a patriarch

Actually, I'll take that back. My dad technically has a job. Yeah, I'm the patriarch, dude The patriarch is what they call the Pope in the Greek. All right. I'm getting off the Looking at Wikipedia while doing the show is it is a dangerous. Absolutely very easily got us noodles But it also got us like damn 47. Yeah, right Just 15 minutes of being like this is interesting ceramics didn't That wasn't until 800 BC Before they develop porcelain if you could be in any kind of any ancient shit any ancient civilization What would you like to choose go Middle Ages and back? Oh Byzantine Empire. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure

Yes, dude. Yeah, are we talking constant and are we talking that side? Uh-huh. Okay. Nice. That's right A lot of incense a lot of incense wearing gold. Mm-hmm. We're in gold everywhere. Yeah, I'll just starting to get a little muzzy Oh, yeah, you know just around the edges fuzzy muzzy Yeah, the Ottomans were clamoring but nothing was I gotta say I don't fuck with what the Ottomans did to Greece But I like their style, dude I like not wearing a shirt and wearing a turban and wearing a little vest and big baggy pants Yeah, that's a good look and a big-ass mustache. Yeah, I would love to get my dick. Oh yeah big baggy pair pants Oh, yeah, big big pants a bunch of throw pillows

Yeah, harem's mm-hmm. They're smoking hookah. Yeah, dude That's pretty tight or the the 80 period of Japan Yes Samurai shit Getting hate out from a small scared from a boy who wants to become a samurai one day That's kind of how the whole system worked. It's like The land Killing his enemies like why does he do it because he was tricked into sucking dick

Ten years, and I'll never forget it seven to seventeen. Yeah, he was something another Ronan's dick Feel the anger. Yeah, and then you wonder why it's like. Oh, yeah, they cut their guts out out of respect Certainly not the years of sexual abuse By their closest father figure, right? Oh, yeah, that's why Because they the guy who was raping them finally died and it didn't free them from the prison They've been living in well guess it's time to cut your guts out Damn dude, yeah every when is there any society that didn't fuck boys The Irish never did it. You sure yep the Catholic Church did but that's not the Irish. That's the Italian influence, of course

Yeah Yeah, the Italians definitely fuck boys. I mean we definitely did and yeah, hand up on that one. That's that's that might be us We might have Because Greece listen, we have been very influential Arts language everything it we might have been the first to fuck boys No, the Japanese fuck boys and their culture predates. No, they know it doesn't yes It does no fuck them dude. Just take that back. No, the Japanese do not predate ancient Japan goes back. They had although I just typed in ancient Japan into Google and then it auto corrected the homosexuality in Japan

Yo serious listening to your always listening Yeah, I'm sure that's what you did and you didn't just open the window you were looking at before you got here Yeah, you open the Jomon period No, take it back. Although, you know, it's funny. Yeah, the Jomon Japanese prehistory traditionally dated between 14,000 and 300 BC. Yeah, we did it before no No, 14,000 how those motherfuckers even know dude fuck that Radio carbon dating. No, that's fake. Fuck that shit and who comes up with that who comes up with that technology the Japanese probably

Very fucking convenient radio carbon dating was invented by very fucking convenient We don't have to keep talking about this. No, let's see Radio carbon bet you it was the Japanese man Although okay, fine. Let's laugh and today. How about polly pocket, but it's a girl. It's a bunch of guys fuck her pussy That's good. She's got a polly I think it would be funny You know how like a bunch of like, uh, it's developed in the late 1940s by willard liby We learned the ribadou who was from

Um, Los Angeles, California. Look at this fucking nerd No, that's a Japanese guy, man. Yeah Yeah, that's a Japanese guy. Um, that's a that's a Japanese guy whose name is is four syllables yet. It has one two three four Willard Frank Libby. Yep. That sounds like an asian person's name We are the Falunco ribadou. Yeah, that would be like a kind of name. They would give their like spies in japan To confuse them

I think it's funny. You know how all those like all like a bunch of like hotaps are like Uh, greeks stole everything from you know, egypt or whatever, which we probably did It would be funny if one of them was like we fuck boys first. Yeah The greeks took pedophilia from africa. Just hold the hotap guys I've been like, man, we can't we don't come down with busting inside a choke And that's what they don't want to teach you in school This guy's not allowed to ride the bus anymore Mr. Malcolm you were told numerous times you are no longer welcome

On the on the cleveland buses, no buses allow you on here anymore specifically because of this behavior Brainwashed by the white master. I see Brothers it is natural to have sex with children We invented it and we will continue to do it. We're just wearing the full like The full israelite outfit just dressed like like the fuck like the greeks and the italians She's just dressed like jasmine's dad What's going on about like man brothers invented fucking boys And that's what you know, all of the man's don't they call michael

Huey lewis all the leaders No, they did not They all wanted every Malcolm X wanted us to fuck boys And that's why my conviction by the cleveland judicial system is not They do not have jurisdiction back in the 60s. You couldn't say stuff like this But now that now that you know, we got we got brothers dressing up like ladies and shit cutting they dicks off I think it's about god damn time He's trying to get being a pedophile in the lgbtq

You Fuck That's a good guy, dude. That's a little boy little boys getting touched. That's what it stands for Little getting boys touch lgbt lbgt little boys little girls and boys and trans people I will say I people Everyone who ate with their hands

Now do you think europeans didn't bathe? That's what people say Well, I will tell you I will tell you this is it Yeah, we'll tell me about it man europeans back in the day their dicks stopped working. So they would need pills To make their dicks work really and unfortunately they didn't have those back then but we have them now Oh, do we ever and you can buy them on a website called blue chew And can I just say nick I'm thrilled about this product because before blue chew It's kind of like if you outlaw abortions, you're only outlawing safe abortions, right before I had safe access to dick pills

I was on the dark web I was taking some fucking weird research chemicals out of a dropper for dick pills and I was getting horrible headaches Recently I had a three-way And I wanted to be hard because the last time I had sex with these Uh particular women I was not hard because I had a belly full of Chinese food. Anyway, that's a different story for a different time but Before blue chew I was forced to take these weird indian research chemicals I bought from the internet and I had a horrible headache for days indian research chemicals

I thought I was going to die. Yes. You take him with a with a dropper I like that like like blue chews competitors or whatever they're supposed to be advertising against or probably other legitimate companies And I'm not like guys. I've been buying I've been illegally buying research chemicals. I've been in clinical trials in Kuala Lumpur Well, the point is I thought I was going to die having uh mediocre sex I've been growing hair on my forehead because I've been taking experimental drugs The point is now those days are over and when I want to get my dick stiffer than a fucking board

When I want to get my dick hardest all fucking hell I just pop a fucking blue chew pal And can I just say it has wonderful wonderful uh responses for me Yeah, I when I fucked, uh Alexandria zikarsio Cortani carton Leon The more times the nick it was every time I was had blue chew. Yeah, I I popped a couple of them yesterday

So I was feeling the mood so I popped a couple went over to my ex-girlfriend's LinkedIn profile Band from she's got me blocked on everything, but she didn't even consider The burner She thinks she's just friends or the branch manager of a wakovia in Delaware, but no No, it turns out somebody got some dick pills So bad news, bitch bad news you're getting jacked off Your fucking headshot from the fucking right the nurse's office you were 25 pixel by 25 pixel headshot Of you. I can't even tell if you're smiling or not

But I can see the computer I can see those I can see those juicy titties under four layers of clothes But I've seen them in real life start remember what they look like Yeah, you kind of just using that to jog your memory. Yeah, and with your memory luckily I'm on another pill for me to help my memory also Yeah, I'm on a a vast Middle school girlfriend Yeah a LinkedIn page We can rebuild him we can allow him to jack off you may you may think you're married now, but the truth is

As long as we got bluetooth, bitch that pussies ours Guess guess what you forgot to take down The video on youtube of you doing a speech for french class your first year of college 10 years ago And now The master is master The master is once again masturbated to a video of you from 10 years ago Speaking the french language

Bluetooth offers men a performance enhancement for the bedroom when you'd like to last longer and go extra rounds Oh, yeah, this is their copy. Yes. Anyways, it's like tell a bit of a difference between their copy and our personal experience Yeah, it's it's like tatafil and and whatever the other one is silent adult Yeah, the viagra they got the cealis active ingredients and the viagra active ingredients Yeah, I've tried them both love them no difference really for me There's a little bit of a difference. What's the difference for you? Cealis typically lasts a little bit longer Viagra is more more if you need it if it you're in a pinch. Yeah

The breaking case of emergency, you know what I realized the truth be told is that I don't actually need dick pills interesting Yeah, what do you mean by that? Um started having sex with men. No, I just I need uh look antidepressants or something Yeah, that's part of what I mean I'm just fat as shit and like the second I lose even 10 pounds my dick starts working better But yeah, am I going to do anything about no if I'm in a good day or like having a good day I'm like I'm fine, but if I'm like I want to kill myself the pills Don't do anything. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, even then because I'll I'll be sad with a hard-ass dick

No, yeah, and then I can't like I don't feel anything like it doesn't feel good. I can't like interesting Yeah, it doesn't that was before bluetooth though before bluetooth with bluetooth next dick gets hard Even when I got a unique problem I got a unique thing That even bluetooth helps with what I meant to say. Yes, exactly. That's what you can take it on a full or an empty stomach That's right. You know whether you've already sucked the come out of your boyfriend's balls. Yeah, or you're about to Yeah, it's uh, and it was it's really you just go online lie about your medical history And then they send the pills to you. Yeah

They make it very obvious the ones you're supposed to say no and yes to yeah, right We make it very clear. Look. It's like a job application when they say are you on other medications? Obviously you put no Are you even if it is have you had a hard problem when it says yeah, I'm under pressure. It says do you experience chest pains dizziness? Uh, uh experience high blood pressure. Mm-hmm. Definitely want to say no to all those Go ahead. No down the aisle, baby. Yeah, because remember this is like there's actual doctors prescribing this stuff So they could get in a lot of trouble. Yeah. Yes, if you were to say have a podcast for you Tell people a lie, which we're not doing actually. We were just doing a bit. Yeah, we were joking around

It's a comedy show tell the truth. You don't want to joke around with people's medicine Don't whatever you do do not listen to the thing you just said and actually tell the truth Um, yeah, no doctor visit. No awkward conversation. Well, look, you're still gonna have plenty of awkward conversations Yes, you know when you're in line to Trader Joe's and you you're so giddy about your dick working You have to just lean into the ear of the woman in front of you And say guess you just got dick pills on the internet. She turns around and she's I'm calling the police You know, you'll be dying to have those kinds of awkward conversations awkward conversation where no waiting in line at the pharmacy Yeah, I hate as I call it the dick pill soup kitchen

Stop being one of those fucking dick pill hobos Yeah, I might get are we gonna get our dick cars today? I got my dick cars in seven weeks Calm down please begging begging it to stop lights for fragments of dick pills Please it shifts directly your door in discrete packaging. That's right Gone are the days of getting a big red bag that says warning small dick medicine small soft sucks com

Message You are experiencing the brand new screaming package Too busy to read the label on your mail his dick is small. Now your mail yells. It's soft and small We got discrete packaging. So no one people are illegally going through your mailbox and reading your mail You don't have to worry about Um, like the only point of discrete packaging is if you like live with your parents True and listen, hey, if you live with your parents and you're getting dick pills so you can beat off the hentai Salute DM us if that literally happens. We will yeah, I'll give you a hundred dollars. You're allowed to come on the show

Yeah, you literally are actually I'm the one who always bites it, but please come on Yeah, blue chew gives you confidence in bed every time you and your partner will love it. Mm-hmm. Let's not go crazy Yeah, yeah, it's not gonna make you good at fucking. Yeah, right You're still gonna be you're still gonna get winded. I took a dick pill recently and had to take three breaks Uh, just because of my physical fitness alone. Look if it was just a limp thing, I wouldn't have to piss on people It's not gonna make you not want to piss on people. Yep, you're still gonna choke bitches. Mm-hmm all that stuff You're still gonna have to do it chew it and do it So here's a great deal for you guys visit bluetooth.com and get your first order free when you use promo code come town

c-u-m-t-o w-n And you know what the end stand just pay five dollars for shipping. Yeah, nice hard dick You get you get one of those in size dick, so he just used promo code come down nice hard Nice hard dick a dick hard to the nth degree This is promo code come down c-u-m-t-o w-n just pay five dollars shipping that is blu-chu b-l-u-e c-h-e-u Dot com promo code come town

Fuck here's the script, but please don't feel obligated to read verbatim. Oh, we did not house. Don't you worry about your own experiences If you wish make it fun We want to make this more about allowing you to have great sex with your partner Rather than quote-unquote problems that keep you from performing All right, you get to get this fucking prick stiff as hell with your partner Whether that's someone you love or it's a random woman that you just I would okay Maybe a lot of you were like there at this, but I would love it if the only thing I needed for confidence Was to be able to fuck again

That's pretty much all I need. Yeah, honestly. Yeah, that's why the dick pills are my fucking armor also though I will I I put on a wig recently guys I took I took a pill and it turned me into a completely different person Who's lived a different life and has a better heart than I do There's somebody that's genuinely kind and empathetic at their core Dude and not an insanely jealous petty piece of shit that's Masking their true intentions. Hey, man. It might help dude. Yeah Just because they're afraid of going to a hell that they never believed in. Yeah. Yeah hell's not real, dude

Yeah, but I don't know the older I get. I don't know why yeah, I don't know why I feel it I feel like I'm just like there's like some impending judgment No, I mean not even like I've never even done anything seriously bad Yeah, except for that time you fuck that got little baby in his mouth. Yeah other than that Over the time I yeah, I've sacrificed that infant to Satan Just just just so Hilary Clinton could be president and I didn't and you didn't do the spell right And I didn't do the spell right now here we are Yeah, how funny would be if it turns out the democrats were raping and murdering children just to put Hilary in office

And then it didn't work and they're like, oh damn Oh, shit, and then the podestas just have like Infant blood all over their penis. Yeah penises. Yes, of course And they're holding each other's dicks covered in infant blood and then watching the election results as donald trump is elected president And then they slowly just stop jacking each other off and they're like Oh Fuck we really stepped in at this time. We definitely fucked the pumpkin on this one, tony

We oh boy somebody screwed the pooch big on this one There's just a pile of infants crack like walnuts on the floor This peanut shells of children. Oh, it says don't fuck 400 children. Oh boy. God damn it Oh boy, you know those motherfuckers had a bunch of babies lined up to fuck celebratorily though Oh, yeah, for sure and those kids all went on fuck Probably had to go back to their family I was laughing about just it's the night of the election. Hilary lost and it's bill clinton coming into the bedroom And uh, she's already got the lights off. She's in bed crying. She wants to go to sleep

And bill walks in with it as screaming infant and he's like surprise Surprise. Surprise. Something to make you feel better. I got something to make you feel better Oh, fuck real quick. I know we usually do plugs at the end, but I want to announce this big show In LA. I'm coming baby two two February 2nd LA. I'm doing a nice big fat tour Please buy those tickets go to stavey.biz for all the information and I'm also coming to dc on December 7th and 8th That's another big one Indianapolis Cincinnati, Columbus. Maybe we're gonna get keep a lookout for Pittsburgh and Buffalo Phoenix. I'm coming Tucson San Diego all that shit. So but yes, big big big dick shit coming in LA

I want to see everybody there. Please buy your tickets early so we can add more shows. I gotta I gotta I gotta get my calendar going man Bro, you can just do the I'll hit I'll hit you up with everybody. I've done. Yeah, and then it's like we already got the emails Lincoln lodges. I'm gonna book Lincoln Lodge rules dude. That place fucking rocked But yeah, shouts out to fucking you just manager on calendars. Yeah, I know it's incredibly simple and I did it for 10 years It's so easy from now. I like I don't know what happened, but I can't bring myself to do anything Well, because yeah, except gamble online at bettyside.com Bettyside.com is the premier sports betting something. Yes website with an award-winning easy

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Of course Yeah on shouts out to the comeboys that came to our show and told me they took the my bucks tip Just making money dude betting on Yanis Yeah, they have an easy to use mobile app. No fucking around with Chinese exchanges. They don't go bottom up at any fucking point Just steal millions of dollars worth of people's money You don't have to worry about that. Nope. You want to talk about? You know sports books being shady try dealing with fucking Korean business, man Damn hilarious. Yeah

Check that shit out. Mm-hmm You got customer fucking serve 24 7. Yeah 24 7 customer in game live There is literally no customer service in crypto. It doesn't fucking exist There's no one you can fucking contact Also, yeah, you know, do you know how good their customer service is 24 7 compare that to American Airlines? They don't even have a fucking number. Fuck it. You have to email American Airlines. I will never fly American Airlines again Yeah, neither will I I will only use bet the si dot com bet the si airlines bet the si dot com My instead of going on vacation

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You want to take that bro? No, I'm not I'm not gonna fucking they offered me 120 dollars for the unbelievable the hotel Which from what I read online, you're not gonna get any more than that. Really? Yeah, that's horrible. Yeah, I'm just never gonna Fuck them. Yeah They got an easy you shouldn't fuck. Yeah, that's the aside. They're great They got an easy to use mobile playing interface. You play win get paid. I love all those things And they offer odds on pretty much everything else too, including all major sports politics reality tv pretty much everything Yep, you got a great mobile app easy to use

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They're at odds with each other and Super Bowl Super Bowl Thanksgiving Super Bowl Saturday Thanksgiving. You're too busy watching and too busy watching the game You got you got two buckets of some beautiful checks mix freshly made by your wife who's a man by the way And he's like buddy. I made the checks mix and everyone's like you're gay now. I'm like, yep. I'm fucking gay And then you take a year to go. Hold on everybody. I'm gonna get a couple of cold ones out from the the The garage. Yeah, go out in the garage. Everybody's enjoying the game. You're out there gambling on your phone Checking DMs. You see the red notification. You're not actually gay. You know, it's like you thought nice breezy message

Hey, I know we haven't seen each other since middle school, but I just saw you on LinkedIn and I know this isn't my name I know I'm like, I'm not my name isn't Frank. You thought I was just some branch manager of a wachovia, but Um, yeah, it's me. I was just wondering if you know, you want to catch up Yeah, and then you see now the profiles disappeared. Well, maybe it's just maybe there's something wrong with the website You go you reset the router. So, you know, you do a go private browsing session creating a new profile and it's still there So you're blocked I guess The garage door is already closed. You're already in your car might as well just start it up and see what happens

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Oh like what's the promo code you say it's um 120 That's it folks. See you m1 fucking 20 motherfuckers another 10 minute read Beautiful though. Yeah, damn. I'm like I'm like don ass draper. You really truly are bro That's what people want out of a commercial is it for it to be 15 minutes long People are tired of 32nd commercials Why wouldn't you have a commercial that lasts an hour two hours so true What are you doing for Thanksgiving? I don't know You want to come to Baltimore, dude?

Uh, yeah, fuck it. Let's do it. Yeah, hold on parkland shooting suspect faces new charges after attacking jail guard Nice. Yeah, which one was parkland? That's the big one that all the kids this is great. Yeah, according to authorities Nicholas Cruz attacked a detention deputy at the Broward County jail in Fort Lauderdale after being told not to drag his sandals on the ground You know, it's like, you know, like, you know, these big criminals. It's like, yeah, it turns out uh, james home Scott raped in prison people are like good I'm good on this one Fuck seos. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, seos are the worst kind of cop

And I know it's like a low income job that poor people usually have because they live in some shithole That's just next to the prison. Right, right, right, but fuck them anyways. Okay fair fair fair. Yeah You know, I do feel bad for is those ceos whenever there's a prison, right? And it's like the prisoners have taken over the prison Oh, yeah, and they have three they're holding three ceos and it's like, yeah, you better hope those guys die. Yeah That's gonna be horrible. Yeah. Yeah, just getting their fucking mouths. Fuck. Oh, he's bashed out. Yeah wearing a dress Yeah, some guy just knitted just there's a guy who's a fucking tailor Yeah, I learned I learned how to become a seamstress just so I could fuck your ass when we take over the jail I would honestly put on a fashion show

I would respect the fuck out of the guy who learns how to fucking Be a tailor just to fuck just to make his rape even more ornate. Yeah That would be that would be a better version of the phantom thread That's what that movie should have been about There's about a guy in prison a prison rapist who's patiently making the nicest dresses in the world to put on the guards to rape them And in the end the last 15 minutes of the movie are just Just some guy from some bullshit town in Tennessee screaming as his big mountain dew tits are titty fucked Well, he's wearing a dress that would cost

$80,000 if you bought it in Milan beautiful gown. Yeah, my work here is complete My work has been completed Fuck what was the phantom thread about a toxic relationship You know, I did see call me by your name. Yeah shit ruled. You're right. It's a great movie Yeah, particularly I really something about army hammers character and the kid's dad's character So about those two guys that just really Yeah, I really resonated with me. You know what I mean? Didn't you feel the same way nick? What do you mean? I don't get it. No, they're both closet or homosexuals

Oh, I mean everyone's movies gay. No Now the dad's not gay. Yeah, he is. No, he's not that's he's got a big speech at the end where he says he's gay No, he's not he doesn't say he's gay. He's no. He's talking about like having like a relationship or whatever that he's gay, bro I don't recall that No, I mean he means he wanted to fuck somebody other than the mom nco's is gonna be all right or whatever Isn't it be all right? Yeah. Yeah, the movie isn't about someone that almost became gay However, you're walking away with that. It's like it's a beautiful story about a boy that almost fucks up. It becomes gay Oh, no, but then he's all right. I mean he gets to be gay. The other two don't get to be gay

Actually, you're the homophobe in my telling of the thing It's good to be gay and bad to be in the closet. Is it? Well, he that man was horny as hell for it was cute. How much you wanted to suck cock, dude Yeah, nco. What the fuck was his name any oh Uh, yeah, elio elio. I like nco better. Somebody just reminded me of first reformed I never saw it. You should see that dude. That was the best fucking movie I saw last year. All right first reform is great Ethan young Ethan dude. He's a great actor and he's in great movies And yeah, no that movie fucking ruled. I loved it. I loved it so much. I'm gonna check it out. Yeah

Damn, but I want to I want to do a call me by your I want to be in that little town Dude riding a little bicycle Uh, I would like it to be a woman who I'm having sex with but I guess I could get sucked off by timothy chalamet Yeah, chamele, chalamet. He grows his hair out. Maybe shamel shamelon Timothy I'm nice. How you doing? My name is shamelon timothy How you doing? My name is gay actor shamelon timothy Shamelay, how you doing? Gay actor shamelay shows up at the Grammys this year wearing a dick tuxedo Uh

That's that's weird though that he's not gay neither of them are gay. Timmy Timmy Yeah, neither of them. Yeah, and they just had to suck each other's dick. Yeah on cam on cam. Yeah For a movie I saw it was only 15 minutes long. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I recently watched call me by your name on XNXX.com. Hold on. Let me go to XNXX and type in call me by your name and see what the fuck comes up Yeah, it was pretty cool. Yeah, I liked how they it was just it was about word economy You know what I mean? That's script not an ounce of fat on it. Yeah, they barely speak to each other It's a real felt script these charged gazes and these full asses

Call me by your name on XNXX. Yeah, let's see what we got there Suck me by your dick. There we go. We got call me auntie Tia and it's a trans woman getting your dick sucked by By a woman looks like maybe another trans woman. I'm in I'll take that How do they look can I see you look all right? I mean, I'm not really into I'm in there Yeah, I'm gonna look up call me by your auntie Tia later dude. Yeah Yeah, Desi girl and her husband. Yeah, we don't really have anything going on here bummer. Yep Army hammer my man my man rocks, dude I fuck with young army. Yeah, do you? Mm-hmm. Although he was a little old for that part. I feel like

How old should he have been? um like 25 Because nzo was like 16. I think or some shit elio. Yeah elio Call me call me very gay Is that a good one? Yeah, that's pretty good That's pretty good Yeah, I hope I fucking die soon. Oh man. Come on. We got Thanksgiving to look forward to. Oh, we got Thanksgiving to look forward to

Everybody is like who's excited about Thanksgiving I am Yeah, yeah, dude. I got my house. I'm not gonna see my dumb fucking family I mean, I'll see my mom and my brothers, but I'm not going home for Thanksgiving We can have a little Thanksgiving in my pad. Maybe we get Korean barbecue on Thanksgiving. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? That sounds like a nice day. Go do some spots in DC. Maybe that weekend Get out damn. I wish I had this fucking socks, dude. This money sucks all the money you're losing. I'm losing so much money I hate I really am sad for you, bro. No, it's whatever. You know what? I kind of like it

You are a fucking maybe you're uh, maybe you're like one of those wall street guys that wants to get their nuts stopped on Wall Street money never fucks. Yeah Wall Street money never nuts Fuck it. Yeah, just keep spinning on it No, I'll do another line Shut the fuck up. You don't know anything about my heart. Yeah, that was my ex-wife's name Gloria yeah, that was my ex-wife's name. Would you ever get like Candle wax dripped on your nuts and get dominatrix? No, this is boring

Really? Yeah, I've done all that Yeah, I don't want to do it, but only because I'm too sensitive. Yeah, I've been I've been stabbed shot at No, I've never I've never had a lady get real rough with me, and I don't think I want to yeah Because I'm too I'm too delicate a boy. My whole thing is Sex without a condom. That's kind of my kink. Yeah, I'm like, don't kink shame me That's the thing man Is when you do like when you do like piss stuff at 18 and you really got to step on the gas after that Yeah, that's true and uh

Or you just come back to normal. I mean you were you were doing heroin and shit Well, yeah, sometimes I wasn't like it was a junkie or yeah, but you That's kind of you you weren't pissing every time were you? Oh, no, no, no, like I'm not even into that This is like a thing. I've tried a handful of times with four so people yeah, and it's like never like I mean, maybe I've initiated it a couple times, but it's like not like Yeah, I mean it can be hot. Yeah, it can be hot to piss all over somebody's face. I would try that Yeah, I'm sort of interested in that. Not that I think about it more. I guess I can be honest with myself. Yeah

It can be cool to yeah, you know what my biggest issue with that is I have a weak stream So I would have to drink a lot of water and then at that point you're just really pissing clear stuff on them What's the point? Oh, yeah, but you want that you want it to be like you don't start people off with fucking Just a hot sticky. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you don't go hang over. I've had the flu for a week. I've been living off Nyquil Okay, all right. Okay. I'd like it to have some I'm getting to the point of my life too where I might even try being pissed on Which that in the past that was like Absolutely not not interesting But yeah, I mean fuck, you know, hey

I don't I can't see that yet But maybe maybe if I but it when I started eating sushi I was eating only I gotta you know, you gotta I'd stuff you gotta like find in life. Would you like, you know, you gotta pursue every avenue? Yeah, it's what king Solomon did and he died happy if I don't understand the bible Yeah, he fucked a bunch of women and stuff He learned everything and then the moral of the story was that pursuing every indulgence will always bring you happy Damn, that's crazy because that's how I live my life and I'm very depressed. Yeah Yeah, well, you got to believe in God also. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's that's really what the the old testament teaches us

Is that if we believe in God and also act only in our own interests at all times you will live a happy life Nice, which now that I think about it. I started saying is a joke, but it's also true. It sounds pretty true actually Yeah, that's what being a Mormon is Solomon. Huh? What did actually? Oh, I don't fuck. I thought he did end up Just living a good ass. Yeah, but isn't like what is it like? Uh, like he like his reflections and Ecclesiastes about you know, how you can't I don't know. I only so I started making the point. I don't I barely remember Let's say when he's old as shit and he feels bad He was still having a great time. Sure, you know, and that is true

I like I spent all my time fucking miserable like I hated that trip We were on within a couple weeks go by and you're like god my life fucking sucks. I wish I was still in japan Yeah, because it's like you can't you'll never feel good about anything, but you will have Enough distance that you can't remember how bad you felt. I think you can feel good about some things, man No No, it's not possible I think we're both pretty depressed I went to therapy yesterday and I was arguing that I wasn't depressed and then my therapist like

Wait, you're wearing the exact same sweats. You were wearing last week. Yeah, I had just been wearing them a week straight I'm wearing them right now. I'm wearing the sweat seat right now Yeah, I was like, all right, you got me there, bro. Maybe I am depressed. Yeah Shout out to stop therapists. There's a good dude. All right. Well, I guess it's time to wrap this up here Wrap it up like my cock. Wrap it up. Don't ever use condoms. Don't use condoms Oh, uh, also, you know what I said that I haven't been but red dead redemption is fucking great, dude I gotta get it. It's so good. It's so goddamn good. I haven't played like none of the story I'm like literally just going around fucking hunting. I found the trapper right away

And then it's just yeah, just like collecting as many pelts and beautiful and looking at birds through binoculars and studying them collecting all the flowers I love that shit You could just do that kind of shit here, man. No, you can't do that shit in New York You really fucking can't you have to make tens of millions of dollars and then move to the fucking mountains You could go to the upstate for a sec Not for a sec. I need to be you need to live there needs to be look I need to I'm like a check out kind of guy living extremes. I can't sample things

You know, yes, you don't do a little bit. You go all the way, of course, so I'm going to lose all my money in crypto currencies And yeah, no another guy I talked to about investments who I unfortunate well, I told him to get in on Basic attention token a couple weeks ago and then get out right before that coin baseless thing So he did make a little bit of money. Okay, but he's just texted me. What is going on? Honestly, anyone that listens to you for financial advice deserves it. Look, I've made good calls Anything I've like, I mean, I've done like dumb shit on my own

But anything I've recommended on the show. Look, I have a fiduciary responsibility To the listener you're not only our listeners by by pledging five dollars a month. You're actually shareholders. Yeah, and we have a fiduciary responsibility That's why I give locks of the motherfucking century during our fucking. Yeah bet DSI picks I've made every single call I've made on crypto on the show has been Fucking rock solid. Okay every single one every single one every single one. I've never been rich people out here because of you, man Yeah, I made some guy some guy met him. He emailed me. He just wanted to say hey, thanks. I was working at Burger King and then Last year I made a couple of plays on the smart money decisions and your smart money

Yeah, yeah, yeah Mullins money Corner I listened to your smart money podcast Jim Kramer recommends smart money podcast come town and I my net worth is now 800 million dollars And he's still working at best buy because you don't want to or but yeah, but He works at is a look this young man. His name is Carlos. He works at best buy. Maybe some of you know him He's like, hey, my name's Carlos I've Carlos. I love best buy. I love going to best buy, but I also love working at it and I that's one of the two things in my life

That I enjoy is driving my 98 Honda Civic the best buy where I can make purchases of all the new electronics with features And that's that's the thing that you don't even really realize is like how many features some of the electronics have until you actually Like really like really really understand. You know what I'm saying because I love best buy and I love purchases I love that shit best buy.com But purchases 800 million dollars from nicks smart money Yeah, that guy made a lot of money off me. So now I'm investing in red dead redemption and eating fucking

premium saltine crackers. That's right. Just praying for death Just begging somebody to walk up and put a fucking gun to the back of my head and just end it Wow, but but but can I take out a life insurance policy on you? Yes. We already went into that Okay, everyone can take the life insurance policy out on anyone. All right Well, since we're you know Business partners associates. Yeah, I feel like I get a pretty nice rate Probably. Yeah, maybe look maybe I'll start if you think Adam doesn't already have Life insurance policies on both of us

There's no way in the world He doesn't have Adam keeps trying to get you to do cocaine. He keeps feeding me burgers and shit What would he do if we both died? I don't know what would his life be? We have to keep going for We have to keep chugging along Before Adam fucking has to go like what would he do? Yeah, what would he do? I don't know Maybe become a lawyer finally. Maybe Maybe go back to being a lawyer. I guess I guess Dasha would have to get a job. Yep

He would become the third Mike on red scare. Yeah. Yeah That's not true Adam shut up Fine, okay, the levels are good. He's just a producer do this Well folks, I do want to live for at least a couple more weeks If you're in Long Island on the 30th this month 11 30. I'm at some fucking place on Long Island Um, I don't I should have known this but please buy tickets It's it like the fucking atrium of a movie theater the atrium of a movie theater

I'll be there and then I live one night only at some movie theater in Long Island New York Yep, and then the weekend after that or I am in DC. This is a big one. Like I said the seventh and the eighth Please buy tickets to that motherfucker at a different movie theater It is not in a movie theater to the DC draft house Which is a movie theater the Arlington draft house is a movie theater the DC drafts is a comedy venue Make sure you buy tickets to the Arlington draft house

Go to Arlington draft house dot com Looking for stavros and then email Adam saying the show was cancelled And then the weekend after that if you're in Indianapolis on the 13th, I'll be there No Indians allowed on you can come to your Indian to name for you Cincinnati no Indians in Indianapolis I'll be on the 14th Cincinnati 15th in Columbus, and I might add Cleveland on the 16th. I don't know yet Zero Chinese people will be admitted to the theater any Chinese are all allowed welcome And then we've got a couple things cooking for Pittsburgh Buffalo and Phoenix can't announce yet

But keep an eye out and then like I said the other big one LA February 2nd, please buy tickets to that motherfucker early so I can add extra shows I'm trying to go hang out in LA for a little bit and then I'm also going to be in San Diego The Sunday before that on the 27th. So that's it boys and gals. Please fucking buy tickets to all those. I'm coming I'm sucking you off across this fine nation, and I'm trying to add a couple more dates. So look out for those Please come give me a little smoochy poo and buy tickets and suck me off Oh, no, Nick's dead Adam what are you gonna do?

It's gonna be great when I'm dead and my memory just haunts him for the rest of his life That would be why all these things that I said on the show him having to answer for the rest of his life Yeah, I can I can get out of it. Yeah, I'll smile my way out of it. Yeah, you'll be fine. You'll do stand-up and stuff Yeah, Adam will be the fucking You know, it's funny too as these markets will bounce back and be like I feel really good I don't know what it is something about having more money. Yeah, you know, no, you've totally 100% just poured All of your hopes and desires into this crypto shit. Oh, yeah, and I respect it and usually it's drugs Oh, that's happening too, baby

Yeah, if you want to mail me wink wink Don't finish that sentence Your honor I said wink That means don't do it I explicitly said mail me narcotics and then said wink wink, which means don't mail me narcotics I think that that makes sense to me So you are off I drop all the charges the prosecutor's like the charges were murder one He killed his business partner

Because he had a paranoid fantasy about him taking out a life insurance policy on him Fuck all right folks that'll do it for us. We're coming at you soon Also funny moms in two weeks coming at you live coming at you jive This was Wednesday. We did record this today So you if you if you want you'll feel closer to us knowing just hours before you listen to this. We recorded it Good bye everyone. Mwah.