The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 131 – ho canada

Episode Date: November 29, 2018

bonnie mcfarlane comes on and says a bunch of really racist stuff about immigrants and we set her straight

was on stage. That's a good look. I was I want to do a set like that where you go in with your buds in and you're like halfway through a joke and you're like yeah cuz you know we've all we've all voted. Hold on sorry sorry Mark just said something. It would be you doing stand up with headphones while listening to what the fuck. Yeah. Would complete like sorry Mark just made like a really good point. I'm sorry I'm addicted to podcast I can't stop listening to Mark Maron. Are people still listening to Mark Maron in the year 2018? I just listened to Annie Letterman yesterday. Oh yeah. So Annie's doing it so it's not the podcast isn't going that great anymore. So I guess he had Obama and now he's got Annie Letterman. Now he's doing Middles. Next

week we got Kurt Metzger's friend who drives him around. I think his name is Larry. Larry the Kurt's friends with. Hell yeah. Yeah. Kurt's a pretty good guy. Mentally disabled guy. Larry I need you to drive me. I need you to drive me to Costco. I don't know if I can Kurt I gotta do what the fuck. Oh good good good good. Yeah it's good Mark 71. I tried to listen to Kurt Metzger. I don't know whose podcast it was. We were talking about the fight that he had with Lewis Gomez and I have no clue at all what happened from. This is the thing that like 15 years ago would have been like oh yeah I heard like Kurt Lewis had a thing at the comedy store and people are like oh who gives a shit and that would be the end of it and now because everything's fucking documented it's like

well that's what I started seeing some things from Lewis on Twitter and then I was like well what's happening here. Well they're also documenting it. I don't mean like this is entirely other people. I think it's mostly them. Yeah yeah like yeah they had on the podcast and shit. Yeah yeah yeah you know you gotta have some fucking selfish. We don't talk about we've been beating the shit out of Adam before every episode. It's all fake. It never comes out. No no no I'm talking about the beat the lashings. Oh the pre-show lashings. Yeah like when they were like pounding your head on Twitter before. He's not allowed to fight back. He's not allowed to defend himself. I'm only allowed to punch myself. Adam gets jumped and sexed into the podcast. Every time. Every

episode. Every record twice a week. I had fun but I feel guilty. I know I get it Bonnie. That's just having fun. You'll get used to it. He wasn't here the first time you did the show. I know. We'll try to make it good. Yeah. Oh yeah I did it. Way back in the day. A lot of people don't know this but you were the act the original third chair on come time. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I was like what the fuck is this. Stop because I knew you from some writing. Yeah yeah and then you were like do my friends or something or something like that. We had some connection and then and then that was the first time I met you. That's when I stole your glasses. That's right. Yeah. I went and bought the same glasses that you have. But you were at some company where they

were cooking food. Yes. I was at a horrible company CPXI it was called. Child porn extreme internet. Child porn extreme international. Yes. That company was so funny. It was like that. It was like the like a parody of a startup. Yeah. It's just way too much office space. Most of it is not being utilized. It was like casting central casting for these like young millennial types cruising around. I was like what am I doing here. And you guys were looking like in closets and stuff like should we record in here. The receptionist came up to me one time when I was there and I was just like making myself a bowl of cereal and she was like do you work here. And it's like no you're not going to do anything about it.

Yeah. You hold up a clipboard. Do I look like I work here. Yeah. I do. I would just stay after and eat cereal for dinner. Oh yeah. All the time. It was awesome. I would steal nuts from there. Yeah. They had like nut butters. They had like play station. I think you offered me nuts. Yeah. There was like you don't offer people nuts before they're about to do a podcast. Well you know protein. It's like crazy. They have one of those like fancy you know that that Starbucks machine they have at Sirius. They had one of those and those things probably cost like $30,000. Yeah. They're not. No. No. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. What do you mean a $30,000 machine. I mean it's nice. It's like it's like at the like in the president's lounge or something. Yeah. You know how much one

of those like bun coffee makers costs. How much. Those are like $6,000. Damn. Yeah. He knows the prices of coffee makers. As soon as anything becomes for like commercial use because businesses write everything off. They're like oh an alarm clock. $50 million. Yeah. $80 million desk fan and we're out of business. That's sweet. That's why if you do a corporate you should always Rich taught me that. Ask for $50,000. You ask for $40,000 right off the bat. 45 minutes. 45,000. That's what they charge you. They'll say yes. Yeah. And then and then the guy calls you like you know an hour later and it's like can you do this show in Manville, New Jersey? I'm like yeah 150. Manville. Manville sounds like the spot. I want we need more towns like that. Yeah. Manville.

Guy City. Yes. It was renamed Dallas Guy City. I'd love that. Yeah. Walk around cowboy hats. Boots. Nothing else. Nothing else. Boots and cowboy hats. Very man. Top and tails. I don't know what that means. A lot of heating air conditioning guys. Oh yeah. All hanging out. Just a little bib. I put over my dick when I eat dinner. I get barbecue sauce all over my hog. That's great. That's how we're going to make that crypto money back. Cock bibs. Cock bibs. You know I had an idea for just you put on these like sleeves and then you can just wipe your mouth. Oh that's good. Disposables. That's pretty cool. Leave napkin sleeves. That's good. Sneezing to them. That's the thing man like QVC is like it's a place for people who

are aren't good at a business but are good at like 30,000 terrible businesses. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like if you have if you have one okay idea you're probably going to sink but if you have like 40 just shit ideas. No I knew a guy who did. That's he did inventions and he like it's a pen that fits in the tiniest pocket of your jeans. Yeah right. Velcro sunglasses. Yeah. Let me surgically reattach the velcro to your face. That's good. I always lose my sunglasses. Here's the rub. You get to choose which side of the velcro gets attached to your face. So you're like you're like a fuzzy kind. You go that. Fuzzy on the face. Fuzzy on the face. That is entirely up to you and Mark Cuban is just like tenting his fingers. Yeah. Oh yeah. It mimics the eyebrows. Now we're really on to

something. You know this started out stupid but I think we got another. Well I think we've got something. Cock bags. Velcro sunglasses. We're going to be millionaires by the end of this. Yeah no I mean because like the guys that go on Shark Tank like someone's like oh yeah it's a this is an early detection system for a sudden infant death syndrome. It's like who needs it. Yeah they're like I don't want this shit. It's not scalable. This other guy's like yeah it's Dyson for wiping your ass. You know like 80 million dollars. That would be awesome just a vacuum. It uses ions to suck this shit out of your ass and then it turns the shit into peanut butter. Okay I'm in for your baby. What about what about like to wipe your ass a thing that's like a circle

and it's a bunch of tongues and it's like you're getting your ass licked clean. Well they made that for eating pussy. Did they. There was like a cunnilingus machine. They made like a woman like a woman's pleasure. Okay. I want to read like a Tesla actually. It was just a belt with tongues on it. Yeah Nikola Tesla. Yeah that was they found that. That's what he was doing. It was just like goes in a circle like four times. That's why they had him killed. Yeah that's why they found that blueprint. Well he was working on it before he died on his deathbed. It was his theory of everything. I want to do the. Can you make it slurp. Can you make it call you a whore. Yeah. What I want to do. I want to make it. I want to do the what's the guy with the steam engine.

The guy who Thomas the tank engine. No it was like a black folk hero John Henry. Yeah I want to do John Henry. I want to do me. I want to reboot the John Henry myth but it's me eating pussy naturally. Yeah versus the machine. The machine. You know what I mean. I think that's just thousands of women. And the machine wins. The machine wins easily. He's out of breath. He's out of breath. Somehow from eating pussy. Bonnie did they make it through one. John Henry in Canada. I don't know it. John Henry was not a slave but close enough. Yeah. He was like a really strong black guy that was good at hammering railroad spikes and the railroad ties. And then they invented a machine and John Henry raced the machine and I think he dies. He dies. He wins but he dies. He wins but he dies. He

raced the machine. Yeah. For what. Just like running. Who can who can like nails. It's an allegory about how the black man earned his freedom but thus by doing so. Well no he invalidated his role in America. Oh because that was it. That's a story. I don't think that's exactly. I would take Nick at his word for that one. For what reason. What's that. Because I said I wanted to he raced a steam hammer. No no I know but why was the story actually taught. Because it's like a folk a folk tale. That's American. It's like Johnny Apples. Johnny Apples. Yeah. John Henry Paul Bunyan Paul Bunyan Blue Ox. Yeah. It doesn't feel like it has legs. And you guys are still talking about it. Yeah. No it doesn't. Nothing on this podcast has to be good. That's the thing you have to learn. American

folklore is pretty fucking dumb. Yeah. Yeah. We're Canadian folk tales. Well we had this story. Oh there was a matey. Yeah. It seems like a pirate stuff. No like a like a fucking Canadian Mountie. A Mountie. What a matey. A matey is a that's what they used to call half Indian half Canadian. Oh that's probably right. That's probably racist now right. I'm sure it is. Isn't everything. Yeah it is. Damn half Indian half Canadian. The friendliest man in the world. Please welcome to my house. Please come. Please stay forever. Native Canadian. Oh an indigenous. Still pretty friendly. They'll give you a first person right. First peoples. First people. Is that what they're called. Yes. The first. First nations. First nations.

A couple of fooboos. Yeah. First us by us. Nice man. Thanks man. What else. What else we got guys. You know Thanksgiving. What we all do. Thanksgiving. There's that guy that got eaten by a. Oh yeah that was that tribe. I tried to kill that guy with arrows. Yeah. Hilarious way to die. So funny. So funny dude. Fuck that guy. Honestly. He didn't. What do you think was going to happen. And it's just it's a shame that he was like Chinese and not a white guy. Yeah. Because I haven't really dug through Twitter but I just want to see those like. Mayo ass white boy. Trying to go to white privilege. Yeah. P.O.C. Island. Too spicy for Mayo ass white boy. The island. Too damn spicy boy. What he just was trying to take pictures or he was. Yeah he was trying to just

give him a kick ass. He thought it would be a really good Instagram post. Yeah. To go eat coconuts with people that think you know like God lives inside of a two can. I love that you think you did it for an Instagram post. That is probably more true. Now he was a missionary. He wanted to go. He was. Oh of course. That fucking ass. Which is kind of rude because if you don't know about God don't you just get a pass. Like dead ass babies get to go to heaven. No they don't. They don't. They got to go to purgatory purgatory. They fucking did something. They know what they did. Of dying. No I don't know. Fucking religion is so just. Yeah. It's dumb. Yeah. You're married to a Jew right. Maybe. I'm sorry. Adam likes to keep tabs on everyone. Yeah. I have a list. On

everyone. He's Jewish politically. Yeah. But he's religious. A.A. Ashley. Oh so the worst kind of Jew. Just one of those Israel guys. Yeah. A.A. sucks so goddamn much. I went I went I went through an A.A. meeting with Evan Williams like. Oh did I out. I guess I can't out. Yeah. I mean yeah. You just. I can't out him as being. Wait but were you in any way concerned about your own alcoholic intake. I was killing time. I was literally killing time. His phone died. My literally my phone died. That was your bottom. Yeah. Well I was I was doing it was like when I was doing my phone die. I can't drink anymore. And it's just all these people that are like you know I mean particularly in New York I would think that like here would be less depressing

but it's like people that still have hopes and dreams you know you go to like an A.A. meeting in the middle of Delaware. They're like you know and then after I got my 15th DUI I was like maybe I will call my daughter. They were like damn yeah I guess this guy's doing all right. Whereas you know here it's like and I never became a dancer. Yeah. I was supposed to be on Broadway. Oh a bunch of people pretend you're just the reason they failed is alcoholism. Well not bad but they're just like bitter. I mean like you know you've moved to New York to do so they're people that had aspirations. Look alcoholic or not you get to a certain age you get bitter. It just fucking happens. Yeah yeah oh I'm there. Oh yeah yeah I'm there trust me. You're

Perry you're Perry bitter. Well yeah you just stopped drinking. It is crazy you just were like I'm just gonna stop drinking. Yeah and one day it happened. I didn't know. Yeah I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about here. Yeah what is that? Is this Canadian folklore? I think in Perry Menopausal you know before you get to Menopausal I thought Perry Menopausal. Did not know that was a prank. That was one for the gals. Hey ladies both of you I wanted to say. There's zero. All the menopausal women that listen to this show. Yeah there's one she made me a cheese well she's probably not menopausal. There was that one lady that killed herself. Oh yeah but she wasn't a menopausal. That's how bad menopausal is. She wasn't menopausal though she was she was fairly.

How do you know. I think just suicidal because she sent Adam videos of her like sucking dick shut up. Yeah everyone everyone saw those videos. Yeah but Adam was the one who kept asking for them. Adam sent them. It was like if you don't send me you should fucking kill yourself. No I didn't. Yeah you sent it. It was fucked up. Yeah I remember Adam was trying to like go fly and visit her. Yeah that was weird. This woman needs my help. Yeah but she was. Adam was like I think I finally have a girlfriend. It's menopausal. I didn't say a girlfriend I said I feel like I finally have a family. Yeah I got the kids. Her kids as well would be my kids now. Her husband would be my best friend. It would be your sister sister husband. Yeah. Yeah. You would I can't wait till

you and dosh have a sister husband situation. Oh it's not going to happen that way. It's going to be a sister wife situation. No chance. 100 percent. What are you talking about. Nothing. You know why there's they don't have it that way. It's always like more women one man. They never have like more men one woman because that woman can't keep up with the sound. No that's not true. That happens. Yeah. I saw I saw a tweet the other day from a guy that was like well I lost a hundred thousand dollars in cryptocurrencies and now my wife's pissed because I can't afford to put her boyfriend's son through college. That's not real. Come on. That's trolling. And it's like that guy is my fucking hero. The boyfriend or the husband. The husband. That's who you want to be. Yeah just a guy like that.

That's like yeah I'm not doing too good. That kind of fuck things up here a little bit. Damn. I did see a Facebook video of something like that where it was like this couple that just like this rent fair couple that like added another guy with a beard and ponytail and they just take turns fucking and they're the same woman on Facebook. Wait the guys don't fuck. I don't think or is there some kind of weird. It looked a little weirdly affection. I mean I'm sure they fuck the girl at the same time. Yeah. But they didn't seem gay. Oh. And they in fact the husband the original husband seems kind of resentful of the situation. But he's like well I guess it's what you want. Yeah. I feel like that's every situation is like what the one of them wants the

open relationship and the other one is like fine. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. There was like a thing in HuffPo a couple of years ago but this guy that like begged his wife for like an open relationship and then they had the open relationship and then he wasn't able to fuck anyone else. And then his boss knocked up his wife. What do you mean he wasn't able to fuck anyone else. He just couldn't get anyone. Just hilarious. Oh man. He had no game. You gotta know the marketplace dude. You gotta know your worth on the sexual marketplace. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Is it hard to get laid. It seems like it'd be so easy. It's not hard. No it's not. Not this damn city. Yeah. I mean when you I don't know maybe just because we have a podcast now. Yeah. Women women way more

than I deserve to love podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Oh you guys have a podcast. They get so horny for podcasts. I mean there are a lot of mentally ill women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude we're basically you fucking punk rockers. Yeah. CBGB's. Yeah. Right here. That's this living room. That beanbag. CG. What kind of processor do you have. Yeah. I couldn't think of a word. Who's your hosting service. Yeah. Okay. We got it. Our hosting sex stick by the way. We should fuck. Do you guys all have cans or just one set of headphones. Yeah. I'm the one who wears the headphones baby girl. That's the guitarist is the guy with the headphones. I'm fucking the headphones guy. You get your choice. Yeah. Just remember. Yeah. He keeps the headphones on while

he's having sex with you. Oh 100% all the time. I'm speaking into a microphone while we fuck. If you're you kind of have to if she's fucking you for the podcast. That's right. Yeah. I put a plug in. Nothing else. There's a stethoscope when he puts in her lower stomach. Well that'd be a cool move to hear your day from inside. I love sounds man. Yeah. That would be good. Yeah. If you're doing an ultrasound could you see it. Oh we need an ultrasound. I need an ultrasound machine. Yeah. We should get all this medical equipment. There's your baby. There's your baby shooting the load. Yeah. There's no way to lie about not coming inside of her. Oh shit. I don't know what that is. She's messed up. Like no put the thing back on there. It's

broken. It's broken. Embryonic fluid. Oh sorry. My heart will stop. You got to Oh yeah. You got to defib me real quick. My heart's not. I'm not good. It's healthy. I need all these machines to live actually. Anyway thanks for coming over. Just an iron lung but my dick is poking out of it. It's just your fully quarantine like the alien independence day. Release me. Release me. Fuck. I watched the alien last night on this TV. I wasn't man. Looks great man. I haven't seen that movie in forever. The Sigourney Weaver. Yeah. Sigof me Weiner. Sigof me Weiner. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. She looks so much like Danzig in that movie. Oh yeah. Is that why you're attracted to her? Well it's why I'm attracted to going Danzig. It's a real chicken or the egg situation. Uh huh. Yep. That's what that expression means. Yeah. When two things look like each other you go wow. Yeah. Is this a chicken or an egg. I'm out. I'm right. I don't know what's the difference between. No. No. Stop. Break it down. Let's go. I will break it down. Thank you Adam. Yeah. Who's your sexual attraction? Which came first? Do you want to fuck Danzig because he looks like Sigourney Weaver? Or do you want to fuck Sigourney Weaver because he looks like Danzig? That's not chicken or an egg. That is chicken or the egg. That is chicken

or the egg motherfucker. I heard you out. I heard you out. 100 percent. That's textbook chicken or the egg. Which came first? Danzig wanting to fuck Danzig or wanting to fuck Sigourney Weaver. But that doesn't mean that it's a chicken the egg. It is though. This is a classic chicken gives birth to an egg. No. Right. And then the egg what it means is it grows into a chicken. No. But then if that's the case then you could never use the saying because it would only apply to one fucking thing. Things that give birth to things. Well things that are analogous to that. Yeah. Things that give birth to things. That's not what that means. Well guys you could be literally more figurative. You can actually just place bats on this shit. Can you use it

in a sentence then in your definition for something else. Which came first the chicken or the egg. Place your bets at bet the first the cow or the calf. The only things. Yes. If you go to bet the side. Bonnie. Yeah. Thank you. Bonnie. I'm going to bet. I'm going to bet the bonus. Right. You'll fit in here. I will never agree with him. Yeah. That's the idea. Yep. I bet that people are going to love and this argument and think that I was right. Yeah. Bet the aside.com has been in business for over 20 years paying winners. Wow. And winners isn't a euphemism for losers. They literally mean winners. They mean people who win money on their website. They got an easy to use mobile playing interface. You can play when you get paid.

Bet the SI offers odds on pretty much everything else too. It's not just sports. It's politics. Wow. Reality TV. I love that. Those things. Yep. That's everything. They have a great mobile app that's easy to use from anywhere. That's fucking awesome. School. The bathroom. Yep. The new bathrooms they got now. A bathroom where you're beating off the Glenn Danzig. Yep. Because he looks like Sigourney. Chicken or the egg. They offer live in game wagering. History will vindicate me by the way on this. What history. You can make plays throughout the entire game of the day. History. Yeah. Smart plays. I love making smart plays on bet the aside.

And here's what we're going to be betting on this week. Will that tribe release that man's body. Will we ever see Mr. Mr. They've already eaten it. Yeah. I think they buried him on the beach and then people went there's like pictures. There's pictures that the police went to try and get the body and they're just like all just on the beach with their dicks out waving the bows and arrows at the police. That fucking rules dude. I can't believe there's a law that you can't go over that. I mean that's like the greatest thing I've ever heard that it's illegal to even fucking try to contact. Yeah. That's like the best thing this world has ever fucking done. You know it would be a much better story instead of like a Christian going over there

and MMA fighter that thinks you can single handedly take over the tribe. And he's just got like a year of YouTube videos being like I've been training for this moment for years. I know that in a world without guns and martial arts I could beat up an entire tribe of people and take over their island. This has been my ultimate fantasy is to take over an entire society with the power of jujitsu. Can I offer up another scenario. Yes. A 35 year old single woman. Yeah. There's no good man left anymore. That's awesome. I'm going to fuck the whole island. Fuck the whole island. Fuck that little pygmy. Somebody who doesn't like Instagram. Damn. You'd have your pick. Yeah. It would probably be exotic. The problem is they wouldn't

consider you a woman until you put fire ants in your pussy. Yeah. That's true. You have to have this weird bite of passage. Yep. And I bet. Yeah. I didn't put him in my pussy but they were there. Do we finish the reader. Oh no. Yeah. What are we betting on this week. Oh you got to take the Ravens. They beat the motherfucking raiders. Yeah. They whooped that ass last week. They were double digit favorites and they weren't going to cover and then the raiders really just blew up and that for that backdoor cover baby boys and girls. So take the Ravens. We're on a fucking hot streak. Yeah. Say see you later alligator to the raiders. Yeah. They're done. Yeah. Yeah. Say that to him. And when you sign up make sure to use promo code come 120 so they know we

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favorite websites. Bet you just wanted to mention it. Not being paid to do it. Or do we have to say that we are. Well the cat's out of the bag. Is that appropriate. Yeah. I think I think you do have to say you're paid. OK. Then we are. Sponsored content needs to be. That's my rule. OK. You have integrity. Yeah. Look anything we've ever promoted on this show has been paid for. That's right. Even my hatred of American Airlines was paid for by Delta by Greyhound. Oh really. Graham Graham thinks they're competing. The Fung Wah bus in Chinatown are competing with American. We're competing. You know I wish there was something else that was a stage coach. They should just like be like hey it's a long trip but we're nice. Oh I should open a Brooklyn stage coach. That would do numbers.

Yeah. You take a stage coach down the Gowanus. Yes. You know to go to the steam festival. The steam. A stage. Yeah. Up on board partner. The Williamsburg stage coach company goes after out of business after embracing what they refer to as historically realistic racism. I thought you were going to say they invested in Bitcoin. Racial historicism. That would be you could only pay in Bitcoin. There is. There is this thing. There's like the Jazz Age Festival on Governor's Island and some asshole from Brooklyn that just like rents out Governor's Island in the summer to be like it's the 20s. And then you know he dresses. He's got like a dumb mustache. Well I love it. Yeah. I think it's terrific. Yeah. They go around

and they sing like that old dumb jazz music where you know like in like Boardwalk Empire or any of those like 20s spacing. There's always like a party where there's like the gayest person they had back then which was a guy that just sang songs. Every gay guy was good at singing. They'd be like oh I can't wait to meet you on the trolley. Those guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what they saw the songs are about back then is the trolley and guys named Jelly Roll. You know. Anyway. It's so funny how any song that's like just even 20 years ago sounds like a kid's song. It's like Reyna always listens to the rich loves 60's on six. It's his favorite. And they sound like kids songs. Yeah. And every song now is like I want to fuck you directly in the pussy. By the way I'm on experimental hallucinogens

that aren't even illegal yet. Yeah. Yeah. Like every new popular like SoundCloud rapper or whatever they've got tattoos only on their face and they're addicted to like whatever comes out of Lithium Ion batteries. There's a guy named Blue Face right now who has who just talks about his penis all the time. It's pretty cool. He's like he's like she pulling on my pants till the meat show. Yeah. Right. Bitch. Welcome to the meat show. That's that's like it's big lyrics. Nice double entendre. There's why he ran to meet with me. Meat show with meat show. Oh yeah. That song that's like oh yeah there's many of them but yeah it's just acceptable now. There's a SoundCloud rapper that got Anne Frank tattooed on his face. That's awesome. Did you see it. No I like that. Yeah it's funny.

Shout out to that guy. What's his name. It says underneath his little gerbils. It says we keep in secret. No snitching. Stop snitch. None of my man none of my guys keep diaries. Damn. Yeah. Rap used to be like rap from 30 years ago was all like nursery rhymes. Basically. Yeah. Yeah. One to the left. One to the right. This way that way. Hey I'm all right. Hey I'm the dip dip baby. The meanest thing they would say was like you're a clown. Yeah. Now rappers delights the funniest song because it's like it's like 35 it's 35 minutes long. The first part is about like bringing women to motels and like they're like bitch I gotta be with you don't like that. Well guess who's got a Toyota to sell like they just name shitty cars

and the hotel motel Holiday Inn. Yeah. And if your girl starts acting up meaning if your girlfriend doesn't like that you don't even have an apartment to fuck it. You have to go to motels you could probably just fuck her friend. She won't have a problem with that and then halfway through the song it's like this is like now I'm going to bring my man Big Hank on and then this other guy comes on he's like you know when your friend's mom is bad at cooking. They're like all right where's he going with this. And it's like I guess it's just fine. That was it. Well the Sugar Hill gang wasn't even like yeah he was manufactured. Some people were like oh I know some black guys in Jersey. That's literally what happened. They were like the actual

good rappers. This rap stuff is really popular. Let's cash in on it boys. That's what's great about Jersey man. They won't let anything go by. They'll try to jump in on it. They'll find any black guys and just give them a record deal. They're around. Yeah they got black guys in Jersey. Yeah I don't know man. Fuck so what did you we never got into Thanksgiving. We got to do a full Thanksgiving recap. You know what you went back to Baltimore. I'm back to be more had the first annual Halkus Brothers Korean barbecue and a movie Thanksgiving cut out cut out the fam cut out my parents completely felt good. Did it feel good. It did actually. I don't like what are your parents what do your parents think. I don't know my mom was invited but my dad was not. Did your mom go.

No she went she she chose size. So that's you know politely declined. She politely declined to to stand by her man and have just a horrible dinner probably. Wait is your mom and dad. Your real mom and dad. Yeah but they have a horrible relationship. They just have like one of those weird immigrant like should have gotten divorced 30 years ago but yeah immigrant women don't understand that they don't have to like just stay with the man. I guess that's not just immigrant fools really. Is it also Canadian Canadians. Those are immigrants. Those are literally immigrants. Yeah you fucking four literally. Yeah you grew up on my Canadian piece of shit. I wrote your book. You grew up on a dumb farm. Yeah. Yeah that's pretty immigrant. So I like hardship. That's why

I'm still married. That makes sense. To a Jew. Yeah. Adam's smiling so hard when he says to why is it like such a thing that he did. Did he ever ask you to be a Jew before you guys got married. No. No. I would never. You would never ask. He's not he's not religious. Adam has to change his first and last last name to Dasha. To Dasha. He's taking his wife's first and last name. They'll both be wearing a dress. It's a tradition. It's an Eastern European tradition. Anytime a Jew marries an Eastern European woman. He has to chop his cock off and take her name. I'm going to start wearing like sailor costumes for babies. I want to do a full Russian style wedding. Cossack kind of outfits and stuff. It'd be fun. Those furry circle hats.

Is Dasha going to dress like Donald Duck at your wedding. Of course. Are you married or engaged. His girlfriend dresses like Donald Duck. No. No pants. No pants. No pants. Pussy all the way out. Yeah. Just a little hat. Feathers flying. Crying in Russian in the Donald Duck outfit. Yeah. Yeah. It's love. That's a good look. Yeah. I we went to my friend's aunt's place who was a famous actress in the 80s. Wow. Nice. I get this. All types of NDA. This picture of Donald Duck. Nice. Let's try my bicep. Yeah. You should. You really should. Got this. Nick is thinking about getting a baby Donald Duck tattooed on his bicep.

Was that. Is that another. Baby fat denim around. I really just want to start getting really big dumb tattoos. I dated a guy who had a Mickey Mouse given the finger. Hell. Yes. And it was just the bane of his existence because kids would run up constantly and he'd have to be like. That's awesome. He just thought it was going to be cool. Like that's why I got it. You know he was a very very heavy drinker. Nice. Yeah. Best sex ever. Right. He is a pretty handsome fellow. He put on the Mickey Mouse. Donald Duck for your dog. That is pretty good. Yeah. That's a hilarious. So you just got it drunk probably. I think he did. I mean he had it when

I got a stop version of Donald Duck. No. It's a pig. It's a pig wearing a Donald Duck costume. I don't even have to look at it. Yup. There it is. It's not even a pig. It's just a super fat duck. Oh that's you dude. That's you. You know what it is me. That guy is very cute and I don't have a problem being here. He seems totally happy about it. He's happy with himself. People like him. Oh this is like a whole like I guess Etsy store this guy just draws fat versions of cartoon. I love that. That's called representation. Look at this fat Lego man. That's hilarious. That's also a stop. That's not really funny. It looks like Fat Albert. That is not me. That's great. A fat ninja turtle. That's me. That's cool. He's got a sword. I'll be him.

Anyways, I'd like to see a picture of the fellow that draws those. Yeah, we're gonna see. Or maybe it's a beautiful woman that likes to fuck that guy. Anybody ever think of that? Huh? I got no problem fucking a fat guy. Thank you Bonnie. That's a lot that you did have to that is the way you got on the show. If I was single, I would be totally all over that. No, I had some fat boyfriend. That's what I like to hear. Yeah. There need people need to be fucking fat guys. I think that's my that's my that's my spin on body. Nobody needs to be fucking anybody. I think that no you you mean it was gross but I did it. It was definitely not a fat guy. A fat guy definitely could not have pulled off the Mickey Mouse tattoo. No, no, that guy was that guy was hot. Yeah, for sure.

A fat guy with a bad ironic tattoo. Yeah, you can't do it. We're held to a higher standard. Yeah, that's why I know the fat guy that the real fat guy that I dated was very smart, funny, like, great guy. Yeah, we're compensating. Cool to be around. Yep. That's the formula. Road to motorcycle. Oh, yeah, I have a twin. Yeah, that is the formula. My sister, but we dated those two fat guys who ride the motorcycle. Yeah, I love chicken wings as I recall. Oh, yeah. Can dip. I could eat like a greasy rider. Greasy rider. Greasy rider. Can I try watching that? Greasy rider is good. Yeah, no, but come on. You know, a couple swings at it. All right, what else? What else? Greasy rider. Cheesy rider. Cheesy rider. That's pretty good. Oh, why? Because easy.

I didn't get what we were doing. Sorry, Dennis Wopper. Not good at puns, but you guys have fun with it. Cheesy Dennis Wopper. I hope I get it. Peter Fondue. He's gonna say it, but you were talking over it. Sorry, I didn't. What was it? What was your? Dennis Hopper and Peter Fondue. Yeah, that's cool. Dennis Wopper. Oh, you're good at this. Yeah, I said Dennis Wopper. Dennis Wopper and Peter Fondue. That's a taco truck. Yeah, this is why I get to write for all the shitty variety shows on basic table. That's right, man. You got skills. You got talents. Yeah. We were talking about something that was interesting to me. Yeah, I'm pitching a show called True TV called How About where audience members just yell out a movie and then me and my friends are sitting around

and we're like, oh, how about we move out gay? How about yeah, star star warts and it said Darth Vader and he's got warts all over the stick. Come on. What's the next one? Hey, you win the prize. You win the prize. Come on down here. Actually, we're out of time. That's good. Yeah. How about yeah, I would love to pitch how about to true TV. Yeah, we handle gets to have a show called why. Yeah, how about they didn't last long? I know. But where's where's our turn? What's our turn? Where's our turn to have three episodes or something and fizzle out? Where's our turn? You know, it's where's our turn up? Yeah, let's turn up like the vegetable or like you get it.

Let us do that. I don't know. I'm just doing food puns. Are you getting into the spirit of the show or like a male feminist show called the Good Man Show, right? Oh, but they still have like just jumping on the trampoline or whatever the girls are. And then they're jumping up and down and we're like, we're not we're not looking at it. We're not seeing any of this. I'm thinking about Bernie Sanders in my eyes closed. Healthcare for all. My dick's hard because I'm thinking about Bernie Sanders. That's good, man. I'd love to do a Good Man Show. We'll be back after these commercials for, I don't know, probably scented candles. Yes, and scented candles. Candles for men.

No, they got to be for women. Yeah, there's no such thing as candles for sensitive men. Yeah. I think you guys is everything's for women, right? It's like that you guys are trying to take some shit for yourselves. That's where you go wrong. True. We got to start doing we got to do a woman only come town, guys. Aren't you doing it now? Yeah. This is our shake episode. I tell you what I tell you what is for guys and girls is pair new pair of boots from Thursday boots.com. Absolutely. That sounds about right. We're here in this fucking place. It's fucking rocks, brother. This isn't Monday boots, right? Monday. Fuck Monday boots. Monday can fuck off. Fuck Tuesday boots. Wednesday boots suck my fat nuts. Wednesday. You can suck my dick. It's Thursday. Thursday boots. Thursday.

That's their official jingle. Saturday can eat my ass. Saturday can eat my ass. Sunday sounds fucking gay to me. But Thursday boots. Thursday boots. That's some cool shit. Please let me fuck your shoes. Thursday boots.com boots. You can fuck. You cannot fuck the boots. No, you can fuck the boot. I mean, I guess you could fuck. But they don't come like with a pocket pussy. But the leathers are so premium. That's true. These fabric, these leathers, the leather is so good, you'll want to fuck. It's like it'll be hard. Basically, a pussy. It's like a pussy for your feet. Your feet are the dicks. Yeah. It's like kick fucking a child. Is this a segment on your good boys show? Oh, no, we're doing an ad. We're doing an ad read. But there's company that

sells boots that try to be an apple. Thursday boots. It's like it's like kick fucking a virgin. It is not like that. Do you guys lose ads for this shit? I don't know. We've lost so many ads in our podcast. It's weird. We've never lost an ad. Yeah, I've got we got. I've forgotten to re up with people. Yeah. But like we've got nasty letters from fucking. Yeah. From companies. Yes. For what? Fucking up ad reads. Well, one time there was like a Valentine's ad. We had to read for some flower company and then they would say like she may say no, but she wants the flowers. And I was like, why are you using rape? Oh, that's brutal. Just a fair point. Yeah. Hold her down and shove these roses in her pussy. We did that for about half the body. Anybody that comes

to us knows what they're getting because the show is called the come town. I mean, it's like it seems unfair that we have to fucking read ads. Don't promise anyone anything ever and do the least amount of work possible. And this is the only way to live your life. Got it. You can do that in style. Over promise. If you're a dumb ass like Adam, you you have to steal expensive boots from from black loss and found what happened at the church for a homeless retarded Pete. That's not what happened out of March. I would never stop reading the read. Sorry. Sorry. He's saying it to cross. It was burning. It was burning my skin. It was burning my skin. It was a hot cross. But then he stole those boots. Jewishly made off with those boots. No respect for other

religions. You don't have to do that at Thursday boots because they got look they they they somehow found the factories where they make the more expensive boots broken there made good boots for cheap and then they pass the savings on to you. Maybe their deal is they steal them from homeless black loss. Yeah, we don't know. We don't ask too many questions. They're manufactured in this is what I like to go and they're manufactured in North America. Nice. So like never on the ship. Yeah, this is I think they want to mention that they they the Thursday boots are not only a better value but they use better materials like the famous chrome excel leather from the Horween tannery Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago leather baby. The

good shit. That's a good name for a show. Chicago leather was when you you cut off another mobster's face and then you wear it like a mask to eat his wife's pussy. I think that was like a gangster land. That's how Al Capone got syphilis. Yeah. Chicago leather. With prices starting at $149 in free shipping returns Thursday boots are the best buy for this winter. That's a steal. And with their clean timeless design and durability Thursday boots will keep you standing comfortably for years to come. We're sitting stop is stop is literally handicapped and he loves the boots. I am not handicapped but I do love the boots. He's lost the use of his legs to totally walk but the boots are very good. And while they don't do sales or discounts completely

because if you think about it they're already discounted with your prices so low head on over to Thursday boots comm slash town. That's Thursday boots comm slash town. Yeah. And while you do it think about the internal conversation they had about you contacted who to be as far okay. They get three reads but that's it. That's Thursday boots comm slash town and get free shipping and returns. So use our links so the boot people knew that we know that we sent you the change the tents in here and fuck me up. Sorry bro. I hate reading dude. I didn't even know you were reading man. I thought that was so seamless. You've seen me act. You saw me in that sketch. You know I'm an actor. That's great dude. I'm fucking I'm a killer actor. I'm really

good at acting. I had to play a barista for this sketch we shot. Really funny sketch were Jim's racist. I was like what if Jim's racist. I was telling everyone how we had to go around. Are you done the read. Yeah Thursday boots comm slash town check them out. We had to go around for that thing and say who believed in white privilege and who didn't. And like everyone said no like they didn't believe in white privilege except for us. It was like so weird. That's not how long ago. The whole writing staff or who was it. Everyone was like well I don't really believe. Well the writing staff was just me Bonnie Curtin Jim. No there was a couple other people because there were the producers were in there. Yeah. Yeah I guess that. I think they were looking

at Jim like to find out what he was. Was that girl's name Tori. Tori contributed a decent amount for for an assistant. And then that guy Tom I guess they brought in to actually write things down. I don't see none writers. Yeah yeah yeah. Well Tom was technically the head writer or not head writer but he was like he had some position that was a producer. He was a producer but I remember whoever was the show runner she was like talking about bringing him in as if he was going to fix everything. Wait Tom. Yeah you remember the ball guy. He wasn't completely bald. He was thinning. Jim. Yeah Jim is the bald guy. Jim is the bald guy. Yeah. Now I don't know. Well I don't know. And Ian was there too. Yeah Ian came

in. He was pretty good there. Yeah Ian who. Ian was there at the beginning. No Ian Edwards to write something. God. Yeah. We had him come in to deliver lunch. Yeah. He still fucks it up. Yeah. This is a paper bag filled with comp. Oh man. Oh my bad. This is my lunch. I put my lunch by accident. Yeah I get special Capri Suns filled with semen. Yeah my boyfriend slash girlfriend fills them up with semen. It's like a Capri Sun ad for like Ian's cum Capri Sun. We drinks it and then he just like turns into like a kid who has a dad and then he's like standing outside of the skate park watching everyone have fun in the half bike. Great always.

Just looking through the chain link fence. Man I wish I was good at something. It'd be funny if Ian became an orthodox Jew and started sucking men off through a hole in the sheet. That would be good. There's so many good. There's so many good options for Ian to be gay is a different version of himself. He's like the oldest youngest looking person I know. Yeah he's seven years. He's ageless. Yeah he is kind of an enigma. Right. He's a cool guy. Yeah he's a cool guy. Good dude. My daughter who was eleven and Kate's daughter who's eleven. Shut up. They came we were going on a gig so and Ian was there and his first time I met him was who were driving to spring when it was Fairfield and those two fucking kids tore him. Oh my god.

He got bullied by eleven year old girls. It was like at one point I took him aside and I was like he turned around and Ian's just explaining the two eleven year old girls. It's like yeah but if the dick is on a girl it's not gay. Right. I mean like you can't say that they weren't my girlfriend. No it didn't. It started off. The sucking dick feels good. What do you want me to say. Like we're in fifth grade. The first thing they said to him I think was are you a crack addict and it just went from there. It was bad. Then they somehow got his phone number and they were like texting him in the car. They were texting him. Yes. Just totally harassing him. He showed those texts to Nikki and I think I think that's why she put him on the show. She was like

I feel sorry for this guy. He's been bullied by eleven year old girls. Yeah. I had to take him aside and be like you guys cut it out. He's gonna cry. At one point he was like stop it. Leave me alone. That's so fucking good. That's amazing. I love Ian. He's so funny. He's so funny. Yeah. Just like taking L's to that degree. His whole life. His whole life has just been such a tragedy. It's so weird that they knew immediately that this was a guy. They smelled it and they were like we can take this guy. Absolutely. You just look. You just got these twinkly eyes. You're like yeah I'm gonna take advantage of this man. Things have been going real bad lately. Let's see if we can get him back to drinking. I wish I could remember any of those texts now because when he started

showing him to us I was like kind of horrified. I raised the monster. I mean a little bit proud but a little bit. He was telling me he got arrested like a year or so ago and it was literally like just a clerical error. Like literally just got the wrong guy. And he would have went along. Right. He was like yeah not my lawyer says that they should be able to. He probably wanted to go to jail. We went to jail for nothing. For nothing. He's like I've always wanted to use this kind of urinal. I've always wanted to shit in front of other people. I love jail. It's cool. You meet a lot of cool guys in jail. Going to jail feels really good. Yeah no it's actually fun. Yeah the toilet was broken but everyone just pissed in my mouth. It was fine. Yeah you know make some friends in

there you know what I'm saying. Boom chagalaka. Boom chagalaka. It's not everything about Ian is he'll say something that's like a joke and if people don't laugh the second it leaves his mouth immediately just becomes like he's just drowning in insecurity and he has to like he does his tell yeah yeah yeah he runs through like eight of them. Every time I get drunk and do stand up I feel myself doing these huge tells. I don't know what happens to me. It's like I bounce just telegraph line. I know fucking control over it. Yeah yeah Ian does it like you know yeah. No we don't know. That didn't make any fucking sense. That's what his tweets are like. He gives up on the joke. Even in his tweets you can tell that he's like he regrets it. He makes some

dumb point that's like man women there's no difference. Roll the same. Check me out. What are you guys doing later. What happened. You have like no confidence in anything. We really should have made him defend his tweets on tweets. Oh yeah his tweets are so bad. Yeah they're the worst. He's so fucking bad at tweeting. We'll have him back on soon. Oh yeah. Just bully him. When Rich gives a compliment or when Rich like trashes someone and it doesn't get a laugh he'll pretend he's really he'll be like lay shirt. Hey where'd you get it. Try to make it seem like it's just part of the conversation. That's great. I love that shit. Damn it's getting Ian on to bully him. I was laughing about you

know the Seinfeld episode where George had to come back. Yeah. Or he's like you know the jerk store called. Yeah yeah yeah. But it's it's George like waiting for his moment and then but he says the n-word store. Because Kramer's like George here's what you gotta call him. It's like oh yeah. Well the food store called and they're running out of you. And then it was like Jesus Christ. They're like what the fuck is wrong with you. He's like Kramer told me to say it. It was Kramer's idea. Ad lynching from a tree wasn't he saying that. You should be hanging from a tree.

50 years ago you would be upside down with a fork in your ass. It's like is that what was he killed by Italians. Because the ruckus at an Italian restaurant. I like twist them up like the spaghetti. I'm going to move them up. Shots at the Kramer. That was the beginning of the ends. That was the beginning of the end. You couldn't say the n-word anymore. Free speech. No I just mean I mean he was an asshole but the public apology. That's where it started. Because he had to go. Remember people were laughing so hard when he was on Letterman. Because people were like what. Stop laughing. Stop laughing. Because people never heard of celebrity fucking like apologize like that before. I was like is this a joke. I know. He was like live via

satellite. It was really weird. It was weird. That was so weird. I watched that shit too. It was because it was like it was like a point you're like oh shit he's going to be like Seinfeld's going to be on and it's like and then it was so bizarre. I think Kramer's just that funny. Well it's so funny now. It's like you do want to laugh. If you look at how if that had happened now Jerry Seinfeld would be in more trouble than Kramer because no one gives a shit about Kramer. So if Kramer was racist they'd be like I knew it or whatever but if Jerry Seinfeld as like another white guy went on TV and were like you need to accept his apology he would be in more trouble now. That is true yeah. Right. To imagine that Jerry Seinfeld could go on TV and

be like it's not that bad. Well he's even. Jerry Seinfeld's walked back so many of his comments just from a couple years ago. Everybody walks back to their comment like people have this like extremely short term memory in terms of how shitty they were. And shitty only in like a contemporary sense. I don't even think a lot of this shit is shitty but like you know yeah there's plenty of people we know who are like I'm not that guy anymore. It's like oh you mean you're just a coward. Yeah. You're a coward now and there's like the slightest amount of social pressure and you can't say these things that you were so edgy four years ago now that there's actual consequences to face you can't do. Right. Well I mean they're actors. Comics. I don't mean

actors. Well Jerry Seinfeld has said some really reprehensible things in his act. He's really racist. Yeah. Really? Ovaltine. Why don't they call it. Yeah. Ovaltine. Where do you buy that. The poop store. Well that's what I love when he had Netflix for whites. Nice great for whites. Ovaltine's for beer. I love Ovaltine. I call it that because that's what I call it. Did you just take his set and bleep some of it. Yeah. Yeah. Make it look like he's wearing black face. Just do a photoshop of him in black face. Well I love that like a couple maybe a year ago he was like yeah I'm not going to do colleges anymore because these SJWs they're like ruining they're ruining comedy. They get so triggered by my comedy and it's like about your Uber versus cab. I don't think he said.

Yeah. That joke. I know that is so bizarre. That joke is so fucking dumb. Have you heard that. They're using it to promote his new like special. Yes. But he tried to pretend that as a joke that he wrote. He literally did a special where it's like these are all jokes I wrote my first year in comedy or whatever it was and then he does an Uber joke in there and you're like I that tag. Come on. Is that new. Yeah. I feel like that's new. Barack Obama. He's got all his papers out. You know. I watched the new episode of The Simpsons last night was just on TV. I haven't seen The Simpsons in like 20 years. Insane. It's just Homer's like tweeting the whole time. He's like leaving Yelp reviews about Krusty the clown and then Krusty tries to kill Homer with his

Tesla. Are you kidding. No I'm serious. Krusty's got a Tesla. He's like I got to kill this guy. And couch and is just tweeting. That's fucking horrible. Is he a Trump supporter. I don't know. I have no idea. I mean he must be. He has to be. Yeah. Yeah. Well it's funny too because you can hear in the voices of the actors how like old they are. Oh my God. Bart's like Bart's like don't worry Krusty. I'll hide you. Isn't the woman who died of cancer. What's that. Yeah. Yeah. Cancer. All right then. Okay. Eat my. Edna Krabapal died. Damn. What happened. Edna Krabapal died. The lady that does her I guess. Yeah. Does she do more than. No they killed the character on the show. Nice. Yeah. And a poo is gone. Yeah. Because he's racist. A poo. Oh man. It's so funny

how shitty the Simpsons is now that like Hari Kandabula is like they need to get rid of that character and they're like OK who gives a shit. Yeah. Yeah. We're just catching checks. We'll write off every character. We're looking for a reason to quit. Let's be honest. Yeah. No they had a joke on the show because like Homer becomes like a critic or whatever of Krusty's show and that like he becomes like a TV critic or he leaves he recaps episodes and then the joke on the on the on the show is like you know Krusty's like what do you mean why isn't it season four anymore. And it's like look no one is watching the Simpsons. Yeah. You literally never come back. That's the thing is like that seems so out of character for like even typing seems like not something he should

do. Yeah. You know like what's he did. What are they doing. I mean it would seem to weird when Homer got a computer. Do you remember those episodes. Yeah. I mean that was a funny episode when Homer is like dragging the computer behind his car and he's like Lisa look who got a computer. Yeah. There was a lot of good lines in that one because I believe he had a podcast. This is the computer that astronauts used to do their taxes. I mean anybody can podcast. Yeah. No there's going to be one where Marge has a podcast probably. Oh God. There's probably already been a podcast episode that there has to have been. Yeah probably. Homer married to Lena Dunham for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Lena Dunham put pebbles in Lisa's pussy in Maggie's pussy.

Yeah. The Simpsons Sunday guest starring Ben Shapiro. That seems more accurate. Milhouse you're not gay. It's women's fault. Lisa did you know that Ben Shapiro said I could fuck you. He's the same height as Lisa. Oh boy. Yeah. Damn. Yeah fuck the Simpsons now. Unless they I guess want to give us jobs. We'll write for you guys. Yeah. Hey I would love this. You just give Calm Town the simpsons. Please actually they should give us mad TV. I don't know why they already said that. I know but I mean it. Yeah. Like they rebooted mad TV and they did. Yeah. But nobody watched

it because it wasn't me. Wait. Where's it on. It was already. It's gone. It's been rebooted and off already. Oh yeah. I think it was on like CW or whatever their shit. Yes. That was Fox. No. Then they rebooted it on. Yeah. They didn't do any racism. They had no retarded characters. Yeah. They didn't do any but gay sketches. Yeah. Which is where they shine. The president but gay. The most like tame character on mad TV was the Java man the guy who loved coffee. Oh yeah. And that was the dumbest sketch on that show. 100%. Anything that was like all right we're going to have Alex Borstein make fun of Chinese women best. Yeah. Oh he looked like a man. Perfect comedy right. Do it. Incredible. Yeah. Just a terrorizing retarded sort of look what I

can do. Yeah. You know one that wasn't me that was funny was was like that character that's that Midwestern woman that just goes hi. I don't remember that one. No. I never watched that. No. No. It was Mo Collins. Mo Collins is good. Mo Collins is hilarious. She was great on Parks and Rec too. Everybody that was on mad TV was super talented. Yeah. They had the best cast. He and Peel were on like the last couple of seasons. Yeah. They were mad TV is hands down one of the best sketch shows that there ever was. And I don't know why people shit on it. It's better than SNL. Much better than SNL for sure. I don't watch SNL wants to give us jobs. Yeah. SNL to come to come down. That's why I found some like liberal account on Twitter that were like there should be a rule

that SNL gets to air six hours after Trump says anything. It's mandatory that a new SNL episode is that like what gets these people through their week. Yes. Come on. Just fucking lose Amazon is good. Yeah. That was a tough one. Everyone got really mad. I didn't see that. He was just talking about how Amazon is good and like New York won the lottery by getting Amazon based. Well he's like that. Oh yeah. That's I did see that fucking thing. People got really mad. Well he had to say that he's he's part of the thing. He's part of GE basically. Yeah whatever. I mean it just does suck though. Amazon. I'm mad. Amazon is coming to fuck Jeff Bezos. I don't really give a shit. I wanted to buy something. You think it's cool. Yeah. It's like a more like New York. More expensive.

Yeah. Like a little more expensive. Yeah. Now you get to know what it's like to live in Brooklyn. No I wanted to buy something in Queens. You know hopefully that's never going to happen. Look me and Adam can't leave Brooklyn right. We can't. We love it. We came over. Yeah. We came over on the boat from Israel. Yeah. It's true. You ordered him from Amazon. Yeah. He was here the next day. Mm hmm. Well you don't order from Amazon. I have. I've stopped. We should. We should like to lead our Amazon. I actually I think I'm going to do it. I'll take an Amazon ordering for me. Yeah. Yeah. Nick likes it. Yeah. I don't think protesting Amazon by not buying shit on Amazon does anything. That's it. That's it. Well this is the thing with boycotting

is that you would you would just have to be naked living in a field. I mean yeah that is true. It's like every fucking business is a piece of shit after they get a certain level. I know it's hard because I was like I was trying to buy like gifts and I was like well I don't want to buy this like this video game from Amazon and then it's like okay let me go to what Walmart. Like I don't know. It's like the video game itself is probably fucking employ employing fucking people in China that don't have any fucking water. We're fucked. You're right. Fuck it. Amazon is good. I changed my mind. Yeah. We love it. Yeah. I mean the thing is just like. Also warehouse workers explain like you know it's also like how long is that going to last. First of all you don't want to

do anything. Are you just prepared to never use Amazon again. Maybe. Yeah. You're going to you're going to go down with the ship. Are you. Yeah. Well the other thing is that correct. I don't think I use down with the ship. Yeah. No that's good. What are you going to go down on the ship. Yeah. The captain has to go down on the ship. You gotta suck that shit. Suck that shit. The ship is a woman. The captain of the Titanic is sucking everyone's dick because he doesn't understand the expression. Yeah. The captain must go down on the ship. Just suck the violin players digs while they're all going down. Gentlemen. Time is now. No but you're not supposed to drink any water from like Nestle or anything like it's like it's like you start going. It's

like two. I don't know. Chocolate water. No Nestle. They're the number one. How about I do whatever the fuck I want. Aquafina is trash though. But I don't know. That's like that's like that's like not even as good as tap water. You're not listening to Adam scream. I take Aquafina. I pour it out. I put tap water in. Trash is dressing room. Go ahead Adam. We air out your water bottle opinions. I like that one. I like they always get me when they say they have like ions and like magnets and stuff in the water. I only drink it if it's got magnets in it. Well it's really they're stealing water and it's from from like the Flint. Yeah. That's something going on. I agree with you. I've seen some stuff. I mean there's a lot of a lot of environmental shit they're doing wrong.

Yeah. Everything's bad. We're fucked up for doing it. I don't know if it's and through. They should have put this on but I think it is Michigan. Yeah. Yeah. I just learned that word yesterday anthropogenic anthropogenic. What does that mean. I did it. We were listening to this clip yesterday. The woman goes stop just looking up words. The woman goes about global warming. She goes is it anthropogenic. I don't know. I might be but it just means is it manmade. Yeah. Originating in human activity. Yes. Correct. Anthropogenic but it's a pretty good word. It is good. It is good. I agree with that. I've been looking this whole podcast for a way

to say it. I was like please get to the Flint water thing. I can get to the environmental thing from there and then I can say it. How like how expensive would be just fixed Flint's water. What would that cost. Billions and trillions of dollars. Trillions. It's just that they should write off the whole thing. Wall it up. That's what we used to do. Yeah. Yeah. The fucking thing like the billionaires they should just have to be like you don't want to pay taxes. All right. You have to fix one bridge or one water or one thing like just fix one fucking thing. You get your fucking dumb name and you're done. Good. Yes. Get your name on it. We should privatize all of the highways. That way it's incentivized for business owners to keep the highways. We should

privatize everything. And then it costs us money to drive. I think that you know that adopt a highway program is a thing man. Prisons are a problem unless everything's a prison. It's great. Oh my God. You can't make a point by yelling if you're yelling all the time. Right. You just incarcerate everybody. Everyone goes to prison. Everyone goes to prison. OK. All right. We're all living in a prison though. Yeah. They were saying he wants feudalism to come back. No. The open field system. Not feudalism. No. A component of feudalism. I thought about this now for about 10 seconds. No. Yeah. No. These are all horrible ideas. You don't want the open field. It's the feud aspect of it. What's the open field system. Just punch each other for a few. There's a lord. There's a lord

that's granted land by the crown and then the lord rents out the land to us at exorbitant prices that will never be able to pay off. That's Brooklyn. But then we get free use of the field to graze our sheep. Now if we go to leave the field at any point the king can kill us. Sure. But he wants to leave. He can't he can't evict us from the land unless he has good reason to do so. So what if we can't pay the rent which we won't be able to. Yeah. You will be able to. It's just whatever portion of it's just taxed. So the amount of wool you get from the sheep certain amount of it goes to the lord. And he gets to fuck it. This is what you want to bring back. Yeah. Because you don't know how to know the open field system. That's a good idea man.

Well I'm going to give you a book deal feudalism sounds neo reactionary. It's like that's not really what I'm embracing here. Just the open field. Yeah. Open field sounds like like like a startup means you can go play baseball. Yeah. That sounds good. Hey guys. What about the open field. I don't want to leave. Open. That sounds great. All right. Well let me listen. We can keep going. Let me plug a couple of dates here. Also Bonnie do you have anything you want to plug. I'm doing Chicago on December 22nd at the north bar. I'd love for people to be doing some Chicago leather. Yeah. Go see Bonnie. She's funny as shit. She's great at stand up the best. You'll be an idiot. If you want to see me in Chicago go see Bonnie. And then I will be if you're in fucking

Long Island this Friday motherfuckers I will be at the cinema arts. No he will not. Yes I will be. I'll be at the cinema arts center on Long Island. It's not canceled. It's not canceled. It's at 9 30. Billy Joel thing. Some of the guy at the shuts out the Max who booked the thing. Oh that's great. I'm going to post. Don't let Adam look at it. I already saw it. Don't let him see it again. And then in DC I'll be at the DC draft house on the 7th and 8th. Please buy those. Yes. Buy tickets to that. It's going to be awesome. And then I'm coming to Indianapolis on the 13th Cincinnati on the 14th Columbus on the 15th Cleveland on the 16th. Go to Starvy dot biz for ticks. And then of course I'll be in LA on February 2nd and soon I'll be announcing the whole tour. I'm going to be

all over the place in January Pittsburgh Buffalo Phoenix maybe Albany maybe Tucson for sure San Diego maybe Delaware. So yeah Tartford all these fucking places but right now buy ticks to go see Bonnie in Chicago go see me and fucking I didn't know we could do maybes. It is. I didn't know we could do maybe dates. Maybe. No go to a boss rose dot com to boss rose dot com go to boss rose dot com you fucking pieces of shit. I wrote a couple jokes for that. You'll see a couple of your boy who would you write for Bobby Kelly. I wrote a couple for Bobby. He is fantastic. So funny. None of zero. A lot of my jokes were used. Fuck you Nick. None of his jokes were ever. They made who did you write any jokes for that for the boss rose. No. I was busy writing for pay. Yeah.

Not cheeseburgers and wings. The currency Bobby. Yeah I was your Tito's and soda as promised. I was busy at the Pulitzer prize awards winning every category. Best male writer. He knows there's best writer than best right. Right. That is so fucking. I'm a right. Right. Right. Right. Right. It's a Chinese. It's a Chinese woman that serves people food. Yeah, I'm a writer. I'm a writer at the restaurant. An award winning writer. Well, that's it for today.

Bye guys. Um should you go see twenty moms, second and fourth Mondays? Alright, bye. Bye. Bye. We will be right back with