The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 137 – Dexters Gender Labratory

Episode Date: January 10, 2019

an african guy who loves popeyes chicken but he pronounces it "poop ass chicken"

And we're off. Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck all my beans. Sucked a dick. Want to fuck him, want to suck him. I'll be forever gay. I'm gay actor Chris Cooper. I'm never going to be able to. Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Come Town. The biggest dickest show of all time. God bless the pussy. God bless the pussy. You heard it here first, folks. That's right. God bless it. That's right.

And I said unto him, let me get some pussy, Lord. That's what that's. This is now a Bible study podcast. Hell yeah. What's that one something about the emissions of donkeys or whatever the fuck? You guys have seen that. There's like a there's like a Bible verse about like about

like donkey dicks and like some woman getting facials from donkeys and shit. Yeah. But it was like you can't fuck a horse. You can't fuck a cat. It was all the sex rules. Well, yeah, with your brother. Oh, what?

Wait, that has to be explicitly said. We're Jews sucking each other's brother's elf. Yeah. Well, a lot of them is like, well, can we suck our brother's dicks? Okay, when did you start? Like literally they were cavemen, right? No, basically Abraham was the first.

I mean, how long ago was that so long ago? Right? Yeah, it was like six, six, six thousand years ago. That's a long ass time. They were probably so short, right by three feet tall. No, the average height until like 1970 was probably like five, nine. No, it was not.

And then it went up to five, ten and a half. What are you talking about? That's crazy. That is true. Like there's all this bullshit about people like, you know, people only used to live till 12 and it's like, no, they lived people like, I mean, like life expectancy was shorter if you factor in like childhood mortality and stuff.

And probably getting murdered and shit in like 1870. If you made it past your fucking 15th birthday, you could live to like 73. Okay. Yeah. Back in like the fucking, you'd look back. Yeah. No, you probably got a toe infection.

13. Yeah. I mean, barring some shit like that. Yeah. But I mean, you know, you just live in your life. I bet you they were short and dying fast. No, they were definitely. You're going to die faster.

You're going to die faster than your middle age counterpart. Your middle age is your medieval. No chance, bitch. I'm out living all of them. First of all, your boy got insurance. I've been going to doctors nonstop. I've been going to doctors like a motherfucker. I'm going to a fucking, I'm going to get, I'm going to get a

dermatologist. I'm going to go to a fucking phlebotomist. Okay. It's a blood doctor. For my ass. For my fat. I'm going to doctor. I'm getting ass shots.

Yeah. That's what a phlebotomist is. No, it's not. They do the veins. No, that's no, you're wrong as fuck. You were as wrong about that as you are. How short people were. Yeah, he's gone.

No, it's no, a phlebotomist is somebody that inserts a needle into your vein. It's like, it's like saying I'm going to see an anesthesiologist. No, it's not bro. It's litter. Look, phlebotomy is the process of making an incision in a vein with a needle. Search what phlebotomist is though. Maybe, maybe I'm not. Maybe it's not phlebotomist.

No, a person who performs phlebotomy is called the phlebotomist. We're talking about a proctologist. No, I'm not talking. A proctologist is an asscheeks doctor. That's a joke. I don't think so. I've actually thought about it. Hold on, hold on.

I'll tell you right now. A phlebotomist is, is just the person that inserts a needle in it. No, hold on. I was telling you guys the other day, I was watching TV back at home. There's a show which is in its fourth season right now. Po, pulmonologist. I meant pulmonologist. For your heart.

For your lungs. That's, it's, it's just a sleep dog. I don't know this month. Look, I think I have sleep apnea. Okay, I said phlebotomy, that was wrong. You were right about that. You were not right about how tall people were though, or how long they lived. Oh, cause sleep apnea is a breathing disorder.

Yeah. Yes. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, so I'm about to get, I'm about to get dermatologist, I'm going to dermatologist get some moles checked out. Like I was saying, I text you guys this. There's a show. Five, five, six was the average height in 1300.

Oh, you're right. That is a very tall guy. Never mind. That's a tall guy as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, you know what? You're right, Nick.

Those guys were tall as shit back there. No, how about this? Actually, look, using skeleton evidence from Europe, the team found that an average height decreased from 68.27 inches in the middle ages, which is five, eight and a half to a low of 65.75 inches in the 1600s and 1700s. So people got shorter from the middle eight. Yeah. Because like there was other things to fuck other than like, you know, I mean, like, oh,

this guy invented glasses. He may be five, three, but he invented the corn cob pipe. Oh, yeah. Well, here's, oh, here's another thing though. Here's another thing. Evolutionarily, busting quick is an advantage. Was it? Yeah.

Because your cum is in a pussy quick. Exactly. So a small dig that busts fast. That's the apex predator, actually, because it's in. It's in every pussy. Quick. No, they don't even know you're fucking them. No, it's always good.

You sneak into the pussy because you don't want to make a big deal out of it. You don't want to hurt people in and out bing bong bong bong interesting. You need a long, you need a skinny, long cock. You don't need to hit the back. You need to get as long right before hitting the back walls. It's optimum cock length. Not pleasurable for a woman. I always thought it was like, oh, that's what I'm supposed to do.

I'm supposed to hit the cervix with my penis. Yeah. Apparently women really don't like that. I think of women like it. Women like us having a gun shoved in their fucking face and then it's like, quit fucking speaking Spanish, bitch. You decided to come into this country to see what happened. You decided to fucking to come clean my house after I called you out of the health class

and that's sex. That's what sex is. That's sex. That's not sexual. Yes, it is. Goodbye, Mr. Mullen. We love you. I love you, too.

Don't forget what I told you. We love you. The idea that you, that that type of sex and teacher is everyone loves you like, oh, captain, my captain. He's calling me off the jail, that's what sex is, it's raping Hispanic immigrant. Seize the day, you lads, seize the day, that's my dead poet society, man that lies his way in the way. Seize the pussy, lads.

The teaching, the teaching sex at a high school and telling them all the rape is sex. Well that actually does check, that actually, that tracks. New England boarding schools, they probably did have rape class. Well they all raped, they got raped by the headmaster. How do you think he got that name? They got, what's his name, Christopher Hitchens or whatever, was like, yeah, me and all my mates in the school. Oh yeah, they got buggered.

Yeah. And now they're all, they're all Tories and they're hypocrites. Oh, interesting. Oh, he used to have gay sex as a child? Yeah, dude. Well, they were getting molested. He loved having gay sex. Yeah.

My brother Marcus from Bastrop, he's one of the ones in jail for having gay sex, he's telling me that in prison, I don't have a gay sex and they were too. I said, what in the Lord's name is going on these days? I don't know, why are they called that conjugal? That's the only time I hear that word. That's true. You hear conjugate a verb, but then conjugal visits, it's like it's only in the context of like, yeah, you get this.

Yeah. What does conjugal mean? It means you get to get to touch the pussy. Interesting. I guess it depends by the state. If you can't, and that's not a thing that people are like, it would be amazing if that's like, not a social justice thing that's already an issue is making sure that gay prisoners are able to have gay sex while they're on death row and for after murdering a family

of four. So we got to make sure these these men can have gay sex with their lovers. The husband that he then he fucking met over the mail needs to be allowed who got molested by a man that looks exactly like him should be allowed to come in and get fucked in the other day. When Gawker like it's like, look, death penalty is wrong, whatever. Yeah, don't don't have death penalty. It's fucking barbaric.

But like, for the most part, everyone on death row deserves to be on death row. For sure. What do you mean? I deserve to die, but I mean, well, you shouldn't have the death penalty, but I don't have any sympathy for those people, right, except the retarded ones in Texas. But the retarded ones, the retarded ones still murdered people. Yeah, but they're retarded. That's how they got caught.

Interesting. Yeah, yeah. The non retarded murderers don't get caught if you fucking terror women's eyeballs out and then fucker skull and then sit there eating ice cream. Yeah, they're going to be able to solve it. You guys, you guys didn't have this trail of gob stoppers leading to his parents garage where he lives. Well, boys, case closed.

It looks like another, another retard job. Oh, shit, anyways, I get when a couple of years ago, Gawker, I'd like that they they took a letter from a letter from some death row guy and all the fucking Kinja readers or whatever, leaving all these comments like, what an innocent soul. Can we get a lawyer to help this man or whatever? And then finally, here from like the guy whose brother was like brutally murdered by this dude for like a speaker, Gawker's like, oh, we're sorry, they'd like apologize. What was the letter about?

Because they took, I mean, like, you don't use people on death row to make an argument. Right. Fuck it. You can make an argument that like that. I got arrested for selling weed and got 30 years for prison reform. Right. But as far as like abolishing the death penalty, don't talk to people that like fucked a four year old to death, right?

And be like, this man deserves a second chance because it's like he probably doesn't. What he deserves is just fucking die in jail. I mean, fuck deserve. I don't care about deserve. It's like, don't murder people. Yeah. It's just, just don't do it. Yeah.

I think you should take, I think you should murder. I fucked her. Nice. She ran out on getting a manicure, which would have been $35. Oh my God. I guess in the door or something and was dragged for like 10 blocks to death in a car door. Jesus Christ. Holy shit.

Drag them for like 10. What? That's crazy. What? What lace? The caucasity. We should. We should.

The caucasity. Well, I assumed it was white because you said she was hot and you don't find other races attractive. That's not true. That's not true. He's paid for sex with lots of different races. Yeah, that's true. Yo, speaking of people that got off for, should have been in prison, shouts out to the police.

She's in prison. Shouts out to this girl is not that girl sent to you. It's not hot at all. Dude. Looks like a fucking dog. Oh, yeah. She looks. In the newspaper.

It's not crystal crystal Whipple. Crystal Whipple. Let me suck those dirty nipples. Crystal Whipple. Yeah. No, that sounds horrible, actually what I remember reading a story about a guy. Some like contractor or whatever. He dragged somebody for like five blocks in his pickup and then they stopped him and he

was like, what the fuck? You know, like people like pulled him over and he had no idea you did somebody and you know, no, he didn't. He just like fucking. Yeah, he's driving a big truck and then I think he's like, yeah, he got, I remember like him facing charges and it just like terrified me. It's like, so some asshole crosses the road. Yep.

And I'm gay. I'm playing. Yeah, yeah, I'm like Game Boy Advance over the steamer Howard Howard on blast, Game Boy Advance. Yeah. Yeah. I'm blasting Howard. I've got Game Boy Advance in front of me.

I can go down like that. Yeah. That's fucking bullshit. Bullshit. Dude. Well, I'd say I'd better be able to bring my fucking GBA to prison. I'm fucking bored and keep you taking my Game Boy Advance away from me. Yeah, you keep getting into jail for murdering people for taking your Game Boy Advance.

Oh, fuck. But yeah, shouts out to that girl who murdered the guy. No, no, no, no, no. This girl is in Toy Brown. She got clemency. She had, she was like sentenced to 40 years in jail because she killed the guy who made her a sex slave. She deserved a fucking, she got, she went to jail for like 40 years, she was 16.

She was a kid. Yeah. So salute to her getting out of jail and fuck the government, man. Fuck that shit. Oh, they didn't catch this bitch. She's wanted by police after running over and killing the owner of a nail. Dirty nipples is dirty nipples. Yeah.

Damn, let's find her. She's from Vegas. Oh, she's from Vegas? Well, Crystal, if you're listening, Crystal, if you're out there, sex your way out of this crime. Yeah. We know the DA. We know the DA.

It's a family friend. Yeah. You got to do a couple of things for us. Let's just say we're going to treat your pussy the way you treated that Korean woman. Oh, really? Interesting. Yep. Whipple was attempting to flee.

Take that. 50 year old, uh, walk, Q, win. Who would have guessed? Now walk, you win. Jumped in front of the vehicle. Damn. Also, if you're that, if you're that person, let the 35 go. Do you know about like manicures, like it's like, oh, really?

They make like $2 an hour and they work for it. It's like, it's a terrible. Right. Right. Right. So she'd probably headed up to there. She's like, no, I'm not getting God again. Oh, wait, hold on.

Like the car was also stolen. This is like a bad bitch. Oh, she's bad. Yeah. The car was stolen. Police said the vehicle, a black convertible sedan was reportedly stolen from an auto rental agency last month. Nice.

She banned it. Yeah. So what else? What else? What else do you do? Anyone with information about Whipple, contact the authorities at 702-828-3521. Let's call in now and give the police fake information as a radio show prank. Yeah.

My name is Jonathan Starlighter and I'm four years old and I just, I fuck that bitch. Okay. You said your name was Jonathan. Bubba boo. Bubba boo. Yeah. Yes. Starlighter.

Yeah. Oh, I'm calling about the dirty nipples bitch. Yeah. Do you, do you, do you like the taste of Howard Cernes penis? Okay. You know, we can trace these calls. I have back traced it. You're done goofed.

Yeah. No, I think it's cool. I think it's cool. No, we both think it's cool actually. Yeah. We've decided it's cool. Crystal Whipple's cool. Man, I made, I made a pretty good breakfast for myself.

You did. Thanks guys. Looks good man. Thanks man. Little Japanese brekkari. Yep. Which is also a good band. Japanese breakfast.

That's right. Uh huh. Brooklyn, New York. No tickets in three years. Do this on Monday. Are you reading Outbrained? He's just reading spam links. Wow.

This is okay. It was gas digital top headlines for today. New York launches charge less solar program in Brooklyn. And this is, that's, that's definitely New York. That picture of Mars. That's really good. Here we go. You as cardiologists, it's like a pressure wash for your insides.

What is, I don't know. My cock. I didn't tell you unless you click. Me blasting a hot load. Your pool CEO's prediction will blow your mind. That's cool. What is it? Click.

No, I don't want to. What the fuck dude? You can't change his daughter responds after Christian Bale compared her father to Satan. Suck a fat dick. Is her name vagina? I thought there was only one. Is her name vagina Cheney? Yeah, Dick Cheney's daughter.

What's her name? Vagina change? Oh, that's good. Pussy Cheney. Hey, cunt Cheney. Yeah. What's her name? Pussy Cheney.

Yeah. What, what the fuck is her name? Gash Cheney. Wow. Dick Cheney's got a daughter. I wonder what her name is. Whole chain. Yeah.

Fucking slut. Yeah. She's a fucking whore. Yeah. I bet, you know, her dad's a real asshole. I bet she's a real slut. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Dick Cheney. Yeah. Her dad's Dick Cheney. Is her name twat Cheney? There used to be a guy in Congress named Dick Orr. No. Yeah. What's his daughter's name?

Pussy Army. Yeah. I bet it is, dude. It's either that or whole army. This is crazy. Bale apparently played a guy named Dick Cheney. What's his name? Christian Dick.

I bet Christian Bale had a daughter. What's his name? Christian Dick. Yeah. I bet it is, dude. It's either that or whole army. This is crazy. Bale apparently played a guy named Dick Cheney.

I bet Christian Bale had a daughter. Her name would be Pussy Bale. Which Christian Bale's daughter played a movie's name? Pussy Cheney? I bet, dude. I bet that is what his daughter plays a movie of. I bet, dude. I'm fucking mad, dude.

I bet that is what that fucking whore does, dude. Christian Bale's daughter, that fucking slut. Fucking play that character, dude. That's the character of the movie she plays. Guess who I bet that shit? Thebetaessi.com. That's right, motherfuckers. Ba da, da, da, da, da.

Suck my dick and then fuck my ass. Alec Trebek here for Betтаessi.com. want to bet about whether I'm gay or not. This juicy piece of meat is entering my wife's pussy later tonight. Did you guess what is my cock? Well, don't remember to tip your cab driver. That's cab jeopardy. Cab jeopardy. You know what you know what you can bet on on bet the si.com is cab jeopardy. Yes, you can sit there in the cab instead of answering on the computer and the cab computer like a little fucking bitch like a fucking slut. Why don't you pull up your your mobile mobile type internet device your phone laptop tablet

PC. Bring your desktop computer into the cab and you want to pull up generator or small personal generator. You say plug this in all the wires. You're doing a 17 minute ride. You have all the support for me. The cab slows down. Why don't you go ahead and plug this in. So that's two miles per hour to power your 1993 Windows 3. You have to bring extra gasoline. You will run out halfway into the ride. You got to bet the si.com and you place your bets on on name this hog is Alex Trebek's personal different pictures of Cox. Alex Trebek's wife is fucked. Yeah. You have to select which guy it is and then do that bet the si.com a bit in business over 20 years. Oh my God. So long. R. Kelly wouldn't have sex with them.

Oh shit. Lucky there's a guy. That that that that that that that that that that that that that. Let me see your red. Jeez. What's what's all this child pornography story was pussy Cheney. Yes. I had sex with pussy Cheney. There you go. Even R. Kelly wouldn't fuck Meg. They all mock her for not getting raped by R. Kelly. Damn. If you write for family guy. Can we get that joke on the show. Yeah. Get that joke on the show. Yeah. Anyway they been in business 20 years 20 years again aboard winning mobile app that just won the Golden Globe for Best Picture. It really did. Yeah. What else. They got a mobile app. They got a mobile app and you can play bet win on it anywhere you want. You dial up. We will fuck

your ass. So you can use that. You turn the cab into your personal work. Powerhouse. You can't. This is the only way it'll work friend. I have to blow up the cab to pray because my God is he does with all we do is pray. You know. By the way the only way it works is if you're doing it from a cab from a desktop computer. Yeah. But but they got a mobile they got a mobile app anywhere anywhere use that baby bitch anywhere you fuck anywhere your cock desires and call them live in game wagering. You know. They also offer a jive in game wagering. You know what you're saying. So like you're losing like man even how about how about this Jack. Yeah. Why don't you why don't you let me slide in on a little reneg

you know what I'm saying. That's right. And we ain't even going to pay for the bet. Yeah. And that's just jive in game betting. Yeah. They also have live in game wagering. Not really sure what that is. But if you gamble I'm sure you'll figure it out. You could you could change your bet. You can hedge in the second half. Yeah. You can wedge your bets too. That's where you shove them up your fucking ass. You take a bunch of Western fries potato wedges those in your pussy. Put them in your bitches pussy. That's right. They offer way a wedge in gate. Wait. What is it. Wedging. Live in wife wedging wife pussy wedging from bed to bed. So you could do that also. Make your wife suck the mayonnaise off the French fries

and that bitch better not take a bite out. No. Absolutely. So I love if you look if you're like me you love dipping your French fry wedges in some mayonnaise and making your bitch suck the mayonnaise off without biting a crumb of potato if you buy so much as a morsel of potato. Slap. Slap. Slap. Right in the middle of the Roy Rogers of the New Jersey Turnpike. She's on all fours. Sucking mayo. Yeah. And people are like that guy must be play betting and winning on bet. They're like is that is that my old health teacher. That man taught me everything. Then it's a flashback. So the movie starts. That's good. Slap. Slap. Slap. Anyways anyway. Yeah. Live in game wagering. Business over a million over a million years

something like the dinosaurs been on whether they could suck my dick one day out real dinosaurs remember that show. Yeah. Yeah. That was it. Yeah. Dinosaurs in the show and then our real monsters. I don't know why I thought out real dinosaurs. Is your dick a small. No. Yeah. I just hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm calling my doctor. Yeah. How about a doctor. Hold on. It's a cock small. Oh wait. This is more important. So you know the guy the guy who holds the eyeballs right. Yeah. He's holding his balls. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. He's got a dick and he's holding his balls. That is correct. How do we not get to that. I don't know. Wasn't one of them an umbrella too. I don't fucking know. But that's a really

listen man. Honestly Nick you got to start drawing again just for that. I need a picture of that. No man. Finish the read. They got off the read to Google what that guy looks like. His eyeballs. It would be awesome. I agree dude. And then a dick with a nose. Yes that would be incredible. And then he went the dick's looping around and he's sucking on it. Of course because they're also gross. Yeah. So he's sucking the cock as well. Anyways who are we talking about. The read. We were finishing the read. Oh yeah. I don't even care anymore. Come on man. Met the S.I. dot com and then imagine that guy with the balls and the thing. Live a game way during here's we're betting on this week. Take the Ravens

now the charges lost. Take the Ravens over the Ravens lost the chargers tape. I got a video chess tape that I will mail you of the game. Although I think they covered. I don't remember honestly. Call the action. So when you sign up you want to make sure you use promo code come one 20 so they know we send you know when you sign up you've got some options you can just play and cash out or you can take the bonus money which is like getting a casino combo fund before you played at the table. Casino a rollover requirement but it's free cash. So if you're going to be in the sports book which is like being there. Use promo code CUM 120 up to a thousand dollars. They're going to give you 60 percent bonus

cash return a thousand dollars in the sixteen hundred bitch. So once again that's bet the S.I. dot com CUM 120. Let's start the show. Let's start the show bitch. Oh and by the way you said listen this isn't really plug time but I need to sell some ticks. If you're in Harrisburg tomorrow please buy fuck or I'm sorry Lancaster PA come out. Pittsburgh's about to sell out. Sorry guys we haven't bought your tickets you dumb fucks. You can still get tickets to Lancaster Buffalo or Schenectady and then Phoenix Phoenix and Tucson 19th and 20th come out to those and also I like their second show. I might have fun over there. I cannot stop thinking about that guy. So good with his balls. He's just got a crusty

uncircumcised dick nose. But then the big purple smile. He keeps bumping into shit because he has nuts for eyes. God damn I love that guy. The other the other little red guy with a big mouth. Sneak sucks his dick sometimes. And then the guy who's pitching the show to Nickelodeon is like what the monsters. That's what they do the monsters. That's good. I'm going to draw it. Yeah of course dude. You got to draw that. Oh yeah you do one the tall skinny one. One of them is an umbrella isn't she. Yep. And then there's a little devilish red guy. The candy cane was kind of sexy. I remember being attracted to her as a child. The concept of a girl. Yeah literally presented to me. Yeah. What the fuck. She's a cute cute

voice. I was a child. I was horned up. Yeah modern day. Slam Jellica. Yeah. I mean this guy looks like a nut sack. He basically is a nut sack. Let's be honest. It's a little like on this like too much. What's his name. I don't remember Adam. What's his name. Adam. What's his name. Just holding his balls. Yeah. Yeah I bet it is. Rumble. Do you mean Rommel. It's not Rommel. It's Iccus. Oh yeah Iccus. They had Iccus. They had some kind of like theme to their names. Iccus. Iccus. Iccus. Iccus. Iccus. Iccus. Iccus. Iccus. Pussy lick it pussy fuck us. Zimba. I don't remember dude. Who gives a fuck. Iccus. Oblina and crumb. Oblina. My bitch. My bitch Oblina. Tell me you don't want to fuck someone named

Oblina. I'm having sex. Tim Curry looking at child. He was like I'll do it as long as I can hang out with. What was that guy's name. The Nickelodeon guy Michael Dorn. What say his name. Pin show you dumb bitch. Who was the girl. Who was the girl. Oblina. But who is she. Christine. Thank you. Christine Kavanaugh. Is who played the girl. Damn I would fuck her. Yeah she's hot dude. What else was she in Christine Josephine Sandberg. Never mind. Damn I would smash though. Yeah Christine Kavanaugh. Wait she was she's she's from Utah but she's Jewish. How does that make sense. No. What the fuck do you mean you can't be both of those. She died. Damn RIP to my bitch. I think I fucked her too hard.

I fucking too hard actually. Her like son listens to the show. Damn sorry about that. And what I'm apologizing for is fucking your mother's death by the way. Sorry your mom got her pussy fucking blown out. Blow. Okay that's not the same thing as a Mormon Jew. You're not a Mormon and a Jew motherfucker. Yeah this bitch was the voice of Babe pig in the city. She could get it. Chucky from Rugrats. Babe I'd fuck Chucky. She was voiced Dexter from Dexter's laboratory. She died at 51. Too young. Too young man. She still could have gotten. There was good pussy left in there. There was good you. There was still could have been. The pussy could have been. Got it. Come on man. You can't let these

bitches die when the pussy may still be got a five. Oh fuck. You know what I thought about the other day? Having gay sex with a man? No that's not what I thought about. Remember Christina Million? Of course. I used to want to fuck this. She's so hot. Ashanti you still could get it. Wow she doesn't have any kids. That's sad. Damn. I would have piped this bitch down. Don't want to fuck your children too. She had a daughter that looked like her. RIP to that pussy as well. Million was raised in Waldorf, Maryland. Really? You know it's crazy. I don't think I've ever been the fuck of Waldorf. What do you mean? I don't think I've ever

been to Waldorf. The dirty dwarf? I don't think I've ever been there. Dude I've been there. Me and my boys hit up a hot tub. My boy Bussie shouts out. Yeah yeah yeah. Huh? You call him Bussie because he loves to bust? Yeah he loves busting dude. Bust it. When that song? That's what I should have done for my birthday man. I should have gone to Waldorf. Dude the dirty dwarf. You ever go to like Hagerstown? I've never been to Hagerstown. See that's what I mean. You go to these places. Yeah you're right. Your town is by like West Virginia right? Yeah sort of. It's like west of Frederick. But like anytime I'm going to be in Hagerstown it's like what the fuck is this? Yeah yeah yeah. It's like this Shelby

ville. Waldorf is exactly like this. It's just horrible like strip. It's still Maryland. Yeah. You know but it's like. It feels like Tampa or just some weird Florida. It feels like Florida honestly. That's where a good Charlotte's from. Waldorf? Yeah. The dirty dwarf. Damn 301. I believe. Yeah me and like seven of my boys sat in a hot tub there one night. Yeah it was pretty fucking wild. That is incredible. That one that doesn't even really make sense. It's so funny. I don't know exactly what I mean. What does Jerkins look like? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I was expecting a Kangol hat. Wow they never told anyone what she died from. Oh yeah. I bet they didn't. Yeah. I didn't want that. My family I was

a minor at the time and they didn't want me being known as the guy who fucked me to death as a seven year old. She died in 2014. Damn the effects of me fucking her took a while. But I piped her when I was seven. Yeah. 2014. What. Yeah. That's right. No. Why. Really. This sucks. This is weird. She she like abruptly retired in 2001 at 38. And then no she like no one heard from our bitch. Obelina. Not Shelley Duvall. Christine Kavanaugh. Yeah. Christine Blazy Kavanaugh. Wait hold on. Hold on. It's all coming together. I just realized I fucked this bitch to death. It's all coming together. The joke I initially made actually again is what it is. I just put it. I just put it together. It was my cock that killed

her. I solved it. The capers over. Yeah. Our real monsters have a show called my dick. With that bitch. That's what she said. Your dick. No really though. Rest in peace. RIP. Oh. Inside pussy. The whole Blina not. Yeah. Bust him down. No. Yeah. No. We. This happened while we were doing the podcast where he talked about it. I don't remember this. Yes. But honestly I don't remember. Should we talk about. Except getting my penis sucked. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nic Farton. Nic Farton is waving it at him with a pillow. His ass is at face level because Adam's on the beanbag chair you had a cup Nick had a shit yours was bad just now but Nick had one when we did it with Jamel that was

like yeah dude well I had gotten over the whatever that stomach virus was and for like three days I was just shitting white nice yeah that's what it was the stomach it was the stomach virus he was also throwing up white yeah it was weird dude he was throwing up and shitting white he had white stuff he was like getting white out of his hands and stuff and out of his hair it was bad I felt bad for him having that yeah he went out to he did a bunch of cocaine went out to a club with a mesh tank top on and that's after that is when he caught that specific stomach virus for that purpose

oh my god that's incredible a candle is as powerful as a gun to this fat motherfucker yeah you're trying to riff a little bit you still are you still reading about oh yeah this Christine Kavanaugh bitch why I don't know this said she just sort of like left entertainment probably had a drug problem I did just something I mean you look at her and she's hot but there's something you know sinister not sinister maybe maybe a candle maybe a candle something sad about this lady yeah I agree with you don't tell me no don't look here look I'm showing it to you but you already messed up this bitch yeah

I fucked her no Pamela Adlon she also she did the voice of Bobby Hill Pamela Adlon dad can me and Joseph have gay sex dad have gay sex with Joseph Joseph get out of my house and get out of Bobby's ass but dad I like having gay sex what me and mr. Gribble do is for your own benefit dad you have sex with daddy I had gay sex to teach the boy a lesson he called Bobby having gay sex so he made him suck come in and have gay sex with 30 guys get a bowl dang hard get a little dick dick come on come on come on come on come on put it back to get dick my table ball get ball real hard play but look around the asshole

back up up up up up up up up playing with it like it's a little little whistle man dang dang a little whistle a kazoo or something man can I do that dad look around the outside like a little balloon I mean I'm trying to have a say get a stupid hillbilly have gay sex you're so funny you're the guy you watch Halton catch fire no do you know the office manager that's the guy who well it's just a white guy the guy who plays con is just some white guy from Texas yeah yeah yeah you can tell he's he does someone like if like Matthew he does cotton he does cotton and they sound alike yeah if you think about it you lay ocean boy

ain't you yeah that's the best dude stupid redneck how many gay sex on my lawn con mind your own business me and Dale are doing what we need to do to honor the troops the troops who protected Texas from Afghanistan they want us to have gay sex on your lawn damn Trump he would not have voted for Trump though he's from New York and shit who yeah Hank Hill Hank would not have voted for Trump he wouldn't have voted for sure he would have been like a Marco Rubio guy or some shit he on it when you think you think you think you think he would have voted for Hillary Clinton no absolutely not then he would

have voted for Donald Trump no but I mean the primary oh for sure Gary Johnson yeah yeah but of course boom how are boom hour to vote for Trump man go you know grabbing on a pussy man you can you got it you just have to get the rhythm might need a little bit of cocaine no for Hillary Hillary is Peggy Peggy is Hillary I am voting for Carly Fiorina I cannot wait to El Caste my vote yo vote hey now Carly Fiorina fuck I'm trying to what does calm look like these days yep Bobby voting on her the most American process there is you mean besides having gay sex yes besides what no not besides the boy have gay sex

Hank who let my boy have gay sex if the boy wants to have gay sex he can have gay sex come on Bobby let's go get gay sex and voting bull no no bills not a Bernie bro just like you yeah bill wouldn't vote who doesn't vote now bill would have bill would have for Trump dude bills a Trump voter yeah Republicans fucking fucking Trump voters dude I can't stand them especially not here in my New York apartment yeah where I know how everyone in the world thinks I did here I am in my New York apartment more in touch with yeah yeah it is so funny it's like from like my Twitter feed you think Alexandria Ocasio Cortez just gonna

be president yeah it's like I mean and I think she's been doing good as shit she's my bitch but what I mean what it wasn't I don't know dude all that shit happens once you were fucking own if Lucy K uploaded a video of him doing that dance that would be awesome that would be the funniest fucking thing that could possibly happen right now yeah whatever whatever dad didn't see the video but if Louie just uploaded that video and tweeted it out and but like trying to get curry favor with people oh like trying to be that would be so goddamn funny it would be awesome yeah most people don't even use Twitter right

like statistically no no it does yeah it's like what how many people like six five percent it's not a dying company no there's more than that look all these companies are gonna de-platform their way out of business and in two years are gonna be de-platforming people that aren't even like remotely associated with like I don't know how does any website make money that's not ads yeah ads and selling data and shit yeah that's a date data data is from what I heard on the subway the new oil it's the new oil dude imagine the asshole say that data is so deep yeah I got a kind of guy named Ted you can talk to yeah you've

heard of Ted talks but here's about the tip-talk what why don't we get all the bitches in the room up to the front we'll let you talk about now before if you get just a guy with a headset on ask every dumb bitch in the room let's get the let's get the bitches up here get all the pussy why don't you lean into my penis if you understand my drift fuck damn good you see speak we talked about our going to the ad but our Kelly someone asked him like if he had ever heard of Dave Chappelle you know they asked him they asked him to like respond to like well you know it's been people

have accused you of this in the past like you know do you know you know the Chappelle show they had a sketch and he's like he's like who he's like Dave Chappelle he's like mmm he's like you know very famous community he just acted like he had never heard of Dave Chappelle that is so fucking funny dude what do you know funny but I believe the next maybe I knew this guy I knew this guy Kelly knew Dave Chappelle was yeah that's such a good move yeah no I knew a guy that was like it was like two months before the election and in 08 yeah

and he fucking he didn't text me it was this is this other comedians like dumb ass roommate from New Jersey guy you know that story about somebody was dittling themselves in the corner yes yes that fucking guy like texted my friend and it's a picture he's texting a picture of like a bumper sticker or whatever mm-hmm an Obama bumper sticker and he's like yo look at this some guy running for fucking like governor some shit his name's Obama fucking Bama like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like you know I read awesome yeah he's like like September 2008 yeah the idea that you would not have that would not have

crossed come across your desk at all like that rules dude yeah that guy sold beer for the Redskins hell yeah yeah well that's what he would tell you but he would always just be on the couch playing like fantasy star online like just say like he was dark you would go over that apartment and the lights would be off hell yes and he would be like playing fantasy star online on some giant TV on the couch hell yeah dude yeah now all he did with you mean he was like a concessions guy yeah well you'd be like I'll be like what do you do for work he's like I sell beer for the Redskins kid and it's like but like

when yeah yeah he was from Jersey I think yeah so just Sunday call everybody kid yeah well he was from Jersey and he would call people kid I don't know what to tell you he also had one of those like this is like long dyed bleach goatees yeah he was very much like a 1998 guy yeah that whole crew was all guys that were like probably they're all ten years older than me so they're 40 years 40 year olds now so in 2004 5 whenever this was they were like they were yeah they were in there probably like mid to late 20s I guess back then yeah yeah yeah so if I was like 17 18 yeah they're probably like 27 28 yeah which means in yeah like in

the late 90s was there that was their heyday this is my look this is my shit and it's funny because I'm still friends with someone like it's like you see Andy Klein and Andy Klein was like like in 1998 he's like oh this is what I look like yeah continue that way yeah yeah yeah those guys like still just have at least Andy's got the like you know he's just where he keeps it like low-key yeah in age as well his 90s look well he didn't go crazy with right right right yeah I mean the guys that are like fucking you know the proto Lewis Gomez fan right yes yes yes which did evolve the anthra looking like anthra yeah yeah

it did evolve a little bit like you still go you still go fat guy skate shoes check now instead of yeah now instead of like camo shorts or cargo shorts it's like Stewie Griffin pajama bottoms oh Jesus Christ you know like that right yeah yeah yeah instead of like Adidas gazelles it's you think you went to uh I don't know like Doc Martins maybe but answer when was this interview what month okay well and who said this what's his name got him got him answer I I really pay much attention question I mean it's pretty big if a black and the dot-dot-dot answer wow barack that and words name is barack

and word name Barack Obama what the fuck Adam if you're gonna read the interview please read this read the interview dude you brought this up you brought this up you read please read it verbatim or don't read it at all Adam well then no either read it or don't man are you gonna say it okay thank you or you you don't have to stop you could keep going but you know the stipulations well shoot make a decision make a decision okay fine that's fine you should anyway you sure you don't want to read the interview you start over but you have to do you know what we said these guys they have sex with each other nice now you should

do in your normal voice oh yeah in fact do it do this DMX it's not offensive you're reading it's the public record yeah it's the public record say like a newscaster say it as a newscaster yeah okay well shooting outside of a night club last weekend yeah what do you mean a newscaster has to say it what are you talking about folks if you're triggered by these words we ask you to turn away now please ask your children to leave the room but as a newscaster I am legally obliged to say like Adam name one scenario where they have to say it no no just no no this isn't a research thing theoretically what would it be one of

the greatest videos of all time is that like high school teacher tripling yeah tripling down that was soft a hard R that was all he's got charts the real Walter White did that guy ruled man yeah oh that guy was so yeah he's like he doesn't even dispute it so I said to him pick up the pencil it is a word that evokes many emotions in people it's a derogatory racial remark that has divided people for many years and in Jefferson County high school teacher has now received the longest suspension record recalling a student the n-word defend a Renee Murphy investigates what happened and why in

this story you'll only see on 11 Valley traditional high school is in the middle of a racial controversy right now a teacher it says the n-word towards a student the word is only six letters long but the impact is far-reaching and we do want to warn you that some of the language it's only six letters long and it may offend you and some other people at least twelve letters or not just about the n-word it's also about the teacher's intent and by the way Adam this woman has not said the n-word once so what the fuck you talking about what did he say specifically to you sit down

Keeshawn Chambers is a freshman at Valley High School a boy scout a football player a member of the RODC an honor roll student hell yes hanging around his teachers incredible December the teacher told him to sit down and the teacher says yeah sweater mustache and I just kind of was stunned a second well well then get away from the door the law and he did the same insult because that's sort of what I've been trained to do what they trained English teacher Paul I called him a cunt a cock-sucking faggot why is I love that like fucking the rest of development shit on there is like you know that's sort of what I've

been trained to do the school district said it was not he tried to say I said it and for some man I didn't say it I didn't even say it knows that I said it cuz I didn't documents on the school investigation show this guy rose the students interview from Valley did not hear Keeshawn say the n-word Dawson says that student of the n-word at Valley High School all the time he says n-i-g-g-e-r is a racial slur but says that students use n-i-g-g-a as often as they say dude or hey man it hurt me why why is this word used so frequently so I just I just don't

understand it this is this is why I this is Ian is a teacher a hundred percent you know yes oh my god you nailed it the second he is in a classroom just like I thought look they're all saying it you know in a classroom we're supposed to all be on the same page I'm supposed to it would be supremacist if I didn't say it if I made them feel like I was like a different using a different language in them it's an English class these are English words mr. finance was teaching kindergarten mr. finance was suspended for having gay sex in the bathroom mr. finance was teaching kindergarten ceramics to white children I could

have swore I heard him say it yeah I think I did any they were saying it amongst themselves I'm pretty sure I saw some looks in that he was excited with their eyes you guys are actually god damn good you're breaking something over there and my dick kept getting hard but his dick was too small to get hard and that is the story of Adam Friedland but Adam was already having what they didn't know was that Adam was already having gay sex but what they weren't aware of was that Adam was already having gay sex unfortunately for the family involved Adam had already had but by the time the police arrived at the scene Adam had

already had gay sex yeah some of this picture they said this is again oh yeah that's good stuff baby he's good stuff that's the the alien from family the American dad yeah with Nigel Thornberry's face on yeah yeah yeah that's what it is and that is who Ian is actually but by the time Adam saw the meme he'd already had sex gay sex enough gay sex to last a lifetime and now Adam leaving the mound looking towards the heavens probably asking some deceased relative forgiveness for all of that atrocious gay sex damn boys no one says anything wrong with it why why would why do you assume

there is yeah yeah you didn't know the whole story I just watched that movie American Beauty last night yeah I'm surprised I thought it was gonna be two hours a still shot of your mom's pussy yeah well it's a real American beauty that pussy hole yeah well she can't that look I happen to believe that once you step foot on this soil the your pussies American pussy belongs to the red range free and I'm proud to be an American look you want to come to this country I want but you do got to pay the pussy tax Uncle Sam collects a hundred uncle Uncle Slam and he fucks all the women but

he just jams his stilts and walks up to the second story bedroom window and fucks your wife from outside Uncle Slam baby Uncle Slam getting the pussy tax mm-hmm no did he draw it I hope he did I don't think that's gonna oh shit dude who framed Roger Rabbit to what are you talking about making a sequel fuck that I don't know that's gonna suck dick wait no they're not this is this is fan fiction sorry okay I'm reading fan I'm reading fan fiction again Nick Nick are you reading fan fiction holy shit dude they're making a sequel to Pocahontas where she meets Luke Scott dude it's crazy they're making a little mermaid

with Sebastian and the flounder suck each other's cocks Malfoy and Harry Potter fuck each other's abyss genoff that is correct ladies and gentlemen Johans abyss genoff what are you talking about oh yeah the Italian they will damn I'm gay I didn't why don't you talk about something else yeah type in the in the in the interim I want to remind you guys that I will be on tour this weekend tomorrow in Lancaster Pennsylvania Pittsburgh the 11th it's about to sell out buy your tickets now if it hasn't I couldn't add a second show sorry I'll be back Buffalo those still plenty of tickets on

the 12th and mop go at and then the 13th it's connected to the stavey dot biz slash tour or just look at my Twitter or Instagram I'll also be in Phoenix on the 19th let's buy more tickets to that you fucking sluts Tucson on the 20th and then also Hartford on the 24th Delaware on the 25th actually Ian might come with me in Delaware so yeah we were all saying it he'll be saying the n-word and then I'm in San Diego on the 27th those tickets are selling fast and then the Los Angeles on the twat on the second second show added come out to that you fucking sluts please actually I'm sorry for calling you sluts although I'm not I

want you I'm sex we're sex positive around here and then also we have funny moms on the what is it you just make Google translate read things in Italian boys that is awesome yeah you are welcome down to what else we got yeah type up another beauty there for us Nick we also have funny moms on the 14th and the 28th of January come out to those and tickets are not on sale yet but I'm gonna work on that all three of the boys will be in DC on the 30th of March March 30th part of the DC underground comedy festival with the black cat we're doing a stand-up show and

a live podcast by tickets the one by tickets to both you'll have a nice time we we guarantee it if you suck my dick and I work for men's warehouse and I'm Ryan Schott it's not this I'm a word if it's not that one's failed that I just explain the difference between these two no okay yeah I guess with the Italian boys reads it it's like pizza pizza okay folks welcome to the welcome to fuck what the you're right keep going what's the thing called yep of something group the group no folks hello welcome to the focus group what we're doing is rebranding got certain pizza neighbor a little scissors they

have two here's the first one yeah we got a couple different options okay so it's a it's an Italian we're gonna do options one two or three now which one keep an open mind yeah and just whatever gut reaction what do you like the best yeah now we just want you to not really think too much about it just go with what's instinctual if you like the original you can just say that but let's let's go ahead and try it out here this is everybody ready this is little scissors promo slogan options one two and three I'm sorry I must have heard you wrong could you play them we'll play them again here let's just get the tape but

you know I don't think you know just whatever you heard yeah so okay I mean I like the first one please we'll play it again don't jump to any conclusion it takes a very long time it's not easy to make the tape rewind one pizza pizza so okay thanks for coming to the focus group everybody what I thought you know everyone's doing stuff and we also got Papa John's yeah we have Papa John's yep here's one we were shopping here at Papa John's yeah damn I want to fuck that woman yeah computer Italian woman you know that bitch is on fucking lean

better ingredients like my dick no slow it down dude they better ingredients like my dick I don't know I got hell yeah DJ screw yeah chopped and screwed I'm gonna fuck a Italian bitch on lean make her say stop a you penis and that's a small damn my pussy is wide open for business my pussy is wide open for business make her say stop your dick's not no no not that don't make her say that stop your dick is my but my pussy style my pussy style dude honestly I'll take that I think at the bottom dick is my but my pussy style you guys talk for a second I'm gonna put some yeah just just fire those up dude load the cannon

up with those Nick will also be in Chicago we don't know when March 3rd March 3rd at the Lincoln Lodge if you saw me there go see my boy Nicholas he's gonna lay it down he's gonna suck you off he will personally give you head had him well this is the first time you've been back since the new year do you have any resolutions my friend oh yeah like what that's enough shut up shut up titty fuck me baby like you're trying to get my jaw pregnant rape my chest like a child's ass yeah well I am a TV writer dude I did write for six seasons of HBO's rape Street David Simon's rape Street Cleveland Cleveland Chinese people

underground rape scene of Cleveland by David Simon anybody watch Tramay or no it's not good but it's just black people playing Clarenette sweaty but just sweaty swamp swamp boys playing clarinet no thank you I'm all said on that I'm all to sit on that I'm all good I'm gonna go back to watching Johnny get back in here make the Italian girl say she won't suck my dick excuse me Johnny work the computer for Papa I want to hear the Italian girl say she won't suck my dick David Simon suck my dick I was speaking at n-bombs remember when David Simon dropped that on Twitter yeah that was so basically he's the

same defenses yeah but yeah but you know then he's like dressed it all up and like nerd English major bullshit he's like ah the interoperative is quite it's reflexively adaptive to the the adjectorial the n-word you fucking ass dropped an n-bomb like a fucking idiot yeah you've said it before all the time dude that lasted when that when those um we're hanging out of your house and those little kids those little black kids tried to sell you candy bars all the things you said you said it a bunch when they came that was weird you've never said it when one hasn't been inside of you

don't keep shame my king shame is saying the n-word click my pussy after you fuck it it's not Adams move click my pussy after you fuck it it's not Adams move it's not Adams move you heard of your first folks all right well folks you've basically seen what the future of this show is going to be this is probably going to be us for what another six months just doing this I think there's nothing we can never be as funny as an Italian bitch saying stuff like that so that's gonna do it for do we have a second read no well that's gonna do it for us folks thank you come

see me this weekend I'll suck you off come see me next weekend if you're in Phoenix and later if you're in LA bye