The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 138 – Cool Adam

Episode Date: January 17, 2019

hey guys cool adam here with some cool things to say

uh Which we doing this wow do you want to do that Frazier song yet? Adam ruined it. He did. I didn't really awesome riff and then I didn't talk so the fucking mic wasn't on bitch I can hear you pain is calling my dick small and I am gay Fucking gay I'm fucking everybody everybody Welcome everyone We're doing like a retard a guy's in trouble

Oh, I did something gay. I did a gay thing. I did a gay thing again Like you should have paid boy. I did something gay Yeah, so, you know, that's the kind of stuff you have to look forward to Over the next hour. Mm-hmm. I'll tell you what guys. This is I didn't even think about it The zipper came off my fucking parka. Oh my god, North face. So it's got a lifetime Yeah, you can send it back when you I send it back But then you know, I just don't have a fucking winter jacket for like two it takes them a long time. Yeah, so fucking pricks I know I should have thought about the heat of the fucking winter. It's the heat of the winter

It is the heat of it bitch, and you know what I mean both of you assholes. Yeah, the heat of the You don't even say the heat of the summer you can say the height. No, it's the heat of it bitch the heat of the night If you said oh boy, it's the heat of the summer you sound like a retard Yeah, well a heat of the winter I would argue makes more sense. No, it does more of a beautiful metaphor Of course, you would argue that then he did the summer which is too literal But I guess a couple dumb fucks like you don't understand poetry the meat the meat of the bone The meat of the bone is What is it I got to get a stopwatch going

Oh, yeah, that's a pretty good Star Wars song Yeah, I'm really going to do not tell my parents Look your father abandoned you because he thought you would turn out gay That's why you were raised by your aunt and uncle Well, they try to hide Luke then why the fuck did they put him with the sky this time there was Jewish uncle in Arizona Lucas look Lucas. How was Hebrew school? One day you'll find out that you're not actually Jewish very power That's enough hanging out with these fucking you use it you're secretly you have a secret power to not be a weak man

I always knew I wasn't gay and Jewish is that true uncle Ben My name is not actually Benjamin Wait, no Ben Kenobi. No uncle Ben is uncle Ben. Yeah, Spider-Man. It's Spider-Man. What's his uncle? No, isn't it uncle is he lives in the sky walk Lars is Lars And yeah, that's not his name is Lars. He's fucking Luke Skywalker's uncle is named Lord of High Skywalker Lars not Lars dude. Lars and Jan I think Lars like Lars earlick earlick Let me look because he called it Obi-Wan Ben Kenobi. Yeah, everyone knows him as Ben. Yeah, it was his uncle

No, but Kenobi is not his uncle. He's fucking dumbass Obi-Wan Kenobi He's raised to believe that Ben Kenobi is his uncle. No, he's an older guy and his and Ben Kenobi's Brother and sister are the ones who raised Luke Skywalker. No, no He just knows him as like a cool older guy. Not at all. You're wrong as hell lives in the in the desert He's getting his dick sucked by the sand people All right, I can't make me fucking look what are their names? Lawn may no, that's Did you guys see the cartoon spider-man I want to see it I hear it's really good. I'll see it drop a little

Raise on a moisture farm with his uncle Owen and Aunt Barry Owen Owen So it was a moisture farm. They are Jewish. Yeah, we're cultivated boys. Yeah in the desert. They're going to the desert We're making the desert blue Well, who the fuck is Lars know what is Lars man? Oh and Lars that's his fucking last name I don't know. Oh, I thought his name was Owen Skywalker. No, his name is Owen Lars So Luke thinks his name is Luke Lars. That's a stupid name. No, that's a cool name. That's a cool name Dude, you should have been a sound cloud boy, right? Yeah. Yeah

Making this Yeah, I'm gonna shit not live in the desert Don't talk to me that way You like have a weird voice you auto-tune it and then you like beat and rape women. Yeah, that's how you become a good. No, but it's like You have to you have to talk about how you're depressed, right? Yeah Yeah, you have like yeah, take Xanax severe by polar disorder. Be homophobic and beat your your pregnant girl Fuck xxx suck dick Soxion. Yeah, that's right. All right, hold on take that you dead coward I just

Sucked anyway, I clicked on his name just to see and it's like a list of like Here's some of the other fuckers in Star Wars. Uh-huh. The next name down on the list is cut Laquane That sounds like a trans Disillusion clone trooper who deserts the service to live a quiet life as a farmer. Where's he yet? I don't know. Where do we meet cut at he is a wife? Yeah, he's cutty from the wire president some cut. Yeah, some cut. How you doing? I just want to get off this desk dog gets a pussy Can I get some pussy out of here on Tatooine?

Tatooine what's that like it's like Halloween buffa tattoo Ain't nobody trying to read Tatooine man I'm trying to I'm trying to get back to where I came for you know, I was saying we got to go back to Naboo, baby I'm trying. I'm a Naboo Yeah, what's like the Africa of Star Wars? We're you got you got city. Yeah, man. You got to get back to bed. No, that's not Everybody got to go back to the home continent of Bespin Yeah, no, Glenda's not Linda's a black nerd. Yeah

And I was like, I moved up here to cloud city to talk about Sonic and Dragonball Huh, huh, no, buddy. Let's play Dragonball whatever That fighting game that came out. Oh, yeah There's the him and then the black guy from the new one. He was a stormtrooper though The only black stormtrooper Samuel Lennox. His name is Samuel. Yeah, that's pretty. No. No. No. No. I'm just reading Yeah, that's Finn. Yeah, Finn Samuel Lennox girl. No, Tallah sand lintra These are all these are these are all trans these are the worst fake

Slow and low. I fucking hope that's a Chinese girl. It's the big blip fish. Yeah. Yeah a pilot Slow and low It's understood that You suck on my dick. Yeah, sir. Oh, this is a this is a new character. I'm created for the series. His name is slope flip-flop and what he is He's a fish that also knows martial arts Damn George Lucas probably fucks so bad, dude. He fucks bad. Why is he's racist against Asians? What are you applying? I think he's married to a black. What are you implying? I know he's probably all over. What are you implying?

I think you're what asking me that if I'm implying that racists are bad I'm not sure because I take offense to that Just because I say the n-word Constantly does not mean they're too are unrelated Possibly not true. I never asked. Yeah, I come and I leave immediately without getting feedback I'd rather not I'd think I think a gentleman never kissed and tells and find and find I'm sorry I'm so I'm listening to DJ Tiesto

Someone's why you make that face. It's a celebrity gossip that Leo de Caprio Gets a girl to sign an NDA fucks doggy with headphones in answer to leave I think that was an article go floating around because I saw that as well. I can't believe this Lobot It's a robot who's Chinese Unrelated actual Chinese people are for any reason. There's a planet called China in the series So before anyone accuses my beloved series of racism Fucking low-bot

Yeah, Tassu leech Well, yeah, what do you think he means Adam like a leech like Oh, oh and guys got some squaw pussy. What's that? I don't know. His wife's middle name is white son Owen Aunt and surrogate parent a Luke Skywalker What's your husband Owen are killed by stormtroopers at their home on tattoo? So who are they then they're they're Leia's brother and sister there Leia and Luke are brother and sister But they're raised by the guy from NYPD blue

You know the princess princess. I'm a doll is like cousins because she's a fucking princess Just be a princess in a different planet and Luke. I thought I don't fucking know. I think this is Anakin's brother. No, I know Anakin's an orphan. Yeah, you're right. I don't know who the fuck Lars is Oh and Lars This podcast does Yeah, and who's fault is that it's mine. I'm sorry Mm-hmm. I'm sorry. I'm coming. Maybe just a random. Maybe just a random guy. No No, but then how could they trust him dude? He's got to be in the family love for me. Leah love for me. Leah

Yeah, maybe they just paid him or some shit. No, it doesn't make damn young white son was she was she died? Let me see. No, she's okay. Let's smash. Oh, of course you'd smash. It's a woman No, that's not fair. I've turned down. It's a woman in my life. Who the fat girl with the pool What's that? Oh, so that means yes Oh, I forgot about her but yes also her too That's such a funny story Oh that poor woman. Can you imagine getting turned down by stop?

Yes, I can it's you might as well just like Wall up your pussy nothing wrong with you, ma'am. It's just there's a matter like our people have taste Like a room in your Victorian house for your son died of typhoid. I just was feeling slut. Just walled up We don't speak of that broom anymore seal your pussy Never to be never to be heard from again An industrial cock they hang they put a candle in each one of your holes and there's one missing when you look at it from the outside Look, there's not you know people have preferences. Yeah

So that's what that's what people tell me You know, listen, it's not you. I just have preferences. I just don't I would prefer not to fuck you. Yeah Suck my dick and fuck my ass. I'm gay. Oh, it's the hardest one Oh god, I'm so sick. Obi-Wan Can blow me nice nice. Oh, oh Um, I still don't know. Sorry. I'm getting hung up here because I don't know who Lars is who cares So if you like kind of want to know if you're out there if you're out there in the come-town universe There are so many people don't DM me

We want to DM stop and let DM right in. Oh, shit. I owe a fucking tax payment today, too Oh, fuck I just didn't do my tax payments this year. Very smart move. I'm just gonna pay more than once. Yeah, that's how it works It is dude. Yeah, just pay a small penalty is nothing. Yeah Well, that's what happened a couple hundred bucks I just have to pay for it more. I heard all this I heard all this from a Friend of ours last year and then they fucking got slammed with a huge really huge penalty. Yeah, what? Yeah, no, it's look we're rich now

You don't you can't like all that all that being like a scoff law with the fucking no the taxes are the one thing where it's like No, the iris does not pay taxes Because they have an accountant that like figures out how to use the rule so they don't pay taxes Shut the fuck up. If you just blow off if you just blow off your tax payments They will find you she says billionaires have to pay but we don't have to pay Because we're not part of that class and they have to pay 70 percent. Well, whatever dude. I'll pay today. Fuck it Yeah, pay your taxes. I'm gonna pay my taxes and I will get my taxes because I'm a good citizen But you already have I'm gonna pay the taxes because I love the war. I love. Yeah, I'm gonna say this goes only to drones

Just let this my my shit goes only to drums bombs Yep, that's right. Brother me in God I've been so sick, dude I was so sick, but then I was looking at pictures of the mcdonalds that trump was giving those football guys And I wanted mcdonalds so bad. Yeah, I was literally throwing up and I still wanted mcdonalds I like that you could be sick for like a week and a half and it's impossible for you literally two days You can't you can't and I probably have lost 10 pounds. You have no way. I probably weighed like 130 pounds You already looked amazing. I look terrible. You look exactly the same. I look like the

I look like the mechanisms have not changed at all. I'm not naked right now. You can't see I'm wearing a hoodie You look exactly the same. Oh, don't body shame me the two of you. I'm just saying man You you one of you bodies of morphia the other one should have bodies of morphia. I'm happy with myself Well, okay, I love my body. I have lost weight. I hate I hate my body, but I should You shouldn't hate your body. You look fine. Yeah, who the fuck wants to look fine Nick should and stop should hate. No, I shouldn't who the fuck wants to look fine. No, everyone should love their body. Yeah I'm trying to be I'm trying to be a beautiful star. No, I gotta start. I just sign up for how I'm trying to have my close up

You're trying to starve yourself. What who the fuck is mr. Deville. I eat way more than you do. Who is mr It's mr. Deville Cecil beats a mill. Yo, who the fuck is mr. Deville? Yo, what's this reference? I don't know and said wrong I only remember from like loony tombs and shit when they were no, it's from the it's from that movie sunset boulevard I love you know, you know what adam is with like tidbits. It's like, you know when Judge doom is going around that bar In roger rabbit and he's playing shave and a haircut on the wall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and he's like

I'm ready for my close up deville I'm ready for my close up and then fucking bob huskens like what the fuck is he doing? You turn around and adam's got steam coming out of his ears He's like, it's from the sunset boulevard a movie. I've seen I've seen the movie. What happens to that movie some old What happens in the movie? I've seen the movie she used to be a famous actress Oh, but she's a dried up old little slut dried up psycho and then she's convinced she's gonna have her come back Some guy goes out into hiding in her and she's played by thorma desmond

Is it? No, she's played by gloria swanson. I thought that would set you off. Is that gloria swanson? You know it is No, I think it's someone else Ron swanson's mom is ron swanson's mom. Yeah bacon I'm ready for my bacon. I'm ready for my bacon. My mother my mother was an actress. I don't know if I can I'm gay There it is. That's good

My job in this One thing I want to do things I love I come into this office eight o'clock every morning. I have gay sex. I shut the door And then I look at gay pornography on the internet for 15 minutes and then I go to work I don't even know that I've never seen a single episode of that show. It's a good pretty good show It seems like they're all having a good time. He's very like a specific guy. He's like a libertarian He hates big guys. Oh, yeah, you're right. Stay out of everything except my asshole gloria swanson I want every bureaucrat to fuck my ass. I want everyone to have bacon. Yeah, I can't do him Yeah, well, whatever does she ever do you see that woman's titties in the sunset boulevard the movie or whatever

Do you see her titties? What's it called sunset park? Do we see your titties or not? It's called sunset boulevard sunset boulevard Oh Sandra boulevard, how about that? Yeah Take that a little it's like a it's a it's a Matchbox car track leading to her pussy. Yeah, that's son Sandra How about a parody of speed where it's called fuck?

Sandra boulevard has to keep fucking or she blows up She's got a bomb in her pussy. There's a bomb And Dennis Hopper put a bomb in my pussy Pop quiz hot chat There's a bomb in the hostage's pussy the fuck the hostage Dude Dennis Hopper the older I get the less cool he is. Yeah, I used to think he was really cool What do you what do you have to blaspheme the hot man? I think he's real lame these days. Why?

Every time I see him going off, I'm like, this guy sucks God sucks Hey, you guys ready to uh ring of walk the walk the line With god sucking. Yeah. Oh, oh, wait. I was thinking phoenix. What's his face river phoenix? His brother, you mean his brother. Yeah, brother. No, uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, the brothers walk you to river. Yeah, river died partying with the red hot chili pep. Didn't river died drowning in a river? No, he did heroin. Oh, no, I'm thinking of Jeff. Luckily he drowned. He died at the viper Right, didn't Jeff fucking die in a river river died in a river. That would be that would be crazy, dude

If like this can that be like a fun listicle? It's like people whose names predicted how they would die and then it's like 9 11 johnson, right? I died in a dam rate rape to death So much gay sex his asshole collapsed mullin Who's that? Who's that guy? That's you. But my name is nick No, that's your nick. No, but that's my name. Is that your nick? Hold on. Take out your license, nick I don't have a license. Take out your license. I've never had a license Do they take it out? I drive a leave here. Oh adam. What is his license saying? It says take so much

What is this? Oh, wow Great job. You can't even god damn it adam. Yeah, I'm sick guys. I should have let me do it Huh, gotta let me know but I thought you were playing like you didn't want to admit it And we're like, you know, let's get adam involved with the fucking don't let it free in the I think a better It was a long thing. I forgot a better way to go would be that I didn't even know Oh, yeah, I'm finding out. That's what I thought you were gonna do. You're gonna be sure. Yeah, exactly We find your birth certificate dude. God damn it. What your long form sorry guys adam dropped adam fumbled I didn't fumble. It's just me

That man who I thought was my father wasn't they're like, no, that's your last name. Oh No, just means you're gonna die having gay sex. Oh, I got one and this is probably fine I'll be dead. I don't give a shit. How's that? Honestly being raped to death by guys probably is better than grease fire If you That is true. You know, yeah, if you really think about it, it's a cool like you ever spill some hot grease on your hand doesn't feel good At least with the gay sex death, maybe that prostate thing that I Maybe I'm coming so hard

Yeah, you actually die of dehydration because all the calm leaves your body. Yeah, that's cool So I'm gonna die. Yeah, I feel fucking stoned Do you want to see if maybe that's so cool? Yeah Do you feel like you're doing drugs? It's me honestly when you throw it up You feel like you're It's me cool. Adam gets you. It feels like they're tripping. Shut up, bro. I love tripping. It's me cool adam Damn, man. Cool adam. What's up, dude? Hey, what's up, everybody? You sound cool, man. Dude, Adam's so cool. Shut up, gay adam

I had a tummy ache and now I feel like I'm on a dress. Oh, dude, cool adam Cool adam is brought to you by bethy I If you want to purge is one of our great characters, you can go to bethyaside.com If you're calling me cool or that guy, shut up, gay adam Oh, I'm gay adam and he's cool adam Hey, everybody. It's me cool adam I had diarrhea all week and now I feel cool

I'm a cool 130 pounds. I'm on drugs being cool Oh, yeah, bethyaside.com is the premier sports betting website on today's internet. Oh, I love it This isn't your grandpappy. This isn't your grand. This is the aoc generation. There were four internet. We're clapping back We're clapping back at our insurgilized Synsoginia Internalized sensational is toxic Masculinity, you know, I Sometimes sometimes I just I like to go into a place, you know, and I'm like, I'm like, how much is the chicken sandwich from like $13.95?

I'm like, that's the most jingoistic thing Yep, what is this a jingoism? Yeah jingo station. Yep. What is this jingo? I'm sorry. Where did I just walk into jingo.com? Yeah, jingo and change. What is what is jingo? Yeah, do you think that the United States deserves to Steal the big You get to go take the biggest pants From any country we deserve it. Anyway, isn't it just the racist and nationalist Ellen rolled up in one? Yeah, well, that's what I mean. I

I'm about to I'm about to engage in a Jeremy ad against And a what? I don't know. That's another word I see Oh dickheads use. I don't know that word actually. I don't even know it's it's one of those words I read and it's like, oh, there was no reason to use that word. Jerry ad Jeremy ad Jeremy ad. I don't even know how to fucking pronounce it There's certain words that people can use where it's like No one should look that up people should just immediately stop listening to you the second you use it. I'm out right exactly There's no fucking point in like oh you remember that from your SAT prep

A long mournful complaint or lamentation, right? Yeah, that is fucking so stupid Right, if you use that shit suck me on soft, bitch. Yeah, you don't even get to suck my hard You know, but here's the thing. I love getting sucked on soft. You do. You do. Oh It hurts your feelings. I like it. Actually. I like it. Yeah It doesn't feel there's nothing better than putting your completely limp dick in somebody's mouth This before especially when you just start going to get hard the perspective of looking down on your dick Like when when anyone looks down at their dick It looks zero inches long, right? Yeah, and then when you see it from the front

It's not perspective, dude. It's it is just anyone. That's just what your dick looks like your dick is just small Come on. We've had everyone down at their dick. Can't even see it They need special eyewear to look down at their dick. No, it's like, you know, this is something they discovered in the renaissance There's perspective. This is bullshit. This is a vanishing point. No, we've literally had this conversation off mic And all agreed and now you're doing a dragging now right now. A coordinated dragging. It's not a coordinated drag. We did not, we planned this? Or did you say you can't see your penis goes down? You're trying to escape yourself from our mold of small dickery. No, when we were talking It's just like how you pretend you're not short dick. You also have a little dick. We don't care. It's like

It's like when you look at your dick in the mirror versus when you look down at your dick It looks like a different, it looks like a different size No, shut up betysi.com has 24 hour tech support 24 seven texts. Anyways, what's your point? How does that make it worse? I'm just saying if I look down at a girl sucking my soft dick You're tiny as dick. I love it. Yeah, you piss there and then you just start pissing. You're laughing at how close They're I feel like a baby being changed. I'm Jen I feel like a big like a Europe. This is not what I'm saying. I diaper changed

Change my fucking diaper, bitch off my dick with your mouth. I love it, dude It feels great. I like it does feel good. I'm about to get hard. I like to start off on my best foot But put my best foot forward. I like being I like being I like getting my dick tickled to full stiffness No, that's feels nice. No, I would rather just see Okay, never mind. You want to come out? You want to come out cock blazing? Yeah, I want to I want that to me is an insecurity. Of course it's an insecurity That to me is an insecurity and a sign of a low intimacy. Now I kind of want to get some fancy european diapers I'll get in. Yeah, I'll get into fucking abdl. Listen, it's not

There's nothing because that's the thing, man. I don't think I've Honestly, I haven't ever tried that What being in a diaper? Maybe I should try acting like a baby. Hmm adult baby shit Nick if you find that that's your true calling. It's going to be so annoying. He's not I'd rather I'd rather you want to kill yourself Honestly, I do know a lot about deviant art. I do come from that world to an extent. We just come over here You're doing baby. I always picked a girl characters in mario party. I mean, there's like an indication I play as baby bowser pretty often you play as boo, dude. We know that Actually started playing as koopa in the new one because he's got the best dice

Oh, you play strategically not to look like you. Yeah, of course, dude. I'm a grown man That's why I that's why I can always as the beaver. I play with Monty mulling more because it's dice for too bad Even though he looks just like I'm not a fucking child like me when I play a game designed for when I play a star counting game In which at the end of the game, they expect you to not be able to count seven stars And so there's a built-in element of suspense Did we finish? Oh, no, bet even started bet the aside.com. Yeah, if you go there You can bet on who would be the best at mario party

I want to know against sports are kind of you know, it's funny. Yeah A lot of people think it's gay to not like sports Well, I'll tell you something football nowhere near as complicated as mario party Where's the theft element of stars? There's still stars and coins. The players don't have different statistics. They're all the same. Whereas in mario party They have different They have different dice That's true. Some of them are dragons. Some of them are babies enjoying their own sexuality

Maybe getting their baby dig sucked on Yeah, and these are all things you can do at bet if you're a baby that wants to get your little cock sucked on go to betdsi.com And slash come town or something. Yeah slash. No, I don't think that's how it works No, it's not. No, you go to betdsi.com. They offer live in-game wagering. Um, live Something else customer support and stuff. Yeah 24 7 24 7 and you get a bonus Yes, I'll try to suck my dick Sucking on a dick. I am gay

So you're doing Bruno Mars. Yes Bruno Mars. How about homo Mars? Yeah, how about homo Mars? Fucking got him, dude. Yeah, check it out and bet the inside back Yeah, if you want to look at some of our great characters like homo Mars or cool Adam, go to bed.com. That's all a character. You're right, it's a guy.

It's a guy. It's cool Adam. Shut up. I love cool Adam. I am cool. They got a great mobile app, easy to use from anywhere. You know, they offer live in-game wagering. Yeah.

You make plays throughout the entire game. And here's where we're going to be betting on this week, guys. This week? This week? The Philadelphia Flyers over. Flyers? This week, take, um, bet against the Patriots. The Patriots killed the last week.

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I'm going to bring that back, dude. That's like the pen 15 era. Spell, I like having gay. I-L-I-K-E. And he has to prove he's gay. G-A-Y-S-C-X. When you sign up, you've got some options. You can just play in cash out or you can take the bonus money, which is like getting a casino

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Maybe I should, what if I become a DJ, a Bar Mitzvah DJ after coming down? That'd be awesome. You should do it simultaneously. That's the move. Secretly. The podcast ends, I become a Bar Mitzvah DJ. How many of you guys are really passionate about being a Bar Mitzvah DJ and then they found out about the podcast and I'm losing Bar Mitzvah gigs and I'm like, I just want

to help these boys freak. Yeah. Get their little junubs rubbed on. Did you ever go to a Bar Mitzvah with motivational dancers? What the fuck are motivational? I've only been to two. If people were like that level of rich, they'd hire like sexy adult women to like dance with all the boys.

That's like a half step from prostitution. What the fuck are motive? Why are you calling them? He means whores. He means they bought whores. They're not prostitutes. They're motivational dancers. No, they give you like...

Hey everybody, it's me. Lee Galadim. No, they wouldn't listen. So if you're going to be in the sports book, which is where we like the gamble, you want to use promo code CUM120, that's C-U-M-1-2-0, up to $1,000, you're going to give you 60% bonus cash, which we turn $1,000 into 1,600 ass fucking dollars, bitch, fuck you, suck ass. My dick.

To play with. So once again, that's bettsdsi.com, CUM120. Let's start the show. Let's start the show. My buddy, my buddy is... Let's start the show. Parents, we're in... I'm pretty sure the...

Reverse mortgage business. Cool Adam here, my parents. Oh, cool Adam. My buddy. They got sexy girls for his garments. My buddy, he's actually the first A.D. on the new large French. Oh yeah, we actually do that. Did you see it?

It's my favorite is when he includes you and his name dropping. Oh yeah, we actually know that guy. Oh, do we? Oh yeah, we actually know that guy. Oh yeah, we actually know that guy. Oh, do we? My favorite is when he includes you and his name dropping. Oh yeah, we actually know that guy.

Oh, do we? Why don't I get included? I'm not name dropping. I'm just saying that they hire these sexy girls and then they give you Mardi Gras beer and beads. Yeah, sexy girls. Sounds like a name drop to me. It's not a name drop.

You know sexy girls? I don't know any. I don't. It's like... I think that they would work for the DJ. I do. I've only fucked absolute dogs. Zero.

I have never fucked a hot woman in my life. No, sir. No, thank you. I have only fucked zeros. One redeemable quality and not nice eyelashes. It's broad shoulders. Stubble everywhere. Just square tits.

Just heavy square tits. Awful heavy square tits. One of those girls, it's like, you know, because my boobs are so big and they're just awful. Yeah. Sharp pubes. Yeah. They kind of cut you. Growing all the way out to the sides of her legs.

Yeah. I love that. Me too. Do you guys see that? The motivational dance is a hoarse, though, for sure. There's women listening. All of your bodies are beautiful. Sex work is adjacent.

We're done body shaming women. The only body shaming Adam. The only body shaming Adam. That commercial for Gillette deserves it. Where is that commercial? I was talking about it. It's like Gillette commercial starts. Everyone knows that when you look down at your penis, the perspective makes it look zero.

It does. It looks way out with the new Gillette. Gillette zero. It's like a fighter jet coming by. It promises not to accidentally cut off your little cock. I'm just saying it looks way big. It looks way bigger in the mirror versus when you're looking down at it. I thought you were going to say, you know, your dick looks bigger when it's hard.

Yeah. No. I'm saying it looks way bigger when a man is getting it hard. Shut up. Yeah. There's that new Gillette commercial, though, which is like Gillette. We're not being toxic masculinity anymore. Yeah.

What did they say? It's like, it's like, it's like, you see, like, don't harass women. Boys, boys will be boys is wrong. Right. Gillette. We're not going to do this anymore. Fuck Gillette. Yeah.

Gillette can suck my jabals. And if I could shave my face, I would never use Gillette ever again. No. What kind of razors do you use? I use the one blade. What's it called? The Narellco. Narellco one blade.

We actually do all three of us use it and we stand that product. It's crazy that it took so long to invent like a razor that, you know, it's so funny. I just, this is not even an ad. The only convincing. Yeah. I convinced so many people to use that thing. It's just, he has the thing and he's like, I convinced everything. I convinced you.

You did. It sells it fucking self. It's like, it's like $20 on Amazon Prime. It'll be at your house. Prime now, it'll be at your house in fucking three hours. You don't even have to leave the house. And if you sign up with promo code. No.

Type that in. No promo code. In the tip. No. Take that in. And the name would ask for your address. Yeah. You'll get a special message from the delivery man in regards to the podcast.

Can you tip a delivery guy for prime? You're supposed to. You're supposed to. Yeah. But who brings it? Not. Can you? Will they allow you?

Someone shoot me if I tip someone. I've never used it. Will I be arrested if I try and give a worked person money? You literally have to go in and edit it so that you don't tip. And Adam's like, what? I've never used prime now. You guys are, my powers are weak right now because I'm sick. You're throwing up juicy lobs to us, man.

I'm sorry. Your powers. Sorry. I didn't realize your powers are weak. I'm a better tipper than all of you guys. And I'm nicer to customer service than all of you. You know how annoying. You guys are both terrible.

When people. When people. When you. We have. We have gentlemen's temper. No, you guys. Yeah. You yell at Uber drivers.

Stop you. Yeah. It fucking feels good, bitch. It feels good to yell at people. And fuck. He was just doing his job. Fuck him. And fuck the guy in front of me leaning and shit all the way back.

That guy was a dick. But it wasn't the flight attendants. I don't give a fuck. That fucking owned when you kicked that old woman. He said it's common fucking decent. That bitch. Why are you fucking wearing it? Wearing a American flag tracksuit, kicking some old Australian bitch in the

leg. You literally go fat. We turn around and you go, it's common fucking decent. I didn't kick that bitch. She wouldn't move her fucking stupid legs. I can take a piss. Fuck her. Fuck that flight attendant.

Fuck that Italian cocksucker in front of us. We've never even brought that up on the show. But that was the funniest shit ever. That made me laugh so fucking hard. It's common fucking decent. And I already had the aisle seat and I switched with you so you could have the aisle seat. Yeah.

And you still threw a tantrum at that fucking day Australian guy. Oh my God. He was just doing his job. I don't give a fuck. And he charged our cell phones in the fucking first class. That's the least he could fucking do because all the fucking things were broken. It's a nine hour flight and none of the fucking outlets work. I know but he still hooked us up because I didn't hook us up.

He did his fucking job. It's a it's a nine hundred dollars. Okay. I'm sorry. I said thank you. I'm sorry. I said thank you because both of you guys because both of you guys were like, don't fucking say thank you.

Don't fucking try to butter this guy up. Don't say thank you. What did we say? Don't say thank you. I was like, you fell asleep and I gave him my phone. He's like, he's like, yeah, do you know you made a charge? It's cool Adam here. So then me and the flight attendant handed out the cockpit and high fiving each other.

And he was like, you're the coolest guy on this plane. It was very why better than your friends to everyone dislikes, but you're a real cool mind. I said, I said, I said, you fell asleep. You fell asleep. I said, I'm sorry. I said, sorry, dude. We've just been traveling.

He's like, Mike, I'm looking at your penis right now. And for my perspective, it doesn't look small at all. It's like zero inches. It's probably just an optical illusion, mate. I said it was. You're great in customer service. This is such a betrayal because we've literally had this conversation with two of us. No motherfucker.

Nick and I literally have had this conversation. How your dick looks different when you're looking down at it versus when you're looking in the mirror. I think this may have been something you said to me and I went, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's not true, dude. We've literally had this conversation. You were talking about a post. I said to the, I remember the conversation.

I said to the, I said to the fight. Oh, right. Yeah. You were saying that you got in trouble for looking at your penis in the mirror after having sex with your girlfriend. Yeah. Because I said, I wanted to see it looking good. You know?

Yeah. And I agree. I agree to the point that you're like, dick looks nicer after you just knotted, which I think everybody will agree. It looks great. It's pulsating. It's awesome. It's a phenomenal dick.

Yeah. I'm so proud of him. It's accomplished something. Yeah. It's proud of itself. Yeah. It didn't make a woman come. That's for sure.

Yeah. Well, not, not, not yours, bitch. If you count me as a woman. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Anyway. It didn't make two women come.

No, because you guys, yeah, exactly. You guys were rousing me for looking at my dick. To me in the Australian flight attendee, looking at my penis in the mirror. I don't like cool atoms. I've been throwing up. I'm fucking love. I don't like it. I don't like it.

I don't like it. I'm fucking love cool. Adam. You guys. I guess I'll tell you what, what if I was, you know what guys, my penis used to look zero. I said zero. I went to, I went to blue chew.com.

Oh yeah. Sorry. Yeah. I honestly meant that your penis was non dimensional. We're being totally serious. Hey, shut up. Blue chew.com. Blue chew.

Continue. Make us that money. Blue chew.com. You go to this website, you know, your dick's not hard, fill out some forms. Guess what, baby? Your dick's fucking hard. You put your cock in the USB. They're sending you custom medicine to your fucking house.

That's right. Tired of having a limp dick? Tired of your dick being way too fucking limp? Tired of it being small. Are you tired? Of your dick? Of your small dick being limp. It's me, Satan.

Here for gay sex. That's right, children of God. That's right, children of God. These people at blue chew.com are going to sign up and get your penis hard for women because they know you should be saving yourself for marriage the only time you can get home. I'm not married myself. I've never had hard penis. I'm imagining a man, these temptations put into my head by Satan himself and the good

people at blue chew.com. Disclaimer, the good people blue chew.com do not put gay sex temptations in your head. I couldn't even really figure out what angle. I think for Satan, then you were a preacher. It sounded kind of like a black drill sergeant. But then the preacher turned out to be gay. Look, man, that's a lot of stuff. Blue chew.com, it's a website where you can get dick pills without having to be better

at lying to a doctor in person. Right. If you're bad at making eye contact, if you're better at posting, then you are speaking to people, which if I'm going to guess is 99% of the people listening to you. It's all of you. Then what you want to do is go to blue chew.com, fill out a questionnaire, do not lie on it wink, wink. Tell the truth.

Tell the truth. You have to lie. That's the same thing. That's not true. Don't listen to him. Listen to God. Dude, don't listen to them. I'm God.

Hey, everybody, it's me. Cool God. Cool God. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, shut up, Adam. Shut your bitch's ass up. Cool God and Satan are agreeing on one thing. It's me.

Strip club DJ. Anyway, go to fucking blue chew. Get some cock. Tell them the truth. Get your fucking dick hard for Teresa blue chew.com. Gives you the confidence, baby. No joke. I'm not even fucking kidding.

A come boy shouts out a listener came up to me. His friend came up to me after a show at Union Hall and he was like, yo, one of my friends listens to you and he said he got blue chew and it is completely turned around his relationship. My man was in his girlfriend with the soft. That's a fucking testimony. Came through with the blue chew. We're changing lives. It's more like a Brestemonial because that man gets to suck on some titties.

Gets to titty fuck his girlfriend again with a hard cock. Tired of not being able to titty fuck your small titty girlfriend. So yeah, guys, blue motherfucking chew. Take them shits. We're customers. We own the company. We are busters. We are busters.

We are personal busters of blue chew.com. Busters. Cool customer. Yeah, I don't know what's the exact read that we're supposed to do. I don't know, man. Look, it's a website where you can get generic, see Alice in Viagra or the same drugs, same drugs that are in them, but they're chewable. So they work faster.

Faster. You know, I'll tell you, I take them and like, you know, I don't like fucking. In fact, like I've stated before, I prefer my dick to be limp and act like a baby. But I like them just for the taste. Right. They do taste pretty good. They taste like they taste really funny. You want one?

I was actually just going to take one. Yeah. Yeah. I took one out of sleep over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll take one.

And then me and my friends were like, let's take a Viagra. I'm going to show you this trick. This Australian flight. That guy was just doing his job. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, bitch, you're not the best at customer service people. You haggled like I've never seen before.

When have I haggled? To the point that it's uncomfortable. Guitar center. Guitar center. To the point that it's uncomfortable. You're supposed to. And you know what you do? You're supposed to.

Because there was damage. There was damage on the body. Did I tell you this guitar center story? Yeah. There was damage. There was damage on the body. And it was already marked down $600. Yeah.

I got a great deal on a guitar. You think they love you. You think you're being charming. They're like, I can't wait till this asshole stops talking. It wasn't a telecaster. That's who you are with customer service people. What? It was a telecaster.

Oh, yeah, it was. It was a suck dick of a caster. And your bitch hasn't even played it either, by the way. Yeah. Never once. You only wanted to play Amber's guitar because you love being annoying. That's not true, dude. How dare you say I'm the worst at customer service?

You know how good I am with the guitar. With the exception of some flare ups on international travel. Yeah. It's annoying that you're better at guitar than the two of us. Because honestly, if you're going to say guitar, that's good. Yeah, but you're not even good at guitar. Well, I'm the better. I'm the three.

We've never tried to play guitar. I could play the... Why don't you try, dude? Because I don't want to take everything away from you. Maybe you guys would be married like me. Maybe you guys learned to play guitar. Bitch, we could get engaged to each other whenever we fucking wanted. You fucking dumb asshole.

What are you talking about? Me and Stav could go get engaged right now. Falling in love and getting married is cool. It's actually... Hey, everybody. I set that up. Come on. You know I set that up.

You know I gave him that. Ned, check this out, Australian flight attendant. I set them up. You're so cool, mate. You turn, Adam. I love... Do you remember what he said to you, Stav? No.

He's like, right, if you could just cool it with a profanity right now. Fuck that. And you're like, this fucking flight sucks. Fuck you. It did suck. This Italian baggage is leaving. Fuck those Portuguese cocksuckers or whatever the fuck they were. I'll fight them to this day, dude.

I hate all those countries. If I see that cocksucker in the street, I'll slap them. I'll slap the little fucker. Anyways, Blue Chew is the only company, or maybe they're the first company with chewable viagra and shit. The good shit, bitch. The cheaper than the other two. It only takes a few minutes to fill out a form online.

Doctor, visit no awkward conversation, no waiting in line at a pharmacy. It ships directly to your door in discreet packaging. Custom medicine. None of that indirect shipping. We all hate those. I hate their shoes. When you have your dick pills shipped to your mom's house. Nam.

You go pick it up. Eric, your dick pills are here. Nam. Nam. Nam. You don't have to have them shipped to your address, but in your roommate, Eldis' name. Yeah.

You don't have to do that anymore. Blue Chew Chewables are prescribed online by a doctor. Made in the USA. Hi, I'm Wolfram Brimley. My penis stopped working in 1930 or something. There was no solution back then. You could put on blackface makeup, maybe feel better about your race,

but you could never get your dick hard again. Never. But with Liberty Mutual, your Lancets, your dick pills, they're all sent directly to your door in discreet packaging. That's right. And gives you confidence in bed every time you and your partner will love it. Chew it and do it. Chew it and do it.

Come on. Come on, folks. Who doesn't want to chew it and do it? I love to chew it and do it. Everyone loves chewing it and doing it. I hope the guy that came up with that is asshole just falls out. He's just walking down the street and everyone's like, is that man shitting himself?

But then there's like way too much blood for it to just be that. He's like, oh God. My ass. My ass is full of smoke. Here's a great deal for you guys. Visit bluetooth.com and get your first order free. Use promo code COMTOWN. Just pay $5 shipping.

That's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W. Sorry. It didn't make sense for a sec because I know CH is like the chit noise, but then seeing him separated was hard to read. Sure, sure. Use promo code COMTOWN. C-U-M-T-O-W-N. Script, but please don't feel obligated to read verbatim.

Use your own language. Just talk about your own experiences if you wish. Make it fun. Make this more about allowing you to have great sex with your partner rather than the problems that keep you from performing. What's up you little dickly limp ass fucking pieces of shit? We got to fix sort of, hopefully, unless your dick is that weak that even dick pills won't fix it.

Guys looking to last longer, go a few extra rounds, go to bluetooth. I mean, the read's over. This is just the demo copy they sent. And the part they told me not to read. The part they explicitly asked you not to tell people about. That's stupid. Don't send me an email that says, don't read this.

Don't read this part. Don't read this part. Don't suck this. I want to plug a couple dates real quick, guys. This weekend in Phoenix, please come out and see me at the 19th at Valley Bar. Tucson on the 20th. Then I'm in Hartford on the 24th. And Wilmington, Delaware, the 25th.

I have not promoted that date at all. No tickets have been sold. So please, if you live in Delaware, no tax. Chicago. Or anywhere in the United States, fly out for it. I'm at Lincoln Lodge, the beginning of March. Look up Lincoln Lodge. The Saturday show is sold out.

We might add a second one, but I'm waiting to see how Friday shows. Nah, I'm going to wait until, because the Friday shows were like, I don't know, 70 something for the first one and like 40 something for the late one. Bro, add it. You'll sell out, trust me. Yeah. Just buy tickets for the late show Friday if you want to come. You're in Chicago.

If I hit like 90 on both those, then I'll add a second show Saturday. Because more people, obviously more people want to come Saturday. So if I add a second show Saturday, and then I'm dealing with like a fucking Friday in the room. I think you'll sell all them out. I sold them all out. I think you'll sell them all out. Yeah, but you know, you're the guy everybody wants to go see.

No, they want to see you. No, everybody's supporting me. No. They want to be supportive and nice. Thanks. They want to see both you and me, Nick. Okay. Well, they obviously, everybody just wants to see the podcast.

Everybody gives a show. They want to see either me or you or the podcast. They don't want to see me just do Chris Gethards out. I got some Chris Gethard dates. The Phoenix on the 19th. Tucson on the 20th. Hartford 24th. Delaware on the 25th.

Please buy tickets to fucking Delaware. And then San Diego on the 27th. We added a second show. LA the second of February. Added a second show. Please buy tickets. And I'm working on it right now in Indianapolis. I'm trying to fucking make up those dates.

So I want to suck you little fucking Midwestern motherfuckers off as well. I had a grease fire the other day. I almost burned the apartment down. It's the first time that's ever happened to me. Really? Yeah. So it's like how the fuck do you burn your house down? Yeah.

How are all these fucking idiots burning their house down? How the fuck are you that stupid that you burn your house down? You leave like a sig out. Oh yeah. No. There was a guy I worked with at Papa John's. I told you this story. Yeah.

He's like yeah. I burned down my apartment complex. The whole fucking thing? Yeah. Yeah. He lived. He worked. Managed to Papa John's.

This guy was like 27. Hell yeah. He left his apartment complex by leaving a cigarette out. Didn't show up to work because he had to open the store. So the other driver just hanging out outside waiting for like updates from him. And then he liked like called me to let me know that he saved his PlayStation. A real one. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I because he said in my apartment building caught on fire. So I was like oh shit. And then later I found out it was because he left the cigarette out. The best part is his dad owned the apartment complex. Oh my God. Like is that even insurance frauds? Like no.

Your Honor my son is that fucking stupid. Yeah. Your Honor I just have this picture of him wearing jinkos. Maybe that. Yeah. The corphons in favor of not the insurance company. The other. Obviously this boy is a mental.

He's a fucking loser. That man was a fucking loser, bro. Yeah. A simple retarded loser. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a simple fucking faggot ass. A simple faggot ass retard. I'm okay. Please make your points counselor.

Oh, whoops. Where has the time gone? Oh, looking at my watch now. I just realized that it's actually a time right now. Do you folks know what time it is? Then he shows him his watch and just man, man. Can you read my watch for me? It says kill on it.

It's a time to kill. Case closed ladies and gentlemen. The defense rest, the defense rest. What does it have to do with the shoplifting case you're trying? It's a traffic moving violation. Once again, Mr. LeMuse novelty watch. Sir, do you plead guilty or non guilty for public urination? Mr. LeMuse novelty watch has saved his client.

I guarantee you this defense will not work indefinitely. Mr. LeMuse, one day a jury will not be swayed by your Paula tricks. Just one guy doing all the parts. Please remove him and suck him off. You ever see that movie Time to Kill? No, I haven't. Yeah, Matthew. Matthew Maudine.

Matthew McConaugay. McConaugay. McConaugay. Suck dick, suck dick, suck dick. That's what I love about preschool boys. I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay. I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay. I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay.

Everybody, it's me Matthew McConaugay. Hi, everybody, it's me Matthew McConaugay. McConaugay. McConaugay. That's the thing I love about these high school girls, the older I get, they turn into boys. turn it into boys. Hell yeah. Someone's so gay. He loves trans. I'm just so supportive of all this trans stuff. Let's turn them all into boys. More boys, please. God damn. I'm excited

to watch Mandy whenever I do. Dude, I'll tell you what, dude, I'm gonna pop a couple of blue shoes and watch Mandy by myself. You've never seen it. No, I haven't seen Mandy fucking twice rules. Just came out. What do you mean? I haven't seen it. It was it was on net. I'll tell you there's nothing I love more than taking two or three or four blue shoes. Don't that's not advice to a day and then playing Nintendo switch handheld style. Of course. Leaning the

rest on your cock. Yeah, right. Yeah, man playing as baby Bowser like an imagining I think being baby being sucked off by baby Bowser. Diver change by Daisy. No, by your dad. No joke. That is kind of baby. You pissed in my mouth. I would love to piss in Daisy's mouth as a baby. I tell you, look, everybody should try pissing in somebody's mouth at least once. Who is Daisy Mario's girlfriend? No, that's Princess Peach. So who's sister? I think she's Luigi. She's Luigi's

bitch. They all have. She's kind of hotter. Who's Rosalina then? Who is Rosalina? Rosalina was frozen. She's from Super Mario Odyssey. But who does she fuck galaxy where they're using you Pixar? It was on like we your GameCube. No, it was on we Super Mario Galaxy. Yeah, Mario 64. Rosalina is the bitch that owns the spaceship that goes through space. So who I never play that. She doesn't fuck anybody. Princess Peach is kidnapped in that one. Rosalina is she's like a the

bad guy. Rosalina is the caretaker of the like little star guys that Mario has to like save or freeze. Super Mario Galaxy was a great fucking game. I never played it. It's great. Dude, all of those Mario I might get whatever the one reason New York is New Donk City. Yeah. Yeah, that's Mario has to fuck the biggest Puerto Rican ass he can find. You're stupid Mario. I don't I'm not trying to fuck you. Mario are you fucking stupid? You fucking plumber Mario. Are you fucking

no plumber Mario? You better start rapping. Oh my god. It really it you really want to say the N word when you do that voice. Oh yeah. When I do that voice. I'm about to bust. Yeah. You're about cheeks too big. I pitch every little ass. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of shit. Fucking Mario says the master love your rose tattoo on your upper butt cheek. What else is new? I guess I watched Mississippi burning the other night. Oh yeah. Who'd you root

for? My dick. Um, I don't know that movie sucks. That movie's fucking dumb. I've never seen it. I haven't seen it in decay. Well, it used to be on TV like every single day. I remember that it was they would play. You see five minutes of it. They play Mississippi burning and they'd play Christine every day and Rodney Dangerfield's back to school. That's school rocks by the way. It was on Comedy Central every day and

blood sport. What's Christine? Is there one? Was there about a dog? The car that the car is the one about the dog. You know what? It's funny. Do you remember Sean Gabbard? Yes. The guy in Christine looks exactly like Sean Gabbard. Artie. That's a Sean from Christine. What's he do? I think he's just in DC now, I believe. Yeah. He's got a child and shit. Oh, nice. Should we have a child guys? Yeah. Yeah. All three of us. Of course. Three men and a baby. Put our

comb in a test tube. I would be so upset with your guys' parenting decisions. No. Yeah. We would be good parents. No, I'm I wouldn't. I would take over as a primary care. No. Yes, I would. It's the way you think you're. What's your parenting technique like? I do the same thing. Robert De Niro didn't meet the Falkers, dude. The Ferber method or whatever. Oh, the circle of trust. Yeah. Well, you cry out the baby cries. I've got nipples. I let the baby suck my

nipples. Yeah. Can you suck my tits? It does look just like yeah. He looks exactly like Sean Gabbard. Oh, wow. I mean, the guys got hair. Yeah. Yeah. Sean had hair at one point. I think I met him bald. I think I remember Sean Gabbard. No, I just knew. So if you guys want to know what a comic that we started doing comedy with, yeah, looks like look up Christine. He always made me laugh. Yeah, I like Sean. I miss Sean. You should kiss him. He said that. Uh, joke about

Eastern Motors. I don't know it. He had a lot of jokes that were. What is that I'm doing? Yeah, buddy. He's just pissing. Yeah. Hey, everybody. I'm just leaving the show to piss. Yeah, I'm trying to find pictures of him with hair on the internet, but I don't think you need to worry about a man. Why? I think you could do that later. Okay. You don't have to look up pictures of a guy we know. The people want to know. They want to know did Sean Gabbard

have hair? I mean, he did. The answer is yes. At some point. Oh, look at this. This website. I don't even know what this is. Die Laughing Productions, but it's Schlagel, Rob Mayer, Joe Robinson, Tommy Simbazo, Tommy Simbazo, Eric Woodworth, Sean Gabbard, Frankie French, Kim Ambrose, Dylan. All right, Peter. Rest in peace. Fucking real rest in pussy. Yeah. I don't know who this guy is. What's his name? RJ Jackson. I don't know. Yeah, no idea. Talk. I'll fuck with talk. I fuck with talk too.

Katie Pooch, P-E-U-S-C-A. Nick is laughing at the word P-E-U-S-C-A. It looks like her name is Katie Pooch. I'm trying to get some Poochie. Yeah, let me see that Pooch. Yeah, I don't know. I'm sure she's funny. Good name. Sounds like pussy. The account's already deleted on Twitter. For me, just laughing that one time. Oh, she just does like stage managing or shit. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, I guess I should stop looking at it. Maybe stop looking at local Baltimore Company

production websites. I don't know. I thought Pooch is pretty fun. Pooch, you know, we did get Pooch out of it. Yeah. Damn. And listen, we got to start brushing. Maybe we need to partner with them when we move to Baltimore. Yeah, we should. When we start our new lives. We're not moving to Baltimore. Yeah, we are. You're not. Me and Stavar. What do you mean? To start our next podcast. That's right. Intellectual Masters. With our guest. Fucking. You guys don't even know that.

It would be awesome to start a podcast called Intellectual Masters. And it's me and you talking to just an expert on a subject. Yeah. And just see how long they'll stay talking to us. What's that got to do with you debating that art guy? No, I never did. I think they took it. The guy from the New Yorker. What's Jerry salts? Yeah. Stav owned that guy Jerry salts in Baltimore. If anyone can find that video, it was a fun one, man. They had a debate about art and Stav won. I mean, I didn't win, but I was just

there's no winning, but I don't know, man. You came back and told it the way you told us that you won. You were like, I crushed him, dude. He looked so stupid. And I was like, indubitably. Yeah. Have you ever seen that guy's Instagram? Who? For like two years ago, he would just like stand behind girls, like leaving the subway and like take up skirt pictures and stuff. And he was like the head of the New Yorkers like art. Yeah. He was New York. He was the art critic. He would just do

sexy for days, skirt pics. And then two years ago, we used to like that. When you tell you something about bitches went to take pictures of camel toes in fucking yoga pants and shit. I mean, 2013, man, a little GoPro that I taped upwards facing on the back of an RC car. And then he'll drive that shit to the airport. Came a resistance guy. Oh my God. Like immediately. He did seem a little weird and horny. Yeah. Yeah. He's a he's a he's a freak. He had some weird energy on. He's a real freak, but shuts out.

My boy, Jerry, if you're out there, bro, let's do it again. Let's debate whether it's come through. We'll we'll have you on the pot. We will. Someone tell Jerry souls that we want to have him on come town. Um, all right, are we done? No, I have to go back to sleep. No, we got to do extra time. We got to do like a hundred more hours. Yeah. Actually, yeah, maybe you could lose. Maybe we'll just hang out. We'll hang out another episode. Actually, but we're actually stopping

the recorder now. I'm stopping the recorder. The recorder's all just doing noises. Well, Adam, go home. See you later. See you. Nice to see these fucking guys. We can do this in the way we want. I love having you guys kissing. Oh, Adam, I thought you live. I'm trying to fix the fucking machine, dude. Not fix the machine.

Stop. You're still kissing him. That's the noise the machine makes. Haven't you ever seen a machine? Yeah, that's why you never produce the podcast. Whenever I produce it, the levels are perfect. No, you don't be funny to call up tech support. And it wouldn't even be that funny, but it would be a fun prank call. You call up tech support and you explain that your printer's making noises, but the noises the printer are making are like insulting mockeries of like

whatever that guy's language is. Yeah, it keeps going. Yeah, it's like. It keeps doing stuff like yeah, you know, that's stuff like that stuff like that. It's something that could potentially racism. Yeah, are you? Hey, let me talk to the slum dog millionaire. Hey, who's this fucking approve from this? Hey, this is Ben Margera called up to do the cameo for

do you know he went to he went to rehab two days after he did your cameo? Oh, we got him at the perfect moment. Yeah, this is came more. This is rehab Margera here for birthday boy. I just want to say good night and good luck to the Tom Myers, the Tom Myers consortium and the Viva Las man, baby. Party's never going to end. You know, just MTV two is going to be a thing forever and

do you guys want to get a castle bam for my bachelor party? Honestly, 100% yes. Yeah, we can do that. That'd be pretty. That would be awesome. I'm not kidding. How much does it cost on Airbnb? I don't give a fuck.

I'll pay it. You can rent his house on Airbnb. Yeah, that's what someone said. Oh my god. Dude, we got so bad for him. Why? He's our buddy, dude. And shout out to pay him money.

No, we love him. We do love him. I do love BAM. I love BAM. I love BAM too. I feel bad for the guy. Yeah, I feel bad for him. And shout out to Matt from CKY who's a come boy.

Shouts out salute, Matt. I mean, I liked that show. It was funny. Who's that was Jess Margera showing dog shit in your dad's face while he's asleep. Don Vito just molesting 15 year olds being on TV. One of the funniest sketches. Yeah, we're gonna have Dom Vita. Yeah, we're gonna have Dom Vita.

Dom's gonna fucking give Dom Vito Viagra. Send them to a middle school gymnastics meet. Yeah, but that's the joke is he don't even need to Viagra. You don't even need it. Hey, come on. He said Matt from CKY said he loved all the BAM and Delco shit. Nice. BAM probably likes it too.

Yeah. Hey, guys. Cool out of here. Shut up. No, we are. Stop bro. I hate it. I hate it.

We're actually friends. I genuinely hate this. We actually know him. I want to shut up. You know how you hate it? It's literally just saying what you say. In that voice. Yeah, exactly.

Let me bury myself. I don't want to hear it back. I can't listen to this podcast anyway because I hate listening to all this gay shit I say on this podcast anyway. It makes me want to throw up. It's kind of like the opposite of the penis thing. When you're hearing your own voice, it sounds great to you, but when it's reflected back at you, it's zero.

No. When I'm hearing my own, when I'm hearing my own voice, it sounds terrible. Cool Adam is so good. I hate Cool Adam. Hey, I hate it. Yeah. Me and my best friend, the CKY guy with Karen Dixon. He just hit me up and said that he liked it.

Oh, yeah. They talk a lot. Yeah, it's just me and my best friend. The guy from CKY hit me up. Shut up, Nick. Yeah, we all were hanging out. It's not Nick. It's me.

It's me. It's me. Cool Adam. Cool Adam. Shut up. I love you, Cool Adam. Thanks for coming and hanging out with us, man. Well, if you're a real Cool Adam, let me ask you a question that only Cool Adam would know.

No. He is Cool Adam. What do you mean? You're gay, Adam. How are you going to ask him what he knows? No, no. Let me ask you a question. That's like me being like, if you're really Adam, let me ask you a question only Stav would know.

So the way you get out of this is you start doing gay Nick and making fun of me. I'm not going to make gain. I'm going to go ahead. Go ahead. Do it. Do gay Nick. No. I'm helping you.

This is it. This is do gay Nick. What's up guys? Oh, this is not gay Nick. This is I'm not a faggot. Oh, this is gay Nick. No, I'm doing not gay you because the real you is gay. Fuck.

I was trying to get him. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to because he was going to do gay Nick. You weren't. That's right. You are gay, Nick. And I'm regular.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know the real thing is to do it. I'll edit it. Oh, yeah, I'm not gay in this version of myself in this universe. I'm not gay. I just I think your impression of me is like a Toronto businessman 20 years ago.

Yeah. That's what you are. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm just in this store. I'm just outside here in this store. I thought these were fitness magazines. It's me, Nick.

Yeah, I got some dates. Yeah. What's his name? What are their names? Yeah. Men's names. He's going out with a guy named Frank tomorrow. He's going out with a guy named Jim the day after.

Dude, I've been used. I finally figured out how to use the Instant Pot to make rice. Nice. Oh, you really? Well, yeah, because I didn't it has the rice button on there. And it like everything I read online was like, don't use that button. But you want to try something with me with the Instant Pot?

No, I don't want to try anything with you. No, Nick, just I already tried a podcast with you. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. You shut your mouth right now. You will respect me on there. I'm like the last one. Do you want to try the Instant Pot, Adam? I heard there's a way to do to make ramen in an hour.

In an hour to make ramen broth in one hour. Because normally it takes like one. That's not true. Yeah, because of the pressure. There's no way that's the only problem is is that the broth is pretty clear. Does the Guinness Book of World Records have a phone number? Can you call them up and ask to submit for longest and bomb?

You probably over and over again. There'll be another prank phone call to be fun. Yeah, hello. Is this some Guinness? Yeah, I was I was hanging out with my boys and we must have got we got to saying some fun stuff. And I was thinking ain't nobody said this particular word longer than I am. The longest one everybody's ever heard.

And I was thinking maybe you could put me in that fucking and you know, y'all got a book I'm under just to understand it. Yeah. If I'm the main to understand it correctly. We was all eating crab nachos from nacho mamas. And this guy Don Terry is the fuck my sister walked by. Inspiration struck me. I'll tell you.

I'm fucking I've never been, sir, please leave harder from a red lobster in my life. And I said I thought the shrimp was endless. Endless. Excuse me. Y'all. Endless. You said it was endless shrimp and then this motherfucker walks. You told me I thought I thought this was supposed to be endless.

Damn, I come back this red lobster. We all see it. You fuck me over. Holy shit. Damn him. I'm not knowing the word. Endless is honestly so fucking good. Yeah.

Yeah, we have we have some good time. Well, folks on the chum town. We're not going to top that a podcast about friendship. And about three guys may stop and cool. Thanks for coming guys. Seriously. And I know I'm a little my skills aren't as sharp. So Phoenix on the 19th Tucson on the 20th.

Hartford on the 24th. Delaware, the 20th, San Diego, the 27th LA on the fucking second. Minneapolis, St. Paul, Twin Cities. And if you want me to come to your city and you have a venue, please let me know. I want to come, baby. Yep. That ought to do it. Oh, thanks for coming to fucking funny moms.

That one. That one was a banger. Oh, yeah, that one was great, actually. I had a lot of fun. The 28th is the next one. And then the one after that is February 11th. What should I watch now? I want to watch like a big, dumb movie.

What do you mean big and dumb? You know, it is as funny. It's like I legitimately enjoy taking those dick pills because it feels like doing drugs. Just the active. I mean, it is doing pop something. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know. I get in trouble for that sometimes. I wish I, I just want some like, I want to, I want a couple. Then I'm doing drugs. I want a couple of Vicodin or maybe some, some Roxy's in the sit and watch like, you know, Pacific Rim or something. Yep. That'd be a tight evening.

Look at it. We got a beautiful late sunset. Yeah, it's gorgeous. It's nice. It's a beautiful winter day. Wish I had a fucking ranch. That'd be sweet. You want to go to Montana for my bachelor party?

It's your bachelor party. Yeah, that'd be tight. Dude, we can all. Where do you want to go? We can all get Buffalo capes. I don't know. Picture that old man I sent you. That bachelor party, we could do that.

That bachelor party I went to last year. Here's the thing, guys. Actually, if you're listening to the show, if you guys have, have some money, you're looking for a winter coat or whatever, consider buying a Buffalo cape and then taking it to a tailor to have turned into an elaborate jacket because Buffalo's they're like limited in number, but what keeps them alive is like they're like usefulness. So if you're actually buying Buffalo products, it like proliferates their numbers because they're not going to occur naturally because so they farm more Buffalo.

So they farm more Buffalo. What about the Muzarel? You know, what are you talking about? They don't make Buffalo Muzarel. Is that Buffalo milk? I don't think it's from. I don't think so. Yeah, I think it's from something else.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you mean the Buffalo mozzarella dip in sauce? No, those balls, dude, those white balls. Those of Muzarel. I don't know if I've had this. This is like, what is this? It's just mozzarella. It's just mozzarella. Buffalo sauce.

No, it's just a type of mozzarella. I don't think it's made from Buffalo. What am I thinking? What are the mozzarella? But what are the mozzarella balls of Buffalo sauce on the inside? I have no idea, man. So it doesn't exist. I was right.

No, Buffalo mozzarella exists. What is Buffalo mozzarella? It's it's how it's made from the milk of the Italian Mediterranean Buffalo. Oh, I guess it is made from Buffalo. So it's made from your mom's tits. My mom's not Italian. You're a big fat Italian mom.

Ma, get your fucking tits out of here. Let me squeeze your fucking tits to make some fucking cheese. Get your big Buffalo fucking tits out of here. You fucking whore. We were laughing at the live show about how like the Italians stole like pasta and pizza from the Chinese and so like up until like 1610 the Chinese just but that was all just Italian culture. They were like, hey, I'm trying fucking Chinese. I'm trying to fucking do fucking man over here.

Come on. I'm over here. I'm wearing my fucking best below suit saying two plus two equals four fucking six divided by three. Two. Come on. Come on. Real tiny feet. If you know what I'm saying, you know, we're bound up.

I got a daughter fucking killer. You know what I'm saying? Come on. I'm fucking yeah me and a couple of my Chinese friends are going to hang out down a down a fucking dumpling shop later sitting outside the dumpling shop in a fucking tracksuit. He said woke up this morning got myself a gun I'm always say you'll be the chosen one. That makes sense. Yeah.

No, I mean, we almost live in that world. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Could you imagine? Wow. Tony Meadow has brought home a black man from coverage. That would have happened too. They would have been upset.

What is your background? Well, my dad is Jewish and my mom is African American. Oh, so you are dark man. We understand each other. Excuse me, Mr. Soprano. I say there's got to be a funnier way to go with Chinese brand. Yeah, yeah. Let's see here.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the restaurant is called Ba Da Bing, which is also my name. That's funny. Ba Da Bing. Ba Da. There you go. Come on, boys. Let's riff it out.

We're in. You gotta Chinese Sopranos. Come on. We're all consummate professionals here. Okay. We've been doing this show for nine years. This is something you're you're too. We would have been able to name, you know.

Adam would have Adam would have like I would have said it. Adam would have stolen the ball. Just immediately bricked it. Alley you for me. Alley you for me. No, that's not true. Adam with the steel the ball from Adam. I give you the passes.

I throw it to stop slam dunk with something. What? Stop. You're saying you can't even get up. Adam's pants are now. Adam's balls are out. Everyone in the stands is laughing at him. He creates the version me and Nick need.

Right. To do an alley-oop and slam dunking another alley-oop slam dunk. I'm dunking from half court. Chinese Sopranos. You would you would then you would then have your your renaissance. You would mention that furio looks like Jackie Chan, which is a joke you stole from the Internet. And we'd say okay.

And then the officials. He does look like yeah. And then the officials would come in and be like wait a second. It looks like Adam stole that joke from the Internet. I didn't steal anything. I literally haven't taken it off the scoreboard. We're going to have to take that one off the board. Come on guys.

Well, you know I'm sick. The half the half time show. Hey everybody. It's me cool. Adam. I got t-shirts. Fan favorite. Why do people like him so much?

Everyone loves cool. Adam. No one likes him. She's just parents are rich. I love cool. Adam. Not like my guys. Please send us what you artists renderings of cool Adam.

Just add him with a nose job. Well, I don't need a nose job. I have a strong features. No one said you do. Yeah. No one says gay. Adam needs a nose job. I mean, it's like it's funny about cool Adam.

All right, give me one of those. It's literally literally just you. No, that's why it bothers him. Yeah. Because it isn't really even a bit. You're so desperate to be cool that you don't even want to be acknowledged as cool. It's not desperate.

We're just calling you cool. You're like, I'm not cool. I'm just hanging out with the CKY guys. I'm just giving him a shout out. All right, we'll listen, folks. No, wait, we got to do Chinese soprano. Oh, right. I forgot Chinese soprano, sir.

Sir Vio. Yeah. Well, I do know that that Hunter goes to or Meadow goes to check out Colby College, which is a pretty. That would be a fun episode to imagine them saying that. That's a good one. They live in Newark.

They all go back to China. Yeah. To meet with the Chinese bosses. And it's a woman. And it's a woman. And she's shitting on the street. She looks like a cat. Yeah.

Carmella. Yeah, that's good. Carm. Call me. Junior. Belone sanitation. Yeah. And they collect all the garbage and then they make it into food.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They take they take all the Belone sanitation. Takes all the recycling from other people's garbage cans. Yeah. Like Chinese people doing in New York. Yeah. And just collect all the bottles. Yeah.

So that they can sell them for for money. Yeah. Adriana. Racer. La Selva. Yeah. Yeah. I'll actually I just got to the episode where Artie Bucco.

Artie Bucco is in love with Adriana. Yeah, that's crying. Dude, that guy just takes so many guys. He's so fucking funny. Yeah. I like that guy fucks him up. The like, you know, it's a small hearing torn out. Yeah.

Is that that same episode where he gets to do this? He's such a fucking loser. He's like the most detestable character on the show. Why? Because he's not a wise guy. Well, it's not. He's a good guy. He's not a good guy.

He's just in over his head and he's trying. He tries to be cool, but he's a fucking bitch. His bitch is mean to him, but he's fine too. But Artie, Artie, I would fuck. Artie like doesn't have any. He's still like, I mean, what, like, why does he have a crush on Adriana or any of these things? He wants all these things.

He's just a coward. Yeah. Because he sees all these guys he grew up with. I see your point. He's like making all this money. Artie, Artie would be like, like. He doesn't have the moral. Here's the thing.

If Artie, if Artie wasn't a coward, he would stand up for himself and recognize that Tony isn't his fucking friend. And he'd be like, fuck this guy. Artie's not like doing these things because he's a good guy. Everything is done. He does. Or he would have just shut the fuck up when Tony blew up his restaurant for it so that they wouldn't have had to do

the hit there. And he would have been like, oh, I get insurance money now for a new restaurant. Instead of being a bitch and be like, Tony, you bought my restaurant. Well, okay. It was a matter of perspective, but he sees it as like Tony fucked him over and he still is like, I'll just keep it as

a secret because he's supposed to do though, man. It's a fucking. What are you going to kill a mob boss? He's not going to kill a mob boss, but he's like, fuck off. Leave me the fuck alone. Stay out of my fucking life. Yeah. And that'll be good for him.

You know how tough all the other who who are all the other people in like, you know, the Tony knew or were friends with that don't do business with them. The only two you really eat if it's only the only two you really see are fucking Artie Bucco and David Skatino. And Skatino is like some piece of shit gambler. Right, right, right. You know, no, there's the eye doctor.

Johnny sacks Johnny sacks cousin who's just an eye or brother in law. Genie sacks brother who's an eye doctor. I don't know if I'm sorry. Adriana's cousin. The stock I'm only I'm only about like in this rewatch like halfway through three Adriana's got a cousin who's a stock broker.

Oh, no, no, no. Is it karma? No, it's Carmela's cousin. That's the stock, right, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Did you pump and dump shit? No, I mean, like guys. Yeah, he was like childhood friends with oh from his from

his youth. Yeah, because that's how they framed this thing with him and are that they already probably wasn't together a little bit at the beginning. Oh, you're asking me who did Tony know because Jason Pat like David Scatino was like they were all childhood friends together. Yeah, they all play football together.

Yeah, right. But you never remember that time those Guido said you trapped in the car and I threw a dinger up said don't fucking reminisce on me. That was a great scene. He's just crying himself to sleep in that tent. I'm fixing a fucking light shines off the one ball when I rack is hiding the gun he's going to kill himself.

If anyone has HBO, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I I dabbled in it. I guess with this crypto thing and it's like, well, not for me. I mean, except for bettyside.com. Oh yeah, bettyside.com. I gamble on the gamble that all the time. But I love it.

But other than that, I'm glad I'm not. Yeah, just me losing thousands of dollars a day on that website. It's my favorite place to lose a lot of money. But except we win. You win all the time. You've never no one's ever lost. I know no one's ever lost.

Not playing this bad. It is the I'm sorry. Let me ask you something. Is the motto play bet lose? Yeah, no, it's no. It's play bet win. It's play boy play boys. I'm gonna start going about play boy.

You know, he's doing names. Carlos play boy. Fuck. Damn. Well, all right. Well, I have to go back to sleep. Do you? Why don't you sleep on this dick?

Oh, guys, I'm sick. Why don't you wake up to this dick? That's even funnier. You're like, get out of here. Shh. I'm putting my pieces in your mouth. Now you're concerned. I'm putting you.

I'm raping you. Hey, hey, this is Ben Marsher. We're gonna rape. We're gonna rape. Okay, Adam, put me down. Podcast. It's four. It's four o'clock.

As long as you let me sleep. It's four o'clock in the morning. Just don't wake me up. Adam passed out watching a party at Fritz. Get his favorite movie to watch. Because he's a gay baby. Oh, hey, Bam, dude. I'm DM'd with the guy from CKY.

So you're gonna, you know, let's get out of here. It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back.

It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back. It's back.

It's back. It's back. It's back. One last thing, guys. One last thing. Thanks.