The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 139 – deaf jam

Episode Date: January 23, 2019

brendan eyre joins us again. listen to the rad dude podcast: https://www.patreon.com/raddudecast

Nabe from the last samurai has it. I was like, I guess he's had a pretty good life I was like trying to convince myself that I could have a good life And that's the Ken Watanabe story. Yeah Yeah, after Adam had sex with Ken Watanabe. Who has a hepatitis C? Ken Watanabe No, he wants a knob, right? Ken wants a Nabe. He plays a Canadian guy. He's a Canadian Japanese Oh, Ken Watanabe. He plays the second to last samurai. And then the last one was of course Tom. Yeah, Thomas Cruz. One of the last samurai. One of the last samurai. He's just a fat guy Why would it be fat guy, man? It's because that's who likes that culture. That's true

You're either severely underweight or fat of shit. Imagine you're just working in like Japanese customs and you see those guys getting off the plane they're like He's gonna try and play. He thinks he's gonna fuck the girl It's why he's here. He thinks they're gonna be impressed that he like learned four words from a children's show Just fucking Tivas and oh, yeah cargo shorts. Yep. Yeah to carry all your knickknacks all the Japanese knickknacks you got Mm-hmm. That's why I wore that's why I was I wanted to Establish I was not one of those fat guys when we were in Japan. That's why I wore tracksuits

That's why I was making it certain that I'm not I'm the cool fat guy I still would like to fuck the women But you know did not oh listen, we all want to fuck the women Of course Brand would you like to fuck the women of Japan? Yeah in general. Yeah, I'd love to I think it's hard to crack a Japanese woman. Yeah, incredibly hard. Even in America. I think a Japanese American woman I find a tough nut Japanese women love rape so much that like it's hard to tell where the line is with them

Yeah, it's so much further than with like American women Mm-hmm, like if you go up to a Chinese woman at a bar or Japanese woman at a bar and just choke slammer into the Yeah, that's like being like let's be courted. Oh, hello. I think I think I fucked a girl who is half half Chinese half black and death What she's half death no she was full death couldn't hear a lick All right And Greg stone said to me nice three birds with one stone One of your birds is a death

Not able It was great, what kind of noises did she make not many I think she was aware Probably gonna be crazy. Yeah, I've been terrified. Well, no, but they're not. Oh, you ever hear a deaf person laugh Well, yes, but I think they know it's crazy I think when they laugh they're like the ones who are like, you know what I'm gonna do it I used to work at a cell phone kiosk and there's this like hot death This one I was a teenager That one I fucked and I learned sign language just so that they could tell me that they never fuck stop. What?

No, it was after you were there No shoes she didn't suck my balls did she do then do this little she held her No, she did tiny dick. Yes I think thumbs up we would we would talk on her iPad like we should have notes program where you just write Yeah, and one time I had a Get out of her bed naked Walk across the room get the iPad walk back across the room getting to bed and then slowly like Scrawl out like I'm sorry. I usually last longer

Fucking and then and then that shot zooms out and it's a presentation and Tim Cook is like these are just some of the things you With the new iPad air We can imagine imagine a future where you bust early with the death three bird chick She lived above like the loudest bar This real estate agent. Yeah fucking genius, of course. I got the client for this apart Yeah, I thought you meant she was a real estate agent. No, no, no, that'd be like welcome to your new home Oh Anyways, that's where did you meet this with a tinder nice? Yeah? Yeah?

The sorry go ahead. I don't think like the biggest idiot I knew in college used to get blackout and send like mass texts to people Yeah, I went to school in DC and he got blackout one night and send a mass text to like all our friends He's like I'm partying down at that with the deaf kids at the deaf college Gallaudet University And he's like this shit is crazy. You guys should come he was saying that like kids were like fingering each other People throw the fuck culture is crazy. Yeah, okay So she was a freak and she was like and she was like this is what like the deaf world. This is what it is normal Yeah, really? Yes. There was no music

Well, it's good, you know, and it's a hack point, but they sound retarded. So yeah, people think they are well I also like how you just added there was no music playing all right. Like, yeah But they like the vibrations what they do they are because I asked her I was like, do you know What music is? You know, cuz I you know what I mean? Yeah, I think a color is right. Yeah, then she was like I mean, I I can like we can feel it, you know, like I can feel the beat right, but I don't I don't you know I don't really know now. Okay. Go back to say she was saying like deaf culture is Create like we say like would you eat your ass off rip or what do you mean? She would she just wanted she wanted like

Immediately like wanted fingers up the ass like right away, you know first time and had no and it was nice There were no who tells that story about the put your fingers in my ass Is there somebody that has that story about it a deaf girl? Am I just having like deja vu? Maybe fuck Maybe maybe that's a bit. We did that. No, no, no, no, no, this is fun. Ah fuck. This is not a comic Oh, okay, Ian put your fingers in my ass I Mean that's the thing where it's like, oh that could have been like every other sentence last week And yeah, she wanted you know a lot of stuff up her ass great. There was no you're wall. There was no

There was no she had no qualms about it being like us being like this was years a few years ago But she had no qualms about it being totally sexual like it was like it was like no I don't we can't fucking talk like what do you think this is going to be? You know like like I'm supposed to bring you home to my deaf parents Right, right. She was actually I'd like she was actually from DC DC And then on top of that yeah, you bought some loud boy home Loud raised Yeah, I don't know I said risk, but they're Chinese. Oh, yeah, right listening to

podcasts and audio books on speakerphone She had nothing she had she wasn't even like a partial talker. I think those guys Those like I think they can hear a little Marley Maitland Marley or they or they just learn how to move their mouths But she she no one taught her damn, which is some of them can get an implant nice a cochlear implant. I Don't know. I don't remember her name. I'll be honest with you Because I have tried to look through my phone Fires in the back. It's the name in all capital letters. Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's the interesting thing When she fucking

Contact when we started talking on Tinder I go Where are you from? She's a DC. I said, no, you're not you're tricking me because her grammar was so bad And what I found out which I still don't quite understand is is that deaf people often don't write very well Well, yeah, because ASL is a different language. Yeah, it's like no There's no reason for them to have like conjunctions and when you're doing sign language, you would just say me go eat Some some deaf people know like see sign. No, which is like like almost like a it's like a transliterated I guess version of English, but it like follows like English grammar rules more than like American sign language would but but here's my issue with it. Yeah, maybe you can explain like so, yes

So so I so that I she explained that to me and she was like ASL is not the same bread and the problem was that she was half black The rules of grammar My issue is that if you're deaf wouldn't you just because of like lack of of of non-hearing entertainment wouldn't you read a lot and wouldn't reading a lot make you be able to No, right a lot. No, I'm bored all the fucking time and I still just look at my phone I play video games. Yeah, there's a whole deaf world of you Yeah, I don't think that I don't think the thing holding me back from being a moron is that I can hear

She might just be a dumb bitch That'd be funny if I go around time people, you know, the deaf they don't have great grammar then I meet other deaf people They're like, what the fuck? No, that you like to read. Oh, yeah, he meant he was she could hear the whole time Fucking leapfrog The cow goes me hungry There's a movie Yeah, it's like I think she was half Chinese

There was something about her face and look kind of But there was something maybe she was like half black half Chinese, but then also white if you can imagine the combination of those facial features Greg stones like wow perfect half a stone one bird I'm like, Greg, what's happening? The only thing this segment has done is make me miss this girl Well, that's a shit that stays in your head you're like you can fuck like a million hot women and then you're like, ah, but that pirate 300 pound pirate It was so different

Yeah, but that one with no fingers. Yeah the homeless girl I Do still miss the homeless girl I made out with in a gay bar in Atlanta. I yeah, I hooked up with a homeless girl Here's the thing was she like that's the plot of I am Sam. Oh, yeah, you get some homeless pussy You imagine if I am Sam's fucking even homeless woman. He must be slaying. He's like, I just wanted something different He's getting all this regular pussy Then he's like, I don't have to do I could wall dog. She's homeless What's she gonna do keep it?

It's the worst movie that's ever been I thought you're making a no ridiculous joke I am Sam is the Sean Penn plays a replace a retarded man who's knocked up a homeless woman And now he's raising the daughter, but because she's now become smarter than him at age eight The state's gonna take her away and that the prosecutor or whoever the states like representative is that that takes Children away from retarded. Yeah, it's played by Toby from West Wing. Oh hell, yeah And he's like what makes you think you can take care of a seven-year-old an eight-year-old this man is an idiot But it's Toby from West Wing given this like passion like, you know, I just want to be the best speech writer

I can be is fuck this retort Is Toby the guy who's in Billy Madison? Who's also get out. No, no, no, that's Bradley Bradley Whitford. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that guy is in West Wing. Yeah Speaking of deaf schools, there's a Russian movie called the tribe. Have you ever heard of it? No So it's entirely done in sign language with no subtitles, but it's about this like boys. No, I'm It's it's one of the craziest movies. I've ever seen really it's about this like a kid's deaf school where the kid like the new kid gets initiated into like their world of crime and Then they assign him this girl to start pimping out at the deaf school

And then he falls in love with the girl that he's supposed to like be like sending sending out on the street selling her pussy And yeah, that's pussy to for sale death That's our Post-Battle Band death pussy for sale. Yeah, like sort of like a Queens of the Stone Well, but it also works great FS also works great on flyers because it's like this Friday night at the bed at the at the bell Have a deaf pussy for sale. I was like what? Yeah, I'll come. I'll come for that. Just a bunch of guys exactly like you Yeah, fuck what it's a band. Fuck. I

Brought I brought this guy. This is a guy just tearing up a single dollar Oh, we should also say Brandon a returning guest has a great podcast the rad dude cast And you motherfuckers should sign up on their patreon. Oh, yeah next time you want to get mad at us for some bullshit audio thing And delete your subscription go sign up to the rat son of the rad dude podcast instead throw them What do you do five bucks a month five bucks a month stick to the formula, baby? We got our formula from you We got our formula from Chapo, and they got their formula from some other fucking loser And you know what we got we have a lot of fans that came from you guys now

Oh, yeah, great three of us have been on it. I'll be honest. Most of them came from my appearance Yeah, we get that a lot we're like they were like no more Greg no more Anthony, but uh, you know, what's funny is now There's this dedicated group of fans who will like message me and go they'll go Comptown is the best podcast in the world. You guys are the second best And Tuesdays with stories is a third the three best podcasts in the world. I'm like, well, you didn't have to know Yeah, yeah, just say yeah, these are my favorite podcast They just throw in Tuesdays for no reason Which is great, I'm like that's great that you came over but like you don't have to number them

You know you have to have some kind of social deficiency to like even able to listen to three people talk for an hour And not like turn it off 100% sure. I don't care how funny it is to listen to a conversation You're not part of for an hour. It's like, were you a fucking serial killer? Well, not if you're talking about deaf pussy for sale That's a band That's a band and a good band We in the rad Duke has a similar to Comptown in that like we don't You know, we don't have like a hook, you know, that's even harder Right, it's like we're not talking about like we're not taking relationship questions. Yeah, you know what I mean?

We're just maybe we should sitting down and talking Trump. We've been talking about Donald Trump since the election. Yep We're almost there three Jewish women Jewish witches We're a coven a coven of a Jewish Who'd you tell me that one podcast it was like they're like we're a coven of 14 socialist kick-ass no It was heck. Yeah, hecking socialist witches. Oh They're not doing a bit. No, no, I love I love I do love a 14-person podcast It's the Brian sets for orchestra

We make $36 a month on Patreon only because people listen to that every 25 minutes That is funny Chris You're right that is funny Chris It's funny you say that What's this? I don't know this that's Larry. He may know if it's a 14-person podcast That's only contribution a coven of 73 Hacking socialist socialist women and we talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe and wrestling. Okay And I know it's like been a while since Nanette no one's talking about it anymore, but I watched that Chris gether

Did special in that last year? Holy shit Is it is it rough awful? Yeah stuff, and it's like I don't know I understand why people got fucking mad at Nanette and this has just been on Well, because that's what some people do with the like just say oh, it's a one-man show So it doesn't have to actually be funny the whole time and then it's like supposed to be theater or something But like that fucking sucks if I'm going to theater. Let me fucking I like to sing a song I like to show these you know what I mean his TV show is funny. Which one TCG is I never saw it

Anyway, it's his specials the same exact thing as Nanette. Yeah. Yeah, it's like sad and shit Let me ask you what the theater are you going to where you see? I have a lion king Yeah, I get I see you do the Lion King dress. I have a I have a webcam programmed on the dressing room of Matilda that trunch bull and I'm looking at trunch bulls pussy Her big heaven in her private bathroom her big blue tits pop out of her shirt That sounds pretty good. Anyways, we're all saying the Chris gether thing. That's right. All right, Brendan Especially I don't watch. I don't really watch

I don't know the guy I just like I was just blown away because we'd say in which did with cat Williams who who is incredible again The best comedian that's ever lived Well, the crazy thing about cat Williams and when people people like Knock him for being crazy and it's like well if you smoke crack, you're gonna be crazy Yeah, but he's legitimately like an extremely good. Well, not only that joke right not only that not only that dude his Audiences like any comedian. We'd know yeah would get in front front of an arena of cat Williams fans and be like well This is an impossible situation Comedy cannot be done. Yeah, there's an arena of people just screaming yelling just like fights like crazy shit

Yeah, and he goes up there and he controls a five foot two man with a yeah He can duck the whole thing and it's like it's just like 30,000 thugs like Just screaming like you watch a special and they're just yelling and it's like yeah Well, this is on comedy can't happen. Yeah situation and he can do it like he's that good Yeah, where it's like there's very few people that would even take the stage So people would be in the back like no I'm also that fucking bit about cuz he's like got some some he's going off on like foreign policy and is like Which is like, you know, he doesn't know what he's talking

But it's still cat Williams. So you're like, let's see where this goes, you know And then the joke is like, you know, he's like, you know, we're in Afghanistan Pakistan He's like motherfucker. You said Afghanistan is Syria didn't you know blah blah blah blah and he's like The the the joke is essentially like look you can go in the club and say fuck every motherfucker in the club Yeah, but then you can't just walk your ass out It's so far beyond like what you'd expect out of it's like just just right and he's just right And there's no other comedian. That's that like funny that gets blown up all and I don't get it I don't like maybe it's because he's like consistent. I don't understand like what why he doesn't really get

The attention but he does he doesn't He doesn't from comedians From the media right but he Okay, I mean Black comic they want The queer black He hit a target employee in the face with his motorcycle I believe the details of the transaction were the target employee expressed

possible interest in buying the motorcycle helmet and then backed out of the deal And I don't even I don't watch comedy. I just watch clips of Norm McDonald. Yeah, that's all I like Yeah, Norm does it for me. I haven't seen the show. I've saw a couple episodes. It was pretty good I love that podcast. It's the same thing basically. Yeah, but there's a magic to that podcast because it came out of nowhere Right, you're just not expecting norm. It's the best podcast ever that first season of the Norm McDonald podcast. Yeah, it's the best podcast After that's number one come town number two Rad dude cast number three. I used to love I used to love when it first came out and this was

This was before I knew what a podcast was this was back before there was an app where you had to you had to Be a good internet. You had to buy them like they were audio books on or you know, I Love I love the Ricky Gervais podcast and he's since has really gotten on my nerves Yeah, but when he first came out when I first like learned about him and like when I first started listening at podcast That podcast was fucking great. I never listened. Yeah, it's great And then and then he eventually became kind of whiny and shitty and didn't HBO just bought it and they animated it Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the Carl Pilkington one. Right. Yeah, I used to watch that when I was with Cubis He would download all of them. Yeah, but that shit's so funny. It's so great because Carl Pilkington in real life

It's like a genius. We were saying like we kind of stole the formula. We did we go two idiots and then one smart guy That's a loser. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got it. I got it. I think I sound Yeah, but the funny thing is Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's what the the thing about Your podcast is like well, you guys do the same thing like Greg is the imbecile Greg is dumb as shit Greg's a fucking moron. I Got a stick up for Greg. No, you know, you're like a genius level. No, yes, you are. Yes, you are. That's the fucking You act like you're not but you are no

I have like I have like old man tidbits where there's certain like I know specific information about UPN about weird things Because I don't know how to read But I but but reading like that's a choice I bet I bet if you your IQ was tested No, it's probably extraordinarily high. I choose to be illiterate. You're right. Yeah, right like Yeah, it's literally not a choice. It's weird because I have like no control over the shit that stays in my head But there's certain things that are like facts that I'll remember that I don't know what like I think like I pulled I knew the like the commercial release date of CDs It was like October down to like the month. It was like October of like 1982 that I pulled one time

I have no idea why I know that and it's like people will mention Comedians that I've known probably a decade and I haven't seen them in two months and I'm like, what are you talking about? They should make a they should make a movie of you called worthless Rain Man Which which is just a mentally disabled Childless And the court just doesn't like him Yeah, the state takes him to court to be like this man is fucking retarded. Yeah, you think you could raise an eight-year-old

I don't have an eight-year-old. I don't have an eight-year-old. They're like, but even still yeah, he's too dumb to raise an eight-year-old Yeah, he keeps raw dogging the homeless Senator Toby, are you going to get to a point? Yeah. Wow. We even hear today To call this man retarded. Okay. All right, case closed. He's an imbecile. Oh Bet the aside.com. Yep. Mm-hmm. That's the read Where the read is as short as I like that and I'm presenting this to the clients this week bet decide That's it. That's all right, but this I just had to come because the problem is people fast forward through the reads But if you do them quick enough, they don't have time. We could just interspersed them in the middle of stories

You're like bet you said become What a great job. What is you're gonna have to rewind? What's that? What's vent DSI dot com? It's vent DSI is a ventilation corp. It's a ventilation company Yeah, that's good man. A lot of podcasts aim high. Yeah, you got to get into the local HVAC. Yeah, Simon Vaughan GMBH industrial concerns Is proud to sponsor the come time? And if you're you need acetate polymers

Yeah, it's not national thing says vulcanized rubbers for any industrial application. We're talking, that's right, you know a mid-grade heavy equipment Re-imaging systems Whatever you can think of yeah that that stuff would be used for yeah, that's we do it Yeah, that what you just said you're a genius. It's no See you stupid Brendan None of those things mean I know but that's You and Greg are both stupid I do have vulcanized rubber needs I do

You're a dumb crazy man Mark Kelly has been dropped by his record label following a documentary series of true allegations the decades of sexual misconduct allegations I have enough money to get a fucking recording studio Start a label and fucking sign our Kelly right now not guilty record streaming an album sales went through the roof after that came out But he probably doesn't own this all the old backlog. This is by low cell high I know I've made some investing mistakes You're following up Bitcoin with signing our Kelly to a $10 million deal Yes, I'm telling you I'm telling you I'm putting every goddamn dollar I have is our Kelly

Differences with my label. Just say you fuck the kid. Just say it. I'm not gonna censor you you want to put that in a song? No more euphemism We'll go direct We're gonna cut out the middleman the fathers Yeah, anyways bet the si.com you can bet on you can bet on whether But they are they rape those children is a premier sports betting website to been in business over 20 years Paying out fucking winners. They offer live in-game wagering change your mind change your bets They got award-winning mobile app easy to use anywhere 24-7 customer service. You call them up say

I'm gonna kill myself What else do they do stop they they have a customer support 24-7 they do customer support 24 24 7 24 days a week seven days 27 24 days a month. Yeah, seven hours a day Yep, you got to figure out when though. We actually never found out what bet with the DSI stands for The range is black entertainment television doesn't seem interesting Dot-com. How about that? Where's the black with the beat bet? Oh bet beat. Okay. Oh, so you I think bet It's just bet. Oh, that's just bet and DSI is something. Yeah, cuz it's a betting website Bet black entertainment television doesn't seem interesting. That's pretty good. Mm-hmm. Why would they be in the gambling business though?

Because it's a gamble to have that it's a gambling website. It's a gambler or it's No vents. No pants. No, no, that's a different But they have politics bets to bet. It's not just sports, baby. Yeah, well will gangster Bachelors gang it up. Mm-hmm. Oh Bachelor bet you bet on that. I think I think you know what they should do with the new bachelor They get a straight guy and it's mostly women, but then to like gay black men, okay, and they're really hot Yeah, but and if he doesn't pick those guys He's shaming can cancel social media

We bully this guy in the picking them. I always said they should do they should do the gay bachelors Deontay, I guess you get a rose. They should do the gay bachelors and have one gay guy Of course, you'd say you should have the TV but then they'd all Yeah Starring Adam No, but then what would happen was all the contestants would just be like why do we have to just compete for this one guy? They'd put they just all start fucking each other. Yeah, and it wouldn't work which is that show temptation island. Yeah, right? Exactly to make you know

So funny because it was like NBC had survivor. They're like people. It was Fox on an island and then Fox was like people fucking Yeah, that's yeah Just fucking all they do is fuck That was awesome. Yeah, I you know what though Adam the show you just talked about. I remember watching that love to watch It would be better than the regular guys fucking. I remember watching the Norwich Temptation Island when I was like 11 12 whenever that was oh, yeah, Jack And just being like man, I'm never gonna have sex. Yeah, I would feed off I'm just never going

You can't line me up at the edge of a pool with other people They should I would go to the pool and take my shirt off and crawl to the edge As fast as possible covering and merge my body It'd be like no, it's magnification I'm never just up to my nose and water In the deep end don't look at me They should throw an ugly guy on Temptation Island just for like just so everyone's fucking and then one guy's just mad Yeah, well, then you can bet on who wins at bet the aside.com. Yep. They offer live and Jane. We're drink this week

We're gonna be betting on the fucking NFL Take bet on the NFL this week. So when you sign up make sure you use promo code. Oh, no Oh, no, it's the Rams. Oh, no, there's a buy before the game bet now who gets the buy you bet Yeah, put the money down. Oh, no, it's not the problem. No, no, no, this week This week is for next games are this week. No, this is for net is for Wednesday Oh, yeah, so this week is the Pro Bowl and then yet on the AFC Super Bowl And as we know the Super Bowl is the Cleveland Browns versus the Oakland Raiders So bet on that

Fucking idiots, you fucking piece of gambling retards Oh, I should also mention that the shows for this week have been moved. I had some problems with the The fucking venues in Delaware and Hartford there. Oh, wait, this episode comes out on the 23rd. Yeah on Wednesday Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah, which is today the 23rd today We're recording. So if you were coming to Hartford, Delaware, you already got this episode is actually recorded on July 7th 2016 Yeah Every episode of come so prescient one non-stop conversation That happened two and a half years ago

We've now edited into pieces. We should do that. We should just do random ass I've been living in Tahiti fucking natives Nick's Colonel Kurtz or whatever the fuck his name is nice dude. You got it. Did I get it? Yeah, it's good Yeah, so when you sign up make sure you use promo code come 120 so they know we sent you when you sign up You've got some options. You can just play and cash out or you can take the bonus money Which is like getting a casino comp up front before you've played at the tables It has a rollover requirement, but it's free cash So if you're gonna be in the sports book, which is where we like we love we love being the sports

I love being in the sportsbook You can use promo code come 120 up to a thousand dollars You're gonna give you 60% bonus cash, which would turn a thousand dollars into 1600 to play with and we know you guys like playing I Come on 20. Let's start the show started. Well, you know, what if the S stands for sports book? Yeah. Oh, yeah bet the sports the sports book Incredibly. Yeah, nice. I guess we figured it out. Yep. I do think it's you I don't trust a company That won't tell you what it stands for that's so I think you guys should be suspicious of them

You should not Know still use their service and give them their money. Yeah money, but be very suspicious Yeah furrow your brow while you do it for yeah, make sure you do a lot of brow furrow brow furrowing But yeah, hard for it in Delaware gonna happen in a different week guys But still come see me in San Diego in LA San Diego on the 27th LA on the 2nd and Then come to Funny Moms, which is uh, I don't fucking know the 28th. I won't be here unfortunately But we got a great lineup for you Joe list He'll be there

Somebody else will also be some other people Fuck Brenda, what's up, man? So you're not fucking these deaf hoes no more. No, I'm seeing somebody I pissed in her bed Sexually or no, man, it's don't you get into piss shit. No, I don't like that. Wait. Have you tried it? What no, no, I'm the shower once I pissed on a girl, but more is a joke. Yeah What like is like a jellyfish thing kind of thing or like in the mouth no on her leg, you know Yeah, it wasn't sexual. I don't like it sexually. You should try it. Everybody should try it. I I'm open to it I'm talking about it becoming the sexual thing. No, I did. I don't give a shit what Lisa is do I this Don't fuck with you on record as saying like a year ago because I was doing a thing about like, you know

Like everybody talking about eating ass or whatever. It's oh shit. I was eating ass when I was 16 That's the thing. You're in a fucking sick of this people saying what's new what I've been eat I start I ate ass before I even eat eight pussy, right? Which one was I Fucking middle school. I'd like to go Yes, yes, I licked a girl's asshole in middle school because I just thought that's what I just wanted to I Just went with what I wanted to do and that's what I fucking want to do And now two years ago. I got to hear everyone going eat NASA's in exactly that was never out exactly and now people are

Going pissing is the next big thing. Fuck you. There's a guy. There's guys that have been pissing in women's mouths since 1974 That's what I'm me, but don't act like it's a new goddamn thing. That's all I'm trying to do is preempt it Because I think there is gonna the pissing thing is start. Maybe I just maybe I didn't see it yet Yeah, but I feel like the pissing thing is starting and I'm trying to before these fuckers sure and say look this is me I'm this is me by an archel. It's not my bit. It's your bit protecting my client's interest, right? Right. Yeah, he's number one. Who's number one pisser? He's the number Oh Pissing I'm sorry that had to spell it all out. Do you better piss guy for a long time? I just don't I've done it

It's whatever. Yeah, I'm it's I'm not into it. I'm open to it If a girl said piss in my mouth, I'd say I will gladly I'd fucking love to it. I'm not it doesn't get me off, but you know what I mean if it gets her Get you off. Yeah, you're pissing, but if it gets her off great. I'll write on board, you know It doesn't get anyone off. It's all over your fucking face But uh, no, this was a non-sexual stone-cold sober. I'm sleeping sober I pissed and I as a drunk. I never pissed the bed as a kid I never pissed the bed all sudden out of nowhere as an adult

All of a sudden out of nowhere three weeks into a relationship. I pee the bed Not and not like a half pee and I wake up and then this is this is I wake up Hours later unrelated and then covered incredible. Yeah, and so I'm lying there I had it. Did she realize it? Well, she so she's sleeping. I'm going. Do I do I roll her in? Yeah, I mean Little bit on her pussy. Yeah, I don't want to embarrass you, but yeah, you're pussy leaked all Well, that's the other thing. You got so wet While you're sleeping, I'm like is this is it is it small could I say I came you know like I don't know

You squirted you did this you did this to me. I fucking I fucking had a wet dream That's how much yeah, it smells like ammonia. That's love come, you know, but uh, damn, but she was cool about she works DSI by the way, right any industrial great ammonia products? Yeah, she works with toddlers as she goes I'm kind of used to this But yeah, man, that's like It should be like a stone cold. So don't go sober and you know, and it was like it was like a relationship Builder like it should you know in like a mag The bed you want to you want to find out if he's right for you build an Ikea shelf together

It should be like piss the bed three weeks in You'll find out if she's the girl, you know, like yeah Yeah, she handled it great. Maybe she tipped your fucking fingers in the warm water Maybe she was trying to figure out how you'd react. It could be I don't know That's the thing about that prank is if if if you don't care It's not a prank the pranks on them. If they put your fingers in warm water and you piss yourself and you go Yeah, it's your fucking couch. Yeah, I've never pissed in bed a couple years ago Though I had like maybe two beers before I went to sleep. Yeah, and then I woke up and I was just like buzz

I don't know like why I did it. Maybe I sleep well I don't but I remember being lucid. Yeah, but I got out of bed and my laptop was like on the ground next to my bed And I just started pissing all over my laptop And I was like, oh, that's not right. And then I went and just pissed in the corner of the room. Yeah That's not right. Now this is right. Yeah, this feels good. Uh, that was my That was my issue before I got sober. I never pissed a bed. Yeah, but I would do that a lot Yeah, and I and one time my mom one time I wake up. I'm like a home from college You know, I come downstairs. My mom's like weird, you know

And I go, what's what's what? What's the problem? She goes, you don't know what you did last night You go what she goes you raped me She goes you fuck you ate my ass You came home from middle school and ate my ass. You drank my hindicants and raped me You fucked me in the mouth And then you came too soon you piece of shit No, so I come out of the I come out of I came out of the bedroom and my mom was awake And my mom goes Brendan and apparently I didn't say anything and I just faced my mom

She goes we were five feet away from each other and you just started you just pulled out your dick and started pissing On the ground five feet away from me as I'm looking in your face telling you to stop I go, I don't know what to tell you I don't know what to tell you. You know, sorry You kept muttering I love you Mom, it's for you. Yeah, mommy. I love you Jesus christ, that's a lot My friend my buddy lived in a three-person dorm and he had one roommate

He was just the biggest piece of shit. He'd get blackout every weekend and just piss in a different place in the dorm He'd open up drawers and like a dresser. Yeah, he piss in there My friend was in bed with another girl. He pissed on him the girl What? Yeah, when he came over he like staggered drunk That's just a good bitch Trevor, dude, Trevor was in bed with a girl and then his roommate just piss He peed on Phil. He peed on everyone. Yeah

I remember Dana had a friend of the show Dana had like this roommate that lived down West Coast Adam Yeah, West Coast Adam This guy lived down the hall and then the girl lived next to her like in like the room next to her You know, there's like two rooms that once I the hall and then this other guy So the guy who lived at the end of the hall. Well, anyways, like one morning the girl lives in the room next door Just is like, wow, wait, what the fuck wait, you know, like just like screaming or whatever And then you hear the guy be like, oh Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you know

And then like later the story is is that he had gotten up in the morning Slept walked into a room and started like shitting on her nightstand He just got to went into it thinking it was the bathroom Let's see what I said that other than I said, I just started forcing a turd out of his ass That's insane. Pissing is whatever you just just piss But Stoop, I don't know what the fuck you think you're squatting and shitting on a nightstand But that guy was such like, you know, like just like sort of like a buttoned up DC guy

You imagine like, oh, I'm sorry. I guess I had too many Cabernets Last night at bar trivia that were fucking rules. Yeah, maybe I answered too many questions at the office bar trivia Yeah, right. I had a butterscotch candy after 5 p.m. I've been really into these youtube videos of this It's this british guy that Went to prison in arizona. He was like he became an ecstasy kingpin and did like seven years in arizona And he does all these youtube videos where people just ask him questions about prison And he did this video. He's not still in prison. No, he's out. He did this video about

the greatest Shit slinger he's ever known of in prison because shit slinging is like, you know, for the it's it's for the guys And to be clear, we're talking about like Like this is like not literal because that happens in prison also. No, this is literal. Oh, literal. This is literal Shit baboon. Yes. Yes. And they're mostly people that they're mostly people that have been Everything taken away from so they're lifers who Have their TVs taken away from they have everything so it's like there's nothing you can really do to this So this guy was known as the best shit slinger like there's also it's a signs like the guards couldn't come close

I hope he has stirrups like like And he would he would like mix the shit to the right consistency keeping in milk cartons He had all bound bound. He had like he would make tubes Out of out of newspapers He'd make tubes to like shoot it out at the garden So they take him to shower one day and they're like, they're so careful They come to get him out of the shower he's been in the shower for you know, 15 minutes, whatever they check him everywhere They look in there. They're very careful. There's no holes. They he can't get out. They look there's nowhere

He could have put any shit So they're like, okay, put your hands out He puts his hands out. He puts his hands out. He gets cuffed up. He starts walking down the hall They're walking down the hall. Is he nude? What? Yeah, he's naked. They're walking down the hall back back to himself all of a sudden He just started spraying shit out of his mouth He took a dump put it in his mouth and swished it around for 45 minutes He's got the turds in his mouth He's lit up the town square with turds out of his mouth

He switched the shit around in his mouth to make it like a fountain and just spraying the garstling We're gonna have to get the marshals in here And they're running around like fucking happening cuz I'm like, oh Jesus Christ, the shit's in his mouth That's awesome. Good for that guy And all the prisoners like that guys, that guy's the best shit slinger there ever was Well, I'll tell you what's probably a lot better than having a bunch of human feces in your mouth is wearing boots from thursday boots I agree. I agree. They're really good boots. Thursday boots.com is a boots company that sells boots

And you would think it's just on thursdays, but it's not actually thursday is It's just a name. Yeah, I don't actually know. There's a band named thursday Why it's called that? It doesn't matter, but they're good ass boots And you know the fucking they got the same shit that the big dick heritage brand Oh, you're a good if you remember and they got special chicago But this they actually have bigger dicks than the heritage brands Yeah, because those motherfuckers charge the same fucking do the same shit for higher prices genuine buffalo foreskin

That's right. They cut the dick tips off of buffalo. Oh, yeah stretch them over Uh Well the feet of paraplegics, that's right. So these are feet that have never touched the ground before no soft beautiful soft Pristine shaped beautifully. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, they get these these these handicap kids And they chain them up They're they're they're Up down there with the buffalo. No, they're in another room and it's very nice and comfortable. Yeah Yeah, like can I go home like it's not fucking thursday yet

I told you And they've got a calendar that's only got monday wednesday tuesday friday saturday saturday friday. Why don't you look at the calendar boy? You and your gimble eggs can go home on thursday We got buffalo dick boots to make And that I think that's where it comes from. Yeah, that's correct So let me ask you you prefer clunky work boots or delicate fashion boots cheap boots to fall apart After a few wears no out four hundred dollars for a pair of boots to barely get you through one season All of these are possible at thursday

Well, here's not something you might know there's another option None of that bullshit thursday boot company a four-year-old boots strapped start up They put bootstrap in quotation marks because it's sort of a good joke But what they mean is that there's children strapped to the ground for the basement That's no they strapped it was a comedy a four-year-old startup. No the company's been around for 10 years No, it's a good company that has been shaking up the entire like 11. They have been shaking up the industry. That is true Yeah, that you get the kids to be Shake them as an infant

Brainstem injuries so they can walk the industry the industry is the kid's name Yeah, they've been shaking them for years for four years The industry you can go home on thursday boy You can go home on thursday now shake your brother shake your baby brother You better hope these boots sell boy Hopefully that cum podcast They do their job maybe it'll be thursday this week Oh wait, here you go the brand started in 2014 the name thursday came about because on thursday you work hard

But it's also the unofficial start of the weekend. So true. That's what I always said. That's is so true That's weird because I thought I thought they sent the four-year-old paraplegics home on that's what it is That's what I always thought that first day boots It's the first boot company. They allowed ian phy dance the name Boom shaka laka boots. Yo, I had the best name for a shoe company It's thursday because on thursday. It's the weekend. You work hard, but it's the weekend. You should be allowed to be gay on thursday And you're dead. Look at that from heaven doesn't get sad. He's doing a bar mitzvah opening for Jerry Seinfeld It's just some trust-finding. You should be able to suck dick in a movie theater

Ixnay on the dick sucking material It's okay to blow guys for crack They're like, who booked him for this? It's an outdoor ed event in the fucking middle of school All right guys we got a comedian for lunch Thursday you work hard, but it's also the unofficial story of the week Derbil enough to take a serious beating. Oh, come on. There's too much in this copy That feeds into the paraplegic kid

Derbil enough to take a serious beating and sophisticated enough to clean up for a date So they beat and fuck the kids. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. The kids are so clean up boy. Why is it thursday? No, no, it's wednesday. It's friday. What happens on wednesday? I have to be a girl. That's right. You gotta be a girl Don't cry now. You know, you can't feel it with your numb ass You ain't got nothing past c3. Don't act like you feel nothing going inside you I could feel it in my soul. That's right. You could feel it in your soul. That's what keeps the boots off Anyways Thursday boots are built for men and women who understand quality and want a good-looking pair of boots that will last a few seasons

Made in the same north american manufacturing facilities as the heritage brands your parents and grandparents wore Not adam's grandparents because they had their shoes taken away from them when they got to the camps And so for two or three times the price Thursday boots are not only a better value, but they use better materials too Like the famous chrome excel leather from the whore ween tannery in chicago. Oh, yeah, that's good. Shit now You ever been there in chicago the whore ween tannery the whore ween tannery I mean really they put that in here and it's like do people know what that is I have boot game. Maybe I just like the idea you lived in chicago, right? No, no

No, you're just from the midway cleveland. I just always assume every midwest comic goes to chicago before new york Fucking insulting mr. Stereo types. Sorry. I just like the idea of the guys We have like a black eyes. I was like you from africa You went to africa for comedy. I like the guys that uh Thursday thursday's boots being like He did a he did a the ad re we we got a lot of sales from come town, but the ad re was it was largely about a

child molestation the child was paralyzed and then At the end I thought that was going to be the end of it and then he did a holocaust. Yeah. Yeah, that was my favorite part Just that I just Yeah, they were like, uh, well, hold on. We have to shit on the tannery too. Yeah, we have to shit on the tannery But it's from the whorween tannery. So I don't know look that up. I guess it's good. How do you spell that? Uh, g a y ad am well, I don't know. I don't know if you want to be

I don't know if you want to be claiming a historical tannery in chicago because I don't know if any of you guys have ever read The jungle, of course. We've all read. Yeah, we all read. Upton Sinclair. Yeah The the good job homework the beef industry in chicago is like notoriously like the worst place in the history of places What do you think the leather comes from? Yeah, well from from abuse We've all read the chapter the jungle entitled it's not thursday It's wednesday girl. Yeah, you all know how the boots. Okay. So yeah, this is the look I'm not saying look you can't say that they look they're not they can't get mad at that because it's like a lot of Boot companies do that. That's just how that's how boots are made if you want to make glue. You got to kill a horse

Yeah, you know, I mean if you wind up a horse bad boots then get it then use a kid that's not paralyzed Right, but some boots from china where the children just make the shoes I gotta say these leathers look really nice at the whorween tannery Yeah, so the call to action here with prices starting at 149 and then shipping returns free shipping returns. My mia Thursday boots are the best buy for this winter and with their clean timeless design and durability thursday boots will keep you standing comfortably for years to come I have fucked up feet. I'm wearing something right now. Yeah, they are nice shoes They're nice. You can't say they're not I don't even know what the fuck this company was but like before they even That is you motherfuckers. It's like everybody. Yeah, but my cousin was wearing them and then yeah

My cousin already had a pair and then his mom got him like a gift certificate to the company. Anyways, you see that So people like people like my cousin is Not a fucking retard that has a podcast. Yeah, he's a normal person Right with the regular job that he has to show up to he's in a successful relationship Yes smiling all sounds fucking gay fucking text me every like month or two like we got to see each other No, we don't bitch. I have to play video games. We do not need to see each other I want to but I can't bring myself to attach To anyone even people I've known my entire life

Who I genuinely have feelings for and I can't bring myself to say I love you too So that's kind of who the boots are for that's yeah, so if you could say if you've said I love you to anyone If you've ever loved or you know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is for our fan base No Uh, just by the fucking boot Just by the boot. It's a stupid asshole. I give a tip to your fans. Yeah, uh-huh You know and this is this Relates right into the boots. Uh, yeah, uh, you know my dad. He's from Ireland. You know, they don't have a lot of feelings

Yeah, he never he never told me. Uh, he loved me. Then I uh, then I hung myself And uh, now he tells me he loves me. Whoa. Yeah, so all you got to do If you got one of these dads that don't say aren't good with the feelings hang yourself unsuccessfully Uh, and they'll start some time saying that make a loose ass not with a fucked up little blanket or whatever Yeah, you know and then for me, it's kind of a boy who cried wolf I mean, I don't I don't want to be a dick or anything, man But like, you know, we have a relationship with these companies if you can't say like Yeah, what no, but I what I'm yeah, friend. We're gonna get us fucked up shit like that. We're gonna get it. You're gonna drop by this

Yeah, no, I know. What are you fucking chris gethard over here? You know, this is your little chris gethard hour Anyways, uh Just chill out. All right Buddy about your fucking mick dad and his stupid feeling Relax, well, they don't do sales or discounts head over to thursdayboots.com slash town town. Yeah, I wonder why they chose that That's thursdayboots.com slash

twn and get free shipping and returns And use our links so the boots people know we sent you know we sent you let's let's start the show Let's start the show Let's start the fucking show. All right, go mites I'll tell you what dude Mm-hmm. Lewis is kind of like cosby. It's like the impression doesn't need to be like anywhere close to what lewis actually sounds Oh, just do that. Yeah. Oh I have a son. I'm gay

I'm gay important rick is this cookie monster Some mom mom mom cuck is for penis That's good enough for me But but cock monsters see stands for cock. No, it stands for penis Yes, but that's not you're teaching the children the wrong thing. Are you saying there's something wrong with being gay? The children shouldn't know but no, that's just not the alphabet I'm going to get you fired That's what cock monster

See is for penis. They're like that's not technically correct. What do you mean by that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I eat all the the penis you want. It's just C doesn't stand for penis cock monster I love cock. How dare you. I love cock. I'm telling I'm going to tell I'm talking about this. I'm telling on you What is your immediate supervisors email and his boss also? I took a video. I'm going to own this Chipotle That is correct

Wow, great. Well last time out of the break you gave us the pissing story anything else Brendan. I don't know man, you know, I She the girl's bed I peed in Yep, she watches a kid, you know and uh Uh, baby sits that seems to be like the job everyone has to have like rich people just It's like no rich person ever looks after the toddler sees the piss all over the bed and he's like Fuck was here while I was gone. Yeah Will you baby? Will you baby say someone else?

It's just a chinese woman How fuck dare you We're just babysitting a 43 year old chinese I last time I'm not fuck baby. I'm not fuck baby. I go woman You let me go outside right now I did catch her fucking a three-year-old Why don't you have a seat over here? She she babysits just did these balls Give me a sec Chris

He caught the decoy girls already fucking her They're dead We have to give it a second before we can't we According to arizona law He has to actually be fucking the toddler before The reveal Why don't you have a seat over here? No one ever

How come no one ever says Oh, I knew this was you Like that's that would be my thing. I would say no, I knew this. I knew I was trying to get on Yeah, I was I I knew I could tell this was fake. So I was like, well, I'm gonna I'm gonna catch you Yeah, it's Hanson and just come on. Yeah talk. Yeah. I just like the show because it's like what is the crime? They were talking to an adult. No, no, no, no, there was they're like sending cockpicks and like Yeah, but it was an adult the whole time. Yeah, but they think it's a child the kids like they're like But if you say I knew it wasn't if you say this was a fantasy

Well, I knew I wasn't dealing with a kid if you if you buy fake drugs from a police officer It's like still like you're trying to do something. I don't know. I don't know the actual legality But if there's a way there's a way that they can like Maybe in the chat you guys got a real thing against the guy trying to fuck a 13 year old Let me put it this way. I'm like I I hear where you're coming from. I also like I hated that show I'd like a huge problem with that show because it's like it's not really journalism Yeah, it's sort of this morbid fascination thing. Yeah, and it's like these people Like you don't know like if they haven't offended yet

What should be happening is like hey, this is in private. This is a fucking wake-up call Here's something that the state pays for to get you help so you don't ever actually end up fucking do they sign the release So that they get like a I don't think so. I think because they're like committing a crime You can show their face. No, that's always been what I've heard about cops is that is that if you're found guilty You have no right you give which I think it's in the public which is fucked up. It's crazy Here's the thing you can like you can there's certain things you can do that if they're in the quote-unquote public interest You're like allowed to do you don't need a release if you yeah If you do something that like creates emotional distress to somebody that it's like you can make an argument that it's like in the

Like is that why is that why the guy from girls gone wild didn't get any releases? Because he's like it's in the public interest to have these big-ass titties out there Did he not get releases on a lot of girls? He didn't yeah, I don't I don't know I mean, I I don't know. I have no fucking idea about any of this shit. No, I kind of looked into it I was joking that showing titties is in the public interest. Yeah, which it is it is because uh There's gotta be something wrong with you to like your passion is to pretend to be a child and have cyber sex online All day well, I mean, I know you got to catch this guy Like I know the police have to catch these guys, but it's just I I always had a huge problem with cops

Yeah, but it comes up and not to be like it takes one to know one kind of thing But it is like you're a pedophile Brendan. Yeah, no I mean, I mean like to be that hyper focused on Like oh, yeah, like I'm protecting children It's like you should be suspicious of that guy because there was that there was in like Prince Williams County I think there was some like fucking detective. It was unreason.com. There's like a big story about Some kid that got arrested because he sent his like he was 16. He sent his like Oh, I remember this. Yeah, like a picture of his dad the dad saw the girl's dad saw it

They arrested the girl they arrested the boy. They arrested the boy for like Soliciting sex from a minor they arrested him for production of child pornography for taking a picture of his and how old was the boy 16 Yeah, they were both children. Yeah, and and this was great. Yeah, and the the Detective in charge of the case had the kid in custody took him to the hospital so they could inject like I don't know see Alice or something into his dick to get his dick hard So he could take pictures of his dick hard as evidence prove that it was the Never mind the fact that the phone it shows that it came from his phone He wanted supplementary pictures of this child's penis to help solidify the case

Did the detectives like that man? Martin, I think we got him. No, no, no, we gotta get him to the hospital No one stopped him. Yeah, the the the staff at the hospital didn't stop him the fucking like d8 didn't stop him Other people in the department didn't stop him. This man was allowed to like get medically get this kid's dick hard traumatize him Inject a fucking syringe into like is how are the fuck they do it? I'm gonna assume they stick a giant needle into your dick. What I think is blue The blue chew. Yeah, the officer takes a lollipop and it has it on his mouth and he applies it to the boy's penis So six months later. There's like a child pornography sting. Of course that direct detective his house comes up He's just says he's

Has dozens of images on his computer and he blows his brains out before they can get there They're like kicking down the door and he kills himself But it's like there should have been some kind of like red flag there Yeah, I mean not not so far as the extreme of like Okay, obviously the guy like getting this kid's dick hard to take pictures of it But like I am suspicious of like people who like yeah, I pretend to be a child online all day long to try and get pedophiles Yeah, well, it's always it's always the guys like I I recently listened to this thing about This guy who is the head of

One of the largest gay conversion therapy programs there ever was Christian one not, you know in the old days they used to do like Not a not a jewish one. There are jewish ones No, there are jewish ones. Okay, Benjamin, how about four dollars? I still want to be gay five dollars Six dollars, I'm not gay anymore. Just give me the money

So this guy a complete success This guy was like, uh, he ran this thing and uh, oh, yeah, those guys are always gay and like Um dozens of kids killed themselves. You know, because it's like you can't it's not a thing Like you know like gay conversions are not a thing. Well, we can we turn them into a different kind of yeah Yeah, we made them hate themselves It's still gay, but it's a different type of gay. Yeah, so there's at least a step in the right direction And then of course the the this thing i'm listening to is like we caught up to john in 2010 In texas where he lives

With his husband. It's like, yeah, no fucking shit like of course he's gay like he you know You have to like it's probably those kids probably killed himself because they were being molested at the fucking camp Yeah, well and not even it's not even it's not even the trauma of that but not that it's not yet that it's not traumatic Right somebody tell you you shouldn't be gay, but yeah, probably that guy was a pedophile Yeah, at the very least he beat off to them. Yeah, well very yes I mean, I mean the whole thing is it's fucking what we should do. Here's what we should do Yeah, the world is an entirely fucked up place and children just shouldn't exist Yeah, I like you're right. We should make them adults quickly. No, I mean look that's my plan

We need to reverse population growth. I mean, yeah, children should be illegal It feels like they're just getting molested anyways, you know, I don't think population. I don't need I don't need I don't need any more X-Men movies, you know, if that's a trade-off. No more children in molest. We don't get any more X-Men movies Yeah, I don't know how the fuck brian singer came out just bulletproof as hell His movie won a golden globe. Yeah, it's almost like there's uh Conspiracy or giant network. Wait, is he back? Yeah, dude. They're gonna give a new movie the movie The he's got a 10 million dollar directing deal. He's yeah, he's back. No consequences. What's that? Wow? Well, they didn't thank him at the golden globe. So

But he's credit is a director on it. Is he do you remember? What's that got? What's the secret director? I don't know how to say his name. Moonves. Moonves is that how you say it? How it's like it's like success. He doesn't get a hundred and twenty million dollars Not only that he's fighting for it and he may get it. He may get it and the people are like this is stepped in the right direction You know, it's like no, it's a fucking disgusting trap. He's also already a billionaire. Yeah, I'm not going to jail. Right. Yeah Someone should kill him. They what that's what you want to do I'm not saying you should But theoretically if you want justice, there are a lot of people that should be killed

We probably shouldn't say somebody should probably kill him about somebody that you should probably kill on the show You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like as long as it's Yeah, there's certain people where it's just funny. Yeah, you know if I say somebody should murder brian cranson, right? That is funny. Yeah, because I I don't want to I don't want to deal with post breaking bad brian cranson Right, right. Oh so that being in a fake wheelchair wearing swearing scarves and that That's a way poster of kevin heart riding on the back of the wheelchair with brian cranson smiling is so fun And yeah, just the picture is so fun. Just in that picture. It's like like, you know, like oh, we're acting Look at what I look at we're acting. We're such actors and whatever this fucking piece of shit movie is

It's some french movie that they're just trying to review. Yeah. Yeah, they speak french. No, they're remaking a french movie Oh, yeah, I thought it was a guy. I thought it was a real guy No They just made that movie up. It might be rude. I made it up. Yeah, probably what the fuck that's what movies are man I Understand that but I I thought for sure that was one of the ones like a real guy That's kind of that's the one where I'm like, oh if you didn't you just wrote that that's I don't stand for that A movie about a movie called I comma Sam and Toby's like

Ladies and gentlemen, not only is this man retarded. He's also a robot A robot can't resonate you're old especially not a retard You know what you never saw and you ever see children of men. Yeah, great movie. It rules You never saw that you never they didn't show the panicked pedophiles. Yeah, you know as children are Oh, yeah Just one guy like oh fuck man. There's no Damn, what would those pedophiles do? They brought that movie they brought that the script for that the dream works and the guy's reading. He's like, what do you mean?

There's a world without children Was this a horror movie? It's the most disgusting thing I've ever read get this out of my mouth Brian's fingers like no way. No way. Well, I do never be made No one would some things aren't even funny to joke about Yeah, I bet that happened. Yeah, probably honestly Yeah, that les moons his shit is fucking ridiculous No, he would he rape or something just straight. Yeah straight up just rape dude. It's just like it's just not even

Not even that worked for him. Yeah Damn, he was one of the most powerful people in media. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny It's like, you know, just like calling someone in his office like yeah, like, you know somebody that's in like it's not unreasonable This isn't like a Louis thing like don't go back to his hotel. Right. It's it's he's work in the building You're a fucking actress and it's like, yeah That's like the head of like development wants to have a meeting with you It's fucking three o'clock in the afternoon, right? And then you go in there and he's like come take a look at this And he like pulls his dick out and shoves your fucking head on. Yeah. Yeah, it's like

It is fucking rape. I see what you mean about not joking about killing him because he should be dead Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean and you know, yeah, and then well like, you know, this is like well, you know, it's kind of a he said She said he said it was consensual. It's like you have like that. Come on, man. Yeah It doesn't fall under the like all it's an abusive power thing. It's just rape I mean, he's like no other way to fuck. Yeah, I don't think he should get up at the cellar personally. Yeah. Yeah less No way. No way you're doing spots, bro. You're not welcome. I'm not looking at the But then it's like that it's even on the table that it's like well We don't know whether we should give him the 120 million dollar severance pack. Yeah

Well, he's he's literally has the balls to sue for it. He's suing for it right now Like and then someone asked people asked someone asked Chuck lori who you know made a bunch of money And he's like hey, that's above my pay grade just to say whether he's a rapist. It's like first of all Chuck lori You made yeah a billion dollars on two and a half men who is richer than you man. Yeah. Yeah above my pay grade You're not making a wage What do you think you make you idiot? Yeah, you get he's literally saying listen my silence has been bought Yeah, yeah, right Right, I'm afraid he's saying I'm afraid. Yeah to say negative

Beyond the freight I've been paid off to protect a rapist. Yeah, and that's all I'm gonna say His lawyer statement Yeah, he'd like to say that uh, he's been paid the money That he's uh prison videos. I'd like to watch that one question they asked the guy was Will because now this is like to put the third So I love any youtube series that's guys who got out of prison and will answer prison questions I like Jay Leno's garage And there's this one british guy who's particularly like willing to answer any is that the guy that went to arizona for ecstasy

Yeah, you know one of the questions was will will they kill bill cosby? And what this guy said was it will be up to first of all he'll automatically be in protective custody because he's such a big name Right without you know right away, right doesn't even have to be an incident But but that doesn't matter they can still Especially if you're that big a name they can still get to you, you know, I mean they got to whitey bulger, right? And what he said what this guy said is it will be up to his race It'll be up to the blacks in whatever prison he's in Because that's just how prison is you deal with your houses like it would it would start trouble if a if a white

If if the Aryan brotherhood or the mexican mafia if they killed him it would start trouble It's up to your own to Met out discipline. So how big a cosby fan the black guys are Well, what he said will have likely happen is that they will fucking bleed him dry And then maybe they'll kill him But first they'll just extort the shit out of him for protection to stay alive They'll basically be like, you know, you you you are paying for all of our commissary You're you need to meet you need to have someone on the outside and meet this guy and give him x amount of money

You know that he was like he'll just sag your pants. Yeah, he was like he'll be bled dry of money for the whole time He's in there. That's that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, did you think like oh, he's old who cares? It's up to the jews to kill subway jared And they are historically a very weak prison And that's not true. We take we we take care of our swift swift justice. Yeah, how many jews are in jail? Oh, there's actually not a single one Just subway jared subway jared, um

That's that's well the interesting thing about jews in jail is that you Depending on the prison. You can't join the arian brother. Yes, you can. That's what's interesting Well, that's that's always been my first thought. It's like, how do I like? Yeah, you do that adam adam would be fun Hey everybody, it's me tough guy. No, you're pretty. That's that's always prison adam here Always been like besides the ass rape and all this stuff. It's like my biggest fear is like How would would I convince the arian brother? Yeah, no, they don't care. They don't care. It's a white thing Yeah, it's not the swastikas and all that like they don't they don't they probably aren't gonna love that you're a jew But like they don't

Uh, uh, chances for advancement within the range I'll be like hello. Does anyone know when easter is? I hear it's right around the corner. Oh, I just love wearing my cross. I love the way it feels That's interesting, huh the jews. So yeah, they'll take jews, huh? Yeah, they because they they whoever is in control of the whites like this would be who your crew is like So you might not necessarily join the arian brotherhood But if they controlled the whites in your prison or your block that would be who you answer to you And they wouldn't they wouldn't kill you just for being a jew, you know, you'd be part of the white group interesting

I I watched a couple of those like prison videos. I remember seeing one that was like how to continue bodybuilding in prison And there's this guy that got out and he was like, it's very tough, man You know to get the right amount of protein and calories in or whatever he was still like, you know, just jack But it's just so funny that that's like a concern in the bodybuilding community. He's like Fuck, what if I go to prison and I can't hit my macros? What if I start losing muscle mass? Yeah, right. Yeah, that is a tough time in your life to lose muscle mass You want to be as jacked as possible? Yeah, sure. Well, no, probably not. You want to be like kind of down to like a fighting weight You want to be all bulky?

But if you're strong, yeah, that doesn't really carry over that would be so funny if If I went to prison, you guys visited me and like my head was shaved and I was like, listen guys 1488 like Yeah, we gotta we gotta do something about these That would be awesome. No joke. I would love it if you went full anti-summon But I'm on the phone. I'm like, but Adam you're and then stop us take the phone away and he's like They're gonna kill All right

What I meant to say is you're not you anyways The podcast is going great I did oh, I mean, uh, no, it's just okay. It's just okay. It's fun. I'm just having quadruples It's you know You know, no one can tell the atom bot No one can tell it's not you I hope cool atom does a great job on What are you in prison for

Uh, I I sex. Yeah, it's not illegal The way you do it. It is. No, it's so gay that the cops like no No, nothing this gay can be allowed It's against god, but it's not against law Did you guys see that? He's he's in prison for uh providing like false tests in order to a law enforcement officer when he gets so addicted to snitching He's just making up He's like, I don't have any this week, but I just I want to snitch so bad

I just love to handle it I saw some black guys rape a grandma All right, who was it snitch atom? I'm doing the crimes Yeah Season five mignady Oh, fuck. Yeah, what were you saying brendan? Oh, man, I'll tell you. I don't remember no worries. Yeah, it sounded good

good. What was it? You started laughing. You were like, did you guys see? Oh yeah, did you guys see that fucking guy in Florida? He worked at a wildlife park, and he was fucking an alligator. And another alligator came up behind him and killed him. Really? Yeah, he was fucking an alligator. That's because man, it's all about what race you are. You can't go outside, not in this wild, wild park. I love that because bestiality is so confined to like cows and dogs. You know, there's like three animals. This man was an innovator, many horses. Can you imagine how fucked up that alligator must be? Because they lay eggs. They're from a time when fucking didn't exist. They're dinosaurs. Yeah, and dude, the fucking big ass alligator got furious. He was killing his pussy. He killed him. He was like, that's my bitch. Yeah, that's my bitch, dude. That's wild. What do you feel good? His name was Jimmy Olson, like from Superman. What does Krakatole Pussy even feel like? And he was an expert because you'd have to be an expert. Wait, it's not this guy, is it? Is it that guy? Because this is on snopes and it says it didn't happen. This was in the news this week. Oh, a Florida man has been arrested after a report he was tranquilizing alligators in the Everglades and then raping.

No, that's not true. This sounds real. I want to believe it's real. No, it's real. I saw it on CNN. Yeah. CNN, let me tell you, they had a story the other day about a man having sex with an alligator. Can you imagine if CNN accidentally ran that story? How much Trump would have if that turned out to be bullshit? We would hear about the alligators every single day. Is it this guy? Yes. Hold on. Let me see. Oh, wow. That guy's amazing. Yes. He's perfect. Oh, yeah, dude. He looks like that kind of person that's really into animals. Yeah, you can't tell if it's a man or a woman. A zookeeper was killed this morning in the alligator enclosure of the Naples Zoo while he was attempting to sexually assault a 12-foot-long reptile. According to Captain Henry White, spokesman of the Naples Police Department, 24-year-old Jimmy Olsen was engaged in full sexual intercourse with one of the younger reptiles. So he was fucking a baby alligator. He was pedophilia and was the alligator. The young man was caught by the throat by the alligator who dragged him underwater and drowned him. Oh, no. Oh, no, this says it's fake. It was on CNN. Someone get this to Donald Trump right now. No, it must not have been on CNN. Fuck, it's fake.

Damn it. I was so excited about this. I was so excited about it being on CNN. Can you reverse Google image search that guy? Because whoever he is, he rapes probably. Well, that's a rough deal when they just use your picture for a viral story about fucking alligators. There's some guy who loves reptiles. He's dedicated his life to them. Oh, actually, he raged baby alligators. Every day he goes on, they Google him and he's like, no, I don't fuck alligators. I've never fucked an alligator. That's beautiful, man. Yeah, no, yeah. Shit, I normally don't fall for that kind of stuff. They got me. They got me. It's so good. I wanted to believe it. I understand wanting to believe. I truly do. That's so funny. Yeah. Bummer. Bummer. But you do never get a guy that's into, like, it's always, bestiality is always horses, dogs, cows, and sheep. You never get a guy that's like, I try to fuck a bird. Silently fucking. Yeah, just a turtle. What's the weirdest that I would? Outside of the brown. Yeah, yeah. I told you it's me ever.

What animal do you think has the best pussy? I think horse pussy is the best. It's probably big, though. No, horse pussy is huge, man. Yeah, but it's still probably good. It's probably good. Here's I'm only basing this. I've told the story. I'm just going to Google what picture of a horse. I looked because we were trying to get my friend. I've talked about this before. We're trying to get our friend Ramsey in college to have sex with a horse. And he was like, no, man, I would never do that. We're like, come on, we'll throw. Well, we were all going to pitch in like 100 bucks each. We're going to give him $500 to fuck a horse. My friend lived on a farm. Yeah. And he was like, I'm not doing it. I don't care how much money. And then we showed him a picture of a horse pussy. And he was like, huh? The horse pussy looked good, dude, right? Adam doesn't look good. One time. I got an answer according to Google. Okay. Damn, look at the size of a uterus. Yeah, but the fucking size of a basketball. Nice. But the pussy is small, though, right? No, I mean, it scales out. No, they got it. Yeah, they got to give birth to us. Like the size of my entire arm. Yeah. Apparently they did a study and said that humanity. Manatee pussy is the closest to human pus in the animal kingdom. That's what mermaids are probably. They got to track down the guy who did that study. You got to keep an eye on him. This is so funny. This is from bodybuilding.com forum. That's a big bitch. That's why the manatee. The manatee pussy. Yes, I'm a scientist. The fuck you mean as you are scientists. I got a clipboard donor with a fuck your lab coat. Anyways, I digress back to my results. The manatee pussy feel like big bitch pussy.

Because the blubber, you know, that's what I'm saying. She's gonna be loving on your dick with all that manatee fat come around. I really think that's probably how mermaids came along. People in the fucking like pirates would fuck manatees and they'd be like, oh, yeah, dude, it was. That's something like how you use your pussy when you fuck a human. This woman just doesn't know. I was looking for a horse pussy, but then I found a woman fucking a horse. Can I see real quick? But she's inserting it direct. Like, I mean, this is how like a four year old might I see the horse dick will kill you. I know, but I don't even understand that. Yes, you could see it from there. No, I want to look at it closer. Oh, yeah. But that's she has to do that. She's look at the size of that thing. She was bent over that in her pussy. That thing would go. Oh, you mean like this motherfucker? But I've watched a lot of horse fucking porn. I know that women do with the regular.

Have you guys have you watched? I'm saying this bitch is dumb and she's doing it. We are me and Greg. We're on a Lewis's podcast. Here we go. And he goes. Here we go. Let's see this guy pounds horse pussy at animalflicks.com. How is that just on Google? Why is that legal? It's not. It's not. I feel like Google blocks that usually. Are you like on a special server? No, I just typed in a horse. The duck web just on his phone. I got his phone on the duck web. Bro, I have never stumbled upon a man fucking a horse pussy ever. Well, here's the thing. I've seen plenty of horses fucking women on there. Sure. Yeah. And then I've seen Mr. Hans. I have. Yeah, Mr. Hans. I'm not proud to admit it, but I did jerk off to one of those in like when I was 14 in the kaza days.

We are because I'll you because you would get surprised by you had to wait to wait for like 15 hours. I'm older than you. And so I used to have to wait even for a picture to load. Yeah. And so whatever. Oh, wow, dude. This is a guy. Oh, no. That guy looks like a guy that goes down. I think that's my uncle. It's like Ray Kump. Yeah, he really does. That is Ray Kump. It's like in a horse's dick. Yeah, there's a girl. Yeah, I just there's a guy right there. But you really hit it off there.

You used to just have to jerk off to whatever picture came because like my mom was only gone for so long and it would take an hour and a half. So it was like, well, whatever. Yeah, I'm jerking off. I used to go on horse. I would I would download the same two video or same two pictures like every day. Yeah, it was still from Swordfish. Halle Berry's tits. Oh, classic. And then a picture of Lisa Welsh, who was like Miss September 1980. Nice. And those were the two images I'd go to beat off and repeat it. I would beat off to in Waterworld with Kevin Costner. Yeah, there's a part where they're all smoking. No, you finally see Kevin Costner's gills. No. No, that where the woman offers himself. She offers herself to Kevin Costner and she drops her clothes and you just see her ass.

Yeah. And like this was when I was very first beating off. I would pause the VHS so much that that part became unwatchable. Yeah, yeah. I had that shit on it. I had a I did that with Eliza Dushkin. I had I had like a blank VHS tape that I had recorded all of the like 2am like call now. Yeah, yeah. I had a compilation VHS of like respect that one sex phone call hotline that I would just masturbate to respect. That's a good you plan. You earn that and I can keep it secret too. So it's just sandwiched in between Simpsons episodes. Wow, salute. Well, that's the most I've been impressed by anything you've done. The sandwich brings up an interesting point. My friend drew. We found a porn tape of his dad's right. And it's 45 minutes of normal like 70s. His dad doing karate. It's 45 minutes of normal and the five minutes of him fucking French French porn and then 45 minutes in this woman just gets fucked by a horse. This is clearly the point of the video. It's for a guy that said nobody's like in the boat. You know what I mean?

It's for a guy who wants horse fucking, but you put a little protection up front in case anyone finds it. Salute to Drew's dad. My man was being off the girl getting fucked by horses in the VHS. Yeah, in the VHS that must have been expensive. That was probably $450. That's rare. Yeah, we have more stuff in business. But it's very important you'll never beat off to this after midnight. Yeah, I'm looking for something for my son. He said, yeah, you got a mogwite? No, I have video of woman fucking horse. Me and Greg were on Lewis Gomez's podcast one time and he goes, I don't know how this came up, but he goes, we had this friend in the neighborhood. When I was growing up, he would fuck a cat as a joke. And me and Greg go, I don't think that was a joke, you know, when you fuck a cat.

Lewis grew up in the junkyard from Street Trap. Yeah, it's surely not a bit when you fuck a cat. Hey guys, check out this joke I made up. Yep, we're all gathering around watching me fuck this cat as a bit. Yeah, we all lived out in the same burned out Pontiac Bonneville. My friend Richie would fuck a cat. And that was school, actually. That was what we had instead of elementary school was my friend sodomizing feral cats. And it was so funny because you couldn't tell what was manged and what was dried cumb. The cat was, he has to be terrible. But the noises have got to be great.

The noises are terrible. Have you heard a cat being fucked on the street like two feral cats fucking? It's terrifying. Yeah, I love that shit, dude. It's rape. I just imagine I'm fucking Rob Halford as they do it. Breaking the law, breaking the law. Fucking my ass, fucking my ass. There I was completely wasted, drunk as shit and nude, tied up in a dirty basement, making shitty boots. Alright, that's gotta be the capper, right? How long have we done?

That'll be an hour and 33 minutes. Oh, Jesus Christ, yeah. Thursday boots. One last time, guys. Please come see me in motherfucking San Diego this Sunday and then LA on February 2nd. And then we got Funny Moms on the 28th. And then my birthday Funny Moms on the 11th. Whoa! That's right, so come out to that.

Maybe some surprises for that. Stop. It's final birthday. It'll be my 30th and last birthday. It's his last birthday before he dies. Also. To make it clear, he's going to die. He will be dead this year. That'd be funny if we had kind of a memorial service for you.

Yeah, it would be funny if we had a funeral. Instead of just letting his body rot on the floor of come on everybody. Also, I have dates for the make-ups. I just got them during the show, actually. So I'm going to be doing a Saturday in Hartford, 216. Same show, elbow room. And then in Delaware that I had to move is now February 22nd of Friday. So sorry I had to move those.

Problems with the venues, but we got to figure it out now. But yeah, that's it. And of course, listen to the motherfucking Rad Dude cast. Rad Dude podcast. Thank you, Brandon. Thanks for doing the show. Rad Dude podcast. Yeah, yeah.

Slash Rad Dude cast. Thank you guys so much. Of course. This was so fucking nice. Love having you. Thank you for talking about all the weird shit you've done sexually and pissing in your mom's mouth and whatever. I don't remember.

You fucked Brandon's mom. We all fucked Brandon's mom. She was a nurse. Nice. Oh, and Naughty was. So she fucked Bugs Bunny. In the old days, you had to jack guys off as a nurse. Well, you know.

My grandma was a nurse, so I know about all that. Is that true about the old days? Those were good times. Those were good times. You came home from World War II, you're missing a leg. I think about that all the time, dude. It's like no other. That's the thing, man.

Nobody other than like straight white guys. Like it's not like, and this is a burden we deal with. A lot of people don't fucking realize it's like, yeah, we have a lot of privilege now, but we used to have so much more. So much go off. And it's like, you don't have to like hear that all the time. It's like, oh yeah, you used to be able to just fuck anyone who was your employee. You were drunk all the time.

You had $9,000 suits that you wear for some reason. Right. That cost 12 bucks. You had a mansion because like some guys you played fucking shuffleboard with at Princeton. Right, right, right. You're a dumb white guy. You used to be a fucking moron. You had an extra mansion.

You get too much pussy and you have a mansion and you just hate everybody. And that's the way it got to be in the 50s. And you almost have to cheat on your wife. They almost make you. The gay ones, didn't it? You ever read Something Happened by Joseph Heller? No. It's great, but it's just about, you know, just some fucking like 70s middle class guy

that's just like, well, I guess I have to just fuck my wife. Yeah. Fucking cheat on my wife all the time. Yeah. I hate her. My daughter's a whore. Right. Fuck her too.

Yeah. Fuck his daughter, the guy from that novel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, folks. Bye. Thanks for watching.