The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 143 – Empire

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

I cant keep track of which episode is which. I'm sure i spent the whole episode talking about jussie again

We're getting this started Yeah, you put that on no put one Adam Adam was dropping some in bombs Some in bombs in word. It's so cute when Adam says the n-word. I know I don't say you curtsy Yeah, like thank you. Did I do good daddy? I look over my shoulder three times. Yep Here we are now this news is desperately hanging. I know I got to drop the Jussie stuff It's all over the place now. I know I feel like I'm harping but it's like it's all over We were ahead of the curve to give you credit. Yeah. Yeah, I was the one that literally broke the case Yeah, I was you I broke it Nick even before any of the

Information had come in he was calling CPD every day. Yeah, somebody was lying somebody was like a gay black man I'm like fake It's not All right, I forgot I don't even know if he's actually he's a quadruple threat. He's a singer actor Jewish Black gay. That's five. Yeah. Is he actually Jewish? Basically a cartoon. His dad's Jewish. Is he? Yeah He's small a Jewish small. It is a Jewish lesson. Congratulations. I don't know another hoax perpetrated another media hoax Yeah, really the Jews have gotten the full pass on this one. Yeah I just want to say thanks to the media

That's being underreported It would be it would be so funny if we get to the end of the mule or report or whatever it finally comes out And it's Trump's last day in office after yeah, finishing two glorious terms I mean finally get the evidence and then it's like it's just 90% Israel. Yeah And the Democrats have to be like It wouldn't say anything over here Wouldn't surprise me like BB was furious about the Iran deal. Yeah, and Trump said he would cancel it. Yeah, you know What I mean, that's BB's deal. How long I feel like no, I'm not

I'm not escaping the case. I'm not saying that I'm not saying that is like a corruption charges that keep coming up. I'm not saying that is like a Like a crazy off-the-wall hypothetical. I mean literally when that happens. Yeah Yeah, and there's like people there's a like people just pretend not to care anymore Well, it won't matter. They'll just keep saying all the Russians got some Mueller Looks like Mueller's a bot I love that. Yeah, they're gonna say he's yes, it's Russia making being anti-semitic I saw a couple of tweets where there was like Just keep in mind that there are definitely Russian bots out there that are trying to further divide between people and using this

Jesse Smollett story to do so incredible. So just figure out where you want to be on that one Incredible. Yeah, and it's like, oh, yeah, we shouldn't talk about it. Yeah. Oh good point. That's a great point You talked about endlessly. Yeah weeks. Now. It's everybody else needs to shut up. Well because of Russian because of Russia It's crazy, I'm stupid as shit and those people are stupor than me I got called to Russian bottom million times when that Just a fake Hell yeah, I'm a sigh. Well, you are yeah Shit, what if the Zionist sigh up, dude, what if the Clintons?

poisoned earnest They did what 30 years ago. That's been on the way out for a while, dude But when did it happen? When did it finally go? He's like Moe or not Moe Green Who's the other guy the other Jewish guy in the godfather? That Michael wants killed is it the guy from Spin City? No, man The Jewish guy from Spin City, Richard kind. No, it's not Richard kind. How did that guy become an actor? Salute to him. Is this the room with the audition? Hmm, I wonder how

The most Jewish man you've ever seen in your life in the entertainment industry is just the room where they're doing the auditions I was looking for the bathroom. My uncle sent me here. I came from the other bathroom. There was no place to have diary Yeah, there was only a rental Yeah, no, he is funny. You should they're like sir. You're gonna have to find a stage name because Kajgenstein Richard kind That sounds good Dick Kajgenstein. He was awesome in What's it? Yeah, what's what's yeah? I was about to say in a serious man

He was plays the schizophrenic brother serious man rocked my cock that movie fucked me up every once in a while I see a really good movie. I'm like, oh, right. Yeah You could watch good movies watch good one though. I gotta say there's literally thousands of good movies that you haven't seen yet Can I be honest? I'm probably gonna go watch a lead a battle angel pretty soon. What's that? That looks pretty tight What is some basic it look from what I can surmise? It's a sex doll that comes to life, but it's good at killing people. Oh, it's a girl with like she's like big animal eyes. Yeah, yeah Yeah, kind of like an infantilized child sex child that also kills. Okay, cool. That's pretty cool Yeah, that that is that Spielberg or am I just confusing that with ready player Richard kinds also really in Clifford the greatest comedy of all time

We have to rewatch it. I've never seen it. I haven't seen it in like three or four years. It's such a phony movie Let's do the rewatch. Yeah, let's do a Clifford pod But Stefan wanted to stand over here Just act like a normal boy for one. That's the best thing. Yeah, but it's the best you can't even do it Martin the shortest the goat man. Yeah, I love that guy. He's really funny. Yeah, Canadian. Yeah. Yeah They make the funniest people Yeah, they have some they've had a really good run. That is true. Yeah, him norm Nathan Nathan. That's true There's some funny people

No, it's funny. I just that's the thing I've noticed. Yeah. Yeah, I watch a Stephen Colbert the other night knows like what is this? Yeah, I mean, yes the late-night shit's such a fucking tragedy Stephen Colbert looks like he's about to cry I know and the Colbert report is one of the best things of all time. That's shit I'm sure the wire is and then you watch like that Good evening This is a grievous and it has to stop It's like Like Trump replies the show. That's what it is. It's fucking brood. Well, they've all become that. I mean not Jim

That's Myers. The Jimmy Fallon's Credit, I guess he's too. This shows too dumb. Yeah, he's too drunk Yeah, I do like that. I mean it is kind of just a sweet justice that like fucking Liberal boomers like hopefully they're having heart attacks and dying while Trump is in office This is how the world is ending. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that is good. You're right. Yeah, that is the one silver lining I mean, yeah, so bad. So guy that drove a Volkswagen once in 1968 We help we saved the world right you got a hand job one of those fans, right? Yeah, we're at long hair

I had a sex with woman who had crabs You know, I mean, I know I understand what the brothers Like I knew a couple of slick daddy They even winked at a Vietnamese girl This is those guys trying to dapp up your one black friend just those dads Dad from get out it's like the best example. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I'm glad all those guys are hopefully dying with Trump in office That is true that look of fear and Stephen Colbert's eyes makes it all worth it

But on ultimately those people will be fine. What do you mean like their lives aren't bad their lives? Their lives are great. Yeah, I'm like the toil that we experienced I'm like us the proletarian podcasting minds Day in and day out just things like yeah, I sucked my dad's balls For chocolate syrup yummy yummy yummy, which is a bit I'm working on Yeah, dude, our lives are fucking tough as shit, it's tough as shit, dude Should we have the way 25 years for them to release a Super Nintendo that's got multiple games already on the console. Yep. There's something we've been asking for

We have four literally I have been yes, and what is it? It's not even it's not even all the games No, it's barely that many. That's the only thing our generation wanted was all the games Super Nintendo and you can't fucking do that. They released like a small PlayStation that is like 20 games on it Yeah, they've been doing that with all the like old Consoles, yeah, yeah, I'm waiting on them. I can't wait for one of the new avatars coming out so that I can call them gay and bad The new avatar movie. Yeah, he's gonna do like seven. Yeah, they're gonna do all concurrently Huh? I'm nice Shyamalan. No, not that airbender Avatar that are the blue the blue

The thing I never saw the first blue monkey guys with have tail pussy. Oh Yeah, one of the worst movies of all time, but There's probably like 35 minutes in there that would be cool I told you why I never saw you if you went if you got your dick a small fate Yeah, if like Elon Musk to develop some kind of like deep space deep space Exploration, you know, they can like transmit Video back in real time and it but it travels light speeds and goes to a far off like distant galaxy We finally find whatever that fucking plan is called. What is it called the movie?

I don't know. No, but the thing they're looking for is called unobtainium. So they find the gay shit of all time the spaceship lands spaceship lands and Then they're going around like this. Yeah, it's like some Navi pussy this planet Yeah, this Navi planet and like they're sending video back to earth and they're like we're like amazed at all this flora and fauna And then finally you see one of these like majestic creatures these like centaur people Mm-hmm, just in the galaxy far far away and then just on its knees underneath the the the body the torso one of these things is Ian fighting and sucking its

Why why yeah, yeah, yeah, it's going on Yeah, don't you know me buddy about this? Hey, what's that a camera? Hey, don't show that to anybody there Oh, yeah, like how did Ian get it? How did he? How did having strange thirst for cock has brought him 18 galaxies away technically not gay sex to the reason Technically it is it ain't gay. Technically. Yeah, I'm not full gay Yeah, come on, it's not like blowing it do you haven't said they're gonna be they're not even

Fuck oh by the real quick plug me and Ian this Friday in two days will be in Delaware at bootless stage works Buy your tickets now, please and maybe he'll suck your dick Also watch my comedy central a little spot. It just popped off Ian will be sucking dick Ian will suck your dick if you buy a ticket and you DM me I'll make sure Ian sucks your Delaware dick sucker tour Fight as Stavros. How kiss both of them suck dick. I will not be sucking dick Does it you just like you I'm not fucking great

What'd you say about yeah Just with the where's the bathroom cp radio attached to their chest and the antenna coming off the head this guy's not suckin dick Hey, if those motherfuckers buy tickets Listen, Ian has to suck their dicks. Don't worry guys. If any truckers come Ian will suck your dick I will say though the Navi. I don't believe driving time. It's Pandora. I don't believe Pandora. You're right. Oh my god I never even saw them That is the story on the podcast before but Yeah, just I went to see it night. It was one of those cedars where they let you order beer, right?

And I passed out was it 3d Yes, it was yeah, I didn't go my friend with one. I went to go see it incredible. I knew this isn't work Everything's double vision. I don't get why This shit's mad blurry, bro Uh that one of the words like Giovanni Robisi playing fake golf and just talking about stealing the unobtain him It's like it was a movie. Yeah. Yeah, he plays like an evil like I don't a pawn of an evil corporation It's it's Pocahontas. I mean we've talked about it, but Giovanni. Eat penis. I never saw it because I Was I was dating this girl and I

I just wanna suck your dick He's really sad about how much he wants to it's not even like a horny thing. It's like he desperately needs it I was dating this girl. I knew I wanted to break up with her and I didn't want to spend 55 dollars on two I max tickets, of course. So I was like too cheap to see the strings. Yeah, he waited until she left him Yeah, she left me. No a different girl. Yeah. No, I know the timeline. Yeah, I fucked her actually. No, it was yeah Yeah, we fucked her whoever it was we fucked her In the theater in the theater My little brother was there too. He watched the movie with me and he fucked her also

In fact, everyone in my ginger ex-girlfriend. Yep. My little brother Nick Fucked her pussy That was a great that was a great bonding experience for me and my brother because we went into it like Because there was so much hype. It's gonna be awesome. And we were just it quickly turned into this is the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen in my life. I've said this before but my dad was one of like the whatever percentage of people in society That got depressed after seeing it because he wanted to live on the Your dad's a fucking loser Yeah, he was like sad

He was sad for like two months Yeah, it's you just walking on your dad with blue face paint on He's growing his hair out. Yeah, I've got a tail coming out of his asshole Dragging Knocky doo doo cocker lugabonga Fucking fake languages. I'm learning the V Cocky la butter boo There was a phenomena of like a documented phenomena of people getting depressed after seeing that movie

Because they wanted to know I think that was just marketing for the movie. No, I think it's they did like that fucking like James Cameron just fed that James Cameron articles that came out afterwards. They were like people are sad. How did they document it motherfucker? American psychiatric They put all the resources they had that marketing came not by James Cameron to make people think the movie was so good That people wanted to live on that plan. Yeah movie sucks. Have you ever heard him speak? I really don't because I wanted to man. I was like, I wanted to love it. I was ready for like just some bullshit Immersive sentimental garbage exactly. I like I needed that at that moment and it didn't do it It was fucking I was so mad

But it was so bad. It was it did scratch an itch for me when that guy's like knife fighting than the v in the mac It was like what the fuck is this isn't it like a ride the tails That's how they feel like you're at disneyland and you're doing like a vr That was your biggest complaint with the movie Yeah tails. No, they you're saying this like this is everyone's complaint No, stop the tails. No, can we all go shut up? Can we what I'm saying is There's supposed to be this big touching scene where they're like kissing and then they start tail fucking each other So what did you want to see them have set like actually mounting each other just kiss and that's over and now we're supposed to like

They're literally fuck. It's like watching someone's cock go into a pussy during a sentimental ass moment Just seeing cunt juice all over the place. No, thanks No, you're saying no thanks to witnessing sex now. It's not during like a The one time a fucking like sunset where it's like, I love you. I love you too. And then you just fucking hear someone go I like you're put off by the mere suggestion of any kind of emotional connection with regards to sex No, I'm just talking about it was weird to have this sentimental moment and then this bizarre Tail fucking scene is supposed to be like yeah, it's like cute and nice I do kind of think that maybe that's James Cameron jacked off. Yes. Yeah, like there was a weird energy behind it

Exactly, that's what he secretly wants Can you bust inside my ass? Can you bust in me? I think I've mentioned this before but I watched his like acceptance speech for titanic Can you bust inside my fucking ass? I am gay for you Just those two lions All right, not bad. I think we got it guys

No, Elton, I am gay for you so it was a movie for children. One take, this little Elton eights Can you bust inside my ass? Can you bust in me? Can you bust inside my fucking ass and fuck me in my ass whom the Womba wear It's all gibberish Can you bust inside my fucking ass and fuck me in my ass whom the Womba wear Simba one day you can fuck all of this But see that where those guys are having sex with others don't don't ever do that

Don't go in there that neighbor Do not ever do that Do that kind of shit Is this a bunch of gay ass lions? How do you eat us dude? No, but that's the gay lions where the gay lions are getting their ass fucked They don't ever go to death Nyee, they're sucking each other's dicks

This is immoral I love cock and not pussy Was it Paul Ryan said this is the dawn of a new republican era or whatever and then all those like retarded Twitter rules are posting pictures of the lion king Well we lost the election time to revert to watching baby movies in our paranoid cave Why were they posting lion king memes? When Scar is like Oh he says this is the dawn of a new era

I don't know what the fuck Scar says but they're like this is exactly like Scar from Lion King I don't get that shit man it's like it's always like Lion King It's either Disney or Harry Potter or shit It's the fucking gayest child in the world It's because they're babies It's because they're dumb babies and not me Not you Nick The most mature man in America

That's true Whereas what I like to do is take pictures of basketball players and describe Do memes about one of them being my dick And one of them being something else You thought what you did recently? Problematic me thinks That's kind of my thing Because I'm a grown man

I'm just gonna search Twitter for me thinks It's a great one It's just protests too much Can you suck Me thinks is guaranteed the most trashed way to say it I'm fucking gay I love Sir Elton John

The music He wears a wig right? Oh you think he's bald? He's definitely bald Oh I suppose he was And then he got sort of like a Then he had like a bold cut Being gay makes your hair grow back

Really? Was that you riding a horse to a man's house? Yeah yeah yeah Ney girl I need your energy to give you a man's house faster Stop it to ride a horse to a man's house that sucks Oh really? What do you think gay sex is?

That's me sucking dick dude I think the British are coming dude I think the British The horse is high I rarely got high I rarely got high But I did like a year ago And I was just cracking myself up walking around going

I think the British are coming I've smoked pot I've tried I've tried You mean to tell me that a bunch of guys That were able to have a real friendship With each other had time To fight a whole war

I think it would have gone Something like this Wait gay sex makes your hair grow back No I wouldn't want a high horse man I think the British are busted dude I think the British are coming In each other's asses man We're not even in like third grade anymore

We're like literally kindergarten at this point Not me Kindergarten is another suck Yeah maybe you're in kindergarten With high schoolers You're the kindergartener we hang out with Cause we're cool We have a 5 year old friend

We're 16 And we hang out with a 5 year old Seniors in high school Dude it's now our turn to be cool Let's go hang out with third graders We're some little fucking homos Yeah you guys are fucking losers Unlike us

We're cool cause we're 18 We've got our permits No you can't see your mommy Your mom's dead Your mom's dead Mom gotta put out on a fucking stroll Bit churning some Some duckets for the house

Yeah we're pipping out your mom Your mom comes downstairs Who are you? I'm sorry Don't tell my mom Don't make it when I leave the house Have you watched abducting and playing sight yet? No What's it about?

Nick you saw it right? It's pretty fucking insane It's about this pedophile that wants to fuck his neighbor's daughter So he starts fucking the mom To ingratiate himself in the family And then he makes the dad jack him off What? So the dad is so ashamed

The pedophile molesters his daughter Cause he's so embarrassed He's so embarrassed cause he's like I really gotta bust Can you please just beat me off The dad's like I did something I'm still ashamed of He starts crying

This old man starts crying Cause they're Mormons dude They're so dumb They're like dumb Mormons He fucks both the parents And then the parents trust him He goes on vacation with them And then he starts abducting the daughter and raping her

And then they keep dropping charges And they drop the charges every time And he just continues to like That doesn't sound I don't even know how to respond to that dude Who was this guy? I guess he was also Mormon That was you

It was me and the family's you Yes I'm sorry you had to find out Are you serious? You fucked me And I jacked you off You fucked my daughter? We fucked your dad and he was like Alright you can fuck my son

But just don't tell anyone Was he like some sect? Was this guy the most charming guy of all time? So they met this guy And also the guy knows he's fucking his wife And he's like alright Tite Let me jack you off Also how do you just get

Talked into jacking a guy off They went for a ride and he said I'm incredibly Sexually frustrated because my wife Isn't giving me any pussy And then he exposed his erection And he said can you please just masturbate me Because I need relief

This guy's gay right? The dad? He has to No he's a pedophile but pedophiles are No I mean the other guy's gay No the dad's gay Or he's just uh Confused No If you're a straight guy

If you're in a car ride with somebody And he pulls his cock out And he's like hey will you jack me off Maybe he was so sheltered And Mormon he didn't even know what being gay was You know what being gay is man You know Jack another man's cock is gay

What the fuck It is the funnest That is fucking insane Cause like all these true crime documentaries Are just made for women to fap too Cause they're like oh my god Like oh I'm They just have these like sort of rape fantasies

Yeah I was saying with the Ted Bundy thing It's like all these women are like fucking in love Of them and it's like it's not that women don't want to be Rape it's just you gotta murder them afterwards And then they won't be mad about it I'm not wrong You guys like raping women Pretty fucking wrong but if you murder them afterwards

Other women are like who's that guy Right it cancels out and they might somehow It does Yes it's like Is raping a woman without murdering her Is like let's go to a really nice restaurant And they're like okay and then you're like Do you want to split the bill and they're like

Are you fucking kidding me They want the whole experience They want the whole thing Women like to be whined So just to some clear And murder You're serious Women want to be raped and murdered

Well I use the terms wind and die Which one's the whining Interesting I would disagree personally With that theory The best way to settle this is by not asking Any women Dasha did say when she was at women's college Literally every girl in the dorm

Was just watching SPU Oh yeah for sure Girls are obsessed with like fucking torture porn I think a lot of people have like Rape fantasies and shit Like they want you to like fucking Rough them up and shit I don't know

That's the way everyone fucks now Everyone wants to get choked and shit True People like it A kink here Maybe it's just being In New York or whatever Everyone wants to get choked and tied up

Wasn't there a point where you were Learning how to fucking tie knots And shit at them Weren't you like fucking women Oh yeah that girl The girl that said she was buying rope She said her ex was a sex nerd Yeah

I always thought that shit was so lame Whenever a woman is like maybe I can get into costumes It's like maybe you can just shut up I'm not going to do a play I know dude I feel like acting Like oh I have to learn fucking voice scout shit

Like fucking nautical knots and stuff Yeah you need your badge I'll beat the shit out of you if you want I had to go to the hardware store I'm just not going to do a character while I do it The worst part is like All the preparation takes like an hour And a half

You're just looking at a naked woman You want to fuck the entire time Can I just have sex already There's no better feeling than just blowing Right past a safe word You know It's like when you make a yellow Oh yeah

It's like you're making great time She's like oh peanuts peanuts Fucking whaling on her face This is blood everywhere I thought you said something else Interesting Like with your wine and dine theory I'm going to disagree with this one

I'm going to disagree too But hey man this is about healthy Debate This is the view for God I'm whooping No you're Nick finding two different ways to come out Pro rape

A lot of women want to be Punching the face beyond the safe word If they don't want to admit that Then you don't play the game I'm Joy Behar Because I'm a Jewish man In a red wig Now my question is this

Did we have bagels this morning Were they brought here Does anyone know Does anyone know if they were brought here Joy we're on air That's all I have to contribute Because I have big ass juicy titties Yeah and your dad's dead

My dad's I wish Yeah Joy Behar never has any information No she rules She rocks Should Amazon come to New York This is a big question It'll bring 25,000 jobs

But those jobs displace A lot of the people that were already there These aren't jobs for the people that are living in Queens These are people coming in from elsewhere Like They can work in the projects And maybe help these people out Let me ask you this

What is Amazon What is Amazon What are we talking about here Is that like the internet So they're bringing the internet to Queens now She's wearing like nine pairs of reading glasses Queens that's different Than New York City

That's a different thing Joy you've lived here your entire life What is your life What do you mean by live What is being alive Coming up next Terry Shivo Joy Look I'll admit it

I did blackface years ago No one has I'll say it I've done blackface So does that mean Amazon Can't open a factory They're not bringing a factory here Joy It's an office building

Literally in there We're having a conversation about The jobs it's going to bring here And she's like yeah but what about You say the not high paying jobs What about all the packing and folding She's got Amazon It's not a warehouse

Amazon is going to spend 15 years Building like A 50 million dollar facility To have just Poor people Pack and fold things Everybody have warehouses everywhere Everywhere

Ah fuck What was Joy's career before What about the people What about the people who have to put the grease In the conveyor belts What about those guys Joy's a stand up There was a gay guy in my office

When I first started doing stand up He's like me and my partner love stand up We saw Joy Behar at the improv last week She's our favorite comedian I feel like if I was a gay guy I'd refer to the other gay guys as my wife all the time Much to his chagrin We're partners

Shut up bitch This is my wife That would be a cool move Yeah they probably Is the kind of gay guy you would be But then that guy would fuck your ass Your wife would fuck your ass I would be the Burt in that situation

No you'd be Ernie all day I'm definitely Burt You ever see this What They put that video on What's that I think she's showing me Dash's titty No come on

I haven't popped out yet But I mean we are what Stop hadn't seen it Look it's not Stop should see this We didn't go to the Burt You didn't make enough to see But

She's on Mr.Skin That's true Mr.Skin Mr.Skin Mr.Skin Mr.Skin Mr.Skin Could you go into the archives

To his other girlfriends too Why is there a Mrs.Skin You know what I'm talking about Mr.Skin is the one that's Collecting all the pics For his wife She's horny Is there Mrs.Skin and it's Guy's Cox

Like Playgirl magazine Well there's plenty of movies now Where you see cock So why don't they have that I don't know I want to make a website called Mr.Skin And I just document Chinese People that have been in movies

It's like can anyone identify This and it's like clearly Sandro It's like does anyone know who this Chinese Sideways It's just like major motion pictures That everyone knows who is in Welcome to Mr.Skin

We document the conspiracy Of like who is this one person That's been in so many movies Have you ever noticed That this one character has been Most every movie Released since the king and I That's not even that

How many Asian people are in like big Movies The best was that they just didn't let them Like fucking breakfast at Tiffany's That's awesome That shit rules That is one of the funniest things It is just so clearly

Because it's not the movie It isn't like an overt comedy You know I feel like if you went to go see Fucking I don't know I'm trying to think of a Comparable movie

You went to go see Mona Lisa's Smile and then for whatever reason There was like a white guy pretending To be Indian How are you doing Mrs. Mona Lisa Just bobbing What's Mona Lisa's smile I don't know just like a fucking movie

For girls where it's Bitch She wants it all But she's a bitch And then she meets a cute boy And then she becomes less of a bitch Through the power of getting her pussy rubbed So there's some kind of like

Something falters in their relationship Right but they fix it at the end Yeah That's a good movie to me Do you see your tits? Whoever it is Julia That's a comic

It's not Julia Claire That's not who's in Mona Lisa's Smile I was thinking Claire Danes Cause I mix up The actress in Mona Lisa's Smile Is it a woman you've done Shows

No man, Claire Danes and Julia Styles I get mixed up Which I think is fair, Julia Claire It's not Julia Roberts It's with Sandra Bullock Julia Styles or Claire Danes Julia Styles The last dance

Oh it is Maybe I'm thinking of a different movie Damn 34% Yeah, Katherine Watson is a Recent UCLA graduate hired to teach Art History at the prestigious all-female Wellesley College in 1953 To confront the outdated

Mores of society I hate Mores In the institution Are there ever up to date Mores? Katherine inspires her traditional Students including Betty Kirsten Dunst and Joan Julia Styles Thank you

I was on to something Kirsten Dunst is also the same person It's not Julia Claire But that's the reason I was confused Well no, it's sort of Cause Claire Danes Cause I said the name Julia No man

Julia Styles and Claire Danes Are a lot of like And they And you combine Their name and it makes up a name Of a woman Oh yeah, don't we have ads? Well

Oh yeah we do But not for another three minutes Nice Can you suck? Why don't you let me handle Cause we usually do it in the first 15 Well we only got one today One ad for every inch

Of penis that you have You heard it folks Nick agreed he has one inch dick That got him Doesn't mean I don't have other inches Yes it does One total There's a guy in this movie called Hugh Dancy

Yeah, I remember that guy He was like He was like one of those Hugh Michael Horace Dancy He was like a Hugh Horace Dancy He was like a Hugh Horace Dancy He was like a Hugh Grant Style

Okay okay you know who the guy is You know gay guys, you want to kiss guys Let's go back to laughing at his name Wait I know who that is No no I mean Can you at least let us enjoy how gay his name is For two more minutes man No no but it makes it better cause he's like a British

He rolls his criminal profile Will Graham There's Nova Chek in the stage play Venus And there's Adam Rocky in the film Adam So that's why Adam saw his name And the title of the movie His eyes glossed over and he started drooling

He was like me Me I know all Adam's stuff What other Adam's stuff do you know? Adam Morrison, Charlie Bobcats In Zaga University The film follows the relationship between A young man and Adam

With Asperger's syndrome But crime too Wait the movie's about a guy named Adam Yeah who's retarded he has Asperger's syndrome Oh it's like lightly retarded Just a touch of A pinch of retardation Just a hint

Yeah well it looks like your daughter was born With sugar, spice and a little too much Of everything guys But she's retarded Everything nice and some stuff that's not that nice also And a little bit of ice She's got water on the brain Well

It seems that Did I already do the joke on the show About not watching the 700 Club anymore Because when I found out Pat Robertson Hadn't fucked 700 women Yeah you did I thought about that again the other day How many women do you think Pat Robertson has fucked?

604? 698 He pitched the show in 1978 Assuming he would Fellas I fucked 693 women Just let me call it the 700 Club Like I don't know Pat

I mean it is a lie and that goes against the church Jesus never rounded up Jesus doesn't Why not just be honest and call it the 693 Club It's like you're saying You don't think I will fuck another woman In the entire run of the show I'm sure you'll fuck one or two

But you would still be in the 693 Club That's still the same You're still in the club They don't kick you out if you fuck more That is a valid point I just think 700 has a better ring to it Well we don't want to deceive people

We're trying to get people to Like Jesus Christ You don't start off with a lie And claim you fucked 700 women If you've only fucked 693 If you're willing to lie about 7 of them What stops you from lying about 700 of them Where does the lie stop

Where does it stop We're just trying to get as much pussy As possible in the name of the Lord And teach people they can do the same By making empty gestures towards charities Did he do some shit? Did he like rape some people? Well I mean you don't get the 700

Easy terms You don't say may I every time That's true You make a 700 egg omelette You're gonna fucking break a few eggs Yeah it's like when you consider that Bill Cosby Probably had sex with thousands of women 54 rapes is like

Who even came Do you really think He's just gonna once again Disagree with you You can disagree on BetteDSI.com Bette who's more right about rape This episode is in Nico

Are they gonna bring back those Breakaway pants Those are coming back They were too easy to rip off of people It's true That was awesome It was the most epic panting Because there were no more pants like

Yeah that was awesome That's kind of what happens at BetteDSI.com They pull your penis out When you don't go with Stov's pics That's right that have always been right Just the most crucial pics in the podcasting game You go with Stov and he'll fucking Really hook it up for you

What do we got this week Well first of all let me say this They got really good customer service 24-7 I love that shit Yeah your fucking piece of shit App doesn't work Actually it works everywhere

Now that I check it you're right It does work everywhere I'm a fucking idiot Yeah they're like that's okay That's actually not our fault Glad you called in and we can make you feel better About being so fucking stupid And then I get mad again

But it's alright because What happens when I get mad I need to gamble my money away I get even by betting against the And then I take their money Wow BetteDSI You're guaranteed to win every time

Every single time You always use our promo code Yeah use our promo code They legally have to let you win They have a do over option That's right On all bets So you bet $200 on a game

Right and then you lose You lose your $200 you can execute The do over option You get all of your money back And some more actually If you sign up now Unlimited do over options You use promo code

With the promo code You have to use promo code And you have to punch it in just right or it won't work You have to delete your save file The problem is you got to sign up Through either xbox or playstation What you want to do is you want to go in And delete your save file for every game

That's big And then you got to call up the customer service And let them know there'll be a code That displays on your screen And then they'll send you the download code Once you look at her nipples Then you're allowed to use the do over option But you have to place at least a bet

Of $6,000 or more The first time And you want to If the first one Doesn't do the do over Sometimes it's glitchy sometimes You have to do it a couple of times And then load

You want to start golden eye back up And you spin around three times In the aspect room You have to go in the golden gun room And you go forward five steps Delete your save file Play the entire game again Go six steps in the golden gun room

Bet another $15,000 The problem is it has to be something That you're guaranteed to lose If you accidentally win Then it does the reverse And you have to bet $30,000 And lose it before You can get the do over option

So make sure you follow all those All those steps And if you have any problems Just a reminder, PlayStation or Xbox, load it up Delete all your save files for every game Then you call up the customer service Repeat to them the download code You go to the website to download the picture of Lara Croft

You look at her nipples Once you look at her nipples You go back to the bet the SI website You start playing golden eye at the same time So that is glitchy That is glitchy You have to go Bet $6,000

You lose $6,000 You play all the way through golden eye again Get to the Aztec room Take six steps forward this time This time it's six The first time it's five If the machine guns in the golden gun room Start shooting at you, you know you fucked up

And you need to bet another $15,000 And then after you've done all that Once you've placed the final $30,000 bet And lost it, the do over option will appear And it's unlimited do over option For then on, you're making money And then just to be safe you want to go back And delete all your save files

Just again, every week for the rest of your life Just keep deleting Word winning customer service you can call up whenever They go live Live in game wagering Which is only becomes available If you're playing Sonic Speed Masters And you go into the

During the temple run level There's a secret room Where you have to use the cheat codes Sneakers and chili dogs That you have to say into the remote There's a huge There's a microphone in your remote There's a huge microphone

In the Nintendo 64 controller You have to buy the hey you Pikachu microphone And this is how you do With the rumble pack You have to go buy that And then turn off and on the Nintendo 64 Two or four times

This is for in game wagering In game wagering And then you can play as Sonic On bettyside.com This is actually Where you can play as Dr. Robotnik In bettyside.com If you follow all these steps

So that's it guys That's pretty easy Bet listen Tomorrow Thursday NBA action resumes The All-Star break Celtics Bucks, that's the national TV game Bet the Bucks, Bet Yanis

Who was robbed of his MVP Because Russell Westbrook shot Team Yanis out of the game And then the Rockets in the Lakers play Take the damn Rockets What I will say is I think the Lakers are even Oz now to miss the playoffs

Bet against the Lakers Making the playoffs and then Bet that they will get number one And trap Zion Williams Boo Well when you sign up Make sure you use promo code CUM120 So they know we send you

Or you can take the bonus Bucks Which is like getting a casino comp Up front before you've played it It has a roll over requirement but it's free cash So if you're going to be in the sports book Which is where we like to gamble We use promo code CUM120 Up to $1,000

We're going to give you 60% bonus cash So once again that's betdsi.com Promo code CUM120 Let's start the show Sayin' all that dumb shit Makes me want to replay GoldenEye It's sittin' right there

In that box I suck Dicky GoldenEye dude I'm really bad at it In real life too Take the horse And stop running his gay horse I'm riding my gay horse to suck dick dude That shit was so much fun dude

Sucking dick on a horse Playing GoldenEye I was a playstation kid I would only have it on sleepovers And then I just got killed You didn't play his odd job And then I'd play his odd job and they'd be like You fucking cheating Jew and like whatever

You would play his odd job Did I call that? I didn't know that it was cheating Absolute sense that you would be an odd job I always play with a sexy bitch I don't think she piece of shit Well it's a handicap against me Not having the system and not playing

I would always play I think that That guy that interrogates Bond In the When he's arrested In Russia The guy that's like victory

With the pen Not Boris Not Boris The guy The inspector that arrests and interrogates Bond For a second You don't remember GoldenEye? My favorite Bond game

It's a great movie And this is some off-brand shit It might be the best Bond movie now that I think about it The first Daniel Craig one was tight Casino Royale That was great Moonraker is pretty tight too About the Nazi that wants to make a white race

On the moon Were any of the Pierce Brosnan ones good? I liked them GoldenEye was in GoldenEye We've been talking about GoldenEye for And then the pun at the end About how he likes a tight squeeze

Which I didn't I've always enjoyed a squeeze dude She's so fucking hot She's fine Halley and her prime Was a Bond girl too She was looking good as well Seven of them in that movie

Seven chicks In the Halleyberry one The world is not enough Maybe I remember the one with Denise Richards Where her name is Christmas And he says Christmas only comes I guess Christmas comes

Tomorrow Never Dies World is not enough Tomorrow Never Dies is about the news The pussy never sleeps Tomorrow Never Dies is the one That's just about Gawker Right, yeah He's like making his own headlines

That guy's literally nicked in Just a gay British guy Who just loves bad news There's nothing gentlemen There's nothing more than bad news Then we'll leak his brother's gay sex take Mr. Stryker Load up the video of Hulk Hogan having sex

Hulk Hogan having sex Fuck dude I kind of want to watch GoldenEye That guy's fucking sick That movie's awesome I like James Bond movies I used to just, I would make soup And I would sit and watch

Because they had them all on Hulu Remember how sick Hulu used to be It was like every Bond movie and every Criterion movie It was like the best fucking streaming service Now that you know You can get Criterion titles On an app called Kayak Canopy

But you can only rent 10 a month Half the time you'll rent them and it doesn't play And it's like sorry, this isn't available But you can only watch 10 a month? Oh, I guess I haven't hit my limit But I've used it a couple of times How much is it a month? I watched Three Days in the Condor last night

Yeah, you just need a library Oh shit, I got one It can't be a Queens library They're different the fuck They're different library systems That's some little dick shit right there I think you have a Brooklyn public library I think I probably do

I'm in the New York public library I'm gonna give it a shot From when I was in Manhattan That's right I watched Three Days in the Condor last night Pretty cool movie Never seen it before Old Robert Redford

Kidnapping a woman Does he fuck her? First night of the kidnapping I mean he is handsome as shit He gets the consent Probably because of the Stockholm Syndrome She's so scared Well one day Stockholm system can't really

Fucking kick in yet Syndrome Depends how sexy you are Robert Redford is sexy He's a sexy man 70s Redford Yeah That's a hot boy

We're in a tweed blazer This is a nice thing Old people are so ugly and disgusting That when you see a picture of them Before they were old They were like wow you were so handsome You just used to them being old and disgusting No, Robert Redford was hot

He looks good as old men too Yeah, that's true Did you see All Is Lost? No He gets lost on the sailboat And then he just dies It's two hours of him just dying That's fucked up

Does he remember shit? Or does it take place on the boat? It's him on the boat There's no reminiscing The final scene is great He tried to do everything And he maintains it's cool And eventually he just dies

Looks like he's being rescued Did you ever see Captain Phillips? That scene where He gets rescued and he realizes That he's been rescued And he starts crying I think it's really good acting That's a consensus

That the last scene is The only redeemable part Get off my ship Yeah, he's doing a Boston accident the whole time I think it's just sick The way those Navy SEALs kill those blackouts Yeah Those fucking Somali pirates

I was in the theater like Yeah, tier one Get it done, tier one I brought in a Ziploc bag filled with pollution I've been up in the theater It's a bunch of... So I can coal roll the theater

Tier one, baby Yeah I can't just flood the engine My car's outside Somebody came into the theater with a bunch of Ziploc bags filled with pollution And he kept making A mmm-hmm sound

With his mouth while he opened the bag Just black smoke In a two gallon zipper Those guys are the best Coal rollers? My car does extra pollution Don't tell me what to do New York Times

Hackers in Iran and China have stepped up their attacks In US businesses and agencies Experts say it's because of Trump Well, yeah, probably because of the The tariffs It's Trump's fault Well, Trump did the tariffs Trump's a little weak motherfucker, dude

Well, don't side with the other country It's like trying to attack I'm not siding with anyone, but it makes sense That they'd be not happy about tariffs Oh, also, is anyone a fucking lawyer That can get me out of some traffic tickets? How do you get traffic tickets? Just fucking driving

Moving violations Anyone as a lawyer, please let me know Texting and driving I got caught fucking using GPS on my phone And they were like Sorry, that happens all the time It sucks, I literally wasn't texting and driving You had to get a little stand for your phone

I got a stand too, I was putting it in the fucking stand And the guy was like, sorry, I don't give a fuck And it's five points on your license For texting and driving It's crazy, I was literally using GPS I actually don't text and drive I'll use Siri, I'm one of those motherfuckers He said literally that he doesn't give a shit

He was like, it was in your hand I don't care if you're using GPS Fucking assholes And it's always, I got caught twice doing that It's five points on your license And then some guy I think there's something wrong with my I think there's something wrong

With my insurance and it comes up as Like my license has expired But it's not, I fucking did it So yesterday I'm driving home And some guy's like, before he says anything He's like, is your license expired? Didn't ask, didn't tell me what he was pulling me over for And I was like, no

I have fucking, no it's not And then he's like, and then he said I Fucking ran a stop sign And now if that ticket goes through My shit will get suspended Because texting and driving is five points It's fucking bullshit And since running a stop sign it gets just three or some shit

So yeah, I might be fucked So if anybody wants to Help me navigate our Criminal justice system That's stacked against the Greek man The straight white male The straight white man Please let me know

I think cops didn't respect me because I don't have a tooth I think that's ableism Maybe I got a case A civil rights case Cops don't respect me because I don't have a foreskin That did help me out I pulled my foreskin out and I was like Oh thank god

So yeah, if anyone is a fucking Lawyer, please Not a cop, a lawyer Please let me know because I might be Fucked My ass might be getting fucked Yeah, they can Yeah, if you know a lawyer they can like get it to

Reduce the parking tickets or whatever Don't you know lawyers at them what the fuck I know, I know Not like those kind of lawyers What kind of lawyers man Just you know soft palm to juice Don't they know anything about this Surrogant kinds

My friend told me you may have some traffic tickets Is this where the audition is Line Damn, looks like it might be squaring up to be a nice Day outside Might go to the park, better get that glove out Homeboy Spring's coming up

Pitchers and catchers are ready Reported dude, we're like Really, they did I'm not the catcher I do not catch I don't pitch either I'm doing neither of those things Not

I'm whatever the straight thing is You're hitting the ball I guess I don't know Hitting the ball would be like I guess Receiving didn't stand Hitting a man's penis with a baseball bat So he doesn't fuck your friend's ass

That's what being in the batter is And that's what I do for friendship I defend people's asses With baseball bats From cocks Flying at them 98 miles an hour Randy Johnson

It's me with a sword genuflecting My friend's asshole When Randy Johnson killed the bird It's still one of the coolest things To ever happen in any sport Exploded that motherfucker He's throw so fast He exploded a bird

That should be a sport Bird exploding Throwing rocks at birds Like in the Olympics Imagine showing up to the Olympics Being like oh my bad I thought this was a sport You're just in the parking lot

Just icing pigeons The Chinese delegation is like China would absolutely do the best at that But they're also Blood doping too They get disqualified They keep eating the birds That is true

I bet you pigeons are high in protein Yeah, they sort of pigeon in French That video Michael Rabbit posted That Chinese woman in like fucking Columbus Park just like Kidnapping a pigeon Oh my god, that was fucking Incredible

She was being sneaky about that shit too Yeah, they know what's wrong I love Michael Rabbit because he just rides With the Jewish wager thing It's such an embarrassing way to be Michael, you're 60 and he's like Yo, let's bring it back to the KUMOD K. R. S. Wood

The five pillars of hip-hop Yeah, he rocks Michael Rabbit report and What are the five pillars of hip-hop It's MCing B-boying Graffiti This is like an original thought you had

What do you mean an original thought? This is something I came up with, yeah The fifth pillar of hip-hop is Knowledge Which was developed by Africa Bombada Anyways, we should have PD Back on the podcast

To do his bit Oh right, TurnTablism Right, doesn't he say TurnTablism? Beatboxing That's not one But knowledge was developed by Africa Bombada Who recently came out He's also one of the forefathers of hip-hop

Recently came out The point Nick is trying to make is PD PD was verbatim Making fun of an older guy Hanging out To our faces I think I wasn't on it When we were on the show

This was something PD said to us Maybe we had him on and had him repeated I don't know I remember what it was We were making fun of a particular guy Yeah PD was like You always see those old guys

Listen up son There's the five pillars of hip-hop TurnTablism Oh Thinking about PD saying it is so much funnier Yeah When did PD say it? Tell me when he said it

You just said I remember exactly I remember saying it with you When we were making fun of one particular Old Jewish wigger Yeah With PD was there PD saying I can imagine So crisply

TurnTablism coming out of PD's mouth There's no way TurnTablism b-boying He's like Listen up Graffiti Yes I 100% remember this happening

Was it at the creek even? I don't know but it was PD that fucking said The five pillars of hip-hop thing Specifically making fun of older Jewish wiggers Yeah I believe we were I'm past the point now Where I would call you out

If you had stolen this from TV Or like an established comic But PD is like Our friend deserves more respect I'll text you right now Do his fucking bits on the show I'm sure if you remember it doesn't give a fuck But I agree with Nick

We should have PD back on Yeah we should Don't, why? What is this display? I wanna know Because I think you, yeah Hello PD, this is your friend Adam I'm just wondering when you Made the five pillars of hip-hop to us

It was a special evening Ah fuck What should I have for dinner later I'm trying to keep it clean Eric B, rock him I'm gonna go to Costco Buy some fucking eggs and greens Yeah I should eat some before heading to the

Los Gimas Is that what it is in Spanish? Himnasio I think it is Himnasium Himnasio Downstairs The Mexicans have stolen from the Greeks

It's true The Greeks came up with the gym And queso fresco They got queso fresco, that's all them The Greek quesadilla We don't have quesadillas We don't really melt cheese in our culture Yeah, we don't

What do you do, fuck it? What do you guys do? What's the fuck up? Shut up I forget what it's called But it's like It's like Scandinavian cheese bread It's similar to halloumi

Let me see if I can find it Halloumi you fucking grill This shit you fry It's like anaki is that fried on fire Cheese We had it in Melbourne That restaurant was so good Really good

No joke, the best Greek food I've had Outside of Greece I love it, I ride for it Melbourne fucking Was better Shouts out to stalactites If you live in Melbourne, go have Greek food there What do we want?

Petey just texted me He didn't say it He just doesn't remember He doesn't give a fuck Petey's kind of guy is so funny He comes up with things Justo bread cheese Finished squeaky cheese

It's Traditionally made from a cow's bee stings They mean literally bee stings? Bovine colostrum Colostrum The first milk is the first form of milk Produced by the mammary glands of mammals

Oh, the like fresh Titty milk Rich milk from a cow That has recently calved Reindeer even goat milk can be used Damn, I'm trying to drink reindeer milk Maybe I'll grow those antlers Get some reindeer pussy

And then drink its milk after you impregnate it Yeah I want those antlers so bad I guess now I understand that The depression after watching Avatar This is the depression I felt After imagining Imagining a version of me

Living in the woods with antlers Eating berries I was watching the parents episode Of Sopranos again the other day Where Chris was like, fuck it, I'm going to eat these berries Yeah, yeah, yeah Those fucking whops They were like seven hours

And they're like Fuck it, I'm going to eat these berries The fucking poisonous I don't give a shit At least I'm not going to die hungry Like Tony has to go find them Wearing like full camo That's right

Well, he's a hunter Yeah, Bobby is a hunter Bobby, will Bobby ever kill anybody? He does in that episode After they get in a fight at the lake house He makes Bobby Pop his cherry as like a means of retribution For kicking Tony's ass

Wow They get in that fight when they're drunk So up until then And he's like, tone, that's my wife He's like, Jane is sucking the cat Under the bull You're in my arms You're in my arms

That's a mother of my children And then he makes them go to Montreal To kill that To kill some guy that's late on His child support because they're like doing a drug deal Montreal, yeah anyways This Lipa juice though shit is fucking good Where'd you have it? They sell it at Whole Foods

Or like Like a wine and cheese shop Found it in those places But yeah, you cut it In the basically like saltine Size slices And then you fry it in a pan You serve it with like raspberry preserve

That sounds fucking good It tastes like a bit like a Very rich buttermilk pancake Oh fuck Now you're speaking my language It's somewhere in between cheese and buttermilk pancake Is it salty? It's a little bit salty, sweet

Last time you guys had breakfast for dinner Every day Really? Me and Stav actually have the same diet I just have better metabolism On account of being athletic You make omelet for dinner? I'm actually a better athlete

I have worse metabolism But actually I have more quick Twitch muscle fibers That's what I used to think You have more nest quick muscle fibers How's that for quick twitch Yeah, your brain is better But my beautiful body

The brain is a muscle Everything is a muscle No I have no bones What did you say Adam? That's more than like Eating ice cream for dinner When I was a kid I was like

I'm gonna have pancakes and eggs For dinner every night We've made Adam's special dinner again Just for him I never got a choice Who gets his special dinner Every night Bless you

God bless you God bless you everybody Having eggs as a kid just means you're poor For dinner Or your parents Or Nick Leifel Yeah, it goes both ways Or you go to IHOP

And you can have breakfast for dinner We almost never went to IHOP The first time I went to IHOP I think I was 19 years old I went with comedians I was like I love this lifestyle Just go to an open mic And be like

Why are there two G's in the N word And my other white male friends laugh Then we would go to IHOP And be like we're gonna make it We're all gonna make it Can I get the banana french toast supreme Which I earned By being a comedian

Yeah, yeah, yeah I used to go in high school Like we'd get high and stuff And go IHOP That was like the mood We'd smoke reefer We'd smoke bong We'd rip bong

And then we'd ask girls If they wanted to do shotguns And they'd say no So we did it with each other We used to go out into the middle of the desert In place Vegas style That is actually cool

I was like obsessed With the desert when I was a little kid Really? Yeah, I always like It scared me It's very quiet I was obsessed with the desert I was always worried about mirages Because of cartoons

Quick sand and mirages I was worried that I was just I thought they kept aliens out there I thought the desert was awesome We used to do that all the time Because Vegas is close to Area 51 So we'd make up that we saw UFO Dude, I saw a fucking UFO

It was probably from Area 51 That was crazy That was all one plane One test plane Whatever led up to the SR-71 People were like oh that's aliens Yeah, I'm sure it is Fucking

Did the government even say that? I mean years later It was like a military secret It was a spy plane Yeah, you motherfuckers believe that shit, huh? One plane, huh? How many planes? How many aliens, bro?

They have like a navi In some kind of One of those liquid Yes, exactly Their anatomy is very similar to ours But if you look closely, it looks like its penis Has been sucked off And there's

There's actually mustache hairs around it There's terrible smelling Mustache hairs all around it And it looks like the sleeves from a Judas Priest T-shirt Have been shoved in its ass Jammed in its ass Probably quickly removed in an active Passionate gay space sex

It's not technically gay The alien pipes up after that How did this man get in here? Hey, no, I'm just saying You know, it's not gay What are you doing later? I'm just kidding you fucking asshole I'm just fucking kidding, asshole

I'm just fucking kidding, ass Yeah, things have been really bad lately, man I fucking love Ian, man Yeah, he's great He fucking rules 80 light years away Yup His thirst for long ass blue cock

Is that severe? Right, it's never been explained how he got out there And I never want to know either Yeah Could you breathe on that planet? Don't they have little things? I don't remember The whole point of the avatars is they put your brain In one of those creatures

Yeah, it's like an avatar Like a weak sports avatar But is that just because People would have one of those big ass bodies Or is it because of the human I think you actually can't exist on that planet Because don't they come through with like Machine guns and shit

Space guns and shit? I never saw it Turns out I got H.I. and a V Does anybody else have that? That's good Yo, who's going to another planet To have gay sex? It's natural White queer's egg

Salute to gay ASEAN Gay Astronauts The famous Elden John song Gay Astronauty I'm a gay guy I'm going to space To have gay sex I'm a gay ass man

Gay ass man It's a cocket man It's a cocket man Sucking on a dick because I'm gay Yes, if you want to see Gay Ian in Delaware With me Two more Friday Come suck this dick

Oh, fuck Should I buy an elliptical for my home? Where are you going to put it? I don't know, my room How are you going to fit an elliptical in your room? I'm going to turn it into a home gym, dude I'm telling you, Bowflex, dude Should I get a Bowflex?

Yeah Get a huge Bowflex That just breaks through the walls Anytime you flex it Make a couple of adjustments I'm double strong I'm lifting the weights and I'm busing the walls They still sell the Bowflex?

I'm sure they do Do you remember the Chuck Norris Total Gym? Yes There's one ad for the total gym that had I think Wesley Snipes As soon as I got the total gym, I threw out all my exercise equipment It's like Just millions of dollars

I had a home gym And I just threw it out Dude, I would love Have you ever seen Mark Wahlberg's home gym? Insane There's like a whole boxing ring in there Goddamn In his garage or something?

No, it's in like a whole fucking gym Oh yeah, it's very rich You can still scratch up that speaker cap You love scratching It's part of your feline nature You know I'm dog No, I'm a dog You're like a ferret, honestly

You're more like a hairless cat Hairless cat That's true It's still just like coughing all the time There's nothing to spit up even It just likes making the noise Yeah Yeah, that's true, that is what you are

No way I'm a dolphin Stop like a morbidly obese iguana No, I'm a fucking bulldog dude No, you have no bulldog Kwame You're not resilient No, you're not Bulldogs don't need constant luxury and comfort

They don't need it, but they like it What about the French kind, dude? They're workhorses You're absolutely not a workhorse By any means You're a pug, if anything You're way more of a pug than a bulldog You're breathing problems

Bulldogs have breathing problems You are a fucking An atrocity in terms of genetic engineering So are bulldogs So are bulldogs, thank you Bulldogs actually used to fight bulls They used to, but now they're They can still do

I watched bulldogs get hit by a fucking F-150 Doing 35 and it was fine Like, they're not You did? One of my neighbors was hanging out In Austin, we were hanging out on the porch They had this little bulldog and got creamed That's what I am

And you're a hating asshole French poodle, dude Adam is a hairless cat You're a pug, I am a man with antlers You're a French poodle What's a gay little poodle? Or the Italian greyhound, that's what you are Fastest dog in the world, sure

That's a little muscle, dude Nailed it, you're right, dude No, no, it's too skinny That's what I am, actually You're a hairless cat, we finished you already I'm not a hairless cat You fucking dumb bitch, you're not a dog I'm a damn bulldog

You're a pug, I'm a whip I'm gonna whip it with that disease where they get too strong No, that's not a real disease I have it And it's yes I'm a Rhodesian ridgeback You're not from there, man Not a toy poodle

I'm not a poodle I'm absolutely not a poodle Yes, you are, dude Poodles are gay, but smart Yeah, that's true I'm giving you a compliment It's a compliment Just take the compliment, bro

Yeah That is true, we've talked about this before Here's me No chance How are you gonna say I am not a bulldog I think I'm actually a beagle I'm a beagle because I know

I give shortened versions That's me That is so not you I've never seen a dog be less you than that That was absolutely me I'm a beagle Here, that's me on my way to work No

Dude, this is me if I've ever seen me Come on, you hate her That's absolutely not you Bulldogs are weak and they die young I think that's actually like stop They like die at like six Yeah, dude, that's me Isn't that soft?

Let me see That's a different kind of fat guy You're a fatter version of the Men in Black Here comes, yeah, here comes soft No That guy's cool, but that's not me That's absolutely you This is a big fat pug

I'm a fucking bulldog And my penis is not inverted Here's soft again, trying to figure out How to sit on the couch You can't do it Hey, those guys are pretty good I'm not mad at them honestly, but they're just not me This is literally your posture right now

Look at this He's trying to say that's not him It's not me, I'm a bigger dog than that, dude No Look, I got nothing against the proud pug You're a morbidly obese pug But I am a That guy's cute as shit

Usually they're pretty ugly, but that is an adorable pug You know what Nick is? A peacock No, I don't mind being a peacock They're real justice birds If we're doing birds now You're flashy But you can't even fly And now we're in the bird category

Can peacocks fly? Which one you are in a second Oh, there are plenty of Jewish looking birds Yeah, that's not going to be a challenge They're the most Jewish looking animals Stav is literally none of the birds Maybe a chicken Stav is a factory farmed chicken

Shitting out eggs all day His beak is removed Removed by the KFC His beak fell out Heating his own wings Damn, I would like to eat my own wing Damn, chicken wings are delicious Fat chicken

Yeah These are both Stav Damn, that's Stav That's you What kind of bird is Adam? I guess maybe like a hairless Owl Oh, owls good

Owls, I'm an owl I'm a great horned owl You're an owl, you're not an owl I'm a great horned owl I already decided You're a peacock and you walk in the room You're like, look at me Look at these feathers

You're gay, you have feathers They make cool noises Peacocks? Have you ever seen one in person? They're terrifying They're so weird They're all over fucking Los Angeles They're scary They're all over LA

Here's me also You are a monkey I get to be that guy, too Damn, dude Look at that definition I know, they're so ripped I'm a fucking I'm a fucking ostrich, actually

Yeah Are we doing types of monkeys? Uncle Fat The morbidly Oh, I love that guy That's an awesome monkey I am him I'm Uncle Fat

Fuck There's a picture We'll find you in a second This guy My face isn't that flat This is such good podcast content Looking at pictures is like This is you

This is stuff Damn, he's so fat He's a fat orangutan No, man, that's not me He's got nuts on his forehead What the fuck is that thing? It's you It's just an Irish ape

Nick's a booboon I'm not a booboon Yeah, you are You fling your shit at people You're very rude You slap car doors and stuff People are rude Are they?

I'm a mandrel Here's Stav again I don't know why this came out They're from Star Wars? Yes, the guy that plays keyboards and Jabba's band I love that it's like a long time ago In a galaxy far, far away They listen to jazz

Jabba the Hutt basically has his own Rupert Pupkin late night show He does Yeah, you're right He's doing bitch He's just doing his monologue My first guest is Oh, oh, oh

He's got a band Yeah, that blue guy is Kevin Eubanks Layla is Zandy Richter Shut the Kevin Eubanks again Was he ever in a band? Yes, he was He was in The Beatles

No, shut up I know he's done his own stuff The Beatles stole everything from a black man Kevin Eubanks' band Where's that movie coming out? An Indian guy? What if everyone in the world forgot who The Beatles were And then some guy just gets to write all their songs

That's a movie? Whose idea was that? I don't know, it's not a bad idea That everyone forgets The Beatles? Everyone forgets The Beatles And then one Indian guy is like, I've written all of their songs And then he gets famous He doesn't talk like that at all

Yeah, he doesn't talk like that But he looks like that in his podcast You're right I'm trying to help the people at home You're right That guy's cool looking I like him This is just

Look at this That's eldest Droopy McCool I've never even seen this Star Wars character He's like a Dick and a pussy But he's morbidly obese and he wears shorts Yeah, why is he even clothed?

He's playing clarinet He's playing clarinet Did you know that Kevin Eubanks has taught at Rutgers University? Damn Shout out to The Garden State The Banth School of Fine Arts in Canada

The badass motherfucker I think he just released his own albums Kevin Eubanks? Yeah, he's never in a band How about Kevin YouTube? Okay Thanks His first album, Guitarist

was released in 1983 You're sick, Abe I know I'm gonna fucking pull that up What is this movie? So it's a guy, he's the only one that remembers the Beatles Yeah, something happens I don't remember

Everyone remembers the Beatles at the end He's been in a coma the whole time It would be sick if there's never any kind of development beyond that Then he gets to fuck every girl in the world in the movie ends That would actually rule Here's the most

I found the trailer for that because I was creeping on some What is this? Kevin Eubanks Called Timeline Go off, Kev Hey This is kind of going off, honestly

It's like Quincy Jones Get pussy in your Lincoln This is fingering someone in a Kangol music Anyway, sorry I just wanted to hear the dulcet tunes of Kevin Eubanks Damn, I'm sleepy

Time for a nap, Nicholas Is it time for a nap? I don't know, maybe What time did you wake up today? 9.30, 10 o'clock Krakadon Early as shit I love waking up early

I was gonna go to bed early last night then Seinfeld started playing and then Futurama started playing and then Mulan started playing Wow I went from going to bed at 10 3 best movies Like children's movies constantly

I don't do it constantly, but You're always like, oh I watched Hercules and fucking Elmo goes to the bathroom That was literally That sounds like a good movie Number 1, that sounds interesting I think I said watching fucking

The Alphabet I don't know I was flipping around and Mulan was on and it was the couple good songs in there, you know what I'm saying Let's get down to business I'm gonna fucking change the channel and let's get down to business

to defeat or to drink all his comp to drink his comp Elton John another smashing success on a Disney It's time to

suck a man's penis like a dumb spear so we can drink his comp and then like the fat guy, those two gay guys that are like the sidekicks and Mulan are like, come on, we're trying to have gay sex trying to keep up

There's like a little Chinese fat guy Is that right? There's a little Chinese fat guy Then there's a little tough guy The Italian Chinese guy who doesn't really make any sense He's like, we gotta stop these freaking huns We want these huns out of our goddamn neighborhood

Let's suck on a penis It's time to suck a man's penis so we can drink his comp What's up baby girl You're the gayest man I've ever seen

and I can bet when I fuck you What is it so like it's a little mermaid and instead of under the sea it's getting HIV Getting HIV Nothing feels better than when we're together

Getting HIV Elton John does it again I Suck on my dick and please fuck my asshole I am a gay guy I want HIV Suck on the dick and fuck my asshole

Eat my ass I am fucking gay I am gay I am gay I am gay I am gay Is Elton John just being out? A bunch of Disney executives quietly nodding their head and smiling

Sir Elton Thank you Elton This is great music We love the tunes The music is great Elton Richard Kynes just like This is going to be great for children They're like why is he here

He's like I'm actually in control of everything I'm the guy behind all of it I'm the president of Judaism It would be so funny A way to write in Richard Kynes as prime minister of Israel Let's do it I suppose candidacy

on the flag Just replace the star of David With a picture of his headshot Sucking my dick and fucking my ass off Licking my balls because I am gay Yeah we're having a good time Sucking my dick What's another Disney song?

Hakuna Makata Did we do the best princesses last episode? We did We're just becoming Buzzfeed On the next one right? I guess it's on the next one I'm too stupid to remember We recorded some out of order

There's a little peek behind the curtain You little bitches Sucking my penis because I am gay Please fuck my ass Please fuck my ass because I am gay And I am horny for life It's a circle life it's sucking off guys Sucking off guys

Just because I am gay Yeah I don't remember any other songs Is that a whole new world? It's my whole needs Oh yeah what does it need? Girls but it's trans girls My whole needs girls

Please fuck my ass Girls with dick Please fuck me Please spread my ass Chicks And put your dick Inside of my ass Because I am gay

I'm fucking your ass Oh Well this song Be Prepared From The Lion King It's about prep I don't remember that song Be Prepared For bare backing

For rough gay sex Fuckin never had Remember this the big fat guy That recorded over the rainbow Israel, Kamakua My mom used to cry when I was a little kid Because of how fat he was He's like that sweet man is so fat

That's a good one Oh well I already texted the group But can you suck with all the colors of my dick Oh yeah That's good That one was getting me good the other day Can you suck with all the colors Of my dick

What song is that? The colors of the wind Oh yeah yeah I remember that one Can you paint the inside of my ass with color Can you fuck me in the ass You call me sissy Can you suck with all the colors

Of my dick Can you suck with all the colors Of my dick That's a good one We're in the zone right now boys You've got a friend in me This is some come town gold You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend You've got a friend You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me That's already done Well I mean all of these songs were just designed To trick children into being gay

Into the cage I mean it is funny that like It's an entire generation raised on Disney stuff And then like half of them are like we're girls What are the numbers on People that are trick It's not that man It's 93%

Yeah yeah yeah Even in the Italian neighborhoods I go around town and it's like I'll see a guy getting his mail on Tuesday And then Thursday it's like Oh I guess that's Mrs. John Now Yeah

It's most people It's most people who are trans If we're being honest with ourselves 51% If we're telling the truth Please don't lie to me Suck my dick Suck my dick

Suck my dick I am gay I am gay I fuck ass Please fuck my ass Fuck your dick That was an early one That was back when we first moved to New York

When we were around doing Beautiful times What's up camp What are you looking at like that I'm trying to think of Disney songs still I can't really remember it I know Mulan Oh never had a friend like me

Never had a friend drink pee I don't remember Never had a friend like me I don't remember that The genie song Does that allow him to talk in sort of black Black scent What's up brothers

Cool cats Yeah he does do black scent in that song I'm gonna think of it Is that why they got Will Smith The genie was supposed to be black the whole time Yeah I think they should redo Aladdin and use nothing but Arabs That barely speak English

If you want to talk about representation That would be completely fair Right and Scar Or not Scar, what's his name Jafar And to win over the princess Aladdin Rapes her No no no

The princess is dad Dating customs But my understanding Of what the original story was Yeah In the original book Aladdin But Disney's Aladdin

Which was written by Hans Christian Sir Mohammed himself I believe that Is the Quran The Quranic tale Of Aladdin And there's a parrot

And he's got a little monkey That dresses the same as him And they steal things In the bazaar That sounds good That sounds good and very hood Yeah Alright well we should go

I'm gonna have to take a nap I'm gonna go to Costco The gym Alright boys we did it again Come see me in Delaware this weekend