The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 144 – my girl

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

the movie My Girl, but its a young macauley caulkin and hes talking like an old black guy, saying shit like "my girl? yeah my girl she got that fat pussy nshit, lookin like it be stung by some fuckin bees nshit"

I can't wait for you to check out my penis. Check out my cock. Hey bitch. Bitch, look at my cock. Hey bitch, why don't you check out my balls? Why don't you check out my balls? Go to, go to Blockbuster, maybe check out my, a movie called My Bows and Beak. That's right.

Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Malastrio, your son, uh, told, told one of the girls at school to go to block, I quote, go to Blockbuster and check out a movie called His Balls. How does he even know about Blockbuster? He's been gone. There's a period piece, Adam. Oh, this is in the 90s. Yeah. I'm sorry.

Are you on the writing staff? We're introducing a new segment, um, for Adam where he reads us the weather for the week. Yep. I got that under. What do we have Adam? What's, what's the weather coming up? What's the weather corner?

Uh, all right. So we got an exciting week of weather coming up in the New York area. Uh-huh. Um, we got Thursday, 41 degrees. Dude. Oh, wow. Are you kidding? Friday, 41 degrees again Saturday, 42 degrees with a little snowflake symbol.

Uh-oh. Wait. Is it supposed to snow? The, the, the fucking sign on the road said winter weather today and tomorrow. I think it's, I think it might snow tomorrow. I would love a nice snow day. Yeah. Nice day off work.

Yeah. Just make a chili all goddamn day. I cannot wait for a fucking snow day. I'm making a chili dude. I love chili. I love crafting a chili overnight. Slow roasting the meats. Although, you know what?

I'll probably do chicken chili because I'm, I am, I'm watching my figure fig. That's right. I'm signed up on my fitness pal, keeping it under 2000 calories. Yep. You got a, you got an apple watch to track your, I don't, track your, I don't believe in exercise. Abs are made in the kitchen. Adam.

Everyone knows that. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. So I will not be exercising ever as a result. That's what I take from that saying abs are made from in the kitchen. You guys say this is possible. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think maxing out on a rep is when you fill your stomach completely, but then you have to empty it, which most people don't do.

And that's taking a very big shit. Well, that's the end of Adam's weather. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed, I enjoyed just getting the opportunity to do the weather. It's been a lifelong dream of mine. It's a big part of the show.

Yeah. I did, I did always like when a radio show had a guy who was the news man and ostensibly he was not to talk the rest of the time, but he would always chime in. And then every once in a while, he would say the stories of the day. Yeah. What do you talk? Give me. Like for example, a classic example for big Baltimore heads, Baltimore morning radio

heads is Josh Spiegel, who has survived many incarnations of that morning show as the news guy. All right. Josh. Yeah. Yeah. It goes. He started even before whatever Mickey, whatever the show was, yeah, even before Mickey and

Amelia, I think Spiegel popped up. I don't remember anything prior to Mickey and Amelia because when I was a kid, I would listen like exclusively exclusively to HFS. That was like that. Did you guys get Howard Stern in both? No. He wasn't on any stations. No, I don't think so.

Dude. Yeah. No. The only way I knew of Howard Stern was from the movie private. Exactly. Yeah. Which I never saw. Me neither.

It's a rock stage. Yes. Yes. Of course. We've talked about this. Yeah. Yeah. They definitely feed off to the censored Sibian rights.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is crazy. They censored shit, but they still just showed bitches on the Sibian. Right. Right. Yeah. Cause really the face is.

Yeah. That's all you need. Yeah. The fuck. Yeah. Morning radio. We were left to the locals. That's why I spent a lot of time with the junkies.

Yeah. You know, you remember those guys? They would say donkey. They would call people donkeys and they would say hearting or hurting or some fucking bullshit. I don't remember that. I barely remember HFS. I remember morning. I remember Johnny.

Johnny Riggs was the HFS DJ. It's so funny how like you just become a guy that's like 30. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're all officially 30 now. Yeah. No.

The baby. Me. It's like reminiscing on. I remember I used to listen to the summer radio station in Austin and it would come on it. I'd like be on my commute to work and like the one of the guys from butthole surfers. It was the DJ. Whoa. Man cashed in.

Got the corporate job. Yeah. And I remember like numerous times he would find a way to bring up that he was in butthole surfers. Yeah. And I mean, maybe it was a one-off. I just remember hearing that and being like, wow, this is what the butthole surfers. I mean, I guess it could be worse.

He could be working at a radio shack or be Blake. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. No, Johnny Riggs got caught with a bunch of child pornography. Oh yeah. Dude, there's always scandals with those guys.

There was another guy, I think. Every. Every DJ. Yeah. Every DJ. He wasn't a child pornography guy, but he like. That's how he got the name stat. Yeah.

And you can go either way with that. It could be mustache or it could be a stash of child pornography. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, he was. We're jerking off to child pornography. What up? I'm a journalist.

Every cashier on the morning. What's her name? Cash because I've got a secret. I'm not clearing it for anyone. A secret storage facility under my bed. It's filled with pictures that go back to the 1970s. Grown men, accountants, lawyers, I got them as children jerking off. Right.

So if the child in a child pornography is now an adult legal baby, then it's legal. If you're on her, this man has a mustache and a family now. I should be fine looking at pictures of his uncle sucking him off. Yeah. Okay. If we find out that those kids in those pictures ended up being Trump supporters. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

You wearing a MAGA hat. Yeah. Maybe you deserve. You deserve to beat your racket. Yeah. Let's see that. Let's see that. Let's see that.

Let's see that. Spread that MAGA hold for me. I've been watching a lot of Ellen Page videos and she's really convinced me. Oh, dude. Listen, I've, we've said it many times or maybe we haven't, but we'll pay good money for videos of the boys in Covington getting raped. Yeah. If you have a video, I like to imagine it.

Let's wipe that smirk off his face. Yeah. We're the Ellen Page right now. By having him be, have an adult have sex with him. That's right. Against his will. Yeah. Still smiling fucking.

What's his name? Joker man or some shit? Yeah. Joker man. It's something stupid. It's slender man. Yeah. Slender man.

Yeah. Nick Slender man. It's a dumb name. But what is the slender man? It's like a tween thing. They're like, it's a horrible 12 year olds believe in like a skinny man that lives. Yeah. That kills you with his fingers or something.

Oh, I guess we should say, uh, I'm ready to get my Bernie bro shit fired back up. Hell yeah. You're a girl out there. You don't like Bernie Sanders. Guess who's going to hold you down and rape you? Me. The burn dog. Yep.

I'm fucking sick. We did get a letter from Bernie. It's like Hogwarts. Please stop telling people that you're going to rape them on my behalf. Yeah. If I see a woman running her mouth about Bernie, I'll just fucking. I'll say this right now. I'm going to do as much as I possibly can to not pay attention to this election.

I probably won't vote. But I come town gives a full throated endorsement, a full deep throated endorsement of Bernie Sanders. Absolutely. We do not like his policies. We don't know what they are. Yeah. He seems to be the candidate.

I'm a one issue voter. There's one thing I like. He's made it clear. Yeah. Well, he's only care. He only cares about white men. I mean, he said numerous times, there's no such thing as the black working class. They do not exist.

He said that. He said that verbatim. I don't care about these people. I mean, and like, you know, Hillary voters proved in 2016 that there's no such thing as minorities that embrace any kind of socialist policies. These are things that only white only rich white guys care about rich white men. Yeah. Yeah.

And like that really appeals to me. Like that there's that there's zero, you know, people like AOC or Russian plans, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. It's just fake. She's also a white man. She's a white man. A white man.

Wearing a titty costume. Yeah. They got, yeah. Oh, and let me tell you, they got their money's worth on the titty part of that. As a woman, I can tell you, looking at AOC, there's no way that that woman has better breasts than that. It's not a real woman. There's no way anyone has juiced your tits than me.

A woman that votes for Hillary. I just love it. I love when these relief pictures haircut. These bras, you know, they're complaining about our, our man Bernie Sanders. Right. And then they just talk about how tired they are. Yeah. Because that's really the goal is that we want to get them all sleepy.

Tuckered out. Tuckered out. Keep that glass ceiling intact. So they can't smash you the glass ceiling. I'm just trying to make every woman in this country. Yeah. The glass ceiling. How about this?

Why don't we start working with glass floors, right? Women to the top. Lower. In business. You put a glass floor in there, we can see their pussies. Okay. I like that. We got a boss bitch up there.

Mark and rules and everybody guess what? I can see your post. I'm looking at your labia. I can see your entire vagina. Yup. And asshole. And we're, we're beating off down there. We'd like to invite every Hillary supported to one of those cruises with a glass body

boat. And we will be scuba diving underneath. In shark costume. Beating off shark costume. Dressed like free sharks. I got roller skates on. I'm drowning. You can watch the bubbles are leaving my body as I beat off.

And I'm like. And I'm like. Honestly, I hope that like Kamala and all these fucking losers drop out and Hillary gets back in there. Yeah. We could just play it out again. Yes. Hillary versus Bernie.

Awesome. I kind of miss it. It was those were. No, isn't Biden about to get in the mix? Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. I love every picture of Biden feeling titties and shit.

Yeah. He's like, there's so many pictures of him molesting people. Well, it's, it's just so funny. It's like, cause then if it's Biden, it's not even like a fucking white guy thing anymore with Bernie. It's just, they just have like some pathological hatred of Bernie Sanders, which can only be one of two things. It's like, you don't, you think socialism is bad or you're an anti-Semite.

This is like the only two options left. Yeah. Cause Biden's oldest fuck. Right. Yeah. And his son. He invented brain cancer. Yeah.

So he's got like a weak mind. He's got those bad genes. Yeah. He passed them on. Yeah. That's right. I mean, yeah. Biden is truly a piece of shit.

I like that. Everybody talks about what a hero John McCain is and how tough he was for going to a P. W. camp. And then he's like, I have a headache. I can't do it. It's my job anymore. My head hurts. Wow.

Right. Wow. My head hurts too much to be Senator. Oh, really? Yeah. Grow up fucking bitch. Dude, how old is he? And he's still not grown up.

Yep. Well, yeah, he's dead. Yeah. He's dead. I'm glad. Hey, rest in peace. All right. To a soldier.

To a fucking bitch. To a real soldier. S O U L. A real no limit. As you know, 85% of our listeners are first responders. What was that? I don't know some stupid shit. 85%.

Those numbers. Number one, there's a way to track that. Yeah. Number two. That is our 85%. As you know, 85% of our listeners are military first responders. He said, yeah, he said military or first responders. Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. That's a ridiculous claim. I know. I love it. But yeah, I can't wait for politics, man. I'm about to get my. I want Cory. Is Cory Booker really fuck guys?

No, no, no. Oh yeah, probably. Yeah, he's good. But he was rumored to date that hot ass woman with the big ass titties. Aaron Rogers. No, no, no, no, no. Who are you talking about? Fuck.

She's got like a big mouth, big teeth. Oh yeah, yeah. Rosario Dawson. Rosario Dawson. Yeah, yeah. She was dating Eric Andre. Yeah. Rosario Dawson.

She's so hot. I saw a picture of her like a year ago. Maybe it was like two years ago or whatever. And I was just like looking at it and like, I guess I haven't seen Rosario Dawson since she was in like rent, maybe. Mm hmm. Yeah. And she was in rent.

Introduced to her in Spike Lee's 25th hour. I was introduced to her. I don't remember where, but I was, I was very well introduced to her in the stills from Alexander, where you can see her titties. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Oh yeah, brother. The Colin Farrell. Oh yeah.

And Greeks were real mad because they made Alexander sort of gay. He was gay. He was definitely gay. But I think you just fucking suck at everything. Yeah, we're all gay as shit. Wait, what were you saying? You saw a picture of her a year ago and she looked good, Nick? Oh no, I just like quietly remarked like, oh, she's gotten old.

She's not hot anymore. No, she's hot. No, she's hot. Well, I just said that. It was a bad picture or whatever. Have you ever, you know that monologue from 25th hour where the guys... I don't think we finished talking. Yeah, yeah, we'll go ahead.

The monologue from... He was clearly speaking. No, no, it's all right. He said and. It's not going anywhere. No. He was just saying how he thought she was ugly and then he realized she's still hot. Well, that's a tail.

Where's it going to go? No, that's not where it was going. But you go ahead. Oh, sorry, sorry. No, never mind. I don't care to tell the story. Well, you go ahead. Do you go back to your...

No, no, no. Hold on. I'm trying to find this thing somebody sent me. Is it a picture? Okay. It's not a picture. I'm looking at... I'm trying to find this Ellen Page article.

Oh, yeah. What's that guy's name? Is it Elijah? Elijah Dushku. No. Elijah Wood? No, from Twitter. Microsoft incel.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Is he... Did he get banned again? He's banned for posting child pornography. Damn it. All right, P. Yet another... You gotta stop doing that, my man.

Eli... Yeah, Eli... Did he get banned like a year or two ago? Like Shane. Yeah, he always has banned. He's one of our famous pedophile. Yeah. It's a...

As you know, 85... Shout out to... Shout out to Pedophile Eli for sending me this article. At Microsoft Incel. At Microsoft Incel. He is a pedophile. AKA Pedophile Eli for... I think his ad is different.

Well, whatever it is, find the guy who used to be... Yeah. Microsoft Incel. Whatever he is now, he's a pedophile. Oh, I also want to say, shout out to the cumboy who gave me acid on my birthday. You really came through in the clutch. Shout out to the guy who gave stuff ass on his birthday. Yeah, that juicy butthole felt so good on my cock.

And he wanted me to say that one of his friends... That was a cool move by Eldest to have his birthday party at a crowded bar, so everyone thought he was like, cool. Oh, so you think all these people are here to see Eldest? Yeah, they were. They weren't. No one was there. Eldest was the bell of the ball.

That was a great... Hey, that was a fun time. It was Eldest's debut. We looked cute. His spring debut. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Where the fuck is...

I want to... He also wanted me to say one of his friends was gay. Yeah, they all want that. But you can't give them what they want. I do, though. Because then they keep coming back. No, he came through in the fucking clutch, dude. Yeah, I don't give homeless people money.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because then they're just going to keep coming back saying, ooh, can I have more money? Can I hang out with you and your girlfriend? Oh, yeah? Does that happen to you? Yeah. And did you hang out with the homeless guy?

You give a bum a dollar. And what else do you make them do? What do you mean? For the money. Well, obviously you have to make them do little dance. Sort of a tap dancing routine. Oh, Sam is a fag, I would like to say. Yeah, Sam.

Sam who? That's just what the guy who gave me acid told me to say. Oh, that's your payment. Yeah. Just saying Sam is a fag. Who's this guy? Pedophile Mike? Yeah, pedophile Jimmy.

All our friends. As we know, 85% of our fans are first responder pedophiles. USMC pedophile first responder. 85% of our fans are military first graders. They're either they're either tier one operators or six years old. Should we fucking enlist? Yeah. I'll enlist, dude.

Dude. I just watched. What's the what's the what's the oldest? You should watch. And it was like, I was like, damn, maybe I should be on like a fucking illegal ass fucking black ops squad. Dude, I would love to. I would love to be fucking Josh Brolin in that movie.

Dude, he rules. It's just a complete spoof. Yeah, 100%. DA or CIA? CIA. There's CIA? No, it's about an FBI agent. It's like brought in on a task force.

You don't really know too much about the intelligence. Oh, I know. He's a stupid person. I know all about intelligence. I know a lot about the day of this. How funny is that that the FBI goes around calling themselves the intelligence committee? That does rule. Actually, I never considered that.

We're part of a program called the S N O E. It stands for the smartest snow program. Snow protocol. Anyway, you know what it's on earth. Yeah, we were all pretty fucked up when we came up with that. You can email me at agent Johnson at S N O E dot FBI dot gov. The intelligence community, the intelligence community. Yeah, it's a beautiful day here in the intelligence community.

Half of them are just like trying to, to, you know, pretend to be the little girls in chat rooms, right? So then yeah, that's mostly what the hardworking pedophiles is that so watch out pedophile Eli. They arrest a lot of retarded Muslims who the FBI and send them to Gitmo. Like mostly Gitmo is like just a puzzle room. Yeah. Mostly it's just like blocks and didn't they sort of harass like some Muslim guys after

9 11 that were like straight up course 65 IQ. Yeah. They tricked the guy into like fake doing a terrorist attack. And then they arrested him for doing a terrorist attack. That's actually pretty fun. I got to salute that move. No, there was a there was a handful of them that were like like borderline entrapment. Yeah.

Yeah. But I don't know if any of them have been like determined to be entrapment by the courts. No, they got away with it all. Yeah. That's whatever. Um, it's a fucked up world after watching Zikario. I realized it's a fucked up world out there. Yeah.

Who's the good guys? Who's the bad guys? Who's the bad guys? The ending of Zikario is great though. But he's just some other fucking like, yeah, drug dealer or whatever. Yeah. And then he's just getting revenge. He's a hit man who wants revenge.

Yeah. Yeah. He's like, yeah, we could use this tour. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. He did. I can't wait for this. I haven't seen the second one.

I heard it's bad. It's been out for a year. The day of the soldado. It's not bad, Adam. Shut the fuck up. I heard the second one. Shut the fuck up, Adam. I didn't see it.

I didn't see it. Don't say it's bad. I said I heard it. Well, you're fucking bringing negative energy into this fucking podcast. I like to go into every movie thinking it's bad and then I could be pleasantly surprised. No, apparently they had to remove the want to see meter from the new Captain Marvel movie. Oh yeah. Cause everyone's mad.

It's a woman. Well, from what I've read is that they're mad that she has bad feet. Really? Yeah. We're just gross looking. According to what I've heard. It's not to me. Bree, if you're out there, I'll suck your toes.

Dasha hates her. Why? She hates her. Why? She apparently she's a big cut. Oh, so what? This bitch is just going to be named after cheese. Bree.

That is a good point. She had a big like anti-groping like thing under me to against sound guys that put on your like actresses laugh mics. Shut up. She's like, yeah, they graze. They graze. That's part of the job, baby. What if that's where the perks of the gig.

She had another like thing about like getting hit on by a TSA agent, like a tweet or something, which is like, you're just you're just shitting on peasants. You're just so many of the guys at MSG would cut my nuts. And I didn't say anything. The peasants, the voice of the peasants, my nuts. I am the voice of the peasants. Yeah. Me and Bernard.

Yeah. That's another thing that those dumb bitches do. They call him Bernard Sanders. Like that's supposed to be a fucking insult. Yeah. Sounds cool. He sounds black. Barack Obama, Barry.

Yeah. That sounds tight. Yeah. Barry Obama sounds like he plays. How about we start calling Barry Weiss Barack Weiss. Barack Hussein Weiss. Yeah. I saw it.

I saw a dumb tweet from somebody that was like about Bobby Jindal or whatever. It's like all the people that get mad about Barack Hussein Obama are probably going to be pretty pleased about Priyush Bobby Jindal or whatever. It's like, you understand that the point of the Barack Hussein Obama thing is that it sounds like Saddam Hussein. Yeah. It's not that it's a foreign name. Fucking idiot.

It's like, wait, whatever dumb point you're trying to make, just expose your own racism. Yeah. I know. That was so funny when they thought he was the future of the Republican Party and then he opened his mouth and he just sounded like, he sounded like Kenneth from 30 Rock. He really does. Yeah. He sounds like a man that's never gotten pussy in a day in his life.

Hi. How's it going? Imagine how poorly Bobby Jindal fucks. Dude. He's so little and skinny. Yeah. He's probably got bad dick game. Yeah.

He's got a high pitched voice. You don't want to hear that motherfucker whisper in your ear. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know he wore suits to school. To high school. A hundred percent. He was the suit kid.

He was a clear roller back then. You know what would be a cool combo? A suit kid, but also a kid who pulls his pants all the way down. That would be awesome. A kid who fully removes his suit to become naked. Yeah. He puts it on a hanger and thinks of pissing a urine hole. He gets butt ass naked.

That would be good. Miles, why are they laughing at you? Did you take your suit off again? No. Yes, he did. It gets wrinkly. I wanted to get wrinkles before speech. The big speech tournament.

The big speech tournament. That guy's in speech, dude. Is he? Of course he is. You see this article about how Bill Hicks is canceled. Yeah, that's awesome. It really makes sense to cancel him. But if you read the article, it's weird.

It's the Guardian interviewing like open micers in London. Yeah. And then they don't even make a point about how he's misogynist. It's like, yeah, he does yelling and stuff. They actually were way late. They're like, this is pretty good. He says some stuff that doesn't hold up. Because yelling is like rape.

Yeah, yeah. If you think about it. If you really think about it, it's almost like he's right with you. He's right. He's over and gone in your pussy. If you really think about it. That is so weird. And especially to drop it on the 25th anniversary of his death.

I know. That's sick. Drag him. Yeah. No, it's great, dude. I want more of this shit. I wanted to get to a point where it's like, every comedian except Nanette is bad.

I don't even want it to be. Nanette is good. I want, we hate everybody but dead or alive. Now that's coming through with the follow up dude, apparently. She got Nanette too. Nanette too. It's called like Fred or something. Yeah, turtles in time.

Secret of the youth. Dude. Teenage Nanette Ninja Turtles. It's named something. Michelangelo, he was raped. Donatello, he was also raped. Leonardo, he's the one that's a little bit more chill, but he was also raped.

Teenage Nanette Ninja Turtles. Teenage Nanette Ninja Turtles. Teenage Nanette Ninja Turtles. Turtles. I was raped. Turtle power. Turtle being raped. Yo, you think Splinter raped the turtles, dude?

Did he? Splinter was a Japanese man trapped in a rat's body? Yeah, yeah. Because of sorcery or something. What was it? Chemicals. No, no, no. Splinter, and I didn't watch, I mean I watched the show.

You know what? I remember the movie. He was the pet of like a samurai. Oh yes. And then he trained. He watched him and did all the movies. Shredder killed his master or whatever. And then he became big from Slime.

Remember the movie starts with a little rest? Yes. I really do. Now that you're talking about it. Thank you. That is, I literally am seeing it exactly like that. It's the little cage and he's doing karate. Who's the hockey?

Studied my master. Who's the hockey mask guy? What hockey? Oh, Casey Jones. Casey Jones. Yeah. And he gets some pussy off April. Played by Greek actor.

That's right. Elias, what's his name? I don't know. I don't know. But it's a point of pride. Yeah. A great point of pride for the community. He's one of the top five.

Well, it was funny because it's like he did that movie. And I think right after that, he went completely bald. And it was like, well, that's in you. Yeah. And it literally was. He was a fucking... That's why Billy Zane is a genius. 100%.

Because he started going slightly bald and he just shaved his head completely. And he's like, yeah, give me a wig. Wigs, I'm hot as shit. Just put a wig on me. I'm beautiful. Give me a wig. Yeah. Just let me wear wigs.

Should I just get a wig? Yeah, you should. Of course you should, dude. People are going to be like, is that Billy Zane? After I do John Wick for Halloween, I'm going to do Billy Zane. Honestly, Titanic would make a way more sense if someone would look like you played the husband. That's true. It's like he's a rich guy.

Yeah, why is he cheating on a hot ass Billy Zane? Smart. Yeah. He's bringing her on. I mean, I've made this point before. Yeah. You know, I mean... Some fucking guy from Stilwich.

Well, I don't get how an also hot guy, but a different style of hot guy would make sense then. You know what I mean? That's greedy of her. Yeah. She's a cut. Rosie is a cut. She wants to, she wants to pander to the working class until it's time to share your door

or whatever. Once the ship says. And then those people can fucking die. Yeah. Billy Zane is pretty much the OG cuck for that role. He truly got cucked wildly up and down. But he lived. He lived, right?

I love that he stole some poor guy's daughter to be like, please, I'm all she had. Yep. And, but it's also like, I don't understand that doesn't make any sense. Cause it's like, would you, the rest of the kids are like just not on the boat with their parents? Right, right, right. No, they get their moms. Yeah.

But you know, so, but listen, hey, hold on. But now I got, what's next? The violin guy is going to, they get their own boat or something? I don't know. You know, I mean, there's a lot of, there's many different angles. You can come into this. You know what they could have done? They could have used that Kathy Bates as a, as a flotation device.

Everyone crawls into her pussy. Yeah. That's a whale for Pinocchio. That's a big, big woman. Oh yeah. Do you remember the movie where she's naked? Yeah. Cause she's also, she's new money.

So she's sympathetic. Yeah. Yeah. How did she get rich? Well, I was the first woman to invent camming. Nobody liked big pussy until you put it on the internet. Yeah. Yeah.

Me, I'm a, I'm a proud, loud, big fat bitch. Made all my money being a big bitch. Kathy Bates, chatter bait, Kathy Bates. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a huge bitch about 15, 15 clicks out of here. Fuck. Yeah.

I want to see the, where are the movie, what did Billy Zayn do with that girl? Did he raise her as his daughter? Yeah. You know, does he wait? weight. Well he kind of groomed her. Well he makes her trans and then the sequel to Titanic is there will be blood. Oh interesting. What else was he doing? Because the gentleman if I say I'm a family man you will agree. No I won't. Shut up. Look what they've done to my boy. That's him after they cut his dick off to make him trans. Dad it was my choice. I actually got a writing job by

pitching the trans father sketch. Oh yeah. They massacred my boy. Look how they massacred my boy. May your first child be a masculine child. Look how they massacred my boy. You'll come to me on this the day of my daughter's transition. Damn sunny with tits and pussy. That would be an aggressive woman. I don't know that I like to have sex with James Khan as a woman. Yeah. He's you know he's kind of barrel chested. You can imagine a pair of tits on there. I guess kind of like like Stormy Daniels. She does have those. Yeah. She has that wide. She's got kind of a powerful powerful power titty. Not that good look. Honest. Not that stormy. I mean it doesn't really appeal. Although she was the porn star from

four year old Virgin. Wasn't she. You can count. You can bet on it. Oh I would love to bet on it. bettsi.com. Hell yeah. I love bettsi.com. I do you. Yeah because they fucking pay out winners dude. They pay out winners dude. If you're a loser stay the fuck out. Get the pedophile Josh or whoever. As you know eighty eighty ninety seven percent of our listeners fucking loser are winners and first responders. That's right. And pussy getting pussy getting. And they only win at bettsi.com. That's right. They got so much good shit man. You got they got a fucking mobile app. One of the things I like the most about bettsi.com is that they have a ticket system. So you know you put in a thousand dollars. Let's say you gamble on something you win like six thousand dollars.

You don't get some fucking boring six thousand dollars back. Nope. You get six thousand dollars worth of tickets to their tokens to their cool gift shop. Where you can get things like vampire teeth. Yeah like the vampire teeth. You know rings with spiders. Right. An inflatable bullet bill from Mario. The equivalent of seventy seventy five dollars. Yeah. I was like I love when Dave and Buster is fucked up and they added like you could just buy the shit in the cage or whatever you see what they're charging for it. And it's like oh this is this room. Because I remember I remember there was a pair of night vision goggles at Dave and Buster as a kid and I was like man if I could get those night vision. And then I just of course was

imagining myself spying on girls trying to put on their clothes. Seeing green titties. Me going around my neighborhood at like eight years old is a peeping time. The fantasy that I had. So if I could just if I could be good enough at time crisis to to spy on Jack off at seventh graders. And that's right. That's what that's what fucking bet the aside let's you do. That's what they stand behind every every game you win. You go on bet.com you play poker. Right. I'm assuming it's a poker website. Yeah. Yeah. Exclusively online poker bet the inside that come premier. You got monopoly. They got life. You can flip a coin and take a video of it and be like heads or tails. Right. You take the video of you flipping a coin.

You mail it to your friends. Bet the aside works as some sort of escrow service. You have your hand like. Yeah. You don't. Yeah. You have it covered. Yeah. So they can't tell. Yeah. But it just makes bet the aside makes me think that that casino is seeing from the scene from the movie Mafia. You remember that. What's that. It's like a bunch of people. It's a bunch of people sitting at like a card table or whatever and the tide above it. It just says you lose the money or whatever. The guy puts the money down and he's like you lose. Yeah. Mafia was good man. That movie is hilarious. My favorite line of that movie is when it's like supposed to be like old New York or whatever and then like WAP immigrant is like Andy come to the duck fights and he just

holds up a duck that's got boxing gloves. Yeah. I remember that part. I was like that's because it's so stupid. So stupid. Anyways unlike this show where we're promoted or sponsored by bet the aside.com and Kathy Bitt and Kathy Bitt's the premier sports betting website. They got 24 7 customer service. They got an award winning mobile app 24 7. You can use the app and call up their customer service from anywhere in the world. That's right. This is the only app that offers this feature. The only one. The only one where you can bet on stuff. Yep. And they've been in business over 20 years. What are you fucking shut up. Think about that. 1999. That's a long ass time. I know back when Tony Hawk was still the king of the king when he was king when Hawk

was king. I would have bet he would have been president. I mean I still would. I mean he probably could be president if Tony Hawk ran against Trump. Yeah. Tony. Yeah. Tony Hawk would win. Do you think Eminem would be Trump. That's like our food. Yeah. Eminem would for sure be Trump. You think that takes a lot of his base. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I guess so. But if he did that gay ass rap again maybe Trump would win. A million a million noises. I've got boys is in my basement because now I'm doing gay shit with a seven year old holes are all over my nuts. I'm getting old but who cares because I stay young by fucking a kid. I'll do a bid for that. That's pretty good. That's his whole thing. That sounds exactly like that's basically that was no but it's more like

this awfully hard coffee pot. It's a guy from Boston. No. I lost it. I lost it. Or you lost it. Or awfully hard coffee pot. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that kind of sounded Boston. Thank you for telling me I did it wrong. So you could do that. Yeah. Yeah. Nick did freestyle which was impressive honestly. That was a good free stuff. And then you just kind of said the bars that he has already written. Yeah. The first in a bad as a gay guy for which if you wanted to participate that's fine. But to tell me no. Right. I did it wrong. Yeah. I don't know about it. You know where you can't go wrong though. It's literally impossible to lose. You can't lose live in game wagering. You know what that is hot coffee. Live in game wagering. So you're watching the big game. You

know you guys are. I'm playing Mario 64. I'm not watching the game. I'm recreating my childhood. Wow. You know that's awesome. As a grown as a grown child get my child my child for real. Bet you say is a great mobile app that's easy to use from anywhere. They offer live in game wagering. You know what that means. No. You're watching the game. Yeah. And you can change your mind. Yep. For sure. You make plays throughout the entire year which is awesome. You know I love that place like Tom from Miller's Crossing. That's a good. That's a name. Yeah. It's about play Leo. We've got to go and bet the aside. We've got to put down $40 at the Danes having gay sex. Jesus Tom. There's no way of knowing that. Listen I'm going to ask Steve Buscemi to marry me.

You don't want to do that Leo. Why such a sweet girl. Is he in that movie? Yeah. Is he only in one scene? He's literally only in one scene. Yeah. I rewatched that movie. Jesus Tom we're just talking. Pretty cool. Why is Dean going to find out about that? Yeah. I love that movie. The movie is great. I love it almost as much as I love bet the aside.com. That's right. So let's get through this here. What are we going to be betting on this week folks? Well tonight if you're listening to this today I'm perusing the games. You know Clippers of Jazz is the Clippers are getting nine and a half points. They still want to make the playoffs. But what are the Clippers? Is it named after like haircut place? I think a shitty little boat.

Oh okay. I thought that was weird. Yeah. Oh great clips. Yeah. Look at the haircut team. A haircut there I think was like $3. What? I think it was the cheapest haircut place. There's super cuts. There's Clippers. Great. Great clips was cheaper. Great clips. I used to go to hair cuttery. Yes. Hair cuttery. But my barbershop was the hair cuttery behind the Roy Rogers across from Lake Forest Mall. There you go. And we're painting a picture. Yes. Which I did not. I thought that Roy Rogers was gone. It's still there. It's still there. Because somebody called me out on it like it's still there. Really? Yeah. I went and saw my dad and it's still there. Wow. Yeah. Did you get a roast beef sammy? No. I guess I just stopped going to Roy Rogers.

Yeah. Probably. That's what happened. I think it was a hair cuttery was in the front of East Point Mall, the entrance by McDonald's. And McDonald's is no longer there. And by Aladdin's arcade. That's no longer there. It'd be interesting if McDonald's is still there. It's not. We have a weird thing with haircuts. I don't think it is. But you know what is still there? The brass hen, which is a Chinese fried chicken spot. So check it out at East Point Mall. We're also sponsored by East Point Mall. Yeah. East Point Mall in conjunction with Bette. They're the same company. So when you sign up, make sure you use promo code come 120 so they know we send you and you sign up. You've got some options. You can just play and cash out.

You can take the bonus money, which is like getting a casino comp upfront before you play at the tables. It's got a rollover requirement, but it's free cash. So if you're going to be in the sports book, which is where we like to get low gambling there, if you use promo code come 120 up to $1,000, they're going to give you 60% bonus cash, which would turn 1,000 into 1600 to play with. Hell yeah. So if you like playing with shit, you know what I'm talking about? Like my dick and balls. Quit playing with your penis. You kids got us. All right. So once again, that's bettyside.com. Come on, 20. Let's start the show. What are you doing? Is that like AC DC or something? I think what it was. I wasn't really thinking you know what I want to do now that I

have the ability to make shirts and get them. I tried. I tried to learn screen printing when I was like 20. And I couldn't do it. I just kept fucking it up with some like cheap fucking screen printing kit my roommate had. But I want to make shirts that it's like the AC DC logo, but it's ABDL for adult baby diaper lover. That's good. Yeah. I would watch that. I would wear that. I'm going to make a I'm going to make Bernie t-shirts sell them online. Give all the money to Trump. What or battered women. No, dude. What's worth who who who are more harmful to society. Yeah. You're gonna be great if Bernie Sanders like completely copied Hillary Clinton's camp 2016 campaign and won that would actually. So he's like, I'm here with Beyonce and Cedar Rapids

and watch what's chilling. It just works. Yeah. Just Bernie with Cardi B in the city girls. Well, Ellen, I will tell you, I've been doing the name lately. Most recently, I've been involving myself in the name. Hey, that would rock my cock. Yeah, it would be. Listen, we I bet you could get more people to be like to vote for Bernie if they were like imagine how mad it would make Hillary. That's how you fucking get center center like Republicans. What do you mean? Oh, like as a troll, think about how much as a troll to crooked. Yeah, like crooked. She would hate. They would. She would hate it more than Trump winning for real. I bet Hillary would rather Trump win again than Bernie. It'd be interesting to see

like because I would like a rehash of the 2016 election. Like I want Hillary to run to see how many people who vote for Hillary do not vote for Bernie in the general election. Yes, when it's like the stakes are even higher this time because of the they won't they won't. They'll be like it would probably be. It would probably be like a horrific number. Probably like 45 percent of everything that they fucking accused Bernie Sanders people of doing. Yeah, they will actually do and worse right in 2008, like more Hillary people voted for McCain than Bernie 25 percent of them. Of course they did. Twenty five percent of them went to McCain because they didn't want to support and then they and then they'll even a turban and shit like Hillary was like fucking. She was

the one that started all the fucking birth or shit. Yeah, dumb bitch, dude. Fuck Hillary. God damn. I hope she comes back though. I do. That would rule. That would be hilarious. I would love it if and then they like there's somehow we get rid of the electoral college at the same time that we get rid of presidential term limits. They think that that's like a good move. Yeah. And then that's when Trump starts winning the put the popular vote. Yeah. And then it's every every four years. Hillary loses to Donald Trump over and over and over again until the Chinese invade. I'm enlisting in the fucking Red Army, dude. Yeah. When that shit happens, the bread army, the bread army. Yeah. Let me get I'm fucking General Sauer doing that motherfucker, dude.

I'm I'm fucking I'm a five star Chabot a general when that shit happens. Damn. Now I'm thinking about the bread army for real. Yeah. The bread army would be cool. I want a big. I want to eat a big loaf. Fuck dude. A big loaf of bread. I'm trying to think of bread. Bread army puns. I'm getting stuck here. Okay, let's see here. What kind of we have to start with different kinds of different kinds of weight? Didn't we fall into this trap a year and a half ago with bands? That's right. That's right. Yeah, I was wondering why Pantera bread kept coming in my head because I'm like, well,

there's pans or tanks and that doesn't really fit. But why do I keep thinking of Panera and Pantera? Because this is one of the critical failures of my career was falling short with bread Zeppelin. And causey Osborne after the causey the stretch because I think we went from Pantera to causey Osborne. Yeah. And it was like, well, if we did, but Panera, but Panera bread didn't have itself was kind of a stretch. We don't have to re litigate them up the bread. All right. All right. Let's get to work. I want to just listen to that episode. Yeah. Can we play it on one of our mics? You want to do a clip set sometime? Yeah, we should honestly. We should mystery science theater our own show and be like, Oh, yeah, that was funny. Oh,

instead of Taoism, it's Dohism. Oh, you're thinking of Chinese bread stuff. Well, yeah, because it's red army and then bread army. But I mean, you could do any kind of military shit. Yeah, you know, the options are wide open with this one. And we're we're failing. Yeah, Colonel. So that's you could be like, uh, Oh, fuck. Um, the croissant anistas. That's that's yeah. Mm hmm. Croissant anistas. It's pretty good. Yeah. Um, hmm. Um, uh, baguette. Yeah. Oh, but yeah, like a bayonet. Yeah. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Pumper nickel back. That's a band. That's not yet. You're just doing it again. Not only that, that was probably some something someone else said on the bread episode. Maybe.

Yes. It's very possible. The odds are I'm not calling you out for I don't know, but odds are we can if I had to, if I was a bet DSIing man, I would say, well, we could bet on that. We can listen back. Let's listen to the whole bread episode. I love the middle of that. I can't. I would love to just do a come down clip show. That would be it. But just we're doing it on our phones, but to really produce it. Well, where it's like, man, we've had so much fun. Remember that time? Yeah. And then we're just cuts back to his laughing. Yeah. That would get great. That would be great. That would be great. I would love to do. The dream is an episode entirely in Mandarin Chinese. You know, we could do it. Probably. I mean, I would have to write

an hour of Mandarin Chinese. Do we know any Mandarin Chinese people that can help us? No, we don't. What about your old roommates? They would not help me. My there might be. I bet you we know a person. So I'm sure they don't remember me either. Yeah. Well, how many white people do you think they've lived with? I don't know. You're probably you're probably remember. You're probably the foremost honky in their lives. You think they would forget about you ever? Those people don't have memories. What's going on? They're always moving forward. The bread army, huh? Oh, let's get back to that. Oh, commandos. Yeah, commandos. Money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's say easy money because no one said it. Right. I'm saying I'm saying good. We're getting

rolling. It's see you. You don't have to take it all as a I'm saying good. Yeah. It's a positive that we're getting the easy money. That's how you start. Um, seal seal team six grain, like a six. Okay. Like a six. Okay. Okay. I don't know about that one. All right. Um, Peter, you know, we do is people people for the no PI. Yeah, but they're they're they're economic or they're environmental terrorists. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. We're really stretching. No, the already. No, we're being creative. Let's see. It's so funny how many TV shows like this is like what work is during the day. Yeah, that's true. He's doing this kind of shit and actually maybe making $4,000 a week to do it. Yeah.

Yeah. For like at midnight or whatever. Oh, yeah. Do they still have that show on TV? No, but Chris, but you can't keep old Chrissy down. He's back. He's working. I'm glad you're back and it's a show where Chris Hardwick is just eaten by rats. He's a bunch of he's at the bottom of the cage and he's like, uh, Star Trek, the next generation. Uh, uh, you know, I don't know. Right. Batman Garfield, you know, the Joker Renaissance festival slowly consumed by the rats like T2. No, he's just throwing out references to nerd bullshit. Well, he sinks into the pile of rats like the Terminator. Oh, that's good. And he's like, look at me sinking into the pile of rats like the Terminator. Because that's also a reference that he would make. Yeah. You know,

because there's zero difference between me and Chris Hardwick. You guys. Yeah. You treat women the same. We're both billionaires. You don't play mind games with your girlfriend. Yeah. Like Chris hard. Oh, he does. He does big. Every, every night I forced my wife to play a trivial pursuit with me and she loses. And you better be careful, man. You're gonna get called out for that. She's just got like bruises all over her face and like the blood is like trickling down from her nose and she's like, you memorized all of the cards already. And I'm like, is it my fault that you didn't? For my gaming chair. You're white alone and you're beating her physically because I've memorized all of the cards. Just spending four hours doing

a husband under God. God wouldn't have a problem. All right. Crust. Crust, were you gonna say crust? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know for what. Crust Cole from True Detective. Yeah. Well, he's fun like the army. Tom is a piece of flat bread. Nice. That's right. Crust Cole and scene and I just imagine we ran across the stage like a horrible improv. Yeah. And it's a new scene. We're joking about going to like the wit or whatever the source and then everything. It's like, oh, I'm gay and I'm so good. Go to some improv jam and we're like an indie troop and we're just like pretend to suck each other off every scene. We're gay guys. We're homos. We're homos with each other and just

running across and starting a new one and just clapping it. We're at the gay sex museum. It's like, oh, I'm a caveman. I'm gay sex. Me liking. I'm gay sex caveman. A million years later. Oh, I say, governor, the colonies would be even better if we were to butt fuck each other. Yeah. One of the worst things in the world is when they do like someone's playing piano and they make up like musicals. Have you ever seen that? I've never seen singing improv. Oh my God, it's brutal. No, that sounds horrible. Yeah, it is fucking horrible to do improv. I hate performance. I hate comedy. I hate music. Oh, speaking of performance that Nick's going to hate, we're going to be in DC on March 30th. We're doing a live stand up show at the Black Cat.

We're coming back. We're doing a live stand up show at the early show and then the late show will be a live podcast. So come see both shows. It's going to be fun where it's part of the DC Underground Comedy Festival. Those tickets are on sale now. Some of you already bought some. Please go buy them and we'll tweet about it and all this other shit too. And actually, I believe my friend Adam, do you have some things to plug? Yeah. I'm going to be in Chicago and Milwaukee and all Claire with Eau Claire Wisconsin. Hell yeah. With Racine. Major markets. Major markets in the major markets first. Dude, I'm hitting all the big cities like Eau Claire. Oh, how about the E Claire for Claire Claire, Wisconsin. We Claire born. Here we go. Yes. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. It's

more of a dessert, but we will take whatever we sure. Yeah. It's bread with custard in it. But that counts. I do three, three, March 22nd, Chicago, 23rd, Milwaukee, 24th. Your little road dog that weekend before DC. And then yeah. And then we have funny moms the next night next night and then March 30th. Like we said, big show. Please come to that. And I'll be out with my Christine who's a very talented, much more talented standup comedian. Italian to Italian to and I'll be all the retarded. I'll post the links on Twitter, special bread education. That's okay. Yeah. Your son's got Dose, Dones syndrome. Yeah. Well, the doctor said my brain is made out of dough. I'm sorry, but your, your son's brain is made out of uncooked

dough. Oh my God. What does that mean? Well, he's, well, he's just retarded. You can tell what it means to hang out with him. Yeah. That's, that's you've seen him try to navigate the refrigerator. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah. Uh, chautism. Chocotalk. Chocotalk. Chocotalk. I didn't check. Did anyone call Nathan Phillips, shitting bull? No. That's good though. It is good because he's a liar. Yeah

What I have said what I've always said is that I have never stepped foot in South Vietnam This is that cut that that I'm a Vietnam vet. Yeah So I just telling his lies like a crazy old guy and then I had to get on TV. It's really not his fault Yeah, I mean, it's the fucking media's fault. Yeah, how many fucking dumb motherfuckers claimed to be of course He's just some like drunk You know what he seems like a pretty chill guy. Yeah, if it weren't for it Yeah, if you weren't if it weren't for all that bullshit He's like a guy that you would just take with a grain of salt. Yeah, you'd be like, oh, I'm sure oh

You got a grenade launcher at Ho Chi Minh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right like that's cool, man Yeah, that would be a cool guy to hang out with at the bar. Just listen to his bullshit Yeah, you can spend a couple hours just kind of leading him on and yeah, yeah, yeah seeing how much you could get him. Oh, and then what happened? By I'm a fucking sandwich. Oh, make him suck your dick. What? Yeah, this this episode kind of peaked with with big-bitch Kathy No, I made all my money being a big bitch That's why they got me here on the boat because I made all my big-bitch money and now I'm the big-bitch on the boat Mm-hmm the big bitch of the West don't you see her pussy or something and Yeah, you know, you're pussy you see your tips your big old hitter bush you get tits and you get bush

Yeah, it's full frontal Really? Mm-hmm. That's Disgusting I remember people being mad about that shit Just an old lady was naked in a movie Yeah, cuz you see that shit. Oh No I mean, I'm upset

Yeah, I mean the kimono is nice pull up Rosario Dawson's Sam B do full frontal in her show Yeah, her pussy's out every single year pussy. You can see your pussy when she's like Mm-hmm. I went to go talk to real working-class people She finds like you see that segment. No, she went to like Pittsburgh to meet up with like the black the black women that represent The real working class. Who are they? I don't know like nurses and stuff because she's she's like yeah coal miners don't exist. What? Yeah Well, I gotta say Rosario Dawson is so fucking hot. She's amazing. Yeah. God shout out to Rosario Do you see the front line on on black long Jesus Christ? No, watch Alex. It's insane

I don't know. They changed something with like the way mining works or produces all this like silica dust So now miners just get black long like I mean, it's like worse Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, that should sucks, dude Poor miners, dude. Yeah, there's something weird about Rosario Dawson. What what are you talking about dude? Look at this This is fun. Look at this shit, dude. Do you remember the movie kids? She was in that too, right? I don't know. She kind of she's got like She seems like she's wearing a human skin. No, I mean, what are you talking about?

She looks like some kind of like a sexy alien No, not like like a shape shifter or something like I don't give a fuck. She was bernie She can she can shape shift her pussy on top of my nuts as far as I'm concerned If she shape shifted into a man while I was fucking her I wouldn't be thrilled But how about a mutant whose power is he's a shape shitter? And he can like shit out play-doh shapes That would be a little star asshole That's the thing I didn't get about X-Men is these are just supposed to be like genetic variations and it's like

What qualifies what's a mutant and what isn't, you know, right? Yeah, exactly Didn't you didn't you have great questions about yeah, a guy with a very little The guy with a really small dick being in that the Xavier Academy and he's like small dick guy Like we didn't have the heart to tell It's not a superpower He's like come on this mission guys or like I why don't you hang back? Why did you maybe someone with a very little pussy? Into the school and he's fucked and then Magneto is like the only way you can rescue Wolverine

Is if someone fucks this child without killing it? They're like fuck What are the odds? How the fuck did we not God damn it Uh poor small dick guy and bees bees like let me try they're like no bees Like you lose I'm sorry professor. I thought maybe I could do it. He's just got infant blood all over his cross

Oh, she has that the phrase you're being beast in the last one that Brett Ratner directed. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah I fucking love Frazier dude. I fucking love Kelsey Grammer Me too, man We use such a natural talent dude. It's crazy how I'm deniable how well This ed buck thing is like staying out of the news What's ed what thing ed buck the democratic donor that murdered to get Yeah, what the fuck and I mean, it's like like there's a lot of things where it's like how about this It's like all this what about ism and the media doesn't want to be like

Probably participate in like this what about ism, but like he's murdered to black gay black guys. Yes. Yes Yeah, and he's like and it's like like one is like, okay. I guess with a good enough lawyer There's not enough evidence. You could say it was an accident. Yeah, but like three weeks later The exact same shit happened And it's like you have to you have to fucking talk. He's like, yeah, he's a huge donor Uh, yeah, well, I'm surprised. I think that the It seems like the epsin thing is looping back around on the guy Well, it's because it's like a hard work from the folks at the Miami Herald who probably all commit suicide in the next

month What's his name a costa The I don't know the names of the journalists at the Miami No, no, no secretary of labor. Yeah, but that's not who's doing you didn't listen to what I said I know I heard you go on and The Miami Herald like had those like, you know that long expose and then they've been reporting on it ever since then. Yeah So you think they're gonna dot they're gonna get got Well, what they found was like

the deal like The there was some it's pretty insane that guy is now the labor secretary. There was some like, uh, uh, like Playboy model or whatever in argentina That like announced that she had evidence of a pedophile ring or whatever And still like started because she was like this like call girl for elites basically Right and claim she had like evidence of of a pedophile ring and like posted on social media She's like, I'm not gonna kill myself. I'm not gonna die of a drug overdose. She's like I have hard evidence of this

And then she died of a drug overdose. Oh my god Yeah, and then like the media was posting pictures of her like naked body trying to shame her afterwards. That's insane Yeah, what are the pics where the yay? How big are your tits? Uh, look good. Well, she was already a nudist A lady a lady a lady of the titty Most of these stories don't really apply I don't really that interested but this one I'm gonna do a little more research Look how nice this cat is. Yeah, you're your new cat is really nice. Yeah, Ernest jr. Ernest. No, I'm not gonna name the cat Ernesta I don't think that's I like it better if the cat doesn't have a name. It's my hunting companion

Cats never learned their name. It was nice. No reason for them to have I was having like a big spring cleaning day I was like cleaning the kitchen and shit doing the dishes and she was she's like found the cockroach to kill Hell, yeah, so it was like it was helping Yeah, good for her. Yeah, it's a good cat. You got a big futuristic litter box for her now. Yeah and she She respects you as a alpha master Don't like a dumb a daddy dumb. No, Adam. I don't fuck my pets like you do Videos on the internet. I'm just saying I don't have sex with my animals

That's how you do pull you do pull her nipples. You pull on your dog's nipples all the time has to respect when no one else is around So it's not a bit I don't pull on my dog's nipples for no one else. You do dude. Be honest. Be honest. Don't be honest. It's not sexual Have you done it before? It's just like in a tactile. It's like fun to play with Her long ass. Just like the pedophile defending himself Your honor, I'm not attracted to a child's pussy. It's just it's interesting. It's interesting to me because it's just It's a small it's the same as a regular pussy, but it's so small. I have a vaginal fixation I enjoy the tactile. I can appreciate that the tactile difference

Because it's a pussy, but it's small And the boy's penis. It's like a regular size penis, but small as you'll notice. I also collect miniatures That you know what? If you want to if you want to establish yourself as a guy who's only in it because of the size You got to start collecting doll houses and shit. You got to start collecting like, you know, little dioramas that will not play I think in court. You got a shot at least. I don't know. There was there was a shot at least you like small Yeah, miniatures and that kind of shit. Yeah, like a kind of marwan. Welcome to marwan. It's not because they don't know any better It's because they're tiny

It's not my fault society couldn't create miniature people. Yep Well, I guess you could fuck midgets Well, there was that that article training like that guy who's like airtight theory that guy who's some with autism was like downloading a bunch of child porn And like, you know, he's like there should there should be a way for my autistic son to download child porn, you know, or whatever And it just turns out he's a pedophile. Well, it's like if you're if like, I don't know I don't know what conclusion you're supposed to draw from the set up for that He's he was trying to say it was like an autistic teenager that got like arrested for downloading like a bunch of child porn

I and their defense was that he was autistic. Well that he's autistic and that you know, the autistic kids are like, you know They don't they're not they're not they don't have proper social skills. So they don't get that. It's like wrong and they're like You know, maybe the head or something the age of the kids getting fucked. Yeah, I don't remember but no the answer is no That's so yeah, and it's like Like if if like if that's because I guess it's a thing that happens like somewhat regularly And it's like well, then you're just gonna have to keep them off the internet. Yeah. Yeah, it's not it Yeah, it'd be like well, it'd be like well, he just keeps fucking kids It's like he's retarded. So yeah, he's just going to fucking playpen just raping children is like, well, yeah

Come on give him a pass. Yeah, I guess I guess you're gonna have to create another computer for those kinds of kids That doesn't actually connect to the internet. Yes. Yeah Yeah, yeah, give them the way the way you would get your little brother to play PlayStation or wasn't their turn give him give him a keyboard and something that's not hooked up to anything All right, that's the same three pictures over and over again. Yeah, I never know. Yeah, what's your what's your take Adam? um I think that if you're retarded you should be allowed to be a pedophile Is that what we're talking about? That's a fair take honestly. Thank you for bringing is that what we're talking about opposing view

Yeah, I kind of zoned out there. That's bernie. That's bernie saying there's platform Listen, if you're retarded We should create a system where you could download child pornography Makes sense to me Only 1% of retarded people are pedophiles But they download 99% of the child pornography Oh, yeah There could be a national child pornography registry

You know and it's like what do you mean? It's like 10 videos that you just Lend out so there's no when you point child pornography being created But the guys that wanted the guys are jacking off So they're not raping children That could be an elegant after a while. I've seen all 10 videos You throw some snapchat filters on there some like some puppy

Oh, yeah, probably right now. Okay. How about this? You seize all the child pornography, right? So that's a lot Okay and You rotate Different so it's like for a month. There's 10 videos And that's where you get that month and then they go back in the vault And then you release another 10 videos

And so with all the child pornography that already exists You dole it out. Mm-hmm. And you sort of you know And it's like and that way they're satiated and they get new releases every once in a while and no children are getting fucked Right. Yeah, that's pretty good Would you like pay residuals to the kids that were in the videos the actors? Yeah Uh, I guess if you you should we be like paying attention to this common testimony while doing the show I know like I really haven't watched any of it. What's going on? I think it's happening right now. It's been happening all day Yeah, he said that he said that trump said that uh, donald jr. Is like dumb

That's so awesome. He's like by the way. He's shit. He's shit all over his son That's so funny to have that like on on the like congressional also He submitted like the check that he wrote to reimburse him for the stormy daniels pay off Which he wrote after he became president No, yeah That rocks. I'm pretty sure I haven't seen any of it though today. I feel like is some do you think anything's gonna happen? I feel like this shit happens every day now I mean, it might maybe it'll hurt. I don't fucking know. I really don't know

Well, what's important is that there's a lot of silence on the podcast I think that's I'm looking at Rosario Dawson fakes now because I've looked at all the real ones Yeah, see if you can find a picture of her dress was not bad sub zero for mortal combat This fakes not bad Oh, let me see. I mean, I think she would be hot but only if she was sub zero Those aren't what her titties look like sub zero. Yeah, I wanted to freeze and shatter my day Would you like that just looking down at your head? I mean that would be cool Going

Gatality Why didn't they have gaitalities? That'd be pretty tight, huh? That would be good. He's fucking my ass And you're immortal so you'll have to live with the trauma forever You don't even get the release of death. Oh, these are really good now. These are the ones They're just like I love the fakes where it's like hardcore pornography and like a picture of them Like different lighting from like the red carpet. Yeah, just like full makeup Yeah

That would be a cool. You don't be the Kathy Bates from titanic would be a cool wrestling persona Like the unthinkable The unsinkable woman the unsinkable bitch just coming down the the fucking up with her arms I'm a big bitch I'm a big 19-tange bitch Has there ever been like a big fat female wrestler? There's one right now I mean, she's not fat, but she's like bigger than the rest of them that are all hot as shit

And she like wears a one do you watch wrestling? No, I don't watch it, but I'll you know, I have friends that watch I pop in every once in a while Um, and I pay attention to the divas because like I said, that's one of the first ways I was jacking off. So How about wrestling and they just slapped her tits against you wrestling? Yeah, I would love to be wrestled I would love to get to you And here come the wrestlers The world bride wrestling federation Yeah, apparently the big bitch injures all the other little ones because she's so powerful so powerful

Does she fight guys? I don't believe so China I guess was big, but she wasn't fat. Yeah. She was like muscular muscular had that big old clit Yeah, got her pussy worked over by she died again Getting too fucked by expo too hard. No. Yeah expo gave her the bronco buster till she died Bronco buster with his dick in her mouth And then she suffocated. What if Bernie did suck it? Do you think that would bring the toxic masculinity levels up an extra notch? That's gonna do it for this week. Are we done? Yep. Um, hey a bunch of people DM me and shit about if you're a lawyer

Could you actually email me at stav at stavi.biz stav At stavvy.biz Um, I do legitimately need to legal assistance for what I got fucking moving violations. They might just spend my relations Why don't you just pay them? Because you still get points on your shit. Yeah, but didn't you do it? No No, I'm being framed by the law. What happened That's for me my lawyer to discuss nick, but what moving violations?

Uh, no texting while driving. I inhaled electronic device. I'm being framed for that. So I was watching porn while driving Do you need a lawyer for that? Why don't you just go fucking talk to a judge or like a traffic court magistrate or whatever? Um, that's not a real thing. Yeah, they do that. Well in new york In new york, they don't have like that. There's an entirely separate court system for fucking traffic violations Yeah, so you have to go see the count of moving violations. Yeah, you could get creative You have to you have to make an appointment, but then they take they pick you up in a chariot and They take you to the estate and Really? Yeah, then you go up to the counts house and the door shuts behind you by itself

Oh, no, isn't your look around scared? Welcome Oh, he's a vampire. Yeah. Oh, he lives there alone. See, I would rather hire a lawyer Yes, I would like you to stay the month Would you stay with the count for a month? Yeah, if the would again would again my point of my life Stop writing. Stop writing letters. Oh my dearest eldest How I miss you cannot wait to come home To your loving embrace Just kidding

I wish I could kiss you and we were married right now psych Uh, listen to the children of the night Damn, what happens in that movie in dracula? Yeah Um, you don't you don't know the story of dracula. Who's the guy writing the letters? Uh, that's uh, it's you said like it was keanu. It's just can you get out alive? Uh, yeah, yeah, eventually. Yeah, nice. Yeah, then yeah, I'll do that Yeah, he doesn't you guys are lying No, he becomes a vampire. I'm trying to figure out who van helps when you go to court. You should wear

A judge's wig. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Oh, oh, so the judge thinks you're like one of them. Yeah, just the judge is like, oh, I didn't know you were in the The brotherhood the fraternity just going to court dressed like a fucking british judge powdered wig rose. What are you doing? It's like this is just how my personal my personal style That's how you ingratiate yourself to the judge He's like, I'm culturally a judge. I'm not I identify as a judge But I'm culturally I'm one of you. Yeah. Yeah, I could probably work

I like that idea. It would be nice to dress up like a trans person and go to court and the judge is like You know, like I'm sorry, but these violations. Excuse me. I'm not done talking yet And then it's like federal judge lit up for trying to talk over uh, trans That doesn't work though. Remember that big big ass lady Big ass blonde one trying to like yelling and a judge. Yeah, it wouldn't viral. Of course it wouldn't work Yeah, I'm trying to get these tickets figured out man. What tickets the ones we're talking about What big ass blonde lady or you know, why don't you just threaten to kill the judge? I just show into the courtroom and I lift up my fucking waistband and I have a gun in there

Who's got a ticket down? Oh one more thing though your honor, what do you think of this? I bet somebody that like misunderstands the waist lifting thing up and they don't have a gun They just think that that's like a sign of aggression Show people their belly Well now motherfucker Like what? That's weird. You're less hairy than I thought you'd be. You're just your belly

Do you know also the have you seen that movie dead man on campus? Yeah, so you get straight a's if your roommate dies. Yeah Yeah, that's like a well-known rule at every every college. That's well known Yeah, so if eldest dies Oh, really? Yeah, I get out of these tickets. You could Well, what about shut? Can I kill shut? Definitely kill shut elder. Listen. I don't want to kill shut, but I can't kill eldest I mean, I like shut a lot too. I love shut, but he's gotta go obama Yeah, yeah, but he's gay and he's barack obama and he's gotta go

um, all right, well That's also the legal we covered a lot. Yeah, Adams weather corner. Yeah Thanks for letting me do that corner and we talked about Kathy Griffin or whatever being a big bitch and again, I'll be in uh That's funny. I'll be in Chicago the 22nd. Well me on the big batch on the boat I made all my money being a big bitch Milwaukee the 23rd are Claire Eau Claire the 24th Uh, I mean, I'll be posting links to that on on the 30th come suck all three of us off in DC later