The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 146 – Did we kill bam

Episode Date: March 14, 2019

Or did bam kill us?

check check pussy pussy you're listening to W. N. I. G. G. R. F. A. G. the sweet sounds of Cincinnati's finest jazz. It's that's not the that's not the radio station. Oh, no, I'm sorry. You've worked here for 40 years. You gotta stop saying HR's on our asses. I'm sorry. I've said it wrong again. It's W. K. R. Q. suck my dick because my dick is small. I believe my dick small. I believe my dick small. I believe my dick's way too fucking small. My penis doesn't even reach my balls. You see that? It's not like I even have big balls. And my balls are also small. That's a good one. That one is good for me, folks.

All right, good night. That ought to do it. Thanks for listening, everyone. When I topping my balls, I believe my dick small. Oh, guys, I got some medical news. I kind of want to make an announcement to my fans. Go ahead before they hear anything in the media. We already heard the song about you. We just did it. The doctor says that's not a medical issue, so that I can still pee. Can you at least use the electric things? Can you use that to say where you go clear? Will that zap my dick bigger? Please use the paddles. Please use the ones you use on mice when they have that problem. I have been diagnosed with medical grade dandruff. Oh, really? Yeah, medical. You got that.

I got dermatitis. Hold on. Let me pause you right there. I have had horrific dandruff my whole life. It's all my shit is always fucking shedding or whatever. Do not give a fuck. Never have cared once. Really? Well, does it hurt your head or something? Yeah, my head. My head is itchy. Yeah, my head is scabby and itchy and shitty. And so I said, you know what? I'm ready for the frontier. No, no, that's not true. I will not go quietly into that. Good night. Ma'am, do you mind sucking my hair? I'm going to fight this thing sitting on my head. Ma'am, would you mind lubricating my scalp with that awful pussy? That's a good. That's a good Arthur. Yeah. Well, I played a lot of the game. Yeah.

Ma'am, these fillers bothering you. So I had to. I had to have. I'm trying to have gay sex, Micah. I got to get. Does anyone play online? I thought it was going to be a thing for a second. I think there's an online beta out. Yeah. Oh, that's you playing online for the cucks. That's very nice. Is that when you go online? Yeah. I'm waiting for the online alpha. But yeah, no, I've just been playing story mode. But someone DM me and said that if I haven't been doing the side missions, there's a point in the game where it's like I get I'm completely fucked. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, yeah. Why would they make them fucking side? You have to do all the side missions and you can't go back and

do them. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got to do all of them. They're like before. Yeah. Which side missions haven't you done? You just been doing story only? Yeah. Oh, that's you're stupid. That's not how you play a rockstar game. That's why I have all the clothes and millions of dollars. That is true. You have literally all the millions of dollars and I've done nothing. I like $4,000. I have way less than that. Yeah. You really can't make money. You can't really. Yeah. Yeah. I thought I felt pretty rich off that four G's. Do you have all the cool custom weapons? No. Yeah. I got the Viking axe. I wear the pig mask with the Viking axe. Yeah, that's shit. How do you get the pig? I can't even

keep a hat. It's in like the redneck village. They got a pig mask. My hat just blows off my head constantly. The rednecks. They put it on. They go, look at me. I'm Cat Barbadoro. I'm mad about something. No, I'm saying they do that. They do that. They do that. I wouldn't do something. Yeah. Yeah. What? No, that's fucking mean. I'm friends with her. I wouldn't do something like that. That's mean rednecks. Is that how they like how Bonnie McFarlane was a character in the other rednecks? Exactly. The same thing. Yeah. Oh, I'm not talking about our friend Cat. No, I meant the character in the game that just happens at the same name as a female community. All right. They did do that to Bonnie though. They literally

was a Bonnie McFarlane in the first red. Rich was like, they put my girlfriend in space invaders. My name is in the Nintendo Mario. The new Mario came out. She's in the TV. We should do a rock star. We got a holler at rock star. I was about to do like a play through one time with Soder. But I was on the road. Let's do a come town rock star play through. Yeah. I auditioned for actually Red Dead. Oh, really? Yeah. I almost got it. But Taylor Ketchum went in after he did a better job. And he got it. I mean, that man is a Red Dead character. Just walking in the real like right now. I know. I went in and like I did it and the casting director or whoever is there was like, that was great. You're probably too

short though. And I'm like, it's a video game. It's a voiceover. It just fucking cropped me bigger. What's that? Are you serious? Yeah. The guy told me I was too short to be a voice in a video game. What? Taylor isn't even that tall. He's bigger than Nick. Yeah. He's a big guy. I guess. The cutoff is six foot. If you're under six foot, you got to be good at podcasting. You're over six foot NBA. Well, hey, life's fucking easy street for you. It is. And I'm going to, I'm going to, when I hear of your cancer diagnosis, go, I'm so sorry to hear about it. Yeah, you'll do a really good joke about it on the text that we have. I think we have three deaths have been announced on that group text. And I just

run away. Come through with a zinger. I laugh at your cancer diagnosis and then I run, I run away through a full speed through a series of tables. Catch me now. Where'd he go? Sonic stuff. Yeah. Damn. Well, I heard that you don't even make that much for voiceovers for video games. Like the guy that did Uncharted, Nathan, whatever the guy for you who played Nathan, whatever the character's name is. Like he's, he was at like a con or something. He's like, yeah, I have to keep doing this because I get paid. I got paid like $5,000. No way. Something like that. I don't even know. Adam is low key playing video games and looking up like convention footage to like see what the stars of the games are.

He's a secret gamer. He doesn't want anyone to know. I can't wait to go full gamer. Adam's getting Adam's buying like the prestige Halo three package where you get like the outfit of the halo guy. Yeah. The game comes in like a full suit of body armor. God. Shots out Master Chief. Yeah. Getting hit from Cortana. Master Chief Billy Sunday. That's the character's name, right? Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah. I love playing Halo is Billy Sunday. I am getting my dick is small. Billy Sunday is what men of honor. I don't know. I've never played that game. The men of honor was my favorite movie when I was with Robert De Niro and Cuba Junior. What? It's about diving. It's about diving. When I was about a black

guy that was in sixth grade, the name is like, you can't dive boy. I was in sixth grade. I saw that and I was like, this is my favorite. This is the best movie I've ever seen. There's the in the last scene. He has to put on like the fucking the old school diving kit, which costs which weighs like a thousand pounds. He has to stand up for something to stand up in it because his leg got shredded by an anchor. Yeah. So they have to like reconstruct his leg and then he has to stand up and core it and he's like crying. Jesus. Robin Niro is like, you know, get it boy. Go on boy. I don't want you to do boy. Is he using his Cape Fear accent? Yeah. Yeah. He should Southern to near Southern to near. I can out read you.

I can outsmart you counselor. One of the best in heroes. Italians pretend to be Southern is so funny. Yeah. You could just be Italian to make it like the scary thing about his character is that he read a lot of books in prison. He knows about serve, serve on to I can't even name an author. Yeah. He goes Descartes. Yeah. He's like, I saw him in the library reading The Spoke Zarathustra by Fred record. Niche. Can you believe that? That's what was his name? Joe Don Baker. That's the guy. Something. What's Zarathustra? That sounds cool. That's a book. Is there a through story? Have you ever write stories or was it all philosophy? Yeah. He wrote a couple. He could really cut soft. Who framed Roger

Rath? I knew that was some heavy shit. That's it. I was thinking about that for fucking weeks after I saw that shit. Well, the tunes are basically in a lot of people will deny this, but they're Jews. And you know, a lot of people want to say that that's not what he was implying. No, the tunes are black people. The tunes are Jews. No, toon town. They pretend to be victims, but you can't really you need a special chemical to erase them. Oh, I can't die. I don't know what chemical I was trying to put it. I was trying to synthesize three different things. The Holocaust, Niche and who framed it was a high concept. Was he it was Niche anti Semitic? A lot of people say no, but I like to say yes. He was a I don't

know if he was anti Semitic. I know that he was basically every German. Yeah. Every German raw dog in back. Yeah, he went crazy from every German from the Enlightenment until the death of Hitler was anti Semite. Really? Every single second Hitler died. They're all switch teams. Well, yeah, I mean, but that was the death of Germans doing anti Semite damn. Yeah, but for 200 years unchecked. Now they get really mad when you call them anti Semitic. Yeah. Yeah, they're like you can't like don't don't their laws against saying the whole shit. I was wrong once again. Oh, yeah. What? They said that the madness of Nietzsche was cancer, not syphilis. I thought you just said bipolar disorder. It's so funny.

All these people that we think were smart were just mentally ill. Yeah, like in Greece, the Oracle of the Delphi or whatever the fuck. Yeah, it's like they would go tell the future and they would see like crazy shit and there was just a gas leak in that cave. Yeah, they were straight up huffing gas and hallucinating shit. Right. Being like, Yep, this is the future. Was it was it was the Oracle of the them? Yeah. Yeah, I had a pussy and a dick at the same time. Oh, intersex because of all the gas. About a Oracle. Mm hmm. Yeah, she can see that. It's just whoever's in front of you. You see the future in her pussy. Whoa. Damn. That would be awesome. That would be pretty. Would you have a crystal ball?

And would you part the lips and a little crystal ball would be there? There'd be just an outpouring of golden light. Mm hmm. Kind of like the suitcase and pulp fiction. Oh, hell yeah. What was in that damn suitcase? That's what I want to know. I'll tell you what was in it. That picture of Adam with the picture. Yeah. Damn, you should bring that look back. The bob. That would be awesome. When you were trying to grow your hair out for some reason. Yeah, I wanted to see if it looks good. Well, I mean, that's what anyone does when they grow their hair out is to see if it looks good. And then you have spent a year doing it and you're like, it does not look good. Yeah, you go get a haircut. Elders had a nice main

going for a while. Mm hmm. Yeah, it looked nice. It was hilarious. He looks good with a Kramer, though. He looks good with a Kramer. The tall hair. I'm going to get plugs, dude. Plus. I would love you to get plugs and slap your slap your weaves like a lady working at me. Long as finger and press on fingernails. That is correct. Yeah, I'll probably get plugs and then I'll get that bone crushing surgery, which have long shins to make yourself taller. Mm hmm. We'll start wearing lifts. Yeah, lifts. That's my midlife crisis. There is. And you can't say his name on the show or will threaten to sue you. Oh, really? Yeah. That's why we did that. Bobby's podcast. Really? We'll let our intrepid. Yeah, somebody somebody somebody

like made fun of him for running bringer shows on Bobby's podcast. Oh, I know that. Yeah, I know we're talking about. Yeah. He was like, Yeah, I've got a lawyer for me for pointing out the things I do in real life. That's that's slander. Where high listing the things I do. Like forget lives. If you were just walking around in like big red high heeled shoes, that would be a hilarious move. Yeah, what are you talking about? I'm tall. I'm tall. I'm six to just women's six inch heels. Women's high heeled shoes. A big like fucking like what was that like candy goth look? Remember that when there was like the goss would also have like rainbow clown hair. And the girls with like the huge platform shoes. Yeah, almost

like scene kids. No, it's pre seen in between scene and got the 400 a scene. Yeah, because like scene that I think the real delineation between scene and got is the proliferation of emo music because a lot of goss just listening to industrial. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And then jungle. Yeah. Drum and bass. D&B jungle. Yeah. That's what our friend our British friend used to DJ. I love jungle jungle drum and bass drum and bass. I was a DJ in Barcelona. No, but then what separates them is the scene kids had hair like fucking like all the guys in like fucking guns and roses cover bands. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, a modern take on that. Yeah. Those like Hollywood like sunset strip guys. You know what? That's the air

I should have been in. You know, people say they're an old soul and they wish they were born like the 30s. I wish I was on the sunset strip, dude. We're in a mesh tank top bleach blonde hair. Rock and roll live forever, dude. We're going to go see King Starlighter. Shitty fucking hair bands. Cinderella. Yeah. Striper. Yeah. Rat rat. They had they had some good yeah. I never liked hair metal. There's not a single hair metal band. I really did. Honestly, I had a phase where I liked when I went to do this pussy cat was I went to Greece and I was I think I was in the boy bands. I see like Spice Girls and fucking Backstreet Boys and shit when I was like a little kid. And then I went to Greece and my cool ass cousin

Leonita had metal. And so I was like, Oh, Tom the fucking being the metal. Yeah. And I was just so into like fucking. I remember I had a quiet riot CD. There's quite right count. Come on. Feel the noise. It's quite right. Count is hair metal. I think so. It was stadium rock. Yeah. Really? Yeah. You would say so. I mean, I like guns and roses and shit like that. Like early guns. Oh, Motley crew. That was my shit as well. Yeah. Vince Neil shots out. I never liked my like that. I didn't even really like quiet riot. I mean, I just like come on. Feel the noise. Right. Well, I had I had in a couple of years. Yeah. Mental health. Yeah. Yeah. The Rock of Love guy was in poison poison. You know, I didn't

like poison that much, but I got to say I love Rock of Love. It's all back on TV now. It's on Amazon Uncensored. We discussed this, I think last year. He wears that headband because he's bald, right? I don't know. I think it's style. You think it's style? What's the Amazon Uncensored? You can see like Jeffrey Tambor's penis. There's a lot of shots of like, does this look good? Can you see my penis when it's tough like this? Yeah, you get to see the deleted scenes where he's sexually harassing all the women in the workplace. Yeah. All the trans women he forcibly sucked off. I think he just hugged them to know the character. I just want to understand what the characters motivations are. Please let

me hug you. Hank, shout out Hank Kingsley. Hey, now what are the best fucking characters of all time? Truly. I don't even know what Jeffrey Tambor sounds like. He's got like a deep, dopey voice. Is it like that? No, not quite. Hank's voice was like that, but you're doing, you're doing, what's his name, fucking, uh, Raven's brother. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Brad Garrett. It's almost spring, dude. I know. I was walking all along the city the last couple of days. I am not looking forward to summer. I might, I might vacation in like Antarctica or something. No, dude. What's wrong with you, dude? Summer sucks ass. No, it's good. No, I like the winter. You should move to Iceland. I'm going to Russia. I'm

going to spend this, the summer in Siberia. Is it even hotter there? Is it? Don't they have like a wild ass fluctuation or some shit? Oh, the further north you get, the closer you get to the sun. Exactly. More up you get, the closer you get to the sun. Yeah, everyone knows that shit. Yeah. Did you see Bill Nye endorsed AOC? Oh, yeah. So she's officially canceled. Oh, really? Yeah. You want to do some gay ass scientist to endorse you? No way, dude. Some fucking gay. What does that mean endorsement? Like he's like, I think the Congress woman from the Bronx and Queens is good. Yeah. Don't forget Queens. He rubbed the balloon against her head and it's just static. Touched it like put held his penis, maybe an inch

from her nipple until it's shocked. Yeah, that's how he decides. That's how he does. That's how Bill Nye endorses a political candidate. That makes sense. Yeah. Only the worthy shock is penis. She better endorse Bernie Sanders or I'm gonna fucking don't ride in the streets. Yeah. One man life. Antifa. Yes. I mean, I want a ski mask. Me and Jake Flores just going around fucking shoving people. Jake's Antifa. So funny. Right. Right. Yeah. Because the yeah, like when you set a telephone booth on fire, it's basically like, you know, reading a book or voting. Why, you know, why don't we do something with telephone booths? They're out there still. They did. Did they turn them in? There's a link. I see things. Oh, is that

what those are? You can make calls on those apparently. I wanted a little changing booth or a bidet. Yeah. A public bidet. Those are just get shit in. That's really. Yeah. But think about the two weeks where they're not and we all have minty clean assholes wouldn't even be two weeks. It'd be two hours. I've never used a bidet. Well, I didn't. I thought we were all not doing it. No, we were all raving about talking about how is the best part of the entire robot sucking your asshole. Yeah. And how I put on the pussy setting to blast my balls. Me too. Yeah. The gooch. Yeah. Tickle my gooch. That's how I shit balls. That sounds fucking awful. No, it's nice. It was delicious. I hated when my dick is or

balls are ever wet. What? The worst feeling in the world. That's honestly one of the best feelings. I love getting your dick wet. I hate it. I love to fuck sand. Nick fucking swims with a condom on bags of rice. I love that shit, dude. Uncooked rice. He fills up magnums with rice and then goes swimming to keep his dick dry. Silica packets on his nuts. I love that shit. I'm being a dry dick rando. You never know what I'm going to say next. Dry dick rando. I can say something wild next. You have no idea. This is another day in the life of. Only count of how dry your dick is. Another day in the life of being a dry dick rando. Well, I'll tell you what, folks. What's up? I've been doing a little

bedding lately. Really? No, not really. Well, I have. But my friends have at beththysi.com. Such a good website. B-E-T. Does she? S-U-C-K. M-Y-D-E-K. Does she tattle? Do she? Is that what it stands for? I don't know. Do the bitch. Interrogation. Do the bitch. Wait, hold on. That's what it stands for. Yeah, it's D-S-S stands for do the bitch tattle. It doesn't even have the letter. Fellas, if you like me, you're tired of all these trifling ass hoes going around sleeping with hundreds of guys. I hate it. And then trying to sneak on you some accusation bullshit. Trying to come in. Sponsored by beththysi. You just read this opinion. Sponsored by beththysi. Yeah, bet, M-R-A, beththysi. When a bitch comes in. This

is copy. They emailed us. Yeah. When detectives show up at my house and they say, remember us? And it's like, you know, oh, I know everybody down at the SVU. These trifling bitches be doing this to me. And you can bet. So if you're one of those guys. If you're one of these kind of fellas, you're a gambling man. It takes a real gambling man to play those odds. To play the odds of the dating game. That's why you gotta go to beththysi.com. Dating game. Calling a committing rape. Dating game. All of this, by the way. Again, sorry, this is beththysi.com. Yeah, this is not my opinion. This is not my feelings. Beththysi.com is the premier sports book betting website. They've been business over 20 years. What? Yeah. One

year for every fucking 20 of them. Yep. That's true. 20 years, 20. That's two decades, folks. So true. And you know, think about that. 20 years ago, what was that, the 1980s? It was like there were computers. Yep. Hadn't even been invented. It was green. All the screens were green. All the screens were green, dude. Everybody was living in Vice City. Yes, pastels. Fucking white loafers. White loafers going around Miami. You know, picking up whores and killing them. And the low rider you stole from a Latino. That's what beththysi came about. That's what the founders were doing before this website. You would have to load the website from a tape. And so they've been in business 20 years paying out winners. Oh

yeah. You better fucking believe they have. Paying off winners. If you win, they'll bring your son to their house and they'll pay him off. Oh yeah. He's not allowed to tell you what happened there. But you can count on it. They will pay off those winners. They got a mobile app. They got a mobile. They got in a war. 24 seven 24 seven customer service. You call them up. 4am. You call them up. My dick hurts. Yeah. My penis hurts. My penis hurts so bad from the website. Why my penis hurts so bad from the website. If you beat your cock off too much looking at any website, you can feel free to call beththysi and complain about it. And then you'll be connected immediately with a customer service representative. Uh-huh.

And you could tell them my penis hurts too much. And they'll do something about it. Absolutely they will. I can't promise you what it will be. As long as it's something. It could be hanging up on you. But hey, so you will something will have happened. You will be able to access their 24 seven customer service. That's how think about all the really cool businesses that are open 24 seven. Uh-huh. That's a real sign of 711. 711. You know, no shady stuff going on there. That's a good business to go to. Absolutely. Nothing bad's ever happened at 711. No. Bob Evans. Bob Evans isn't open 24 seven. Well, I stand correct. I guess it's just some McDonald's and beththysi and you can bet on that folks. Oh yeah. In fact, we're

betting on stuff right now. Yeah, we're betting on. I've decided the Lakers are making the playoff. Oh yeah. You think so. Andre Ingram just got picked up from the G League. That's right. The better of the Ingrams in the Lakers organization. Brandon Ingram's dad is literally I think it is a relative. No, I think it's like an uncle. No way. I'm pretty sure. No, maybe wrong. But yeah, you can bet also on the Champions League soccer and you man you made it through BPSG in the second leg. I say man you I haven't I haven't been following soccer at all this year. They also have live in game wagering. You can do it. You can change your mind. That's the thing that's such a good feature. I often forget about it. I have

to forget that's so natural and that's how tight beththysi is. They have so many features. They offer so many. They offer so much tight shit that I forget about it until we're almost done talking about the things that are happening. Monster Jam's coming up. Oh shit bet on which is the most racist truck. Where does Monster Jam go? MSG. No, I doubt they're in the city. No, you've got to go out to the Nassau Coliseum. There's no way. There's no lands maybe. There's no way Trump would allow that in his city. There's no way he would allow a truck that's bigger than him anywhere. Some. Okay, so when you sign up, make sure you use promo code come 120 so they know we sent you. Oh yeah. That's CUM 120. A lot of people don't know

that. So when you sign up, you've got some options. You can just play in cash out or you can take the bonus money, which is like getting a casino comp upfront before you've played at the tables. It used to be more than 120, right? Some. Yeah, there's a rollover requirement, but it's free cash. So if you're going to be in the sports book, which is where we like gambling there. We love it, dude. I love hanging out. I love it. I hang out in the sports book. I fucking post up against the wall and I say the thing I like about these preschool girls that they I love having sex with. That's the line. You say that at the sports book at the sports book where we hang out. I haven't heard you say that at

the sports. Well, well, I'm there all the time. I'm doing the character from the movie. Oh, yeah. The Matthew McConaughey character days. Oh, right. Yeah. Where are you girls up to? You're trying to fuck put together some blocks trying to have sex with an adult. The classic Matthew McConaughey one. So if you use promo code, come 20 up to $1,000. I'm going to give you 60% bonus cash, which you turn a thousand in the 1600 to play with. So once again, it's bettyside.com. Come 120. Let's start the show. Start the show, dog. Start the fucking show, bitch. All right, doggies. Um, what we're doing plugs. Come see us in DC soon at the 30th, two shows, one stand up show at 8 p.m. One live podcast

at 10 p.m. separate shows by tickets to one by tickets to both. We'd love to see you there. Uh, uh, it's at the historic black cat DC. We have to sell a lot of tickets and we hope we have the ability to do that. Some of your favorite punk bands have played there. It's a punk rock legendary venue. Um, that's where crazy Charlotte played. That's right. That's where yellow card, yellow card, charlotte. Okay. Sorry. Shit. They're very one of them is married to Cameron Diaz. What? I think so. Cameron Diaz. I really believe so. From the mask. Yeah, dude. She's a fucking fox. I love her. We love her. We love her. Don't we folks? Oh yeah. Big, big camera fan. I watched that movie. Drew Barrymore never been kissed

last night. Kiss me. Pretty fucked up movie. Kiss my little. She's like the teacher. She's flirting with the teacher the whole time and he's fallen in love with her and then he finds out that she's not a student and he feels betrayed. Hilarious. And he doesn't ever feel he's ever like, Oh, great. I can feel that. I don't want to fuck a child. No, he's like, you watch me. Really? Yeah. It's a weird movie. It's a weird movie. Yeah. Does she make out with any children? She makes out. Well, there's like one scene where it's like, Oh, she's about to molest, but then her brother played by David Arquette in his 1 800 C. A. L. A. T. T. Prime. You know, this is nineties Arquette when he was really killing the game. He because

he used to be a great high school baseball player also goes back to high school and then he starts coach or is it no, no, like to pose as a student because he just wants to go back to party and it's kind of implied he's fucking. It's not explicit. That's some wild shit, dude. I'm sorry. I missed all of that. I was looking at something on the Internet. What were you looking at? I can't say yet. Okay. Is there a secret? No, you don't. This is absolutely not. I apologize. This is you do not have to take this. I think he does. Who is it? He picks it up. You've been selected for an entry. Guys, you never believe it. I got a free fucking. I'm going to cruise. This is your captain speaking. Press one to

be connected with one of our first mates. What percentage of people do you think falls for that? It's low, but it's got to be a couple. It's just old people. I did the call chase bank the other day. I dialed one number wrong. I got another place that's like, thank you for calling the bank. It's like, please enter your credit card number. That's incredible. The whole business is praying on the old people with bad eyes. I love it, dude. Damn. Yeah, yeah. Salute. Salute to the opportunistic out there. Who is that, Adam? It was my daddy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Nothing important. Really. Did he dig surgery? I talked to her before. I came here. I said, I'm going to do the podcast. He's then he called and I thought it was some

sort of emergency, but it wasn't. It was about something he saw in Huffington. The saying I'm gay. There's an article on here that says I'm gay. And then he starts reading it to me and I'm like, we're recording, right? Well, then you go, you go. What was the article about? About how Americans don't want to vote. He's really taking advantage of those emergency phone call privileges. He really is. He really is. Don't let him know that he's really crying. Text first. He knows that, too. He understands texting. That must be nice. I don't think my father can read. Yeah. I mean, I guess you can read. I don't know if my I don't think he finished. What is Greek? That's just like fake. It's like

deltas gammas. Yeah. Alpha. It's kind of an army style. Epsilon. You know, Alphabet. Yeah. His dad's just like Delta, but gamma. Golf, spy. Dango, Johnny. Uh, uh, Mike's Bravo in whiskey. That's just the whole language. You guys jacked up for whiskey Cavalier. What's that? One's in the FBI. One's in the CIA. Yeah. And they suck each other. I saw the fucking trailer for that. It just looks horrible. It's just some some TV show. It's like a weird procedural that's like who is still watching this shit. Yeah. Every show on CBS is named after a branch of the government and CIS. There's like an FBI. I think they just started FBI. Really? Yeah. Can I be honest? It did take a while

to get an FBI show. I think they've had them before, but I think that they've just gotten less and less creative with the names. I think burn notice might have been FBI. I never watched that. He burn notices. CIA. He's a former CIA. Yeah. What do they call him Spooks? Spooks. Yeah. Is there black? No, it's not. It's an old race, race, racial. Don't they seriously call them that? I think they call them Spooks. But I also do know that that was like a 1950s racial. Interesting. That's interesting because racists just like ghosts. It's true. It seemed to make sense. They were like, it's time to spook back, boys. It's spook back the night. It's time to be scary. Time to be spooky. I got pissed real bad. I'm good. Pissing that

Dunkin Donuts cup. I guess I could piss in that Dunkin Donuts cup. No, I finished drinking my glass of water. What are cup? The hard are. That's the answer. Water. Hard are. That's the question and the answer. Are you here in this music outside? No. Someone's playing dulcet Salsa. Dulce. It's kind of like we're like a bond. Yeah. She writes for a house on the Minaj. Yeah. Damn, you're really going in on. No, I figured out who that is, by the way. Oh, I don't care. Yeah. I would go in on her, but she's apparently like 12. 20 years old. So who gives a shit about inviting my time for what for the real just the real drag Adam take over. No one with his body type. Just 20 year old college student. Female

college. Yeah, she's my weight class. She is in your weight class. Well, the dragging is coming for everybody. Yeah, everyone's all of the people that have been doing the dragging will get draught. And except for us, nothing bad will ever happen. Absolutely not. We'll be protected forever because we voted for Bernie Sanders. Daddy will protect because I like the idea of universal health care. And I think people should be paid more than $4 an hour. Yeah, it's revolutionary from any claim of being a bad guy, which for the most part I am. Daddy Bernie. I hope you save us, Daddy Bernie. You heard that video. You see that video? Are you going to cry? Maybe maybe shit and come. There's

a guy that does like a flawless Bernie Sanders. That's awesome. It is like it's just James. No, I don't know who it is, but it's fucking like perfect. Damn. It's not shitting and coming. Yeah. Didn't SNL steal a bunch of his jokes or something from his from the Trump Bernie debate? I believe that. I don't I don't know for a fact, but it sounds correct. Yeah, he should have been on SNL. Yeah, so fucking talented. So should have Anthony like they should be hired by one. One guy is gay and incredibly talented. The other guy is racist and incredibly talented. Gonna piss your pants. Maybe maybe shit and come just like those bankers on Wall Street. The top 1% is stealing all the piss and shit and come. I don't know.

It's like something we shot it out. I don't it's just Bernie Sanders takes back shit, piss and come. It's Joe Biden running for fucking president. I think he is. My man feels everyone's titties on the sneak. Not even on the sneak just on TV. Just when he's swearing you into Congress. You gotta sweat. He swears in female congresswomen on his balls. Does he touch the Bible? He literally like gropes. Gropes like now. What is this? Malarkey. Stop suppresisting. Say malarkey is a cool word. He says malarkey. Do you guys you guys you guys are you are underwear? Yeah, I have because I just heard about this new thing. It's pretty cool. What is that called? Underwear. Yeah, no, it's yeah, sort of. It's a little bit.

You know, recently I've gotten out of diapers. I didn't need them. I would wear diapers to the bathroom and then pull them down and go to the bathroom as an adult. My name's Anthony Cheslin. Oh, I know. He's from San Frans. Oh, San Frans. Vacation. Now I'm really drawing connections to my brain. He doesn't sound like just like doesn't he sound like Jeslinic sound like that? It doesn't matter. I used to wear diapers. No, I don't. Yeah, I'm I got my big boy. Better. Yeah, the big boy pants. I got them from Mack Walden dot com. It's it's great. It's actually one of the few websites that still works even with the entire suite of net nanny software. My mom has installed on the family computer, which

is placed on her bed. And then the security cameras watching me as I use one on my face, one on the screen. Yeah, one pointed at my crotch. There's actually a band around my penis. My penis moves at all. The website is then banned. So I'm one of the I can only browse the Club Penguin and Mack Walden dot com. Wow. My favorite underwear website. Where they believe in smart design and premium fabrics and simple shopping. The best. All those things. You know, I love shopping online. Most of the time, you know, it's difficult because my mom's there demanding I don't look at the prices of anything because she doesn't want me to be ruined by capitalism. Wow, really? That's such good prices that she's not worried

about me being traumatized. Wow, that's how good the prices are. They're great. In fact, the underwear are better than whatever you're wearing right now. I'm wearing a Mack Walden. So it's not even better than that. Yeah, you have personal experience. You would say that you were somebody who personally experiences Mack. Well, I experienced my underwear every day. And how what was your experience like? Oh, it was like, um, it was like, you know, when my parents played Crosby stills, National Young for me as a baby, I felt like, wow, this is this is so beautiful. Yeah. You know, I like to say that I think it makes sense. How about Cosby Steel's gash that's young? Yeah, it's his band. Wow. You know, I'll just

take it. If I see it and I like it, I'll take it for myself. This is my band called Cosby Steel's Gash. They got a line for for all different types of lifestyles. Yeah, it makes sense that you like it, Nick, because they have this beautiful anti-microbial silver shit. Look, I love anything that's anti and it keeps your microbial anti-Semitic anti anti-Islamic. Oh, wow. Both those last two. Yeah. And I don't really know how that relates to being anti-microbial, but their line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally anti-microbial. I don't want microbials in this country. Well, you know what microbials are, right? It's cat piss. So my big problem is that I got to let in cats from outside and

they piss all over my underwear. Really? Because they're trying to fuck my girlfriend. The cats. The neighborhood cats are trying to fuck my girlfriend. The cats are trying to fuck my girlfriend. I got a locker in the bathroom. Wow. I got 35 cats in here. They're pissing all over my clothes. They're all in the heat. Trying to have sex with my girlfriend. You know, my girlfriend's pissing all over my clothes. They're spraying. Oh, yeah, because she's got to get her scent. Everything in here smells like piss except my Mack Walden underwear. Wow, because of the silver. Because it's a silver line of shirts and underwear, which means they eliminate cat piss. Wow. You heard it here first, folks. Get a pair.

You can piss all over these underwear. You grab your cat and rub it against your body until it pisses out of fear. And then you go out on the dating scene and try and demand to smell your crotch. And she's screaming. But as you push your head down, you go. Great call, baby. Yeah, man. You push your head down. You say, does it smell like cat piss? And it won't. I mean, you'll go to jail. But look, and they look, Mack Walden just wants you to be comfortable. All right. That's what I say to these ladies out there on the dating scene. Oh, yeah, you know, they want you to be comfortable. So if you don't like your first pair, you can keep it and they'll still refund you. That's so nice. No questions asked.

They call that the Adam Friedland special. Adam keeps using new email addresses. I've never sending it to different different friends addresses to get one free pair. Yeah. So not only does Mack Walden underwear, socks, shirts look good, they perform well, too. That's more important. You know, that's my biggest problem is that my shit looks good, but it doesn't perform. It doesn't get hard anymore. Yeah. We talk about underwear. Yeah, we're still talking about underwear. You know, when you know, I love wearing underwear to hide my broken dick. It no longer works. But they're great. They're good for for working out, going to work, going out on dates just every day. That's right. Yeah, I love every day life.

I love that shit. I love doing all those things that I do going out to work, going out on the day on the show and up to the office and admit the like job. Why are you so happy today? Like, well, I'm wearing fucking underwear. Like what? Like you want it? You want to kiss? Excuse me? You're like, I'm sorry. I'm learning. I'm learning office culture. I just got into that show Mad Men learning how it works. So go to Mack Walden dot com and get 20% off using promo code. Come town 20. Damn. That's C. U. M. T. Thomas. Oh, as in omega omega W. As in whites. What? And as in nationalism. 20. No, it's something else. Come down that C. As in Caucasian uprising. Master. This works too well. I don't like it. White nationalism.

The clues. They were there the whole time. Okay. Yeah. Mack Walden dot com is my design premium fabrics. I was having 20% off using promo code. Come town 20. The best. Let's start the show. Let's start the show. Baby. I baby girl. I want to hang out with my friends. Yeah. And have gay sex. I hope it never ends. Go off. I want to hang out with my friends. Oh yeah. Have sex with their buttholes. I want to hang out with this is original content. And put fill their butt with marbles. That'd be pretty cool. How many marbles do you get in each other's asses? How deep does an ass go before you hit the colon? Is that it? Would you hit the back of your cock? Is that what the prostate is the back of the ass is back

of your cock? Where's the colon? I guess the ass goes into an intestine kind of thing. Right. Hmm. I guess you can. The back of your cock is is kind of. Oh you know what you could you could fit it up. You could fit an ass ton. Yeah. Is that was that like a metric ton? Yeah. I bet I bet we could fit. It's your 12 marbles. If I never have to do math again and the rest of my fucking life I'll die happy. Fuck that shit. I agree. No I mean it's fucking bullshit. We got calculators. Yeah I agree. No math can suck my heart penis. If I ever have a kid I'm never helping them with homework. Yeah. Oh yeah. I already did all this shit. Why are you asking me? You didn't even know. That's true. I did. I don't know.

Maybe you should start a podcast. Maybe you your fucking gay friend should start a podcast. You're gay. Oh look at me. I'm in fourth grade. You just go on your podcast. I still think you're a fucking baby. You just show him pictures of him as a baby. Look at you fucking baby. Fucking dumb baby. Fucking stupid baby trying to take a bath. That'd be awesome. Take a fucking traumatize your fucking. Yeah I'm gonna I'm not gonna let my kid bathe. Yeah. Never. He's wearing clothes from day one until he's adult until he grows in. Yeah. Yeah my parents didn't let me bathe ever. And as a result I never developed body odor. I've never sweat once in my life. My parents were kind of sports adverse. They thought they were too scary

for me. Yeah. Well you know they're just the concept of a touchdown really bothered my mom. Touching was off limits and down represented the volatility of up and down which was not allowed in our house. It was a rancher. There was one story. No one was allowed to jump right or reach for anything on this top shelf. Yeah I remember for one of my birthdays my mom's boss's son who's the only friend I was about to have. He came over and he brought a Jack and Jill picture book and my mother threw a fit about the hill. Nobody should nobody should know about this about these kinds of things. What happened when you found out the truth. Oh I mean I think I handled it fine. I think maybe she was overreacting. It's like

a couple of years ago I got raped. I mean that was you know it's pretty rough but I got through it. You bounce back. Yeah. I mean to him that would just be like finding out how twizzlers exist. It's just like a new thing. Your mom didn't tell you. I'm a racing that one. That one was just a draft. That's that's in like the that's an alternate universe. Yeah. I'm not really I'm not really feeling the same for Angelico guy today. Sorry man. No that was good. The thing about hills. Yeah I think that's too an up and down. It's too on the nose. And that's just the plot of the giver. Is it. Yeah. No they don't they don't know colors. They don't know colors but they also don't know any kind of gradation and

really. Yeah there's no hills. Remember he leaves town and I don't remember the hills and yes and describe what a fucking hill is. Does anyone get pussy in the giver. He wants to fuck Fiona and I remember being horny for Fiona when I was nice when I was a we. Yeah when I was gay and we were gay and we in the giver he has parents right. Yeah. So they fuck you would think. I think yeah you're allowed to fuck once but then they're also like a boarding a bunch of people. Remember that they're like they kill the old people right. Yeah we're being set free. I don't know. We should ask fucking Ralph. That's still. Dude when I saw that and knowing that it was like without like. None of it. Just

not a drop of fucking irony. He has his favorite books listed as the giver and then fucking one fish two fish red fish. No way. No joke. Facebook. Yes. 100 percent. That's so far. The giver is like as advanced. That was the most advanced book. Yeah. Then he put that on there to be like yeah I'll let bitches know I'm like deep sometimes. Yeah. But sometimes I you know I might have a little intellectual ass afternoon and read a book that was assigned in fifth grade. Dude I miss being a smart fifth grader. Yeah. There was something nice about it like reading the giver and being and it being appropriate to blow my mind. I was never smart. I was like a potential kid where they did the fucking they would like

take dumb kids and be like you have potential and then you could just go up to the smart kids and be like do you hear that. I'm as smart as you. I just don't know how to do any of the work. Do you hear what they said. Yeah. One day nothing is going to happen. I remember a kid like that. He was that he was that kid. I was a little fucking nerd dude reading the giver being like. Did you have a smart track program thing in fifth grade. We had gate in talented. I was in gate and and they literally shielded us. Our school was so bad. Baltimore City schools are so bad. They would get it in talent. You can tell that education. Oh yeah. That would be. Oh that would be gay. Yeah. Yeah. That's

for you. You ever see Billy Madison. I love it. Bring him back. You ever see Billy Madison. They ran. Fuck. Dude that was awesome. To be my first book so much we watch Billy Madison. We got so high we watch Big Mouth on Netflix. What's this podcast. Yo have you ever heard of fucking dubs getting a dub bag and fucking hit the blaze. Play Mario Kart. Sick. I wrote a play when I was in gate which in retrospect was highly was kind of could have been construed as racist. I still don't know how to process the fact that there was a child there that entire time. Yeah. But it was too young. The baby. No. That doesn't exist. Those kids like children have babies scarred. Yeah. I mean that baby is fucked just because of his like

situation. Like one of those times is fine. Do you think that was the moment the baby realized it was in a bad situation. Now the baby doesn't know any better. He'll realize when he's like 30 and he can't have a functional relationship because his family life is so bad. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Because none of that money is going to be left. Yeah. Probably. I'm shocked any of it is still left. That guy's just going to be in like some bar in fucking Delaware County. Yeah. People are going to be like wasn't your dad Ben Margera. Shut the fuck up. What's a fight me. I'll fuck you up. He'll live with April dude. Yeah. April Anil. No no. April Margera. Take good care. Oh I thought that baby's that baby's going to take care

of from the turtles. Yeah. The whole Jackass family is going to step up. I put on C.K. Y. I put on secret of the use last night. What's that. The Ninja Turtles. Second Ninja Turtles. Oh shit. That's another thing we talk about quite a nice amount. Yeah. About the Nick last time. And I feel like we've talked about secret of the use a bunch. Yeah. The secret of the coups. And that's when April. They're like whoa. Nothing feels good. I guess we don't need to be ninjas anymore. This karate shit sucks dick. I'd rather get pussy. Crotty's fucking gang. There's like you must remember your training. Try some of this splinter and then splinter fucks. He's like too old to fuck. But she can spit on it and jerk it off.

Imagine being like the guy that has to like date April after that. He's like you fuck the rat. Look I mean I look at you look it's fucking 1987. I get a modern guy. I make all my money selling fucking shares of a company that literally murders African. You know I've been I'd start doing cocaine at seven a.m. I get it. Things have changed a lot since the 60s. You know I don't expect you to be my mom per se. But you fuck the turtle fuck four or two turtles. They were they were they were children. You fuck the child turtle from Japan. They talked like he was from Bensonhurst for some reason. Man Anthony DeVito we're laughing at that one time. All the turtles are like surfs up bro except for like Michael Angelo

who's like who's this fucking guy over here. It is awesome how they have regional access to all from California except the one of them who's from Bay Ridge. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Who was it. I guess. I don't know. I mean they're all warps. Was it RAF. I thought RAF. He sounded sounded like a Gweed. Yeah. Michael Angelo was the he was Cali. Yeah. He was Cali. I do like they all have a talent. They're all Italian. Different types of talent. Who's your favorite of the painters that the Ninja Turtles were named after. Not the turtles. The artists. I mean I guess some of them are sculptors. Who's Raphael. It's funny because it's like the artist Raphael. You just got one name. I think Michael Angelo was the only

one that wasn't usurped by the turtles. The rest of them know and remembers who they are. Leonardo da Vinci. Da Vinci wasn't a fucking Leonardo. Yeah. Donatella. No one knows. Yeah. Donatello. Raphael is like who is that. Rembrandt. The thinker. No that's Rodin. Oh. Right. Yeah you're right. That's the only only sculpture I know. Raphael. Rapha is just a guy named Raphael. Who sculpted shit. Yeah. I will say I fuck with sculpture dude. Like ancient sculpture. Ancient sculpture. That shit rocks. You like the old shit. Yeah they make the shit look they make stone look soft. I want a big marble mansion with one of those indoor pools that's got steam coming off of it. Yes man. Why does it have steam inside. I sit

in there and then somebody comes in I go I'll just get it over with and then they shoot me with a silencer in the pool. Yep. And there's an above shot of just pink. Yeah. Oh yeah. Cool. Yeah. The blood coming out. That was cool. I would love that. That would be tight. Yeah. I'll just get it over with. We can put that on the Patreon. Yeah. Yeah. It's maybe bonus bonus. Murder to my man. Your murder. I finished. That's how I want to go out dude. Like the fucking will be blood guy. Just bashing Adam's head in my indoor bowling alley. But he doesn't get killed at the end. He just kills that guy. He does. He just kills that guy with a. Yeah Nick changes mind. I'd rather kill you. I want to kill

me and stay alive. What I want is that cool fucking Spanish revival Tony's mansion. Dude those those look so fucking good. Yeah. They're awesome. California mission saw mansion. Yeah yeah yeah. I would love that. Like John Houston's place in Chinatown. So sick. Well what I do Mr. Giddes is I fuck my daughter and then I fuck my granddaughter also and somehow that makes me the head of the water and power department. Yeah I just got real tired. I think I'm respectable because I'm old. Really it's because I fuck my daughter. I've never seen Chinatown. You haven't never seen Chinatown. No. Come on man. Something with Jack Nicholson. Yeah. No. It's like one of the best. No no no. Long and bold and shit. No it's good. It's

fucking amazing. How long is it. It is long. It's like three and a half hours. Yeah I don't know if it's three and a half hours. Yeah. I'm only you should watch Rosemary's baby and Chinatown. Okay. I watched Rosemary's baby recently for the first time. What happens. The devil. The devil fucks Rosemary. Yeah it's where. What's his name Woody Allen's ex wife. What's her. What's her name. How am I fucking space. Mia Farrow. Mia Farrow goes to sleep and then she's got scratches all over herself the next morning and her husband goes. She's like what happened. He's like oh I fucked you while you were sleeping but really there is an evil like a seance that took place. Some her husband satanic ritual.

He was in on it. Yeah. And he was in the cover story was that he raped that was his cover story. We've talked about that before. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. And then Cassavetes right. No it's Roman Polanski. No no the husband. Yeah. Is it John Cassavetes. I think so. I think it is. Yeah. Shots out to a countryman. Yeah. He's a fucking legend dude. Yeah. And then it and then she's like oh I'm pregnant and she's like oh my tummy hurts and everyone's like stop being such a fucking dumb bitch. Every pregnant woman's tummy hurts. Well we got a jet over to a live show fellas. Sounds good. Have we hit an hour. Yes. Let's go. All right folks. Thanks for you guys want to get some food. Same time next week. Same fucking

you know but they were you saying that time. Same bad channel. Same bad channel. That'd be to be gay that you would listen to Batman on the radio. Yeah. Much of a bad man was doing is just trying to like turn it down as low as possible. There's no headphones. Right. Like hey what the hell is clock doing. He's like nothing. I'm listening to the news like is that Batman Batman on the wire. God. I don't even I wish there was a word for guys who have sex with each other because that's what I would call you. But that hasn't even been invented yet. They call him funny. Yeah. What is this guy funny. Funny. Yeah. Funny is pretty funny. What the hell is Batman. Was there a porno on the radio where they're

like yeah. Oh yeah. Also since this is going up on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in Chicago on the 22nd and Milwaukee the 23rd. Oh Claire Wisconsin the 24th. I'm at North. What's that for of Claire in French. Clear water. Oh is water. Oh is water. And Claire is some bitch. All right. Bye guys.