The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 148 – Jussie Mueller Extravaganza

Episode Date: March 28, 2019

wow im pissed and racist

of the we're recording. No, no, go ahead. Say no. Come on. All right. That's fine. We're talking about Arugula, everyone. We all like it. In other countries, it's called Rocket. No, the UK. They call it. That's cool. How about that? A Boogaloo Boogaloo. It's a cooler name. That's for what? But that kind of letters is for Arugula Boogaloo. Arugula Boogaloo. Do you guys remember that bitch? It's racist. I thought you were being silly. What are these guys having a salad over here? What's in it? Arugula Boogaloo. Remember that bitch? We've got a couple of guys having an Arugula Boogaloo salad over here. I'm not even sure who that's racist towards. I don't know. It's like a consensus. There's a guy walking past the construction

site and some black guys are eating their salad. Oh, okay. And there goes he goes, hey, get a load of this. What are these guys eating for lunch? Arugula Boogaloo salad? He's just elbowing one of those like Bangladeshi police officers. Oh, yes, I'm sorry. Yes. Can you please help me find Ponce Fitfit? Why are they all in like a fucking year? It looks like a child. Yeah, it's really strange. A little boy playing policeman. And the hats are big too. Yeah, I think that the police tailor is like a big prankster. I think that he's like, he's like, I'm going to make this you fucking indians. The Taylor of Panama. Yeah. Are meter maids cops in New York? They seem like they're not. None of those people

seem like real cops to me. I think they're cops. Yeah. There's no distinction. They seem soft. It seems like it's always like traditionally an old lady cop job. Yeah, we're like a frail like fresh off the boat. What I want is beater maids and it's a cop that's like, sir, if you're going to park there, you got to let me beat you off. Well, fine. But I'm in a rush. That's how the system is set up. If that's how President Andrew Yang wants it. So be it. But I'm in a rush. So please kiss my neck while you do it. President. President Andrew Yang is like, in addition to Anna May Baldy. Everybody. Everybody gets Anna May Baldy Pirro. Yeah, learn English. Yeah. We will also be introducing beta maids instead of

the police. Everyone says the police are racist. But what if the police only job was to beat off your penis? That way, when you get in trouble, an ugly woman beats you off and it's punitive because no one believes in the psychological trauma that happens to men when they're taken advantage of by an ugly woman. That way it's laughable. And it also has a built in way of correcting the issue of sexual assault, how it's not treated fairly based on gender. So Yang's idea is to just rape men more. So you use ugly female cops to rape white men. And this is part of my genius computer guy strategy to fix the country. And then everyone has to be like, I guess he has a point. I guess it's just one weird Chinese guy that's

figured out everything. He's developed a system that works for everybody. I love how you're using that classic Yang upstate New York accent. Yeah. Oh, listen, I think that's where he's from. I think he's sort of like Rochester going up in Rochester. So you were joking also at him. He doesn't sound like that. He's running for president. I had to have been born. I was born and raised in New York. That is a good point. He has to be over 35. Well, it doesn't have to be raised here. He needs to be born here. Yeah, he could have been born here, taken fucking back. He can also be born in Canada. He can also be pulling a beta or work and just choose to sound like that. That's true. No one's going to stop

it. You know, that'd be less cultural appropriation than beta. Yeah. I want to run as Ding Dong Mullen. I don't know. Just like, yeah, you know, down in Texas, we have an expression is a movie once I pee in your Coca Cola. When they look back on the past, they are going to say, do we know who are these? Who are these Japanese scum with the past is Donald Trump plan? We don't want to be like those nipscom. I don't know what the Chinese version of this is that does that mean like dick? I don't know. Yeah. I think it's a fat little cabron, cabron, cabron and maricona, like the two. Yeah. My de con is my de con. So is cabron. It's like a bonus is like it means regional, right? Yeah. Like I think in Mexico

and maybe one other country means like pimp because it means the top faggot. Whoa. I'm that dude. I'm a cabron, dude. Yeah. The other one is an insult everywhere. Yeah. Hell yeah. Call me stop. It was cabron. Halkus, dude. Cabron poppy. That's me, dude. I'm rebranding. Yeah. I wonder how I injured Yang would fix the toilets, the bathroom. Oh yeah. We don't get totoes. What do you think? When you say the toilets, do you mean the trans people going on? Yeah. I thought you meant like the Asian style bidets. Well, that would be awesome. No, I just mean like that was part of his problem. We would solve the bathroom issue. What would be the Andrew Yang take on abortion? What's the thing that fixes it for everybody?

You harvest the stem cells for one child. Probably what? Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not it either. It's some kind of synthesis between the one child policy and then also stem cells. Only people who have cancer are allowed to know. What, you like eugenics? Well, population control. There's an intersection between negative population growth, which is necessary. Negative is necessary? Negative population growth. Oh, because the world has too many people. Okay. Negative population growth, which is necessary. Access, safe access to abortions that also doesn't. How about this? Off religious people and satisfies what? You get a free Xbox or PlayStation for life with free PSN, whatever, but you have to get sterilized.

Or Xbox Live. Or Xbox Live. Oh, you get in that way. We stop it at the end of, we stop it at the point of, what do women want? Because women don't game. They want abortions. It's like there has to be some kind of purse. Yeah. They have to sign a piece of paper saying that they go to hell. One free purse. A really good purse. A Birken bag. No, you get big Birken bags. How about this? We have to sign a document that says, I promise I will go to hell. Oh, that's good. A binding agreement. Binding agreement says I promise I will go to hell if I get an abortion. That's good. Everyone's happy. The church is happy because they're like, all right, fine. You get it. I promise I will not argue with St. Peter.

I will go directly to hell. Not pass go. Yeah. That seems to work. That seems fair. The man Scott free is off the gang. The dang gang did it again. You're right. You're right. Gamers. That's right. I'm because most people would sign about the Andrew Yang twins and it's like, hey, baby, let me whisper in you. You got a thousand dollars. Wait till I see my dick. Does he have any other signature policies? No, he's just a universal basic going on. Rogan. That's kind of a policy. Yeah. How come he's the guy that got to go on Rogan? Yeah. He said a Jake Flores. Put Bernie. Yeah, they should have led Jake. Why shouldn't?

Yeah. I didn't. Jake was promised. Joe Rogan promised Jake that he could do. He tweeted a lot about that. Yeah. Joe Rogan promised him. He sent him a certified letter that said, Mr. Jake Flores, I promise you. One invitation that you are. This is an invitation to be redeemed at the Joe Rogan show anytime, whenever you want. And then guess what happens? That capitalist pig dog didn't honor his customer coupon that had not expired. I won't Bernie on Rogan, dude, or Elizabeth Warren. Getting high, doing fucking whippies. How about like a kid that gives his mom, how about a child that gives his mom or dad like a one free hug and kiss

coupon for like Father's Day or something. But then the father gets his wallet stolen and then a guy finds it. The coupon. Yeah. And the court rules that the child kisses penis. Yeah. Well, the child still owes the kiss because it's like you can't discriminate. Of course. And it was your fault. It's legal tender. It's yeah. If I lose a dollar, whoever picks it up, that's their dollars. Sorry. Your son is going to have to hug and kiss this man. All these. He has the coupon. Sticky fingers, pickpockets. I mean, there's no expiration date on here. This is a legally binding contract. That's right. Yeah. You need a small print kissing. You're kissing crying in court, kissing this and hugging this pedophile who's redeeming

the redeeming the coupon. I like that. You better hope there's no massage involved. One free massage for mom. A foot rub. Did you ever do a coupon book for your mom? I think so. Oh, my God. A coupon book? Yeah. No, never. That's what you mean for her birthday. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was like the thing I'm describing. I'm sorry. I'm not describing. I thought I just whatever reason I imagine you taking the value in town. Yeah. Taking the value city coupon, putting it in wrapping paper and giving it to your mom as a present. I wasn't that good of a son. Yeah. Yeah. Come on. You will first cutting out the good ones for himself and cutting out like the most beautiful thing. Why are all these mini golf coupons gone? Good

for one hug. I'm sorry, but it says good for one hug and kiss right here, sir. Just knocking on your door. You can't hug and kiss my son. If I have to get the police involved, I will. Is this not his handwriting? Danny, who is it? Just go inside, Billy. Just get back inside. All right, Billy, put on your scuba suit. We need to protect it. The hug and kiss will be on the customer's terms. Put on the onesie and zip it all the way up, Billy. Local pedophile was arrested for counterfeiting and redeeming free hug and kiss certificates with local children. I like that even better as a pedophile going to a guy's house or whatever and showing the coupon to the dad and the dad just like looking at it through his reading glasses

and be like, I don't I mean, I guess it's yeah, this looks like one of his. Honey, get out here. Okay, well, you're gonna learn about promising things to people. He has a certificate. So I it looks exactly like the one you gave me on my birthday last year. You're gonna learn how much a man's word means. Well, he said he was going to call the police. Do you want to go to jail? Yeah. Do you want to come out here and spend 12 minutes with this man in his shed? You want to come out here and hug and kiss this man for the coupon? Take the coupon back. And that's how my dad, honey, this is your QR code. Okay, we stand it. Your name comes up. So funny. Yeah, it is funny, Adam. Thanks. Sorry for the compliment.

Oh, by the way, man, what's up, faggot? Yeah, what's up, faggot? Whoa, boy. Geez, man. Elmer Fudd goes home to his husband. Wow, that was hate speech. Fuck, I can't do it. I shouldn't try to be a hunter. The Republicans were mean to me. I thought if I just acted like damn, they would accept me even though I'm gay. But one of the rabbits called me a faggot. I'll say I'll say where's that rabbit? That's his husband. You show me the guy who called you a fag. He's fucking a giant chicken. A giant chicken goes and fucks up bugs for doing a hate speech on his gay husband, Elmer Fudd. Listen, listen, I said, listen here, son, I'll show you a faggot if you want to see one. Listen here, son. Yep, Foghorn punitively

raping bugs for doing hate speech. There it is. Count it up. Fag horny, lay horny. Oh, I just want to say thank you to everyone in Chicago, Milwaukee and Eau Claire. The shows were great. Came out to get lay pussy and live show. Yeah, it was, uh, it was really nice. I was very admittedly. I was very scared to go out on the road without my boys alone. So, but I had received. He's got you. I had received. He's got an illegal pistol on him at all times. Yeah, Randy. He's a, he's a concealed carry. In case he gets made. I bought a laser corner. I got my fucking expensive batteries stuck in there. Wow. That's stupid of you. Well, well, it's upsetting. Well, thanks again to everyone. Right. Yeah. I was doing my thing

and come see us this weekend. This weekend. We have less than a hundred tickets left standing room. Both shows to both shows. 8 p.m. and a podcast at 10 p.m. The pound off is to the venue, name the venue. It's the black cat black cat. Oh, I'm sorry. I've been saying people to a gay sex club in DC. Yeah. Go to pound off. Yeah. Go to club apex. We're doing a special midnight show there. Right? Apex. Um, there was that. Then there was a gay sports bar on use. Oh yeah. Uh, Nellie's Nellie's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They trick you with the sports. Yeah. And then they try to fuck just the fellas. Yeah, dude. I remember I was just trying to watch a Ravens game. Next thing I know, I'm sucking off four guys. Yeah. What? I remember.

I remember. What a sinister career. So ho in, uh, on P Street. Well, P Street and having a cigarette outside and there was that like that like fireside grill or something across the street. I can't remember the name of the fireplace grill or something. It was like a firehouse tavern. Maybe that was it. And these two gay guys came out came outside and one of them said, you know, like quickly walking down the street and they were having a fight and the other one goes, he goes, fine, go back to him. He's just going to treat you like a slut. All you are is a fucking slut. And I was like 17 at the time. So the first time I heard a man just call another man a whore and a slut. Tell me that's the funny thing. I was like, damn, that's hilarious.

He's just going to fuck your ass in your mouth. He's just going to treat you like a slut. They got the same problems we do. Yeah. It is funny that a lot of the gays, some of them are just cunts. Yeah. Yeah. Homophobic. But the ones that are women. I'm so misogynistic. I don't probably gay guys, but the ones that are the girls. Oh my God. I don't know about those ones. This going to Nellie's talking all the tops. A lot of the fellas. A lot of the gay guys in D.C. are like, bitch, you're fishnets. Hey, get out of here. This

is supposed to be for guys over there. A lot of the like Dupont Circle gays in D.C. were like John Cena, Marine, Jarhead looking ass. Really? They were like jacked. And how did you find that out? Because I used to live in that area. He used to. I used to fuck them. Yeah. I used to train with them. Get fucked by them. Yeah. They called it training. The slut of R street. Because I'm the R and 14th and one of them would be there with his hip hit. You're going to dox my old address. His hand, you know, like on his hip or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, I'm just looking for the sailors in the ports for, I don't know, Fleet Week or something. Well, yeah, I like not. And then they'd rape him or something. That's the end of the show. You

guys know how you guys know how calling someone gay goes. That old tail. That old classic call it. Adam buying his own prison uniform and sagging the pants on the street. Just with every color hand. Yeah. Every bandana. I remember my old apartment complex. Like the maintenance guy. He had been like in and out of prison or whatever. But one time he was like, he's like, I forget what he was talking about. He's like, they make you pull your fucking pocket inside out, you know, put pocket out like that and then they make you hold on to it and they carry around. You have to carry, carry the hold their pocket like that because now you're somebody's bitch. You have, you have, they have, they use you for whatever they want. And it was like, what are you doing

right now? We're like, you're at work. Yeah. Yeah. I remember on like the sink is fucking dripping. Can you please fix it? Did you please? Yeah. Just go install the ceiling fan and 318. Tell us about when your boyfriend would do on those more scared straight episodes where they take kids to prisons. The guys would like take their pockets out and they'd be like, now hold my, hold my pocket. But like that's how you scare kids from going to jail because they like don't get raped. Don't get raped. I mean, I guess it works. Did you know there was like an eight? Did we already talk about this? Hold on. Let's, oh yeah, but just real quick. Prison would not work if there wasn't the specter of rape happening. I don't know about that, man. You don't get to see your family. You

sleep in a shitty little bed. Your life and career is put on hold for X amount of years. One of your career is being a criminal. I mean, like, if you're, as a child, I thought like, yeah, I'm going to be a bank robber. And then I guess I'll go to prison for 10 years, which is my 10, seven year old understanding of prison is I just roll up cigarettes in my sleeve and whittle with a bunch of other guys that play harmonica. And it's like, that sounds great. I mean, a place where if like prison was, if you take the rape out of it and it's just no listing weights and arguing about the TV, basically my life. No, as it is. I have, I have literally, you think you take, you take the rape away. I'll even take the

violent assaults. I don't give a shit about the fights. You take away rape from prison. I have zero for your free health. That is not true. It's 100% true. I would not want to go to prison. I would, I would not get if they're like 15 years back. Fuck it. 15 years is so long. Yeah, but I'm not be able to move around. You would look, I would watch your TV. You don't get this big as TV. You don't get a big as you don't get the game. That's not true, dude. You do get the game. No, the stack of blue rays from criterion, dude. What are you going to do in prison? You don't get to eat lamb chops. You don't get to get pussy for 15 years. I mean, come on, bro. Get a pussy though. No, he's saying you can't get out of prison. I'm like jacked as shit.

I got cool swastika tattoos all over my body that you got for free. Yeah, you don't really have to pay for it. Yeah, you just get free swastika. I'm in a gang. Yeah, I got a cool rock ability haircut. All right, you're, that's a good point. Yeah, you're right. Rape is essential to the criminal justice system. I would get so much reading done. I'd read every fucking book in that library. I come out smarter, smarter, more racist. Yeah, jacked. Yeah, that's all society needs. I'd go Muslim. Would you? I think so. You get a Muslim boyfriend. Get a Muslim boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Would you guys get this? Well, if there's no rape, would that mean it would be all consensual gay sex? Yeah, you could have loving relationships. Just a majority of the sex happening in prison

is consensual. The vast majority of it is consensual. Ladies, if you look at the statistics, by and large, they just want some place to be gay and racist. That's all he's saying. For the most part, he just wants to live the ways and be gay somewhere. Be in love. Wait, real quick though. You can bet on whether. Okay. Yeah. I love this. Go to a website called beththesi.com and pick bets on whether or not rape actually exists in prison. If all those guys are gay and wanted it. If you didn't want to be held down by nine guys and sodomize, maybe you shouldn't have walked around like that. Absolutely. Why did he accept those cigarettes on his first day there? True. There's a lot of questions. Bet on why he did that.

You can bet on why he did it at betthesi.com. That's B E T D S I dot C O M. The name of the website is bet the SI. Why? Because it's spelled B E T D S I dot com. And you might be asking yourself, what is this website? Well, it's a gambling website. And what is it? Well, it's a website. And what is that? It's something on the internet. And it's a place you can gamble. Yeah. And it's bet the SI. And it pays out winners. And we're back to the show. And 24 hour customer support. We're doing it. We're streamlining. Should we at least say no. I told all the advertisers that we're doing this new thing where we we're trying to do the reads as fast as possible. Oh, that auctioneer stuff. But bet the SI.com is a game. We're back to the show. But we will.

It's called subliminal message in that 45 seconds. We will mention prison rape to be clear. It won't stop being problematic. Yeah. What I start doing as I go, I I'm now placing the ads in the middle of the n word. So me bet the SI girl.com is the new premier knit. No, bet the SI website. No, this is going to make them stop. I think you found it. No, it's not. Because people, this is what people have been waiting for years to hear it. And I mean, I'm not going to promise you an ad free use of the n word. Oh, I see. Yeah. Oh, this is you want to hear the n word? You got to listen to that. Yeah, you can't skip. Yeah. Yeah. I'm now advertising within the n word. It is a mid and word sale of an ad read and it costs $50,000.

Come bet the SI. That the SI promo code, Portland and customer service. Procode.com 120 CUM 120 zero bet the SI.com. They've been in business over 20 years, paying out winners and taking money from losers. Yeah, you fucking losers. You losers who don't use bet the SI.com where you can become a winner because the real losers, the people not gambling, not gambling. You fucking the only it's like Wayne Gretzky ever always said you get none of the pussy you don't try to just take for yourself. Wayne Gretzky is famous. Who are the losers, the guys who don't take pussy? Take all the pussy they want. You can bet on Wayne Gretzky bet the SI.com. They offer wagers on famous hockey games such as the Gretzky final. You can bet on all the games.

Yeah. And reality to all sorts of reality TV politics. Yeah, politics. Who's the bachelor? What is the bachelor gamble now about it? Can you see the bachelor's cock? Can you see it through his pants? He's wearing linens and it's wet. This should have like the bachelor and it's that mansion and all the women competing. But then there's a gay guy that just watches from outside. And if one of the women accidentally leaves the door open, he runs in and sucks the bachelor. And the women have to peel them off. And the women that the woman that leaves the door open, what's the gay guy that suck off the bachelor gets kicked off the show. That's fair. And so this this is how eliminations happen. Yeah. So every time someone gets eliminated, the guy has gotten sucked off

this once. And it's called Mark Ripley's The Bachelor. That's my version of it that you can bet on. You got Ripley on board, huh? I don't know. I don't believe it or not. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's you, Mark Ripley. I think so. Yeah, cool. Yeah. Believe it or not, this man is very gay. I've believed everything he's ever told me. Well, you can believe that bet the si.com has been in a business over 20 years, paying out winners 24 seven customer service, you know, that that's they're open all the time. Yeah, Christmas, New Year's. Yeah, call them up, complain, pour them. They got an award winning easy to use mobile app, mobile playing interface. That's right. But you can bet on the go, you know, when you're walking out on your family or I think

we've done that one before. You know, they got you get pussy you can have you got but they got pussy you can have Gretzky style Gretzky style pussy bet the aside on the website promo code 120 promo promo code come 120 and we pull up I always forget this fucking bullshit dude. You think I'd be able to think about paying casino comp. Yeah. Oh yeah. So if you're going to be in the sports book, which is where we like to gamble, we like that part, we know that part. The live in game, that's it. Yeah, yeah. Live in game, so you can make place throughout the entire games and events. So you make sure you use promo code come 120. So when you say, yeah, when you sign up, you got options. Just playing catch out or bonus money, casino comp, promo code

come 120, yada, yada, yada. Up to $1,000 is going to give you 60% bonus cash as well as $1,000 in a 1600. That's the good shit. So promo code come 120. They give you some extra money or something. Um, so once again, bet the aside.com come 120. Let's start the show. Lewis Gay Gomez presents the Lewis J Gomez comedy special. I'll tell you what Louis didn't do wrong is he should have fucking raped those women. A white guy with dreadlocks in the audience, just shaking his head and smiling. The amount of dudes like that were like, can I go to selfie? Like I'm at the shows and then they take their phone out and their lock screen is the Legion of Skanks logo salute salute.

So that happened once. No, no, no, guys. No, you're not. It was every single guy there. All of them had it. That is true. Adam. There's no way that was more than two people. It might have been three. No, it was one. It might have been three. At least you're lying about it being two. And now you're saying it might have been three. It might have been three. That's remarkable. That's a lot for a crowd of five people. That's a lot. We got huge crowds at these shows. I will say salute to them. Listen, as hilarious as much as I got a face tag, the LOS bros come out, dude. Thank you for coming out. Yeah, they come out. You did not meet the face tattoo. No, I didn't meet him, but I'm hoping to meet him this summer. He looks like you. Does he? Yeah.

Really? He's he's ugly. I think he's an HIV victim. Why do they call that AIDS victims? It's like you did it to yourself, mother fucker. All right. No, I mean, come on. All right. No, I can't. No, I'm just saying over here. I'm just saying it. Just come on. You guys need to take more prep. Let's talk about that. All I'm saying is that they did it to themselves. Are you okay? Did you see your racist for that? The fifth case of HIV contraction. What for someone taking prep happen? Oh, I got to get out of here real quick. Yeah. Well, it doesn't work on fat guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to take that one. Let's argue about it. Does it really not work? That's crazy. Apparently they said that it's yeah. The fifth case is just well sounds like a real

panic at the disco. Vegas, baby. Banned my now we know what the name of the band meant. It's about finding out prep doesn't work. Yeah, I can't think of a panic at the disco. So I'm closing the door. I'm in the bathroom. And I just found out my medicine doesn't work. And I just sucked off 35 guys. Just because there's a guy out there. My gay prep came out in like day one. He's like, just bust in every hole. Just fuck me. Just look, I'm gonna tear. Look, I got paper cuts coming. Fuck all my paper cuts, my eye sockets here. I'll pull my lower eyelid out, make a little fountain for you to not in so we can be sure that the cum is in my bloodstream. Don't worry. I'm on prep, baby. Pause me up. And then you get later. They're like, yeah.

Yeah. So about that. Turns out you can't get. Yeah. As long as you didn't do the cum I fountain as long as you didn't make the eye. I specifically asked my doctor if I could. That guy's at work just reading that fucking reading that article on his phone. Everyone's like, what's wrong, Terrence? Nothing. Are you crying? And he's like, I hope so. I hope I'm just coming out of the year later. I hope those are just tears. Damn, dude. Sorry. Sorry to those guys that got AIDS, dude. Yeah, sucks. You got AIDS. That sucks. That fucking sucks. Sorry, bro. Well, at least they'll have they'll get heavy paid, you think. Yeah, they just got fucking dropped them. Yeah, drop some dollars. Take that pill and they're like, King Kong got shit on me.

And then they got you live the magic Johnson lifestyle from that one. Yeah. Well, he got rid of his shit. No, he's got it. No, he's done. What do you mean? He's HIV free. That's not, it's undetectable. He went to Africa and it's actually a bunch of virgins. Yeah. I mean, it's yeah, like, yeah, I mean, I'm not like super into homeopathic stuff. That's the one that works. Yeah, I cut out gluten and I've been going to Africa to have sex with virgins and I'm traceable. Yeah. Yeah. And it's well, I'm untraceable. I've never felt better. Wow. That's good to know. That's pretty cheap, huh? You just fly over. How much does that set you back? Well, you got to, I mean, it's tricky because there's a flight. You have to go to a

village and build a school for the girls. And then you have to get them other on their way to the school. Nice thing about Africa. Yeah. Nice thing about Africa is the school doesn't really need to be much more than a pile of cow shit with some leaves on top of it. Right. So you get like like books. Yeah. You just hollow out the middle and then you put a picture of like a smiling bumblebee on the wall. There you go. That's a school says don't bug me. I'm reading. Yeah. One of those kinds. And then ironically, yeah, they do get bugged. They bug you up. Wow. Interesting. So you get like a like a charity because bees aren't bugs. They're arachnids. You would know that if you went to school. Those are not, dude. Spiders are

arachnids. If you fucking had learned anything in school. That's one of the few things I know. Excuse me. Who do you think knows more about this? You some fat moron or a bug, a guy who owns several institutions in Africa. What you own them to? Well, yeah, I set up the schools. I didn't know they were private for pay. Oh, you get him to pay. How about a guy that doesn't understand what gay for pay means and it's Friday and everyone's getting paychecks and he's like, oh boy, I am gay for pay. I can't wait to get my paycheck. I'm simply or he just thinks he has to suck off the guy giving out the checks. Well, that's that's back to being gay for pay. That's what no, no, no. He's already earned the money by doing work, but he also just sucks off the guy

just literally handing you. Yeah, but it's also like that's not him. That's not him misunderstanding what gay for pay means. Yes, it is. No, gay for pay is well, if you say, having sex for money, because that's he thinks he has to have gay sex to get the money. So he is still thinking that gay he has to do gay shit for his pet. No, but I see what I'm saying. It's different. I see what you're saying. If you're gay after you get paid, it's not like I'll give you 20 bucks to be gay. It's like, well, I hate having to deal with Greek people. No, it has to get into this meta textual argument when he deliberately misinterprets. This is a so cratic kind of suck credit. This is a yeah, this is a philosophy for pay is I'll give you $40. You suck me off, right? This guy thinks

he gets paid for his job, right? And then he goes gay because when he's paid, well, wow, I guess gay for pay, I have to suck dick to get my money that I'm already that I already earn. No, no, no, then you lost me there. Okay, I was with you until then. Well, what did you think I was saying that he gets paid and he's so happy he just got paid. No, I was semantic distinction is between the definition of pay or like or what what you mean by pay is pay money that you're already owed because you earned it or is paid right. He's being gay for free. So the substance is differences between like is just exists solely in the word pay in this instance. Yes, gay, we can all agree with that. Well, what is gay gay and also for both gay and for like the operator and like the action

are both like understood here. Oh, although so is the pay like pay is money that is generated by the gay action. Exactly. That's that's what I'm saying. I'm not saying or maybe I was saying that he gets his paycheck at work for being a fucking computer programmer or something, right? No, he's getting paid not for being gay. No, but he thinks he's paid. He's getting paid to be so excited that he's become gay. Right. He thinks he has to also be gay though. Here's no, then that's gay for paid. That's that's classic. It's like you had to go to HR to pick up your paycheck. Yes, you wouldn't say that you're being paid to walk to HR. That's just where your paycheck is. Right. Right. But he would be gay to get it. He thinks you have to be gay to get it. Once again,

we've broken his people's minds broken their brains. No, I get up to just wrinkle my blinds. I just wanted to close the window a little bit. Why, dude? Fuck, I should have said there. I'm running hot. I've been running hot spots. It's not we're in the middle of the show. I mean, we don't keep doing the show. We have long microphones. No, my short. I got a new character for the show. Let's see. You had a pixie black guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dan, let's hear. Dan Slick, I'm trying to go on an adventure with your office space looking ass, man. What's you doing, man? Why are you so, why are you so wound up? Man, you 36 years old, you still a young man, stuffy as shit. Come pay my toenails. They all different colors.

Wow. She's so, he's so manic. That black guy. You want to go to a diner at 4am? No, not the one in town. Let's rent a car and go to one six towns over. Wow. I'm bringing my ukulele. I got an even smaller ukulele too. It's for my dog. What's my dog name? He doesn't have a name. And he's actually a cat. Damn, that's you, dude. That last part is you. You're manic. No, I mean, I have a name. Well, the cat is, in my opinion, too beautiful for a name. Cat is really gorgeous. It's a beautiful cat. We've got something like Astrid. That's stupid as shit. You fucking moron. You stupid asshole. I've been watching Game of Thrones. I've only met fat Mexican girls named Astrid. Really? Yeah. I was thinking it's like some

British bitch's name. Maybe. Yeah. How about Game of Phones? And it's a bunch of like Pakistani men that love cell phone accessories. That's right. Yeah, like belt clips, bluetooth, like baby jelly. I cannot wait to have a new, a new belt clip to wear for the very welcome to Game of Phones. It's like HBO's latest project is a smash hit. Real cultural phenomenon. Would they just be in a phone store? They're nowhere, literally. It's just guys in a white room. They're sitting on, yeah, on like a couch at a production company. They didn't even bother getting a set. They just take real low buds. Yeah, tape Indian men talking about how much they love phones. Yeah, I was laughing to imagine an Indian guy the other day, who's just he's like waving to his postal worker

that's a male woman, you know, and he's smiling and he's like, Mama, please let me fuck onto you. Hello, please. And he does it every day. That's pretty cool. And she can't hear him. So she's like, hello. Okay. Oh, he's on the other side of the way. She old. No, he's Indian. So he's a millionaire. So the driveway is very long. Oh, so this man is rich and still trying to sexually Well, yeah, it's Indian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's part of their gay Indian. No, guys like that. No, no, there hasn't been one. Yeah. But that I mean, I'm constantly trying to fuck men. Oh, like horny gay Indian. Yeah, horny gay Indian guys. Or it's just being gay, take care of that problem. Well, yeah, you just get the fuck if you want to fuck that bad. Yeah, I don't know if

they're like, you know, desirable in the community. Interesting. Are there are there Indian chasers in the community? I'm sure there are. They're guys that are like, I need a pack south. Bands of the South Asian Sri Lankan Sri Lankan, a little brown cock and ass. Yeah, maybe I said, I assume there are. I guess so. They're big on fetishes and fetishization in the home of sexual homosexuals. Yeah. Yeah, not us straight. No, we have no fetish. She's not me. I mean, is is liking big ass titties a fetish? No, right? No, is that cross dressing in India? Have you put the dot on? Oh, that's that's real low blood. Pretty cool to be an Indian trans guy. You're like, I feel like a woman and I'm done. I finished doing transition. And I finished. And now I have

transition completely. He's like, it's like those reddits for like trans people or whatever they show their transition. Like six months on HRC. Two months later, he still hasn't lost. Exactly. Five months. Same under armor polo. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you can bet on that at bluetooth.com. Oh, yeah. Bluetooth back, huh? Mm hmm. I gotta say, I like you as a customer. Not only do we advertise, but we we use we use in fact, I use it so frequently. I run out of the medicine before the new one comes and I start frantically emailing the customer service department and punching holes in the wall because I am addicted to these pills. Nick, I remember one time literally took one when he was not going to have sex. I believe his girlfriend was out of

town and he just decided, I'm going to take one just for the for the just as part of the day. Yeah. Yeah. It feels good while gaming. Yeah. Good. That nitrous nitrous oxide in your blood. Mm hmm. Is that what it puts in your blood? I think so. Is that nausea? Yeah. It said no explosion. Oh, yeah, dude. It's not. Nausea. You know, it'd be great if I don't, you know, to be honest with you, I have absolutely no idea how it works at all. I would just assume it helps blood flow like yet helps blood flow lowers your blood pressure, which is good for the gym. It's good for everything. I take it to to solve a lot of self diagnosed stuff. It tastes good. That's the thing I like most is it does taste like it does taste good. Does it help general circulation or like your

hands and feet warmer? I have cold hands and feet. No, I don't know. You should think you're also just to find out that is true. What Nick said is true. It's also a big problem is that you're just a big old, big old circulation issues. What Nick actually said about you being a pussy. In fact, I'm looking at the fine print on a blue cheese website. No, you're not. It says, Adam, I'm looking at your phone right now. You're not looking. Yeah, he is. I'm looking at him. He is looking at that, Adam. Let me just say as it was you said that I'm a pussy. Yes. I mean, we don't know that it's you, but it says Adam and we can guess. Oh, it's probably someone else. Maybe Adam Duritz. Hold on. Counting Wait, Nick zooming in. I'm zooming in. It says you're gay

also. Adam Friedland. Must be another Adam. No, it says Adam Friedland. There's plenty of Adams in the world. It says Adam Friedland. Well, I'll tell you what, guys, if you like sex, you'll like bluetooth.com because they offer men a performance enhancement. Wow, PEDs, man. I have confused women I've had sex with after hitting them pre bluetooth and then post. Yeah, the phrase felt like a different dick has been thrown around. So that is a great testimony. It feels good. That's a tremendous test. Yeah, you can. It's not just for the bedroom. It's also for the bathroom, the living room, any place you want to taxi. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's definitely is your flaccid dick bigger on it. I don't, I can't think so. I think that has more to do with it. It feels

like it's hanging in a room. You think so? I was in the pool. Yeah. It feels like it hangs lower and heftier. You think so. Like when you're pissing, you're like, this is a nice cock. I'm like, damn, I would suck this if it wasn't mine. If you like sucking dick, you'll love bluetooth.com. They make the first chewable with the same active ingredients as Viagra and C. Alice. Chewables work faster than pills up to twice as fast. You can take it on a full or empty stomach. It's cheaper than those other two, and it only takes a few minutes to fill out a form online. No doctor visit, no awkward conversation, no waiting line at a pharmacy. None of that shit. Ships directly. Just getting hard as fuck in discreet packaging. Custom medicine. And they're

made in the USA by blue collar guys. That's right, bro. You and me. You know, if you're a military first responder, you're one of the tough guys that listens to our tough guy podcast. But your cock can't get hard. Because here's the thing, as a podcaster, I know what it means to be a real tough guy. Me too. Who has a job in a factory. I'm a tough guy factory worker, and that's why I do my karate podcast for tough guys. And that's why all of our all of our sponsors are for broken dick guys who live off fake weed, fake weed medicine, dick pills. It's tough guy. I can't get hard. And technically your job doesn't test CBD. We're the podcast for you. Because we're tough guys. And also make sure to check out all of our karate equipment you can buy branded gorilla face

karate stuff when you go to your adult karate classes and you blow all your fucking money on. Because you're so tough. And if you ever get in a fight, you will quickly get your ass two piece and will you will never get in a fight ever because you can't even maintain eye contact with anybody. You can't eyeball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're all your years of karate practice results in nothing. Listen, paying a Brazilian man $7,000 every three months, gotta grow up in a fucking favela. Who had to who had to hunt his own food with safety scissors as a child is saying, tough guy, man. You listen to your tough guy podcast. You're tough like me, man. How? Yeah, Bluetooth tuples are prescribed online by doctor made in

the USA. They give you confidence in bed every time you and your partner will love it. Chew it and do it. So it's a great deal for you guys go to bluetooth.com. Get your forced order first order free when you use promo code come town. Just pay $5 shipping. That's B L U E chew.com promo code come town. We can talk about the product more. It does work well. I like it. I like my cock gets harder shit. I like taking drugs. And I can only speak for the see Alice one, but I feel like it lasts like, yeah, quite some time. It's 24 hours, I thought. But I mean like for like a week almost really. Yeah, I got to get in there, man. I feel residual cock hardnings like a kid like on your way to school. You get random boners. I do. That's cool. I will get a

random midday boner. Do you remember that on the way to school boner? Yeah, dude. I tell you, I've been back to wearing a because I'm going hard in the gym wearing like compression gear and it feels feels so much better. I switched because I stopped it feels up down one of my balls and I'm pretty sure I literally shrunk my balls with either compression shorts or just living off cigarettes. It's one of the two that didn't you think you shrunk your balls? Maybe. Yeah, I do. I do think like definitely in the last like seven years, the skin or the actual my balls have gotten smaller in the last like seven years. Is that from a like a test? I think so. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, no, dude, you're not too much of an outfit. Remember the community like the skin hangs longer.

You see an old man's balls. Yeah, I don't know. But that's not from low tea. It's from being old. Yeah, I've never got my shit tested or whatever. But I had like a like a lump and I had to go to the fucking doctor. I remember that you're maybe maybe that broke off. I stopped wearing like compression shorts after that because I wear them all the time. You wanted your nuts to breathe? Yeah, yeah, I thought maybe that was like the issue. Was it? What happened to the lump? I don't know. I just stopped like with most medical things. I go to the doctor and they're like, yeah, I don't know. We don't know. I just stop worrying about my cancer. Yeah, he was like, you know, he's like, unless I'm changing, don't worry about it. Yeah. But anyways, blue shoe.

Yeah, you know, that'll help. Anyway, your cock will get hard. You will remain cancer and your nuts will be fucking fat. Minor fat is shit. Yeah. So take that for what it's worth. Stop. I have low hangers. I do. You have little nuts, but they're dense. They're not little. They're little. They're good. But they hang low. But they hang low. Yeah. Yeah. You see them from behind. I have seen your nuts from behind. But that's because you have a bare ass. It's like zero zero dick. What do you have? You know, you have like zero muscle mass on your legs or ass. Oh, you don't know what I've been doing in the jamborees. No, it was little marbles. They're like heavy little marbles. It was a marble marble. This is a mess. They're heavy little marbles.

They're not as not sorry. Yes, they are. No, they're not. They're like, yes, dude. They're nice clementines. They're the biggest marble. They're not clementines. No, they're clementine. They're like those red globe grapes with seeds in them still. Which ones are those? Those big ass ones with seeds. I think they're bigger than that. They're like the biggest kind of that grape. Well, thank you. But they're still great. You said the biggest of that word I heard was biggest. That's fine, dude. I got little nectarine nuts, but like a nectarine is a good size. Nectarine is huge. That's too big. It's a little one though. You have big grape nuts. I would say a little nectarine. You say a clementine. I have a little nectarine. No,

it's my sweeter than a clementine. A nectarine is the size of an apple. I'm confused that I don't know any of the fruits. That's what my nuts are the size of a little nectarine and Adam's nuts are the size of a big grape. No, a nectarine is the size of a small apple. No. Yes, it is. It's a size of a fucking baseball. Mine is a below average nectarine. That's how big your nuts aren't that. You can't say it's the size of something and say, well, it's not the size of that. I've seen your fucking Aunt Eater dick. I mean, honestly, it looks like all of your genitals are uncircumcised. It looks like some sort of car. It's like you have uncircumcised balls. Your cross looks like just a huge pussy.

It's kind of really alarming. No, it doesn't. They got two fat little nectarines and a little Aunt Eater. My dick is small. I've never said it's not. I'm on record saying my dick is small. This is like a deposition. Your honor. I've never, I have never denied the fact that my dick was tiny. Is it blue chew? Blue chew.com slash come town. You're kind of a sure not a grower though. Your flaccid dick is decent. No, it's not. I've seen it plenty of times. My dick is much nicer hard, of course, as is everyone's. I think you have above average flaccid heart. No, terrible. That's not true. I have below. I would say little, little flaccid dick. Pretty nice.

Nothing to be shamed of hard. That's how I'll put it. And when I'm on a blue chew, it jumps up a level brother. What do you think extra half inch? Yeah, probably. Yeah, that's nice. It's really nice. An extra half inch is nice. Yes, it is nice. In my experience, it just makes it easier for my dick to stay hard. I don't think it does anything. Well, okay. The very beginning. Braggs. No, it's not. I agree with you, but it also makes my problem is, you know, like I'm fucking you get like five, ten seconds into it and you're like, I'm fucking bored. I'll play video games. My phone. I want to look at my phone.

Bitch, bitch, bitch. I'm on the phone. The phone, bitch. That's the guy also talking to a woman. He's fucking elaborate. I'm on the phone, bitch. On the fucking phone. Do we have a promo code for blue chew? Um, yeah, I already did it. Did you? But yeah, so we got to talk about just we have to apologize. Kim Fox's. No, we have to apologize. We do not have to talk about that. I mean, I'm not going to say anything about it, folks. I just want you to look this way. No, we don't have to talk about it. Call in to the Tucker Carlson show and let them know what you think she looks like. Do not do that. Why don't you get on the private phone call with

Tucker Carlson and get you can do whatever you want. What kind of Tucker Carlson? What you think like a, like an animal? No, don't ask him that. What breed of dog? There's no way it's not going to be very racist. I'm trying to think what cartoon she looks like. I do not. Let's not even talk about it. Mr. Boogie. Let's not even talk about it. Never mind. I take it back. I take it back. We should stop. Let's do something else. We should talk about how, how sorry we are for her. Merging apologies. Jesse, Jesse's name. Nothing wrong. Yeah. Hold on. What's his name? Mr. Oogie Boogie. No, that is not his name. Mr. Oogie Boogie from crash doesn't know from night. Booga from crash. Yeah. Oogie Boogie from nightmare before Christmas is who she looks

like kind of. I don't know who that is. Her mouth goes the entire width of her face. Hmm. Interesting. I mean, she has a very interesting face. That's fine. You can say that. I suppose you say interesting. I got five inches. Did you see that movie? I did. Scary. Five inches. And that's counting racist Yelp reviews for businesses. No, I guess someone's doing that is you. Oh, it looks like racist reviews on black owned businesses. Someone's doing that saying the name Adam Freeland. Are they using his picture? It's a picture of you and it's got your name next to it, man. So that's you got to take that down. Adam, you shouldn't be doing that stuff. I got five inches. Yeah, it was an entertaining movie. I had some scary. There's

some scariest parts. Yeah, I liked it. But I don't want to talk spoilers. Not it. No, the other one was so good. Yeah, but it was good. But there was some problems. I got a movie wreck dragged across concrete. The new Craig Zoller movie who did bone Tom Hawkins. So one cell block. Yeah. All right. It is the movie is straight up right wing. Mel Gibson plays a racist cop. Really rocks in a drag to cross concrete. Yeah, but it's awesome. Okay, there's like a scene where they're like what happened to men? They're like sitting at a diner and Vince Vaughn's like Vince Vaughn's in it too. Yeah, they're like he was in his last one though, right? He was in the last one. Now he's been back because I think Vince Vaughn is

also right wing too. Is it? Yeah, he is. He's a Hollywood reporter. Oh, so it was you mean the messaging is right wing? Yeah, I mean, it's like, how the fuck is his name Vince Vaughn? It's a cool name. That's like the name you give the police when you're like my name Sean Schuens. It's is it a Hollywood name? Sean shoots his name probably is it Vince Vinjo. His name Vince Vaughn, Vaughn, Vaughnatello. Did it get short to Vaughn at Ellis Island? Vince Vaughn tits. This is a Dutch. Oh, the game is Dutch titty family. Yeah, there's a scene where the Dutch do have heavy milk bags. Yeah, do they? I think so. Let's go to the phones. Let's figure it out. It's been a while since we've looked at pornography phones during recording. I kept

my phone away from me because I look at it too much during the show. I'm trying to grow. I'm looking at Dutch titties being stopped or being straight right now. Well, while you're looking it up, that there's a scene where they're like what happened to men and then Vince Vaughn like he's silent for a second. He goes. It all started when they started saying we're pregnant. No, yeah. Yeah, I'm looking at these tits. They're pretty good, but nothing particularly Dutch looking. What country is the biggest titties? We've already asked this question, but I will say the ones that are big are nice in Britain. Maybe I think that's what you said last time, because they're heavy, heavy, like bangers and mash titties. I guess I got five inches.

That's what I'm completely right. Boom, boom, boom, boom. What British curving newcomer Stephanie Austin of busty Britain. I like her titties are pressed up against the glass there. Should I go to China for arguing with people? They won't argue with that bird. That'd be fun. China seems so stressful, dude. I don't want to. I know you love that type of shit. You love the anarchy. Yeah, but I don't know. I'm a son of it, dude. That's right. You're an adopted son of your biker. Everybody who knows me. I've been laughing about doing like, if I just became like just some meltdown boomer, like I got into like motorcycles, like wearing son's anarchy stuff. And I'm always talking about Vietnam. Yeah.

Just like that. But my brother's laid down on the line. Some retarded like, you know, you do that. Just a, but yeah, just a boomer guy. Trump's got like a crew bikers for Trump. Yeah. Yeah. Bikers. And they're all those kind of guys. I can imagine such a place like Rikers, which island is worse? Staten or Rikers? Chill out. Which one's the worst one in New York? Stop it. I'm sorry. I was joking. You're being fucked up right now. It was messing up. You were messing up. That's right. I just messed up. I didn't mean it. It's okay. Does New York City have like an Isle of retards? They do.

Is there a place where they like send all the retards? Yeah. Didn't they used to have one? Yeah. It's cold. Was Roosevelt Island once an island? Yeah, it is. Yeah. That's you're thinking of Roosevelt Island. Is that where they send Franklin Deland? Delano Roosevelt's retarded brother. He was the retarded legs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How about Hosevelt? He's a slut. Franklin Delano Hosevelt and he's got a velvet penis. Damn. That's tight. That would be awesome. Would you, would it get, would it smell really bad or would he wash it all the time? Um, what? Was velvet cock smell bad? Oh, I don't know. Maybe. That should be immaculate. Would it be antimicrobial? Antimicrobial. I'm trying to think of something else to talk about.

What about the time you gave that guy head? That didn't happen. What's going on in the news? Stop looking at my phone, dude. Let me surprise you. What's going on in the news? The biggest news in the world that Trump's innocent and he's going to get elected talking about Russia, dude. Huh? The Mueller report. What's that? Well, basically this guy, Mueller. Who? Mueller, like Ferris Bueller. Yeah, like Ferris Bueller. That's the fucking funniest thing. So the New York Times, you know, they do that like your daily briefing or whatever. This is a fucking gay than New York Times is. So it's like the daily briefing and just, you know, the attorney general, blah, blah, blah. It's like going over the Mueller report shit. And it says the special counsel.

Now that his report has been fired, Mr. Mueller is poised to return to civilian life as a figure of mystery and fascination. A regular Don Juan DeMarco. Everybody at the New York Times should kill themselves. Everyone, even the people that just do coding and stuff. Everyone. Not just the journalists. Everyone who reads the New York Times. Like the janitors. There's some nice guys. Even the janitors. The guy, the janitor doing math down in the basement. Oh, the math genius. Yeah. But he's just a janitor. So no one would expect it. It's so funny that that movie changed the way people look at janitors forever. I don't think I did. I might be a genius. And it's like, no, he's, he's bringing little girls into his utility closet. That's exactly what you thought

he was. Right. Like, wow, I wonder if that guy's a math genius. Just admiring some man. But really, he's just a pedophile. Yeah, that movie is a janitor. He's janitor propaganda. Yeah. Yeah, the big janitor lobby fucking finance trying to make us trying to make us respect them. Fuck that for clean up. Fuck solve this math problem. Which one of you fucking faggot solve my math problem? I had my board down here and I didn't want anybody touching my fucking board and putting the answer on my fucking board. And one of you faggots touch my math problem. And even more Boston version. Which one of you fucking faggots touch my fucking math problem? All Harvard professors sound that way. You want to come in to have it? You got to fight me.

You got to come to have it. You got to fight me. It's better not touch my fucking math problems. You fucking faggot. Which one of you pussies will come down here and fight me? Take a fucking swing kid solve this fucking math problem. It's nine a.m. I'm fucking drunk. I'm fucking had. I'm hot and I'm fucking had and I'm fucking drunk. I'm had a shit. Yeah. So anyway, Trump's gonna get reelected. Thank you. Thank you. I have to go back to Mexico. It's like, that's right, motherfucker. Get out. I'm sorry that they're making you leave. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. If you ask me.

Oh, yeah, he's getting rid of Obamacare. Yeah. I mean, Obamacare does suck dick. Yeah. Well, like not having it. Yeah, it was it was really cool. Out of pocket. I don't know, dude. This is my first time paying for this shit. It's fucking horrible. It's terrible. It pay. It costs so much money and it covers nothing. I get nothing. Yeah. It's not a copay. It's not said I paid till I spent $4,000. I paid $20,000. I paid like $2,200 in like a doctor visits this year because I paid out of pocket. That is way more worth it than getting health. And then I'm on top of that was penalized about 34. Oh, then then it's probably worth getting. No, no, it's still not still not. I pay like 650 a month. Yeah, me too. I pay 700

dude. And I don't get shit for nothing. And I got I'm supposed to get my fucking sleep apnea machine. Get your boy breathing right at night. The motherfuckers are taking like to the I called the company they're like, Oh, it'll take two to three weeks to approve it. It's like for what bitch? I went to the damn doctor. Yeah, get rid of that whole industry. I know Bernie Bernie. Fuck those guys. Bernie Jandas. I cannot wait to be mad at Bernie Jandas. Fuck, dude. Yeah, the shit sucks. Yeah. I'm going to cure all my maladies with fucking witch hazel and shit like that. Yeah, crystals crystals. I'm gonna put a fucking rose quartz on my pussy. Oh, yeah. Keep that shit tight. Do some fucking kegels healing healing crystals.

I am. I love you. My healing pencil. Hey, everyone, baby here. Just want to let you know I've got a healing crystal in my hand. He is now. Hey, everyone. Poor guy. Salute, baby. Yeah, what an idiot. What a dumbass. Hey, that guy's real. Yeah, I checked out that baby guy. He seems like a real fucking bozo. Real fucking moron. This guy seems really stupid. He sounds dumb as shit. Fuck him. Fuck baby. Fucking idiot. Fucking stupid piece of shit. It's why are you fucking talking like normal? I'm doing a can crush video for a dog Hitler. Yeah, I don't mind the retardation, but the racism really gets me. That's as a member of

Antifa. I can't wait until some fucking mentally retarded guy in a wheelchair does something so fascist as to say America is good so I can fucking finally act out my fantasy in which I'm a tough guy and I can beat up that retarded person with black box. We're doing black block where I can pretend to be a black man. Yeah, they do black face. Antifa is just the guys that want to do black face and get as close as they can. A confused guy joining. He's like, Hey, what the fuck? Yeah. No, what do you guys use the scarves? Just use paint. Yeah. What is that? Dude, it looks good. I don't know, but I'm eating it. Is that a sandwich? Yeah, it's a sandwich for guys only. I'm a guy. No, you're not. What kind of sandwich is that? Is it an Italian? You're a big fat fucking lady.

No, I'm not. I'm a big fat guy. Yes, a big fat titty lady. I wish I had big fat titties. If I was a girl, I bet I would have. No, I would have little titties. No, you would have the same size tits you have now. One of those dumb bitches. It's like, you know, my boobs are so big. Yeah, that's that's a tough, that's a tough draw to be fat and not have big titties. Oh yeah, that's rough. I'm sorry to those gals out there, but you're really rocking the titties. All of our friends give their positive reinforcement like the first bad guy from Super Mario 64. The mustache bomb on top of the mountain. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, little conic little cone square titties. No, I think we're just gonna head out. I don't think we should hang out as a group.

Minstace, you're just gonna go. We got a thing. We got to go. Yeah, no, I know we're all hanging out, but like, you know, we're gonna go. I'm tired. She's tired. Look, we're gonna go fuck. I'm sorry. There's no one to fuck you. That game was amazing. Then one of the hammer bros comes and fucks her. Yeah, there's a boomerang in her pussy. You're gaming now, Adam. I'm so glad that I'm slowly turning you into me. Yeah, I'm like kind of sandwich. It smells good. It's good, dude. Yeah, I'm less virile like game. Yeah, I'm depressed. Yeah, your balls are getting smaller. I'm going full Nick. Yeah, my balls are getting smaller. Balls are shrinking at an alarming rate. I'm like mine.

They're not I need to get muscles. Yeah. I'm like, I bring caps to the side. All cock. Oh, that's a good part. You're right. My balls do upstage my cock quite a bit. Yeah, me too. Yeah, but again, you have a little fucking. I don't have great nuts. Yes, you do. Yeah, I'm trying to be like, I'm trying to have like a bodybuilders physique. You know what I'm talking about? No cock. That's almost as a boomer. What I'm interested in is like a 60 year old man going into a gym, you're going to the planet fitness with this free personal trainer session. Just riding his motorcycle with tricycle with fucking training wheels on it, and then wearing his sons of anarchy vest and and and like gym shorts into the gym. He's like,

yeah, well, I'm really, I'm more interested in having like a bodybuilders physique. I can't even stand up straight. Just got that like soft need posture. Oh, fuck. We're bent backwards. He's standing forward. These are always hyper extended. So yeah, yeah, that reading glasses posture. I'm looking at the newspaper with reading. Shoulder slump knees. You know, when I was younger, I had more of a bodybuilders physique. I'm just I'm trying to stay functional. And then, you know, the personal trainer has to bring him over to the like the nautilus fucking chest press machine and he can only bench like the first lowest weight settings.

Like now as younger, I was mentioned, maybe five, six hundred pounds. Trainers like, right, right. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, they don't have free weights there, right? And the plane of fitness. No, yeah. They don't have like a bench press. Oh, they have a Smith machine. Yeah, they have a Smith machine. They have free weights, but they go up to like a six. Oh, how about prison planet fitness? That would be a cool place to go. Yeah, that British guy. Yeah, imagine how little my cookies. Alex Jones is the same, right? There's like a word for Alex Jones. Yeah, he does wars in prison planner like the same. It's all the same. Oh, shit, right? I don't fuck prison planets that globalist globalist

and the retards globalists like Hillary Clinton and retards like BB are teaming up. Why do they want to crush cans because they're trying to convince you the climate change is real. It's fucking not pussy. Yeah, why, why do a saying a bunch of Sandy Hook people are committing suicide? And yeah, he acted pretty out of pocket about well, I want to say that my dad was murdered. And I think the real thing we need to discuss is I think it's about time we just admit that we owe that shooter an apology. Okay, so we're gonna fucking kill themselves. Oh, I see. Was he wrong? Yeah, I was the parents. It took me a while to get there and I didn't do it effectively. But you know, hey, swing and it was a check. It was a check. So I wasn't even swinging

to miss it was a check. But it was more of a I brought in straight in the tech. You didn't go around though. I did. I did. Let's go to the first base umpire. He's a ball nine. And it's Georgie Christmas. Strikas to home run out of the park. I'm being told it was a foul ball. Sorry, it was a girl looking for my phone again. Does anyone have a charger? If anyone has a charger, please come up here. You can come up to the booth. I'm at five percent right now. Fucking sucks. I'm messaging this gal on grinder grinder. It's a girl. If you want to send me your Nintendo switch friend code. This game is pretty boring. Actually playing the Twilight wizard as we speak.

You guys ever go to Ikenari steak? No, this is good, dude. Is it Japanese? It's Japanese, but they got him here too. Just a no frill steak spot. I think it's like wagyu. I guess it's like a fast cash steak thing. I like fast cash. Yeah, I just like misinterpret everything. I guess it's like it's necessary for doing bits, but like you said it's Japanese, but they got him here too. I thought the implication was that they don't have Japanese food in New York. Yeah, well, there is after Pearl Harbor. Yeah, Bloomberg got rid of the big the big cups in the Japanese. Good for them, dude. Now I'm laughing in my head about,

like, you know, the famous picture of that sailor coming back from World War Two with the girl kissing the girl, but it's like him just sucking some guy's dick. So please fire that one up for us. If you can, remember, we wanted to do that sketch about going through your grandfather's old war pics. It's just like black and white photos of him like having a game because I was looking at gay porn from the 19th century. I was looking at vintage gay porn. I was like, how funny would it be if someone's go through their grandpa's war chest? He left this to me after he died. I think does it, isn't it? Antiques Roadshow or Matt D.B. used to do that bit about Antiques Roadshow, though. Oh, really? Yeah, people were like, I remember there's one that was

like, this is my grandma's chandelier or candelabra. And they were like, Oh, okay. Well, what this was for is they would put it in the window and this was a prostitute's candle. And it was signaled to her like, no, no, no, my grandmother was a seamstress. Like, no, no, this is a horse candle. Let them know that they were open for business for Chinese rail workers to come in and have sex with them. That's good shit, baby. Yeah. An opium whore. Yeah, I want to reboot Matt TV actually wrote down a couple of sketch ideas. I had one that you shoot it like a like a like a documentary, you know, like one of those like what what do you say gay sex? What are you signalling that you're gay to stuff? No, what is this? What is that? I was like,

yeah, gay, gay or not? Okay. No, what is this? Do you have to go or something? No, he nothing. What? He checked the time and I was like, what, you know, I wanted an indication of where we're at just to know, do you have to go? No. No, isn't it? It was just an academic question. I have nothing to do. Let's go and do another hour. I have to have something to do soon. But I'm fine right now. What about the sketch ideas? Let's go through the sketches. There's one where. Oh, yeah, my dick gets sucked. I told you guys that the guy so it's a couple in bed and they like they're they're like, okay, good night, honey, I love you. And then they like they think they hear something or whatever. And then the guy like immediately picks a woman up, he's like,

rape her instead. rape her, take her or leave me. You know, and then it turns out to be nothing. He's like, I'm sorry. It was a long day at work. I tried to go back to sleep. And then, you know, again, it's like, rape her and fuck her in the mouth. You can rape her for please. And he's like, pants and clothes off and shoving her towards the door. That's like kind of a mad TV kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the one I said, day laborers, but it's shot like Muppet babies, where the contractors legs just come by the frame. Well, okay. But then there's one that's like a medical like documentary, you know, like one of those like, you know, like specials on like, but it's an old black man that keeps being hospitalized because he can't stop thinking about

pussy. Man is the only thing I can think about. I'm thinking about it right now. He's like crying in his family with him. It's like, it's just all day long. You know, we wake up, he's just thinking about you know, we have to get his clothes dressed because he's just you know, it's just shots of him like waking up in the morning. Pussy pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Bring me my pussy boy. Yeah. You get it. That's that's all that's good. Yeah. Do you find yourself like an old man just looking at pornography, but not intending to jack off? No, I imagine myself wearing all sorts of stupid Irish hats and walking with bad posture with the border collie through a field just waiting to die quietly. That's going to be my twilight years. No, I mean, do you currently do

that? I feel like I'm transitioning a little bit into how old men just like look at titties, but don't actually aren't trying to fuck at the moment. Oh, I want to get it. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I rarely look at porn at all anymore. Yeah. Just if something pops up, I see a tittie on Twitter. I'll just follow that for a while. Maybe I should do one of those tea like an Instagram hole. How crazy would that be? If I like had to start taking, they're like, Oh yeah, you just produce zero. You have to have hormones. Yeah. Yeah. Literally. You just start, but then I started like tea replacement and then suddenly I'm six feet tall. Yeah. No, you're not going to grow. Well, you have muscles on the bottom of your feet. Yeah, that would be really funny. Yeah. That'd be

tight. Just work out your feet constantly because you think it'll make you tired. Well, I already have the discipline from the gym. So if I got a fucking TRT and I mean, imagine the weights I could lift. Wow. I would just ride my Harley Davidson all the way to the planet fitness and be like, yeah, I got my T Joe Max. I'm back for that bodybuilder physique that we discussed during my free training session. By the way, I've changed. I've taken so many hormones that I legally qualify as a different gender. Now I've been able to get another ID and social security numbers. So I will take a second free training session now as an adult male instead of a prepubescent woman. That would be nice, dude. Yeah. That would be sick. They call me the hammer,

the hammer, the claw hammer, the pussy claw. What's that type of what's that type of retardation? That's how I that's how I Donald Trump, he grabs pussy one way. I grab it like I'm getting a prize out of the machine, you know, from above, effectively from slipping through your fingers. Yeah, right. That's what I call me, the pussy claw. So does that man fuck all the time? No, he's actually I've only seen a fuck once. It would be funny to have like a like a balcony apartment, like somewhere like above like a busy street or whatever. And you like, you know, I mean, obviously you would get arrested. But if you just tried to lasso woman, women from the street from your balcony, you know,

just throwing at them, they're like, excuse me, shut up. Shut up. This big showtime at the Apollo Canes, just grab women off the street and drag them up to your apartment. Maybe a Spiderman costume. The other Spiderman, the Spiderman if like, if those if powers were real, and it's just a guy that's half spider and he's like using a web to pull women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, trap them. Setting up a big web outside of the women's locker. I thought you were gonna say that he like, he shoots down and he tries to do the upside down kids. Yeah, that's not Spiderman. That's Spiderman. Yeah, yeah. That's a man that's a spider. Yeah, I got it. Eight legs. One day.

One day. Spiders have just one dick doesn't make you gay. I only took just one single day. And now they're saying that I am gay. But I think we can all agree that doesn't make you gay. Well, George, good news. The song is a smash hit. It's number one, but we're getting a lot of fan mail that says it does in fact make you gay. God damn it. And then maybe not, I guess, some guys, but definitely you. Yeah, you in college, maybe. You are if you are gay. I'm not gay, but you sing that song. You know, that's no, there's a professional singer. No, there's a radio. Well, he said you, George, dude. Oh my God, it's fucking you. I just looked it up. It says you're the guy who wrote Michael. I'm gay. George Michael. It is. It's not George Michael.

This song is absolutely not. Yes, George Michael is wham, dude. It's not wham. You are gay. You suck my dick. I won't. I just want to fuck an actual song. A little dick. Suck my dick. I just want to fuck you and suck your dick. I am gay. And my dick is small. I just want to fuck your ass. I'm gay. Yeah, well, who the fuck? All right. Are you looking it up or are you just saying? I don't have my phone. All right. I'm not looking it up. Just I won't waste one single. What the fuck? I won't waste my little dick. No, you're fucking it up. That's no way to Google the song. The real version. All right. Now, if you're hitting it, because I'm is it Brian Adams? Adam, look it up. I don't know. My dick is small. Can you

look it up, please, Adam? Can you please look it up? Can you please just fucking look it up? Can you please just fucking look it up? There should be a shazam for like humming. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. You should hum on my dick. Yeah. What was that mean? Go on my dick. Someone told me once that it feels better to eat puss for the girl if you're like making noises while you're eating your pussy because the vibrations. And then I think I was one time doing that and asked to stop. Really? Yes. As to stop humming. What was his name? It was a girl's pussy. Yeah, right. What do you mean? Was it a girl's pussy? Or was it a man's ass? You never eat a pussy and you're like, you know, you don't do didgeridoo noises. Didgeridoo? No, okay.

All right. Well, I think we're never going to figure out what this song is. What the fuck is that song? I don't know. What is it? Just one kiss or just one breath? Just one dick inside your ass. Psych a couple more dicks than that. I don't know what the song is, man. Everybody's got a little cock. Everybody's got a little cock. You see this tweet from the empire writers account? They posted a screenshot of the CNN prosecutors drop all charges against Jesse and empire writers wrote a see y'all Wednesday with a wink face. What? Yeah. Empire hashtag. They like, you know, because they were like, well, we stand by Jesse or whatever. Oh, yeah. So they're they're acting like I thought he got fired by Fox. No. No, every all of his friends like believe them or whatever.

But it's like now no one is knowing. None of them are going to be like, yeah, arrest those Nigerian guys because it's like they know he lied. Right. It just doesn't matter. I'm not convinced. All right. You're not convinced. No way of what it's got to go deeper, dude. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? You think it's a conspiracy? Well, think about it. Chicago, Obama. Yeah. Mm hmm. Uh, George, Obama, Malika Obama is probably Africa. Do we do Nigerian guys? You know, Malik Malik, Barack had to cover up Malik's malicious plan because Malik is actually he is Magga. He's mad. Maybe those Nigerians are Malik's friends. Can be black and Magga. Wow. Okay. Maybe. Of course, we know his Kenyan. That is a different country. That is true.

That is true. But you know what? Similar vibe, you know, very similar vibe. Your honor, he had a similar vibe. Nick, you're not listening to our conspiracy theories here, but I think we're onto something. Mm hmm. What's that? I don't know. I forget. That is Malik Obama's doing. Malik. Chicago. Chicago. Michelle Obama. Trans. Muscles. Oh, she is muscle. So you remember people used to say she was trans. Yeah. She's jacked. I'm going to take a piss, guys. Gardening. We should end the episode if you're just going to leave. All right. All right. We'll see you on Saturday night in DC.