The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 150 – sick day

Episode Date: April 11, 2019

im sick everyone feel bad for me

every time I go to get my haircut they end up fucking my ass they fuck me in my ass every every time I go oh yeah hit that record we got a new guy dude no I already started oh really every time we go I go to the haircut why is it that when I get my haircut I live and my ass is fucked they say they have to put the scissors I eat my ass salute to the gullible African man getting I guess raped at the barbershop every time yeah something like that once again I hate to have to bring this up again but I'm gonna keep getting messages about it from you fucking

idiots the bonobos chimps thing listen it sounds like people are standing up bonobo is not a chimp or it is a chimp I think it's different we're having a conversation about the great apes right great apes is a family so in terms of fast and furious yes they are they are a family so actually we'll use we'll use fast and the furious as an example okay great right so let's hear it they're all ludicrous no I mean it's basically is what yeah if you say if you were to say there's seven fast and furious movies one two three four five six seven if you said no you say the seven different fast and furious one two three four five

six seven and Tokyo drift and it's like well Tokyo drift is three okay okay you know I mean it doesn't quite work right but what I'm saying is we're talking about the great apes and I said this there's four and outside of humans like what you're you're you're looking at gorillas chimps then these was gorillas gorillas chimps and orangutans mm-hmm okay there's a three outside of humans okay so four including so yes but those are the four genera under the family okay of great apes mm-hmm now underneath the genius there's a range of tangs there's three different extant species of orangutans mm-hmm there's

two species of gorilla with like four or five different subspecies mm-hmm and then under chimpanzee there's also several subspecies so bonobos one of which is a bonobos bonobos and common chimpanzees yes are different species but if you're said talking about the great apes and you say chimps you're referring in the general to the genera of pan which is chimps yeah so to say well what to say bonobos are chimps is one million percent accurate and if you disagree with that you're a fucking asshole yeah I don't know if I agree Nick I'm gonna say that all right bonobos I've really not been now bonobos

join your your your attitude since the Chelsea Clinton thing what I'm not bullying you I'm not being mean to you I'm not shitting on a joke you made no you're very nice you're trying for some positivity why you're saying I don't agree with that you're saying I don't agree with that oh come on you know that I was just doing that as a as a light rib and I'm not standing for you know what a light rib I'm not standing for come on there's a gentle rules gentle rules no more rib I'm sick no ribs I've been at home massaging my gums yeah all day long mm-hmm cuz you I know you had serious gum procedures I'm a veteran I know I'm

a military veteran Nick has been doing this spitting this through the wire the last week yeah we haven't even mentioned that yeah I got my I hurt my gums spitting at Arabs ever I hurt my gums breaking up the boy dances I go stand out Lord's do I go stand outside the ground zero mosque and I spit at Arabs that's a type of veteran can't tell me it isn't I'm not gonna stand here and have people tell me I don't deserve discounts at the movie theater that's true I don't have a military ID ma'am where you have a war on terror we're all combatants it's a

stateless enemy and I'm a stateless hero I'm in the army of one ever hear of that that was my ID number my ID number is one yeah exactly yeah I have a military ID does this count and then I start yeah just waving that waving that sword around the movie theater until they let me in captain find a lava monster I will slay it ma'am yeah I'm just loudly booing Captain Marvel for being a woman for being a dumb me captain s marble boo fucking boo excuse me sir I'm a veteran I don't remember seeing any girls in my army there weren't any girl captains in my army yeah and I don't want there to be either salute salute to the veterans

thank you you know what I'm coming around on that chimp a nobo thing so chimp a nobo the chimp a no big if your gums hurt I actually have a small dick what no device that you can rub on what's a small what how small huh how small we talking I guess tiny device I actually never think about it it's small so we little bit compared to other medical device like an MRI machine that's pretty big that's really big but compared to something let's say randomly like a human penis it's big I can't wait till I have the money to get an MRI every single day oh yeah MRI yeah just to be as healthy as possible every day

getting x-rays and cats yeah all day yeah making sure nothing fucking up your organs yes just constantly having x-rays going through my body just monitoring myself in real time I just have a machine a suit that's made out of radiation it's constantly monitoring you can have an app that goes to your phone that would be great just I'm just wearing 600 pounds worth of equipment gear the whole time a slight buzz happening yeah this things are cool because they're scary they scare kids yeah they're scary for adults yeah don't like them at all when I had one I've had one yeah you had a MRI yeah

they said my brain was fucked up yeah no I had an MRI what when I was having stomach issues because you had a tummy ache yeah I said I had a tummy ache so you had to get me an MRI he had to get forty thousand dollars worth of medical testing yeah my dad's covered yeah I would do I pay insurance for my parents took me to Cedar Sinai the most Jewish hospital in the you know six and a half hour drive but there's a Mizzuz on every door so it made us feel safe fucking get us a Jew what's a Mizzuz it's like to ward off bad spirits it's so the Nazis know where it's actually there's no soliciting yeah I don't

want Chinese food menus I know where I get my Chinese we already have not already have a place that we like we have our favorite we have a favorite place they come quick and they don't expect a tip they've learned over the years every time you don't tip who told you about tipping I thought we had disagreed I was under the impression you weren't familiar with now I have to question the authenticity of the Chinese food itself it's true just how Chinese are you I've had a couple of more eyes shoulder and for my foot yeah the shoulder one was brutal dude I was packed in that motherfucker like a little

fat sausage it's hilarious sucked they have to have to slam it against the counter top to get you out they tipped it up yeah they tipped it upside down and hit the top my parents actually gave me an MRI for being gay they wanted to see it work inside the brain yeah and your asshole to see if the asshole to see if they could see any they gave your asshole a fucking mm-hmm fuck I always blank on this word what was it you're on it no what's just did they do to a pregnant lady the epidural no no no the with the with the belly they rub ultra sound yeah they gave your asshole sonic sonic sonogram sonogram yeah they put there was

gel in there I love that it's actually something that turns me on sexually is the gel on a pregnant pregnant stomach you know you just got a heart sonogram right huh you got a heart they did that shit to me yeah it's pretty cool I like I got all gelled up by some Middle Eastern woman I love that Joe it was a hot it was a hot young doctor I was like damn yes I'm sorry my chest is so strong yeah yeah he's a lot of gel huh I was like sorry my titties are so like said my husband watches me at work he's a baby he's like yes he makes sure that this doesn't happen

he's at home he's in his cab watching it what did what what barking orders to the camera what they what is this happening what no mom was a young doctor and I think she wanted to fuck me yeah she was like wow this 30 year old man that's making sure he's not his heart isn't too fat he's making a change in life yeah that gives me hope for my future this is that will you have an enlarged heart I don't it's bad to have an enlarged heart I think you had an enlarged heart no I think this is a large belly I thought I had like maybe I had like a I don't know I don't remember what the fuck it was but I don't have my shit's normal according

to the cardiologist I think what happened is I got worked first of all fuck Zock doc I've been using that shit yeah but they have a lot of bullshit-ass doctors on this he was like an Israeli but don't you just yet does sound as right Israelis come up with the shittiest names for business you open the car rental place it's called a zoom zoom zip business super good time there is a zip zap rental a big boo boo they came up with ways that's Israel really sounds as well after BDS it and not you know you can't get around it because Google bought it so they use the ways technology and Google Maps anyway fuck dude you got a BDS your way back into that shitty

Apple Rand McNally know that you ever use Rand McNally calm they have an app not but back in the old days I used to print out directions on Rand McNally didn't use map quest like a normal person no be cool if like the Holocaust happened now and the train driver was like using ways to fit I know that's not how trains work yeah they're on a track yeah they're on a track yeah it's like I was just trying to avoid traffic there's a cop at the corner better slow down I hate these fucking pigs man yeah your boy Bibi was saying he's gonna fucking just snatch up Palestine is didn't you say that you say that snatch at

the parts that we've stolen not the whole thing but just the parts we've stolen yeah and by we I mean they are not me at all you said you know I said we've actually you went to birthright you're part of it dude I know you got sucked off by that I got I got sucked off in the Golan Heights they're putting up a memorial to where you got sucked off by a Russian prostitute I busted on some titties in the Golan Heights I respect and then I wrote Donald Trump a letter dear President Trump as a lad I busted on this girl Rebecca's titties oh a girl your age not just a prostitute no a young woman my age you did get

sucked up by that Russian woman with braces I got a condom blowjob when I was 19 from what in retrospect was a sex slave but I didn't know the political ramifications I thought it was just a Russian woman living in Israel you were just doing voluntarily working at a strip club called Pussycat I thought she was a volunteer yeah just falling orders exactly the banality of evil yes yes that was my Nuremberg moment yo honestly if that was if those were the orders I got she had braces and she had a necklace that said sex on it oh really yeah which really turned me on and I honestly think like four and a

half sucks with a condom on still busted how old are you hammered drunk wow yeah that's how horny I was wow you imagine the level of horny I mean that's a condom blowjob is one of the that's a vibrating that's a vibrating like adolescent penis that's like an angry oh yeah a buzzing cock with a with a fucking like raincoat that's wild dude first of all any also let me touch her her just incredibly hard breasts nice not her pussy though almost as if some sort of doctor put rocks in her breath like boulders and bags or no no there was no give to them they were so hard

interesting damn the Palestinian child touches them and he gets a shot to death throwing her titties around damn dude have you ever gotten sucked off with a condom at a different time in your life that's ridiculous no only enough only when it was in a professional setting exchange of goods and services maybe immediately had to go get an MRI and then I think I have a I think I got it I think I got aids from that lady I used to use a dental dam for kiss I need another MRI Nick have you ever gotten a condom blowjob never in my life me neither that's

insane never had sex well listen that was a business sorry sorry some of us have been at war since not a lot of time we haven't had time to fratter fraternize with the locals with yeah we haven't had any fucking shore leave when we're there when you're in the army of one it's just constantly spitting at Arabs bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum yeah we're just climbing the tower that fucking that fucking if you can't get in you can just hang out at ground zero and spit it out celebrate your life if you have flat feet yeah if you get four after maybe you

can just hang out at ground zero Hockaloogies and Arabs I like that you have not just ground zero but like a guy going to just a different Muslim country just had nothing to do with it yeah go to Morocco they don't even look the same Indonesians oh yeah just just uh just like it's like where are these Chinese people doing it a mosque just like on buck dude on buck that's a good-ass movie or is that Thailand who has Thailand but it's a good-ass movie yeah that's for sure yeah this guy

just had an on buck transplant is that like a cock transplant I think so yeah okay yeah my girlfriend just had an operation she can only have certain things I said yeah what what kind of operation she had a sex change up yeah would she get a cock chopped up vagina plastic what they do cut her penis off and turn it into a facsimile vagina made out of pieces of her asshole look like now then well I remember learning in elementary school that if you stretched out the human small intestine would wrap around the world four times so they cut the asshole off and then if we just sacrificed one man

we could make enough vaginas for every trans person in the world well I'm sorry what was that number four times around the world yeah I remember learning that small intestine yeah you ever learned that not really yep doesn't sound right to me yeah me but I remember learning it well then let's kill a guy chop up his ass cheeks uh-huh and then see if we can make some pussies nobody wants to know how the pussy is made you know you all got everybody wants a piece of the pussy nobody wants a little piece of pussy pie no one wants to see it churned out know how it's made somebody has there's a comic that has a story about fucking some

girl on the road and then the entire time they were like this is not a vagina was a reconstructive vagina well it was a constructed vagina oh yeah constructed well or reconstructed so here's a little island steel corner if you go to Thailand that's really they do a good job it's like when you're in a bank that used to be a pizza hut like no if I should be putting my money this doesn't seem like a legitimate I should trust these guys can you get like a column or something they're still wearing the uniforms just change the fucking pointy roof yeah apparently if you're looking for a good fresh new puss Thailand you

get a great deal they have good pussies medical tourism for plastic pussies that's a lot of steel corner I'm going to Ukraine and getting fucking like bicep injection oh that guy the guy looks like Popeye yeah I'm doing that shit not dude I just show up and I got like 37 inch four is it sailing like yeah it's my way guy looks hilarious looks like someone put titties in his arm yeah sorry I'm strong yeah well my apologies for being insanely strong I didn't mean to intimidate you I'm sorry my strong arms I'm sorry you weaklings with your arms that don't look like fucking sea cups yeah we're scared Adam how did you

find out about pussies being on on discount oh I've been you know I've just JD power and associates we've been comparison shopping a little bit now that seems funny to me because it seems like Thailand from the videos that I've seen about jade off powers and associates say it again Nick jade off powers they said this is the best truck of the year I don't know some guy that beats off wouldn't just like if you have the name JD power people just listen to you yep that's some guy that's like yeah I made his little like caliper awards you just hand out to what are they for like the Dodge Durango yep who's ever got the

best dodge Durango to beat off JD power JD who is jade off powers yeah jade off JD powers American based global marketing information services seems fake founded by James David power three three it seems like we shouldn't be but I would go by 3 JD 3 JD 3 JD 3 is cool JD p3 JD p3 j power 3 names power 3 JD that's what I call my dick yeah power 3 in the school okay let's see JD power that sounds fake that sounds like he just made a zine about businesses he did he went to college and then he just started saying like this shit's cool initially the associates were this in the first title were his own wife and

children so yeah that's incredible yeah respected JD power for finessing the world get this though 1972 the company drew national attention when his bitch discovered a design flaw in certain Mazda automobiles is that what the Wikipedia article says yeah so I guess it's it's the cunt that he was married to is actually responsible for the success of the company good for her so this man who achieved so much it was actually a fluke because this is dumb broad I guess like just accidentally interesting what was a design I don't know who cares what she right who cares about her yeah talking

about this great man this great man JD power three this guy's hilarious he just had a cool name and then he's like honey this is a 1968 back when everyone was Don Draper he's like yeah I'm not getting the job I'm gonna have my bitch look at blue prints I love that it says it's too can you imagine it's just his boy his associates were literally his wife and Adam wasn't listening to that part yeah their only job is to take is to take part in this conversation I'm here I'm here it was a bad text guys said your dick small yeah no this guy's JD power rule this guy's life is awesome he never did she did his wife did one thing she

only she only figured out one thing and then from now I was like all right listen to them yeah he served four years as a line officer above the Coast Guard icebreaker USCGC East went to the Arctic and Antarctic so there's no war over there that's a true that's still a true dude there's no war I'll go to the I'll go to Antarctica right now and I'll have sex with some penguin I fuck I'll thank him for his he was an icebreaker so his job was to go create to make global warming yeah he was just fucking spraying his hair down with extra fucking sprays he was setting off fucking gasoline fires yeah what is an

icebreaker you just move a ship like they go up to the North Pole and they're like so so where you from yeah that's okay yeah just step on it sorry sorry but wait there are ships that like of course we should know where it's going at and we're comedians let him say the first one then riff off it man ice breakers you're right I'm sorry icebreakers are ships that go up into the Arctic I was really wondering they they break up the ice why do they have to break up the ice you're at your right I was just wondering about the ships dude Nick probably knows about those things

Nick's one of my smartest friends I just wanted to get his take on something that I didn't know about I don't know presumably so other like ships can fucking go through like submarines could go through that shit I don't know what but a submarine could go under the ice not always what do you wonder if it's thick ass ice bro oh it goes all the way to the bottom yeah damn it's your world that's how you get fish sticks we complain about fucking global warming and then there's ice that you can't even have a submarine go underneath well not anymore these videos are cool the submarines coming through the ice that

is cool surprise faggot oh yeah dude that's like when my dick pops out of my pajama pants here here here comes mr. submarine doing some cool shit hold on I'll be right back where you going that's the first time I ever knew what an erection was was I was wearing pajama pants and watching mad TV with my family oh nice and my dad like turned around he saw that I had a boner coming out of my pajama pants you're wait wait you're you're yeah I was like in flesh third or fourth your cock flesh was no underwear pajama pants and then my dad just shouted Joanne he's got an erection then then they rushed to the hospital to

get an MRI then they got an MRI oh my god something's wrong with my boy no sir his penis is just that small it's got a very small gross still protruding it's still soft but it looks hard they're like no that's as big as it's gonna get that wasn't as big as it was gonna get just for the record for anyone that's listening and thinks Nick may be doing a funny bit my dick has grown since third grade hasn't yes it has how much not lot how big is your dick Adam soft no hard either way you want to know both yeah give me both measurements soft 13 and a half inches yeah yeah yes it is it's coiled around my leg hard 2.5 my

dick's probably like three inches soft that's a big soft dick that's huge three inches soft maybe then two three is not big my dick is nothing soft my dick goes into my body like a turtle hard it's phenomenal fantastic I give it a round of applause and my dick is probably like I said a heart of a thirsty 5.75 when it's hard that's right smack down and what we're told is the average a thick American male one vein running through it curving to the left of coming up just slightly uncircumcised and your heart is sick too my heart always hurts I think I got a with that thing Italians get I just done yeah something like yeah I just I don't know

but yeah I just get like sharp chest pain that's not that's fake that's something they created because they eat so much lasagna and shit mm-hmm so what is fake when Italians have is a heart disease so I hope you don't have that oh I don't know well we know Nick's got a disease of the heart yeah well I guess they do go under the ice ice breakers or submarine submarines I would like I would think I mean I don't know shit about submarines but I wouldn't do that because it's like what if you need to come up for air and they breathe one guy's got really big one guy looks at the bears go because all right everybody and then they all just

have to hold their breath down there you ever see that movie Kelsey grammar shut up what do you mean shut up now you're going back to mean well yeah that's fine people like no I yeah I did with what's her name Holly Holly down Periscope yeah that bitch it Holly Holly isn't Holly Hunter oh no not Holly Hunter Megan Holly Karen Holly I know there was a Holly and she's the bitch from dumb and dumber oh yeah yeah and she's they put her in like a slut outfit hell yeah they shrink her clothes and down Periscope respect is a prank oh is that like they're oh and she just has to wear those clothes for the

rest of the movie yeah I love that shit dude when movies find plot ways to just show more titties yeah yeah I like doing movies are brave enough to shrink vicious clothes not like today when you can't even fucking say anything yeah now they have to be the fucking captain of Marvel yeah fucking I couldn't even my biggest problem cap Marvel I couldn't see her pussy at all yeah exactly if you know what my biggest problem was yeah she didn't serve in the IDF like that fucking yeah like Gal Gadot Gal Gadot every female superhero should do a tour in the IDF absolutely to know what it's like to be a real life hero

well how about a character Gal Gadot head yep she's Indian yeah why why would you be Indian what if no confused she's not Indian a trained child Palestinian sniper has a has a scope Gal Gadot head she's that gives people head what do you mean yeah she's she's from the 50s her name is dot her nickname is dot her name is Gal Gadot head it's Gal Gadot but she gives people head I don't know why you said she's Indian yeah that's fucked up why would you know explain a second explain why she would be Indian because because Indian people have a bindi sometimes but what is it how does that relate to Gal Gadot head yeah he

said her name Gal Gadot there's no fence and the word head there's a term that people never sometimes what is it what's term do you call dot head oh I would never use it what I wouldn't use it we are going around disrespecting the bindi Nick can you please for the good of our listeners edit that out yeah put the time stamp it down in fact we're just gonna let people know that if you want to take bets on whether Nick will edit this or not you could bet it bet the aside I won't bet you that I won't but seriously could you be your bet is that I won't but my bet is that I also am betting that I won't I bet that you

but I'm betting more money how much are you putting down me yeah I'll put down at all I'm I'm going all in give me a dollar on how much money I have you're betting that I'm not gonna yeah how much I have about $5,000 you're putting down $5,000 putting down I'm putting down $6,000 my bets higher I win I get the $11,000 that's how I work that's how betting that's how betting bet the aside on new approach to betting we're in you all bet on the same thing but the guy who bets the most money gets all of it and it's called capitalism folks welcome to cha-po chap chap trap house cha-po ass cheeks chap chap that's yeah

welcome to the fuck cheeks cha-po to nice posted by me and my two friends and we all share names and women per socialism sponsored by bet the aside.com the premier sports socialist and polygamist gaming website the premier gaming website for polygamist socialists if you like busting and betting busting betting busting betting Bernie your bust bet Bernie bet Bernie at bet the aside bust on Bernie bet the I fuck that shit I'm sorry I'm trying to look up the copy that's yeah

they have an award-winning app 24-7 24-7 customer support their mobile playing if somebody's explained it to me they don't have an app they just have a website that works on your phone that's what websites don't that's a we should mention that the podcast literally as an app I didn't do anything with it but it is on my phone and cool for that shit yeah only pieces of shit look you don't have time to use the word yeah no it's been a business of the 20 years pay-per-face that's no more easy to use mobile playing interface I don't know where I got a word from I guess I've just been saying that for years yeah my

bitch found some flaw on a gambling website oh me no I just go around diners and show my watch to the wait names JD power 3 baby yeah I like to have sex with older gals yeah no my bitch does most of the working I'm just JD JD the D in bet the SI stands for the same D from JD power and s stands for his slut wife and I is his idiot son yep and that's it also his company yep and they offer JD power owns but the JD power owns bet the SI.com and he's listen my my bitch does most of the the fixing me I kind of go around and I just I just play peek-a-boo with these diner waitresses because we get a little hotel room the

the stop on in over on room 55 I got a room there they don't even clean the come on she's so often I'm in there I say hello to Sharon behind the desk I say how you doing Sharon excuse me I've never seen this woman in my life but I bring these these diner waitresses in there this place squares squares diamond I try to have sex with all that it's never actually worked but it's never five years old they're all old that come is for me jerky I'm going there and I beat off to the thought of fucking one of these diner waitresses before I have to go home to my bitch who's making sure my empire stays flush to the gills with the good-ass

opinions on Dodgers the Rangos and they offer odds on pretty much everything else yeah you got a major sports politics yeah I love just betting on politics I do too man Pete Butt edge edge yeah is that how you pronounce it but edge is but it's bootage is Pete butt sex has anyone called him that isn't pointing out that bud is in his name yes pretty good and he's gay yeah but what's next a guy named Pete penis and vagina gig and he's straight this whole thing is that he's straight this whole yeah as a straight candidate this is number one yeah anyways bet the aside offers odds on pretty much

everything else major sports politics reality TV scripted TV you bet on whether or not the PJs are coming back yeah you don't be cool to do a claymation show for children yeah right and it's on for years most successful show and then after it's been on for years it comes out that all all of the clay was shit was actually shit so children were just looking at shit and calm that would be good yeah is it abusive if they have to look at it well yes I guess yeah people would not be happy about it no no but you know what why not why not you know matter I don't know if anything you you're not

wasting precious material kid was passed out my bitch just found out that the clay on Sesame Street is just a bunch of shit and calm that's another 30 years for JD power my friend yeah my bitch loves finding shit out they offer live in-game way to make plays throughout the entire game and events here's what we're gonna be betting on this week folks Yannis I did the combo for the MVP fuck James Harden you probably won't get good odds on either one of them but bet your whole life savings on Yannis and you know what they're going to the fucking NBA finals and they're gonna beat the fucking Warriors yeah I bet I bet that's

true mm-hmm anyways when you sign up make sure you use promo code come 120 that's CUM 120 so they don't be send you when you sign up you've got some options you can just play and cash out or you can take the bonus money which is like getting a casino comp up front before you've played at the tables that's right how cool is that I love getting that imagine you walk into the casino you know and you're you know you guys are gas digital listeners you just got your best stewie griffin Joker shirt on chugging a fucking rock sorry they walk right up there give you a free free Sierra missed vodka your drink of

choice yeah let me get a Sierra and seven seven up and Sierra missed you know my body turns it into alcohol yeah my insulin so fucked up that when I drink too so does it wants to do it for again fucked up off that's you that's you getting a casino comp up front before you play to the table there's be awesome a rollover requirement but it's free cash if you're gonna be in the sports book which is where we like the game love that you use promo code CUM 120 up to a thousand dollars are gonna give you 60% bonus cash return a thousand and the 1600 to play with so once again that's bet the aside.com come 120 let's start

the show my dick is small but it's time for what is that song is that the diamond Dallas page theme no I don't remember is that dvp I think it was no dude yoga yoga dvp yoga brother what a weird character cuz his name was diamond Dallas page but he's some guy from Jersey is he yeah he's not he's not a fucking wrestler or he's not a Dallas guy at all no it wasn't a text like George W. Bush damn imagine like the disappointment naming your son Dallas page and thinking he's gonna grow up to be a thick bottom and gay

juicy thing that's why you would name him that obviously have him be like a fat ass twink yeah Dallas Dallas big goes cruising for for crackhead dick and downtown oh yeah he's the hairless except he's got a nice line of hair in his asshole that's his it's his New Jersey father Anthony Scalamucci Anthony googly a jet DJ Jamba do googly a yeah my name is Anthony this good this come on by just do googly a babali a baboon the Jamba just this is my son Dallas page my boy's gonna grow up to be a thick bottom he's gonna take a fucking cock like you're never seen dick on video for fucking drugs yeah I saw that movie party monster

and I said to myself that's gonna be my it's gonna be my fucking boy that's gonna be my son it's gonna be a party son oh I'm gonna be a fucking party monster the fucking monster the party that's you ain't a kid huh yeah just yelling at a toddler I look at Italian guy red thing party monster party monster that sounds fucking awesome I can't wait to see this fucking movie this guy probably so much fucking push so we two sounds like a movie about guys like us probably about a guy's hanging out fucking drinking you're watching who the fucking game you know fucking solo cups and playing beer pong it's gonna be a

fucking awesome move my fucking god oh my god oh my god I can't wait to watch fucking party monster I can't wait to see how fucking much I'm like the guy in the movie it's fucking yeah studio 64 no it's about gay guys like killing themselves with too much sex yeah Macaulay Coggins gay guys that fuck each other to death yeah literally yeah they fuck each other they fuck each other than one kills the other one this movie's gonna be fucking great you're gonna be fucking some good shit I can't wait to see fucking potty monster fuck yeah yeah yeah they got I would try to watch that movie potty monster

was a bunch of fig bullshit anyways I got this other movies pretty good it's called Paris is burning but it's about burning up a bunch of queers over there in France that's what I need to cleanse my palate after that mislabel potty monster movie is a cross I'm right watch all these queers but you're fucking hopefully it's a bunch of Sicilian I was taking a fucking flame watching something cool and then he said to watch is the entire thing what are they going to Paris what are they gonna put these fucking guys in Paris and burn them this is worse than potty monster

hell yeah I got this movie boys don't cry a couple of Jersey boys like me a couple of new Jersey fellas and we're gonna truck in the tough guy they don't have a cry about anything yo I'm not watching no fucking movies no more you just never looked at the back yeah you look at the pictures fuck I can't wait for potty monster he's fucking pussy getting animals at this party I hope it's like fucking a frat movie oh yeah the devil wears Prada I bet it's about a cool guy he loves

Italian clothes a fucking New Jersey devil a regular New Jersey devil hanging out wearing cool clothes okay what the fuck is this Stanley Tucci's a fucking traitor fucking traitor yeah they got a fucking Italian Stanley Tucci I've never heard of him but I can't wait to see what he does probably fucks his for a young bride and a fucking old bride at the same time trying to think of other gay movies call me by your name moonlight yeah that doesn't really work no yeah moonlight would be like watch that movie moonlight was exactly what I expected exactly what I

thought it would be they put it right there right there in the title you know full moon maybe I think they'd straight but moonlight hold each other's head when it's dark outside broke back mountain what is that that is a wrestling thing I thought it was down that's Jimi Hendrix someone used to use that yeah maybe that was right off on a mountain well I saw we should do we should do our famous come-town WrestleMania recap yeah you got fucking what's rest what's WrestleMania attitude okay guys here comes the big WrestleMania recap who gives a shit stop pretending like you care you're 36

from what I could gather off of Twitter a hot woman with red hair one Tony contain and she calls herself the man so I don't know if that means she's trans but they have a chance they have a chance with her I don't know I would like to bustle bustle brainiers bustle brainiers yeah you're busting you're busting I don't think much has changed since we used to watch wrestling except Hunterhurst Helmsley's now with a them don't call me brother if you if you call me he won the belt and everyone was like it's like pretend like that was like a bit did they fuck the boss's

daughter baby guys not get to win the belt is it the first time I won the belt this time these are two things I saw on Twitter what we should be dude I don't know did he ever win the guy that wrote the sting directed down periscope yeah there you go it's a good movie is it I used to like it but I'm bomb bomb bomb bomb but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm what you like down periscope I used to love that shit that she was always on HBO during the day I've never seen it yo your cat is giving me some wild eyes right now trying to fuck yeah what's you looking at cats a killer she sees me I am killer dude I love

you see a little prey yeah cats are cool cuz they're apex predators yep dogs are fucking lame no the dogs are cool not dogs are lame no dude shut up dogs give you love I see yeah that's because you need it yeah love is nice dude we all need love that's a weakness the only thing I need is to continue my war on terror oh another big news Nicholas I'd love to get your take on it but the the song that's burning up the charts right now is Lil Nas X Old Town Road remix featuring Billy Billy Ray Cyrus I don't know any of the words you just said that was like fucking 15 words in nonsense there's a rap song or rap slash I just

wanted to get your take where a guy raps about being on the Old Town Road and he got Billy Ray Cyrus to be on it from a key breaking heart Billy Gay Cyrus next time thank you dude thank you knocked it out of the park thank you without even trying he's done it again yo I used to love a key breaking heart as a kid it was my I was after I was great they make you line dance coach G used to make us line dance line was coach G's favorite song and then it like hit his fucking boombox it was like my ass my achy breaky yeah my ass breaks all the time coach G used to make us line dance to it do you ever fuck you listen I wasn't lucky

enough to have sex with him but he had sex with a lot of cute friends of mine I looked at the like line dancing is just dancing for people don't know how to dance right it's like they had to create a handicapped version of land is dancing for people who like the rules is it they don't like the rules you follow the rules of the line dance there's no artistry to it that's the thing is that's the thing I'm like Nick who is a beautiful freestyle dancer oh yeah the magnificent that's why is it the gym all the time that's the thing about black culture is that they were the first people I'm always like we were the first

people to not follow the rules what when they dance that's when b-boying so you hear that you hear that everyone says that racist thing about it wasn't racist now he's saying black people can't follow rules no they were the first to break the rules and that and within breaking the rules that's where true creativity artistic creativity happens it's fucked up the race dude and the first line line see please think about everything this is all in Adams 1952 SA the rule-breaking Negro he's cool and he flaps his lips at the policeman strutting his way through the urban landscape he doesn't answer anybody

listen all recently emancipated and without question not facing a single degree of discrimination at this point now fully an equal over without any kind of oppression facing him whatsoever the 1952 cool rule-breaking Negro answers only to himself yep what is it about these beasts that they can't control themselves me and Bill Buckley is phylum under the great apes once again bonobos different from black people Adam wants to say no not me don't miss attribute that you've read my essay yeah on the rule-breaking the cool rubric rule-breaking as a from from the Harper's Bazaar the national review

what was that racist as I say that Rudyard Kipling wrote the white man's bird white man's bird yeah my man wrote the jungle book and some shit that was like yeah well that book version of the jungle book is that racist too yeah okay all is like blue sheer con those are all people in the book wait really they're not animals no they're yeah they're they're they're people oh black people yeah I got you I mean I think they're in yet another thing about the cartoons probably more racist than the book is problem well I don't know I've never either read the book nor seen the movie heart of darkness had some racist shit

in it too that I remember I don't think it's racist to say that Africa that Uganda is the heart of darkness what's racist I literally still remember a thing where I think they called a black guy that was like dry reading or driving a boat or something like they look like a dog in like pants is what he was he compared it to every book black Africa that's like every all literature I mean the dark continent made the point before but all literature is like just you know even now you write a book at page one is the n-word and calling something get that's why our book that's the book we're working on

actually yeah I mean there's books that are just the n-word right out of the gate and fucking the New York review books is like wow this is really representative of you know the zeitgeist the intellectuals yes I mean if it's a black laugh about the like Down syndrome guy that loves public intellectuals making really wants to be a public intellectual I like I like Norm Chomsky and Norman Malone Thomas so it yeah he just that no ideological distinction yeah yeah he just likes Norm Miller and Gordon well we got him a bunch of turtlenecks last year for his birthday but of course he quickly

stretched them all out strong neck yeah we actually turn the basement into his own talk show yeah he has his own round table municipal policy discussion show that he runs down there it's nice nice little living room set up that they've changed the direction of the stop signs down on a street and a lot of people are recognizing the way so undertones of that decision Michael what you have to say about it was just a bunch of stuff very good Michael very very good very interesting point yeah well we had to take him to the hospital cause he burned himself on his imaginary T we're still not sure how he did it he's covered in

third-degree burns from spilling an imaginary cup of coffee all over that is a great guy it is yeah respect to him damn you are stuffed as a bitch huh we got sick that sucks bro we got thick stuff I'm sick bro I'm thick as hell and 32 year old Adam is it your birthday today no it's in Wednesday Wednesday so when so it is today when the show comes out today when the show comes out everyone wish Adam a happy birthday on the internet 32 years old feels great what have you done for your birthday have I done we had a nice little party that's it up in the emergency room oh yeah too much should we

say too much huh happy birthday to me too it's not necessary me doing this for my birthday happy birthday we all know that Adam was raped also Adam rapes yes he's a rapist that's the direction we're gonna go with this song I was no birthday me too happy birthday also you're a rapist I was raped my first birthday okay I never did it my first birthday I was raped so it's it's my 31st birthday of my me too was it what was it two was it three well yeah my second birthday was it five was it six was it seven pretty much rape you were your first birthday are you talking about the moille when the more that was not

a birthday party that was just kind of a private gathering my parents put together any of Adam's victims out there he had to twist it past he was just paying it forward yeah if I understand that would be correctly the child that yeah I just got this movie paying for it's probably about a couple of mafia guys doing favors for people we ain't even part of the family even they fucking daughter's brother wedding day I like the part where the kid gets stabbed does he get stabbed that's cool spoiler hey this movie is pretty cool it's called I am Sam it's probably about a guy's name is Sam and that's the only thing about him

what the hell is this this guy's retarded Adam is gay yeah that'd be fun just an Italian guy come to you every movie it stretches to every movie yeah it's just now now it's not even the gay thing you know pick any movie and let's see the color purple a fucking track they should call this color black the fuck is this bullshit the color purple my ass it's not a single drop of purple in the fucking thing it's all black people the fucking piece of shit I hate this fuck this movie the green mile there's no the green in the literal

yeah fuck is this Air Force one I thought it was okay I guess that's what takes place why people are trying to steal it over here I just show me the fucking plate huh fuck me man yeah suck my dick I am gay now Adam why won't you fuck so emergency room huh would you like to we'd like to describe the scene at the emergency room our food poisoning that sucks bro and then as we were waiting she was better so then we just left but we were there for three and a half hours some colorful characters maybe oh yeah there's a there's a there's a little Chinese lady with a walker that was just like a little Chinese man just

walking around telling everyone to eat her pussy was she talking like that yeah how old just for the record none of this happened I swear to God it's not happened at all you know what I'm not gonna miss her Adam miss her this Chinese woman he's like wouldn't be funny if she was saying eat my pussy the police actually there's a black guy there throwing bananas at everyone there wasn't but there was an African guy in a gown with his ass out that was like give me my clothes back this is bullshit I don't have to stay here I want my clothes respect I don't like yet you do it's the hospital you're not in jail you

don't have to stay I demand a lawyer sir you came in here because there was a pair of scissors in here depending so we'll finish your hair going just going to the emergency room and taking all his clothes off I want my haircut right now somebody cut my hair whether you go to get a haircut I don't know what this place is or what are you are supposed to do here all I know is I want my haircut and I want my goddamn close back they're in a pile right next you took them off damn that would be nice to get nude get a haircut while totally nude yeah feel free I went to the spa

recently yeah great experience with spa spine somewhere in these it would be nice after haircut if they would like slap my dick around with that that like the talcum powder oh yeah or the thing with a massage your neck if they put that on your nuts yeah just a nice little wood thing you get a neck massage yeah with someone's hands they got a little vibrating shit I go to the Japanese dude they want a whole head massage that's nice yeah I just want your dick talcum'd up Nick yeah get all the moisture out of it yeah yeah yeah now that it's springtime I'm fucking sweaty again that's true how about talk

him in the middle and he's always cool he's got his nuts Sean Sean King Sean King of the middle of the big debate online because he likes Bernie but bad ticks otherwise interesting it's Beto called the BB erasers that was kind of cool on yeah but if that's his only position fucking he's alright yeah but you could say BB is a racist but what about the rest of Israel and the existence of his race he's sort of saying that I guess no he's not he's just saying that they'd be fine if they didn't have this one guy oh I don't know man whatever sorry I already get political on your guys I mean it's better than him

than being Hillary I know I know I mean it sucks I don't I guess I just don't want to people like him I guess they do yeah yeah yeah some bitch ass MSNBC type of mayo ass type of cracker asses like we were talking about right before that I don't remember pumpkin season in an African one of Elvis's friends they had an exchange student from China and he said that you could get you could go to the barbershop and get your dick sucked and your haircut for five damn imagine that barbershop five and it's in China and it's like Cedric just having to suck Chinese guys man this is not my I'm not my shit you tell Virginia I'm going back

to my detailing service I think Cedric doesn't like black people wind up fucking fucking around in China I live there shriek for my whole life don't speak a damn word of Chinese barbershop four ends with me in a container a shipping container in some sort getting sex traffic yeah there's in the wrong direction post credits bumpers Jason Statham is somehow responsible for here I am now we're taking you to China we've been taking so many Chinese women away we need to replace this motherfucker I'm not Chinese I don't care just getting a container I'm taking you home how many goddamn times they're got to tell you I'm

from North Carolina we're going back to Hong Kong so you can be with your family that's the end mother fucker I'm a 72 year old African American man I am not a 16 year old Chinese girl I don't know how to make that more clear to you listen leaping there's only two things I know karate and Chinese people and how to bring Chinese people back to China your father the ambassador yeah that is how that is how your barbershop forends you're right you're getting fucking mouth fucked Chinese man still complaining about

black people motherfucker that is a bowl haircut the fuck are you mad about ain't nobody come in here want nothing to bowl haircuts I told you I went to that Dominican barbershop in Bushwick that had porn playing unlike one of those mini like kitchen TV honestly so one of those like nine inch so much your mom has in the kitchen that shit yeah did you get a good haircut out of that one no the guy did not speak English and I did not get a good did you kiss him on the lips it was $12 did you kiss him on the lips you kiss him what's his name there was a kiss and you kiss him in your dating now

what was his name Diablo you kissed the two of you and kissed and then you had sex you had sex the two of them kissed each other and then they became gay sex partners together let me ask you this we've got Ricky here how old are you Ricky I'm six Ricky what do you know about homosexuals they're bad mr. Cosby oh damn free I was worried when my sister was sick the other night that she got Spanish fly yeah that was one of the things I was considered a shit it's fucking poison what Spanish flies about it's not an aphrodisiac it's a fucking like noro talk yeah it makes you pass out I thought it was Ruth sick oh I thought

it was like an aphrodisiac I thought it was like a like people talking much because I had to look it up I was like what the fucking Spanish fly I thought it was something buying like a gas station it was like you know like one of those boner yeah you know like chocolate or something oysters people say oysters an aphrodisiac yeah dude this can't eat me right now dude it's a killer he's got a little fucking juicy morsel he's flicking her little tail staring at you you put the captain of your fucking cat and it's ass and it's pussy I fucked the cat mr. Cosby you have gay sex with the captain you should have his own show called Bill

Cosby says the most fucked up things the most fucked up shit kids say a bunch of fucked up shit why ass hurts I just don't think six millions a reasonable number mr. Cosby you said all the cost didn't happen did you heard him say it folks he's all cost revisionist he looks at that but definitely where are the grapes you can't find the single one of them all they have is the museum seems like there's more museums to do if they were as anybody's gonna pull off a big conspiracy like that's probably the people that control the media and

entertainment hold on I'm getting a call from my agent he said he dropped me and now I'm being accused of raping by fifty seven women we're never airing this episode of kids saying the darkest things and that's how it happened you're listening to the hotel podcast you're listening to Cedric the entertainers hotel podcast broadcasting live from Guangzhou province and that's the thing man they set him up like that finish you know the bottom what does he need to be some yeah yeah don't go yeah if only Bill Cosby hadn't tried to buy NBC man fuck don't

run don't go to 70 enemies huh there's probably language like there's people out there and just, you know, make cash and being like boom. That's being to me to do chill. Chill out, bro. Chill out, man. That's aggressive. Stop having your language be like that. I can see why English is the most popular language in the world. Chill, bro. It's very chill. It's not chill at all. Probably has nothing to do with anything else. Nope. It's probably it's the language. Probably people in like in far off countries away from England just heard English from the distance

and they were like, let's speak that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They just heard it. They were like, hey, guys, brother, they saw them sailing some English. Hey, come over here. You can have all of our spice and stuff and some pussy. They didn't want them. They didn't want the English to come. Take our spices and pussy. Take our spices and pussy. Yeah. No, no, no. I want to flag with the don't try to be a snake, but it says take our spices and pussy. Yeah. And that's how the British got everything.

Take our spices and pussy. Come over here, guys. It's the flag. We've got plenty of pussy. This is actually the original Rick. This is the actual flag, the original flag of Canada. This is a snake that says, please try not to be, take our spices and pussy. Yeah. It's a little snake wearing a headdress. Take our spices. That's true. No, man. Guys, people used English to oppress the world, enslave the world, rape the world, steal all their resources. No chance.

Full garden country. Fuck them. No, you guys don't know the real history behind this. What history? About behind the English language. Dan Carlin's hard art. I mean, I forget who I was talking to the other day, but like Dan Carlin's hard art history came up again. It was a girl and she was like, she was like, wait for real? We were like, yeah, Dan Carlin has two podcasts. She was like, no way. Like, yeah, you should check it out. It's the same exact one, but it says the end. We're the same guy and he's hard. Our end words. Isn't that crazy?

Because, you know, he drops a soft day every once in a while on the regular. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes he messes up. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the rule, right? Is that all people can use soft a, but only by people can use hard are. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think why don't you drop a couple right now? What? Why don't you say some of them? It's my you already said with one slur on the show. It's on my birthday. What? What's slur? It is your birthday. That's true. Yeah. We did wish you a very nice happy birthday. You guys didn't sing that. You said that I was a rapist. Your birthday. But we also said happy

birthday. You fucking asked me of doing one of the worst crimes a person can do. I guess what faking a hate crime. That's that is pretty terrible. Trying to start a race war by faking a hate crime. The worst crime of all to get revenge on the Mueller report to do revenge it. What's going on with that stuff? Is it good? The report? I'm not even kissing my girlfriend until I see the full thing. Me too, dude. I got to see the full unredacted Miller report. It'd be great if they release it and it's 3000 pages like Trump's bad. Orange Cheeto bad guy. We don't like him. This guy's a real

piece of work. It's just red light. It's just Michael Ian Black's tweets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be pretty funny, huh? It would be good. Yeah. That would be good. Oh, what what do you got there? And no collusion. Did you hear what he said? He said the witch hunt rigged wish on. It's a red witch on Harvey Weinstein was a really influential guy. I got to blow my nose again. Got to blow your nose, bro. Damn Nick, you're sick. We should go get some spicy food after this or something. Spicy food is is it clears out your sinuses. Yeah, but it fucks up your stomach. Yeah, if you got a weak ass little bitch ass stomach. Come on, man. What? You know, Nick's

like isn't like, he's not like, Oh, you're accusing Nick. He doesn't have a Punjabi style stomach. Yeah, he's got a weak Irish stomach. We all know that. That's true. It's only supposed to eat potatoes and shit. And blood sausage. What are you talking about? My stomach weak Irish stomach. Oh, yeah. I was saying when you get some spicy foods to clear out your sinuses. I used actually it was up until like this year. I had no problem with spicy food. People used to do that joke you know. Yeah, I ate an Indian food last night. I'm now I'm shitting it all out. It's worse on the way out than it is on the way in. I never understood that. I'm

like, you don't have taste buds in your ass. What are you talking about? I do. That's why I love getting fucked in the ass so much. Yeah, I love the taste of cock. Yeah, that's why I put lollipops in my ass. I was the most popular guy in prison because I'd smuggle jolly ranchers in there. They call me they call me a pinata. But but isn't that because it burns? Call me pinata, bro. Because I got a bunch of candy here in my ass. I'm the most most popular puppet you go in prison. Again, I get jumped by everyone and the candy flies out of my ass. Okay. So kiss a werewolf, brother. I got a fucking candy. So I got so much candy

in my ass. It's like a birthday party in here. It's like a birthday. I'm turning old jail into a fucking birthday party. That's the pinata. Nobody's gonna fuck because it I see look man. That's that's the thing, man. I'm five foot one, 78 pounds. You know, I'm coming in here. I know they're going to try and ask me. All right. I look like Josie. All right. I'm wearing the largest size. They got it. I'm still I'm still swimming in these clothes. You know, and that's why I said I'm trying to not give give my my ass my pool was my cool. Oh, my cool. So I'm like, you know, why don't I why don't I tell people my name is a pinata

and I filled my ass with candy because every guy's everybody's gonna get mad at the guy that fucks all the candy. You know, that fucks it up for everyone. But I ain't man. I'm going around like do little breakdances that act like a little vending machine. I'm shit now fucking tootsie rolls and airheads in the middle of the recreation area. And they're like, man, Josie's cool as shit. I'm like, no, I was trying to go by the pinata. But you know, whatever they can call me, Josie, if they want as long as they don't rape me as long as I'm not getting getting wrapped up. And as long as he's repistas, these repa pistas

stay away from me. The pinata. It's a it's a five foot one Mexican guy that's got a bunch of candy shoved all in his colon. Just feel. Yeah, I'm gonna keep getting candy in there. I'm gonna. Yeah, right. God damn it. We got to stop this guy. That'd be fun. A movie like Animal House, but it's about a prison gang. Harry and brother. Look at me. I'm the human zit and he just shits calm all over. Look at me. I'm a human. I'm a human zit and he just yeah. All over some guy's face. Come on. Come on. The cafeteria. Yeah. Yeah. There's some like 19 year old kid that got caught with like with marijuana and

he's just nervously trying to take a shower. They're all like watching him as he takes his clothes off. Yeah. Yeah. Boy. Animal gang. Animal gang raped that 19 year old boy. Cause rape around the clock tonight. Yeah. What's great? What's Gregory Marmalard's deal? He's like a in the Aryan Brotherhood. Gregory Marmalard. I say we're gonna become the finest group of gang. Yeah, great rich guys. Yeah.

That's his name. Gregory Marmalard. Gregory Marmalard. That's a fucking awesome name. The actor of the Marmalard. Greg Marmalard is the rich guy in the animal house. I think or it's revenge in the nerds. I can't remember. All I know is oh, it's a character. People like those movies. I'm like, well, I'm not going to college. This will never I'm no thanks because you didn't want to go to parties. No, the socializing. No, fuck that more school and it's optional. They don't even have to go to school. They get to rock out at parties. Yeah. And their house is messy too. Damn, that's so wild. I don't. Yeah,

I guess I always assumed we lost the fucking bar. Marmalar. And he says that at some point. Who says that? Bushemi is like standing outside. He's like, we lost the bar and then he downs that thing of Jack Daniels. I just remember seeing tits and you know, it's not Bushemi. Yeah, the other one, the dead guy Belushi Belushi. Wow. Is Steve Bushemi the third Belushi brother? Yeah. He was just so ashamed of Jim that he wanted to change his last name. It's a good take, man. Thanks, brother. What are they? Some sort of Armenian type. They're Albanian. Unfortunately. Oh, sorry. Sounds like Albanians are the superior

of the two. Don't even dare say that shit. Eldest the Bushemi brothers. Those are just three of the funniest people I know about. Liza Dushku. Liza Dushku. She's hot. She's hilarious too. Yeah, they got some good guys, honestly. But fuck them. We got Telly Sovales. Go Jack. You got Uncle Jesse. We got Uncle Jesse. We got Jennifer Aniston. No one's talked about that. Her name's like Anastanopolis or some shit like that. Jennifer Anastane. Anastane. Just get her asshole bleached. Yep. I unveiled my spec script for friends in which Rachel has to get her asshole bleached. They're like, you understand

the character's name is Rachel, right? Not Anastane. So no one told you life was fucking something. Just handing in a spec script to an agent and I've written the lyrics to the theme song. It takes up four pages. I don't know. I know it's supposed to be like 22 pages, but I think it's commercials and shit. Maybe this would be like a PSA or like a breaking news thing. So there's going to be extra time in between. But basically this one, Rachel goes and gets her asshole bleached, but the doctor's horny. So he keeps coming in his... The doctor bleaching her asshole.

This is a fundamental misunderstanding of every part of it. The doctor keeps coming and he gets some cum on her ass and then when she's fucking Ross later, he's like, what the hell is this fucking cum? She's like, I wonder if my asshole bleached for you as a surprise, but the doctor was horny. And then we find out that really it was because there was a video of Joey from one of his acting gigs on the TV while he was doing the asshole bleaching. And the doctor's like, Ross, I didn't cum on Rachel's ass. It was because I'm gay. There's this guy Joey on TV.

Who's gay. But the doctor's name is Dr. Beverly something. And so he's like, turns out Dr. Beverly was just coming because of Joey. But Joey's like, Chandler, this hot chick Beverly or whatever. And he thinks this is a chick. Yeah, he thinks this is a girl. So Joey's... That's a classic sitcom. Joey and Chandler sitting in the living room, mutually masturbating to the idea of a female doctor leather chairs.

And then yeah, Jennifer comes in and they're like, you know, she walks in. She's like, did Ross tell you what happened? They're like, yeah, we're both masturbating to that female doctor. She's like, female. And then it's a tight shot on Joey. It's like coming up on Seinfeld coming up on Fraser. I love the doctor. I just imagine the doctor. Rachel's ass knocking on the door to explain. Oh, by the way, Ross, it's not that I want to fuck Ray.

Like, he knows Ross. No, Ross has to go. Ross confronts him. He's like, you came on my girlfriend's ass. I'm glad he just knocked on the door. No, no, Ross is like, I'm going to go see this fucking doctor. Ross shows up to the doctor's office and he has to borrow a leather jacket from Joey and tough.

He's like, I'm worried I'm not going to be tough enough. So Ross shows up to the and he's wearing all Joey's leather stuff leather pants, leather, leather jacket on no pants because Joey didn't have any leather hats. He shows up completely nude under otherwise. And the doctor is like, what's going on? He's like, you came on my girlfriend's ass and that's rape. And he's like, it's not. I'm gay.

You can't tell anyone. Obviously, you know, he's like, I'm gay. And then, you know, so then later Ross is like, the doctor's gay. They're like, the doctor's not gay. It's like, but I don't know, a cameo from Jack from Illinois. It's like, well, gay people only tell other gay people that they're gay. And then Ross realizes that the doctor thinks he's gay because he showed up wearing a leather daddy outfit.

Well, that might not work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he just looked tough. Yeah. But he looks like a leather daddy. Anyway, that's my. That's a classic mix up. That's a classic mix up.

That's my my spec script for friends. I hate that. We kind of look tough. The big Hollywood hunt. I love it, dude. Yeah. I love that. Well, folks, I got to tend to my nose here and then go get my laundry before

the fucking shit closes. That's right. Thanks for listening, everyone. Starting in May, we're going to be doing funny moms every Monday except the first Monday of the month. So come out to that and we're there on the 22nd. All right. Goodbye, everybody.

We'll be right back.