The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 152 – Early Turd Special

Episode Date: April 24, 2019

too early for sleepy adam

Okay. Rolling. Let's get started here. So it's to catch a predator in Iran. I like it. And so it's like a Chris Hansen. It's like, how do they talk? Take your time. Take your time. Why don't you have a seat over here, please? Sit down. You are online trying to meet a man.

Now there is, you cannot leave. The police are outside to execute you. The police are outside to push you off the building. To catch a predator in Saudi Arabia? Yeah. We have a telegram from you that says, Mr. Shah, I want to suck your penis. And so we have caught you. This is all being recorded for a live leak. This is a new TV show on live leak where we have a video of gay men trying to break the law.

They're trying to go to jail. And so we kill them. Damn. I like it. Where else is it illegal to be gay? Texas. Oh shit. You really got all those cute little hats to fuck in? Oh my gay sex is losing Texas. Dude, Texas is so big.

I bet you there's whole towns comprised of nothing but men having gay sex. Just romantic cowboy dancing? Yeah, dude. Square dancing, nude. Go sit over there. Nick's mad at his cat. Nick decided he doesn't like his cat anymore. It's not that I don't like it.

It's just like, it's shedding too much and it's getting in my face every fucking two minutes. I can't. I'm going to get allergic if it's around me. Well, yeah, I think I might be allergic actually. I'll take it. I was like waking up and I couldn't like sleep well. And then, you know, I like just move the cat in the other room. You feel great. Interesting.

Yeah, I'm not waking up with my fucking eyes burning. Yeah, you're allergic. Yeah, you're allergic. Yeah, probably. Oh yeah, maybe you weren't even ever sick, dude. Maybe you've been allergic to this cat this whole time. No, I was definitely sick. Wow.

Of your bullshit. No. Oh, what? Wow. My bullshit. Dude, I'm sorry, man. I'll never ask you to take a fucking salsa dancing class again. I thought it would be a nice way for us to bond.

Help the pot out. Yeah, to James Bond, maybe, when I kill you. What? With my gold pot. Don't fucking kill me with like James Bond. Fuck, dude. We're coming in early. This is come town a.m., dude.

Yeah, this is our morning radio show, basically. I am. I'm having gay sex. This might be the earliest pod we've ever done. No. There was that. It is almost 11 a.m. That's early.

We should do mornings, dude. We should like 6 a.m. wake up, pretend we have a morning radio show, do fake traffic. Prank calls. Prank calls would be nice. I can't imagine that shit, dude. Do you know how much how hard the job that is to have to fucking get up at like 5 a.m. to go podcast? Oh, my God.

Like people really don't give enough credit to the guys that came before podcast. Our forefathers sacrifices. We got to tip the cap a little bit. Absolutely, dude. To those who came before us. I remember I woke up. I had a poster Mickey and Amelia as a child. Yeah.

And they said, thank you for your service. You got a poster of them? Oh, yeah. A morning radio show poster. Every day I would wake up and I would look at them. Every day you would get a new poster. Or get a new poster. That's why your family was poor.

Yeah. We have to spend so much money on Stavros' posters. High gloss, you know what I'm saying? 18 by 24s. Yeah. And I would hire professional photographers to take different pictures. Something like $70,000 a year at Kinkos. Absolutely, dude.

Yeah, well also the photography cost. Because they don't have that many pictures of them. It's a local Baltimore radio show. I wanted a different picture every day. So, you know, we would do a photo shoot every three weeks. At 98 Rock. At 98 Rock. And I would pay them for their time, obviously.

All said and done, it was $1.2 million. Damn, your family could have used that for a while. They really could have. Yeah, we were really successful. I just bankrupted us. For my habit. I would get Mickey different hairstyles. Yeah, I would get him a pompadour one day.

Sometimes we would get across the tips. God, life was simpler back then. So, Adam, we decided earlier that you're going to carry this episode. I'm going to carry this? All right. Oh, you did just see two men talking. Yeah, I went to Canada to see. Adam flew to Toronto to watch two men talk and not even say any slurs, which is gay.

If you listen to three men talk, for example, and they say slurs, it's cool. In fact, you should pay money for it. Five bucks a month. But if you see, if you fly to Toronto to watch some guy who talks like Kermit the Frog and that one guy that looks like the penguin from... What's that kid's movie? That's right. Mongolia?

No. No, no, no, no. Madagascar. Yeah, take that. Take that, G-Jack. Kermit the Frog. Fucking piece of shit. What do we got here?

Kermit the Frog and some guy that looks like the penguin from Mongolia. He does look like the penguin from Madagascar. Fucking Mongoloid penguin. I do fuck with him, though, because he's just got a wild speech impediment. It's an accent. No. That's a speech impediment. No, G-Jack, yeah.

He has a speech impediment. What's the speech impediment? He talks like this. He talks like this. That's just his language. Oh, yeah? Where's Slovenian? Yeah.

Every Slovenian talks like that? Yeah. It's Slovenian. Have you ever heard of the language? No. It was funny at a certain point. He turned to Jordan Peterson. He's like, maybe you could tell a joke the next time you talk.

Damn. And Peterson just braked it. I'm gay. I'm gay. And I don't know what to say. I'm incredibly gay. So Peterson heads upset about that? Yeah.

It was weird. I'd say three quarters of the room was Peterson, and then one quarter was either G-Jack or what? And to laugh at the whole thing. And by the end, JP's guys had given up on him. Damn. Why? They were going ham at the beginning, because it was clear he was just out of his element. Yeah.

My man just wanted to make a payday. I bet you got paid a nice, fat amount for that. He's just like a clinical psychiatrist or psychologist. What I want to see is Jordan Peterson versus Floyd Mayweather. Me too. That would be good for public intellectualism and also the sweet science. Absolutely. Across promotional.

I love it. It'll help everybody. It'll help absolutely everyone. In boxing or debating? I don't know. And then after that, we're going to have Christine Hoff Summers fight a pit bull. There is awareness about dog fighting and bitches. Who's Christine Hoff Summers?

I don't know. It's a bitch that debated Roxanne Gay in Australia. They made Roxanne Gay fly all the way to Australia. That must have been hell for her. Yeah. Only one seat. She probably complained about it, right? I don't know.

It seems like the only thing I saw from that is they played a video of Muslim guys pushing women around. And she's like, you're okay with this? And she's like, Roxanne Gay was like, it's not her place to tell them what to do. No. Yeah. That's her take on. Yeah. That's her take out.

That's Roxanne Gay's take on pushing women? Yeah. You know what they should have showed? A video of Muslims pushing around fat women. No. It's not like the place of feminism in the West is to critique Western culture. Oh, it's not intersectional. But I bet you she would have been mad if it was a fat woman getting pushed.

Probably. That's where her loyalties lie. I was just thinking, oh no, they weren't. They weren't all those clothes. That's true. They could be fat as shit. They're covered in Patagonia stuff. Damn, are debates back?

Yeah, debates are back, dude. We should start the come town debate series. We're going to have the Lincoln Douglas style debate series all over this country. Fireside chat. Fuck. Okay. Could we trick Tom Myers into doing a debate with, or you know what we could do? Mike Diesel, dude.

We could probably pay Mike Diesel to debate someone. Is he alive? Probably. We should. Yeah, we should track him down. We should actually just get him for the part. That is true. He has been a legendary presence on this podcast.

There used to be shows where people just talked, sat around and talked like smartly. What is it called? Firing Squad? No, no, no. Like the, um, what's that show you always talk about, Nick? Like James Baldwin will always be on a show and shit. The McLaughlin group. No, no.

The other one where there's a fuck. God damn, dude. I'm so stupid. Meet the press. No, I know. Meet the press. You always bring it up. Human Capote would be on it sometimes.

Meet the... Meet the press. Meet the press. That's a show. That's a show. Meet the press. It's very nice to meet you. I'm Chante, the press.

About press the meat. Press the meat. Put your face up in the titties. Oh, I was thinking it would be like you put, you know, you touch a cock. No, mind your own business. Cat, please. We're talking about press the meat right now. If entertain yourself somehow, please.

We have to finish talking about this. Please just find a way to be on your own. We haven't even talked about whether, you know, the meat could be a cock or a big fat pussy. No, no, no. It doesn't just have to be titties. Well, you're right. Literally, since the last time we were here, the cat has gotten me here. Oh, another cat has attachment issues.

Yeah. Damn. Here. Chase this laser. Chase the laser, cat. Put it on Adam's cock, dude. No, you know I'm my cock's allergic. Here we go.

The laser seems to be working. Oh, no. Here, I'll do. I'll be on laser, dude. No, stop. Put it on his cock. Stop it, guys. There's a snipe.

Put it on his cock. No, stop. You're putting it in my eyes. I'm doing it on your nose. I'm trying to just get it on your nose. Well, it's a big target. I'm thinking. I'm thinking rhinoplasty, guys.

Yeah, you're going to get a cute little nose job. A little butt-nose, cute, adorable little Gentiles nose. A little girls nose. Is that annoying? Yeah, it is incredibly annoying. They're getting it in my eye. The laser directly on Adam's eye for about 30 seconds now. I just want to know if it's annoying.

I'm just checking to see if it's annoying. You don't have to get angry at me. I'm just checking. I do not put it on my cock. The cat is looking at my penis now. Stop it. Hello, cat. I wish I was a sniper.

Instead of a fucking gay podcast asshole. Sorry, dude. I think this gay podcast bullshit. Sorry, we're gay podcast assholes, dude. Instead of sniping. You could still be a sniper, dude. Yeah. Chris Kyle didn't start sniping until he was 27.

Really? So I got some time left. Well, yeah, you got negative three years left. Yeah, I guess I'm 30. He didn't join the Navy SEALs until he was 26. I got plenty of time. Plenty of time, yeah. Because before that, he was just gaming on his couch.

Yeah, he had never even heard of sniping. Adam held a gun once. First day on the job, 27 years old. They were like, go ahead, try and kill some practice on these children. That'd be nice, dude. It's so funny that I got murdered. It really is good. It's hilarious.

It rules. If that happened to every veteran, I'd laugh. Every single one of them. Every first responder. If you're a paramedic. Not Pete Buttigieg. He's good. If you're a paramedic.

Yeah. You count as a veteran. I hope you get what's coming. Who the fuck do you think you are, man? Putting people in ambulances and shit? Yeah. You think you're better than me? Ruin in their lives with a $32,000 bill for driving six blocks.

Yeah. Why is it so expensive? Good question. Dude. Can you imagine Adam in the back of an ambulance and like? I'll walk. Yeah. He sprained his ankle, but as soon as he gets in the ambulance, they're like, he's going

to cardiac arrest. We're losing him. That's another $20,000. No. Let me out of the ambulance. That sounds like hell, honestly. It does sound like hell. Yeah.

Can't you take an Uber to the hospital? Yeah. Take an Uber XL. Lay back in that Lincoln navigator with fucking blood coming out of your cock. Yeah. That probably sucks for Uber drivers if someone should get an ambulance. They're like, I don't want to spend the money and they just bleed all over your Uber. Yeah.

Yeah. But then you get that sweet damage fee. Oh yeah. You get $50, dude. Is that what it is? No. It's like 300 or something. Some Indian guy charged me $100.

I get like a damage fee and there's no description of the damage. Nothing. Disputed it with like Lyft. I was like, there's nothing. It just says damage. What did they say? They reversed it. Oh, nice.

Give me my money back. Respect to that guy just attempting it. Yeah. He's like, we'll see. Maybe they don't pay attention. Yeah. I'm going to check real quick. I'm going to just take a check and see if I'm back.

Take a shot, dude. That's $100. Tim Miller used to do that joke about like, he's like, how is it that like every six months, somebody's getting caught growing up with women on the subway. Like you, that's your plan, but you didn't even check to see if other people have tried that already. Just on a pack train, you'll be like, you just see if I can grab a little. Okay.

I'm going to jail. Okay. I'm in jail now. All right. Yeah. No, they got me. They got my hands. Let me just see if I can just touch this bitch.

Let me just touch a teddy real quick. I'm going to try and just touch this bitch real quick. On a pack train, sometimes you're basically cuddling with a stranger. So what's the difference? At that point, it makes more space sense to put your hand on the titty because it's the surface area. Shout out to that guy that died in Thailand after forcing the flight attendant to wipe his ass.

That guy died. The fat guy. Yeah. The fat guy. Salute to a hero, dude. All you need to know about that guy, you just look at him, look at him, ask to get his ass wiped, went to Thailand. Yeah.

He stopped doing like tape backup for the city he lives in, like working in like a data center. Hilarious. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm constructing. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

We're watching that show. Mind Hunter. Hmm. And so I'm one of your hunting right now. I'm hunting is mine. Yeah. What's what is mine? Hunter, you know exactly what it is.

Is it X? Like paranormal? Like people finding ghosts and stuff. Sure. People finding us. Yeah. It's one of those shows. Yeah.

I guess I'll never know. I guess you'll never know. It's actually not bad. Fincher directed the first episode. David Fincher. Yeah. What other Fincher would you guessed? David Fincher.

Yeah. That's it. It's the only one I got. I was going to think of another one. Nicholas Fincher. Is that a guy? Yeah. He's a musician.

What kind of shit does he play songs about kissing guys? That's how I know about him. Is that your favorite guy? That's your favorite song. When a man loves a man. When a man sucks a man's dick. It's an abomination under God. And it makes me sick.

Yeah. I liked it. You know, when they're wheeling him off the plane. And like they censored his face in some images, but there's one that's directly on his face and they don't even bother censoring it because his facial features are so small that they just kind of disappear behind his like creepy glasses and mustache. And it makes him look so sinister. Yes.

I mean, he was definitely in Thailand to have sex with children. Yes. I mean, there's no way, right? Yeah. There's no way. No, that guy does nothing but like just masturbate the slave porn and post on Craig's List and then he's probably into like, you know, I don't know, fucking, he has some weird hobby. Yeah.

Like miniatures, miniature battlefields. Oh, yeah. Though miniature battlefield is nice. Yeah. That's a two for right there. I kind of want to get into that. Yeah. Why could you want to get one of those magnifying glasses?

You've never had a hobby in your life. Well, hold on. No, I've had some parties. Hold on, Nick. Maybe Anna wants to be in the battlefields that are the same size as his dick. Yeah. Miniature. You know, when you're in a miniature battlefield, it would be still pretty solid.

No, no, no, no. Miniature, those battlefields, miniature battlefields are to regular battlefields. Talking about relative. As your dick is to… He's talking about relative size. Thank you, Nick. You saying your dick is the size of a three and a half inch figurines dick would be? Yes, exactly.

And you know what my friend Nicholas puts it that way? You gotta laugh. Yeah, you've never had a hobby you pulled down a fucking little toys little toys pants and his cock you the same size sports you were pretending to play guitar for a little bit guitar you know but you were just pretending I wasn't pretending you bought the guitar and it's never been used once oh yeah you bought the guitar for the love of haggling yeah I listen that's your hobby I do like haggling I like a sports isn't a hobby a nice customer service what like playing sports or watching sports watching sports playing well I mean

now watching doesn't count well I guess sort of depending on how I guess yes technically it's a hobby but I mean like doing something an activity like jigsaw puzzles would be a hobby yeah that's pretty going in like playing lacrosse once a week would be a hobby true yes yeah sitting on your fucking couch and like being like oh damn you know like that's not yeah what do you what does that mean oh damn you know like being yeah being excited by things I do that I'll admit I go damn when a cool thing happens when I'm watching basketball I've never said damn I go oh fuck sometimes I go oh yeah it's an interest you have an interest interest interest versus hobby yeah now who the fucking intellectuals mother put

it this way is there a lobby for your hobby if you can't go to a hobby lobby and be like you go walk in the hobby lobby like and I'll be with anything you can't be like I like watching basketball true like we have chairs here are you yeah maybe like basketball sit down but you don't do any of that you don't do you don't do paper mache basketballs I don't do needle point basketball stuff maybe he does he doesn't though because he doesn't have hobbies I have some hobbies oh look all I'm saying is that you're a parasite no I got other hobbies that's all I'm saying you make him sick yeah how with how little you can you just you just take from the world you never even consider that maybe you'll make a miniature battlefield

yeah and then fly to Thailand and make some woman wipe your ass so you're saying that guys you're a fucking good boy I tried to find because I wanted more information about that guy yeah there really isn't but like I guess on another flight years ago he tried to pull the same move and they're like no yeah so he just continued to shit himself at his seat that right for the whole flight that's awesome imagine the poor asshole sitting in this is an obese man first of all you got the fattest guy I've ever seen in my life sitting next to you that already that already sucks now he's shitting himself he doesn't just smell like shit you're you know when more shit comes out of his ass the smell keeps getting worse

you probably see it honestly yeah I was supposed to enjoy your fucking biscoff cookies like that dude I had an Uber driver in LA that was straight up 600 pounds and he was like the kind that you can't wipe fully he's like because his ass was so big nice and it just it was literally it smelled so bad in that car what kind of car was it it was like a van to the entire thing was just like I had to open the window fucking throw well you're fat for a while cool dude it's like a real real cool this man has a disability he's addicted to snacks I don't know I don't even listen to you guys want to know more about Lacan or whatever yeah yeah what's that about who's Lacan sounds gay is it a werewolf he's

a psychoanalyst sounds like a werewolf dude Lee come for a post French thing because he is he was a psychology guy that had a bunch of shit ideas and then they became popular again somewhat what are his ideas that that everyone's gay well pretty good we just pretend to not be gay yeah yeah that makes sense to me yeah that's what I mean that's what a bunch of people probably are yeah not me I'm straight yes we're what who the fuck is that so he's just like but imagine that if like we were all on a flight together mm-hmm and that guy was like making flight attendants wipe his ass we'd love it you would still be the second worst passenger on the ground and it would like I mean there wouldn't be much

room between you and that here's the thing would he be asking for her to show some common decency because then I would be on his side it's common first of all like I can't even I can barely fit in the fucking airplane bathroom right you know and I'm 75 pounds yeah 7547 yeah I have no idea how that guy jacked was like even getting in there right you know let alone two people he's probably oiled up yeah they had to do a press conference with that flight attendant she like cried and she was hot dude I'd be honest with you if I was on that flight I'd make her wipe my ass yeah yeah I would I say oh no some shit I would see that shit gun on my balls and con I would see that fat guy doing it and being like can I also well

you did it for him once since we're doing we've opened this up as a service he just fully functional yeah no no problem with my body what's your head moving back flips into the bathroom and I'm like I'm ready for my dick and balls to be wiped by miss luau dude honestly I'm fat enough where I could come back and pretend I needed it which is what he was doing no he didn't pay for a first-class ticket he was absolutely pretending oh yeah I guess probably was he a coach or first class he was in coach he was in an economy and then he complained that the bathroom is too small went to the business class and then demanded to have his ass wiped what's that girl up to now you think she'll have sex with me yeah I mean she's

dead what yeah we have to avenger she jumped out of the plane yeah so what else is in the news guys there's a Sri Lankan terrorism attack would you guys think about that happened they bombed their four bombs that went off yeah I just did it and they said it was revenge for the New Zealand shooting which was done by a white supremacist and then they blew up a bunch of like Indian Christians so it's like man that that New Zealand shooter just fucking just swish he caught some more bodies he really yeah that was 500 or 300 more bodies probably smiling so hard right now he's just a white supremacist he wasn't Christian right he wants more brown people dead as many brown people dead as possible as far as what he what

he wants yeah what's he in jail no get off he's in heaven they kill him which is what they call jail in New Zealand damn dude I don't do they have jail in New Zealand yeah no it's sick really because they don't the only crime they have is wearing blackface on your car yeah it's disrespecting the hopper whatever the fuck that stupid the hopper that don't ask dance oh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh you know what a lander talks shit about the the gay ass dance they talk shit about our gay deans of the gay it's it's really scary not I do a really scary deans to it's it's one of the most impressive things anyone's ever seen that fucking if you talk shit about that fucking stupid fucking dance people lose

their mind and it's like I don't think it's quite as stupid as you guys do but the dance yeah the hawker well Adam told me privately that he would beat up anyone that said that the dance was cool well I would I told you that I would beat up any Maori person no matter how no matter how big they are that's not true no but I think they teach all the kids in school the hawker because they feel bad about what they did to the yeah the Maori of course it's like that dumb shit about how like we're supposed to be like oh the Indian headdress it's not a costume or whatever and it's like it's a fucking it looks cool I want to wear it and go to fucking go to a music festival yeah but first of all white girls

look way better in it than if whatever you're dumbass chief mm-hmm some sort of dude I see it I see who do I want to see some 22 year old with giant kids wearing something yeah or an old ass wrinkled ass man just some give me the 22 year old right just big mm-hmm like soft titties yeah falling out of her dumb shirt yes fucking paramours you know yes I that's what I want that's what I want yeah I want anything my people love recycling get the fuck out of here yeah we're trying to have sex with this feather this girl we're trying to stand by the sausage tent at Coachella and not talk to these have sex with this girl named Lee her given name is Lee le I g yeah le I g h mm-hmm and just wow I thought that

was lay I thought that this softest pussy you've you've ever seen I've only read it I swear to God if this land used to belong to my shut up shut the fuck off first of all give her her hat back so we know you came in here and stole that hat mm-hmm it has my name on it yeah you wrote that on there afterwards in Canada they do a land acknowledgement before like any public event where they're like we recognize that we are standing on stolen land what that was stolen from the first peoples of give it back then didn't you watch trailer park boys every episode starts with that's how it starts yeah how you doing I'm Corey this is Trevor and you know we acknowledge that this is stolen land Corey Trevor smokes

let's go smokes Corey Trevor suck my dick let's go you know we should do some people are books smart I'm jail smart yeah the Indians are the best fucking shit dude that's so funny they do a land acknowledgement yeah imagine someone fucks your wife and is like I acknowledge this is Frank's wife mm-hmm I'm still gonna get my cock sucked by her it's kind of analogous to how we don't really care about what we did to the natives and the Canadians feel bad and the Australians don't really care but the New Zealanders like feel bad right teach everyone that dance and stuff yeah dude do our with the Native Americans have any cool dances yeah dude rain dances that's cool dance the brain dance brain dancing trying to get

our dick suck that would be awesome if there's a dance you could do to guarantee you getting head I would become a fucking train dance we're trying we're trying to get head there's the only one thing we really want it's not our land back we just want to get our dick sucked so that they deserve it honestly if Lee yeah that's how you should be able to get the headdress you have to put in a couple hours sucking chief sucking dick hey oh please suck my dick it's like there's so many cultures where it's like you're just making that language up on the spot I know that's not that's not a language yeah you know yeah so you're probably right yeah I'm right if I had to guess they just did not communicate it's all different

yeah well that's how the time is like the Native Americans were just like a group of like Scandinavian expats that came over to the Americas maybe like 40 years before Christopher Columbus and all them and then they're like look at all this great land you know and they're just like on the beach getting tans and stuff and that other Europeans show up and they're like shit let's pretend we've been here for 500 years yeah that's probably what maybe they'll go away maybe they'll go away we're just on the beach no that makes a lot of sense in 40 years they just got really good we've just been having a music festival we just came here to just put on a big music festival create hats for big big titty girls and with rich

fathers and we have a perfect we don't even need property because there's so much land here and we don't need laws we all kind of just live in tents and make music I really hope other Europeans don't come and you have to make up a story about you know being living on the back of a turtle or something yeah that was they used to fucking run their mouths by those fucking turtles and coyotes and shit and yeah and just fucking painting stupid stick figures and I wonder what a bison steak tastes like it's pretty dope right good I've had bison burger but I want to bison ribeye dude but wouldn't it be like to like no like aren't good cows like the kind that don't move around a lot they just dude I want to

know motherfucker you don't know you're guessing like muscular you're guessing though aren't you I guess I be honest aren't they dead we killed no the buffal we killed they're not as we kill we killed buffalo and bite the same thing they're the same thing so my penis I am gay now but there were like millions and they're like Roman the damn land brother yeah out on the something where the bow out on the home where the buffalo room or something here in the end to love play you can bet on which animal no can you yeah bet the aside dot com or you can bet on on which animal will go extinct next bet the aside dot com the premier animal betting is it gonna be giraffes probably not it's gonna be everyone keeps

talking about bees it would be tight to just throw a katana in a way where like the spins yes and cuts off the giraffes neck right in the middle that would be cool and then the giraffes like oh shit and then the head like slides off you know like a resident evil yeah that'd be tight that would be cool or that what's that movie the cube where they do it to a horse I don't know the horse they fucking the glass plates go through I got nothing you know the cube yeah horses like bisected in them with like a bunch of glass plates I don't know it it's bet the aside dot com at the aside dot com to German company set up shortly after the after the fall of the Third Reich after the war set up the auction off Jewish

painting and Frank's stuff and Frank's Hamtaro collection how much boring shit she like Van Franklin now she'd be like camming yeah probably she's one of those cam girls that has all that anime shit in the background it's like we get it her brows would look the same probably yeah she would keep the big brows it was cool and Justin Bieber said he wrote in her book in her attic that he wished she was just imagine like the Nazis like searching a house they're like yeah yeah no it's a very nice house you have here mr. brown high and we noticed there were seven or eight windows outside and seems there's only six that we can count from in here like I don't know what that could be I it's just us living here it's me and my wife

so it's not like there's any secret rooms or anything and you just you're like what this noise you make the lovelin lovelin thing in her pussy that goes off vibrates went for tip yeah what's it called the atoms a little penis the atoms a little penis vibrates that's why that's how you keep bitches I don't really need to penetrate I just put it on the click yeah small but vibrating so it takes like a little hummingbird for her pleasure exactly and you can bet on something about a coming bird and it's a little bird that like hovers by your window and then that's all over it how about that folks god damn it and the coming bird you can bet on oh yeah you can bet on that about the inside that calm the premier

sports book web betting site been business over 20 years mm-hmm bet on if Anne Frank would be a cam girl now yeah bet on Anne Frank at DSI dot com what's the d-stand for the double double stand for suckin and I industry digs I can bet bet DSI dot com slash pussy pussy fuck ass and they got a cool they got a cool mobile phone interface and they got they got an app and the mobile they got two shits for you dude so listen minimize my free cams you can use it while driving absolutely and they want you to yeah absolutely use it while driving my friend my friend Beth she's a school bus driver mm-hmm and she she has a every day she has an iPad that she's taped to her head and she bets constantly while

driving she's just driving that school bus around and you know people are like hey lady what's the big deal and she's like don't worry the kids are retarded yeah yeah if I get into an accident not only do they already have helmets on but it might even cure some of them it might fix it might I saw I saw a Christian movie with Jennifer Donner and when you hit it and no cartridge and blowing it a little bit of a car crash a little girl is retarded but then she God helps her I would I would love it if I had if I had like billions of dollars I would produce one of those Christian movies where there's a kid with Down syndrome and he prays at night that he doesn't have Down syndrome anymore and he wakes up and

he's normal and they're like you mean to tell me that Jesus did this for you it's like yeah mom I met Jesus and he made me not have Down syndrome and Nick will the way he's gonna make those billions is betting and that is bettyaside.com in fact there's no other way you can finance my movie through bettyaside.com by taking bad bets against me I'll give you my account it's the Grand Wizard of the Grand Wizard KKK 1488 Pepe Andrew Yang. Yeah Yang gang JBB. Yep and you know you know what I'm gonna say bet on man I'm feeling the nuggets are gonna beat the Spurs. Yeah I think that they're back Yolkish had a good game. I just think the Spurs suck dick. Oh yeah and you can bet on

that bettyaside. And you know what I'm gonna say the Blazers in the Western Conference finals not to win it but they're gonna make it. I think I want to start a big campaign to change the name of the Spurs. To what? Because it's it implies being abusive towards an animal. Yeah. And then have that be the only team that changes their name. In fact you name the Redskins the extra Redskins. Yeah. You make the Cleveland Indians mascot more racist but you change the Spurs. The Cleveland Saddler. No actually you can do it so that that's the only one that ever gets changed is that suddenly the Spurs is now the cowboy hat. This is the worst name. The Chaps. That guy's ass. The San Antonio. The

guy with the fucking chaps. The guy with the top hat on and he's looking over his shoulder his ass is hanging out. Just a pulsating hole. Just an inflamed pink asshole. Yeah well you know the name was the name was disrespectful to animals. So you had to change it. The Redskins yeah that's there's still that but yeah we're cool. That but more now. Yeah they're more or what they were. So anyway bet the aside dot com slash what does it come 120 or something. If you want to be in the sports book or is where we love to gamble. It's up top. Because you have been in this bus book which is where you have to gamble. So we've got a comp up business over 20 years for ads on pretty much everything else too including all major sports

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play with cool guy by baby cool guy. Okay baby baby baby baby girl. Once again that's bet the other come 120. Let's start the show. Black lives matter matter to who not to Indian Dennis Miller. I'll tell you right now. The black lives matter movement is like if the Hammurabi code was written by by by Joseph Sarsinia. If Sultan Mehmed the fourth wrote a reply letter to the Zaporizion Cossacks. That is what the black lives matter would be. Right. He said I've I have never seen such such insolence since Kubla Khan rode into. I don't know. Hey man it's done. You we don't have to prove anything else. Indian Dennis Miller is good enough. It is. It is one thing. I got to prove. It's my dick. Yes

I know how to get my dick. So I know how to do it. Stop doing it to the cat now. What it's closing its eyes. I'm not I'm shining on its nose. It looks annoyed. I'm glad she's my new business. This is what you get. So yeah. So what else is in the news. You got Bernie Sanders said that felons should be allowed to vote vote. Let him vote. They should. I mean that's such a dumb. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. It's never made sense. Yeah. It's like you have like an inalienable right to vote unless you go to jail. Right. If you go to jail guess what you're not a freedom of speech. He can't be any religion you want to go to jail. There's certain rights that you have unless we take them away from you

for doing it. It could be so minor in the grand scheme of things. Yeah. Like hitting a woman. But they asked me what's like that. What's the fear is that like all of the pedophiles are going to get together and be like let's run a candidate that wants to make child porn legal. Yeah. Right. Well they are sorry they had to take murder off the books. We let the felons vote. Let them the felons vote. Yeah. Ask them if that if Johar can vote. Yeah. Which might mean that no Johar's was born in now. I mean first I do agree that only white should be if your name is almost Jafar. He said the Boston. If you sound like a Johar. But I think that it might mean that he might think that Johar is cute. He might be like one of those

girls. I'd fuck him. One of those people. I'd be cute trans and people always ask us like these fucking like you know these hypotheticals where they pick the worst case scenario and they say like oh do you think that should be how it should be. And it's like. Yes. I'm not arguing that. Yeah. Johar specifically should be able to vote. Right. Right. Right. It's that it's a dumb policy at large. Right. I hate that shit. It is. Of course. That's all dumb ass politics. Like this motherfucker. Who Pete buddy gay. Yeah. You really got a heart off that guy. I don't like him. He sucks. He's he's fucking he's just he's just look he's cute and he won't respond to my fucking DMs. And I was like do you want to be a man. But

dude gay guys all will let you know they all know they want to be guys aren't horny. He seems he's the no he's the he's the not he's corny. You're right. He's corny not horny. He's corny not if you're gay is one of two things corny or horny. He's just more into having like a husband probably. Yeah. That's true. You know what I mean. He calls him his hubster. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. You're right. They go to Sonic together. They shoot commercials. Sonic husbands from that commercial. Hey kids I'm gay. Damn. Should we do. Should we do our own Sonic commercials. Yeah. I think Bernie Sanders should start dressing like Sonic to appeal to the youth. You should just go around in a Sonic costume. Maybe just blue

body paint. Yeah. Fully nude. Yeah. I've always enjoyed Sonic. That dog. That'd be cool. Huh. Adam. Get off your phone. Yes. Apologize. Apologize. Apologize to your co-workers. Apologize to my co-workers. Apologize to all of them. Who the hell do you think you are? Waiting on a package. Yeah. It's so funny. It's because it's like none of us ever have any reason to be on our phones. I got a hobby that's about to email me. Yeah. I was thinking about getting into medieval jigsaw puzzles. What are those. I don't know. I want to get in. I had one when I was a kid. I want to get it. It was like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle and it was like a 3D. 3D jigsaw. No. It wasn't 3D. It was not 3D. It was a regular jigsaw puzzle

and it was all like a fucking game. Like it was like I don't know. There was some like medieval theme to it. Maybe it was Robin Hood. I'm not sure. Okay. But yeah. I fuck with Robin. It was all like tapestry art kind of shit. Yeah. I think I would. I want to design the new Notre Dame, Notre Dame roof. We need to go. Because they're having open submissions for that. It's like an international design competition. I didn't necessarily go to architecture school but I've always kind of fancied myself in architecture. Yeah. You always think highly of yourself. Yeah. I think that I have. I think you're capable of doing things. Here's what I'm thinking. I have a design that's never done once in a while. Here's what I'm

thinking. No. I mean I could do architecture. What? Make it a discovery. Shoot some louder. Oh that would be cool. Yeah. Port discovery. Port discovery at the top of Notre Dame. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? A little educational fucking maze. Right. Were you going there every day as a kid? Huh? Were you going there every day? Discoveries on? Yeah. Port discovery. Every single day. Is that a different place than discovery? Yes. It's an educational museum in Baltimore, in the heart of Baltimore downtown. I love the Children's Museum that we had in Vegas growing up. Do you know what I love? The fucking Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Never been there. That shit was awesome. Which is it? Like a full set,

like it's a two story sized like heart. Okay. You can walk through. That's kind of tight. Yeah. It's like a giant heart that you can walk through. Nice. I'm reluctant to say it. There was a full size train. At the Science Center. Yeah. They had a fighter jet you can sit in. That rocks. Yeah. The Science Center in Baltimore one time. I don't know what they were doing like a cancer thing and they had titties. They had like breasts. Yeah. You could touch. Yeah. I remember it for real for kids. Yeah. I don't know why it seems like a like one had like it wasn't just dream this. This sounds like a dream. I think it's real. I want to go to an aquarium. The one here sucks. Yeah. The one Coney Island. Yeah.

It's a terrible aquarium. Yeah. It's not good. I've every time we're in Boston, I always want to go to the Boston. Good. Apparently I've heard that. Yeah. Baltimore is that good shit. It is. I haven't been there literally since I was like probably six. Me too. Yeah. I should. Yeah. We should go next time we do a show in Baltimore. The aquarium. Why not. Yeah. Take mushrooms. Go to the aquarium. Yeah. Have an inner harbor day. That would be nice dude. Yeah. That would go to Planet Hollywood. Reopen Planet Hollywood. We go eat it. Fuck it. Oh dude. No joke. We should legitimately and I've said this to you guys before. I used to love I used to love going to the fucking ESPN zone. I love the ESPN

zone. That was that was a card with like points on it that I'll never be able to cash in what for like T shirts and stuff. No just like because they had games and shit you buy it's like an arcade. Remember the rock climbing thing. Yes. Do you ever do it? I never do. Too scared but you know that was stolen from us dude. We'll never become men. That's the one thing we need to conquer to have good lives. We're stuck in is that infinite rock climbing thing. ESPN zone. We're stuck in permanent adolescence. Yeah. That's we got to reopen ESPN. Yeah. Take it back from Phillips. Yeah. Who's some fucking bullshit seafood restaurant now. Make it ESPN zone. Fill me up. Fill me up. Yeah. Unlimited. It's like

in a oyster shell but it's just come. That would be good. Adam's excited about that. I would love that calm oyster thing that stopped just reference. But no we should go to Baltimore. We'll just fucking put a show together where I want to go that I haven't been do this summer is fucking Bush Gardens Virginia. Okay. Have you ever been there? Never been. Best amusement park. I'd go. Yeah. I'd go. It's great. It's scary rides. Yeah. Good coasters. We get a week. We go to Baltimore. We go to fucking Bush Gardens. We do a Baltimore. We do some weird Virginia. Bush Gardens is way down there though. It's like fucking Newport News. Perfect. Some shit. We'll do some random ass. I want to go to that one. Colonial Williamsburg down

there. Let's see it. Learn some churn some butter. Would actually be fucking hilarious. We spent a week. We go to Baltimore. We go to fucking who can we go to the aquarium. Get crabs. You know I'm saying make a day of it. Do the auto bargain or some shit. Then we fucking have all of my childhood vacations. Literally. Yes. Well let's throw in fucking Wildwood New Jersey for my only American vacation where me and my brothers almost got killed on a teacups ride. Yeah. They fucking teenagers were working at just let us get out and then they started it again. I don't know if I've been to Wildwood because like I had family in Jersey so we would go to I think to the shore. Ocean City New Jersey LBI. Yeah. I

think Ocean City New Jersey was the first place I ever saw a roller coaster. Nice. And I remember being like this is insane. Yeah. And I was like I don't know like six or whatever. Yeah. Just like I don't know if I've been to Wildwood. I think I've been to Ocean City. I would suck. Dude. Me and my family stayed in one little ass motel room. God we were so fucking poor. Why the fuck do we even take that vacation. I was like my dad being like well if we're not going to Greece we're still going to go on vacation. Yeah. And it was like literally there was five of us in a fucking two bed two bed motel room in fucking Wildwood. That's why didn't you just go to the beach for the day. Just wake up early and drive

to Ocean City and then drive home. We should have. We're one day but my dad just wants to make everything my dad wanted to make everything like a big to do. Yeah. And we went to the boardwalk which was kind of tight until we almost got killed by the teacups. I'm sure you get cornrows. Yeah. I got cornrows. I got my dick sucked at eight years old. It was pretty tight. It's pretty cool. That part was cool. I'll admit. And the guy was hot. Thank you. You ever do Hershey Park. Of course. Yes. I got mad that you couldn't eat everything. Chocolate. I was hoping all the rides would be made out of chocolate. I straight up bought like the fucking 10 pound chocolate bar. Yeah. At the beginning of the day and about half

it was gone. Yeah. Do you remember? I remember I got the when I went there as a kid. I got the the giant Hershey's kiss piggy bank. Yes. Yeah. And I don't think I ever put any money in it. I just liked the idea of something that was the wrong size. It was like a delighted your fucking autistic brain. Yeah. No. I really enjoyed things that were like oversized versions of other things or like smaller versions of other things because it's the wrong. It's the wrong kind. Yeah. I don't know why. On a very basic level you find it funny. It's satisfying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It soothes you like a giant remote control for a TV or my my about the big piano from big big movie. But that's just a big keyboard on the ground.

It's not like an actual giant piano. Now. Interesting. So that the fries electronics in Round Rock, Texas where the entrance is a giant piano. Love it. OK. All right. Yeah. So it's got it can't be functional. It's got to be for display purposes. It can be functional. But it's just that was just a fucking bunch of keys on the ground. It wasn't a giant piano. Oh there's actually like strings and stuff and hammering. No. No. No. He's he's saying it's a keyboard. It's just that ultimately it's a key. Yeah. It's not a bigger version of something. It's a it's a unique thing. I think it's kind of a I guess because it's on the floor. It's not. To me that did what you were saying though. Yeah. As a child I

saw that I was like that's pretty tight. Yeah. That's a big ass keyboard. Yeah. I mean I thought it was cool but it's not the same. I got you. Thank you. Yes. Thank you for admitting it was cool. Yeah. Glasses. Giant glasses. Love those. A giant pencil. Those rock. Yeah. I know exactly. Now we're now we're in business. Bringing you in on this. I know now I'm really getting to what you're talking about because that's what and remember sometimes kids would bring those giant pens. It was like wacky day or whatever. Yeah. Right with that. Yeah. Wacky hair day. So jealous. I was so fucking jealous. I was so mad. Where do you get a giant pen. Yeah. Where did you get that. Come on man. Let me see it. That's

the wackiest thing ever. Let me see it. No. Yeah. They would never leave. I knew you would break it with your fat hands. What are you going to do. Eat it. Yeah. I thought it was made out of chocolate. I thought it was from Hershey Park because I got a big Hershey's kiss. I was just staring at you. Your pants are down. Please. Where do happen to my pants. They've been down for two and a half hours. You just didn't notice. You were too fat to notice. Fuck. Yeah. I love the idea of a mid-Atlantic swing. I want to get crabs dude outside. Yeah. All day. Dude I want to go to Busch Gardens. Billysburg. The real colonial Billy. There's no reason we can't make this happen. Yeah. What are they. What are they doing. Colonial

Williamsburg ride fixies around. Nice. Would you ride your fixie around. Yes. Dashboard confessional. It's funny because you're like you'll still rarely encounter somebody that says the fixie thing. Yeah. You know. And it's like I don't think anyone rides a bike anymore. No. It's just Ian. Yeah. Yeah. I'll ride a bike sometimes. The Antifa bike. The Antifa bike. I'll ride a city bike now. Jake and Tim Dillon are feuding. They're full. Yeah. I don't know. Fucking somebody left a negative review for Jake's podcast and they use the name Tim Dillon like to review it and he's like this guy sucks. And then so Jake went on Twitter and was like yeah this is actually legitimately very funny. Tim Dillon by the

way is a piece of shit and you know he's just like a fucking is like he believes Fox News conspiracy theories and he should be laughed at every room and it's like Jake you know that wasn't Tim that wrote that. That's just someone using the name Tim. That's why they're fighting because. No. I mean they've had beef for years but like you know it's like clearly not Tim that wrote. Right. Of course it's some other guy. And then Jake's went online and escalated it. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think Tim's going to like really respond because I don't think he gives a shit. Right. Yeah. I mean online feuds are pretty little dick. I got to be honest. They are. I would say I'm doing this. You guys can't

see it but I'm holding my. He's holding his thumb in my end. He's holding his actual dick. No. To show us. Put it back. Put it back in your pants. They're both lying. I'm holding my index finger my thumb very close together. That's not that was not me unzipping or re zipping my pants. My penis is in. Put your and my dick. By the way my soft dick is at least three times as big as this. That three times at least. Congrats. Thank you. I said at least it could be more. I just I'm very confident confident saying three times bigger than this. Damn. I'm ready. I'm excited. We should have a fucking. It's almost summer. We have an amusement park. I'm telling we do a run like this. I'm trying to shave my

thighs walking around. Yeah. We got a we got a that's just what I associate going summer with going to the park is like yeah but then you just shave your thumb like oh I'm not fat as shit. Yeah. You're so right. My mom traveled. My mom traveled with the fucking diaper rash cream. Those days. I had to like the way you apply suntan. I had to apply fucking diaper rash cream to my thighs throughout the day. I would always be my ankles would always be bleeding. That's still a problem. I'm still constantly just like I don't have feeling in my heels anymore. Yeah. From shoes from shoes. Yeah. Just get blisters and I don't notice it and then it just like starts like that used to happen to me when I wore skate

shoes. Yeah. That happened when you first moved to New York. I feel like because it's like even when you walk for a lot like you walk so fucking much here that I would fuck my feet. We get the first like three months I lived here. My feet were so fucking yeah. I got planter fasciitis like that. Yeah. The first like six months or whatever. Yeah. Anyways, this is a medical podcast. Yeah. That's that's the shit that snapped my that's the shit that snapped on the bottom of my foot. My planter fascia. Yeah. Just popped off that. The fasciitis thing is it's crazy because you'll wake up and your feet just like kind of ache a little bit and then as soon as you like step down the ground it's

just excruciating. Yeah. Every morning the first step I take is so fucking painful. That's weird because every morning there's a halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriend's four post bed. Like why. I know it's not mine but I see if I can use it for a weekend or one night stand. The halo. Yeah. You want to use it. Yeah. But she's like an angel that goes to bed and puts her halo on the corner of her four post bed. Joe Mike's having sex with an angel. My boy's fucking an angel. I wish that I could have Jesse's girl. What if that song was about his friend Jesse's daughter. That's probably what it is. Who's next. What can I fuck a child like that. Yeah. I want to get some very tiny pussy. Hey Jesse

brought his daughter. Yeah. This is my girl. She's getting in the fourth grade now. What can I fuck a child like that. What can I find a girl like that. The elementary school. And you just know he's fucking her. That's what you just know that the cops would let me get away with it. If I could just be that guy flying to Thailand. Get my ass wiped and having sex with children. I could have sex with that child. Get my fucking ass wiped by some dumb Chinese bitch and then I could have Jesse's girl and fuck a child in Thailand. I've seen so many shitty stand up bits about that song. Oh yeah. Yeah. What like some fun angles. Yeah. It's like you don't really sound like a good friend. Yeah. If you've ever you've

ever analyzed song lyrics as a bit kill yourself. That is something that I hate. It's so weird when it's like OK let's say it's a song that just came out and you're doing it as a throwaway topical thing. That's one thing. But when people are like here's a song that's 17 years old. Yeah. Yeah. It's from 1964. Actually I take that back because Casey Balscham had a funny joke about that Taylor Swift song where it's like something something hit him with this sick beat. You remember that one when she's fake rapping. Yeah. But they something they can't deal with this sick beat. And then it's just like literally just bullshit clapping. Yeah. That one was that made me laugh. That one. That one's OK. That one's OK. But outside

of that every other every other words and anything's like yeah I was listening to Dr. Dre the other day. It's like well it's annoying when it's like someone like people were doing this with two chains for a while where they he said something funny on purpose. Yeah. He's very funny and that's part of his appeal. Yeah. And then they're like this is fucking stupid. It's like no man. You know black people are also funny. Yeah. It's like it's so funny. They're probably funny. Well I'll take it a step further than that and say only black people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Like yeah. But it's so so much of those white guy doing rap lyrics. It's like I have like a I have a mental deficiency

and you're morbidly obese. Yeah. That's that's what works. And Adam's not funny. So that's the kind of the Adam. Why are you back to be. Well I'm just saying you're not funny dude. I'm not saying you're not saying you're morbidly obese. Yeah. You're like a normal guy. You're what would happen if you threw a normal guy into this den of this shit. This fucking chest of broken doors. You know me and stuff in the in stuff in the broken years to keep the clock right. If the clock strikes funny. We keep the clock going. We keep the clock cuckoo. You know what I'm saying. You're just you're just some normal unfunny guy that we hang out with to live a normal life. Be like damn. Why can't we live Adam's normal

cool. Why are we not normal. I'm not okay. I'm not right. I'm not okay. I'm fucking I'm fucking gay. I'm hobbies and I'm funny. That is pretty funny. You're right. Yeah. Phone and looking. The twisted toys. Twisted toys. Why are you guys so twisted all the time. Who was it. Who are you talking to about like your friend that you told us the same story three or four times about how your friend who's in recovery said that the Joker is so important to the guys in recovery. I said on the podcast. You said on the podcast but you told us and then me and you were hanging out with whoever that friend was and you repeated the story to them and they're like oh huh. And they kind of reacted like they had never

said that to you. We were on LSD. Are you like grossly exaggerated. Like he's like what are you impeaching a story that I told six months ago. Yeah. No. I know it's because it's related to the twisted toys thing. I think about the Joker and I just remembered that. Oh OK. I believe that that is though. That's true. Yeah. Because the Joker is a wild meme that you see constantly from those. The Joker is important to the sober community. I believe that. Yeah. Which is very which was a very funny statement. You know in many ways Adam if that isn't true that's actually a funny joke you came up with. I know. So no it's actually something that I heard that I repeated. But no but if Nick is right and

that guy didn't remember. I was at the bookstore. You wrote it. I was at that fucking. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. What else is in the news. Chinese Chinese Chinese people are always out to shit. Chinese are out again. You cannot every time I tell my friend you can't trust him. You cannot dress Chinese. I put on a in Chinatown Toronto I put on one of those Chinese pointy hats. Wow they got a Chinatown there. Yeah they got Chinatown's all over. Oh hey. Two plus two. Hey man. That's really good. Or plus seven. Not even saying the answer. The beginning of the easy part of a math problem. Yeah. We've been solving it. Yep. Damn it's a beautiful as damn about to go on a long

ass walk. It's a beautiful day. I've been the absolute step brother. Having gay sex I'm fucking gay. Someone fuck me in my eyes. I'm fucking gay. But I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm well I'm the kind of guy who took a shit in his ass. Yeah. How would that work exactly. That's what fat people do. They shit into their own no don't tell me what we do. Well you don't have a big ass. But fat people. I'm a fat person. No but you don't have. It's weird that your ass is so small considering the rest of like every other part of you got fat. Not every part. Not every single point. That's true. I guess you're dick in your ass. No. Didn't get my elbows are you know. They're

fat. You have fat. No I don't have fat elbows. Look there's not a single line. There's no wrinkles. No there's nothing. There's wrinkles man. These aren't very fat elbows. My fingers aren't that. Look at my fingers have some chub on there. Okay. All right. Yeah we got probably nice for fingering girls though. Yeah a little heft. You got some you skinny little fingers. Yeah. I got these sausage. Yeah I got a I got a stuff for in there. Yeah. Just to feel like to make her feel like she's like she's being touched by a man. Touched by an angel. Yeah. Touched by an angel. Wasn't that is that the same woman from Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. Yeah. It's the same show. It is. Yeah. And and the black woman Della Reese. Yes. Yeah.

I remember touched by an angel or both of those Dr Quinn Medicine Woman would come on TV when I was a kid and it would be like. Shut up. I hated that show. It was just like nauseating. I watched it a little bit. Just doing medicine in the Old West. Yeah it's just such a fucking boring show. It was like Irish. I remember as a kid it would make me feel like I was wasting my life to watch that show. Your first taste of mortality. Yeah knowing that it was a fine. That's why it's important. Yeah. Maybe that was the lesson. Those were those were the daytime shows that I just couldn't fucking. They were nighttime shows. Yeah. I would see it. Yeah. During I don't know. Whenever it was that show would fucking come on. Yeah

but then because it couldn't have been on CB. It had to have been syndicated on something else because I would primarily watch fucking only UPN and WB and Fox. Yeah. I don't remember. I don't remember. I think I think it was CBS originally but I don't fucking know either. I'm just saying that. But was I gonna say you remember that weird when she was in like wedding crashes and it was like you could see like her tits and shit. You could see your tits. That was awesome. Shelleries. No. The other bitch. Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Yeah. You saw her tits and wedding crashes. I think you see like a side titty. I definitely beat off to whatever even it was a body double. I've seen some tits. No you haven't. Yep.

I have. I used to joke that the title Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman was the name of two characters and that's why the comma was in there. There's a man named Dr. Quinn and then some bitch named medicine. It was just helping me. Right. Dr. Quinn was always off screen. Yeah. That would have been a more realistic show. My wife is in the hospital. Jane Seymour. Jane Seymour Pussy plays Mike Quinn. Oh that's right. She was the mom in wedding crashes. See. Oh that's right. I forgot about that. She's that Jane Seymour. She is hot. Or is that some other old lady. It was her bitch. All right. Back off. I know who it was because I was very happy. There's a generation of boys that was kind of found her hot didn't and she was very

wholesome and then she said then she's in fucking wedding crashes and she I think she fucked it was trying to try to fuck Owen Wilson or Owen. Yeah. Who was trying to fuck her daughter which is my fantasy. Three way. Yeah. Mommy daughter. You want to fuck mommy daughter mommy daughter. Yeah. I don't want to. I don't want to fuck mommy daughter. Oh I want to be caught fucking the daughter and then the mommy to be watching you masturbating and saying you call that fucking. Let me show you and I'm like what you know that's frantically and then I bust and then she's like oh it's about to fuck you again. I was like well I can I can get it up again. Give me give me like 20 minutes. I'm beating my soft cock.

I'm like listen I'm a young man. I'm only 32. I can I can get a fucking boner again. I can get two in a row. They're slowly losing interest like you know what I'm just going to go back to doing the dishes. Yeah. Yeah. You blew it. That's how I like to fuck. Nice. Face down pussy up. That's how Adam likes to fuck. He's down pussy. He's pussy in there. It's face down ass up. No but you have to have your pussy because you have you can tort yourself to get your face down as a girl's vagina that he uses for sex. No I fuck. He has a girl's vagina. I don't have one instead of a penis. That's not true and he has sex with guys. That's not true. Yeah. Flamed your ass. You got it. You got his ass brother.

And it's you know what it's true. It is true. It's all true. Everyone knows that every single word is true. How do you feel about that Adam? It just feels bad to hear it out loud. Even though you know it to be true when it happens. I don't say the words for what's happened. But a gig thing you brought up was that you mentioned last time that the fucking whitey Ford sings a blues song is like. He makes some kind of comment. I don't know. I don't think so. That that's how he thinks politics. Sure. I know he said something. There was some gay song. Yeah. Whitey Ford sings a blues song. What is that. By who. What it's like by fucking Everlast. Yeah. Yeah. That's what he said. It was that song. What. It was an

Everlast song. Yeah. Yeah. I know that song. Man like the store begging for some dick. That's ridiculous. Coming his beard is dry and he hasn't had drank coming a while. Maybe then you know what it's like to be fucking gay. Everybody I do. My name is whitey Ford. This is whitey Ford sings a blues. I'm taught a kid trying to read outside of the school. Everybody's fucking laughing at him. Maybe then you know I know what it's like. A Chinese lady trying to drive a car to do a bad job. Maybe then you know it's the wrong version from Kazan is playing that one over the loudspeaker. The lyrics that dumbass on it. Oh man. I'm but it's like my dad. Yeah. Right. It's like. Fuck dude. I hate this being back here. Yeah.

I'm going back to the couch. Man like a story begging for your change. I just want you to know that I let you get a little time in the couch. Maybe we could have a nickname on the couch. Yeah. So it's a girl. Oh man. This girl is pregnant. They call her killer. They call her a sinner. They call her a whore. Yeah. It's a girl that got an abortion. That's what it's like. I've seen a rich man beg. I've seen a good man sin. I've seen a tough man cry. God damn it. I've seen a loser win a sad man grin. Honest man. These are the worst lyrics I've ever heard in my life. You don't like poems. Fucking brutal dude. That's awesome. You know they thought they were being deep too. Yeah. I looked the silver spoon drank

from the golden cup and smoked the finest green. That's sick. What's wrong with smoking that. And so what I like this song is about like understanding other people's perspectives and having empathy and then halfway through it's just about how he's like yeah I'm rich and I've smoked good weed. I've stroked the fattest dimes at least a couple of times before I broke their heart. So he's like talking about like by the way I get pussy. And I leave him. I'll leave him. But yeah anyway. A sick guy gets help. I knew this kid named Max used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs. He liked to hang out late. He liked to get shit faced and keep the pace with thugs until one late night there was a big gun fight Max

lost his head. He pulled out his Chrome 45 talks some shit and wound up dead. Now he's one of himself. No I don't get a shot in that. He lost his dome. A kid named Max. So he's describing a wigger I guess who. Yeah. Left his wife and kid to get into a gun fight with thugs. We like to keep the pace with thugs. Yeah. I've seen a guy with short hair get long hair. Yeah. And a guy with long hair cut his hair. Damn. You know. Think about that. Think about it. I've seen a gay guy get pussy. I've seen a Chinese bitch drive a car real good. I've seen a Jewish guy eat low man Chinese guy eat salmon and long. I've seen a retard breed. I've seen a genius shit. Never did my know. That is the fucking dumbest shit

of all time. Holy fuck. What a horrible fucking song. I've seen my dick get soft. I've seen your pussy get hard. I've seen a dick get wet and a pussy get hard. Oh that's that's philosophical. I've seen a dick get wet. I've seen a pussy get hard. I've seen a child born a bit. Excuse me. No, I'm doing my song. Okay. Well, yeah, I'll answer your questions in a second. Let me just finish my song. I got a lot of money. I smoke good weed and I got about your fat pussy. I got my broke a bunch of fat girl's hearts from getting too much pussy. Maybe then you might know what it's like to have a little child. Wait, what was that? Can I finish the song please? I've seen a child naked. I've seen it at all

clothes. Even your dumb ass binary that you're doing those don't even make sense. Shut up. Shut up man. I've seen a white man rap. I've seen black man do math. Have a have intergenerational well. Yeah, in a, in a, in a genitalia well trying to get the gold out the pussy. That's yeah. Yeah, that's when I see that's when I sneak a little hundred dollar bill in my four skin. That's just a man. That's intergenerational. All my bitches got got they pussies filled with jewels. Rubies and I got sapphire diamonds. I said, I have the bitch come by and say hold up bitch. Put all these motherfucking diamonds in that person. Yes, ma'am. Yeah. Well, well fellas next starting in May, by the way, last time solo album, whitey four things, the blues,

which was released a full eight years after his solo debut and after he had a major heart attack was both the critical and commercial success. Critical success. Yeah. Yeah, I really liked how he says things are, he says the opposite. I would love to read a review of that being like, wow. Yeah, I'm going to look it up right now. Please do pitchfork. How, how old is pitchfork? I don't know. Was it around that album? It seems like it was pre internet though. Bitch, your food is out. Yeah, go get your food. You fucking bitch. Go eat your food, you little dumbass. Whitey Ford sings the blues score three out of five on pitchfork. On Pussyfork. Compared with 90 cents every day. Three out of five. That's

like a C. Really expunged 60% and he's singing the boys singing a raving vision. Boy, stomach stream of consciousness. Boy, rapidly approaching middle age boy thing. But actually this I can't make any sense of this. I've seen a retard read a genius. God damn. What a good ass song. Well, everyone black eyed with small lips and Chinese guys got some big DSL. Yes, don't buy that album guys. Let's make it number one on Spotify. I just came up with a good ass song man. I see an Indian guy, I get mad pussy. I see an Indian guy fucking just get 19 phone numbers in a row. While some Latin American guy gets called a loser through a drink in his face. The Indian guy fucked all those bitches. Would you believe

I saw that shit? Isn't this shit crazy? Fucking whack that I saw that. Damn this shit is crazy. I seen that handicapped man fucking dunk on a seven foot tall black guy. Fucking did a dip move out of the chair. Fucking used his arms fucking done. His legs don't work. It's important you understand that. But he's still done. Yeah. I've seen a guy in a wheelchair get mad fucking pussy. All right, well, some of this some of these lyrics are redundant Mr. Everlast. I like that the course is just like he doesn't even know how to link it. He's just like that's what it's like man. Yeah, no, it's true. Yeah, that's a great point dude. I'm just not going to talk the rest of the episode. No, that's a good that's

a great that's a good ass point. They had the course of the song and she's like what's like, you know, he's like he doesn't even do one do one about how the opposite. Yeah, do an opposite. I saw I saw what kind of whatever you want, man. It's up to you. I saw a Pakistani guy be a Hindu. Okay, and I saw an Indian guy be a Muslim. There we go. And that's going to do it for this episode, starting in May. We're at funny moms. We're doing the second third. We're doing every Monday except the first Monday of the month. So any Monday except the first of the month, we are there. Come see us. And that's it, I guess.