The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 153 – m4a legislatoin NOW

Episode Date: May 2, 2019

stav is in the hospital and my back hurts and im sleepy because we dont have universal healthcare

welcome to come town regular episode free episode W fuck my ass we got a special guest in the house filling in for stov's Aaron Glazer it's Aaron Glazer and we got him in a fat suit so we could feel like stops with us he's clumped up so many messaged me I didn't respond to it but they're like yo why do you always like go in on Aaron Glazer yeah like why are you always like why are you talking shit on air it's like of all the things we do on this show yeah I've never even heard you talk about we've made fun of him like two or three times yeah it's like that's what you have a problem with that's who you think

needs to be defended the UCB rape is a guy who sorry may or may not have raped people all right but it seems like he probably did yeah I think he's lost a ton of weight too has he yeah he's like living his best life yeah that's good that's good for her look anything that gets people out of comedy is he's identified as a woman now no that's the that's the move the classic move is like you're about to get me to you just say you're trans yeah or you're queer or something that's great yeah yeah well space he did that by saying he was gay whatever he just didn't go far enough he didn't go far yeah no because I got

in trouble I tweeted that like it's like the presidential debate and you're losing and then it's like I'm trans and then it's like you wouldn't like and then it was like two weeks later Charles Clymer did that oh yeah yeah oh and he's stuck with it stuck with the bit yeah good for her good for day so Mike thanks for filling in for stop this week stop had a serious surgery just to update the fans but he's a convalescing right now he has now these are millionaries getting all this fancy surgery and he got a you got a new ass and a new pair of tips he does need it ass implants that would be great I'm a

Brazilian but like you you know I mean he's so into that body positivity stuff that if he's criticized his body in any way immediately he's like no that's not true I'm beautiful or whatever but I will say one thing about stop this true is he has Hank Hill last yeah and he can try and deny it yeah he's not here to defend himself I do too I have I have no ass and I've had tits since I was like 10 years old and my mom told me there was some kind of surgery where like they fix a breastplate in your chest and she was like we're gonna get you that surgery and then it just never happened what do you mean fix a breastplate it's

like a it's a bone she told me that I have like a concave which is probably probably alive I have a chest and cavity as well yeah yeah it's it's something a lot of Jews have actually okay so maybe there are some more questions about your family's past that I'll leave my mom fuck the Jew oh my god well Stav's ass not in proportion to his body it's I mean I do too but my problem is that my back hurts so I can't use my ass for exercise mm-hmm here's my back so I've happened in I have a disability yeah where Stav is just gross yeah so we all got Game of Thrones fever that's right Nick I made Nick watch Game of Thrones with me

on Sunday nice you've never seen it how about video Game of Thrones you know I'm talking about yeah there's Mario and you know some of the other guys yeah and they're all competing to take the spot is the number one video game guy yeah well I mean I've never seen Game of Thrones oh yeah they all want to be on the throne yeah is Arthur Chew on that show or is that just a picture I think he just sat on the throne oh from Game of Thrones I don't think yeah I didn't know until recently I thought he was a character on Game of Thrones I thought he was like a monster you thought he was like I thought he was a Chinese or yeah

one of those disabled people on the show that was one comment Nick did have is that there is that blind disabled kid and he's like yes go off Queen well there is a lot of representation on Game of Thrones I think that's why people like it so there's a dwarf yeah a wheelchair boy there's a ton of dickless characters I mean I did think for a while that Arthur Chew was a character on the show mm-hmm I didn't realize I was a real guy I mean I thought that's why I thought it was okay to make fun of it I thought it was a Game of Thrones character that didn't know how to tie his shoes that's true anytime we've ever made fun

of someone on the show it's because we think it's a character that's why that guy got upset about Aaron Glazer is because that's the only real person we've ever made fun of it's true and that is that was crossing the line it did we did cross the line listening to line bosses yeah it's tough to know where the line is you know because it's invisible that's why we need to make physical lines right like on the road on the road on the sidewalk surrounding a person we're not allowed to make fun of if it's just like yeah if it's someone with like a small mangled hand and they're in like an electric motor scooter

and they're 500 pounds there should just be a circle like the first cop that ever did the chalk outline thing of a body there's very much like I'll bring a napkins to the party kind of guy we're all the other cops doing real work and just like I trace guy they're like I guess that's necessary yeah and then he just kept that job for a while he's like I'm I'm a tracer I'm a body tracer it's a very important job here at the police department yeah somebody's got to use the chalk to do the tracings and that's me yeah it's important I mean people told you in art class that it was bad to trace but that guy made a whole

career out of it so maybe tracings good I don't know I think that um what's the point is to know where the body was I guess or the position that it was in yeah yeah prior to them having like photographs I guess they had to do that so they don't do it anymore no I don't think so no that's a that's a huge bummer that's that's eliminating jobs right no so we're seeing what's been new with you how you been I'm good last time what you're on the show it was a while I guess it sucks that you have to be a regular cop for a while before you can be like right I always thought that too you know it'd be like if you wanted

to be a priest but you had to be a pedophile like they force you to be a low-level pedophile yeah yeah you had to be like yeah he's like work a Chuck E cheese or something like that van pedophile yeah and then after you do that for 12 years you get to be a bishop yeah cuz I remember wanting to be a detective but then I was like you get it but then it you got to be a cop first but everyone everyone had that thought yeah yeah yeah you think you'd be a good you'd be a good detective you're gonna take it up dirt on people well detectives it's not a hard job nicks good at knowing when to be a cop you have

to be dumb I got that on lock and you get the mustache yeah you show up and you you know you look important right nuanced opinions of various races I think you have that right looks like a Chinese job to me yeah he's like the best detective yeah what were we watching the other day it was like that someone's job in the police forces Chinese squad or like that showdown in that's right showdown in little Tokyo yeah if Brandon Lee shows up he's like you know Meyerson Asian squad Asian squad Asian task force yeah that's right huh the implication was that there's a task force in the police just

surrounding Asian there kind of is though when you go to Chinatown it's usually have the Asian cops yeah I guess they police your own neighborhoods that's good yeah that's why I want to become a bedside cop because I care about this community yeah you just like the community where I'm from you just walk around and you're too friendly with with black people yeah well I'd be obviously one of those doing the nae nae kind of cops it goes viral yeah yeah or like trying to ride someone motorcycle cop and then crashing at an intersection and being laughed up by the internet that could be another option for me I

loved that video so much do you see it what we've talked about on the show before have me what the cop that took that guy's Kawasaki Ninja and tried to ride yeah well it's not a Kawasaki Ninja well whatever it was any time I see a crotch I don't know if it is or not I just wanted to say it's not yeah any time I see one of those crotch rocket motorcycles I call it I just classified as a Kawasaki Ninja in my mind a crotch faggot crotch fat what look it's one of them crotch faggots I do crotch fit it's where you go and you fuck all those women which women a crossfit or is yeah the ones would like to over develop the

lats oh I like those yeah I kind of like that too yeah I like a I like skinny women but I like really strong necks mm-hmm I like Nick I think Julia Vince Julie Vins in a movie or something oh what she yeah she played an alien that's cool yeah what movie I don't know I could check her Instagram if the cats and heat again so I got to hide all my stuff for she why don't you just get the cat fixed pisses I mean I'm because I did that like vet that like comes and does a house call or I didn't handle it but it like it's they book it fucking six weeks out oh really yeah I took my dog to because I don't have a carrier or any

way to take it to the fucking vet I took my dog to South Brooklyn just had a Russian just fucking close that pussy up for business nice yeah now now she can't fuck no but did she get horny yeah she can eat her own pussy still okay the outside of it yeah yeah this is a no-go zone no no dicks are going in there but the asshole that's still completely open for business be nice if all our girlfriends could eat their own pussy stop bothering oh my god that'd be great that would be the dream yeah sweetheart what are you doing so she's in some movie where she's like an alien oh so she looks like a predator kind of or one

of those wasn't called battlefield earth people yeah the reggae new metal kind of aesthetic uh battle star faglactica that's good fat fagal star faglactica fagal star fagal star faglactica you ever see that show no my father was really into it though that is weird yeah I'd like to unlock the way the robots eyes go back and forth he likes science fiction a lot I like the way his eyes are like I think it's because he doesn't want to live on this planet yeah did you ever get into dune the book yeah yeah yeah okay have you seen any of the movies no oh it's a

great book okay yeah the sci-fi movie they made like I guess ten years ago for sci-fi channel it's pretty good it was like a mini series and then there's a David Lynch one which I think is kind of tired honestly it's the only David Lynch movie I like really yeah that's such a bullshit opinion they can I watch color is a couple uh yeah we talked about that on the show yeah about yeah piece of shit yeah not a good movie no not a good movie I rewatched problem child recently also it held up I it wasn't good but it was that kid you know it was definitely in the in the era of like children being able to beat up

adults about problem guiled and it's like a 32 year old man yeah thinks he's guile there you go yeah yeah I guess there I do go fuck is the goddamn what are you looking for anyway so we got Game of Thrones fever again what do you think of that I haven't seen it when you know when it came out I I was working through the Sopranos and then I hadn't seen Breaking Bad or the wire so it's like I don't have time yeah but I was like I don't have time to watch this show this game Nick Nick said when I made Nick watch it he was looking at his phone most of the time then he looked up and he said this movie's fucking gay yeah no that I mean

it was really boring and I understand I didn't but what's did you start from the first season or we watched Sunday's episode okay yeah okay I think you'd seen five minutes of the first where you caught up on this no I have no idea what it's a castle and yeah fighting they all were fighting the zombies from taking over the castle and there's a king of the zombies and what's he do he what he makes other people into zombies like if he kills you then you become a zombie too so if you kill him then all the people that he made into zombies die so they knew that they had to kill the main one in order for it to be for them to

win the to win the episode okay so it's pretty good show yeah yeah I was in San Antonio once and I was in Dave and Buster's and I was playing that I'm walking dead game which is like it's like a shooter but it's like a booth so you kind of go in the booth and you shoot zombies and this kid like came in and sat down next to me and I was like do you want to play and then we played together for a little bit and then the game was over and I was like see you later and then I love that was it you got his name or anything his name or anything it was weird yeah he's probably the 12 year olds now he was like my my

age or younger by child you mean a 33 year old like yeah I mean a guy that's halfway through yeah he's probably like early 20 life on this earth he's right I hope it's more yeah you think about like how your lives like the divergent paths that your lives have gone and since then yeah you know where he's at where you're at in your life yeah I wonder what it was maybe he's listening right now yeah in San Antonio you played the walking dead video yes please my number is a six year or nine you guys made eye contact for a second after the game was over and then you kind of just say goodbye yeah how about the

same guy's name is Stan Antonio oh that's good yeah that's fun right my name it's Stan Stan Antonio it's a pretty dumb name sir sure is you know something like that yeah have you ever used the term Stan Nick to describe fandom no something never once that's why that's why I know that Nick's my most mature friend mm-hmm he's never trying to sound like one of the youth no yeah he's sticking with his own vocabulary yeah and there's one word you know the word what's that it's that word what word is that you know the one the mature no I don't so all right so moving right along so we got game of thrones fever and

stave I hope you're feeling better what are you thinking on this election we got coming up Nick you got a I don't know what the fuck what is that I'm trying to direct the show stave's gone I'm not a very good showrunner I'm not a good host of comedy shows in general I'm not even a good guest on comedy shows yes I'm just trying to I'm just trying to you know trying to take over the show I don't know but I feel like stave is like good at asking questions when there's a lull he'll be like oh no he isn't he just goes to a who's fucking yeah let's just start describing food he's eating yeah what what if you eat anything good

pork shoulder went to my boys for Greek Easter I can do all right haha it's faster than that the laugh is fast yeah ha ha that's what laughter sounds like you are okay now this is the beer baron episode well you all know what laughter sounds like I made a I made a banana pudding for Easter yeah nice came out pretty good yeah yeah with the little cookies and we're asking Mike before the show started I guess Mike's a mover you're wondering if black women ever try to disguise themselves as furniture to get free rides from the moving company it's not free I mean they would to get to get

carried out of their apartment but yeah sometimes you do want to get carried it you want to get wrapped up in shrink wrap and carried excuse me I'm a love seat I don't know I know what you mean by ma'am I am in fact you get sued for discriminating but she didn't look like it so I didn't think she was love see she identified as yeah and then Sean King like it makes a big deal out of it there's a video of you refusing to move her she's like I'm gonna put you on Facebook for this yeah y'all aren't even gonna believe this this white boy won't even move me in a trip I guess what we going live on Facebook that's a concern

that is I would have to leave the country I guess my livelihood you ever have one of those manual labor you know porn kind of situations where there's a woman she's like kind of halfway undressed she's oh thank you it's nice to have a strong man around moving my credenza yeah that's never even like come close to happening but there's guys at the company who like they get hit on all the time but it's not you me yeah I don't know why it's like I'm on a trip I don't know wow I don't have money in a call center like women who call up uh and they'd be like yeah my computer isn't working and be like what kind of

panties you got on that pussy hole yeah hell yeah excuse me I'm sorry but one out of maybe 500 times you get a little phone sex going right the boss bus like hey you know all the calls are recorded for quality assurance the quality assurance team heard you having phone sex 62 year old Hispanic woman are you working one of those Indian scam call centers you just too horny to carry out the scam we have your social security number also hello baby hello baby please give me your address and send $500 also may I kiss you or may I give you smooch please and also your credit card number there's a ton of those videos on

YouTube where it's like people owning you know Indian call scammers and they're really not that funny but yeah there's one where this guy tells the kid he's gonna send him a subpoena he's like I'm gonna send you a subpoena to depose you because I'm an attorney and the kid just goes how about you send your penis to your mom he just broke it how about you on your penis to your mom because he thought he said penis yeah well you can bet on that kind of shit at bet the aside folks bet the aside that calm the only sponsor of the come-town podcast except for the other ones mm-hmm bet the aside that calm Adam you you said you

wanted to take control of the show today so yeah are you using blue chew Adam yeah but we're talking about bet the aside oh sorry oh yeah we're um well what I like to do is use all of the products that are mentioned on this show but mostly bet the aside mostly bet DSI calm because of their award-winning mobile interface they're 24 hour seven day a week customer service you can play you can bet and you could also win right well most importantly they've been in business for over 20 years over 20 years not a lot of companies can say that it's basically them and mcdonald disney disney has been McDonald's only been

around since like 1997 really wow yeah it was a different company before that I don't know I mean I don't remember I don't remember it prior I can't remember it first time I remember seeing McDonald's I was like maybe five or six mm-hmm you know I doubt it was around prior to the first time I saw it yeah I don't really recall it target spin around for about three or four years uh-huh yeah great yeah great shop Microsoft you know I mean I guess they were around in the past but computers stopped nobody has a computer anymore so that's not a company but they have the surface pro tablet no they don't they

don't know they don't have that bet the aside has been a business longer than them so it's one of the longest it's one of the longest companies that's ever been around yeah and not only have they been around for 20 years but they've been around paying winners mm-hmm and even paying some losers too that's the thing about winning is you got it you you got to lose this you got to learn how to lose before you can learn how to win the winners are just losers that kept going yep you know uh-huh the only the difference between a winner and a loser is a loser walks out of the casino at 3 a.m. and says well they got me mm-hmm a

winner is there until he's 57 years old right until he's got his own room at the Mandalay Bay until he's got his 401k Chinese girlfriend a duffel bag full of assault rifles and that's that's the difference between a winner right you could say he Stephen Paddock beat the house yeah Stephen Paddock is a rounder you know yeah that's true the real make it right man that's what we call them definitely definitely gonna need a bump stock definitely gonna need you know Ray you better kill Ray this plan better fucking work I'm gonna be pissed sorry Charlie sorry Charlie yeah this is my brother Ray we're taking him

to the fucking Jason Mraz concert what the fuck was it was a gay concert does people some use it was a country you know how many fucking guys were like died that day they're like my dumbass girl make me go see that wagon wheel piece of shit yeah just get owned yeah just by make it rain man just to get killed at a Trey Atkins concert that's who was I don't know trace that's kind of the lessons huh that's kind of the lesson you don't let a woman drag you don't want to tell you what to do ever ever stand up for men's rights at that the aside.com we've been all getting into men's rights they offer odds on pretty

much everything else to including all major sports politics reality TV pretty much everything they've got a great mobile app that's easy to use from anywhere at school at the library in the middle of an active shooter situation at the bank you know it's synagogue synagogue they love using the bet the SI app they all pray to God and try to make more money actually it's considered inappropriate to use your phone no it's not yeah I've looked into it I've looked into it too no I've looked into it but I was there I've been there well I've been there also to make fun of it totally all right to make fun of synagogue yeah

guys why is it called a sin a God huh mm-hmm you ever question that yeah church isn't called do bad shit it's aturia you know anyways that's the thing you can bet on a bet the SI.com what's better be church or synagogue that's right bet they do you want to bet I don't know they have live in-game wagering so you can make plays throughout entire games and events and here's where we're gonna be betting on this week you got a new york international auto show yep who wins the JD power and associates mm-hmm the big diaper that they give out there's a new Chevy volt is there I don't know I didn't go to this is the first year I

didn't go to the New York auto show is it over it's over it is absolutely I might become a car owner pretty soon I missed the New York auto show and I missed the orchid show at the New York Botanical Gardens we're in the Bronx right I think the Brooklyn one one across the Brooklyn one yeah nice well either way I missed it I wanted to go see that orchid show you ever go see orchids no yeah I like they're very beautiful yeah yeah and you should you should become like a flower guy maybe what do you mean a flower that could be like you look at addition now you just get really into different kinds of flowers I would a man

if I had like if I had a big house that ever little greenhouse yeah an AP area said I would like spraying them with a little spray bottle miss ever room on the mistening room full of bees and I take my guests in there yeah so you have to relax I'll receive my visitors in the AP area please right ah Charles good to see you only I'm allowed to have a bee suit you just Adam has to be stung by the bees well I dictate my my wishes for the day damn well if you're nice to be nice to you I'm coming to the AP area so I may dictate my wishes I don't know I kind of don't want to there's a lot of bees I'm ready to dictate my

wishes now we can do that we're one of those nets but I'm completely new big net but you have to observe me naked that's what you know that's what I that's with them Muslim gals should be where that's what we're gonna be betting on this week so when you sign up at bet the SI make sure you use promo code come 120 so they know we send you when you sign up you've got some options you can just play and cash out or you can take the bonus money which is like getting a casino cop up front before you played at the tables it has a rollover requirement but it's free cash so if you're gonna be in the sports book which

is where we like to gamble use promo code come 120 up to a thousand dollars are gonna give you 60% bonus cash return a thousand in the 1600 to play with so once again that's bet the SI comm come 120 let's start the show I don't appreciate that every time I do realize podcast Lewis insults my wallet because he's selling that you know that money clip yeah look at your piece of shit wallet look at this cool money clip that we have he sells a like a legion of skanks money check this out like this is our latest sponsor it's a wallet chain made out of weed yeah this is directly from the mind of zakamiko damn this is

a designer fashion designer zakamiko the sniper mm-hmm god damn so he sell it loses selling wallets to his poor minions now yeah which was what are they gonna put in the wallet well yeah right it's a laundromat card and uh yeah yeah us an Applebee's gift card I like Applebee's do you yeah I haven't been there's one on Fulton Street we could we could go I've been there several times oh yeah it's not bad I was there with God yeah that's this word that's where that infamous story about the suit happened okay we sent the suit back because there was no visible steam coming off of it right asked if it was racial after

it he got his suit he asked who you me yeah okay you think it's racial because there's black it's predominantly black people yeah so they he lives in Brooklyn yeah yeah and he thinks he thinks that he's getting bad service at Applebee's as a white man mm-hmm as punishment mm-hmm from the book from the black waitress it out as if anyone but then doesn't he have to take it yeah I mean it's like what do you think like what kind who's mind is like I'm gonna get my reparations right I'm not my friend this man is soup luke warm well it probably wasn't even luke warm it wasn't it was just no visible see it wasn't like

yeah it didn't look like the cartoon on the side of an oven bit yeah damn but that it's actually you like their food though well that used that full napple bees used to be shitty but it's okay now the one that's terrible is the Atlantic terminal okay yeah that one you avoid mm-hmm yeah that's funny cuz usually chain food is like I mean Ruby Tuesdays is really bad sometimes I mean I don't know I like red Robin yeah sometimes you can catch a good chilies yeah I miss Bennington's dude those are those a pillar of the are Bennington's all gone yeah that's sad yeah oh toy toy toy welcome to Bennington's why didn't

the why didn't the you day goes have your own Bennington mean Olive Garden yeah yeah I know Olive Garden or macaroni grill or there's a lot yeah there's a lot of examples I think about how come there's no Italian restaurants I'm just saying probably like the second most popular cuisine in America yeah you guys make good food have you ever thought like a chain opening a restaurant no the only good Italian food is like the authentic Italian food because everything like anything like lower like it's like a lot of Italian places will just put way too much fucking butter and everything yeah as a substitute for

actually making things to taste good and then you just leave and you can't see out of one eye you know it's just like it fucks with your blood pressure but authentic Italian food is very nice it's lighter than what you'd expect where do you go for them oh no I've just had it a handful of times in my life yeah yeah like my like how I make a distinction between good Italian food and bad Italian food is when I've ordered like gnocchi and if I don't like want to die afterwards yeah then it's probably pretty good yeah yeah we should go to Coney Island maybe go to the Tonos yeah a little road trip yeah or go up

to Arthur F you go to Arthur F yeah yeah we got the costumes for it we can go up to Arthur F and then go say what up to Jean DiNopoli was probably oh yeah I assume lives on right on Arthur F you said you're gonna book them for your birthday party did that he was booked that night okay yeah yeah I would love to have had him come do Elvis do Andrew Dice Clay's act yeah you know I can't wait to book him for Tom's funeral that was so funny when he said he was having a black comedy show at his place who Jean Jean oh yeah he said we have a black comedy got black comedy this go we

have a soul review black comedy yeah damn ever see posters for the black circus universe soul yeah of course they see those commercials all the time as a kid the universe so circus that's like it had you just steal the soul train thing yeah yeah I wonder if there's no white circus I don't know if you can I'm a trademark saying soul a certain way you you Italians ever think about coming up with your own circus maybe yeah maybe yeah yeah that was a good question right sure okay yeah um yeah there's I guess the I guess they had circuses in Italy they probably did

Hagli Aci yeah right yeah man goes to his doctor and he says I'm sad and he says you know what is that joke for me what the Peggy Aci joke for me people do it on Twitter all the time well man goes to the doctor and he says I'm sad he is so cheer you up because he Peggy Aci the clown man says the doctor but doctor I am Peggy Aci yeah so who clowns are twisted clowns are fucking twisted clowns are twisted who clowns for the clowns you know yeah they're like go see the insane clown posse well but the correct answer after that would doctor be like oh well have you heard of castratos because that's also exists in

this time that's funny that's that that might cheer you up with balls you fucking grown man without balls yeah sing high yeah just cutting to the audience and in fucking like the romantic period in Italy or whatever and there's a castrato singing and they're all just laughing I better just think you don't know about his balls of it sounds like a baby he's gonna have another ball sounds like a little baby because we've got these balls of that is a good bit honestly that is very funny bit anytime someone yeah do you remember that guy on stern that had a really high voice high-pitched Eric

hype high-pitched Eric and they really listen to stern oh it was more of an O&A guy oh I was more stern I only listen to O&A on YouTube primarily but uh yeah high-pitched Eric my friend had the biography of we're stern used to read from and just make fun of like he just make fun of different passages that's pretty good that a guy that a show could be so popular that that guy Bob-Bob Bowie could have his own nice his own little thing someone told me to Bob-Bob Bowie Jordan Peterson when I was at that debate but I didn't do it I should have done it oh yell Bob-Bob Bowie to yell Bob-Bob Bowie yeah that would have been

so epic dude if you'd yelled out Bob-Bob Bowie Jordan Peterson that would have been yeah dude that would have been just honestly so epic it would have been an epic own in the in our hell hell world did castratos cut their balls off voluntarily or they were made to do it no they went to a moll okay yeah I think they were forced to do it forced to do it for comedy though if you're a boy that could sing good they didn't want you to your voice to drop okay so they cut your balls off okay and then you became a we should get stopped castrated I think that would be funny for the show do you think he would stop

eating so much if we castrated no he would eat more yeah he'd get fatter yeah he would just always have a little milkshake with the crazy straw mm-hmm all right what are you guys up to this week stop cool it on your your crazy straw milkshake we cut your balls off so you would you wouldn't indulge in your vice of pussy too much and now we've you're offsetting it with your love of milkshakes yeah you know something along those lines that's funny okay what's in the news so we got we got game of thrones only a couple episodes left I don't know I guess bar testified or bar testified today everybody's mad at him

because it turns out there was collusion so congratulations to Rachel Maddow and the team over at MSNBC yeah we fucking got him and Putin is going to jail yeah he's going down yeah would you would you defect or I don't know if it's defect but you know would you ever live in in Russia in China no Russia you mean China not China Russia you make it really into a dash cam car crash video what I moved to China is what you're asking me they're not into that kind of stuff doing parkour on really tall buildings I would I would move the selfie sticking if you're asking me if I would move to China the answer is yes all right why is it Russian

dash cam footage why is specifically Russia is it like a big part of their culture is putting a fucking camera on your dashboard okay yeah they have like all the sickest car accident videos come from Russia yeah yeah but that's just because everybody has a camera yeah I mean well cuz they didn't have capitalism until what like you know right around when McDonald's 91 97 and so like the idea of like financial success they don't have any concept of like hard work for yourself there's only hard work for the state and that's gone okay so like it's like how do you make money yeah you become prostitute on camera and

also watch friend die in car accident the most noble way to make money is you have a video of your friend's brain come out of car and then you get the 50 million views on lively and then you monetize the video and that is like being a farmer that's like that is like being wrong John G Rockefeller Russia is to a bunch people just sold their farm equipment and got dash cam yeah yeah interesting that's my I am a prostitute and also I have GoPro strapped to my head and I walk out into traffic every day praying to become like Bill Gates praying to become capitalist hero like Bill Gates you saw an old lady dying

you're like kids good news the Christmas is coming this year for once yeah those fuckers don't know how to drive right that's probably yep Russian women yeah do you know about that hole in the center of the earth in Turkmenistan it's called like Adam's Bob yeah yeah thank you in Turkmenistan hole that big fire hole yeah hey what is the hole that just goes down the like the core of the earth yeah I'll find you a picture of it it's called like I think so yeah yeah they call it the gateway to hell do people jump in it no I'd like to kill myself there I want to watch where those like history channel documentaries that

comes on in the middle of the day about like the weapons Russia will use to kill us today on the weapons that will someday kill you on the history channel the secret Nazi weapons oh yeah like that fell that bell that someone's ghosts nice yeah I wish they discovered I wish I wish the war went on a little long yeah I know my grandfather got killed I love it like because you know there is a Michelin web look about the skulls are we the bad yeah I know but it is also like the Nazis were like we are also trying to find a way to get into touch with the devil to maybe collaborate with him literally open up the gates to hell to

maybe speak with Satan himself yeah it's networking they're into networking yeah there's a yeah there's a bunch of those documentaries about the occult and Nazism yeah yeah yeah that shit really makes my dick hard almost as hard as it gets when I take blue chew wow from blue blue chew dot com what is that website what is that what did that guy just say that guy just say blue chew what the hell is that what is what is blue stuff that this guy's talking about well it's BLE you as in blue be oh sorry BLUE yeah the little technical difficulty there is I remembered how to spell blue you're on your phone too cool yeah I just got

a notification how voted to say someone like my review of the beach bum starring Matthew McConaughey oh I'm on a new social media networking platform called letterboxed and it's where you write all the movies you see and then you give a review and then you can see your friends reviews of all that's fine I'm gonna start doing that you should get on it dude yeah yeah it's like that I joined it yesterday yeah that'll make me feel like I'm being productive when I watch six movies in a day exactly that's exactly what I've been trying to do yeah yeah because I normally feel terrible but anyways if you go to blue

chew dot com yeah it's a website similar to that one it's also fun to use that's BLUECHEW.com and if you like sex you'll like blue chew.com why is it pornography no no it'll help you look at pornography because it's a male performance enhancement for the bedroom so it's like steroids but for having sex which steroids make you shittier sex apparently make they turn you into both genders you grow pussy you don't need sex anymore you just use the power of both genders to lift more weights. BLUECHEW offers the first chewables with the same active ingredients yep as Viagra and Cialis which is what I need

because it's hard for me to swallow pills yeah right so I need a chewable and candy flavor chewables can work faster than pills up to twice as fast and they I guess we have to emphasize can because there's a possibility that they will work slower twice as fast as pills. Chewables from BLUECHEW can be taken on a full or empty stomach and the online physician consultation is free so it's cheaper than the other two it only takes a few minutes to connect with the BLUECHEW.com affiliated physician and if you qualify you get prescribed online quickly there's no in-person doctor visit no awkward conversation no

waiting in line at a pharmacy you don't even have to ask women to have sex anymore you just press a gun to their temple and do what you want right BLUECHEW.com encourages raping women and no sorry they don't no that was that no sorry I read it wrong it says they don't in fatically they do not they don't yeah so 100% disc I messed I've read that the wrong way yeah it's yeah it's responsible at first glance it looked like it said the day but what does it actually says please do not say that we encourage people to rape and we did not and we did get back in fact I didn't say that if you you misheard me

earlier if you think that I said that BLUECHEW ships directly your door in discreet packaging mm-hmm it's a big it's a big inflatable donut okay you know everybody's like wait where's this guy go on the beach to have sex with his normal working dick that guy must be a cool beach bum on his way to the Rehoboth to meet other guys to get to be gay because your dick's got to get harder to have gay sex to penetrate a man yeah it takes a little something special to get all the way into a man's ass strong enough for a man that's why I need bluetchew.com the ships directly your door and discreet packaging the Chubbles from

bluetchew are prescribed online by a doctor and made in the USA if you confidence in bed every time you and your partner will love it so it you wouldn't do it and here's a great deal for you guys visit bluetchew.com and get your first order free when you use promo code come town just pay $5 shipping that's bluetchew.com promo code come town let's start the show oh let's start the show can you opt out of the discreet packaging yeah yeah I mean it's not very discreet I get it so no yeah it says custom custom medicine rx yeah I hope people think it's steroids up the mailman's like oh I better deliver this

guy's mail or he'll beat me up right right I want the people stealing my packages to know that my dick gets hard yeah and if they do it again there's gonna be consequences yeah I was talking about HFS the other day with somebody which is a radio station in DC in the 90s that one of the DJs just got Johnny Riggs he got he lost his job because he got arrested for like possession of like heroin and child porn which is a phony combo you know yeah just trying to chill out and watch some child porn yeah yeah usually only one of those things I try to relax to some child porn yeah you know I mean that's

what that's what killed Cobain is mixing the two yeah you can't do it it's toxic mixed Chris Farley mix it too but I had to look it up because I couldn't remember was heroin or whatever but like yeah so he like was trying to say that he wasn't looking at child porn that like somebody had just sent him child porn like a like somebody was like fucking with him like emailed it to him and then they found the email on his computer but then like every other defense of everything he was charged with is like equally suspicious right you know he's like I was just trying to buy some like stimulants on on eBay or whatever and

turns out they're fucking anabolic steroids unbeknownst to me I was just trying to buy some like supplements for weightlifting which is like that's a lie yeah no you bought fucking steroids on eBay yeah and then that got the police to come to his house the police came to his house and they searched his house he's like yeah they found some vials from like years from years and years ago I've never used any kind of drug at all there's trace amounts of like and it's like there's no way there's empty vials of fucking heroin sitting around your house from years ago right they're just like it doesn't make any sense right

you have to go out of your way to fucking save something like that yeah how do you be a functional pedophile though if you find that you're there's a lot of really high functioning pedophiles out there yeah I guess right you gotta go to Hollywood fortune 500 CEOs yeah right now in LA there's just pedophiles getting off the bus being like yeah they're trying to work their way to the top you get you get a job in the pedophile mail room right show them that you're that you're you know you're a team player that you're gung-ho you want to work your way to the top you're willing to cover up really disgusting

heinous crimes that's how it works right yeah it's like showing up to Congress and you say oh I want to be a senator right I'm gonna get a job as a janitor mm-hmm and then you work your way up to senator okay same thing it's good to know right no no we're talking about janitors we're talking about pedophiles that's where the janitor and senator sounds so similar right yeah similar jobs right janitors the female version of a right because that trash Nancy trash pussy Pelosi yeah she's a real piece of garbage yes me garbage woman yeah yeah so it's a fine-steen Diane yeah yeah she's trash too was with Warren

trash trash it was see trash do you ever watch a OC make like broccoli on Instagram no she goes live shit but yeah you see a dirt hits come out there should be a law saying we have to be able to see your tits yeah she wants to be fucking Miss Lady Congress or whatever have a boyfriend yeah I know if she wants a boyfriend then we should damn I know her boyfriend looks like such a loser that guy fucking rules yeah he's just like yep you know hit the jackpot I know he's fucking stick around long enough I knew this bitch would pay the rent right yeah one day or another I gotta listen to her blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah but seriously congratulations to him and thanks for listening to the show congratulations to him yeah thanks for sticking up for Adam thanks for sticking up for me when in the White House when Trump starts going off on Adam he's the worst one on the show yep he doesn't contribute anything when he tries to when he tries to it ruins it ruins the energy he never listens he's always looking at his phone and then he adds something and something that was already said a second ago and he considers that a contribution and then he'll just derail the show after that I don't think that's

very personal he also he's the president said that about you but I don't think he's a legitimate president this is what people have said to me I don't even listen to it I mean sure I'm listening to it right now it's in the Mueller report that I was good right he's with him all report just says that he complained about Adam on the show every single day yeah I don't get it stops a perfect compliment a perfect sidekick I don't know what this juice bring to the table I would love it if the president listened to our podcast I would love it to yeah that would be awesome yeah you know what I'm a huge fan of is this show

he stops watching Saturday Night Live and just listens to come over if Trump listened to Chopo and he was really into it oh if you liked it yeah yeah you know it's a guilty pleasure for me I find a lot of the humor is similar to my own even if I don't agree with the politics you listen to just a minute or two of it it seems like it's kind of like these are my kind of guys Felix is a charismatic guy I can't deny it yeah he might be a Jew but he's funny but seriously folks we love to see it Trump's not anti-Semite though I think I think he's an anti most things but yeah no you're just trying to take that one

for yourself I don't think I don't think he particularly likes the Jews he likes Israel mm-hmm but I don't wish that you were synonymous I don't think that those two things are synonymous I think he likes Israel because they kill Arab people mm-hmm which is why Jews like Israel no that's not maybe some of them not certainly know when you know we're a friend of yours imagine if Israel was like next to Scotland and Gaza was just they just through Scottish people don't exist there is no such thing as a Scottish person next question my name is Brian and I'm in fourth grade and no you're not in fourth grade you belong to

the fourth grade there is a difference between the two next question Ben Shapiro owns third-grader the facts and logic we have recess yet you can't have recess because you have not earned recess recess is for boys and girls who work hard working hard is something that I've done my entire life that doesn't change the fact that next question can I go to the bathroom depends what gender are you yeah he rules yeah yeah he's uh he's great I call him Ben Shepoo poo yeah why is that because I think all of his ideas are shit yeah same Nick are there any of those guys like the IDW guys that you kind of respect

what's IDW the intellectual dark web oh I mean I don't know who's included in that it's fucking like very very wise and Ben Shapiro yeah Peterson and Sam Harris no yeah none of them really yeah I mean people say IDW that's a that's an acronym yeah no they sure do well what my question is how you're gonna call it the dark web when you ain't got no black people right you know they have that sheriff sheriff yeah they have the sheriff and damn my man a racing sheriff clerk just because he got a dumb ass head on I'm saying he's here he's here looking stupid the real intellectual my man out here looking

like your voice emity Sam the real and intellectual dork web is you got Bernie Mack Cedric the entertainer you got the fucking DL Hughley and the fourth one it's weird that his name is gay sex even Harvey yeah oh yeah he's on the down low down low Hughley yeah I don't wanna call me that because I'm gay you know why they be calling me that because I'm a gay ass man once you understand these things yeah I was trying to think a gay red dead characters the other day but only got to like Arthur could be like I'm gay boy and then and then Dutch you have a I blew a man Arthur yeah instead of I have a plan but I couldn't

think of a third one and you need three to tweet it the old guy what's the Zaya yeah well back in my day we used to fuck man for horses now listen Dutch I can't remember a single line of dialogue from the game yeah there's only but there's not that much it's just yeah there's no dialogue you're a pretty good guy Arthur's like no I'm a fucking faggot if you run just a fucking gay ass faggot nothing good about me I'm just shit faggot if you guys knew the thoughts that I have going on in my head yeah you wouldn't respect me yeah I should finish that game I also got to go buy a shirt today yeah I know you got

to I got to go to gap and get you know because I have one nice plain white shirt from gap that I've had for like probably seven years and then the rest of my shirts are all just shit you know it's just like dumb novelty shirts yeah yeah what about J crew well you know what I'm thinking it's like you know I don't want to be one of those guys because I am 30 yeah and then you know when you're like 27 and you dress like a retard and you see the guys that are like 42 that still dress like retards you're like what are you doing it's like at a certain point I just I'm not allowed to dress like a retard should we

start wearing suits to record the podcast yeah big ass like a fucking job you know yeah not take the shit seriously finally go to those stores that have suits for like $60 that people were Joseph banks Joe Joss a banks yeah it's like you buy one suit you get 17s have you ever been there yeah I've been there once I got my suit for my you're gonna like to suck my dick I guarantee wait that guy I thought that guy died no he shot Trayvon Martin disappeared when those that was a smart business wow yeah I didn't really I thought he died but he's alive but he just faded into the background of the Trayvon Martin

yeah yeah cuz they're like well your name's ruined George Zimmer well you can't be on there's so many like Jewish lawyers like just lay low for a little bit you Dr. Zimmer doctor I'm yes I'm docked at George Zimmer yeah it'd be hilarious if fucking Michael Brown was killed by men named officer Papa John John's like what do we not can't be in the commercial it's my damn company you're gonna like to eat your pizza head of pediatrics George George Zimmerman yeah I was watching some like body positive thing it's I forget what it was a commercial for but it's like four extremely fat women almost completely

naked and they're you know at a retreat together getting mad at the anonymous people that left comments on their profile you know it's like yeah and you know I don't know but it's like it's it was for a company and like it like people at large are too stupid to see that or read that as right as they should right and like I'm just waiting for and it's gonna happen there's gonna be like a McDonald's commercial this is only obese women and it's like McDonald's we made you beautiful because we've cared about you the entire time and it yeah it's just some fat bitch with nice you're welcome you're hot now and grimace with fucking

eyeliner grimace body positive yeah we're just showing off her stretch marks all over the place I don't have to just fuck black guys anymore now everyone everyone has to call me beautiful and not just a man with three gold teeth McDonald's get your big ass in get your big ass from cheeseburgers it's McDonald's it's McDonald's you're gonna like the way you look yeah that's great that'd be so funny McDonald's body positive it's body positivity month for real even beautiful this whole time it's going that is going to happen it will happen in the next five years yeah for sure once again Nick is always right

about it yeah that's you know what now that I think about it that's true you're absolutely right yeah maybe you need some smarter people to hang out with yeah you know you're a very bright guy maybe yes like join Mensa or something that'll be cool yeah just a room full of guys who're doing tented fingers yeah Damon from Shark Tank just everyone pondering yeah existence in the universe yeah well is Mensa do people actually join Mensa or is it just a joke no I think so that's so pathetic you're like a high it's for high IQ Oscar Nazi Jews yeah no I think yeah I think it's for people that do

Rubik's cubes fast speed cubers yeah I think that's how you get it I think that's just kind of cool actually yeah Will Smith is can do it yeah well it's just an episode of the Fresh Prince it's just memorizing like you know it's a bit like you look at a cube and then there's a certain way that you got a turn is just memorizing shit right yeah it's it's an algorithm or whatever this we got funny moms on Monday do oh we're done here no we're not done I just want to let them know so we got a not this upcoming Monday but the 13th is next funny moms and then we're moving to every Monday except the first month of

the month so the 13th 20th and 27th and come on everybody we got funny moms we got a lot of funny laughs a lot of funny funny women and if the bartender there is mean to you just give her another chance she's a little rough around the edges yeah she's nice she's our buddy yeah take care take care of her if you're at a show yeah don't forget to tip I will no longer be attending the live shows why not nice I don't know I don't feel like it yeah you don't have to do anything you don't fucking I'm not doing anything I'm gaming come on Nick you gotta do it no well I'm getting into jigsaw puzzles I don't care yeah fuck

these people honestly I know you know what man I've been like back in the gym playing video games yeah yeah I don't fucking I don't want to do shit else you're like retired yeah yeah I'm tired dude I'm tired of playing video games I don't want to I don't have time for this shit I got fucking I got a you know there's a new grand teresmo fucking update yeah they added a Supra League or something what is the racing funny car racing what is that they're like drag cars that why is it called funny car because I think like the there's like no part of the the shell of the car is like stock I don't know I don't know why they're called

funny cars but it's drag racing where it's like some carbon fake shell on the top of they don't have doors no the whole front of the car like the whole shell lifts off oh you just you have to lift the whole thing up yeah I don't know what yeah I don't really know much about fucking drag racing or because they do there's all sorts of like weird motorsports like there's like mud pulling or whatever you see that there's like mud yeah no do you need a new hobby though me yeah no why I don't know Darvaza crater is the crater that I was talking about earlier yeah yeah that's what that's what a funny car does the whole

fucking the whole thing comes up yeah that is pretty funny yeah now that now that I see it I get it dude it's pretty funny Mike you got any plugs you want to just my podcast the sit down comes out every week yeah it's fun we're talking about crime stuff we're gonna all kinds of organized crime I call that podcast Matt and the other guy the other show you do yeah why because it's mad and then I'm like oh yeah he kind of does the head on it racines on that one too right right oh wow yeah I totally forgot we're seeing was on Matt's podcast who's mad Matt's the Adam of his podcast oh yeah but I think probably worse Adam's a funny

stand-up though we you know we did some show yeah we did some shows in the Midwest he did really you know yeah he's like a funny guy I don't know why thank you I don't know why I'm so bad at this job but now it is my job but I got to say also publicly if we're sucking each other's dicks Racine one of the best to do it one of the best in New York City that's not true if you see him coming to your town you got to buy tickets and go see him I'm a hack yeah we got to set up some more dates we got a little date Racine and I are gonna be where do you want us to come shoot shoot us a little message or something I think we're

looking at a little southern run and then maybe a little Pacific Northwest run if you guys want Racine and I to come to your town co-headlining yeah a lot of fun time in Wisconsin Chicago we'll do it again we cheated on Deb and both of our girlfriends because we got the who were to come and just masturbate and we did not touch her yeah right technically I think their book it's cheating in our book in their book yeah it was a nice night they can't even read we compensated her for her time we compensated the who are for her time so what do you guys do on the road what I go to like the whaling museum no Racine

and I higher prostitutes to masturbate I'll try out like a kebab place somebody told me about and then that's it we're doing anything else I if there's if there's a novelty museum I'll go to it I went to a strip club in Minneapolis because you weren't you know I was gone but the last night I went I was the worst part about Australia is that there was like no time to fucking do anything yeah I saw this just in the opera house for like two seconds yeah we mean Nick walked down and yeah it's a hell of a building I gotta say yeah very nice looks like the future stop doesn't really like doing stuff right

no he likes having a good meal yeah that was the only thing you want to do in Japan was go to that steakhouse to cost a thousand dollars it did our meal was like a thousand it was an obscenely expensive but it was really good yeah I will say that I hit up a guy in Huntsville Alabama but cuntsville that's what yeah right that's what I said I don't know if I'm a big huntsville draw are you a huntsville drawing I don't know you got a big audience down there maybe we got some huntsville heads yeah where are you so hit us up let us know should do that room in Hattiesburg okay have you ever done that show no it's

great okay you know you wouldn't think that Hattiesburg Mississippi would have like a fucking great comedy show but they do okay I don't know the name of it yeah I can't recall the name so hard to string dates together yeah really much someone else would do it for us yeah I'll do it well these are all things we can discuss after the show other points in our lives yeah alright should I get into soap operas soap operas yeah why I don't know what about soap we'll find we'll find you sir I don't know soapbox what racers yeah what's well these drag racing questions you got I got I'm trying to get in the drag race I'm looking

at buying a bike guy car and so I'm getting interested in automotive she's getting old Nova I'm gonna get a drag racing wagon yeah so I can have enough space for you know the kids take them take them to practice you know there's not 24 hours in a day it's not enough time for me I want to get one of those like you know how like in drag racing they'll have the parachute on the back of the car to slow it down but just use that at every intersection a Toyota Corolla sorry sorry sorry sorry I just got really in the zone I can't live I get myself to go too fast oh we didn't talk about the Sonic movie that's coming

up oh I didn't watch the trailer everyone's mad about it yeah because Sonic ever everyone laughed at Chris Jan for complaining about Sonic's appearance changing and now everyone in the world has turned into an ironically Christian yeah complaining about Sonic's appearance like it fucking matters yeah pussy like he looks so weird okay yeah it's a car you know also looks weird the fucking teenage mutant Ninja Turtles yeah that looked weird nobody fucking care well they have a new one coming out where like they look pretty different and rafael turtles yeah and they change I remember my Lawrence

getting mad about I know I know I know what you're supposed to look like it's like who Mike who are you talking to yeah who is the audience for these complaints yeah there's a lot of people there's a lot of people who are an audience of like his comedy yeah he's not a bad comedian but a lot of people here now he made a comment about Bernie that kind of bothered me I read I'm like I've been on Facebook for like almost five years now so I mean I've even had any exposure yeah yeah but I remember I would see him and you post on Facebook you'd be like it's an absolute travesty that the new Batman doesn't

deal with themes of you know it's like right who like who is this for a lot of adults that care about that shit no he came to my house for Christmas in 2008 and then my mom was like I'm gonna send him a care package because he's just so poor so she got him a box with like toothpaste and shampoo and soap and stuff and I gave it to him and he's like he goes oh tell your mom thanks like how about you tell her thanks yeah that's fucked up wash your hair he can write a fucking email yeah we're like send a card fuck you Mike Lawrence and don't talk shit about Bernie Sanders exactly I'm gonna public for we love him

all right so I think that's the show thank you Mike for coming on thanks for having me guys all right prayers up first off yeah love you you you