The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 154 – I cant wait to die

Episode Date: May 9, 2019

i got to the part where arthur dies. i want to die like that. cool cough disease, huge beard, everyone telling me im a good guy even though im not

Okay. Yeah, we're restarting. You got to get something out of your system. Yeah, you got to get certain words out of your system. Certain words. As Bill Clinton. A certain word that I like to refer to is chicken soup for the racist. That would be a good book to public. And then you just open that you open up the page is the n word over and over again. I'll tell you, boy, that's like chicken soup. It's like fried chicken soup, baby. Yeah, fried chicken soup, probably pretty good. Well, it wouldn't maintain its crispiness. If it wasn't liquid, if you're a bad cook, like Adam, bad cook, Freeland, not a bad cook. I'm pretty good cook. That was your nickname in the Navy. That's true. What's up? How you

doing, bad cook? You're bad at cooking. Also, you're gay. That's what they would say to you. They would call me gay and a bad cook. 1940s Navy. You know, well, cooking was a term in the 40s, it meant putting a man's cock and his balls in your mouth at the same time. No, that's what being in the Navy means. Okay. So all everyone to get into the Navy had to be able to fit a standard size cock and balls in their mouth at once. That makes sense. Yeah. Because that way it's like the balls are like extra oxygen. If you have to go underwater. Yeah. If you have space for balls, you have space for extra air. I like to imagine that the phrase curse like a sailor comes from like sailors coming in for shore

leave and they're staying in hotels in New York or in Fleet Week. Fleet Week. Yeah. And then there's like a family from Minneapolis staying in like the hotel room next to them. They just hear two sailors in the room over being like, Oh, fuck. Fuck me. Shit. Oh, fuck. Boy, those fellas really cursor lives. Those fellas love cursing. Yeah, fuck me. That's probably all they're doing. They're reading the Bible. Otherwise, my ass. Fuck. Fuck. When is Fleet Week? Put your whole shin in my ass. Like you don't know. Like you don't have it in your mouth. Yeah. Like you don't have it. No, I don't have X's and then it's every day he wakes up. I like waving a little handkerchief at the boys and thank you for you dipped in

your ass for everything you've hoping the out of the seas for our country. You know, is that what the handkerchief was? Hi sailors. It's actually the same day as the gay pride parade and the gays chased the sailors all throughout the city. That's the origin of the gay pride parade. That's a fun tradition. Yeah. Very horny sexually forward. How about feet week and it's just for people that are in defeat. That's good too. That'd be good. It's like pride, but for, you know, guys that just have, you know, like a file on their computer. There's these guys. Now let me ask you a question. Yeah. These guys that like feet, they fully bust thinking about and looking at feet. I think there are degrees. I think

some people just like sucking on toes. Some people like to fuck the feet like a pussy. Like what I'm saying is to use them like a pussy. Could these guys look at a picture of just feet and come. I think I think the real on how horny you are. I used to remember I used to look at and I've told it before, but just a drawing of breasts on a placard for how to examine yourself for breast cancer. Of course. But you were also a young lad. Well you're jacking off to the cancer, not the breast. You're jacking off the idea of a woman's life being ended. You're like the drama. They're safe. They're safe in that picture. It's not someone that already has cancer. Why would you check for cancer if

you already had it? To make sure there's no new cancer. It's a little touchy. Adam checks for cancer every day. Adam's Texas and said he thought he had cancer. I think I have cancer right now. So we'll see. Do you guys want to see it? No, no, neither do I. We don't want to see it and we don't wear right here. There's literally nothing there. This Oh up there. I can't see you have a little mole there. That's a mole. It's a regular edges and it's kind of wet. No, that's because I came on it. No, look at the edges, dude. It's not. I'm not looking at your fucked up whatever back. I'm going to go to Bobby Bucca dermatology tomorrow. Dermatologists to the stars is he'll sort me out that know about Bobby Bucca. Well,

he's he cured my adult day. My medical grade dandruff. Wow. So now he's going to cure my cancer. I've had dandruff my whole life and I'll never do anything. Honestly, I got rid of it in a week. We're like, oh, there's shit on your shirts. Like who cares? But the problem for me was that my skin was fucked up on my face and it was related to the dandruff. Now my skin is clear. Looks beautiful. No, it doesn't. You have pock marks and pock marks from from acne, but there's I don't mind the pock marks, but your skin isn't that good. It's fine. No, but I used to have that like that rosacea. Yeah, it was horrible. Now it's I don't have it anymore. No, you still look. I don't have it anymore. Well, I don't look

bad, but you don't look good. You don't look good. Okay. Well, it's just I'm just saying I'm not because of the dandruff. It's only because of genetics. Yes. And you know, everything that I can't deal with, but the dandruff I can and it's all and that's thanks to Bobby Bucca. Dermatologist to the stars. You guys should have. Who else got me? What are the sign heads and Bobby Bucca's off? He did a carrot top plastic surgery. Very nice. He did an Italian dermatologist. Yeah, he's done a plenty of bottom surgeries. It's crazy. The carrot top is just around. Has he done anything in like 40? My sister sees him all the time at a restaurant. If he didn't have red hair, like people would have just forgotten

about him. Yeah, that's true. He's in Vegas, though. Doing what? Residency. Jonathan's exact. Yeah. Yeah. He's cashed out, dude. He's like rich as hell. No. Yeah, we get those. Get that Vegas residency. Do you think we can get a Vegas residency? My parents always asked me to. Okay, you can think about this. Think about this. You could have your residency at the Rio fucking loss. But listen, I'm not going guys. Hold on. Let's not ruin anything out. I spent my childhood leaving Las Vegas. Listen to me, man. Yeah. Okay, Nicholas. It seems crazy right now. But what do you think? What do you think? Residencies are all just nostalgia for gay bullshit from people's childhood or whatever.

Spears, Lindy on. So in 30 years, a bunch of these fucking morons listening right now. What do you think they're going to be nostalgic for? They'll be stupid podcast. They'll be dead. So when they're going to Vegas, nothing to do a podcast. So I know when ever quits recording. Yeah. Who in radio ever quit? Yeah, but our bubble, our nostalgia act will be more like multifaceted than just doing a lot. It'll be a stage show. We'll do music. I like the show orchestra go on and do other stuff and then like come back to the show. Maybe no, it's not going to happen. It's never going to happen. Yeah, you got a once in a lifetime thing with this show. It'll as soon as it ends, you'll start seeing less and less

people come out to stand up. There'll be like less opportunities. No, we have to end it so that we can have the Vegas residency later. Yeah, sure. But you got to spend seven, eight years in the wilderness in the world, literally in the world. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with the world. As long as I come out of it with plastic surgery. The other animal serious plus the other animal think you're a bear. So they respect you as part of the ecosystem. I'm the alpha bear. They're like, oh, that's that's just a honey bear. The sweetest little bear. I'd be the cute little bear bear. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We have a multifaceted stage show. Adam would be eating by a spider pretty quickly. Yeah, that's true. No, I'd

be like kind of wrapped up and caught in a daddy long legs is web. That's true. So we have to spray you down with insecticides every day. Yeah, because the bugs are trying to in your eyes and your mouth. Yeah. So that's that is the biggest flaw to my plan so far is that you would is that we have to you would be killed by nature. You must have to go to the wilderness. No, not that me and Nick will be fine. You would be killed by nature. I'm a natural survivor. No, no chance. You have no idea what I would have had to survive in my life. Which would name one piece of adversity. Sex slavery. I'm purchasing it. Purchasing it. Yeah, it's very inability. I don't know any. I would actually be dead. I do have a

Swiss Army knife though. That's cool. I like that the Boy Scouts they teach you how to like pitch a 10 or what it's all like boys survival skills and girls survival skills cook girl scouts is like yeah giving men treats so they don't beat you to death. Yeah, dude, I could I was shocked when I found out the girl scouts literally were just I thought it was just going camping but your girl where's that money going to my dick man the cookie money man goes to man goes to men. Yeah, classic Ray Theon. Mm hmm. Ray Theon actually owns all the cook the girls got cookies. Yeah, those are gonna missiles and they get a first look at I don't want to say it but the pussy. Yeah, the child. It used to be used to be

you could go to Twitter and search for girl scouts cookies and that's what black people think they're called. Is that right? It used to be that or if you could still just no, I think they'd like it'll just auto correct. Well, let's find out. Yeah, search instead for girl scouts. Yeah, can I please can I just have a month of girl scouts some O is like please. I had two whole boxes of thin men girl scouts cookies this past week. Well, I guess it's all white girls now. Wow. Good. See, that's what happens. They appropriate. Oh, you think they're black culture misspelling. Yeah, it's like it's like white girls saying yes queen and stuff because they're black gay people say yeah. Oh my God, I order as

seven boxes of girl scouts cookies for my cousin. Can't wait to eat it by myself. Lol. That's funny. It is funny. I wasn't joking when I said I want a shirt that says girl scouts kumkes on it. That's funny. That person knows what they're doing. Yeah, that's probably someone like you. Is it searching for the I don't know her name is Aaron. So your name is Nick. I don't have a name. Oh, yeah. You're a faceless man. My face. I'm a nameless force. Oh, fuck. Well, what did you guys think of the Met Gala looks? Adam, I know this is some gay shit that you probably haven't. Yeah, I had a lot of opinions on it. I don't understand why people don't go like one person doesn't do the, you know how like Norm MacDonald did

the Bob Sagan rust like the anti comedy. Yeah. Why doesn't one guy just go butt ass naked? That's true. You can only do it one time and you can't really do it again. What is it? I don't know. It's a place for people. Just one guy should come out with their dick and balls out and say that they're dressed as John Cage 433 or whatever that shit is. Austin 316. What is the Met Gala? I don't know. It's a party for at the Met that they have that Vogue puts on. Oh, that's it. This was all this was all explains me last night when Dasha was screaming at the television. I had no idea what it was until last year and everyone's like, well, it's the Met Gala again. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I didn't

know what it was until Rihanna one year wore that feather thing where you almost are today's right. That was awesome. Yeah, that's what I found. Yeah, me too. Yeah. And now I guess because we live in dumb ass New York, we know that what it is. Yeah. Well, you know, it is just a party. There's no awards or anything. It's if they're going to have a man. As far as popular culture is concerned, you're either stuck between the Met Gala on one end and then duck dynasty on the other. Yeah. And there's really nothing in between. That's true. It's either like Thanos. It's either like Billy. There's the Beards to hide their money, you know, harassing wildlife from every other. There's a there's an alligator in the

road and we're throwing sticks at it. How much money they make off that whistle next week? Does the alligator get mad? Find out on duck duck fucking night. Claire has got to take the truck to Costco to buy more tampons for her huge pussy for her big ass pussy. They put a duck whistle in her pussy hole. Damn, should we invent a whistle? Is it that easy to be rich? Name an animal that we need to trap. An animal to have our TV show. Listen, we need a whistle, right? Mm hmm. So figure out the animal and then work backwards from the whistle. Mm hmm. Um, you could we trap. Oh, shit, there's a duck dynasty podcast. Hell yeah. I'm going to get into that. You say you say bitches, Adam? Yeah, you know,

you know, a whistle that'll make girls horny. Yeah, exactly. Like kind of like a frequency that'll, you know, start vibrating their clits. Yeah. Like, you know how there's that noise, the brown sound that makes you shake your pants. Phil Robertson, Willie Robertson, Si Robertson, Jase Robertson, and then Corey Robinson spelled K O R I E. Nice. What is it with fucking like Hicks and any time there's like any time people are raising money for a white boy with cancer, they always have the stupidest names. Yeah, Jalen is fighting so hard. Yeah, Jalen particularly is the name they stole from black people. Oh, they're all like, they're all walking the line. Oh yeah, with those names. That's why they don't

like Cason, Cason, Cason is. Damn, what would you name your firstborn son? Mine? Yeah, Bernie Sanders. That's cool. Yep. I was. Yeah. You got to do my part, dude. Of course. I wouldn't I don't know what I would name mine. Yeah. My air, the air to my fortune. Would you get are you going to give your son a Greek name? My son doesn't get it until he can remove the axe that I threw at his crib. I throw an axe as hard as I can at the headboard of his crib while he's sleeping. And then when he's reached enough physical strength to remove it, then he may earn a title. Got it. That's pretty good. That way, you know, because a lot of people hate their names, like, oh, I hate my name. It's like, yeah, because you didn't

work for it. You didn't work for it. That's true. You didn't earn it. That's why socialism is wrong. Everybody takes their name for granted. That's why we live in an online era where people are quick to pick an avatar. Yes. And that they preach and assume the name. So true. Because they don't appreciate. Yes. The things that were given to them, because they weren't earned. Okay. They want to choose a different everybody wants to choose their gender now. Right. They don't appreciate their birth gender. Well, because they didn't earn it. Imagine if they earn it. I don't get it. Yes, they should earn it. So you're good. You want people to be trans. I don't want people. I don't care. Honestly, I don't get what you do. I just

feel like you should have to pay money to the government for everything. And that's just what socialism is. So true. There should be a tax on being trying getting your cock chopped off and it gets us medicine for everybody. Thank you. Yep. So true. I mean, well, think about all the extra paperwork that we have to do to change their name. Is there anything else? Well, you know, people have to wait so long like the main one. People have to wait forever at the DMV. No one likes going to the DMV. That's true. It's because all the people are getting trans. Yeah. All the people trying to get F and M. Imagine like there's a huge line at the DMV. It's like somebody just gets on the PA system. Sorry for the

delay, everyone. I guess somebody decided to change their gender. They want a girl's name now. So that's what the hold up is, is that we're waiting on. Oh, I'm sorry. What is it? Crystal to figure out what her new name should be. It's crystal. Crystal is what I want the name to be. Oh, have you decided finally? It was written down before I came in. It was on the paperwork that I filled out before I came here. Oh, well, I guess I'll just do my job then. Huh. Crystal. Is it? Yes. Well, just go ahead and file this right now then. Well, you know, it could speed it up. What? You do the surgeries at the DMV. That would be cool. You know what I mean? That would be cool. Dicks minus vaginas. Get

a little guilty. Dicks minus vaginas. Dick mutilation in vehicles. They're like, oh, could we maybe rethink the name? It could just be a service of the Department of Motor Vehicles. We don't have to. Well, it is a type of mutilate. I mean, they are taking a dick and mutilating it. I mean, that's true. That's not that's not wrong to say. What about a, you know, would you say a caterpillar is being mutilated in that cocoon? Yeah, would you say that? Well, it's literally not a metamorphosis. It's like a different process. It's a plastic surgery. Is that what you would say about a caterpillar, Nick? Is that how you see them as as? Okay, well, let me outwoke you on this. Trans people don't go through a metamorphosis

because the caterpillar was a caterpillar at one point became a butterfly. They were always butterflies. They weren't always butterflies. But trans people are always but no, but no, no, no, just dead named every night. But they're cocks. They are, but their cock was a caterpillar. Nice try. Butterfly. Nice try. That is a pussy. Mm hmm. So thank you. I don't even know what the fuck definition of mutilated is. Would you say if someone got a fake tits that that's mutilating your tits, mutilate, inflict the violent and disfiguring injury on. So yes, that's what it means. It's literally the word synonyms vandalize the vandalize the spray painting a cock. They should be a pussy. Spoil more ruin, destroy, wreck, violate. I wouldn't

say ruin or death. These are all just very neutral terms. I get it. You're right. They are neutral. Yeah. Yeah, these are very sterile. Now let's look at metamorphosis and see if that sounds more like metamorphosis. Metamorphosis. I just got some black eyes linked in. All right, let's see. Change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one by natural or supernatural means. So I guess if you use the force to make people trans, which I certainly hope this happens to the new Star Wars, the only male characters that use the force to make them trans. That'd be pretty cool. Kylo Ren. Yo, a girl now. We're girls now. No, we're just girls. We're gay. And we're girls. We're girls. But Obi-Wan

just being like, I'm not gay. Yeah, this guy's straight. This guy's straight. He's not gay at all. This guy's straight. My dick is big. This guy's got a big penis. This guy's not gay at all. I've fucked a lot. I've had sex before. Yeah, I think this guy's had sex for like this guy's had sex. At least at least 35 girls 3545 girls somewhere somewhere in a normal range. And they've had huge tits. Yeah, apparently all the girls who fucked at huge tits. You didn't have sex with girls with small tits. But I did get head from some guy to control. Why are you calling this in? That's now that's good stuff, man. And you know what? That's the kind of shit you're going to get if you come see us in Canada.

We should plug in. Oh, yeah, let's get that up top. We're coming to motherfucking Canada a little short. It is a short distance away this tour. We're coming for a visit gay. We're coming for a visit gay. We're having gay sex a gay guy might guy might. Yeah, that's the Canadian version of him. So we are coming to motherfucking Canada. Toronto. Let me get all these fucking dates. But yeah, Toronto, Edmonton, my Pussyville, where else? Kundalini town, Kondalini, Montreal, Ottawa, Vancouver. Oh, Calgary down in old Kundalini town. All right. So June 15th, Toronto in some wild ass theater. It's gorgeous. The Winter Garden Theater. They literally do. They literally Honda. They literally do Broadway and shit

there. We're selling girls at Poon Honda by a car. Get your dick. You civics new civics new accords, 14 year old girls, pathfinders, new and use certified pre owned hondas and 14 year old Chinese girls to have sex with down at Poon Honda. We're diversifying our stock. Hi, I'm Eric Poon. My father opened this car dealership in 1947. We thought we would stick to vehicles and good service. Well, the definition of good service has changed and less people are buying automobiles. So now we're selling you the finest Hondas in the Trostate area and also presenting you with the option to have sex with a 14 year old Chinese girl that was brought over and one of the shipping containers. The only card

I'm sorry. Are we still plugging days? No, it's fine. Well, I was gonna let you Poon Honda. I will let you in Honda. Yeah, I don't want to get in the way, man. Please. No, yeah, it was the reason we're doing this. The kind of stuff we're doing on tour. Yeah, yeah, you don't want to end. You want to fuck the Golden Goose and it's here in Toronto, 615 year old, 619 Ottawa, 621 at gunpoint. We've taught her how to say fuck me. Silly daddy and that's the only in the event that the police question her. She will never be able to identify you or anyone at the dealership is our guarantee. A family business just on Fox forty five. The Sunday morning, like after the news, they're doing that commercial

clearly, clearly admitting to sex trafficking. A family like parking at the dealership in a shitty car and like all smiling and holding hands as they walk up to like the showroom or whatever. And then the father kind of waves and he's walking off to a different building. It's like the family here at Poon Honda. We offer a wide selection of the latest accord models, use civics, the pilot and the fucking greatest selection of many vans, sedans and compacts on the East Coast and also a 14 year old Chinese girl named Sue Lynn. It was chained up in the parts. And we beat her senseless with radiator hoses. So our eyes already swollen as part of her Asiatic makeup is we are now sealed shut. And welcome back to WVAL. The

Orioles lost again today, brought to you by Poon family on dealership. The 14 year old Chinese girl. All right, so Toronto on the 15th at the Winter Garden Theater, Montreal, the Rialto Theater on the 19th of June, Ottawa, the 21st Center Point Theater, Montever, Montreal. And Edmonton, we're still figuring that out, but there are links at go to cometown.events. And there's some shit there. There's links. There's information. There's presale signups for for some of the shows that aren't up yet. But come out and see us. Sovina and Nick are not participating, but I will be doing a VIP meet and greet for an extra hundred dollars on top of your ticket. You can meet me in a in a blank office space kind of room. I'll

be sitting at a desk is you can sit down. That's right. And call me the K word and that's right. It's a hundred dollars. It's a hundred dollars Canadian. So yeah. And so should I should I replay Donkey Kong 64? Probably you have an N64. It's right in front of you. Also the way these shows are going to work is they're basically going to be two shows in one where we'll do stand up and then we'll do a live podcast. How about we do a jive podcast? We'll do a jive podcast. We will be in blackface and suit suits for a jive podcast. I'm going to dress like the Quaker Ode Sky in blackface. That's good. Yeah. Should I pick a fucking Steve Harvey? You don't want to accept. I know I can't believe that's real

dude. Steve you guys do yourself a favor and check out Steve Harvey at the fucking Kentucky Derby. I think it's playing is to just like dress like such a retard that when he goes out on the street, people like that can't be Steve. Yeah. He looks like Darkwing duck. Like he really didn't realize in that video you showed me where it was like everyone looked like Steve Harvey that one of them was Steve Harvey. I mean maybe it was no. It was him visiting his old his old fraternity. Oh really? Yeah. What is he? It's just like a bunch of Omega. It looks like 15 Steve Harvey's dancing. Yeah. Getting down hard. But one of them was actually Steve Harvey. Yeah. Omega Psi. He feels like one of those guys. There's a dog

guys. Alpha Kappa Alpha. That's a girl. Girls. Good for all those guys. What? Oh yeah. You know those guys. Black fraternity guys. Yeah. But like 90 year old black fraternity guys. Going out having fun. Oh yeah. Yeah. They they yeah. I'm going to bet he's Omega Psi Phi. That's what it feels like to me. Yeah. Yeah. They do have fun and they still hey it's pretty pretty bad. And they do they stop the yard. They stop the yard dude. But they all get a probably a crazy amount of pussy and what's a stop the tarred. No. And it's about this. It's about those teens in Chicago that kidnapped the handicapped. Yeah. Nick Cannon being like we got a kid now. I think that was you ain't got it in you boy. Yeah.

You can't you was not made. I'm never going to be like my father. I'm going to be like my father. I'm going to be able to kidnap this retarded beat his ass. My father was a quitter stop refused to kidnap retarded people. My father my my daddy was a damn drunk. I'm not going to be like that. I'm going to beat up this retarded kid. The redemption arc being beating a child. Man savagely. Yeah. And you're just like pitching that and they're like what is the well you see stop the yard stuff it's like it's representation and they're like oh yeah here's $20 million. Oh we'll make this right away. We're not going to give this a second thought. What's up with you Adam. Bad news on his phone. No I was just

I was just seeing if we didn't announce one of the dates. I think we have the other two items using the M.I.G. app and he opened it up. Your gay phone was buzzing very loudly and vibrating and smoking. I'm kind of more of a magic eight ball. I'm going to make that one. The app store. My gay. Your gay. That would be good. Yeah. I'm the gay you are the more the light gets brighter. Yeah. There's different levels. Yeah. You should go to you should get a develop you should go to development school web development school get a computer science master. Yeah. Learn how to code a coding boot camp. Yeah. Yeah. They have like a lot of those private coding. That's all the good pussy is coding coding boot camp.

That's what I think. Is that all the good pussy is. Yeah for sure. We should be treating all the the illegals like put them in put them in coding boot camps and then have them come up with new iPad apps. You know. And then what people won't be mad mad at them for coming to people want more apps. Yeah. Like make a you know like something where you could get like a day labor. Yeah. Oh OK. An app for that. That would be good. You don't have to go to the home party. Yeah. They can just get an alert. OK. I think that was a bit. What's up with you. Oh nothing. I'm just fall asleep. OK. Yeah. I like that idea. I'm sorry what you get an app for a day labor. I think they have that basically fiver. Is that what

it's called. Task grab it. Task grab it. I want someone who's basically a fiver but yeah it's like it's called Cinco and it's just there you go. That's what I was looking for. Yeah. Yeah a minute ago. You needed something racist. Yeah. Yeah. What else boys. What else is a good idea. You should write that Adam Cinco the app the app. I don't know how to code. Yeah you go to coding boot camp with all the good pussy circular. We've gotten to it. All right. I'll check that out. One of my friends got bed bugs at a hotel. Isn't that fucking wild. No. I mean that's where you get bed bugs. Shit sucks. That's the thing man. I saw some woman online like a year ago like railing against some fucking hotel. She's

like fuck these assholes for giving me bed bugs and it's like yeah it sucks but it's like what do you think the hotel is like purposefully contracting bed bugs. It's shitty people like you that get bed bugs then bring your luggage everywhere. Very pro hotel stance. I mean it's just like it sucks and there should be some kind of like recompensation. I think it's like you know I mean the landlord should have to take care of it. Yeah they do here in New York or whatever but like yeah they're like a huge fucking problem. I mean if you can't like vaccinate against fucking bed bugs. How do we stop the spread of the bugs. We're using DDT. You bring DDT back. Nice. Yeah. Is that that's illegal. No they stopped using

it like because they used to just drive around a gas neighborhood. Oh yeah yeah yeah like at the beginning of shortcuts. I guess. They're like gassing the whole shortcuts. Is it a movie about your dick. Well that it wouldn't be called short cuts. Yes it would. Well it's cut. I'm going to start a short cut. I'm going to start a barbershop. It's only for guys under five five ten and we you have to grow your hair out for six years and then we construct you a pompadour that's taking 14 inches. It's a giant haircut. What are you talking about. I'm a fucking tall. I'm a fucking tall guy over here. I went over the shortcuts. I start wearing platforms. Yeah you should. That would be awesome dude. People are like wow that guy

is tall and not fat. He's skinny dude. He looks like a regular size. I'm going to have platforms. I'm going to wear sleeves that are really long. So it looks like my arms are long. But what about your hands. How about I get my mannequin hands. My arms covered in tattoos of Steve Harvey his face is wearing different outfits. Big murals and sleeves sleeve Harvey and then I move back to Austin and I get my own public access TV show for that. The Harvey show. Like dude have you met sleeve Harvey. He's an alcoholic but there's a dumb gimmick about him. He just goes around on East six and fucks 20 year olds. Yep all day long he fucks 20 year olds and want to fuck a guy with a little bit of local notability

some dumb sounds awesome honestly. No it is awesome. Did that lizard guy get pussy. He looks a little too weird. I think he was you know I mean he's he's cool. He's not well. He's an all right guy. I just hang out with him. He's a cool guy. Yeah. Well he's all right. He's OK to the same extent that I'm a cool guy. I mean like so he's not right not a cool yeah. You know I mean that's put it this way. He's like no he's not. Yeah I mean he's a little bit autistic. I guess a little bit. That's why he did that whole lizard. Yeah exactly. He's got that in the lizards. Imagine him. Let's put it this way. He's not going in two directions the whole time you're talking to him. He's not like

I'm a lizard. I would almost prefer that. I want that. He's like yeah yeah it's been a it's been a pretty OK week. Just got my tax return. My freaking milk went bad. That's sucked. You know he's like that's what he's like that sucks. I would rather him be like I'm about to like to penetrate the whole and lick the clit at the same time. It's very interesting idea. Yeah because in that case that maybe we should be getting a very interesting but that he have a speech impediment for the fork tongue surgery or do you talk normal. How about a speech embediment. OK. We get in bed together. I like that. I want to bring you a little deaf ass bed. I don't know what that is. A speech embediment. Yeah. How about

that. Sorry. I was checking crypto prices. Oh it's funny mix back in. You're back in. But I never got it. I never got it. You bought the dip. I bought more when it went low. I'm doing OK. Now you're going back up. Well I don't know. It'll probably crash again and back in the saddle again. Yeah. I wish I got into it before my cancer. Yeah. Can I have all your stuff. Yeah you could have some stuff. Yeah. How big is your TV. The doctor comes in. He's like well we were worried it was gay cancer but we're looking at it now and the good news is it's not cancer but it is gay. It appears it is. We thought it we thought it was Kaposi Sarcoma which as you know it was referred to as gay cancer 35 years ago.

We thought that's what you had. Turns out it's not cancer but it is gay. It is actually very which as you know means we have to charge you for the visit. Now if it appears a portion of a man who you were having sex with his goatee infected your back down while he was fucking you in the ass. I love so we're talking about stuff got a piece of some dead guys bone put in his mouth. Yeah. And there's literally based on statistics a 50 50 chance that it was a gay man. That's not 50 percent. Yeah. It's not based on statistics. It is. Well first of all I said percent percent. Yeah. Motherfucker. No 50. First of all there's half women. OK. No but they give God. The guys give guy bones to guys. That's not true.

Yeah it is. It has the same. It literally has to come from a Greek man. Yeah. Look at that. Which is over 50 percent. Yeah. Yeah. And so like think about this. OK. I don't think any of this is true. Listen to this demographic. OK. A Greek guy who died young who is also an organ donor. Why does he have to be. Why does he have to die young. Well because you need young bones. Yeah. Donate your organs. It's pretty good. It has to be somebody that's the same age and race as you. So you don't think it could just be a guy. First of all it's no gay guys donate organs because they just want to be inside of the thing is like a gay. First of all a Greek guy. That's true. You're already even

the straightest most homophobic Greek guy in the world has probably sucked in gay sex. Yeah. Of course. OK. That I will cede to you. Yeah. Now they're all that imagine how like how much of a liberal you'd have to be as a Greek to get be an organ donor. That's true. And so that's got to be the gayest guy. The gayest Greek guy in the world. Now and I'm saying that's where it gets you up to 50 percent. And all of these other circumstances at play. It's not just the general population. It's not saying the general population. I'm saying among Greek 30 year olds. So you think morbidly obese. First of all regularly who died tragically died tragic. Why did they have to die tragically because they had to give you their bone. Yeah.

What if they had extra bone and they wanted to shape someone. No one gives bones. Maybe who. I don't know. It'd be funny if the the bone came from another fat guy who died in a basketball tournament. Look. But do you feel like there is another spirit inside of you. Yeah. I feel like there is another man living in you. I've been waking up. I would love to get a bone at three a.m. hard outside of my neighbor's window knocking on the door and then I snap. Yeah. I come and then I meet like where am I. I love to get a bone transplant from a Native American and then just like Elizabeth Warren style. Be like well a big part of my heritage. Yeah. It's something that's inside one one hundred. Oh. Yeah. If we if

it maybe it is a gay guy. It helps the career baby. My name is tickled. We're now tickles nuts. Tickles nuts. Yeah. It's both my native name and my clown name. John tickled nuts. Yeah. The thing is though I know the the only if all if everything you guys are saying is true which I don't believe it is. Probably had to give me an alpha. They had to give me alpha male bones. Yeah. Because otherwise my body would reject any kind of bait a little bullshit. Yeah. That's true. No that's not true. So it's probably a mafioso. Honestly. Yeah. It was gunned down. The trade. The timing works out too. It might be that guy from Staten Island. Oh they got killed by that QAnon guy. Maybe that's a new movie. Maybe

we got a mafia movie on our hands. Ghost mob. Yeah. Ghost mob way. Salami. Yeah. I was trying to remember the board salami. Oh I knew what the joke was. I couldn't remember the word salami. I kept thinking sauce. Sausage. Sausage. Sausage. Sausage. I'm actually I have to donate an organ pretty soon. Oh yeah. Yeah. Your uterus. I'm donating my heart to my girlfriend's boyfriend. So that he may live. Nice. Yeah. What's his name. What's his name. I don't even know his name yet. Oh yeah. They're keeping it kind of a secret but he needs an emergency heart. So it's gotten serious enough where now you know her boyfriend. I don't know him but I know he needs a heart. That's so nice of you. I know. It's a it's an expression

of love. Are those guys real or is there's all that stuff on the internet. Holly. The guys I love my mom my wife's boyfriend. Oh it's real. For sure it's real. Yeah. Yeah it's all autistic people. Some guys just fucking your wife and you're smiling and getting him like. Yeah. Yeah. There's a little doll. What are those shits called. What do you mean. Bobbleheads for Holly people. I mean it's just like a fetish or whatever but they're like happy. Yeah. But they're like I know but I mean you could do the same thing with like some man is just fucking you and your ass and you're just smiling. I mean it's like no I get that you're like no no no no I think I mean I think like the organized Polly Polly

community is disgusting and weird. Yeah because I mean all of it is a sexual fetish. All sex is disgusting. Sexual fetish it's like I know what it's like to just have to bust a nut no matter what. But this is these people are not coming. They're not in the act of coming. They go to events. They're hanging out having brunch together and being like oh it was nice when you fuck my wife. Someone posted that escape. I get. Yeah. Look it's weird but it's like they seem fine otherwise. So what are you going to do. I mean that seems to be the fucking way we judge anything else. What if they like it's consensual and they're fine like I'm just saying I'm sure it bothers you because you're like putting yourself in that

position. You're like somebody's fucking my girlfriend and it's like that's well it's not happening to you. No I know I just don't understand. Listen even the guys that get cucked I almost get. This is this is this is those kind of people. Yeah that makes sense. Yeah I'm saying what I'm saying is awful. Yeah exactly. These people shouldn't be having sex with anyone. Yeah yeah well that's how they if you there's a documentary about like Polly people. This woman talks about her huge tits all the time. Yeah you're absolutely correct with that face. She looks like Nelson Munz. I guess I guess my point is it's not the sexual thing that I don't get. No the sex like it cuck people. It's like all right. You have

some weird thing where you're beating like to be humiliated. Yeah this shit is like we're all hanging out. We're all just grabbing brunch together. I don't know. I don't know. I think like yeah. It's it's a it's the things you do when you're not hard. I think that I have a problem with it's whatever you want where you're hard. But it's like trying to like apply rules to something that's fun because like it you're breaking the rules like cheating is against the rules and that's why it's fun. Yeah but like all this shit is like oh we're going to make like a bylaws and stuff. Yeah and like we got to have a zap the beauty of cheating from it. Right. Yeah we have to like follow Robert's rules of order and stuff and

like who's Robert pass amendments and shit. Personally I feel like only airline pilots should be able to cheat. I'm a bit of a traditionalist in that sense and that you should work for the airlines if you want to cheat on your wife. That makes sense. Yeah and and women are allowed to be raped by their boss on a business trip. Oh that's all the cheating they get. Yes. But they knew what was happening when they agreed when they agreed to go on a business trip that would further their career. Yes. Yeah. That makes sense. You know the 50s. Yeah. Everyone was happy in the 50s. And everyone respected a lot of people don't know that the that the the sexual revolution and all that stuff that was all just like

a viral ad campaign. Oh really by by who what corporation Pepsi or some shit and gay. Yeah. So I said yeah they needed people fucking so they could rub some bengie on their thighs. Yeah. In the 50s everyone had the same haircut. They're all the same height. And we were a suit. We were Chinese basically. Yeah that is true. Oh Nick do you see a dark future with the Chinese are doing or be early. I think the Chinese are probably pretty often by accident. Wait a minute. This is in my house. That's great. That's funny. This is not my beautiful wife. Wow. This is not my big car. This is not my large automobile. And the days go by. I think oftentimes like in the organized poly thing it's one of them wants to fuck

and the other ones like too much of us like passive whatever to like say no pussy to or dick. Did you ever see that Louis Theroux documentary about the swingers. No. Who's Louis Theroux. He's like a British documentarian guy. He like he's he lived with the like the Westboro Baptist Church. He like goes and that's a good name. I don't I've heard it. And I think well cool name Louis Theroux. Oh yeah. You should watch all of his stock. He's the best. He's super funny too. Yeah. No he's hilarious. He's the best. Yeah. Probably the best documentarian that ever lived ever. Better than Errol Morris or Ken Burns. Ken Burns. Fucking slow pants. You know I honestly I mean I guess it's like Ken Burns might be

one of those things where it's like his style has been become like I don't know like the base level of what you're supposed to emulate. But like it's not a documentary unless you're doing some Ken Burns shit. Yeah. The letters. What made Ken Burns grade at one point is now just lost in. Yeah. You know. Right. But yeah I don't know. I mean I tried to go back and watch the Civil War documentary again. I did. I just saw along that bottle of pills and I just wanted to sit on the couch and do pills and watch. Yeah that would be 18 hours of a Civil War documentary. And I got maybe two hours in and it was like I can't do this anymore. I mean I used to when you need more pills. Yeah. Yeah. You know I was taken like

nine ten at a time. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. You know I was through the bottle pretty quick. Well in the in the swingers documentary he goes like a swingers party at this couple's house and like the wife is just like at the check in like at coat check the whole night like greeting people as they walk in and the husband is just like in the different fuck rooms that they have rather. Ken Burns just like being different. Ken Burns presents unfuckable blackness. The story of the first black man to get involved in a polyamorous relationship with the white with the white family. Yeah. Well you know Mark is the only thing he wanted to do was have sex with married white woman. And you know this was 1947.

We said you out of your mind. There's no way that's going to die. They could kill you. But Marcus was was determined. You know there was something different about him. Marcus Jeffries grew up in a shack made out of doodoo in the Mississippi Delta as a young boy. His mama made him pull the turds out of ass. And you know he would have to build a house around his mama's ass. And that's that's kind of where he developed an appreciation for white pussy because he saw his mother's because he would have to see his mother's pussy and it was coming in doodoo all the time. I'm going to kind of him making a house. Ken Burns was a fuckable black as a young boy. It always struck me how horny Marcus was. Marcus Dick

was hard all the time. His mama used to use his dick as a washboard. They would have everybody in the in the you know they had a little village set up there down on the Delta and everybody would come by and they put their linens on Marcus's dick. Scrubbed their linens down. And something about him seeing his dick on in and out of them white linens I really added to his obsession with fucking a married white lady. A pioneer. Yeah. In 1927 Marcus traveled to New Orleans which I know somehow now the time frame. He travels back in time. And that's where he began sleeping with French women who weren't considered white at the time. This gave him a lot of practice. That's so cute. The cat. Yeah. She's all right. Damn. She's

love. Fuck bitch. Get him. No. Do not get me. Get him. Don't call me. You fucking scratch him up. Do not scratch me up. She is loving these cuddles. So I'll give her that killer. You want to kill her? No. No. She is a killer. Yeah. What's the last thing she killed? Bugs. You know I'm not dead. Yeah. I'm going to survive. I'm going to live father. I'm going to live father. Unforgivable blackness. Unfuckable. Did you see that one? Unforgivable blackness. No. What's that? It's a Ken Burns documentary. That's what that was all. That was all a parody. I thought we were just having a good time thinking about a guy who fucks white women in the 40s. Oh, we were sky. We were. But it's the base material is unforgivable blackness.

What happened to that guy in the regular doc? Who gives a shit? Do you know what it's about Adam? No, I haven't heard of it before. I've heard of the baseball one, the jazz one, the Civil War one. They should do one about pornography. Maybe unforgivable blackness isn't even a Ken Burns documentary. I've never heard of it. Let me look it up because I thought he did simpler subjects than that. Well, I mean, do you have any thoughts about that sentence next? More broad. I thought he just chose more broad topics like like periods in history or whatever. Unforgivable blackness. The rise in full of Jack Johnson is Jack Johnson. So the boxer, the musician, he probably got the musician. Yeah, he probably got some white

pussy. Honestly, the boxer Jack Johnson for sure. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, get off me. No, don't get on me. Get off me. I'm allergic. So don't. No, don't look at me like that. It's not my fault. Nick is mean. I don't want fucking cat hair all over me right now. You're in your home, dude. I got to go out. What are you doing? I got business after this. You can't be embarrassed. BMW Motorsports, sweatpants filled with cat hair. I guess keep David did the voiceover for it. Oh, wow. Yeah, who's that? That's perfect. The Navy accelerate your life. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Ask to ask. Get in a snow bunny pussy was the only thing that mattered to him. The guy who said that they should go ask to ask in refuge. Yeah.

That guy rules, man. He's got a very sinister smile. Yeah. Who would you say in all of media has a very sinister smile? That guy. That guy. What kind of prompt is that? There's this movie that people retweet a lot where it's like, who would you say in all of media has a very sinister smile? That that words like a guy, but he's in his house, but he's also at the event or something. What's like a David Byrne, David Lynch movie. He's at his house, but he's at the event. What event? It's like some guy and he's smiling weird. What? And he's got like under eye makeup on. Yeah, he was getting white pussy. He was hell yeah. Jack Johnson. Hell yeah. Salute. Donald Trump pardons boxing champion. Oh, that's

right. He did. He did. He pardoned him for getting white pussy. First of all, I think it's okay. Yeah. No, literally Donald Trump is issued a posthumous pardon to black boxer jailed over a hundred years ago for traveling with his white girlfriend. I know I know I know that is so funny. We guessed it. Yeah. Unfuckable blackness. And then Donald Trump recently gave them presidential medal of honor or some shit to try Tiger Woods to his boy. Well, that proves he's not racist. Yeah, that's all you need to know about Donald Trump is he pardoned a dead black man from two million years ago. And also a we're actually I'm going to take a picture of me smiling next to the Geico caveman. So we're going to reopen

the Children's Prison border. And that should that should nip this whole I'm racist nonsense right in the bud. I got a headache. I think it's from doing Adderall taking Adderall yesterday. Yeah, that shit fucks me up. And I'm also I'm a zombie the next day too. I was kind of productive. Yeah, maybe I should just go on meds. I want to take uppers in the morning downers at night. Yeah, like a like a sorority girl. Yeah, dude. I'm going to start taking uppers. You take poppers rare dog pictures. Do you get you get just comes up when I open the Reddit app. This is all those the couple of rare rare puppy. Doggers small, small puppies poppers are snoop to boop. Rare fruptie fruptie fruptie fruptie fruptie fruptie himself. Kill

yourself. Just fucking kill yourself please. Can you imagine that like your motivation to get a dog is that like maybe people will talk to me. I know dude. Just pet the dog. Boy the fucking dog. I got small puppers in. That's your dick's name. My dick. I thought it was shortcut. It's also your dick's name. Your dick's name is small popper. Rare dickers and it's just a bunch of people posting pictures of Adam's small day. Just my day. What about there? Smooth. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Is it a bad sign if a girl does baby talk to your penis? Yeah. She means she thinks it's a baby. Yeah, but it's a good sign if she does baby talk while you're fucking her. That means that

bitch is retarded. That's good. Later Jack Johnson got into getting the sneakiest type of pussy there is. Retarded white girl pussy. You know a lot of us were saying he was going too far at that point. For the time. Yeah. For the time it was radical to be having sex with any white woman. Having sex with a white woman but we said man we don't even think there's going to be cool 50, 60 years from now. You try. I mean this will probably never be alright. The sneakiest pussy there was. That's actually where the term baby as a sexual euphemism came from. We have to understand is that Mr. Johnson was doing it as a radical political act. He was not attracted to retarded people. We have here

his diary that reads damn there ain't nothing like retarded pussy. Yeah. So what else is pretty cool Jack Johnson was world champ. Despite what you mean he's strong. Yeah but it was like the 1880s or some wild shit. I thought it was like the early 1900s. I mean maybe whatever they used to be. It was a civil war. You know it's so funny. It's like there's probably a guy that was like pro slavery and then they ended slavery and then that guy became like the best boxer in the world to start a fucking white woman. He was like I told you. I told you so. I don't want to do a victory lap here. But I fucking told you so who knew what was going to happen. Who tried to tell you motherfuckers. I told you.

I fucking told you and Mr. I told you so was right and that's the final take away from this boxing documentary is that slavery should have kept going. Is that one guy got to be right. So no one knows any other sinister smiles huh. Jack in the department that gift that people share of him smiling. Tim Curry. Tim Curry is a great example of what I'm talking about. A very sinister smile. Let's see. Jafar. That's not a real guy. Jafar. The Cheshire cat. The Cheshire cat classic. Something fucked up there. Smile. I'm just googling smile. No. Sinister smile. Smile celebrity. Let's see if this gives us some good stuff to talk about. No man you have to Google sinister doing some good searches for the podcast.

Sinister. I'm going to do sinister smile. Brad Pitt actor. Jack Efron actor. Tom Cruise actor. Oh yeah. Tom Cruise is why is he rated it's like that. As the what. If you type in celebrity smiles it's like there's a bunch of pictures of Tom Cruise. I guess he smiles a lot. Maybe he's hot. But he's got a weird bite. Like his his like one of his teeth aren't yeah his teeth are like not aligned. Yeah but he's got a good smile. I mean he looks great. Ben Affleck actor. You know who I would have sex with Marilyn Monroe. He's an actor. You know she weighed 350 pounds. Yeah that's why I like her. I love me a thickie. And Hathaway actor. And Hathaway also an actor. Julia Stiles. Damn dude. Julia Roberts. I wouldn't go back

in time. Julia Roberts. And have sex with Marilyn Monroe. Actor. Nicholas Cage. He's an actor. That's true. How you doing? You're listening to you're listening to Clarence Turdwater's Hollywood podcast. Today we're going to continue with the left off last week. Going through a list of some of the some of the characters you might see in them Hollywood Pickers. But they put on a big screen. Without further ado we'll just get started here. Okay. Chris Cooper. Actor. Chris Cooper. Who's Chris Cooper. He's an actor. He's an American beauty. He's a neighbor dad. He's a Nazi but he's gay. Michael that's American. That's the plot of American beauty. No the plot is that there's a weird boy next door and there's

a gay Nazi and that Bennings cheating on Kevin Spacey and then Chris Cooper. Yeah he plays it. He's a gay Nazi. Right. I really just list. He just says the name. We're just working on going through some of the characters you might see in them Hollywood Pickers. Okay. What are some other characters? Jason. John Gunn. Actor. John Gunn. Yeah. There's always celled on shot gun actor. So he's held on. I know her. She's hot. Yeah. She's like Puerto Ricans. John Gunn. Is that she related to Tim Gunn. Tim Gunn actor. Project Runway. Yeah. He's nice. He plays himself in a lot of things. Yeah. He's probably has an IMDb. Yeah. The Black Lady from 12 Years of Slave. Wait. Actor. Do you mean Lupita? I don't know. I don't

understand how to say that name. I'm not even going to take a chance. Lupita Nyong'o. Sylvester Stallone. That's out to Sylvester and Frank, dude. James Woods. They got some good political views. Dennis Hopper. I want some testosterone. I want the HGH. They're all on steroids. And a director. All of Hollywood. Can we get steroids? Nick. He's a director. Who is? I don't know who you're talking about. Dennis Hopper. Is that who you said? I'm just saying the names of some people here. What article are you even on? This is a different article. You're just thinking these off the top of your head. We're going to get into that a little bit here. We're talking about all the some of the we're going to go through

on sci-fi wire dot com. Why? What are you even reading about? I typed in Sean Gunn to remember. Sean Gunn. Yeah. Isn't that Sean Penn? There's that guy James Gunn that lost that movie because he had bad twins. That's his brother. But he's back. That's his brother. Yeah. How can we get HGH? From kids with pituitary gland deficiencies. Yeah. My sister was on that as a kid. Yeah. And then the wrestlers in her school tried to buy it from her. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Did she sell it? I don't think she did. Would have been smart. Would have been smart. Yeah. Is that the only thing they tried to buy from her? They didn't try to buy her pussy. What about rent? Yeah. Well, rent is different than buying. Did they try

to do that? Ever? I'm just going to say answer that by saying that renting is different than buying. Why are you hissing? That dog from fucking, what is that dog? I don't know. That's the noise I make when I laugh about Adam's sister being pimped out of the wrestling team. That's a cartoon dog that laughs like that. Is it? Maybe from Hong Kong. Goofy. Cameron Diaz actor. How did you get into this? I think it is progressive of you to call women actors. What are women? Actress. I don't know about the Hollywood Pickers. What's your favorite Hollywood picture? I don't know. I don't know. I've never developed a concept of preferences. He just sees the very concept of preference. The only movie I've ever seen

is Jungle to Jungle. Both of them are actors. Oh, is that the one where he's like a fake Tarzan? No, that's George of the Jungle. Jungle to Jungle was a part of that series of divorce movies. Yeah. Single dad movies. The 90s was big on divorce because everyone's parents were getting divorced. Yeah. So they made all those movies. No, I think I know this. He's like a feral child. I remember he talked about problem child. There's a scene in that movie where Tim Allen explains the word obligation to his jungle son and then later on he says that he is an obligation. Jungle son? Yeah. Isn't he from the jungle? Am I misremembering what's going on, Jungle Son? Jungle Son is a good name. Yeah. That was the working title

for the movie. What about Jack Johnson? Oh, no, for Finding Forester. I've got a new son. You're all the man directly from the jungle. No, he lives in your neighbor. He's born and raised in your neighborhood, sir. Yes, I'm teaching him how to play chess. Is that the plot of that movie? No, he teaches him how to write. Oh, okay. Well, he recognizes that he's an excellent writer. Finding Bobby Fisher that I combined finding Bobby Fisher and finding Forester. I think it's searching for Bobby. Finding Forester and finding Forester. Did Bobby Fisher ever get pussy or was he just too weird? He's turned in the insane anti semite. He played chess so good he realized that we are living in a giant chess game where

all of the black pieces are being manipulated by the Jews. The black pieces have been pitted against the white pieces by the Jews. It's just two Jewish guys playing the game. It's so funny, though, that Bobby Fisher is like he was the guy that was good at chess, right? Yeah. So like when he became an insane anti semite, people aren't able to do this like like, you know, a retro corrective bullshit. Oh, and he was never good at chess, right? Because he was he beat like a super computer. Yeah, right. You know, like if he was like a director of people like in his movies were shit, but like, oh, am I allowed to think he's a good chess player still? I saw this video of him like where he talked about how

he was really into like his at home workouts. So he'd be like reading chess books and stuff and then he'd just like put his feet on his chair and his like hands on the ground and just do like like 50 push ups and go back to working on chess and stuff, but he was like obsessively like doing like body weight exercises in his bedroom. He was he ripped. I don't know if he was actually even that jacked, but I want to get jacked with body weight exercises. Shall I learn chess? Who's the best chess player in the world now? The Birbakov. Yeah, the still still the Birbakov to suck me off the Birbakov. No, don't they have computers that just can just smoke everyone at chess now? No, all the computers have been beaten

by no no no no. There's like a I think there's a Scandinavian guy that's like young now. That's good. Who gives a fuck fuck chess. It's boring. I don't know. I think it's true. We should get back into chess as a society. No, we're at least celebrating. Does it make you smarter? No, right? What do you mean? Does it make you smarter? You have to be pretty smart to be good at it. I guess. I'll be fishing. You also have to be a fucking wild card. You know, do moves that the computer can never predict. Look, this is the thing called bug house chess. Guess who plays that? The juice. What happens is the popular chest variant played with teams of two or more. You get a lifeline. So I missed. I miss Regis on who wants to

be a millionaire. Yeah, what a hilarious game show host. I know he rules. Are you ready for more questions? Okay, there's a Pokemon named Pikachu. What color is a yellow blue red or green? Dude, I remember the day. Are you sure? That's your answer. Remember the Regis collection of ties? My man was wearing those. Oh yeah, like J. C. Penney. I was wearing those metallic hues. You better believe I was. I was very into the Regis collection as I think I had a Donald Trump tie when I was a kid. I absolutely had a Donald Trump tie. But the Regis ones were because they were like shiny, dude. Yeah, they were on that show. Regis. Regis was dressed shiny as fuck. Yeah, shiny time, man. What show was he on

heart to heart or some shit? He was on Regis and Kelly. No, I mean, prior to that, I just had like a career. I think it was like a presenter, like a talk show. He wasn't an actor. No, no, I don't think so. Maybe it was. Oh, I think so. I think he's a personality. What kind of guy is that? Regis. Philbin. He's Albanian. He's Albanian. What? I know. It's hilarious. It makes me mad. I thought I was not even some sort of like. I was like some sort of whopper. Like no, he's fucking Irish man. Albanian. What the fuck? I know, dude. It's fucked up. Damn. No, he's Irish. No, he's Albanian, dude. Philbin is like Irish. He's half Albanian. His father Francis Philbin was a U. S. Marine who served in the Pacific

was a virus. Here it is. What about his mother? Filomena? Basha was from an Italian immigrant family. Okay. So I was right. So maybe I'll just lie to me and tell me. Regis was Albanian. Stop of Aberichie ethnic Albanians for middle. Oh, they're Albanian, Italian. Yeah. Wow. The lowest type. Yeah. Yeah. Double an Albanian and a wapa. If anyone would say the N word, it's anyone meeting those people. It's whoever meets that kind of person. That's hilarious. I think I think elders has family in Italy that are probably that they're like carnies or something gypsies. Wow. So he is. He's WAP Albanian. Yeah, I guess he wasn't an actor. I don't know why I thought he was like just like a shitty TV. How you doing touch? Well,

I thought he was on like Hill Street Blues or something like I thought he was just like one of those guys that was on, you know, just shitty. The same way that, you know, maybe it's just because I merge him and Shatner in my head. That makes sense. Shatner was on like TJ Hooker. Yeah, TJ Hooker. It's funny that that was just a job. You just like Shatner was on Star Trek. You're just a host of a show. Like Carson being a presenter. Carson was never like a comedy. Well, there's Ryan Seacrest. Yeah, he's never done shit. Yeah, but he's one of the few guys that does that. Yeah, I can't imagine you have a career where you're just the host of the show. You know what I mean though. Like this is a dump. It's

like a million different shows. Yeah, you're just not just one show. We could host a million shows, but you become like a professional. We're all going into children's entertainment after this. I'm hosting the kids choice awards next year. I don't know. I guess this is best the music or something. This is the best actor on molested division. I just want to say Dan Schneider is a pedophile. Just kidding, everybody. It'll be funny. They let Norm McDonald host the kids choice awards. Wow. Yeah, this show is so good. I bet the actors weren't raped by Dan Schneider. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding with your phone. Yeah. Just messing around. Yeah, his S.P. His S.P. is rocked. Yeah. There's a close up of young Peyton Manning

in there. Peyton Manning, by the way, he probably didn't like put his ass on a woman doctor or some shit. It's pretty funny. I mean, it's fucked up. Wasn't that Brett Farf? Or no, he said a dick. No, Brett Farf sent his little penis out there. And his dick kind of looked like mine, honestly, so salute. He got a tight forescreen. He's got a little dick. That's pretty cool. Does he have a tight foreskin? No, he's just chopped off. His cock is chopped off. Then how did it look like yours? It kind of was skinny in the same way and kind of curved in the middle. The middle gets skinny. The chest piece. I guess the base is thick. And then the top. It doesn't really taper that much, but there's maybe a divot in the

middle of my cock. I've been told I have a pretty cock. That's not a not large. You don't have a pretty cock. It's aesthetically. You don't have a pretty cock. How do you know there's just no you haven't seen it all torqued up before. There's no way it's pretty. It's nice birthmark. I'm a fine. That sounds bad. No, it's a cute birthmark. No, it's maybe that's a skin cancer. I could see your dick being cute, but not hot. You know, yeah. Do you think Adam's cock is hot or cute? Pretty. What do you mean? It's right there. The microphone is right there. Okay, Nick just went to pee guys. I tell you, I really enjoyed pissing. What older I get the more I enjoy what about it? I don't know the flu the sensation. You

guys ever had a hemorrhoid? No, I think so. I think I might have one right now. I think so because I shat blood and I thought I was going to die, but then I didn't. I thought it was just a sore on your asshole from sitting on the toilet. No, you got herpes because I take no, I because I got hurt. My man got herpes on his ass. So no, it's my ass hurts because I take a shit like three, three shits of that. Yeah, herpes. When I'm really shitting my my ass starts really hurting. I shit so much. Yeah, it's probably not good. Got a bad diet. Just I'm going to the gynecologist and sitting with his feet up on the stirrup upside down. Well, on his belly. I'm sure you're well ready, but you're gay for starters.

For starters, you're gay. They can't tell. They can. No, it's against the law. They can't or you're right. They can't tell you, but they know it's against the hypocritical. It was against the law. It was against the law. I've been gay sex. It's against the law to be gay. It's against the law. Nobody tell my dad that I'm gay. My mama got home and stuck her dick inside of my asshole. I said, look out now and please don't put your dick inside my ass. Put my dick in your ass. Put my dick in your ass. They put her dick. She put her dick in my ass. She put her dick in my ass. It's the American way. I'm an American faggot. Oh, I'm the kind of faggot from America that, you know, ladies and gentlemen, Mr.

Paul Simon, ladies and gentlemen, Tom Penis and the cocksuckers, ladies and gentlemen, Adolf Hitler. If I was hosting SNL, I'd do that. Yeah. You know, a lot of people don't know this, but all those videos of Hitler speaking are fake. It dubbed over with German. He actually sounded a lot like Frank Sinatra. Yeah. He had a gorgeous voice. Yeah. I tell you, people, if there's one thing I can't stand, that's this June. This is a beautiful voice. How are you doing, folks? There's like a lot of... That's how he, in that sense, the whole nation. Hitler did a lot of bad stuff, but you have to admit he had a beautiful voice. All those videos doctored and sped up. Yeah. He's usually taking his time. Yeah. He's not

twitchy. Beautiful. It is funny that Hitler was just basically on Adderall. He was on like Amphetamines. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's pretty funny. He was just yipped up. He had sex amines. Freud did bumps all day, I think. Just a little bump. Where'd he get the good shit? Where'd he get the purée from in fucking France? What is that? Is that cocaine? Yeah. It was everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. That was like, it was like an enos general or not a localized... I want to move to Columbia and just smoke these, smoke cocaine all day long. Smoke it? Smoke it? I thought you'd just chew the... Get a little Panama hat and make a little cocaine cigarette. Stop bitch. Stop fucking calling my ass. She likes it. I don't.

She likes calling you. I don't like it. I'm delicate. Stop rubbing your little pussy all over me. You can't want to fuck me. Were we gonna... You're gonna smoke cocaine? Yeah. Like crack? No, you just put the cocaine... You take coca leaves and then you roll those into a little cigar. But then you sprinkle cocaine in it also. So you use the leaves as a long wrap? Yeah, my Panama hat. Slowly turning into the picture of that guy who forced the stewardess to wipe his ass. If I can look like that in 60 years or whatever, however long it takes to become that guy. I believe in you, bro. I love that guy. You could do that in 20 if you really wanted to. We gotta find a bit to close this out on. Yeah, I can't

really think of anything. Let's see. It's a nice day out. It's a nice day out. I missed the work and show at the Botanical Garden. Oh, no. I didn't go to the car show this year either. I think I said that last time. We gotta take you to a nice event, dude. Yeah, I got it. I got to find an event. Maybe go see the Gorillaz. The Gorillaz the band? No, at the Bronx. Oh, Nick's game. Oh, Nick's game. Sucking on a dick cuz Nick is a fake and he wants to fuck my penis and they fuck my oh the Gorillaz. Yeah, the Gorillaz. There was a secret about the Z at the end. I'm like, what the fuck are the Gorillaz? I'm like, how do you both know this band? I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm like,

I guess I'm a loser. It's weird because I don't actually know that band, but I just looked it up and it turns out only gay guys know who that that's not true. Yeah, I just like I looked at the search engine. I was wondering why I didn't know what that band was and I looked at him. What I just checked the search engine. Nick used to find that out. What's it? What is it? Turns out it's what search engine was it? I can't tell you, but you can't tell me. No, you got to tell me. No, so I know just in the future. Well, let me finish my statement. Yeah, that search engine. Uh-huh. It tells guys with a little dick the opposite of the truth. Oh, so we told you that I was gay? No, because you have

a little dick. It told the opposite of the truth. It's Google opposite. Yeah, it was Google opposite. So you used Google opposite. And because you have a little dick, it told you that I was gay. I didn't use it. I saw that you used it and I know about it. I used it because my dick isn't small. It told me the correct answer, which is that the gorillas abandoned the gay people. I didn't use it. I just knew about it. I saw that you didn't want to arrest my case. He didn't look on his search engine to see what kind of search engine you were using. Case closed. Looked at your phone and he saw Google office. Thank you, Adam. No, why would he look at a Google officer? Why would he search on Google opposite

to say which search engine was sorry about your Jew friend won't be able to help you? This is a slam dunk. This is what they refer to as a slam dunk case. Yeah, it'd be nice if like, you know, that was the Kobe Bryant rape trial or whatever. The prosecutor, the defense attorney was like, in this instance, I regret using the term a slam dunk rape case. But that's very much what we're looking at here. This is a slam dunk rape case in both the fact that we have a basketball star who performs slam dunks at his job for a living. But he is also this is also a very easily provable rape rape. That'd be fun. I love watching actual footage of real prosecutors and you realize they're all just dumb as shit.

Or at least they're not good at talking. Yeah, you know, not like in movies. No, not like in the musical Chicago. Right. There's never. Can you imagine like a prosecutor trying to do the Matthew McConaughey a time to kill thing? But then they're like weak chin. Yeah, mustard wasp features in like male pattern baldness. There is a time to kill. Mr. Michaels, are you okay? You crying, sir? Are you crying to get a second? Yeah, that's why I fucking Johnny Cochran worked their asses, dude. That lady with the little he took him to church. You know, they made a little short Jerry curl or whatever the fuck. Yeah, Marsha Clark. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, the jury, if you don't mind, I will put on an instrumental

of Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. I will be rapping my closing statement. I will be real. For my closing statement, I will be putting on atomic dog in the background. Yeah, why must he be like that? Why must he chase the cat? It's nothing but the dog in my client, ladies and gentlemen. He loves pussy. Don't we all? Are you going to deny him that right? All right, to get pussy. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar,

y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar, y andar, yнакомys other ladies and gentlemen of the jury, yo ain't gay. I thought it was weird when when the guy's a little slice in pussy. I thought was weird when they were barking at Kristine Blaisey Ford during our testimony. I thought that was weird too. I don't think. Inedalible in the hippo campus is the barking preformed by Steve Harvey and his friends. Said that was weird, too. Idealible in the hippo campus is the barking performed by Steve Harvey and his friends. Stripen did that and show that.

indelible in the hippocampus guys that look like is the song atomic dog by george and the barking noises being performed by steve harvey and his friends as they danced around me hooting and all right you you you want to name some more actors or no i think that's i think we're good here all right we got come see us in toronto we got funny moms yes come down down events me and adam of both we're both tweeting and shit about it we'll probably post some more stuff about it but yes please come see us please fuck my ass please fuck mix ass in canada you will fuck my ass that's right you will ruin my ass for pleasure is that a threat or i don't know if that's supposed to be a threat to me ruin my

ass you will ruin this ass all right