The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 155 – The Don Simpsons

Episode Date: May 16, 2019

RIP to the king of all kings, don simpson. this is not the anniversary of his death and its not related to anything else i just remembered him

It's Katy Perry the lion song, but check check I am a lion, and you're gonna make me come Well, I didn't want to do this I didn't want to Address the real-ass podcast, go on the real-ass podcast. I don't give a shit. I don't Tom is inherently funny. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about the show that Louis pitched with me you and Louis called bastard radio? To serious ex Have you lost all interest right? Yeah, I mean like and first of all Louis making fun of a guy like Tom It's just

You know it's so funny if Louis was white People would assume he had the same mental deficiencies that Tom that's right. Yeah, they give them a break because he's Puerto Rican They're like, yeah, well, he's affable that is that explains a little more with it than Tom. Yeah obviously Tom's a character. Yes, we've got Tim Dillon here Tim Tim's here And the way it worked out is we happen to get him right after we wanted to get him on because he's in Boston this weekend So plug those. Oh, yeah left Boston Friday and Saturday come on out to that if you're in Boston go see if you're if you're white Be stupid. I can't not responsible for anything that happens

If you come out with your you know a Casio Cortez shirt, no way and some kidding Boston's very liberal Yes, and it's gonna be a lot of fun to go see him But the way it worked out time-wise we caught him fresh off a real-ass podcast appearance. Yeah, the one the only Tom Well, you came over and I didn't want to Fuck I didn't really want to discuss the Tom shit, but Um, you know, I mean if there's just too much to talk And I've been I've been dragging my feet hosting this show lately. I Apologize for that. I've been suffering from a little bit of acid reflux. I didn't want to go public with it

Yeah, you're brave though. I know we're gonna fight this thing this way little kids that have acid reflux They hear you say the n-word and they're like I can do that one my uncle just got cancer Esophageal cancer. Oh shit, and it's there's just no chance. So like he's they're like, oh Yeah, what are the symptoms of the acid reflux and also esophageal cancer symptoms of esophageal cancer? I guess they're like thinking you have the flu for six months and ignoring the tennis ball size lymph nodes on the side Yeah, yeah Constantly having like 12 beers, right? You're having like 35 beers. Yeah, call your stomach pain, but he just said I guess like I'm like genetically predisposed a little bit of acid reflux

It's just you know, it just it just feels like a cold burning sensation in my chest Interesting it goes up to you know, look my throat and it's like there's a hard lump in there And then when it gets worse sometimes I'll like burp and you can feel like the just stomach acid like splash Yeah, well, I've had that you ever wake up in the middle of the night and you feel like you're throwing up But it's I think everything I say stop goes. Yes, two three words. I got I know exactly Of course, but it's like you you wake up and you got this in some things in your throat It's like you cough up this stomach acid or whatever it is and then you just swallow it Well, here's what it is. Yeah, you filled you we have filled our stomachs so to the brim really that there is shit coming

It's literally a space issue. I believe wow where it's like there's fucking cheeseburger debris all the way up into your throat Right, do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's really what it is when you're this fat and you don't usually get heartburn Right, yeah, I don't because you've overstuffed yourself to the point that there is no that's right I don't know. There is no scientifically. It's correct now I here's why I know yeah, because if I take a real fat shit. Yeah before I fall asleep Not a problem. Yeah, sometimes I know when I go to sleep and I haven't shit I know there's a huge problem No, it's literally coming out of your mouth if you really knows because then sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night

And I'm just like something's wrong, and I don't know what it is. I'm sweating sweating. Yeah, and I don't know If I should go to a hospital. Yes. Yeah, and then yeah, and you're like, oh, yeah, and then you shit And then you're okay. I've never I've never had to wake up to shit. Yeah. Are you kidding? Never once in my life. Oh, I woke there was a period of my life where it's an emergency piss every night Yeah, six times a night. No, there's there's was a period of my life Which you know comes comes in and out where I wouldn't even have to set an alarm It would be I would just wake up shitting and we're needing to shit in a cold sweat. Yeah The first thing I remember is my asshole clinch. I'm waking up from the power of my asshole clinching

Yeah, the turd that's trying to escape and then if you go to sit down to shit, and you can't shit you go I have a hole. Oh, that's a world of hell. That's right That's about to give birth to a turd and then there's something There's something weird about it being like 2 a.m. Yes, and it not being sick Like if you sit down at 6 30 on the toilet, you're like alright other people are awake, right? I wish I feel like I'm not contributing, but I have no understanding of what you're talking It's like you're describing something outside of the visible spectrum of light. Yes, exactly You're both effusively talking about a color. We can see a feeling that you can yeah

You'll never know is there a German word People know if people have felt oh Scheisse gestalt. It's yeah, it's fear. It's only something that you know, it's a turd. It's an uneasiness There's fear. There's but there's also a strange Satisfaction and relief. Yes. It is part of the the the purging side. This is our specific kind of eating disorder Have you ever seen a spider urge from our mouths? It comes out of our ass. Have you ever seen a spider? Malt and it just sheds its skin and it becomes another spider That's kind of what

That's what it is after that shit comes out. Yeah, you shit out a person. Have you ever had you ever weighed yourself before? I don't know And then after this shit. Well, have you ever weighed yourself before shit? I've never weighed myself before or after a shit or any time I've never gotten on a scale and was like well, what is it? What's the number today? I don't need to know. Yeah, I don't really want to know I just I go by I don't like how the clothes fit and how the airplane seat feels Yeah, right if I need to ask for the extender If the people in the row complain to the flight attendant in front of me how heavy the sign is when they see me walking in that middle seat

That's how I know. I mean people literally now will do like a they take a deep breath and they go Like they're preparing themselves for war like it's game of thrones when I sit down next to a guy They got two seats just out of respect for everyone else on the train. Honestly. I I want to live that lifestyle Yeah, that's a baller. I want to get a row. Yeah, you're gonna be amazed It's just there's like a couple like in a row and that guy comes by and he's bought both tickets But he did waited for seat assignment and he's like, excuse me. So can you move so I can be fat? Would you mind moving so I can be Yeah, just I I just want to be here with myself

I'm traveling with my Hundreds of pounds. Yeah, I actually own this part of the plane. So if you could move that seat is for my thigh and nuts Yeah, if you could move my thigh and left nut are sitting there actually. Yeah But everyone's gotten so fat now That I'm less A lot of them neck a lot of them are fat. Yes, and on a beach. I don't feel bad on a beach anymore. No Unless it's like Miami. I've never felt bad. It would be a fun move is to be like a fat wigger And you get on a plane and you find like the only person that's fatter than you'd be like

Damn man people how big this bitch is This motherfucker biggest shit Damn you fat as hell son Just roasting him the whole play Shitting on him. You're all so fat People keep calling the flag Sir, please be quiet. No, I'm just saying he's fat My man fat as shit sir, please your cookie monster fitted the bill is backwards and hitting the person

Yeah, I went to king martin. I got started up, man I started up my My looks This reminds you of a kid that I grew up with named chico white kid named chico. He's dead now And uh, you know, but all right, he picked that name or what? I don't know That's the thing if his parents gave it to him. It was kind of like basically writing his ticket. Yeah, you know like they're like Well, this is he's probably gonna sell coke and then die at 24 Uh, correct

But I think he might have picked it. I don't know nice guy, but you know, that's exactly how he sounded Yeah, he would just rip on people. He was in summer school every year. Would you look forward to? Yeah, he would like come up to the under school. He'd be like, yo, bro, you going I'm like, yeah, I'm probably going. He's like, all right. I'll see you there Such a horrible home and then he would show that it was bad summer camp. Yeah, he's like, yeah Yeah, he liked it dude. It was like his yeah, he loved it. He's dead. He was getting molested I mean summer school is a better system. It's so much fun It's three weeks and then you've accomplished a year of what they got you like in that class my summer school teacher

Miss Ruisi brought her a baby in to teach us that because I I went to catholic high school But the school I would have gone to my public school was like a hood school. It was like, you know, so miss ruisi was like an italian Uh woman and she had a mixed-race baby, which is lovely, which I think is great speaking of which I just watched green book The other how was it? Did you enjoy it? No, I turned it off. Yeah, I've never seen it I don't understand how things like that. It's just like glowing reviews across the board. Well, people are insane They're insane. I think people were saying that it was bad like cool people were saying it's bad Oh good as long as the cool guys No, it's just seen after seen where it's like somebody's racist a black guy, but the italian guy isn't

Right like the movie reviewer. I'm going from talk to this black guy. Yeah, they're like, uh Listen, I don't mean to bother you, but he's not allowed to eat in here. You know, what's what's the matter? Why can't you just make go that make a rule for him like sorry? We got to leave and then like the next scene is like he's not allowed to try on the clothes I'm like, jeez. What the heck is what's going on with this? So it's about the italian learning and then the next and the next scene is like he's not allowed to eat dinner here They're like, what the hell is the matter? Like they pull the dinner one like twice

It's like there's only so many ways people in the south can be racist. Yeah, you know, and I'm sure you know It's a true story about the guy that played fucking Carmine on the Sopranos Wait a minute who what green book is the it's like a Biographical picture the guy who played Carmine on the Sopranos that was his actual life What he was just defending black people No, he was a he was a driver He was a driver and a bodyguard Oh for I don't know some fucking

Mully fucking some yeah some funook mulling But no, but his son wrote the screenplay and with one of the fairly brothers Yeah, and so but because of this like you can tell because if you go Mornston gets his nuts stuck in his zipper It won't yeah, he hasn't come Yeah, but I mean because the son wrote it it just comes off like you know any Italian I've ever met being like My dad was one of the best guys My dad was my dad was the first guy to not be racist. He actually was italians that came up with that and was my pops It did it, but he was also in the mafia

And that's the entire move well that guy the guy the son who wrote the screenplay Also, they found a tweet of his like from like 2015 where he was like mr. Trump. I was there in new jersey I saw the muslim celebrating after the towers were falling down Yeah, he's like I just well that's green book too That's the second film is about right his father Defending muslims in jersey if it was if it was an actual I don't agree with what they do But they got the first amendment right to celebrate when he's knocking down on towers a true story about italians in the 60s Who would be called I ain't reading that fucking book. Yeah, he'll be called stay with your own

It's the real green book Yeah, they're a progressive people also. Yeah, exactly. There's no way the fuck anyway But also the the jazz the pianist or whoever the fuck the black eyes based on his family was like Do not make this movie. Oh We're like we hate this movie the book. It's adapt. It's all bullshit. It's not adapted from a book Oh, whatever like I guess whatever story they're telling. Yeah, I just saw them being like no This is absolutely this didn't have any one best picture, right? Yeah. What was it up against? Um, uh

Oh, it was up against black panther. Well, they gave the black panther a nomination gosh For some reason there should be a crossover and they should have a guy in black panties like jeez. Why why what the fuck's a problem? What kind of Why the fuck is I think is you know, I mean, it's not as good as it'll It's not as good as it's not as good as south bronx. I've been in the same neighborhood my whole life I love saying words The best thing is hearing like a cop or a white guy try not to be racist because I had an uncle Uncle eddie who was a cop for like 30 years in the south bronx and all of those guys are mark fermin on this

Yeah, they're all and they're all just he goes like one time. He sees like listen they they got families like us, you know Like they'll just say the most obvious things They'll be like they got they got families like us those people, you know, they got they have kids They have babies that come out of their pussy the vagina. They have a bed and that baby comes out like Just like we do it's like, oh, okay, uncle eddie. I saw one time. I swear to god. I saw one drinking water Yeah, they drink water like we do they they just want the kids to have water and you know So that's it. We're out there just helping Trying to help them

Yeah, that's what one time my dad Uh, he this is not about black people. It's about gay people When yeah, he was like, uh, finally he was fine. This was his idea of being progressive after years of brow beating him into being like Don't be homophobic. He was like, he would drive around and throw disco balls on their lawn. Yeah, I was just about to say Oh, fuck that. I got pleasant for you You're like, why don't we have money for the mortgage you Hundreds of dollars on disco balls For hate crimes for hate crimes

He was like, okay fine. They can get married. But do they have to have kids? That was his right. Well, they can't technically. Yeah. I mean, so His his that's that was my dad's middle ground was like let him get married. Don't let them don't let them adopt children Oh, okay. That's him. I don't know. I mean, it's like they should be able to adopt kids But I like I don't think that's like wildly in the mind of a bigot I mean, if you think that there's something wrong with being gay and you're willing you think it's like like a pervasive like mental disorder Right and which it is. I think we can all well you think that and you're like, look But you know what? It's fucking none of my business. Let these people do what they want

You should be like they should be able to adopt kids and have sex with Yeah You should go back to your father and be like we need to have another talk You old greek bastard. Yeah I can push him Kids and make out with those kids in his mind. He thinks that's happening that they're like They're like you have to suck dick preferably mom. Yeah, right And he's like, he's like, yeah

Well, and then he's like all he's saying is he's like and I just think that's a little too far I think it's a little too far. I just think that's too far. I understand that I've been wrong in the past You should see how far to hear it out. See how far over the line you could drag I'm like, maybe he'll be like, can't they just jerk off to pictures and kids? Maybe that should be legal. Can't they just look at children having sex with other children. No penetrative sex They can get sucked off by their sons, but that's it. But that's it. Stop. Stop it. That is it Uh, yeah, I do love that shit. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's uh It's rough out there for the gays. It's real hard for the homosexual. It's very hard. Uh, every day

Well, that that rat from arthur the gay ass teacher. He's a really gay man. Well, that helps. It helps when it's big I remember you called me. You were crying. I was crying I thought I thought the storyline because I had jerked off to that round for years But the idea that he would never reciprocate Because I love bc out I'm really not even gay. I just like The story should have been that binky turned into you right

binky No, I like seeing animals come out of the closet because it brings us one step closer to where it's okay to fuck animals That's right. That's really where this all goes and thank christ. Thank god I agree with you. Yeah That little gay ass rodent with a mustache I don't know the idea that our first crush was nyla from the lion king. Nala. Nala. Nyla. What was that? I think a lot of people had that crush. Yeah. Well, that's nyla was the trans lion Would hang out with scar. Nyla. It's one of the hyenas that would lipstick on

Right Your rock You ain't get to sit on that rock all day Fuck you. I'ma get mine I'ma stand where with a fuck I want Just it's an aggressive Transsexual okay, nyla back to my chambers, please. What's the song be prepared? Yeah, take breath. Is that what they say? You just take a little pill

And then you don't need to use This protection Be prepared right I don't remember be prepared. That was the big people love that song They love that prep prepared. Do they people take it a lot, you know Does it I didn't wasn't there something in the news where like you so they said there were like five cases of people Contracting hiv that were on prep. Yeah, I mean prep is probably just a placebo That they're just giving you sex crazed. Yeah guys Yeah, who have no idea what it is. They're like, oh, it's it has an m like an m&m

It's like it's it's 300 a month and you're not gonna get aids. You're like, well, can someone shit blood in my mouth? They're like, yes sure Yeah, you can use intravenously now you can share needles Yeah, the clinical trials for that was they gave it to a bunch of chimps and then the professors had sex with Right and then six months later. They're like, well, I don't have aids. I guess it works. Yeah Yeah, prep I love the the name of it too. It's like prepare prep. Uh-huh. Just prep

Just prep like you're about to take the sat. Yeah, just prep instead instead of sharing needles It's like you sit down with your son. You're like now you hand him a pill You're like now success is when preparation meets opportunity So now you go prep take this pill do shot your asshole. You never know when you're gonna get married But at least make their kids take prep I mean if you're gonna come in someone's mouth Especially a kid who might have cuts or sores in there. There's no that kid on this is this is true There's no mommy. So the baby drink the daddy come

That's how get baby is raised And that's fine. They do whatever they want But what if the cum has aids in it? You're like, but dad breast milk can also have aids in it. He's like, I once again, I am wrong He just doesn't see your shots the door. He's like, uh, I I can't participate in the world. Let the babies drink the cum 2019 let gay people baby fuck mouth Let them baby fuck a baby in the mouth That is like sometimes you'll talk to people. They don't even know what's being debated

Oh, like about the abortion thing, you know, like older people will be like, listen, they're taking babies out of the womb They're picking out which one should get killed and then they're killing them You know, and you're like, is that what's happening? That's why genocide alabama just said no abortions Well, I think the future is good Supreme court decisions don't matter. It's going to be red states where you like go to jail And are executed for like conceiving outside a wedlock right and then blue states where you're allowed to murder your When you're put in jail, you don't hook up with a trans person If you were to use this impregnate a trans person and then up until the child is five years old

It's your responsibility to kill them if they say anything on woke Yeah, and that's that's reproductive rights 20. What a what a fun country. Uh-huh Just probably gonna be I think it's there's going to be a supreme court challenge though for the alabama thing Sure, but then they could overturn roe v. Wade because I have like a majority right now Well, look once again, I hate to say I told you so but this is your fault if you voted for hillary clinton Yeah, so true. Uh-huh. And because you should have known that donald trump would beat her Yeah, I'm voted for bernie sanders. That makes sense. I mean the reality is we had all just written in bernie said we Will stein and won. Yeah

When she was close, we would have a quartz crystal on the supreme He's gonna win he's gonna win in 2020 and literally nothing will stop that from happening Yeah, no, he's gonna win. Well, there's like every day. There's a new someone. I've never heard of that's like a democratic There's like 25 now. Yeah, it's fucking hilarious, dude. He's everyone's gonna get one vote from themselves It'll be fun it'll just be a nice fun election It is yeah, it's such a weird collection Of folks people they're like well, I'm not gonna say I'm an outright communist But I do think the trans surgery should be free, but only if you have schizophrenia. Yeah, and it's like what?

What is this people that are like that tall see gabbert who's like one on rogue and she's like Listen, we got to unwind the military industrial complex and that's what I'll do on day one Day one as soon as I get in there. I'm gonna bring all those generals in the office I'm gonna tell them the fun is over boys And I'm gonna send them all home and then we'll see what happens. It's like, okay. Oh good. Good luck with that Wait, isn't she isn't she like wasn't she she was in a cult she was in a cult her family were in like a Buddhist uh, like cult or no, sorry a hindu cult Does she have something to do doesn't she like either strongly pro or anti her family were anti gay

They were anti gay. It was an anti gay cult, but it was a pro. What cult? What were they pro? They were I think maybe pro Killing muslims. They loved israel. They loved israel and hated gays. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times We love israel, but we do not like gays. She's like she's a big fan of modi in india who's like brutal Like hindu national. He's like, uh, he's like a chill wave dj. I thought he meant modi the comedian Yeah, I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, that sounds like a jewish name. I thought she was going to be a good Not me because he did that something natural blues. Yeah. Yeah I don't know any mobi songs. Oh

I think rogan should interview every canada. Yes, absolutely every canada should go on there Isn't that natural? Elizabeth Warren? Elizabeth Warren would just do in dmt. Elizabeth Warren doing salve. He's getting high But uh, tolsey gabbert knows how to surf though. That's pretty cool. And she was in the troops Nothing wrong with that. She was one of the truth. What did she do with the troops? She sucked it Yeah, she kicked a few afghan babies in the face. She's kind of a slam pig. She pissed on a few afghan people great Good for her, man. Did pete buddha judge kill any people in uh, I don't know that he released a real good This is why we're losing wars because we have pete buddha and tulsi gap. Like those are the people on the front lines

Just gay guys and cult members Yeah Trying to win a war against warlords. Well, he's even more sinister than that He's like a fucking like doing all the internships for your resume guy We lose them because they're not like wars. They're just incomplete genocides. Right. It's the only way to win We never finish everything. We never finish the job. Yeah, what did he do? What kind of what what uh, was he was in the navy? But it was just like that's the gags one thing, of course the navy is literally just a comsical Of boys on a boat like no one who goes into the navy doesn't think about fucking to do

You have to think about I watched uh, because I was fantasizing about having uh sex with the Men in the navy And then I was like, yeah, it would be weird a guy thinking about that stuff in bed by myself in the dark Yeah, I'm just saying that out loud. Yeah, which be crazy if someone thought about that such a good bit that my mind just did Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious. Huh, so I got a text everybody the thing I thought about when somebody else Came up with that but No, uh, like how What I would want to see is like a highly fictionalized

Biographical film about Jerry Bruckheimer and Don Simpson And the last night I watched an interview with both of them on charlie rose from 95 Discussing crimson tide. Yeah, and don't don simpson is just Gone just coked out of his mind. He was like the biggest cokehead in hollywooders The biggest and he's he is very charismatic But he's just I mean he looks like a dick tracy villain sitting there and he keeps you know rubbing his nose And he's like, you know, I'll tell you the bad boys is why we go to the movies and crimson tide is why we make movies And that's the thing that I you know, and it's just all this like used car sales

Yeah Huxter bull. He's probably grossed like five billion dollars at the bottom. He's made so much money like mega. He would spend $60,000 a day on drugs Wait, what? You can't put that much up. He did. He probably shared his his autopsy has the record for most Substances in a human body at time of death. That's great. That's amazing. He was on 22 He was on 22 different drugs at the time of his death that rocks dick pills for sure Uh, everything. Yeah, I don't think dick pills had come out yet. It was 96. No, he had so that's

That was right when I like that was like that was a drop He was ahead of where we were like the military is 20 years ahead of technology I like that's 20 years ahead in 1972 they watch a clip of crimson tide and it's just the interaction between gene hackman and uh Denzel washington and the clip ends and charlie rose is already looking at don who's like fidgeting in his seat and he's like All pumped about it. He's like, well, what are you doing? You've already seen this And he's like he's like, I just love it. I love watching people. I love watching global masters of their craft Have you seen the new master seat class where like jed apatow teaches comedy and no, oh you haven't seen

I mean, it's an insane. Yeah, and it's just like people are electronic music Yeah, it's like people. It's like martin scorsese. He's like gonna teach you movies if you just pay Yeah, it's cost you 400 dollars. You'll watch that would have been grad don simpson master class Coked to his face, you know, that would have been the one That would have been the one to pay for oh my god The people the talk about the pedophilia. He did. Yeah, but he didn't even know I don't think don simpson was a pedophile. No, don't take all of our heroes. Yeah Don't take everybody somebody is probably so shriveled from the fucking. I don't think I yeah

I think he was a guy that like bought prostitutes and had them piss on him and call him a faggot. Yeah I think you're right. I think you're right. He's like He's like that's he's attracted to women, but he wants them to like degrade him and not even because he was into it He's just like what's next. Yeah, let's make him. Let's make a picture. Yeah I heard that one scene like what his move was just asking to eat puss. Yeah, because like apparently that doesn't sound His dick was like so broken That's bad. He would just get young actors to go to his hotel and eat their pussies That's the nicest way to rape somebody ever. It's barging into Rosario Dawson's hotel room

And he's like what I'm cute. I'm charming. Let me eat your pussy. And then we have to be like look All the signs were there. We knew what he was doing, but we didn't know It's the strangest Strangest way to get ready to everyone. Everyone knew exactly what he was doing, but we didn't care to do anything right Maybe that's what they were saying. They were like, yeah, well, he's only eating puss. So yeah, we can't blow the whistle These women are coming. They're coming during their reign. How selfish could they be? Yeah, maybe that's why the women didn't report it They're like I was coming

I was actually having an orgasm. Yeah, actually, uh, ma'am. We have a video of you coming. Yeah Mm-hmm You're uh, thank you. That's why he probably he probably puts you with a gopro on. Yeah, so he has all the tapes Like a police body. Yeah, like a police. Let's see the harvey Weinstein gopro footage You're not doing it. I tell you what guys if harvey Weinstein wanted his dick to work You should probably take bluetooth. That's right. Sure. What the hell is that? What did you just say? What are you talking about? What the hell is that? Is that a chewable? Because I love chewables. It's a chewable like a Flintstones vitamin. Thank god, but it's for grown-ups. Okay. This isn't a little Barney rubble pill. What we got here

Is a pill to make your dick work It while you find the copy for the ad which by the way, but do I have to go to a doctor or something? Oh, okay Oh, the doctor is at home looking at his own penis all you do all you do is take a picture of your soft cock And yeah, send it to the doctor on bluetooth you go to bluetooth.com and upload a picture of your penis The male picture of your penis soft to support at bluetooth.com and then you beat off with your soft dick At least 35 you have to come soft And you make a video

But you're coming soft. You have to go soft. You email support at bluetooth.com a picture of your soft penis And then they'll respond with a reference number You then send them the pornography that you've been looking at and nudes of your girlfriend. Yeah Back to support at bluetooth.com And then you go on the website sign up and you fill out one simple form You put in the reference number in there and they line up your medical charts with the pictures of your penis And your girlfriend's pussy It's easy. They check if your girlfriend's pussy is fucked up. Yeah, that might be a hurtful

There's a lot of that's right. 85% of the time. Yeah, come on. I tried it and I sent it in and I was like, yeah, I know what you're gonna say my girlfriend's pussy is disgusting But they said actually sir, you're gay This is a really good pussy They turned out you're gay. This is a one-stop shop. We looked at your dick and measured it and you're gay They said that to me And this is they never want to make money. They never want to sell the film. That's why you know That's why you're a good company

They'll tell you the truth and then you know they're prescribing the right dosage And with that I got my prescription For for a to dollar fill or whatever the fuck it was generic sea alice or viagra viagra Obviously if your dick is too small and sea alice if you're actually gay And it comes in a chewable form so it can work faster than pills and you can give it to children You can give it to children. Absolutely. If you're a gay cup It's just as your son's dick won't get hard. I'm just saying make the make the baby take a pill because it becomes gay Make the baby's penis. He's embarrassed. He's embarrassed as a dick. It doesn't work

Give him the blue chew film so he can fuck his parents Blue cheese 100 certified to work on your baby So you can make his penis bigger when he's a baby. So when he grow up, he has a nice big big juice of pee The online physician wants with your kids the consultation is free. So it's cheaper than viagra and sea alice Because with those you gotta pay to go to the doctor at first It only takes a few minutes to connect with a blue chew dot com affiliated physician You just gotta fill out a chart get to know them. You guys smell each other There's some pictures back and forth and they're not a real doctor. It's even better. It's another. It's another gay man

And these interactions are filmed by blue chew who sells the video of you guys having sex on the dark web to make money And that's how they can afford to give you these pills at low prices That's right It's subsidized by the fucking clandestine. They film child pornography of your gay couples Children taking the pills and blowing them and that's how they can afford to bring you These rock bottom prices blue chew gives you confidence in bed every time you and your partner will love it Tired of reminding yourself that you're gay while you try and have sex with your girl Open up. Let her know who cares because you have you've got blue chew on your side to help you accept yourself

It'll take care of getting your dick hard so your mind can tear itself apart thinking about something Well, they ship it in discreet packaging or will they let everyone know that I'm it comes a small dick and I'm Actually Discreet packaging so when your mom brings your mail to you in your bedroom at her house She'll be like, oh, it's just your custom medicine Yeah, and your books they come in a flashlight size box. Yeah from from from rx books Company. Yeah dot real you don't get that passive aggressive unsupportive bitch Yeah, and now who doesn't realize that it's her fault that you can't get hard right in a way

Because her trash pussy her trash pussy has gone to you in the form of a soft little cock right Your lack of respect for women because directly you were you were she was in labor for four minutes Right, and so your first experience was with a very loose woman Very loose disgusting house wouldn't wait for you to Be ejected from her body And never showed you warmth ever again. It sounds like a good product And that's what blue shoot dot com and they're prescribed but and made in the usa So made America

All made in the country 95% of our audience's military first responders and they hate buying shit made by chinks Yeah, and that's why bluetooth.com is 100 certified copy not chink made Sorry guys, it's in the copy I'm reading it. I didn't paying us. Yeah, they told us explicitly Let the vets know their chinks are hands off on this one. No, yeah, and then we got some It's a free camo baseball caps With it say viagra on them from

Look, my dick was blown off in iraq and I still take bluetooth So that the nerves that are still there remember why I made that sacrifice And it's so that I can drive a truck made by guys like me Absolutely, I think And you drive a truck take a dick pill take a dick if my comedy center sugar is picked up This is the uh clip I will send to them to try to get nick the head riders job I won't say anything right after it finishes. I'll go you see You see

Yeah, so you know you can just imagine hard work and union type guys in a factory. They're sweaty Steaming pressing these pills into existence while bruce springsteen plays in the back Yeah, knowing that other men will be virile because of their work Yeah, they just have a hard working job and they go home to their wives and their family who they treat right Because the bible showed them how yeah, and that's what that's who's making these dick pills God bless you for small dick gay guys. So chew it and do it. Here's a great deal for you guys Visit bluetooth.com and get your first order free when you use promo code come town. Just pay five dollar shipping. That's bluechew.com promo code

cum twn What a great promo code for the product. Yeah, yeah Yes, sir Oh, yeah, team. You ever used a dick pill? Yes. I you have viagra Yeah, my friend gave me a viagra. My friend's a sex addict who's fucked his dick into it's just barely works Yeah, and so he's respect. Yeah. No, he's really uh, you know, he's turned it out What does he use now like a cock pump?

Now he like he almost wants a sex addict in the gay community. Uh, no, he's straight So he's like had to go to meetings He he just can't not fuck like he's like he like uh Like either what monogamy is not at all an option at all. Like i'm on the opposite end of the spectrum Yeah, or is this all monogamy? It's a painful necessity Yeah It's something you have to do to get people to like you right you fuck like a cat fox. It's just like every once and it's

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just just so people know i'm normal. Okay, right? I'm capable of connecting. No, but a sex addict in the gay community is dead. Look. Yeah Yeah, angels in america. Yeah, i can relax enough. I'm with somebody. I'm capable of that We do all rent was about rent was a show about sex addicts who deserved their punishment for god And they sang about it. Yeah, that was a great That's when broadway was fun because people from ohio would go into a theater because they thought like rent was like You know really hip and like i want to stay right and then it would just be people going aides aides Aides for a half hour. I got my ass fucked. I got my mouth

Aids blood in your face And jersey boys is like hey look fellas i'm not gay and nothing but i'm feeling like maybe we should sing a song I mean if you guys want i don't know i'll have sex with my wife or i'll do this tap dance Maybe i'll do a little bit of tap dancing, but i'm you know, this is out of character for me Yeah, you know i'm a jersey boy. I'm in uh the jersey boys Broadway now feels like i even think i see is just like Aladdin or it's bad There's a good show called the ferryman about the irish republican army and the irish people are portrayed as and it's true just as drunk uh

Sexually confused like if if the show is literally just people running around the stage Swinging whiskey and dancing it would be like if they did a show about black people And they're just eating buckets of chicken. Yeah, and like this whole family's just drunk all the time They're dancing around everybody's fine. It's a good. It's a good show. Yeah Well, i mean irish politics are all about figuring out who to be mad at about your molestation Yeah, that's true And i i still think uh it is the protestants who live in belfast I got an argument on my tour bus once with an irish uh

Guy who with the horses because i said i just pointed at him and i said the horses are all out of here soon And he started going nuts. He's like you don't know what you're talking about and he and there was just tourists on the bus Watching me scream at this irish guy who like had a top hat on i mean he really looked ridiculous He was one of the rod his horses on the tour. No, he was one of the just carriage guys in central park So we were stopped by the park and i was just like you see these guys they're all i was a little aggressive I said you see them they're all done They're gonna kick the horses out of here and he's like you don't know what the fuck you're talking about

He started screaming at me and i just said why don't you put a bomb and a baby carriage in belfast you animal And the halt like the tour was like like really really like what is Going on but he was screaming at me called me a faggot and everything I don't even know this guy's like a faggot and he had he had a top like a purple top hat on Calling me a faggot outside of central park Yeah, just a guy dressed like drop dead friend and he and he thinks screaming and he thinks he has like a steely quiet dignity Yeah, that's what that guy imagines himself as being like, you know, you show patience to people, you know, whatever He went home that day. He looked at his wife probably hit her and he was like this faggot was yelling that we're done

We're never done. Yeah, his wife who looks exactly like you but yeah irish women age like cabbages. This is a fact I am the moat like irish women are all masculine. They all have varicose veins. They all smoke cigarettes They ash their cigarettes into seashell ash tray cold breasts. Yeah, they have names like terry Yeah, my grandmother my grandmother a lady named terry who was a maid It was the only irish white maid left and she would go and just scrub my grandmother's house And she would get drunk and her my grandmother would just get hammered and every time terry would drive home She would call up my grandmother's answering machine and go I made it and hung up

Just so my grandmother knew she wasn't in jail Because she was literally a bottle over the legal limit and she had scrubbed her hands down to bloody nubs Washing the house They were doomed race the irish. Yeah doomed Yeah You're an irish man too Yeah, what do you mean to the lad? I'm like you are well nick is sure Are you are you all jewish all jew all ashkenazi

Eastern it's always fun like even like a nice couple comes to like a show and they're like Hey, man, I heard about young come town and then like just a nice professional couple And then the guy will say to me like in front of other people will go you should rape adam And then walk out of cap city at austin. I'm like, thanks And then like someone who doesn't know the joke will be like, okay You know just standing there like yeah, all right because the thing is is like it would be bad You shouldn't do it, but it would be fun. It would be a bit. It would be a great for the show It would be very fun. It would be very fun. It's one of those, you know, it's kind of one of those roger rabbit things

It's like Oh my god, if I got raped, I'd be such a drama queen about it. I would look that for months No, you would be really upset and you would need to be in therapy for the rest of your life The rest of his life I'm already in therapy the rest of my life. Yeah, I mean he's gonna be there anyway. Let's make it. I'm gonna be there Anyway, it's making it worth it. Just give me something to talk about Oh, yeah, but imagine being like a casual fan of this podcast And six months from now just hearing. Oh, yeah, too. What are the guests? Just yeah, you raped Adam

As a bit As a fan, it was just like not as a bit, but that's what would make it fun Male and male rapes interesting because I don't know how you would do it. Like I'm literally even thinking about How you would rape a guy. It's a bludgeoning other person. I mean you would literally have to fight them Well in jail they use two guys. Well, that's true. But that that's serious Physical you can't get out and somebody grabs you and you just that is what it is very violent But on the outside, let's say I wanted to yes a lot of it a lot of it is coercion I'm trying to be yeah, you'd be surprised you could probably talk somebody into gay sex by just

Like physically intimidating them without doing anything interesting like you know Have you seen and can you explain how that would can you take me step by step how that would work hypothetically? There's a There's a breeding process. Yeah You got to say to the same to the same degree that people will just fucking quote unquote get mugged by handing their fucking money over To somebody. It's like come on man. Just give me your wallet like that happens. Someone is like that happens literally all the They would suck their dick. I think they're yes. Did you see it? Probably coerc into doing that. Look, it happens. It happens to women all the time. It's like, you know, I mean But they're scared for their physical so a plenty of like plenty of people that won't stand up for themselves

But I feel like a lot of men want that to have if that's the case I feel like a lot of them right because now I'm thinking I should have raped so many people I was like Like Abby and Karen had some like guy over here that was like a British guy that I guess did their podcast or whatever Yeah, well, and now I've like just told who it is, but whatever I've talked about Jeff Leach here. I don't know This guy's sitting here and he's talking about like, uh, you know, he's like nudie. He's like fucking British. He's visiting New York He's like, yeah, you know, I'm like just Um, you know, it's my first time here or whatever. I had a kind of an interesting experience and he's like I was in Times Square

And I got mugged I'm like what I was like you got mugged in Times Square. What is this 1998? Like, yeah, and he's like some guy was just like, you know, he said he had CDs and he was like, you know Do you have any money on you? And I pulled out my wallet and he was like just let me uh, he's like just let me get all of it or whatever And he's like, I didn't know what to do. So I just gave him my money and I kind of walked away And he gave up $600 What?

He just handed $600 to a man in the middle of Times Square surrounded by police officers Because he like was just pushed into this corner because he's like socially awkward So if you don't think that that's a guy you can be like, man suck my dick or I'll fucking beat the shit out of you And he's not gonna be like, well, I don't want to be rude. I mean like that's who it happens I guess but a dick is Putting a cock in your mouth. $600 Well, I fucking believe I'm not letting somebody take $600 from me What I'm saying is it's so easy to just the the physical act of handing someone 600

I'm not letting someone takes $600 from me either. Yeah, but the physical act of just opening your wallet and handing someone a stack Okay, let's let's take this another way if I give you $600 Can I suck your cock in Times Square? Yeah, can we can we just arrange? And then Tim and that guy we see these are working at one two where Tim comes back He's like, all right, man. Well, listen, I saw your lot. You're down some cash I'm about for 200 you suck me off. Joe Montaigneur comes up. That was good. So you put the beater on the outside They think you've slipped it to them. Meanwhile, you've sucked each other's dick and your $600 in the clear

That's the short con. You see it's different. It's the short one. There's a long con You always got to figure out what the angles are It's great. That's a good con. I like the way you work. House of gays House of gays well in that documentary abducted in plain sight that that rape is like rape this whole family Yeah, but that's that family one You think the family wanted it? I think the family had some serious issues. I think you let a pedophile live in your house The amount of people first of all permanent adolescence is like a problem now across the board There's plenty of people that are just children essentially emotionally walking around and you should be able to fuck them

If someone is a permanent child that's a nice Middle ground if you're your honor your honor. Yeah, they're only an emotional child your honor. Yeah Oh fuck But uh, yeah, so you think coercion Nick's theory in terms of written to back is probably right Nick is probably right coercion But then also I think drugging is probably a go-to Yeah assumptions people have about what they would do in a situation and no one knows or how they would act

I mean, it's like the classic example of that is like somebody's accused of like killing their wife And then they're on the news and they're like I mean, yeah, it's like she's gone. It sucks. You know, they're like, I don't know like what to say about it Yeah, and then people are like, oh, look how little he gives a shit. Obviously It's like well your wife wasn't murdered You know, it was like 9 11 when that guy Todd B. Mercer put we all know that there were no planes But the guy who was on the plane was like, oh let's roll like and people don't know how they're gonna react in that situation Yeah, you know people are like, oh, I would

Yeah, Mark. Mark Wahlberg. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. If I was on that plane I wouldn't let that guy force me to suck his dick. Yeah, I would suck. I would suck Mark Wahlberg off if he was on that plane That's how I would die with Mark Wahlberg's cock in the back of my throat Praise Allah That would be great I would do that next week if they said you know what you want to die with Mark Wahlberg's cock in your mouth In a fireball. Uh, yes You know, it'd be a really fun movie is Mark Wahlberg that so the terrorists they kill the uh, the pilots and Mark Wahlberg's on the plane

Yeah, and he's like, I'm not putting up with this I'm gonna stop these guys Yeah, and then he goes into the cockpit and beats them up And then, you know, he's like time to land the plane and still fucks up and crashes into the twin town Because he can't because he doesn't know how to fly a plane and he's too proud to let anyone else Yeah, that would be great. I got this. There's a different pilot on one second. One second Um, yeah, so I was Tom Myers. Good. He was you know, he was a uh, he was a uh, you know, he's he's there's something off I would say

Um, he did tell me a lot about the Baltimore, Maryland comedy scene. Oh, that's great. Um, we you know, he's He you know, we kind of got it out of him. He's not a comedian And he more he's kind of just like he well, no, he's not really doing comedy as much He's just working on his podcast I was going somewhere it shouldn't be and he's uh, and he's managing a restaurant. Yeah. Oh, we know about the Mexican restaurant Yeah God, I love him respect to him sweet man. That's uh, you know, and it's like Yeah, I wish you would open for us. I just didn't want to address it

We could take him on the road man. He could open But we know well, you just don't you don't need to do anything with Tom Myers other than point at him and let him do his thing No, yeah, he'll bury himself. There's like, I don't think I want to bury him. Yeah, I want him to throw Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you? Nobody wants to bury Tom Myers. I want Tom Myers to have nine different development deals He doesn't think you want him to be like a whackpacker so you get something out of it. You know like beetle juice I don't even want no, I don't want that. I want him to flourish genuinely like I love Tom I don't I don't love Tom. I think kind of an asshole, but it's like it really doesn't mean anything to me If he has all this success, it's like one be right

I think he's like well the first step to that success was uh getting on gas digital This afternoon with Lewis, so It's a matter of time Managers and agents were definitely listening. Yeah, the real last word was said I swear about eight times eight n words Tom's at the end where the Zach was on Zach is a full force Tom's like Tom's like like Tommy Wiseau, I guess. Yeah, Tom's actually kind of like a malicious person. Yeah I guess but he's so

It's like the way Oh, like a cat would kill you if it was like bigger It's like but the cat has sure he's not He's not threatening. Yeah, he's not threatening, but it's like I have no interest in like, yeah There's no whackpacker sense of it. I don't really want to be associated with him. It's just I happen to know who Tom was and then I and then I had an audience So it is like you gotta get a load of this guy. Absolutely. Yeah He doesn't he lacks a charm a lot of hacky long island comedians have more of a charm

Yeah, this guy does not have a charm. No, no, no, that's I think he might think he's bill hit Like schizophrenic or something's not right. Yeah. Yeah, he yeah, my mother's schizophrenic though and she's funnier Like I'm not even kidding. She's like much fun schizophrenics are kind of funny. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I don't Tom lacks any ability to really like Create any kind of construct of what's going on in anyone else's head. Yeah. Yeah, or it's it's well Yeah, it's beyond a detachment from reality. He just like fundamentally does not understand a single other human being in the entire world Yeah, it's an interesting way to go. I would love to watch him have and that's why I brought a guy And it's like honestly, that's why he only cares about politics. What a dude. We he's straight

He brought some older guy with him who was I guess with him his handler. Was it brawn bender? I don't know. I did not ask. I did not ask his name Ron bender. Who's a sweet man is a guy that just does like kind of like one-liners. Yeah, and it used to go to shows with Tom. Yeah, and uh Comedy's a real disease and I had Oh, yeah, that's really what it comes out. Ron bender was like, you know, kind of overweight or whatever. Yeah I kind of you know, he seemed like a sweet guy. I would like, you know talk to him here and there And uh, I've forgotten about him and Tom posted a picture one time of Ron bender being wheeled on to stage in a wheelchair

It says the return of Ron bender And it's like, I guess he's lost the ability to walk now Hey, who amongst us can blame a fat man for needing to perform with Out the full use of his legs. I think yeah, I think that's actually it's noble very brave. Yeah to do, you know Damn, I need to eat something. I actually have food. I'm starving. I had nothing all day I have a little snack for both of you guys. What do you have? Oh, is it your day? Oh, that was fucked up Sandwich you walked in. You had like a nice sandwich. Are you excited? Oh, yeah, I thought you had a thing

That's how the grooming process works with rape, right? That's how I started. I was like, hey, you want a snack boys? You want I got some for you to eat and they're like what I'm like my dick And then they're they do a calculation in their head. Well, this guy might attack me, right? So I better suck his dick and I better suck it good Because if not, if not, he might attack me after he comes Absolutely, there's nothing worse than coming partially soft because of an inadequate blowjob Then you got to beat the shit out of this guy. I know that's the only way they learn This will sound ridiculous, but somebody posted a picture of like, you know, like a Nat Geo thing with tribal people

Yeah, and you know, the titties are out, but one of them's an albino So they're regular white titties and it's like, I don't think you should be publishing that What if just, you know, the other ones are fine Yeah, but I don't think a white woman's breast should just be out there. She's published you find it wrong It's not an invasion of privacy. Does she have black features though? Well, I'm not looking at her face That's fair. I'm gonna go on record and say it's fine. I feel a little better. She's got black facial I'd feel a little bit better I understand she's actually from an African tribe and she probably speaks in clicks and whistles, but

I am looking at a white woman's pair of breasts and I feel like I would say even from Even from here, it's really has a black face. She does and I am that is okay. Face or no face? Black face or no face? The only thing and what's making it worse is that they're small and kind of perky. They're not great Which is defying her race even more. Now, would you feel better if she She has a flat ass too. Would you feel better if she was wearing black traditional black face? No, that would be racist. That that would be okay. That would be wrong. Welcome back to Instagram. I apologize Um, is it look at the the next thing I scroll down to right after I say that What is it? I'm not gonna tell you but it's a white patch. Yes. Yes. Well, I mean, it's just ironic. It's fine

I said that that's the next thing under it, but just some white hole Um with juicy titties the sonic jumbo. Yeah, man. What's up is the sonic movie everybody's talking about Oh, yeah, you can't get enough of it. It's kind of a wasted bit at the live show, but we were there I was complaining about Jim Carrey as Dr. Robotnik and we thought maybe Philip Seymour Hoffman would be better. No, you definitely definitely would be better. We riffed that one out Yeah, yeah, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Why don't you give people a couple choice lines? I can't even you can't no I can't remember the mean something about his mostly. Yeah, I just I fucking love you sonic, right? Yeah, that's

Hey, guys, just suck off sonic by the Camaro Harrowing all the time all the time. I think the fucking the chaos emeralds Yeah Was taken like I think it was 40 oxycontin and yeah, yeah 38 oxycontin respect. Yeah, god. What a fucking dude That's awesome Dude, you got to watch that that interview with Don Siegel and or Don Simpson and Jerry brockon. Yeah, I want I'm gonna watch Like Don Simpson is just so funny. He's just such a funny guy I wish there was more content of him being interviewed and asked about yeah, he should have been on camera

He should have been behind the scenes. Yeah, well, he moved to LA to be an actor. Oh, is that why? Yeah, and then he got a job at Paramount and worked his way up to being VP of production And then just couldn't stop making hits Well, he was a VP production at Paramount and then he left to be partners with uh, brockheimer Yeah, and then you know, they did fucking top gun top gun days of thunder. Yeah Um, um, I'm trying to think of the other actually they vary. They very well may have raped tom cruise Um, maybe yeah, but the way was so vulnerable and the way back in those days the way they talk it really Doesn't seem like they know why that's bad. All right, right

You know, and that excuses it at a certain point He's like they'll sit there and they'll both like go back and forth and brockheimer can't control his face He keeps like he'll say things and then just like end with this like weird smile You know like and he doesn't know where the smile should be going. Yeah And uh, like they go back and forth and I could totally see them being like it's not that we raped tom so much Is that we both love actors? We love acting. We love the process of of acting and we really try to surround ourselves With people that I wouldn't say vulnerable per se. Although the argument could be made it's that That they express a sort of willingness to be malleable to form themselves in any way shape or form

They can become anything even a vagina and that's the sort of The mentality that we go into when we make pictures and we love making pictures and that's why we do this And it's like they they're just like they're just they're just both fucking insane. Yeah, you know, but that's who that's that's who you need Yeah, you need people like that. You need coked up people make sure to find it Don't know if they're raping people or if this is part of the process. That's how me too is ruining hollywood So true. They're kicking all those. They're kicking the true creative Executives out of

Be ironic now, but what he's it's gonna be all lesbians What adam saying has to be all lesbians and what adam's trying to do of course is be this ironic, you know And lesbians don't you know like communists, but the reality is There's we're kicking out a lot of fucking characters. Let's just call them what they are their characters They're wacky kooky guys. They're kooky wacky characters You know, yeah, they they tried to go to the cops on wine scene a bunch of times and then they said, oh What did he do? He just ate my pussy and they're like, well, that's not the cops were like, well, you're a lucky woman And they sent her home. They're like, we love what you we love pulp fiction. Mr. Wine. Yeah, then they came and they ate her pussy

Yeah, that's probably happened That's why yeah, no, it's crazy because it's like you're probably right I mean Simpson probably because it even in that interview Harvey Weinstein comes up and it's so funny too because Charlie Rose is the other guy at the table Oh, yeah, so it's Jerry Brackheimer. Johnson round table and then Charlie Rose Distinguished rapist because he goes he goes, you know, uh, Harvey Weinstein told me that you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then Don Simpson goes, uh, well, he's a very smart man You know that man is has a high degree of intelligence in a way that I think many people can't really

appreciate Per se, you know, he's like just always like everything He just has to like add these little like stingers to every sentence and then he's always doing this weird shit with his eyes You know, and then he'll like say something and then he you know, he's just fidget He's just sitting in the chair just going he's just like such a coke guy So it's good to see somebody coked out or drugged up and at the top of their game Yeah, right. He's just he's sweating and he's like and and he's been in that moat like it's fucking it's like You know that guy was just going from like 1970 until the minute his fucking heart exploded. Yeah, you know

He's like great. I'm gonna you know what hold that thought. I'm gonna get on the phone with him right now, bob It's done. I got good news. Let's talk and that just never stopped. He just keeps winning too It just it just no like sense of like I'm I'm never gonna lose like I'm on top of the world Yeah, because they had days of thunder was kind of a flop. I mean not really but you know It just didn't do as well as they thought it was going to and then they had like a five-picture deal with I think Paramount actually in 1990 it was like a 300 million dollar five-picture deal And then the first one that they made was like like failure, you know And after that like they had like mutual like an argument. Maybe it was days of thunder

I can't remember what the first one was but they had a falling out and then like the studio blamed them for Overspending they blame the studio for rushing the production schedule And then it was like let's just part ways and then they went over to disney and that's where they you know had like the last string of hits which was bad boys bad boys and crimson tide and I don't know. I'm having trouble remembering, you know with the third brokheimer did the pirates movies, but don simpson was probably he died 1996 Yeah, yeah, he died before this fucking the rock the rock the rock was the last movie. They did together That's a banger. They were having to bang out At the time like that was like that was going to be the last movie they did together

And then that was a crazy time to be a guy like that Yeah, a guy like that now has to be a lot more cautious than a guy like that would have had to be in the 90s So you have like crisis in 90s was just I mean, yeah, I mean the 80s in particular Yeah, you know like I we've talked about it before but it's like it's funny because Hollywood only Understands like the superficial right There's like been very brief periods where Hollywood at large really has any kind of like substance to it. Sure, and I think like Um, you know you like you have to like go in understanding that all boomers are narcissists

They're at the time probably the first narcissistic generation like, you know as a whole And that expressed itself coming out of like The 1950s with like the countercultural movement or whatever all of these like eastern ideas eastern like philosophies wage stuff imported into the Like the west and sort of done it in like a like a like a it happened in like a bastardized way Yeah, it was all about me. It's all about me rather than like my journey the dissolution of self or whatever. No, let's build that up Yeah, build it up and hyper focus on it and then elevate yourself to the level of like a fucking god

So the transcendence becomes you yourself is transcended rather than like And those movies like the lesson zeroes those movies about like Hollywood even in like in the 80s and the 90s Are some of the best movies because it's like every character is that well It's I that grows it grows out of like again like boomers experiencing that countercultural revolution But they're not integrating it the proper way and thinking that free love means debauchery doing whatever the fuck you want right Like boundless like to the extent that everyone gets aids We're all just gonna fuck as much as we want. We're gonna fuck as much as I want right and

Like a lot of that is reflected in like, you know, yeah in what Hollywood was doing in 1980s including their actions I mean like I I've said before I think like partially some of that is kind of what set the stage for What really became a huge problem with pedophilia in Hollywood in the 1980s is that they're like, of course we can fuck kids Why can't we you know, there's like a hedonism. Yeah, it's like yes, exactly It's just this this unbridled hedonism that's supported by you know Yeah, the intersection of just people being entirely self interested and also misunderstanding like their own free law And also it being like an artistic like, uh, field right like that they're making movies that they're making art So it's like one pedophile getting a pang of like

Conscience and another guy just looking at him and going like we're in an artistic field This is a field What's really what's really telling of that mentality is you you read the description of like and it's all just tabloid stuff and Blind items, but the description of uh, uh, charlie sheen raping corey. Hey, yes And uh, the way he describes it as he convinced him He's like this is just what guys do like actors do with each other or whatever. Yeah, you know Charlie sheen was like 19 at the time and it's like what he was how old I don't know 13 So, but you know charlie sheen probably got turned out

Yeah, and and then it's like well my theory always was that martin sheen who like came over from the catholic church in the Hollywood probably brought that all over in from the church Martin sheen was patient zero. I'm going crazy. Yeah No, i'm so martin because i'm trying to follow this because I think this is real good the cadence of How you said that is like, oh, I want to have something to talk to People that come to laugh boss, and I want to have something to talk to them about after the show Martin sheen fucked charlie sheen into being a pedophile with a well And that's why amelio kept his last name. Yeah, because he didn't get fucked. He didn't want to be part of that

Amelio is hot. I would have rather fucked it. Maybe not. I don't know. This is uh, all what I legitimately believe right Because these are all my personal something with the sheen family that's yeah off. No, they're weird, dude Yeah, watch badlands and watch how much martin sheen enjoys. Did you want that open secret thing and all that all that stuff Why is it? Why is it that martin sheen is not convincing in any other role except that one or west wing where he plays an elite Jedediah Bartlett. Yeah where he plays a democratic elite that rapes children, you know, why are those his two best roles? Interesting, you know, it's not confirmation bias. No, it's not me thinking these things and then watching those two movies specific Yes being like I knew it. I think you said I think you're a sober minded rational guy Especially about this issue and hollywood. I don't I don't think you're coming to it. Yeah

Tim is definitely it's so funny It's because I look at don simpson and his mannerisms and see how like fucked up he is and I'm like, oh, that's basically me Yeah, I'm just not raping people right and right and it's billionaire. Yeah, we'll give you some time And yeah, I don't know. It's kind of endearing. I've just enjoyed with that. You got to watch that video I'll watch he just he's so sweaty and greasy and his fucking he's got this tiny little pony tail And he's exactly with 1990. I love it. Oh, yeah, he probably drove a little Porsche. Yeah, big house in the hills Yeah, always fuck big cell phone. Yeah coked out of his face. Yeah great great I'll tell you we love making pictures. We love we love making pictures. That was a crit. Let there's actually

There's actually one scene because you watch real masters This is what he says you guys you watch real masters guys like guys like Washington and Hackman work with each other And the thing is his actors will watch the director and they get a sense of like he's gonna want 10 He's gonna want six. He's gonna want three some directors will get in they'll do three takes So the actor will save their best for the third but gene and Denzel they know Tony and they know Tony likes just about six So you can see them holding on waiting and they say six. Boom. This is it This is the one we're gonna do and that's where they bring it and really comes out

And you know the respect for each other the mutual respect you can really tell in the moment You don't know if you have a good picture, but you can tell in the moment that the picture is working for you You know, and it's just like wow just going on. He's like something beautiful, but a guy that's so into it. Yeah No, I mean he loves he loves making movies. Yeah, if it was like, you know Not if it was just with something other than movies and maybe like Yeah, doing brain surgery on children coming up with your words. Exactly. Then he would be a good guy I mean, it's but you can't confuse like just love these pedophiles talking about things like that He's like when you kill him the kid holds his hand for the first time, you know the strength of that hands

You know, you know that the relationship is working for you. You don't know if it's gonna be a good fuck But you don't know if it's a good picture or not, but you do know you have chemistry there Yeah, you know, and he's like there was one there, you know, there's a moment there cameras aren't rolling There's scene cuts and Denzel says man this man That man knows how to act and Hackman looks at me goes just like you and it was a moment You could have scripted it it seems like it came out of the movie and it's like just no You were on massive amounts of cocaine. Yeah, they did not and just a casual interaction between two people You turned into some significant moment of actors. What a great life

Yeah, just sitting there in the director's chair coked out of your skull. Yeah watching things and not directing as a producer Not even direct. He's just sitting there watching monitors going. This is fucking great. Yeah with a head phone shoving shrimp in his mouth And not tasting it because his mouth is numb. Yeah, that rules dude. Yeah, but producer How is that even a job? He's like, well, you know what to be I'd say you you think that because I mean Outside of the entertainment industry, you're like, who are all these fucking people and then you get on a film set and you're like Oh, everyone's absolutely essential. Yeah, but the job is to just you make sure There's different kinds of producers. There's a lot of different kinds of producers. So what what an executive producer is like a money guy And then you got to secure funding

You want to go ahead and describe the entertainment industry There's like a Two scouting locations. Those are all producers. Yeah, or maybe that's a location. The guy who produced my pilot Anthony Bourdain was very essential And then he hung himself So that was a real problem for us going forward is that the producer was found in a bathroom 48 hours after we signed the deal And then we were me and nick were left with the people who didn't kill themselves. Yeah Yeah, for a month. I'm not gonna say the guy's name, but that direction. Yeah, that one was not it was not great. Yeah, but

So sometimes you do want them at least alive. Yes. Okay, you're right. You know, it was so it was so hard to sit in that room Me and nick were like we were just asking questions like like normal questions and normal things and the guy was asking like we were asking for like Uh, like a hundred million dollar budget like we were like, why did you do like a drone? Is there any like drone thing? I guess well, I would have set up a drone like because it's about a tour bus like you just get any You know, I was like that would have taken like the whole day like do any of these clips have sound right? Huh, he's like, oh You want to hear the clip Yeah, I mean and then nick fucking nailed it because these guys all traveled around the world with Bourdain

Yeah, nick said something where he's like, you know, these people all think having dessert is a subversive act and literally Right after nick said that this fucking idiot walked in. I swear to christ He goes, yeah, we were in Angola during the civil war and it's like and I looked at him I go doing what having soup who gives a fuck, you know, yeah No, uh, yeah, and then you know everything he said was first of all, he spends the entire time sitting there trying to find new ways to cross his legs Right, right. I just tried to prove he didn't have a cock Yeah, that's all that was a whole day. How hard I am. How hard can he twist his legs like a fucking twizzler To show you how comfortable he is and nick would pitch things that were amazing

Nick they were really great and this everything nick would say this guy would give some version of like it's going to be too much It's going to be too difficult, you know I mean, where is that? Well, I guess we could talk off mic Well, I mean, it's a we're they're gonna They've a bunch of daily show editors have recut it. It is now a nightmare horror Yeah, it is. I mean, it is dude. I didn't even know you could make Something so but like the only stories about pilots of shit are all true Like you'll look at something you're like, I didn't even know you could do that with this

You want to talk about producing and it's like a project like that is where like it's absolutely essential That you have at least one guy who is like a fucking master Or or you know, preferably a couple of them that can be in your ear while you go shoot it Yeah, making sure that like you're so acting as much comedy as possible from like the event Dude 100 you don't go out there with like a guy who directed like, you know We're going to fucking Vietnam to try cheese made out of piss. Yeah It was it was never it was rough and we also shot it on a day when it was 98 degrees And that's just not the move for that particular shoot

We should have just pushed it back two weeks And it's a shame because there's a lot of like really funny shit in that Yeah, there is some really funny stuff. Well comedy central now loves the version that I do not like Oh, really this they're like we kind of like it And because comedy central essentially the pitch for the show was like it's really no more like I'm getting it Toward the end of the yeah, is there anybody just lean into that get them to have it go to series? Well, you at least I'm trying fixing 101. Yeah, I'm listen. I'm a hundred percent. Yeah Trying to I would love the opportunity is I love making unscripted comedy

It's just great. It's the greatest feeling in the world. And I tell you when I watch uh, some of my favorite comedians really global masters It reminds me exactly of why I got into this Yeah, I love don simpson. Well, I wish we had don simpson. Yeah on this Dude, here's the thing don don simpson. I wish I Anything if I could have like worked with that guy. Yeah, despite knowing that he's probably responsible for However, however bad you think Harvey Weinstein is I'm sure you this guy was like just off the charts But I would have loved to Look at that man and have him say great fucking job

That would have been great That would be the greatest feeling in the world if a guy like don simpson told you you were good at your job You would just fucking you would just get in that car. You just want a father figure you respect No, it's not that he's a father figure. It's that like he's just like an enthusiastic guy that loves to be pleased And he knows what works for him. So if you can make a guy like that be like, fuck. Yeah I mean, it's you know, you know, there's certain people you like everyone. Yeah, certain people you like to please Yeah, like in a in a been a work situation, right? And he's like that guy. Yeah Some other like poor dain would have been a nice guy to please but he decided to hang himself

In a bathroom. Yeah um All right Well, well folks, uh, we're gonna wrap this up. But real quick before we do we want to make sure you know to come See us in canada. Yeah, that's right. We'll be up north of the border in june 615 toronto 619 montreal 621 ottawa 623 vancouver and then 625 edmonton. That's right. So get go to cometown.events um c um to wn.events

Uh, all the tickets are up. Buy those fucking shits. We did we look Is this a little last minute to do a fucking national tour of a Most uh smaller nation of the you know that we don't live in yes But please just buy the tickets anyway Just buy them so that we could get a bunch of cocaine and we could be done We could be the next don simpson and also just we want to clarify that it's like It's two shows in one. So you're getting an hour and a half of stand-up and then you're getting an hour and a half Um, you're getting an hour and a half. Yeah, usually we do two shows normally we do two shows

But this is going to be one ticket for both shows mega show. It's a mega show. It's a mega show Listen, it makes sense Canadian monies sucks and it's also two shows four dollars or like two. It's a good deal So stop complaining on my fucking instagram comments. Yeah All right guys, uh, thank you to tim. Thank you. We'll see him in boston this weekend. Oh, yeah. Goodbye everyone You