The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 159 – Matt and Shane

Episode Date: June 13, 2019

This is a different podcast now

Holy fucking shit, dude. We're in We're going I guess since I'm like you guys can just run it like your podcast I'll do my read and we'll upload it. I'll this will be our podcast, but that's cool. How's that sound? Yeah, so Adam has Adam has no idea that I've Just completely cut him out of the cup Internal cue which has been a dream of mine to do for a while, but yeah, they welcome to the new come town Which is just a different podcast Totally almost entirely. Yes, dude. Yeah stops dead Adams on birthright

Is he actually yeah? Yeah. Oh shit. He's in Israel. Adam is in Israel right now. Oh, he's 32 years old It's a late birthright. Yeah, I mean, he's he's not actually I'm he's just a Jewish person He's just a Jay back in New York, and I'm not Yeah, when do you go on birthright? You're like 17 or so. I think you can go until you're fucking hottest Yeah, sure because they let non-jews go Send those 17 year olds back and you come in them and create more J's. Yeah Yeah, all their community-based shit is just based around making people fuck each other to create more Jews. I

Can see that yeah I Like right all the other buttons are pushed down besides this one so push it as well Do you know what any of those do or no? Nice, we've been operating that thing for two years, and we have no idea Just turning it hitting buttons too many I just wait till people talk and when I see the purple grow while that person's talking to a certain extent like we're good We got him

Now we're flying Perfect. There he goes. Okay. Are you a regular DJ too? Do you like DJ like music and stuff? Deep V's I'm a VJ a VJ a more of a VJ Video selector. Oh hell. Yeah. Hell. Yeah. They still do that the MTV doesn't what is on MTV now I think it's just like pregnant thing is just gay people kissing people. Yeah gay teenagers having their first kiss This Hours and hours of gay first real gay teenage sex on a catfish

Mm-hmm. They can still do catfish. It's 13 year olds getting we watch that one show According to jazz. Yeah jazz. Oh jazz was that fucking tram kid. Yes kid, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah Which is hilarious because she's like rich and then her friends aren't Like she has one friend. It's just some like poor Mexican man. It looks like a day laborer That's like the way they've transitioned is by getting like Pink earrings from Claire's and then the rest of it is still like a 230 pound Mexican man And jazz is just like decked out with like the nicest surgeries and like jazz is fucking smoking. Yeah I think I've seen jazz. Jazz is hot. Is the friend also trans or just yeah, all the friends are

Also, it's a whole squad of trans. It's so yeah, it's a squad of trans Yeah, you're saying that but they're too poor to be hot the Mexican friend is too Poorly like this is an economic status already is difficult with friendships The jazz looks like a girl and then the Mexican one looks like a guess who character Like I mean it like bear it looks like a shitty disguise. That sucks. Yeah, there. Did you ever see that little? I guess we do have that money dude. Dude, you need to be make that switch Oh, for sure and paid to trans dude. Well, it's like it's like hunger games like all the like goofy fucking wacky people They're the ones who are watching everybody else the people who get to look however

They want and do whatever they want. They're the ones who are watching these and wacky. No, but I'm saying Too loud no, you're fine if some reason it's just your mic is going up like super loud. It's cuz I laugh really loud I Yeah, your other stuff looks fine. I'm like making sure I'm actually bringing you through the right way is it clipping Stop screams all the time It's getting there just making sure so we should be good. I just don't want to that's my like nightmares to completely blow the sound We're good. I have faith that we're gonna pause it and listen. Yeah, let me see Yeah, do you listen to podcast after you record it?

My bad fix the technical difficulties. We're in nice. So you were saying Abby What was I saying? No, it's just like it is a luxury No, they can observe it. They didn't get to that point of the hunger games yet, right, right, right? They're not there yet, but once they have the money, they'll get to watch you just know There's like Appalachian rednecks doing their own surgery I'll make a pussy You think you see myself right now, I don't know but turn a possum inside out

Chew my dick and balls off and then in the hole I jam one of their babies I know I like Abby's I like Abby's idea of mandated military service for trans people Yeah, thank you for interpreting, you know, I didn't even know that's what I was saying and now that you said that I was like That is what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's 2020 stuff. I think so. I feel that's yeah Ironically, you can just like, you know, they don't have they don't even need to pay for the surgery You just step on a fucking roadside bomb and then you know, no, they're like, well, I'm starting. Yeah, I'm starting I'm starting from scratch. Maybe you put that you say so you'd be put back together the way you want. Yeah, exactly That's fair. All those videos are the veterans that are like, you know, they came back from Iraq like both arms legs

They're both like what one arm you love this gone whole bottom gone, but then that one arm. They're just doing curls Yeah, what's up, I'm three foot seven seventy eight pounds fucking all One arm was just covered in veins and tribal tattoos No, if you fuck with him on his terms, you're told you ever see that legless dude wrestle Yeah, I was no half. Oh, he's a real monster. He holds. He really is not Fucks people up. He's a crumb and he fucking murders people. Is it because they have low expectations? No Whoever gets lowest wins he can't grab him instantly set up for a takedown I think they should they take anybody that's like a quadruple amputee and they do a new MMA where they put

Like they pair them up with each other, but then they're placed in cannons that are pointed to the And then you fire them and which ever one survives That's pretty fair. I know I mean these are just some ideas I have Would you make it where how would you address like the concussion issue with that? What do you mean? You have to take you have to make sure they don't Do the best thing about the guy with half the wrestler they don't they don't adjust his just uniform Putting them in the cannon is bad for them They are getting brain damage. I try to cover it up. They're getting brain damage from being launched into each other's faces No one cuz about the research

Yeah, there's whole centers in Africa dedicated towards like breaking the figuring out like concussions in sports. Oh, really? That was welcome. Yeah, well in that movie. He was from Africa and he came through and was like, you know Wait, I was just trying to fucking save us. Yeah, that's funny cuz like caution is about them It's about Will Smith from Africa. He was like, you guys don't understand. That's a whole movie. Yeah, everyone's like, um, don't you have AIDS? About your age NFL. Yeah, dramatic brain injury is no joke. Why don't you get some clean water and we'll talk fucking head injuries? Yeah, dude, I can't get that you missed a good Asian dude. We saw a good Asian down at 7-11. I was a middle-aged Chinese guy who tripped He's like he was struggling to get up the curb. He couldn't get up the curb. I couldn't tell if he was like He was like he seemed to ah, but he what are you saying? Was he's like, what's up guys?

Trying to get up a curb after he tripped. Oh, what's up guys? He played it off. Yeah, he played it off real cool But I don't think he was playing off the tripping. I was I think he was playing off the last 42 years of being I I would love to see a film that was just like Asian people in a rush Do you ever see it in city when like they'll start running? I would love there's a compilation of just like see the red light and grabbing your backpack and his rush Set up a camera at Drexel I would go down and get coffee every once in a while. You'd see a tokyo partner

Dude, they grip they grip both strips of the backpack and put their head down and it's a anime run It's smart it gets you to where you That's why they're ahead. Yeah, it's not embarrassing That's the thing that's nice about being Chinese. If you do something embarrassing, no one knows it's you Because I saw this Chinese guy do something stupid No one's gonna be like, oh, it's that specific Chinese. He could walk in here We saw that guy 30 minutes ago. We'd be like, oh, you gotta hear about this other Chinese guy. He's like, oh, yeah I've never heard of such a man in my life

He couldn't get up a curb. Oh, what's up guys after seven or seven Oh, that that sparked that I gotta hear that fucking New York Chinese accent Yeah, we were like we were just talking about like how like Chinatown has like Chinese guys that have like a half Chinese Half New York accent, which is like unique to China. We're like, yeah, these motherfuckers won't come by and say I owe $20. I don't know about that That's motherfucker. He wants to come by to dry clean up. Maybe I'll talk to him later That's just a Cambodian We have thugged out Cambodians and Philly and that's you literally just brought me back to like 2003

Maybe it's just urban Chinese. Yeah, dude. That was like weird. I knew one guy like that Who's a Cambodian dude who literally you'd always say do. Yeah, you know I'm saying do do. Yeah What kind of cracked open the case on thug Cambodians? Yeah sick and twisted world you want to get into? Well, yes, like southeast Asians are fucked up Do they like pump iron and shit like do they get all They just sell like low. What are they? What's their deal? Like how do they they're all tough guys? But like what kind of tough guy are they like are they like low quality weed? Okay, xanaxes Multiple they're just like fucked up, dude. These are like wild fucking people. Yeah, they'll kill you. Whoa, okay

Yeah, they're like their childhood like kit boxing and like, you know being fucking carpet bombed They can like kick trees down a shit. Yeah Do you imagine how much it sucks to be like from a country that was at war with the united states and the united states had Not even enough respect to you to publicly declare war People know it like you're just like Don't like acknowledge me in public Told you that It's casual dude. Yeah. Yeah, that is pretty embarrassing dude. People are like, no, we're not at war with you guys

Like no, yeah, you're literally bombing us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nah, it's tight that we were doing that to pakistan a little bit though They deserve it. Yeah. Yeah, pakistan. What are the countries we're at war with right now? Yemen we're fucking up a little venezuela or no, maybe we're not fucking up. Yemen enough Syria venezuela Yeah, we funded a lot of like the yeah the Genocide in in Yemen. Good. I like that. Yeah going into africa rolling africa is going the chinese are getting in there, dude Are they really chinese is it africa? Oh, yeah, they invest heavily in africa. Yeah, the chinese are taking over africa. The chinese I'm fucked up right now, man. I I literally I blackpilled myself this morning across like seven different just types of videos I ended up with that girl. I sent you. What is black pill? Yeah, what's black pill is like kill yourself red pilling

So, yeah, exactly black pillings like it's like red pilling to the extent that you want to red pill yourself to the extent Where you hit the level of black pills and it's just basically like there's no everything so nihilists Somebody posted a check that little girl on the reddit that was like She was like making fun of islam. They're red. It's like mostly child pornography. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, we only thought we fucks heavy with child porn. Yeah No, this lady it's just well, it's pride month. It's a It's a 14 year old girl just who like I I was telling my friend I don't know. It's like retarded like naked women end up in your guys's feet. It's like, I don't know what's ending up in people's

Yes What that thing I say yes hilarious. Yeah, that shit's weird What it's it's weird and like it's weird the way it's produced and like People are like, oh, you know, even if she doesn't have a writer, it's funny. It's like, no, it's just weird It's like a bizarre. It's very strange. This is like like 13 year old girl that produces these sort of like It's kind of yeah, red-pilled videos about like, you know western culture and and shit, but like the jokes are It's not she made one that was like anti-islam that was her wearing like a fucking burka. Oh my god Yeah, it's very very like purposely incendiary like she like really

It's like 4chan. It's just a 14 year old girl reading 4chan. Well, I'm trying to like quit school Apparently it bothers me because the child is more productive than I am Like when I heard about those african girls that invented a generator made out of piss it pissed me off I'm like, I could have been doing that. Yeah, for real. Fuck these dumb ass kids Somebody made it for them. Their dad did it for them I think your dad said about something here. You can't really even sign it. You fucking dad did it. We made a house out of doodoo. I'm like, shut up. I could have done that. Look at this fucking volcano. Fucking stupid doodoo house.

Yeah, I blackpinned myself pretty hard. I started getting into sinking in the lucetania. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Dude, I was like because I was I wanted I was like looking up stuff for like a You're watching Boardwalk Empire? Yeah, a little bit. I did see a little bit of my liking like when he goes to enlist that he tells him Like he tells the guy like he's enlisting because his brother was on the lucetania or whatever and they let him in Because he was like not four afts, but there was some reason he couldn't enlist But then you find out the end of the season the real reason is because his mom got him drunk and had sex with him That hot mom

I'm like, damn, I want my mom to be her but then fuck me. Yeah at college. Yeah Oh, that was ahead of that fucking stepmom face. What Boardwalk Empire that fucking that fuck scene in Boardwalk Empire That's internal dude stepmom. The hot stepmom is just an eternal. They got drunk at a fucking party like a college party Yeah, is that the finale and then she bedded him nice Damn dude. Yeah, I can I was like looking up. I was like, uh, I wanted to write a sketch about a dude Like an A&E and in intervention, but the dude just like addicted to black pills and he like black pills the entire crew Like what the fuck you talking about and I ended up like I'm gonna do research for this And just watch conspiracy videos. So wait on the Lusitania. Did you find out they did have arms on there, right?

Scuba divers found arms. Yeah, they had guns. I was trying to like do the Germans were right to sink that fucking thing Yeah, I was doing research like laughing about it and then I ended up just calling spade for like an hour I'd be like, dude, this is fucking crazy. And the British were kind of like, yeah, sink it. Please sink that dude The US involved the whole thing that they were claiming is that the Fuck who was it more JP Morgan was like sending out war bonds and then England he was Which stands for Jewish person Morgan by the way That's the most important part of the conspiracy It was in front of our eyes the whole time

Yeah, he said he was selling war bonds and then England was about to lose They're like we have to get America involved America was like unanimously like nah, we're cool Yeah, because we had a ton of Germans. All right, you guys want to go to England and they put a bunch of bombs in there America had a ton of like German Irish people. They're like, we're not gonna fucking help England. No, yeah Yeah, well, it's also America was mostly non-interview. Well, I guess not after World War one, but that was it That's what they said. That was all that broke. You can't isolationist under that. Well, no So then they did that shit with the main before that Yeah

I was reading about it It must be funny and then I guess I just went down this youtube hole where I was just like Jesus fucking christ, dude What percentage of the conspiracy theories that you read do you believe? Well, these aren't even conspiracy That's real Like all these like black black pilled shit like it is a lot of it conspiracy theories or no A lot of I mean, dude, I think we've been propagandized to the point where like no one can tell what's real Here's why 9-11 isn't like like fake because like we can just bomb countries with impunity and people don't give a shit anymore

Yeah, like, you know, you have that even like people that are in the conspiracy theories to be like which countries are we bombing again? It's like, I don't know. Nobody has any idea. I think seven of them Yeah, dude, I don't know that's the thing. I don't know. I just like watching it because it is I remember dude remember the ring of power came out way back when There was that was the very first one that came out. I was like The conspiracy theory movie or something. It was a dvd. Oh my god. No made its way around I saw that at 23 and was just like, oh, Jesus Christ. I fucking freaked that like knocked me off my axis It's the same it's the same old song dude about like about the central banks. They never get in the Jews

They go central banks circle that yeah, they go central banks It does like raise questions. It's like, why don't they ever involve the Jews in the conspiracy theory? Oh, they do if you watch enough, I know it all comes down to that. You go, yeah, and you close your YouTube They got me again because it's like if you're gonna start you might as well go full tilt You know what I mean? No, they like the way they like kind of it's like the like a drain thing You're out in the outer realm of it and you go, all right. Yeah, I can believe this and all of a sudden It's like and here's another Jewish guy and this guy was you there's a quick thing about the Jews and you're like, all right Guys got me again. I thought I was looking up history

Yeah, no, there is a lot of it in there that's pretty funny They've got me a bunch of times, but yeah, I don't know. I the flat earth thing is hilarious So they're like well clearly if the earth was a ball, how would water stick to a ball? We don't believe in gravity Yeah, well the whole idea behind the flat earth conspiracy is that if they can get you to believe that the earth is round They can get you to believe anything. Yeah, so by actively denying it's sort of this like Like I don't know like first order conspiracy theory where if you can convince yourself the earth's flat Then you can like reprogram yourself to not believe any of the lies you've been told to by that's true It's told by authority figures, but it's fucking retarded

I mean the no one ever thought there was a flat earth that was like that was like Like sort of like retconned into like dark age thinking in like the 1800s It's like nobody ever really thought the earth was fucking flat. Yeah, it was a dome. Oh, yeah Oh, right. Well the flat earth like when they're like talking about columbus and shit with like he thought he was gonna sail off the End of the world. It's like no, he knew though. Everybody knew the Earth was a sphere They would have done if they thought they were gonna fall off the end of the earth a good amount of people If there was enough if there's enough people now, there's probably a huge amount of people

How charming charismatic is the person who's convincing people the fucking it would be like this would be like if like 700 years from now There's like an advertising campaign that says like, you know in the 60s They thought the moon was made out of cheese And no one knew until they went there or whatever and people like did you know that for 500 years? They thought the moon was made out of cheese. It's like no, that was like essentially a joke I didn't think the fucking earth was flat Well, I don't know. I came across a conspiracy theory. Have you guys seen science test faith? My stepdad showed me it. It's about a piece of communion wafer that turned into actual skin

Jesus's skin and a scientist proved that it was beaten. It was white. It specifically it was a it was a little piece of skin That was just big enough to say white person. Oh, yeah, yeah Not so communion turned into skin. Yeah, yeah science Yeah, scientists proved that it turned into it had blood vessels and not only that that it was uh beaten skin It was traumatized skin. So just I don't know Oh, I don't know. I didn't watch it. I didn't watch it Did anyone eat it? Oh, I don't think so. I would have gobbled it. I would gobble. I mean as a catholic That's nothing new. I've seen multiple. I've got like toenails and shit eating that dude. Yeah

Everything like that gold member when he's eating like the skin, but that's just yeah, that's I mean that's yeah That's nothing new to us. That's just a miracle. That's a standard catholic miracle That's what all of our dumb parents believe for sure is that that actually happens every time Like that's the real body of Christ right now. They never sold me on it fully. What's it? What's the argument? It's it's con substantiation versus trans substantiation the idea that it like actually turns into the body of christ or like From a metaphysical standpoint like the that's yeah trans is like the like definitely eating the body Yeah, it's con like the symbolic understanding. I think so. I don't know like I even yeah, that's weird I don't give a shit. It's look. I know it's not the real body, but it's sick to pretend. This is a real body

Fair enough. I don't think it's pretending. It's You know, I don't know. I kind of like the flatter thing. You get to you just make yourself believe anything. I don't know Yeah, I don't know dude. How does a fucking water stay on a ball? These are the questions you got How come that asian couldn't get up that curb exactly dude. That's because the earth was flat You think you like it Glitched on them so yours. Well, that's why they have better balance because their face is the same shape as the earth You think that comes into play? Instead of calling them moon face, I call them earth face That's a fair theory. Hey, what's up earth face? It's actually kind of an unfair advantage. Excuse me. Don't you mean moon face?

Yeah, I'm like a conspiracy theorist. Hey, let me talk to you for a second I'm gonna do two videos. I want to show you. I've seen you definitely like come in and um Just like put up points and like no, no, I'll show you the I'll show you the youtube video on that dude No, like in anyway next thing next thing I got the youtube video on it And so they'll definitely hold it up as like that's reality I dated that one girl one date who was basically trying to convince me that like Germany was fucked up and hitler wasn't bad in terms of that damn and I was like You know, I'm like, do you tell this to anybody and she was like, dude, me my dad watched youtube video all the time

She's like the first time we watched it my dad cried and I was like It's a Puerto Rican lady by the way. Whoa, really? I was right. It's a Puerto Rican lady. Something about him. Just how old was she? I just won youtube video. I knew it. It's got like 48 news This guy's crying Exactly that killed me her dad. There's literally again. It was a Puerto Rican lady Her dad watched it and was just like I guess was so moved like oh my god I've been lied to my whole life hitler was a good guy There's a lot of people buzzing around on like 75 IQ's who just watch that and go like

The more sophisticated stuff I like that they have a 75 IQ It's probably somebody with downs I know like As close as you can get without having that extra cover zone. Can you imagine being retarded and watching youtube? Being retarded being racist? Yeah People with downs are like dogs where they'll like bark at black dudes if they see them Downs okay, only if you're only if their their parent is scared of them They sense it. It's like oh my dad is scared of this person. So now I'm gonna bark instead of barking. It's just hey, mr. Repeatedly

Runs away circles the parents like Yeah, dude Yeah, I'm telling you we're in a sorry state with the youtube stuff It's like we're talking last time about the guy getting brain now people are coming out like I was brainwashed by youtube It's not my fault. No no no no now there's like deep fakes are coming out. Do you see zuckerberg's deep fake? No, people have been deep faking all these people and it was zuckerberg. What does that mean? Deep fakes now videos that mark zuckerberg getting fucked Someone could take a video of you and then record your mouth moving to work. Damn. Damn what conan used to do. Yeah

Conan was a deep faker. Yeah, just his mouth These videos the celebrities getting fucked There's like a bit We're sliding into just pure propaganda Yeah, damn For who though everybody. Yeah 100% I think we're being destabilized from outside countries Well, I mean I go back home and I'm like I look at the stuff that pops up on we do that all the time Oh, we do it all the time. Yeah, I just don't want anyone doing it to us

I need to know I need to watch youtube like Mike Pompeo trying to like, you know prevent Corbin from Colluding with fucking israel to rig britain's election. I mean that's like excessive You know, but by colluding with who israel israel a lobby Trump meeting with like, you know, I love israel's groups in their word I love israel. I love israel's lobby. Take a pic dig a zuckerberg picture with the flag I will I stand with israel. I do stand with israel. What do you like love about israel just fucking settling Oh, okay settlements and shit colonial power. I love colonialism, dude Well, theirs was kind of like because of colonial williamsburg

I went everybody says colonialism sucks, but I went there and there's like a blacksmith. It's pretty tight I'd like turtle. Yeah, you get to make your own like you make your own hoe cakes from from cornmeal I don't know that seems like a lot better than whatever's going on in vietnam I got in trouble at williamsburg. We went on a field trip in fifth grade and they made me count bricks Yeah, why I don't know. I was laughing during the fucking presentation. They're like, can this kid fucking count? They made me go count bricks What? Yeah, that's fucking weird. Damn. I I are you sure like the chaperone wasn't molesting one of the other kids? Me and marcus are gonna go behind them. I'll show them. Yeah, put a kid in the stock

It feels like Do you ever get hit in school? No in school Like by a teacher. Yeah, and I don't think so. I caught a smack. You caught a smack by who? I smack the pretty 70 years old I had a teacher kick a kid. Did you really? Yeah, he was rolling on the ground Yeah, I got dragged into the office by my ear, but that's about as physical as it ever done. No, that's pretty physical I would call that in the club, dude. I got smacked by the principal for jumping out of the uh fire escape of the bus We're doing the drill and I jumped on someone

The lady literally pulled me up smacked my butt and sent me inside. Oh, okay. When I heard smack I thought it was in the face a smack on the butt So I didn't smack on a butt is equally problematic. It's equally. No, it's not a smack to the face is way more traumatic than a smack to the butt Her finger went in my butthole. No, okay. Well, it's a difference. All right. Well, you're using a different word It's like a supportive smack in the face. She goofs Right. You're a mobster. You can be like yeah, but you're not a mobster I want to stay for the record. My principal goofed me Now that I remember it, she went like this and gave me like a fucking full goose

Yeah, I forgot about that second grade teacher fucking this kid was laying on the ground having a tantrum and he kicked her And she's like you kick me. I'll fucking take you and she kicked him like hard He was crying. She kicked. He was laying on the ground. Okay. What was an eye for an eye? That's bad. A second grader and she kicked him Pretty sick. Like it was like a stomp or like it. No, it was a kick to the gut He was laying on his side We had like a lunch helper who like just like openly beat a kid in the recess yard and everyone was just like Like what are you doing? She's like, no, this is what I do for my kids. Like no, you like you can't hit this kid And she was not allowed to like monitor recess anymore. Yeah

Especially since she works in the lunch department I want him to be better at lunch What happens when he's a grown man? He's eating all like rocks and grass Fucking everyone's looking at him weird. These are skills you need for later in life is to have fucking sloppy joes You don't learn this shit. It was it was like the cafeteria lady thinking they're a teacher. I gotta teach these faggots how to eat lunch Yeah, she was banned Nice getting banned in like 95 from a volunteer recess lady. You had to fuck up, dude. Damn she jacked this kid Everyone's playing it was just like, okay

This is playing out of their head not phased hitting kids hitting strangers kids is the fucking moon. I want to start a school Where you can do it? It's hard not to remember this fat guy telling me one time and like I wasn't friends with him I didn't like him. He didn't know he was like a comedian and He was like telling me about like being in line at Popeyes and he's like there's this Obnoxious kid behind me. This one was not controlling her child And he's like and I tell you the sound A five-year-old makes when a 350 pound man

And sneakily shifts his weight onto that child's foot is heavenly. Jesus Christ I'm like, I'm like, wait, you mean to tell me you like spitefully Physically abused someone else's child because they were annoying you and lying at the fried chicken restaurant And he was like, damn. Well, yeah, you know, he thought it'd be like if you put it that way Yeah, I didn't know that like a cool story to tell. I didn't know that was in the fat guy's arsenal. Just a foot crush. Yeah Yeah, yeah. Oh, totally. That's like a big move for us There's a foot crush on a kid. Mm-hmm. Excuse me. Or if they're laying down you stand on them and walk over them Oh, yeah, that's another move now. Damn. Now. I know though. If I ever get my foot crush now

I'm gonna be if it's a hefty gentleman. I'm gonna be like, all right. What did I do? I know what the fuck you're up to Here comes a fucking goose dude comes a power. You'd have to goose him hard dude Get to like a 350 pound ass You have to Iger ever cut him. Did you like did you like question his The way he crushed this guy's foot. No, I mean, I had limited interaction with the guy. It was like, oh, yeah Nice. They're hurting a child Couldn't really do it back to him either because all he wants is that affirmation when he doesn't get said it

You know that guy really sucked. He was like Like so full of himself. He taught comedy classes And just a shitty one-liner. That's just a toxic obesity dude at its finest. Yeah using your fat throwing your weight around So well, I'm gonna use my 350 pounds to crush this fucking kid Damn I'm sorry teaching a comedy class is just to guarantee You suck Yeah, almost

Probably but god money is nice though. I did it. I got kicked out of helium for it for teaching a comedy class Yeah, they fit hit me up and was like, well, you do this and I was like, I'll do it for a thing They're giving me like 35 bucks an hour. Yeah, I did uh, I had everyone come in and I was like, look don't ever Pay for one of these ever again. Totally exactly. That's the that's the class Like what are we gonna do? I was like just go up and I'll do five minutes We don't have five minutes. I was like tough just go up there and talk for five minutes Right, right. Can we pay for this? I'm like, yeah, I told you started hitting them. I did I started Yeah, then he told you to come over and step on their feet

Yeah, I'm just smacking their fingers with bamboo sticks like an Asian piano Um, uh, nothing yet. I'm gonna wait another minute here. Nice, but uh Yeah, I I taught like defensive driving for a while Did you do comedy defensive driving at cap? Yeah, they were like well like try to do jokes. I was like, no Hold on. You taught defensive driving. Yeah at a comedy club at a comedy club And awesome. You just play videos and you read out And I well, I don't think I get in trouble for it now But like you're supposed to because it's all like done through like DPS or whatever

Like you're supposed to attend all these classes and like Like observe classes. It's like this whole like qualification process that like My roommate just like forced all the documents and like, you know, like set it up for me And then like because he taught defensive driving and like it's like some extra money on the side He was like, hey, um, can you teach defensive driving on Monday? And I thought I meant he meant like come with him to defensive driving. I was like, oh, yeah, sure. I'll come with you And he was like, all right And then it was like the night before he was leaving

You know, I didn't know he was leaving He's like, hey, we should go by tonight to the club and I can show you where everything is. Am I cool? So we go to like cap city and it's like 11 o'clock at night And he's like, uh, yeah, so here's the dvd player. Here's this like this is a filing cabinet just filled with shit Like a like a milk crate with like papers and stuff. He's like, here's all the paperwork and stuff And this is the binder with all the stuff in it And he's like, there's a coffee maker. You put this in here's where the lights are and he's like, so yeah I usually lock the door around 815. You don't let anyone in after that

And he's like, you should be good to go and I was like, oh, okay And then like it was like either that night or the next morning I wake up. I'm like, so are we heading over there? He's like, oh, I'm going out of town and I was like, wait, so that was like Instructions those are the instructions for teaching eight hours of the Here's where the stuff is and like He's like, yeah, you figure it out. You know, I was like, I guess how to go Well, I went there and it was like I'm making the coffee and then it's already like people are showing up So I didn't even have time to like look at this stuff

And then there's like 20 people there and it's like eight o'clock and I'm like, welcome to defensive driving Just put on comedians and cars getting coffee Well, I did I I played every dvd and like I have them are just like loony tunes videos of like, yeah like 1940s like, you know Donald duck like gets into a traffic accident and it's like, what did donald do wrong? I'm like, okay, what did you guys learn from that video? You know and who the fuck takes it? Do you get like a points off your insurance or something or like insurance points off your insurance?

But or well, you yeah money off. Yeah money off your insurance is also like like It just doesn't go up right medication or whatever if you if you you know have like because I had to take it one time let's get it I took it with when Andy Richie was teaching and Like I know Andy. I'm friends with them and I'm in the class and Andy's like going into his stand-up bit Yeah, I'm like don't we're all the people taking the class where they're trying to be funny Because it's like people probably go to that like because I I took a defensive driving class And it was a regular one not even at a commie club

And there were a couple people in the class that were trying to make jokes and be the funny ones And I'm like, can we just get through the day? I had to take it I had to take it actually I got my license to spend it. I'd take it like years prior And uh, and there was like it was an african guy teaching it And there was a girl sitting next to me, but it was weird every like nine hours in the african guy He like had this verbal tick where he would start like every other sentence with for example Oh, even if it didn't like, you know, he'd be like when you are driving for example, and you come to a phone For example, you have to decide who is going to go first for example

And like so I just had like a note like a note card and I started like tallying every time he like said it And then I was like dividing it by how many minutes had passed so I could like average out like how many times He said for example per minute And there's this girl like just weeping next to me because she recognizes that i'm just mocking this after me But then there was like this like There was like two like there was like a like a middle-aged white dude that was like relatively kind of like a big guy or You know kind of like a hotheaded guy, but probably had like a job doing like Sales for some type of computer thing that he has no idea what it is. He's just

Yeah, I did that before One of those one of those guys it's like yeah, I sell shit. I don't know what the fuck it is I don't know what it is. I was selling cars. They'd be like, what's the horse power on this hand? Oh, yeah, did you sell cars? Look, I don't yeah, I sold cars, but it's like yeah, look, I don't know what this I don't know any of this computer shit It's gay to me, but I sell it All guys like, uh, what are your thoughts on the cloud? They're like, what are you talking about? Like, you know, like the uh Like information

Like what do you think about they're like, I don't know man Damn teaching defensive jobless. You should have opened with a compilation like a lively compilation Yeah, like a lively good people just getting wrecked like Here comes the boom there's also There's also this like, uh There's this guy from like Portugal or something who's also like kind of like a bigger dude wearing like a leather jacket and this shit here And at one point at one point he said something about he's like, you know, that's like the problem with America is You know, like blah, blah, blah, blah and the fucking white guy's like don't start that shit in here

Like you can fucking leave you got a problem with that you can talk to me And you Yes, he's like The fuck out The african guy is like, yes, yes, for example These guys are about to throw bows over something like dumb like, you know, 9 11 bullshit Yeah, because this guy's like he's just heated off 9 11 Yeah

Like just a faded flag on the back of his car That gave me purpose is being mad about 9 11 Like I didn't do anything afterwards and volunteer my time. I just became racist and that's my country Never forget. Anyways, uh, but yeah, hey, if your dick doesn't work, uh, check out bluetooth.com Bluetooth.com sponsors this podcast and it's probably soon to be hopefully Matt and Shane's secret podcast. Yeah. Um, have you guys taken? Have you got any from gas digital? No, they're great It's uh, it's generic branded because the thing is you think that they're only for people that need them But the truth is is literally anyone can take this. It's a medicine that everyone can take

Um, whether they need it or not and it only, you know, just in case you want a bonus. Yeah, there might be side effects, but I doubt it It's a performance enhancement for the bedroom. I haven't experienced any side effects. Yeah. Yeah Um, I mean, I haven't and I've got like really bad heart problems Yeah, I'm like kind of in the the the key demo for people who shouldn't be fucking around with what you got heartless I was just like really high blood pressure. It was like 170 over 110 last year. I know it's pretty cool Some of that blood from your heart. So it's pretty cool All the doctor had to say was like lay off the cocaine, but we'll see about that Not only am I staying on the cocaine I'm now on bluetooth's chewable

With the same active ingredients as Viagra and sialis and they can work faster than pills up to twice as fast The chewables from bluetooth can be taken on a full or empty stomach You know, so you eat them before or after you eat the pussy. Can you smash it up and snort it? Um, definitely. Well, yeah, but then they're not chewable anymore. So yeah, why don't you just shut up? Just don't fuck up. Yeah, you keep you happen. He's gonna need a bluetooth What if girls take it? I'm gonna have to get hard to feel better. This little fucking clip fat Probably. Yeah, it probably makes your pussy swell up. It turns into like anime futonari I only took like the Viagra one once but it like made my like because it makes all your like mucus membranes

Like fuck up like or like swell up. So like I felt like I didn't like stung by bees My nose was all small. So you can fuck but you look fucking dumb while you're doing it I couldn't breathe through my nose. I was like, you know, which is You have to mouth breathe. Hold on, but that's a good thing Bluetooth says that's how you know it's working Um, they have an online physician and the consultation is free. So it's cheaper than paying to go to the doctor Uh, and he only takes few minutes to connect with a bluetooth affiliated physician It's a which I imagine is like dr. Nick from the simpsons

Everybody can take these pills Um, and if you qualify you get prescribed online quickly No in-person doctor visit no awkward conversation. No waiting line to pharmacy. They ship directly to your door in discreet packaging So, you know, I mean it doesn't really it says custom medical group so I don't know who's going through your mail, but they're like, oh, yeah, this is probably just custom medicine And not something weird Uh, yeah ships from a company called definitely books incorporated

Definitely just magazines. Um, the chubbles from bluetooth. You were prescribed online by doctor and made in the usa They're not, you know, it's not chinese Hell yeah, yeah Real blue collar union guy is making this stuff, you know, huge of leather jackets pressing the doots who get it Right, uh, bruce springsteen and billy joe themselves Have written several songs about the dick pill factory workers There's a confidence in bed every time you and your partner will love it you and do it So here's a great deal for you guys visit bluetooth.com and get your first order free when you use promo code come town

Just pay five dollars shipping. That's b l u e chew dot com promo code come town c u m t o w n Boom, that's a read fellas beautiful. Yeah, well, let's see lewis do something like that. He has to stop and do it No, he does it all in the beginning, but it's an advertisement for himself For 10 minutes when i'm watching lewis do the reads that they're just like pictures on This is like a house and a dog is like a house dog beer Brought to you by what's this? Oh, it's me lewis So wait you take bluetooth I have yeah, do you have you taken it usually when i'm drunk i'm i'm scared for the heart stuff

I feel like i'll have like an erect heart attack and i'll be found but i thought you got blackpilled Aren't you just ready to die? No, i'm not i think it's hard Yeah, i'm not a nihilist at all. Oh Oh, okay I'm an eternal optimist even if you watch black mirror for more than a few episodes in a row I've i like the last season. Oh, i haven't seen the air love that first episode With the new season do you see the first episode? No, isn't the one you were telling us? Yeah, i was just telling them Oh god, that's so fucking funny

That thing's in my brain. Are you guys all gay or all men that i know gay? Definitely if me and matt could well the creative ones that are funny Nice to hang out with yeah, if a guy makes you laugh Shit fuck your dad dude for sure Yeah, if a guy's funny, he's definitely gay really for sure dude, and then time turns men gay Yeah, no, that's time time turns men, you know, just no, yeah time and women turn men gay Pretty much. Yeah Time with women. Yeah, they have a famous Hemingway quote. Time and women turn men gay Once he turned gay, he killed himself

He was looking outside. He saw a hot guy. He was like, fuck this He's in the middle of the ocean. He's like, good. There's no guys Just swordfish. I don't have to worry about it. There's swordfish and hot cubits. God damn it. There's hot cubits He goes, guards like, are you okay, sir? He's like, fuck sailors Oh My gosh, I know that Know that any any guy who's like funny and it's not like coming home being looked like a picture of like a Ferrari on his laptop One day it'll be mine

They're gay. Well, I don't know. Ferraris are pretty cool Do you have a laptop wallpaper? Uh, no, I have a it's both of my He mailed it. He mailed it. It's the moon. Oh, it's the moon. Yeah, classic pic, dude. Totally gay. You love the cosmos Cosmos the moon is like you just want to get to the moon with all the other dudes because that's who's going to the moon Is other dudes? Yeah, that's how we're trying to get to Mars. I do like it. Women can't make that trip The moon is still the only place is just for white people. Your period would explode. Oh my god. Yeah It's all synced up by the moon. It looks like Mars up there Yeah, I feel like when Matrix, when Neo goes to that room and meets the architect

There's just some old bitch that's like you've been fucked up on purpose That's the source for them I'll definitely I've been dropping little break crumbs this whole episode. I'm finally we're finally here About what being gay or wanting to go there. Yeah, we're all gay and there's a lady controlling periods on the moon Let's see. Yeah, you guys you guys just try to escape us. Women don't even want to be around each other That's why lesbians are like we're in this together, right? That's why they're so commitment based or like you're doing this too, right?

We're just wearing this together. Good. I had a lesbian try to do it. I'll do it. Yeah at the gym She tried to come up and bully me and stud get you try to bully that stud not a stud. This is more of like a Had been to a bunch of little affairs and now I was like looking into like getting a kid She was pretty jacked We're same height if we if you did the specs on us we had like the same reach same height She came up was like you've done with the uh, whatever the bar like the where you do like a squat rack thing Uh-huh. I wasn't using it, but I was instructed to stand in front of it So I didn't fall into the mirror by the the dude who walks around and like tells all the rules

Well, what were you doing? I was doing like clean jerk stuff So I was doing like, you know movements where I was throwing the weight up over my head I was being a fucking animal in there seven in the morning And the guy told me throwing the weight down from overhead. Do they have a platform? I wasn't lunking. No, they it was it just soft floor. So I have to do it on a floor It's not a platform, but I every now and again. I'll indulge in a fucking weight slam for sure. Yeah Yeah, I'll drop them down to I don't I don't pick out like from top. I'll like drop it controlled and let go I'm in there. They're my shoes off dude. I'm in there doing all that stuff shoes off always see when I do compound movement

So I'm like shatter your foot Possibly So this lady came up. She's like are you using the squat rack and I was like Well, no, but and I started to explain to her like I have I'm doing compound movement So I have I was instructed to stand in front of this thing. She was like, yeah, but are you using it? It was like Dude, you can't have this right now. Like she's not wrong There's really no reason to be in the squat rack because I had to because it's a small gym and everything else was being used And I'm like if I move here, I'm not gonna have room to do what I'm doing. Yeah, right

But I and that's what I was saying. I'm like, I hear what you're saying That's what you tell her like go find me another spot come back and I'll Literally can't move from the spot I'm in and I if I this spot that I I could go to I'm not allowed to be there And frankly, I would be annoyed if like I'm trying to use the rack and you're just standing two feet in front of it We're doing cleans. I totally get it. But I had no what my thing because you were still using a different kind of equipment Just not that I had I had the barbell, but I couldn't go any URL So she would have I would have had to stop what I was doing So then she could use the squat rack and I'm like you just have to wait 10 minutes

So yeah, it was a sticky situation and then I went up afterwards. I'm like, hey that thing's open She kept her back to me and was like good Fuck you Damn teed up dude. That's nice. Yeah, it was I was in a I was in a weird situation But at the same time I'm like I'm not going to stop what I'm doing because and she came up and be like using that And I was like, yeah, I'm I'm gonna I'll be like 10 more minutes, but you're not using the squat rack It's like

Lady get the fuck out of my face. Yeah. Yeah. Either provide me with the solution or go right No, I'll look up the gym and and look at the floor plan. I'll do the floor plan anytime fitness Oh, anytime fitness. So I'll put you guys on a tour dude. I'm like, dude here. I was over here throwing it over my head Yeah, man It was a tough. It was a tough. It was a tough call on my part, but I still had my ground on it. It's here ground Even if it was pride month though. So she's been getting a lot of fucking Yes, she was probably not right, but you're funny. So you're gay. So you also it's pride month for him, too Exactly. I should make look I'm gay. I don't know if you know this. Yeah

Do lesbians and gay guys get along? No, not at all. Okay lesbians and gay guys. Do they get along? No, there's opposites I was a total enemies. Yeah, interesting. I've never seen them. Yeah, they're further apart than straight men and straight women Yeah, huh. Wow. Yeah, because they just like have no reason to deal with each other. Yeah Yeah, one they both wish they were each other And then they're both flamboyant. Well, gay dudes are flamboyant and lesbians are fucking like Knock it off the game's on. Yeah, right, right, right, right? My favorite type of lesbian I've said it before but like the ones that just like Sit on like an overpass and smoke cigarettes

Hey, that sounds nice Like sherry's they're on. Yeah, they're like, we got to get out of here. Let's get out of this town Sharon one of these days, we're gonna get out of this Yeah, they're like six month plan lesbians Like we're gonna save up money and we're gonna fucking get out of here. I wonder what happens over there Fuck your dad, Sharon. Lesbians don't get out of town. Yeah, I don't think they do They do they go they go they have little workshops out in the suburbs and stuff No, they never get out of town. They never get Sharon to like out of the roadside motel

It never happens their dad beats Sharon to death Dad beats Sharon to death and the other lesbians has to kill herself That's probably what happened this lady after I hog old lesbians Old lesbians get out. She's like, yeah, yeah, they like divorce their husband Wait here in the hotel. I got to go to the gym real quick. I'll be back in 25 minutes and we'll get out of here I She gets back to the motel two hours late and the father's already broken Killed Sharon dude if I do speaking Sharon's dad. He's drunk. He's like, what are you the diet girlfriend

She's just remembering you doing cleans in the middle of the fucking gym using all the equipment at once She's like fuck that gay guy If I knew she had that hilarious gay guy If I knew she was about to get out of here out of like, oh by all means, please Yeah, she had a car loaded up. She did have that look at her eyes. They only pack stuff animals. What's the rush? And she's like you wouldn't understand My kayak is tied to the top of my super right now. I'm about to go out of town on the strip Super is running

Yeah, dude, they don't have lesbians don't have cell phones. They have to like see each other That's a big cause of death in the lesbian community the the lesser the lesser dyke usually gets left in the car While the other ones handling their power claims definitely the one power. Yeah for sure Yeah, the butch the butch is in there don't claims needs to be Yeah, that's kind of weird how that happens What how one just like You know becomes a butch one thing. Yeah one one of them turns into right in sag alone every lesbian couple There's one of them who thinks they can boss me off the squat rack and it's like no dude get the fuck out of here

Yeah, I used to go right at a Like a I thought it was a lesbian coffee shop, but I went there recently and I guess it's a regular coffee shop At the time there was a lot more lesbians I don't know Where's that dang girlfriend Do you think that's what the uh, what was that bar the bar raid stonewall What are you doing bob Those are mother's pants

Oh, your mother's been looking for those slacks Damn, I want to rewatch boys. Don't cry now Is that what's your Barrymore? It's a great movie. No, it's Hillary swank. Oh, I don't know it What's that about it's about like a trans woman that moves to some small town and she starts dating like that move Chloe Savini I think or Which I'd say her name wrong Adam correct me on that. It was pissed off Because I always thought it's Chloe Savini. I guess it's like yeah Severina some yeah, all right Adam I'm guessing

Will Smith, you know So yeah, she moves from small town finds love Yeah, it starts dating like yeah either Chloe Savini or something and she's got these two brothers But she you know, she's like wearing a fake dick the whole time and has like a short haircut So it's kind of like that movie just one of the guys, but it's much funnier Uh, you know because the brothers find out at the end that it's like a like a they're like, what you're a girl And then they like rape her and beat her up. Oh, whoa I think so. Yeah

I would fucking immediately beat you and Yeah, dude, if I tricked you with a fake dick. Mm-hmm Do they show the fake dick in the movie? They do so just constantly wearing the fake dick the whole time like just like I just remember a scene where he's like She's like hooking up or he or she I don't know what did proper, you know They're hooking up so it's like Billy Bob Thornton and then she like sneaks in the fake dick while they're fucking Whoa, yeah, whoa. She sneaks. That's really fucking impressive. If you can sneak a fucking it's also sexual assault Is it one of those ones? Oh, sure, but that's impressive stuff. Is it one of those ones?

For like Drunk Test, it's just so much Not elicited the one from porno is it just like spurred out like a gallon. I want to get one of those ones for drug test But it's fully erect Just out of your pants like what I like being observed. I like being scrutinized by the system I like a like authoritarian oversight and Having a fake dildo that comes You have to hold those things the whole time she would have to like double hand hold that the whole time how big is it? Damn what the fake dick in the movie. I saw this movie like 15 years ago. I'm sorry. I can't I can't remember

He'll show her like holding it Yeah, I can't I mean the only detail I remember is is her being raped at the end. Yeah, kind of That reminds me of midnight cowboy like the opposite. Yeah, he moves to the big city and kind of Similar things. What is it? You've seen just one of the guys, right? Mm-hmm. Oh, it's the 80s comedy. Is that a girl who tries to be a dude? It's a girl that like pretends to be a Dude to like, you know, because like the guys have it better or whatever. What happens there? She shows her tits at the end and they're primo

Is everybody except her? She finds out that that's a lot better than being a guy. All you have to do is show your tits When I think of just one of the guys the only thing I remember is the rape scene from boys don't cry Jesus Christ Is that the only thing that pops into mind? So I don't really remember anything. Is it just like fade to black after that? Um, you're just like, oh, yeah, that's it. I don't I think something. I mean, I know it's not a happy ending No, wow, because it's a surprise twist because the movie's called Yeah, the movie's called boys don't cry, but and then she cries at the end. So it's like obviously

You know, it's like boys cry. Imagine if you were watching that movie, you're like, wow I should have seen that coming Uh, you just see mr. Do you think that was gonna happen? No, I'm just saying because of the title No, I just scream in every movie. It's all right. I have autism Damn, that's a wild move. I never saw that I haven't I didn't know there was so many, uh Female to male trans movies in the 80s. Do you want a man female to man? Yeah, what other ones are there? Was it? like what else

Just one of the guys just the two that we mentioned later. I don't know. Do you want a man? Do you want a man was the opposite? Do you want a man was a dude that was in the NBA and then he got kicked out? So then he put on a wig and no, he's dominated He has a heart attack from dunking too hard Yeah, I got teary. I remember we were watching Happy Gilmore. I was like, I'm fucked up dude Yeah, no, you're a kid. You like don't understand emotions. So like you could watch Schindler's list and be like, I don't get it The jump falls out the window

He's never gonna win So now the progressive things that people are trying to do like if people get like trans women into these sports and stuff was just Movies from the 80s as a joke Pretty much. Yeah, that's fun I'm all about it. I'm all about just went to the plot for boys. No crime wikipedia and scroll to the last paragraph Later John and Tom get drunk and decide to kill Brandon Lana attempts to stop them But the pair drive to Candice's remote house where they find Brandon who has been hiding in a nearby shed

John shoots Brandon under the chin killing him instantly Tom shoots Candice in the head as Lana fights with them begging them to stop Tom stabs Brandon's lifeless body and tries to shoot Lana But John stops him John and Tom flee the scene while crying Lana lies with Brandon's body the next morning Lana wakes Next to Brandon's corpse her mother arrives and takes her away from the scene As Lana leaves fall city a letter Brandon wrote to her is heard in voiceover. So I guess they murder the trans person Wait

Yeah, Tom and John drag Brandon into John's car and drive to an isolated location where they brutally beat and gang rape him Afterwards they take Brandon to Tom's house though injured Brandon escapes her bathroom Yeah, so they rape him and then she escapes or he escapes And then the brothers find them and and go to kill and kill them and then the girlfriend is like just crying So they he's based on a true story So they go they rape and then they're like wait a second There was okay. So it was a a woman So they find out it's it's like you're not a dude. You're a woman and they rape that woman

And then they double back and then Went back and killed them um Yeah, no, so it's the the Tiller swank plays a FTM trans person. Yeah named Brandon. Yeah, and they start dating Chloe Savini who plays Normal good good woman a good woman. It's good girl a normal person

Yeah, anyways, it's a regular human and uh, uh, yeah, then the brothers of the Chloe Savini find out that They're not, you know a guy and they're ticked and they're they're they're livid They're pretty take it out on a teed off. Give her the business. Yeah, dude. It's biblical Yeah, they're like, we're so mad in fact that we're gonna rape you. Yeah, they're like, we're gonna kill you now too So, um, yeah, it's based on a true story. I think uh, uh, it's uh, the real person was uh, anyone who lives in Iran every day of their life

Why do you think that gets people so fired up? Getting tricked like that. Yeah, I'm good. That literally inspires like murderous rage. You getting tricked. Yeah Maybe it's also because they wanted to fuck their sister and they're mad that like a chick gets to do it I don't know Yeah, I mean or they're like, why do we think of that? That disguise is yeah, if you kill them, you get their power That's the thing about trans people people don't understand like a highlander. Yeah, if you get them, you get their powers Dude, that's what powers that here's why because the brothers are power of deception Masters of disguise

Oh wait, they're not brothers. They're just friends, but the the the brothers now Yeah, they're ex-convicts. So they were probably getting some of that that sweet boy in prison Oh, yeah. Well, they saw those tits and they were like that whole time they were there and we didn't even know and then they were upset They're just chill with their butterfly knives and like wait, yeah That's the thing they've been waiting for for years Is just is a man with a pussy They've been in prison getting there the answer the solution the man with a pussy. Yeah, it just weirds me out that inspires murder It's like if if I got tricked I'd be like, ah

People don't like being wrong about sports They don't like being wrong about anything the smallest thing and then it's identity challenge. Yeah, cuz yeah, oh, yeah I thought we saw I knew I always heard that story of Jews being like getting like my closing leg was a stripper turned out You're a dick. You never lose their minds. He didn't come outside for a year. It's like, dude, that would take me like Seven minutes. I'd be like, whoa, I didn't see that one You've come close to that. It would just make me feel worse about investing It would just make me feel worse about investing which I already feel pretty bad about investing. Yeah, I've lost so much money It's like, oh, this is gonna be good. You've been thinking about getting into some cryptocurrency, right? You can't I just have terrible luck

Both crypto. Yeah, just don't day trade is my my suggestion What's that have to do with getting tricked? Well, nothing getting tricked. Oh, you'd be like bad day trading once you find out cryptocurrency is a total fake Damn it somebody You know, it's you know, it's fake, but like I mean there's still money. There's well, I mean it already has but exactly Yeah, I mean if you invest it in December, you'd be up like fucking 200% right now Yeah, um, but the I'm just focused on regular currency right now. Yeah forex, you know, you're yeah, big time Currency I I wanted to do like I remember I read about change

I'm like constantly dealing and I got all kinds of foreign Yeah, let me see these. Yeah, there you go. I wanted to get into forex when I was younger I was like, that sounds so fucking cool. Then like you have to like trade it in units I'll say this. I have a federal idea now cool. I was like, all right. Awesome. Yeah, you got a cool Yeah, I tell people I look it up. DHS like hundreds of thousands of dollars to even make a dent in it Yeah, I do this to pretend to be a federal agent That's awesome. What kind of bills are they? Um, I don't know. This is from Australia. So I guess this is uh Some some bitch there

Uh-huh. Is there Woodrow Wilson? Are you sure that's a woman or is it a man? We don't even know Everybody what if England found out that their queen is actually a dude how pissed would they be? They're finding out the queen is black right now Not handle that pretty well. Yeah You're right. Are they not handling well? I don't keep up with that stuff. They're not stoked on it. I don't think they care That dude from the bbc's fucking He dropped that yeah, so what did he say he tweeted a picture of the oh, yeah

Yeah, they welcomed their son and it's like somebody walking a chimp out of Buckhouse Oh, shit Damn, he didn't meet it like that He tried to cover it up. He was like, I see how it could be construed in that manner. You know what's funny is like I got Like like suspended from twitter for doing that same same exact thing but like But like as a joke like being like, I don't know what's wrong with it And they kicked me off twitter for like fucking a year

Damn For a chimp baby picture No, not a chimp baby picture It's like there was a story about like a chimpanzee who was a leader of some gang of chimpanzees that would have been cannibalized If their headline was former chimpanzee leader cannibalized by by previous followers or whatever or former followers And I wrote like r.i.p. Obama And I was like can someone explain to me why this is racist People were ready for it like the angle of like, you know, like he used to be the leader and now people are turning on him

I don't understand. You know, it's like that's the joke is that like I don't understand why Then you have to force other people to be like, well, it's because they That was a Valerie Jarrett thing She was like when she did the Valerie Jarrett when Roseanne did that thing when she put up the picture of Valerie Jarrett Oh, yeah, yeah, Muslim Brotherhood means playing into the it Yeah, she was like, well, I'm sorry about the Muslim Brotherhood and the way they like the politics of it and everyone was like, no, you're talking about black people look like monkeys Yeah, she was like, well, you said that That is that is funny dude to put that up. How long you got banned for a year

Well, they did the thing where like they suspend you and they make you like they're like And you like this right on the chalkboard bullshit where they make you like go through and delete all your problematic tweets And it was like I'm not doing it. Yeah, I'm not doing it. You should have you should have rose and out You should have been like I took a fucking blue chew No control. I was hard as fuck, dude. Yeah, I just like don't I'd like to apologize. I donate a bunch of money to a chimp research Like I've said I I get it wrong and I'm apologizing to people who work with chimpanzees That was the afflicted like they were like you got to apologize to

Chimpanzee ever this was this was in January. That's a rough one. Like right. Yeah. No, that was bad It doesn't make any sense here Just like I don't I say I donate to an organization full of chimpanzees and you're like, what what's your black people? Okay. Yeah, sure. I guess I'm blue chewed out. Yeah, all right deep fake. Yeah, this is deep fake um Yeah, no, it was like right after the election. So it's like, you know people are when they let you back on Would they send you an email just like no eventually?

I just went in and like that some of the tweets had been deleted by themselves anyways And it's all yeah, they just ended up deleting them So they at least give you a picture of them to take home with you to put on your wall But play the screen captain. That's good when people like think they're doing communism and they want to be like What the hell is this from five years ago? Right, right, right, right? Keep pointing out this and sending it to journalists who happen to follow this person to That the only way to stop Donald Trump is by getting mad at who people follow Damn, dude, try to take you down. They can't fuck now, dude. Uh-uh

No fucking way. We're just talking about hiring honeypots Yeah, we're gonna start infiltrating like 14 year old girls Yeah, we'll probably go a little Honeypots like something like the police use like it'd be a car that's like designed to be broken into or stolen Yeah Like the comedy scene was just like you just hire prostitutes And then like find all of our enemy comedians just like deepest darkest secrets from them Gather dirt and then destroy them with it

Nice We're gonna start we're gonna have to start with some pretty rough fucking honeypots with our budget We'll be doing like k&a street walkers Pretty tough to sound you'd be surprised in this economy. You could probably get a pretty good deal. I love that What? I love that. I love that plan Send open mics just being an information broker Yeah, aren't we all the deals in dark secrets? You know just sitting in sitting in a cafe somewhere

What do I know about him? I know very much What do you want to know black turtle maxis scarves from here on out a couple dossiers The question is what you can do for me my friend. Yeah, they'd be so So they would spill their guts instantly. Yeah, get them to like tweet shit on their phone for them Yeah, I mean I feel like most comedians don't even have secrets. They just sort of broadcast everything right, right, right Like well, I'm six months into comedy time to do my web series about how I was raped repeatedly From age 13 to 15 to brag about my five abortions. Yeah, right It's a good point

Yeah Still gonna do it. Well, I wonder what target's gonna do with all the gay stuff once the month ends They just have all this gay shit in the store now and it's like You're just stocked up on that. It's gonna be like old Super Bowl shirts old Halloween candy sent it to Africa I'm gonna get discounted stuff from yeah, like old Super Bowl shirts. Yeah, man. There was a hold on Let me tell you right now. Africa does not want that That's what I guess that's gonna start another war over there I was reading a book about people like Eastern Europe with like wearing like pride week shirts and having like no idea what it was

What's that lovely like bot like like identity stuff is like there was like some headline that people were like sharing They're like, this is great. It's like Botswana strikes down The bill to like throw people in prison for being gay. They're like fuck. Yeah, and it's like they're still like a million They actually be more safe in prison than outside of prison And that would actually help Then they get to be together. Yeah That Mexican dude I saw wearing that just saw a Mexican dude. He was working on this lawn in uh At college and he was wearing a shirt that just said I came I saw I partied

Yeah, I do the flowers Well, we go out landscaping I love to do the flowers and the tulips copping a beer shirt Was like the coolest shit you could have when I was like 14 if I got like a micolobe shirt. I was like, yes totally The beer that only exists to be stolen out of your garage by No, no adult is actually drinking wine cooler t-shirt This dude, that is too funny. Definitely honeypot, dude. Micaela. Yeah. Yeah the other night like I drank like five micaela

Bolters the other day and I wasn't even drunk. I'm like because you didn't drink beer You drank five waters What else you guys got kicking around uh Saw a bank the other day that was five thirds bank and I was thinking it's probably run by Asians And it's just an insult towards black people Right that's worse than mine. Oh is it? No, it's not because Asians Asians are very racist towards black people So they're like rubbing in their face because Asians are supposedly smarter than white people, right? So they're saying that they're five thirds. So I'm saying literature. Have I

I don't know it was quiet and it was a thought I remembered I'm just trying to help The Asians are the racist ones in there. Yeah, even reading the bell curve I wrote the bell curve But I was like behind some black person I think I had like a ruler or whatever. I was just pretending like like casually measure their head. I'm trying to remember where Like that is just such a No, I'm just interested. I don't know

You gave him shit for endabile. Yeah where there was Japan fuck. I can't yeah What were you measuring? But just like the like the joke is that you're like just sort of casually sneakily trying to like measure a black person's head like in public Just like holding up like no, wow, I'm just checking. I like to measure things. I don't know That was top science back in the day, dude. Yeah, they'd be like, well, we study the skulls. We're better. Yeah It was like top science. Yeah, it was like it was like if you were talking about evolution Well, that settles it

We're like, uh If it was still using that it was Charles Darwin's cousin sir Francis Charles Darwin had a retarded son How funny is that stopped? Yeah, yeah, yeah for real That's why he was like survival of the fittest. We're supposed to let some of them die How can we never heard about why is he why isn't he in the history books? Uh, his son? Yeah, because his dad wrote the history Yeah, probably Francis Galton was like his uh, his cousin and he like took Darwin's idea And was like I can apply this to social theory and he was like white people are the best Well, I was improved it. We have different size heads. Damn

Everyone else sucks because it was wow, but that's damn so his retard because Charles Darwin is real big during the uh eugenics age He had he was hiding that retarded boy, dude because that was on the chopping block He was probably stoked when he went to that island and saw those goofy fucking animals Because I actually let my son out here Down here these glopagos is a retarded paradise, dude It's not that we're trying to he's just evolved to not care about the things that we have to that's actually you know Honestly, we're evolving the wrong way. We should all go back to a simpler being, you know, you get blackpilled

Now you sound like a Rothschild dude trying to social engineer us all Oh, yeah, and so being Darwin had 10 kids one of them died at age 10. The other one died at 23 days Um, one of them was sick but lived at 84 Um Sick but lived to 84. Yeah, one of them became knighted Nice, uh, hopefully it was the retarded kid It's just a foam sword

Sir cookies OBE We're a lot of darwin, so you got knighted damn he he ran the gamut dude A knight you have a knight. I think I'm sick 84. Oh, yeah Emma darwin give birth to their 10th and last child charles wearing who's not even his last name isn't even darwin Yeah, well, it's him trying to say darwin Charles way On 6th december 1856 when she was 48 years old the baby had down syndrome and died of scarlet fever after 18 months

Oh, so he's he never learned how to walk or speak charles wrote a loving memorial to his infant son So that's pretty tragic. Yeah, well take that charles darwin. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you bitch He wrote like a big list on like the pros and cons of being married. Really? Yeah, it was like a how many What was the percentage of pros to cons? I forget but he I mean he ended up marrying but he like definitely was like I don't know if I want to do this and wrote out like a list of like pros cons and then he forgot like the possibility of a He's like he probably got that I was like I don't know. I watched that testimony of that down syndrome guy like to congress about like

A boarding down syndrome children is screening for down syndrome children or whatever. Yeah, and uh, he does it's funny. It's like how You know like I mean most people are like pretty stuck in their ways or whatever and you're not going to be like swayed by Any kind of argumentation no matter how, you know persuasive it is but that video that retarded guy did make me Literally made me go like, huh, I guess I didn't think of it that way. What was the issue? They're saying You're like, look at me. Oh, they're gonna stop me. I don't want to die. No, I mean, that's all bullshit. It's like the other night Um, uh, but no, he's like talking to congress and he's like saying he's like down syndrome is like studied to show

Show the down syndrome like experience more joy and happiness than regular people and families with yeah With children with down syndrome do experience a higher quality of life and it's like, oh, yeah, that is true They are happier It's like and that really should be like way more of a metric of somebody's self-worth like as if they're like Literal ability to contribute to the happiness that depends on the situation. It's like in a wealthy family They're happier, but it's like there's a lot of like people with the poor ones. Obviously The poor ones get to wander the whole neighborhood. Yeah, we they become like the neighborhood cat We still need them for labor. I understand how the new york center sells right. Okay. Okay

I understand what like what keeps the sewage flowing under the cities Every theaters aren't going to fucking run themselves all of all of the toilets There's a team of retarded people underground that suck the diarrhea Jesus Christ do with them. I I'm aware of that. I understand we need them for society to function I'm pro-retarded dude. I love it. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm a big. Uh, I don't think I said the word neurodiversity Oh, yeah, italians are very big on a neurodiversity because they have to be That's why they have the mafia. They take care of their own, you know, because most of them are They just like it because there's so many syllables in the world. They just like it because there's so many syllables in the world

They're like, whoa more to say come look at this no world diverse I love saying it Yeah, they're stopped trying to like cure autism. They're just being like, yeah, this is just something that pops up Yeah, yeah, this is all AI everybody's worried about AI taking over. It's actually just autism that's gonna come take over. Yeah autism and intelligence Yeah, for autism take over. Yeah, we're worried about robots. It's it's uh, it's uh, we're in here

Terminator versus a bunch of autists. Oh, yeah, that's gonna be a good battle dude. Just random mass shooters attacking robots Honestly, I put my money on autistic guys versus. Oh for sure because they can reprogram the guys Really the other the actual robots. They're the ones who built them Well, it's like probably things are gonna skew more towards autism as people are like increasingly socialized like through technology And direct forms of communication. So this whole idea that like, you know, a lot of people, I mean myself included I've made a career of saying I have autism. I don't have autism. I'm just an asshole and I've bad social skills And like that is like probably more of a result of me spending most of my time online rather than like ever having friends Yeah, you know and just seeing relationships is sort of oppositional and

And transactional and like, you know, what do you have on me that I don't have on you? Yeah, yeah, but yeah, I mean it's like is that something new that those people are gonna rise to power They're just like more manipulative. Well, I mean, I literally our president is Sweethearts, dude. Now they can hide behind being autistic now. They're strict honor code Well, there's gonna be a lot of yeah, there's gonna be a lot of fake autistic But I've met real deal autistic people I've worked with their sweetheart. So you burger his mom Dude, they're sweet. Then they're a lot of a lot of those narrow a typical guys Oh, like that, you know, there's communities or whatever you read the forums and they kind of like retcon

On uh, like famous historical figures being like, oh, yeah, he yeah, he's retarded for sure Stonewall Jackson? Yeah, Stonewall Jackson was autistic If it was like Stonewall Jackson, but it's the Pride Stonewall and he's like, who's ready to go to war? Who wants to have a war? God, I can't wait to make slavery continue Yeah So I can fuck the okay

Sounds good. Yeah. All right, sure. Gay. Gay. Stonewall. Gay. Yeah How about Stonewall Blackson and he's like, oh, yeah, no, don't ask me my son. They all hit me with no god damn Canada don't stand right here. No, he's not black. He is a black son No, I don't I mean yes, my son Spent the summer I got a little bit of some tan on You know, why would we go through your family now? What's the matter what he looks like? I'm the general That's why I got killed by friendly fire dude

What would what would Blackstone wall Jackson be This is the one I do and the anime Next cell phone wall Jackson Cricket phone wall Jackson Hey, where you at, man? Yeah, we at Appomattox Did you ever do either of you guys ever watch anime? No, I watched it. I'll uh, fuck what the hell is that? God damn it. I can't think it was when they traveled back in time That's probably a bunch of them. Yeah, probably wishbone

Oh I thought anime meant gay Oh, it's oh, it has to be Japanese. Oh, okay. I'll think of it. Remember it was it was pretty good I like it, but yeah, I kind of liked it and then I just you know, I don't know You realize what comes with it You're like, oh, this is kind of fun, but then they just can't become my personality Well, that was my thing is if I'm if I'm drinking and I feel like I might have a hangover and I want to avoid the hangover I would I had a practice where I'd get super high. I'd eat like edibles and then watch anime until I passed out

Yeah, that's like a void hangover that way. Oh, okay So that's how I kind of got into it and I watched that one show on time traveling. I'd wake up high and be like What timeline am I? Do you still smoke a lot? I have like waves I go in and out. Yeah, so it's like I won't for a while Then I'll like gobble edibles right now definitely in an active period but yeah, I'm definitely working on a whole system of uh Anxiety desensitization desensitization from just getting super high and being like

It's crazy. Everyone's doing like ketamine therapy or micro dosing. You're like normal people are doing ketamine therapy That's surprising me because I'm like weird about ketamine. Yeah, try going to the gym first Right go for a fucking walk Someone hit me up in there like I always talk shit on ketamine some guys like no, I did it for depression So yeah, I've heard good things Dude, I've seen people doing it and it just does not look good, but it also depends on yeah Who you're getting your opinions from it better be USA ketamine. Do you know that Chinese shit? God bless you Thank you. Yeah, it's horse tranquilizer. Yeah. Yeah. It's dissociative. Yeah, but yeah, that's dude. It's just a little

That's just a little horse tranquilizer. I was talking to my friend. She was like, yeah I went and got like ketamine therapy and I assumed it was like micro dosing and she's like no they give you a Oh my god K-hole yeah, dude like she's like, yeah, I thought the first time I thought I was dying and I was like gonna have to explain to My son that I was gonna be dead or whatever and I was like, what the fuck and she was like, but the second one was great Yeah I don't know about that. They give you an IV. Yeah, man. That's how they do it They could do it intermuscularly, but it's way quicker just to kind of hit you in the arm with it

You just go into a fucking k-hole, dude. Yeah I have where are these centers? Are they like open right now? New York City's got plenty of that shit New York City has like like that. I would not be surprised if rich people don't have like a fucking eternal sunshine like facilities somewhere Right, right, you know like or uh, what is that movie vanilla sky? Yeah, yeah trying to start one here Yeah, something like that. Yeah, you can probably actually like that's like pressure like buy like the services from that movie the game In New York somehow There's all these places that are like youth centers and you just go and they're you're like, yeah I'm like, I'm I'm shitty

And then they're like, oh, here's a bunch of like steroids and hgh And they'll like prescribe you like you can just get like yeah, you can just get prescription fucking like Yeah, try an hgh Jesus, I know like I met a guy who's just a doctor and like like I want you to go to the gym with him And he's like just like a doctor. This isn't some fucking like media. I mean, I guess they use a media But he is also a doctor He's just like prescribing everyone fucking like not the actual testosterone because you just buy that online but like clomid Which like makes your balls not shrink when you cycle off

So what does it do instead of that though? What clomid? Yeah, if it doesn't make your balls shrink like what's the other side effect that because there's always some other thing There's always some Yeah, yeah, well if you're like on testosterone and you like cycle off and you just like stop taking it Or like fuck your body up. So I think like clomid helps like regularly. I don't know. I mean, there's some other bad effect That's coming from that though. I'm real into more just like mushrooms weed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Hands on some clean acid if anyone's out there. Yeah I think that's all that's good. I think that's going to be the next wave

Psychedelics. Yeah, the SSRI stuff hasn't been backed up by real medical evidence. Oh, really? No, the evidence is scant. I don't know. Have you ever done too many psychedelics? So and you're like, I need to fucking take a chill pill from those you ever dig too much and you're like Oh, yeah, I'm like, I think I'm done with the psychedelics for a while. I'm like, I'm good for I got some shit That's the cool thing you take on me. You're not like, you know, you're all right. I'm cool on these for a while But you know, I like them. Do you ever think you're gonna smoke yourself for tartan? Do you think it's a thing? It's propaganda. That's racist propaganda. Is it? Yeah, dude Good, I hope so because I don't want to stop smoking. I keep telling myself. I'm like, maybe I should stop smoking

What if it's affecting me and I'm like, but I don't want to Do then again, I just literally had a concussion and uh, oh you did working. Yeah, how long ago Everybody's got concussions. Yeah, he skipped defensive driving class gotten a nice Someone fucking ran a stop sign and cracked me Have you had a concussion? Yeah, have you had a concussion? I don't think so. I've never gone to the hospital Me either because it fucks you up. I've been knocked out Like just knock the fuck out and then like like just been real like sleepy and weird Okay, so yes, you had a concussion

Damn, yeah, I never had one diagnosed same, but yeah, I played football my whole life Yeah, you get knocked out and you like don't know where you are how you got to the place you're at and like you're just like kind of Yeah, just sleepy and out of it. Yeah, I've been concussed. I guess Yeah, they slipped under the radar a lot because I was just like him and I got out of that like unscathed and then like I just Didn't sleep for three days Yeah, it's pretty tight though. Yeah Yeah, getting the cost is pretty sick. Dude. It makes you another warrior. I can't wait Kill my family with bow flex. Yeah, we were talking about that. We're gonna both. We're just waiting

Poor bb girl june 25th, is that the anniversary of uh, benoit never forget, dude Yeah, I know it's in it's like june or july because every year I was hot It's gonna be a hot summer in the benoit house I feel like there's been an uptick in like benoit references in the last like year Yeah, because it used to be this thing I would forget about and then every summer I'd remember and I'd be like And it would just like saw somebody with a sign at a wwe thing that was like bring back benoit Yeah, no, it's kind of ruined because people make chris benoit jokes all year long and it's like yeah It's like, you know, like people like christmas. Why can't we have christmas all the time?

That's true. You can save it for this summer. Of course you should save people don't have any yeah june 24th 2007 it should be like that uh, justin timberlake meme when it's may It should benoit every june. Mm-hmm. It should be bet. Yeah, if someone does it, come on man Yeah, it should hack dude. It's only january, dude. Yeah, that's my this is my guy Yeah, you go to the store and they're already putting up benoit shit Not even thanksgiving Yeah, all the targets benoit merchandise that they have to get rid of they're like hey africa Do you want a bunch of chris benoit gay stuff? It's a rainbow flag choke slamming a seven-year-old son

Yes, please give us anything any type of help you can provide to africa That'd be nice. That's probably why they got into it. Yeah We said we kept sending them benoit shit and then they were like we gotta solve concussions for them They don't understand it. That's how it started. Mm-hmm. That's true I think benoit culture spread throughout africa. Yeah, I have to stop this rabid wolverine went through We gotta put an end to this america. There's no shit I was just wondering what they did before they knew all this stuff Like there was a benoit was probably a benoit like in every village dude. I told you about my fucking grandpa

What happened like someone's ct. I'm like growing up. Yeah growing up. I mean even just like they didn't have a name for it There's somebody who lost it. That's what they called it. Yeah I told you my my grandpa had ct like he got it. He played it. No name Cracked his fucking skull in a game And then he his career ended and then they just told me that recently my family But before that every story about him was him just fighting people. Yeah, I'm like freaking out the way he died Was he woke up from heart surgery on the operating table and freaked out and tried to fight all the doctors That's amazing

Whoa, that is the coolest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, he was a monster too. Damn. Yeah, they probably pulled the plug They probably snipped them though. I hit his aorta Like yeah, he freaked out he tried to fight us Yeah, every story was him just attacking people That's and then someone showed me a newspaper clipping from like the 30s where they were like, yeah, he's out this week Because of a head injury It's like dude if they're sitting you out in 1930 because of a head injury. That's a fucking serious injury Yeah, everyone else on the team has like radiation sickness. I'm like, yeah, I'm letting a good old uncle Sam do experiments on me

I'm helping out the government for no, they're not paying me. I'm I'm helping. I'm helping the effort Yeah Blasting me with fucking 700 grams ionizing radiation every morning. We're gonna play Purdue this week. Yeah, my skin's all burned off But it's good. They say it's good for you. You know that's found out that he said this thing in shoe stores called pedoscopes Mm-hmm. It's it's like a Constantly on x-ray machine so you could put your children's legs in to see how the shoes fit So people in shoe stores in the 30s were just constantly being exposed to massive doses of radiation

They couldn't just take the kids word for it. They know they're like, they couldn't put the fucking thumb on the fucking end of the shoe Yeah, no, they just had that. Yeah, just and and like even in the 30s like the fucking government and oversight like groups were like Don't do that. Good for that salesman. Whoever got that fucking product and all those goddamn stores great grandfather of the asbestos salesman Yeah The American History Museum or you just like look at like pictures of like old like I think would like most Is most symbolic of like that era was is like old desk fans Where they only had like three wires on it and then it's like

Yeah, just don't stick your fingers in there because it'll cut your fingers off and then at a certain point they're like well We can't trust people Like it's like hey, you can let these machines kill you if you want. Yeah, you know enough people had their fingers Yeah, we didn't used to need us in Asia now. We need it because everything's been protected, you know Yeah, I can't just accidentally die anymore. Can you please kill me? Yeah, sticking their finger in that fan just to get out of work You have a fucking get out of work pass right there every day Yeah, anything that's like they're just like, yeah, that works and sticks around. It's just not safe

Like the fucking trucks of the mailman drive. They're like, yeah, no seatbelts Right, right, right Basically a go-kart. Yeah, yeah I wonder how many mailmen have just spilled out How many of our finest we probably lost due to slipping out the door. Oh wait, I guess it'd be a left You're on the right side Dude rolling out the Asian guy from earlier tripping out. Oh, hey guys What's up?

We've lost a lot of our finest dude just rolling down that thing just the boys in blue And that truck just crashes into a bunch of kids at play Yeah, I was at the uh transit museum in New York reading about the how they built like the like one of the tunnels I guess for the trains The trains Yeah, they got their own they built a railroad Yeah, it's a target actually it's in the it's a giant bathroom that no one's allowed to use Going to hang it from the ceiling like the blue whale

Just like oh man, they're huge but they um Like they would have to pressurize the tunnels and they had to basically this big like steel Sleeve that they would like dig out some of the ground and then push it forward This big steel sleeve to build the tunnels like underneath the East River So that like the this sleeve would span like the entire circumference of like the front of the tunnel They would dig out all the shit and then push the Boring, yeah boring too But occasionally you'd hit a pocket where there would be like like air in the ground

And the guys who were at the front of the tunnel had the most dangerous job because it's like you hit one of those things That like just sucks all the pressure out of it's being like sucked out of an airlock There was a guy that was like Sucked through the fucking and then shot up a hundred feet in the air What in the East River falls back into the water and they're like go back to work Shameless, they're like set them back down into the fucking tunnel. Yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, you had to go back to work

And then like they have like a list of like what the wages were and it's like you got paid like half a penny a day And with that you could buy like a beer What the fuck? Yeah You know it's sick now the queensboro bridge I was like looking at it or something and it's like like they list like the nine guys that died making that shitty bridge All right, dude, there's like this. Honestly, that's a pretty good deal. You get a name on a bridge. Yeah No, no, I think it just said nine people Nine dudes that yeah, nine dudes died on this bridge. Yeah

Yeah, it's like you think like three thousand people died in 9 11, but like how many people died just building new york city Oh, dude, right? Yeah ton. Yeah falling off of scaffolds and those eye beams and shit Yeah, there's like rivet crews that were like just throwing 3000 degree pieces of metal at each other with like no safety harness. Yeah, man. Yeah Yeah, I used to work with guys like that I'm gonna become one of the middle-aged guys that like idolizes guys like that and gets mad at children Yeah, like that's how they used to be me. No, I'm a soft-headed faggot myself So you can tell from my harley davidson shirt that I would have been one of those guys

How I've been given the opportunity to every old dude gets gay and they also start being like I love the military I would have served I can't wait I hold my place delayed so I can shake people's hands in the airport I want more than to shake the hands of Yeah, some air force reserve coming through sir. I'm gonna wipe the Panera out of my mustache so I can suck your cock While I wait to complain to this united this man is a veteran. Where's his seat, ma'am That's awkward. Did you ever talk to one of those guys? Like I had a I had a good spring of a couple of lift drivers who had been like

There were soldiers overseas and like when you start getting into like the reasons they were over there in the money interest Those dudes go I love to bring out. I love to bring up call of duty to those guys I called in this kill streak on fucking whatever that It was so sick. Do you ever use one of those for real anyways? Yeah, no, I'm really good at the game But yeah, it was hell dude. Yeah, then I respawned and they came They're like, yeah, I was in actually felusia too and one of my friends and you're like shut up God Oh

Talk about video games You were troops in how you like this. I was a troop. I don't support this. Yeah. Oh, yeah I'm okay. I'm all right, man I was just waiting for a flight. Do you still wear the costume? Yeah, I have the costume the costume they gave you I had the boots. I was still wearing those boots for a while Do you still do you keep them nice do you keep the boots? No, the boots are gone now But I did steal valet a couple times. Yeah, they got to they were worn out. You got a real list I gotta get new shoes. Yeah

Damn, that sucks your boots. That's so funny that you can just like Go to west point and be like, no, I'm good You can't get listed do that Right, right. You can go to west point and be like, no, I'm good and every single person there's like, come on, man Don't quit. Please. Please stay. I don't want to quit. They wanted you to stay Yeah, immediately I was getting yelled at by these drill sergeants because I was just taking a shower Like after hours, I just got up and I was like, I'm like in the shower. This sucks

Yeah, and they're like, what the fuck are you doing out here? Like they started screaming and they're like, do you even want to be here? And I was like, no, I'm definitely gonna quit. Yeah, and then immediately they're like, ah, man, come on It's not that bad. Do they why I was one of us the other day Like why do they think they have to like scream it? Why can't they just be right? Here's weapons. We're gonna train you guys how to use them. We're gonna make sure you train and get in good shape Why do they have because you're supposed to adjust you want to get people adjusted to having like PTSD immediately Yeah, legitimately. Yeah, I mean, that's the whole reason they're screaming at you and putting you in a high stress situation Is because that's what warfare is going to be

Well, that's also like you just put you in boot camp and they demoralize you to the point where you're not an individual anymore You're only like uh, like well, you're now Chinese. You're a weapon Damn, yeah, they can't make you can't I guess that's why you just can't have a bunch of chill ass rows wage in warfare Well, you just also have to have a hierarchy of fucking like people to know who you listen to and like know who you take your orders from Like because in a moment like you have to know that you're the absolute person who's going to give those orders Because then in that situation you have to come up with something I guess there's no time for like you have to know where to look Did you ever consider the military all the time? Yeah, anytime I see that 20g signing bonus

I'm like I could do it and then I get like three minutes into the fantasy and I like think about someone yelling at me I'm like, yeah The only thing that ever scared me away was the idea of having to do something for more than six months Yeah, you know, yeah, so same reason I don't have any tattoos or yeah, you know any real opinions actually No, that's true. Yeah, as soon as someone starts yelling at you, you're just like yeah, that's my I can just leave. Yeah, I had a friend that was a uh, he was like uh, uh, like a artillery captain or whatever There's like a friend of the friend We were like hanging out and go drinking and stuff and I was it like when I was like 23

I didn't know what I was gonna do and like my money was like fucked up and like comedy was kind of just like whatever And I was like, I was thinking about enlisting and he's like, no He's like, absolutely not that would turn into a ford hood situation almost immediately He was like, I'm telling you right now you would do terrible in the military. Yeah, she gave me the talk Yeah, I was an universal soldier dude. Yeah, Matt was like, I could have been a Navy SEAL Yeah, I was like, trust me. Everyone thinks that because they saw American sniper, but I literally I think just seen American sniper Yeah, I got you That zero dot 30 because I've also dedicated my life towards like not having an alarm clock

Well, that's what middle-aged that's what those middle-aged guys are is like They also have the delusion that they could have done it But they don't have anyone in their life anymore to be like, no, you can't Yeah, because it's like, of course you can it would just be cruel to tell that man that like no He was destined to sell computer parts that he didn't understand That's true, but you could have been a fucking SEAL, but no you made the ultimate old you've been a fucking loser your entire life You will continue to be a loser. You have nothing more than your like model train forums And you know shaking people's hands at the airport tough thought man when you start thinking about like

The inevitability of how many people just die utterly mentally wrecked and just like it never worked out Yeah, well it's because they never learned to like live for people other than themselves Which is like a necessary transition you have to like understand that you're like Part of an ongoing process of like humanity There's people that came before you that died or whatever. Matt's got two dogs. He doesn't live for himself He's got two dogs to live. No, I heard that I'm hearing that man. You are an ongoing process people get too hung up on themselves. It's the worst thing in the world I'm just dude put me right. I always said you bury me. Just put me in a burlap sack and kick me in a hole

Dude, let me disintegrate. That's weird to put people in a fucking. Here's the thing It's like people won't even care enough to do that. They'll have a regular funeral for you No one will care about your stupid burlap sack He wanted some fancy burlap sacking to prove how much of a regular guy he was But no, no, he actually was a regular guy and we don't give a shit enough. So here's your suit. Here's your casket Oh, I don't want that unless you're served, dude, then they toss a flag on there. That's the difference Big lot of me You get a garnish your bones get like you're supposed to just kind of like break down back into the dirt

How about a make a make a wish kid that was sorry Once to simulate the murder of Osama bin Laden. Yeah, that's a great way I want a compound in Pakistan. I want the Navy SEAL to come in and I'm going to hide behind my wife And then they're going to shoot me and dump my body in the ocean They're like, well, we did it for bat kids. So I guess That's how we got Osama. They like touched his heart. He was like, I guess I'll show up and do this My favorite movie is Zero Doctority And I want to die like Osama

Oh, fuck. Oh, I said, sorry, like, sorry. I have to say this Totally understandable Yeah, you're saying the bones get fucked up. It doesn't matter I'm stuck on that kid sitting in that chair. I agree if they skimped and they were just like, you know what? Fuck it. We'll just dump him at sea He has cancer. You said any wish You see some laser beams coming in through his window. He's like, oh, yes I would love to have a son just so I could write to the maker wish foundation with my left hand and be like, I really want my dad

to fuck Allison Breed They're like, it's what he wants. I would I'm going to deny my son that Yeah There's a Sock company that's apparently like using their retarded son as like the yeah, I saw that Yeah, this down syndrome guy has come up with it's about time. He pulled his way. Damn poor down syndrome boy thinks he invented socks They're using him as like the uh, like the mascot. Yeah, and they're just fucking killing it all damn. Yeah So there's there's money to be made. Oh, yeah

Retarded business the retarded industry is about to be like easily three billion a year Yeah, yeah, that's how bowing can make up for killing all those people with those faulty jets You're like, um, we want to show you the guy that designed the plan Still want to be mean about him now About safety features It's like I did my best I tried to make the best play I could I'm sorry. My best wasn't good enough for you

Been a bunch of Indonesian people have to apologize I think the government of Jakarta has been we did not know it was a retarded guy Yeah, that's a good failsafe any historical fucking catastrophe just like there's a retarded guy at the helm Yeah, we didn't want to take all the credit for this but that was actually that's like european history from like 1320 until 1880 Look, we didn't want to shrug ourselves off, but we put retarded guys in charge Yeah, well that probably does it right maybe like hour 30. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we're way over. Yeah. Yeah. Okay Yeah, I got a piss hour 40. That's perfect. Thank you guys. Yeah, of course, man. Thank you. Um, sorry to adam Adam had adam has no idea that this happened. So

Uh guys check out adam friedlin on twitter If you ever follow Uh, yeah, thanks Yes And matt and shane secret podcast