The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 16 – Back In Business

Episode Date: August 31, 2016

After a week long hiatus the crew is back and it hasn’t been a long enough vacation. Wardell joins us and screams into the microphone making it very hard to edit this episode. But its online now. We talk about a lot of the same stuff we’ve already covere

The all-new Hyundai Kona all-electric SUV isn't inspired by the future, it's obsessed with it. Because we look forward and see more. More beauty. More technology. And more possibilities. Welcome to the future of urban SUVs. The all-new Hyundai Kona. We made it more wah. Welcome to Comptown, you fucking pieces of shit.

This is Comptown, what number? 14? Anybody? It's either 15 or 16 i think okay either come down either 15 or 16 uh sorry for the delay uh we were recording an hour of rape specific podcasts every day and they all got deleted we We were talking in the car. Whoa. I wasn't interested yet. Fuck, fuck. Sorry, guys. We have a very special guest. We're here with the Comeboys, Nick, of course, Adam,

and we have Twitter personality. Shut the fuck up, Cyrus. And professional Snapchatter. We have Brandon Wardell. We have one of my favorite DJs.j's up there dj snake i only know three djs and two of them cuckolded me so brandon brandon's number one together yeah so yeah is it is tiesto still a guy tiesto cuckoo i love i love dj tiesto because his name always sounds like one of those like offbrand Korean knockoff televisions.

Like they made toasters for 50 years. And then suddenly it's like, why? You got a Tiesto laptop? I got cucked in Ibiza to show Avicii how it was cool. You would probably get cucked in Ibiza by Avicii. Down. Yes, our boy Brandon's here. I'd do it for the content.

Of course, dude. Avicii, that guy's, his name looks like Roman numerals. Yeah. That's a good take. Yeah, that is a good fucking piece of shit. Keep throwing out DJs. I'll do a bit of Diplo. Diplo, just shove that in your ass.

That's a thing you stick inside your body. Hey, Nick, how do you feel about Skrillex? Skrillex Skrillex that sounds like a version of Scrabble if you're an even bigger nerd DJ Mouse what's his name Deadmau5 that's how those

books about the holocaust should have ended with the guy dying wait the Holocaust should have ended. Yeah, yeah. Whoa. With the guy dying. Mouse. Wait, the book should have ended? The graphic novel. The joke is that they should have gotten the mouse rather than the mouse lives. Oh, I see.

In my alternate director's cut version of Mouse. Those are great. They are really good. The only comic books i've ever read mouse and spawn very similar themes they're doing all the comic books one's about a guy that went to hell and the other one's about a guy that should go to hell oh take that you fucking heebs yeah uh they're gonna i mean they're gonna run out of comic books and need to make the mouse comic books. They're going to make an all-girl holocaust.

Minnie Mouse. Girl Hitler. It's all Minnie Mouses. I have one. And then Leslie Jones. Leslie Jones being the holocaust. Like a blue version of Leslie Jones. Leslie Jones blue helping the rest of the Minnie Mouses. Jesus Christ. Jesus. Fucking Christ. leslie jones blue helping the rest of the mini mountains so i wish she would change her bio what's her bio i'm am a stand-up comedian oh really yeah

respect respect for keeping typo in i'm a stand-up comedian and i just feel like during the harassment i feel like she should have maybe changed the bio. Yeah, you're right, Brandon. She was asking for it by having a typo. Whoa! Victim blame. Brandon, victim blame. Wait, wait, wait.

You heard it here, folks. What's wrong with her putting I'm a stand-up comedian? No, I'm M. Oh, I'm M. Yeah, like she just has like, she's had a typo. Typo bio for a while. Okay, all right. Well, I guess she does deserve it then.

I mean, yeah, we get it. You think she deserves it It's fine dude By the way Brandon why were you saying the n-word so much in the car over here It was really fucked up Brandon why does your car have a vanity plate That's just the n-word With an extra r on the end

So everyone knows that you're serious It's an extra capital Five r's You know what I'm saying So hard It's an extra capital. Five R's. You know what I'm saying. So hard. Didn't we make a joke about rolling it last time? That's a great joke.

Anyway. Did you roll it on the bus? I can't roll R's. I don't know how to roll R's. Can you try? Can you try to say with a... Actually, why don't you roll D's? Why don't you do it? Why don't you teach me?

You're the guest here. I know. I need you to teach me. I have tried on previous podcasts. I can't do it. So that's why we have you here to show me how you do it why don't you teach me you're the guest i know i need you to teach me i have tried on previous podcasts i couldn't do it so that's why we have you here to show me how to do it you've said it you've said it the whole the whole goal of this podcast is to get you to say the n-word every just specifically me you yeah it would come just to ruin your career well that's the thing we do with guests is everyone has to say the n-word when they come yeah you've listened

to ruin his career or to take his career to the next level we'll see what do you think it would do if you said the n-word on this podcast yeah i think it would i i don't think it would uh i don't think it would help after after i accidentally got credit for for the matt rife stuff for when like people started like other people started saying that for saying that. D-Ray was like, Brandon, I'm proud of you. D-Ray was like, D-Ray added me, like, Brandon, very good job. Very good job exposing this man. What did I? Literally, all that happened.

He's the mayor of Baltimore. Like, basically what happened. I just imagine him, like, delicately eating Doritos while tweeting. Listening to Spotify. Yeah. Good job, Brandon. Doritos listening to Spotify yeah good job Brandon eating it remember when he posted the black whopper thing it was hilarious dude he posted an ad so much whoppers um my man's a show so when that happened like lit literally all that happened is I posted a tweet where I was like look at this dumb ass like instagram with

kyle massey where he used like a bunch of dumb hashtags and then i like posted another tweet where i was like making fun of like more instagram pictures and he's essentially just like i i told you like on we were talking about it on the phone and i was like he's like me if I never discovered irony. Yeah, oh yeah. He's just hot you. So like... He's sincere Brandon. He's so cute. Hot bad me. For the people that don't know... He's not funny.

Matt Rife is this mayo ass cracker cry laughing emoji white boy. Fam, can you get a clap back for Matt Rife? Oh no, this podcast is pro not supporting brandon and pro matt rife yeah nick said his dj caled bit was good that was wild i think it's an okay bit shut up it's wrong but it's like that's the kind of that joke works it fucking works it works at wilding out Brandon. He's wilding out. Oh, boy. Oh, but yeah. So I was just like making fun of like a guy being corny on Instagram. And then he tried to fight me in the valley.

Hilarious. Which was like hilarious. So good. But then other people started like exposing him, like just searching. When he was like 13, he said the N words. And then like from his account. Yeah. And so like all these people started posting that. searching words and then from his account. And so all these people started posting that

and then Complex wrote an article that just basically credited it to me. They were like, Brandon Wardell exposed. You're an old tweet exposer boy. And then a bunch of like... Complex is literally retarded. Literally gay and retarded.

It's in the logo. It's like complex, literally retarded. So then a bunch of popping feminists were in my DMs being like, great job exposing this man. And I was like, ah, yes thank you i definitely uh i meant to do that yeah yeah i wasn't just making fun of a corny guy i know yeah which is crazy the feminist dm'd you because like on the car ride over here you were saying how you think the wage gap is good oh yeah i was saying that yeah i said uh we should actually increase it

we should probably increase it that is true yeah so i mean i think literally i think by the way women more money for sure we should pay women more money but we should also then pay men even more money yeah exactly yeah just more money just to reiterate though that was not a joke from brandon wardell everyone he actually thinks we should increase the wage gap anyway let's keep talking guys uh boy so did you fight matt rife or oh yeah i wish you would have gotten no i wasn't i wasn't gonna i don't have a car he he wanted to fight in north hollywood i live on the east side i'm not gonna if he if he came to pay for listen to this motherfucker i'm not claiming transportation I'm not gonna pay for an Uber to get beat up he didn't fight him that guy would have wrecked your ass

you saw the picture where it's like three dudes in the background yeah well I no you just see like just a sliver of an arm of like his black friend yeah this is my man just in case cause he here just in case but he here just in case

but if that guy comes to your house you're not fighting him why would he come to my house are you gonna see him at the laugh factory I've never been to the laugh factory in my fucking life but that's where they make the laughs yeah true you gotta go straight to the

Baltimore comedy factory they're like what do we name our club? They're like, how close can we get to Laugh Factory? Or it's copyright infringement. That place sucks, dude. Yeah. It's the M-PROV. It's E-M-P-R-O-V.

They're in a fucking travel plaza at a Greyhound bus station now. That's the funniest shit in the world because that's where that shithole Chinatown bus drops you off. Like when I went to do Magoobies or some one-nighter, it let me off at that hotel. There's a sign that's like, here's the comedy factory. And I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. And I went in there. I'm like, did they open a second club in the lobby?

They're like, no, this is the club now. Yeah. I was like, okay. It's just a shitty – it's like a fucking's just a shitty it's like a fucking some very shitty hotel yeah it used to be like a dinner theater it used to be shitty versions of like greece that's like right by your house yeah very close to greektown but yeah it's fucking it's a horrific spot and uh alabama is there and uh he's a hack and he uh he like he's like the house comedian feature yeah comedian alabama who got who got motorboated by

tim hackle tim hackle mv one of the best again tim hackle shouts out legends uh yeah where is he in baltimore so he's in the carolinas the beach bit is my favorite santa comedy i've ever heard you weren't there for that though you just told me about it he just went on stage one time i don't think it was a bit that's the thing is, Tim can't come up with bits. He just doesn't have to be funny. He's just so funny. So he'll go on stage. He'll be like, all right, I'll be funny for a minute,

and then I'll start doing material, and I'll crush, and then he starts doing jokes, and he's like, oh, they got macaroni and cheese. What if it was like, you know, I don't know. What if it was syrup instead of cheese? You know, you guys can't think. He had a good super-ass bit, and it ended with being a six-year-old that's fingering another six-year-old, which I'm all for. Getting fingered in a cubby or something.

It was pretty funny. Yeah, he's ridiculous. But, yeah, he just went on stage one time. He's like, what up? What the fuck is up, dude? I am a straight up beach bum. Okay? I fucking am a beach bum.

I love the beach. Ocean City, where's the beer funnel at? Go hang out with my bros. Rehoboth, gay it up. I'll suck a dude's dick. People are giving him... He's just listing beaches. Yeah, he's just listing beaches and then getting hyped about whatever's...

Regional mid-Atlantic beaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like mid-Atlantic beaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like mid-Atlantic beach Brody Stevens. Actually, kind of similar. He's got a couple vibes. He's got a couple Brody vibes. But, yeah. What the fuck are we talking about?

Rehoboth, go get gay on the beach. Gay it up. Gay it up. I'll suck a dick. Rehoboth. If you guys don't know, Rehoboth is a beach. Notoriously homosexual. Yeah.

In Delaware. Delaware, right? That's where Delaware goes to get gay. What is it? Ocean Parkway in Ocean City? That main road? Yeah. You just drive up, and then once you cross, like, I don't know, 110th Street or whatever

it is. You're in Delaware. You're in Rehoboth. Yeah, I don't fucking know. We went there once. I think I told this story already. We went there once when I was a little kid. And everyone thought the European, like our friends from Germany, these Greeks in Germany, were wearing Speedos.

And everyone was like, they're gay. That's the whole story. What about you guys? Do you guys know any? Wait, tell that. So, anyway, we went to Rehoboth Beach once when I was young. And we went with some friends from Europe. And they were wearing Speedos.

And everyone assumed they were gay. Well, the Speedos attach to your foreskin. Yeah, exactly. It was just they tied a Speedo around their dicks. That's really good. I don't think I've ever been to Rehobo's. It's nice, dude. We should go.

How long is an average foreskin? How long? What do you mean? Like if you stretched it. Like 13 and a half inches. Yeah, on the small side, they run 13. Mine's about 17. Oh, I forgot that you're a foreskin.

Oh, yeah. Sob got a foreskin. You know i'm fucking oh natural i'm gonna start measuring my dick in in pikas in what in pikas is that a what is that there's some like other standard measurement yeah that's like that's like uh six tenths of an inch or some shit really interesting yeah i forget what it is brand if i-brand if I had an uncircumcised dick. Well, everyone knows you have a half-circumcised dick. Yeah, your dick's half-circumcised. My dick basically is.

Why do you think that would be off-brand, dude? Because I'm like a little twink. Oh, that's true. What, you're not allowed to have? Twinks can be cut, uncut. It wouldn't make sense for my look. You're right. It's cleaner to have a cut dick.

Yeah. I like to be a little sloppy around the edges. You know what I mean? Well, that's apparent. You have an uncircumcised body. I would love to get my body circumcised. I want to get that surgery that Asian people get to make their eyes look not Chinese. Yeah, the fold surgery.

But I want it so I look extra not Chinese. Is your eyeballs out of your skull? Yeah, just wide open at all times. Like the end of Roger Rabbit. People are like, you look so not Chinese. I'm like, oh my God, thank you. I just got the procedure done. If you get any plastic surgery, what would you get?

If you had to get one procedure. Rhinoplasty, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ. Oh my god, look at this thing. It's getting bigger, too. I love it. I feel like that's...

I kind of like having a big nose, though. Big part of who you are. Yeah, I know. I kind of like it. Have you ever fucked with your nose? Have I ever fucked with my nose? Have you ever put your nose in a pussy? Yes, of course.

Of course. Why not? Yeah. But I mean, like, really a couple pumps. Fully. Yeah, yeah. Do the classic. Ever since I heard butt licking is acceptable.

Yeah, of course. So from behind? How often do you eat ass? If she won't, it won't it. And if it doesn't smell bad, yeah. I'll do it. Give it a couple swipes. Or not even. She doesn't even have to just take a shower.

One time I was listening to the Dan Savage podcast. This was like five years ago. And he gets this call from this, you could tell, just thin mustache, old man with a cravat you know just one of those kind of mustache over the phone yeah and he's just rubbing against the speaker he's like hi dan um every time i i lick my boyfriend's asshole i smell a little bit of shit and i feel like it gets me a little bit high. He's like, is that a thing? Is that like a sex thing? High. He feels like he gets a little high from it.

Jankum, dude. Africa's chief export. Africa went to the Olympics for Jankum. It's the only thing they do there. I'm going to tell all the teens that follow me to do Jankum. Hell yeah, dude. They're doing that in Florida, I heard. Do you remember that news story that will always pop up?

Like, yo, in Florida, kids smell poo. Like, every six months, there's one that comes up. I'm going to tweet extremely off the Jankum. Brandon has to tweet every 15 minutes, by the way, or he has a fucking seizure. It's like Speed. It's like the movie Speed. What did – Brandon has to tweet every 15 minutes, by the way, or he has a fucking seizure. Or he dies. It's like Speed. It's like the movie Speed.

He sets alarms every 15 minutes in his sleep. He wakes up and he's just like, Arthur Mima Harabi. Arthur Mima. I'm done with Harabi. Snappy chat Harabi. Do you think you could get... How easy would it be to get... Should we just make a brand Wardell algorithm and tweet? I tweet from his account whenever he stays with me.

And he leaves his laptop. He leaves his laptop in my apartment. I'll just tweet from his account and he'll get like 150 likes. Oh, yeah. You were like... I was just like... Yeah. I don't want a GF.

I want to fuck Pikachu or something. Yeah. Yeah, I remember a couple of people have pointed it out, but all the shit that you tweet now regularly is shit that if you had stolen somebody's account, the shit you would put on their account. Oh, yeah. It's like he's trolling himself. You can't tell if somebody were to hack my account because I'll just

be like, yeah, I want to give Hank Hill the suck. Well, you could tell if I hacked his account first. There's a specific word that I would tweet immediately. All of them unfollow me. And then he loses three followers.

Did you guys check out my mug? Damn, Comedy Knockout. By the way, oh yeah, Nick Mullen, new television writer of Comedy Knockout. True TV's own Nick Mullen. Yeah, actually, yes, please watch the show so it gets picked up for a third season and maybe they'll have me back.

There we go. And I can buy more power tools. Yeah, Nick's not going to get evicted. I'm done. I'm done with the power tools. You're done, you think? I can't even see where they are right now. Well, I built...

They're on a shelf. I built cubbies to hide everything. Yeah. Your room just looks like a fucking, an old man's garage. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

that's, you want, that's the goal. You turn your life into a POW camp. Hell yeah, dude. I was looking at, uh,

to put a fan in that hole in the wall. Um, because you know, like a, there's no privacy and B,, the air conditioning doesn't really get in there. So I was looking at, like, industrial exhaust fans, and what a racket. They're all like, you know, just to get something that fits in there, it's like, one was like $700. Jesus Christ. And it was listed as explosion proof, which I wasn't even worried about with a regular fan.

But now that I know that fans can explode. Yeah. Well, then I guess I need to just get a regular ass fan. You know this thing that like, I think it might be Korean people. Like don't sleep with ceiling fans. Because they think it sucks all the oxygen out of them. They think you can die from it. Yeah.

That's like a thing that everyone in Korea believes. Holy shit. And their language is also a bunch of circles and rectangles, so they don't know shit anyways. Annyeong-hanseyo. Annyeong-hanseyo. Annyeong-hanseyo. Have you ever seen their language?

Their written language looks like a drunk person trying to draw Legos. I mean, that's what they... No, Korean specifically. The rest of them, like, Chinese is, you know, there's some swoops in there. It's boxy. Mostly straight lines.

It's boxy and stuff. And then Japanese is, like, more fun. You know, it's like they're... It is so cute. It's just an emoji language. The Korean one basically looks like machine code. Like the Matrix. Yeah, like if we discovered like, you know,

like some piece of technology from the 50s like landed on the moon somehow and developed its own society, that's what the Korean language would look like is that robot moon language. That's actually where the term comes from. All Asian people are from the moon. Also, what is it the deal with Korea

where when you're in bed with the guy that you're hooking up with, you're sending nudes to other guys? What's the deal with Korea? Do you guys know that? No. No, what's that? Just a reference. Never mind.

Did you fuck a man? Just my life. Just something that happened. Did you fuck a Korean man? No. Oh, what's that? What's the reference? Never mind. Did you fuck a man? Just my life. Just something that happened. Did you fuck a Korean man? No. Oh, you mean... Oh, the show. Oh.

Oh, the show. Yeah, I think... Did you send nudes? I think that's a Korean thing. I thought you meant two Korean men. Not a dumb bitch thing. Did you send nudes to other dudes? No, she was sending nudes to Adam while she was fucking...

She was sending nudes to dudes laying next to me in bed. That's a turbo cuck. That's a turbo cuck. I'm voting for Trump, basically. Get them out. Get them out. No, I'm just a cuck lord now and I'm voting for Trump.

Are you still fucking that girl? No, it's over. But I got a cool jacket out of it. We should all vote for tom myers that's the only thing that i'll feel happy about i would love to vote for tom i'm voting for tom we should for real get tom iers to do a regular segment on the podcast i've said this and news tom myers news minute norman norman wilkerson found tom myers acting real and sent it to me oh no we don't yeah yeah it's about this. Well, it's a different one. The Priest one is the one I'd seen.

This is a new one that Norman found. Wait, there's another one? I think about that one set so much. The public access one. Oh, yeah. He's talking about eating Hillary Clinton's purse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the trademark.

That's the Ed Schrader one. There is a public access one. I've seen the bong hit transplant. The bong hit transplant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the greatest stand-up comedy. There's that, and then there's the I Ain't Scared of You motherfuckers. Oh, yeah.

Those are the two best ever. If the guy that makes t-shirts is listening, the guy that made the Brandon t-shirt, if you want, no pressure, but if you could make a shirt with Tom Myers' face and it says bong hit transplant, please. Yes. Please. That should be the official shirt.

I would wear that every day. I would wear that. And then it does... Maybe it says Comptown real small on the bottom. It doesn't matter. As long as it's just Tom Myers and it says bong hit transplant, that would be perfect.

Yeah, dude. Fuck yeah. That should just be our merch. And you could probably make money off of it. Also, if anyone out there knows how to draw or you're an illustrator, if you can draw Tom Myers taking a bong hit out of Hillary Clinton's pussy. That would be perfect. That would be really great.

Any Tom Myers-related art, go crazy. Tom Myers fan art is exactly what we want. If we even have any listeners, we probably lost everyone, right? Yeah, because we took a week off. We took a week off, so we're fucked. Yeah, that's how that ends. Hopefully we never have to do this again. How long was the Glazer run?

Was that one episode? That was one episode. That was one episode. Now that we take a week off, we took a week off after just a whole a rape yeah yeah yeah and i guess he probably did it oh yeah of course nick well here's here's what sealed the deal for me oh shut the fuck up what is it what is well he so he got an attorney and uh like the lawyer is he raped the attorney on ghb the attorney yeah the lawyer is... He raped the attorney? Yeah, yeah. He raped the attorney on fucking... He GHB'd the attorney. Yeah.

The lawyer, like, the same girl that wrote that... Spanish slide. The same girl that wrote that Revelist article, like, asked for comment, and the attorney was like, well, basically what we're doing now, because none of this is true, is we're waiting to see what UCB has to say to us, and then we're going to decide if there's going to be a lawsuit or not. And it's like, oh oh so you met with Aaron and he was probably like well I kind of raped those girls and they're like okay well we'll

see if they say anything fucked up and if they do well like they're like just trying to see what information UCB has because here's the thing if like UCB had said I raped somebody I would immediately I wouldn't if UCB had said it yeah well yeah if some fucking well if anybody did.

To the extent, like, if it was just some fucking crazy, you know, nut job, I'd be like, yeah, that's not true, and I wouldn't worry about it. But if it was, like, an organization with, like, some credibility, I would absolutely try to sue them no matter what. Oh, I see, I see, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I did it, you know what I mean? Right, right, right. But if it's like, well.

True, exactly. If you don't sue someone when they say you raped someone, you raped someone. Is it true that he got a job writing for the next season of Amy Schumer or not? Aaron Glazer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did. He's head writer. They fired Kurt and hired Aaron Glazer.

I think it's only fair. They thought Aaron was a girl's name. It's only fair. Yeah. It's only fair. But here's what I'm doing with that situation because, like, you know, the same way you should encourage victims to go to the police, you should encourage victims of defamation to actually fucking sue the people accusing them of shit. And if they're not going to do it, well, then maybe they're lying.

So I'm still victim-blaming. You're still finding a way. So I haven't changed my opinion. Yeah, you're not actually victim-blaming. You're rapist-blaming. No, I'm victim-blaming Aaron for not fucking suing ucb for lying about him so you so maybe they're not lying jesus christ i wish brandon was saying this so i could be like what is that brandon yeah i'm gonna say anyway brandon why are you nodding and being like yes everything nick said why are you mouthing everything that is true

um anyway no more rape unless we all Rape Brandon On the podcast Right now Wouldn't that be a good pod But the response To all that shit Has still been bullshit No I mean like

Fucking all these people Angry at Kurt Oh I mean he shouldn't Or angry at Amy Like putting Amy In that position I mean they

Amy talking about it On Charlie Rose Yeah yeah Oh really I didn't even see that Oh it's a Yeah I mean Kurt shouldn't

Have fucking I mean just like People should have More empathy When, it's a... I mean, Kurt shouldn't have fucking... I mean, just, like, people should have more empathy when shit like this happens is the only thing. He shouldn't have fucking... How do you know he doesn't have any empathy? He expressed an opinion about, like, not jumping to conclusions. Originally... Well, the fucking saying, like, good hole and shit, like, just the way...

Wait, what was the good hole? The phrasing he used about rape. The phraseology? Yeah, I almost said phraseology. Yeah, it's just like his phraseology was off. He types most of his Facebook posts with his penis. I was saying Kurt always sounds like somebody repeating themselves to a deaf person. That's his normal speaking voice.

Oh. Know what I said, boys? Do you know what? But I do think it's fucked when people are like, yeah, fuck him. Now that he has been like, yeah, I fucked up and I whatever. Like now people like, oh, of course. That's it. It's like now they're taking a victory.

It's like, what the fuck else do you want from the guy? He fucked up. He admitted it. And now he's open. Yeah, he shouldn't have said in the first place. Because they want to have like they want to scold people. That's what they live for. It has nothing to do with doing the right thing. He said that, like, he got in a fight with one of his girlfriends, like, 15 years ago.

He got what? He got in, like, a physical altercation with his girlfriend when she, like, destroyed all his stuff. Yeah, he told the story on Marin. But, like, people still, like, bring that up, right? Yeah, yeah. Some piece of shit at Heavy wrote this article that was like five fast facts about Karen Margolis. That was crazy. About his girlfriend.

About Karen. Someone's girlfriend. Yeah, and Karen said nothing. And then there's a big picture of Karen. And then underneath it, it says, this is the girlfriend of the man that blamed victims. Some shitty site. Some awful website. Some shitty content.

Didn't they say something like, she's Jewish? Yeah, that was Jewish. One of the facts. one of the facts. One of the facts. Then they framed it in a way where they're like her dad's a Zionist.

So it wasn't even like she's Jewish. It's like, oh, yeah, she's pro apartheid. One of the bad Jews. Pro-occupation,

pro-rape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then fact number four was that Kurt, you know, choked another person's girlfriend.

Nice. That's a good fact. That has nothing to do with Karen. Wow. Well, Brandon, it's great to have you. We've moved on from that topic. Brandon's also committed acts of violence against women. Isn't that right, Brandon? Most of

Brandon's stand-up acts could technically be classified as violence against women. Brandon raped an infant last year at Wonderland in front of all of us. At Wonderland Ballroom. He raped an infant. If you agree, just don't say anything. And then he texted Andy Kindler. Just laugh and don't say anything.

And it was like, Andy, is this funny? And he's like, I don't know what's going on. I'm lost. Yeah. I saw Don't Breathe last night. What's Don't Breathe? It's like a horror movie Oh

Yeah, I enjoyed it a lot Do you guys know about that? No Okay, topic number two Moving on Here's my review It's fantastic Go see it

Nice, man Thanks Sully, have you seen it? It's okay Next movie You saw it? No It looks fucking horrific

Why does it look horrific? It just looks like a fucking fake movie. Eastwood makes good movies. Sully? Is it like a Boston movie? It's Tom Hanks being the guy. It's a guy named Sully. Sully Sullenberger.

From Southie. Sully Southieberg. Oh, Sully the... Oh, okay, cool. He's on all the talk shows. Wait, is it a Clint Eastwood movie? Yeah. So he's like,

These kooks are making me feel like... Get your goddamn... And then he turns to his co-pilot and he's like, This is where Obama should be sitting. It's empty. I used to sex kooks like you six feet high in Korea. Yo, Nick and I, we used to walk around Chinatown doing the Gran Torino voice.

We were laughing. Me and Amber and Felix were laughing the other night about the older... you know, like old, back when before it was, I mean, not before it was trans, but when you could still say cross-dresser because some people were just cross-dressers. Right, right, right. And like I used to work in a mall and early in the morning there used to be like two separate old guys that were like cross-dressers.

But they're those types where they like, yeah, we're probably in World War II. Yeah, yeah. And then at 67 years old, they're're like fuck it i'm wearing a dress yeah yeah yeah so we were laughing about trans torino it's just some old like trans torino yeah yeah i love it what the fuck are you spooks up to what are you spooks up to? What are you spooks up to? An Irish guy, a Jew, and a black walk into the bathroom at Target. And then Caitlyn says, get the fuck out. And then him and the other guy laugh. And then they suck each other's dicks. He says, get the fuck out.

That's pretty good. Yeah. No, I think that was a good sketch. I was bitching. I was saying they should bring back Mad TV on Facebook. They already did. It sucks. I know.

It fucking, yeah. You know what? I looked at a picture of the cast, and they were smiling too much. And I was like, yeah, this isn't going to be funny. It's fucking horrific. Wasn't the writing staff, like, the final season, like, all of alt comedy? It was like Patton Oswalt. It was like, I think they would switch back and forth for Mr. Show and Mad TV.

Oh, Blaine Kapach. Yeah. No, they had good shit. Didn't we talk about they would switch back and forth from Mr. Show and Mad TV. Oh, Blaine Capac. Yeah. They had some, no, they had good shit. Didn't we talk about this already? Key and Peele. Yeah. We definitely talked about this already. Yeah.

We sucked off Mad TV before. Yeah, it's my favorite show. My favorite show is Golden Girls. Golden Girls is a good show. It's a good show. You say that as a joke, but Golden Girls is actually a quality sitcom. No, I like it. I think it's a good comedy.

I've been watching it a lot. It's on the Hallmark Channel. The Nanny. Great show. Is say that as a joke, but Golden Girls is actually a quality sitcom. No, I like it. I've been watching it a lot. It's on the Hallmark Channel. The Nanny. Great show. Is The Nanny good? No. Not really. Mr. Sheffield.

We were talking about Chinese names. Oh, Mr. Sheffield. That one's still good for me. I mean, I beat off to her so much in The Nanny. Like, all those dumb, like fucking cheetah print and like, oh my God. I love her. I definitely did.

They're probably very like formative. Oh, there was some very formative. She's in the mix formatively. My biology teacher, Miss Warner from sixth grade, just huge titties and red hair. I think, and like, I, i i i want to fuck redheads now and i think it's all because i've spent a year of my life beating off almost exclusively her that's weird that you would want to fuck redheads why because you just don't have options in general like you know i can fuck i can fuck bitch i don't like this whole meme of me not being able to fuck

i fuck you that's the narrative you crafted i'm just going i can fuck yeah i can fuck when i put my mind to it i am celibate right now you can fuck when you're uh featuring for bobby yeah oh yeah i can get head in the fuck you look good man you look like you've lost weight thank you buddy yeah i got fired we didn't talk about that at all you know i think you always look like you lost weight to me no i think i forget yeah i expect a lot worse yeah yeah i balloon no i keep going back and forth no i think it always look like you lost weight to me. No, I expect a lot worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I balloon. No, I keep going back and forth.

No, I think it's because when we first started hanging out, you were like 450 pounds. Oh, I was fat as shit, dude. I was legitimately 325. Yeah. That's actually the secret. If you're a big fat guy, don't lose all the weight. Lose like half of it. And then people will still think like, oh, yeah, he's still fat.

But they'll have the image in their head of the fattest version of you so every time you see them they're like you've lost like a hundred pounds i mean you're still fat but you look good i think i've talked to you about how i jacked off like way late yeah you wouldn't jack off right well because of middle school i went to a catholic school where they taught you that like jacking off is like evil yeah and i was like afraid like i was afraid i'd just like jack off and like demons that would be badass dude i wish that happened when i'd fucking demons came out my geo starts playing like ghostbusters 2 yeah oh fuck yeah you didn't just hear you just hear rob halford screaming from my room yeah oh it's rob halford again he must be jacking off

that's what half their lyrics are about anyways yeah i love how gay i thought it's like gay bondage sex oh pretty much jacked off before I could cum. Do you remember that? No, you still have an orgasm. It was actually probably the most powerful orgasm you'll ever have. I thought I broke my dick the first time. I thought I was just like... I used to rub my dick against my hand. I would rub it flat and just tickle my dick until I came when I was 11, I think.

Yeah, that's weird. That was the dick until I came like when I was like 11 I think yeah that's weird that was the first way that was the first way I came I had a fleece redskins blanket that I would fuck would you like hump it no I would make a makeshift pocket pussy do you guys see that article about a proto pocket

pussy yeah it was like you know what I don't know he cut a hole in the mouth I don't know if it was fleece it was actually it was real soft that soft i know what you're talking about that material it's a lot of football shit is that material it's i think they sell them in uh in cvs it's some kind of synthetic throw shit yeah it's good to fuck i remember i remember i was in the mall one time with my friend zach when we were like 13 or 14 we walked past brookstone and we were like in brookstone because you know you're a kid you walk through the mall and then you sit in those massage chairs which they don't let you

sit in if you're under 18 really tell you remember that there's like you have to be 18 to sit in like massage chairs that was like a thing at different like brookstones and places or maybe sharper image they were letting little kids, young kids. Yeah, you would do it anyways. But I remember, and it was because they make you cum. Oh. And they said it was to stunt your growth, but it's because they make you cum. Really?

Yeah. You cum off that shit? I don't know. But that's how the story went. We were in Brookstone, and they had like this vibrating neck pillow that was like... And turn it on, and like fucking... I don was like, and turn it on. And fucking, I don't know, something picked it up. They showed it to Zach.

Zach's looking at it. And it's vibrating. He's like, oh, my God. And he goes, does it have a hole in it? And he's like, they're turning it around. He doesn't think about it. He's like, you're going to fuck that thing. Who was the first? I want to nut at Brookstone before the weekend's over.

I think it's done. That's why Sharper Image went out of business. Some dude nutted in that $9,000 grill that has a radio built into it. Why didn't Brookstone and Sharper Image just squat up, dude? They were doing the same thing and they both went under. They're against each other. Now every store in the mall

is either like, clothes for black people owned by a Korean guy or the Apple store. Or like a kiosk to get your like iphone like yeah a fix yeah or it'd be like a cool indian guy that has like a bunch of iphone cases did you break your screen what's up man yeah what is up my man hey listen to me my pussy getting friends do you want to be the most very very pussy getting guy you have to have the new case the most very very pussy getting oh fuck hey cool guy what's up cool guy indian dudes are

the happiest people in the entire world i think we talked about that before probably i think so yeah not when their sons go to jail for murdering a girl they had a one-night stand with the night of man that show has fallen off yeah it really has it was the pilot was so fucking good pilot is i saw the pilot it was good as shit the pilot is so fucking good and now like, like, in the last episode, when he, like, kisses the lawyer or whatever, I'm like, I'm done with this. Two episodes ago, I was LOLing. Spoilers! It was just so absolutely absurdly bad. It's ridiculous.

Did you see he got knuckle tats? He got sin on one hand and bad on the other hand. He literally got sin bad knuckle tats. Oh, I didn't see bad on there. Yeah, he had sin and bad. Why? Dude. Because sin bad, dude.

But, like, the Arab sin bad? The one that's, like, from Aladdin? The real one, yeah. The swashbuck option. Yeah, he has sin and bad. Why? Dude. Because sin bad, dude. But like the Aaron Sinbad, the one that's from Aladdin. The real one, yeah, the swashbuckling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that was a real guy. Yeah, well, it's real. Yeah. The show gets bad because as soon as he goes to prison, the story transforms from having the appeal that Serial did,

where they present Adnan as like, this is just some guy that this happened to. And that's like a really interesting take on a fucking homicide where it's like he's not a bad guy but there's nothing particularly special about this dude. Yeah, he's a good student but it's not like he's valedictorian.

He's just some fucking guy and you don't know what happened. Maybe he murdered the girl. Maybe he's in denial about it and that's what made it great he murdered the girl. Maybe he's in denial about it. And that's what made it great. And then as soon as he gets to prison, it's like... He becomes a bad boy. Well, it's not that he becomes a bad boy.

It's that Michael K. Williams is like, look, you're special. I also don't like Michael K. Williams. I think he's an okay actor, but the roles he always plays are like... I think Omar was the shittiest character on The Wire. Oh, Nick. Come on, man.

That's a real hot take. Coming through on the wire. Oh, Nick. Come on, man. That's a real hot take. Coming through with the opinions. Well, he's like, especially that episode where he jumps like four stories. That's a real story. That actually happened. He actually, somebody actually jumped four stories? Yeah, because I had the same, I thought the same thing when I looked it up.

And the guy that's based off of actually jumped four fucking stories. Huh. Well, that might change my opinion then. Because I always felt like Omar was this guy that... He was too bulletproof. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I know, and it's like...

But then the way... I mean, this is definitely a huge spoiler, but the way it all ends for him is like it kind of, you know... I used to do that when I did stand-up in Baltimore. Yeah, the little boy kills him. Yeah. Every time I did stand-up in Baltimore,

I'd be like... I'd be like, I don't want to spoil anything, but I'm not going to spoil anything but in season 5 there's a child that kills one of the most beloved characters Omar I'm not going to spoil anything I'm so anti-spoiler

I don't want to be a part of this guys I'm sorry if this ruined your view I think Cockfield one time we were talking about Speed 2 Cruise Control and I was like saying something We were talking about Speed 2. Cruise control. Yeah. One of the both. And I was saying something.

Now I don't remember if it was Cockfield or not. Yeah, you're probably just assuming it was Cockfield. Seth isn't that dumb, actually. But it was somebody. I was talking about Speed 2. And unironically, they were like, whoa, I haven't seen it yet. Oof. And I was like, yeah, I do not care.

Fuck, I ruined a too yeah 20 years ago also not a good movie yeah it's like one thing if you're like hey it's a classic whatever but speed too yeah by the way brand's on his phone he couldn't he couldn't handle he couldn't handle a sustained hour oh really he just made aos. Brandon has to call his parents for permission to watch PG-13 movies. He has to get them to sign off. Dude, I'm really sorry. I'm not a party to that at all. I didn't want the spoiler to happen.

Yeah, but there's so much better shit in The Wire. I mean, it's like... It's true, but still. Yeah, I mean, there's other shit that... I only know... I don't know any of the character names. You should watch. You should watch.

Somebody quote-unquote spoiled the end of the sopranos for me and it's not like well i can't watch it now it was still great i just yeah i knew what the ending was because it was like socially like such a big deal yeah yeah yeah but i was watching it contemporaneous i wasn't watching it when i was coming out you would prefer not to know though i still think it just had as much of an effect on me because it was i don't know i don't like i hate getting on me. I don't know. I hate getting shit spoiled. I don't know. Even a little shit, I don't like it.

I like to go in as cold as possible into a movie, not knowing shit. That's what I did with Don't Breathe. I read one review that was like, this is a great horror movie. I was like, okay. And I had no idea what the plot was. I don't like horror. I don't either. It's not scary.

Me neither. I'm a pussy. I hate scary shit. It's not. I don't get scared. It's a movie. It's a movie. What are. I'm a pussy. I hate scary shit. It's not, but I don't get scared. It's a movie. It's a movie. What are you scared of?

The right ones are funny. Like, Green Room was great. That's not a horror movie. What is it? Was it a thriller? Yeah, thriller. Suspense. Okay, and then I guess that's what this is.

Okay. But no, you know what? I don't know. I guess it's like sort of horror. I can do thriller. I can't do horror. Me too. I saw a horror movie recently. It was Ricky Gervais, Jerry Seinfeld, Louis C.K.

just sitting down talking comedy, man. And it was spooky. No. Okay. All right. I forgot Chris Rock. Chris Rock too. Yeah.

But yeah, Ricky Gervais is horrific on that thing. So scary. That makes me so. Including himself among those. That is so upsetting. Ricky Gervais being like, yes, I'm also as good as him. Yes, three of the best ever. Every time he talks, it's like screeching hope.

Right. Yes, you know how that's the thing you guys like me the most for? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to a show, and I don't want to say whose show it was, but basically the format is like, well, it's sort of like a panel. It'll be easy to guess whose show it was. So I'll just say it's like a panel format where there's four comedians, and they have to riff on something. I'm trying to keep it as loose as possible.

What this is about. Well, you don't know. Is it comedy without a leash? No, I don't even know what that is. Oh, dude, Comics Unleashed is so good. Comics Un is about. Well, you don't know. I mean... Is it comedy without a leash? No, I don't even know what that is. Oh, dude, Comics Unleashed is so good. Comics Unleashed?

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. No, this isn't a TV show. Oh, okay. This is a standard show. Goddamn Byron Allen. Yeah, but the host of the show was, like,

you know, not a bad comedian, but, like, just essentially a fucking bar show open mic-er. Yeah. But then he would book, like,

very good comedians right and uh anytime he said anything it was just like oh yeah that happens a lot here man because it's like because so many just the best comedians around so they'll do whatever show and it's like yeah yeah yeah it's brutal yeah uh so we'll take a break and then come back and then uh yeah yeah suck each other off until we come. Now it's like this little bridges All you gotta do is Look for the bare necessities But simple bare necessities Forget about your worries and your strife

I mean the bare necessities Or mother nature's recipes That bring the bare necessities of life Wherever I wander Wherever I roam I couldn't be found Out my big home The bees are buzzing in the tree

To make some honey just for me When you look under the rocks and plants And take a glance at the fancy ants then maybe try a few you better believe it you're gonna love the way they tickle move me look out the bare necessities of life will come to you they'll come to you look for the bare necessities the simple bare necessities forget about your worries and your strife i mean the bare necessities that's why a bear can rest at ease with just the bare necessities of life now when you pick pick a pawpaw or a prickly pear and you prick a raw paw, well next time beware. Don't pick the prickly pear for the paw. When you pick a pear, try to

use the claw. But you don't need to use the claw when you pick a pear of the big ballpark have i given you a clue golly thanks blue oh boy roll the silly jimmy come on baggy get with the beat the bare necessities of life will come to you they'll come to you Okay, we're back and we're talking anxiety memes with Brandon Wardell from Twitter. He's 12 years old. He just grew a vagina. He hit puberty. He is literally wearing a dress. At puberty...

We didn't... Okay, first of all, we have... Ladyboys are a different species than the rest of us. Asshole shifts forward and replaces their dick. We didn't... We didn't... Okay, first of all, we have... Ladyboys are a different species than the rest of us. Okay. Asshole shifts forward and replaces their dick. They just flip it. Brandon's got two assholes. Brandon's got two assholes. One for business, one for pleasure.

Yo, that's so funny. Yeah, we really weren't mean enough to Brandon in the first half. He's literally wearing a dress. And we have been like, oh, yeah, let's talk about it. It's an audio format, dude. He's got a dress for radio. Also, what if Brandon's trans, dude? What if Brandon's trans now, and he showed up in a dress, and you fucking started ripping on him? That'd be awesome.

Actually, now my name's Brenda. Brenda Wardell. Brenda Bathrooms. You saw the backpack says trans. Honestly, if Brandon was trans, I'd be like, that's just for the brand. Transden? Transden Wardell. That would be such a good brand name.

You calculating ass bitch, dude. Brandon is not a person. He will cease to be a person in two years. You know what's funny is like some Asian people... That's an impressive thing. Some Asian people have the last name Tran. Yeah, yeah. You remember one of those?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The trans. Wow. Yeah. I didn't even put that together until just now. Yeah. That's sick. And then that's also they're like...

Adam just has a fucking such a knowledge of every kind of Asian. A carnal knowledge. You guys know that thing where they send nudes to other guys while they're... She was on the podcast, too. The girl that was on the podcast was doing that, guys. Anyway. Anyway. Oh, also, I said don't screenshot me.

Don't screenshot me. And the second it ended, she screenshotted me. Of course, dude. Wow. Yeah, I hate that shit. Fucking screenshotting people screenshotting is you that was like screenshotting is feminism what would female comics do if there weren't ticker screenshots yeah i think somebody else said that probably

racine or something that's a great that's so fucking good yeah yeah the guy's just trying to fuck for christ's sake it's not an easy thing ladies the saddest thing well jake wiseman had the funniest one it was like two years ago he was like wow i can't believe how sexually forward that guy was to you on that on tinder hook up dating service you're willingly signed up for that's so sad when it's just a guy reaching out you know oh yeah because sometimes it's not a guy being a creep it's just some guy who's a lonely hey i'm just looking for love in this yeah lonely world yeah he's like what a fucking loser yeah it's like okay well you're 29 so tick tock you know yeah exactly tick tock bitch there's a fuse hooked up to your vagina and sizzling. It's going to go off, ladies.

Any moment now. Sicily? Oh, Sicily. You ever been to Sizzler's stop? I wish I have had. They still have them in Los Angeles. Get out of town, really? I actually have to go to L.A. for a week.

When? We should go together. It's open-ended, but I got a project I got to go work on in the next month and a half. We should go. You should come with. I'd come, yeah. We'll go to Sizzler. I would love to do that.

Yeah, let's plan it. Yeah. You're going to LA? I am. When? I don't know. We just said. Literally just said.

Put your phone away, bitch. Brandon retweeted me. I feel like I'm flying right now. This is, you mother, again, you retweeted. What is it going to take for me to get a fucking retweet? Have I not retweeted you? You've never retweeted me. I've never retweeted you once.

You've never retweeted me once in my life. That's not, that's not true. We got to You've never retweeted me. I've never retweeted you once. You've never retweeted me once in my life. That's not true. We've got to talk about this picture of Arthur Chew, which somebody brought to my attention. I set it as my lock screen because it's so good. Oh, no. That's incredible. I don't watch Game of Thrones, so I don't know. God damn.

I don't know what that chair is. That's good shit, baby. I don't know what this chair is because's Wait wait wait That's good shit baby I don't know what this chair is Cause I don't watch games The new balances Let me see Look at this shoe Oh he can't put a shoe on

Wait Look at this shoe in particular How do I find this Look how fucked up it is He blocked me Yeah He blocks everybody I think he's blocked all of us

Wasn't it hard Do you guys think it was hard For Arthur Chu Growing up with that With an autistic sister DW Yeah Arthur the chair Who was hard for Arthur Chu growing up with an autistic sister, DW? Yeah.

Arthur the Chow. Who the fuck is Arthur Chu again? He was on Jeopardy or something? He was on Jeopardy, and then after Jeopardy, he became like a columnist. And then he got in. He was like during the whole Gamergate thing. Oh, yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He made some. But his best take of all of them, his biggest hit was the time that he watched gay porn. Oh, I remember now. But his best take of all of them, his biggest hit was the time that he watched gay porn. Oh, I remember that. So you know how uncomfortable women felt. That's so fucking good. That's not even how analogies work. He looks like Mr. Saturn from Earthbound. I think the very best Arthur Byrne that I ever heard is someone said he looked like a minion with Down Syndrome.

You think that guy fucks? Arthur? Oh, yeah, dude. Really? I mean, more than you. Boo! I'm celibate on purpose. Yeah.

I'm celibate on purpose. No one try and fuck me. Yeah, I don't know. When did. No one try and fuck me. Yeah. I don't know. When did he post this Game of Thrones? I don't know, but I've been dying at that shoe for the last, like, two days. How fucked up that shoe is. If you zoom in on it.

He just barely can't, doesn't know how to put a shoe on. The tongue is jammed down into the side. It's so uncomfortable. But then he kept lacing it. So the laces go up his ankle, and then he's got like four or five layers of laces above where the tongue has been jammed down into the shoe. Oh, my God. That is fucking ridiculous. Come on, man.

Just take a second, dude. What are you like? What the fuck? Why are you so busy? You're in that much of a hurry to sit in that chair? Also, he was definitely in... I gotta sit in that Game of Thrones chair! No, dude, he was in line to sit in that chair.

So he just, like, waited for two hours. Yeah, he could have just knelt down at any moment to fucking fix his shit. His pants are on backwards. It's like he somehow got part of his ass pulled through the zipper of his pants this is half of a cheek pulled through the zipper hole but then they're buttoned big art chew yeah uh so what else brandon what do you got going on we need to fill another i don't know 20 minutes he's go to the VMAs tomorrow. Oh, are you doing the VMAs?

I'm just, yeah, I'm in town to just be. To Snapchat. To go to the VMAs. I'm not Snapchatting at the VMAs, no. Isn't that what you did the first time? I mean, I'll do it on my account. Didn't you Snapchat for them the first time? Yeah, I got paid to take over the MTV Snapchat account.

So don't say, like, I'm not doing that. You fucking did it like oh okay well whatever i i'm just you're just attending yeah i'm attending okay that's good yeah you're going with um what's that yeah how when are we going to my friend uh my friend darcy oh darcy yeah darcy tweets about me darcy who Sub tweets you Way too much All the time You guys met like once Yeah she keeps And she's always like

She's always like This 30 year old Weed dealer In a planet fitness T-shirt Oh yeah that's a good look And then all of her Yeah all of

All of her All of her Sad girl twitter Followers are like Hell yes Yeah yeah yeah Fuck a man And then they're all

She's Yeah she roasts you way too much for somebody that met you i didn't even know she was flirting with me and she's like yeah this one time this guy would rather watch basketball than like hook up with me i was like you were trying to hook up with me i had like no idea right whatever yo what's up darcy your boy stop no uh i would never I didn't say that and what's up holler at me

she's mad cool you seem like a great person she's very funny I think she's like she's in my top 5 twitter accounts oh nice she's just 3's

and yeah like 33333 4444 oh really oh well check it out oh this is great

Amber's sending me texts from a friend of hers right now and it's I don't know who this is, but they said, we were at a Twitter DJ thing last summer, and my friend goes, bro, you Brandon Wardell-looking ass

as an insult, and then it was actually him. Wait, who said that? I don't know. It's anonymous. There's a lot of people that don't like you, so I get sent this all the time. The greatest. Isn't it going to be awesome when Brandon's career goes bad?

Oh, like woke Twitter fucking. He's going to end up like one of those dudes that runs open mics in LA that had a career in 1992 for a thing. You're going to be that guy? Who's that guy who's showing you tonight's show? People will be like, yeah, That's the bully from Encino man He runs this fucking mic now He's just this weird guy

I'll be dead before that happens No you won't You're gonna be a fucking miserable Middle aged piece of shit No I need to die I need to die early I was in a commercial for Staples once Here's the problem

Brandon's just gonna have a good life. He's just going to be happy and it's going to be terrible. He's literally going to be Spider-Man and it's going to be hilarious. Are you going to play Spider-Man once they work through all the other races? We finally got to question mark. No, hopefully something bad happens. I want something bad to happen happens But I want See here's the thing

I want something bad to happen But I want you to rebound Did you see Did you read that article About But I do want it to happen Donald Glover's show The Atlanta show

I didn't see an article about it Yeah I read an article It looks really good I didn't see shit about it But I saw one article That made me laugh Where it's like You know

He's like It's a fuck you to white people Or something It it was on one of my websites literally in derrick comedy yeah he's not saying fuck you to white people um well i don't know what's going on in his head but in the article it was like you know he's only hiring black writers but then the quote on the article was like i wanted to show white america they don't know any every everything about black people or whatever and then the in that same paragraph it was like uh like they got this character in the show and they're like all right he's a drug dealer and he lives in a trap house or whatever he's like no he's a drug dealer he's got enough money for a regular apartment they're like oh okay it's like why is he a drug dealer yeah you

want to make a show that challenges stereotypes they're like well yeah he's black so he sells drugs obviously but you know in like a cool way in a nice way he drives like a mercedes instead of a cadillac yeah but no he sells drugs for sure i only have very good things to say about donald glover yeah oh hell yeah i'm sure the show's gonna be the show is talking about this fucking article we like met i like met him at like his place like on memorial, and I had never met him before. Where does he live? It was in the Hollywood Hills.

Give us the exact address. He came up to me like, yo, I read all of your tweets. Really? I've seen you make jokes about me, but they're funny, whatever. Oh, that means you're on his shit list, dude. You're on the DG shit shit list yeah you can kiss your career goodbye yeah it's better start that mic now yeah at that hooters yes try to get in the factory wait is that panera or not panera is that uh is it panera where there's an open mic like time

square panera it's like on bad slob really and it's a bringer to donald glover's credit i also want to say that bro rape popularized bro is a term oh yeah if it weren't for that sketch people wouldn't yeah absolutely definitely popular absolutely true can you like the amount of like damn you know cultural power that has definitely no i mean those staying power that fucking term their comedy is like established what a bro exactly yeah have you seen mystery you know cultural power that has definitely Derek Comedy is awesome it like established what a bro is have you seen Mystery Team it's pretty good Mystery Team is really funny

for years I thought the fat guy in Derek Comedy was Sean Patton I thought they were the same guy I was like it wasn't shot when I first started did Derek Comedy do that video with Ellie Kemper with the dry blowjob? Yeah, which she's embarrassed of now.

Oh, really? It's hilarious. It's so good. It's like a fake POV porn. She's like, I'm going to make it dry. I'm going to use so much teeth. But yeah, his music got really good once he was sad and doing drugs. It got amazing.

Dude, I remember being in college and loving his comedy and shit and then going through his tumblr and being like seeing he's like promoting a rap album like look at this fucking idiot everyone famous wants to be a musician two years later he's on top 40 he's great i mean i fuck with i fuck with great um but i do hope he doesn't like you secretly and that he has a vendetta against you. Yeah. And that's the first domino. And that he was just saying –

Yeah, just to set you up. Just to make you feel falsely – He said he was like – I like barely post Vines, but he was like, oh, I like – I've watched all of your Vines. It's so hard to be funny in six seconds. Nice, man. Like very earnestly. Do you have any other compliments people have given you you want to say into a microphone? I'm done.

Donald Glover came up, so then I, you know. Yeah, yeah. So then you had to talk about the times he complimented you. Look, I'm not here to flex. Sure. Except that's your default mode. What? Just a quick flex before getting into something just a casual flex

guys i wish you guys weren't on your phones for that you know that would have been i really could have well i'm not on my phone adam's just staring at me yeah what is going on i have like a faint headache from drinking too many coffees today but i'm gonna be in it with the podcast i love it i love you boys you started... I like that you have, like, Vietnam PTSD. That was like... But it's about the women. Yeah. He just hears choppers and remembers being cucked.

Saigon. I can't believe I still have to beat off to Saigon. He's in a room with his shirt off, hungover. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, we really took a dip. Let's keep it focused. We've got five minutes here, boys.

I watched the video. We missed a great opportunity to roast Brandon. I think it's going perfectly fine. I think it's going good. Yeah, I think it's... This has been a good pod. No, it's been a great pod. Yeah, there were things I wanted to talk... I wanted to talk about that Don't Breathe movie.

I thought it was great, but... Oh, you know what? Somebody sent me last week. This is great. This is great. So remember how I said I was like... I had that air raid siren autism? Yes. If you don't know this, I get

autistic about air raid sirens. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hilarious. But now it's like every six months? Yeah, I mean, occasionally. Yeah, I'll get into air raid siren videos. But then there's also the woodworking shit, and somebody sent me this guy who's got a wood

some Canadian autistic guy that has his own wood shop. And he's like, okay, so this week I decided to, you know, make my own air raid siren. And he makes his own air raid siren in his wood shop out of fucking wood. Wow. Yeah, I'm like, this guy rules. I watched a bunch of his other videos. He's like incredible. It smells like poo. Yeah, the cat shits a lot. like, this guy rules. I watched a bunch of his other videos. He's, like, incredible. Oh, it smells like poo.

Yeah, the cat shits a lot. Yeah, that smells bad. And that cat, the white cat was, like, staring me down. Like, your white cat looks angry. Always. It's not my cat. Did you ever see that, like, not the blooper reel from Gonzo But like

That teaser where they have all the Interview takes with Gary Busey Oh this fucking cat's throwing up Now the cat's throwing up because of the smell of it's own shit Jesus Christ This is so disgusting Oh fuck Oh that fucking sucks dude

I need to leave I need to leave. I need to leave right now. Dude, I'm just resting. This is like, this is like, actually fucking disgusting. This is so fucking disgusting. Oh, shit sucks, dude. Oh, it's doing it again.

It's fucking, oh, no. Fuck. No. Ew. Fuck. It's so gross. Fuck off. All right, Brandon's leaving, fuck. No. Ew. Fuck. It's so gross. Fuck. All right.

Brandon's leaving, everybody. Oh, it is fucking disgusting. No. No. No. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right. Stop yelling.

You don't need to scream. Yeah. Oh, this is absolutely disgusting. That's gross. All right. Well, that's this week's episode, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. We'll try to get back on a weekly schedule.

Oh, yeah, we're doing another show. Live show on 9-11. 9-11. Same venue. Never forget. Same venue. Come on, everybody. It's not a bit.

It's actually a show on Sunday, the 11th. All right, thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. guitar solo Oh, my God. What do you think? I think we did the kiss. Yay!