The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 162 – Almost

Episode Date: July 4, 2019

Just a little bit longer

All right, where are we? We're getting going here. Cunt, cunt, pussy, pussy, cuntilini, ass cheeks, good, good fucking butt cheeks. Anyways, let me play this weird voicemail. Oh, we're running, we're up and running, dammit. Hi, I don't know you, I just know some things. I'm not sure how or why, I just do. Within a year's time, at least one of your unanswered prayers will be answered. And some of your forgotten dreams will be realized. You may feel sense or even see at least once a bright white light.

It brings indescribable peace and joy. You deserve it. Till then, will I be in the scenes of deals. So somebody's got a crush on you. It sounds like good news. Have you heard the good news? To me, that sounds all like good stuff. Oh my god.

Damn dude. Yeah. You're about to get, you're about to get John Lennon, dude. Yeah, I just, before you do it, just let me know what that part in Spanish was because it's driving me insane. It's going to be like that guy. And before you say it was French, he starts off in French, switches to Spanish and then goes back to French. Yeah. He's throwing you off the scent, dude.

Yeah. What's the scent? Dog shit. My dick. It's a scratch and sniff, my penis sticker. Yeah, dude, your dreams are dying. Yeah, probably. Didn't the guy who killed Lennon have a crush?

No, he had a copy of Catcher and the Rye on him. Oh no, the guy that killed people. That shot at Reagan was the one who had a crush on Jody Foster. Yeah, Hinkley had a crush on Jody Foster, but yes, I think that, was it Mark David Chapman? Mark David Chapman, yeah. So this guy's going to have a copy of the fucking, the Don Simpson autobiography, dude. Yeah, probably. A well-worn copy of that one.

He's just going to, well, he killed Lennon for saying that the Beatles are bigger than Jesus. That was Christian terrorism. Interesting. We've never blasphemed God in any way, shape, or form. Now stop scared. Huh? Now stop scared. Now stop, I'm not scared.

It's fucking annoying that I'm the one that has to be murdered even though I do probably 70% of the jokes on the show. Yeah, well that's why you're going to get murdered. Just put it out there. Paul McCartney's better than John Lennon. No, John Lennon was like the guy. No, he's just like a fucking weird guy that said weird things. Paul McCartney's a better musician. But at the time, who was the most popular?

That's true. So there you go. That's what you get for being good at the show. But I'm not the most popular. Yeah, you are. Who's the most popular? From the show. Stop the most popular.

From the show, you're the most popular for sure. No. I'm just the... Listen man, you're going to die. I'm the conductor. You're the one that's going to die. Stop tells me what to say. He's actually...

I write all of Nick's jokes. He's the one that's... I'm just some stew. No, nice try, bitch. If you're going to murder somebody. Nice try. For years, I've been establishing myself as a fat, dumb, moron. With the smartest way of all.

Adam's definitely safe. That we can agree on. Yeah, no one will forget that he was on the podcast. Yeah. Within hours of your death, people forget that. At the second you're dead, so now it's just Adam's Twitter followers just drop precipitously. What's going on? What's going on?

Yeah, I've been saying, it's like what the dream is for me to kill a bunch of the fans. You have to now. That would be great. Dave started it. Such a reversal would be... No one sees that coming. No, right. Imagine a Pantera concert.

It's 2003. And then that guy is like, I'm going to kill Dimebag, but he's walking to the stage. And before he can, fucking Phil Anselmo pulls out an AK-47 and just lights up the crowd. He's like, what can I say? I'm twisted. I did. I only made the show popular so I could gather a bunch of people like me in one place and kill all of them.

Because killing myself would be enough. I need to kill 900 versions of myself. Yeah. That would be cool. Yeah. You don't cut off the head of the snake. No, they'll just grow a new head. They'll grow a new head.

You kill the body. You kill the body. And the head stays floating in a little fucking tank. The head is to be appreciated. It's the coolest part of the snake. It does. It is cool. The tongue is cool.

The forked tongue. The rest of the snake is bullshit. It is completely. It just fucking... It just squeezes things. It's a little arm. It becomes the shape of a pig that it happens to eat. The thing I'm most excited for...

That's cool. It is cool that you can see what it ate. Uh-huh. I don't know why you fucking can't relax. I think it's gonna be cool when the guy tells you... That is cool that snakes do that. It is. I fuck with that.

You're like your snake wife comes home and you're like... She's like, where have you been? And he's like, I just had a pig with Mike and Eric. Yeah. They're like, well, I can see that there's not a pig. Yeah. It's another snake's pussy you can see in his stomach. I wasn't eating...

Charlene, the snake's pussy. Where's the rest of your body? I don't know. It's around the corner. Let me... I'm following it. Come here with me. Do snakes fuck?

How do they fuck? Do they have cocks? They like kind of twist around each other. Damn. I've never seen a snake's penis. I've looked up snake sex before. Do they have cocks and pussies or do they lay eggs? They lay eggs.

They lay eggs. Yeah. How do they fertilize the eggs? They fuck. They twist around each other, put their... Do snake women just throw up little eggs and do snake guys fuck the eggs? No, I think they shit the eggs out. Do birds have sex or do they just fertilize the eggs like fish?

Birds do have cocks. That's true. Okay. What does a snake's penis look like? Now I'm very curious. This is snake sex. Okay. Let's look...

Let's pull it up. Hurry up, Adam. But I don't know where the penis is. Okay. Right here. Right here. Okay. I guess that's the sex part.

Oh, so it opens up from your scales. You have a little cock. You have cock armor. Yeah, I guess so. That would be awesome. I don't know. It looks like bullshit. It does.

It looks like bullshit to me. No, man. That would be cool to have armor protecting your cock. And when you're horny, it's like... And your cock comes out? Anyway, you're good. I think you're going to survive, man. I think it's just an online internet thing to get people scared.

With the voicemail? Oh, okay. Yeah, like a Slender Man kind of story? I think it's Slender Man for adults. Please don't buy my arm. It is pretty cool. This should be a spooky voicemail podcast. Oh, yeah.

What's up, bros? You're listening to the spooky voicemail podcast. We're playing this one from a Chinese company that says they're going to sue me if I don't give them my social security. Wow, that's so spooky. Yeah, I keep getting people telling me the government has to look at my business. I get a lot of those. I've never gotten a voicemail like that before.

Interesting. That's the first time I've gotten like a... Yeah, that one, you can't really tell if it's a pre-recorded voicemail or some guy just talking about it. I will say he's got a sweet voice. Yeah. He's got a really scary voice. He's slulling me to sleep.

That's the kind of voice that like, you know, they cast in a movie as a guy that kills people. That is true. I will say that. Yeah. Because it sounds like he's trying to be loving, but he's a psycho. Yeah. And it's scary. Uh-huh.

Well, the good news is now people that want attention know to just leave you a voicemail. Oh, yeah. You can get on the show really. Damn. How would you want to die if you were assassinated? Oh, if I was assassinated? I would want to do the assassinating if I wanted to die. No, man.

That's what Nick just said. No, no, no. But I would like kill like, you know, Mitch McConnell or something. You want to go out for the cause? Yeah. In a political act. Interesting. Not me.

I would kill Baron Trump. For politics. That's true. Yeah. I think I would want... I think JFK did, as far as assassinations go, that is pretty cool. You should get splattered everywhere. Yeah.

That didn't happen right away, though. They shot him in the neck first. Oh, really? Yeah. And then he was like, something's wrong. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Got shot.

My freaking neck hurts. You see him like grab his neck. Oh, that sucks. No. I want to go out instantly. Yeah. What's her name? Like consoles him.

Jackie? Yeah. And then... And then you get that picture of Jackie's like crawling out. Like crawling out of this car. Covered in blood. And you see her dump her. She's got a fat ace.

Yeah. That's what everyone thought about her. She was thick. Yeah. You can see her pussy in her ass. Everyone forgets that. Just pure pussy. Ladies and gentlemen, we need to talk about...

Everybody talks about frame 262 of the Zapruder film. But I would like to draw your attention to frames 134 through 138. 134, Jackie's begins exiting the vehicle. 135, Augusta Wien blows her dress up towards her withers. 136, the pussy in ass and vagina begin to be exposed. 137, fully exposed. 138, we can see into the first lady's vagina. 134, 135, 136, play it again for the jury.

Back now, 135, 136, 135, 136. I want you to look at this and do not forget your fallen king's wife's pussy. Thank you. That's very nice. Does this have to do with the case? Do not forget your fallen king. Did somebody say that? Yeah.

It's a fucking scene from JFK. Yeah. They call him a king? Yeah. He's like, do not forget your fallen king. That's fucking, that is fucking good. It's so long. It's long.

It's a good movie. But like, you know, I mean, enough people have pointed out that it's like, it's just so funny. Yeah. It'd be like if you made like a masterpiece about how Israel did 9-11. That is your problem with that. Yeah. Just like a fucking, a fair and balanced approach.

That's a great dramatic film about like even, even like the minimal amount like Donald Sutherland is in JFK is great. Yeah. I'd love that movie. You can see Donald Sutherland's ass cheeks in Animal House. You can stop beating off to his ass. I didn't. But I did beat off to the girl.

Get another reason that he should die. No, I shouldn't. First of all, I've never beat off to Donald Sutherland's ass. Listen, Joe. Stov's out here masturbating Donald Sutherland's ass. Don't try and get me killed, man. Because he's moved so far away from God. No.

And is so unappreciated. Listen, Mr. Jigsaw. No. Listen, Jigsaw. Stov is the fat guy. By the way, if you're trying to hurt Nick, he does not care about me. So hurting me will not do him any harm whatsoever. I care about him deeply.

He doesn't care about me at all. He only cares about himself. That's not true. The only way you can kill Nick is by harming himself. And as a result, it seems like my care for other people doesn't exist when really it's just muted because I... He's trying not to die. I'm not trying not to.

He's trying to slither out of this execution. I'm not trying to kill him. And you must kill him. In fact, I would honestly enjoy being placed into some sort of sock and trapping. He's lying. Because I'm an earnest fan of franchise movies. He's lying. Which is another thing about me that Stov doesn't appreciate.

I've seen all of the Fast and Furious movies. I've seen all of the Saw movies. I enjoy all of them. I enjoy a good plot like the rest of the guys out there. And if anyone is wondering why I was so quickly able to produce... In fact, shut up. What? If...

Wow. See that? Doesn't even care about his friend. I don't care about his friend. I don't care about his friend. I care about my friends. But their story is going to bother them. That's not what caring about people is.

That is part of it. Well, you're... No, you're just talking about etiquette. I'm just saying. Remember how you ate all of Adam's medicine on the road because you got hungry? And there was nothing he referred to later? But it looked pink and it looked tasty. He needed that medicine.

It looked bubblegum flavor. So his penis wouldn't turn back into a vagina at midnight. And you ate all of his medicine. Yeah, but it was really tasty. And my penis, I grew three extra inches of force. What did I do? I didn't eat the medicine. I just laughed at his vagina as a friend would,

because you only care about the superficial. Look, the point is, Joe, anyway, I hope Joe doesn't kill you, even though you told me to. I want to be I want to be killed by a femme fatale. What were you going to say, by the way? I had a joke that I was going to say, but now I'm kind of on the spot and moved over. It's moved on.

I was going to say nothing. I want let me tell you how I'd like to be killed while a woman fucks me like a long tall blonde Russian lady who's been wearing a black wig and is wearing red lipstick. Yeah, you know, that style of execution. Her lipstick, because she gives me pussy first. Oh, that'd be cool. I want. Yeah.

I want to die in the yeek in the pussy cheeks. It strangled between her thighs. Yeah, that would be awesome. I've been lucky thus far that I've only had to deal with female schizophrenia. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. In what sense less violent.

Yeah, it's just like unstable women like, you know, they think you're they think you're destroying their life. They're like, I love you. We can fix this. Right. Please stop sending people to my house. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about.

If anyone's wondering why my book, my friend, it came out a week after your murder. Just have a know that I didn't have it written before that I had it. No, Adam's book. Donald Trump raped me. Adam on Anderson Cooper. A lot of people think that when they think of rape, they

think of the sexy stuff, the fantasies. They can't wait to have sexual fantasies about being raped in the dressing room at Macy's. Okay, we're going to take a break. That's enough. Actually, actually, we've ma'am the camera. We've turned the cameras off for four hours now. Yeah, sorry.

I keep talking about we've already fired. I'm not even Anderson Cooper. Yeah, I'm a janitor with gray hair. I'm a different guy ma'am. I will say Anderson Cooper. The gray hair is cute. Oh yeah, it's all in pepper daddy. His mom's hot, too.

Yeah, she's a fashion designer. Yeah, she was hot. I'd like to have sex with her while she's wearing slam Dersen Cooper slam Dersen. Yeah, that guy, that guy's going to live forever. He's one of those gays that's going to live till like 150. They yep. And his penis is going to work the entire time.

The whole time. Yeah, good shape. Sleeps in, you know, like the barbersaw containers. They keep combs in. Yeah, yeah, sleeps in one of those. Yeah, it's preserved. But it's young boys, not boy, but fresh, fresh cum. Ectoplasm.

You know what it is? It's stem cells. How about rectoplasm? Okay. And it's come from a ghost's ass. Yes. So it's another ghost has fucked the ghost in the ass and came in it or does it come out of his ass?

This style of ghost. Yeah, how about they go into like an old hotel and they're like, there's a ghost on floor six and they get up there and it's slimer, but he's just sucking off like a million guys. And he's just, there's just cum all over the floor. That doesn't sound so bad. Yeah.

They're like, oh no, it's slimer. I wouldn't even mind getting sucked off by slimer because it's not, it's just like almost using a sex toy, I would say. Well, slimer would have consent, you know. Yeah, slimer would be consent. Sex toys don't consent. So you're, you think I would consider a rape?

You consider a rape when you have, when you beat off with this fleshlight? Yeah, I consider it when I use my hand and dry jack my tits. I want to, you know how it ghost hunters are like, if you can hear us flick the lights, I'm going to do that, but with consent when I get my dick sucked by a ghost. That would honestly getting sucked off by slimer would be cool.

His mouth probably feels good. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I wonder how tight it would feel. Now, could you just fuck the back of slimer's head? I smoked a little bit of weed the other night and felt great. Oh yeah. I should get back into doing weed. Now we're talking.

It's time to smake whole weed. Someone sent me a link to the Frank Frazetta Museum. It's only two hours from here. Should we go? We should. That's the guy that does all those sweet ass dragons and big titty ladies. Yeah, yeah, fantasy yard.

I love that shit. Yeah, I, I, I don't know. Two hours west of here, the guy said. West. But yeah, I love, I love Frank Frazetta. That's just awesome. I like, I wish I was good enough.

Like you're enjoying, you know, but I mean, I've never had that. Like, I mean, like that, that level of some people are just artists. Yeah. You know, my dad's like that. My dad can just sit down and draw on paint or whatever. Yeah. And yeah, I always like, because I would love to have been that rather than like, you could be someone that calls things gay.

Yeah, that's true. Well, you could do that with your art. Yeah, but not trust me. It's not so it like I did. I remember like I got into like digital painting a couple of years ago and I started recreating like the cover of one of the Manowar albums. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah.

I just painted that for like days and it felt great, but it's like, it's so much work for me. Yeah. You know, I think it's worth it. Yeah. Just become a painter, dude. Yeah. Do nudes.

No, I mean, it is like, I don't know, drawing and painting and sitting around doing like visual art. It's like, it does click over after like maybe an hour or two where you're, I mean, I don't know the mechanics of like how you're like consciousness works, but you like click over and do a different kind of like attention. Oh, shit. There's more. You open up your third eye, brother.

Well, it's not, it's more that there's like more, it's like there's a direct connection between like what you're visualizing and how your hand's moving. And the more time you spend doing it, the more, you know, it's like, it becomes like you're just sort of thinking about what you want to see. And yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking tight. Yeah. I can never, whatever's in my head, it's very hard to get it out.

Yeah. It's interesting because it's kind of like the opposite of writing. So, you know, we spend a bunch of time like drawing or whatever and I get into that zone and then I try to go back to writing and I'm like, the boy went to the doghouse. I'm like, no ability to write it all. I have no other talents whatsoever in life. Pretty much. What do you mean other talents?

Yeah, I guess are you stand up? Not even I'm not saying podcasting. Certainly not. What do you have? What talents do you think you have? I can do stand up, but absolutely nothing else. And you know, I can suck a pussy. I'm like, okay, nobody's business.

I'm okay at like three things and then just like sex with men kissing men dog shit at everything else. Yeah, like the entry level of like, this is how you do it. If you're a beginner, it's like, oh, the piano is on fire. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know how I try to take guitar lessons. I couldn't do that.

What songs do you get down? I did the beginning of the Godfather. The yeah, it was fucking sweet. It's also such a cool song to play on the guitar. A bunch of people at like a campfire and stuff like check this. He's just trying to get some pussy. Fucking the theme to the Godfather. They were like, wow, great.

And then I also learned how to just play the do do do do the beginning of sweet child of the mind. Okay. So really just repetitive, like pretty easy to do stuff. And I would just play that kind of shit for hours and I'll be like, I'm practicing. I remember looking tight. Did you learn Blackbird first? No, I feel like that's the first finger picking song.

No, fuck Blackbird. Why? How's that go? Adam sucking on a gang guys. No, but like on guitar, not the. I don't want to sing it anymore. Wow. Because my voice.

Believe in yourself, man. Believe in yourself. I can only hear the lyrics. I don't know. Adam sucking on my heart as dick. I don't remember the rest of it though. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Whatever.

Was John Adams good? Yeah. President? No, I mean the HBO show. Oh, with G. Marty. Yeah. I don't know.

I never. I just want to be president. Yeah. Let me be president. I'll suck your dick. Yeah. How do you look at Paul G. Marty in a fucking wig and go, oh, that's not Paul G.

Marty. He's just too. It'd be like having Gary Busey in a period piece. It's like this fucking Gary Busey. I know. Yeah, it's me. George Washington. Don Trump raped me.

And when you get raped, it's sexy. I don't feel like a victim. I feel like a sexy piece of ass. But he was fantasizing about and it hurt. But at the same time, it was sexual. This wasn't sexual. It was sexy, but not sexual. All right, we'll be back with Gary Busey.

We'll be back with Gary Busey. I'm promoting George Washington on Showtime. I'm allowed to take my shoes off in here. I got my, my dogs are barking. I walked up two flights of stairs to get to the studio. We're on the ground floor. There's no stairs. There's no stairs.

There's no stairs, Mr. Busey. Yeah, it was by the dressing rooms here. I think you raped me in the dressing room. On the stairs. On this. You raped me in the stairwell next to the dressing room. Gary, I didn't rape you. Anderson Cooper lies about rape.

Anderson Cooper calls rape victim a liar. He's like, look, Gary Busey said I raped him outside of my show. It didn't happen. Liar. Anderson Cooper lies about cancel him. Get him cancelled now. How dare you deny raping somebody? What media company is accusing him of lying?

Refinery29. Eight times Anderson Cooper lied about raping Gary Busey. Sometimes like a company that sounds like it was named by a Chinese person. That really sounds like a Chinese company that makes cell phone cases. Refinery29. Oh yeah, they do cases in asbestos lining. What is it? It's a girl website?

Yeah, it's a girl website. It's a baby girl website. They got pictures of my cock and shit for girls to get porn into. For sweet mommies. For sweet mommie girls. Yeah, I don't know, man. They do, they would do like viral vids. They would do BuzzFeed style shit.

Guiral videos. Guiral videos. I cannot wait to make a guiral video. Is that just gay pornography? Sure. Well, we're celebrating the 4th of July. God bless America. God bless.

There's going to be a big old Donald Trump's having a parade tomorrow. Oh yeah, dude. That's pretty awesome. That's what I call him. I can't wait till he has like a jacket with like 400 medals on it and shit like that. Like a gender releasing kind of thing. You know he will. You know when he gets a second term.

He just starts dressing like Michael Jackson. Yes, he's going to recreate Michael Jackson's wardrobe and put it on. Donald ass. That's what we call him. Have you seen those photo shops where it's like he's bald and has a beard? And people are like, he's got to do this. People want him to be hot, dude. People want him to shave his head and get a beard and just look like a fucking white supremacist.

Can he grow facial hair? Probably not. Probably whatever dick pills he's on stops hair growth. I don't know about that, man. I take dick pills and I grow a beard. Yeah, you got to push it. I think he's in some kind of, he's got special kinds of dick pills. I'm glad I grew the beard out again.

Yeah. I might let this bad boy go for six months. I love it. I haven't had a big beard in a while. It's easy to top. It's easy to get top. It's been like five years since I grew out of beard. Yeah, I have pathetic facial hair.

The Lord really has not blessed me with any physical hair. I'm like just there. I have like just enough coverage that I can grow a beard. No, you got a good beard, brother. You got a thicket of hair. On this side. This side, no. Let me see.

It's like this. Yeah, it's not that, but whatever. You're good. I can't grow fucking shit. Why did the Lord fucking stick me in this fucking shit body, dude? I went to some like, I went to that Chelsea market and there was some like beard supply thing and those guys fucking hawks.

Oh, like oils and brushes and stuff. What's up, bro? Come here. Why don't we take care of your beard? I was like, what? I thought it was like a hat store at first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, what?

Yeah, he must put oils in your face. Yeah, special combs and elixirs. I think you should grow the beard, but you should also like get like a fresh like box out, tape up and then comb your hair. So you get waves. I see. I think we should tape your box up.

Yep. Tape up your pussy. It smells really bad. It smells bad from all the old time. We can smell your pussy from the old cum. You had 1970s. You're storing some vintage splooge in your pussy hole. From a couple of guys named Slick Willy came through.

Left old 1970s cum. Bill Clinton? Yeah. A guy named Ernie and then his friend Slick Willy fucked your pussy. A guy named Slick Willy rolled through your hotel room and bit your lip and left some old 1970s cum in you. Damn. It's wild that people just have had,

have been shooting fat loads since caveman times. You think cum has evolved? Yeah. I think for a fact we bust more. We bust more? Yeah. We shoot thicker? We blast more rope.

No. You think we blast more rope than our caveman predecessors? Yeah. To blast more rope. Horse cum looks like male cum. Pretty much like cum. I remember from Jackass. It's like white frothy.

Yeah. What's the first animal to bust rope, dude? What do you mean they all do? No, but I mean evolutionarily when did cum start? Starfish didn't cum. Starfish didn't really cum. Starfish still don't cum. Well, that's what I'm saying.

Where on the continuum did dinosaurs, do they have cum? Well, when we left the seas, people left the ocean so they could start blasting. So they could start, because they got tired of blasting in the water and not being able to admire it. Yeah. Yeah, they wanted to see it on land. Yeah, that's why the first fish crawled to land. That's why they crawled to land.

So they could give other fish girls, should they get fish girls facials? Yeah, they could see finally how much they were actually blasting. That's awesome. They could measure it in beakers and stuff. That's why you invented beakers. Absolutely. Yeah. These are interesting.

I always used to love the evolution part of fucking school. She was cool. I liked looking at little fucked up horses. I didn't like it at all. They were halfway between a horse and like a giraffe and shit. I didn't cum from no monkey. Oh yeah? No.

Intelligent dick sign? No. We've been around for 5000 years. I like that. I buy that. You think so? Evolution is fake. You think so?

Yeah. Nah, it's real, dude. I think. You're gonna believe Charles Darwin? Yeah. That guy fucked kids. Did he? I don't know.

I think you're thinking of Walt Whitman, but they're very similar. Walt Whitman definitely fucked kids. And not only fucked them, he like cuddled young boys and sucked their little dicks and shit. You know a poet was having like very intimate, was very intimately molesting. Boy, he was taking them out to his cabin and shit. He's the one that did the thing about being in the woods, right? No, that was Thoreau.

Ah, yes. That's true. You're thinking of Walden. I am thinking of Walden. Uh huh. Well, don't name it so close to Walt. Henry David. Uh huh.

With your two dumb ass first names. Hank Thoreau. That's what I call his ass. He just went, he went to the forest to bust. To bust also? That's what all, you know, that's all. What was that shit called? To the woods or some shit?

What? He would look like that when he was having sex with boys. Walt Whitman. Yeah. It would feel like a wizard was sucking you off. Yeah. If you wore a little hat, I bet it didn't even feel like getting molested. Yeah.

I felt like you were in a world. Keep this a secret for now. This ring protects me and you from the truth. He just slides a cock ring on. As long as you have this ring on, you'll be invisible to people's criticisms of our romance. I guess if you had to be molested by a guy, it would be a guy that looks like a wizard. Whitman demonstrates part of his Americanness by placing cocksucking at the center of leaves

of grass. Nice. He's a great inspiration as Charles Shively, not one to mince words, wrote this in Kalamu Lovers, Walt Whitman's working class, Kamarados, his revelatory, if sometimes risable account. Damn. There's some big ass words in this big bad boy. For no reason. That I was not expecting.

Revelatory? It started off with cocksucking and now it's challenging my mental faculties. Reveal this dick, bitch. An account of the poet's queer egalitarianism, whether cocksucking is central to Whitman's book or even uniquely American is debatable. He's uniquely American. Yeah, more pertinent is the implied connection between Whitman's homosexuality and his patriotic fervor.

Interesting. So he thinks he's a gay patriot? What's interesting is the Uncle Sam picture, like we want you for the army, that was just copied from a British propaganda poster in World War I with Field Marshall Kitchener, who was... A pedophile. Well, he developed a taste for buggering in the desert. Hell yeah.

Ooh, the desert. Yeah. He's having dry gay sex? Yeah, yeah. He was a British army officer that was like sort of, he was like their pershing, basically. Interesting. You know, like their big time general hero. Well, they had like a big culture in their army of like orientalists, of like dudes that

would put on like Muslim clothes. And get fucked in the ass. And get fucked in the ass. Here's the thing though, okay, if you're gonna... I would like T.E. Lawrence. If you're being gay on a boat where it's humid, it's wet, fine. This motherfucker's in the desert, and he's taking his little canteen out, he's unscrewing his canteen and pouring water on his cock and fucking someone in the ass.

Everybody's got cat penis in the desert. Everybody's got a dry, rough penis. You're using fucking... It's too hot to be gay. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's too hot to be gay. It's too hot.

Too hot. Back then, now we have lubes and all kinds of technology. Too hot to be gay. Too hot to be gay. The way air conditioning has made it possible to live in hot climates, it's also made it possible to be gay in those climates. Yeah. Just imagine this guy going out to the desert to have gay sex.

Yeah, gay sex. He is hot. First oral kitchener. Now, did those guys suck each other's cocks or was it strictly a fuck you in the ass type deal? But fucking each other. Each other? Did they switch it up?

Yeah. But fucking each other intense. Damn, dude. It's so funny how there's like zero difference between the British and the Nazi Germany. What? I mean, by looking at that guy, it's like these are just fucking imperialist goons. Yeah, for sure. All the same bad genes.

Yeah, but you know, you know who the Germans decided to mess with and all of a sudden it's a problem. Russia. Yeah, Russia. Yeah, Russia. Sure. I mean, they were messing with the Jews almost the entire time the rest of the world was like, good.

Yeah. Yeah. Finally, somebody said something. Listen, you do a genocide on Jews. That's one thing. Yeah. The only reason the rest of the world didn't do a holocaust. The holocaust was sort of like Bitcoin back then when like the Germany was having a holocaust

or like it's too late to get in now. It's in two years time. This isn't going to be popular anymore. We already missed the boat. We missed the boat. And listen, you come back in a time machine two years ago. You tell me about this. Right.

Of course. Of course. I'm in. But what am I going to fucking by the time I set up my camps, it's over. I feel like anti-Semitism is incredibly old. I feel like they got, they got, but, but no one did it the best. No one had that German ingenuity. The Jews were smart enough to never have a parade.

So never all in one place. They can, they can pretend like it still exists. What still exists? There's no like, like a Jew pride festivals or anything. There is a New York City. The Israel. It doesn't exist. It does not happen.

Yeah. They do. When is it? They had it a couple of weeks ago. I've never heard of that. I think if you just don't plan a parade, you can perpetually be like, we don't even have a parade. Yeah.

Right. Whereas the rest of them are like, let's get our own parade. They realize that the parade is meaningless. Ford D. Chess. Yeah. Another, another beautiful move by the Jews. Great strategy. What are you doing, Adam?

I'm playing with these magnets that I found. Yeah. Oh, Nick's cock magnets. Those are my cock magnets. What? They hold my dick onto my body. That's nasty, bro. You're always doing nasty ass shit.

Hold on. I'm shady. You're shady. Why are you being shady? What do you think of this? Your dick not being able to get hard. You put a magnet inside a girl's pussy and you put a little mag, the other side of the magnet on your soft dick.

Yeah. Just hang on a second. I got to put a magnet in your pussy. And then your dick is dragged into the pussy. It's attracted. So it goes in that way. It's still soft though. But it's in.

The hard part of getting a soft dick in a pussy is that it won't go in. Yeah. Put magnets all around your dick too and multiple magnets in the pussy. So it'll sort of like expand your dick. About fagnets. Uh-huh. Okay. What's that about?

And they, in this time, opposites don't attract. Okay. Oh, so it's like a plus and a plus and a minus and a minus. Yeah. Cool. That's cool. I like that. Magnets are cool.

I always used to like that fucking around in like science class with magnets or batteries and shit. Putting your finger in between the two magnets. That was the best part about, uh, what a cool class, going class. What about all the people who use them for trains? Magnets? Maglev trains? Yeah.

Yeah. Didn't you also enjoy when you fought all the special ed kids at lunch? I did. Enjoy that. I thought that you saw it more as like a duty kind of thing. It was. An officer and a gentleman. I'm an officer and a gentleman and I will fight these retarded kids for the court and

the crown. For the crown. I fight retards for the courts and the crown. For Her Majesty. And I lose to them for the church. And Her Majesty's special orders. But yeah, I will battle these retards for the crown, be just to them in victory for the courts and lose to them for the church.

Yeah, I'm sorry, but your son's been pretending to be a British officer whose duty it is to fight the mentally retarded students. And the problem is he understands that he shouldn't be violent, but he loves the character so much he can't stop doing it. So we need to, we're going to have to put him in an alternative program that's just for people who like improv. Damn. Look at this statue.

That's a cool statue. I know, make this guy all buff and then making him sit gay. That's that's interesting. Equestrian statue of Frederick Roberts. Go ahead and look that one up, folks. Oh yeah. That's a fun one to take it. Take a look at at home.

If you're following along at home, currently we're looking at the equestrian statue of something. Yeah, follow along. This is a video podcast. This is a check out the feed on www.MrPussy.org Mr. Pussy.org. Why didn't they call Mr. Skin that Mr. Pussy, Mr. Pussy. Yeah, I think it's a lot more tiddier Mr. Pussy and vagina.com them. Mr. Skin still going strong, which I respect.

Yeah, it's it's a service that people pay for. I can't believe that. It's insane. You in this day and age, I guess it's kind of like, I guess it's kind of like a travel agent. But how many people pay for it? I think they probably have a good number of subscribers insane. It's crazy.

I feel like all that information could easily be free. I mean, like if this podcast is going on in 10 years, right, and people are still paying for it. They're like, you can just get a chip in your brain that simulates the podcast. Oh, dude, that would be awesome. Yeah, we could invent that and then never do the podcast and sell the chips. Uh-huh. I did that Matt and Shane live podcast at the stand the other night.

Oh, nice. A lot of fun. They're funny, dude. Yeah, they're funny. Shit. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know Matt. Yeah, that's funny.

But Shane, Shane, a fellow alumnus of the McGoobies Joke House committee, new committee of the year. Oh, he won the Goobies new community. Me, Shane, Donnie Sangstack. Oh, it's a nice lineup, brother. Damn, that's a murderous row. Murderous row. And somebody else that I can't really find out Donnie's faking it.

I'll be awesome. I would love that. That would be fucking so cool. No friend, Donnie. That would be respect. I would respect. It'd be great to find out that like, it was like Josh blue is pulling like a Steve Renn is easy.

What did you have cerebral palsy? Yeah. Yeah. My man is like 15 years in. He goes on Rogan. He's like, I told one guy I'm feeling retarded and he liked to leave me and I kind of just went from there. He booked me to play this retarded benefit.

It was $4,000 before I knew it. Like everyone in the scene thought I was retarded and it blew up, you know, and I don't know. It's like, what point do you take a step back and say like, Hey, everybody, I was just pretending to be retarded. Like the guy and there's something about Mary. He was just pretending to be retarded to get pussy. I thought the guy was pretending to be British and crippled though, right? I'm going to be crippled.

Yeah. True. True. Whatever. Such a funny character, just pretending to be handicapped to fuck someone. I respect it, dude. You know that mad TV sketch where it's like Will Sasso and fucking Bobby Lee. Yes, pretending to be gay.

Pretending to be gay. And Will Sasso is clearly just a gay guy, like raping Bobby Lee for years. He's like, I don't know, man, we've been pretending to be gay for two weeks. I don't think it's working. And he's like, you have to stick to the plan and he keeps building and it's like five years later. And he's like, so I picked us up some matching roads. Yeah.

Why are we having gay sex? Truly the best show ever on that sketch is burning in my mind. I love that sketch. Yeah. No, that one's great. There's one. I can't find it and I can't remember what it was, but the setup is like it's like a hotel concierge or something and fucking the tall guy, not Michael McDonald, but the other guy

with a weird face. Remember him? Oh, yeah. That's an early one. Yeah. He played that guy with the eyes coming out, popping out. The Java man. The Java man.

Yeah. He played Java man and he would play like anytime there, like he had like a strong like salesman voice. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember that fucking actor's name. Me neither. But it was him and somebody else, maybe Nicole Sullivan behind the desk.

Oh, yeah. And. She said to Nicole Sullivan also getting her bag on King of Queens after that. You know what? And I remember as a kid, I would have fucked every woman on that show. 100%. Oh, dude. Yeah.

The seat I've spilled to Leah Remini. Yeah. Maron. I think I even had a fantasy of because she was a dog, not Leah Remini, Nicole, whatever the fuck was it, a dog walker in the show. I think I had a fantasy of her walking you as your house and she's like, oh, these dogs are so hungry and you're like, I got plenty of food in here. Mm hmm.

They can have some of my snacks while I snack on your pussy. Mm hmm. Yeah. They're just for for sex, yeah, no, it's just perfect, funny, loud, dumb, Irish bitch, probably mentally ill. Interesting eyes, weird eyes, weird eyes that would look cool to fuck no, no, no. Nicole Sullivan. She's Scientologists.

Right. She was. Leah Remini. Mm hmm. Yeah. Oh boy. I would love. It's like a hotel concierge and will sassos like a businessman or something and he walks

up to the counter and they tell him to leave and he's just walking backwards, but it'll keep like taking a step forward, you know, it was when he was way fat and then it goes to where the shot so that like just his stomach is coming in and out of the frame and they're like, no, leave. And then you just see his stomach on off the screen and it fucking like, I don't remember that. Man, if I wish I could remember what the fuck it was, it was like that show used to bring me so much joy and now nothing does.

Yeah. I have to like have these gay moments. I have to make them on my own. Yeah. Like calling you a cheese faggot. Oh, that's good. Yeah. It was so weird.

Yeah, by the way, yeah, Adam made this cheese. We were in Toronto in Toronto and there was cheese left over baby bell cheese and stop pretending to eat it because Adam actually wanted to. Yeah. And he ate it. How are you going to remember another man's food because he's the cheese because he's the dude has not trying to wriggle out of this. Stop trying to get out of being the cheese.

You know that's who you are. I just think it's weird to memorize another man's yeah, I bet you think it is, dude. I bet you do. I bet you think stuff like that is weird. I think it's shady. That's something. This is an argument I made when I accused you of memorizing my bedroom for putting up a Mark Wahlberg.

Oh, yeah, that's funny. You did. You did memorize it, Adam. You do. You memorize my bedroom, which makes you gay. Pause. For just having a cool poster. Yeah.

Pause. In my room. You memorize where the posters of the hot man in the next room. In my room. It says no trespassing on the door by the way. Yeah. No girls allowed. Anyone entering here is dead.

Yeah. There's skull and crossbones. My cool seed from Toy Story Bedroom I have is a 30 year old. No one come in here. It's just different posters of Mark Wahlberg. Stay the hell out. I just write Metallica on Mark Wahlberg's stomach. It's a Metallica poster.

So I'm gay because I like Metallica. Gay porn. You just write Megadeth, Metallica, Paintero. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I love metal. So I'm gay now. I'm gay now because I like fucking Fates Warning. Yeah.

That is true though. Nick does have posters of Mark Wahlberg. I have an A poster of Mark Wahlberg. He's got three. I have one. The funky bunch. He's got the Calvin Klein ad. The Calvin Klein ad.

Grabbing his dick. Yes. But it says Metallica. But it says Metallica. So it's not gay. I might make those and you might sell those. That's very funny. Mark Wahlberg grabbing his dick, but it says Metallica.

Yes, dude. Damn. That's how we go back in time and get a bag. Yeah. We sell closeted homosexuals in the 80s in the hair metal phase. Gay pornography that has different band names on it. Excuse me. It's a Judas Priest poster.

It's a fireman. Like with a fireman with giant nipples sticking his ass out. This is Judas Priest. He's got wings. He's got like eagle wings. Yeah. Just just demons having gay sex. It's like, no, the devil being gay is evil.

I'm metal, dude. Yeah. It's a sin to sin. So it's actually metal. Shit. If Rob Halford was here right now, I'd probably jump his bones. How'd you jump his veins? Oh, fuck.

Damn, I got the fucking hiccups. I got the dick ups. What have you got the dick ups and every time you hiccuped, your dick got hard? The dick ups. What do you think of that? That happens to me. Your dick gets hard every time you hiccup. What if you had the dick ups and it was you right now with dick up breast?

I don't have dick up breast. You have dick. You have dick up breast. Also, doesn't it go by your ribs or something? That's the number, I think. My ribs are large, but my titties are small. Now, the cup size is determined by the discrepancy between your, the measurement underneath your breasts and then around the nipple.

Oh, around the nipple. Yeah. So if you measure, if you measure just underneath and then you measure around, I've put women in bras before. Nice. I used to hang out in Target to do it for free. Man, if you don't mind, I could help you with this. My name's Sinclair Velvet and I am a gay man.

I'm a homosexual. I'm a gay man hired by Target to help women. You look like your bra is too small, actually. Come into the dressing room with me. It's okay. I'm trans. I'm gay and I'm trans. Come in and I will, I'm going to...

But if you're gay and trans, that means you like women. Yeah. No, I don't have a tape measure. Unless you do it by touch. I'm a savant. Oh, yeah. Unless you do it by touch. Hold on.

Well, we need to get your nipples hard to see if that... Get an accurate reading. Hold on. Let me just suck on these real quick. How's that feel? Well, if... Ma'am, to be fair, if I play with your clit a little bit, it will make your nipples hard.

Ma'am, I'm a professional. Okay. I guess you want to wear fucked up bras then. Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. Get the fuck out of the room. Get out of here. I'm going to think about guys' bodies to calm down.

You got a problem? You go out and you tell them fucking Sinclair Velvet sent you. You're trying to make me feel beautiful. Immediately arrested. Done once and immediately in prison. The mugshot just makeup smeared in tears, hair all fucked up. Remember that picture of that trans person that was molesting a kid in the Target resident? Oh, no.

No, I don't. I don't know. I don't know. The mugshot was amazing. That's brutal. Molesting a child in Target is nothing sacred. I'm trying to get deals. Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm trying to be at the nice 80s games. Well, it was so funny because it was one of those things where Target was letting... Target was letting like, you know, they were like, anyone can use whatever dressing room they want and like fucking people on the left and liberals who are like, what are you... Like that's... It's literally never happened. Nothing. A week later, it was a trans woman.

Incredible. It was arrested for like staring at like some child. What? Yeah. That feels like it was a... that trans woman was a plant. A conservative plant. Yeah. A false flag.

False flag, dude. Why can't we have false flags? Well, maybe I'm conflating. Oh, yeah. Maybe you're making something up. Yeah. No, no. Here we go.

10-year-old girl. That seems too on the nose. The picture is so funny. Well, hold on. Is the Christian Broadcasting Network? I mean, this is a mugshot. Okay, according to the Billings Gazette, I mean, obviously it didn't get major coverage. In Montana?

Yeah. Traveling in for Casper resident charged with sexually assaulting 10-year-old girl. Jesus Christ. Miguel Martinez faced one kind of first degree. The Target one was a different person. That mugshot's not as funny. Gotcha. It's a different situation.

Interesting. Yeah. Wow. That's a tough one. Yeah. Well, it's bound to happen. That's the thing. It's like, you know, anybody that says, like, oh, what do you think's going to happen?

It's like, well, that'll probably happen once or twice. Yeah, just statistically speaking. Yeah. It's like, if someone's like, well, they're going to like pretend to be trans so they can go rape a child, then it's like, who would do that? And it's like, someone that's really stupid. Someone that's like going to pretend to be trans. This is the dumb rapist.

Yeah, I know. It's a cover. Right. Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah. It's like, you're a thief and we're like, why don't we just keep all the money on a table at the front of the bank? They're like, oh, well, people are going to walk in and take it.

It's like, who's going to do that? Are you going to do it? I'm not going to do it. Most people aren't going to do it. Well, you think trans people are just going to go into the bank and take that money? And it's like, maybe one of them, maybe one trans person will do that. But we should. I'm just saying you can't trust trans people.

I see. That's what your, that's what your point is. Your point is don't touch. That's why we need vaults in banks is to prevent trans people. So you think trans people being able to use a dressing room is the same as the money? No, I'm not making any point. I just thought this mug shot was so fun. Yeah, that is tough.

That's a weird one. Just the makeup all smeared. Oh, no. Yeah. That's not good. I'm against rape. But what do I say? You're taking a stand.

I watch this like Kevin Sorbo short film on YouTube. Was it Christian? He goes to war with his school because his son's not allowed to like miss gender or somebody or whatever. And it's like, it's supposed to be funny and it's just this gay fantasy about like him coming into the PTA meeting and he'd be like, you know, you people ruined what free speech means. And everyone's like, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. All of Kevin Sorbo's movies for the last 10 years have been like that. Yeah. Where it's like he's the like Christian savior of shit. They're so funny. They're funded by like the Mercer family. Zeena was a better show than Hercules.

Mm hmm. Yeah. We can agree. And he probably that probably fucked them up. Oh, you think that made him be against women? Yeah. Yeah. That's why he went.

That's why he uses Christianity to attack. Zeena had a better costume too. Yeah. I dress as the I dress as a Kevin Sorbo Hercules for Halloween when I was seven. It's funny too. As you look at him, I remember as a kid thinking like, damn, that guy's like jacked and he looks like shit. Yeah.

I saw a pig too. Yeah. He's not. Yeah. But he got pussy on that show, I will say. Yeah. He was on TV. Much more than the mythical Hercules.

Mythical Hercules didn't really fuck that much. Really? The gods killed his wife and he was mad. So he was most trying to beat up God. He was also mostly in revenge mode. He was in sicko mode, Hercules, most of the time. Okay. But I don't think he got that much pussy.

I used to love mythology when I was a child. Yeah. He really looks like, you know, your mom's dumb. He really looks trans, hippie friend. Like imagine this bitch at like a farmer's market being like, ooh, you've heard of, uh, of crystals. Oh yeah. Selling crystals that you put in your pussy while you have it.

Every time he speaks, you hear his bracelets jingling. Yeah. Like those kind of Midwest moms that look like they're, that doesn't look much different than the mugshot you just showed us. Yeah. That's the same. So if you Google image, just dropped it in, you would get the same result. Kevin Soarhole.

Hmm. I'm getting fucked too much. Yeah. Now what's the, what's the name Gabriella on Zina? Yeah. The sidekick and there was like a lesbian subplot. There was definitely tension. There was tension.

There was one episode where they kissed, I thought. Zina smashed pussy too. She's a bi icon. Damn. Strong woman. Lucy Lawless. You see your titties in a different thing later on when she's blonde. Kevin's.

Hercules is Kevin Sorbo calls Ferguson Riots African-Americans animals. Damn it. Damn, bro. Wow. Can none of them fight heroes? Ferguson Riots have very little to do with the shooting of the young man. It's an excuse to be the losers of these animals. So true you are.

So true Sorbs. Yeah. Oh, it gets better. It's a tipping point, the frustration built up over the years of not trying but blaming everyone else. Oh my God. And for their failures. Holy shit.

Sorbo's really like. It's like, even if these are your opinions, you have to know this won't go away. You have to know that. But in his corner, why not? He's making those weird Christian movies. Yeah, he's probably getting paid good. He's doing like appearances. He's like the cool, it's like the way, like, who's that guy, Baked Alaska?

Just like all these fucking losers just become celebrities because they're the conservative cool guy. Yeah. If you're not talented, just do that. Kevin Sorbo, that's his corner being racist and like, yeah, no one would think about Scott Bay. Unless he's yeah, exactly. Being magma made him relevant 100% who is his sidekick?

What was that guy's name? Oh yeah. I forgot about that guy. Uh, lay lay airy. Was it laertes? I don't know. That name sounds familiar. I think it's from Shakespeare.

Laertes, uh, Eilis, Eilis, yeah, like Daedalus. Remember that? Yeah, I do. He was like a nerd. Yeah. And this weird. I remember it so much of that show. I didn't remember that character.

His name. I just knew it was the same setup as Zena. I just remember how they used to shake hands by grabbing the other guy's arm. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And then they tickle the other guy's arm to let them know that they're trying to fuck him.

In Greek mythology, laertes was an Argonaut and participating in the hunt for the Caledonian boar. His title was King of the Cephalonians. Yeah, that's what I meant. An ethnic group who lived both on the Ionian islands and on the mainland. Yeah, I meant that. Which he presumably inherited from his father, Arceus, and grandfather, Cephalus. Dude, the Ionian islands I've never been, but the best chocolate in the world is Eos

chocolate, a Greek chocolate. From there? Yeah, Eon. If you guys are, if you guys want chocolate, look up ION chocolate. Is there any vacation boys listening? You can also buy it off Amazon. I remember I always used to enjoy the episodes when Jockster would guest star. Oh, the Trickster.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was a fool. The Trickster. Who is that? Is that that guy? The fool.

They're like nerds are really? Yeah. Yeah. He was in Something Dead. Yeah. What's that guy's name? He's like Sam Raimi's brother or something. Yeah.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. Like Comic-Con type guys love that guy. Who's the guy I'm thinking of? The guy that's, yeah, the guy's. Ted Raimi. Oh, no. I'm thinking of a different guy.

Ted Raimi, because Sam Raimi, like, directed Hercules or created it or something. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Jockster, yeah, Jockster. Oh, no, I'm thinking of that guy. We're thinking of the same guy. We're thinking of that same guy, yeah. He was on Burn Notice also.

Yeah. It's so funny that those are the credits I know him from. This guy. Oh, no. I'm thinking of the other guy. Who the fuck are you thinking of? That guy that's famous, like, niche famous with nerds using horror. Oh, Bruce Campbell.

Bruce Campbell, yeah. You're thinking of the show Jack of All Trades, which was another show. No, he would be on Xena sometimes. Yeah, he would be on Xena sometimes. Did he play Aries on Xena? Yes. Or Bruce Campbell, Xena. Bruce Campbell, baby.

Now, there's a man that gets pussy. Yeah, he's lived a nice life. That's the life you want, dude. Yeah. But it's a similar thing because he was in Evil Dead, who Sam Raimi directed that. So it's a whole, I didn't realize Sam Raimi had his fucking little paws all over Hercules. Yeah. And then Spider-Man.

Damn, Adam's pissing and I'm jealous. I want to piss. Autolocus. Autolocus. He was good in Xena, dude. Bruce was the only cast member on Hercules that didn't require a costume fitting. He just had all the shit at home. Damn.

Now I'm thinking about my book tour after Nick has murdered a lifetime with Mullen. Yeah. What are you going to name the book? I'm just going to misattribute. Like, you know, I'm going to say quote. You're never going to write a book. You're never going to have the discipline to do anything, or you would have done it by now.

You wouldn't be in this prison of being mocked day in, day out. I wouldn't have written the book about your... He's got it in drafts, dude. Yeah. He's waiting till someone... But if any publishers want to hit me up, you know... Simon and Suckster. Absolutely.

Maybe I'll write a book. What should my book be about? About your friend Nick. No, man. I'm going to write a book about personal essays. I'm going to write a memoir. A personal essays? A personal?

Mm-hmm. Like... When you bust it. Oh, bustinal. Yeah, I don't know. Burst? I don't know, man. It's all right, bro.

I don't know. I don't know. No, I am in a good space, actually. Oh, yeah? Has it been bounded? I made... It's a couple of... I'm going to try and trade my way back to the top.

Yes. Yes. Hell, yes. Dude, you know what? This is... This is flight when he does all the cocaine in the hotel room. Oh, yeah. Because you know what?

Fuck it, man. There he is. The problem is, I just love gambling. And it's like, winning or losing? Who gives a shit? As long as I'm... It's the rush. As long as I'm doing the gambling...

Should we go to Atlantic City? ...not sitting on the sidelines, crying about my losses. There we go. You lose it all and fucking be in the house. Push it to the limit. Come on, Tony. I just got one... I just had like a bad streak, Tony.

Come on. This is my livelihood, Tony. Remember when we went to David Cefarino's park? And you were... I was hiding in the car because those guys were kind of coming at me. Come on, Tony. Come on. We played ball together.

Don't you reminisce with me. Don't you reminisce with me, you fucking snake. Fuck that moment where you realized... Come on, Tony. I'm gonna use you to pepper an. Don't you ever fucking bring her up to me. I fucking love pepper an. I fucking love pepper an.

Don't you fucking... Don't you... He's choking him. Don't you ever fucking bring her up to me again. Yeah. Yeah, I know she died in a school shooting. I know there's a couple of moolies came in there and shot up her specifically. Yeah, that's right.

That's what happened. That's what happened. I don't want to fucking take her up to me again. He just chokes him with his bare hands. Yep. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Come on, Tony.

Come on, Tony. I introduced you to pepper an. I gave you pepper an's phone number. I got it out of the customer. I took it out of the... I got it off her credit card statement when she came in one time. You saw her in the security cameras. You saw her buying...

Tony, I told you she was 12 years old. And you said, yeah, but she's too cool for seventh grade. Girl like that. She's too cool for seventh grade. Too cool for seventh grade. Mmm, Tony. I gotta tell you. Don't think you should be having sex with a 12-year-old.

None of my business. I'm just saying. I remember one time I had sex with a 12-year-old. I wish I could do the... I can only do the mannerisms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like so. I can do the self-face.

Yeah, I can do self-face. You're wearing a wig. Back in the army, I used to fuck 12-year-olds. In the service. Tony, you want I should whack that 12-year-old? You've been fucking... Tony. Shut the fuck up, Christopher.

You keep a fucking name out of your mouth. Tony, I didn't fucking say a name. I said that girl. You shut the fuck up. Christopher, why is Tony mad? Some 12-year-old he's been having sex with. I don't know. There's a gambling addict.

There's money for Bitcoin. He's the only one that can talk to her. They broke up. Something like that. I don't fucking know. I gotta work on my screenplay. Christopher was walking down the street. His penis is very large and visible through his track pants.

A lot of whores were trying to have sex with him. You stole my fucking story? I love that moment where he's like the legitimately real moment where he's like, they're like, well, you could go into modeling. And they really believe that Christopher could be a model. And he's like, I think he says no because there's too many gay guys in it. I mean, I think it's the reason they say no. They reject it is because there's too many.

I think he says he might literally say too many fags in there or something like that. And it's played so fucking seriously. And it's one of the funniest moments on the show. Doesn't he say he wants to make suits like Hugo Boss or something? Yeah, it's got a lot of fun backup plans when the Feds Pinscher and Hugo Bust. How about that? Yeah. I love Tony fucking Pepper and I could just we could just do that.

Maybe the entire podcast. It's one joke and it continues for the rest of the podcast for the rest of the three months. Yes, we'd have to know more about Pepper Ann. I think she's got a mother. There's a mother character. I might draw Pepper Ann after Tony's done with her. No, he's dead. No, not dead, but like, you know, like, like Adriana put that.

But by the way, also, I've got my t-shirt, my side hustle, my t-shirt hustle. If you go to come.town and you want to buy any of my stupid t-shirts. That's right. Buy the man's t-shirts. They've got a lot of ideas coming up. What's nice, man, because it's like, it gives me something to do during the day. I wake up every morning. I print out all the packing slips.

I fucking go to the post office. It's like, it's like having a little day job. Yeah. It gives you errands. That's what I needed is some kind of side project. I just needed another project. Another project. My little side hustle doing stand-up comedy across the fucking country.

August, I'm filling up some dates, baby. Rochester, I'm coming to you. August 3rd. Boston, the 16th and the 17th. Oakland, the 24th. Seattle, the 29th. Portland, the 30th. Hopefully those are announced soon.

But yeah, keep an eye out for those. I'll be tweeting them on social media and all that kind of fucking shit. But yeah, your boy's trying to get back out there on the fucking road. Minneapolis, finally in September, late September. So yeah, come see us. And also, see fucking funny moms. Every Monday except the first. We should move funny moms to the stand.

Well, then saw two shows there. Yeah, the whole point of fire was like right here. But you were talking about moving it to Williamsburg anyways. Funny moms this month is the 8th, 22nd and 29th. They have a booked event on the 15th. Also, the new stand is either open or reopening soon. Yeah, skeptical. I went by very nice club.

I have a weekly show. Huge improvement over the last one. Yeah. It's fucking awesome. It's so funny. All these cool things. It's like, you know, like the fucking audience mics are cool. They're set up for like recording sets,

like the size of the rooms, the layout of the rooms, like the size of the stage. All these things that comics care about, like they're not talking about. And they're like, we got a pizza oven in there. So Chrissy can toss a couple of pies around like the old days. They literally hired a man from Naples to come make their pizzas. It's going to rock.

Yeah. Wow. Wood burning. Yeah. I'm there every Tuesdays. We got Fat Tuesdays. We had the first one yesterday. Thank you everyone for coming out.

Big, big success and be there every Tuesday. Not next week. They're putting the finishing touches on the club. But the week after, be there every motherfucking Tuesday. We'll book the boys as well. They'll be there doing a little fucking skits. But yeah, thanks everyone for coming and skits and goofs. Those are all our fucking little hustles.

Hank Bustaliano. Hey, it's me, Tony. Name's Hank Bust. Hank Bust. I can't wait to have fun. You stay the fuck away from Pepperoni. If you come anywhere near Pepperoni. Don't ever come near Pepperoni.

All right, later. Bye.