The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 167 – Two Shootings?!?

Episode Date: August 8, 2019

What is it, gun christmas??

oh hello everyone what the fuck is up with your bitch asses yeah to the audience that and then also to the motherfuckers in the room nothing nothing trying to stay cool yeah you are laying in ice cubes it's hot out kitty pool full of ice cubes so we can see your penis yeah it's even smaller than I remember yeah from the last time isn't it out maybe you've just gotten much fatter no no eyes can't get fatter thank you very much your insatiable appetite for cock there'd never be one big enough no that's not true it's two different types of hunger thank you fad off cock and food hunger no not that I

have cock hunger to be clear both but I've heard that's how you understand the subtle nuances and the difference between the two no I've had it described to me in beautiful language yeah friends with gay poets that friends with gay poets mm-hmm oh my only poet poetry friends are street poets oh yeah it's a red violets are blue I want to suck your cock and look your balls yeah I was talking about you actually gay poet friends yeah my name is Lord bot be I run Lord bot be I know well Lord Byron but I know Lord Byron but be I oh bye yeah wasn't he by sexual there yeah he's all poets are gay yeah

yeah I feel like Lord Byron from my understanding of the Greek Revolution of 1821 he went to Greece and had so it got so much pussy and sucked so much good dick mm-hmm that he used some of his personal fortune to help us this did throne the Turkish dogs that were that had us under their domain that's that's why I got his bag from poetry I think he was rich his name is Lord right no you just get Lordship if you're if your poems are gay enough if you get night no you get you're a sir if you get knighted what yes you're right Adam you got Nick's ass no Lord is like I think it's landed gentry yeah yeah that's rich no

not necessarily dude if you had land it just means you own land you can become you become a duke in England now by buying a fucking one meter by one meter parcel in the UK that's where everyone's ado there's websites you can go to it you just get Duke ship how much does that cost I want to be Duke Stavros 500 bucks if that cost 500 bucks I'm doing it too much today I want to be Duke Halkias of fucking him yeah landed gentry sucking Stavros Halk is sucking tits palace that's what I'm gonna call my fucking that's what I'm gonna call my palace and I'm gonna have it what's a good place of love in England a good

place in England was there's good pussy you know probably there's good manchester right aren't they all like fucking no just there's tight dude don't they all have like no they all do ass and rave really I don't want that that's not my scene is Wales in England I want Catherine's Ada Jones pussy I don't think she lives there anymore yeah but there's gotta be girls that look like her that you're like whoa you're Welsh but you look like you're fucking I think most women in Wales look like sheep they look like they look fat and red yeah there's gotta be a way dude you know how like you can become a priest and it's

just yeah online I'm pretty sure you could just buy there's no chance I mean if that's not already a business I would I would I would buy up a bunch of land in England and becoming a dude but you have to get royal right you do is you buy weight you know you get like a co-op yes and then you flip it if you flip the co-op yeah yeah we send we send plays I got a co-op of some Britain and we slice in that shit up cutting it up bringing it to the hood man we might not have we might not have aspirations here but in England that's right that would be awesome dude get your Idris Elba on mm-hmm we should do that

man start a charity where we get at-risk youth we make them dukes and duchesses and then what what happens then we teach them how to rap like Skepta oh man that's a great idea thank you yeah I don't know me damn I can't I can't freestyle let alone freestyle like me me got the gun yeah here we go become a the Duke or duchess you found it I am if that who is that one bit 734 dollars get the fuck out of here on sea land which I guess is an island so it's the prince you land oh dude get mermaid pussy principality I'm gonna start at Lannis from my fucking Duke ship in sea land it's a micro nation off perfect

they just the coast of well not for me this looks like it's for you guys off Norway or some shit Norway yeah but the principality seen in common in the sea land is a micro nation that claims roughs how oh it's it's its own nation so I'd be the Duke of sea land it was built as a anti-aircraft gun platform by the British during World War two oh that's cool so that I can fuck if any terrorists are up to no good I got the strap off the coast of Norway someone calls me yeah if Trump's like yo we they got Arabs or whoever not necessarily the claim that sea land is an independent sovereign state is

based on an interpretation of a 1968 decision in English court which was held at roughs tower was an international waters just outside the jurisdiction of domestic courts so it became an independent nation because it was just like a some rock where they kept to put a big gun and then after the war they're like I guess we don't really own this so it's like it's your own country for 730 dollars you can become a Duke of sea land dude I'm in and then people have to call you your grace oh my god do they have to do that anywhere you go or just I want to be the you I want to be at the UN yeah no you can go to the

UN I mean the US certificate oh dude how big is sea land it's it's well it's the size of a gun what kind of gun a Desert Eagle yeah I would imagine just me how to become a duker duchess if you think you deserve our highest ranking I do see Linda are searching for an extremely unique gift for someone special gift the duker duchess title is perfect exclusive gift ordering your title pack is quick and simple and you grant you this anyone could set up this website yeah that's true it's like I'm never going to see a guy that's got like a kinko oh man I'm looking at a picture of sea land right now it's hilarious how big is it look at it oh my god it's

just a little port that fuck that dude it's a I want to build a little fucking castle if I'm gonna be a Duke I want to have a little castle I want to get my dick sucked by milk maidens and shit it's basically this is my right I'm in I'm reinstituting prima knocked on my my plot of land damn dude now I'm now I'm getting excited Duke is a noble who resides over a duchy and holds a duchy as holds the highest territory about the duchy baby I'll tell you that much who was that like redhead red-haired kind of chubby bitch that was a that was famous for being okay well here's here's for the UK okay first you choose between seated

or non-seeded there are Ferguson then you present yeah purchase your new presumed title from us will seamlessly handle all the legalities in return you receive a beautifully presented document pack along with all the details you need to start using and enjoying your new title immediately do you get land hi thanks very much my mother loves her new duchess title what can you imagine how much of a bitch just your fucking like now you'll call me duchess I want one for my dog too just one of those dumb bitches that watches the royal wedding it's like wake up at 4am is it cheaper if you just want to be a duchy non-seeded

single title is $237 US but that's not real I want land bro I want to fucking spit in my surfs faces if they don't bring me enough radishes do you know what I mean well let me see how much the seated titles are yeah seated means I get land right I have no idea because it means you get a seated British parliament yes dude that would be awesome I'm gonna be in there I'm be like yo fucking vote for the boy dude vote for my boy jizz a dude okay so I want to be an Earl so let me look up how much it cost to be an Earl's for bitches dude Duke is where is Earl above Duke if it is that's bullshit Earl is above Duke

Earl is okay it's just you guys named Earl one guy's named Duke Duke is gonna be cooler Duke is a black guy who gets pussy I'm gonna have a show called my title is Earl and I go around demanding to speak to the manager whenever you get fish and chips Earl titles non-seeded they're also 237 oh it's not bad yeah fuck that dude being an Earl is fucking stupid you want to be a Duke Duke sounds again what's a female Earl an earless arless is it an arless yes they treated okay a single seated title is $1,210 that's not bad these titles come with land so instead of just being Lord Smith you'd be Lord Smith of

Westminster oh yes yeah fuck yes so I'm gonna be Lord Stavros of Westminster and then go to Westminster Maryland can I be Darth Vader I want to be a dart I want my shit to say God fucking stupid country dude if you get land that's awesome mm-hmm but it's probably like such a little parcel sucks but yeah it's land on sea land right it's not no man that's England aren't you paying attention oh no I thought we're still talking about you know fuck Zealand Zealand can suck my hard-ass dick actually mm-hmm unless I get the whole country to myself oh this is awesome can I add the title to my documents yes you

can change your driver's license passport credit cards and bank accounts new effective title that's what I'm gonna have to do it all in one fell swoop then uh-huh be Duke Stavros of Vell Halkias I'm gonna do I'm gonna make all the changes in one swoop yeah as long as the do you sell the title of layered no we do not for the simple reason that layered itself it's not a title but rather a descriptive word that simply means landlord no there's people that come here that was this is in the frequently asked question people like how could I be a layer I've never been heard of layered and that shit definitely

that's worse than Earl for sure layered just means landowner I'm a layered of Baltimore dude layered Stavros of Greek town you're ready are that shit that's true of Greek layered Stavros of a fucking I almost had the street it sounds kind of British suck my fucking dick I am gay I have a lid so I'm looking at this of tiny countries Adams penisville republic of Adam's penis Billy Avainia Adams little ass dick dick dickotania why don't you you talk to him next balls okay okay next ball next balls of Stan we're all those are the ones that I've said the opposite of Stavs dick show everyone knows you have a child's penis

that's not it's not I mean a big child it was a large child's penis yeah with a medically tight foreskin yeah exactly my my foreskin is that of a child's my penis is that of a man's right yeah so it's kind of tough in that regard fuck it's $1,800 to be a lord of the manner 18 it's going up yeah I'm gonna be Lord of Darth fuck and I'm waiting where and if you don't do it I'm calling the I'm calling the Queen dude 18 for do you get a do you get land you get like well you get like it's like a foot a square foot of land yeah well I can fucking build on that dude yeah then declare war on the other motherfuckers would you put on it

like a big totem pole or something you would build a giant golf tee and then you put a house on top exactly okay a huge platform but do you giant platform that goes down and then it goes down eight miles into the ground structural integrity because you have air rights and yes I would I would need mining right English law English law was invented before the air was written before flight so there's no such thing as air rights in English law so if you can structurally find a way to take a one foot by one foot piece of land and build on top of that and cover the entirety of England oh sky England is my that's my

fucking country yeah I'm the Lord of sky that's actually what the movie sky commander in the world of tomorrow yeah sky captain yeah sky master and commander of tomorrow starring Russell Crowe and Jelena Jolie yep absolutely correct yeah but Angelina Jolie from Gia where her tits are out yeah I used to jack off to me too of course I'm girl inter-fucked it girl interrupted how about girl inter-fucked yeah sure she got the she has a crazy push she's got yes I imagine how great it would be to drag your dick through that mental hospital just spend the week going on a tour of the medicine that's right broken toys

mm-hmm how about a movie called one fucked all of the cuckoo's nest and it's a mental institution for women that's awesome jack Nicholson's like these pussies are the tightest crazy I've ever seen yeah astrology is real just put my dick in your ass chief put my dick in your ass it's a Native American woman Jesus what do we got Elizabeth Warren over here you talk Elizabeth they got real where's your famous talking you always love doing Elizabeth Elizabeth Warren in the mental institution after Trump debates her once and then she's committed oh you think he'd own her that hard oh yeah oh yeah nice yeah I tell

you what I'd really love to happen to poke honest here is a little John Smith action you know I don't know that's what they say they say she fucked all of the explorers I loved all those articles about Elizabeth Warren they were like stop fucking saying she knows too much about politics who's saying that no one literally no one that was like a dumb take for a while it's like of course men are criticizing her for being too qualified it's like no no one's saying there was a neutral commentary that she was wonkish yeah what she is well a couple expert a couple like a month ago Bernie was like yeah I get it people

want a woman to be the president and then like the headline was like Bernie Sanders says people only support Elizabeth Warren because of her pussy dude yeah they really fuck with my man Bernard heavy like they really trying they need to take my man's name out of their mouth the good news is that Donald Trump will win the election no matter what none of these people will win he will be president again and there's nothing you can do to stop it I think you probably he might not be but he probably will know he's gonna be president I mean that's my maybe Beatles bitch ass can drop out now and say because the gun violence he cussed because of the gun violence he

could be like I got to be back in the Senate just use it it use it baby well he's not in the Senate he lost right I mean oh he's gonna run against that would be awesome if he just was like I'm a bitch I got my dick sucked handily by Pete Buttigieg he became the like boring-ass white guy really rocks when Beto was like yeah me and my wife both are descendants of slave owners I want to I want to get Andrew Yang on the you and probably podcast yeah I think it's possible he did Rogan yeah yeah and we're like we're just as big yeah we have basically the same a little bit bigger we're bigger but we're more

Yang's audience are we oh yeah all right guys we could get the Yang gang I bet you 95% of the people who listen to this podcast is it all right guys I thought it's um I don't fully dislike him I know like everybody hates him just because like it's a lot of his I don't have a universal UBI shit is like it seems like it's just a way to gut entitlement programs but and then I guess he's oh would there be no entitlement programs if they're well he said some things and he'd like but he leans more in that direction when he was he did like Ruben report and then on Rogan he kind of said a couple of

things that were like you know if you give people the option of like a thousand dollars or or you know I you know your food stamps obviously they're gonna choose a thousand dollars so he wants to do it on some Nixon shit of just give them money don't do like you know yeah have programs yeah and he's like I honestly he's better for the economy and it's like yeah cuz people will spend like additional income but like you want to make sure that they have food and health care yeah it's also like I don't even understand I but like he supports the C-Sport universe of health care I don't know if it's clear yeah I don't

even know how the fuck you value that cuz he's talking about if you already get like a thousand dollars worth there are five hundred dollars a month in benefits but I don't know how you like value right you know I'll care I don't know I don't I don't know specifically I honestly I stopped how many Zans do you get a month under that plan for a thousand bucks street value or no from the pharmacy that's how you value it how many how much Adderall Insanity you can get the only two reasons to have use health care uppers and downers yeah streamlined and bring something to put me down exactly the sorority diet that's

right it's also dumb cuz like everyone gets the money so it's like even rich yeah if you're if you're well yeah if you're like an upper middle class person you get the thousand dollars and it's like those people will be able to spend the money they probably won't they'll probably just put it in the savings yeah they'll put it yeah they want to test it yeah I mean and then like well that people make that argument about health care it's like why should rich people get free health care and it's like which is so you want to have something that's completely different I mean it's not extra money it's health care right it's

if you wouldn't make that argument about like well what rich people get the fired apart well you here's extra money that can be used in many different ways when it gets put back into the economy but it's an entitlement program the UBI know yeah but but it's the difference in how the money functions what about universal basic inches if you give somebody if you give somebody doesn't need it an additional $12,000 a month and like that you immediately go or $12,000 a year yeah and that like immediately just goes into like interest-bearing savings account I mean it's like free money so why not put it

in like higher risk investments or you know it's just like extra money where it's poor people immediately have to spend that money on like yeah go just getting shoes whatever those well not even shoes it's like if it is like gutting those programs oh food and like then it goes on those essentials or into those essentials or whatever and it's effectively like nullified any benefits they get meanwhile people that like do already have wealth are able to turn that $12,000 into even more money for themselves in a way that doesn't benefit the economy right I mean marginally by like you know investing

in companies or whatever and it helps their growth but not in the same way that like you know if you give poor people a thousand dollars on top of like like the like the Bush stimulus right where it was just an additional check rather than like less withholding that money went back into the economy but it's not like at the expense of like hey if you want this $600 check you lose your food stamps you know you still have all like the basic needs met and then if you have like additional like disposable income or whatever then you can spend that on like a fucking on just you know like a TV or whatever the fuck you you

know want on top of that and that is good for the economy yeah universal bitch insurance and if you're not getting pussy yeah you can file a claim to hire a prostitute and they have to pay for it and no well look yes you make you have a deductible you have deductible but you would reach it pretty quickly yeah because you're constantly trying to get pussy what do you guys think about that it's not a bad idea thank you but I don't know I mean I feel like people hate Andrew Yang and I don't like get why yeah I couldn't be like Yang gang stuff has died down I was shocked he was like in the I guess they're letting everyone

debates but he's actually pulling better than all those random fucking shitty like that dickhead that looks like that means and beans from even Stevens who's the bald guy oh John Delaney yeah yeah that's how much of a loser is and I don't know who the fuck that guy is and I was sort of when I was younger kind of in the pot I even was like yeah in the Maryland was a hella rich oh is he yeah I think he's I've never heard of him yeah he must be from Howard County some bulls Yang Yang Yang pulls like at the same like he's he's up by Jill a brand and shit he's got he actually pulled like 2% or something yeah one or

8% yeah that other guy was like the gray hair that I've also that Bernie said that don't put his nuts in his mouth wrote the bill or whatever who's that guy oh yeah they're all like the same guy Tim Ryan they still in Tim Ryan looks like a serial killer yeah he's got like the BTK killer's eyes that Michael Bennett who just sounds like fucking Cameron doing an impression of Sloane's father and my daughter will be outside at 3 p.m. Michael Bennett what's the principal's name listen Jeffery Joe pet a famous pedophile Jeffery Jones oh I just watched the Deadwood movie they brought him back but they didn't give

him any dialogue yeah yeah but it's hilarious even the background he's a convicted pedophile making his own child oh yeah but Ferris David you are to be in school at 10 a.m. the movie is so much funnier when you like know that Jeffrey Jones is a pedophile that took guys oh it makes it even better it was like I got I'm gonna get my hands on him wait a second is he was he another shit is he like the fit is he that famous guy who's like he's a redhead guy he was the principal and Ferris Bueller isn't that guy yeah he was in Deadwood the guy that got fat his shit had a little mustache and bald and shit I

guess he was fat oh he was the newspaper guy in Deadwood yeah that's the guy I'm thinking of yeah oh that sucks dude but David Milch has has enough respect for his product as an actor for the movie you couldn't find another fat guy that looks like it's so funny to have the pedophile back but not give him any lines yeah he says like one-off things but he doesn't have any dialogue oh my god yeah that is definitely that definitely heightens the movie chasing a high school boy damn and again not that it's good that you know that's a tough pedophile though wait hold on can I be the lord of come town

is there a come to can you select what you're a lord of the land that doesn't sound right if so I'm a stavros lord of pussy shire yeah what do you guys think of pussy shire well I can buy it for you before you get a chance to do not buy lord of pussy shire no I mean I can title you as lord of small dick no no no you can't yes I can't no I will reject it you don't even know where the way I will reject it I will see you in the fucking Queen's court you can't reject it I will do will fucking do over it you don't I've already done it's done soft I'm sorry I'm not the lord of small dick there's nothing we could do

to stop them stavros do not do that how he is I'm not no small dick do not spend seven hundred dollars to make me the lord it's eighteen hundred dollars that's nothing nothing that's so good enter their address 39 what's your address I don't know I don't have an address I think I have it in my phone no Adam it's 200 no your title Lord no Lord stop Lord doing this I don't want to be the lord of small dick no I'd be funny dude no I want to be the Lord of pussy shire no if you had like a you know a letterhead and stuff that's it's over I want to

be the Lord of Lord is the reason we make the money we do to do things like this we need to make a coat of arms to I'm not making a coat of arms I'll make you I'm well we'll make you officially nighting you as the Lord of small dick bill Nick's gotten really good at a little yeah at least make it something that sounds pretty it's gonna be funny or small dicking ten or something if it's not even if you don't even get the benefit of it being funny come on I guess there's just a place called small dickville restive is the Lord the choose your title Lord of the Manor full name Stavros Hock is play small dick never never been given a real updates a real

act of generosity check out damn I'm really about to spend $1,800 on this please do not do that just do the $200 one just legally just $200 when I give $1,600 to Jerry or something man like you could still make me legally the Lords of small they know you can't you have to buy a seated title to have the name do it in Seavill or whatever the fuck sea land yeah you're only pretending to care about the charity so that you don't become the Lord of small dick no man your official title as recognized by the King of England that's fine because I love the Queen so fuck that yeah I would love I'm gonna do that

later I'm gonna start doing that to all my enemies what's making them the Lords of things going bankrupt come fast town I've turned them all into British nobility the ultimate revenge of gay name I like signing my enemies up for email lists oh yeah like what like you know if you're at Chili's and they have an iPad on the table that's good you just sign them up for the Chili's to go email I always use that such a sick prank that's what I do that's so sick it was awesome at first when you first realized you could sign up people for like gay sex.com yeah of course damn it's great you can get somebody else's birth

certificate and social security card like pretty easily they don't like that fucking government barely checks to really yeah when you go when you get a replacement social security card on the website there's a couple states they don't let you do it in but they're like are you sure you need this most of time you don't need to present presented knowing your social security card is more important or whatever it's like I think they tell you that because like I mean you do need some information you know you need like like like an address you need their social security number and then like maybe a mother's maiden name

there's a little bit more information need for the birth certificate but if you can get that information from somebody which is not hard to like yeah fish out from totally you know methodically over some time not even time dude I mean it's not hard to get people's fucking like information yeah especially you know the angle you do is you just pretend to be like in a into astrology and shit like that oh true you might do your star charts you're like okay well where's your mom born yeah where are you born what time yeah what's your social security number yeah you can get all of their shit you know and then like that

there's no like to get the birth certificate and the social security number you don't really need to do much verification on the internet past having that information it's not like you need to go in or show you need to know what the hospital you don't need it yes you do need to know the hospital but like you can get that like again you can you do some digging you can get that information I don't know what do you know what hospital you were born at yes I do you know the name yes do you think no Adam don't tell people this is what I mean it's what I mean by it's very easy to get this information damn it

is that fucking stupid people I cannot believe that shit work god damn it not dude you get the fucking birth certificate the social security card then you go get when you are then you all you have to do is go get a fucking like passport photo well you need to know their social security number you can get that information that's pretty easy now I know your social security number I know your social security will be able to work together yeah but there's always you know that's fraud now there's always take you to the cleaners pal yeah would you yeah yeah too late when I'm on fucking little st. james relaxing with my fucking

crew of apes I've turned it into an ape Island has been taken over by an iron eight pedophile his band of chimps the temple has been replaced with a pizza restaurant called child porn pizza and inside all the waiters are naked little boys inside is an 18 monitor gaming rig set up it's just I like the aesthetics of being an elite pedophile but I don't actually I don't I just want to walk the walk mm-hmm yeah I don't I just want to talk to talk I don't you're post your post sex pedophile yeah yeah he just likes the aesthetic being rich you know being rich that song a rap money but it's pedophile money I'm on Jeff Steen

Zylin we got boys for days we got Prince Andrew and Clinton in the back room dirtin head from a child and an infant she says she only 13 call me Jeffrey Epstein dude I love it my bitch is 13 call me Jeffrey Epstein anyways if you guys like wearing underwear oh I love it yeah do you Adam one you tell me what kind of underwear you wear I only wear one girl's underwear for no guy I wear guys I love you like a hard-ass dick in your underwear you love wearing blue chew pills in your mouth I love those pills look Adam wears girl underwear and that's how he gets hard that's for the rest of us we need pills we need pills

because we're either unhealthy or closeted homosexuals or both yeah Adam Adam puts on his mom's clothes yeah yeah or any old her clothes just her scent her perfume coke you wear Chanel number whatever the fuck number nine number 69 number 69 yeah if you motherfuckers have problem getting hard like we do with our fucked up little dick with your fear dick is fucked up if you like sex you'll love blue chew dot com I remember personally I use it for beating off I use it for beating off for having sex for my cock looking big in my jeans I get it hard and just tape it to my leg yeah I like to ride the train

hard yep I'd like to wear those very thin could you get in trouble for indecent exposure if you just have a massive boner inside your pants if you have see if you can't ask it ball shorts and you're walking around your dick hard you'll get arrested really let's find what if it's not it's not your fault you know doesn't matter we've criminalized men's body women are like can you think of one law that regulates men's bodies in the way women's art like yeah try to walk around hard and basketball shorts yeah see what happens to you you fucking see what happens to you you dumb

you fucking I'm trying to just go to Chucky cheese rock rock solid where my and one short and beat children at dance dance revolution my dick on turbo hard thanks to blue my war shock mask dick on hard thanks to blue chew like you're stuck in here with me sir please you can be here and you can be hard but you can't threaten the children while hard playing dance dance revolution and then I look at the camera and I go blue chew dot com yeah and it's Rorschach and his dick gets hard and then the bad guy from Watchmen is like what the fuck and then more stars face turns into the Punisher logo if you did hard and then he's

copyrighted yeah is it by who the troops yeah by the getting hard with the Punisher mask by the police in the troops the Punisher DC I fucking pull people over for a living that's why I believe in the Punisher every time I pull someone over I know it's a life and death situation oh yeah there's a guy with a tail light out and I know I remember I remember my posture my and my hands on my hips lessons from cop from cop school where they teach me hands on your hips and zip your lips let people know you're a tough guy I took body language my police academy my posture myself I have sir I'm trying

to ascertain anyways blue chew dot com offers men a performance enhancement for the bedroom wouldn't you like the last longer and go extra rounds yes not really but it would be nice no but I'd like to come fast with a heart for a change if you fuck too good women stick around I'd like to be able to eat other pills I like to deal with that blue chew dot com to get the first chewables with the same act of ingredients is Viagra and see Alice mm-hmm to dolla fill and so I don't know try and say that China you can't that's why that's all made here in America right USA but the only medicine that is impossible for

the Chinese to say and therefore manufactured and so they're all manufactured and prescribed by doctors here in the USA mm-hmm doctors who are the top of their class that's right at at West Point mm-hmm met it yet these are army doctors yeah it's a military it's guys who went over to Iraq and then they got their dicks punished punished off by an IED they're like I was in military now I'm dedicated to building my upper body strength becoming a jacked wheelchair guy that prescribes dick pills punish your style and blue cheek I don't know why the blue thing keeps coming

back to the punish I love it dude the online position consult is free so it's cheaper than the other two Viagra and see Alice it only takes a few minutes to connect to the blue chew dot com affiliated physician if you qualify you get prescribed online quickly there's no in-person doctor visit no awkward conversation no waiting in line in a pharmacy and if you like those things they got a little chat box where you can talk to someone directly and make awkward conversation mm-hmm I like to do that I read up my prescription I'm like hey what's your name Josh hey Josh what are you up to

John can you recommend any Thomas the tank engine themed sexual imagery to facilitate because I thought I thought the blue was a reference to Thomas the tank engine mm-hmm which is which you should yeah it's an actual like what if you're like a blood and you got to take the pills oh I love that yeah I miss him yeah he has to be back on it told him if you can get bam back on he was like he's like I'm working on yeah yeah mm-hmm already told you Nikki you're a slut it's like a nine paragraph thing about like you said you were gonna be a bitch and then you were a bitch you did a bitch to me

blue two dot com yeah no in-person poor everyone in that situation oh yeah that's child yeah oh yeah you want me like go ahead take him I don't get 47,000 likes eighty eighty-nine thousand come yeah you tell that go ahead take him you're just using him to hurt me you're a ledge more time to get fucked up man yeah well it's always the same guys it's like you know a guy in a fucking like the transworld skateboarding trucker have been like all the rest of the crews cleaned up and the party's over man and you got to grow up it's time to grow up it's not gonna happen yeah he's fucking he's the Howard Hughes of skateboard that's right he pisses in

jars he's worth 50 million dollars he's easy oh he's got loads of money that's awesome he's they talk about like all the rest of the guys they go through shit together it's like well bam's the one that's a fucking like business like yeah sponsored by everybody's branded all this shit the reason he's like that he's constantly making money why do you go on that tour then just for fun more money smart move why not he probably got some huge guarantee from like Vinnie and shit yeah yeah you know I'm sure he got that money yeah well I'm sure he did from it like I don't know I'm sure that your big will stay hard no if you use

blue team dog no in-person doctor visit no online something it's all online blue chew whatever dude it's fucking dick you did gets hard there's a doctor tech for men for legal what's that cause nice come down the code is blue chew no that's the product down to chew it and do it chew it and do it you and your partner will love it that's right it's or you if you're just hard by yourself by partner I guess they meet another guy women can't take it yeah that's a woman takes this pill she'll become she'll become racist I envy homosexuals who get to both use blue chew yeah imagine a relationship where you both get to use

blue chew oh my god that's the perfect form of sex yes incredible dude I'm happy to report here's a great deal for you guys visit blue chew calm and get your first order free when you use promo code come town see you mtw n just pay five dollar shipping that's blue chew calm promo code come town come town see you mtw n that's right let's start the show let's start the fucking show let's have sex let's have gay sex oh also please come see me in Boston next weekend you motherfuckers thank you to everyone who came to fucking Rochester shots out to my boy Todd I'm in Boston on the 16th and 17th I'm in Oakland on the 24th

and Seattle the 29th and 30th and I'm gay in Indianapolis on the 28th and I think Philly the weekend before I might do a little house show to warm up after going back from Greece tour I also have it on Instagram and Twitter We're the Beatles and we love you. I'm going. I love Japanese pussy. Yeah, he actually John Hinckley Jr. said that he's shot. It's David Mark Chapman, but he shot John Lennon because he said he was gayer than Jesus. We're gayer than Jesus. The Beatles are gayer than Jesus. We get more cocked than Jesus. You know

Jesus was sucking off all the apostles, dude. You know he's sexed everyone into the crew. That's so funny that he wrote that. Huh? Like no one around him was like yeah, you can't call the song women. Tell us like what? You know that John? Oh, women are the something of the world. Like no one stopped it. What a fucking. Imagine what if Chapman was like, I mean, come on. Yeah. He was J. W. Jesus. Look through the Bible. Find me where Jesus is dropping in box. Jesus is. You can say the n word so free in the 70s, dude. That's the thing. I'm blacker than Jesus. Yeah, it's funny when I would watch like network television. It would be like, you know,

Sanford and son or whatever when I was a kid. Yeah, you watch movies and a guy would be like, you know, like he was saying, damn it. It's bleep out. Dish. Dish rag. Yeah. Dish suck my dad dial up. And then it's like, look, there's the boo. I mean, they would say it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Which you know, that's when the word was good. The word was really good. They used to think it was good. Now we think it's bad. Well, it's historically important. It's historically, it was, yeah, it belongs in the library. That's right. It's heritage, not hate. I'm doing a version of Tom Sawyer where it's every other word is taken out but the n words, the rush song. No, no, the weren't the people mad with Tom

Sawyer redacted and it's just the n words. Just like blackout marker over everything. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, they replaced it with cousin. Cousin Jim. Good to see you cousin Jim. Like, wait, this guy's cousins with. Why is everybody calling him a cousin? Yeah. They praise it with brother money. One thing Bono did that was good. The red phones. I had that red razor, dude. Adam, are you going to go see Fiddler on the roof on ice? Is it coming to New York? They have a Fiddler on the roof that's in Yiddish. Fiddler on ice. I would love to see the Fiddler on ice. Yeah. What have you gone to the one that's all in Yiddish? If I was a rich man. Yeah, that's one of my favorite songs. What's that? If

I was a beach man. If I got the beaches. If I was a beach man. And I got bitches that suck my fucking little dick. If I had breast implants. Oh, it's a trans guy. I want to be trans. Yeah. I thought it's about a guy getting bitches on the roof. Oh, that's that's where he gets his bitches. If I was a bitch man. Yeah, we fucks on the roof. Yeah, diddler on the roof. Diddler on the roof. It's a pedophile. Yep. Oh, yeah. Oh, fucking yeah, brother. If I had a penis. I guess a Dayton shooter retweeted me. Yeah. So it's your fault. Yeah. Well, he was finding out the Dayton shooter retweeted and followed me kind of rough. But finding out he was a leftist kind of makes it okay. What did he shoot? Yeah. No, the

guy who was like, he's like, kill every fascist. He has all these like tweets. They're not reporting that because it was that the Dayton shooter. He was a rose emoji. Yeah. Yeah. Why was he at the DSA convention because he had to do a shooting because he had to do his shooting. He had to do a shooting. He should have been there at the. Well, he was the guy that yelled about no clapping resolution. He was the guy that yelled about not using gender language. That video. That is my. I was crying laughing. Can we keep the guys can we get the chitchat to a minimum? And then if you watch, you can see that per that woman stand up as soon as guys is said to like, but yeah, yeah. Get out of there. Can

we not use gender language for Jennifer? Come on, man. And then whoever like the person is speaking is like, you can tell like, what have we done? You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is this? Oh, we're fucked, dude. Yeah. Yeah. You could say guys and then hurt like their feel. I don't know, man. It's one of them. How are you? It's like it's one of the funny people to talk about punching Nazis. If guys hurt your feelings, right? Well, Nazis really hurt. Yeah. Hurt my feelings. Yeah, exactly. If I had a P that video is amazing. It was so it's so so tough. It's so rough that there was a real chance for like a vibrant leftist movement after Trump was elected and it just got taken over by people

afraid of clapping. That's right. What I don't understand is like, shouldn't you be like praising the Dayton shooter? If like you are did he shoot fascists? I think he went to like a country bar or something. What? What are you talking? What's the Dayton shooter? Is that the guy at Walmart? No, there's another one. And then like 12 hours later, some guy in Ohio shot up a bunch of are they trying to say that he's Antifa? I don't know. I didn't like, well, well, Antifa is like a volunteer fire department, you know, so it's, you know, whoever wants to be. Yeah. Oh, but I thought you said the racist guy was a leftist. The racist was in El Paso. Yeah. How many three happened? Yeah, just every day. Damn. Yeah.

Interesting. Wait, who did the guy? Who did the fucking damn dude? There's that many shootings? Yeah, pretty much that is what shooter or mask both per vest and hearing protection. So the hearing protection would indicate that he is the guy from the DSA meeting. Yeah. But he is, in fact, the guy who wore, who asked for the chinchat to be damn this shit is wild. Yeah. Well, we were saying like, oh, well, maybe the Dayton shooting was a retaliation to the Ohio one, but it's like what like fucking 10 hours he got an assault rifle and multiple magazines and I mean, it would wait. There was another one in Ohio. No, this is the one in Dayton, Ohio. Yeah, that's what that's what you say. Oh, retaliation for El Paso. Yeah.

Who do you shoot? Damn. Oregon district is closing. There's a bar. I don't know, man. It's kind of hard to get like information on this one. That's all they suspended his Twitter account. Yeah, which sucks because it's like every follower counts. They're really fucking with your ratio. They are. Yeah. Listen, I don't like what he did, but the follow. What if they have fucking pictures of me wearing a Richard Gehr museum shirt? Yeah, please don't do that. Please don't buy my shirts. But please buy my shirts. Actually, you know what? The shooter was found wearing a weed. I don't care if you're going to buy the shirt, do whatever you want. Right. It ends there. I'm simply a merchant is all over the news.

The shooter was wearing a come town shirt. I'm like, Oh, I'm sorry. You mean he bought a shirt? Thanks. Yeah. No, thanks. Don't need that. Don't follow up questions. Just so we're on the same page, you purchased a fucking shirt because the shirts are good. Yeah. Yes. Oh, are you reporting on him wearing a fucking Nike shirt? Are you? Yeah, I'm sorry. I guess under armor. Yeah, I guess race is also spending all his money on that yet. It's not the assault rifles. It's the problem. It's the shirt he was wearing, which is printed on next level. Great shirts, premium, God, organic, cut. I don't really good screen printed. They last forever. I don't support what he did. But I understand why he opted for this shirt to

do it in no evidence so far of a bias crime. Police say Sean King, though, was immediately like authorities are now saying he did it as a white supremacist motivation. He targeted black people and it's like, you know, they didn't in El Paso. No, no, the Dayton shooter. Oh, okay. We're not talking about El Paso. El Paso doesn't fit Nick's narrative El Paso. Yeah. What's my narrative? No, I'm kidding. My narrative is just Sean King was Sean King like immediately said that it was yeah, like a white supremacist thing. I mean, he was playing the man was playing the odds. Yeah. What do we have? I mean, he's like considers himself a journalist. Oh, yeah, he's not a journalist. Is he? Yeah, he has a guy that's trying to

get RTs. Yeah, but Sean King. He's a cloud shark. He's a cloud chaser. Classic cloud chaser. Yeah. Anyways, I want to know more about the bar that he's shot up. That's true. Because I think it's funny. Yeah. I think there's something funny. There probably is something funny. Dayton kind of sucks. Well, a country bar got shot up in. Oh, here we go stuff. You know, he's also found a shotgun in the shooter's 2007 Toyota Corolla. Oh, maybe you have some things you want to answer. No. First of all, it's a 2011. I know it's a 2011. I'm familiar with your vehicle that I've driven more times than you have. That's not true. I've driven. You've driven a couple times better than you. No, you're driving

it during a mental breakdown and I'm pretty sure you fucked something up. Your car thinks about me when you drive. Yeah, we didn't fill up the tank also after that. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I broke the air conditioner buttons. Yep. By pressing them too hard. That drive back from DC was ridiculous. Yeah. Just blasting metal. Yeah. Nick blasting metal screaming about God. It is so fucking good. I wish I was dead. I wish I was dead. I'd be like, let's just get to Astoria and do the pod. Let's just get to Astoria. What a time. Yeah. And then you're we get to yours. You're wearing a swimsuit because you've run out of underwear. Oh, yeah. Damn. That was a jar of piss everywhere. It took five out of it. That was a dark time,

bro. We really have been through some and I remember you've been through great as like because like everyone's like, oh, you're 20 suck, but then you get into your thirties and it's fine. And it's like, that's literally what happened. Yeah. That summer sucked. But now that I'm old, I don't care about anything. Yep. It's great. Like getting creepy voicemails. I had another person being like, Hey, I have a theory on that creepy voicemail. I don't care. There's like this other person in me up there like, Hey, like this is going to sound weird. But I got this like, like, I feel like you're in danger or something. Like I got this really like weird overwhelm. This person. I don't even know. And it's like, yeah, maybe

I'll just be killed. Who cares? Yeah. Who gets you might be killed. But I think that I think I know who did that voicemail. Why? I think that's Longmont. No, it's John McAfee. No, it's John McAfee. Are you sure? Yeah, listen to it. We got to get him on the because I know Longmont is like doing a show now for a long mom potion castle. Yeah. Oh, those guys and I think that they were like asking for people's numbers or something and someone might have passed your number along. That's illegal, dude. First amendment. Triple double chair. Why would what would be the point of that? Because they want to like, they want to like prank like people that have following. Yeah. Like my friend. Oh, it's viral marketing.

My friend said that he's saying I have to kill the guy from Longmont. Yeah, you don't have to kill him, but not probably gave your number to him. Adam. That's Adam. That's a dumb theory. Adam. My theory is that it's John McAfee. Yeah, I think it's Longmont potion. I mean, it sounds like John McAfee. It sounds like Longmont potion. Potion Castle. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. Longmont potion castle guy kind of sounds like the guy that did Garfield's voice. John Ernesta or Lorenzo music. You know, the guy's name. Lorenzo Musac. Lorenzo music. Music. That's a great name. Lorenzo music. Here. What's his name is Lorenzo. His last name is music. Yeah, that's his name here. Lorenzo music. Respect. Here's an interview

with him. Didn't really prepare. I read some of the Garfield books. There were three at the time. Well, I just realized that I understand this cat and I am this cat. And he became so famous as Carlton wrote his drunken door. Yeah. Music's done a lot of things, but he's never played a cat. They started laughing. I was just I'd love to fuck that way. Yeah, he sounds like that. It's either Lorenzo music. Lorenzo music. Lorenzo music or John Ernesta music. Those are good ass guesses, brother. Yeah. I think it's LPC, dude. No, it's not, dude. I think it is. Where did that come from? Who told you that? Whose theory is that? It's my theory, but Jonah hit me up a couple of weeks ago. Ooh. That does sound

like him, dude. John McAfee. Can we get him on the pod, dude? Yeah, I just texted him again the other day. He was like, he's like, I think he did that drone video of little St. James Island. Oh, that was him. Yeah. I've heard from other people that he's like, I don't know. He's always, he's just doing weird shit. He's like a hard guy to get in that. He's always on weird research. When he agreed to do the show, I texted him in January and he was like, yeah, he's like, I can come on, but he wanted to Skype in. And I was like, nah, I kind of want to like do it in person. So I was going to fly down to the outer banks. Yeah. Well, I wasn't going to dox him on the show. I mean, I'm sure people

know where he lives, but you liked it. You liked it. You understand his life is in danger because of the drone video because of, because yeah, because this is a guy. There's good and dark forces and John's, John's one of the good ones. He's the lawyer or crusader for the light. Yeah. And the battlefield of Bitcoin billionaires. There's the pedophiles and then there's guys like John or the guys who shit in a hammock or whatever. John probably had me killed cause he doesn't, that's why he left that voicemail. Personally, he left me a voicemail on a number. I don't need to let you know to let me know. Yeah. He could have you killed at any moment. Yeah. Oh, wasn't your regular number? No, that kills my, that

kills my long mom. Oh, nice dude. Cause someone dumb ass. Someone asked me if I could give your guys numbers for that. What? For his new show. You can't just give out people's numbers and I didn't do it. Yeah, good. Yeah. But I am a fan. Who asked you that? Why are people talking to you? You're not approachable as immigration. Yes, this is caused by immigration and the anger and backlash against it. 73. Oh, he looks great. I love his titties. He's got like tribals on his teeth. He's getting that ex prostitute pussy dude, his wife. That man rules, dude. Yeah, I love John Mac. Captain Saber Ho to the extreme. Yeah. But also probably getting pussy on the sneak. What happened to viruses? He fucking do people get viruses?

Mac if he stopped them all. Does that should ever happen to you when you're jacking off? I don't have an anti virus on my computer. That should ever happen to you when you're jacking off. You get like weird pop ups or like meet other guys. No, no, no, that's probably you because you like gay porn. You might like, no, that, no, that's what happens. No, I was saying you get that. That doesn't happen to you. That doesn't happen to me. That happens to you. What happens to me is like, it'll something, it'll like freeze you out of it. It's like, it makes you like agree to something and then you have to like click out and like exit or my, here's my phone. Have a virus. It sounds like a virus. Fuck. I've been jacking

off too much. What do you jack off to on your phone? Ex hamster? I'm the next videos guy. Next videos, which I fought for a long time. I used to be a spank wire guy back in the college. I liked the little guy, you know, I was, I'm never a porn hub guy. Yeah. It's like too corporate for me. I think it's one guy that owns all of them. Oh really? Yeah. Even XNXX.com. I used to use that one in college. Yeah. X video seems a little more like, you know, a little more of the Wild West. A little bit more with DIY. Yeah. Absolutely. But they got some, some of the big, big names. Sure. You can find the big names, of course. You can find the big names. You find the small names. Ex hamsters. Another one I dabbled

with, but never really. Ex hamster is a good video quality. The thing I like about X videos is you can scroll over and get that little preview. And I used to love checks mix and now it's just bullshit. The regular kind or the dessert kind? The regular kind. The regular kind kind of sucks my dick, dude. It used to, when I was a kid, I was like, what? Because I didn't know about checks. The first time I was in like sixth grade, I was like, this is fucking this. Oh, what is this? It's pretzel sticks. There's bagel chips. They didn't put a description on the back with all the different kinds of stuff because it's 19 different fucking snacks at once. It's a mix. It's for a part. You tried it recently again. I just don't like

the nuts. No, I just over time throughout my life, it stopped having an effect. Yeah, like love. Isn't that the truth, brother? What about money? I would be checks. Muddy buddies. Yeah, it rocks. Well, you know, if you put chocolate on the check, you're allowed to say money. Are you? I'm talking about a snack. I don't know what you think it means. I'm not on the DA. We just, we just, we just money buddies. No, DL should happen. Fuck, is this fucking jelly in the ass? Money buddies? Is that me on the DL? We're just money buddies. You know, folks. I just want to suck your little dick because I'm gay. Damn, what what place is this on the screensaver? That looks like Scotland. I don't know. Is it Scotland?

California or some shit. That's pretty cool, dude. Looks like you can hop down those little like Switzerland. Cabo suck dick is compos like dick is dude. Hey, brother. Yeah, for whatever reason, I guess today's a street sweeping down the other side of the street, but nobody moved their car. Is it a holiday holiday? Jewish? I don't think it's a holiday. You get off for every bullshit Jewish holiday. Yeah. Well, you don't have alternate side up for Jewish holidays. That's one good thing. That's what I mean. Yeah, because Jews can't turn their car. You work. Public schools get off for like obscure. There's a little black ribbon on the Google. So maybe it's shooting day. Ah, shooting day. I forgot. Maybe it's mass

shooting day. Let's snatch people's guns, dude. It's going to be us. We're going to look. Hold on. People are going to want to hear this is the parking holidays. What is it on New Year Memorial Day Independence. It's not Memorial Day, is it? No, no. Morals days like in a couple of weeks, I think. It's New Year's Day Memorial Day Independence Day Labor Day Thanksgiving Day Christmas Day. Hey, you're holding the parking service. You're in full time. So there's no statement. I'm googling what holiday is it? Alternate side street parking. Other holidays rule applicable to other holidays. Suspends the restriction. It's a national underwear day. Include Martin Luther King birthday. Lincoln's President's

day. Good Friday. Ash Wednesday. Pure and Passover. Poor him. Aid Al Fattir. A dual Fattir. Rosh Hashanah and all Saints Day. Heritage Day in Alberta is today. It's also a civic holiday. Is it aid? Is it aid Mubarak? It is not aid Mubarak. It's New Brunswick Day. South some kind of Canadian shit's going on. Terry Fox Day. Who the fuck is that? Looks like a bitch. There's a statue of him. Oh, never mind. He had a tumor or something. No, it was the 4th of June. Oh shit. This man. This man ran a long ass race with his knee all fucked up or something. So is it Rosh Hashanah? Salute to Terry Fox, some Canadian little bitch. The fuck is Rosh Hashanah? It's the New Year's fucking stupid. No, Passover.

No. No, Passover is when they were getting ready to fucking let out my man Christ called Passover. Passover is the day you make plans when they left Egypt. Passover is the day where you make plans to fucking get at Jesus, dude. Where they were like, that's not what happened. Yes, it is. The Passover is New Year's and Rosh Hashanah and some other bullshit. No. Passover is when they made some treacherous plans and they freed that one guy. Who's the murderer you guys freed instead of Jesus? You know the story. That's not Passover. But you know who is it though? The murderer they freed? It's funny that y'all, like you chose to make Hanukkah the big one and it's just about some dumb ass cable. No, they didn't

choose. Hanukkah was not chosen to be the big one. It just became a big one because it's near Christmas. Yeah. It's kind of a bullshit one. It's copying. You mean? Well, my parents said that it was American to do Hanukkah. So they'd like write me one check on the first day and then not celebrate it. And they never got extra checks. The guy, the guy was like he had a $5. They didn't give me more checks. Barabbas. That's a cool name. Oh, from A-Team. Yup. A-T. Yup. B-A. Barabbas. They freed Mr. Key instead of Jesus. I put in a fool that doesn't believe that Christ was a false prophet. The Messiah is coming and we're going to wait around for him. And that's why you're not allowed to use electricity on Saturdays.

He was in his seat. I know you're not using the refrigerator on Saturday. You got to let your meat hang outside in the hot weather. That's why we're going to cure the meat out here in the hot weather. Put a bunch of salt on it. Cook it on the radiator. I got what we're going to put. You got to get your Shabbos boy to cook your meat for you. We're going to grill up these steaks. We're going to grill up these steaks on the Shabbos on my El Dorado radiator. It's got a $500 in it. Were the shooters in cells? Huh? Probably. You mean were they? Were you? I don't know. Were you the shooter? Were you the shooter? Got him. You know that's not true. That's the sound of you shooting. I've never had sex. I've

never had sex. How about the guys that get in cell and he's shooting up a mall and then there's some girl that's like, that's so cool. You know, and he's like, really? And she's like, yeah, what's your name? And he's like, I finally found someone. And then he kisses her right as the SWAT team comes in. Wow, that's a romance. SWAT teams like, well, we're going to give you a two days vacation. Nicholas Sparks publisher is like, I guess that's what the next one is for the times appropriate for the times. The bullet by Nicholas Sparks. I'm just a country boy that wants to shoot up a movie. I don't know about all this, but I'm just an in cell country boy. Lonely and so I'm a city girl. The right girl to come

along. I'm a city girl and I've had sex with a million guys. I love shopping and I love shopping and having sex. I have sex with a shooter bad boy. Maybe if we could just have met before I did the shooting, it's like, and my dad has a lot of Mexican friends. The irony is Michael, I wouldn't have fucked you if you didn't shoot up. I just want to fuck you right now in this Charlotte rules. I want to spend the rest of my life with you in this Charlotte room. 20 minutes in a Charlotte rules. Yeah, I go down. Fuck opponent's punisher. Finally, I get to be the punisher. The SWAT team guy that just wanted to be the punisher. Damn, dude. I love it when a plan fucks my ass. I love it when a man fucks the gay team.

We're going to get you help. That's probably my favorite bit. Get in the band, brother. We're going to get you the help you need. It's all over, brother. It's all over, brother. It's all over, brother. We're going to take care of you. The gay team. Damn. All right. Well, folks, folks, if you come to funny moms next week, come to funny moms, come to Fat Tuesdays every Tuesday, see me at the L. A. at the large room on the 29th of August. Come that town with new shirts, restocking left and right and get them while they're hot stuff. I'm going to figure out how to sell tickets to live events through that. Maybe funny moms tickets. You can get there. You can check

the schedule. Like I got big plans. Mm hmm. I know that I'm a G sweet subscriber. Get that newsletter. Is that a Google? Yes, it's a Google. No, it's gay. Sweet. It's gay. Sweet. Do you remember Google reader? Google reader. Yeah. No, that's it's not some baby computer program. Adam, you know how to read it for babies. It's for babies. That's why Adam had it was kind of like a thing where like people could. I used it. I was on it with like a group of friends and then people with a bunch of guys, a bunch of strangers. Not guys. Yeah. But you guys, you never met in real life. They were guys, but they were just my friends. Yeah, I bet you were friendly with them. What do you check out? I bet you

were real friendly with them. Come dot town. We'll restock it soon. Stobby.biz slash tour. I just ordered 1200 shirts. My man buy them shits. Oh, my mom's calling me. All right. Talk to that bitch.