The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 17 – Old Friends

Episode Date: September 7, 2016

I had to take a minute to cover some controversy that happened this week on facebook. I don’t want to get into specifics but let’s just say it involved a guy who may or may not be related to Seth Dickfield. Adam and stav wanted to bully me out of talking

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi, everyone. Hi, welcome to Comptown on WCUM, Comptown Radio. WCUM. The home of, I don't know. WCUM. I don't know what that voice was.

It's like how Cosby impressions sort of evolved over the years. So then when you get to like the family guy Cosby impression, it's so far removed from actual Cosby. Right. It's an impression. Well, the kids, they go, they listen to the jazz music and it goes zoop-zop, zoopity-bop, ooh, I used to. There was a man

that sold Kodak film. That was like a family guy bit. But we were just talking about how Brandon didn't really talk much on the podcast last time. Yeah, fuck Brandon. Which is good, because fuck him, but you can check him out on Chapo Trap House. He was their guest this time. Yeah, fuck Brandon. Which is good, because fuck him, but you can check him out on Chapo Trap House. He was their guest this week.

Yeah, political analysis from Brandon. One of the most woke intellectuals, public intellectuals, like a Norman Mailer type. Except woker. Gailer. Gailer, good call. Hormone G galer galer thank you hormone galer hormone hormone galer oh that's good uh yeah if you guys follow norman wilkerson on twitter please call him hormone wilkerson from now on glad we tell them taxes are too low yeah so we gotta cover this uh i already

told adam i'm doing this oh i don't know about this. This isn't used to me. I didn't consent. You don't have to fucking consent. Let me know. So basically... Is it about rape again? No. So we're all aware of the character, or not character, the guy who used to come on the

show who died tragically, slipping on a banana peel. Okay. Who we stopped mentioning and like you know out of reverence for the dead yeah right because he passed away so there's this other guy uh seth cockfield who was offended by the character and that's why you know i mean it's not why but it was sort of a coincidence that seth had a meltdown about it, and then Seth Cockfield died, and we stopped allowing Seth Dickfield to bully Seth Cockfield via the magic of theater. Right, right, right.

Oh, I didn't get it. Oh, so Dickfield was bullying Cockfield. Yeah, it wasn't me. I see, okay. It was the guy. It was the real human being, Seth Dickfield. You know, my favorite movie of all time is Who Framed Roger Rabbit. And Roger Rabbit is chained to Eddie Valiant.

They're handcuffed together for about an hour. And then they're in that back room in the bar. And Eddie finds a hacksaw and he starts hacking through the handcuffs. And while he's doing that, Roger Rabbit just slips out of the handcuffs and he starts watching him. And Eddie says, you mean to tell me you could have taken those off at any time? And he goes, no, only when it was funny. And I sort of live by that code. That anything can be justified if it's funny.

So I'm not responsible for hurting Seth's feelings. And he's a bad guy. What do you mean? I thought you said you had nothing against him. I don't have anything against him. I mean, I'm just saying objectively he's a bad guy. God, that's even better. He's claiming it's objective.

There's like a scientific unit of measurement. It's not that he's petty. And anyone who annoys him a little bit, he goes way too hard at them. Who, me? Yeah. Who else have I gone way too hard at? Anyone that annoys you on the internet. I feel like on the internet you like to just...

No, there's people I make fun of. I think Seth's a great character and he just doesn't realize that. Anyhow, the point is, I wouldn people I, like, make fun of. I think Seth's, like, a great character, and he just doesn't realize that. Anyhow. The point is, I wouldn't bring him up, but Seth rejoined Facebook to complain about me. Oh, really? And clear the air. And I think, you know, it's... No, hold on.

This is, like, it's... Adam's shaking his head in protest. He posted this because he... And I agree with him. Yeah. You know, I, like, I have been mean to him. So I think it's like only fair okay okay that i like let people who was only exposure to seth uh hear what seth has to say

in character in his own defense okay um yeah so seth posted this yeah don't do you you're definitely not gonna do the voice what do you do you mean? Well, it's in Seth's words. Why would I not do the voice? Seth wrote, Hi, I'm not back. I just wanted to share this and then bounce back into the ether

sometime before Monday. This tweet is an old tweet of mine, which I tweeted in a rage one day in the spring of 2015, right around noon, most probably after reading about yet another atrocity portrayed by some white cop, a politician, a rapist. Adam, you look this, please. If it's really going to bother you that much, I'll tell you, there's seven more paragraphs. Just continue. We're only halfway through the first one.

We already started. There's no going back. Well, if you don't want to be a part of this, I guess, if you're such good friends with Seth. Not friends with Seth. You don't want me to just let Seth speak for himself here. This is a recording you're playing. Right. Yeah, play the recording.

He went live on Facebook Live. Finish the video. I don't know. If you're going to have a problem. Continue. No, you already said it. I guess I'm just a big bully. I guess everybody just thinks I'm just a fucking asshole

because I'm trying to let Seth defend himself to the Comptown fans. You know what? You're right. Let Seth finish. You're right. You're right. We're being the bullies. We're trying to stifle Seth's voice.

Let's hear what he had to say. Anyhow, he says this is a tweet he tweeted in a rage after an atrocity portrayed by a white cop or politician or rapist. The tweet got no likes or retweets at the time, which was fine. I didn't expect it to. I just wanted to get it off my chest. If that makes you feel uncomfortable, I get that, and I'm happy to discuss it. And then he's included the tweet, which was terrible. Well, the tweet is, here's Seth, and he says, white people will one day go extinct and I cannot wait.

New power structure, please. He wants himself to go extinct. Well, anyhow, that's the tweet he included. What do you mean you can't wait? You are white. Well, hold on. that's the tweet he included what do you mean you can't wait you are lying well hold on he explains it further I'm sorry

he says earlier this summer a certain comedian popular on twitter whom I will refer to as X which is me Nicholas X yeah it's cool I love it thank you Seth that's why you don't understand's awesome. That's a cool nickname. Thank you, Seth.

That's why you don't understand nicknames. That's why you don't understand nicknames. Vin Diesel. X is a tight nickname for you. It's nowhere near as good as Seth Dickfield, though. No, Dickfield's great. If he was like, earlier this summer, a certain comedian was popular on Twitter who I'm going to refer to as Nick Dickface, I would have laughed. That's really good.

That would have been funny. That was a blown opportunity. He gave you instead a really cool punk rock name. Jake Cuntland. As X? Well, punk rock names are all like... Your first name is literally one letter. David Murder.

Like Jonathan Trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like garbage. Like Johnny Rotten. Mike Snot fucking pussy. I'm an hardcore band of Johnny Snot ass. I'm Johnny Pus Taint Yeah So okay

So earlier this summer Your first name is literally one letter away from Dick Yeah You can call me Dick Mullen That would have been funny Dick Mullen Yeah It would have been funnier if he called me like

Nick Dick Face Or Nick Dick Fag You know like Yeah yeah yeah You just like You know didn't put any effort into it Of course Like I didn't It would have been funnier if he called me Nick Dickface or Nick Dickfag. He just didn't put any effort into it. I didn't with the cock field thing. Nick Moldick would have been great. That would have been funny, but he went with X. So, sorry, now I'm an X-Man. Now I'm a fucking mutant that can read people's minds.

The only white guy that looks good bald and handicapped. That's true, that's a good combo. Okay. Earlier this summer, a certain comedian popular on Twitter, who I'm going to refer to as X, someone whom I'm not... I don't... Is that...

That's not... Whom is possessive, right? No, it's the objective. Yeah. Not the subject. Someone... But this isn't correct usage. Someone whom I'm not amicable with in the least.

I don't think it's right. Someone who. I don't know. Someone who. Yeah, because you are the subject of the sentence. I don't fucking know, dude. I'm dumb also. Thought it'd be funny to create a character based on me for his podcast.

This was completely unprovoked. The character is a weak, submissive, social justice warrior type who overuses words like woke and is generally obsessed with political correctness. The character's name is Seth Dickfield, which, side note, again, Seth is a real, Seth Dickfield is a real person. It's pretty insensitive, this guy who died. Yeah, we've all seen him. We've all looked at him. Actually, I don't know. Have I been the real guy?

And honestly, Seth, for you to say that Seth Dickfield isn't real, considering he died at Auschwitz, in a way, that kind of makes you a Holocaust denier. So, Seth Cockfield, Holocaust denier. Jeez. All right. Getting back to the note. Seriously, he's not even trying to hide the fact that the character is based on me it's fucking weird to say the least i haven't talked to this dude in over a year uh this is the best part of the whole thing i'm listening last time i talked to him he was at an open mic where he got upset

with me because i wouldn't budge on my i don't like the n-word and don't think white people should ever say it stands he got mad because he thought his logic was sounded. To be fair, that is a hilarious That is the best. That is the best. I wouldn't argue with Seth about that. That is the best. He's like, last time I saw this guy. Sorry, I don't like the N word. He was stomping his feet and demanding

to use the N word in the open mic. Let me say it! Let me say it! Let me say it, Seth! I'm anti-rape and anti-Edward and I'm never changing that. Dude, the idea of just wanting to say the N-word.

A person that would argue at length that they should say it but wouldn't say it. To be that stupid. Right, yeah. And also like, that I'm arguing with Seth

in the open mic. That did not happen. Come on, Seth. Of course not. It did not. He made it Seth. And that did not happen. Come on, Seth. Of course not. It did not. He made it up. It absolutely didn't happen. The last argument I got is...

He's stopping you from saying the N-word. I bravely stopped him. Oh, my God. What a fucking hero. What a hero. He goes, well, X wanted to show his followers that his character was based on a real person, so he scoured my actual Twitter feed for anything that might resemble his Seth Dickfield character, and he found one, the one I've uploaded here.

He tweeted it, and his followers went apeshit. I tweeted it without context. I just retweeted you saying a thing which you were you were doing i knew what i was doing it was very funny when i knew it was fucking funny i knew it was like people are gonna laugh at him for being this much of a fucking idiot but i didn't need to be like you know hey bully this guy or hear this why this is dumb it stays at face value it's a really dumb thing to write so the tweet immediately started making the rounds with the most depressing parts of Twitter. Oh, God.

I guess the least depressing part of Twitter is tweeting Talib Kweli all day long. Don't let them get you, Talib! That's the least depressing part. Talib, very for women's rights. Yeah. He really wants women to have birth control. The worst people in the world relish

that X's character was based on someone so real and so liberal and so they made it their business to keep a stream of daily hatred popping up in my notifications. It has been shared more times than I can count. It's like, well, that's the thing about Twitter, Seth. It tells you exactly how many times something's been shared.

Seth can count to 13. It's been shared more times than I'm capable of reading a number off a screen. So, basically, I'm semi-famous in the Breitbart world for believing that white supremacy is real should be dismantled and meaning it that's not what you said you said white people should go extinct and then the response from the majority of the people who responded that tweet was like doesn't this guy know he's white that's why it's that's the funniest thing that's why it's funny it's a white person saying white

people should go extinct no but he can't can't understand the fact that people agree with you that there's racism. Yeah. There's plenty of racism. You're a fucking laughingstock. I don't want to die. That's my biggest problem. I would go extinct under that. This line's good.

Because of my tweet, I must be a cuckold or gay or both. You're a gay cuck. You brought the accent back. Someone's fucking your husband. No matter what I am, they really want me to kill myself. Oh. Jesus Christ.

Here's the thing. It's like they are telling him to kill himself, but it's in the context of him saying white people should go extinct. Yeah, speed it up. Yeah, people are like, can we start with you? Yeah, that's funny.

Yeah. Although I'm sure horrific parts of the internet did get a hold of that i don't know it's like gavin gavin mckinnon retweeted it and that's like one of the worst yeah so he spread it so he's like now it's the only tweet of mine being passed around exclusively by angry white supremacists so and like i loved it through all of this he's sort of kind of angry that he didn't go viral under his own terms. Yeah. Like, what he really wanted to go viral for is, like, people, oh, wow, this white guy that wants to die.

Make it a good one. What a fucking hero. That's how he thought it would be. You showed him. Exclusively by angry white supremacists. I refuse to refer to them as alt-right, as I see the entire right-wing world as one big, happy, exclusive family

with some uncles and cousins and a little more vocal and honest than the others and also by the way seth is an admitted former white supremacist i don't know yeah yeah i read that post yeah he had a post on facebook like a year and a half ago that was like listen up gang i used to be a white supremacist i read a bunch of racist literature and my friend yeah he was a nazi seth was like an actual nazi at one point shut shut the fuck the point of it was to say that like you can change yeah you can get whoa you can change yeah yeah that was like the point of the post yeah seth you know a lot of us

didn't have to go through that process yeah you know no i mean that's crazy though yeah is that real or was he like doing it up i mean i think that is real. You don't think it's real? No, I think it's real because Seth was also in like 2007 like a total libertarian and like, fuck you. If you can't make what switched him is the idea that he should get health care for free. It was all about initially him getting shit for free, you know, about how he deserves things for free. And that's what brought him over into being a progressive. And then also he has to be cool. He can't be interpreted as being cool, and Barack Obama was very cool to him,

so he had to like Barack Obama. Young Barack Obama. I'm all for him. The worst part about this is that I can't even tweet anymore. I didn't really tweet that much beforehand, but now anytime I log in, it's 50 more notifications from the past week. Pure hatred. Not to mention, X is still to this day using the character and retweeting shit with my actual face on it.

Which I wasn't. I haven't fucking mentioned, like, done anything with that Dickfield shit since he had that fucking meltdown. Because I felt bad. Like, I have numerous times in the past ten years that I've known Seth. Like, felt bad when he says something moronic and shitty. Like, specifically to elevate himself over people who hold the opinions that he had six months ago. Yeah, that's why it's so subject to ridicule. Because he's doing it as an elitist. Right, he's a fucking elitist prick and I'll make fun of him for framing something in the context of here's me being better than somebody.

And suddenly as soon as he gets called out on that behavior, he's like, I'm a victim. Everyone's hurting me. This guy is such an asshole. It's completely unprovoked. And it's like, oh, was it provoked when you transcribed two paragraphs of that guy's personal conversation in that coffee shop to show everyone how much you love the feminist? But he didn't know that guy's actual name. I mean, yeah. Yeah, sure. I understand what I'm doing.

We truly are bullying him. Yeah, I am bullying him. Yeah, there's no way around that. It's absolutely bullying. Yes. But it's also like, you know, I'm not wrong. Yeah. That is the thing.

If you are right, it doesn't matter what the fuck it is. Like, especially, you do not give a shit whatsoever. And that's why we go back to the good words of Roger Rabbit, only if it's funny. Only if it's funny. Yeah. Which it is funny. And then he closes out. Roger Rabbit broke Nick's brand. Yeah. He closes by saying, in other news, I'm back in school. I if it's funny. Yeah. Which it is funny. And then he closes out. Roger Abbott broke Nick's brand.

Yeah. He closes by saying, in other news, I'm back in school. I'm a college freshman. I love it. Other than that, all that Twitter shit, I can safely say, in general, life is good. So things are looking up for Seth. And I'm happy. I'm glad for him that he's in school.

Because, I mean, honestly, 15 years of stand-up comedy and you're still bombing at open mics. This is Christ, Nick. See, this is the Mullen special right here. You did have to. After just shitting on him for something that you semi- You didn't have to put

the seasoning on. That you semi-had a point, right? Still mean, but you had a good- Then you just took the gratuitous kick him while he's down

fucking thing. Yeah, he rants on college, you fucking- Yeah, yeah. Anyway. He's making his life better. I'm, like, happy for him. Good man.

I'm happy for him. You can see the expression on Nick's face, everyone. He's actually sucking Adam's dick right now. It's weird. He's been talking with Adam's dick in his mouth the whole time. The shitty part about all of it is, like, Seth is such a fucking great character, and he doesn't understand what makes him funny. You know? Like, people, like, thought the Dickfield thing was funny because it's just Seth.

He was a little heightened. Yeah. It's a version of Seth. Yeah. And if he could harness that, he could do great. You know? No, he can't. Yeah, he can't.

He can't because he has no say in it. That's why it's funny. Yeah. That's just who he is. You know? And do... It's not a bit, you know? The character's funny because it's a bit.

Because you're explaining... And it's not only funny because of Seth. It's funny because there are... Especially with the election right now, a ton of people popping up yeah that are like you know self-destruct self-described woke you know i am woke um it's like i'm mark ruffalo had some awful tweet i saw it what was it getting woke to the trans experience getting woke to the trans experience yikes more like mark dick dick a fellow dick fellow you want to start mark dickafolo yeah so uh so seth on that thread got into like an argument with some guy uh here uh somebody said that's the

thing i love about all this is people just immediately start sending me screen caps of like all this shit um and so somebody commented infiltrated his facebook. I don't ask people to send me this shit. Like, fucking immediately, people start texting me and sending it to me. But, yeah. Wow, Nick, it's just so accidental. What do you mean it's so accidental? How would I know? You block me on everything.

There's no reason. I have, like, four different people that'll, like, you know, text me when he's going off. Says back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, so this guy commented on that, and he's like, what he's saying is that he's not really back on Facebook to bellyache yet again. Can you tell?

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, Seth. We only knew each other briefly in high school. Oh, man. I don't really know you that well. I just have to say you seem to get a joy out of complaining whenever you're on Facebook about anyone who doesn't lean 100% left in their thinking. You make me want to check out this Nick Mullin guy's spoof of you at this point. Again, not trying to be mean, but you're kind of pushy with your opinions.

After saying that, if you feel like unfriending me, then so be it. And so Seth screencapped that and then posted it as another status. Oh, guys, they're just commenting back well on the status he writes uh tfw you know that face when you not trying to be a jerk but you're nailing it though so it's like hey so now you're using uh aave so now you're going full wardell yeah you gotta be black when you own the guy. Yeah. And then Seth eventually did block that guy. Jesus. And then that guy messaged me, and he goes,

You don't know me, but I went to high school with Seth Cockfield, and he just unfriended me because I called him out on some of his whiny, pushy, leftist bullshit. Where can I check out this character you've created about him? I would love a good laugh over this. This is incredible. Seth is getting us listeners. I've never seen something.

That's hilarious. Getting owned by just a guy who barely knew you. Look, man, we don't really know each other. I'm the closest to an objective observer here. And I got to say, and he was even kind of like, well, let's talk about it. And what's funny is Seth was even like, I'm happy to talk about my tweet with you, but not about your fucking objections to how I'm behaving. I won't talk about that. No, Seth is just like constantly stepping on rakes and having them smash in his face.

That was really good. Oh, yeah. I mean,'s just it's too fucking funny it's too perfect and i know like uh you guys are probably uncomfortable with you know having to bring that up but like look that this is it i'm never gonna fucking mention him again seth like i'm sure somebody will tell you about this like it's done i wouldn't have said anything if you hadn't posted nine paragraphs about it and uh yeah it's like i mean seth also has to know you he knows you he's known you for 10 years he had to know that that's like definitely gonna get your peak your interest i mean the guy messaging him was so good yeah like even if no one was like keeping you keeping tabs yeah on this for you just one of his like friends blocking him messaging you is hilarious i mean it's gotta suck somebody fucking making fun of you and you can't control the uh you know any of the narrative around it

i would be pissed off if somebody had like but you know i also i think it would i think it would have been funny if somebody like did a fucking character based on you and nailed it so well and yeah and they did it i'd be like all right if somebody did a fucking character based on you. And nailed it so well. Yeah, and they did it. I'd be like, all right. I did a character based on you once. What was the name? Dick Mullen. I have a really good character.

It's called... It's a thing. We shit on Wardell all the time. Wardell's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's our friend. And you know what? Honestly, he's our friend.

I was friends with Seth. Me and him used to hang out, but he would, you'd hang out with him, he would constantly talk shit on people, and then as soon as he found out anyone was criticizing him in any way, shape, or form, he'd have a fucking meltdown. Like a literal meltdown. Storming out and shit.

It's probably funny. Whatever, I don't care. Guys, you really stepped up on my really good character. Oh, what's your character? It's called Gay Christopher Walken. Do it. I'm gay! That's good. Thank you. Oh, what's your character? It's called Gay Christopher Walken. Do it. I'm gay. That's good. Thank you. Yeah, that's good.

You know, the Sicilians are the best liars. Two mice. Two men. Can I offer you... Fall into a vat of cream. Two men. And they fuck each other. I'm gay. And it becomes butt. I've had this pleasurable gold watch shoved up my ass until I cum.

Your father forgot. Oh, now I'm just doing a Jewish guy. Yeah. Whatever. Your father forgot it in my ass. That is a hard character. That's like the next level with impressions. Like if you can do an impression, then like you know so like you know everybody

loves robert de niro but one of me was deaf and do deaf mom in the new york just fusing two ham-fisted ass you talking to me i really i can't hear you So you're gonna have to explain if you're talking to me or not I can't tell I'm even more deaf, Robert, than you are Seriously, are you talking to me? Jesus Christ Seriously

Yeah Or like Ooh, ooh, it's me, Robin Williams But I'm Still alive Yeah, I'm dead I don't know Yeah

I don't fucking know Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh uh... that did you get out there but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but you see that is body hair robert mara williams yeah insane that's why i told so yeah jesus out in their bills were getting too high yeah he's just wearing sweater just all year long.

So the West Indian Day Parade is today, which shout out to any West Indian folks we got out there. Of course. Our big West Indian listener. I'm a big fan. What's your favorite one? My favorite West Indies? Yeah. Barbados.

Barbados. Me too. Oh, Rihanna. Riri. Yeah. Guys, I don't know about you But I would have sex with Rihanna I thought about it the other day

I think I would I think I'd have sex with her Nick Yeah, I wouldn't Why? I mean, because you guys already fucked her That's gross Yeah, I fucked her first

Once you fuck a woman She's ruined forever Yeah, yeah That's one fuck Each woman is good for one fuck And after that She's no no good. You gotta kill them.

They go in the trash compactor. That's absolutely right. That's where you put them. Mm-hmm. Oh, we should talk about this Jazz Age Festival guy, because we were complaining about that. What's going on? The New York Times had some article about this asshole that lives in Red Hook. Yeah, it was in the style section, I believe.

He runs this thing called the Jazz Age Festival on Governor's Island, which is fine. You can like jazz or whatever, and maybe for your performance you dress up like a 20s guy. Yeah, yeah. But it has to extend to everything for him. Which, by the way, I feel like half the shit, like everything in the New York Times real estate blog, that's all trolling. Oh, yeah. That's not serious. Because every one of those is like my name uh kayla's like

parents uh only have a budget for her of 80 million dollars a month her perfect apartment so she's gonna have to make some compromises you know unfortunately the toilet wasn't made out of pure crystal and sometimes she could hear taxis honking in the fifth avenue palace that her parents bought for her and while she takes classes classes at NYU on pretending she has it hard. Oh, fuck. I have to shop. Oh, my God. I have to shop.

Me and him were laughing about that one day. I need to shop. Rich Fifth Avenue women that are, like, fucking exhausted from shopping all day. I've had the worst day. I have been shopping all day. Oh, yeah. And their names are... We already did that joke.

We talked about it. Madison Square Garden and Chelsea Piers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And their Korean friend... That's right. Kim Park Sloan. Kim Park Sloan. Oh, fuck.

What's he doing? So this jazz thing is just like... Oh, yeah. He's being insufferable. The article was about like, this guy lives in 2016, but he's 1920s. He's like, yeah, I'm 1920s. He's like, basically, I love the, you know, just everything about that era. It's like the, you know, 1920s.

So he pulls his pants up too fucking high and does more socks. And has a thin, like, thin, like, mustache. Thin, shitty mustache or whatever. And he's like, yeah, I don't even own a TV. And then his girlfriend's like, yeah, we just watch movies on my laptop which is like even more new technology so nice but they only watch movies from the 20s i'm sure which that's got to be so fucking entertaining you know i tried watching like i i got a list of uh i wanted to work through and watch every movie that's ever won best picture right and then i'm like looking at basically every movie but before 1945 was like you know like uh some guy it's a gem and the tap

dance yeah yeah exactly we gotta put on makeup and stare dramatically at each other to stop hitler you could never even fuck yeah get that cat out of here. Get the fuck out of here, you cat piece of shit. Don't throw up either. Yeah. I guess we should probably... What? I feel like that's a... Not a worthwhile pursuit. What? Watching a movie that's...

A lot of them are not... Some of them are so bad. Movies weren't good until like 10 years ago. You gotta find... Even best pictures aren't good. Crash was... Crash was the worst thing I've ever fucking seen in my life. That's so...

That made me so upset. Driving Miss Daisy? It's not like that good of a movie. Oh, that shit sucks. Yeah, no, it's like... Gladiator's the only good one. It's everyone's best picture. My job ended.

Actually, I saw it recently. Piece of shit. No, I'm kidding. Of course, it didn't deserve a best picture, but it was fun to watch. Gladiator wasn't bad. I remember it was my favorite movie at like 15. Oh, really? Yeah, that's exactly...

You know what my favorite movie was? Because I went with my dad. When I was like 13, my favorite movie was Men 15. Oh, really? Yeah, that's exactly. You know what my favorite movie was? I went with my dad. When I was like 13, my favorite movie was Men of Honor. Hell yeah, dude. Oh, the one with the... Scuba diving. Scuba, scuba, scuba.

Scuba, scuba, scuba. Scuba, scuba, scuba, scuba. I remember watching Boondock Saints when I was like 12 and being like, that was the best fucking movie I've ever seen in my life. I hate it. I always hated Boondock Saints. No, dude, it caught me beautifully well i i hated boondock saints because i loved goodfellas and

then someone was like if you love goodfellas you'll love boondock saints and i watch it i'm like this is stupid as shit dude i fucking loved it i was like damn they know every language have you ever seen overnight no the documentary about the guy that made Boondock Saints? No. It's amazing. Really? He's this, like, egomaniac Boston fucking, like, bartender. He's like, yeah, I'm from Boston. You know, I made, I wrote a movie, and I wrote it because it's fucking real. You know, Boston style.

You know, and he's like. That was when they, like, they made a ton of those movies. Yeah, so his initial script was like, like it was got passed around hollywood and people liked it a lot and i think uh it was like uh miramax had like harvey weinstein had it and he liked it personally and then they tried to get like de niro in on it they tried to get all these big names but the guy who wrote it was such a difficult piece of shit to work with that he sabotaged like everything and like eventually got produced and then he took some shitty deal where he just got like a payout and like didn't make anything off distribution really

so he ended up making like no money off the fucking movie also it was supposed to come out on 9-11 oh and they like had to post yeah i haven't seen overnight in a while so i forget all the details but yeah that guy oh you guy's... Oh, you're talking about Overnight? No, you're talking about Boondocks. Overnight is a documentary about the guy. If he had just gotten a piece of poster revving you, my man would have been fucking... Would have been rich as hell. Oh, yeah.

Dorm room poster. I feel like I just came with a dorm. He didn't make any of that dorm room poster money. It was either that or the Velvet Underground. Bob Marley. Yeah, Bob Marley. I had a Rocky one. You had Rocky? I, Bob Marley. I had a Rocky one. You had Rocky?

I had Rocky, dude. That was cool as hell. There was this dude in college that was like, okay, I can tell the story. He's not listed in the podcast. He was presented as this alpha male, like, get my dick sucked or whatever. Yeah. to like whatever yeah he had like in his bedroom a six foot poster of uh uh leonidas from the movie 300 just with just wearing underpants and a cape yeah just rippling abs and like just huge pecs and like gerard butler whatever of course yeah yeah and it's just like in his bedroom he had

this massive like six like to scale buff guy guy he had to scale and then his my friend his roommate one day went on his went on his laptop uh to uh to jack off to porn i guess damn and all of his searches are like guy guy uh fucks guy but they're not gay. Two straight guys fucking each other. Guy fucks for the first time, but other guy. And I think he's, I don't think he's out of the closet. Really? Yeah, he's still living like a bro. That's hilarious.

There's so many, somebody had a bit in Baltimore about like all the not gay shit on Craigslist where it's just like half of the people are like, yeah, I'm a straight guy. Just look at, you know, watch football and suck off some dudes. And it's just like this fucking huge, you're on the gay hookup like alley of the internet. You're on the like Craigslist. I'm not gay though. I just, you know.

And there's so many talk about being straight. Ravens and sucking each other off. That's probably part of it. You remember that post that used to go around the internet about that guy who wanted to have a meet-up where he's like, basically, I just want to recreate the sleepovers I had when I was 12. So he's inviting other middle-aged men over to his house

where they would play Super Nintendo and jack off with each other. And then if one person sucks off another person, it's like no big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that guy's just hoping for it to become a big gay fucking... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just needs plausible deniability. Yeah.

The amount you could lie to yourself, dude, about what you like to beat off to. Oh, for sure. Years. For years. Yeah, that's why you got to beat off to everything Oh, for sure. Years. For years. Yeah, that's why you gotta beat off to everything. Oh, yeah. Every type of porn. Well, just to do, just to, like, see how women feel, I watch gay porn every night.

Yeah. The Arthur Chu classic. Yeah. I had a weird gay sex dream last night. Oh, really? Yeah. About who? Well, I was watching, you know those, like, fat motorcycle twins?

No. The, I forget their name. They were professional wrestlers. You know that Simpsons episode where they have some trial and Lionel Hutz is like, I'm calling in surprise witness after surprise witness. And then they have those two fat twins on a motorcycle. Oh, yeah. I remember them from the Simpsons episode.

That was like some cultural reference. I always forget their name and their story. One of them died, I think. They weren't wrestlers or they were wrestlers? They were involved in wrestling at a certain point. I think they had the record for being the fattest twins. But anyhow, it was them fucking each other. And I witnessed that.

Wait, this is last night. Yeah, last night. Two fat motorcycle twins fuck each other in the ass? One of them had a strap on and the other one had a vagina. Okay, I got a story after you. I think it's because there was an article

that was shared. Yeah, about FTM. Yeah, the FTM man breastfeeding. There was a man breastfeeding. It happened a couple times. There was this giant hairy breastfeeding. That's happened a couple times. And he has this giant hairy tit, and there's a baby drinking off of it. And it like, I mean. Yeah, that's where my transphobia kicks in right there.

I'm like, oh, this is fucking weird. I don't have any transphobia. It's just like, you know, and then. I think it's incredible. It's a fucking. I see that. I'm like, this is too much. I see that.

And I'm like, come on, man. right this is too much i see that and i'm like come on it's not too it's not too much but it's my reaction to that is like now can we laugh at it yeah yeah right it's amazing to a point where it's like just take it fucking i think it's beautiful shut the fuck up fucking i just want to know i'm like off your stance of Am I supposed to give up my seat to that on the train? Do I need to get up out of my seat on the train to let that person sit down? If they are like a construction worker. Oh, that's interesting. I don't understand how I'm supposed...

So I guess it was seeing that picture and then that's what made me... How many times has an F2M asked you to get up from your seat on the train? Every time I sit on the train. It's always these trainees that are like, you're going to move, sir. I'm also a man, but I have a pussy. Yeah. I actually, I don't think, I've given up my seat on the train maybe once ever. I did once.

I do it quite often. Sometimes when it's a mother with like a bunch of kids. Yeah. I always fantasize about like. More than old people. I feel worse for like mothers with like three bunch of kids yeah i always fantasize about like people i feel worse for like mothers with like three absolutely i have this fantasy in my head i'll do we're like uh you know like someone will ask me to get out of the seat and then uh where i'm just like uh you know i'll like

be like well um yeah that's fine uh but just let you know i'm like a veteran i was like i lied to them that i'm a veteran and then people find out somehow and then everyone on the train beats the shit out of me. You steal valet? It's like I have a fantasy I have that'll play out in my head. Of trolling gone wrong.

You just want your life, you just want your life, your way of life to end. You just want to be freed of this prison you've made for yourself. Yeah, yeah. Some guy,

some guy pretending to be a veteran on the train so he doesn't have to give up his seat to a pregnant woman and then people find out and beat him to death that's how i like i think in my that would be honestly yeah if i heard that's the way you died i would feel so happy for you yeah that's going out the way you would have won the mullet way dude yeah yeah i don't know why i create those scenarios in my head that's beautiful dude yeah like no i think you know you think about you're on the platform and they'll be like so you know like a disabled person and you're like what

if i just push them on the tracks and you wouldn't do it but it's you think it's like Tourette's or whatever you think about i never think of it with a disabled person i think it's like i think it was like wall street guy like suit i think you're just killing myself i think about killing myself yeah like sometimes i'll say that people pushing me on the tracks and it's just killing myself. I think about it. Or myself. Killing myself. Sometimes I'll fantasize about people pushing me on the tracks. It's now a nervous tick of mine that I say under my breath. I say, I don't know. When people are fawning over a baby, I just think about how funny it would be if I just wailed that baby in the face.

How people would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why. You could literally make a baby's head explode if you hit it hard enough. Yeah. And it's like, I don't even want I don't know. I don't know why. You could literally make a baby's head explode if you hit it hard enough. Yeah, and it's like, I don't even want to punch the baby. I just want everyone to be mad at me. This is the most enlightening fucking.

This is the psychological profile of Nick. Right these last three minutes. Yeah. I just want everyone to be mad at me. Listeners of Comptown. Because if they're mad, they're paying it. They me. Listeners of Comptown. Because if they're mad, they're paying it to, they care. Listeners of Comptown, this is a public service announcement. Irony can ruin a brain.

Yeah, it can break your brain. Yeah, another part of that dream I had, like a weird thing last night. I had a dream I was at some event. It was like a show or something but then like the joker showed up and he was like ruining everything yeah the joke was which one which yeah it was nebulous jack switch but he just felt like it was yeah yeah it was the joker probably the one from the cartoon yeah um but then people were responding to the joker being like oh you're like a scary clown that's so edgy or whatever and he was like shut up yeah he was like the joker was

getting like defensive about it right right right so then people were reacting to the joker as if it was someone that thought they were the joker uh interesting and that was what was happening that was after the twins fucked each other yeah strap on yeah one time i had a very weird uh i was fucking just like in my head a beautiful woman like this was this was years ago this is when i was like 16 or 17 and just like a beautiful like hairless woman i was fucking her in the ass and then it like i just turned around and then at some point she just turned around and she had my friend tommy's face yeah and like tommy is the ugliest friend i've ever had my like tommy is like hilariously bad look you're in love with tommy you know he's got this yeah he's yeah he's got this weird skin tag on his ear that you just

you want to suck on it was and he's just got like cuddle with him and suck on his skin tag he's got like this weird like clown hair. Like his hair looks like a shitty clown wig. And it's not... It was just one of the weirdest... And then he just went to Greek Orthodox church. And that's why you had to leave Greek town. And that's...

Yeah, after that wet dream. People found out about that dream. What's Greek church like? Break that shit down for me. Greek church? Yeah. That shit lasts a nice long amount of time. The costumes are wild. Is it mostly hors d'oeuvres? Yeah. That shit lasts a nice long amount of time. The costumes are wild.

Is it mostly hors d'oeuvres? Yeah. Yeah. It's all fucking grape leaves. They're like a hummus for you to dip the cracker into. Yeah. Dude, yeah. The costumes, they go off.

The priests have all this gold shit. I was an altar boy. I was an altar boy. You were. Is that why you had that dream? Yeah. It wasn't a dream. The priest was imagining.

Are they celibate? He was whispering it to me. Are they celibate? No. Here's the thing. Greek priests, it's like if you want to go far, if you want to be like a bishop or some shit, you can't fuck. But if you just want to be like a community priest, you have to fuck. You have to get a wife.

So they fuck. So Greek priests fuck. So guess what's not an issue in the Greek church? What if you want to go on? Can you like stop fucking and be be a guy that's like, I'm trying to get my life back together and not fuck? Once you get married, you're donezo. You can't become a bishop.

What is it? Bishop, deacon, cardinal? I think deacon's much lower. Deacon's not even a priest. Deacon, you try to become a priest, then there's fucking bishops, and then there's archbishops. That's so complicated.

I have all of the military ones memorized. Yeah, I don't fucking know. There's one guy named Bartholomew that came through. Yeah, private, private first class, corporal, sergeant. And then there's, like, first sergeant, like, master sergeant, gunnery sergeant. I think gunnery sergeant what's gunnery with guns

nah that's like that's a marine corps thing yeah I think so I just remember that from when I was when I went to I went to do

a marine tour and I learned shit about them that I wasn't expecting to that was weird as shit to go on that tour and like meet people who enlisted

literally right after 9-11 like that's who that's who that's who the like and meet people who enlisted literally right after 9-11. Like, that's who the, like... And I was like, oh, man. And they're just, like... There's just these hardened fucking vets who've seen everything. You can tell they're fucked up. Be careful, dude.

Don't respect them. And then the younger... Don't get close to respecting them on my show, dude. And then the younger ones are just, like, fucking kids who were too dumb to go to college. You know, like not like half – and they haven't seen shit. They're all like 17, 18. Oh, yeah, poor kids from like middle of nowhere. Middle of nowhere just like learning fucking – learning like –

My friend joined the Marines when we were like teenagers and like he grew up in a military family. And I don't know. I feel kind of bad putting shit out there. But so like I knew in my whole life and his mom was like a naval officer and then uh his mom's roommate quote unquote was also a naval officer uh which uh yeah so he had that was don't ask don time? Yeah. So he had like just like dyke moms. Yeah. And.

Naval officer lesbians. Those are real lesbians. Yeah. That's as lesbian as it gets. And it's funny because I remember like bullying him about it when I was like six. Yeah. Yeah. Like being like, your mom's a dyke.

You know? And I'm like, well, how did I know that? You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking. The haircut.

You heard it enough. Yeah. Your dad said it. No, it wasn't my dad. It was honestly probably from just watching Jerry Springer and shit. When I was like... The first time I heard lesbian... So because your dad's a bad dad. You didn't...

Indirectly bad dad. How's your bad dad? Letting you watch television. Letting you watch... He's a good father. Yeah, that's what... Being sick home from school, for me, was Jerry Springer. Yeah. You from school for me was Jerry Springer. Yeah.

You catch Price is Right, then Springer. My mom, I don't know how the fuck she did it. I didn't watch anything cool for a very long time. Really? My dad would let me watch whatever the fuck I wanted. My parents used to take me to like Rated R way before I was old enough to. I saw Con Air when I was like six with my dad. Did they make you beat off in the theater to nude scenes?

Well, remember there's a prison bitch? I'm just asking. There's a prison bitch character in Con Air. The second the plane crashes, he's just like opening luggage and putting on dresses. And my dad just looks at me. I was like, I don't know, maybe like nine or ten. And he just looks at me and goes,

that's a very sick man. that's a very sick man. I don't know. He's a very sick man. He's a very sick man. Not in the part about the rapist. No, no. He's the issue. No, the worst guy was the guy that liked to wear dresses, I guess.

Yeah. He is a weird guy. Not the dude that had the Hannibal Lecter face. Yeah. Who's the bad guy? Who's like the ultra bad guy? Buscemi. John Malkovich.

John Malkovich. Cyrus the virus. Cyrus. That's such a good movie. What a star studded cast. They destroy Vegas in it. So yeah. Icon air is actually like,

and then there's other ones like John Lithgow's in it. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't he? Isn't John Lithgow's in it. Lithgow. Yeah. Isn't he? Isn't he like the FBI guy? Maybe. Yeah. I think he is.

Yeah, it's Nick Cage, Danny Trejo, who Brandon just learned about. Yeah, Buscemi. Is Ving Rhames in it? Dude, it was so funny. Just to shit on Brandon real quick. We went to go get a sandwich. Yeah. And some guy was like, are you the Dicks Out for Harambe guy?

And I was like, yeah, yeah. And then another guy outside of an event that Brandon was hosting was like, are you the Dicks Out for Harambe guy? And then Brandon was like, he tweeted, a million people have come up to me in New York

asking me if I'm the Dicks Out for Harambe guy. And I was like, literally it has been two people you fucking idiot a million yeah he's like people keep stopping me in york it's like no motherfucker even if it was people did even if it was a million people what the fuck are you bragging a joke i stole from a bunch of other people that i said i think he made that one up but he was uh brandon's never made anything up yeah copy paste word i had a friend at college iphone iphone charger his logo should just be

control c control v yeah on the on the world star comment section i had a nice time with brandon we went to it was nice to see him we had we went to some stupid shit some vma pre-party thing oh yeah dude i ate a weed edible that was 25 milligrams thc and then we like stepped outside and i was in manhattan like as high as maybe i was in like like like ninth grade you know that kind of high And I was just like looking at the buildings. I was like, this is fucking Mordor, man. We're in Mordor, man. I got to get out of here. I did not like any of that MTV shit.

Because it's like I went to like an MTV party with him after the thing. And it was just like, this is just an office party, but everyone works at MTV. Oh, yeah. So it's just like just as boring as being in an office party where you don't know anyone, but it's like everyone also thinks they're cool if you know what i mean the thing i went to had like an mc for that was like he's like a mtv personality brandon told me and he's just like uh on stage he's like it was so embarrassing it was like the one camp counselor

that was trying to be the cool counselor and he's making announcements he's like yo i i see y'all it's like this you know this white like pretty boy rapper dude he's like i see y'all taking pictures i see y'all on that snapchat make sure you use the vma taco bell live moss geo filter anytime you take a picture and people are just like clapping and i'm like oh my god this guy's life he probably wants to kill himself nah he loves it dude I worked at Jimmy John's for four hours one time and the manager I had to report to

was like two years younger than me and just like a fucking loser or whatever and I like stopped going there because he interrupted me while I was rolling up a sandwich or whatever. And I've worked at a billion fucking sandwich short order grill jobs or whatever. So I'm rolling up a sandwich and I started rolling it in the deli paper from the corner.

And then you fold like a burrito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I get about halfway through and he puts his hand on the sandwich as I'm rolling it. And he's like, you did what i like to call a subway rap and we actually do it different here and i was like peace see you later i'm gonna work with you if you're micromanage how i will like who's what customer is gonna fucking like open their bag and be like oh i can't wait to eat the what fuck? What the fuck is this? Why is it rolled like this?

I didn't go to Subway. I went to Jimmy John's where they got fun shit on the wall. It's so funny how people think. I mean, that is an example. No one matters, but that guy couldn't matter less. Oh, yeah. What he does couldn't matter less. I used my friend's roommate, and I went to hang out at their house one time. After? After you left Jimmy John's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What he does couldn't matter less. He was my friend's roommate, and I went to hang out at their house one time. After?

After you left Jimmy Jones? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The manager? Yeah, the manager. And I saw him come out of the room, and I work hard, I play hard. Him off the clock, and he's got this shitty, stupid silk shirt on and shitty sunglasses. Oh, yes. And he's like smoking a bowl

thinking he's like so cool. And it's like you're the least cool dude in this fucking house. Yeah, dude. Everyone hates you. Everyone hates Jimmy John's. Jimmy John's sucks. Don't they make their workers sign

non-compete clauses? Wait, they can't do sandwiches ever again? I swear to God, yeah. That was like a big thing. They pay like shit. Yeah, of course. The guy kills exotic animals, Jimmy John. He's one of those guys.

He's one of those dudes that goes and kills giraffes. I was trying to do a bit about Firehouse Subs for a while, which is like... It's a real regional thing. I think, yeah, they're only in the D.C. area. I think Virginia and D.C. I think they start in Virginia. But, like, they're commercial. That's why I...

Well, it's also not a particularly funny bit. But I love the ads for Firehouse Subs are like, we're firefighters. And we got tired of eating subs we didn't like. So we started our own place. And it's like, yeah, that doesn't give you any credibility when it comes to making sandwiches. Firefighters aren't known for their sandwiches. Yeah, you're just trying to cash in on the fact that you're generally sympathetic. Yeah, yeah.

Which is so funny. It's like, why are you so busy? The bit was, why are you so busy making... Is that why we lost both of the towers? Yeah. Because you were busy fucking around with meatballs? Get in those towers! Put the fucking sandwich knife down.

That's a good bit. I do love... And it was great when it would tank, and then I was like, oh, it's because it's a 9-11 joke. And then people were like, what the fuck is Firehouse Subs? Yeah, it's hilarious. You were just being mean. Yeah.

I love... Firefighter is a great... Like, if you're a racist, just be a firefighter. Yeah. Instead of a cop. Or just be a racist and do whatever you want. No, I don't be... That's what I mean. If you were a racist and do whatever you want. No, I don't be... That's what I mean.

If you were a racist, though... What do you mean, though? Like, in terms of feeder occupations for racists, like blue-collar racists... You could be a racist computer programmer. But, I mean, if those... Is your boss coming, like, ah, Jeremy? You know, great work, but why are all of your variable names just slurs? I don't know anything about programming.

I just context clues laughed at that joke. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, guys. No worries. Well, Adam didn't. Adam's not even holding the microphone to his face anymore. What do you mean? Well, I know, man.

It's been 51 minutes. Sorry I didn't laugh at the racist computer program. You're fucking better, dude. Dude, are you a sleepy boy? You've been very woke this podcast. I've got to be honest with you. Listen. And I don't like it.

I don't like it at all. Say something offensive right now. Yeah, say it say rape is good say something all that rape stuff you were saying tell the story no i'm not gonna tell that all right don't tell it damn in the context of what we were just talking about that's hilarious you have to say something offensive though for real right now i don't i don't like uh identical twins i don't trust them okay that's right that's just more of a uh i think fraternal twins are worse because there's one of them that like clearly got fucked up the fucked up jeans really yeah there's always one that's got red hair and can't dance or sing. I feel like if I had an identical twin...

No, fraternal twins are just like... They're not... If I had an identical twin, I would 69 from the age of 13 to 17 pretty much every day. Donald Trump's sons look like fraternal twins. They do, but they're different ages. Yeah.

They're completely separate births. One of his sons just has the softest fucking chin on Earth. Who, Eric? I think so, yeah. One of them. I can't remember. No, no, the other one. I can't remember if it's Eric or Brambo.

No, it's Brambo and Eric and Goose Step. Those are his son's names. No, one of them looks exactly like Odo from Deep Space Nine. I don't remember what Odo looks like. He just doesn't have eyebrows. He can change shape. He's like a shapeshifter,

but he didn't grow up with a family or whatever. So his natural... You know what's funny? He just sleeps in a bucket on the show. He just turns back into a puddle of cum. So, like, at the end of the day, he goes back in his room and just, like, splash. DS9 was the black captain. Dick Sackett 9, yeah.

Deep Space Nine, black captain, Sisko. Sisko, Ben Sisko. Yeah. And then I saw the other day Voyager, and that's the Hillary Clinton. That's the Hillary Clinton one. Oh, that woman is so hot. We've talked about this. The woman.

Yeah. We've talked about Star Trek. She has big-ass titties. Yeah, yeah. And I wanted... What, Janeway? Doesn't one of them have big-ass titties? The Borg, Seven of Nine has huge tits.

Yeah, she's so hot. Fuck. Yeah, which is funny because they didn't have a sexy lady character from the get-go on Voyager. They had, like like a female captain and then i don't know the internal politics or what happened but they added seven of nine like season six or seven because they're like all right we gotta have a character that's just a hot woman for nerds to beat off to and that's when she got added to the show oh nice because they were like you know let's not do the fucking like on like deanna troy on uh right right enterprise like she's just

which is the dumbest fucking character i love her her job but she was an empath so she could understand people's feelings because and which is an alien by the way it's not even a fucking human to explain it to the autistic fucking retards that watch star trek how empathy works and you're like well there's certain aliens that understand how other people are feeling i autistic fucking retards that watch Star Trek, how empathy works. Certain aliens that understand how other people are feeling. I feel like that's interesting. I never realized that the Vulcans are just autistic. Yeah, pretty much.

That's interesting. Very interesting. Yeah, Vulcans are just autistic. This is not logical. Not very logical women owe me sex those shows are great this is an episode of

Star Trek that we watched when I was taking French in middle school Picard French obviously Jean-Luc Picard nah there's an episode where they meet this alien race and like, so they have these

The original series? No, Next Generation. So the reason they can understand all the aliens, it's like they just have some computer that translates it can pick up, it understands syntax and stuff, and it immediately translates, so they meet this race that it doesn't translate for and it immediately translates so they meet this like

race that it doesn't translate for and only partially translates because the way they communicate is by like uh like telling somebody a story or like reminding them of a story and then whatever happened in that story fits the situation so this guy's trying to communicate with uh with wow that's really confusing yeah yeah yeah so he's like you know shaka when the walls fell and it might be the name of the episode or whatever and he's like you know dalmok at tanagra and he just says shit like that and like picard the whole time it's like yes but what does it mean and i was like laughing with people on twitter a couple months ago like instead of like the stories the aliens are just being like the pussy the

asshole in the vagina then picard being like yes but what does it mean the asshole the woman the woman's asshole and pussy what is that some kind of warning the woman's asshole and vagina. The pussy entrance. What is he trying to say? That wouldn't be hard to edit together. That'd be fun. Yeah, you could do that.

Yeah, so you just need a guy saying pussy asshole. What have we got to close on? What's happened recently? I haven't left my house. I bought a TV. Yeah, Nick's been a shut-in for three weeks. I've been working on that show, so I haven't really had time to go out. What did you miss?

Nothing, dude. Nothing, really. Oh, we have a show. Yes, next Sunday. Did we finish booking it? Yeah, we're done. Kurt. Yeah, I got Kurt.

Hell yeah, dude. That's a great show. Oh, yeah. Kurt Metzger's going to be on the show. Dan show Oh yeah Kurt Metzger's gonna be on the show Dan Soder Kurt Metzger Anna Fabrega You know

Three alt Super alt Is that how you pronounce it Fabrega Yeah Anna Fabrega You sound like Fabregia Fabregia Fabroge

Fabroge Fabroge Should we book another person Fabregiani I think that's enough They'll do Hey We can let them do

A little bit more time Let them do 12 Are we planning the show on the podcast right now? Anyway, guys, on 9-11, September 11th, 11-9, if you're from Europe, we're having a show. Abakit, come on, everybody. Thank you so much for everyone that came out before. They didn't call it 11-9 elsewhere. Do they call it 11-9?

No, they call it 9-11. We get to name it because it's our thing. You know, like when there's a war 9-11 we get to name it because it's our thing you know like when there's a war somewhere else we get to name it because we're America I think they call it the 11th of September yeah that's what they call it in Greece yeah well we gotta put a fucking stop to that

it's offensive yeah it's absolutely offensive it's offensive they don't get to decide what our shit's called dude I agree fuck em does Trump know about this? They don't get to decide what our shit's called. Dude, I agree. Fuck them. Does Trump know about this? I don't think he does. We so much love him. We're gonna stop him. I do love... They're gonna call it 9-11 like normal people.

I love how the fuck he's trying to get black people to just vote for him. It's so awesome. What do you gotta lose? Everyone was mad about that in the writers' room. They're like, can you believe he said that? And it's like, one, yes. Two, for Trump, that's not a bad argument.

Try it out. See if you like it. That's kind of reasonable. He's not going to be like, yeah, I'm racist, but maybe you could be racist, too, against yourself. What is he going to say? Of course, what do you have to lose just so funny just going to black churches yeah like just completely and just i always love when they get just an insane person to be like i'm a conservative black guy i love those guys on fox news

yeah well he has that one pastor guy whose throat hurts. He always has a sore throat. Yeah. And he just shouts at him. We should get a conservative black guy for the podcast that we have on all the time. You want to? We could get the ghost of Patrice. Yeah.

And then we get a conservative black guy that agrees with everything I say about Seth. Check. And really put Seth in a bind. I can't disagree with a black person. He was demanding to use the N-word. I told him to stop. That's my favorite thing in the world. We were saying this yesterday.

Why people asking black people not to use the N-word so much. Oh my God. It is the best. It's my absolute favorite thing in the world. Yeah. And then could you also just not use the n-word so much. Oh my god. It's my absolute favorite thing in the world. Yeah, and then, could you also just not use

the water fountain either? It defends me. Well, they used to drown people like you, so I'm a little bit worried about you using the water fountain and then also the bathroom, just in case. Oh, fuck.

Well, yeah, so come out to our 11th of September show. 11th of september at 9 p.m come on everybody on franklin off the g train class and stop in brooklyn it was really great last time it was really good guys i'm not saying that just to brag like we and we really appreciate all the come boys that came through uh and come people really no come boy is not a gendered term yeah yeah come boy you could be a girl come everyone can be a come boy um so yeah give us money please and yeah give us some fucking give us well we got to set up uh we're gonna start doing premium content we're gonna do like an extra episode

or something yes yeah and if you want to do that shit, you got to pay extra, bitch. We'll figure it out. We're going to start doing two episodes a week. And then we'll put one episode behind the paywall. We're going to go to Sunset Park right now and get the most fired. Yes, if you're listening live, come hang out. I want to get some barbecue.

I ate so much. Whoa. Where's the barbecue? What if you, Pacino? I ate so much fucking barbecue. Whoa. Whoa. Where's the barbecue? What if I'm with death? What if I'm with death, Al Pacino? You can't. What is it? No, do Down syndrome.

You're out of order. Down syndrome, Pacino. You're out of order. It's just also. The whole damn system is out of order. Hoorah. Hoorah doesn't change. Hoorah. Hoorah doesn't change. Hoorah.

Hoorah. Oh, we were singing on the way over here, Downeaster Alexa by Springsteen. No, Billy Joel. Yeah, by Billy Joel. Jewish Elvis. Well, I'm on the Down syndrome, Alexa. Then my hands are up on her tits. Whatever, you change it.

Then you put in the tell. And they say she's slow, but them titties ain't retarded. What a great joke. Man, changing all those. Everyone at the office, I got them with the, well, I'm the kind of guy

that fucks his mom and dad. That's perfect. That was making the rounds. That I'm the kind of guy that fucks his mom and dad. That's perfect. That was making the rounds. That might be the best one you've done. My favorite one is, dad, dad, fuck my dad. I fuck my dad. I fuck my dad. Dad, dad, fuck my dad.

He is his. I fuck my dad. I fuck my dad. I fuck my dad. I fuck my dad. My dad. I fuck my dad. Yeah, no, that one's a good one. That's great. I think that's a good way to close, boys. Fuck my dad. Fuck my dad. That one's a good one.

I think that's a good way to close, boys. The other Downeaster Alexa one was Well, I'm busting inside the vagina. Which doesn't really fit, but that's been stuck in my head for a week. So, I was kind of hoping the cat would throw up her shit again because it was such a great way to end the podcast. Yeah, I don't want to see that ever again in my head for a week. So, I was kind of hoping the cat would throw up or shit again

because it was such a great way to end the podcast. Yeah, I don't want to see that ever again in my life. I guess not. When that cat threw up, I was like, I'm screaming, fam. Yeah. Wait, wait. Wait.

That's Brandon, famous comedian Brandon Wardell. Whoa, whoa, Twitter personality. Yeah. All right. We got to go. Bye. Bye, guys. I'm out. guitar solo What do you think?

Can we get the kids? I'm out.