The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 171 – Kevin Sorhol

Episode Date: September 5, 2019

Stars as ... wait for it... Gay Hercules

All right, okay, and we're fucking well It's a big dog. I believe I Adam's owed a big time. I told you so about what vaping kills Vaping kills. No, you know who's owed a big time. I told you so me They do put fucking dog fake dog nuts and dogs nuts. Nobody even knows what you do know what I'm talking about Yeah, now very convenient. We forgot. Oh, I don't think you should raise your voice about that I am raising my voice in fact because I knew you put fake dog balls in the dog's balls This is why we don't do the podcast after lunch I was charged up right now. I'm charged up because I knew you gotta go back to 11am. It's something called nut-neuticals

No one knows what you're talking about. We all know. Vaping kills and Adam for years has said that there's no I never said that as it cares. I said no about dogs fake balls Yeah, Nick is smoking a giant green pipe right now. Yeah, this is nice. I like this and I sure love part of the St. Patrick's Day collection This is the guy the pipe store told me is that they made the this company. I guess it's uh, I Thought it was a type of type of pipe is a Peterson or whatever. Yeah. No, they made a Total Android by the way. Yeah Yeah, they made a St. Patrick's Day collection. Hell. Yes. What kind of idiot where I mean, what do you mean? You own it? Yeah

You are one of them. I mean, I'm not like there's people that smoke pipes regularly. Yeah, it's like they're it's like their limited release It was great. I was in that. Uh, yeah, it's the Nat Sherman on like 42nd Street Uh-huh. It's just you know the guys that hang out at the cigar store. Yeah, just smoke. It's there There's a guy smoking and he's like they want to open up the borders and these guys are coming over. I'm 42nd Street Yeah, there's a cigar place in bedside that I went to once because they were playing a football game there and it's just Like 10 Andres that just hang out there all day because I was looking for like a tobacco. There's one on Tompkins Yeah, I saw that's not on like Google Maps or yeah, there's pictures and it's like come on in put your teams up Yeah, come on down to mahogany elegant smoke shop

elegance Do sex sex in the air? Everyone's wearing like Jordash and like, you know 1993 like Bobby Brown's Pelle Pelle Pelle jackets. Yeah, honestly, it was a pretty cool scene. Yeah, we watched the Giants game and they were they kept calling Eli effect Get him. Yeah, get his ass. You know he gay though That's a compound. I've never heard that Eli man. He's a homosexual. I don't think he is But he plays timid like I think anytime a fan base turns on a player. He's a homosexual That that's the that's why I'm waiting for a gay quarterback. That would be nice

There's another gay football player that just came out, but he Uh, he was cheeks. I cut I cut open not good one of those glade plug-ins So science experiment a little bit left that wasn't getting vaporized Cut it open to pour it behind the oven. Yes smart. I thought yeah It's not smell like an old woman I was gonna say actually doesn't smell like I kind of like it Yeah, honestly, I'm gonna get into wearing old women's perfume. That's a good move You got the big-ass beer smoking pipes, but you're just smelling like an old bitch with hard candy I've been recently getting into sense myself

Lavender like but extreme smells good dude. Yeah. Yeah, I would fuck an old lady for the cell I remember going I remember going to like JC Benny with my grandma and going to the smell section. I'm like damn I'm horny. Yeah, I'm horny Some old bitch with bangles. Yeah. Oh, I do remember getting a weird sexual thrill From an old bitch who cut my hair at the East Point mall supercuts Right across from Aladdin's Ark Aladdin's arcade and caddy corner to the McDonald's in the brass hen Mm-hmm. Yeah, and for those of her for East Point mall heads and she smelled like she had very

Overbearing like old lady perfume, but also like cigarettes and her big old lady titties My head was just resting on the whole time and I was very comforting. Honestly kind of horny. Yeah proto horny I was like nine. Mm-hmm Having a massage you oh, that's a shampoo station shampoo if you get your dick sucked while getting shampooed It's that is my ultimate sexual fantasy. Yes Seriously, I get I get a 75% or every time I get my hair shampooed. Yep. I love it by Japanese men Yes, recently it has been by a Japanese man Listen, I'm equal opportunity when it comes to shampoo

It is a Rodgers Rodgers. Yeah, my scalp is a Rodgers zone. Would you let a man massage? Give you that shampoo, but was the tip of his penis? What do you mean would I allow him to shampoo my hair with his penis? No, it's the best So hold on hold on and your fingers. I'm not done Adam. Yes, but it's the best massage Shampooing you've ever experienced, but you know it's with the tip of a man's penis Well, if it's the best would you allow it? If you're saying it's the best the best you've ever experienced fine

Fucking gay dude. It's not gay. It's the best. He's hard and he comes in your hair by the way at the end Okay, you didn't ask you didn't ask Well, if he came in my hair, then I would my hair wouldn't be clean. Well, he would wash it again with a soft dick Well that if you wash it again How about you I don't know I can't figure I'm trying to imagine how that would even it doesn't work It's trying to Japanese secret that they teach in their little in their hairdo The Japanese hands are perfectly modeled for a perfect Shampoo such scout. First of all, you're again you guys are not dreaming to imagine. This is you have a real

They're gonna be like the it's my line of that's yeah Dream to imagine. Yes. Stop. You baby. No, it's gonna be it's gonna be. Yeah, actually. Yes, it is and it's means You're not capable of imagination while you're awake. You have to dream you're not dream The point is you're letting hard Nick. You're letting the real the technical realities get in the way of a beautiful feeling I don't visualize only thinking abstractions. Well, there you go. Think of it abstractly. I can't I can't understand the concept Of a man's penis massaging your head conceptually. No I mean the mathematics have to add up or it doesn't make sense. It doesn't yeah It doesn't work physically in the physical worlds, man. Maybe if it was ten guys, you have your eyes closed

Maybe there is who knows if it's you have your eyes close mimicking But see the thing about the human hand is you have joints and you have you have stop getting into specific You already answered by the way, you said yes, fine. Yes. Okay, so don't try and take back now I don't even want a regular scalp massage. Wow. Are you kidding? Yes? I mean no Well, you said yes, but I meant you but that's when people are like, do you mind and you're like, yes, I mean no What a dumb question. What kind of who is the first asshole to be like do you mind if I sit here somebody's like yes You know and then he's like oh you do mine is like no just ask if you can sit Yeah, yeah, I sit here. I do now. I agree with you on that one. What are you the Riddler? Yeah

The fuck is this shit? Just ask directly what you want. Mm-hmm. Can I not not sit down here shit? Hold on can somebody stab this man, please Can we get a knife in this man's anus? Yes, we can Can I we get a knife in this man's anus? Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Oh Okay, you know tribe called quest parody The tribe called brass. Oh, yeah, that's the one I want to belong to brother. Yeah The titty patchy The titty patchy Indians the Jackson and his men want to come through this land and suck on her tits

or Big bountiful kids where we have spent eons growing the juiciest Even the men have huge tits. Yeah, we feast off nothing but Buffalo come We've grown Big breasts, so we don't need language or land No in this perfect world Everyone has titties everyone. So you don't get you don't have no land. Everyone's wife has huge Become boss of the company. That is the base. You don't have to own property

We just all share we have huge titties that we all Titty fucking fuck our wives. We fuck every part of the woman What a beautiful society man before we had to fucking come and ruin it. Let's give a maids and tuberculosis Yeah, we just shook their hands and they all got smallpox Mm-hmm. It's fucked up. The politics used to rule in the fucking 17 and 1800s. Mm-hmm. You could be like Who is the guy that was? What's his name the Andrew Jackson the one where it was like his wife's a whore. No, what's his name seward's folly? Oh Yeah, dude was just like, yeah, I'm buying Alaska. Yeah, but he bought it for like a thousand dollars not even the president

He was like, yeah, I'm buying Nobody and they were like, uh, were you gonna ask or you just tripled the size of the country for For $20 damn, I didn't went to Marshall's and bought more country Yeah, it is Alaska is way the fuck out there, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty close to Russia, right? Yeah, I mean you can walk to Russia from Alaska. Damn that that's fucked up. Yeah, why didn't the Ruskies was that was that what red Dom was about? Wasn't it part of Russia coming over was they bought it. Yeah, they bought it from Russia. Oh damn. Yeah, so it's really just a bit Like a cuter Siberia. Yeah, that's why everyone's making fun of you know

Sarah Palin we're talking about buying Greenland, but it's the same shit It's the same shit because it climate change is gonna happen in fact him suggesting buying Greenland is like an Acknowledgement that climate change is real and also the most pragmatic solution to climate change because it's like no matter what We do you pass Green New Deal, whatever China's just gonna cook the planet. Yeah, right? So throw it in a walk. Yeah They're gonna fry it up a little oil on that bitch. We're gonna be like three pieces of broccoli

That's bullshit when that happens. Yeah, what are you even putting the broccoli in you get a fucking general It says you have although I will appreciate when it's strategically placed to sop up the juices so that you're fried I sorry maintained 60 years Greenland will actually be green Hmm and Iceland will be ice. Wow. I know it won't know it'll be that won't turn No, it'll be a desert Ice isn't a desert. I feel like all the realms should be named after their Their attitude. Oh, yeah, Iceland desert land desert That's cool, man, I like that you're calling forest land. I like that you're calling

Countries of the realms. Yeah, is that what happens when you smoke a pipe and get a big beer? things around I do love the look Yeah, oh, it's cool. You can just fucking be like wow how far into the beard are you right now? I'm like I'm almost four months in four months and your goal is six. I might go a whole year Dude, I'm getting I'm getting well. It looks a lot better than it the first beer Yeah, kind of you're healthier. You're not eating like gushers as many as your sustenance. Yeah, I've been brushing it Looks cute putting oil in it. Yeah, he is dude. Yeah, I read the oil every time I shit in his home

I read the oil package. Yeah, see what the ingredients are a little bit. Uh, somebody sent me like Beard oil it smells like licorice and I used it once or twice I don't like it. It's because too delicious. You keep trying to eat your own whiskers. No coconut oil is fine Yeah, fine, and it smells good. Yeah, it smells. All right. Yeah, you can buy a shit ton of it. It's cheap Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's like once a week. You just throw some coconut oil in there. Oh, yeah, then wash it out Elders used to just every day put coconut oil in his hair. I don't think that's necessary He just I wait until it like feels because it'll get like brittle and scratchy. Mm-hmm. And then you just Coke it up. Mm-hmm. It's a nut and license. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I bet you put nothing there, man. Yeah

Oh, I bet you do. Mm-hmm All types of different kinds of nut damn Native Americans must have felt gay when Europeans showed up and they had huge beards They're like, mm-hmm. They're just wearing. Yeah, that's a good point grow girl hair on our head All we could grow with the fuck I just realized that there was never a single one with a big-ass beard grow beards What yeah, oh, maybe I'm Native American wait, but we're any of them bald because that's a pretty cool trade off They all have beautiful heads of hair. Yeah. No, there's a lot of bald ones. What was uh? That sucks was a tanto. He was bald, right? I don't isn't that from the Lone Ranger or Lone Ranger. No, no, no. Saka Juea is friend. Mm-hmm

Saka Saka Juea, there you go. Wasn't that um Wasn't she the bitch that told Lewis and Clark where to go? Yeah, but she had she was boys with a guy I don't know that. Yeah, remember there was like Like she was definitely bopping them off. I think she was getting she was getting for sure Pussy plowed by Lewis and Clark for sure Some respect she's getting spit roasted. Did she have a kid her pussy was probably all fucked up What do you mean? Well back then they don't have like sewing needles to put you together pussy

Yeah, well they have sewing needles, but they don't have the thread. You know what I heard You know what I heard all that when a woman gives birth sometimes they're the husband stitch the husband stitch I've never heard of that make the pussy tighter. Yeah an extra stitch. Yeah. What was that fucking other guys? I don't think is was that how that works The inside of the inside of the pussy is that but yeah, if they sew up the opening Then the inside doesn't that hurt the lady? I mean it hurts to give birth to a child and have your pussy tear to your anisunder. That's true Yeah, I barely understand how you would the 15 most famous Native Americans and yeah, you keep scrolling

We're gonna talk about pussy. I don't even understand women's health issues at all. Not it not at one bit, dude Something with the moon Yeah, that's fucking weird What are they fucking werewolves or something it's fucking like that that shit is that's when bitches that are into crystals I might be like, okay, maybe you're on to something. I mean they controls your pussy They're pussies and why not crystals also their pussies respond to the tides and the moons crazy Does that do we have anything like that do our balls swell when it's low tide? Nope That would be that none of that shit. That'd be cool if your balls got heavier if it was more humid

That's why they can't be the president dude because the moon is telling them what to do so true That is a great point Um Anyway, I I recently watched That will ferrell movie stranger than fiction. Oh where it's Someone narrating rich bitches narrating. Yeah They read like will ferrell is a guy that's not a good movie. No, it kind of sucked dick He's so horny for Maggie Gyllenhaal

He stopped he forgets that he's about there's a movie where she's where I was secretary secretary Oh, yeah, yeah, she's getting I have jacked off to secretary. Yeah. Yeah, we all know The one she had her fastball. Yeah, that's when she was really peeking. Which I mean, would you rather fuck Maggie or Jake? Maggie Nick would you rather fuck Maggie or Jake Gyllenhaal? I rather figure out who this fucking I think you I think you just made it up You know, it's not a real guy. Oh, he had a dumb name like Tonto and he was squanto. Maybe. Yeah, actually It's guanto. Maybe squanto guanto. Yeah, you never heard of squanto. No Yeah, I think that's him. No, you're right. Yeah, more commonly by the diminutive area squanto was a member of this stuff and that fire today

Balls are real. Yeah, but he wasn't bald. Oh, well, okay. There's a guy got another one round. Wait, Bill Maher is Jewish Yeah, Bill Maher, of course. He's fucking Jewish. No, I want what side? On the I mean, bro, it's guanto. Don't make me go here. But there's some I mean, we said a lot of real facial proof that he's I just thought He's annoying. So that's why people think he's Jewish. Yes, that's true And it and that's what upsets me because people think all annoying people are Jewish No, he's one of those guys that was successful in the entertainment industry that didn't realize he was Jewish until he had to get a TV show. Oh, he realized he was Jewish later in life. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I my brother did a my brother did at 23 I mean, I think we're like 6% plus or minus Jewish. So I'm absolutely zero. How much percent?

6% absolute zero. This sounds that's not sure. That's not true. But there's a there's a little it got a lot of you Cousin, but that's not by blood. Mm-hmm. Well, but other than that. Yeah, no, I've done the DNA test and they said Absolutely zero They send you a gold letter. Yeah, so many people are sighing relief. So many listeners right now Congratulations. Okay. Yeah, he found out later in life that he was Jewish. I mean, come on Catholic Irish Catholic Are we fucking he's so he's the most Jewish looking man. I mean, not the most not the most but come on I mean, he's got that just that the schnazorino I think we can all agree that the obnoxious parts about him are clearly derived. Yes, that's what I was saying

I think if there's and that's my point that's my point is that not all listen all these are obnoxious But not all obnoxious people are Jewish. That's true. It's a It's you know, like a rectangle in a square, right? What is it? squares are quadrilateral and And all squares are recta. Don't fucking try no quadrilateral. Do not try and fucking add an extra word It doesn't need to be said a quadrilateral. All squares are rectangle. Zuh, but I don't rectangles or squares, brother. Oh Because see that camea wait was the saccagi we as brother camea wait. Yeah

Saccagi we had a kid, right? So the pussy was fucked up Lizette, yeah, her daughter Lizette Charbonneau. Oh, is that Charbonneau? Yeah, good afternoon What's up? Y'all is me. This is the second you weigh his dough, huh? This is the death of Lizette Charbonneau Lewis and Clark's expedition is currently closed. If you would like to leave a message, please leave a message after the beep Is this a recording? No, it is not So you're there right now. Yes, but beep beep

What I meant to say was be Lizette motherfucking Charbonneau that is awesome. So a French a French trapper must have knocked up. Yeah, that sounds French Lizette Charbonneau Yeah, I bet you she was pretty hot if she was French twas on Charbonneau's daughter twas on Yeah, nice. Good afternoon. You reached a desk. It is that Charbonneau. I Am second your way as daughter. This is second your way as daughter If you would like to leave a message, please hang up And call us back when we are closed

Thank you very much Damn, that would be the move. Mm-hmm. Good net a good afternoon. You've reached the office of G what's a good name For what any name it's just any name. Sometimes I have too many options Trying to pick what to watch on that I don't know which way you're trying to go good afternoon. You've reached a desk of Sean shaman ultra soft Okay, Sean shaman you've reached a desk of shaman ultra soft

You'd like to leave a message, please hang up and call us back when we are closed. Thank you. Goodbye Just hanging up every call like that I've been like, uh, Charmaine, can I talk to you for a second? Have you been? Directing customers to call back when we're closed to leave a message if they would like to leave a message Yes, Philip. Is there a problem with that? Well, you should be taking the calls am I not taking the calls where you're taking the calls but Technically, yes, and then what am I what then what am I doing? Well, the call has been taken hasn't it called was taken and I If they would like to leave a message they can call back when we're closed

Then I won't I wouldn't my supposed to do my supposed to not take the calls or take the calls. These are your rules Listen, I'm just gonna I don't want this to turn into an HR thing again, so I'm gonna go hang out by the candy machine And just wait until his government contract ends and they fire us all Damn, that would be the life of getting being a government contractor, dude Yeah, you're gonna have to do shit nothing and you get paid so much You have like five years to do nothing. Yeah, and then once yeah, you have to work for like six months Yeah, and once you're in mm-hmm. Well, they

Have to turn it and they lose the contract they're like we're firing 700 people. Yeah. Yeah, but it's all or nothing, baby Yeah, I Mean not much effort than the regular like a regular federal job. Yeah, I mean working for the government would be awesome in general Yeah, don't have to shit. You show up at fucking 10 a.m. Clock out at four. Yep. Yeah extra long-ass weekends long weekend Mm-hmm every holiday. Yeah, sometimes you get furloughed. That's chill. Yeah, you know, you get a fucking week. I did a moving job in DC for some I think it was like the DOE or you know the Department of Math or something But we had to it was for some I got the job off Craigslist It's a company that like handles moving electronics

So you need like just a basic understanding of like plugs then they just hired you off Craigslist They hired like well, they hired like 50 people off Craigslist because they move an entire office in a day, right? So you get there in them like like 6 a.m. They're like, you know, if you're new or whatever like here's our work It's just some company that like especially they probably get a contract for 20,000 exactly Yeah, the fucking they pay you minimum wage. Yeah, you get $15 for the day and You yeah, you just have access to like government servers Yeah, you bat you bag everything up like, you know, you go into somebody's office Like they're supposed to take all their personal effects. But yeah, it's like moving like 500 workstations or something

So it was like a massive job. Yeah But there was like, I mean, yeah, it's like fucking DOE like nobody it's not a fucking Production company, right? It's not something. It's not like multimedia or whatever and there was some guy in his office that had two I max And it's like there's absolutely No way that this is necessary That this government worker has two fucking $5,000 computers. I Love that shit dude. Yeah, just put in a work order and hope. Yeah Hope they need to spend money before the next budget so they show that they've spent so they don't get their budget taken down

Yeah, yeah, it's the most it's the dumbest shit of all time. It's like well We didn't need any money. We saved actually $10,000. They're like, what the fuck go buy some dumb shit Yeah, right else. They'll take it well time to have a birthday party for Lorraine's cat Well, she needs a birthday party. That's true fucking whore Lorraine. Yeah, she's just one year in my old job They they forgot my heart. She fucked that janitor with Down syndrome No, she didn't I would love to be the guy in the office spreading like middle school Yeah, I heard she has a huge I heard I heard Charlene had nine abortions over the summer break What do you mean summer break?

Well, I was gone I was I was gone. I was learning how to smoke. We I was making a bomb the other guys and do bottom with the other guys who work a blockbuster Over the summer. We're learning how to smoke weed We heard from a black guy that Lorraine has had Nine abortions. He came in from a black guy. Yeah, some fucking black guy came in Yeah, dude, we're on the mullire dude. That's fucking racist. That's racist, man. Well, you hate black people some yeah, Mark hates black people Yeah, I was trying to tell him that Lorraine had nine abortions. You know, I don't know if you heard about this for some black guy I'm sure you've heard about it. Oh, that sounds like a lie a typical in lie

His direct his exact words Jeff we fired you six months ago, man. Yeah, I know I work at block. I just come here to smoke cigarettes and hang out Showing up an hour before your blockbuster shift to have lunch at the office job that fired you in the shared courtyard Trying to see my friend I miss these guys Yeah, so anyway Lorraine Lorraine's pussy is in her ass. Actually Lorraine actually she gave birth out of her ass Cuz a Chinese guy

Yeah, she let some Please stop telling us the race of the people in your fake rumors. Hey, no, it's not racist it feels racist Yeah, apparently when you die, there's a chemical that floods your brain and it's the same chemical. That's in pussy juice It makes you trip dude you go down on girl, you'll go fucking insane 25 years later. That's why I don't do that shit Not only that it's gay Yo, dude, I heard Mark ate out that fat girl's pussy you mean Mark's wife Yeah

He went down Mrs. Chamberlain Yeah, yeah, you went down in that gay 37 year old man Blockies open Damn my 17 year old boss is gonna be pissed if I don't get there do a blockies and I'm doing blockies like 15 minutes, dude. There's a retard a guy that once he comes in every Tuesday asked me about ratatouille That's the same goddamn questions about ratatouille, you know, I heard

He told me black. I was like, yeah You see that ratatouille retard guess who talked to him his ass off. Okay Check this out. I know I know for a fact on site He's got a little he's got a helmet on his dick Little helmet Yeah, some black guy this black guy Just a diff just some guy doesn't work a blockbuster either just hangs out The source

Yeah, there's the black guy that goes into rent need for speed and blockbuster tell the security guards to fuck Oh, I'm just telling the security guards at his office job. Like, yeah, you're a fucking loser Tim Yeah, try and take my ass to fucking in school suspension. What do it? You can't touch me. You go to fucking jail Yeah, you can't you're not a fucking fucking rent a cop John come on, man, please just leave please leave man, please just leave don't make us ban you from the whole building You're getting worse You're getting worse you said one thing and now you've completely regressed to being a 14-year-old

Just practice smoking dude, I'm just doing my sublime tabs I just downloaded some sublime tabs and I'm smoking cigarettes, dude got a lot of pressure at home Yeah, I think I'm gonna parents are splitting up my dad said that I can't do it But when I go to Ocean City this summer, I'm getting a Tom ring Dude, even though I don't eat pussy better kissing. I'm gonna be so good at kissing next year next summer when I turn 38 I'm gonna be so good at kissing bitches at Ben again. I'm at this Ukrainian girl MR. Docs She can get KB

You guys are smoking mids, dude, this is Ukrainian's got KB Ukrainian girl said she knows where to get KB. What's KB kind bud bro. Come on. Oh, that's a Maryland thing Clearly you don't smoke weed kind but it's like what like hippies BC KB. Wow, dude I know BC Crando. This man doesn't know about we do check this shit out That's fucking 1968. You spoke minutes Adam. No, I don't there's a black guy that comes in. Don't say that on the fucking black guy No, don't say that on the podcast You said plenty of stuff about me on this podcast Yeah, he says you can get AK-47 which is government is the government shit. They're going to land a government

It's called white China I remember by white Chinese people I remember my friend Nate was trying to sell or actually my friend jujon a Different guy was selling weed at some point in my life And he got all this weed that had like, you know, it'd be like dude. Look at this. Look at the strain Yeah, dude, look at the colors and it was like kind of orangey. Yeah, he's like, what do I call this? Like it's okay weed now. I was like, dude, just call it like Maryland red

Right and then and then some guy tried to sell him weed like he was like dude I got this other guy's like, dude, I got this other batch. It's crazy and And he was like, what's it called? He was like Arizona green Just completely selling him bullshit you ever sell weed. Yeah, I sold weed for Was it four months? Oh, that's right. Remember when Adam was a fucking drug dealer. Mm-hmm. It's fucked up, dude Well, I'll tell you what you can take you can place bets about How many abortion Charlene had over the summer?

Anyways, no, we're gonna start talking about my bookie calm in a second But I just I told you I was in Starbucks. Uh-huh the other day and Barista just being like, yeah, no, he came in here and he said that He said, you know, I overdid OD in the bathroom Like two years ago, but I'm rich now got my life together. Yeah, he said he's rich He turned his shit around. Yeah, you know how rich people go to Starbucks tell Barista's how rich they are They live at the rich go live with the rich Carlton. Mm-hmm. Yeah Anyways, you can bet on whether or not that guy actually is not just over dosing at the rich Carlton now

Yeah, cuz it's a movie's ever even been to the rich Carlton. He's ever even been to the rich Carlton It's a new season of football. Oh, it's gonna happen last year. They took we when we found out It's football is kind of like breaking bed. It's a lot. It's a lot early seasons Walter White was a hero Yeah, I don't know if you know this but in the first Super Bowl in 1960 Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right Six I Think earlier, but I'm not sure. I think maybe later. No, cuz there was the AF

The AF three three and seven pop into my head Probably three you split the difference. Okay. Okay. Let's say for 1964 Super Bowl three was the Jets, right? Shut up. We're not Joe. We're not talking about that. Oh, cuz the Baltimore Colts lost talking about Johnny you baby Johnny you night is baby. What year is the first year? I think it's like 67 67. Yeah, 67 was my first thought but then I thought 63 so it's like well, it's probably in the middle Yeah Anyways, so in the early season a lot of people know this but the main character Vince Lombardi finds out he has cancer That's right and he has to put money together for his bitch wife. Yeah, she keeps yelling. She's such a cunt

Yeah, it's a fucking who by the way a lot of people don't know this but Vincent Bardi's wife was also named Vince Lombardi Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's how they they met. Yeah, he was a woman named Vincent Oh, yeah, I would love to get married to a woman with my name Adam Friedland. He was like mama Mia. This is perfect I can get in your fucking married to this bitch. I don't even have to learn a different name Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, we're gonna do a big contest and call it the Falcon Super Bowl Anyway, so you got cancer you got cancer and then you got spaghetti cancer and then to pay for it He had to do he's like right. It's like I'm gonna I'm gonna invent football. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the fucking And bet on it and bet on it. Mm-hmm. And that's what that's where football gambling started

That's right. I'm already trying to get Little rainy day money for his family, but as time goes on he starts creating more and more illegal gambling websites Mm-hmm and becoming more of a piece of shit. Yep, and that's like kills a Puerto Rican or something He kills a Puerto Rican and that's kind of where Mexico where football that's we're in season five of breaking bad That's right. So football is now guess freeing. It's racist. It's racist bald. It's got a goatee You're just waiting for the spin-off. Oh, yeah, right, you know We find out Kirk starting a youth sport to see the cheerleaders Living you see their pussies. Yeah nude better. Yeah. Well, no not nude. It's about them living their lives despite being raped

Oh, like overcoming that overcoming that it's a it's gonna sounds triumphant It's gonna be a show on Netflix called bitch slut But in a positive way bitch slut boss like recover it like reclaiming that exactly. It's like their n-word my bookie Available exclusively I actually don't even know What the dot is it just isn't my bookie online today. What if it's my bookie dot? Just Google it? Yeah, just Google my bookie. No, isn't there a specific URL slash come? No, there's a there's a promo code

Anyways, it's a new season Antonio Brown is on the Raiders and he's white now. No That's what he is. Yeah, I miss that. He's so black. I think he's probably white dude Mr. Big Chest, Mr. Big Chest is white now, but he did get a bigger chest. He did Odell Beckham is now Chinese That is true. He went to Cleveland the paper smudged a bit. Yeah, I Think he's in Cleveland, but Antonio Brown is white. Oh, okay Yeah, and Andrew Luck and they're changing his name to Antonio yellow People are like shouldn't be Antonio white and they're like no, why?

Right, right. That's why you were racist. Why? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. Did you just assume his color? Mm-hmm because of his last I guess some white people with jaundice could be yellow Yeah, and a lot of white people have last name Brown Jaundice is a disease you get when you live in southern Jersey your entire life I live there too long. You get jaundice. Yeah, you too much. Muzarell. Yeah, I got I'm jaundiced from not leaving Philadelphia from not leaving the Jersey suburbs of Philadelphia. I Got jaundice in fucking Cherry Hill Jaundice. Yeah. Yeah, I got jaundice. That's a joke. I get it. I do you. Yeah, because they say jawn in Philadelphia

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And at my bookie.com your job is your job is your crap At my bookie.com my bookie.com Jonathan Portis just do all the reeds like that They're coming even in business anymore. You probably get away with eastern motors. They're still around a couple my friends from high school Slinging autos for them. Yeah, if you're go go buy a car from Justin Wells Tell him stop tell him stop. He'll be very confused the business model was so goddamn funny I know like let's sell somebody a Maybach on 9th chance credit

Yeah, well look poor people need escalates Salute the eastern motors man great commercials Royal Farms also had pretty good come over there. They had they would always do gas station. Oh, yeah That's chicken chicken now brother and they got a stadium chicken. It's the Raven Stadium is no arms No, but the former do actually not to do Burns arena. I Don't remember what it was, but it's now. It's the Royal Farms arena downtown good for them the chicken box That's what's called pretty good. That's pretty sick. It's pretty good And listen if you are in Philadelphia on the 21st, I will be there

Buy tickets for that and then I'm in Fort Wayne, Indiana. What's the venue? That's called the cave. Yeah, you guys. There's a million venues in Philly. Just go to my state Just go to my website do not go to his website. Go to his website stop. He got biz slash tour I'm coming to Fort Wayne on the 27th Indianapolis on the 28th and Louisville on the 29th And I'm working on some other shit, baby I'm trying to I'm trying to be all over this great United States of ass fuck Oh, and thank you for everyone that came out to the shows in San Diego L.A. Thank you revoked. Yeah, Nick and we've been getting a lot of emails from a lot of no

Sex with Adam. They're all thank you to all the members of the gay community that had sex with Yes, somebody said somebody messaged me. They're like, yeah, I went to see Adam the other night and I saw him leaving with a guy Leaving with a guy. Yeah, they went into the guy's Car the backseat of his car. Oh, really Adam's not true. No I will reject you had him got an Uber and the driver got out. You got the backseat with him We had sex parked out front of the venue. I will reject I will reject an Uber if it's driven by a man. I know that I'm just telling you know that I'm just telling you what I heard I only do chick ubers. You know this about me

Yeah, whatever man, but Nick's just reporting what he heard. Yeah, and also, you know, Nick at your once again Nick Nick is always right, but yeah, Los Angeles. Yeah Hmm, I want to sign up for that the girls only Uber or whatever But you just wear a dress and pretend to be trans. Mm-hmm. They pick you up be like, huh, thanks for the ride sister Boy, it's hot out. You mind if I air out my penis It's so sweaty from walking around in this dress. They're like, oh, you're the eighth guy who's done this Everyone thinks they're being

My penis off in your hair I'm just gonna dab some cocks wet on your hair. That's all right with you. Just us cows riding around town together Just a couple of sweaty cocks gal Trying each other's cocks off That's a good idea man, you should do that. Yeah, does that exist do they have girls only Uber? Uh, they tried to do it. They tried to do it But then like I don't know like some MRA guy will always bring a discrimination lawsuit against them And then it's like there's not really defense of it. Damn. Yeah, they kind of operate on the premise that like

People aren't going to sue them. Right a little do they know if the whole point is you're trying to do that So you don't get raped those guys will sue. Well, you gotta set up. I'll tell you what I'm not gonna go see this Joker movie But it is funny seeing just the insane takes from fucking dipshit liberals about that movie. What that it's bad Well, yeah, Clara Jeffrey being like seems odd that there's no mention of the Aurora shooting seems important It's kind of dangerous. It doesn't it take place in the 70s. Well, it takes place in like 1980, but the Placing I can't wait for the Joker movie has nothing to do with it. She's worried that the character will inspire more fucking mass Oh my god, you know, somebody responded to her and they were like, hey, not for nothing But James Holmes like did not identify with the Joker. That's like a common misconception just because his hair was died

Didn't and it shot up a batman where Jeffrey was like look at the way He was dressed and other things And then and then somebody's like yeah, he didn't have makeup on he wasn't wearing a purple suit the psychologists that interviewed him like Confirmed that he was not inspired by the Joker and didn't identify with the character at all. Mm-hmm. Yeah, she's like, yeah I'm pretty sure those psychologists didn't interview him and then he links to an article. He's like, yeah, it's right here And then she's like, ah, this doesn't seem blocked block Damn you gotta charge your jewel Adam. Yeah, I got a almost unplugged the record

Charges stupid vape pen in the middle, which will kill you which good by the way the way dogs ball dogs have fake balls The vape will kill you a pipe smokers. I want to die anyway The way pipe smokers actually live longer than everybody else. Oh, I bet you smoke. Do you pipe out? Oh Nick Nick. Yeah, Nick just bought a pipe, but he's been smoking pipe pipe smoking culture Nick Mm-hmm. Oh, are you okay in here? It's gonna smell like Nick's good. I remember the pipe you smoked in Chinatown in that window this room was like a cherry smell That's pretty good and it smelled like damn. My man is poking up right now, dude

Damn, you're really ripping that shit. You don't inhale. You just it's like a cigar You just do it for the flavor for the flavor, dude Hmm Majestic Don't Blow smoke don't blow that in my face. This will counteract the cancer you're getting from your vape pen. Yeah, it's not The vape will kill you. It's not cancer. It's that it explodes right and blows your head up No, they're people are getting some weird mystery disease now. Damn. That's oh shit

Well, can't wait. You should just not smoke anything, bro Are you guys gonna be at least a little bit satisfied die first? Yeah, of course. Thanks. Of course try this It's nice. I'll give it a I'll give it a toke. Yeah, you just but don't inhale it Yeah, you pull on it like a like you're trying to drink a milkshake Damn that actually is nice dude, it's I'm telling you I like that more than cigars I used to smoke cigars because I got back. Oh pipe tobacco is dry tobacco So it's like that literally I kind of like this dude. It's nice. I'm telling you am I about to be a pipe guy It seems yeah, it does but I tell you I put on like TV and I smoke in the apartment

I don't give a shit damn because it smells nice smells better. It does smell nice Yeah, I would smoke a little fat mild cigars because I like them But that's like a little oak ear of a little bit of a taste I think I'm gonna get back into who could you'd like when I was yeah, yeah smoking a pipe is great I sit here and I like I watched damn side. Yeah, I'm shocked at how much I enjoyed that little toke It takes like it takes like, you know fucking 20 minutes to smoke a whole bowl. That's nice And by the end you're like so relaxed Fuck it gives you like a body high am I about to be a pipe guy too. Don't be a pipe

I'm shocked at how nice that was dude Shut up dude. You fucking smoke mango vapes and shit. They're not mango. They're mint flavored the mint flavored jewel Everything too is like you can just I put this down or go out by itself and pick it back up Yeah, like, you know, there's not smoke coming off of it. Yeah, that is nice. They're great No, I'm gonna I'm gonna buy like a huge Damn, that's not that was my word the thing I did not like about cigars the aftertaste this tastes genuinely like pleasant On my mouth really nice. Yeah, what is it like woody? Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of sweet. I mean, there's a good little chocolatey. Yeah Which you know, I fuck with yeah, and not in an artificial way

I mean they taste nice you have them with a coffee. You just sit drink coffee smoke your pipe It's just and it's at the end of the day. It's fucking great, dude. You get a book. I'm about to go to Greece I kind of want to I'm just gonna become pipe Bobby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you what I you sit around you gain six seven hundred pounds And you you smoke the pipe you smoke it. Okay every single fucking day I'll tell you why it's great. My man needs a vice, dude. Yeah Oh, he doesn't eat enough food. He's trying to get off food He's trying to wean himself off food with cigars. It ended up each both. Yeah, that's me with jewel

I was like, I was trying to stop cigarettes and now I just do both you do both. Yeah, when I'm drunk He had smoked ciggy. Damn That sucks, dude. Um, and it's just if you notice this the pipe holder is the dog that Dasha stole from Japan What what we talk about how's the Pacific Northwest was good, I had a nice thank you Did you go for a hike? I did go for a hike. I had a beautiful time I love it out there, man. It's not the summertime in Portland is beautiful, dude I got a hotel fall in in Portland is cool when it's not raining. Yeah, that's the problem

It rains like every day there though, but dude, there's like a three month window where that shit is beautiful. Yeah I just yeah, I'm trying to go back to Ireland I can't go to Portland because it's the antifa you were going to pipe tour of Ireland Honestly, sort of dude. We should just go do an Ireland grease and then uh, yeah, I guess the bank we should My family Chase is that's a new york institution. We're not from there as you might have guessed

We should just do like a week where it's a vacate like why don't we just go on random ass vacations Mm-hmm. No, that's expensive. Whatever dude. You already bought a house. We still need to buy house. That's true My house is in greak town though, so it's affordable. Yeah, you could buy a greak town house right now cash, dude The house across the streets for sale. How much the brownstone 1.3? That's not bad. It's not bad Shit in the story it goes to like 1.8. Uh, I think it's three. Yeah, that's not bad Damn, dude, the story is for a two unit was like and it was a piece of shit was like 1.6 Also brown stones brown stones the tax assessments fucking six percent. Yeah property taxes are okay in new york for a brownstone Yeah, I mean if you had like an apartment or whatever it's like assessed at like 40 percent. Yeah, jesus

Damn, yeah Yeah, that would be sick. That would be incredible. Just going over there smoking my pipe. Where's the rent? You boys got the rent or what like it's the 15 All right, I'm going home. Oh fuck. I have to pay rent. You can send me over to get the rent from them Yeah, you love that. It's one of my inherent skills that I was born into Yep, your class Your class of guy Yeah, my classic guy

So what else? Uh, yeah, I stayed in a hotel. Yeah, uh in la for one night and I stayed there because there was a pool And I like went downstairs with like my swimsuit. No shirt and like flip flops Or like and a towel and I get there and it's just a fucking vagus dj club Oh, yeah, and it's just everyone's fucking jacked and like like on blow and stuff And I was like in the middle of the day and I was like I couldn't even go fucking swimming There's a pool like that in New Orleans where I went on acid one time two years ago And I was just looking to chill and we went early as shit and it just as the trip went kept going up It just kept getting more and more packed and there was like ladies with their titties out and there was just like

Jacked guys and like, uh, it was too much When I see a titty i'm not prepared for on acid, dude It's so hard not to stare at tits when you're on drugs, dude when you're not on drugs is hard not to stare at tits That's a good point. Yeah down at the rockaways is it's titty season, dude girls don't wear tops there Interesting I went down there, but I went to the Jacob Reese beach. Yeah That's the normal. That's the no, no, it's yeah. Well in Jacob Reese. It's like there are some titties No, there are some titties out and if you walk down to fortilda, it's just titty central. It was families. This is it's families Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's yeah, it's family. Adam goes non-traditional families pervert beach the snicker

I go I go out to see I go out to see how far out I can swim into the ocean before the lifeguard y'all That's titties for me. Mmm. I saw That smoking my pipe smoking your pipe somehow 60 feet out of the water I so I can't wear my glasses obviously if I'm like at the beach swimming and stuff So I saw there was this dude that walked past us and he had you looked at his cock He was like he had the perfect body and I was like I was like I think my friend that I was with was like look at that guy He's got a fucking perfect body And then this girl walks past us like 10 minutes later and she's like I think

Polynesian or something But she had maybe the best the best breasts I've ever seen in my entire life Oh, yeah, I know the absolute best, but I didn't have my glass. Yeah, I know her I didn't have my glasses on so like we've met she went for a swim and so I I went oh, she went she went for a swim. I went for a swim to respectfully just you know see Respectfully and then the in another life that you followed a nude woman into the ocean to look at her 10 I just didn't have my glasses. You would absolutely be on those flight. I didn't have my glasses You were fucking absolutely the kind of guy that was shut up. Jeffrey's got it. Jeffrey's got a plane

Oh, it was just sex with 14 year olds. Well to be fair Woody Allen in his movies talks about fucking 16 year olds Yeah, that's Adam. She was 17 In it. No Not in Manhattan. His friend is bragging. He's like. Oh, yeah. He's like max. They were 16. Anyway, let me finish the story So I get into the water and then like I jump under a wave and you put a little tag No, I turned around and then the guy with the perfect body. She has like her legs wrapped around them They're basically fucking in the water. I'm like, okay. That's exactly like how you just told the story about Me and that girl. No, it wasn't you. Yeah, it was this it was this dude that I

I I've I he might have had like a 20 pack of abs. I've never seen anyone look like that Damn, yeah, but it definitely felt incredibly. Were you more jealous of her or of him? Of for what for his body or her just say Were you more jealous of her or of him? I was jealous of him For being able to Fuck to have a beautiful girlfriend. I almost had you with a Jedi mind trick. No, it didn't work on me Yeah, we got a couple of Jedi's coming Oh

Listen, Nick, I'm trying to navigate single life right now. Okay. Yeah, this happens. I look at no, it didn't Have it a couple weeks ago and it was you know, there were breasts all around me So you're so the way you were trying to navigate it was by I just what I didn't have my swimming into her. I was gonna go into the water anyway, and I didn't have my glass Oh, I'm sorry. I don't have my glass I didn't have my glass Ma'am, I'm sorry. I've sucked on your daughter's tits I don't have my glazes. She was clearly of age. I was looking for my friend Jeffy's plane

I was trying to get on Jeffy's plane. I would not ride that plane. She was of age You would have ridden the plane. I wouldn't have been on the plane You would have been on the plane Damn, I'm kind of like the fact that that guy did not fuck with the Joker is crazy Everyone thinks that James Holmes Nick has a bit about it. No, I know but that's news to me that he's not a Joker. I didn't know that until I didn't know that I didn't know that either. But I mean, it's like that's wild Why the hair you can't I mean if you're like a fucking presumably you run a goddamn magazine

Yeah, no, she should know that of course somebody's like, oh, yeah, by the way I mean even it like as any as anybody you should just be like, oh, fuck. I didn't know that That's the way out of that. I'd be like, oh, damn really? Wow, that's great. That's fucking crazy. Everyone thought that I know everyone thought that but it's not being like, uh This is but you're shut up. You're trolling me. Stop trolling me. Just shut up. Rusky. Yeah Oh Turn your location on I bet it says from the Kremlin. Sorry. I gotta go feed yogurt to my daughter who said Trump raped her I said Trump's killing democracy. What is it? Was that dumb things?

I don't know. Oh, is she one of those people that she turned to her daughter She turned me and said mommy is America dying What you know only inauguration or something It's like shut up. No, she didn't bitch. Yeah, that didn't happen That didn't happen. Maybe your daughter thinks she's the Joker. Yeah. No, that claire jefford tweets. Fucking great I'm walking in phoenix is my favorite actor. I want to see it, but it's yeah, no the people are upset people are upset about it Because he's representation for incels or whatever which is so what's so funny about like a lot of representation arguments Is that like everybody should like initially it's like everybody should be able to see themselves reflected in media and it's like good

Yeah, that makes sense. But now it's like except the people I don't like they should not have anything There should not be which is like the argument that fucking like those incels were made in five years ago Yeah, can you not make shinlers list because it's representation for nazis? I guess I don't know. Is that the argument? I mean if you if you're seriously arguing that like oh the joker movie is dangerous because like the people that will identify it with it Like there should not be entertainment for guys that are like, you know faggots Hot topic. I wish I wish people respected me for acting like a little loose. Yeah, exactly Yeah for being a mentally ill psycho. Yeah

You know the girls don't like me. Yeah, it's just it's more than it's like why the fuck are we making another fucking joker movie? Shit is stupid. Well, I thought it's mainly it's yeah I mean who is really for is for people that have been consuming nothing but baby movies for the last 15 years to feel like they're growing up Yeah, well, yeah, right. I feel like this is a real movie. It's supposed to be like king of comedy Well, yeah king of comedy. Yeah, it's even got the king of comedy and taxi driver or both like Explicit like in for sure movie, but it's like just go watch those movies exactly. That's what I don't get why are we watching? Why are you making a shitty version of two better movies? Because I'll go see it because it's got my comic books. No, I think I don't like comic books. I watch all that shit on the plane

I watched the the end game on the plane. Yeah, I mean Joaquin agreed to do it because he wanted to do a character That's not black or white, but you're somewhere in the gray shades of gray And it's like is that what he said that shouldn't be a challenge. Is that what he said? Yeah, right? Wait, I mean all actors in real life. All actors Are fucking dumb ass comic book. I know that's not there's no fucking nuance. I recently rewatched the whole point of the fucking characters He's just a dumb ass evil guy with no why the fuck do we need to know where the Joker fucking came from? That is so stupid. I recently rewatched the movie. He made with Casey Affleck. I'm still here I'm not there or whatever funny because the frame room is like, oh, it's a field comedian

They went crazy and he's a criminal, but it's like it would make more sense if he was a failed actor Like uh, there's millions of failed comedians. They just walk dogs. They don't They don't have any ability to destroy the city. Is the creek in the movie? Yeah Yeah, he's at the creek freaking out at the 4 p.m. Mike. It ends with him interning at legion of skanks It ends with him getting him and his all of his friends taking turns having stomach cancer and doing each other's benefits Yeah, they're go fun me That's no fuck. Yeah, that's how the real Joker. It's Todd Phillips, right?

Mm-hmm. That's weird. It'd be great. I mean, I'm interested in it. Have you ever seen this creek? Have you ever seen his first film? I thought maybe I do fucking crimes Just how easily you could not get mugged by them Open hand slap them. I want to see new york burn I'm sorry. I thought it was free slurpy day Okay Yeah, I haven't eaten. I'd haven't had a sandwich in a week

I don't know. Sometimes I think some of those creek guys could be mass shooters if they didn't find a home In comedy. No, because they would have done that instead. Like it's like You fail out of being the Joker into becoming a comedian. Yes If that was never in the cards for you, then you're like, well, maybe I'm the maybe I'm the guy that laughs it all off You know, it's like, no, you're not that either Yeah, you're just a fucking abject loser. Yeah, you're sorry man. You got horrible cards. Yeah, you suck Just go find a woman that's mentally in the correct way that deals with you and having a fucking shitty child Maybe be a good father

Maybe recycle Just leave the world at a net zero. It doesn't have to be a positive. Yeah. Just don't do any harm zero That's all that's all it's a win. Oh, yeah Get fucked up off beers all the time. Who cares man? I'm getting fucked up off beers I tell you there's one thing I love it's getting fucked up off fucked up off off beers Doing beer getting fucked up off it Um, what were we talking about the Joker? Did you ever see Todd Phillips first movie the gg island documentary? No It it rocks. Um, who's excited about india pakistan

The are they going to war? Uh, yeah, I'm soon sick. Yeah, are they got nukes too? Yeah, both of them sick wait for real. Is that happening? Yeah, that is so metal that it's been a threat for a while. I know didn't it like six months ago something popped off Well, it's been years. It's been like an issue now. Yeah, I mean now it's like They just got Ronnie james d.o. So now they're ready to go like step it up do some metal shit drop some nukes That would be so fucking gay dude. If there was nuclear war, it would be really good. Yeah That would suck Fuck it's now. I wouldn't care if they nuked each other. Yeah, who gives a shit that would fuck up the whole world

I mean a little bit And then who knows maybe aren't there they could end all you can't you have to be careful about like Where you're getting your fucking samosas for like yeah, that's true What are you talking about who's to say somebody doesn't just slip a fucking nuke? It's on the other side to take us out. It's on the other side of the planet Well, somebody might sneak a nuke. No, it'll be bad for the rest of the world. Yeah, like Bangladesh will get fall out America once that sucks. Nepal would be fine No, man, once once nukes start flying someone will fucking say we have nukes in our arsenal that can end the world, right?

Sure, like a million. They don't have those, right? We have more than anybody. They don't have those though. I have no idea They got pussy ass nukes, right? No, I bet you they could fuck some shit. They got her Hiroshima style. I don't know if they have a thermonuclear Which are like those the big ones. Yeah, they're more rushes guys. They're multi-stage like missiles that are bombs bombs or missiles and fucking It's like not because of the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Those are both like Uh, fission bombs. Mm-hmm, and then the hydrogen bomb which was invented a decade later It uses a fission reaction to create a fusion reaction and a fusion reaction like it's like fucking completely fuck shit up

Yeah, it's like 15 like like I don't know. Yeah, just look at age bomb videos. Is that what they have? Well, in india and pakistan, I don't know. I don't know enough about that. That would suck arsenal But russia has some six, you know, russia will fuck that's satan two missile. It's called satan. It's called satan That rocks that is a great name. It can destroy all of texas It's like on impact. Yeah, and we have no way of stopping it. We got to send them girlfriends Do we have shit we could do to them? Yeah, we have I think I don't know I guess it's probably what still the minute man two was the last after after like the arms race stopped like development went more into

uh, like atmospheric bombs like that gayest bomb of all time And uh, you know that kind of shit daisy cutters Yeah, bunker busters Dude, we got to send india and pakistan girlfriends so they don't go to chill out. Yeah Get them some pussy. Let's get listen if they all get girl. That's how we get if you make only fans girls veterans That's how we get that's how we stop this. We got a sense every girl with the only fans Yeah, you need to get 10 in the vehicle and it needs to be sucking them all off. Yeah, just send them Jack you jacking off

Didn't come out. Mia Khalifa made like three thousand dollars. Yeah, the mini man three is the only one we have in service Russia's gonna fuck us dude. There's only seven million dollars each Really? Yeah, I could buy one dude. I mean not right now. Yeah. No, it would be cool if the second one Yeah, he's on a seven million dollar. How would you even get it in the sky? It's all itself contained. It's a fucking as long as you have a bomb as long as you have a silo Do you have a missile? It's an intercontinental ballistic missile ICBM, dude, yeah We'll launch that shit. He's fucking paper straws. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah

That shit's limper than your dick right now, brother. Right now it is ready because I'm with guys with a moment's notice I really hope some nukes don't get because once a nuke is out there, bro. Yeah shit changing. It is the scariest thing on earth That we can end it. I guess it's because we only have like sub-launched missiles now. That's where like development went But yeah, I mean, I don't I don't fuck this is shit that I would like read about when I was like 11. Yeah, you know And I thought it was awesome. Yeah Oh, yeah, you like weapons. Yeah Did you like that show with that guy from a full metal jacket? Snaff who?

Wasn't it like it was like on TLC or something. Yeah, mail call. There's a mail call mail call. Yeah Yeah With Arleigh Irmi Arleigh Irmi heads up faggot. We got new missiles. We're talking about today But was he in this ain't ancient aliens. Oh, no, he was Like, okay, Arleigh, we're gonna have you scale it back a bit. No slurs, army. Yeah, you could shout Still I'm gonna cut off your ass and fuck it in front of your son You don't write in and tell us what your favorite episode was RIP to the legend. Yeah, he was awesome. Yeah, he died in the last year. Yeah, I love stories like that

Like fucking Kubrick was like, yeah, we need a guy to consult on like what drill sergeants are like and then just like oh just being Yeah, yeah, you just do it. You wrong. Yeah That he spent like years just in fucking, I don't know. Where is it? Paris Island or whatever the fuck those guys go I don't know to do Marine kindergarten yelling at them. Yeah. Yeah, that's just easy. Yeah, I call it kindergarten. Oh, you didn't yeah, baby I thought it's by San Diego. Isn't that where the Marines are? I don't know man, whatever. I think you go to Paris Island

Sounds French. Yeah, it's in France. No I always said it was weird that they trained the Marines in France, but Yeah, they teach them the art of seduction. That's right Dropping suck my penis cadet dropping eat my ass out Paris Island Is that in Texas Paris, Texas? That's the place, isn't it? Yeah Where is Paris Island? Who's that random little ass city where they have like one Gucci store or something?

Uh, yeah, it's in north I don't forget that place called Yeah, people like to go do Instagrams there. Yeah, yeah I Don't know. Yeah, Paris Island, huh? South Carolina Oh, it's an SC. Damn. I wish I had gone to boot camp and then quit. It seems like it would have been fun To be there for how long just to say fuck you to the drill sergeant. No, not even I would do all the work and stuff It would be fun. Why would you quit then? Uh, because being in the military is gay. Yeah

Yeah That is true. That sounds like a really like a huge Can you just quit I thought don't you sign a contract or some shit? Oh, yeah, you can't just quit You have to get medically discharged for being psycho. Yeah You just keep watching the fucking You just keep watching suicide squad over and over again. Yeah, just the parts with fucking Jared Leto, dude Yeah Until they discharge you weren't there

He only had like five minutes of screen time and people got mad about it. He got mad about it. People didn't give a shit No, I think people were like spent three years in like the meat like feeding stories of the media about how he's eating his own Like turds Crazy he was Yeah, he's in the movie for one scene You know being like, I'm gonna shock your dick All right, Peter Heath. Yeah the true joker They should just let every actor who wants to play the joke at this point. I think that should be like taking the tarot as twitter accounts

Shouts out dude, that's ingenious They take figured out a way to not only basically do what fuck Jerry does but like you do it for them You just log in and just tweet your best tweets on their account It kind of makes me sad sometimes how excited some people are. Yeah, some people are like probably call their parents. Yeah Make sure to follow me on my regular account and then just the number doesn't move. Yeah 12 people follow mom dad. I'm doing unpaid work for a tig tarot Comedians suck dude. Yeah, I know. Comedians suck. It is so pathetic. It's yes. It honestly does make me sad Yeah, it's a bummer. I am so much happier as a guy that does nothing

At all Yeah I mean Being on I love being on the road shit and like I started the more shows and I'm trying to write Yeah, but it sucks. I love being working. Oh doing the show sucks, but being on the road is great. Yeah I mean, I yeah, I miss that. I miss being in hotels. I miss fucking like acting like a dickhead in the hotel Yeah, yeah, yeah in the airport. I like acting like a fucking child once you're in an airport Yeah, there's no rules, brother. I'm eating checks mix for breakfast. Yeah, I'm having beef jerky and Oreos McDonald's. Yeah

The Hudson news Yeah, is it still running? Oh, it's still running. It's all right. Oh, it's still running Oh, it's still I'm gonna be joking. I'm gonna take a shit. I'm gonna have sex with a man with a guy Hi, this is Paul Geomani I'm the Joker Does everybody want to hear a joke Yeah, just Vin Diesel is the Joker. I would love to see that. That's my problem with the Joker

He hasn't really done anything about it. It's about a clown family Because we're a clown family There should be a latino Joker This is the entire cast of Fast and Furious getting out of one car Damn, I want Michelle Roger. He gets to be mean to me while I have sex with her. Is she a lesbian? Probably She seems she's got lessee vibes. She's at least bi You probably have to be a real alpha to have sex with her. You're a real alpha. You gotta be like Dominic Torino. That's right Who beat the guy who killed lady what why'd he go to jail? He beat up a guy who killed his dad or something

Yeah, some guy like he clipped his dad's car fish tailed his car while racing and he pummeled him with a wrench He's like this is what he looks like now. He's a mental retard He's retarded damn you should go to jail, man Yeah, that's still not my dad's car I still drive his car That's just saying he made him retarded like him that is a really that's like a

Days of Thunder about a You know like about a he's the best. He's already got the helmet too Days of Thunder. Yeah, if you make like a a movie where it's like you find out that this guy's a retard is the best driver There is Mmm, Robert Duvall coaching him. You have to coach him. Yeah It's not about that son. You can have the cookies. You just got to finish the race first There'll be plenty of cookies to eat as soon as the race is over. You got to calm down Go slow

Some training montage. Look, I'm telling you Spocky you're twisting the audio is wrong I've been doing this a long time Is Tom Cruise like the best driver Robert Duvall really selling that? Yeah, dude as a mentor to a retard Tom Cruise is the best driver, but he drives california style No, he's he's a with fries in the burrito stories. He's an indie racer And he can never become famous because he's not an andretta or whatever So he gets into now. He just switches to nascar, right? Because he's like which seems he's gonna make a name for myself. Yeah. Yeah

I'm tired of not being cool That's that's the movie where you met Michael Oh, yeah I'm pretended to have sex with her. It's a car racing boy I want you to race that car into my ass You want it? Why don't you get in that car and drive it into my ass? Hell yeah, dude Yeah, I was laughing pretty hard imagining an aggressively gay Michael Rooker the other day

Yeah, why don't you fuck me in my ass, Jew boy? Is miss sippy burning? Mm-hmm, uh-huh That's a good the shit, huh? Your officers are in the kkk and they're going around forcing people to fuck them in the ass Let me tell you something. This is miss sippy. We don't need a federal government coming down here and telling anybody how to live their life That would be awesome, dude Yeah, I just forcing sippy burning, but it's a budget like a secret gay society. Yeah, yeah

That's forcing forcing civil rights workers and disautomizing them. Yep To get topped by them. Yeah I'm gonna do that, dude. Those boys caused this problem themselves coming down here Listen, I'm from a little town like this. I used to get fucked in my ass every day They come down here with a big juicy norlin cocks You know, you want to know why I moved away from miss sippy? Everybody kept wanting me to fuck them in the ass But you ain't from around here no more you a city slicker like the rest of

God damn it. Fuck me in my ass Come here circle ups Why don't you come here and smooths me on the lips says smooths me on the cock circle ups God damn it. I'm a baby. God damn it. I'm a baby I'm a big tits. I'm a fucking big tits baby I forgot about that I laugh about that shit all the time This is based on a baby with giant tits. That's one of the best. My tits are so goddamn swollen

Ah damn Oh Shit well well folks. Yeah Why don't you come out and see us at funny mom's Let's use it funny mom's funny mom's is come down come dot town to check to see if shirts are restocked The last shipment got fucked up. Oh, that sucks. And so I'm waiting on that to eventually show up But the shirts will be re-stocked soon as well as new designs and now that I got some free time I can sit down and draw some show you this month funny mom's is the 16th 23rd and 30th

So we were off this Monday and next Monday. We're off again, but then it's the last three Mondays of the month Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And uh, that's it. Bye