The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 172 – Dark Alliance

Episode Date: September 11, 2019

With stav gone and all of my fat friends in the hospital, we attempt a dangerous formula

Mother fuckery Mother fuck Mother fuck a ration Stav is in Greece. Yeah, the fat man is gone big big boy big boy Billy I'm a fat man big boy Billy Sunday's gone So now we're gonna try and do this classic style classic classic style. I guess this isn't this isn't classic. Oh, this is the The do with the dark alliance. This is the dark alliance. This is We're gonna bring it back to us being completely broke walking around Chinatown after you've asked me to come to lunch

Yeah, and we couldn't settle on a restaurant for about an hour and a half. Yeah of walking around Yeah, and then Nick finally says let's just go to this fucking place and it happens to be Just the absolute worst place we could have lunch That's right. That is the the Nick system for finding a place to eat. You know what it works It's if it ain't broke, don't fix it That's what I always say So what's up, man? There's like, yeah, you've got a tumor at the base of your

The base of your spine. Oh, it's gonna kill you like hey look if it ain't broke Don't think I like no we should operate and take that out before it grows like doc I've been on this earth a long time. I think you're 21 years old. You've been having a I ideations Recently, what do you mean been fixating on death a lot? Oh, no, I'm just fucking tired and bored life's gay Yeah, what's so boring? It is boring when you haven't had a job for four years. Yeah, it is really boring. Yeah Yeah, it's like I guess I'll sit down and learn the NATO alphabet

I know that what is that? What's the NATO alpha like Alfa Bravo Charlie Delta? Oh, is it called the NATO alpha faggot Golf Homo in the other soul Lima. I thought it's all Greek. It's faggot a Greek letter Yeah, it's not the Greek alphabet. It's the NATO. Okay. Oh, yeah They don't have the same right. I know I'm stupid, of course out alphabeta Gamma gamma Delta Gamma would be the you're already fucked up Gamma is see alphabeta Charlie Delta Okay, alphabeta Charlie Delta Echo Foxtrot India

Hij we're doing a clips show right now of The audience's favorite bits we've ever done the alphabet the alphabet bit Oh, yeah, people have been clamoring for that one to come back. I didn't realize that was a thing already said We've done that we did that I think for about 30 minutes on an episode the dirty 30. That's what we called it We got a poor one out for your old for your boy, dude from Fox News red eye John Bolton out of a job I think that was the last time I did that show because they don't tell you who's gonna be there until it's like You're on the way there Because that show would get progressively worse. I mean, I can't I can't recall how many times

Did you do it probably like three or four? Uh-huh? I can't recall exactly who is the first I just tweeted at them I was like put me on the show and so I didn't have any I remember that and then they were like, okay And I was like what? Turn up to newscorp. No, I had no I had no TV credits at the time nothing And I had no followers how many times how many times you do this would you say like three or four three or four Yeah, something like that and then the first time I was on I forget who I was on with but it was like Joe and no such in ski and then like cut fells

No, got fell wasn't there. Oh, you know, it's like the usual mix of like we've got Gavin McInnes and like the guy that writes or movie reviews for fucking You know, I don't know Then they did the but the buttoned up gentlemen This is it. They can serve the Yale ease You know like those fucking guys. Yeah, like libertarians and then like I war criminals Yeah, Ivy League libertarian. Well, no, John. It was there were no war criminals the first couple of times

And the last time I went there like ambassador John Bolton is going to be here who if you remember correctly He couldn't be confirmed by Congress. Yeah, so he was just a temporary ambassador Yeah, and they but they kept calling him ambassador while he was there. He was UN ambassador, right? Yeah, and it was like You know, it's like this Is this a comet is this funny you lived in a in a windowless box With no mattress. Yeah, and then it's like, you know, and then he just sits there. He's not even saying anything bad It's all just like I'm just Josh and you it's like the nice just as befuddled moron Did they write bits for him? No, they don't write bits for anybody

there's like writers for the show, but they writers that come up with the prompts and And and I had no idea because like I fucking I was going back to the green room one time and this guy comes up to me And he was like, hey, what's up, dude? I'm one of the writers for the show. I was like, what? Mm-hmm What do you mean? What are you right? Yeah, I don't what do you they don't is there a monologue at the beginning? I Think so they need to bring back Fox News, right? I shaloo has those also before I really had too many I think I'd only written for one show at the time. I didn't realize that every show has 15 people that sit in a room. They're like, what if What if in this episode that we do the title? Mm-hmm, and then you know, John walks out and he's like, hey, everybody

How's it going? Oh, good. Let's put that in the script Like everything has they have a staff. It's just a snacks room. Yeah. No, there is always a snacks room. Damn. I've gotten fat It's in writers rooms. Oh, yeah, I Was talking to Jamel about writing for ridiculousness. Yeah, which is so funny because that's like it's like Tosh point Oh for like, yeah, I know I've never seen the show But that that as a job being a ridiculousness writer sort of being put into this like career purgatory Yeah, yeah, where you're like, oh, thank God. I made it, you know, it's literally out my balls from idiocracy the show Yeah, well, it's like I don't know what they pay, but it's you know, you're not rolling in it, obviously

Yeah, I think Hampton was head writer for a while and ridiculousness. Anyway, but I don't want to I mean I asked I do know it's like some specifics of like What the compensation is or whatever? But it's like very much a thing where it'll like it'll keep your head above water financially Oh, and then I don't think they fire anyone you have a place to go You can just you can can you can stay there for a decade. Oh, yeah, it is and it's like whoops It's a purgatory. Yeah, it's like whoops. I was supposed to like I guess I did have a career. I'm 45 now Yeah, yeah, right and I've been writing jokes for Rob Dierdek

To respond to someone injuring their penis exactly Yeah, I know and it's like oh whoops I've ruined my ability to be funny or relevant because I've been doing like I Was asking Jamel about it and he said assembly line comedy for He said they really let him Take some responsibility. He he wrote most of the jokes for the machine gun Kelly episode. Yeah of ridiculousness And I told him to put that in his Twitter bio. I think he added it Sorry guys, I'm a little sick right now. We're having a little seasonal Seasonal

Cold epidemic here in New York Nick and I are both on our phones and we don't have stopped to tell us No, I have I'm not I have something specific. Oh, I know what you're doing. Um, I've got I'm settled now So anyway, we got this Joker movie coming out. What are we gonna get a Is it unplugged no, it's fine, what are we gonna get a female identifying or non-binary Joker? That's my question Harley Quinn No, no, no, I think the Joker's role a joke ass a joke ass I was thinking the other day. They never came over the name for female barbers. Oh Hair dresser. No a hairdresser is either gender and it's who gay men and women go see to get their hair cut

I go to a hairdresser. Yeah, so a man goes to a barber no matter what And then the hairdresser is like if you're like, I'm gonna go see my hairdresser It's the same thing is going to be a barber. Just your game The gender is received It's not imposed upon. Yes, the doing party A bar, but legally speaking a bar bet. Yeah, that's why people say the woman that cuts my hair Yeah, which is it seems so impersonal and rude. I feel like referring to your wife as the woman that sucks my dick Well, yeah, the woman that sucks my dick was telling me earlier that

Pearl Jam's gonna They're thinking about doing a reunion to who's that? Oh, yeah Oh, that's I just the other day. I was having conversation with the woman that sucks my dick and she she Had an interesting story about the new Joe's Crab Shack. Uh-huh down on route five Apparently they sing happy birthday to you even if it's not your birthday. Oh my god. It's a fun trick Yeah, I got actually I got my mind me. I got to make an appointment with the that bitch Do you take the bitch who cuts my hair? Do you nickmall and take Veronica to be the woman who sucks your dick? Let me tight. I'd love to marry Veronica. Just a hot bitch from Archie. Oh, I was thinking Veronica Vaughn from Billy Madison

One of my first crushes. Yeah Pete Sampras's wife Veronica's are hot. It's a hot name. It is a hot name I will never name my fucking daughter Veronica. Why I don't want no slut living in my house Oh slut. I'm gonna give her an ugly name. Yeah, like Mildred or something Mildred except that would turn that would just That would turn them into a slut. She would just be like a fucking bush wick Cigarettes and pussy out on the fire. She go by Millie. Yeah, and she starts up and dig at 13. Go by Mildred She could not wait to put her name Mildred in her tender profile She would become one of those tank top girls joy division tattoo on her pussy with with the

EKG thing. Yeah Whatever that shit is Joy division was Nazi adjacent They kind of had some like Nazi image. Well, the joy division was a was a Nazi Brigade or something What do you mean is it the the joy division that was like a German military in World War two Yeah, I don't know and then Ian Curtis was kind of like I think the one way like my dick was telling Something about that the last time I went to this year And when I went to go see the the man who

Knew too much and do you Veronica take Nick to be the man who beats your ass The man who blows your back out I would love to be that married to a Veronica. I just wear a wife beater Outside in the street in Brooklyn and walking around like a chicken. You peaked at 16 opening up the fire hydrants for Hey, there you go Hey, there you go. That's it for you. Okay Veronica is so much hotter than you but you still managed to cheat on her, right? Yeah, my entire body is made out of just forearm air

We're in lots of jewelry Very sweaty We can be those guys right now. We don't need our Veronica's to do that Yeah, I don't know the right posture for it my posture like You can tell you know That I am not enjoying my life. I Can't be I see pictures of myself and I'm shocked by how bad my posture is. Yeah

Disgusting, it's not that bad. Oh, I thought my neck just cranes downwards. Maybe see you. Yeah. Yeah, I look terrible. What do you think the Fat Man is doing on on that beach? In Santorini right now cheating on his wife Oh god, yeah, it's been a funny shift. That's what you go to Greece to do is to cheat To see, you know, he was injured last summer and you're he hurt his foot. You hurt your brain Yeah, and I think we've seen a shift the last couple months for to us being the two dark princes the show and stop being the Yeah, yeah, that's definitely well adjusted. Nothing's changed for me. No, I mean, that's it. I think it's more like stop it Yeah, last year you felt like shit and now this year you still feel You feel like less shit. I'll say that that's true

We'll say you went from like I want to die to like I want to die Yeah, I want to say it plainly. You know what I was screaming because it's mixed with feelings of this is the benefit of being 30 now It's like damn. I'm trying to smoke pot, which I won't do. I have like four Oreos and that's enough You'll get me on my blood sugar hitting Like I've done something you'll feel like you did like a couple rails all the veins around my eyes will start throb Your heart will start just exploding watch five minutes of wrongfully accused I'm just gonna eat myself to sleep at 8 p.m. Oh god. I hate this shit man. What? Just how weak we've become. Oh, no, I'm not weak. I'm still pretty strong physically

No, you're weak in four cookies could make you feel that way. Oh, oh, yeah No, it is nice that you don't like you can maintain physical strength You just get injured easier, but the strength itself Doesn't really disappear. Oh, no, if anything, it gets you get stronger. Yeah, kind of like an old, you know, old man's strength Old man's strength the power to be raped and get over it Women would love to have that kind of didn't you set us that screech out of like from chatter bait of like an old man with like a Like an insanely long white beard That has zero viewers

He's just masturbating Nobody watching But he's jacked. Yeah. No, he wasn't jacked. He had like a potbelly. Oh, no, I thought he was jacked. No, he's just still beating off It's just like all day long You finally got high speed internet, so yeah, that's what like imagine having to help that guy geek squad Like I need my computer my computer is not working What do I use it for? To go to racist websites, I think it's a beat off for no one on chatter. Yeah

I'm looking at trains on racist websites. Oh My god, that's so funny. Yeah Yeah, I think I feel like I you know, I found some things to occupy myself with but I need I need more hobbies I think what are you trying to get into? You should smoke a pipe man. I like it. I'm not with that shit Then why I don't know it just doesn't fit my aesthetic. It doesn't doesn't fit anyone's aesthetic No, I think for you like with the beard you look like I see captain. Yeah, but I'm not a sea captain Yeah, but it fits with a general I'm a gamer. I'm a video gameist. Mm-hmm. I'm a guy that plays video games professionally

Well, you're not professionally but professional video game player sports Can you play online on we I'm the number one e-sports athlete. Do they call themselves athletes? It is on like ESPN. It was already a push to call them sports and now they're calling themselves athletes also. Are they? Yeah, I Don't know about that, but I know that it is covered on on like the ESPN Secondary station. Yes, PP What happened to the world's strongest man competition? They still have those do you remember? They also used to have like there's a guy there's a guy that would come to my gym that like Would train for strong man

And so you come in and then you'd like just pick up this giant ridiculous dumbbell That only he had like that was his workout Like you just pick it up and walk ten paces and pick it up and like do like one-arm snatches with like a fucking 150 pound dumbbell or whatever dude. I used to watch that all the time like a like the The grip on it was like fucking the diameter was like Three and a half inches. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember they used to have like Irish? Like Celtic sports like there was like one where they they like wear the skirts

And then they would like they'd have like that huge tree trunk. They'd have to like flip it or something No, that sounds dumb. It was pretty dumb. Yeah, and then they had axe competitions, too They'd play the original Scottish version of darts where there's no board It's just you face off against your opponent. You threw darts at each other. Yeah You get a bullseye if you got the dart directly into the penis hole Of the other as you as the darts pierced your skin. Oh, no, your dick becomes hard That's horrible. And then you get a bullseye by getting the dart directly into Your opponent oh

Man, that's Scotland. That's what they do in Scotland. I Hear it's pretty cool over there. Yeah, who told you that? Um, orphan Annie. I think maybe in Scottish. Maybe Amber told me it was cool over there. Yeah, after they went on tour there Yeah, she was just an Ireland. Is she back now? She's back. We should have gotten her back in the mix Uh, yeah, I asked her what she was doing and she's in the East Village having a lunch with a friend Can you imagine what?

Going to lunch going to lunch with a friend. Yeah, it seems pretty dumb to me pathetic Yeah, what's next fucking holding hands in the bathroom, Amber? Well, you and your you and your friend gonna go into the bathroom and just list genders at each other holding hands. Oh My god Pathetic. Yeah, what is Bernie Sanders going to drop out of the race and endorse Elizabeth Warren? Liz, I don't think he's going to Queen Liz That's what that's what everyone's waiting for. I think the only way to stop Donald Trump is with another boring woman. I think um Elizabeth Warren's a woman who's who is definitely more progressive than Hillary Clinton, but in a way that's

So marginal that it doesn't matter to the vast majority of people Well, it's just such a cucked way It's like I believe in reforming the broken system instead of like changing a broken system It's like, oh, we'll just make new rules that will definitely not be overturned by a right-wing supreme court You know what I'd vote for is the black guy from Twisted Metal whose arms are tires. Oh Yeah, yeah, those kind of a rip off of Jack's I think yeah Why what about a Jack's I tried to work on a bit about it how video games the black guys aren't they never even get to have their arms What's up brother my name is boom box and my brain is a stereo

I Can't just be a black I used to be some sort of cyborg where they replaced his legs with fucking basketball Yeah, it has to be like a black guy from some sort of failed government experiments. Yeah, right They're like, what if we tried to breathe the mistake with slaves was not Turning part of them into a VCR So that they don't have rights Yeah, be like your honor, of course, it's not yes. He may be part human, but he's mostly fucking

clock radio He can still talk in jive. He's got a bunch of wires. Yeah He's got a that's the other thing too is like both Jack's and the guy whose arms are giant wheels They both have like high-top fades, right? It's like They're still at the barber. Jack's makes sense But how the fuck are you getting those wheels through the door of the bar right you need like some sort of garage door There's no way Cedric's coming all the way out to the fucking nuclear wasteland That was a great character to clean up that guy's face talking about how Donald Trump's a good president. Yeah, I love that

Yeah, the contrarian old black man. Yeah, that's one of the characters in the new twisted metal is O Contrarian And he's a black man that he drives his car. He drives this Lincoln town car And he's like a matter of fact for the simple fact the simple fact was that's when you hit the horn button He does matter of fact simple fact was the fact that it is simple fact of the fact of the matter is The fact the fact the fact the fact the matter is

O Contrarian O Contrarian. I like that. Yeah What's going on in the phone? Brandon Brandon is failing at letting the fucking dog walker into my house. I don't even ask him to fucking walk the dog He just can't do it He just doesn't have the ability to let somebody in the house Well, I'll tell you what pay attention here for a second because I got it. Also, I'll say this I bought new jeans and then Brandon went to the same store and bought the same pair of jeans I'll tell you what what are the letters P and V mean to you pussy and vagina penis and vagina also penis and vagina

What about PVWW? It's penis vagina in the beginning of websites name. Yeah, well the first two letters It actually stands for pit viper worldwide. Oh, I don't know that you know what that is. No, no idea Well, it's something to do with snakes. Yes, it's a sunglasses next time you think about penis and vagina Web worldwide web. I think a pit viper worldwide, which is a new sunglasses company Out of probably California. I think that's who they got a lot of some there. Yeah No, it's a new sunglasses company and they just they they want you to they're disrupting the sunglass market There is it's a disruptive sunglass. Oakley is like literally shitting their pants right now

Yeah, well Oakley they Oakley's kind of had a downturn for years and in 2009 There was a YouTube video where a man with Down syndrome showed off his Oakley sunglasses collection And that was sort of the beginning of the end for them. Yeah when they realized oh shit This isn't just first responder glasses. Yeah, these aren't tacked. They're actually last responder The slowest response the slowest Not even respond Yeah, you want to get on the on the penis and vagina pit viper worldwide sunglass Mm-hmm at pit viper sunglasses calm pit viper was found on a simple principle sunglasses that can take a beating

You know, that's one of my biggest complaints about the woman that sucks my dick Her sunglasses keep breaking sunglasses keep breaking which is ironic because the only reason she has them on is She's got those big black eyes. Yeah, yeah, because you already told her twice Yeah, in the spring of 2012 founder Chuck Mumford of Mumford and sons. No way. Yeah, it was it's from the same family I'm the same family. Is it one of the sons or is it actually Mumford, but it's the one. It's like Yeah, he thinks it's the big heart attack I'm coming Elizabeth. Oh, it's that mom. I didn't realize it was that was the same guy Yeah, Mumford and sons. I thought it was just some gay Irish guy. No, you know that Mumford song. They're traveling

They are the Teton mountains Teton mountains like the Grand Teton Teton Teton Mountains for a ski touring adventure Sunglasses being a very important part of touring trips. Chuck had his current high-end sport sunglasses in tow Which quickly broke and left him looking for more So as you broke his this motherfucker is on top of a mountain Chuck Mumford talking about come on, man I got my glasses up here and then they broke either. I'm coming and they broke so he started developing pit vipers in the spring of 2012 once the You know the snow thawed as a rugged product that could be shot sat on shoved in pockets run over and mostly maintain their son and win bucking ability. So these are actually bulletproof glasses and

You can put them on and have your friend fire a gun That's no, that's a guarantee that's guaranteed. You can it's a guarantee Yeah, from a distance as close as six inches. Yeah, not by us, of course by the brand and yeah Speaking I've never guaranteed anything in my life. I would never guarantee anything It's not the way I live my life. Yeah, so don't take my word for it. Take your self's word for Shooting yourself in the face while wearing pit vipers not less than six inches You could injure and you know as you know, it's like not this isn't just for people in the military A lot of people listen to show or at risk of killing themselves

You know, you may want to kill yourself as long as you got your pit vipers sunglasses on there's an extra opportunity You go you hear the gun go off. Mm-hmm. You put the gun to your head. You hear it go off And you say I'm ready to you commit to doing it and then the bullet ricochets off goes in the other room and destroys your PlayStation 4 You said you say I've been given a new lease on life I can't like thank you pit vipers and glasses I can finally appreciate living and then you walk out in the living room and the ps4 is destroyed and you're like, okay now Now I gotta die and then you kill yourself for real and that's the pit viper promise. Mm-hmm. So Chuck Chuck had his high-end sport glass. Oh, yeah, those broke

So through the spring the tests were successful and it was time to give them some attitude being an accomplished artist Just Chuck began painting the PV. Oh, he's an artist. He's an accomplished artist. Okay, not a regular bullshit You know, not just like anyone not like your daughter Madeline or whatever that sits on a fire escape in Williamsburg. It just has fucking dicks Raised up through the slats on a cherry picker. That's not art. Madeline. That's not art. You dumb bitch get a real job Yeah, I go to Pratt for fucking HPV I go to Pratt for getting HPV I'm getting my masters in being raped at the new school. I'm getting my yeah, I'm getting come

I'm getting my MF MFA HPV. I'm doing a new project where I fill my entire apartment with come That's not bad where it's kind of subversive Yeah, so I've been crawling in through the vents because they come is already up past the windows mission impossible style like Yeah, it's sort of like the movie blank check but instead of money It's what if a woman just had unlimited calm just fucking open the doors to her pussy like a blank check And said let's see. Let's see how much trouble we can get into here Anyway, so Chuck began painting the PV's to match his extreme lifestyle and they looked damn good Wait painting the actual sunglasses. Yeah, he was painting the vibe. What are they Python Viper?

Yeah, Python something now pit viper sunglasses calm? But I'm lying is that pit vipers may look like the most incredible thing in Decades Debtated. Is that how I said it? Yeah, it's dictates, but they are also highly functional sunglasses Oh, please which are low functioning sunglasses. Yeah, they're for people that are 80 IQ and below 80 IQ and below Let me ask you this if you're having peanut butter in every single one of your meals for the day You might need some oak leaves get get oak leaves Yeah, if you're if you're if you're a menu for the entire day is looking like 8 a.m. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich

noon Maybe a peanut butter cookie Dinner time a butterscotch candy Mm-hmm with a side of peanut butter. Yeah, it may be time for you to get some oak leaves the glasses Glasses for retarded people T.m. Oh check them over looks pretty cool, dude Is it one of them on the sand for the sun guys? It is it is the it is the old Anyways, it's the father bottom line is that pit fibers may look like the most incredible thing in decades They're also highly functional sunglasses. There are the optimal blend of style and performance

Mm-hmm like James Bond It's important to keep the fun alive and a pit viper. We are striving to our part if you haven't figured out yet We were very serious about not taking ourselves too seriously love our product want to stands for But but but they got a military design three adjustment points for the perfect fit solar protection Optimal optimal peripheral vision They have a product guarantee where they will replace the pit vipers, but you have to send the video of you breaking them Which it's a reenactment video so you can get that they have a guarantee that if they break They'll fix them as long as you have access to final cut pro and the

$3,000 iMac to shoot a video and edit it. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I'm looking at their website right now They have not only do they have sunglasses. They have party apparel party apparel just close for like oh, they got a belt With you can fit a six pack of beer in the belt. Yeah, that looks pretty good Yeah, and it's on sale from $438 and now it's $18. Yeah Anyway, yeah, go to pit viper calm and Or pit viper sunglasses calm and check them out get you some sunglasses get yourself some apparel and you can use promo code Hold on. I don't think they didn't even send

It's kind of like a Hulk Hogan aesthetic Or like a riffraff the rapper Come six nine is the promo code for a 20% oh So CUM six nine 20% off. That's a hefty chunk of change. That's fucking good That's probably the best deal we've ever That is the best deal. I think it is the best deal we've ever offered and you know, I love deals. Oh, yeah, Adam loves deals and Yeah, so yeah comes six nine CUM or case CUM six nine At pit viper sunglasses calm go check them out and then yeah, there's apparel stuff. Mm-hmm. I'm not forgetting something

I don't think so. Yeah, it looks like they have ties. Yeah, they have scrunchies Scrunchies remember that you for your bitch remember girls that suck dick. Oh, yeah, they love scrunchies I remember them. Yeah, they got to get the hair out of their face. You got to get the hair out of their face And I got a I got to kill myself Any day now buddy any day look at this I didn't even clean up Scrabble Well, it looks like your Scrabble game has been cleaned. Yeah Clean your clock. Don't forget to clean your clock. What does that mean? It's a punch someone in the face. No and clean their clock. I think so

That seems weird. It sounds like suck their dick Yeah, yeah, like to polish their yeah knob. No, there was a guy who was like Who's like damn? I'd love to clean that guy's clock And then his like you want to go bro his friends who don't know that he's gay came over there like what you want to do What he's like, oh, you know, I mean, it's not Fuck mess this guy up for how gay he looks. Yeah, you know, I'd like to clean this clock You ever heard that so then you just spent his life beating up gay guys He's beat up gay not living his truth and he's like thank God that that clock thing. Thank God. I was able to

Make up that thing to hide say that clock I find the fact that boy. I'd love to lick that guy's cock. Hey mark. What'd you say? I say clean his clock. You know, give him a Go one two across the the sweet chin the chin music. Oh Yeah, sweet chin music. Uh, what's his name Shawn Michaels? You never watch wrestling Nick. I mean a little bit. I mean, no, I didn't you're right. I Never watch wrestling. I mean, I would watch SmackDown occasionally. I

Used to watch it, but I would watch you PN for a while was my favorite that work Mm-hmm We've gone into this the black era of you PN the Star Trek era Yeah, well, I mean they always had fucking Voyager or whatever These lightning none of my lightning cables work anymore That's the you may have a pocket lint in your no, I tried cleaning it out Make it some electronics cleaner or something and give it a give it a spray and see what I can do I'll be nice to our project. So I get that new iPhone with the three cameras

Well, I was seeing today online people are complaining that they have a there's some sort of phobia of three things a Tryptophobia or something. Why? It looks like a spider's eyes And they said that it was triggering for them to look at that iPhone if you have that you should kill yourself You should absolutely kill yourself. It's not we're not going to hear from those people. That's not a legit They're multiple people a lot of them are hot girls saying it and Girls don't I thought this was I thought it was lame that I heard a couple I can't have first of all, they're all going to buy the phone They will all have that because they want they love taking pictures of themselves not gonna fucking, you know

Like double back. Oh, yeah, we're gonna cancel production of the new iPhone because we're scaring because it's scary It's scary for some people with this thing to hide women. Yeah, right? Triggle and phone something Now, let me tell you something. All right, uh-huh, and you better you better listen up I'm listening. This is Bill Maher's fucking shut up corner. Go off. If you got if you're one of these fucking people Mm-hmm that you know, maybe you should fucking kill yourself New rule, maybe if you got maybe you should yeah, not you should but maybe yeah, it's a suggestion If you're Donald Trump, maybe you should kill yourself Yeah, I wonder who's you know, you know, he's also afraid of the Donald Trump. You want to be like him?

With trip to what the fuck is now I got to look this up. It's tryptophobia or something Tryptophobia something like that. It was trending. Oh Yeah, oh my god triple What is it? Look at this you click on it says the following may contain sensitive material I saw that it's a picture of the new iPhone. It's it's triggering Nick It's triggering for people that are afraid of three three things This is not real. There's no way this is real It's real dude

Multiple people said it maybe five people said it tribut you're you're afraid of things that come in threes You know, it's so funny is because it's like it's like all these people just hate comedy or whatever But comedy is you know the rule of threes of course So it's like how you build a joke now these people are like it you found you've now found the retarded identity subset It's literally antithetical to the concept of jokes. How do they look at a traffic light? I don't know. How do they do anything? How do they leave their homes? Three camera hot pumpkin princess Eva Is that the hot girl that's three cameras on the new five iPhone actually triggers my trip of phobia

I can't have people walking around with those cameras every day. I Thought it was pretty lame for them to say that but then I saw that hot that one hot girl. So yeah, let me ask you this Mm-hmm Can you do I got I got three inches to my trigger you Yeah, but the three inches is of one dick. I think if you had three dicks I have three dicks. You're three testicles. Maybe it looks like that my dick my three dicks It looks like the like the bottom of a microscope Like the lens exactly. How do they use the fucking?

Not a electron the other one Whatever the fuck it's called Microscope phobia I Mean, it's like am I just old? I'm old now Yeah, if you're fucking if you're 20 years old. Are you hearing this? You're like, yeah, of course, of course They're afraid of the off course get over Of course, you're afraid of the iPhone the kids are afraid of the iPhone. They're listening to Billy

Billy Einlish. Yeah, who's spooky? She's she's a spooky girl There's a dumb ass take I saw in social media people are like I could just some video or just wings or she's in hell or something That's spooky people are like, I'm like legit afraid of this new generation It's like why for what for what for Billy? Eilish Would remember we had scary things. Yeah, we had death Eminem had a song about killing his wife Yeah, there was Norwegian black metal The band would eat each other's brains. Yeah, that actually happened. Yeah Billy Eilish is just some boring fucking. She's just some girl from LA that wears like Fox racing shirts. Yeah, I

Love this crackhead aesthetic That's really taken over. Yeah, you know what I'm saying I don't know. Yeah, the only thing that feels nice is that sooner rather than later. Those people will be old Yeah, I'll be even older Dude, I used to go to and then they get stuck in that weird weird middle area where you're old So you don't get to be cool anymore, but you're not old enough to be racist yet, right? We're at that point. I will I'll be like what 80 and Boy, wait, do you hear the things that I whisper to my fucking waitresses?

Wait Until you until you get a load of the things on my mind What I have to say about the guy that cut me off because you're gonna have some thoughts. Yeah, you know at circuit city They didn't used to let these guys in here Or that's not true. I'm also 80 and that's not true. Yeah, I remember a second city, sir I sir, it was just a regular big box store. We're both 80 years old I I remember the the 2010s. It was not the way you just not at all. Yep That there was a dame for every fella back then and if that dame did too many fellas

They killed her mm-hmm. They fucking chopped her up and fed her to Chinese pigs Sir that's not how it was now all the dames or fellas and all the fellas Well, whatever yeah, however that goes Yeah, you remember the 2010s the good old days, you know when men could be men They could be a Afraid of iPhones anyway, what are you doing reading all these tweets and getting mad? Yeah, I've deleted that previous tweet. Many people are upset by trap of trypophobia My sincere apology. They say the ocean is calming according to Andy Dufresne. The Pacific has no memories. What?

Shawshank needs a trypophobia trigger warning Trip, but how do all these fucking bad where did this come from? I Want to I want to post on Twitter that chick from Total recall and say this is triggering my trypophobia. Yeah I'm gonna post that right now with the bitch with three tits. Yeah. Yeah That's free to Triggering people on trip now this Or the fear of a regular clusters of small holes. Oh

It's not three things. What is it? It's a fear of an irregular cluster of small holes Wait, does this bitch actually have three tits? That's what I was saying because it looks like spider eyes. Oh That's so it's three holes That's a real thing too, dude, trypophobia is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association Yeah, it's made up. Of course. However a subreddit on the phenomenon a mass 60k subscribers over the past seven years Of course it is. Okay. Well, there's fucking subreddits that are like, you know, I've I beat off on mailboxes 10 million There's 800,000 people that subscribe. Uh-huh. They're like guys bad news the subreddits coming to a close because someone threatened to rape

Serena will and it's I've been with this community since the beginning and this isn't what we're about This is not these people are my life force This is a beautiful supportive community posting on here about the thought of coming on a mailbox And that's where it all began. But I think about everything this community has produced All of the memes that we shared together Well, so it's three holes, it's not just Three things. Yeah, well, it's a regularly crop clustered small holes So it's you know, we know what you know what it's from is there was like a manga called holes

Like fucking 20 years ago and it was like an image that would go around like the Internet three pussies No, it was like a woman that would develop these weird small holes on like it was a disease where you get these small like holes on your Body they kind of look like the the holes that a bot fly leaves and then there's bot fly Popular bot fly videos are gross. It's a fucking parasite that like burrows into your skin And it looks like a well one centimeter hole when they extract it was like lay eggs or something the egg. Yeah, the larval Yeah, like of the larval stage of it is I mean, it's fucking disgusting and it's like because that's become like This guy doing this to his wife, it's partially out Oh, it's removing it

Got it. Yeah Oh, this is like a super cut Like a cum shot Yeah, it's fucking disgusting man, it's just but like bugs that collect shit into your skin And then you have this giant pimple with this fucking like yeah, look at the size of these things. Oh my god That's definitely a community people that like watching massive pimples being popped. That's you know, that's a show now doctor pimple popper What the fuck is it? Yeah, it's just a show about this like Asian lady dermatologist That just pops the world's biggest like pimples and like, you know like

Boils and growth Oh, fuck that shit dude, look at that. Oh That's fucking gross, bro. Yeah Honestly, fuck Africa Is that from Africa? I don't know. I didn't even look into it. I just Assumed sorry Africa that was not on you. I apologize. That one could be the Amazon. Yeah, we don't have to believe it And if it's the Amazon, I'm glad it's being burned on because then people get mad. They're like that's racist and it's like I didn't say africans No, it's just that it's a biodiverse continent. Yeah, they have a lot of different animals and insects

You shouldn't know like when Trump has said that Nigeria is a shithole or whatever. Uh-huh. It's like you can't say that That's racist. He could just be talking about the place He's saying like the bugs and stuff the bugs It's good books folks all of the bugs You can't get mad at him He said that today about the Bahamas that just right after they got wiped out by the The hurricane he was like they got really bad drug dealers really bad criminals gangsters You get criminal gangsters I was just somebody described Grand Theft Auto 3 to him and he's like oh that that must be what's going on down there. Oh my god, I

Saw and where do these motherfuckers live? It's not telling me Those bugs. Yeah, dermatobia Uh-huh It's also known as the torso lower American warble fly Oh, it's American as Paris. Well, hold on now. It might just be called that no chance that no Nick There you go. The species is native to the Americas from southeastern Mexico. So it's not Nice Oh, you got build out right at the end of that sentence right at the end of that sentence

And the Africa of North America Africa exactly Exactly, and that's not racist to say because he's talking about the bugs. I'm talking about the bugs Which is the relationship that Africa which I assumed the bot fly was from Remedies you put petroleum jelly over the whole And then they suffocate suffocates it. Okay, and then it just stays in there dead It's pretty nasty This is disgusting. Yeah, um, so I guess that's what people are thinking of when they see the uh, The new iPhone, you know, and I tell you what you can bet on that

What do you mean you could bet on you can take a bet on that you can take that one all the way You bet like what your friend or the way I bet like at a sports You bet that all take that one all the way to the The sports book to the book to the book now when I hear the term sports book I hear the word book and that's triggering for me. Yeah, because I don't I don't know how to read I don't know how to gamble baby. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm I think books are I'll tell you what gay and offensive now that we got the new football season coming up It's time to know it's it's football time, dude

It's time to start gambling and it's time to start gambling at my bookie dot com We had see we had week one bookie my bookie my bookie Whose bookie is it my bookie? No, it's my book. It's your book. It's your way. Well, it's my book Well, it's my bookie calm and where are we betting? My book, you know, where are we betting though on the sports book? But whose bookie is it? Nick's bookie my bookie. It's my bookie But I'm telling you where do we gamble at my bookie dot com and whose book is it? My bookie. No, it's your book. It's my bookie

This is a classic who's on first. What's that? It's a comedy bit written by racists where two guys try to decide which Chinese player to draft on their fantasy team At my bookie dot com they offer a Chinese only fantasy. Chinese people don't even play baseball That's the thing that bothered me about the Japanese. Yeah, the day they should have chosen some Japanese Yeah, the sketch should be called osaku is on first. That would have made more sense. And then yeah, and then castello is like Okay, and then it's like no, I'm telling you. Osaku is on first Then Abigail as I heard you the first time He's like, aren't you gonna ask me who osaku is and they're like you's already said

I'm guessing it's the first name is osaku. They're like, no, he's the the runner that's on first. Okay. You could have confused Yeah, I guess that's the confusion. That's the other person that it could have been Yeah, they're like, I'm telling you or maybe the coach the first base coach. Yeah. No, osaku is on first Okay, so it's the runner. Yeah He doesn't want to get tagged. It's like my name is mori mori sashu And you say I can't tell you all you fucking idiots look the same to me Oh, okay, then it goes in that direction. Yeah, okay So he's confused because they all look the same all you fucking baseball players look the same not because the names sound like you're saying the word

no It's all these chap all these. Okay. Okay. I can't tell the difference between baseball players It would be confusing if you couldn't tell the difference. You know, like who's on first and you're like, no, his name's osaki Who's a chinese name you fucking racist? Right. Yeah, so it's not racist, but this person is legitimately being honest about their inability to differentiate between japanese baseball players And they are just I It's a new season antonio brown is on the race. No, he's not he left. He's on the patriot

Delbeckham is on is on the cleveland. He's still on the cleveland. That is true And they lost and the one thing that hasn't changed where i'm putting my money down on all the games That's never changed. We've always I've always I've used my booky. I love losing money Gambling make never make money, but then again, I'm not the kind of guy that research his things I'm not in it to win. Actually. The loss is something that has some sort of psychosexual effect I gamble and I imagine myself as philip seamer hoffman in heart eight As that guy. Okay, and I think what a performance What a just what a powerful the first pc anison feature. What a powerful performance and then I lose all my money

And I say wow, what a what a performance But it reminds you of that great reminds me of that movie and an artist So it's worth it an artist who gave everything to his craft. Yep, including his own life and his own life I just like all philip seamer hoffman do was act and then ride his bike around the west village So you could see how fat his legs are those pictures were pretty fun It's so funny, dude. He's got from the knee down. He's the craft mac and cheese dinosaur That's why they always put him in pants in the movies. Yeah, no, he's got some tree trunks He had some he had some fat boys. Yeah as star we call them powerful haunches

Yeah Now I really want to look at his legs who stops or philip seamer hoffman philip seamer Well, you can look at his legs at my bookie calm It's the place to bet on football every weekend and to see pictures of philip seamer hoffman's Bloated let imagine how much worse they were when they found him Yeah, was it from some sort of Drug abuse shooting into his legs. You think so? Yeah, maybe I don't know because he didn't want to track marks Yeah, let's look at he did look kind of cool riding a bike

You look cool smoking a stick, you know, he doesn't look good to himself And that's why he has that expression in the picture. Oh, he doesn't look happy. Yeah, he doesn't look happy at all Yeah Don't take a picture of me I don't want I don't want my fucking picture. Look at this one. He's smoking a stick and riding a bike. That's cool I don't want my picture taken I can't do him. He's weird. He's got like three different voices Yeah, they change you're good at the boogie nights one

I'm fucking sorry, man That one. Yeah, like the one where he's almost about to cry because you just try to kiss mark wall. Oh, this one's great What's that? Good picture. Oh god. Yeah. Oh, it's poor children orphaned Yeah, he ate them before he died like a spider. He did. What does heroin do to your appetite? Um, I don't know for him It looks like it made him much fatter I think junkies get bloated right heroin junkies the friends that I had that did heroin that didn't die Eventually all had that kind of look with his legs, but it was isn't their arms

They had these like sort of muppet arms Like they had like huge. Yeah, like cookie monsters fat fat hands fingers. Yeah, like a fat like flipper almost That's kind of cool. Yeah, where you just you know You have that look My boogie dot com my boogie dot com I would only recommend the service to to my listeners. It's been good to me You know, and they've been great to you. That's true. They've been so good to me They've they were there for you when you needed them. They've been really good to me. Okay. I can say that 100%

They've been uh, some of the best. It's a beautiful company. I go there every weekend I go into the office and they say, oh look is so beautiful to us. You know, you're beautiful to me and we have a great time My boogie is the place to bet on football every weekend They have better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period That's a that's a guarantee this year. Man, that is a great sense My boogie has better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period. That's cool. It sounds Italian Yeah, I love that sounds Italian to me. Yeah, it's an Italian style sentence an Italian style sentence My boogie has better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period

If someone said that to me, I would believe them. I would believe them 1 million percent This year they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest first place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000 and only cost $100 All you got to do is pick five NFL games against the spread every week to climb the leaderboard and score your share of the Huge cash prize pool. That's why my boogie is always the right play. You bet you win. They pay you bet Not to be confused not to be confused with any other sports book website This is a unique slogan They have put so much time into thinking of how to differentiate themselves with a slogan that sounds nothing like listen

You said it maybe five seconds ago. I cannot remember what you just no one has any idea. It is it is it is so Who gives a shit who cares who cares? It's a sports book website. They're great My boogie has live in-game betting on any every NFL game They've got the most rewarding player perks in the business and for you fantasy guys out there You can even bet the over under on how many fantasy points a player would score each game So that's getting into derivatives trading. Mm-hmm, which as many people know is great for the economy Oh, yeah, every time you go to my boogie.com. You're buying a school teacher a home You're paying off their mortgage by manipulating the economy in a way that benefits them

I heard that I overheard it's a benevolent service. I went to Cox funeral and I overheard this Cox funeral. Yeah, what is that? The Koch brothers. Oh Ed Koch the dual funeral. Was it Ed or was it David? It was David coke. Yeah Ed was the former mayor of New York the home the closeted homosexual man. Don't vote for a homo vote for Cuomo Which I always love Oh, what a fucking an unofficial campaign slogan. I don't think it was ever on any t-shirts It was an official campaign slogan

And it's like To use your own name to insult someone else, right? Right because because probably he'd been called Cuomo the homo his entire life entire life And he really got ahead of that by calling his opponent the real homo. Yeah Yeah, it'd be like if you're you're running your name is f a g o t Right, right when you're like vote for Faggot not faggot

Yeah, you know two t's Yeah, but your fact a different word. It's a different. Um, it's it is a different word. Yeah, it's a different one over here But Cuomo means homo in Italian. I learned that uh from was it cnn? Really, I don't know. I don't know anymore. Anyways, uh, up to a thousand dollars first deposit bonus You can double your first deposit If you use promo code come to activate the offer Every time I can't believe

Yeah, not nothing else just come just You have to activate the offer. I can't believe So get on that website put the word come into it Just go ahead and put come in there into the website Just just right come and then visit my book you online today. That's my b o o k i e And don't forget to use promo code come when creating your account to claim the bonus bet win get paid my book Yeah, let's look at see more Hoffman again a little bit here Is this his wife?

Yeah, his wife was cute. She was cute, dude. Yeah I mean, he was massively fat and a junkie, but he was he wasn't a bad-looking guy Yeah, I remember like I remember watching maybe it was before the devil knows you're dead. I don't know It's a great movie somebody that opens with Sydney Lumet that opens with like a sex scene with him And I was watching with some holes Yeah, one of them holes. Yeah, just some girl And uh, I was like looking at him. I'm like fuck that must suck

Like I'm like, I hope I never like to just become that size Right, you know, just have to be a fat piece of shit fucking and then she was like, I don't know I'd fuck him I'm like, well, I didn't ask you that girls would fuck anyone I know and then she was like, I think it's a big secret of the world. She was like, I think he's hot or whatever And I was like, really? I mean like that looks like painful to live that like you're just you're struggling to breathe It's always through your nose Yeah, you know, yeah, you got a loud nose. He can't he can't properly wipe his ass can't wipe his ass You know, dude, I was in an uber with like a 600 pound driver in LA

Yeah, and he was so fat he couldn't wipe his ass properly. Did he tell you that? It's just like the whole thing. No, just the car Hey, how you doing, man? It's going on. Yeah. No, my name's Carlos and I can't wipe my ass. It's crazy No, he was like a like a clearly like a community theater guy and like, you know, somewhere in rural massachusetts And he went to go follow his dreams. Oh Just got massively fat You get the car and he's like gentleman Man, he was definitely. Yeah. I mean, he had that eagerness of like a guy that's in like You know regional theater. No, I don't know what you're talking about. Just a guy that's really excited about cast bonding

And like, oh, we go real wild at the cast party after the ubers in LA are wild They are because here it's like, you know, Coco Coco Nuguale, you know, and like They're silent. It's not a word. And maybe they have a phone call that's like It's like another guy speaking r2d2 And then but you go to LA and they just like fucking they're like, well, I was born in 1970 in t-t-Tex, t-s-u-c-c and then I came over here and And worked in the industry for a little bit and then I was a waiter and then I got married

My wife was murdered by some asian people that I owe money to down in a little real estate problem I had in little tokyo Uh-huh And then I've been driving for a while now and last year I was sodomized by a passenger and contracted the hiv virus so That's but luckily there's a cure now a lot of people don't know that and that's you're like, can I get a different guy? I can't you know, just good. Can I ride with a nong kibule again? Whatever his name is some, you know, I don't want I don't want to have to hear all this Yeah, it's too you get too much narrative out there. Yeah, stop and I have a lady. It's always it's always so much like

Exposition that you feel required to respond to You know, it's like they're not just saying they're not like nice weather today. It's like my sister was raped they're like I'm so sorry It's that that sounds awful. That sounds terrible. I'm trying to get to culver city. Yeah Anyways, the weather, huh? Yeah, it's real nice out here in california. Yeah, no, I'm from uh, russia I'm from Moscow russia

From the jails there Yeah, I just got in from the jail in russia Yeah So i'm sorry you're having problems Yeah, sob and I had a lady who's like this like hispanic lady in l.a. And she was like, yeah, I mean like as a woman it is difficult because like men are like very aggressive with me and I had this guy I was dropping him off at a hotel and he was cute. I would say he was cute and we got there He was drunk and we got there and she said well, we will you know

Well, you want to come up to my room and I had to say no and I would and you know because I do have a boyfriend And then stuff is like how'd you meet your boyfriend? She was like, oh, I was driving him in my car So it's like not she doesn't not fuck the You know, right? Yeah, she's she's just a ready fucked one. You know, yeah, which kind of rules honestly. Yeah Um, she was a she was an attractive 40 something I will say I got picked up by a lady in l.a. That was like a lift driver and like she was one of those like Flower child like was a slide. You know 40 years ago. Yeah Like prayer crystal ladies. Yeah, and uh, she's like just you know, whatever you got to do to stay positive

I'm like I'm keeping you in my thoughts and I'm like bringing you good vibes So like thanks for riding in my car in my car. We have a positive outlook and all this shit or whatever And it's like I just want to go home and kill myself. Please don't Please don't try to be nice to me Another sad thing is is that She's way more depressed than you. Oh, probably. Yeah, you know, she's just trying to fuck passengers She's trying to get she's just trying to catch some dick at her job

Yeah, she's just trying to get fucked by a passenger And I'm not having it And Max Rosenblum who's connected to Philip Seymour Hoffman's accused drug dealers going back to jail You see wasn't that guy a comic in dc? Uh, I mean, I'm sure there's somebody with that name. Yeah, is the guy who's act was like Yeah, I'm Jewish Uh, yeah, I guess it's similar to my eyes. This is some hipster that uh Who killed Philip Seymour while he sold on the dope

Oh Mac Miller's drug dealer just went to jail Um Really what that's stupid Well, if you sell like a hot bag, I don't know if it was a hot bag I think it was fentanyl with the Hoffman thing I think um happens with heroin addicts is they stop for a while and then they try to do it again And they don't realize they're like they fuck up their dosages because the tolerances have changed

Mac Miller had it was like fentanyl and coke. Yeah. Yeah Yeah What fentanyl mix with coke? Yeah Why do people why are they doing that that's fucked you kill your customers. Yeah Um, I think they do it because it's cheap. Yeah, and uh But fentanyl and get people really high like in the coke It's like isn't it obvious that you're not because it's a downer mix with an upper. Yeah. Yeah, it's scary shit, man

Yeah, I mean they should I they're probably testing kits, you know, you could buy and then that shit that you What's happening is is the global elites are taking drugs back What do you mean? Well, they knew with Epstein's arrest in 2009. They're like fine. You won't let us fuck kids anymore Guess what? We're gonna poison all of the we're taking heroin back We're gonna poison all of it so that only rich people have access to heroin and blow. Oh, so it's kind of a luxury Yeah, no. Yeah, so now they get all the good shit And then I guess fentanyl is like, you know, basically crack for white people Well opioids are cracked for white people now. Yeah, but fentanyl is like they're they're I mean

I think you can properly dose fentanyl. They're just gonna import it all from fucking china. Yeah, they're gonna blame it on china Well, they've been blaming it on mexico, but in reality, most of it comes from china. Yeah, it's like the africa and mexico debate with who has the worst bugs Exactly the classic question Who's responsible for the worst bugs? Yeah, I mean it really was unfair how they how they railroaded the president over those comments that were clearly just about the bugs The bugs situation

Folks he's talking about the stinky heat. They've got bad bugs. Yeah, everything smells. It's a stinky country filled with bugs He's not talking about the people or the culture. They're fine people. You know, I mean dc is a swamp Right, but the bugs bad bugs. So if he said dc is a shithole, particularly southeast dc Hmm, you would that's not a racist. I don't know. I don't know about that. It's just the anacostia is dirty Right, you know, I hear it's cleaned up a little bit. It's a dirty river and southeast is down, right? You know, I mean naturally it's going to carry all the bugs In disease from the river Over into the land and there's not racist reasons as to why that river is dirty

Right, you know There's no it's yeah You can't blame him. I really hope Joe Biden becomes president I think that's probably worse than if Trump gets president. Oh, yeah, Joe Biden is gone when he was gone 10 years ago Yeah, I mean, yeah, exactly. I mean he was caught plagiarizing like 30 years ago. Yeah Well, that doesn't matter to the chinese No, not at all plagiarism And that's who's you think the chinese are behind the biden campaign is all of these they're behind jeb bush

And so all these pollsters talking about, you know, how you win this group or that group You never hear about the chinese vote the 80 million chinese people to live in the united states You know, there's so many. How do you get their vote? There's a lot, dude It's something I think the last count is something like 450 million chinese people just in the united states Yeah, wow, I didn't even know that the the us population of asian's total Is something like 6.5 billion In the us in the us And no one talks about that no one talks about it

That's the world need to talk world population is about 8 million 6.5.5 billion of those people are in the us And then the total I think it's something like 97 of the population is asian Wow And then 50 of that is chinese And we're worth it. There are a lot more chinese than you think there's like mexican chinese. Yeah, there's black chinese It's a state of mind. It's yeah, exactly It's like gender. It's nobody, you know, it's fluid. It's an identity thing. Yeah, chinese exists on a spectrum Right, you know, it goes all the way from monkey to rat

With dragon being the apex, which one are you? I think i'm a really gay one. I think i'm bunny. Yeah It's rabbit rabbit. Was that 87 87. Yeah, i'm dragon. You're 88. Yeah dragon. That's the best one rules bruce lee Yeah, that's why that's why I was always falling into the chinese because I had a good year Yeah, I got a rabbit. I guess that's a horny one, right? They fuck a lot. Uh, not in chinese culture. No, they just They're eating There's no they're known for being killed and eaten. They're stoic for being turned inside out and hung in the windows at restaurant Yeah, yeah um

What was i gonna say whatever You don't know. No, I don't know I forgot I miss the fat man actually. Yeah, I miss him too. It's also I gotta we gotta get going here. I gotta get to I gotta get to the stand where i'm guest hosting stavbs fat tuesday show Which you renamed this week jewish tuesday should have been fat jews day. Well, that'll be yesterday Yeah, well that this was yesterday. So i'm giving you a recap on last about last night

Um, but it's certain to be a fun evening I gotta get to the post office before they fucking close. Oh, I hate going to the post office. It's the worst All right, we got funny moms this week coming up on monday Uh, let me check the day real quick nick Yeah, monday the 16th is the first funny moms of the month and then we'll be back the 23rd in the 30th Hope to see you there I will not be there on the 30th because I will be celebrating russia shana with my Mother and father keep a look out on cum dot town for new shirts

I haven't restocked things yet, but I got the shirts and I just gotta Inventory them and then those will be up for sale sooner rather than later And I'm sure stavis and tour dates you could check that out on bill burr.com. All right. Bye