The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep 174 – spinabifadiche

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

my back hurts so god damn bad

I Been getting into nice getting into soda That's why it's over. I'm this drinking remember a sprite Every six sprite you was like one and six you got a free sprite. I don't remember that I used to love looking under the cap. There was a lot of cap shit you would get Before the internet. Yeah now. It's like to win everything you have to put a code into the area. Fuck that. Yeah Yeah, go to the website shit. I'm not going to shit and the fucking qr

I'm giving the fucking you many guy eight bottle caps Yeah, I remember going with my dad to the hobby store so he could buy some bottle to put together while drunk Sprite hell yeah looking under the cap and winning no better feeling would you win? I remember I think I told this story before but I was upset that I won because I had entered a raffle for a shed You felt like all your luck was yes, yeah, I'm like god damn it now. I'm not gonna win that fucking shit How old were you? I don't know like eight you needed a shit That'd be cool in apartment for yourself. Yeah, you know how much you wanted a fucking like a tree house Yeah, just that vibe of like kids only. Yeah, just my rules. Yeah, my rules. Yeah

No one enters with a Z. Yeah, did you hide porn in the woods? No, we didn't have woods. Oh, yeah, you're a city kid. You didn't have we had desert You put what you put under a cactus. I get hit in the backyard Adam would like masturbate to the cactuses because they look like you've reminded him of something what in quite place it Yeah, remind me of what and then I don't he doesn't know the needles represented his His whatever his to fully embrace his his true desires. See I I would have thought that the needle on a cactus represented his dick on top of a Average to a slightly below average. Yes That's the ratio no

Represent that there's so many needles. Yeah, well, okay, so you wouldn't think one needle it happens to be your dick Yeah, just come on people don't think in those terms. Well, you do I don't think in those terms You just presented it in those terms. No, I was saying you did Why I wouldn't think that way. That's stupid. You were speculating that I did think that way I was saying with certainty that you do think that and I know it for a fact. Okay Well, I'll give you a look inside my mind. Damn. I love drinking soda What's your favorite right now? Well, I'm only drinking diet soda. I I found an artisanal like I think I even sent it to the group chat that like weird little root beer

It was like a diet root beer. I never liked root beer. I always thought root beer was gay. Why what it has the word beer Yeah, first of all, it has word beer in it. I don't know. I never actually you know what I did have I used to love Face little mug root beer face. Oh, yeah with the shit you put in the fucking freezer the water You ever get one of those mugs? No, no mug mug root beer the brand and barks was the other one Yeah, no, I I had a phase of like I think they were like novelty cups and I think they were a and w Yes, that was my absolute. There's liquid in the cup. That was my absolute. There's a ball like that This has liquid in the cup. Oh, I didn't know thin layer. Yeah, you put that in the freezer These are used for ice coffees. Nice. This was nice. This was a Dunkin Donuts promotion from seven years ago

It's got a whole graphic thing where you could go get your shit refilled for like half the price as long as you had the That's awesome souvenir cup. Now, that's respect look in the my budgeting system back Back in there a lot of that there those big-ass KFC ones Or pop dude, I remember when the KFC twisters came out those chicken wraps. I was like, I gotta go That you know what got me that way it's so fucking stupid and they weren't even good It was like there was there was just a Burger King chicken sandwich like yeah

This chicken sandwich shit happened you're like 15 years, but they sucked and we still went not the thing I love the Popeyes po boy never caught I've never had it Popeyes had a po boy for a week I think it both the chicken is a limited time thing. Yeah, and it was awesome. That sounds like I would love that Yeah, I love it. I was watching 9-eleven videos earlier today Popeyes po boys drinking soda that shit I could have won Fuck I would have loved the shed and you know if you had a shed you would have put out It would be like dirt a little window in the front. You just lean out of it. Mm-hmm You know you get your elbow coming out of that window. Oh, yeah, shut the door. You're in there people come by

They're like man that guy must be that kid must be so cool. That's a cool-ass kid He's you're imagining like this whole awesome setup with like a bunch of computers and screens and shit. No not even no No, no, it's just a single chair. Yeah, I don't remember having any plans for the shed other than really just to be in it Yeah, I would I was I would I think it was after I watched blank check So I thought I was gonna have like such cool shit in it just with no apps absolutely no money whatsoever No ability to even understand how a television is hooked up to anything. Yeah, but I that's all I wanted I wanted I wanted a secret fucking Like a layer in the basement. I remember you had a

Boxing ring that was like bouncy and he had huge like boxing gloves like like enormous boxing gloves And he fought his chauffeur that he hired with his one million dollars Damn, I wish there was a I want to see the deleted scene with it that lady sucks off that kid I didn't like that movie. Come on, dude. Yeah blank check was not for me. That's crazy Yeah, it was pure aspirational cinema and it was because it was on a VHS that I got from Mike like grandma's house It was blank check and Going to Mexico What's going to Mexico? I don't know another

Shmoovy that they would play on cable. I guess she would like tape movies off of cable But then budget Queen there'd always be two movies on each VHS the double feature. Yeah, I remember La Bamba and Garbo talks And I would watch the bottom like the bottom of Lou Diamond Phillips, right? Yeah as Richie Valens. Yeah, and I would never I would la la la la la Bamba. Please suck my dick. That was my favorite song when I was a kid Please fuck my ass me. I actually had I used to go to the Johnny Rockets with my parents and make them play La Bamba And I'd throw a tantrum if I didn't get La Bamba Why is that little girl crying? Yeah, Greta. No you We're talking about you. You're not talking about me. I thought you were talking about Adam Adam was just like Greta

When he was younger who go around the world giving him passion speeches about someone needs to fuck his ass This isn't fair I shouldn't be here not getting my ass Well, I think that just the confidence that it takes to give a speech to be celebrated Yeah, that's for a kid to stand up in front of adults That's first of all that I need to get my ass fucked. That's true. That's a precocious little kid Did anybody red it doesn't bother me like the Parkland kids? I thought the Parkland kids were all trying to get into like a good college Greta seems like she's very pure. I fuck with Greta. Yeah, I don't understand why people are mad at her

She's like autistic and like doesn't even English isn't even her first language. I don't even understand like why I mean It's like what the fuck does she have in for she's not a scientist She's just a she's just a child. She's like a kid activist. Yeah, but people know that climate like It's like it's not, you know, I don't give a fuck what nerds say dude They want to see what a little kid. Yeah from Sweden the fucked up little brain has to say this kid doesn't know shit about climate change They're showing up. They're like, oh, I'm the child and that's annoying to me Sorry, I'm gonna die a single video me neither I saw a video of a fat boy standing in front of her to protect her and it was pretty cool

Man also was she smiled every generation has their problem, right? Mm-hmm them. They all get to die in a fireball Us I've got gaming elbow Purple tunnel that is true. No, it's different. That's your risk. That's what you got that from typing love letters to Sailors no, I hand Dad for your fifth birthday you asked to go see the sailors come into port I Wanted to ink and quill and parchment show up with a big lollipop and blink at all the sailor Blink both eyes his eyebrows at the sailor

His eyelashes. Oh, you're gonna be so such a good gay guy Addy wants I lash extensions First birthday to go down to Coronado to blink at the sailors They make your eyes. They make my blue eyes pop. He wants a big lollipop and a dress I got gaming elbow, dude, I was been I I played I only got to play it for an hour I didn't realize that the open beta for modern warfare is like there was a cutoff today. Oh, no, but From what I played Sick, so you're not gonna die. Yeah, I guess not. I guess I'll spend the hundred dollars on the special operator

Prepaid of course, of course, so I can get a gun at like a fall camp tiger camo. Yes, you know on all my weapons Yes, you gotta have your little weapons look cute. Yeah Fucking tiger camo loadout Gun in the mouth. Can you make your guy look cute, too? They put girls in this game, too No, it's like I think if you want to be like realistic, you want to put girls in there Mm-hmm. It should be if you I think and this is gonna sound wrong, but go ahead. It's warfare, you know, it's unconventional Okay, I know where this is going You and a teammate may lay a female enemy both at the same time

She's held down and gang raped and then it adds Don't he's saying that it happens, you know, he's saying it happens in war It happens in war if there was a woman there like yeah, good for her. She's a badass chick There are dire consequences. Mm-hmm. I think do you think they you think so they rape most women in War if you would kill made both may lay the female player at the same time Gotcha. This isn't a thing where they're always dying that way. Most of the time. They're just being shot in the face or the pussy. Okay. Yeah, of course We're getting shot in the pussy that would be more damaging because you're it's an easier path inside your body That's true. You would have to shoot up into the pussy or what if you hit the strong

You're I think you have to go down on the ground and then shoot up. That's right. You sort of have to do a roll And that is you and then you have to be standing with her legs completely spread You'd have to get underneath and shoot into the her pussy. You'd have to do one of those slide maneuvers I'm like a John Woo movie. I guess that's the same could be said of a man's ass The asshole is a little bit more on the back That's what I'm saying. The pussy is more underneath. Should we be aiming at anyone's ass regardless of gender in war? All is fair and That's true. That's true. That's the name of

Some fucking poem or some shit. Yeah, I think so Some long ass fucking boring poem My friends have shown me a video yesterday of this lady in England. Nick's probably already seen it But this lady in England went to bed with yes gay porn went to bed with a migraine and then she she woke up Chinese Do we I brought that up like a year ago? Okay, I said it was fake. Oh, okay I don't remember anything we talk about. I can't believe people listen to this fucking show dude I feel like we just say the same things Yeah, probably

No, no, no, there's always that thing about raping a woman and call duty. That's uncharted. Yeah, that's true Although, I don't know I just had playing the new Call of Duty. Mm-hmm. That's pretty good. Tell their women or anything like body armor shit No, some of them are like that they do they have voice actors and it's like Don't worry. I help you or whatever because they're like rebels, I guess It's so funny. It's like because you know modern warfare modern warfare came out the first one in like 2007 maybe so it's all about yeah killing brown people. Well, yeah, we've been at in that modern war for fucking two decades That's true. It's the same fucking yeah modern warfare now would just be drones

Yeah, it was true Vietnam ended in 1975 and then So what do you got 25 years until? 2000 2000 28 so 28 years until the Iraq war Mm-hmm. What about desert storm? Yeah, I guess yeah that counts so not even it's fucking 20 15 18 years something like that. No, I don't fucking know dude

Hold on when what what why the fuck did we why did what was with the other store about they invaded Kuwait? Yeah, it's a dollar down his gas and Kurds. Oh damn and he made a Kuwait Yeah, fucked up. It's like a major Russian will not stand. Yeah, and they're like a major oil supplier And we just fucked his ass a little bit and then he was like, all right. All right. Yeah with the quickness, yeah and then Mark Wahlberg found treasure and That's the movie three Kings. Oh really? Yeah, I've never seen it. I've seen the other Mark Wahlberg movie where he's a an army guy What's that sniper or something or a shooter? No shooters with John Cena

Is it? Yes, whatever a WWE film entertainment world wrestling entertainment films. What's the other? Wahlberg military Loan survivor. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, that movie's gay Oh No, that's behind the enemy lines, I'm thinking of but that was Owen Wilson, right? Oh, and Wilson was Who is that? Yeah, it's Owen Wilson. I forget who the other yeah, and it's like Bosnia or some shit Yeah, something like yeah, they're in like the Balkans

Hmm and that he's like fucking It's like wow. Yeah, it's yeah Wow Wow, they've got a fucking the Balkans are fucking gay Yeah, he's like playing gets shot down. He has to eject and he's just in the woods Which I don't know all of that area just looks like Pennsylvania. Yeah, it's like gray and what are we talking about? Albania? Yeah, like Croatia Bulgaria. Yeah, not Croatia is cute dude at the beach. Yeah, that's true. Yeah Yeah

Serbia Have you ever gotten head from a Balkan person? Yeah, really? Yeah, where are they? This really cool guy Slava down Melissa. Slava my knob Bulgarian Nice. Yeah, my mother was born in Bulgaria. I met. Yeah, my mother again. It was really hot. It's your mom. What? She's ethnically Greek though. Fuck you're gay You're gay

I got my dick sucked by that that guy that drank that poison in international war crimes court No, that guy fucked because the judge told him that I was actually a guy. I was in that's why he drank the poison That's why I drank the What did that that guy much? You know what? Let's leave it the colon you gay to us. No, I'm just trying to join in I'm trying to join in on the fun. Well, maybe maybe don't All right, that is fucked up of you. Well, I guess I'm not gay on bits And we'll we'll call no you are gay to be clear. You are you are gay Nick is actually gay. We'll take care. Well. Yeah, but you're also gay

No, you're gay. No, you call me gay because I have a slight affect in the way I speak And I'm no, but now that I think about it. You're right We're calling you gay because right now you're project you have one of those little throw project short throw projectors And you're watching gay pornography on the ceiling. Yeah, your forehead is actually transparent and there's two 1920s cartoons blowing each other That that that that that that that that the brains work two guys are song and other guys In a factory They're going back and forth. All right. They're really juicy asses to in a gay way. That's very very creative calling me gay

Thank you. It's a duck and a pig on a push car Those aren't even people turn sucking dick's off outside We have their game. We're they're gay animals. Have you ever seen cartoons, man? Was bugs bunny a person you fucking idiot? Yeah, he was a rabbit Exactly Elmer Fudd was a person then that's the red. That's the exception. What do you mean the exception most tunes? Particularly of that era were animals. So don't try and get it. But if I wanted to fuck bugs, I'd be gay Into rabbit really he's clearly and by the way bugs is she's great, dude I like when he dresses up like a lady. Yeah, well, that's being get see

That is gay. I guess bugs Bugs is gay, but it's cool. It's chill He's honestly, he's he's he's fucking he's a drag queen if you think about it You guys watch the Emmys I don't know shit so one I don't fucking know I was high as shit All I wanted to do is watch football and Eldis had to fucking watch the Emmys for his job I watched that game last night. It came down to whatever fuck the Browns Yeah, all tomorrow. There's all goddamn day Lamar Jackson

um No, no, no fucking bitch-ass Cleveland team is gonna beat us Baker Mayfield could suck my my hard-ass penis. Yeah, do you want to bet on it? I do actually where do you want to bet on it? Uh, fuck My bookie. Yeah, what is that Adam? It's an awesome website. It's an award-winning website That's been paying winners for Decades decades now. It's one of my before the internet. Yeah, it's actually one of my favorite places to gamble It's my it's actually my favorite place to game

Yeah, I've heard from numerous people that it's the place to bet on football every weekend. Yeah, yeah And that's why I bet against the like the little st. James Island Offshore totally legal. Yep. No totally unauthorized. That's right. Only cool rich guys do it you remember they said they said like it would sell like a blockbuster like fucking Books that were like cheat codes. Yeah, totally unauthorized like the company's like don't let anyone know those cheats. Yeah No, we're gonna be pissed if they were in the game We give a fuck after we sell it to you what you do with it Yeah, that was like a huge marketing thing is like the cheat codes

PlayStation doesn't want you know, they don't want you to know they don't want you to get more money if it takes you longer to beat the game Yeah That's what my bookie is like it's the totally unauthorized completely cool cool guy Wait a fucking Slave there are no children They don't have that but it's as cool as those. Yeah, if they had my bookie.com imagine the point your little your Cessna 287 lands Sounds right. I wouldn't dig it so hard

I wouldn't have said that's 287 lands on the strip and You know the blades are kicking up a windstorm. There's a guy in a linen suit with a long face and short gums Yes, and he goes gray hair so good to see you back at the island And you say Jeffy, baby, I thought they got you and he's like they'll never get me I don't know if that's how I spoke. Oh, come on. You know, they'll never get me. It is. Did he? Uh, yeah, it's like we've branded the island as my bookie Join me in my Jewish temple-slash-piano playing room

I don't know if it's a Jewish temple Those are the only two explanations I saw is that it was a place for him to Jewishly play piano as part of his I mean why it's that's such a Like Like of any explanation that you could come up. Oh, yeah, it's like well You know how Jews need a creepy temple to play piano in yeah, we've all been to synagogues, right? Like the bad guy owl from Rock-a-doodle

Fucking anyway, so it's my bookie is the place to bet on football every weekend They got better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports. I love that both of those things period period Period This year they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest first place is guaranteed to win at least Oh, man, one hundred thousand dollars. Whoa Can you imagine you use that money you fucking idiot listening right now lives right imagine what you would do with a hundred thousand dollars after buying a

racing wheel and fucking I Can't even and cocaine. I would probably buy a custom track suit I've probably some time and buy two too many track suits. Yeah. Yeah first place is guaranteed to win at least 100 thousand dollars Wow, and it only costs a hundred dollars that are You're a fucking idiot with a little ass fucking dick if you don't put that hundred dollars now That's a return of it on investment four hundred times It's 400 times

Dude a hundred dollars you can yes, you barely go to the fucking movies these days. That is what a movie ticket All you need to do is pick five NFL games That's it pick the games and then you win a hundred thousand pick them you just point to you just have to you have to say the games That are happening without looking mm-hmm. That would be cool if you could do that. Yeah, that's how it works the games against the spread Every week so you pick the games against what you spread open your ass you spread yourself every week You spread your finances thin and you gambling online That's right, but eventually to make more to make even more money than you would if you just you know continued

I don't know doing whatever you do during the day and some other bullshit go to the fucking Office. Yeah at the office with your hammer and nails just nailing shit into your desk. Oh What a bullshit. I hate when I had to build my desk every day at work I and then my day started go to the office you get the hammer out of the desk you start nailing papers Yeah, I've had a job There's a schizophrenic man imagining a day job. Yeah, you just nail a roller blade into the over-the-mote Where the crocodiles are the clock the big steam computer Go home to your sweet gambling

All you gotta do is pick five NFL games against the spread every week to climb the leaderboard and score your share of the huge cash prize pool Listen, I would only recommend a service to my listeners It's been good to me and so far my bookie has paid for every single one of their ad reads unlike other sports That's right. The important the way we judge sports gambling website Yeah, give us checks on time Do they answer our emails now will you be getting paid right? Yes, if you weren't it's theoretically you can trust we give a fuck no not really

But you will be to be clear he does a lot better than just saying that's just how things work in Germany That's why my bookie is always the right play you bet you win they pay My bookie is live in-game betting on every NFL game We've got the most rewarding player perks in the business and for you fantasy guys out there if you're imagining the players are actually Dragons, that's right, and the ball is you being sexually your devour Even better dragon eating you and then shitting you out of its big dragon Ass eating you and then being pregnant with you and Sonic is rubbing lotion on the dragon's belly

That sounds like a fantasy to me You can even bet the over-under on how many fantasy points a player will score each game Wow, get get this up to a thousand dollars first deposit bonus You can double your first deposit if you use promo code come town. They had to add town Promo code come was causing problems They sorted that out. Yeah Promo code come town to activate the offer CUM TOW and all one word. Is it my bookie online today? That's my BOO KIE and don't forget to use promo code come town when creating your account

To claim the bonus Wow bet win Fuck suck suck fuck get paid get paid and get ass and get pussy Real quick if you're listening right now, and you live in Fort Wayne, Indiana Indianapolis, Indiana or Louisville, Kentucky I'm gonna be there the 27th 28th and 29th, and I'm in Medford in New Jersey. It's some weird fucked up little You should do your plugs at the end. Okay, just because if somebody tried this people figure out how to skip the reads And if we find out who you are, we're gonna fucking. Oh my god. Thank you. That gets me pissed Just think we this is the reason the podcast is to make advertising revenue. Yeah, that's the reason we do

We respect companies Draper. Yes, this is our way into advertising. We did that read as a pitch It's a website called my bookie what they do is they don't let Indian people use the web Well done, I don't quite exactly understand Damn idea you've had every time yes, but this time it's racist But you've been saying this isn't racist for years you always have some wacky excuse we've all seen madman That's the plot of every episode Find out how Don keeps Indian people from Chevrolet dealerships this week on madman It's an interview with Andrew wiener

Yeah, that's the guy that wrote it right. Yep. Matthew. Matthew wiener. Oh Oh, why is that why I really wanted to shut up. I think it's whiner to capture the tempo of the times and you know, I think Despite or they even got in Indian people aside from the iconic, you know, skinny suits and the the aesthetic of the 1960s and this move away from conformity there was always a strong undercurrent of Anti-Indian guy sent I Think if anything defined the 1960s prior to the the cultural Counter-culture revolution it was

Definitely a sense of Indian guys get the hell out of here Let's get these Indian guys out No, dude, you know that the Beatles were singing about that. That was a that was a mark of the times for sure I was laughing imagine like Indian guys seeing that movie yesterday And then there's like a bunch of Indian guys going around. They just love the Beatles now Like money beat us is so very good Have you ever heard of the Beatles? Why the fuck in the span of like three months there was that movie and then that movie about the Indian guy that loved Bruce Springsteen

What is that really a genre that people never heard of that movie? Didn't just meet an Indian guy. Did someone sell that like in a deli in a story Oh, dude, that's a movie. It's called like blinded by the light or some shit Well, the answer is is it like fucking scripts get bought and then studios are like, this is what everybody's buying Let's buy this say use the 90s was the worst for that because it was like you get Armageddon and then deep impact Yeah Volcano Dante's peak volcano Dante's peak. There was two two friendzone Free Willy. Yeah, I flip her free Willy. Come on. She and Liz list a good burger. Yeah

Yeah, both hilarious. Yeah I'm excited about the Denzel Magneto. What's that? I'm excited about the Denzel. Is it really happening? I don't know. I saw you said it and then I saw something. It said it also Initially, I thought that's got to be wrong. Yes, of course. Yeah, there has to be something. Oh, babe, and then Gordy Mm-hmm. Who's Gordy another pig? There's another pig movie. Yeah. What? Yeah There was it was the same exact movie Yeah, I mean, it's like alarming how How many movies like and I remember when it was growing up. It was like, you know, every movie there was just another version

Should we do that? Should we do the Avengers? Yeah, the revengeers. Well, they did Justice League Yeah, they're also there already was the Avengers remember that movie with Uma Thurman. Mm-hmm where they fought with umbrellas They fought with umbrellas. I don't remember that. Yeah, it sucked. Do you see your dick sucked dick? That movie was really about around the same time Sean Connery's angels Sean Connery, is it right? I can't know. That's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Well, you can He could do both man. I Think he was in it

Wait, it was called the Avengers. I think so. Yeah, it's called the event about a team of people It was it knows Uma Thurman and some British guy. Who was it? Who the fuck was it? I thought it was Sean Connery Guy Pierce. No, it was somebody like Rafe Fiennes or that might be it. Yeah Joseph Fiennes one of them. Wait a second. Is that a Is this name Ralph? It's pronounced Rafe, but it's spelled like Ralph. Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? I don't think there's an L. Yes, there is. I think it looks like Ralph. Is it RA-L? Maybe I'm wrong I thought is I thought it was Ralph Fiennes or someone said it's Rafe and it's just pronounced that way. Fuck that, dude

Fuck that name Sean Connery Sean Connery Sean Connery Ralph Fiennes and it is an L. You're right. Thank you And Uma Thurman. Hold on. No one said there wasn't an L. It feels good. I thought there wasn't an L But it is pronounced Rafe. What the fuck? No, that's fucking bullshit. You what the how is an L? It's gonna be an I sound. Dude, look at his fucking whole name. Get this Rafe Nathaniel Twisselton Wykeyham Fiennes Yes His name is Ralph. I'm literally looking at it. His fucking name is Ralph. Rafe Nathaniel Twisselton Wykeyham Fiennes Twisselton Wykeyham. Yeah, we should beat his ass off dude. Oh listen to how gay this is

He's an English actor film producer director a Shakespeare interpreter Okay, shut the fuck up. Yeah, what does that mean if you like you can suck my rape Which is actually the technical term for the line on the bottom of your dick and balls Wait dick and balls. Yeah, did they make that movie? You mean the balls? There's a PHE is the word for the groove ridge or seam in an organ Typically marking the line where two halves fused in the embryo. Hell. Yeah, dude. Yeah, so shit So we hear balls where they originally your your brother's balls that you ate in Euro. Well, yeah, you Yeah, you fused well before the sex isn't chosen in the womb until

basically a fetus which is not a human being chooses its gender So it has the ability to choose its gender, but it's not a human being so our trans people are they like like They should be in jail whatever However, we get to that from this We'll just assume that no, but there are there are there are intersex people love to be the lawyer That's I have like ambiguous genitalia, and they're just assigned at birth. That sucks

Yeah, and then they grow up and they're like I feel like the other one that happened to you No, my genitalia was not ambiguous. I don't know. It's fucking it was very deliberate. It's small. It's deliberately small Oh, that's true. I guess a small-ass dick is certainly a dick You got me there Adam. Thanks. I mean that is true Yeah, and a way a small dick is more of a dick than a regular dick Well, thank you like look how small that guy's dick is right if your dick is big enough I guess theoretically you could use the dick hole as a pussy damn they your dick absolutely cannot do that They did make this movie damn. I love philosophy

That's why people listen. I love it, dude. I love Thinking about what the Greeks would have thought That's why I'm here man. Do you think you're the proud tradition? Ask me another philosophical question. I guess you would call that socratic justice. Absolutely. It's justice Yeah, then you're gay. You're actually a woman. Yeah You go too far on the other end I Fuck would you say ask you another question? No, I said stop said that. Oh, that's what you say

What oh, I was just looking up if they made that movie with Joseph finds where he plays Michael Jackson. They did That's his brother his brother. Yeah I'm sure his middle name is also Twistleton magic nightmare code fucking Dingleberry Finds we should fuck up Ralph. Yeah, there's a movie about a road trip between What's your name? Elizabeth Taylor Michael Jackson Marlon Brando and Joseph finds plays. Yeah, he's also a Twistleton Wycombe finds But his middle name is Albrick Albrick Joseph Albrick Twistleton Wycombe

Man, I've been enjoying watching just episode after episode of homicide tonight Let's take a really cool box that my back hurts. It's like a file cabinet file cabinet. Yeah, that's so cool Yeah, I thought you just had the boxes like the idea that I bought the file cabinet. No, you didn't Respect. I wanted the file Dude, I haven't been able to sleep I'm still fucked up over this I'm getting sleepy as a bitch right now There you go. How about that? Take a take a bump dude taking out cocaine. Yeah, let's do some coke, bro Yeah, no, I don't want to die. I worry about my heart

Damn damn I'm yipped up Ah, it's so funny that they almost made vaping illegal. Are they not going to anymore? No, they figured out what it was. What was it? It's a I don't know some shit So now it's not legal anymore Are you happy at him? No, now we're gonna figure out if Joe Biden should go to jail in Ukraine. Yeah, what the fuck is going on in Ukraine? I don't know who gives a shit this everything is gay I know it's like there's no point in paying attention. It doesn't matter Joe Biden son

Don't the one that got him in trouble hunter is pretty tight though. He's the one that fucks his brother. Yeah He likes smoking crack Yeah, that guy should be friends with Ian Delaware, dude, that's the Delaware. Yeah, they make them different down there Delaware boys different Yeah, Delaware sucks. Oh, it's gay as hell. They don't have taxes That's true. They don't have sales tax. Mm-hmm income tax Why do corporations say that they're Delaware corporations because they don't have sales tax

So you know why is that why is that I know I think I'm pretty sure when I worked at like a big company That was not it like something that sold goods. They're like it said a Delaware corporation. I think it's corporate tax. I Don't know. I don't who cares who corporate Gives us shit Yeah, you ever hope it's beach. They ever have a business podcast. They ever hope with beach, dude. Yeah, they have a gay beach I'm trying to go down there. Yeah, it's too late All the gay guys are home. I'm trying to go up to New England now that it's that's sure Cabin out or I'm gonna go up to New England eat chowder and eat peanuts in a bar and then drive back home. Yeah

Just go up there. I'm like, I'm here for the chowder and peanuts I don't fuck with peanuts in a bar, dude. Really? I love that shit I love I love going to five guys and just eating the peanuts and leaving I Like that five guys like people with peanut allergies can't even walk in Yeah, they're like fuck you When there was like a rest like when restaurants would have peanuts all over the ground and it'd be like Texas style or something Yeah, no, I said the first time I ever went to a bar that had free peanuts You could do that and then when I went to five guys and I had the peanuts and I was just spitting fucking on the ground

Shells all over the ground. My friend was with me. He's like, what the fuck are you doing? What? That's how you do it Yeah, I've been my fucking legs are sore from all these squats, dude. You're doing squats. I'm trying to get big-ass ass cheeks Why are you doing squats and where to be strong, dude? at matrix in The matrix your gym is made you called the matrix matrix sick Keanu Reeves themed

Oh, my man's drop getting his second diet soda. Yeah, maybe I'm about to do the Pepsi challenge This is where you drink 35 Pepsi And if you drink all of them You get to replace God for you at the cellar They take a job away from them. They give it to me. Is that why he's so yipped? I don't know. I Think he was the seven up guy, right? Yep. Yeah, it was a Orlando Orlando Jones Orlando Jones, and then Godfrey was Orlando Bloom. Yeah He was on mad TV yours, huh? Orlando Jones was a mad TV cast member for a while. Of course

You know, that's how I see you a girl. It's the cat It must be put girls vaginas It's not that's not what happens to me. Yeah, I think that's Just laughing like an entire elementary school of Japanese girls Or sneezing rather not laughing a whole cloud whole third grade class of Japanese just sneezed all at once That's what your sneezes sound like. It's what your sneezes sound like When is the fucking Joker coming out dude? I'm trying to see that shit, dude. The Joker Mm-hmm. I know you should you should go to the theater in the outfit and the makeup

Yes, a fat morbidly obese Joe regular obese Joker big First of all, I'll be wearing though. Yeah, the green wig need a wig Oh wait purple suit. Just fat as shit Sweat pants Why did they let Steve Harvey play the Joker? He's already got the purple suit Black Joker. Yeah, that Joker and he keeps calling himself black. You love I Would love a Steve Harvey

What's the what's the ideal role for Steve Harvey, dude if you could pick him? I think it's I think it's Steve Harvey. That's put in like a movie That's why he had the Steve Harvey show and he still played Steve Harvey Where he was a teacher, that's you but his name was Steve Harvey. Yeah, mr. Harvey. Wait, was it Harvey? It was yeah, it was Steve Harvey. It's mr. Hi. Hi tower. That's it And then Cedric was Cedric the teacher Cedric the teacher tanner the edgytainer Every episode of that show, it's just Steve and Cedric pointing to their temple real quick and saying things back and forth

Yeah, it's because he really what you got to do is edgytate We got edgytane the minds And then there's like one white guy on the show, but he was retarded because he got shot in the head bullet head That's right. Of course Damn, I want to watch Steve Harvey. You never saw the Steve Harvey. I've seen but I want to watch it That was that was my that was what I went to bed to do. Yeah That and the Jamie Fox show

That was a good one. That was a good one. The chick on that show was really hot fancy. Yeah, you don't fuck Yeah, I'd fancy a shag with miss vagina With miss what's her name? Mm-hmm. What was the guy's name Brixton or Bruxton? Yeah, the guy was just gay. Yeah, just tall Carlton But gayer. Yeah The character's name should have been gay gay Carlton Yeah the hottest though was the old the what what I jacked off to quite the most of all of That era's upn programming was

girlfriends You just jacked off to all the girls friends. Um, I would throw she would get in the mix every once in a while She was not my go-to. She's the one who's kind of eyes pop out of her hottest one left the show and didn't come back She's one of those people like quit acting to be Christian or something. Oh, that sucks the dark one with the big Oh, yeah, she ruled she didn't quit the show. She was on for a while. She left after one of the seasons. No, yeah Really? Yeah I like the one that was kind of like a fake Who Monique? No

Who's like a fake? What's her face like but one of the problems you had watching the show is hard to get your dick hard For me for everybody Is everybody about to do an ad now that you mentioned it It's hard to get your dick hard unless you took a blue shoe. That's right except I could I mean, yeah, it was hard I like the one that was kind of like a fake Lisa Bonet. She was hot as shit, too. Yeah Stuck Morpheus being like you take the blue pill And your dick gets hard and you don't get to see the matrix

But that would be a better choice. It's not really anything on the table. He's like you take the blue pill You wake up tomorrow and the dream ends But you know, there's a matrix. This is a wake wipe his memory. I don't know what the fuck now They probably they probably wipe his memory. Yeah, I would yes, or you just think it's a dream I can't even wipe my own ass. I'm gonna I never even finished wiping my ass. How you gonna wipe my say you wipe my memory That's so true. That's true My client molested this child and then her memory was wiped. Mm-hmm. I can't even wipe my own Wipe my own

Client molested the kid but her memory was white and then he's arguing against the idea of a memory wife This little girl had her memory wiped I Do not believe it. Not not for a single day of the good Lord's Christmas My pants and show you the shit smeared up all all the way to the top of my ass crack right now And it's not a matter of technique Okay, I guess your client is guilty then if she didn't have her memory No, what I'm saying did have I'm saying she's lying Okay, she had her memory if the point I'm making is that I how could she have her memory wipes?

If you can't wipe your ass because they're saying she remembers the lawyer for the rapist can't write She's saying they remember it now but you don't come you say she remembers it now Because her memory was why It was crazy as he is probably like what does a memory wife even mean? Yeah, they say that she took a blue pill Morpheus my client Morpheus I'll have you know that bluetooth is actually a dick pill. It's the best in the business I'll take them myself As a man that

Experiences an inability to fully wipe his own ass It's often hard for me to get erect when a woman is Recalling from the smell of my booty cheeks covered in shit Yeah, and I go to bluetooth.com no questions asked no doctor visits They connect you with an online specialist to get you diagnosed with bad dick in a In the Tennessee heartbeat Yeah, that's right Cato rhythm of a of a Tennessee heartbeat

By a quarter note you'll have some of those famous blue jazz blue gum pills sent directly to your house Thank you very much. Mr. Morpheus is lawyer. Yeah Thank you more So they're gonna tell me that my client Wiped this little girl's memory with nothing more than one of the most effective dick pills on the market today Generic brand Viagra and Seattle's but in a chewable format so it can work works quicker twice as fast As a traditional medicines, but not for wiping the memory of this little girl here who I Will assert again. I can't even wipe my own hands

to completion That's right everyone so you use Bluetooth comm bluetooth.com Slash come test let me get my my court files up here. Mm-hmm for the rest of yon I'm sorry. I didn't have you ever seen a A dry white season. No, it's like one of the later Like Marlon Brando movies where he plays a lawyer in apartheid South Africa. Oh, yes And the just fat of shit just fat of shit And he's representing this like white Donald Southern plays this like white teacher

Who's gardener was like kidnapped and murdered by the police for like looking into like where his son was who was also murdered by the police and Yeah, Marlon Brando is just like well They don't know if there's any opportunities for an inquiry into I love that motherfucker dude just being like yeah, just I'm gonna do cue cards actually for a movie. Yeah Yeah, he's just I guess he got nominated for something But he just plays this like fat drunk ineffective lawyer. It's very funny That's awesome. The kind of guy that would probably need blue to blue shoot to keep his cock hard

Oh, you need a couple Adam you've recently used blue shoes in your personal life for not fantastic. You can vouch a hundred percent. Mm-hmm You know, it's not fantastic is when you take one and then you don't fuck yeah Actually, no never mind. Here's how good here's how good the dick pill is even with no pussy around you're hard as shit Yeah, your dick is twitching. You're just sitting there. It's incredibly hard dick on turbo hard Without even a cent so much as a centilla of pussy Centilla A little man eater like a mouse things like a very small amount

But what's the code? I'm first to hold on Okay, I'm trying to but I can't see the copy over my huge dick because it's hard Yeah, we all take them before yeah, I dig Cheryl out and they're all hard, but we get pussy after so yeah We don't have to oh we get pussy. We don't have to jack off our incredible day. You can say that again We don't have to jack off our incredible dick. You can absolutely. I like to make a woman take off our clothes and be like Yeah, I could fuck you, but I'm like fucking 100 for 100 on sex. So I'm not trying to fuck up my perfect record Oh, really? Yeah, you're perfect. This is a hundred for a hundred mean every you've only had sex a hundred times

I've only had sex a hundred times and every time I've you come I totally come You're afraid of a hundred first you might not want every time That bitch is not a single bitch has ever beat me. Wow. Wow. You're the winner. I've always won Prescribed by a doctor And there's a great deal for you guys visit bluetooth.com and get your first order free when you use homo code come down How many months to get there just pay $5 shipping, that's bluetooth.com homo code Yep, I don't think it's that long to say homo code. Yeah C-u-m-t-o-w-m

Whoo, yeah, I like to counteract the Bluetooth by drinking diet Dr. Pepper to get my sperm fucked up Oh, yeah. Yeah, does it really fuck your sperm up? I thought it was yellow Gatorade I dated this girl had this dumb friend who got pregnant because like she was dating some guy that was like Oh, yeah, I ride a bike and I drink Mountain Dew all the time. So you should just let me bust He's just not respect like not even no condom pulling out. Yeah nutting all in her pussy He's like, yeah, I ride a bike Respecting them that man should be a lawyer. Yeah, make that man fucking president of the debate team. Yeah Debeat me off have you ever got anyone pregnant Nick? No nice. I mean, I don't think so

Yeah, there's been like women who have been like I'm at my period for two months And then they have it's like clearly a miscarriage. Nice guy doing solid. Yeah Yeah, God being like I got you man. You got a racist podcast to do in the future. Yeah, right, exactly An angel was sent down to kick her. Yeah, the pussy. Yeah, the miscarriage situations happen like twice So maybe you have like those are pretty messy Yeah, what's that? So maybe you have weak sperm probably who gives a shit Yeah, damn, it must be so fuck it must suck dick to get pregnant, dude Yeah

Kicking and shit grabbing your pussy from the inside grabbing your pussy from inside Sticking his dick in your ass Forking my mouth and my ass Fucking my ass I'm a gay guy With small time or a presence the classic soft gay ass songs of the early Mm-hmm Chris Isaac, uh, never what's how's I go? With man

Oh, I don't want to have gay sex and then you rape me. Yeah Smosh. I love it. You fuck me in my ass But above You fuck my I love it sucks. He really does. He's just like why you know, it's crazy It's like how the fuck did why was anybody listening to this show? It's like why is anybody going to see Lyle love it? Well, he never like starred in anything He was just Julie Roberts at her prime, dude. Yeah peak Julia Roberts. I love it was getting I guess you're talking about his music Yeah, of course, but like music sucks dick. The music was trash

Never listened to it. It's country. It'd be so funny. It's like Like a huge fan of the show for years. That would be really fucking damn it No, he's at home. Just like all sad with his fucking ugly-ass face price a big-ass dick, dude Yeah, he looks like a ugly guy was a big dick big dick. Yeah, he's saying he's got blue shoes on he's got the my bookie t-shirt Oh, yeah, dude fucking we're number one finger He that he made himself that he made himself. This is Lyle What is stupid ass name Lyle it is in his podcast listening station Yeah, I'm gonna start posting it just like fake just to set up on reddit

They're like, yeah, I got my podcast listening room all set up It's just a shitty chair with like 10 million speakers Host or Mark Maron, and then there's like, you know, like things I've come dawn all over the floor fucking Doritos bags Yes, sir. Yeah That would be fucking time on the reddit for like Video game collection. Oh Fuck yeah to show how many video games you have and there's people that like just have rooms. They're like my my collection Oh, it's so fucking good. Yeah, it's really all it's really sad. Yeah

It's like that's that's what they aspire to they were in like 1993, you know what it's not even yeah, that said what's even sadder is there's a guy being like damn Yeah, and he has like half of that many games You know what I mean like there's a guy who's not even that guy who wishes he was yeah, no cuz I was like I was looking at old I Don't know sometimes. I just I read about Connectors and video signals or whatever. I got forget where it started I think I started like reading about like console televisions. Mm-hmm. Do you remember those?

Like the big two bass motherfuckers. Well, yeah ones with a VCR in them. No, the ones that like look like a fucking Like yeah, like a credenza. Oh like a piece of furniture. Yeah, they'd like got their wood box. Yeah from like the 60s Yes, I fucked with those. Yeah, my grandpa. I had one and it's like we you know, you just accept things But then you get older and you're like what the fuck was that shit? I know it's like well. Yeah, it's it's also a table or something Yeah, yeah, it was just furniture, dude. Yeah You know those and I started looking at like Sony CRT reference monitors and apparently the Video game community the retro gaming collection community. They buy these like Sony

Like reference monitors that accept like an RGB signal because it makes I mean, there's no way quality is better Zero chance it makes it better. Yeah fucking no chance in the world Yes, look better than just using whatever cable hundred percent super Nintendo I agree with that and then there's these guys that spend like $1,200 on shitty outdated technology That like doesn't make sense to use at all and then the monitors themselves are like fucking 14 to 20 inches Yeah, what? Yeah, it looks awful like a kitchen TV. Yeah, but then you know the boxes are huge because they're made for like Like like network news rooms and shit Oh, you can like monitor recordings and make sure that they're like color accurate

What? Yeah, and I saw a thread on reddit where somebody's like I just picked this up for $900 And then one guy's like, yeah, that's really stupid. This is all just junk You're just collecting garbage and selling garbage to each other and all these like these replies like you're in the wrong subreddit Just getting all defensive about just blowing their parents money on News TVs I cannot believe there's a market like wouldn't they be able to just find that in the trash? I guess it's probably an application for like smaller like you do probably do need color accurate monitors for

Video applications if you're doing something with that, but no, it's probably entirely propped up by one retard on like these retro gaming Forums like ten years ago is probably like well look what I did and then the rest of them are like yep That'll legitimize my gay ass hobby What are they even playing like fucking Atari, yeah, they're playing like fucking Super Mario world that sucks Yeah, it's really stupid. Oh my god, especially because I just played I they put like all a bunch of Super Nintendo games on switch I just replayed Super Metroid and I guarantee you you're not having a better experience not even close Yeah, it's so easy you do it on a whim. You just download the shit. Yeah play for like eight hours. Yeah, it's great

I love it. It's a great game. I don't need a fucking network news television From 1997. Oh my god. That's really sad man. Imagine how little pussy those guys get. Yeah, just negative amounts of pussy. Yeah, oh Probably never yeah, yeah Like being nerve being a 38 year old man who's nervous to talk to a woman yeah There was a guy like that who would do open mics in DC This guy that was like fat and bald and ugly. It's like it wasn't even like if he lost the weight He would still be like yeah, a zero

There's no path No path to push there's no way. Yeah, and he would just constantly get fired from jobs for sleeping And he lived with his parents and he just he was like 42 and just like never even got a taste. Oh Oh Never once. Oh my god. Oh Fuck yeah, they were like people are like why like why I remember asking like why doesn't just buy a prostitute They were like, I don't know like you get to that point. It's like you just give up on it. It's like That's damn. Oh, you know, just like doesn't even get horny. Yeah, you know, he had a stroke

I think and then it got even worse damn his dick got even softer. Yeah, his life got worse like lost function and So he never had sex never. Oh Fuck dude Damn, oh, I gotta say it is cool to have sex. Yeah, I wish I never had You can stop I'm never gonna stop bro. Yeah, I love this shit Dude, I'm literally obsessed with pussy and it's exhausting exhausting nice, man, what do people people say that online? They're like, I'm so exhausted

Yeah, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted I've been checking my fucking phone It is exhaust me it is exhausting I'm looking at guy up to see It was alive to see if uh, yeah I'm and it's tempting to say his name, but I don't want to because yeah, don't yeah, definitely He doesn't have so I guess Tom ours is on frantic tonight. Oh, what damn no one's gonna come to funny moms Yeah, all the heads are gonna be a frantic

Maybe double up folks damn Damn, you want to go to the stand with this guy too tired, dude. Oh, yeah, you're jet-lagged look at this guy. Oh Yeah Remember him. I do. Yeah, I remember the stroke. Yeah Yeah, cuz there had to raise money for him after the stroke damn It is really sad like In abstract is much funnier

Yeah, like sometimes when we describe someone I'm like wow we're making up a carrot And sure no one would ever exist. Yeah, it's really sad when you look here's a video of him doing comedy and it's like he looks Like stop well, no, yeah, I mean from this from that distance you guys he looks like you with teeth I think I'm cuter than that man. Yeah. He's fatter. He's not as strong. Yeah I'm stronger. He's kind of got a Peter Griffin body. Yeah It's gonna be sad when you have a stroke. I won't dude. Yeah, I'm too fucking. I'm too strong I'm too strong. I've been eating too much seafood to have a stroke seafood rules. Oh, yeah, I might go out tonight Get a little Chilean sea bass. Mm-hmm. I said read myself

I had me a salmon trying to start up a conversation with other people in the restaurant Are you folks doing? Yep, you're about the Shane Gillis thing I'm here by myself. I'm actually I'm waiting for somebody now. I'm by myself. I don't know which answer is better What are you guys doing? What are you guys up to? Can I can I join? Do you mind if I join you family night? Huh family style? What are you guys? What is this a daughter or something? How old how much younger? How are you? What grade are you in sweetie? Okay, and

11th grade I was yeah, I remember being that age. Yeah, just chasing pussy Left and right Getting it. I bet there's guys. I bet guys are all about you And well, I look motherfucker. You could have just talked about the Shane thing You're the one that made me feel awkward. I don't know what the fuck else to say this bitch is sitting here, you know Fuck him. What am I not supposed to address the elephant in the room? Hello? We're all thinking it we're all thinking everyone's daughter's tits everyone is thinking about fucking That's the problem with today's world

Maybe you know, maybe you haven't had to talk with your child But I maybe I'll do it for you right now if you ever fuck anyone You're you're a slut. This is slut. You're not welcome here a congy village Isn't that right I'm like calling the waiter over He's like, yeah, no no sauce Like no, I don't want sauce. I'm just calling this girl a slut. Yeah, we don't have there's no sauce Okay, I wasn't asking but that's absurd. You should have sauce Kind of fucking Chinese restaurant doesn't have sauce

Damn dude Adam you got anything you want to say no, I was the letting you let you work that one out. Yeah, I don't know I'm kind of tired Yeah, I know I'm too tired to do shit. You don't want to go to the show No, I mean, I'm gonna go but I did solo style last week with Racine. It was really fun So you did it solo style, but someone else joined you without the boys without you guys That's what solo. Okay. All right, mr. Fuckin. I did it all by myself except someone helped me You're like a baby that thinks it made dinner Because it because it was in the kitchen with his mom fucking was in the kitchen with the mom

No, Racine, okay, baby Adam. No, you're out of milk Okay, we're gonna do a half a cup of milk in the measuring cup for baby Adam's. I loved thinking I made dinner That was my favorite shit. Yeah, I was so proud. Yeah, that's him. It's so proud of making pastries with my mom being like I made this Just pouring a little fucking Fucking thing All right. Well, uh, enjoy your evening. Well come uh see us and uh Stabby.biz slash tour. I'm doing a big ass tour. I just announced it Uh,

Houston fucking dead Detroit, whatever man. Just look at my website