The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep 179 – Strike Ass!

Episode Date: October 31, 2019

Goodbye to baseball, hello to becoming fat

hi welcome to come town regular episode my dick damn you're kind of loud I think am I gonna love yeah maybe turn me down maybe loud maybe remember if it was supposed to be six or five I think it's five yeah well I'll keep you people are saying Nick's been quiet so maybe keep him a little yeah he's what he's loving penis nothing better than being in love with penis in the car soft work it out I'm gay and I want to fuck my father you know no one knew that no one knew that song until that is awesome no no one knew about it until it was in married with children no shut up married with bull bull children I'm about to have some

blood I was how about like a black children like a blood that has to get a blood transfusion or a crypt they're like your blood type is being negative and he's like no like you're gonna die put C type blood in my body put C type they're like they're like come on man it's still blood it may be B but it's like you know and it's weird cuz they can't say no wait hold on it's a crib right yeah even if it's C it's still unless here's how it works mm-hmm the blood is getting C type there's no C type blood there isn't no a it's got to be a Crip getting B well back to the drawing board this one we'll get back to that in

the next episode wait there's a oh you're right a b and oh right there's other ones right now oh that's how you remember it oh come on we got a sense of that in Australia purely in an American we went to Australia we learned the power behind that word we should know better that's true but although we are in the United States right now mm-hmm you know it's like saying cunt is bad here but in England it's not like saying hello baby it's like a little baby you call baby a cunt you'd be likely that little cunt yeah and they're like everyone laughs and ha ha for breakfast what a beautiful cunting daughter you have such a beautiful

cunting bonnet and her cunting trousers cunting trousers good dude thank you say thank you Diane thank you sir for calling me a cunt I'm having a cunting day here at in grade two that's Canada isn't it the British School of Excellence what a what a great thing it might be that too yeah the London Academy for cunts the London cunting Academy for girls for we cunts the we cunt Academy for torts and cunts you have a dog and it's like you're cunting hound mm well that's what I like the idea of you stick them on women about a cryptist got a dog that's a bloodhound he's like no no no okay no no no yeah yeah Crip should call a blood

house Crip hounds yeah I like the idea of cunting being this way you if you're in England that's what you call it going out to get pussy mm-hmm yeah going after going out for a sport it's hunting season and it's it's back baby yeah I finished one game and some kid to drop the the double NF yes and then some guy was going off some guy was going off about how he's from the south side or whatever and he'll fucking Chicago yeah but here let me see it I tried oh you saved it I tried to record it but it only it won't record the lobbies it only records the game so I got the last like eight seconds in the sky screaming

that's all you get that's good they sound angry at each other yeah I love it dude that's what makes your blood just fucking boy let's what it makes you feel a lot of people this game has been out two days and people are already pissed on what would you say would that way you would say your natural habitat is the lobby the lobby of a game no no I don't have a natural habitat come on dude you have to have one yeah is it online the guys are getting the lobby after them because I get frustrated I mean it's a front like games are frustrating but as soon as you imagine you calm down to take that energy into the lobby a

sacred space you fucking piece of shit fucking sitting there in the fucking bathroom the whole fucking game you fucking pussy I'll fucking kill you I'm fucking kill fuck you in your fucking mouth bitch try that shit with me come to my fucking house and see if you could do that shit here has anyone gotten killed over a call of duty no argument so I mean give an address maybe someone can drive 300 miles what couldn't they swat is it swatting something someone some people do yeah that you call them like a bomb when someone was live streaming they yeah they call in they say this guy was threatening to kill a

bunch of people and he said he is a bomb in his house I want to swat team comes what team comes up how the fuck is it that easy to get a swat team oh they're just hanging out dude well they just do any if I just give them my any address will they go because that seems like there should be more checks and balances dude yeah you got a call from a secure line right so that shit doesn't come back to you but like I feel like that happens a lot or doesn't or maybe I've just heard of it does it happen a lot it's crazy that the police have their own special forces I know mm-hmm that seems they have their own troops yeah

dude those motherfuckers have like little tanks and shit the pride like a local fucking police department has with their gas tank yeah it sucks yeah that robots too well yeah I mean you know we've been at war for I guess now 400 years so they have all this military surplus that they just hand the police departments yeah like a Humvee with a open microwave on the top you can get people cancer 300 yards away just driving around black neighborhoods blazing can blasting x-rays yeah we have a new it's called a preemptive tactical vision zero tactical device tactical corrective preemptive measure

and what it is is it tactically it's blasts gamma rays through everyone's house to see if they have guns and with an imaging system one block as a as a tractor trailer with the x-ray film on one side and then the other street over we have a truck just sending massive doses of radiation and then we look at the other truck on the other side once it gets to the end of the block and then that's how you got them and then of course it destroys the truck sure so you look you okay no guns in here and then you throw the film truck out and get a new one of course and this will cost us about 80 million dollars a day but the

city of Detroit is going to see a future that it never dreamt possible just fucking scanning every kid before they get a free lunch you just can't put it through a full-body x-ray yeah we got lasers that we point at the kids to make them think that they're they could they're being watched by snipers that anything we've basically we created a sniper alert system for all of the south side of Chicago where every black person is constantly highlighted by a laser and most of them do not have a laser pointers but every once in a while one of them is a sniper rifle so it's sort of this panopticon yeah it's

like a psychological warfare kind of thing they don't know they don't know which one of the dots is gonna be and you know a lot of people say that this is racist it's unwoke but I'll tell you what it lets Indian people feel like they're closer to the quote-unquote brown community yeah visibility extremely upper middle class Indian children of surges yeah doctors who went to Harvard and a guy that was born addicted to crack that lives that lives in a school bus that broke down in 1997 that hasn't been moved off they are the same yeah they're the same they're both have the same brown people that's right they have

the same out brown it's not about black people's rights yeah they have the same struggle in America sure sir rash Gupta who has nine PhDs and zero debt is facing the same anything when he's watching old episodes of the Simpsons and a poo walks on the screen he's basically it's the same feeling as to Miramite Rice's brain that's equal that's the same feeling as Mike Brown being ventilated by a scared man with Down syndrome I'm pretty sure Darren Wilson at Down syndrome what's Darren up to is he in jail or no yeah my name is Dan Wilson I think he's running for governor of Missouri he's a Trump super

delegate yeah he's throwing out the first pitch at the Cardinals game the one where he's like frown we got booze getting booed yeah and he's like sad I can't feel bad come on bro that's sick that was all whenever a powerful person gets booed in public it's cool but here's the thing he looks genuinely hurt because he said they imagine that happening to Hillary Clinton she would just be defiant and think like I'll show them I'll send their children to war yeah and Trump's like you can see his face he's like I tried my best but we does want to be love yeah yeah I mean that's the problem is like that's why

he loves his rallies because he gets so much love it's like you know I mean it's you know people say well you can have empathy for that and it's like well I can't help it I mean it's not because it's fucking I mean you can't look at that guy's face or whatever this is why I can't be on a jury or you know pulling the switch at the fucking prison why is that well you know I don't even if it is like a shitty person you think the problem your problem in killing a person or in being on the jury would be too much empathy I mean in reality sure I mean not as a joke yeah not me dude I would be like I don't care what he did

is he retarded let's take him down Texas baby no I'm jury nullification bro oh yeah you get everyone's innocent even white-collar especially white-collar I get on there I'm like David Simon told me not to fucking do this shit so David Simon said the n-word on Twitter today and told me not to say anyways yeah he looked genuinely sad he really did look sad when his face was on that video it was awesome it was pretty powerful it's the only I gotta say I'm usually not wrapped up in like resistance memes but I'm like wow this is the one time that those bitches that have Pelosi clapping yeah and me we're a lot this is the

band they were fucking fingering themselves they really were they were fucking they're fucking they had the gun they had the shocker they were doing asshole and pussy just a bunch of PTA fucking secretaries oh my god yeah 68 year old women oh yeah can you imagine the squirting noises I'm mostly doing the shocker on that's what he gets I mean the sad part is it doesn't do anything of course I yeah and like again it'll be pretty fun yeah yeah yeah well their response I don't know if you saw a Don Jr. tweeted today he was like well obviously it's a mark of pride to get booed when you're in a swamp so he was

saying that obviously DC is a swamp oh yeah everything else swamp people you know everything else about the whole situation is dumb and sad whole respect the office thing is retarded so fucking stupid it's also like plenty of people have boot like every president has been fucking heckled at public events it's cool to boo like this isn't new yeah I boo the ones I even like yeah who actually I don't who did you boo Adam I booed which presidents we had I had I had a senator come to my high school and I booed him but I really didn't like what was his name John Ensign he was a senator and son he was a veterinarian and a

member of the club of 100 what's that the United States Senate your cock no that's come on bro it was part of that club yeah one of the hundred guys who fucked Adam they have to reapply every year I would assume right no otherwise it's a hard cap at 100 and once I'm done and I'm done being gay smart yeah what are you up to right now I'm at 103 but you're trying to get a couple I'm just up to let them know I passed my limit no every man every man's got a limit every man's got a limit it's 100 yeah is there an odometer above your asshole the the checks for every new cock the numbers go up no just a notch on the old bed

post you bring girls over they're like what are the oh it's girls you fucked and you're like yeah mm-hmm yeah it is it's certainly not the senators and other old men that I fucked I took a bus this weekend you motherfuckers ever fuck with the what's the last time you fucked the mega bus dude I think a couple years ago but I used to fuck with that shit all the time I know it's been a minute though I sat by the fucking bathroom what led you to take the bus and that was the train insane was the chair was like 300 fucking dollars what really yeah how it's like we go yeah but even like I buy train tickets last minute all the

time and I usually can find them for like 60 bucks if you take them at crazy times like 5a no really no where though Philly cuz he has a pretty cheap yeah you know that's the reason yeah but like he's way more expensive in Boston's way more yeah I keep I keep typing in silly Belfia but it doesn't come up silly Belfia I don't know why when I tried to take this train but when I type in silly Belfia that the city does not come home okay are you trying to go to Philadelphia yes silly Belfia okay well you're retarded oh no day labor will return next Thursday at 8 p.m. on ABC family will he ever get George Lopez show

we ever get to silly Belfia tune in next week to find out yeah when I get to silly Belfia I can't wait to have a Billy B steak they make the steak out of Billy B I love the Billy B so much but they are pointing to me they make sweet honey but they are so pointed to me the Billy B's what is the Billy part he's what is he think blood dude that's why it's what is he think Billy B I think he thinks they're bumblebees okay he thinks a Philly cheesesteak is a Billy B steak and that Billy B's because he eats bug got you he loves bumblebees because they make honey but they're also too pointy pointy for him they're a little too

pointy for his taste he could do a dollar please do I love to have a birthday because you wear the hat but the hat is too pointy scared of my birthday because the hat is too pointy for me will George Lopez have a birthday find out next week on ABC family yeah my man must hate forks I'll tell you that yeah the forks pointy I was going to take a test they see this in ship dance but the pencil is too pointy I know all of American history I can pass a test but I'm afraid scary the pencil oh wow what they just announced the band margera bipolar tour hosted by scumbag for any P what's the line up

where they go and this can't be real let's plug their dates they're doing a denopoli stone mill he's got another spot listen I got a new business it's failing terribly you got to help me out here guys guys I'm under water by fucking cocksucker brother boy I he owes me three hundred thousand dollars did I believe stone mill is that what it's called yeah I guess so I love it dude Jean DeNapoli from come town will appear they're just oh my god that's a good piece of right it's like video is like one of those fish that just like exists in the mud at the bottom of a fucking

swamp he's a fucking tilapia feeding on the shit and he just eats of shades oh my god he's eating squids him so they're done at 7 p.m. showtime in tucco new york I guess this is a real thing when is it you got to go to WWW scumbag Vinnie.com he's handling ticketing huh did he make a website what what day is it I don't it doesn't the flyer doesn't say the day the flyer but bam posted on his account so wait maybe it's a joke I don't know it's real is it real you looked it up I mean Vinnie's been texting me about it oh hell yeah there's no I thought I was breaking news just now there's no time or date we

got to go to scumbag Vinnie.com to find out smart need to drive the traffic go see bumble bumble jamming yeah do you have a ticket to see bumble bumble jamming yeah in Westchester I want to go to Westchains but when I try to talk by the ticket to Chile Belfia to go to Westchester they say that they sold out they have a bath filled with pee pee they say they have a pee pee bath to go to the bathroom December 9th dude the description on Vinnie's website is amazing our mission is to deliver an amazing experience of a great night of entertainment unlike something that has unlike something that has not been done

before so he's just struggling so true for the shows that we did do with the Ben Margeron filter tour all of our fans had an amazing we are going to give that experience times 10 special appearances live stand-up comedy by scumbag Vinnie Beetle from the come-tell podcast along with his explanation of the mess with BAM's with BAM including going to Walt Disney's world Walt Disney's world yeah I'm going for valid times they I'm about to go to Walt Disney's world yeah well tell you what you can place bets on how that's going to go down that's right I'm gonna take the under are you guys excited

about football being black I'm more excited about the NBA season kicking off you know stop and I let's quickly double check to make sure you can bet on the NBA yeah I'm sure okay because this thing said NFL but now the okay sure I'm gonna venture to go NFL too anyway here's the deal here's what we're gonna do guys there's this website brand new website my bookie calm and if it's good it's good wait it's dot com not dot it's dot a g my bookie dot a g good cash stuff it is not my bookie calm is my bookie dot a g my bookie dot com might be subject to I don't know harsher regulations that is a from what I hear

it is a child pornography website I do not go to that one don't go to that one don't ever type it in go to my bookie dot a g a g where you can most likely bet on the end my bookie dot a good website it's what it stands for all good this is a brand new website when you're getting into this website is all good baby nothing fucked up here this website is not used up it's no dings you know it's brand flashing new oh yeah hot off the presses I would only recommend to service the listeners it's been good to me and let me tell you folks they are paying me to say that I can't do better way there's that's the thing about we've

had tremendous experiences with these with these products because for the most part our experiences we get paid to pretend that we use that yeah but there's nothing better than that with this one they pay on time mm-hmm and unlike some other sports betting websites that owe you tens of thousands of dollars that you will definitely see that you will or or guess who's never doing skanks for those of you some people have asked if we're doing skanks west south no no we're not and I'll tell you why because my bookie dot a g is the best website much better than any of the other ones and they've been good to me oh yes and that's why my

bookie is always the right play you bet you win they pay they actually somebody just hit me up yesterday told me they want a hundred bucks on that you see that was it back was it big Dave or old pal no I asked big Dave about it and he says that he's never talked to you that's not sure I think we talk about sports all the time no I asked him and he said that you're what he said he goes oh didn't say this he goes oh that guy question mark and then he goes big time dork no way and I just want to say happy to Wally Nick just air Nick just airdrop me the screenshots that's what it's from big Dave Dave said that's messed up

bro time homo the return of home yeah the return of home that's why my bookie dot com is always my bookie dot a g that's right is always the right play mm-hmm they've got better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports period I love when people say period at the end of the sentence mm-hmm you know yeah of it to well making clear it's not an exclamation or a question no because I can't tell the difference it's a sexclamation it's a fucking sex they should make a sexclamation a sexclamation just a new punctuation mark that means sex that's the sentence is about that's how it end every one of

my sentences with sex exclamation bitch yeah but I gotta tell you guys I've been betting a lot of money and winning every single bet I've made this is this is this is I'm estimating here but something like 800 billion dollars on smart plays and good smart plays and they basically call me the Gordon Gekko of Gekking pussy you mean like Gek you're fired get the hell out of my office get the hell out of my office that's so true I get a pussy and I get money hi I'm gay actor my famous famously portraying gay stockbroker Gordon Gekko is he getting the movie in the famous film gay wall okay okay okay nice oh so

gay actor Michael Douglas is just some bizarro version of Michael Douglas where every movie is the gay version of the movie I don't know I didn't really think about it I just like the in black and white where Michael Douglas isn't a turtle I'm gay actor well if he's gay Gordon Gekko gay Wall Street then it stands to logic a lot of money on my bookie that's right oh I gotta say something after my book you don't have to say anything okay my bookie has better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period yet save it this year they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest the first

place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000 and it only costs $100 down here all you got to do is pick five NFL games against the spread every week just like my wife spread a pussy lips open to give me a cancer to give me cancer when I ate her pussy I got pussy eating cancer where's that ribbon by the way I'm throwing that on my car huh oh yeah the pussy cancer well the pink ribbon is breast cancer so what's pussy good point good point dude they should suit yeah very very true and even pinker one mm you know like a wetter a wet pink one yeah like a little liquid drop what's coming off they really gave up with

those ribbons there is the black one initially for slaves I think I don't think no I think and then like then they were like all the troops on his camo and then I thought it was yellow for troops the autistic one is just like fucking puzzle it's a puzzle piece no it's it's puzzle pieces in behind the ribbon mm-hmm so it's got like you don't be wanting to get one with like a tartan on there and it's for Scottish people mm yeah I support they seem unhappy was Scottish independence they're fucking they're dumb from the UK that's true they're dumb and they all got they got balmy genitals oh they do mm-hmm

I made you intestines anyways that's why I would only recommend my bookie dot AG to my super my super good friends all you got to do is pick five NFL game my book is live game betting on every NFL game they got the most rewarding player perks in the business and for your fantasy guys out there you can even bet the over under on how many fantasy points a player will score each time you hear that so up to a thousand dollars first deposit bonus you can double your first deposit use promo code come town to activate the offer that's C-U-M-T-O-W-N-T they put it in his Z-U-U-M-B-O double line do double

you mm-hmm F close enough mr. Lopez use promo code come time to activate the offer my bookie online today that's my bookie and don't forget to use promo code come time and creating your account to claim the bonus bet win get paid that's right and listen take the rate the Ravens are playing the fucking Patriots dude getting three and a half dude Lamar Jack the future of the NFL versus the past yeah old-ass piece of shit the past are due for a loss right the past eight no eight no what's that the number of inches I wish my dick was versus the number it actually no that's not what it is my dick isn't zero

inches so yeah do that and listen while we're on the topic of stuff how about a guy that's like yeah my dick is zero inches that's because it is feet you measuring feet nine feet that's true listen next week please come see me stand up in Lafayette Louisiana and New Orleans on 11 8 and 11 9 and then I'm also at the stress factory 11 6 Jersey and then the stress factory in New Brunswick 11 21 and then I'm in motherfucking hot Lanta brother hot Atlanta as Hulk Hogan would say on November 23rd I'm in Nashville November 24th I'm in Baltimore November 29 30th

that's Thanksgiving weekend and then Houston December 13th come out and see the boy and come to Fat Tuesdays where we'll be in this the main room of the stand starting November 12th and then come suck my fucking little hard-ass penis dude oh yeah so the part of the vignette that we missed was that it says that it says live storytelling by Ben Margera dot town my t-shirts lemon lemon dot part Adam free dot land live that I've purchased live storytelling by Ben Margera as he explains why he is bipolar yeah basically I just got you know fucking twisted and unfiltered Q&A with the audience and clips from

Bams movie Jack the manager will be in the building how the guy he slapped the guy that he beat up on TMZ so Sam knows not to do that with Vinny because Vinny is from an Italian you grew up in a rough neighborhood grew up in Italian Italianzo style neighborhood VIP meet and greet available at all shows comes with a photo op with I wanted to get a VIP ticket do they have a VIP general admission do you have a better legion let's let me let's go ahead and click and see what the price is my guess is going to be very reasonable uh-huh it's like a $250 for the regular it is $50 not bad steel steel and for the VIP

experience it is a hundred dollars scam artist because it's like they never will they don't understand like the very basics of like you know like like a figuring out like a balance with the market right they just they never they're like man I'll sell you this the stolen laptop for $9,000 yeah like make the tickets $30 that's still robbery yeah people will buy it's robbery to charge anything it's going to get canceled knowing that just you know listen don't go to that show but go to the Napoli Stone Mill and just have a nice piece of pie yeah go support support Jean if you

have to I would say do that should we go eat at the Napoli Stone Mill mm-hmm is it a restaurant I don't know let's check let's check it out I'm glad Jean's back on his feet me too man and I'm glad he's still keeping the Denapoli name in the business you got it that's a name that means something you know it appears it's called the old Stone Mill but I think Denapoli Stone Mill restaurant oh it's a restaurant okay traditional Italian cuisine what else Denapoli Stone Mill calm everyone yes they are on Grubhub yes they are on door-dash this smash away hey don't my name is Jean they'll also yes go ahead no no please

no that's a good one my name is Jean this not the smash Lee and you know they like me because I smash I'm Elvis I smash I'm Italian I'm from New York I'm from New York I'm Italian and I smash there they'll be having Mara Geist spiritual medium at Denapoli Stone Mill on November 6th they gave up on the black comedy thing though they won't have black comedy there anymore yeah we got black comedy there's gonna be there's gonna be blanks black's like you're painting someone's skin you're slathering on shoe polish when you say it black black black comedy black

fuck I hope to one day on a restaurant yeah yeah why going around shaking people's hands I was a little turf right isn't that your idea I would look how you do have to see it's so funny how we as everybody treating everybody was treating you nice yeah yeah doing that kind of shit oh we're gonna stop joint tonight couple biscuits for the tear you know what I mean oh yeah yeah snap some for the table yeah on a on me some of the finest 17 year old post that's how good that will feel I just want to pull all that has zero customers all half the balls are missing I'm in the back with a bunch of like parking meters at a table

and big glasses on and a little adding machine am I gonna help you some you're in the wrong place pal is it a front for anything one-man operation my vending machine stealing operation you make more money just having vending machines then stealing them and stealing yeah it seems very cumbersome she's in broad daylight putting chains around the vending machine and attaching it to the back of my car just driving up just smart yeah ripping it up ripping in from in front of the community pool at least you're like yeah we know where he's going yeah he's they just meet you

there all right mullin give us back the vending machine just give us the vending machine fellas I don't know what you're talking about this is just an Italian business nothing shady going on here just a couple of Italian guys hanging out drinking surge drinking fucking sprite remixes out of our beautiful machines that we brought from home for lunch my wife's all gave us all packed this a vending machine as you can see by the serial number this was it says mind Nick's vending machine don't touch here where the serial number used to be

sanded off so I don't hear anything about the public swimming pool none of us mentioned the pool mr. Moore mr. Decretio's grocery store I don't want to hear anything about that I just want to enjoy my lunch that I brought from home change to the back of my car that is correct that's a good scam dude yeah that's a really good scan what kind of crime would you do Adam me I don't know I don't really have a mind for crime that's right you know no I don't have a that's not the way I think I watch the first your mind justifies everything you do so you never think about it is crime you're like this benefits me that's a

perfect mind for no well that's a crime about way look at the child porn that I'm not gonna rape a kid you think about it no it's a crime to look at it fine that's what you feel I mean if you're not gonna rape the kid see the pictures work it takes the pictures are there the pictures exist you didn't make them it's like we need to see that's how child should be you can make it or you can't make it have they still call it the dual shock controller what is it's like PlayStation was like they came out one controller and like yeah we're not changing it it's a good control it's perfect you don't need everyone else is

always trying Nintendo is like alright how about no controllers that's right everything about that what about a little cardboard box it was $200 sticks you can wave around how about some a piece of garbage with Mario you can put a string through and pretend you're a robot that is I cannot believe they sell I don't even straight face I don't know what it is cardboard it's cardboard but like how is it like there's already the Wii it's not no point no point playing the fucking switch I'm like you know what would make this better a box I guess it's for literally toddlers probably yeah well if I had a toddler they would

be getting none of that shit they'd be getting pussy dude yeah they would be getting pussy for Christmas stop crying and fuck your pussy stop we got you a pussy because you're gonna you're gonna appreciate this when you're older it's a fucking process right now but yeah when you're older you're gonna thank me you're gonna think about this memory and love it yeah you're gonna be glad fuck her that your daddy was fuck her in front of your whole family who was a player a place in partners the name of my pool hall it's got like a like an event looking pimp and then a cowboy and they're back to back they finally

squatted up players and partners that's cool so the partner would be the cowboy yes oh oh like partner from an urban perspective very nice I like what you do it's like an urban person addressing when I used to play the last call of duty when I was living in Texas like I would get matched on like Texas servers all the time and I remember being a lobby one time with this like Texas wigger hell yeah who kept being like yeah me my partners is these thing about going out tonight but I'm fitting to stay in you know I'm not really trying to link up with my partners like Paul wall yeah he kept saying partners yeah it's

like man this is how much do you want to say this is my mom let me take out the Denali tonight yeah those guys are always driving SUVs that are way too big dude I want I want to I want to get a suburban any time I have a like a lift or whatever and I get upgraded to the suburban feels better I'm like dude this is like driving a death star yeah it's so big for no reason yeah the thing is it's probably only sick in the back I want to get a suburban and then have a personal driver yeah yeah oh it would suck to drive it yeah but I would like a little guy now just a Russian guy that drives me around he's like well today

boss and I'm like to the fucking vending machines you know you know where we're going you know we're going to have the chains but we're about to make some money today how we're gonna go we're gonna we're gonna make about $25 then go to jail for three steel and vending machine yeah but the parts we take the money in the machine usually about $44 yeah $4 walking like 50 feet into the mall with a chain that's clearly going out the door looping around the vending machine they're like sir sir excuse me sir what are you doing I'm like nothing to see here boys I'm just going to the bathroom I'm actually a police officer

agent and police officer just keep adding that's right I'm on the CIA I'm an essential in the bureau I'm in a PIA the piss intelligence I can drink any liquid and tell you if it's pissed and I'm hired by the government to do exactly that now I suggest you let me do my job yeah before I have you drop those trousers and piss into my mouth it'd be nice having that job because you get a lot of money the problem with having a lot of money is you don't know where to put it so that's true mm-hmm being a vending machine a fishy and I was I like to call myself yeah I tell people I'm in the sanitation business like you

work with garbage I'm like well vending machines vending machines but I wish I was in the mafia so I tell people I affect an Italian-American accent and I do very low-level stupid crime I'm like I picked the stupidest the kind of crime makes you the least money draws the most attention putting chains around machines busy locale and driving away as they drag on the street oftentimes getting caught on mailboxes and hitting children call it this thing about his fucking axilla killing a pedestrian whipping a vending machine around the corner of a town 50 miles per hour and

it smashes into the front of a gelato it kills a woman and her six-year-old her six-year-old would later die anyways you don't know where to put all the money you get from the vending machines yeah my old wallet I had a leather wallet okay all right real man's wallet yeah that fell apart what you thought anyway well it is it went away and now I got a new wallet from this company called Ridge mmm and you're like Ridge what like was that like pussy like a moth like the ridge on the on Worf's head yeah from Star Trek and the ridges under your dickhead of a circumcised penis yuck and you're you're you're wondering if

that's what it's named after you're absolutely correct the penis the ridge wallet will make your ridge bigger okay a lot of people will not actually make it that part of your day no party dick no part of your dick from the Ridge wallet but there is a chance that your dick could feel or look bigger because it's a front pocket wallet mm-hmm that is not mm-hmm it's not as bulky as a big leather wallet right with every coupon for Hershey's Park you've ever come across that somehow every time I go oh I'm gonna need this yeah I have 17 coupons to six flags yeah thinking oh this is gonna be the summer I finally

do something instead of sit on the floor in my apartment and it never will be it never will be the Ridge wallet is it's fucking good and it's a front wallet it's got like a front wallet so it makes your dick look nicer does is that real yeah it's a perspective thing I'm putting I'm putting my hand in my pocket your dick looks huge really yeah are you serious serious bro I mean your your fly is open it has been I'll zip it up for you damn I'm the only one whose fly isn't open on your teeth thank you what you're listening to is Adam rubbing my cock through my jeans the Ridge wallet is designed exclusively for military first

responders players players and players and partners BDN's you know I mean yes but it doesn't mean we just mean something else yeah part anyway it's a tactical definite first of all yeah we're not allowed to tell you what the acronyms mean it's like when somebody says something goes I was an army ranger and I was like oh yeah I have COPD they're like what's that stand for it's like I guess you weren't that far into the military then you don't know what those letters mean child orgasm pornography distribution child orgasm pornography disorder it's a military term they use for all the warlords that

used to get sucked off by children I have a child's orgasm anyways yeah I do miss my old wallet for sentimental reasons and I tell you because they said it's not coming back I said well it's actually just sitting right there okay so I could use it whenever I want well you can look at it you don't want to I don't want to honestly I got the Ridge wallet and I thought at first this is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen yeah it's it's it for at first glance it didn't really mm-hmm because you think it's like a future wallet I'm like oh there's gonna be buttons but no it's just either two pieces of like either

aluminum steel or carbon fiber titanium I use the carbon fiber proof because yeah it reminds me and it's lighter right Honda yeah fully carbon every bit of it you can drive it through a metal detector really even though engine and shit yeah they could they make a plane out of the plane is made out of plastics you can drive it through a metal detector should be undetected wow and that's why I take my wallet through the airport and it's undetected the rich wall right through probably not be there are no parts they're all metal well carbon fiber is a metal oh it's not anyways I'll tell you it like it forced me to get rid of a bunch of bullshit I

don't need and now I you know it's just the essentials I got four two credit cards two debit cards my ID in my mind you are there also hold on I'm looking at X1 right now I'm opening it up here's a membership to gay being gay calm why would you need a membership card for a card for a website I don't know it's in your wallet while you're asking me I came with the wallet they've sent us all wallets and yeah it's a promotion usually what happens is usually what happens as we get sponsors they send the stuff you're the favorite of everyone so they send the best stuff for you yeah and I take it for myself I took the the best

wallet wait a second your membership no no hold on I'm looking at it says Nick mullin only no non-transform no that's they know yeah because there's a problem is they want they signed you up for an account no and Stavros Halkus was already taken I guess he was already some guy named Stavros Halkus was already signed up in America let's just let's use a random let's just generate of name ran the the car by chance it came out to be mine not gay sex.com how porn I'm just reading what's in your wallet man I don't know why how this turned on by the way your ridge wall yeah thank you great wallet great which is

so good that it makes it very easy for a stop to remove the card and read it it was it was a blast it was so it was very fun it's not fun I was laughing the whole time they got an RFID blocker in there which blocks and other people with identity disorders yeah RFID will stop and people anyways yeah nods I'm paired down to the essentials now it's great I whip it out the guy to bodega complimented it and I told him what kind of guy was it you know one of those like guys who like trims is the weird beard every day mm-hmm yeah no it's fine I went in there

and I got this beard now and he's like come on bro you skip me you skip me bro because my beard is longer than his he he's Muslim yeah he's like come on man you can't come in here skipping me you should fuck his ass up dude no one talks to you that way yeah you're a fucking when you show me respect no he said I skipped I got a better beard than him but he said you can't say well I did already but it's on as he's claims it's under the not in the natural order of things and doesn't matter so you have to fuck his ass up it's what he gets not a man it's what he gets wow dude I well I'll tell you what I did I pointed my

shoe at him okay in their community they hate feet and that's like mailing a guy a fish that's why they got through Italian community Italian should discover Islam anyways yeah I got all my shit pared down to I don't have like you know no more fucking hotel key cards or my models mm-hmm membership which was in my while I actually had so much old shit in my old wallet to keep the shape of the wallets right stuff doesn't fall out it got so puffy it gets puffy and it's like well if I get rid of this like a pussy you have to keep stuffing with other guys dick exactly make your dick feel good sounds like my old lady yeah my wife is

so loose that I have to let her fuck other guys and then to keep her tight because if their dick wasn't in there yeah to be clear you're fucking her while their dicks are in there yeah and I just wanted to be happy you're basically funny I don't want to be happy I want to feel something you're fucking the center of two dicks like a motorcycle yeah it's sleek it's two metal plates bound together by an adorable elastic band it's the same elastic you stave uses to hold his pants up no during the holidays it's the same type of elastic that astronauts use to tell how fat stave is that's not

true that NASA used to determine the gravitational pull of stave's pants that's not true that was like a fat guy to get so big that his pants are held on with gravity they're not even really on like a centimeter layer yeah so I got the I got the carbon fiber ridge wallet it looks nice people mention it all the time yeah they say whoa were you in the military and I got yes or in a way yeah could say no I just I know the alphabet and several of my good friends were so you know people that were I got in myself to be quite specific to say that I know I personally know but in the matter of speaking identity wise respect wise

respect can I get 15% off here at the movie theater no that is perfectly fine sir I come conditions and understood loud and clear yes I will now take pay full price for my ticket and operate to my seat but yeah no I mean I genuinely do enjoy that I won't change it up you do like it I do like it now because you know because I remember at first we're like this wall it's gay yeah no I mean I'm telling you it grew on me it grew out yeah I especially hated it because Lewis likes it now that's right you know if Lewis likes something it's gotta suck gotta be stupid but no this is like though this is so good that even though

Lewis likes it it doesn't ruin I know there's in how good something has to be I love this in the dick pills because it's like no I actually this I really love the dick pills yeah now that's a free ad force himself to be with guys again what do you mean I mean now that he enjoys being with guys but he can't get hard because he's thinking about all of the pussy he had to force himself to fucking up again good good he's ruined his ability then he naturally get hard with men which he does do yeah it doesn't make any sense it makes sense no it does yeah read it back there's a really hot guy with really nice the ridges

a minimal front pocket while it is designed to streamline when you carry every day it has over 30,000 five-star reviews but tell you what I'm giving it a 10-star review wow wow that's double the star general yeah that's got a 200 and it's a better way to carry your cash and cards is a lifetime warranty if you love it and free returns if you don't comes in titanium carbon fiber aluminum and over a dozen different styles and colors so get 10% off today with free worldwide shipping and returns by going to Ridge comm slash come town that's ridge.com slash come town use promo code come town to get that 10% off but yeah

yeah I like it get that shit get that fucking wallet get your dick will fall off pussy I'm Gordon get pussy oh yeah yeah Gordon get pussy down what's the line from that movie I don't even know the New York to be a pussy it is gay are Pussy is good or something like that, that's what he says. Pussy. Pussy feels good. Pussy feels good. Pussy Street. That's probably the original idea for the movie. There's probably one conversation like what if they're not even stockbrokers, what if their guys just smashed? It's 1985, we're boomers, we're fucking, we can't get AIDS because we're straight. Only queers. They're finally doing some of these gays, Reagan's making guys like me feel

like top of the world. I'm wearing suspenders. Awesome to be a white man in 19, an upper middle class white guy who gets haircuts and fucking 1985. That was it, dude. That was the apex. It gets. Yeah. Because it'll never be good. You know, like everybody just wants to like make things equal, which, you know, I mean, maybe some people are just want to invert whatever the hierarchy is, but that's not going to happen. Right. It'll no one will ever have it good as those. That peak, dude. That was it. The best. They're just constantly listening to that song. Everybody wants to rule the world where they're under the impression that like, yeah, we already fixed all that stuff. Yeah, we're good. There's no more racism.

Right. Because I mean, if you're like a guy in the 50s, there has to be at least a part of you that's like, this is wrong. We're looking at the colored section in a restaurant being like, that's worse. This seems. Yeah. I don't know if we should be doing. You at least had one hamburger ruined briefly. You're like asking the waitress, you're like, sorry, how is this part of the theme? It's a segregation theme. Yeah. It's like, I bet a ton of those motherfuckers are like, nice. It probably felt awesome for most of them. It's gotta be funny to be like, like one of the only Indian families that came to America in the 50s. And then they like go to a restaurant or whatever. And there's all these black people in the colored

section. They just don't know what to do in Alabama. They're like, ah, fuck it, I guess you can eat with the whites. Then black people have to be like, come on, come on, dude, we've been here forever. We've been here forever. Like, well, you know, it says blacks only not brown people. No, they would have thrown them right in. I will say I hate to say it to side with these people. Who are the Indians? No, I don't hate to side with them. Some hates it. No, I love the cuisine. I have some very good friends. Yeah, it's funny. Indian food is like fucking now is like what fucking where it's like, I love it, but I don't want to deal with the consequences. Yeah, I can only do it every like couple months. This makes

me feel like absolute shit. And then I got to go get tested afterwards to see a doctor to make sure my inside your ass is ruined forever. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. I got to hop in the whip straight to fucking be more after this. Yeah, I got to go to the show. Why are you getting Nancy? So I got to go to the show. You got plenty of time. I got I want to eat before the show. Why don't you eat this dick? Yeah, for lunch. Where are you getting a penis salad? No. Got his ass. What's the dressing going to be? I'm getting a cum. Gay cum with a gay man's cum. Adams of your having a penis salad with ass croutons. A man's ass. With a big fat black guy's nipples. Yeah, real mature. Okay. That's not a long cigar smoking

guy nipples. Brothers big chocolatey croissant nipples. Adam can't wait to have a salad. Wow, dude. I can't believe that's what you're going to have. Just a light penis salad. It's a salad. Yeah, no. Good luck on your surgery stuff, by the way. Thank you. Oh, yeah, the what? So I'm under the knife. What we're doing in the car. We're doing for that. Huh? You put you after that. I don't know. I don't general anesthetic. I think it's I'm going to feel local anesthesia when they took that tumor out of my jaw. I wasn't out. Yeah, you got to ask to be out, dude. Just tell them. Knock me up. I did my wisdom teeth. They'd gas me. Yeah, I think they're going to gas the fuck up out of me, but I don't think I'm

going to be knocked out general anesthetic. Yeah. Yeah, I don't. I have like a fear about that now being knocked out. Yeah, I'm like the idea of going into surgery. I feel like if I had anything terminal, I would just want to go live in the woods until I die. Yeah, probably like an animal. That'd be cool. Yeah, it feels better. In some cases, I would agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. Just living out, just having a nice year or whatever. Just having soup in a cabin. That's right. You know, drawing flowers and stuff, coughing. I don't worry about me. I'll be all right. Yep. Not telling your family what your diagnosis is, but I'm just like living like in the woods behind like a strip mall. It's just like a fucking

Gethersburg. Yeah, right. I'll be okay out here. Going into time. Walking to an elevation burger for lunch. Just coughing. Trying to drag a vending machine. He died doing what he loved living out the park. I'm just getting supplies before I head back out in the wilderness. Sam, I need some, I need some medicine. You don't happen to take used vending machines as barter, do you? If we could work out a deal, I got a Pepsi machine that's been worked over with a sledgehammer. Pretty good. But I reckon you could use the doors and sled what for the children come winter. Yeah. No, sir, you can't trade scrap metal for medicine for ramen and medicine for ramen

packets and ran Paul said I could. This ain't his revolution. What happens to those Ron Paul guys? Are they still libertarians? Were they Magna? Oh, those guys gave me head here. Ron and Rand Paul. No, like the guys that were really into Ron Paul like eight years ago. Oh, that's cute. What the cat is doing. They're all giving me head right now. Can't you see? I think I got bed bugs again. No, why do you why are we over here? I don't because I don't know. It's not confirmed. They just started itching. Dude, if you come on, bro, you're not in my bedroom. Well, they could be out on the couch, you know. Yeah, they should

jumps, dude. They try to get bed bugs. I'm gonna fuck you in the ass. Yeah. Well, how do I know Adam didn't drag him over here? Maybe brought fleas from his dog or I did find out many suitors. His male shot up, bro. I did find out you can get bed bugs on the internet to give your enemies. Why would you know that? Why would you look that up? I was thinking about putting a bunch of house millipedes. I was trying to find. I was trying to do a revenge a couple months ago. Yeah. Yeah. And I found out you could do that. One of those men that mistreated him, the one that wouldn't kiss me back made you suck as they can wouldn't even turn around and go for a kiss while being railed. He's like,

shut up, look forward. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. That's rude, guys. Look at me. You're being rude to me. I'm sorry that happened, you man. I don't want you to have a bad sexual experience. I love you. The club of 1900. Yeah. Welcome back to the 700 club where we interview one of the 700 men that fucked Adam. No, it's only a hundred, bro. And today we're at number 347. Michael Erickson of Plain View Ohio. How are you doing today, Michael? I'm pretty good. He's sick. I'm not. I'm I'm just you like to fuck old guys. Yeah. I'm 92 years old. I spent most of my life working at the railroad and what my wife died come 72. Adam came through town. He was opening for he was

opening for I'm trying to think of a shitty comedy. There's a lot. He was opening for a very shitty comedy. Somebody really bad at comedy. Somebody really bad who shouldn't be open. Somebody embarrassed into the opening for I don't remember who it was, but I remember that. And I fucked his. All right. Well, that ought to do it for us. Yeah. A piece of friend of the show bag daddy. Oh, I boo back our thank you for listening to the back page. I'll beg that. That's where I got caught on the on the on the bag daddy section of come to funny moms next week. Yeah, the 11th Veterans Day. We're going to be supporting the troops will be supporting troops and come to Fat Tuesdays on the 12th. Go to stabby.biz stabby.biz

slash tour for all my tour dates. Go to come downtown to buy the tokens from Nick. My esteem by the use vending machines. All right. See you, bros. Bye.