The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 181 – The Joker Laureate Of the Dirtbag Left

Episode Date: November 14, 2019

its me

It's my penis. My penis. Like my fucking dick. I'm fucking gay. My dick's small. I'm a fucking gay guy. My penis. It's like, uh... Can't mark my, can't mark my, my penis phase. You can't mark my penis phase. My, my, my penis phase, my, my penis phase.

And it's like, I only suck three dicks. I only suck three dicks. Adam was trying to be gay, and then he wrote that song afterwards. Did you do that for real, Adam? You did. You tried it out. My penis, my penis phase is what? Like a phase that I make when I'm orgasm? Phase. Phase. Oh, okay. All right, now it makes sense.

Come on, man. Those words sound similar. My, my penis phase, my, my penis phase. Yeah. I was gay, I was gay for like a second. I sucked three guys. They're penis. It tasted weird. I wish I did that. You still got time. I feel like it's like, uh, you understand life better if you're gay for like a month.

Yeah. Maybe I'll do it now. Why don't you do it now? Should I get Pokémon Sword? Yes. And she... Yes. Okay.

Of course. For what? I haven't played... What is that? Does Pikachu have a sword? I haven't played either of them since I was literally nine or ten years old. Yeah, I've never played Pokémon. Well, I'm not talking about you. Or what you've done.

I'm sick, man. Please. You've never played Pokémon yet, yet. I bring up, I bring up the cards. I bring up a topic. Because they were valuable. I bring up a topic and he goes, Oh, I've never done that.

I'll say, Oh, I guess we're done discussing it then. We can talk about it. I didn't say that we were done discussing it. I just contributed that I've never played. I can't believe you. Not today, Satan. Not today. I don't feel good.

I'm sorry, dude. What's wrong? I'm sick. I told you. I told you. Does your ass hurt? Talk about Pokémon. Continue. I wasn't trying to cut you off. No, you already did.

No, shut up. Continue. Continue your Pokémon talk. I don't even want to talk about Pokémon. Let's talk about Pokémon, okay? Sword and Shield does sound cool as long as Pikachu has a sword and a shield. If it's Pokémon, but they also have swords. Hell yeah.

Yeah, I'm on Pokémon Gun and Bulb. Yes, dude. Just call of duty. Pokémon Guns and Roses. I would love that. You're getting head from strippers. I would honestly play every game if it was also Pokémon. Garage Band Pokémon.

Yeah. But it's the same exact game, but you just see little Pikachu's with guitars. I mean, that would be really cute. I got home and it literally did not open it. And I probably won't. That's fine. Is it like a level based game like Mario World? Mario World?

Like Super Mario World. Is what like that? Luigi's Mansion. Or is it like you play party games? What is it? You know what it is. I've never played it, dude. Dude, why are you mister?

I haven't played video games today. I told you what I play. Sports games. I'm too cool to play video games. I play Donkey Kong Country, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. Donkey Kong is not a sports game. That is sports. He's trying to beat Neo Cortex.

I'm too cool to play video games. By the way, everyone, if you didn't know, I'm too cool to play video games. There's a car race level. You claim you were never gay. Yeah. You're ever here trying to prove you're not gay and that you don't play video games? I feel like if I was five years younger, I would have sucked at Dick in college. I feel like the cutoff was like, gay was still bad when I was in college.

Yeah. If you were around right now, you would absolutely be gay like for the, for the cloud. Oh, if I was Gen Z. Yeah. 100%. You'd be sucking for the cloud. Just being gay. Oh, so much worse.

Yeah. Being gay to be cool is the gayest thing I've ever heard in my life. Being gay to get pussy, dude. I would be gay to get pussy. In high school, they were like, you just have to be gay for like three months and you'll get like a bunch of pussy. That was the premise of the movie. Is it?

Yeah. It's a Matthew three to tango. Wait, so he's gay for the cloud? No, for pussy. So like Dylan McDermott, I guess, is going out of town and his fucking girlfriend is, I forget who his girlfriend is, but he's friends with Matthew Perry. And he's like, hey, can you do me a favor? Can you look after my girlfriend while I'm like gone or something?

And then he's, you know, he's like, yeah, oh, oh, yeah, no problem, man. Yeah, of course. Totally. Why? Because he thinks he's gay. He thinks he's gay. Yeah. And then he's like, I'm not, they think I'm gay, you know, or whatever.

And then he's like getting like sleepovers with women. And then he's like, I'm going to pretend to be gay to fuck these girls. That's a good move. Does he get pussy at the end? I think so. He's like, you know, because like he's taking like baths with the guy's girlfriend. Which by the way, like cleaning her pussy like a cat would that is like a gay cat would and she's like, thank God you're not straight and you're my my like husband's gay coworker

who can live for some reason. Just he doesn't have any other closer friends to ask to do this. Right. Exactly. But also why would you need to do this? Using my pussy with his cock. You really will clean your pussy out. Is gay cum.

If I get all the way up in those guts and blow a fat load. Thinking about a man's ass, of course. Of course. I'll be holding my nose like this. Holding my nose. This pussy stinks to me. He's like, he's got a magazine called Gay Porn Magazine while he's fucking her, right? So she sees the cover, but inside is straight porn magazine.

So true. Yeah. He's got a smaller pornography inside the game. Wait, I don't know. Textbook trick. I don't understand the premise of someone asking someone else to watch their girlfriend. Exactly. I mean, I'm probably completely.

Yeah, there's probably some actual, you know, still contrived, but less stupid than that reason. All right. Three to tango is a 1999 Australian American romantic comedy directed by Damon Santos the final. That's three different cultures. Very gay names. Yeah.

My name is Damon Santos, the final. Yeah. My dad was black and my mom was Italian and my other dad was Spanish. I got two dad. That's what three tango growing up is, you know, my Spanish dad, they thought he was gay because, you know, he was like, he did salsa dancing. And he was my mom. My mom's Italian ass.

Hell yeah. Wow. You know, I love my mom's. Mm hmm. I want to kiss her. I don't want to kiss her because I'm still Italian. A third of me wants to fuck. Neve Campbell and Dylan McDermott directed bring it on too.

Okay. Santos Stefano was performing stand up comedy in his hometown of Boston during his teens while attending NYU film school. He began working professionally as a director, creating award winning. So much of this podcast now is just reading Wikipedia. That's fine. It's great, dude. Yeah.

The point is we can get it to fully just be Wikipedia. If we get a text to speech. I mean, that's all Dan Carlin's hardcore history is. I've never listened to it, but I imagine he talks like this. No, he reads a lot of documents. I have a document about having gay sex. Did the Romans do it? Yeah, I've never.

Having gay sex. I started the World War I. I listened to the one about the Roman Empire. It was like an eight hour podcast and I listened to the whole thing during one day. Adam listened to the one about the blow man empire. Really? Yeah. He's like, that's when they were gay for the club.

It's a cool empire that I want to be a part of. It's an empire. I bet you people were fucking kids for the club. And I bet you people right now, elites, fuck kids for the cloud. There's some of them that didn't want to fuck children. Maybe Bill Gates. Yeah, it's like when you have to rape a woman to get into a gang. Bill Gates definitely fucked a kid.

Like all those guys on that plane fucked kids. But like one of them probably didn't want to. But he had to or else Bill Clinton would have been like, what are you gay? You didn't want his boys to think he's gay. This motherfucker is gay, y'all. He's not even fucking children. He's not even having sex with kids. Yeah, Bill Gates is gay.

Jeff, come over here. Look at Bill Gates. He can't even get hard looking at this child's pussy. Dad, it's me, Adam. I really want to go to little St. James Island. I want to take my rollerback pack on it. Jeffrey Epstein's plane. Everybody, but it's not fucking kids is gay.

Having sex with kids rules. I love this. I love the way it feels to get pussy from a child. From a child. The child's getting the child's pussy. Now you're cooking the gas. Yeah, dude. Three to tango.

Yeah. So what was the reason Matthew Broderick had to look at her? So it's Matthew Perry, Matthew Broderick. But it would have been Matthew Broderick if this was happened in the 80s. Yeah. To be clear. Oh, yeah. You know what?

I rewatched this within the last six years and now it's all coming back to me. Yes. And it's all coming back. Oliver Platt. And what's his name? Or Architects. Of course. Because they're partners.

They refer to each other as partners. And Dylan McDermott's the high dollar client. Whose office is this tacky, like Buddhist temple, like bullshit. That's a rich guy move. And he's like, Oscar's gay. I need you to keep an eye on my girlfriend while I go out of town. It's like I want a gay guy to keep an eye. But why does he need someone to keep an eye?

No, that's the normal thing. You got to get a gay guy to watch your girlfriend. Yeah. It'd be funny if his girlfriend was a 12-year-old. Yeah. That would make more sense. You fuck grown men, right? No boys or girls.

I need you to watch my child. I need you to watch my girlfriend. Bill Gates, I want to make sure you don't fuck my girlfriend. Please stop fucking my ass. You can fuck my girlfriend, but not my ass. You can fuck on my ass. You can fuck on my ass. If I could fuck on your ass.

If I could suck a dick. What happens at the end, dude? Tell everybody. Oh, three to tango? I don't know. He falls in love with the bitch, and then... I don't know. They start dating, and then there's like...

Someone else you don't think is gay turns out to be gay. It came out in 1999. Matthew Perry has to get fucked. He has to prove he's gay. He has to suck a guy's fucking problem. I don't know. She tries to set him up with her gay friend who is... Like, falls in love with him.

I don't remember. That's funny. It would be... A much better one with Matthew Perry is Fool's Rush In. Yeah, I've seen that one. I've never seen that one. That was on HBO. Adam had the Fool's Rush In video game for both Sega Saturn and...

I did, yeah. That's true. He had to play it on both consoles. It was an RPG. He was like, Dad, the graphics are different. I need it for both systems. Well, I'm gonna have to go have gay sex to earn enough money to buy it. Oh, whoops, it looks like someone has to go have gay sex for money again.

Oh, jeez, I don't like doing it, but I need this video game. You go into Adam's room, it's every system ever made. Japanese imports, a full, like, arcade. Isn't this their house? Anything for my boy. Anything for Adam, I guess. He's a good man. He made a lot of sacrifices for his family.

My dad, dude, we had a Pac-Man machine. It's the first time... Like a full machine? Yes. Like the table top one? No, the full, like, arcade one. I don't know, my dad, like, redid some bar and they just gave it to him. It was the first time, like, his children were like, oh my god, this rules, this is the

best thing that ever happened. And my dad just gave it to one of his friends. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Your dad redid some bar and his payment, they gave him a Pac-Man machine. I think that was part of the payment. My dad is a horrible businessman. I know, I was about to say, it's like, oh yeah, no wonder you're poor. No, he would get fleeced constantly.

Yeah. One time he finished a whole job, he finished, like, these windows and it was, like, some kind of special weather-proofing wood that was, like, thinner than it usually looks. And the guy was like, ah, I don't like how it looks. Can you just do it all over again with different wood? And my dad should have been like, no, this is what we agreed. We paid me twice, yeah. But he just redid it and he just complained.

Oh my God. Yeah, I remember, I remember, that was, because I was working with him that summer and I was like, oh wait, my dad's a fucking coward. Like, I was like, that was like 13, I was like, and by the way, the guy who made him redo it was just some fucking pussy, like, Greek fucking diner guy who I would, if it was up to me, I would have slapped him around. Yeah, you gotta have someone lean on him. Give him a talking to.

I just watched this movie, this Hitchcock movie called Marnie. Yeah, we haven't seen it. I would love a Pac-Man machine. Wait, listen, but he's, he's an amateur zoologist. Yeah, I haven't seen it. And he uses. Yeah, I haven't seen that movie. I wasn't trying to cut you off by saying I haven't seen Pokemon.

Honestly, if we can go back to me for a second. Shut the fuck up, Nick. You're so sensitive, bro. If I were, if I, I'm sick for starters, second of all, I would like to be gay. I want to hear what Madam has to say about Marnie, please. Please stop cutting my friend Adam off, Nick. Thank you. Even though he is gay, but I love him.

Even though I wish I was gay. We established that. We established that. It's not that I am gay, it's that I aspire to be gay. What happens in Marnie? So he's like a. He's about the dog, right? No, Sean Connery's a businessman.

Oh, Sean Connery. His passion is. Is he bald? No, he's got hair. It's like James Bond era, it's in the 60s. Well, he was bald during James Bond. He was bald then, man. That was a wig.

He looked sick though. He's pulling the Adam move to pay. Don't you dare say that on, on the air. That would be so awesome. If you had two pairs. If you had two pairs. And I was the only one that knew. I didn't even know.

No. I've got a beautiful head of hair. That would make me so happy. You should get a Ralph Cifaretto. I'm really thinking about it. Yeah. Dude, honestly, if I get it, when I get a tooth. I'm just fucking horse tone.

When I get a tooth. I'm just also going to get a fucking toupee. What's that? What are people going to say? Get this. Get there. Get the Ralphie. Get this.

Red hair. Yeah. Just a red bowl cut. That was the best part of that. When it's like a pair. Well, he had. What a great. Holy shit.

Yeah. And he's like, what? You knew? Yeah. He's like, yeah, of course. Yeah. Of course I knew. I thought the best part was when Janice was fucking him in the ass with the gun.

That was. Wait. And she fucked him in the ass with a dildo and she's holding a gun. And she's holding a gun too. That's right. That's right. Sick. No.

Yeah. She wasn't fucking him with the gun. I'm going to put you out on the street. Tell me. My little whore. My little whore. Can you imagine? Believe it.

You want to put a fucking dildo in my ass. So what happens in fucking Marley and me? So he's like a businessman and then like this chick starts working for him and he like knows she like runs a bunch of scams like stealing from different businesses and change your hair color and her name, you know, so no one can catch her. Yeah. Anyway, so he like she steals from his safe and then he entraps her and makes her get married to him and he uses his skills as zoology to tame a bitch.

Really? He treats her like an animal. He's like he's like reading books like she's like zoology that does that mean you you understand human nature as well? He's like, well, one could share that I drew, you know, he's reading books about like the female criminal mind and stuff. That's fucking awesome. So it's actually a really good movie, but it's incredible that yeah, that women were

still considered animals in 1965 or whatever. Yeah. Sean Connery talks about how you should be able to slap a woman. You've seen that, of course, classic. Yeah, what a legend, you know, last time we spoke, you said that you raped a child with Bill Clinton. Yes, yes. To be cool.

I did it to be cool. Having sex with children is something that Bill loves to do. I wasn't gay like. Take it back. You're hurting Hillary. You're not allowed to say that ever. You see Elizabeth Warren saying somebody asked her about like getting rid of ice and she's like we absolutely need ice.

I cannot believe how good it is. It's so early for that bitch to go that hard. She's mad. Buttigieg is gay asses. And I mean that in, you know, literally as a yes. So you don't know if his ass is gay. It might be his dick in his mouth, probably, at least anyway, I don't think he's he's fake gay, bro.

I don't think he's real. Oh, I think like they I've never seen more of like clearly a CIA employee. Oh, yeah. I want to see him in Chaston. Fuck nothing. He's fucking American psycho, dude. He really is. He went to the troops for the cloud, dude.

Yeah, everything. He's definitely gay for the cloud. He's absolutely gay for the cloud. That's a perfect example. That's Adam's heroes. But basically that bitch is like mad that Buttigieg is just now sucking off every billionaire for money. And she's like, oh, I want to be, I want to be a centrist also.

Well, she was like, they asked her if billionaire should exist because there's an issue. And she's like, if you work hard, you should be able to spend the money on toys. When I grew up in the teepee, we only had a boomerang, we had a boomerang and a piece pipe and everyone would come by and say, there goes, there goes low cheek, cheekbone Liz. She's got them dick sucking cheekbones and it like, Liz, what do you say, Liz? Anyway, time for some may he's just got a whole ear of corn. They said they used to call me DSCB Liz go around the TV and I'd suck those two. Yeah, they said, what makes the red man red, I'll tell you what, getting your fucking totem

poles. Absolutely. Slopped off by every color of the wind DCCB. The question was about cap and trade. Oh, we were talking about cap and trade. Oh, fuck. Yep. That was the thing I remember cap and trade being in the news and I'm like, I don't know

what that means. Every time I look at it, every time I look it up, I'm like, it's something to do with oil. I have no idea. Yeah. And it was like such a big issue. Cap. What if.

Hmm. What if it's about capping? What are you saying on capping? All I know is no cap, like the way black people say that's what I mean. I'm not. I'm against the only one that doesn't cap is Bernie for sure. The judge is all cap. Yeah, I don't know.

It has something to do with oil. I thought it was like, I thought it was like emissions or something with energy policy. I have no idea though. Yeah. Energy. I mean, it's like a way to like use some regulation to use less something to Chinese do it or something. No, probably stop the Chinese, but that's one of those things like net neutrality where

it's like, I understand what net neutrality means. I don't know. I still don't know whether being for net neutrality means. Yes. Yes. I think it is that that fucking Internet providers can throttle your shit or if you're against net neutrality. I think if you're against because if something's neutral, yeah, you can't it's not being

throttled. I think you think it should be a public service. So you think it's so you're pro like telephoto. Well, that's different. That's not net neutrality. Yeah, that's nothing to do with. No, I think it's like the Internet shouldn't be it should be like a public good. No, that's not net neutrality.

It's not net neutrality. Isn't it? No, an argument. I thought it's classifying the Internet as like a public utility public utility. No, I think you're you're saying that we should nationalize Internet service. I thought that's what it was. No, it's just that Comcast can't be like actually, yeah, it's about not letting Internet providers discriminate like like data because they're mad that people stream everything now.

So they they're using more Internet. So they're like, fuck that. If you're streaming, we're going to charge you more. Comcast will advertise. It's like $80 a month for 400 megabits per second. Right. But then when they don't tell you as they're like, and we'll throttle it so Netflix doesn't work.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, so yeah, go ahead. Use that 400 megabits per second to connect to an FTP and like download like NBC will work really well. Yeah. Right. Exactly.

Yeah. We're like making people pay more, making the providers pay more for like, you know, faster service on their networks and shit, which I guess it's kind of like it's close to making it like whatever a utility would not really. I'm sure people for net neutrality also want it to be a public utility. Yeah. But it'd be like, you know, if it was like utility like water or whatever, it'd be like, you know, say the plumbing in your house can deliver all sorts of liquids and it's like

you really want water and you can only get a drip of water a day, but you can get a shit ton of Sierra missed because like, yeah, Pepsi has a fucking agreement with Comcast or whatever. That sounds pretty good. And it's like, well, this, I don't want that. What about you? Yeah. You, that'll be awesome.

If that's what it's like, then I'm against it forever. What? There's such a good drink, dude. Yeah, I just haven't had one in a long time. You got to brother. You got to get a little room, huh? There he is. You know what I do want to drink?

Some fucking cider apple cider with rum in it. Is that the season right now? No, we're going in eggnog season. Fuck eggnog, dude. You don't like it. Fuck that creamy bullshit. I got something nice. I got some creamy coming from my eggs right here for you, pal.

If you like eggnog, come could be. You should drink staves come just to see what happens for the club to what happens. Something cool could happen at a club just to see what happens. Just check it out, man. You never know what might pop up if you drink my cup. It might be pretty cool. It might be something cool. What kind of clout would they get me?

I don't know, dude. I'm getting into being a clout shark. A clout shark? Yeah. A trend chasing homo. That's pretty cool. That's a cool guy to be. Yeah.

A Brooklyn trend chasing homo. I love it. Yeah. My name's Christopher. He's been dangle yearings and round wire frame glasses. Yeah. The dangles are really out there now. That little beanie that you fold up there on style caprice classic tattooed over his

eyebrows. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Of course you think that Adam. If you if you're about the cloud enough to get a face on over one eyebrow and centra over the other and then a license plate right across the middle of his face. Those guys don't know enough about cars to but that's part of it, dude.

That's why it's funny to them. You know, there's nothing sacred to those fucking piece of shit within fucking they're getting more busy than how dare they how dare they well. Time to play a Pokemon sword and shield to feel better to feel good about those people that know how to go outside and have conversations. Talk to each other. Yeah. Yeah.

In my apartment, organizing my tools until I die, I'm going to teach Snorlax how to fucking shoot a bow and arrow. Yeah. These people respect each other. But look how much respect I get from the gym leaders. In this. How many badges do you have? I can't wait to be respected as Commander Shepard as a replay mass effect.

Apparently Ash against the Pokemon TV show is still going. Yeah. And Ash just won for the first time. Yeah. Ash finally fucks at age 32. He gets pussy. Yeah. Adam, did you identify with Misty?

She was a girl. Guess why? Because it's the girl on the show. She's the girl from the show. Did you? That's what you identify with. I didn't watch that show. I watched Meet the Press.

It's funny. I watched that. And I always thought there'd be a chance that they'd animate her pussy. I know exactly what you mean. It's a cartoon, but I'm like, damn, maybe the shorts will move. She was a sexy cartoon. Maybe they shot it in a way where they didn't realize her pussy was on camera. I thought that.

No, it's full well that it's animation. I didn't want to see pussy, but I did think that about titties legitimately. I was like, you never know. You never know what's going to happen. Maybe they accidentally drew Marge's pussy in that episode where they're running around naked. A little wardrobe malfunction. I'm going to definitely pause the tape it when I know the episode comes on and then

get like very slowly with the VCR go through. Like maybe we'll get a peek peek of her blue and I will masturbate to like a shaking image of what I think is a line. It's just one line. She was hot as shit, dude. She was young. Come on. Naked.

She let the hair down. She had a fucking body on her. We all try to jack off to Simpsons porn. See if you like it. Yeah, we should try. Yeah, on three. Let's do it. One, two, three.

No, no, different rooms. Different rooms. Adam's doing it. Oh, dude. And I'm looking at his phone and it's a picture of Mo putting a bottle of beer in his ass. And his penis is already. Adam's drawing himself sucking off. They're doing it so low.

Drawing is printing out a picture of Simpsons porn and then drawing himself on having gay sex with Mo. Just got Adam sitting in a computer chair with his pants around his ankles drawing. Going bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. I can't wait to be done with this drawing so I can jack off. Taking lessons for like six months Yeah, I'm gonna start doing going to nude model classes and sweatpants pop a couple of blue shoes Yeah, we're in and you're like no, I just love drawing. I'm gonna love the crash

I love I'll get excited about painting for the last time Fucking bitch Yeah, but you didn't even you brought you brought a composition notebook in a big Yeah, this is how I draw. Okay, you guys are being fucked up, dude Yeah, I paid the fee like everybody else actually. No, you didn't you still owe us for the last four classes I'm requesting a you tried to you tried to to bring in a Pac-man machine with with chain marks around the center Fuck do we have any

or any Yeah, conversations that we'd like to have what time is it about some goods about halfway through Yeah, I guess there's a conversation we can have yeah in a couple of minutes I love having conversations I love Rock and roll music hit the scene in 1957 mm-hmm in the world would never be the same. That's right Leaving again making a cup of tea Adam Damn you got that dry throat

If I get sick, I'm gonna be mad. Yeah, I'm gonna be mad Especially considering you're going through you like can I touch your cattle and can I touch this and that? You know you gotta touch everything getting getting fucking germs and Dude you better not give me germs dude if I just think If I get fucking no, I'm sorry. I'm serious. I won't give you No, I don't think you will man My baby make up for by doing good riffs. I'm gonna come here. I think it's more I haven't had six cuz I'm gay. Let's get some good ones going out. Okay. I'm funny

Um, I would love to have a podcast. They have a huge podcast, you know Something that like comics come out like newer comics come on and they're like they're like oh this will make like have a Rogan or something you bring a guy that's been doing comedy like three years is real excited. You start the show and you're like Okay, stay something funny Yeah, they're nervous to just hoping to fit into the flow. Yeah, like can you all right? Okay, we've got our guest here his name is you looking at his phone Jim Jim People say he's funny. So go ahead Jim. Oh, yeah, I'd say it Go go oh am I playing Jim?

And then they say the funniest thing in the world and it's like crushing with everyone you're like, uh, The tape is fucked up. We're getting out of here. Sorry guys. Oh, they just didn't get that Yeah, yeah, I just do it doing your job. Yeah, everyone loves them. Yeah. No, no. Yeah, man I can see you just saying boob boob boob in your mouth We're in the same room That boob that machines don't make that noise. There's no machine That'll be awesome dude, let's keep bringing you comics on this show until we can finally stop doing it Yeah, we find the way it's like Excalibur. It would be like Excalibur

I would love they got to pull the riff about fucking your dad out of our asses Yeah, and then they can have the show right I would I would love to Wear underwear. Yeah, dude. Me too. I would love to What would you love to do? I'd love to Is there a reason you're dressed head to toe in green today? It's kind of like I'm wearing the sweat the kind of athletic sweat pants that I own and

The hoodie that's clean right? It is. That's a dirty hoodie. It's pretty dirty But the other hoodie had boogers all over this one has some I was really sick in the other one yesterday I'm on a two hoodie rotation right now. I gotta add a third. I need some more hoodies too And but underwear more than hoodies underwear for sure. Actually, they do. I think they do have hoodies Or hoodies. Yeah, we're talking about Mack Weldon. That's right. You're just joining us We're talking about somebody that starts in the middle Let's see what they're into in the middle of the podcast Hi folks, if you're just joining us on the 700 club, we're talking about Mack Weldon underwear

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Get Mack Weldon. They come in nice. I got a nice hunter green pair. That's why that would match my uh, Sweats. Yeah, well, that's why I thought about it when you because you look like a big pair of fucking underwear Beautiful Mack Weldon. I'm trying to go for You look like a camouflage. Yeah, are you you want to get into camo? That would be sick. I can take you camo shopping. I know a guy. I want to get one of those bush things I got a guy If you want I got my own Mack Weldon of camouflage. Yep. He's like a guy that sells it out of a garage

Mack Weldon also offers camo underwear for any of our sneakier friends Do they they like that they'd like to be on the prowl when it comes to girls Mm-hmm. What about what he means by that is having consensual sex with them to be clear Yeah, but tactically, yeah, but it's still consensual. Stoppable force. They don't know you're in the room Well, they but they are consenting in whatever the situation is only tactical stop quoting Yoda for rape You must use force Do or do not there is no try. There is no try to get pussy

Anyway, um They um and then the good thing is if you have gotten consensual pussy and you're worried that maybe you haven't showered in your dick stinks Mack Weldon has anti microbial silver silver That makes your cock smell like roses. I would just buy it for the Coin value. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, the other thing is as the markets fluctuate You might just want to get that silver line anyway You and you invest in silver when gold goes down And then silver goes up and then when silver goes down

Bronze, of course, of course, we all know that and that is how the stock market works Um, so what else is what else is going on if you if you get one and you don't listen You don't like it. You have a fucking small cock or some shit And because that's the thing it's for guys with nice meaty cocks. Uh, it's also for don't let our girls do don't let our Small dick fans. Well, it's because they have girls underwear too. So you get that. Oh, yeah You can wear women's underwear, but fits better for you because you're gay Got them Got it got him

Yeah, they actually started developing Underwear first small dick guys and they realized oh, this is just women's underwear So now they sell that too. They sell all kinds of underwear for all different bodies Because at the end of the day what they are is body positive. Um, is that so true There it's a body positive type of A situation atmosphere yeah over there It's the kind of place where you go to the bathroom. Oh, yeah You can really shit and piss in there. You guys got to talk for a second while I find so yeah

I love to wear the underwear and just get pussy. What do you like to do? Oh, you like to get I like to get pussy in I pull my cock through the hole or just pull him down I like to um go uh to the grocery store. Yeah, I like to go to the bodega in the underwear I like to go to the gym in the underwear sure Um, they help my lifts they help absolutely That's the thing people don't tell you is that you lift more when adam gets in the gym and he's benching 85 pounds one One

Oh the bar is shaking his his olive oil noodle arms waving back and forth People are like that's the gayest guy I've ever seen. They're like wait a minute. Wait a second. What's look at his waistband Are those a mac well in the underwear? Yeah, wow that guy probably fucks way more than I do Yeah, and then it's like hey man. Is that because of the underwear and he's like no, it's because I'm on my friend's podcast It's because I'm the third mic on a cum podcast But that podcast It has a sponsorship deal with this underwear. Yes, exactly. So that's why the podcast is successful Because it's not gonna be like, oh my god. You listen to come town. Yeah

I wasn't going to fuck you until I found out and then I'm like actually sense of humor Actually, I'm the founder of come town And most popular and they're like cool and they're like here's our pussies and they spread our pussies rip them open They put both fists in there and then they just It sounds like a fucking like the when you flush the toilet on an airplane Just a hungry Hungry cavernous hole right that'll whip the mac weldons right off of you rip your pants off Yeah, so that's the kind of pussy you want to get

Mm-hmm. Go to where? Yeah. Oh shit. What nothing. Oh, you have to leave. No, we got that new york times update Just on the phone. You probably got it too. No, I'm sorry. I don't have we're in the middle of something adam Well, we could talk about it after we end our discussion about my waiting and I don't have any notification. Oh, never mind Trump's not the president anymore What do you mean Trump's not the equated shut up. Yeah, I mean that would be crazy if everything. No, it didn't happen Some guys said some shit. All right, man. Well, can we finish the yeah, let's continue. Let's continue Sorry, so if you want that kind of pussy that's like an airplane bathroom. Oh, I would love their frustration Here's this is from the the fellas themselves. The frustration was real

And their eureka moment happened in a department restore aisle full of brands that dominated our top drawer Or Icing the difficulty of going and finding adult men's underwear at Macy's and you're walking home and you're you know, this That's like this is Thomas the tank engine on What the hell is it? Why can't you do it for me? I wish I could just do this online with the hell is Macy's problem Um, we realized consistent fit and quality came in the game roulette. So we decided to take matters in our own hands and started from scratch in our fabric made design process meticulous

Something about the fit world-class customer experience I love world-class, you know, it's like riding on a fucking zeppelin You know the fucking hindenburg. You're there. You got the nicest underwear in the world All right, you're even eating off a silver platter surrounded by swastika It's back with all the world's best boxers or white guys Yeah, you know, maybe maybe one Italian. Yeah And you're wearing people are like, what is that underwear? And you said it's mac welden and they're like what a time to be alive

1938 Greatest year Greatest year at the german Oh, they were killing it 38. Yeah They were having fun. I really think it was the hindenburg was what lost world war two for them Yeah, that's so embarrassing. That was the most fucked up thing they did. That was really damaging to the cloud Is that hard for you to watch? Yes, it is.

It has been shaped very similarly to the hindenburg It's very difficult for me to see one of my own go down in such a fiery fashion Is that personal? You're slowly trying to park It's erupting. Yeah mac welden is better than whatever you're wearing right now mac welden's premium men's essential brand of believes in smart design and premium fabrics Oh, yeah, they engineered it themselves the fact. Uh-huh. I wouldn't even know where to begin

Me neither. I don't first of all, I don't even know where you get fabric. It's I guess it's a sheep You go to mood from uh that show Design it with tim gun You go to mood fabrics, but anyway Uh fashion runway Runway project from project runway. Yeah. It's matching runway. It's matching runway. Mm-hmm That's what I'm trying to watch. So if you want to get these fucking under They smart design premium fabrics

Underwear socks shirts under shirts hoodies. What the fuck is an undershirt? It's like a white shirt. You wear under like a dress shirt. I just a t-shirt. I don't wear anything under a dress shirt I typically don't either. Yeah, really? Sometimes a wife beater every once in a while I'll wear something To prevent to shield it from what from sweat Oh, well, if that's a problem, they have a silver line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally anti-microbial Wow, this is kind of shit. They put in sponges. I love sponges. They eliminate odor And mac wall wants you to be comfortable

So if they don't like your first pair, you can keep it and they will still refund you no questions asked Not only is Mack Weldon's underwear socks shirts look good. They perform well, too. It's good for working out going to work Going out on a date. It's just every day life. Mm-hmm um It's fucking 20 off your first order visit mack weldon.com and a promo code come down 20 and check out That's real money right there. It's a fuck. It's real money. It's real money, bitch It's just real money. You don't like the underwear. You call them up. You tell them. Hey, listen I got shit in my balls. I got my balls are absolutely

Guaranteed What is the problem that would suck just thinking about it. Yeah, that's why you gotta get Mack Weldon underwear And they'll refund you your money if they don't like it and if there's something else you want to spend your money on Why not make it our patreon? You like these kind of riffs Basically In your nuts. I like this. We'll go to patreon.com slash come town Pay us more money than we already have You get extra episode every week plus you have access to all of the back archive of every single pass. Yep

Uh and also blu-ray rips of every James Bond Yeah, we do have pussy never dies Yeah, uh, the entire the entirety of the bang bus catalog And 4k ripped and the reality kings. Oh, yeah I love those kings and uh, also come see me The stress factory in british port, can I get on the 21st hilarious, uh in atlanta on the 23rd out of nashville the 24th and then baltimore 29 30th and then houston on the 13th of december and then fat tuesdays every mother fucking tuesday

What a bad name for a comedy club this stress factory. I know Where should we go to have a good time a nice relaxing evening to chill out and forget about our worries Yeah, let's go to trauma zone. Yeah. Oh look they open a new comedy club the holocaust museum comedy club Hopefully this is better than that stress factory place Anyway, I mean auschwitz looks like a stress factory. It was it's got smokestacks You can't imagine how stressful it was funny to be like a dumbass that lived in whatever town auschwitz was in Yeah, and like in poland. Yeah in poland and like, you know people are like this war is crazy and you're like Oh, yeah, I don't really pay attention to politics stuff

You like I'm kind of in the middle. I'm a moderate politics is gay, bro politics stuff, you know, it's like Everybody's the same, you know And then you're like just driving past auschwitz every day to work You're like, I wonder what they make in that factory It seems like it's always always always got shit going on And those workers look fucking tired Dude those guys don't make shit, bro. This guy's guy. I wonder, you know, they look broke. Yeah They're like, please help me

You gotta talk to your union, right? Come on, man unionize. This is your own fault for joining a non-union shop. Yeah, that's what you get I'm a fucking scam, bro. Yeah, you could be a train driver like me I am getting out the work is non-stop. Yeah, and I'm getting paid a handsome. They're like just open the box car door It's like dog. I don't touch any of the cargo union rules I don't even know what's in the fucking I drive it. They don't even tell me my job is to press the go button on the train motherfucker steers itself

$370 an hour And six months of vacation And I'm racist That's the way unions used to be all inclusive That's uh used to be you've already busted your ass at a factory working 22 hours a week For the modern day equivalent of $480 an hour Buy a house for 20 bucks. That's right. Six bedroom house

19 car garage and you get to call 11 people or whatever you want Do you they kick them off the bus if you want you have fucking you you had you had authority on the bus Oh, fuck Oh, dude, you know what I saw on twitter that earnest right the guy who plays earnest Fucked r.i.p. He fucked freddy mercury when he was young. Wow Ernest was by Wow, doesn't that rule

He fucked freddy mercury. Yeah, dude, and he was hot. I saw a picture when he was young young earnest What's his name something earnest goes gay Ernest go earnest sucks dick Yeah, what's that guy's name jim varni jim varni. Yes jim varni. He was a fucking he was a babe, dude That man was sexy. I was I watched uh, and he fucked a man. I watched a parallax view Mm-hmm the other night Um, he did for the club. No, I don't think so. No one knows and Yeah, it's weird young warren baby kind of looks like a combination of

Tim robbins and joe biden Mm-hmm. Joe was kind of hot when he was young like joe by is like 92 He's still hot. You see that video of him speaking at an event and he's completely backwards He's just facing the screen talking That's awesome. I mean, I don't know how you fuck that up. It's a stage. There's like clearly an audience in front of you Oh, yeah, young born baby could absolutely I mean old born baby, too But that guy aged like a fine one young this motherfucker. Yeah, he's incredible below my pussy

Fied era. Yep. I saw the the guy richman Don't talk about it. I haven't seen it. Well, I won't ruin any of those three and a half beautiful hours. Please don't Yeah, it was really long. Honestly, it was ruined by the fact that I needed to piss the last like I'd say 95 That's why I'm seeing it in my house on Thanksgiving, but I would not be able to not look at my phone That's why I saw it in the theater. Did you already make like a Like a Jamaican accent joke about it like the irie the irie man on Twitter. Oh, yeah, okay. I Figured that would be your move. Thanks, bro Um, yeah, I want to see it, dude. Yeah, it's uh, don't

Nope, nothing about it. You don't want to know. I don't even want I don't want even I will say that You see Don do that tweet about the Irishman. Yeah, it's very funny. What are you saying? I don't know. His letterbox is really funny. Some yeah, he like talks. He like puts the wrong actors in movies. That's good What's my man up to? He's like some Canadian guy. He's just some guy in Toronto. Nice. He's one of the funniest Shouts out to Don if you're getting slobbed off. What I will say is at the IFC center I saw it on the I saw the 240 screening on a Thursday. Oh, yeah So it was every single old upper west side just due central there and we were like waiting in line Will and I and like uh in front of us in line was uh this guy and his wife

And all he was doing for an hour and a half was just complaining about Trump And as if they don't live together to his wife I don't share a life with her Yeah, and he was just like and he's an illegitimate president and the transcript is fake and it's just like They only speak to each other in in Maddow, you know Of course And uh and then also we got there was an old uh an old man fell down the stairs at the IFC In front of that, that kind of shit again Hell yeah

With a cane Just like all getting almost to the top step He toppled I thought he was like dead or broken hip or something then a bunch of people helped him up And he just turned to the rest of the theater and he was just like I just want to see the movie The movie And they're like administered first aid like the guys that worked there because he didn't want to leave and go to the hospital Because he wanted to see the new marty god damn. It was sick, dude Damn being around my people is awesome and the fucking yudin

Yeah, they're disgusting Everyone's got a cold Everyone's everyone has germs Um damn seeing a movie a good-ass movie when you're that old probably so good that probably nothing left That would be your favorite thing That's all I want to do when I'm old. Yeah go to the cinema Yeah, dude when your cock doesn't work, you're free of the tyranny of trying to get pussy You could just watch fucking tv and eat and die

Hang out with your friends at Duncan. I can't wait I can't wait, dude. I can't wait either I just want to die and get my pussy sucked What are you guys doing for fuck's giving? Um, I still haven't bought my ticket. I've probably seen my family. Nice Spread looking like Um, we do it all right now, but now my dad has to do it all. Yeah, it's not as good to get it catered Um

Yeah, I don't know you should get a fucking Popeyes fried turkey Do they fry a full turkey? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I tried the sandwich again. Try to give him another chance You know what it is. Is it like with fast food? You got to catch a good one. Yeah, I suppose Shutt said it was pretty good I think if you're at get the right Popeyes franchise location and you don't think you were at the right one I was at the one in bedford stives and it was not What's the problem there? It was not as uh, I don't know their standards might might have been lower. You know when you catch a good mcdonald's

Yeah, absolutely. I could happen to make donald's yesterday. Did you catch a good one? What do you mean? You know, occasionally you're like, this is a I'm at a good mcdonald's right now. They got like a fucking There's like a fat lez be a hot. There's a fat lesbian manager. That's just absolutely. She's a hitler. So strict Taskmaster. Yeah, she's beating retarded. All the ones I go to now everything's automated. That's true They hire 15 black women to scream the numbers out and then everything else is robots They're like we haven't figured out a way to make robots scream Once we teach these seven five two

That's the first time you've said that Hello 349 your order Okay, that was the that was the first call the automated one is is dangerous when you're fed. There you go your shit It's ready already your shit here your shit already fucking done There you go. Bye Oh, you're talking about the touch screen the touch screen is a problem because When you're fed a shit, especially when I'm going to mcdonald's I'm usually high

Well, they design them so that homeless people can't kill or have sex with them So the screen's got like a fucking four and a half. It's bulletproof Fucking glass on it. It's impressive. You have to fucking like Like jam your goddamn finger on the fucking screen just to get to register anything And it's like just let the homeless people destroy them, of course I would rather be convenience than fucking walk out of the store because it's like I don't want to fucking like You know, literally have to go like put a fucking finger splint on afterwards. Yeah, I've hurt myself all the time I'm always covered in cuts

Don't want to get me angry I will do I will fuck up and hurt myself Do you remember that tweet a couple months ago with that fat lady? I will smear blood all over your fucking machine This is new york city If you think I'm not the kind of guy that will lose his patience and just take a take a shit and harm myself and shit everywhere harm myself and shit outside Shit in your shit on the floor in the store So even the homeless guys are like, man, you don't even live outside

I mean when we the last resort for us when we know it is cultural I like boys. I like using those machines because they don't misgender me