The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 183 – pilgrims and indians

Episode Date: November 28, 2019

happy thanksgiving everyone

Fuck God check. Yeah, I should get a long pussy check cord like that. Yeah, dude Cuz I need to I need to recline dude So I guess we got we got two big things that neither of us can talk about yeah my dick and my balls. Yeah huge things There's something we can't talk about what do you guys think about this This well, there's something I can talk about what I was Disrespected this weekend. Oh, yeah, absolutely Disrespected this weekend outside of a club outside of a night club. You were in a club. I went to a club Why it's like players in Twinks. I

Want to twinks and play My idea for a business is Basically, it's for like, you know the low tier players But we invite little skimp-ass white dudes also Mm-hmm, so then they can they can they can log on the the the Twinks and feel better about themselves That's right. I said losing all the pussy to you know debo. Oh, that's good Yeah, yeah, so is the idea that they would fuck the Twinks or they would be oh, no, no It's not a gay club. It's not gay guys like Adam go there to strike out. I see

The other guys feel better, but in exchange I drink free I drink are there any women you drink free if you if you win the smallest dick competition That's kind of you get half of your $70 cover back. That's awesome. Yeah, that's good. I like that idea Yeah, I got Death Stranding and I like the menu so much. I don't think I'm gonna play it. It's really pretty Yeah, I wonder if there's some music that goes along with this. Let's get some some slambionts going I love slambionts slob non beyond slob non beyond Anyway, I was outside of a nightclub Literally, what were you doing there? I went to I went out to a club with friends like for fun

To be a single person going to a club to a dance club. I wish I had fun, you know, I took ketamine Because I hear that's what they're doing. Who's the crew like one of these just I went out with I'm not gonna name the names You're gonna make fun of me. Oh Oh, uh, Shlomo and I went with Ari and Ezra Anyway, you guys get it nice the two of them are leaving I said there were there were these two girls were dancing with I said I'm gonna stay and keep dancing with these ladies, right? Okay, so I said, but I'll I'll walk you out I think there's three of you and there's two women Yeah, yeah, yeah, two girls. We know kind of whatever. Okay, so but I said I want to keep I want to keep dancing

I want to keep party, but I'll walk I'll walk you guys out and I'll smoke a cig outside And I'll say goodbye. I'll say goodbye Then I'll go back into this into this hellhole club that I've been that I'm pretending as fun Where is this and what it's in like East Williamsburg? Okay? Okay, so I have a cigarette an abandoned warehouse basically kind of a warehouse situation I have a I have a unlit cigarette. No lighter. I see a gentleman a Mayo ass cracker ass soy boy ass gentleman. You should you look in the mirror and his East Asian Girlfriend on the side and he's smoking a cigarette

Listen, okay, listen, so I got I have my own let's cigarette. I approach them. I said sorry Yeah, babe, let's get out of here. I approach them. I said, yeah, this place sucks. Yeah, yeah, this place sucks Yeah, no, so I approach them. I said, hey, sorry to interrupt. Could I get a light? I had you know, I showed them I had a cigarette You're not looking for a say you just need just the light and he turns to me like I'm sorry I don't have a lighter buddy and I was like, okay Well, could I um could I just light my sick off off of your cigarette and he looks at me goes that won't be happening Oh my god. So I so I stood there and I was like I was just froze. I was just shocked. Yeah

I was just like what I was like what what I'm sorry. I'm sorry, dude. I'm not even mad But I just I just would love to know bitch. I would love to know the rationale behind you saying no Yeah, you cannot light a cigarette off of my cigarette Mm-hmm, and he turns to me says this conversation is over. Oh my god. You got to fuck that guy up, dude I'm sorry. So then so then me and me and so Ari and I mean saying he's friends with uh, you know, yeah, a certain uh, buddy Stas, uh, buddy Stacey, yeah. Yeah. Well, no wait, I don't know. Okay. So anyway, so how do you see so I'm like So I'm like, all right fuck this guy, you know, there's some other people smoke a cigarette, but we're laughing

We're like dying laughing because it's not even mad. I'm laughing. I'm like, this is so weird. Why? Why did he do that? What a cool move like when go back to your car and then come back with a gun? No I mean that taser thing that Garth has You should have kicked the cigarette out of his mouth. So I said so I said, okay So we're laughing and then like we're standing in a circle. I'm like, what could it have been? Yeah, maybe who's getting in an argument with this girl, right? Maybe he's like, yo, I'm not I can't I can't do this right now You know, maybe You know, maybe he thinks I'm someone else. Maybe it's a classic state

He case of mistaken identity Adam Friedland from the racist Then I said that and then my friend was like you're delusional. No one fucking cares about that Yeah, and then and then his girlfriend walks up to us. We were about like 20 We're all kind of laughing somebody nailed a here. Yes. And like within three blocks Yes, of what people do care where we are basically. I guess maybe we weren't far from here. Yeah And she walks up and she said she's like, do you guys really want to know what it was? And I was like, yeah Asian girlfriend. Yeah, she was okay. Say it again. She said, do you really want to know what it was? I said, yes, yes, please we're all like we're all trying to figure out what it was

Yeah, I would love to know and she said it was your conduct and I was like, what are we in the military right now? Yeah, she said your conduct on the dance floor and I said And I said would you have your cock out? I said what what do you what what do you mean? She said you guys walked in the club. You were pushing everyone around You were ruining everyone's night and I was like, I'm like, I think you're thinking of different people because I was standing in the back Because I do not like to be touched by people on drugs. I like to have a little bit of a buffer zone of space around me I don't like being in the middle of the dance floor. It makes me uncomfortable and I suffer from claustrophobia You three out there. She said she said I don't know. She's like, I don't know you white men anything while her white boyfriend

Unbelievable and so I was there to do the song. Yeah, I would have lit her up I mean to me to say I don't know you white man anything. She said I don't owe you white man Fucking annoying boyfriend wouldn't light your cigarette Because you were pushing people on a fucking dance floor. So I said to her I said, do you think there is a possibility? That you're thinking of someone else. It was dark in there You could have been a lot of someone else dressed like me You clearly can't tell the difference between white man. Yeah, and she and then she turned to us and She said the only way I keep answering your questions is if you pay me

Oh my and then she walks away and then her boyfriend takes out another cigarette and lights it He says have a good night boys, and then they get in an uber Jesus Christ and hilariously you were kind of owned by them. No, well, you got really owned by two of the worst fucking biggest How did we get owned? I mean, I was just trying to ask you didn't get fire Mm-hmm, and then you you're like and then after they owned you you went back for a second helping They came back to us. We walked away. Well, here's the thing man That is now I don't condone violence But this is a time where you do have to fight that that's that that would be that would be the event where there's finally a video

That gets me canceled Like you got a slacker I Don't know men or at least you don't let him talk to you that way. Yeah. Well, she was talking at the end I mean he if he was the only thing he said was like no that won't be happening I mean this conversation is over two things and then you just say no person, right? You just say hey to you. Yeah, you should just say you don't have to be a cunt about it Yeah, never mind. Yeah, and then you walk away. I start balls in his court Mm-hmm, and if he wants to say anything you say no you're being a dick. No shut up, bitch

We would when they walked back to us We were like you guys are at like like like Ezra was just like you guys are assholes like we were like fucking like we're like What's your fucking problem right now? Oh, so robbing Ezra of his No, Ezra was being he was a shot at the Ezra shot at the Ezra a young king a young king and a come boy That was 12 years old. Yeah. No, he is he is almost 12 years old. No, he's he's 24 years old I don't fucking dance club. I'm saying oh my gents. Listen. Listen. You want to really hear about I'm trying to reinvent myself. She's like, you know what it really was I don't like that you're out here molesting these children on this dance floor

I can't wait to reinvent myself. I'm ready for my next big fall. Oh, yeah I think it is. Oh, I don't know something bad will happen and then and then I'm coming back We should honestly detached we should uh your problem right now is being too attached We should reinvent ourselves as ketamine guys, that's the new drug that I'm evangelizing you can be a ketamine guy How about you betta mean I'm on board. Oh Nick we should do it sometime. I've been feeling better lately. I find it made me stop feeling depressed I finally got all my all the shirts are gone sold. Yeah, so we got a haircut. You look good I got my hair cut your beers kind of trimmed up. Yeah, I cleaned it up a bit

Mm-hmm got print shop. I sent this they had like 40 shirts left I milled them off to the print shop and they're just gonna handle fulfillment from now Beautiful, you know, just don't have to do shit from now. If you're trying to get a shirt They're the same quality. They just come directly from the print shop. No Nick won't be touching them anymore I might do a thing where it's probably I wanted to figure out where I could hold the inventory So in case people like sometimes people are like, can you sign it or whatever? And I'll do that if they wanted to but now I don't have a way to do that So like I but I couldn't figure out a way to hold inventory. No, that's too many steps, brother

Yeah, I don't know. I mean it is nice to have if I could set it up so that I only had to fulfill like 20 orders a day Then I would do it but like this fucking like 450 orders. Yeah, that's right. It's yeah, it's too much Speaking of ordering things the Stavibaby 2020 calendars coming out Hopefully by the time you have listened to this Pre-orders for 2020 pre-orders will be up. Hopefully by Thanksgiving. Although I may be I may be out of business a Shopify Payments put all my money on hold. They're like we have to do a standard review Wait, yeah, do you have any slurs in your shirts? I don't think so Yeah, but it's like, you know, I don't know. I mean you're always like waiting for like one company or another to be like

We're not gonna do business with you. San Francisco can't be associated with the Richard gear music That's why we need to you need to move our your shipping operations to fucking Dubai Yeah, we got to hit up Peter Thiel and do some like libertarian style off-shore Shit, that's true Yeah, have an island for sex with children and printing Richard gear music This is by Jett bright little st. James Like what kind of t-shirts is he making on there on that island just call it new

We need to buy property name it new little st. James It's a totally different thing. It's still called little st. James, but it's auto-tuned like tea pain. We need to buy like one of the Do the acidity islands we buy one of them? Ascent it's islands. That's what I would call it if I was going there with me and some of my friends from the The you know contracting company I work for the construction manager I have been for 15 years and we're going on our cruise to the ass over the ass in tits island Ass in tits. I'm gonna get head on one of those wild ponies. Yeah, I Saw I saw Ford versus Ferrari. Oh, let's get a review. I took my dad. Nice

So dumb perfect dad movie though. Oh, yeah, he loved it. Yeah, I mean it looks stupid Christian Bell's performance How was it? It's a story of like Ferrari beats Ford at something. I have Ford Ford Beach Ferrari It's something Italian Ford some guy from America. It's more linguiney than the guy Ford rapes Henry Ford goes over to Europe to rape the he out rapes the Italians the Italian Mama Mia right when I said nobody read by the faster anymore something like that Yeah, but it's it's it's very like one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen. I mean they got a good cast

It is well, it's it's definitely fun. My dad loved it. I had a good time, but it's like Yeah, there's there's so many like the final scene in the movie because it's about this Carol Shelby was like a Race car driver and like designed race cars in this English dude that fucking Was a race that raced the cars for Carol Shelby. They get hired by Ford to make a car Shelby Mustang or something There is yeah, it's the same guy nice So they get hired by Ford to beat the Italian to beat Ferrari at Le Mans Or whatever, but there's like so there's one scene where the English Christian. Well, it's like a hundred hour race It's 24 hours 24 hours. Yeah, oh

You had me at Mon. Yeah, it's like Yeah They teach you how to give birth. Yeah, what a scam they let you stretch your pussy open. Yeah They teach you how to stress. They teach you how to kiss your wife My wife as a kid, I'm not gonna be there tell that bitch dude. No, I'm gonna be at home gaming my last chance to Just face time the most precious moment of my life. I'm gonna waste it the hospital Yeah, in many ways the moment your child is born is the worst moment of your life Yeah, because it ends your gaming well

I was people like wow really changed my life man. It's like I mean you have to tell yourself that yeah Right, yeah, no one's gonna be honest be like it. Honestly, it's kind of whatever I didn't really feel that different but now I have a lot more responsibilities Yeah, the movie the wrestler should have been called the guy who is chill about it The guy who is pretty chill about having a kid. I love when he's just like he finally gets his crackery Yeah, I'm gonna get my dick I Know that's the absolute wrong message to take away, but that's how I'm gonna be dude

Yeah, if I get the fuck with the equivalent of Marissa. Tom a mm-hmm Marissa's Mertits in ass island Hey, that's what I call her if I was working in my my contracting. Yeah, you know, I 15 years I saw a sneak preview of the wrestler when I lived in DC because I You guys are gonna laugh at this. I used to belong to a Facebook group called I love free movies nice and we used to get like way past I love free meals and so free

That's kind of like Intra-racial crime What's that stealing stealing movies, but you know, it's just it's you keep it within the community What do you mean intra-racial like you should be able to pay? Anyway, I went and saw right intro is within the same And I got there kind of late and I sat in the front row and then Darren Aronofsky did a Q&A Afterwards and then he walked up to me. He said do I do I know you and then I was like like Samoring because I was like, you like, you know 19 years old and like nervous and then he just goes. Oh, you're just a fucking Jew

Do I know you were you ever at those parties that what's the fuck was that guy's name? He's like, you're just a Jeffrey Epstein. No, bro. What was the gay guy Brian's singer? Do I know you from those pool party points? My good boy Bri Bri's pool parties that picture of like Kevin Spacey fingering some teens Yeah, it's so funny just grabbing it like right biting his ass like a morbidly obese person at the drive-thru of checkers Yeah, oh, yeah, just rifling through the bag. You can see it in his eyes. He starts eating before he even pulls away Hello Would you have sex with Kevin Spacey Adam for a career for yeah, you would get to they would reboot House of Cards and you

Got to be his role. I would be Frank on the wall You would be Frank on the I would turn to the camera say the plot is set every every what they don't know every movie Now has been recast with the victims of the perpetrators who originally had the roles That'd be hilarious Yep, I'm trying to think what so you have ghost dad with the bitch from oh, yeah, just shoot me Yeah, yeah, that's one of them. Honestly all the Cosby projects president E Jean Carroll Right, a lot of people think of regime change and they think it's sexy They think a sherry and they think of the sexual

Okay, we'll be back after a brief we are we are going to cut to a 45-minute commercial Well, we load E Jean Carroll back into her cage and drop her off at the mental institution I am I had an Uber driver coming back from the airport and he was like where you from man It's like this African guy, and I was like oh Baltimore originally. He's like Man last time I was in Baltimore. I ended up having a kid He's like yeah, man the first time I ever Pregnant and he was like and then guess what two weeks before that I did the same thing on Long Island So this motherfucker within a two-week strut he had two children by two women

He's only fucked once and they live one lives in Long Island one lives now the Baltimore one moved to Jersey And he lives in the Bronx, and he did not they they don't know about each other This guy's have the best life. Yeah, dude. He was so carefree about it. I was like okay first I was like I I'm not hearing him because it's Dominican I mean you know I'm her friends with him or whatever but people were talking about like relationships or whatever He's like no, I don't cheat. He's like I can't do that. I can't cheat on somebody's like Why would you like commit to be with somebody if you're gonna cheat and then within the same breath? He admits that he has multiple girlfriends

Cheat outside of his six He's like because where I come from in my community, you know, he's like you're gay if you're not He's like that's gay. They call you gay in a faggot if you're not you remember you remember in DC My neighbor upstairs Jerome. No that guy that lived upstairs. He was like this like older guy He was in Vietnam. He like was living off his pension and like I'd known him for years and like what what like I kept finding out new Things about him just like wild things like hugging and kissing. No, no, so like one day like one day. He's like he's like I Yeah, he's like what he's like I haven't tell you I was a clown I was like you're a clown Jerome. He's like, yeah, he's like well get out of Vietnam got a bitch pregnant circus was in town

He joined the circus to be a fucking deadbeat dad. He like joined the circus to be a clown so he wouldn't have to take care of it You came up with the most racist joke about the universal circus Like well, he's black dudes are trying to dodge child support so they put on a bunch of clown makeup Perfect disguise. Yeah. Yeah, someone found a fucking found that in the market, dude. It's cheap clown labor They're just trying to run from them from their life Jerome pay them back when he paid normal clowns that guy was the best he used to just literally hang out with like just a crew of 17 to 19 year-old smoking weed all day long wait, how old was he? He was probably like 68

Well, you're describing as a man who's having sex with children. I don't think he was having sex with them I think he just really likes you You think you don't you think he was just chilling with 17 year-old. I'm pretty sure he was just chilling with that That's a that's a funny thing. I'm pretty sure he had a child's heart. I've seen Epstein Probably until like four years ago thought he was just a baller. Yeah Yeah, and then the me too stuff happen. He's like, oh, I'm a pedophile I thought I was cool. I thought I was boy I thought I was balling because that's why like fucking people talk about Harvey Weinstein with that Ben Affleck quote about like

Yeah, Harvey loves the ladies Well, that's what Trump said in that interview about about Epstein. Yeah, they're like he loves the girls Maybe sometimes I may be on the young pretty pretty young girls, too Yeah, Donald Trump is saying he likes him on the younger side Trump would probably fuck 16 year-old still well I'll tell you what the only way to be cool now is to have lots of money and have a cool wallet Yeah, oh, I agree to put the money in or yeah, it's not having sex with children to be clear It's not having sex with children. In fact, I would say that that's over the ridge

The ridge of cool it's over the ridge of being cool Some being over the You don't ever want to go over the ridge The ridge of being cool, huh? Um, you know what's on I guess under the ridge is having a ridge wallet having a ridge wallet, which is a rich company They make ridges Ridged for her pleasure ridged for her pleasure. That's all right in his place and his place and his pleasure Yeah, you can fuck a man's ass. You're a zipper is done. I know

Adam was just readjusting my zipper. I keep falling down all the time Some woman stopped me in the grocery store and she was like sir your pants are down I was like, I'm trying. It's shut up. Yeah, I'm trying to get hard. I don't know if I want ham or beef Boof Yeah, I mean the thing about the ridge wallet that's fucking awesome is that You know, you don't have bullshit. There's no a lot of guys a lot of fellas out there They get too much bullshit in there fucking wall, you know, Macy's Macy's day parade tickets You know a couple of receipts from the bathroom

Men's those African guys that give you the mince and stuff There's a huge receipts now toothpaste samples. That's good. I have I used to keep a lot of that in my wallet Yeah, but the ridge wallet what I like about it. No way to put a condom in there And so the thing is you have to you have to raw dog And she can't be mad at you a bitch is like do you have do you have do you have a condom? And you're like, I think that's over the ridge. Yeah, yeah, you're not all you're not under the ridge bitch Yeah, you're over the ridge Time to talk to the blade

Talk to the blade if you're over the ridge Mm-hmm anyways Yeah We the ridge makes every day goods to a standard you don't see every day That's so fucking true And they help you streamline your life by turning the things you carry like backpacks chargers and wallets into tools for better living Well, they make backpacks and shit. Oh, I guess so I had no idea That's pretty cool our flagship product the ridge wallet was launched on Kickstarter in 2013 now sits in the front pockets

Of over half a million men and women And gender fluid folks. Yes, and then to all three of our gender fluid listeners No, but we got a few who got into fights with the rest of the community Yeah, and so they're rebelling by listening to cool by listening to you want to be the equivalent of a black Republican Gender fluid people listening to the show. Yeah, if you want to be there, what's that guy's name David Smith? The fucking that that sheriff David Clark David Clark. Yeah, if you want to be that guy But the gay version of that guy Sheriff David Clark Sheriff David Clark The one that let people die in his prison. No, what's not the other guy was that our pay? Oh, no is David every prison has people dying

That's true. I'm looking at their Like this guy runs the worst jails in America, and it's like like what makes him the worst. He's like there's even more rape Yeah The conditions are he's thrown Viagra in the water and the rich backpacks look pretty sick. Let me see Pretty minimal. Oh Fuck can I see them? They would zip all the way down. Can I see the back? I want one of them's my dick. I need a new backpack What else do you got? Here you go. Oh, that is cool. They got wallets and what else they got wallets backpacks knives

We've been so I can do they have mobile power, you know, so you can charge on the go I fuck with that big. I always need that phone cases with two metal plates bound together by a durable elastic band The ruffle bags looks nothing like a traditional wallet titanium carbon fiber and aluminum options Ensure that there is an option Your dick stays on hard your dick stays on capital H H a rd. It's like any rd, but for it's like for L with a hard dick and they try yeah Cuz I'm hard Everybody suck my dick

To my dick isn't hard Um This isn't a Neptune song, but what about I want to make love in this ass Us in this ass Buster in this I want a bus come in your ass Reges a minimal front pocket while it's designed to streamline what you carry every day It has 30,000 five-star reviews and it's better to carry your cash and cards I actually do use it all the time like literally use it. I started using it because I got I wanted to get a new wallet

I mean, I told this story last time. Yeah, I don't look fuck you just by the fucking wall just by the wall It's you thought you'll never what's the you'll never has as many cool credit products as I do So you it's a it's a fool's dream. You'll never be next how many credit card how many credit how much debt I've incurred blowing all the money from the show opening lines of credit just oh just waiting buying just like fucking yeah buying games I don't even play Blades he has a hundred copies of Luigi's mansion. I have a I bought every copy of Luigi's mansion expecting it to go up I'm shorting Luigi's

There's a lifetime warranty if you love it and free returns if you don't it comes in titanium carbon-fiber Loonam and over a dozen different styles and collars Wow get 10% off today with free Worldwide shipping and returns by going to ridge.com slash come town. That's ridge.com slash come town and use come town For the 10% off your order Is it you heard you heard that you heard me right and if the the rich people are listening Maybe send over one of them backpacks so we can shut the fuck. Okay. I know. I'm sorry. I could ask them So to be honest with you, they sent way too many fucking wallets. Yeah, give us a duffel. Give me a duffel bag I like I have a good duffel these days, but I did a good backpack

Yeah, they sent me fucking eight wallets and phone cases. Yeah The phone cases are kind of nice. Yeah, they are nice. I want to have sex with you know me though I'm brand I will I will destroy my phone using an Apple phone case Oh, really that is true. You do buy every Apple accessory Uh, not every Apple accessory, but like if I have the my because I ran like a Apple printer and shit like that No, I don't yeah, I have a brother a printer. You're a Sony man, too Well, the Sony shit the why I did that specifically with it with the entertainment center stuff It's like the customer service for all these companies is dog shit and it's all these components that connect to each other

So you call up Sony support if your receivers broken. They're like, oh, yeah No, it's actually the DVD player and you'd be like, oh, well you make that too So I guess here's the serial number for that. They're like Because you can't it's fucking impossible to warranty anything if it's like any other Yeah, dude, that's why I just know the one thing that wasn't Sony in the setup was that fucking cable box room Optimum that did not work when they installed it and the guy left without it working and they called them up They're like, yes, it sounds like your receivers broken. There's the box is perfectly fine The woman had the audacity say it's perfectly fine to me, but it's broken. Yeah, you're you know, you're ever you're a stuff that worked fine is

Fine is broken. Yeah, and it's the cable box that we just installed that never worked at all ever So we're gonna need you to be available between the hours of 12 p.m.. To 12 a.m.. No chance I have to you have to bring the fucking box back to them. I had to drive like Benson Hurst to drop off like the fucking the cable box And then when I get there cuz like that, you know, they told me they cancel them Like so I just dropped this box off and everything like yep, and I get there like okay Well, they didn't cancel it so I looked at my bill and it was like

$350 for it's like never mind the fact that like I've had internet with them for years No problem never complained never missed a payment or whatever and I was like maybe I'll get like cable news You know like yeah, just so I don't have to look at my phone Right because then you get sucked into like group chats or whatever the fuck you're doing online. You can't look I'm never I'm not in a single damn group chat, bro. I'm envious man. I'm not really it really fucking like it's I Like I don't trust the internet that much I think it's like lame to say you have a social media addiction when it's just like that's a that's the thing That's just bit like pretty basic self-control. Yeah, you know, it's not like heroin. Yeah, I mean doesn't feels good

Yeah, it's like yeah if I stop using Twitter, I'll choke to death in my own vomit my sleep Mm-hmm Yeah, I'll go into group text threads. Nope. Just the just like just good friends Yeah, I'm just us and then the Jews and then another you have a hundred Jews Well, you know, you got different kind of Jews. You got money Jews book Jews Twink Jews Ethiopian Jews Ethiopian Jews like can we can we hang out and you're like no Get out of here. No, come on, bro. The chicken. The chicks. You know what we meant by Jews Yeah

Israel, you know what we meant by Jews. That's the new Ethiopian Jewish women are some of the hottest. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're super hot. I already fucked all of them I wish I did I wish I thought no, I did what are you talking about you? All right. Well, congrats. Thank you Thank you Yeah, dude, I have a weird fucking injury Mike right quad what happened. I don't know dude I was just I was just fucking I've been out of the gym for like two months I was getting it in at the hotel gym the Hilton Hyatt or the Hilton downtown fuck I want to go back on the road just to just to go to hotel gym was his name that you were getting in with

At the hotel at the gym. Who's the guy? No, I was getting I was getting in a workout. Oh, you know, you said my name's Carl snakes Hang out here at the Hilton Meet me trying to have sex meet guys I actually meet me just trying to meet some cool fellas down here. I spent thousands of dollars in the Radisson gym I ran the hotel every night just for the gym the month basically I'm spending $10,000 a month on hotel rooms But I'm in this gym, and I'm having said I've had sex with three guys over the last five years It's pretty good, there's a pretty good numbers paying for it so

That's how I'm gonna fuck dude. Yeah, I've been out of the gym for like two months and like Already my back hurts all the time. I fucking these hurt and it's like I can either Go to the gym and be in one kind of pain or not go and be in a different kind. Yeah, there's no Ain't that life buddy, you know, that's life. That shit sucks like they said in the Joker movie Mm-hmm, which is true is different rewatch. That's why, you know, no one knew that this guy's actually his name's Frank Sinatra Said brand-new artist was a Joker never heard. No one had ever heard of Joaquin Phoenix I'm just saying that one song was popularized in the soprano. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we know exactly Yeah, mm-hmm. That's life. You get your penis. Yeah, I'm feeling better

I thought you know what because every was I go to therapy and I was like no, you still should you still should go Maybe yeah, but the answer is you got a bootstrap yourself. No, it is not. You just go to you got it Look, there's one man named Jordan Morton You got a clean your room. Yeah green room watch the Little Mermaid. I agree Nick I thought I used to think the answer was booze and sniz and now I know the answer is ketamine I've never you I've never once seen your you're like my apartment's a mess and there's like a copy of National Geographic on a chair Well, I need something to check like I need my mind you aren't messy That is true. Yeah, you're not messy and you're even when you don't have a bitch living with you

You still have a bitch's apartment. No, my apartment's cleaner when a woman doesn't live there. I know But I mean you also like know how to you're even cleaner than a woman is what right like my I'm an idiot and I Like the I was decorating. I've done ever is get a paint a picture of Mark Wahlberg That's not just smashed This is a glass broken. I thought it was a good decoration. Yeah, I have another thing I'm I got these this eucalyptus I got a nice decoration I have a nice decoration that Nick found on the street after my mom got sick to cheer me up

Oh, yeah, which is that poster of like a mansion with like three Helicopter that's awesome a helicopter and it was like what does it say on it? It says like it's like all the money in the world or everybody's got to have goals or something. Yeah, I'm like that I love that That is good Yeah, you're you're not yeah, you're not you never have a fucking mess to you You've been gaming more is that the answer Nick? No, actually I have stopped as I stopped game Well, maybe that could be the answer to no man

I gotta just I got a book. I'm gonna book stuff on the road If we have whatever Lucky City gets to see the first weekend of me bombing my way through an hour with jokes I don't remember Well, should I subject to that Philly? Yeah, I guess I get a squared I could do I could do that it's a night you get a door deal Yeah, umar. Listen, I'm trying to bomb at your show. I'm gonna see umar this weekend for Thanksgiving I'm doing shows actually come by tickets to my shows in Baltimore this weekend Thanksgiving weekend Mm-hmm you fucking animals. You don't want to be with your family come see me and if you're in Las Vegas

Please come to the Freedland family for a Thanksgiving Family door the doors of the family home might not be doing turkey this year. We might be sous-viding stakes So, you know what we're not I got I got him a sous-vide and fucking shaking I got him a nothing what you can make the same goddamn I got my dad a sous-vide for his birthday last year My dad used to make shake and bake for dinner like oh, yeah, and he thought that was like Culinary fucking making pork chop. Yeah Molecular guys run away. Did I remember being like so mad when I had shake and bake? I was like, what the fuck is this?

Disgusting on the bottom. It's like a wet. Yeah, I mean the the the juicy crispy fucking Fatty parts though. Have you ever used it? That's pretty good. I haven't I bought one and I've never shaken bake would be fun It should be shaken fry if you shake that if you bread that and then throw in the deep fryer for a second That's probably pretty good. Yeah, I don't know if it would all fall off or whatever But when you bake the shit it gets slimy on the bottom Yeah, broil it with like velvita mac and cheese And then drinking water out of like plastic cups We're having dinner. I

I cooked for you dinner's done everyone You know there's other guys that cooking out of an easy bake Oh, there's other classic was just done was just like chick boiled chicken with like Casey master Masterpiece barbecue so Awful really bad stuff. God Divorce should be illegal. No, he was married. Oh, he was married. Yeah No, he that was the everyone because nobody I knew how else knew how to cook. Oh, that's hilarious Damn, did you had no nutritional value growing up? Oh, no, none. Yeah, a lot of a Hebrew national hot

Oh, dude, me too. Yeah, Hebrew national hot dogs and Nesquik. They're good hot dogs Big hot guys dude, the fucking but I remember they are the best covered them me too as if there's not four hot dog options Me too. I could all my friends would eat shitty like SK's or the ones I'm garbage. Yeah, actually I He brought As a fat child. Yeah, no, we were a Costco family. So that's what they sold at Costco's Hebrew Nationals We had it all price club Costco at the time was price club. Yeah, it's price club and Sam's Club was Fuck what was the Sam's Club Sam's Club is owned by Walmart. Yeah, it's Sam Walton I don't remember Sam's Club being a thing. I remember I remember when it dropped

No price club became Costco. Yeah, where they merged my grandfather when he retired to San Diego after Saul after helping the South African government. No, he was a lawyer. He was a lawyer, but after And and he died his entire his his all of the money that he made his entire life his his two other sons I thought that they big were day traders and was completely wiped out in the 2009 Respectable A lot of people do J trading

Literally like I don't teaches you a lot about about life humility I don't know if my dad even got it in here. It is but whatever that here's the point point is Yeah, he's He's invested in a skate center I'm just going to get Anyway, there's this old there's this old Jew in San Diego named Saul Price love it who went around to To a lot of the other old retired Jews and he says I have an idea for a business and he says like you get like

Five gallons of olive oil and you get and and all the fours are concrete And my grandpa was like, why would you need that much stuff and didn't do it shut up? And if you made the initial investment, I think it was like $10,000 He would have made like it would have been million. Are you serious? Yeah, that's really what the guy's name is We'll cause name was price. Yeah. Yeah Sam price all price price club was a guy's name Not and then Kirkland was a was a company in in Washington state and then price club and

Costco wait, hold on. Why do you know so much about this because I was thinking about your dad rollerblading. Yeah, because because it's like It's a story of very nice moves Jerome him and his gay friends Very nice your twirl is coming along just like they have all got their dicks in each other's asses And then one of them is we're riding a big wheel in the front Like a trans person telling this oh, you're the man of the house The reason I know so much about it is because it's a story about how my family my family missed out on being billion Yeah, yeah being like having tens of millions your family invented price club No, this guy guy that that wanted seed money to start it like approached my grandpa and his his old his old South African Jewish friends in San Diego

And they all laughed at him and then he became incredibly successful Yeah, it's funny because like the Costco business model is like incredibly sustainable. It's so sustainable and they treat their Employees isn't it just make your money off the membership and yeah, and they just pass off the fucking You know wholesale savings. Yeah, and the return policy folks. You can't beat it I had a roommate that would fucking like Every six months take his Brita water filter go to Walmart buy a new one save the package put the old one in the package And then go back to Walmart It's like it's just not worth of the effort. Yeah, I know and he's like they got a no questions asked return policy

It's like they probably know what you're doing. They don't give what you said $12, bro Right, how much is the Brita cost 30 bucks? I don't know. They're cheap I don't know I drink hours that took you to do while you drink tap water in New York I mean other places the water just taste yeah the tala can Some cities I think like Baltimore water Well, that's why you have all these in general a birthday, right? That's why you're bald and your penis doesn't I Think I'm much taller than the water is fine. The water is fine. Yeah, you know, I'll be drinking this shit every day when I'm not

Drinking man, dude. Yeah, which is right. My mom drank it when she was making fun of all those people for drinking nothing But Sierra miss and they're actually making a better decision. Yeah Totally, it's like like the water and flints probably been bad since like the 70s and no one realized Yeah, because they're all drinking Fago. I saw it. Did you see that Kyle Kuzma sweet from a couple years ago? This NBA player that Yeah, you say that, you know Flint still doesn't have clean water, but we give Israel four He's a big Bernie guy. He's a Bernie, bro. He's my favorite. He's got the best drip in the game

He dressed so good cute. He's so cute and he he also retweeted and tweet very briefly that had pictures of Him and Jeannie bust the the hot owner of the lake who I think he piped down And they were like and she's like all over him and it's like and the tweet is like lol I think we know the real reason Kyle Kuzma was untouchable in those train talks and he retweeted And then someone's like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? He immediately? I think he had to delete that Israel sweet really quickly. I think the Jews in the Lakers front office were like Kyle You can't be putting this on the time Kyle You're wrong about I think actually I think it was maybe from like 2015 or something when he was in college when he was a

Ute when he was a Ute Shout out to cock who's my shout out to cock who's my dude respect to him Some I saw so I saw you see that John F. O'Donnell wants to be on the gas list tonight tonight. Yeah, yeah, of course Oh, yeah, yeah, any any comic can come through to the show for free Yeah, let's not don't say that on the fucking I've done one open mic and I have a gun All right, you know us personally Adam if you show us any friend of ours And friend is we have had to talk you've had to talk to us and us have heard you and responded not just you've listened to us talk Yeah, you can't like that's not what counts. You can't be running your mouth around town saying like oh, yes

I verse and I are real tight one time he bumped me and It was because we're best friends just at home with the cleaning the gun ha ha ha Listening to the podcast. I can't wait to see my friends as a comedian you Know the funny thing about mental illness is that it's gay You know the funny thing about being gay is everyone at expect you to act like you don't That actually is pretty good

Maybe you should open with that tonight. Yeah, and your return funny thing about being gay is everybody expects you to act like you don't What do you get when you cross a gay guy with I don't know But the answer is listen, I got your dick suck you get your dick Sucked at gunpoint Someone's head and sucking his dick. Yeah, the dick suck Joker I love the visual but not all people are bad Joker some people are good

No, no, no, the Joker sucks Robert Oh, that's holding the gun. Oh, that's a better visual. Yeah, that's better visual. Yeah holding a gun Which you could joke I don't know about this you could easily disarm a man whose mouth is Has a penis in it because he's not looking up at you. You know, he's looking up. He's looking up And okay, I guess so I think it would be easier to disarm him That's what makes it so crazy I think about how easy it would be to disarm someone absolutely all the time. I'm like, well what I would do is pop up I would like five karate moves real quick in my mind

I'm like, well, I've seen someone else do it and therefore I can do it and even the way it always is It would always involve a roundhouse kick not understanding that doesn't imply to even the most basic shit like riding a skateboard Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, all right any time that's been tested. It's like been a failure And I'm like, yeah, I would just do I would do a flip over the car I can you do a flip regular without the car for the court? No, no, but the car is the car is essential Well, it's the adrenaline thing is the problem is I have sleeves on my shirt right now If I had that if I had that vest that said tough guy with a snake wrapped around the globe on the back Denim vest that says tough guys of the world unite

And a cobra smoking a cigarette. Oh hell yeah, dude then in that case Cabretti God, I love the movie Cobra. She's just so awesome Yeah, it's one of the funniest movies. So it's the most alt-right movie That in death the best thing in the movie is when he just like smashes into that guy's car while parallel parking outside Yeah, guys like come on man with the fuck. Yeah, just rips the dude shirt And I love that his name is Cabretti That's an Italian that's why the movie is called cold the Italian Cobra There's a grocery store robbery and all of like just the regular cops are there But a detective shows up for some reason to kill everyone

Hey You're welcome You what you you fuck welcome? Yeah, that was evil Stallone, dude. Yeah, we got to watch more of that Steven Seagal TV show. Absolutely, dude Yeah, yeah, every yeah, I gotta get back in the weed back on the road back in the weed now We're back in the water. I just bought a bomb talking. Yeah, I just bought a bong at 32 years old You buy it's a higher standard. I love it. Honestly. I was like I was in the Ethical bong. I was in that, you know that let's do the show tonight. I'll do your show tomorrow

Get the week of bombing out of the way After Thanksgiving or whatever. Yeah, we'll do boys night here. I love it bong bong. Yeah Yeah, I'm down and we will not be recording. We're streaming it. Absolutely. I'm sick. I'm actually be enjoying ourselves Yeah, I think about you pieces of shit Real friendship doesn't make any money. I'm sick of pens and oils. I want to return to flowers and glass Dude, I want to return to my roots. I'm loving oil man. I gotta be honest. I gotta go back to flower, dude I'm a hippie. How about this? The the you reboot Hanukkah, but it's weed oil that lasts for 13 days. I like that. I like that

I get high with your parents. It's called a high. Hi, Nika. Hi Nika, dude. Yes Happy hi Nika to all my hi Nika's out It's the cue yeah, I get it It's okay to say it was not okay to say The place under review New York says it's okay We're overruled on this Damn hi Nika is really it though, dude. That's a good we're gonna make that number 1488

Niqq Number personal not that number a different number Number 1488 no, no, no, no, no not that For those of you listening that love that number Nick didn't mean it. I didn't You're right. I didn't he meant it in a he meant it in a joke in a joking. These are jokes guys And if you can't handle jokes you can turn this off, right? Yeah, if you could go into your safe space You can turn this on and I'm pointing to my cock. Mmm. I was in line behind like a birthday party At the movie theater or whatever and some like a ten-year-old girl was like I was born on September 9th

2009 so when I turn nine it was like oh my god or whatever and I was like Why are you allowed to like speak? I mean this is like more annoying than a baby that's just screaming oh yeah a little kid when they first want to teach like learn facts and they say things and they have mannerisms They're like, you know, but I guess it's like, you know when I was a kid because they you forget that like you were a kid And you had whatever fucking Mannerisms or being a gay ass little kid. You're being a gay ass little kid, but in the in the parlance of the time Oh, yeah, I was such a gas. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like to see a nine-year-old saying dead ass

Exactly, you love disco. I was really I was into disco. This goes great I was not and they tried to reboot it in the 90s. So don't it was sharing the disc Yeah, I was during the 90s that 70s show and then there was like there was definitely an effort to reboot like the 70s Mm-hmm. I mean an Austin powers awesome powers. Yeah, kind of like hippie dome. Let me stop. Yeah Yeah, I used to do little shows little reviews for my family That ended I was pretty gay a little kid I came to a hard end when they rebooted mod squad in 1999 I do not know and it and it failed. Yeah, Giovanni Robisi in it. I don't remember who else the original mod squad

Was that the actress got married to Quincy Jones and it was Rashida Jones's mom and she is by far one of the hottest women of all time. How about Rashida my pants? Yeah, I think you've actually you've said that every time we've said Rashida Jones Who said Rashida my pants? Do you have a bathroom? There was a guy you were doing that was like the guy who I thought watching child pornography. Oh, yeah, right. That's my Ronnie got being interrogated by detectives because it got called the child pornography is like

Yes, I look at picture But the very brief I look at the picture very brief. I touch my penis like that just one second Maybe one two times maybe just that just like that. Nothing They're like, okay Very brief I touch my face. I look I look want to say I look I look picture one to second Maybe come on cop, let me off Yeah, I got another double barking ticket and like the ticket was already

Now is that can you never mind? I mean, it's like it's just so not worth it to even yeah Because they love to be like there's nothing I can do. Yeah. Oh, yeah Mm-hmm. Like well then write everyone else a ticket No, I'm not like that I did fantasize about like following him up the block and then walking out in front of his car and then suing the city for a million dollars I'll be like, oh, yeah, well whoops. Yeah, we'll show you if you want to be mr. Rules I'll show you the rules what happens when you break my legs and I'm permanently in a wheelchair Yeah, imagine getting police brutality by a meter man

Yeah, when I when I willingly get run over by your car so I can collect For the people that's right and I probably people who did Legitimately double park because I didn't want to drive around the block looking for a parking space I actually had a had a like a pretty small penis penis Indian parking cop that hooked me up that hook me up. Yeah, because there's an app you can get for Um for metered parking. Mm-hmm So my friend and I were going to lunch and he's like, oh, I got this app

I'll just pay for the for the parking on my app and he actually paid for his car and not my car So I got a ticket and we saw the guy riding the ticket and he was like he's like, all right He's like he's like You see that guy walking to the car behind you. Mm-hmm. He's like I'm gonna ask him for his Ticket that he had on his dashboard for parking and then you just send the ticket in with that ticket and say that the guy didn't See my like parking that you didn't see that I paid for parking and you'll get off the ticket. Wow And so I got that much of a hookup. I mean, it's a very nice thing that he did That was just fraud. It wasn't fraud. He told me how to fraud. That's a hookup

And then that guy got fired. No, I can't feed his family. No, he didn't feel bad about that I didn't say I didn't say his badge number. I didn't say his badge number, but it was six three We're like, I want your fucking bad number. I want your fucking gun in your badge. Give me your gun You go we could probably take them from there's some meter-maid. I've seen a story that I bet I could fuck up Oh, you can fuck all of them up. That's where they put the the scrawniest weakest ones Yeah, I was looking to see like what you could do to be to parallel parking ticket I saw some post online were like some guys like yeah, I was I I just want like my wife was taking our kids out of the fucking car and bringing them upstairs and the cop pulled up

And wrote a ticket and I was like, come on my wife's just taking our kids like upstairs or whatever This is like NYPD and he's like in the cop. She said she wanted to teach me a lesson But then I look at it and she forgot to fill out the time. So can I dispute this and people are like, yeah, absolutely Go throw that out right away So I guess that cop learned. Yeah, you fucking bitch. I love him when cops learn. I honestly do. Mm-hmm They almost never do and then sometimes when they do it always goes the opposite way like if one cop gets God Now all of a sudden we got a fucking, you know, I'll wear like a stripe or whatever the fuck Did you see that picture someone post online of a

A decal in a car, which was Mickey Mouse Disney ears with the blue lives matter incredible Honestly, I hate blue lives matters shit, but I would buy that and put that on my car You got to you know, it's such a good mashup because you want. Yeah, you want the cops to know you're you want to trick the car I want them to know that I have Disney plus and I respect their authority respect the cops I think it's good. The Disney is removing baby Yoda gifts. I love authority Fuckers baby Yoda from I thought they were done with the man Dingo the man Dingo Lorian. What is that? It's a show on Disney plus. It's like a Star Wars TV show. I got I got an email

I've been charged for Apple TV plus. It's like I there's no chance that I was signed up for that I think it comes with Apple TV I think you if you don't you have to opt out of it if you click on it it automatically Yeah, I did it I looked on it and I was I checked to see it's not doesn't come with Apple TV It's like five bucks a month dude. The fucking Steve Carell show. It looks so fucking horrible What is it all of the show tomorrow everything everything on Apple TV looks like fucking hot shit? I know It's so funny. He's he's playing Matt Lauer. I guess it's called the morning show and there's just like a clip We just like I didn't rape anyone

Where is a button under his desk to lock his door? It's just a newsroom about about rape it basically the Matt Lauer allegation was I mean obviously terribly rape someone But the James Bond aspect of locking a door with a button under your desk Kind of cool. Yeah, yeah, actually. I think it's not incorrect. Wasn't that not like oh that didn't happen Yeah, I think that was just from like whatever insane and sec executive had that office prior to him like back in like the 30s Oh, I don't know because I looked into it because I'm like that's crazy. Yeah the button. Yeah, right. You really hung on to the But I mean if it worked Did he use it?

You know, yeah, and I think it like prevented people from coming in not going out Yeah, me still well that would still yeah It still helps rape it would still help a rape and didn't he rape someone in like Russia or something Matt Lauer Yeah, I'm sure he raped people. I just don't want the door in the button Nick doesn't like the tech being criticized. Yeah, I mean, well, let's put it this way I would love a button under my desk that does anything. It would be cool. It would be cool. It would be I worked at a This is this place called like the lower Colorado River Authority temp there and I replaced the

the like fucking Receptionist some big department. They have like five million employees damn place a receptionist in this one building and You're like there's you know people come in you greet them whatever There's a button under the desk. Don't press it. It calls security and the amount of times I press that Probably I was there a week and a half or probably press it five times Well, you quitter got fired

No, were you tempted to temp thing ran out? Do you understand how impressive it is that Trump hasn't lifted the red phone? It's been in his office the entire was that one called the clowns. No, it calls that nuclear nuclear missiles But it doesn't automatically launch them, right? I think I spent the whole morning on the phone with the missiles. They're doing great. I Just think it shows restraint Good for the team. Do you have a big button that he can launch nukes or he has to like tell I think he needs to know the codes or Something how do how do like how do you launch nukes just on a computer?

You pick up the phone. Yeah, I think it works on a computer. You send it Nuke to six eight six I don't know according to all the submarine movies You have there's like two guys There's the captain right and then some other guy The master of the boat. Yeah, there's the master. There's weird the Navy has weird ranks Yeah, and the army's like lieutenant and private or whatever and the Navy's like Yeah, there's something

chief master of pleasure Top of top of the bottoms Is that what you want to be Adam petty? You well, yeah, I would want to be a bottom from the top So you're a bottom, but you're fucking someone in the ass What is bottom from the top me?

Well, it's when you're you're you're the bottom, but you're you have the you're actually can't you have the power That make more sense to call it top from the bottom Yeah, no, no topping for the bottom. That's why yeah, you're right bottoming from the top is how you have sex with women Yes, that is how having sex with them. You are being fucked somehow. That is true. It's mostly not I think you have you ever been have you ever been raped at him um in the under the letter of the law I have you for real. I mean one time. I remember a girl. I was dating like I didn't want to fuck Yeah, damn and but I I'm not like traumatized by yeah I know I was like kind of annoyed for like a day, but I was like damn

That's whatever yeah, and they were like it's kind of a little girl Listen, and I woke up the next morning and their their eyes were wide open staring at me And they were stroking my hair, and they were saying thank you so much for last night, and I said what do you mean last night? Yeah, it's like you check your a member and then I check my ass Full to the brim with come with lady come Girl squirted into your ass She squirted all up in my ass and the yeah, that sounds hot Well, listen everyone come see me on the road. I mean huge listen this weekend

Thanks, even weekend at Joe squared Friday and Saturday, and then Houston December 13th. Also, please come to Fat Tuesdays every freaking Monday or every Tuesday with the fuck every Tuesday December. We got great lineups They've been very fun shows Come to funny moms on the ninth and the sixteenth right Adam Yeah, I think we're gonna do two funny moms this month, and then we're off for Christmas New Year's and then we'll be back in 2020 2020, baby the year of the election of Bernie Sanders. That's right, dude And then I will be long I will be hopefully these fucking counting come out and Go to what is it come dot town?

For t-shirts. Yes, the ninth and the sixteenth for funny moms next month. Hope you can make it We'll try to make some big boy big boy lineups just to send the year off with a bang Oh, yeah, maybe maybe some surprises. Maybe the return of mr. Louie CK To the stage I think so. All right. Thanks a lot guys. Bye. Bye