The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 185 – It’s the 90s Jerry

Episode Date: December 12, 2019

loving the gear

Let's get retarded ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Mr. Busy B business. I love him. How you doing? My name is Clinton faggot. Nice one dude. That's a good one. I'm still doing the levels here. So you want to talk? Check. We're not recording. Tell that story you were telling earlier about the daycare you're having sex with the mothers. Yeah. Yes I did. I said I got a job at a daycare for pussy. Yeah. That's right. Because there's nothing wrong. Yep. Up until now you're correct. Yeah. That's the way you said the twist is that there's no twist that I'm having sex with. There's no twist. We're not recording yet. No we're recording. Of course we're recording man.

It's the beautiful trigger. You sound weird. You sound me. Yeah. Doesn't he sound muffled. Talk at him. Check. Check. How do I sound. He sounds okay. Yeah. Maybe. Let me see. Say something. Admit that you had to the boy. Can you just keep talking. Okay. But I. All right. Yeah. I'll keep talking. So I watched the social network again this weekend because all the hot guys in it. I didn't think it was the she wanted to have sex with the two twins. The Winkle the Winkle Voss is the Winkle. Whatever. Fine. That's close enough. Okay. We're good. We're good. You're coming through. I mean you don't really come through clearly. It doesn't need to. No one cares what you have to say. Yeah. Yeah. Some muffled that you know they'll protect me from

the legal ramifications of anything. Welcome to fucking come down you fucking pieces of shit. I love that. I've got to figure out where is that from originally. That's just that came with the thing that came with it. That's a fucking billion dollars. All of this shit was already on the thing that you don't want to die you fat bitch. That was in it. That was already on. Those are presets. Yes. I just I'm going through the presets. Yes. A couple of phones. What else they got. Wait my bitch nigga buy your own damn fries. I can't believe Barack Obama's audio book. I can't believe the president would say that. Wait my bitch nigga buy your own damn fries. You know what he said? It's not Obama. It is. It's from Dreams of My Father. It's from the audio

book. Yeah. He talks about his checkered past. He talks about going to buy going and getting french fries. French fries with a time he lost his temper getting french fries. Wait my bitch nigga buy your own damn fries. Okay. That's pretty good. You know he's never said that. My own damn fries. Is there Ben Carson's audio book. Yes. That's it. That's good. No because he has one where he talks about packing somebody. I don't know what he called their silence. I forgot which ones were which. It's okay man. The point is Ben Carson has a story about how he he stabbed someone though. No. I think he said he said yo mama to somebody. But I would like to listen to that. So that came preloaded. What was his book called like

Hands of God. If these hands could eat pussy. I may be I may be a brain doctor but I'm still from the streets. That's we're on our third and fourth if you count implied and we're so far. Well we had a couple of actual ones as spoken by the 44th president. We're getting into the danger zone. This is awesome. Yeah. The soundboard takes it. What's up. Did you see this. This is fucking incredible. I can't wait to net. We don't have soon. I was saying this earlier. I can't wait till we don't have to even talk. Dude if this podcast is a string of sound boards. The money's been dropping off for a while. Awesome.

If we get back on track if we hit a hundred thousand dollars I'm going full setup where I have just three different producers I'm passing those to and they're finding sounds cutting them up for me and then we get I just you know and it's like girl talk. It's like watching a cartoon play a big organ where I got a bunch of different knobs and you never know a nice collage of so you never know because it's it's 10 different radio shows at once. I got different bits being pulled. Absolutely. You know we're playing yeah we're playing Kirk Mark and Lopez. Yeah we're playing Mickey and Amelia. All the ever any time anything has ever been on Baltimore morning. Yeah. Anything the junkies that were briefly the sports junkies. You remember those guys

were just a couple of guys talking about sports doing heroin. They had one guy named Hench or something. Yeah. There's nothing I love. We go to Orioles game and then I got robbed by a bunch of I didn't even tell you what I said. That's you if you're thinking I said some I just make that noise when I feel sick. Oh that was your noise. Yeah. No you made that with your food your mouth. Yeah. That's a heroin makes it just makes that noise. I didn't know that. Yeah. I mean you know it's the combination of heroin and the sports. You need to get a right dose. And anyway so there was a couple of I don't believe you this prime. Well no maybe the first time. That's just a I make it's my we all got you got to

respect your it really seems like you're doing you're talking right now respect your elders. You got to respect it is that you make. You make. Yeah. No stop. First of all right before you make that noise now you started no floating into an end zone before you make it. No the **** I'm making is. Look sometimes I do too much heroin and I make it. No but stop if he's just a **** I make when I'm when I'm fucked up on heroin. Okay the noise the **** yeah. This is a this is a sick man. So you're saying noise for everyone. Yeah I'm saying come on man I'm trying the systems got me down. You know it's like most of my stuff I got together but people doesn't tell everybody knows I'm a heroin addict because I go in a

store and they hear me saying **** and they know they hear me say no. So I see. I'm just one of these guys and one of these noise guys right noise and they know I can't I can't get my **** together classic but I'm so I'm sucking some **** just so I can get another back. You're sucking some noise noise. No I meant to say something else. My illness. My illness. I got my double guy sick. With the end of that sentence. Okay all right well we don't have to get into it anyway. See you later sports junkie. Yeah no I'm gonna get my stuff. Oh there's that guy with money too. Oh no the sports junkie is dead. He's dead. Oh my god Carl got shot by noise. Carl got shot by noise. The **** are you talking. Oh Carl told you that

**** too. Yeah no he was lying. Yeah that guy was racist. Oh man well I'm glad he's dead. Carl was sports junkie. Carl was sports junkie was a racist. Oh my god I don't like that guy. And that's the good news. All racists should be dead. All racists should be killed without a trial. Yeah hey man can I can I get some of your french fries. Wait my bitch nigga buy your own damn fries. All right. All right Obama. All right. I mean the president is always being mean to me just because I'm a hero. All right well that's rude of him. That is rude of him. I'm not gonna call the president in the ****. No no. It's my **** I make. No Carl is dead. Carl is dead. Don't wanna die in the fat bitch. I love the new era dude. This is high production value. Oh yeah. Our dicks are hard.

So Saf did you watch the Lakers game last night? Did you see that clip from the Jumbotron of Lizzo's ass? I did. Yeah. Her ass was out. I thought it was beautiful. Pretty nice. I think you should actually adopt that look. A giant t-shirt with a whole cut out. With a whole cut out just from my ass. That was a great look. I thought it was fake at first. I didn't know that it was Lizzo until I found out today on Twitter. Well she said she wanted to **** Carl Anthony Towns. Oh because she's from Minneapolis. Yeah she's from Minneapolis. She's from Minneapolis. You probably didn't hear that. Catch that one. Well I did. I dropped his levels in Buzzdom right when he said she's from Minneapolis. No no no. Trust me I'm gonna turn into a sniper.

The implications. Stop implicating. Stop implying. Well yeah I was wondering what was going on here. Because Nick the mic was down. He was just trying. I thought we were on the sport. I thought we were on the sports junkies. The sports junkies are dead. There was that wasn't dead from racism and not from drugs. Let me see. So that's how you do it. You mute me. Wait try to talk again. Hello. You can still hear me in the camp. You can. Here. There we go. There we go. I'm bad channel. You're two. Stops three. I'm three. Here. Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. Sorry guys in a couple of weeks we're gonna know all the channels. No we won't. We'll just. I didn't sound quite right but I would have ****

I would have gotten your ass. Well the good news is you could just do it and post it anytime. I could. But it's about the love of the game. Yeah. It's about the love of the game. That's what this show is all about. Everything has to happen. It's about what? It's all **** Oh the beat part is too good. It is really good. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna turn it. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. You really dial this in. I'm becoming a pro at it. Dude you've become a **** **** Damn dude. What the **** Damn. I didn't say that. I mean I was making **** I was telling you to stop saying it. I said you implied but you're just dropping it dude. Jesus Christ. That's **** up. I was gonna say mixed master but. Mixed.

No. No. No. No. No. I can't. I haven't seen Nick smile as much in six months. Yeah dude. I'm telling you. He just has this peaceful. Yeah dude. Anytime you can imply. Man I really. The way this podcast has enabled me to get to the final levels of autism which is spending seven hours of the day doing Duolingo Chinese and then **** around and then making other people relearning it. Trying to pick it back up because I don't want to. If I go on a trip to China I want to at least be able to. I don't want to repeat of Japan where I just assumed that of course they learn English. A lot of them do. No it was difficult. It was hard but here's the thing the phones.

Your phone had all the information. I broke like two of those **** coffee machines in 7-11 because I didn't know. You're right. Actually you're right. They did. They did speak way less English than I thought. I got frustrated. But that's a sign. That's how you show them. You go in there. You're like listen up you ****. I got a heroin problem. Where do I get heroin in Japan? I'm looking for some heroin. Do they have heroin in Japan? What? Can you answer it? They don't have many ****. They don't have what? Alright. It's one thing if Nick does it but Adam I really need you to stop man because it's not clear if you're being ironic or not. You know I didn't say anything. I wish I got

the first time was perfect timing but I did you instead of him. Yeah. Because he's sitting over there so my head I'm thinking that's three. Yeah. But this is two. It's two. Yeah. It goes by. We'll get it right. Oh that's why your **** ****. What? That's why your **** muffled. Keep talking. Hello? Yeah. There we go. That sounds better right? Yeah. Yeah. I think that sounds better. My dick is. Hey listen real quick before I know we usually plug later but if you're in Houston this weekend come see me man. H town. H town. I'm going to be at the secret group. I'll save the rest of the plugs for later but this one's time sensitive. You're getting plugs too huh? I'm getting air plugs yeah. Beautiful. Are you eligible for the surgery? I think so. I think

some. What's the eligibility? You should wait though because I feel like there's going to be sooner rather than later a way to just like spray your **** with stem cells. No it'll be awesome. I am waiting let's be honest. Have you seen that? Have you seen that? They've got like it's basically like a paint sprayer but they put like skin cells. Yes. In a spray gun. Yeah. For burn victims and you know. Damn if they do that with beautiful curly hair. Yeah. I want curls when I get hair again. Like me? No. More beautiful than yours. Like a like Shirley Temple. Like a young Maradona. Oh nice. Like a young Diego Maradona. You look really good. I want to have that. Kind of Greek actually. Yeah. You get like those leaves. Although Shirley Temple's not a bad look

either. Yeah. Tight red curls. Big lolly. Sailor suit. I would rock that shirt shirt. Or no. Not Shirley Temple. **** Shirley Temple. No. What is that the ****'s name? She's a little the little ****. Nailed him. What? Yeah. That was good. Nailed him. **** He nailed me. Yeah. Yeah. Is that it? God damn that was a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh now we're cooking again. Oh yeah. I guess oh they named the drink after her. Yeah. Yes. Yes. I thought I had had another Freudian slip where I forgot a real person's name and

switched it for like a food or something. It's both a food and a person. I used to **** love a damn Shirley Temple. What is it? Sprite and cherry ****. Yeah. Maraschino cherry juice and a **** like that. Yeah. Whatever you went to a place with like adults and they had like a like a baptism or wedding. Yeah. Like a baptism. I remember there was a Bar Mitzvah where they had a bar. Oh yeah. And they had they had I was like it was Nick's Bar Mitzvah. Yeah. It was a Shirley Temple themed Bar Mitzvah. That would be so awesome. Of course it's a character I'm acting. I'm a brilliant comedy writer and this is a character I do. It's an outright guy. I figured there was a market for it. We can make some money to spend on boys. Nick Nick's Bar Mitzvah theme

was the Academy Award. No the theme was Shirley Temple. Yeah. So I'm Shirley Temple and all of my guests are Mr. Bojangles. They're on the good ship Lollipop. Everyone's in black face complimenting me and teaching me how to dance. That's a nice Bar Mitzvah man. Yeah. Virgin Shirley temples. My friend had the best they don't they are they're all virgin. I know there's no I didn't know the time. No. Yeah. Nick used to put a preach in there. Yeah. For a virgin Shirley. Not like not like a virgin. That is a virgin. That is a virgin. Absolutely. I was a fat boy at a baptism myself. Dave and Buster's also had virgin versions. Dude at that one that they let you when they let you get a daiquiri. Yeah. And I'm just having three and they're like OK.

I'm a business man. I'm a I'm a small business man. I know you look at my width and you say who's the circular boy and what's he doing. Dude I practice in business. I used to have to shit so bad after a baptism or a wedding the shit I would put into my body. I would literally pray to God because my stomach ache was so bad. Honestly what I did to myself looking back at my life. My greatest regret is not staying fat a shit forever. Yeah. Because it's like come back brother. It destroys you come back. It destroys you internally. Yeah. But then it's like if you write exactly who cares but you don't know what it's like to not be fat anymore and then there's like hope. There's a light at the end of the time. Brother here's the thing. You stay here

and you make your own little neighborhood. That's what I'm saying. That's that's I didn't do that. Yeah. I'm a man without a country. You are. You really are. Because you can't you can never really be a part of the diaspora. I'm sorry that it cut out for a second. I think you said the fat diaspora. I did. You have to censor because because of Lizzo because of Lizzo. No. You're not allowed to say that anymore. What. I'll tell you something. She's going to die from beans and tortillas. Yeah. We have to apologize. I'm sorry Lizzo. I'm sorry for my friends for my friends behavior. I would love to make a plus size child with you. That's what happens when two fat people have sex man. They have a fat baby. That Gerber should make a fat baby line and it's just like

a little cup of barbecue sauce. Yeah. He had drippings from bacon. I was taking sweet and sour sauce from McDonald's in my head. Oh yeah. But I used to love that shit too. But honestly as an adult as a man it doesn't have the same appreciation for it. I like Polynesian sauce from Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A's got the sauce game on lock. Chick-fil-A sauce wonderful. Fantastic. Polynesian sauce with a little mayonnaise to cream it up. Yeah. That's right. Polynesian isn't creamy enough. It's too clear. It is. It's a real problem. You need a more comey first of all Chick-fil-A sauce is the exact right consistency for a dipping sauce. It is true. And what's the difference? A little mayonnaise. That's the nice thing about Chick-fil-A is you

take the sandwich you dip the whole sandwich into the container. Incredible. Multiple sauces. Brother when they opened the Chick-fil-A on campus at the University of Maryland Baltimore County that was a I had this. I got the junior 15. They had a Chick-fil-A on campus at the George Washington University and payment was very optional. Yeah. Oh yeah. Very easy to steal. There were some broke days where I would just go have like three men for money. Three sandwiches. And they would buy you a sandwich. Well I just remember the sandwich part. The rest is kind of like out of your memory. It's kind of a I had a friend of a friend who was like a rent boy like a boy for high powered DC homosexuals. Oh he was. You could just get his ass ran through by like a call boy.

He was a call boy. And he's like he what he did it. It's like when a rich woman does it like for the thrill. He was kind of like that. He was in it for the. Yeah. I bet you I bet you they make an underwear for guys like that. I think they do. What kind of wonder what it is. You know my problem is when I go to buy underwear is it's not designed to get fucked in your ass. So the store you go in the store and you're like what the fuck. Fuck this store. I hate stories. Damn story. It's like what. No. Can you hand me french fries. Your finger is Obama. My bitch nigga. Buy your own damn fries. We're going to own damn underwear. That's what you think when you're buying your shopping for underwear at a store. Yeah. I say I want Obama to buy my underwear. And he says when my bitch

nigga buy your own underwear. And I panic because the president has set a slur to you. A horrible word that you would never think or say. If you said it to me I'd say thank you. He's the president. Yeah. I go to Mac Weldon dot com. That's so much better. You could do it online. Mac Weldon. It's not. There's no guy named Mac Weldon. It's just. We just fucked up to be fair. Well every clothing company now for guys like us. Yeah. They're all their names are like Tim Horton. You know. I love Tim Horton. Tim Horton maple scented boxer coffee and jeans. Timmy Hormones Tim Horton. Tim Hormones. That's right. I go back to Canada. Yeah. Yeah. We sell a we sell a little doughnuts doughnuts doughnuts and then doughnuts and then boots boots and doughnuts.

That's right. That's right. Mac Weldon. Tim Horton slash Tim Horton. Mac Weldon and Tim Horton. They're merging. They're merging. It's a family of products. It's guys stuff. You know it's underwear and doughnuts and a croquette madame. Mmm. Brioche croquette. Croquette. Brioche. Brioche. Boswa. I call it. They got little a Mac Weldon now offers spinach omelette egg drops in the underwear. You go to Mac Weldon.com where you would put your balls and you will leave two egg drops. You get a spinach egg white omelette medallion in the nut sack. Yeah. Which they have a special little sack. for your nuts, that sounds divine.

Look, macweldon.com, their mission is simple. To make sure all your basics and beyond are smartly designed and shopping for them is easy and convenient. I've never heard a less convoluted sentence in my life. Me neither, dude. Your basics. I hate how hard it is to shop for underwear.

What are basics, like underpants, undershirts? Yeah, see, like macweldon.com, our mission is simple. To make sure all your and beyond are smartly designed and then shopping is easy and what's that? You think you have diarrhea? Adam just ran up. Adam's shitting himself. Anyways, actually, you know what?

I had to give a pair of macweldon underwear to Ian the other day. And he loved them. And it was because he came over to my apartment to hang out and shit himself on the way to my house. And then had the audacity to come out of the bathroom. And pretend he didn't. Well, no, not pretend that he didn't.

He tried to throw his underwear away in my kitchen trash can. Oh, just shit? Yeah, with shit all over them. With shit all over them. Your kitchen is smelling like a man's shit. That was his plan, was to throw it away in there. I was like, no, you got to put those outside. What a fucking piece of shit, dude.

But then had the audacity to be like, you should be getting out more, man. It's like, no, you should be learning the basic stuff you need to learn before you go out. Like not shitting. A, don't shit yourself on the way. B, don't try and keep the soiled shit underwear in a common area in the home.

So we had to set him up with a pair of macweldon. And he loves them. Because macweldon is about the basics. The basics like not shitting yourself. That's right. The best pair underwear to get if you've just graduated from diapers at age 34. That's right.

Or if your asshole has been ravaged so much that a bike ride to your friend's house may poke or cause you to shit yourself. If you're fast and loose from playing it fast and loose, you'll love macweldon underwear. That's right. Do you have a big asshole? Get macweldon underwear.

Their frustration was real. And the eureka moment happened in a department store aisle full of brands that dominated our top drawer, surrounded by a mind-numbing assortment of underwear and socks. We realized consistent fit and quality became a game of roulette. But no, they are very nice. Look, I don't know if we've got a lot of younger men

that listen to this. Yes. That are mad because they want TFW no pussy for Mark. But if I get that damn a lot. TFW no pussy for gamer Mark. And it's like guys here that are like, they're basic setup. You're a 5 out of 10.

You don't understand why you're not, why you can't fuck or whatever. And it's like, well, you may look to us, but you forget that we're famous. We're famous. We're funnier than you. We're more interesting, all that kind of stuff. I mean, that might not even be true.

But it's like, there's other shit that you've got to do. I mean, for the most part it is. There might be a couple. I wish someone had pulled me aside when I was 22 and been like, you can't keep wearing underwear you've had since high school. Yeah. Or with holes.

Hole. Just torn to pieces. Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck? It's underwear goes under my cloth. I still got a couple with holes. You're wearing sweatpants with ducks all over them. And a shirt you found in a church.

You will not get pussy that way. And no fear shirt that you found at a church. You're wearing blue M&M pajama pants. Right. Yeah, that's not a problem. That sounds pretty cool. Yeah. Blue lives matter to you.

So there's all these guys now, they're younger guys that know how to dress themselves. That's right. And you just got to emulate them. And when that doesn't work, then you can go shoot up San Jose. No, do not under any circumstances commit a mass shooting. But listen, you will get.

Here's the thing. Guaranteed you will get pussy if you buy clothes from Mac Weldon. Guaranteed you will get pussy. Or your buddy back. Or your pussy. Or your pussy back. Or Adam, are you a pussy?

Buy the underwear or you're a pussy. Yes, see, here's how it works. If you're not a pussy, you will get pussy if you buy these underwear. Well, I'll tell you what, if you are a pussy, you won't get pussy. You're already a pussy, so you already got pussy. They feel good.

You got yourself. They feel good because the design is smart. It doesn't work. The fabric is supreme. Why not? And the shopping is simple. Listen to the read, man. I'll listen to it.

Yeah, stop trying to do your Seinfeld comedy. I'm not doing Seinfeld comedy. I don't know, I thought. You know I'm not good at observational comedy. Yeah, that fucking, all the shit on Seinfeld that made Seinfeld bad was Jerry Seinfeld's input. Yeah, him doing his act on the coffee shop. Everybody loves saying salsa.

Like, what the fuck are you talking? What is that? Did you say salsa or salsa? Salsa. Everybody loves it. And just all the writers who are like the best comedy writers in the world being like, OK, Jerry, we can put the salsa.

Yeah, the salsa thing goes in. Sure. Yeah. Great. No, really good stuff, dude. Yeah, shouldn't you go hang out at the comedy cellar and lecture people? Shouldn't you be driving around in your Ferrari lecturing

people? Damn, I wish I had a billion dollars. I could just fucking tell people what the fuck to do. Yeah, he raped a child, allegedly. Yeah, I don't think it is at all. I guess he didn't. I guess it's not illegal. But yeah, he had sex with a child.

He had sex with a 17-year-old boy. Like 20 years ago when that shit was like nobody gave a shit. Yeah, sure, Shana. You go get yourself just the finest piece of dream in Central Park. 17-year-old you can find. I'm dating a four-year-old. And fucking.

Well, did I come? And back over. And everyone thinks, you know, he's like, everyone's going to think I'm cool. And then 20 years later, they're like, remember, when he thought he was cool, he was like, uh-oh. Uh-oh, but scaredy-os, I have Down syndrome. He did the spacey, but with Down syndrome.

Yeah, he did. He said he's on the spectrum. Oh, really? Oh, did he? Yeah, he did. That's awesome. Respect. OK.

I mean, it makes sense. I'm going to pretend like I know that. And then I wasn't just waking up that he pretended he had Down syndrome. No, it makes sense based on his act. Oh, who had all the cookies? His act is a guy on the spectrum. Mack Weldon.

Not understanding basic. Mack Weldon will be the most comfortable underwear, sock shirts, undershirts, hoodies, and sweatpants, and more that you'll ever wear. They have a line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally anti-microbial. Adam, what does that mean? I don't want to c*** me.

Whoa, dude. It's an ad, bro. Yeah. Come on, the good people are mad at that. You're not allowed to look at what I'm doing with my hands. I knew what you were going to do. All right, I'll close my eyes. You're not allowed to.

I'll close my eyes. It's against the rules for you to pre-empt me. Maybe I should do it blindfold. That would be funny. Yeah, no cell phone. That would be good. That way, too, you can't tell the difference between people, right, Adam?

I'm not going to f*** it. Shit. So anyway, what's the promo code? The promo code. Come tell. Is Sylvester. Tango. Sylvester's a great name.

It really is. I'm going to name my son Sylvester. No, no, you're not. Yeah, Sylvester Friedland. For 20% off your first order, visit macweld.com and enter promo code COMTOWN. That's C-U-M-T-O-N-20. COMTOWN 20.

C-U-M-T-O-20-C-M-C-U-M-20. COMTOWN 20. COMTOWN 20, you motherfuckers. Enter promo code COMTOWN20 at macweld.com. 20% off your first order. If you do not like the underwear, you can return them. No questions asked.

No questions asked. Well, you don't return them. You just get a refund. You get them for free. And then you keep the underwear. So if you put a little Ian in your pants, guess what? That's free underwear. Free underwear.

Well, I mean, you'd still get a throw-out in your friend's kitchen. So technically, you don't get anything. But you don't have to pay for the underwear that you should have. Oh, shit in. Oh, shit in my pants. I took a dump in my pants arena. It's a movie called, instead of crank, it's shitted.

That's good. You don't understand, I'm going to keep shitting. He's got to constantly be shitting a little bit. I have to keep shitting a little bit. I'm going to die. And that's how I keep shitting. I was given a poison by cello. My cheeky cello gave me a poison.

A cheeky poison. A cheeky poison that makes my booty cheeks open up just a little bit. And in my booty cheeks close. I'll die. I'm going to die, I'm shitting too much. So couldn't he just get something in his ass if it's about how his cheeks clump up?

That's the end of the movie. That's smart. You need a sequel. So wait, crank, he has to keep his heart beat over a certain number? You mean to tell me that this guy's got shit in his ass? I'm trying to do it. Who?

Who? What was it? Who put the dick in my ass? I'm out here in beautiful Vancouver. And I got a dick in my ass. Vancouver's a great city. It's one of my favorite cities. I love coming here and shoving a big fat dick right up my ass.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson, you're having gay sex in Vancouver. Dwayne the f***ing Johnson here. No. For WrestleMania 27, this is a great event. We're raising money for kids who are also f***ing. Come on. I'm gay wrestler Dwayne the f***ing Johnson. If I thought it was the Rock, he's saying the Rock.

Yeah. Well, f***, I love the damn soundboard though. Dude, the soundboard's great. That's really good stuff. It really takes it up to 11. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we having a party out here, baby. We having gay sex.

We having a party. Silence. Do you see? Oh, continue. No, I got nothing. I say I'm starting to feel weird all of a sudden. Yeah, I just found out I have diarrhea during the Mack Weldon raid, so.

If I get sick from you, man. Are you on frantic? You can't get it from my ass. No. No frantic. I guess I'm hanging out alone. That's probably a good hang. Hey, it's Dwayne Johnson here.

I'm on frantic at the stand tonight, doing all my bits about sucking cock. Just sucking off a couple of guys. Yep. Can you smell my ass while it's getting fucked? Can we get this straight, yeah? You want to have sex with my ass. Oh, yeah.

If there's one thing I want, Shaw. Oh, yeah, Hobbs and Shaw. Gay Hobbs and Shaw. Hey, it's me. Hobbs. That's his name, huh? I thought you were Samoan. He could just be Hobbs, huh?

A regular Shaw. Regular. That's even more offensive. A sore of a Tom and Jerry. A Tom and Jerry situation. Is that like a cockney slang? Yeah, Tom and Jerry. I'm trying to not get my ass fucked.

And fucking Hobbs is chasing me around. I'll be chased around by Hobbs. Fuck, dude. Nothing like a beep, dude. Beep, beep, date. Beep is the best. I'm literally taking, what, 200 episodes? I feel bad for fucking kids growing up today without beep.

Beep is the best. Beep, yeah, beep makes it. Doing that in class, a teacher being mad at you. Like, what? The funniest shit in the world. I used to love watching Jerry Springer. Oh, yeah. And they would have an episode, Jerry Springer would be like,

she's in third grade, and she's having sex with black men twice her age. Let's bring her out to Lila. And then it's a little girl in the audience who's like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't care. I don't care. It's the 90s, Jerry.

I'm going to do what I fucking want. I'm going to do what I fucking want, Jerry. If I want to, I can do it if I fucking want to. I'm in third grade. Boo. Yeah, my question is for the little shorty. If you don't know your ABCs, then why are you on your knees? Boo, then!

Yeah, the audience tries to fight the guests. I love it. Jerry's on a new show. I didn't know this. I was home at Thanksgiving. If you were in grade three, why do you got HIV? You dumb. They would go to the audience to do disses.

It was awesome. Jenny Jones, you need Jenny Craig. That was a big one. Yeah, yeah. Classical. So Jerry's on a new show called Judge Jerry. Judge Jerry? I didn't know he even had a law degree,

but now he's like, it's the new judge show on TV. Oh, I thought you meant Jerry Seinfeld. Wait, is he a judge? I know he was mayor of Cincinnati. I know he was a mayor. I think he's a lawyer. Defendant, that makes sense. Plaintiff, what the hell is that?

Should be called a cuzer. That's good. Yeah, you ever notice how there's a plaintiff? Joe, haven't seen you in a while. That's Mark, man. Oh, Mark, yeah. Yeah, Joe's more of a basier, it's true. Yeah, I feel like I got sued for something.

But you're supposed to be able to meet your cuzer. That's like a big part of it. You should be confronted with the justice system, I guess. But they're telling me if it's a five-year-old, you don't have that right. No, it's one thing if he's cruising, man. But let's not start child molester Joe. Let's put the kibosh on that one.

Think about these elementary school bathrooms. The urinals are so close to the floor. Yeah, the other thing, they got all these pedophiles now, and they're in schools trying to f**k kids. Yeah, a big thing now is trans people, they want to make it legal to f**k kids. Man, trans people really have it the best, don't they? Damn, can we add that one to the board?

That was pretty good. What, the fart? You guys heard it, it was in your headphones. I guess. Yeah, you know who has the best in this world is trans black guys. Yeah. You get to be a girl, so everybody wants to have sex

with you, but you're also a six-foot-five, and you can dunk. I can't say that. I walked into a subway, and I was like, give me a sandwich. They got more mad at me than they did the pedophile who used to work there. I was like, why didn't subway Jared just say he was trans? I like this character, just Mark Normand. Regular Mark.

So you see our friend, our friend, friend of the show, Hillary Clinton was on the Howard Station. Dude, Howard looked horrible. Dude. What the f**k, that guy sucks. To see your heroes be complicit in that. I mean, he's just a rich guy now.

And what, you think Bernie's, I can't do Howard Stern at all. No, it's deep, and it's like New York, is Long Island. I have no idea where he is. It's super low. I have no idea where to even come in on it. I'm gay. I can't do it. You can't do any.

I'm gay. I can do a couple impressions. Hold on, I'm nailing it. I'm actually gay, you know. It's me, I'm Howard Stern, I'm Howard Stern, and Bernie Sanders is gay, all the same. Wait a minute, dude. But in a bad way.

Wait a minute, is something Bernie Sanders is a f**ker? Here's like Bernie Sanders is a f**ker. Robin. Hillary. Robin, bring my slippers so I can go outside and take a f**k. And Hillary is f**k. And Hillary going to go outside, and I'm going to take a big f**ker.

That sounds great, Howard. Yeah, yeah, I can't do Hillary either. Dude, no, we're crushing it. Yeah, we got Hillary. I got Hillary. I'm actually gay. That's me. Hillary.

So Hillary, tell me. Hillary Clinton. Tell me more. Bernie fucking stayed around. Bernie ruined my chances, because she was like. Right, he sucks. Yeah, because he sent me a letter saying he was going to rape me in June of 2016.

The only reason I ran is to get black women out of jail. That's so great of you, Hillary. He stole all my ideas. Can I see your pussy? These were all ideas that me and Liz Warren gave me. I know, you can't trust Jews. Yeah, you really can, except for my good friend, Jeffrey Epstein, the rest in peace, who killed himself.

He was a misunderstood guy. Me and your husband, Bill, had a great time on those airplanes. Harvey Weinstein, too. Epstein and Weinstein, the Waluigi and Wario. A rape. A rape. Thanks for listening to The Howard Stern Show. Come back, and we're going to get Hillary to ride the Sibian.

Howard, you crazy. Thanks, Robin. Thanks, Robin. Howard, you crazy for this one, Howard. It's Cleveland from the family guy. Oh my god, Howard. Giggity, I'm Howard Stern. Howard, you crazy for this one.

I'm freaking Hillary Clinton. Oh, that's a good Peter, dude. You can do him because you're a little fat. No, because you're fat. That is not one. I did a pretty good quagmire. Because you had a terrible Peter Griffin last time you tried to do it.

It was hilarious. Yeah, it was so long. Yeah, yeah. It was really bad. So it's good to see that you're free. You were so humiliated. You went back into the workshop with that one. Well, I was not humiliated.

I'm never humiliated. You watched YouTube vids. What I did was I felt, see, it's kind of like in basketball when you're on a hot streak. For example, I just nailed Howard Stern so much that my confidence allowed me to nail Peter Griffin. Yeah, it's true. I'm Howard Stern and I'm gay.

That sounds good. Jeez, Law. Yeah, I don't even know what Peter. I can't do Peter. It's all right, man. Not everybody's gifted with the instrument like I am. I would just have to listen to him again. It's an easy voice to do.

Howard? It's really hard. No, no, Peter. Family guy. Yeah, yeah. It's Rhode Island. Yeah, I'll be in Rhode Island. Who plays the neighbor?

It's Putty, right? Yeah, I think it is. Is it? Oh, yeah. Wow. Of course it is. Yeah, let's put that together. Yeah, it's me.

Shots out to Putty getting checks after checks. Here I am, the neighbor. Oh, someone said to me after one of our previous. They said that you're a fag. No. Well, at the end. I heard that too. No, stop it.

I also heard that. Howard Stern. We were going live to the guy. And he said that you're a f***. That was going live to the guy? Yeah. I'm just saying it again. I've got him on another.

OK. Elaine. Let's patch him through. Elaine, it's me, family guy. Yeah, I'm here with Adam. What were you saying earlier? Oh, right, that he's a f***. Well, you heard it from him.

Elaine. Elaine from Seinfeld was the guy. Oh, yeah, she's my girlfriend on another show. Well, thank you so much, Putty family guy. Yeah. This is the Howard Stern show. Yeah. Come back, we're all going to have sex with Robin afterwards.

Oh, my God. Howard, you crazy for this one. Well, if you need to replace your wallet. Yeah, that was my guy Suggestorino, a little webster. Yeah, that was my guy Suggestorino, a little website called Ridge. Oh, you might my friend. Which we've said before, I've been told by the Ridge wallet company that the Ridge does not stand for the penis.

Really? Yeah. They actually sent that note over. You know, they might, someone might have hacked their email because it seems ridiculous that it wouldn't stand for penis. Yeah, you should double check. In fact, if anyone, just because I assume their website was hacked to say that it doesn't stand for that, if we have any hackers out there

that might want to hack into their website. Yeah, hack it back. Hack it back. Hack it back to the point where it says it stands for penis. For our friends, yes. Our friends at Ridge wallet. What we're asking is for a freelance hacker to hack the company paying us money and say that their product means penis.

Yeah, so it means the penis tip. The tip, the tip, the tip. The Rigorino. The tip of the penis. The tip of the penis. That's what the marines are, the tip of the cock. Give me a little tip touch on my peenhole. If the marines are the tip of the spear.

The tip of the spear. Is the army the shaft of the cock? It is. And the balls is one ball of the navy and one ball is the air force? The merchant marines. Air force is the asshole. So Ridge wallet is a brand new type. This is, this is some Blade Runner shit.

Oh my God, I love that. I use the Ridge wallet myself. And here's some language about Ridge to inspire your read. I love language. If you guys are at home trying to figure out your own ad reads for Ridge to tell your friends. Cause let me tell you, nothing makes friends other than like walking up to strangers and just going into. About a product you enjoy.

Yeah, you go up to the bus stop and you go, what's up? So you guys, I guess that's probably, that's it. That's when it stopped being funny. I've got my fill with the budget. Well, he could have said anything folks. Yeah. That's the beauty of the beep. Yeah.

You don't technically have them. All right. So I had a big piece of shit wallet. This company comes moseying down the ball. Oh yeah. Pussy on fleek and smelling great. I just said too much shit in my wallet. Like literal shit.

Adam, what are you doing? Nothing. What kind of wallet do you have? I have a Ridge wallet. He has a purse. He's got a purse. Well, inside my purse I have a Ridge wallet. He's got a, a lane.

A lane. Can we get you on the line here on the Howard Stern Show? Yeah. Yeah. I'm talking to a lane right now. Great. Let's hear from her. What kind of wallet does Adam have?

Yeah. She says he's got a purse. And does he keep it in his own pussy? He keeps it in his ass. I got a full open. Thank you for clarifying. I got a Ridge. He's got a pussy and an ass.

No, I don't. Wow. He's got both. Yeah. Got a Ridge. Howard. Robin, do you have a pussy and an ass? No pussy and an ass.

Howard, leave that boy alone. Shut the fuck up, you fuck. No, Robin. Thank you. Okay. What did you just call me, Howard? I didn't say anything. You dumb.

Oh my God, Howard. Please, please end it with a soft A, Howard. Please just let it in with a soft A. No. No, Howard. No. No. That was the longest.

12 years. I had to listen to that. We're on satellite radio. I didn't say the N word. Yeah, so the 12 years of slave, that's, it's Michael Fassbender. Just saying that for 12 years. And at the end it's a soft A. And he gives a guy a high five.

And he's like, all right, go back to New York. It's a happy weekend. That's great. I never actually saw that. I used the Ridge wallet with the carbon fiber. Oh nice. But yeah, it's basically just two pieces of metal aluminum or titanium or carbon fiber or whatever.

Yeah. Held together with elastic. Yeah. And then it's, it holds all your, it's credit card size. So it holds all your fucking cards. I love that. There's a fucking money clip on the back. Hell yeah.

And yeah, anybody tries to rob you, you're not fumbling with the wallet. You can get to your everyday carrier Glock. Easily. You can get to your 18 fully automatic. So some guys like, hey man, do you got, do you have 25 cents? I was afraid for the lives of me and my fellow officers. And the police are like, okay, well, you're not a cop. But we'll accept that anyway.

Thank you. That's acceptable testimony in the United States of America. Go on a diet, you fat bitch. Blue lobster, baby. Go to Ridge wallet.com. Yeah. You care a lot of, men care a lot of pulling stuff in their wallets. Receipts, hotel room keys, spent gift cards.

Well, the bifolds resemble suitcases more than wallet. You fuck condoms, dude. Tell me about it. Carrying the condom. Look, look, if we weren't talking about gender shit, I'll be real with you. Yeah. Be real, dude. Thank you.

It's a bitch's job to bring condoms. So fucking true. The bitch is better beyond that condom. Back in the day, it's like women didn't want to seem like whores. So they didn't carry condoms around. It's like, we know you're all whores. Yeah. 100%.

At this point, this quote just keeps getting writer and writer from. 2019, you're not fooling anyone. When I'm pretending like this is the first time you decided to fuck somebody in a security hallway at home. You will fuck anyone. Sometimes they have to pay you $15 first. But you think that this, you think that. That's brave.

Yeah. This is not only is it brave, but now it's the same thing as reading Karl Marx. Yes. It is socialism. It is to go to get on cam and fuck yourself in the ass. That sounds pretty chill. Yeah. That's cool.

I'll look at a video of that. Yeah. Anyways. There's no space for condoms. It's the bitch's job. I got a bumper sticker on my wallet that says. No space for condoms. That's the bitches job.

It's a bitch's job. I'm a feminist. So I carry around a female condom. A female condom. A diaphragm. A diaphragm. And they piss in it. Yeah.

Well. Yeah. But it's with a girl. Yeah. So it's not gay. It's not gay. It'd be funny to not like not bring condoms or whatever. Like they were random hookup.

Yeah. And then you're like, I don't like, she's like, I don't have any condoms. I'm like, I don't either. I guess. I guess I could just take a shoot in your pussy. Excuse me. I'm like, I guess that's the next. The guy that tries to.

That's his slick way of. I mean, we could give each other head. Yeah. I don't really like. I mean, I feel. Cause like, you know, there's also viruses on. You can get stuff from him. I might get like, I might get like, you know, chlamydia in my mouth.

You know, I don't know. I don't know. I'll just get in your pussy and I'll jack off. I'm just going to beat off while shitting. Yeah. It's a clean way of having sex. But I'll get an infection. Yeah.

But that's not a virus. You fucking idiot. You fucking dumb bitch. Oh, wait. I found condoms. It's like, fine. I guess I'll take a shit in the condom. Okay.

Again. All right. You win. But I can't feel. So you want me to press my asshole up against the plastic condom instead of a warm pussy? Yeah. You fucking bitch. I hate fucking sex.

I'm fucking having sex sucks. Sex sucks. Fucking bitch. I'm going back to playing video games. You're going to die, you fat bitch. Yeah. I'm using the Ridge Wallet with the carbon fiber shit. I love it.

They gave me too many and a lot of people have asked me if I can give them one for free. Nope. Guess who? Guess who is gifting all of those to my family. For the holidays. For the holidays. For the holidays. Because I've already bought everyone Apple TV.

And I have no idea what other. You did Kindles. Lot two. Kindles. Yeah. That was three years ago. Yeah. Was that three?

Everyone's got Apple TV. Everybody's got Kindles. And it's like. Time for Ridge Wallet. At this point it's like. What the fuck are you getting people? Cash. That's it.

I got my debt. I don't know. My mom. I can go. I might always get my mom like earrings or something. You can get her a soda stream. Support a good cause. No.

What are you talking about? Your mom. Your mom would like that. Yeah. I know how your mom feels about the place where soda streams come from. Yeah. Get her soda streams. Get her the DVD box set of Power Rangers.

Yeah. Get her Schindler's list. She has that. My mom's just watching Schindler's list in reverse. Yeah. Just rewinding it and smiling. She loves the beginning. Yeah.

She loves the early parts. Yeah. Where they dismantle the factory and all those people go back into the pogroms. Go back to the ghetto. The Ridge is a minimal front pocket while it's designed to streamline what you carry every day. It has 30,000 five star reviews and is better to carry your cash in cards at this point. It's got to be 40,000 stars.

Oh yeah. It is. I just checked 47,000. They got a nice bump from folks. Listen to this. It's got 30,000 star reviews. That's almost 100,000 star reviews. The wallet companies that call me up and they say I've got the juiciest cock they've ever

seen. They had to make a new wallet. There's women and they have an abortions out of the pussies. There's women and they're putting babies inside of the pussies and we got to stop it. It's got to be stopped. It's disgusting. There's a lifetime warranty if you love it and free returns if you don't. Comes in titanium carbon fiber aluminum and over a dobbin dobbin dip in dials and collars.

Get 10% on today. A really good read with they're going to love this. Do they listen to it? We're hitting them with a lot. This one. Well, I guess they said it's not the dick. I don't think they like I do like a lot of people think the reads are designed because they're hard to skip.

But the truth is they're hard for the clients to listen. Yeah. They just have to trust that just trust using the code so that's how they know the code. You know the promo showed the promo code. So go online and request an engraved wallet with whatever your favorite word is at ridge.com slash come town. Use code come town to get 10% off with free worldwide shipping and returns. All right.

They got other shit on there too. They got a nice backpack we found out last time. Cell phone. Yeah. Cell phone cases. Oh yeah. Yeah. I ain't my bitch nigga.

My own damn fries. Yeah. Come on brock. Come on dude. Don't you have to go hang gliding with fucking billionaires. You fucking piece of shit. This is Dwayne The Rock Johnson and I'm here live on Jeffrey Epstein's Island. Stop.

Did you see Trump's address to that Jewish organization? Yeah. I did not. It absolutely rocked. It's good. Yeah. And he's crushing in the room too. That's why people like this is so anti-Semitic but he's like you guys are brutal violent

people. This is news corner. What does he really say that? He says to be fair to fully contextualize the clip at the very beginning he says a lot of you are real estate guys. I know you. I've worked with you. That's awesome.

He's like I don't like you. You don't like me. He's like you're killers. You're you know you're cold blooded killers and like people leave off the real estate thing. No it's in the clip. It's in the clip. But I mean it's like you're he's talking about other people.

He means he knows the real estate business. He's also he's also addressing like a right wing pro Israel group too. So it's not like. Yeah. It's not. They love it. They love getting saying they're killers. Yeah.

And then it's like I don't know that clip of Joe Biden last week where he just addresses that guy is fat. That was awesome. Listen fat. Listen fat. I get your words straight Jack. And then he tried to challenge him to push ups. I know.

I'll do push ups and run anything you want. He's squaring off with him like it's about to be the Thunderbirds versus you know the 21st Street. He's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. But you have to vote for me you have no choice you're not going to vote for Pocahontas I could.

God. You're not going to vote for the wealth tax. Yeah. Let's take a hundred. You're wealth away. No. No. Even if you don't.

If you don't. Some of you I don't like. What are you going to be my biggest supporters because you'll be out of business in about 15 minutes. If they get it. Some of you I don't like it at all. He's funny. That was all.

Yeah. It's so funny that he is more put together than Joe Biden. Yeah. The Democrats are trying to get your word straight Jack a purely I'll do a push up contest right now. This motherfuckers brain is tapioca pudding dude that's just going to start coming out of his. Maybe if you weren't watching the damn news I want to see I'm not sudden Terry I want

to see honestly at this point like you know I won't Bernie obviously but if it's not him I won't buy it and dude those would be the best about Blurredney Sanders I would much rather have Biden than fucking Buttigieg Biden versus Trump and I guess you're right I guess you're right. That would that would at least be funny. I don't care anymore. Not Bernie brother hard I'll vote but I mean it's just it's it hasn't started big Bernard it hasn't stopped since 2016 but there's no yeah well it's never going to stop that's

how it works now it's just a constant election. It just is it's just trash. I mean it'll stop or I mean I don't know who knows shit's kind of funny the funniest outcome is is Mayor Pete beats Trump easily that that's the saddest one walks everything back and then none of the note not a single socialist policy matters he doesn't have to walk anything back. I know but I mean it's like he I mean he was initially like more friendly to he was he used to be a medical pro guy very early on.

And then he like menses words with regards to yeah I mean it's it's like he's just so purely a fucking politics like it's so awesome. No that would be the funniest outcome in honesty gets the nomination easily beats Trump and then yep and then and then quietly people at large stop caring about socialist stuff and then it just sort of gets relegated back to being the communist weirdos that it was yeah kids of the last like decade and that would be funny but I don't see it happening man. I think the funny is the funniest outcome is him everyone who has a patron us included

just loses all the money and then you know they're doing they're trying to figure out what the next thing that would honestly be awesome dude I'm about to work in the Pete Buttigieg White House who means I'm free it's Lizzo. It is the funniest outcome yeah yeah just people with 35 different socialism podcasts being like I'm press no I don't think that's true dude like the new Star Wars Mandalorian is now a Mandalorian podcast is now this we've always talked about the man who would really harm us did politics kind of nauseating so we're going to take a break we're keeping the name eat the rich kill kill fuck rich babies podcast and the hecking hecking witch

antifa eat the rich babies punch a Nazi podcast is now about a baby Yoda where we discuss the different just you know just different freaking baby Yoda memes we saw this week they're just like really freaking cool stuff dude just like you know what just take a step back and maybe give people the benefit of the doubt you know a lot of this like cancel stuff it's like yeah not to the best move you know it's like maybe like due process I don't do that maybe maybe don't do that Mandalorian podcast it would be awesome everyone just goes back to being bacon of course they will because it's yeah the Yikes Mandalorian nobody wants to admit that they're just fucking like literally capitalizing on a trend oh yeah

cannot cannot more so be doing that it's straight up trickle everyone's trickling off Chapo's balls basically it's all everyone's you lapping up that water coming off their nutsack we're like a baby taking a shot at the Teflon we got you can't stick any of that shit to us why because we got a motherfucking sound yeah I mean we would be fucked as a noted socialist podcast right that would really affect us big time oh I don't care I mean as long as the whole ship goes down no we'd be actually hilariously fine I think we'd be absolutely but because we're cursed and it's like we'll never be free that's why yeah I guess and because we'll be doing this one we're fucking 80 that will be next to this next to the grave

I would like to see the podcast bubble burst that would be awesome that'd be great and what kind of bitter people that creates this would be yeah this is such a horrible art form and I hate that it's the most like the most popping one right now I can't wait for this yeah like if Brandon's podcast fell apart that'd be hilarious yeah what would Brandon do what's funny to watch Brandon to who is our friend but yeah that's why we're mocking him friend to this show because he is our friend everyone we mock we're friends well because Brandon's only like a couple years younger than us and he's old now he's old he's like 27 and like what will happen when like he because he's probably not on tiktok no he's got he's done

being young it's over but there's no it's not like he can grow up in anything no he's grown up his way you know you're just gonna wait he has grown up he's embarrassed about ox court DJ you're gonna wait you're gonna watch because it's like you know yeah he'll just it'll be fucking ten you'll be like that the Tony Hawkeye yelling at those Mexican women and it'll be awesome people well sure maybe I don't know I'm not saying good or bad it's just interesting to see like youth culture pass up somebody who is so like deeply entrenched in it what's what happens anytime anyone's like young yeah he's gonna try and do he's gonna try and do the Justin Bieber cut his hair get sexy I think he actually he's trying

he's trying to be a fits guy now yeah he's trying to be a fashion guy now he's wearing like suits yeah that would be a classic if he became a fucking classic if he became a menswear bro he's trying to be a nation of Islam boats hi guy I'm a classic man you can be me if you got HIV I'm a classic man I'm a bathroom man you can be me if you poop and be in the bathroom man nice that's a good one yeah baby I'm the bathroom man I'm the bathroom man I'm the bathroom man my dick is hard yeah I don't know what anybody's gonna do what do you mean what in the future I'm gonna retire to Baltimore start doing one man plays I'm gonna get that nose job because zoomers are fake that's not a real thing yes

it is no it's not yesterday there's no generational gap yes there is why some people at iPads know it's it's a there's like people that are slightly older excusing themselves for being bad at the internet or being like well you know it's because these kids it's a different generation you what do you mean there's no generator there is of course a hundred percent different than us younger motherfuckers but they're only slight I'd say that there's not a pronounced generational gap between the two that like warrants I think there is what like between us and like what a fucking 15 year old between somebody like 1920 yeah dude there is bro there is I don't know what it is because we're old that's the thing you don't know because you're

old no because we never went to school with like trans kids for instance like that kind of stuff isn't as big a deal I think like virtue signaling isn't as big a deal to them because that stuff is like more normative to them I think that's such a minor distinction why isn't because I think all of us like did shit that we regret when we were younger as millennials they probably saw a cultural shift now the biggest thing the biggest things are like the ubiquity of the internet and like 9 11 and it's like I don't I mean I guess yeah there's they don't remember 9 11 thing man you talk to people who like you know I remember dating a girl is probably like 20 14 28 now this is you you're the power you are the one who's and speak up now

if you disagree yeah well you better buy my boy Adam's whoa Adam what the fuck dude muted me oh sorry I'm back anyways yeah no it's like she grew up in like California and she's like yeah I remember seeing 9 11 but I had no idea what the twin towers were or anything so she that's okay that's just stupid yeah but we only care about hot people that's also so 9 11 never mattered yeah that's true I don't know here's the thing I'm fucking stupid and I'm not thinking about it but I just of course there's gonna be differences that we as old motherfuckers just don't get because that's just how the world works by people sure yes and I'm saying there there will be some sort of some like division or like demarcation point I guess between this generation the next one yeah I don't think

it's it's like what's identified as zoomers and millennials are like like clearly distinct cohorts going back to my theory if we have multiple kids like if I have multiple kids they'll probably be dating each other having sex with animals you know yeah absolutely you'll be having sex with them you I'm not gonna be having sex I we're gonna be like a dead ass can I can we have sex all together yeah let's add an extra I to the lgbtq that's your big thing that's your big move no that's you know you know my theory yeah I don't think incest is coming up but what do I know we don't have to get into it used to be with like younger people there used to be like a like a clear difference between high school and college because like the only way people in high school would get access to

what people in college are consuming is when their older brother or sister came home like the holidays gave them that REM record literally yes I mean exactly that kind of shit and it's like with the internet that doesn't exist anymore so it like really muddies any kind of like generational distinctions well then it's grown up fast then or now people are locked in a state of like permanent adolescence well that's like the amount of people that are like you know that they're like to the extent that they're like left or activists or whatever I mean it sounds exactly like people I knew who like were into rage against the machine when they were fucking 12 years old it's like it's childish larping you're responding to leftist activism on the internet

oh yeah a lot of the aesthetic of it I mean sure it's like there's a difference between I mean not the actual thing but I mean yeah if you have like a like a fucking account with a profile picture of like Karl Marx or whoever I mean clearly this is like an aesthetic that you're curated mine's Chris Bosch personally that's true and I do it because he's black oh yeah so you can digital blackface you digital blackface and I'm sure there's like a you know an example with anybody that's like a fascist or whatever I mean I'm just not like paying attention to I don't know if like Pepe is still even a fucking thing this griper now isn't that the same thing this is the same thing I think it's an uglier Pepe and now I think Pepe is uh can be left no oh yeah yeah

damn sucks or people don't like I don't I don't fucking give a shit this shit is gay yeah that is it is well then you figure out how to fill 10 minutes I will dude how about this okay you want to plug in dates you want me to I got a good one for you next week is the last funny moms of the year what date is that that is the 16th I said literally hold on Adam not plug in not playing dates so I have one for you oh go is it worse to circumcise a baby with a suck it's dick what circumcise 100% but then it's worse what about doing both that's true can you imagine if there was a culture oh yeah that would be horrible it's a very rare thing now we're back on track no see I told you and I I honestly mean this I think it's literally worse to circumcise a baby than to suck it's dick look if you don't care baby can't talk whatever the conversation is then come in

with the hypotheticals yeah yeah I'm sorry if you got shamed out of bringing the hypotheticals in that's not so can we talk about it absolutely we can talk so what do you guys rather talk about that so let's do it do you I because I I don't want to say my point I know what your point is and it's a very rare thing it only happens no I'm not I'm not no that's Nick's point Nick is coming with the anti-semitism okay I am coming with purely it's barbaric the chop of a baby's penis I have to answer honestly yes I don't know even if I marry a Jewish woman I don't know if I will certainly no one asked you what you're gonna do what is worse is the question no if what I'm under your head what I'm gonna do is suck my baby's thing I'm not saying you suck it it yeah that's

here gun to his head um yeah can we can we isolate that it's very I'm gonna suck my baby's thing no no stop to answer yes we can to answer honestly I don't know if I will do that that I I think I didn't ask you that weird I asked you if a baby I answered you ready not your baby right in theory is it worse for a baby to have gotten stick sucked by a random person or to get its cock part of its cock chopped off what is worse for it in the long term muted my mic oh no I'm back Nick what are you doing on the board don't can we discuss can we engage in discussion Mike again okay now back um is there any evidence that it has any like lasting traumatic impact I'm trying to get like clean audio of him by himself saying he would suck a baby I see okay all right yeah

oh right because we're doing it in one channel we're doing it in one channel I see I see oh we're just yeah we're and now no but you told me what you wanted to do I'm not going to do it now I'm not going to walk into this trap do you feel all alone I do feel all alone I don't like it I feel like I'm in the Bill Merb Bill Burr Monday podcast just me solo ranting about Boston sports no I think that I think that it is I don't know about the psychological impact of what what would happen to a baby that got their dick sucked but stops I don't think it could be as bad as getting your penis ripped off circumcising a penis is not getting it but dude getting your little baby dick sucked for like a

set like 10 seconds you got it's like getting a bath probably just feels nice and warm for a set yeah but I think that maybe if maybe it's not smart like a three-day-old baby is definitely not getting like the psychological damage of being molested okay but here's the thing okay you know another question charter schools good or bad you know when you meet like a French person right yeah and they're like they say things that are like extra cringe and like because they like in Europe like they're like have you ever heard of like Bob Dylan like those kind of guys those guys are really fucking horrible yeah those anyone who would bring that up is embarrassed I would never say have you ever heard of Bob Dylan that's a stupid thing no you would you would just throw on

the documentary and start crying I wasn't crying to the documentary and you guys didn't even last long enough to know what the point he's in his room crying what's your take on this if you nick hold on let's hear Adam let's hear Adam's take from inside his bedroom go ahead Adam what what did we even talk about he's in hiding in his bedroom can you come out dude Adam can you just please come out you don't have to cry in your bedroom I'm not in my bedroom right now you just changed my microphone he's crying in there folks all right well you know that's the thing I wanted to talk about and since we're done talking I guess no one's to engage me honestly with beautiful discussion I thought we I scream is there any other news stuff you know I already saw the

generation stuff so please come to settled come to funny moms the final one of the year the 16th we're gonna get all our friends favorite favorite guests gonna be a fun show it's gonna be a fun Brandon's future that's settled yeah Brandon's done come to Houston this weekend come to Fat Tuesdays at the stand on the 17th where you going bathroom again to have diarrhea and then it's not I have these aren't getting released but Milwaukee Appleton Lincoln Lodge Chicago to have his period I will be there the 29 30th 31st and first he's gonna be at Lincoln Lodge of January and February Dwayne The Rock Johnson here first the Lincoln Lodge I'm gonna be at the comedy connection in Providence the 6th through the 8th 6th through the 8th the tickets are free they're not me they

cost money I'm gonna be in hyenas at Plano Texas Vaginina's Vaginina's Vaginina's the 13th through the 15th Valentine's Day come be my valentine hymenina's and I'm gonna be at the DC draft house the 20th through the 22nd full ass February I will be in San Diego in February for a funeral one of my family members is dead and if you can guess who then you get $20 off awesome Dwayne The Rock Johnson and then I think I'm going to fucking London and Dublin and maybe some other shit so anyway come suck us off come fuck me come see me on the fucking road fat Tuesdays every Tuesday starting on the that's a busy February I'm going a lot on February brother damn we're gonna have to work that out no I'm here though because it's all it's all weekends

so it's like so it's not I thought a lot of travel I'm just like we could do that we could probably stick to the regular schedule for most of it got you got you got you um get you what's that pass you what I gotta ask you about that too I'm gonna be uh my schedule yeah I'm gonna be in Tokyo at the end of January but if you are an English speaker I'm gonna be having a show for no English speakers or recording my special it's gonna be me and a room of Japanese people that do not speak English that would be awesome and I'm gonna do a little bit of my poo poo kaka I'm gonna do all my classic crush and I'm just adamant in doing Japanese comedy uh on uh that's not what I sound like

all right thanks a lot you gotta knock no don't press any button I'm not gonna press this all right guys that's the fucking show that's the show