The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 186 – Give me one reason to stay here

Episode Date: December 19, 2019

and ill suck you right off

chick chick yeah a little little pussy eating festival you know what i'm saying that should be so much it pussy eating lick getting the pussy suck oh you know i love suck on the pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy that's right sample that sample one pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy drive up in the Cadillac tell him 67 pussy i love the 67 pussy count all the ways that you could get to pussy one take it two gunpoint this sounds a little too loud yeah my phones are really loud can you turn them down a little bit

can you turn me down turn me down do not call me a baby in public please can maybe you're not to be a baby bitch stop it please can you maybe not it hurts my ears can you not to be a baby bitch a baby who is a bitch a little baby faggot welcome back to the bitch baby podcast baby bitch i forgot to i was trying to get new sounds but i i'm gonna have to take a weekend to really think about don't worry about it man well you're gonna have to cut the tape you know yeah i mean i can with the way these things work is i i have the best ideas first of course um that's my style you run a steam and then i know it's done yeah it's done yeah i'm finished i'm finished yeah i'm all done i've come up with the best ideas i found the thing of obama saying

the n word i've already recorded obama saying the n word i suck your penis i suck it up i suck your penis off i suck your penis i suck your penis i suck it off yeah something like that that would be good build i suck your penis there will be blood guy yeah there will be jit there will be head there will be head now there's a movie no that's no that's what i like to go what's the hot what was that what was that said now you're cooking now you're cooking with blast oh yeah that movie was sent set in when the 1800s yeah like lady who do you think the hottest woman in the world was at the time in the 1800s yeah Marilyn Monroe uh it was like it was a Cleopatra problem yeah martha washington bad egyptian pussy yeah Cleopatra maybe uh

one of the john quincey adams john quincey adams was ugly and his bitch was ugly his bitch he had an ugly bitch he she looked just like him he was the president yeah he was a whole category on jeopardy the other week how ugly his bitch was yeah uh blurced ladies and you should the worst worst ladies that's why the blurced ladies yeah worst ladies was the category where we we rank uh the first ladies by how ugly they are who's the ugliest noted noted pig ellenora rooseville that's right ellenor adam you have the board thank you i'll take the worst ladies for 200 ugly hold on i'm gonna look this up where's you the ugliest this first lady literally all i searched was ugly it said the smell of this

woman's pussy was what what they they it said that the st louis arch was originally held open by her giant ugly who is hillary rottem clinton that's correct back to you i'll take it for 300 worse women yeah i think it goes 200 400 400 well he can just choose right huh ellenora rooseville when she was young didn't look so bad like great no she looked nasty you know what lady bird johnson looks like he could suck a dick lady bird johnson's my favorite one dude for sure she made dc bloom she planted flowers everywhere and her pussy was the best dude in texas well you've heard you've you've seen that sorry we're looking for janice taylor have you seen that quote that quote oh i should get the jeopardy noises on yes yes yeah the lbj quote about how leggings or stockings

ruin finger fucking there's been recorded is talking about how stockings everyone knows he's the cooler president they they get a huge dick too big old penis the big old thing he had to get his pants specially made because his cock would bulge too much so sick he had to go to the pants store for that no i heard a recording of him ordering pants yeah and i think that's when he mentions that's where we're casual male xl country yeah it was about lyndon johnson's cock and then it got but then that the market for huge cocked people wasn't that big i have to get my phone out of the other room okay because there's important information on there oh yeah i've heard about that info you better get it dude regarding is there can the cat get it information that can

lead to the arrest of donald jay trump donald john trump donald john trump fuck you give over and calling him donald john trump yeah what a loser like who gives a shit come on man sport center used to be so good why did you have to do this keith like you let's get you let's get to obama thing who's saying obama his middle name means bathroom yeah it's gonna be so funny when trump wins again i can't wait they're gonna fuck over bernie again a hundred percent they already are yeah he's he's an anti-semite now that is so unbelievable unbelievable dude nothing means anything we are fucked like truly there's no way to do anything you can even like they're calling him an anti-semite like we're fucked yeah every other candidate has beat budges way more like

fucking dog shit baggage on them absolutely and it's even even in that like there could be a there probably be a video next week of of fucking elizabeth warren being like if there's one thing i can't stand it's kikes it's all of these kikes coming into the tp kiking it up with all of their money in their bagels my aunt b used to come in and she said look we're we're kikating indians and we hate there's one thing yeah yeah hey i hate jews now i hate jews now there's too many jews yes in this neighborhood yeah and there would still be there would still be uh why bernie sanders is the real anti-semite don't let this elizabeth you think elizabeth warren's bad watch this clip of bernie sanders you know and he's like medic jew fuck jew jew jewish

fuck jewish you're like wow can you believe undocked it's through the years he like has different hair in the middle of it but it's just a clip of larry david him saying the n word on the curve twice yeah it's just watch this clip of bernie sanders and it's larry david looking at a black person it's still an image it just goes wow straight from the mouth or they just do the jimmy kimmel like unnecessary censorship on a thing he says yeah just you just do the trick you've been doing anyway yeah no he's gonna lose we're fucked i'm back to thinking we're fucked unfortunately yeah we should all move to athens bro first of all i'm moving to silence you can't take my escape plan i thought we were gonna get

a fishing boat are we yeah we're gonna be simple fishermen i'm gonna be what the fuck why can't i come bro how you go to israel dude we all go back to where we're going from there's a crap place you go to israel full of shitty people goes to ireland i go to greece what if china just nuked israel how funny would that would be funny that would be really i must admit that would be fun that would be difficult for me because i wouldn't want to live you know i wouldn't want to damage my chances of getting pussy from what do you do on christmas after that what do you mean well you couldn't eat chinese food anymore oh my god we'd starve you know what i'm saying that would ruin a tradition how about jewish people pretend like they invented chinese i know it's awesome we

did it's a met we general so was you yeah you know that's christian families who would sit around and just listen to rap music on hannigan something that's christian families came up with yeah i do i'm hoping my little brother has to work the chinese guys they're like yo okay fuck on the car okay okay on the car suck my dick i really hope my family's busy on christmas so i can stay here and do the and do the jewish christ i will adopt you to do jewish christmas get some dumplings mission chinese no that's that we get either we get second avenue deli or dim sum on christmas morning yeah and then i'm not getting any i got a woe hop i got a woe hop how about this we release you in the financial district and i hunt you down with a crossbow oh the most the deadliest game

and fight i did yeah the most dangerous game right you'll be in your natural environment yeah you have all the you have all the advantages when it comes to rain and then i know where i know all the the hunter enters the jungle i know where all the stock tickers are all the obstacles the traps police are just like having a regular jewish christmas there are you carry on might yeah the australian police or the regular police they're all for christmas yeah regular police are off duty for christmas idiots they don't have more on christmas in australia and they haven't it's the it's the other day oh they have it later yeah they all end christmas six months later because it's all right here to stand in for the new york city police department i know that it was

it was it was it was a handshaking are you questioning more authority you fucking asshole someone told me that we don't feel that bad about the holocaust you're lucky it's christmas otherwise i'd tell that crossbow fella where you at someone told me the reason there's so many australians in new york is because bush gave them like an agreeable visa program after they supported his war in iraq yes that's true that sounds about right so they can come and like just do molly for a year i think that's over now is it done yeah kick him out now we're all going to tall and now we're gonna have sex with boys we're putting all the australians on little sign james island we're reclaiming it for the queen it'd be funny even like 400 years it's just like a that's like

little st james island is an international economy it's a whole nation yeah there's a currency yeah a lot of people don't know this used to be a pedophile island this is where they sent all the pedophiles the petties and now we've got our own uh you know our own culture and everybody's still already our own type of people that we oppressed yeah we've got uh you know we all we still wear children's pants yeah as a oh my as a tribute yeah tribute to the pedophile to the cheeky petty pedos cheeky pedos that founded the place yeah the freaking cheeky pedos dude those cheeky pedos cheeky pedos it's my bloody dad's google history what is eight-year-old being raped now that is a good sketch yeah just she says it's my bloody dad's google history

oh that toddler getting fucked no i think your dad should be in jail man not in not in little st james not in law laws lambs i don't know what would they call his nickname um saintie yeah saintie little saintie nothing i love jamey saint jamey they're giving a little suckaloo to a torch dangler down here on little st james island they have to make everything sound so cute yeah it's giving a little suck arena old laugh to sack a boy a boy's penis a little baby's pee pee nozzle and if you like these jokes will be in australian april will be in australia i think so josh hasn't responded to him he did oh he did yeah yeah he was sick did i miss it yeah you probably have barbeque sauce he got sick

screen i didn't see it i wasn't texas yeah there's just a third of my screen that's covered in barbeque sauce so i miss a lot of stuff i can't read this email it's covered in barbeque sauce yeah you said you said a dirty this is completely unprofessional this email is covered in chocolate and barbeque sauce and i'm i'm thinking of a woman's breasts while i'm reading it all oh my god i think that might be a screen i think uh stop i think that might be fuck you man shut up josh shut up josh if that is your real name just because you're some new zealander yeah who knows a lot about drifting i'd love to get my penis sacked does josh know how to drift yeah oh that's what he does when he's not booking he's tokyo drift he's a drifter

drift drift drift drift drift okay man nothing those are the words stop those are the words for the song that is the official word you haven't seen tokyo drift that's so good japanese people are like what why are they censoring that why are they censoring it's a theme song for an anime man oh that one got me good brother oh yeah oh yeah freaking yeah yeah

if you can suck a dick you can eat my ass i was just in the fucking texas this deep in the heart of texas bro you know what they say they only got two things in texas faggots and horses i think it's different no that's literally what it is i thought it's steers and queers what do you think that means a steer is a bull it's a horse or some sort of look i know what the other one means it's a cow or a bull there's no i don't know dude fucking i had a fucking big ass steak a dry aged texas piece of meat uh deliciosa what cut where'd you stop it was well i went to truth barbecue that was a second day whoop whoop that shit was awesome truth where's that paul pierce it's between it is between it's a paul pierce

themed barbecue restaurant it's between houston and austin it was good as hell there's a lot of shit everything dude i kind of like houston you were saying it's trash i fuck with it yeah houston's boring i liked it houston's like if so la sucks and houston's like what if texas had la la yeah but they got they listen i went i did hot yoga with this lady named candice she was really nice i feel like every the only people that i believe that are queer are yoga instructors you think they're they're women that exist not even women i believe they're they're real they thems you know i'm saying they're just like they're just on the the cusp of gender they're just short hair ladies or you guys are like this i was in china town the other night and there was a group

by a like chinese teenagers go on and they probably lived in china town so they were calling each other the anwar of course they live in china town but one of them i just walked by one one of them goes uh yeah yeah man i'm i'm fitting and he didn't say man he said the anwar he goes he goes yeah i'm fitting the fuck with some chinese food he said that about yeah that's they're all trying to decide what the in china town is a group of chinese people from china town and one of them said they're fitting the fuck with chinese food yeah you were like excuse me you can just call it food don't you mean new chinese food well it's like what okay i guess yeah sure go off respect to them dude go off respect to you know go off generation a generation brought up on aquafina i went to

racist is what ching if i say go off chain uh that's probably racist i don't think yeah i don't put chong at the end it's no i don't think i think that counts as racist i think it is actually definitely racist this is a little japanese woman dropping n bombs i went to i went to jewish well i have to word sound like curse words true i went to montreal style restaurant what were you saying i went to a montreal style jewish deli to remind me of our time back in canada of course and it was banging where it was by the movie theater where i saw gems last night or yesterday during the day interesting um which also went hard went yeah i don't say anything else i don't fucking kill you well i already sang you the song from it yeah where i'm saying it's like

i've got too many jewels i love selling gems look at my jewels i'm selling it look at my look at my sparkles i'm going to sell these two black people either you see nightingale what's that by the director did boba duke that bitch no what's in the bit the kind of lady director a shila director a shila yeah they're letting freaking shila letting cons mike picture the picturinos now no cunt means everything to them yeah that's true what's what's what's slot what's cunt in australian like for a dumb bit fosters fosters australian for cunt let me break open your forces let me bust that fosters open for me it's a big mad they get mad and there's a picture of an aboriginal guy and he's just there and they go

australian for beer it's just them saying a slur that's very good good fosters australian for and then another beat i can't wait all can't wait to get australian this button is my favorite thing in the world oh yeah it brings me so much joy of having a beep at your disgust at your discretion is incredible yeah it's fun it's made the show funny damn i'm already thinking about getting greek food at that place in melbourne again oh this black diet yeah that place bang it was a bang that place bang hopefully neither and none of us die before that i don't think we'll die we have to have that meal this the prophecy we'll make it to april the prophecy we'll make it to april at least one of

the three would have gay sex before thank you adam thanks for taking that one out of our hands the gay the one you are the one gay sex will also die that sucks i thought i had to fulfill the prophecy but you did verbally agree so well i gotta do it for my boys how about a movie called vaginal destination vaginal yeah vaginal destination okay vaginal and uh you know what's i don't know was it devin saw what who the fuck is in that movie i don't know but he's like yeah i think that's a nightmare that you got a sex change and he's like no way bro i'm not gonna do it and then it's like the sex ghost knows that you were supposed to have your gender you were supposed to have a your bottom cut off and turned into a vagina and now it's gonna cut your dick off any way it can

oh there's a plane got redirected to the sex operation someone wait what's final destination it's it's he keeps cheating dead and then so the the so devin saw what's not him it's probably someone else the angel of death is trying to kill him what who's devin some 90s yeah he was like a he was in 90s freddy prins jr style so devin saw what uh that's not yeah devin saw a woman sucking his own dick yeah you know i saw really yes yes so what he's he he cheats i'm familiar with the commercials and like a a log crashing through a car yeah that sort of thing but what the devil is against him or something so it's about devil is he's chasing him while here's the deal yeah he's on a class trip somewhere and he's like they all get on the plane it's actually the movie's

tight i might i might watch it tonight okay yeah they get on a plane and there's a million of them so you can just you can watch that instead of getting a job or yeah getting married or having kids do whatever your wife tells you to do yeah the real final destination is turning 37 years old and you're like shit i'm gonna get high and watch stuff i rented from blockbuster two decades ago and my life has not changed at all i mean it has substantially but i don't care yeah nothing won't and then we're all going to die uh yeah so they're like they're going on a class trip and the plane blows up oh shit and then fucking he's like screaming as the plane blows up and he wakes up and he's just in the like by the gate he fell asleep before they got on the plane and his friends are like

what's wrong he's like i just fucking like the plane fucking blew up we can't get on the plane we can't get on the fucking plane i just said this like nightmare or whatever and then like they just pull him off the plane like they don't let him him and like his seven friends or whatever because he's freaking out and then they see the plane blow up after it takes it's cool shot too that's just you see the plane blow up and then all the windows blow so which i don't know if that would happen who cares it's tight in fact i don't even know if that's what happened in the movie it could be that the plane just blew up and the windows don't blow out yeah anyways it doesn't matter it doesn't matter so he has my mind when i am i shot for shot remake where it's not actually

it's all from memory yeah that would be cool yeah we should do a shot for shot remake of a movie we've only seen like a couple times i've said that i said they should let steven segal do a shot for shot remake of all the john wick movies from memory just isn't and then john wick meets the dalai lama and the dalai lama says to him you are more of a buddha than i am and but john is humble he's a humble spirit so he says no dalai lama we're the same we're the same and i'm only slightly better than me all things are equal because we are all one i'm just i'm the bigger the better i'm the top slightly if you imagine the number one i'm the nose part at the top the little flag and you're the bottom the the feet that's not even necessary we're both number one

we're both number one but you're the part i'm the little nose flag and you're the part you can leave off and people still know it's a one or maybe it becomes a seven which is an even bigger number yep i would love to watch that movie yeah so this man has a dream just say something about the dog being dead you just hear people whispering while they're filming he's in a motorized wheelchair this problem is you killed my dog and then it's just people being like ah oh just falling on the ground he doesn't move at all he just slowly rolls over to them and they like fall they tumble right in one of those like those those motorized shopping carts from giant dude honestly it's just it says giant on there he stole it he just left a grocery store

at that fucking thing i'd love to watch a movie where it's john wick but he's a paraplegia he's just got a wheelchair with guns and shit on it yeah that would be awesome you know what they said about russians what's that i agree anyway um i saw this trailer for a movie called adam hold on i want to see what happened to the rest of the movie oh sorry sorry sorry sorry the guy has a dream go ahead adam what i want to know what happened no i didn't whoa adam yeah i interrupted all those rude that's fucked up that you said that about keep telling him all i want to tell you about this trailer though i want to know about what happened in final destination oh she's got a dream so he had the dream like martin luther king yeah you might say i got a dream that but there was integration

it's like we got to get off this plane we're gonna integrate america peacefully it's a racist the final destination yeah so uh jeffrey upstein he has a plane he's like i want you to come to my island mm-hmm why don't they come over here i haven't been doing it but it's been fun there's a lot of people you know it grew out of the core of an anti-semitism but then yeah adding that the black keeper israelite shooting mm-hmm which bernie planned and he was like you yakuubian devils are going down right but there's plenty of like right wing jewish people on social media now set mandel they're using the black keeper israelite thing to be like this this is genocide hell yeah they're doing it again six that's awesome really and you would you just reply to them and you're

like look the the black those just happen to be jewish victims just like epstein happened to be jewish and harvey wasan happened to be jewish shut up bro yeah shut up no they just happen to be jewish and your best friend your best friend animal so and members of your family most of your family sorry i didn't say what you didn't come by like i'm saying say best friend again your best that's right all right so i saw a trailer yeah for a movie called so wait how does it end though do you get away from death oh sorry i didn't realize he wasn't i should start taunting people on twitter more i'm not doing enough taunting yeah i would yeah you used to be the king nick of taunting yeah used to taunt of being rude people are everyone's the best everyone has me blocked now

at this point like there's not i mean that well is dry you know what i mean i've mined all the gold yeah someone has drank your milk you drank your own milkshake i drank my own milkshake you honestly did have you ever drank your own so does devon saw a wall win does he beat death yeah because then there's final destination two it goes all the way to seven yeah does he survive ultimately no he gets breast cancer he does in national causes but it's not from it that's why that movie makes no sense because if you're afraid to die and you miss the airplane thing death would just be like i guess brain tumor yeah exactly i guess that's easier you can't not a goldberg machine like a cigarette burning a fucking obstacle course yeah but that movie is uh lay sick

lay epic cool lay i hope that uh you get low raped if i come speaking frankly okay was that where that comes from frank let me be frank it's like frank ish frank like frankonian who's frankonian let the franks oh let the norman franks no of course not frank norman why would it come from it's weird that that was a race it won't break yeah it was a bunch of frank kelly and franks and norman go anglo frankos it was just like two big two groups of people that owned use car dealership yeah yeah we're the we're the normans and these are the franks and that's all the motherfuckers that like mixed up and made it england and france right yeah yeah they all and they all just talked completely different languages yeah they're like yarshtark farshtay better

the proof then notice uh all right can i tell you guys about this movie trailer i want let me get my phone okay hold on stop i watched this movie trailer the movie is called adam uh-huh it's about a gay guy the hashtag listen it stars the main character's name adam freedman no swear to god he he's like awkward high school teenager yeah always wanted to meet the girl of his dreams right so he visits his sister in new york where she's in the queer lesbian community right and he goes out to queer bars with her meets a lot of people has fun and then he meets the girl of his dreams but they really hit it off she's got a penis and then they're outside and she's like i've never actually hung out

with a trans guy before and then spends the movie pretending to be a trans male that's pretty funny in order to pursue to get pussy to get pussy and it's called the adam story dude it's called adam and the guys the main characters adam freedman now this is somebody fucking that's awesome no it's a real movie called adam yeah do anyways and also salute to that character i wonder if that character needs to take pills to make its dick hard oh yeah he's fucked up a little couple of blue shoes which anybody who's a fan of this show knows about already i need some more i need to re-up they already anybody cool already went online the blue shoe dot com i know we got a lot of young listeners 18 years old younger get on them you're 14 get these cockpills get on lie

say you're 18 get on them now i know we got a lot of fifth graders if your dick works perfectly fine shut up and take them you are what i want you do is get some blue shoes put on the show big mouth oh yeah get real jacking off yeah you get real hard and then pledge your allegiance to viacom um and and uh i don't know fucking jp morgan yep the good guys the good guys yeah so these the way these pills work is you take one and your cock gets really hard it's like not being gay and it's like you're not gay for about 90 minutes blue shoe dot com it's like not being gay yeah you can silence the intro i mean you'll still have your gay thoughts but you'll be able to stay hard while having sex imagine enjoying fucking the way god you won't enjoy it to be clear the way you will be

hard god intended god is god is real god is real and he wants your dick to be blue shoe dot com god is real christian dick pills oh that's what we need christians only do not use these pills if you're muslim if you're muslims are allowed because they also believe in god okay so abrahamian faith only jews christians and muslims are allowed to take these pills if you're chinese fuck you get yeah damn how long were we into the episode before we drop that one i don't know if your chinese suck my day i'm just kidding i'm getting ready to cycle just kidding i'm getting ready to cycle that guy out oh what the riff yeah i love the riff man okay the riff i feel like has to stay we could do without the 808s silence can come and go as a seasonal treat yeah you know um wait maybe we need marv

albert let me see yes yes that would be a good one yes yes i'm wearing a brawn panties right now or yes yeah i was seeing if i could cycle in the uh for example if someone was like is adam gay and then we hit the yes that would be awesome if you like having sex you're gonna love blue oh yeah you really are uh-huh that's right honestly we're all consumed we're all customers sometimes some of the products we tell you about we're all devoted you know for example does anybody have blue chews right now i'd like to take one uh because i listen i fucked i might have i have fucked recently both with and without a blue chew and i gotta tell you i've been trying to get going all natural soft no you haven't as soft as possible yeah that's true and it doesn't ever do a soft entry

you go in soft and you get hard and then you pray to god you're yeah you evolve if i ever have i done a soft entry of course the darwin yeah you hope your dick just turns into like one of those sea monkeys like just add water to expand when you don't have to do that well you don't have now that's the old days of science you don't have to do that because the old days i never enter soft like a nice soft entry i'm so hard i go in soft then take the blue chew and then see how long it takes to and well you're doing 15 20 minutes you know so i'm just softly kissing oh you're kissing i'm doing some kissing saying just just you wait just wait it's because she's like can we just wait and then i'm fully hard and she's like is it in yet yeah you're like you fucking bitch you fucking

stupid you fucking this is as big as my car kids my little baby slide my little baby slide and then you're like oh fuck me oh my cock my fucking cock and then i'm like i'm so sorry i'm sorry get out get out i've made a mistake don't look at me don't look at me i'm hideous i'm ugly i'm ugly get out of my apartment leave me alone you fucking bitch i fucking hate you you raped me so yeah blue chew dot com if you want to have that kind of experience yeah it's not bad do it it makes me horny just do shit like that it's always so much of a struggle to figure out where this copy is in my phone we don't need the copy man dude so i've not just came up with some gold we know it in the back with like the back of our cocks hey do you think you know the back

of your cock well the back of the front pretty well what do you mean like the bottom the stem i don't believe you know any part of your dicks i know my cock very well thank you very much through a system of mirrors no like when they enter that no that the temple and not like that treasure i've never seen is all the like that all the mirrors that have the i can i can imagine when you're just when you're describing and no not like that oh my it's atlantis intimately and and personally i know my penis but i don't know the back of it that much you've never seen your penis which i assume somebody who sucks my penis knows better than the front that's never happened and i have gotten my penis sucked and i have seen my penis you've never seen i like taking pictures

of the bottom side oh interesting and then kissing my phone screen so i can see it so you can give it a little kiss maybe i'll try and take a picture of the bottom of my penis all right the little stem the little i mean if you like sex you'll like the top half the beach you offers man at the dark side of my day when you like the last longer and go extra oh yeah blue shoe makes the first chewable with the same active ingredients as viagra and sea alice no it's not methamphetamine but it will make you feel as good in a way chewables work faster than those up to twice as fast you can take blue chew on a full or empty stomach it's cheaper than those other two viagra and sea alice and it only takes a few minutes to fill out a form online oh yeah no doctor visit

no awkward no bullshit the thing i hate about it going to get pills at the doctors the doctor makes you compare your penis with his i hate that dude he's like well he's like come on you can't even get hard yeah what are you looking at look how hard my penis he's so hard and you feel bad about yourself why because i have all the pills because i went to doctor's school you want these you're fucking slut yeah i went to i did 19 years in medical school so i can prescribe myself anything i want i'm fucked up and my dick is hard fuck you doctor style yeah and i would hate doing that kind of shit and then just like repeating that story at the town hall and bernie centers is like uh yes that sounds very bad there is a in general a health care problem in this country and while

there may be anecdotal versions of stories of specific issues that people have in general there was a problem that a lot of people are experiencing yeah but also the doctors the doctor taking all the dick pills for themselves doctors are eating all the dick what about that redistributing dick pills bernard i'm a truck driver and my penis is soft all across america people like you are gonna have their penis is hard okay uh we just need you to be quiet so we can focus on the real issues i promise bluetooth for everyone we need we're talking let's let's the bluetooth guys nationalize bluetooth let's hear more about the black women nationalize who need their their hair medicine that's bernie well we're gonna get any kind of medicine you need it will be covered by m4a if you

need trans medicine you'll have your trans medicine the black one will have the hair medicine chinese people will have math medicine jewish people will have coins the mexican people yep you have go on yeah beans are a type of pill be free free beans prescribe to you if you have if you come from a latin ex household yeah dude so that's kind of that's the kind of bluetooth bluetooth for the fucking lads the fellas will all get bluetooth the fellas will all get bluetooth shipped directly to the door in discreet packaging mm-hmm bluetooth you will be prescribed online by a doctor made in usa bluetooth gives you confidence about every time you and your partner will love it you wouldn't do it here's a great deal for you guys visit

bluetooth dot com and get your first order free when you use promo code come town just pay five dollar shipping that's bluechew.com promo code come town mm-hmm oh yeah so check it out i love what it does to my penis we should we should actually get bluetooth to pay us to make a like a television spot for them like stave and i in bathtubs next to a lake and our cocks pop out of our cocks pop it's a bubble it's a bubble bath and then we take a bluetooth and then at the end of the ad you see the tip of our cocks and yeah but then when it's like all the side effects are being read we're like at a salsa dance class and we look really happy because we can get erections now yeah i'm gonna make a spot i'm gonna commercial for bluetooth where i use uh apple motion to add

erections every character in the movie the irish man mm-hmm it's a four-hour commercial for bluetooth that's awesome mm-hmm so do you see their actual cocks or do you see they're like the bulge to their pants yeah i use their penises are hanging there hello this is jimmy hoffa ah yes my dick is hard i heard you get dick's hard yes i do i all i suck them myself i suck them the cocks i also suck on the cocks uh-huh yeah friend of ours union guys uh he's uh gay yeah he needs a little uh little help uh you know maybe you could help him out it's gotta get his uh it's cack hard yeah so uh there's a guy we know how does this pass she's you had it the first time yeah yeah there's a guy we know we're friends with him uh he needs

help uh getting his penis heart i could do that for him i could do that yeah that's something that i could do that is something i could take care of for you uh i wish man uh what is this fucking name it's uh frank irish yeah no that's what they call him hello my friend frank something you know when my penis isn't hard mm-hmm i get angry same same brother dude i hate that i get real pissed i get real angry i just start my fucking dick isn't hard just al Pacino struggling to do a midwestern yeah he's from detroit right yeah half of you know yeah there's one scene in the very beginning when he's on the phone the first scene with him he's on the phone with fucking yeah he's like you know they're trying to tear the union apart yeah he sounds like a pirate

really good dude dude i love that movie i love to do yeah salute Pacino he was the latest from here from new york they're all from yeah yeah that's awesome i think so you know uh they're trying to fuck me in my ass frank i could do some help i could do that i could stop them from fucking you in the ass sir yes i could uh i could i could fuck you on your ass if you wanted to yeah friend of ours uh yeah friend of ours uh you need that i don't know jay lennon hey folks how you doing a friend of ours a friend of ours is getting fucked in the ass a friend of ours uh one of your fucking you about this book kevin you banks you know getting uh fucked in my ass i don't know why i get fucked in my ass every fucking time freaking time i want to sit here

and eat my fucking ice cream and you're gonna come over and fuck me in my ass just what i think i'm done getting fucked in the ass they pull my penis out start sucking it and get me horny and fuck me in the ass again take his ass leave his penis take the canoes leave the gun don't beat oh don't call leoni they come into my store and they fuck me in my ass every day i just try to make a little bit of money but every day they come into the store and bend me over and they fuck me in my ass and they're not you come to me who is the day of my daughter getting publicly fucked in her ass you know frank this ain't like the war

where you should you gotta you gotta fuck him in the ass up close yeah you get bang you're from a hill you fuck him in the ass i could fuck you in the ass i could do that i could do that i could do that yeah friend of ours really just wants to get fucked in his ass the pipe richman yeah the gay sex richman like the guy rich the guy richman that's good yeah yeah none of those impressions were close no they were pretty good i think the the deniro was pretty good the deniro that i can do that i could do that for you it's more in this face and yeah your face is good you did this the frown yeah you want to meet me you want to come down stairs you want to come fuck me in my ass quick i have an asshole great can you fuck me yeah damn this is an awesome

pun yeah yeah pay for this you know when i meet the parents you know one thing i want to do it's i want to meet the parents i think two grandmas boy two grandmas boy what are you doing dick when i smoke this weed it makes me feel like a grandmas boy god damn it all al Pacino just like smoke it recast grandmas boy but with al Pacino in the rolled in yeah what are you some kind of fucking dickhead robot dicking around with your fucking computer i was out there damn i want to rewatch grandmas i literally rewatched it today with brand today about al Pacino al Pacino al Pacino i didn't want to be confused with the actor michael penis so i had to change my name to al Pacino al Pacino damn dude i remembered that yesterday

when i was driving i literally almost lost my car yeah i don't have the patreon just the shannon dot tree line i don't have the patreon i literally would have re listened to that part i'm gay actor douglas penis hi i'm gay actor hi i'm i'm gay actor penis douglas i'm penis douglas where your douglas is on i'm i'm i'm kirk penis douglas kirk penis douglas i'm penis i'm penis kirk cunt i'm penis that's right hi i'm penis hi i'm penis you may remember me from the movie the game in fatal attraction where i play a man named david penis who is seduced by the actress in a wonderful role a magnificent role played by the actress glenn penis but by the actress vagina clothes damn glenn clothes really not that hot in that movie

uh working with the scene partner is always interesting uh because you have to rely on the chemistry and glenn i found to be disgusting both in that she has a man's name and she looks like damn dude glenn is truly a man's name and she looks like a wet whip it i i never even realized glenn was a man's name yeah yes glenn it's because she's so busted do you never notice it she looks she's a cool looking old lady now you know she looks like michael douglas she looks almost exactly wouldn't fuck glenn clothes for a million dollars all right thank you very much al thank you for thank you for tuning into good morning america al Pacino here promoting the irish man you know me and marty were talking and i wouldn't

fuck glenn clothes for a million bucks just one of those generic presser junkies he brings it up every time so whether you're watching like entertainment tonight whatever you're watching he that's the only clip they have of him you know me and marty were just backstage talking about how glenn clothes is pussy probably smells like a tp after the battle or whatever right she has a disgusting pussy our pussy smells like the harbor triton like a bunch of trash wow we really are shocked it's not funny it's a bad it makes no sense it makes no sense i just like screaming yeah the screaming is good oh the grandma's voice undeniably now i'm saying you would fuck glenn clothes for a million but

al Pacino feeling the need to tell everybody stop said it was on the today show that's very funny well damn yeah dude fucking holiday season bro dude it's you're just giving you the blues honestly a little bit yeah although i'll fuck you have a new year's kiss yeah my your mother's peanut your mother's pussy fuck fuck i fuck that up yeah that's that's transphobic uh no it's not if it was if i said your mother's penis that would be trans you know pro yeah that's a problem well i was gonna ask you if you wanted to be like i don't want to be your new year's kiss i was laughing today about tony soprano nicks you want to do getting really big into baby yoda means and then he's like losing his temper at anyone who doesn't appreciate baby yoda

means yeah yeah tone it's just it's a fucking baby version of yoda tone who gives a shit it's not even real you're not the buzz of this family it's just a little fucking baby it's a fucking baby it's just a cute little fucking baby that's why there's no fucking business he's just over there drinking his fucking soup and you're mad at him the video they got doing the perfect james gandalfini impression so good about trump about uh gretta thunberg oh no oh yeah what's the same guy it's flawless he's so good it's fucking so good jesus fucking christ yeah that he nails that one what is this i wish i could be good at any impression he also is like fat and bald yeah he's fat and bald and he smokes cigars yeah he's good i love his breathing pattern yeah that's what killed him

really yeah he has breathing fuck yeah did he have sleep apnea but uh but what's your machine the scene dude there's so many children i want to fall uh seal seal cut it cut that okay which is the button to shut up silence seal we're gonna seal please a boy's ass is the best thing i've remained attracted to children today there's so much i want to fucking i had pre-school no seal no no seal and what's good about that joke is you can plug it in with any song any singer yeah you know oh yeah that's true anyone doesn't have to rhyme with kiss by a rose or whatever that song is give me one reason to stay here and i'll fuck a fucking kid and i'll fuck a child what happened to tracy chatman she turned white she did trans trans race

trans racial yeah she's a guy named tracy chatman that was her song give me one reason yeah yeah in fast cars do you remember that fast cars with bang a raisin it's a six fast car now suck your fucking dick i have a small dick i want to get fucked in my ass i'm fucking gay fuck me in my ass did she do that shut my dick in for me in my ass did she do that song did she do that song did she do that song that's like you gotta be cool you gotta be i don't think that's you gotta be no you gotta be no i don't know if that is you gotta get i think of someone else yeah there's no way that's her that was that that was like what 93 94 yeah same era yeah susanne vega big in that time no that's she sounds hot yeah blood makes noise

that's when uh nick and i were in our lilith little affair phase yeah i'm back to looking down to the indigo girls i was making myself laugh with uh what if god was a black bitch just a big fat black bitch that is pretty good it is i mean it's too much to say on the show but i already did it but in my private moment just imagine well now it's on the show i know just imagining that whoever that white lady was it did that dumb ass what a fucking dumb song dolly madison looks kind of hot sorry i'm back on who's hot look at look at elizabeth munroe looks like fucking trash you know if there's one thing i would enjoy it's the plow tracy chairman like a monster truck driving through a parking lot wow that's my style that's my type of

bitch right saying that song you gotta be rachel jackson looks like shit you gotta be fat you gotta be hannah van buren looks kind of hot in this one oh my god anna harrison is a bubba bubba busted bubba bubba busted bitch damn what about john tyler's wife she had like 15 kids she looks kind of she looks all right over here leticia are you talking about worst ladies mm-hmm the jeopardy category julia tyler yeah that's john tyler's bitch she had like 16 kids well there's two tylers there's like it's by uh desert ray desert ray that's it yep yep i don't know i shouldn't have fucking known that sarah poke looks ugly that's such an easy one oh margaret taylor looks like because i wanted to say shadeh no it's not by shadeh i know i've been

listening it's not sexual enough to be by shadeh shadeh a lot of lovers rock recently oh is that so it's a shadeh album it's quite good mary tide is not that hot elizabeth johnson is a busted bitch as well bad president bad bad pussy julia grant i can't really tell although you're gonna be oh it's obviously a british woman obviously a british black woman now that's that's a that's a cool type of person right there british black person oh my god caroline harrison has a fucking mustache this bitch looks like a middle reliever for the yankees dude damn it's crazy imagine how much bad puts he's been up in the white house it's the same building listen as your day unfolds i suck a dick and eat my ass try and keep your head up to the sky this is a good ass jam dude

damn best Truman's ugly maybe eisenhower is ugly but it looks like she sucks a good dick yeah okay that's enough adam thanks i just wanted to get to the end of the chorus love will save the day that's not true rosalind carter love just ruins people's lives that's true the real answer is being completely dispassionate yeah that's right for sure that's the answer brother i gotta give it to young harry that's picture young hillary she looks pretty good oh like in college yeah no no i fuck that shit bro she does do you know she's better than you think maybe one of the one of the worst yeah look i'm not saying she's a good person i'm just saying she could have caught absolutely the salish no what about ellenis more said uh ironic but it's it's guy ronnie you know

what tony i think young hillary was beautiful dog dog dog dog dog i wouldn't fuck up with your dick tone i don't know i would show some respect for the first lady tone new york post men are showing up to the wing and women are pissed what the fuck is the one yeah deal with that bitches it's where a fucking uh lina dum goes to feel like for rich people rich women to like it's a co-working space it's like a we work for like rich women it's a way rich women it's a way for rich white women to not be around minorities but pretend no they have a couple of token rich minorities yeah you know so to make it feel intersectional of course you gotta suck dang yeah it's obviously a luxury you know it's like a star bucks only rich white women can get

into there's usually at least one man whenever i visit says katelin phillips 29 a member in new york oh i know her it's bizarre to choose to occupy it's bizarre cool okay wait do you actually know her do you want to hear the dumb shit that she says just play it yeah no because it sounds like you want to do the joke so go ahead no say you know her i know her cool oh you know her i guess we'll come back to this later no finish the quote no i don't want to she's nice i don't want to read it anymore i don't want to read the fucking quote oh i heard you suck penis i could do that i also eat my own ass i can eat my own ass i also eat my own assholes and i would like to do that for you i can eat my own ass for you i could bring you i could bring your steak you gotta put oh yeah

that's right he gets into the mafia by steaks yeah i'm gonna be rocks and move your rules i love it the guy richman the guy richman the guy richman you know you know damn i want to stick i had a such a good steak in fucking texas damn god yeah you're looking like you gained maybe oh yeah yeah let's see nice oh i've been on a nice little bender here you've been on a bender 20 30 pounds i don't know about 30 your shirts you should just start getting high watermarks tattooed on your torso for how high up the shirts right yeah yeah yeah like kind of like a growth chart for a kid like when you take a ferry and they show you this is how bad the flooding listen i'm amongst friends you're above the belly button i'm amongst friends i don't have to put on ears and put my

shirt under my belly button no no you should just start wearing like i keep dressing like baby hui you should start wearing like half shirts like a ziki l l is i will showing up looking like balloon dude i want your job i'm wearing a full tracksuit to my show tonight dude yeah you gotta be gay you gotta be if you i have to be in the lower east side yeah hell yeah i'll go is it is there parking around there or no around the standard lower east side lower east side i've got a fat ass you should be flying on a tuesday my ass is too fat so we'll pick up right and then go okay because he's doing your show right i don't know how to wipe my ass because i can't reach it i can't get my head in my crack so i go around my doo doo stinking out of my fucking ass very good tracy

thank you tracy that's really good listen normally we would hate that but neo was just in here talking about fucking kids or whatever whoever the fuck i got a big fat ass oh i have an idea for a song can i have a the beat button no you can't no sorry no no i have an idea about touching there but this one keep your finger okay i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a lover i'm a i'm a mother i'm a that that was that my idea yeah it's not bad it's a marriage that song fucking sucks this is a tracy chairman gets trapped i don't get him that song sucks fuck nick cannon nick cannon a bitch in here in fact beat his fucking ass if i see nick cannon he's getting fucked up oh damn tracy chairman ate his ass up damn she just

she lit his ass up tracy got his ass dude where you should go then uh huh we should get going probably no did you eat already i was probably gonna get some of the stand the burger there is pretty good they got little pieces can you park on that street yeah do i have 16 you can park on 16th yeah we should plug a phone into this bitch and start prank calling people now now we're now we're fucking now we're talking that would rule here's the thing you do that you lose the sound board so no more beeps but we can do some prank call well oh fuck i gotta i gotta smile my dick is too fucking small now i'm fucking gay actually you know what yes you can't so you can't do them i can do yes i will be able to use the phone i love it and then yeah oh yeah

all right so we'll be at least be able to do three sounds with the phone okay i'll do some testing i love it we need some new drops should start calling up we start getting sued by businesses yeah that'd be a good thing to start doing hey do you have a little piece sir excuse me fucking idiots hang up on him idiot yeah just towards our us uh yeah yeah can you suck my arm dick but the r's backwards faggot welcome to the fucking the jersey boys tribute yeah is this uh is this fucking toys or us i want to talk to jeffrey the giraffe yeah i want to talk to jeffrey epstein is jeffrey the giraffe jeffrey epstein the giraffe i want to talk to him the the mascot for toys or us he fucked the kids you fucking piece of shit you're in the zone now baby

i fucking love the riff boom sweet licks and we're back on good morning america with tracy trappman tracy tracy trappman tracy Chapman and al Pacino now tracy have you heard anything about how trash glenn closest pussy is you know what would be nice is if you licked my ass i've always wanted to get my ass licked it's the nero style if you catch my drift i could do that for you i also lick asshole tracy now i want to get some pussy she wasn't lesbian right yeah i i always assume i can't wait to get pussy i can't wait to stick my pussy on your pussy and then we can rubber

pussies you know we can you can fuck me in my pussy and then i can fuck you in your pussy yeah i love understanding lesbian sex yeah that's how it is yeah you can fist me in my pussy and then i can punch you in your pussy too we can punch each other's pussy that it that is how they do it they do be doing it that way one of god was one advice just waiting in line at the bank that'd be fun huh adam like a jewish a jewish version of that song yeah i'd be all right okay do it yeah oh make me happy what about what if god smoked cannabis what if god was one of us do you remember that when people used to do that parody yeah god smoked cannabis yeah

i like that imagine god as a stoner dude stoner culture is so awesome yeah dude yeah that's why we can't legalize that's how we're at risk of losing stoner culture because it's like somebody's tight a guy with like a flame beanie and headphones on constantly yeah even when he's talking in skate shoes yeah dude it's actually your brain fills with the mt one of those guys yeah i knew numerous guys like that as a teenager and a handful of them have killed themselves oh yeah for sure which rules ride the fucking lightning brother i love riding the lightning yeah and riding getting my penis sucked yeah um let me you just tell everybody you seem desperate to end this i have to pee really well i just let me just plug my yes i mean to plug his dick uh come see the boy

i'm all over the fucking place uh i'm gonna be stop stop no i'm in milwaukee i'm in appleton chicago oh i'm in tampo on the 26th come see me it's the only florida date unfortunately some other shit fell fell through i'm at the comedy connection in providence the 6th through the 8th i'm in hyenas in texas dallas texas 13th through the 15th valentine's day come give me a smooch and i'm in the dc i'm at the dc draft that's the 20 through the 21st of february then it's fucking arizona on the 5th Tucson on the 6th and i think i'm gonna be at the in london the 31st through the 4th march through april and then double it on the 29th and i'm cooking up some other shit and we will be in fucking fuck australia yeah i want to go back on the road more clubs but then go get a photographer

to do black and white headshots and get like a mullet and like a like a cross dangly earring and some eyeliner and get like a 1985 hedge like a classic club headshot 100 and just to put it up and i'll do the weekend just so that they have that on the wall so people think i've been doing comedy for 45 years well you would have to look young as shit in it i do look young as shit now you'd have to but what does that way you do you get you shave i would use the the cgi technology from the irish the irish man you'd have really sparkly blue eyes you know they used computers to make us look straight in the movie they're so gay

peshy uh marty marty says we were too gay marty was saying we came off a little too gay in the movie have you seen peshy duty just got an awesome like fucking fu manchu like handlebar mustache he rocks i hope he wins best supporting actor and i hope adam sandler wins best actor he was just in like one like shitty weird low budget movie made by like dumb italians in the Bronx really and then fucking robert deniro saw it and then told martin scorsese and then he was in raging bull that's it yeah and it happened he was like 35 he was like the second lead in raging i mean he was like they were awesome he was like a singer or something and then he was just was in that one movie and then fucking it was a nicky right is that his character and raging bull was his brother

the brother did you fuck my wife you fuck my wife i haven't seen that movie and he does right he does fucking alone yeah it's a fucking masterpiece must repeat she i want to fuck baby yoda was cool i can't wait to fuck baby yoda wanna put his ears on my pussy don't you fucking touch him you fucking fuck don't you suck my pussy you tell that bitch to suck him out too damn crazy chap he's just fucking flaming people got the fucking chopper out let the yopper sing she got the extendo a can in a 30 30 rounds in the glint going to die you fat bitch you're gonna die binge tortures

that's great oh fuck all right all right folks thank you for listening to come town