The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 193 – Iow…what?

Episode Date: February 5, 2020

Mayor pete acting more like mayor... bleep? more on cum town

Charlie come get some pussy. We're checking it. And if you're not doing it, then you're fucking gay. Charlie. We're checking it. We're doing the soundcheck. Do the Charlie voice to check it. Charlie. It's me, Charlie. Charlie. Let's get some pussy, Charlie. I'm going to wait. It's time to go out with the boys to get some pussy. I can't wait to go to Iowa to get a pussy. Are we doing the pork packing guys? Is that who we are?

Yeah. Oh, from the plan? Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah. And salute to them. Well, bad news. I don't know what happened, but I've lost everything on the sound board except that. Whoa.

What? I guess the SD card. Well, that was the most important. I had them all back then. Well, the beep is important. Yeah. There's going to be a lot of beeps after that. Oh, yeah. F-A-G-G-O-T.

No. Mayor. No, dude. No, Nick. What? Come on, man. I'm sorry. Look, there's two kinds of gay people. You can't do that.

No. There's gay people. No, this is the Chris Rock. Okay, okay. He's doing the Chris Rock. And then there's fat. Chris Rock. Is Chris Rock or Maj?

This is the Chris Rock, man. I don't know. He's a cocksucker for what he did, but not the cocksucker. Now the Louie bit. Now we're doing the Louie bit. You know what? That's the Louie bit. You know what? You go ahead.

Then you, well, I won't say anything and you can, we can stifle our anger. And, well, we don't have to stifle our anger towards Mayor Pete, but well, it's not because it's not because he's, I'll let you take it away and you can, you can determine the tone out of politics. Okay, let's go. Mayor Pete's a fucking homo. Oh, wait, you're right. You're right.

You're right. Okay. Let's start over. Okay. Let's start over one more time. Okay. Adam, your turn. I think he, I think Mayor Pete's a regular Nancy boy.

Oh, Biden style. Biden style. He's a little Esther. I said, listen here, Esther. A pizza shit. Uh-huh. Yeah. Um, we all know that we can only say this and use these terrible terms because he's not

actually gay and he's only gay for the cloud. And we've all established this on the show before. That is true. And if the, if, if, if someone were to, to appropriate queer culture, the struggles that they've been through. Assists white man and no less. Assists white man who made some sort of political calculation that says the only way that my victory in politics can be a civil rights, uh, you know, yeah.

That's way less offensive than just calling him a faggot. No. I'm sorry. I stand by that. He is not. I am, I as a, he's being a faggot. That's it. That's all you have to say.

No. You don't have to accuse him of not being gay as a man who is fucking in some cutesy round about like, oh, no true Scott's homo would fucking would do such a thing. Well, if I knew what that was, I probably would be doing that. But no, my argument is that as a man who is constantly called gay on the internet, I don't think he is. He's one of us. Thank you.

And, and I mean, he's just a little, he's a little piece of shit. Weasel though. No, he sucks. He was like, we're going to use grinder to tally the votes. I've got Chassan setting up a profile for every Iowan voter on grinder. And then we'll, you swipe right on the, oh, oh, messed up. Looks like I win. So yeah, I want to move.

I respect that as a move to be like, I actually won. I won. We don't know what happened, but I won. It would have been cooler if someone else did it. Like who? I don't know. Like Klobuchar Klobuchar would have been cool. She was like, I won.

I would. Yeah. I'm trying to, I'm trying to suck. I mean, yeah, this shit fucking sucks, Dick. Dude, they're trying to fucking, we should polish up the gas, dude. We should get the fucking, the Tommy gun, right? Oh, no, it's gun time for me. Yeah.

It's gun time for old Adam. Let's get bazookas and I'm going to learn about what the, you know, the best deals on guns are. Should we start a militia? Do some, do some, do some comparison shopping. Should we start a militia, a hard dick warriors militia? Oh, a hundred percent. We should start gun running.

Yeah. I mean, this shit is fucking, this shit sucks, Dick. They're, they're really going to just try and hamstring the boy Bernard heftily, but it doesn't matter, man. You know what I'm saying? It's also such a strange process where everyone else in the room has to see who you're voting for. Well, that's the thing.

Isn't this the one you can't really steal? Isn't this all the shit public? No, because like if you didn't cross the threshold, then you can like, you can fuck over Bernie by telling all of your delegates to evenly go to everyone else. The problem is that there's like a bunch of these like places, right? And I don't know what the app was for, but presumably it's to report, like get consensus on what the results were from each of the individual. Like, but don't they just write the shit down anyway?

Sure. Sure, but now that now they have to fall back on like the written down, like tallies and results from all of the individual caucuses because there was an app that was designed by fucking like Robby Moog. Yeah, everybody like Robby Moog. I guess somebody that works on Mary Pete's campaign. The CEO is her fucking fiance. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, they, they, they like $60,000 developing the app. I mean, there's like a bunch of shit. That's just whether it's whether it's improper or not. The appearance of it is fucking insane. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like the first stop that's like, oh, let's get an app to, to make sure that there's no problems with the Iowa caucuses.

Let's, let's hire a company. Why a fucking app? Let's hire a company to do it. Well, here, here are the potential contractors. Here's a company called Shadow Incorporate. No, they're out, done, immediate. Just the name. Just the name alone.

We're not fucking hiring them. Now, okay, never mind all of these like conflicts of interest and like why people like we're complaining about fucking Iowa four years ago. It's like, how about we find a company that's like in bed with all of these people that we accused of colluding the fuck over one specific candidate are now involved with, with this company. Yeah. Well, hold on though, because Bernie apparently is Russian.

Now everyone's saying that if, if you're saying it was rigged, it's because Bernie's a Russian and the trolls, Russian trolls are fucking doing that narrative. So not only is, is Bernie not being fucked according to these people, but it's like he's being aided by Russians. Honestly, he should have given a victory speech. Yeah. Fuck the rest of them. He did say he feels like he did very, very well.

Did he, didn't he basically, did he be Clinton or was it like a tie last time? It was like, like she won by like one percent or something. Yeah. Yeah. She, she vastly underperforms. Yeah. It just doesn't make any fucking sense why the fuck you would have like a, why an app has to get fucking involved.

It just count the shit. Write it down on a fucking piece of paper. Everybody sees who you fucking go with. I don't know, man. I don't give a fuck. This fucking sucks. I still think Bernie's going to win, but they're going to fuck his ass every step of the way. Yeah.

But here's the thing. They already had an app to handle something like that. It's called fucking email and it's been around forever. Yeah. You don't need to be a special app to do basic math. Yeah. It's the calculation. It's addition.

You fucking just. It's addition. Yeah. You have like, use Slack, have a fucking group chat with like, you know, each reporting, you know, district or whatever the fuck it is. Like you just tally it up. It doesn't, there's no, you don't need a special app that all of this money goes into. And again, it's like.

That was never tested also. Yeah. I don't know if there's a way to they, they, yeah. Apparently. I mean, I guess, yeah, there would be a way. There's a way to test it on a statewide level. And it was never tested before the hell. Yeah, dude.

Well, they're not going to do the shit in Nevada anymore. Apparently. Oh, that's, oh, I'm proud of my home state. So you're going to fly back to vote, dude. No, I'm registered here. They would, I used to, I used to renew my driver's license online so I can remain a resident of Nevada battleground state was a battleground state, but they didn't let me into vote for Harry Reid.

Because I was a big Harry Reid. I was, I was. You, you, you called yourself a read tarred. I'm Adam Friedler. I think my parents were actually, they were big read, read tarred. No, they, they, they were closed pin voters for him. They, they, they, they, they held their nose. They held their nose because they were very upset that I think his wife was Jewish and

converted to Mormonism and my parents were scandalized. That is fucked up. Hold on. Oh, who's the one with the Chinese wife? That's McConnell. McConnell. Damn. She's fire.

She is pretty hot. He got like the, the, the first, the first type of like visible Asian women that society allowed, which is like newscastration. Yes, of course. Connie Chung. That's a weird pair. I got to say salute to Mitch for that one. Like a Debbie Ling Ling type.

I don't respect him. Is that a real person? Good afternoon. You're watching channel seven news. I'm Debbie Ling Ling. Is your eyes like taped completely open? I'm not Chinese. I was Chinese, but I am no longer.

I am a broadcaster now. First and foremost. My pussy has been straightened by the news. They inserted a spade into my pussy and twisted it back to the correct position. So I may do the news. This is Debbie Ling Ling doing the news. Damn. So you think Mitch McConnell's fuck fucks his wife a bunch?

Oh yeah. That's a good question. Yeah. That's a good question. Stop. Yeah. The answer is yes. That's crazy because he loves he loves her a long time.

Okay. We all know this. Mitch McConnell. What are we talking about? Wife. I think she's transportation secretary. Yeah, she is. Elaine Cho.

Yeah. Honestly, man. Honestly, for a guy that looks for a guy that looks like Mitch McConnell, that's a nice piece of pussy. But she's she's she's attracted to the power. You know, that's true. And that neck dude. And she puts her pussy in the neck because that way it's like it molds.

You know what I mean? So it's like it molds to fit her pussy. That's right. Because his neck is kind of like a beanbag chair. Although some angles, you know, let's see. Let's see. I would love to have my if they ever come up with the surgery to have my my ball sack skin replaced with denim.

Yes. With like back pockets on the front. You know, and I can just yeah, I can put one of my fingers in the pockets and just stand around like that. Like how you all doing? Oh, yeah. Keep your wallet and stuff. But yeah, my I just push my dick to the side and then I just put one finger

in the little gene pocket. How y'all how y'all doing? How y'all doing? Pretty good. Pretty good. Yep. Just a country boy hanging around. Just a good old boy with just jeans.

Just wearing my jeans. Wearing my not jeans. Oh, you haven't seen jeans like this before? Yeah, I got them in Inviter. Yeah, but they got a new jean shop in Inviter than they're doing. You can get your ball skin replaced with a pair of tiny dungarees. Just when you're one of your hips hinged up, hitched up with your finger just in the bow ball.

Your little balls. They still look exactly like balls, but they're fucking jeans. They're denims and then you put you tuck your penis into the other pocket. So your penis is not denim. No, your dick's fine. Where does it end? Right at the base? What do you mean?

Where does it end? Where's the jean end? It's the whole ball sack. Right. So at the base of your cock, there's an element that's that's just wouldn't wouldn't that shape the base of your cock? No, because you're thinking of material. You're you're not taking into consideration that most of us don't have like a layer of

fat pushing our balls forward. I am not thinking that. So that's there. What I'm saying is there will be a point somewhere. Our balls don't point forward. My balls do not point forward. Our ass is having my balls my balls down underneath. That is not what's going on.

So that there's a mound of fat with both a penis. That is not what's going on. And just the skin. I would I'm saying first of all, thank you for saying I have a nice fat ass, which you in the past have diminished. Well, second of all, I'm saying at a certain point, there will be ball denim ball skin will touch regular Dick's skin. That's unavoidable.

So at that point, do you worry about chafing? No, I don't know why. Chafing is not a concern for me. Your dick. You're if you if you had Jean. Yeah. Jean just touching cock. That would hurt your cock is what I'm saying.

Because right now my dick is sitting on my balls, right? Yeah, but I could always just put my dick on one side of my leg or the other constantly. Do you think that? Yeah, but no, not while you're walking right now. Adam, where's your dick? Your dick is on the top of your balls, right? My dick is resting on my ball.

Exactly. Wouldn't that be a little uncomfortable if there was denim? Yeah, but a lot of people freeball it, you know, they don't wear underpants or jeans. I'm just saying you need a lot of people to watch. You're trying to shit on people's dreams that I did. Dude, I'm just I'm not. I wanted to have this. I just want to figure out a solution.

This is what Nick wants to do. You fucking you're glad Mary Pete is lying. I'm not glad he's happy about it. And now you're trying to I try to change the subject. We're not going to talk about you're beaming. I'm not beaming. I'm not because somebody called you up at two o'clock at last night and they're like, Mary Pete is going to make her she kisses like he bought me off.

We need you to keep quiet about it. But her she kisses are going to be free. I'm like, what do you need from me? Yeah, what do you need from me to make that happen? Look, I'll go on the show. I will fucking support him. I won't let Nick home effect. You can't you can't tell anybody about this.

Understood, sir. Thank you very much, sir. I'm just meeting Donald Sutherland in the park. I'm like, I don't get it. Why do you change? He's like, you don't think they're not giving every fat guy in America free candy? You can't trust them. Yeah, do you think Lizzo is actually black?

Why hasn't she ever been seen in a room that's that's warmer than 60 degrees? It's because she's made out of chocolate. I'm like, oh my God, if I put it together, that's right. She is only in the famous Lizzo fact is that she's always kept it cool. She's right place. She's right. She's from Minnesota. Yeah, from Minnesota.

Because she's made out of chocolate. I'm sorry, man. I'm just trying to figure out would it be a soft wash denim? I don't know. I'm not worried about it. First of all, I'm a tough cowboy. So it doesn't matter. Even if I have a raw even if it's callous, it doesn't matter.

I guess if you do it, I just want to sit here with my finger and my gene pocket, listening to Brooks and done and just hanging out with some couple of fellas from Vidar. Now would you do it? Me and my pals from Del Valley are hanging out. All right. That's fair. How you doing? Yeah, we've been thinking about going over to Elgin to buy some boots.

Guess where the boots go? Oh, right under your balls? Nope. It's one tiny boot that you put over the head of your car. Oh, that's cool. And then just have a cowboy boot. Cowboy style. Okay, I like that.

Very Texas style. Texas style. She's just, I really like that. And if you'd get hard though, you would put, we may want to put a cowboy hat on your cock and boots on your balls. That's yes. That's for sex. Yeah.

But maybe maybe denim, like denim, like a denim, like we know that ball cock ring thing. Yeah. So that's got pockets on it and then boots for your balls and then a cowboy hat for your day. Yeah. Just hanging out. Absolutely. Hanging out out here and over here in Blanco. Absolutely.

We're here in San Saba hanging out with a couple of dudes just having a, just talking about the ranch. Just talking about the smell of the live oak. Wearing our boots. Talking about how many head of cattle. And I guess you would just, all your pants would have like a little compartment where your nuts would come out and then you're just still, you're still just wearing like an RVCA shirt like Volcom, like Volcom khakis pulled down to your knees. Oh, they're pulled down.

RVCA, I forgot about it. Isn't that called Ruka? Yeah, Ruka. It was a Brazilian. It was a Latin, you know, like how in Latin they make the use of TVs. Just wearing like my fucking Mark Echo shoes. Averix. Yep.

Just a couple of dudes hanging out. We're starting with our balls and move slowly moving to the rest of cowboy culture. Yeah. Oh, so Adam, how was Japan, man? All right. It was pretty cool. You went to Japan. Oh, it's in the pond.

It was pretty cool, dude, I learned about one pocket. They call it Nipon, Nipon as themselves. The Chinese call it Zheerban. Zheerban? Yeah. That's their word for it. That's what the Chinese call them. So we basically don't listen.

So instead of calling it Nipon, we call it the Chinese side. Yeah, Chinese side, the Chinese side. Damn, they got cooked. Greek, Greek people, we call Greece Elas. We used to call China Siam. Oh, is that who the king of Siam was? The king of China? Really?

Yeah. I thought Siam was like like a... Siamese, Siamese cat, Siamese twins. I thought that was like a small island called Siam. Now who knows who gives a shit? I was telling, who fucking cares? I was telling, I was telling Nick yesterday, but I wanted to, I wanted to wait till the park has to tell you,

but I met these three expats who all married Japanese women in their 60s at a bar. Hell yeah. Wait, wait, wait. The guys were 60 or they were in their 60s and they all lived there because they married Japanese women. Because I think immigration is incredibly difficult. You got to fuck your way into Japan. You got to get yourself a little pussy.

And it was an old fella. That's why they don't want people moving there is because they don't want us fucking their broads. And we will. You know, and then so that's why they make it difficult, but then it's like the one way in there is like, I guess I got to get pussy to get in. Well, sorry, this is what you made me do.

You made me do this emperor hero, he tell mother fucker. I was trying to come over here and just find some BBWs. That's right. And some just fat white trash like we're in Japan. I accidentally went to Japan and I'm too stupid to get back. Where are the flip flops? I'm trying to walk through the circle.

They won't let me in there. Well, my one of my Japanese because I took a dump on the floor last time. Eric. What am I doing? Imagine, I'm sorry to cut you off, but imagine those women, just the people in suits just crying at their conduct. Yeah. How mad they would be at that.

This is white trash fat. Yeah. Just shoveling in shorts with their fat pussy. Juicy, juicy sweatpants like rolled down. Yes, yes, yes. Just with the confidence of that. You can just see the top of a tattoo of of Popeye the sailor man just punching their cunt on their lower abdomen.

They just got, yeah, it's my daddy was in the Navy. So I got Popeye punching me in the pussy to remember him by. No, he's not dead. I just forget who he is because I'm addicted to Freon. So I can only remember one parent at a time. And now I just remembered my mom and I was like, who am I talking about again? Oh, right, my tattoo.

And that, right, because yes, I have a dad. I have a dad. And he, that's who I remember. But it's, it's weird because it molests me. I'm addicted to Freon. So I often forget him and remember my mom instead. And then wait a minute, who's I talking about again? Because I got a mom and I know I do.

I have another mom or do I have a mom with a deck? Maybe it's a mom. Oh, you know what? My dad, I just saw it. Saw the Popeye tattoo on me again. That's right. I got a daddy and he fought. Who did he fuck to make me to make me?

Who was it? You have to forgive me. I'm addicted to Freon. Yeah, you have to forgive me. I went to jail for stealing refrigerators. Yeah, I got arrested the days in for sucking all the gas out of the back of the ice machine. And they said, where is your room card? And I said, I forgot it at the Circle K when I was taking the dump in between the aisles

because they wouldn't give me the bathroom code. And then they said, there's not a bathroom code. It's just open. And I said, well, that's somebody's fault. That's somebody's fault. And it ain't mine. It ain't mine. So just a man committing sepulchre.

She's telling the story. That's the nice thing about the Japanese is they're very, they have a lot of customs. If you're breaking the customs, they're not going to tell you. They're just going to feel bad about it. Yeah. The best was like I was going up to escalator that time and I was like pushing my ass into your face when you're trying to look at shit. And there was a Japanese woman like bundled up behind you that was just furious.

Yeah, absolutely. But they won't say anything. They're too like proud to say anything. They'll just like shake their head and look down. Yeah, just go home and fucking. Yeah. Well, speaking of tend to their bonds, what about one of my is getting on a packed elevator with them and just ripping it and then laughing.

You were hitting Adam with the your umbrella on the train and everyone was mortified. No, I was trying to hook Nick's foot with the umbrella. Is that what was happening? And then they started stomping. Yeah, and then he started stomping literally started stomping on his feet. No one. No one talks. No one's talking.

No one's making eye contact. So respectful. Well, somebody's beating. When Dasha came back at one point, she was like somebody grabbed my pussy on the train. Yeah. And she was like, I didn't want to say anything because it's their culture. Yeah. What a fucking idiot.

Yeah. Anyway, but these three guys. Oh, those three are going to say something else. But like, I'd say that the other thing and then we'll go back to one of my Japanese friends was like talking of like speaking about like people of different cultures. What do you mean? One of your Japanese friends, one of my friends that I made on this trip was telling me that a lot of his friends are half Japanese.

It's weird that I could because you're so unlikeable in English. Actually, I think that I think they respect me there. Yeah. I think I found a place where they respect me or at least they don't tell me they disrespect me. That's what is what you were just saying. Yeah. How the Japanese would never actually tell you. Yeah.

So that's enough for me. Yeah. You don't need to know. That's I'll take it. But no, he was saying that a lot of his friends are half Filipino, half Japanese, because Japanese men like get like male order brides from the Philippines. And I was like, oh, that's that's that's cool. And he was like, yes, because their bodies are more better because they have the big

ass and big ass TT. Okay. Nice. That's like, anyway, why don't we go then let's go to the Philippines, dude. Yeah. There's there's some there's some there's some hotties down there. I'm just going to go to China. But but the Wuhan now these Wuhan fools have fucked your show.

I won't say it. You can say that one. Didn't do it. What you don't even know what I'm going to say. Whatever it is. Actually, maybe no, never mind. Some of these Wuhan players. Oh, yeah.

Don't say that. Yeah. Players just calling anytime you want to say the N word saying players with a smile on your face. I mean, yeah, that's yes. Going going up to black people just calling them players. That's just just that movie red ready player one comes out. I'm like, you're just there.

Oh, yeah. Just have it just smile and laughing. Yeah. Every time they say the word player, you're like, yeah. Woo. Woo. Yeah. I know what the name of the movie really. I know what they call it.

I know what this one. I know what they mean. I know what they mean. Anyway, so the three the three like dudes, there were two like two white dudes and a guy from Ghana. And one of the white guys has an iPad out and he has a picture of the other white guy with like a 25 year old Japanese girl with his arm around it.

And the other guy is freaking out. He's like, I don't want Yoko to see this. Yoko is obviously his wife. He's in. And she's like, is this me? I thought I was older, but every other way it looks exactly like I guess this is me. He's like, Yoko, he's like, if Yoko sees this, like, I'm dead.

You know, he's like freaking out. And then the African guy, his name is George from Ghana. Respect. He's George of the genre. I mean, sometimes you're just right. The picture hangs one over the plate. Sorry. Adam meant to throw a change up.

I just went out of his hand. Yeah. That was a lot. That's it. The game's over. We'll see you next year, folks. That was a lollipop right down Broadway. That's it.

I really, that was a slow pitch softball underhand. Okay. I got to know. Yeah, man. Just change his name next time. So curious George. He's curious about some new pussy. Yeah.

Maybe that's what he meant. So George, so George is like, he said, your, your phone. He's like, your phone has a password. Okay. And your wife knows the password. But there is an app that you can download. And it looked like on your phone, a utilities tab. But if you click the app, it has a password.

And that is where you can hide the picture from your wife. So wait, it's just a picture of him hanging out with a girl? Did he fuck her? No, I don't know if he fucked her, but he was. So he just wants to hold on to that. So George, so George got him to download this app that has an extra password to it. Yeah. Where he hides all his pictures from his wife.

So George cheats on his wife. They, I guess I sensibly George cheats on them. They all cheat on their wives. That's, that's a pretty good life, dude. Yeah, we were talking in Japan. We were talking about side pussy from all types of corners of the world. Yeah, they, those guys kind of had the right idea. They were pretty happy, I gotta say.

They were kind of trying to pitch us on being weird though. Every time I see an expat, especially in Japan, it's like, I don't know. This is, this, I see how this is fun, but it doesn't feel like real life. Feels fake. Well, you're just, you're never gonna, you're always going to be a foreigner. Yeah, exactly. You don't really feel at home. Yeah.

I would guess. But you got your boys, you can go out to the Izakaya with them. Get some pussy from Filipinos, Japanese. Hiding pics from your wife. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Those guys ruled, yeah. And yeah, but George, yeah, George made my fucking trip.

Respect to George. And he was dressed perfect. George of the Bumble. Yeah, you should call him. Yeah, like the dating. Yeah, he's using an app to get at you. You bet. Hey, anybody ever call you George of the Bumble?

What do you mean? Ah, never mind, man. I can't really explain it, but it definitely wasn't racist. Do you like living here in Japan, huh? I'm sure they love that. I'm sure the Japanese. I'm sure the Japanese. Treat you with respect.

Huge fans. Are you being over here using your secret apps? To fuck more of them. And not even the one you married. Extra ones. Yeah, it's an extra. Yeah, one of the other guys, they were like, the waitress was like, it's two hour time limit.

You have to go. You guys have been here too long. And two hour time limit for what? For like sitting at the bar. Ramen. Damn. And so... Which sucks.

I love to chill. I love chilling. I love to chill. I love to just chill. Dude, I love it. And my new thing now is renting karaoke rooms and then not doing karaoke rooms. Just hanging out.

Just hanging out. Ordering some food. Dolo. Yeah. A windowless room. Yeah. Just on your own. I hope I hope my fucking my switch up to the TV.

To the projector. Yo, y'all got an HDMI? Y'all got a fucking HDMI in here? Yeah. Do you have cheeseburgers? Just ordering cheeseburgers and playing fucking switch. That would be so sweet.

I got a karaoke room a couple nights ago. And we got food. I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you sing one? I did. What'd you do? Vaseline bystander.

Sick. Hell yeah, dude. Sick. I'm proud of you, man. It came and brought it up on the show the other night. Huh? Brought it up on the show the other day. And I was like, all right, let's do Vaseline.

Most karaoke sucks though. It's like... In my ass to get full. There's very few songs that are actually good to do with karaoke. It's not like songs that you would want to listen to. Yeah. It's different.

Yeah. It's more like... Thank you. It's more like being like, hey, remember this? Hey, remember this one? Yeah. Yeah. Which you could just say.

That would be more fun to go to a bar and you go up and you go like, does anybody remember the show Diagnosis Murder? And then there's like a few people clap. Yeah, then you get off stage. Yeah. That is good shit. Who remembers KB Toys?

No, thanks. My name is Mike. I'm Mike. I'm KB Toys Mike. Hey, I'm Mike. And I run a blog, KB Toys Appreciation website. Yes. Yes, sir.

That is who I am. I fucking miss KB Toys, man. Yeah. Just going to the sword aisle. John, er, what's the swords? What's the Mitt Romney? Mitt Romney did a... Were you not allowed to have swords?

Is it over? Because they might pop you? No, I guess... I used to think that you could do that... I could have swords? Stop. Stop couldn't be around needles. My...

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Did you see that? That boy played with a sword and he was too fat and he got popped. That's why you can't have a sword. All right.

Okay. I won't play with anything sharp Well, my mom just didn't like violence in the home. Yeah, my brothers loved violence Of course boys love violence you guys are gay as mom's trying to Mitigate violence boys need my brother used to beat the fuck out of each other thing too is only teaing each other I literally my I gave my brother a black eye stone cold stunnering him And then I gave my other brother. I cracked his head open tossing him hell. Yeah, dude I toss him into his bunk bed. That's the thing is I people they like is like feminists now

Do this thing we're like and we have to let men cry and show their emotions It's like, oh, you're right But one of those emotions is anger and you don't want you don't slap it around your little brother and slap it around your friends And it's like there should be an outlet for violence and anger and I think just some some Harmless childhood bullying and aggression and beating the fuck out. Yeah, you beat the fuck out of what you pick one one kid We all get it out. Uh-huh and everyone the society is better for it And then yeah, they need it and then he becomes good at art. Yeah, he becomes a really good And then he becomes Truman Capote somebody sent me like I just said gets a gay list

But he's good at writing and we're in the book Emmanuel you Need code called in hot semen And it's a story about I drank a cup of cum And they can't meet the ring me be What I remember I remember somebody sent me the video like a tick-tock there's some teen on tick-tock that just like Bullies his autistic brother for views Jesus like the autistic kids like looking at stuff on the computer He comes up and he steals the kids ears moffs the kids like Oh Jesus that autistic yeah, yeah, but what's great is all the replies from people that are like

I thought teens were better than this and it's like no you tricked yourself into things have phones Yeah teens the group of people that traditionally love rules and being bossed around are now all on board with woke scolding Across the board. They all love this if anything the net there's gonna be a generation of teens that are even worse even worse It's because it's like it's like you tried to you. It's like it's like a Bacteria that's right resistant to antibiotics right the ones that didn't get woke are gonna be so bad It's gonna be great. Yeah, just watching watching some 35 year old who decided he's now they Interest nothing about him has changed. No, he's still he's still a graphic does a UX designer for fucking Buzzfeed Yeah, yeah, who's now goes by they being called the F slur by a 12 year old online

Going by they to hide the fact that he's probably raped The kids were supposed to be all right, I was supposed to be relevant forever by By fucking throwing everyone I know under the bus and it and telling them that That's my cooler than me I'm throwing them under the bus so people younger than me would think I'm cool and not gay I don't backfire because I have no backbone or principles. Who would have thought? Who would have thought that not believing in anything would backfire and having zero consistency And just spending my entire life trying to avoid conflict would eventually lead to this Yeah, hell yeah, dude I

Can't wait till somebody finds mp3's in Generations they go and they find our MP3's when they're very when everyone's not woke. Yeah as old men all the children love Oh, no, this won't age well at all. No, it's gonna be this is gonna be the dead. This is gonna be the Dead Sea Scrolls But no, that's what I'm saying. It's gonna be a while. We're talking like 50 years. No millennia. No, this will be seen as heinous as Yeah, yeah, it's a low point in culture It'd be like what if what if Andrew dice play was never actually even popular? Yeah, it was just a guy that was He's playing the empty rooms and being like well, how come all women are faggots And it's not even like he's selling out Madison Square Garden

Bomb Guys played today. Yeah, but in the 80s Yeah, that is true Well, you can't give a fuck man this fucking famous Neil Young quote Really if you give a fuck about anything you're a pussy. Well for real. Yeah, that was Yeah, I'm Neil Young. Yeah, let's get a sticker on his guitar. It says this machine beats up fucking nerves Okay pussy Found a little piece of gold

Yeah And I'm searching for a heart of pussy And I'm searching for some fucking pussy. I'm trying and I'm getting hard I've been to Hollywood I've been to Redwood and I'm getting hard my heart has choked I Want to put in in your asshole And I'm getting my

the hard ass Take that fucking weird out. Yeah, hard and we're like hard ass Joe hard ass Joe. Yeah my Hard ass Joe. I wonder creamy load could be in there too somewhere. Just I don't I'm not as familiar with the song as you guys What's right there, it's yeah, I didn't know that part of gold What's the name of the song? Yeah, I said piece of gold saying you gold was involved. Yeah, but I didn't even remember the you know Yeah

Melody piece of gold would make more sense. I'm sucking on a man's cock And I'm getting hard That's right, that's right Fucking Neil how about suck our dicks Neil Neil young rules. No, we're fans. No, I mean dude. I don't care No, you're out of your fucking mind. No young. He's the man. I like Crosby absolute king I like Crosby and stills more now. No, those guys suck. Yeah Didn't they sing this for a bulldog Crosby Crosby is just a Gallagher. David Crosby is Just Gallagher. Yeah, but that guy's the same guy and nobody realized

You know what man, I'm fucked with No, he's fat. He's fat. No, it's he's part of the community His Twitter is actually really funny because he answers every question and he gave he gave a famous lesbian his jizz Oh, yeah, Melissa. That's which is pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah, but she wanted that If anybody wants me to be their child's father and have no responsibility Mm-hmm. You just want a load. Let me know. Yeah, the doctor's like well bad news the in vitro Fertilization didn't work and in fact, you now have diabetes Yeah, it's come as 90% sugar Concentrated form of sugar that scientists it's like never seen before. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that liquid shit

You put in cold brew instead of you. So it's like you know, I'm drinking shit You melted Lucky Charm's marshmallows down. It's I love drinking human feces And I've been I've been a red one and I'm drinking feces And I'm sipping on some warm ass shit Nobody thought that a gay dude from the smallest city in Indiana could suck his own dick

And here we are we're going to New Hampshire and I've got my own cock in my mouth Fuck each shit, you know, he's just putting cigarettes out on Chaston right now. Absolutely, dude. I'm sorry. It's my fault Pete I'm a little bitch I'm sorry Pete. Take it out on me. I can take it I like that your imaginary relationship is like Satan and Saddam Hussein Chaston's Satan. Yeah, but Pete, I love you. Shut up Should we start like, you know how people are doing free Melania, we should start a free Chaston Free Chaston, for sure. Yeah, Chaston should be with someone that appreciates him

Chaston, is Chaston's name Chaston Buttigieg? Yeah, yeah, he's he's changed his last name and no one's ever heard him speak Do gay guys just play rock, paper, scissors to see who gets his name? No, there's a zipper over his mouth. He just kept there on last night. Does the bottom have to take it? He wears a zipper mask. All public events. He's always got that zipper mask on. Yeah That is true. Do lesbians take each other's names? No, right? Lesbians do a hyphenator hyphen. I thought everyone does hyphenate it now No, the lesbians love the hyphen Yeah, that's true. I don't know. I just made that up

I guess I don't know. Does it like and then whenever when a woman's like I'm gonna keep my name It's like well, that's just your dad's name. Yeah, so some guys women are retarded. So fuck your dad Women are stupid unless you if you they ruined Iowa We're gonna find out that it was all women Because it was like oh, yeah, they can code too, but really they can They're like, oh, we have a team of women only good female programmers are trans. Yeah They're trans women Well, they are still women. It's also a lot of people notice every single trans woman knows how to program

Yeah, they all know how that's how you get that's how you get a new pussy. That's what's so funny about telling write a code Telling coal miters to learn how to code. It's like all of those jobs already went to trans to trans people Because yeah Because you don't you just do it from your room. Yeah Well up until two years ago, they thought they were gonna have to make their own pussies with row with robots with computers Yeah, so they all learn program. That makes a lot of sense. That's why the wakowskis actually came up the matrix They were trying they were tinkering with some new pussy ideas. Well, it's so funny that like knowing all that You know that that like the genesis of that movie was them like closing their eyes being like I'm a girl

Just what if you could what if you could close your eyes so hard you slip out of reality into a different world? You can be a girl now They stole it from that black lady who wrote the matrix and the terminator in one movie hidden hidden figures this is originally The about the black women that invented the matrix back in the 40s It's just like Henrietta you said supper's gonna be ready by noon and it's like yes, miss Clarence Yes, miss Clarence and then like in the kitchen with the rest of the service workers. Okay, y'all so there's a spaceship And it's flown by this man

Morpheus and they got dial-up computers in their brains that you know Henryetta you you're working on that story again about the the computer The computer man with the computer brain And he flying around in the spaceship trying to bring that white boy and trying to get the white boy some pussy Because the oracle say if he get the right pussy then that means that he gonna fuck up all the machines They're like Henryetta. We found your journal. What is what is this story working on? Oh, it's it's nothing miss Clarence's Don't even bother with it. Don't worry about it. She's like I gotta send I got Henrietta If you mind I got a couple of Jewish cousins named Joel and Ethan Murkowski

They work in show business and they could they would love to see something like this miss Henrietta And of course this was the 60s back then that you could just steal ideas Yeah, and then they send they send the they send the diary to the Wackowski brothers and like we can't wait to make this movie And put our names on it And then yeah hidden figures we know we know I'm sorry. I know everyone knows that story. I'm stupid of me to bring it up hidden You know speaking of well it is black. What do you mean? No, there was a you know the guy Why are you giving me the chiding finger?

You know, there's the guy that invented. What's that? I thought you're gonna do a pun. What pun? Everyone knows what pun anyway the guy who invented the super soker is a black guy Really? Yeah, and he got his fucking reparations from Hasbro. Yeah, they had to pay him like 60 million dollars for stealing his shit So give him a little guitar riff super super so That's the black that's the come-town black history moment of the episode is February it's February. Yeah, damn. Well, you shared that story about the Matrix That's now it's your turn Adam. I had one Did you actually you shared your story about George? Yeah

Who knows that app that has Password so the woman cannot find Peach did he talk like that? Yeah, he was perfect. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we took a picture with him Nice, he's he had the best fit. It's so funny. You're so racist Why just like I met a black guy that's a fucking a cartoon that I took pictures with no no Listen to everything I say and he said so I could mock him on my fucking No, we drank with them dude. I saw this complete boob. That's that basically the story you're telling what you're like You know when you were in line at fucking CVS like what are you talking about?

We tell stories about people we see all the time, especially people that are stereotypes or like doing funny things Yeah, what I'm the only person that's ever done that on the come on and George. Yes We did drink with him for two hours and have a great time. Yeah, you shared a moment We shared a moment and he and we all we took a picture with those three old guys. They were great They were great and they're all lying to their wives and they were telling us how we one day could lie to our wives, too Was he the hottest one George? Yeah, he looked good. How about the other guys the white guy? The other guys did not look as good as George. George is wearing a turtleneck and he had chains on around I don't I don't often do This but this is one of the worst messages have ever gotten on Instagram

From a fan of the show segment idea tinder update since all the boys are single You all have to get tinder and share pickup lines or funny shit that is said in the chats Maybe swap phones and read each other's chats and make fun of how bad Adam is That is fun of how bad everyone on the show fucks more than you I said I said wow that's such a bad idea and he said hello. Well, sorry, so now I mean I feel bad That guy's like a sweet guy the messages we get Adam make fun of Adam and how bad he is it like Just imagining what we're like That is fucking gay dude, I'm sorry, of course, it's incredibly gay, but he seems like a nice guy

All right, you're right fine. Most of the messages we get are like go to the fucking or me Yeah, like go to the ovens you fact. Yeah, I hope they make soap out of you By the way, I'm a huge fan and if you want me to take you around LA There's one guy I love that. There's one guy who's like I love I know you're coming to LA my family's lived here for six generations and and Yeah, I can show you around and you know, maybe we can get a bite to eat or something And then like you scroll down. It's like faggot fucking kike faggot. Yeah, go to the fucking camps you fucking fact It's like music to my ear. It's like Neil Young to me

What a loser. What an absolute loser that guy is I want to suck you and then fuck you Segment idea tinder up Man that poor guy Yeah, man, that is tough to want that to be in a place in your life where you want that from us Read each other's chats I think one of how bad Come on, that's sweet. That's share pickup lines

He just wants pussy dude. Also. He just wants to get pussy. Yeah, also that idea isn't like racist It's not like problematic. I guess you're right. He's he just it was like a sweet idea. All right. You got me I'm honest. We're not gonna do it obviously because it's terrible idea. We're not gonna do it Yeah, it's one of the worst. It's one of the worst ideas. It's an awful idea I mean people literally say you should kill Adam on the show and that would be that's a better Making good content a better idea understanding what the show is. Yes, it which is still wrong, right? That's you're still a wrong. If that's your suggestion your way off base, right, but tinder update Not even get let's get advice on picking up girls. Yeah, what what show do you think you're listening?

I Want to get my even even thinking that any of us would be Yeah, dude, you gotta get on just a nightmare that would be yeah tinder is a scary place I Want my pain is suck because I'm gay Yeah, tinder was awful even fucking five six years ago when I was on I know I can't believe you're actually very funny on tinder I remember yeah, what but I would that's because I would use it as an outlet for bits. Yeah, everything was a platform Dude, I wish I saw the screen caps. You're at that picture. That's really dying. I'd be like oh, yeah I remember that that was just getting getting pussy off saying I was dying

That was really good. Yeah, what was the thing? I said that I'm dying I'm dying and then American Airlines was like as a charity sponsoring me to go around the world getting different kinds of pussy And I had some name for the blog that's really funny dude, but yeah, I mean these dumb Just women would be like really? Yeah. Yeah, do you want to come do you want to come to my apartment in Chinatown? It has zero windows. No way. It's a box Yeah, I remember you had that shirt that said fart loading that was very funny yes To put on a dating profile fart loading, please wait I want my penis hard. Yeah, well the tinder update, baby

Mm-hmm. Oh fuck I feel bad About what that tinder update guy just seems like a nice guy. Yeah, well, it's here's the differences I wasn't I didn't say his name. We didn't say I didn't tell people where he lived That's true. I didn't call him out for cheating on his wife Did it? No, he's saying that you're he's complaining you to George Or what he did with him to what you did with George George. No one's gonna find George

And he doesn't cheat on his wife He just how many black guys in Japan are named George probably I would say a thousand. Yeah, it's really not that many Whatever actually is there a thousand black guys in Japan named George. Yeah, this comes out in in three days. He's in jail Yeah, it's a fucking capital offense My family had to leave South Africa when the Freedlans took our village and I come to I have to come to Japan and I just tried to have a simple life as a pussy farmer As to start my little pussy farm and get my life back and what does he do? He comes to Japan and he tells on me

He does tattoo to me for cheating even though I tell him the secret of the app Ancient African secret about a fake utility zap And he tattooed to me. I wasn't I was trying to spread the gospel of George. He tattooed He tattooed on me to everybody. They should have they should have here's what phones should start doing two different passcodes, right? One for, you know, everyone to know and then one to get pussy You don't even need a new app. Wait, you know, you can put another face on your unlock for your phone So like your girlfriend could put her face there You know how that you can unlock your phone with your face. Oh my god. Are you serious? Yeah?

My friend's girlfriend like asked him if she could that's why That's crazy shit, dude. It's scary No, that shouldn't be loud Tim Cook should take a stand. This is thank you Tim. Apple Thank you. Yeah, Apple. He rules using tweeting about Iowa. Yeah, you see him shine say the word criminal the other day That she was awesome. He got it wrong, dude. It was incredible the way he got it wrong My boy Pete showed me a fucking vid. I Don't want to pull it up right now, but it's really funny. I'm trying to say criminal. Yeah, actually maybe Oh, dude, I'm straight up voting for it. Once they steal it from Bernie

I'm they're not gonna steal it dude. The dick is too hard. The dick is hard. That is true What's up, you see Trump did a his of Super Bowl commercial Where's that black woman being like, thank you, Donald John Trump? Yeah, the guy out of jail. Yeah I was a good ad and Bloomberg's you want to talk about another fucking rat That fucking piece of shit Bloomberg Adam. Do you like him though, right? There's something about that you trust There's just something I can't stop your on it Bloomberg Bernie Sanders Well, I told you Benjamin Netanyahu, I I told you I only just writing in Netanyahu. He's the one I want president

You're listening to the Adam Friedman show Beebe for president. Yeah, baby Yeah, okay, everybody it's time you do an election rigging video I Don't know Mayor Pete. Who does he love Trump, baby? He'd like to Obama, but then he went Trump Time to do a dick suck video. He just likes the president. Yeah, I think he respects the office. Yeah Respect the office not the man I've been sleeping dude. I was up all night worried about my boy Bernie, dude, dude. I didn't sleep Yeah, I thought I was gonna wake up this morning at 7 a.m. And just check the shit jet lags been fucking my ass

Sucks. I don't want to go to Australia. Oh, yeah guys. We're going in April. Should we announce those dates? There are dates that are live I'm going on you have to find it, but there's I'm doing Nashville Indianapolis and Chicago and then in one other city and there's tickets for sale somewhere on the internet And I don't know how to find it. Oh Also, if you want to buy shirts the shirts are now technically back online You just have to buy them directly from the print shop at come town Dot merch now

Dot com nice and all of the shirts are up there. You buy them directly from the print shop Yeah, oh shit. I'm in Providence this weekend Please buy tickets at the comedy connection six through the eighth Then I'm in Dallas the weekend after that Valentine's Day weekend 13th through the 15th come Give me a little smooch in at hyenas in Plano, and then I'm in the DC I'm at the DC draft house 20th through 22nd home back home, baby And then I'm going to I'm in Phoenix on March 5th in Tucson March 6th, so please buy tickets to all those fucking things and then I'm in Dublin on March 29th

And London the 31st of March through I was going to eat the Blarney stone. What's the Blarney stone? I don't want to eat the Blarney stone, but I eat some fucking pussadelle anyway We are in Australia in April. The tickets should be live for Perth and Adelaide or some Yeah, we're coming to the dumbass west coast. We're going to the west coast. We're going everywhere Come town dot events. Is that what it is? Yeah, come town dot events. I think come town dot events. Let me check it out right now I'll tell you Josh sent us an email, but I'm trying to find you day Just eyes just saw it too when I was looking for some other shit. Yeah, come town dot events Perth and Adelaide. Oh, wow

They're all on sale. They're all on sale. So let's announce the dates now Perth the 9th Perth the 9th Briss Briss brain the 11th. Okay, great. We're going from the far west Dude, I can't wait to get fucked up on that tour on pills. Yeah, dude and blow all those I can't wait to have the worst set in the history of the Nah, not compared to every other way. Yeah, they're not funny 50% of Australian comedy is like, you're not gonna believe this I was on the way here and they had a son that said if you're mentally ill call this number and it's like Who's calling that number?

You know, they're just trying to figure out observational comedy Yeah, no, I mean, it's always like they saw something and then it's like, can you believe that there's no that no actual observation Right, it's just look at this crazy wall. Yeah, well, I can't even How will that even be I've got this friend Adam and he's gay. He's gay. What would you do something like that? What can you imagine doing something like that you imagine being? He pushes penis in his mouth. I don't know. He sucks on it It's probably a different and then he drinks. He drinks the car. Okay. All right, but does he drink it or eat it? All right, so we got Perth April now. He never explains

Brisbane April 11th Come is what they call an amorphous solid you learn that in science class Adelaide just one day turn over April 12th. That's gonna be a fun one April 18th Melbourne live pod. We're gonna be also doing some dates for the comedy festival Yeah, we're all doing our show. So come see all of us do hours in Melbourne on the 4th starting on the 14th until the I think 17th and then the 18th in Melbourne. We're doing my hour will be done entirely in your native language of Australia Oh, just did you already do noises? There's no way of course every show and we will do it every show

Our Melbourne comedy festival shows are all the same day going up against each other No, no, we're different times different times probably the greatest crime in Australia is putting your dick in somebody's didgeridoo Yeah, and then a guy goes and plays it like they're chieftain or whatever They're most respected chieftain goes and plays it but you as an American you put your cock In the end of the didgeridoo absolutely, and then there's like an international outcry. There should be yeah Then I'm like, what are you gonna do mass shoot me about it? Oh, that's right. You can't you can't I saw that Jim Jeffries, yeah, it happened in Tasmania Okay, Melbourne and then the next night

No travel day. You just look it up Guys can just look at Melbourne city the 19th You can get your Australian dumbass eyes on the website and a lot of people have sent us messages Why should good or in the States? Why? Because we respect Australia more than this Because Australia is on fire because I think we've already been to the rest of the United States And it's like what the fuck are we gonna do have a good time and fucking like Kansas City? No, no

They got the real reason is because somebody's done all the work for us. They got that Casey and even that it's like this might be The last one we go on. Yeah, yeah To be honest I don't know forever going back to Australia this towards looks like it's gonna be yeah After this I think all the traveling I'm gonna do is be alone or with my son. Yeah That's everything to if you're a woman out there you're trying to get nutted in so I can sigh or an air Now's the time to catch Nick. Yes, you can catch I will know it's not that I'm vulnerable. I don't want anything to do with you. I just need someone to teach awful lessons to yeah

Absolutely So anyway folks come see us on probably our last tour in Australia ever. Yes If you're thinking well, I'll catch him next time there will absolutely not There won't be an Australia after yeah, that's true We're gonna light light it up with I hope we stay that nice hotel in Brisbane again I hope so. We're only there for one day. That's the best thing to do in life is try to recreate a vacation you went on once But oh yeah, it never fails. Now the things that made it nice are gone from your life from your life It's not the first the show you hate now. Yeah

There's not you know It's it's all sort of just yeah trying to chase the novelties gone. Yeah. Yeah novelties gone If anything and who knows maybe it won't be as nice as you remember. It won't be as nice as you remember Adam was just saying he went to Japan. He was complaining four days in he called me crying And he's like it's not the same He's like it's not the same The first time the first time we went I felt special. I was treated so nicely. They've dressed me up like a geisha Yeah, that's true. Now this time even being racist towards an African man isn't enough isn't enough

Isn't enough to make me feel better. I get that man. Yeah Well folks, that's it. That's the show come see us. That's the show Good to be back with the boys. It's good to be back. I hate pre-recording episodes So it's nice to be back in real time with