The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 194 – Amy Klobequiet

Episode Date: February 13, 2020

push the bitches out hte way here come the boys

So Better You fuck my You fuck my you fuck my Mm-hmm So Please don't suck on my dick don't suck on don't suck on my dick Don't

Breaking news Elizabeth Warren is a dumb cunt bitch Elizabeth Warren has been diagnosed with being a stupid bitch. She's clinically a dumb bitch for not dropping out of support The doctor said I got some of my native period blood in my brain, and it's affecting my woman in ability to do anything right 9.5% you know a Globus are beat me, but that my native bones make me use every part of your vote Even though I fucking Though it's such a horrid performance in New Hampshire

And every rich dumb white woman that didn't care about any part of my platform other than the color of the skin around my pussy The pain told this literally this year Looks like a fucking asshole. I Don't care dude dudes rock. We're going Now that now that now that Bernie's stepping ahead. It's time to let the bitches know what the plan was the whole time the whole time I'm surprised You were right

It's about it's about telling these hoes to fuck off right here. We do like Bernie because he's like Trump He's like Trump. That's why I like that's why we like him. Yeah, but we don't want to be copying Yeah, so we got our own guys like Trump got our own guy, but he's Jewish dude I just I'm banned from Twitter, and it's almost better that way because I can just go look at people being upset Now I can Bernie can I can channel all my energy into yes Bernard Mm-hmm into his wins. That's right, and then I just spiritually watch you're like Luke Skywalker Yeah, the end of the one where he dies just the world's dumbest people projecting Projecting himself into Nick is projecting himself into the realm of Twitter even though he dies in the last one in the second to last one spoiler

Damn, I didn't see it yet. This is the first time you've gotten me with the I really I feel I was probably never gonna go see that movie. I thought this was so well known. Yeah, right But his ghost comes I look I was on mushroom, but I remember he died. Yeah, he did bust rooms. I Love watching those movies on mushrooms, dude I hope they're making you Star Wars every fucking Christmas and me and my brothers get to watch it on mushrooms every fucking I mean, I would have seen it if I had known it was in theaters. I mean that was what 2017 I remember it could be in close to coming out. I'm like, damn. I'm gonna go see that. Yeah

How do you miss it? They it's on fucking everything. I know Doritos packages. I have lifting weights instead That's true. They don't they don't advertise at the time. Yeah. No, I was just that's the one place They don't I was doing pull-ups and lifting weights. That's true. And I was hot, dude. Yeah, I was too hot They're gonna see I That was a there was a two month window where I had ripped abs. Oh, that's that's awesome And I was that one Star Wars came out. It was it was that couple of months where I had abs because you were trying to fuck Ray from star. I was trying to star Wars come out Didn't it come out two months ago? No motherfucker. That was oh part eight. You're talking about

Is fucking small I Can't not get on I can't not get on I think we did that one. Yeah, but it feels so good to do I would love to get The 12th, but a special one day late birthday shout-out to our boys staff that's right for gazey Ridley, you know Oh, she's got a penis. She's got a she's a trans-Italian woman. Yeah. Oh, I know she's fucking hot But that pussy's for gay is that what that band is a guy. Yeah, I got looking at a pussy with one of those jewelers in Like this thing's a fuck of Donnie. It's no good. No, it's a full gaze. You could tell with the clip Yeah, this is one of the tip of the clip. This one's this one's been hanging out with our friend Ian for Don she

She's a friend of her don't shave, you know what I'm saying The Italian community that's how you say so much trans friend of Ian Now he's so busy, dude, he's always fucking Yeah, he's writing on Jack for Jacobin now He's writing for Jack a man and former friend of the show was jealous about someone was very publicly jealous Truly the smallest dick maneuver of all time the smallest dick maneuver that has ever Think we can all agree being bad that Ian is in Jack a bit Just seeing that yeah, Jack a man's bad

That's that's what the problem is Jack a man's Connors bad and fucking there's nothing to do with me trying to make the same kind of joke In outright outwrote me and I'm mad about it. Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, that's the problem. It's pretty much Jackabins sucks Trying to start eight other chopper part twos Yeah, dude fucking neoliberalism brother, dude, tell me about it gets me freaking ticked off It stands the hottest neoliberal out there Hmm, do they even do they have any good pussy on the neoliberal side of things? Yeah, neo for the bitch

Every bitch every bitch on Fox News. Is that a neoliberal? No, it's not. What's a neoliberal like Clinton? Sure. Yeah, you know Obama already know these things I don't I do they did the Republicans count to it's not. There's no way this. No Come on, you know that you know what all these terms mean. I don't I don't specifically know any ignorance here, which I appreciate because often that leads to good bits But right now in this instance, it won't lead anywhere. It might first of all be a needless explainer I sort of know what a lot of things mean. I'm glad you're running your razzle dad Dazzle pants again. Thank you. You like these pants. I'd like very fun. I for the viewers at home

Stav has a full track suit and razzle Dazzle camouflage, which is how they used to paint ships in World War one That's true when they thought for some reason it would work. It did work actually. Really? Yeah, it's very effective It looks like waves, but then at a certain point they weren't using like visual sighting to Are using like radar? I guess yes. There was some reason they stopped doing that I just wanted to defend myself and say that I almost know a lot of things, but I don't really know There's a lot of stuff. I don't know what it is, but I almost know and I need to know the like I didn't know What simp was for a long time and then I found out it mentions you're horny That doesn't even make sense. It sounds like simpleton. I think it's just there's a thing black guys were saying like six years ago

That didn't catch on because it got overwritten by the red. It was cuck. It was cuck Simps which was pictures of women's pussies that look like Homer Simpson's mouth. Well, that's a way better at it. Yeah, that's way That's the one thing people should use read it for black guys saying simps like a long time ago I agree with that. I think why you simping you know for women or whatever. What's it? It's a diminutive You're not because I can't betray the black community to you Because I know you'll just run wild with their words as you usually I believe it's running buck wild That's the actual going buckwheat running buckwheat That one time I'm about to go buck angel

Yeah, I don't remember the content to go Hold me back. I'm about to go Somebody hold me back Somebody hold me back Somebody hold me back dog. I'm about to go buck angel up in this club How old is buck angel now? Not 27. How does buck angel age do you think? Very carefully

You think Ben Shapiro would like fuck buck angel and be like this is a woman Buck ship angel? Buck ship angel I have a pussy. I look like stone cold, but I have a pussy Yeah, I look like stone cold Dude, Ashley Judd looks like a dog shit now No, come on Dude, that used to be one of the hottest neolibs speaking of

Okay, thank you I didn't know that. Thank you. I did not know that Back in the day Ashley Judd was 10-10 But you know who's not okay about this who's probably not a neoliberal is the Dixie chicks, right? Because they were against Bush They probably woke Or are they neoliberal? See that I really didn't know the specifics Ashley Judd is uh, yeah, I mean

She doesn't look good no more? She really took that nasty woman thing seriously Yeah, she had to get it extra I mean she looks like Norm McDonald now No way, show me She does dude Oh my god Oh boy

And she looks just like Norm Damn, is that really her? Yeah, I wanted to get some dirty work done on my face I went in and I said Do you have any Botox? And they said no and I said well how about How about this? And they were like that's uh That shit from the toilet

And I said yeah, wouldn't that work? Put that in there Why don't you put some of that in there? Put some shit in my eyebrows Cause I heard Botox is just a chemical I thought shit a chemical Oh yeah Why don't you just throw some of that in there

So now everybody calls me shit lips Now he calls me nasty shit lips Nasty shit lips That's Ashley Judd, Norm McDonald Ashley Judd McDonald Not to be confused with Bucks your pangel Bucks A different character that we

Her mom is also fine Who's her mom? She was in a band with her sister, Winona Judd Wait, that's her mom? Yeah, the Judd I thought that was her No, Ashley Judd was just like an actress, I think Maybe she was in the band

One of the ladies was fat in the band The fat one was her sister Yeah Everybody's got too many sisters now That's great Yeah, we should go there We should try that Chinese thing, that one child policy That'd be great

You only have to deal with one dumb bitch per family Yeah That's true Is that just Norm now? Or is that back to Norm Ashley Judd? I'm still figuring out what's going on I'm looking at Ashley Judd and I can't help it Is that Mark Norm McDonald's?

No No That could be a new character No, it can't They're too similar Yeah, they really sound similar They don't sound similar, they fucking... They're jokes

They're both comedians They're both observational Yeah How would you even do that? Try that for a spin I'd just do like a Norm joke and then I'd say Kidding Kidding

Okay, that's fine Okay, you're right I don't know It's not good, but it's functional Okay, I'll give you that Thank you I'll give you that and also give you five and three quarters of something else

Ashley Judd looks... She went into the plasma surgery and was like Yeah, what I'm going for is... You know, I really like is to look bumpy and shiny If there's any way you could... Yeah, I tell you, it would be great if we had like a bumpy and shiny sort of look I could go for it

You know, like a disco ball that fell in a vat of Crisco And, you know, just sort of rolled around and a bunch of bad ideas Yep Damn R.I.P. to, you know... The surgeon kind of fucked her on that one I will admit

Judd with two D's How about Ashley Juggs? And just her with big ass titties I'm talking double F's How big would a double F be? Not big enough Now, one is the ribs One is the actual titties I hear

The number, I think, is the ribs Ah, is that so? It's the circumference under the tittie I'm fascinated by this and it's something I should know, frankly I am fascinated by it It's something I need to look into as somebody who likes titties as much as I do

Well, do you like bra size as much as you like titties? Well, I don't necessarily but I would like... that seems to be our only standard of measure only, you know, across cultures standard of measurements I had a friend who went to Greece and she met this guy who owned a vintage jean store

and she said he was a savant What's that place called? A vintage jean store? I don't know, it was like a store with... Jeans remembered? Okay Alright Okay, Norm?

Or Ashley Norm? I don't know Ashley, Ashley McDonald It's more of a visual bit because it's just Ashley Judd but her voice is Norm McDonald's It's basically if they body-switched if they freaky Friday body-switched

She said this girl... An antique jean store, hold on a second Okay, I can tell you, alright Let me know more about this place She said this guy was like a savant where he could look at a woman's ass What the hell would you want to vintage jeans? Well, just like, yeah, like old jeans

Jeans have looked the same for 400 years No, they're like broken in You got a new pair of something that looked exactly like it did new I don't know, this sounds like something my dad would be saying Why? Why do they have holes in the pants? No, I'd be like Why are you paying for the holes in the pants? I'd be saying, stop beating off the pictures of me and my vintage jeans

No, I would never jack off to my dad in jeans Stop It's the Adam Adam! Adam, get it Put the jeans and shirt in the picture Adam, what happened to my photo album and pictures of me and my vintage jeans?

Shirtless oil bro Why is there a young cum all over the pages? He's like, yeah, he's just like This is young cum This is an old cum He's a cop That's what Mr. Freedland would say Yeah, he rubs it on his gum

This is like a cop on the vice squad This is Child's Jeans This is Child's Jeans Some cop taking a big dollop with his finger Dipping it down and rubbing it on his gums I know what this is I'd know this anywhere Adam had a show called

Antiques Load Show They take their vintage jeans on the road I don't know why Ashley Judd McDowell has been burning me so much They take their vintage jeans on the road and they suck each other Seems like a lot of our new friends on this show just live

Well, you know, you said it's something your dad would say You decided you were trying to derail the whole vintage jeans exploration Let's explore it Listen, Adam, that's a tangent You would pop in and out with your story The prize is going to be as good That's the formula

I'm trying to figure out what a vintage jeans place would be called Jeans Remembered Jeans Remembered Jeans Remembered With some other names 23 and Jeans That's pretty good I guess

It's a lineage All the jeans are 23 years old Okay All right Okay Jeans Addiction Sure That would be pretty cool to have a place called Jeans

It's a bar It's a gay bar called Jeans Addiction My jeans are pretty cool I want to suck another guy Covered in denim, wiping off the bar What's up, stranger? What's up, lonely, beautiful? What's up, you beautiful, lonely, stranger?

Just getting sucked by a guy I've never had sex with a girl Maybe I'll make a shirt for a gay bar called Jeans Jeans Addiction All right How about some more... Yeah, let's just explore the world of jean puns Yeah, well...

Okay, jean... Yeah, wait, you know, it's a vintage store I'm Ashley Judd What about Jeans Gaffigan? How about Judd's Jeans? Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans

Judd's Jeans It's like a deaf version of Judge Dredd Okay Okay And he's like, hey I'm a... Why is he dumb? What about...

I am a... You are? Oh, because Judd's is like the way a deaf guy would say Judd's Yeah, Judd's Jeans would sound like a deaf guy saying Judd's Dredd What is that? That's pretty good I can't wait to watch Judd's Jeans

I don't think that sounds... I don't think it would sound like... Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans What about Martin Scorsese's Jeans Streets? Judd's Jeans And it's like...

Okay It's like, hey man, I'm in pretty deep, I owe... I owe Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans Okay Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans

Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans Judd's Jeans Oh, God What is this? How about changing my name to Karim Abdul in my pants Karim Abdul Karim Abdul my jeans my jeans just really tall jeans tall jeans or your cream in your jeans cream oh Karim

Karim Abdul my jeans yes it's just filled with Muslim guys come yeah that's good that's another business Adam's dad would like to be involved in as a taste tester I love whenever the Karim Abdul Jabbar article comes across my desk does it happen often no you see him every once in a while he has such a funny way of writing yeah he writes like a high schooler I have never I've ever read it is bad firstly yeah he does he does that's a shit like fine yeah he seems like a good guy he's a good guy yeah I don't ever like it's rare that I disagree with anything he's like yeah he's on the right side yeah he was writing for Veronica Mars yeah what I swear to God like in the writer's room he was in the writer's

room that writer's room is like probably they're like maybe she's doing episode about girls and he was like you know what and we fuck them they're like no not this time I typically agree with him that's another example no we're gonna keep it done we're gonna keep doing girl bullshit on this episode of Veronica Mars I don't even know what that show is it was it's Kristen Bell right on the W really though think about it for a second an antique jeans store it wasn't it was like it was like jeans from what would you even I don't even know how would you look it up what would the name of it be it'd be called Levis to beaver Levis to beaver yeah like the 50s yeah God damn yeah after a couple you pulled Levis to beaver

out of your cheeks dude respect Levis levis levis levis levis Israel the Jews leave Israel just visit Levi in the middle what did they're like it's a vintage jeans store I find it's a vintage jeans store got any more questions smart guy you're gonna get in there and buy some jeans it's the best one everyone has to go where we would you get those jeans get the fuck out of Israel I'd rather not say that last effect really got me that's good get them out of Israel you're talking about the guy who looks at girls yeah he looks at girls asses and he's like a savant he like will see the shape of their ass and then go into his archive of jeans and then just give them a pair of pants does he fuck the girls

whose that makes their asses look better than they've ever looked does he fuck the girls whose that it's his it's his is he gay does he fuck them I think he fucks that rules then at the end gay or am I straight I think she said he gave her his business can you fuck me in my face right now he gave her his business card he said his name is like your gosh and then he said that my last name is very long and it's not the only thing that's long about me respect my rap sheet for molester having sex with young boys is also very long talking about the my penis I'm letting everybody know about my penis I have when you look at my genitalia it's nice anyway thank you for coming and buying jeans I mean it is actually like

kind of an impressive skill that I think if you get to fuck them afterwards I think that I think that he he probably does get some pussy off of it that's pretty can you imagine a woman just like feeling better about their bodies than they have in years yeah just because of a pair of and letting you slide into those cheek he probably would let I'm sure some of them let him slide that's awesome shout out to that guy shout out to Yorgo I kind of if everything goes wrong I might move to Greece try to apprentice debate between Donald Trump and fucking Elizabeth Warren or Elizabeth Warren's like what he did is not only criminal it jeopardizes shut up yeah and then he's just like look at fucking look at Ashley Judd

now and he's just holding up he's like she looks like fucking Norm McDonald she looks like Norm McDonald's what the hell happened there that was a good piece of ass dude his tweet the other day where he's like Elizabeth Warren sometimes referred to as bocahontas that's such an embarrassing incredible sometimes referred to the thing he calls her constantly he's so fucking funny he's the he's the best I really hope he's the president if it's Pete I'm gonna do it dude yeah if it's Pete you're gonna dial it up vote for Trump Trump adieu we were talking about stop and I were talking about this at the live show but you know what the next thing I want to see is and a lot of people are gonna be mad yeah okay okay

Harvey Weinstein not guilty no by reason of insanity he was crazy he was crazy about that he just comes in and joker make up I want to see that I want to see the attempt to get off but I do I would like him to go to jail with the judge is like well these crimes are very heinous but on account of Mr. Weinstein's clear physical disability as indicated by his necessary use of a walker I don't think anyone in their right mind could send it to this man to any kind of sentence whatsoever so he is free to go here but it's fucked up a little pussy dick are free to go is his stavro style yeah the legal definition that guy that guy doesn't even know who I am doctors call it stavro syndrome okay well maybe stavro syndrome

but that's there's a lot of guys named stavros now doctor you tell us in the medical community what is the term for this type of genital deficiency they're calling it stavros penis okay well that's fucked up that's a bad stavros halkies no it's not stavros halkies and you know there might be a couple of those but we just want to make sure it's the guy from come town stavros they would never say that on the record yeah they would the doctors would no chance it's in medical I think he's not a pussy number one and I think he doesn't dribble out it doesn't I don't have a great stream I've never said that I do have some kind I do piss preach not a liar he's not a liar I don't know what's going on with my

prostate maybe I'm too fat I don't know at a certain point I thought I had diabetes I was pissing a lot how having said all that it's still a dick and not a pussy and I haven't mangled it to the point where it looks like a pussy and even though I talk a lot about having a very small dick I would say it's a shade under just fine so yeah we've all seen it hard and soft it looks better hard than you'd think you we all know you downplay it thanks man you know it's it's a lot less bad than you make it out to be it looks cute hard you know and that's all you can ask for is a cute little cock that's all you can ask for that's all you're allowed to ask for Ashley judge well the thing is because of my type

foreskin it looks like it has the illusion of it trying to fucking charge out of that foreskin so it's kind of like it looks like it's like I got a lot of potential energy it's like it's like a guy about the craps about a guy about to jump it's like Zion Williamson the beautiful peep out the beautiful peep out banana the beautiful penis the beautiful penis the beautiful penis the beautiful penis banana is this song about Harvey Weinstein's dick the beautiful penis hey what you fuck my ass yeah dude Ashley Joe was so hot and now she's disgusting if I could just have a time machine we'll go back and warn everyone stop what you're doing yeah get your hand off your dick stop beating off to kiss the

girls she naked in that no but she does almost get raped oh jeez that's the one you break she shows her titties in a couple let me look up the kind of stuff she was in like nine movies with Morgan Freeman I have trouble telling them apart oh yeah double double jeopardy with Tommy Lee Jones I need to team up with this white bitch to solve the mystery of who took a shit okay and Ashley judge lips damn okay there's a pretty cool shot of her tits and some I've seen though these are pretty nice how about double deeper D you know okay pictures yes double D only if you have big ass titties can you get off of a crime of the murder mm-hmm man I've got bad news the other policemen said your titties aren't big

enough you're going to have to go to jail you have to get plastic surgery to kill your husband and then let me suck your titties because I'm the judge is that what happens yeah basically that's basically what happens psych what does happen she kills her husband or she's accused of it but he's faking his own death she gets off for something where Michael Douglas was in love with masturbating there's just a bunch of scenes of him like masturbating but being like yes yes yes when's the last time you watch basically does it feel good Michael this wife comes in what are you doing is like I'm beating off I'm beating off my penis I'm jacking off I'm masturbating my penis masturbating my dick

and balls speaking of which if you like masturbating your dick and balls you want to check out bluetooth what's your background he's not a writer he was quoted yeah jackabins socks dude I'm fucking cool my friends that I've had for three weeks I haven't alienated yet or cool fuck my cheekies fuck I'm at being there if you're trying to fuck somebody's cheekies you need bluetooth fuck I'm at being there to get your cock because we all know you're little fucked up cock doesn't work if you listen to this show you have a rectile dysfunction almost certainly almost 100% certainly and now from being on this show I've developed a rectile dysfunction myself that's right but there's nothing to worry about me and

my ass if you like sex you like bluetooth.com bluetooth offers a man a performance enhancement for the bedroom wouldn't you like the last song or go they got mad at me for saying something wrong last time okay you're supposed to say they work they can work faster than pills oh up to it's a possibility twice as fast because you chew them right if you swallow them whole like a fucking idiot they might not work as fast bitch but they're gonna work chew them they could work but if I don't chew faster maybe now they don't say anything about shoving them up your ass yeah which I'm sure works as well or putting them in your dick they used to do that in Vietnam yep I just watched Honey Boy amazing I fucking I already

liked Shia but it's he's now he is a certified I love him dude he's an artist I fucking love Shia he's not an artist he's just like whatever he needs bluetooth he does like a David Foster walls shut up shut up I'm sorry be quiet be quiet don't have us I'm sorry but he does wear like a David Foster walls kind of glasses and almost he looks like his dad bitch he's like his dad David's father no shut up let's do the read Michael blue shoe from Michael blue shoe from blue shoe my name is Michael blue shoe from blue shoe dot com invented these pills after my wife left me for a colored doctor you assume that he was just not a doctor I was gonna say I said doctor you know I can't stand these telling me what to do I go into

my office and he tells me sorry you don't have to believe about doctor I found out the doctor in Arabic is a slur oh okay and I don't want to because they think it means you as Michael blue shoe I don't want to offend our Muslim of course as you know I was a country western singer for 75 years before getting into the penis pill manufacturing game and uh well that's my story and it's pretty much it and that's that's the whole thing I was a country music western legend Michael blue I tore it on the road well I want to get my penis plug in home with me Tom Dick Gary Gary Gary penis Gary penis Richard balls Michael Gary penis Eddie homo I'm sorry man any name in penis is always gonna get me yeah oh man

and the best part is those real guys they're all real and we were all in a band called noise and the machine oh wow and we were the we invented um pop punk I thought you said it was country western it was country western but it turned into pop we had songs called if you don't fuck me at the mall mm-hmm I'm gonna tell everyone you're a slut some of the teenage that's a lot of people are making movies for their music we're making music movies that's what they're doing that music videos back then but my penis would never get hard no I was like damn if only there was a blue pill that I could chew on mm-hmm and I wrote a song blue chew I want to chew on you so I can fuck some girl at the mall

I'm 16 years old and I'm trying to get my first pussy but my dick doesn't work because I'm actually 28 and I make music for teens so that I can fuck them so I can fuck them at the mall and pretend to be 16 am I only tell is that my penis doesn't work that's for Michael blue chew came to be clear the ad you're doing for this company is that there was a man who created the bill to fuck children well he created pop punk to fuck children and then he needed the pill to help oh you can use the pill for anything I'm saying pop punk is bad to blue chew is good okay yeah okay it was an accident so yeah it takes a few minutes to connect it's like you know how all this shit is sharper images for astronauts

yeah sure it doesn't mean you're an astronaut that's true it means you're a guy that just uses the same stuff as them yeah I'm just I was asking for clarification it only takes a few minutes to connect with a blue chew affiliate a physician if you qualify you can get prescribed on a quick no impression doctor visit no awkward conversation no waiting line of the pharmacy if certainly you're doing discreet packaging jamblesonman blue chew dot com prescribed online by a doctor and made in the USA what do you think about that I love it get your car card bitch so go check out blue chew dot com yeah and go to listen while you're at it go to stop it dot we're not done blue chew gives you confidence in

bed every time you and your partner will love it so here's a deal for you guys visit blue chew dot com to get your first order free when you use promo code come town CUMTW and just pay $5 shipping that's BLE wait not the French style BLU the mouth fog and penthouse BLUE chew dot com my man forgot to spell blue I'm reading it I didn't forget how to spell it you did bitch no I just get confused reading BLUE CHE I have the used it to have six I'm a speed reader that's true I know that about you yeah that's my anime speed reader speed reader I really want to explore speed reader but real quick I want everyone to tell everyone to buy tickets to see me in Dallas this motherfucking weekend definitely do that this weekend and

then valentine's they come out to the cheesecake factory there he's never been dying I'm not going to the cheesecake factory to his fans to bring him to the guy he's got to try out the general sauce chicken I'll be in DC the weekend after and if you're a fan of DC take him out the Ben's chili I don't want to go there been dying to go to no being Phoenix in Tucson on March you're in Phoenix take him to Guitar Center to eat some of the drum kids anyway go to Stavida biz and we're adding some other shit too I I just want to suck on your cock and lick your fucking bone this is on plug and stuff I got dates I don't know how to find them yeah Nick's going to Chicago Milwaukee I'll be in Chicago Nashville Nashville

I will be in Indianapolis I will be in Pussytown USA USA which is actually actually it's Nick's own ass Pussytown USA I had my ass surgically sealed Nostra bitch doctors like let me get this straight you're not even worried about people fucking you just don't want people saying jokes about I'm like yeah I want to be on my P's and Q's not all my I'm trying to be on my P's and Q's I'm sure you've heard the expression that's what it means Pussy's and Q's Pussy's and Q's my penis and choose I can't wait to get my penis ripped just kidding just kidding I am joking I'm just kidding yeah if you go to comtown.merchnow.com you can buy a t-shirt and also we're going to Australia directly from the print shop

to the same shirts I was saying before except they come from the print shop and PayPal fucked me over so I can't do them on my own website yeah something like that also will be in Australia for my birthday in Greek Easter and for Greek Easter and we're probably cancelling one of those dates but one of the dates is probably going to be cancelled we won't say what city it will be but it will probably be Sydney Melbourne Perth and Brisbane they're probably all getting cancelled but we will be there in April and I will be celebrating my birthday on a plane with my two best friends yeah that's awesome I'm going to pull a Richard Stanley and just go off into the jungle and not get around the flight back that would

be pretty fun you can find me living with a tribe that would be awesome dude and mastering the boomerang oh yeah I'm also going to be in Chicago that's later in May and maybe next month somewhere too but I forgot where bye bye bitch bye it's the middle of the episode I know I was just it was doing a joke like it was the end do you want to we can talk about it but if you want to come on any dates to work on shit I don't know I gotta run I gotta run some new stuff I'm going to DC I think in May or in March but I'll come with you I'll come with you yeah yeah yeah wait next weekend next weekend okay so I'm not gonna maybe a surprise who knows I need to work on some new stuff before I go down under

to try out my comedy I've got I'm going down under Tim some pussy and if you're in Melbourne we are gonna each of us run individual going down thunder oh yeah there used to be a show in Vegas it's called eating a fat girl's pussy Dan Thunder dude look you the lightning bolts I'm in you go down on a fat bitch while she pisses in your face when I was growing up in Vegas I come from a like it's the only way that I can come I come from down thunder yeah oh yo I'm got a little thunder my ass cheeks right now dude I'm fucked up I had some fucking I had some down down down thunder hi hi remember that game I don't go to arcade you hear that hi hi I don't remember that it was cruising us a bit with boats oh cool

yeah I'm damn I thought we had the effect but just me and I'm talking at the same time I don't get that that's where that started that's where that thing came from what there was a racist pod you know the three parentheses I never heard it but there was a racist podcast where they started they would do any time they said a Jewish person's name really that's a real thing it is very funny that's a good bit yeah unfortunately that's where the that's where the parentheses came but see they're the they're the siths of racism yeah we're the Jedi we use it for good I see as myself as a regular person that's fed up with you magical faggots ruining the world with your dumb battle what magical I just want to be

I want to just be a vapor farmer on Tatooine working on my pod racer okay with my boys all right maybe I got it maybe I got some some kind of shitty opinions about that guy Guado or whatever but he's got slaves but he does have slaves but he has to be honest I don't have any magical powers so what does it matter what I think or feel I'm not I'm not engaged in your dumb culture war I don't care no I'm I got a saber dude and I'm going although although although Jedi's don't get pussy so I guess I'm out actually never mind I'm sith yeah I'm trying to get top dude where did baby Yoda come from did Yoda get pussy I guess or is it some other yo I don't know I think it's like a people are fine trying

to find it out I was a child doctor what what are you talking about what are you talking about my parents got me an agent so okay but what we're talking about Star Wars dude you kind of drifted off I wasn't in Star Wars but I tried out for some commercial you just you've got a blank look on your face and you started breaking this shit up I don't know what's weird you started looking at the distance no dude no one has been speaking I tried out for a Carl's Jr. but no what are these memories that are what memories what memories being fucking weird you're being weird am I just hearing things I never tried them on try what are you talking about the fuck my mom's dress I just tried everything okay Adam are you

all right now you're getting hard yeah you're getting hard the like it looks like you got a sorry piece in the front of your pants I think I got her she's kiss is everything okay with you man you look sad and horny at the same time are you serious you're not doing anything right now doing who are you hanging out me or Nick we're just hanging out we're waiting for you to riff off with your riff and you come down riff let's start riff you have a thousand yards there like a Vietnam veteran jeans vintage plates how would you call that did you see the days I don't know if it's real would you say that Larry is a Buttigieg guy dude I heard that that's heartbreaking but

he's related to burn I know their cousins he should you see how happy Bernie was when he found out she had video yeah adorable yeah what's that what's that guy's name the on PBS the black guy that like does people's genealogy Frank Frankie charts reading rainbow no it's not that guy LeVar Burton it's not him reading rainbow what if reading was gay was gay was gay was even gay yeah we did some some research and it turns out that kids don't think reading is gay so we came up with an idea for a show called reading rainbow now hold on I know it doesn't sound appealing but we've got just the guy children love him Jordy LeForge from star star generation beloved to children but he won't their favorite character on the show

they watch he won't be wearing the visor he's not worried we could not secure the rights to Jordy LeForge sucking penis it's just gonna be him with his normal face who do you think he's the most beloved celebrity to children to children right now probably our president Donald probably some youtuber right it'd be funny if he couldn't see through that thing and they made him film all those yeah it's just pumping in the shit every scene do you get rich if you're on Star Trek yeah yeah if it's on for like 10 well that's you have to because it's like you're you can't do anything else after that that's fine you don't want to be on Star Trek have you been watching I guess I guess fucking what's his name was

able to distance himself from it which is a surprise who Picard yeah John Louis Picard John Louis Picard wait it's not oh no Picard is the French guy I thought he used to I thought Patrick Stewart was a French guy you thought Captain Picard was the actor's name no but I thought the actor's name was John Louis something you thought the actor Patrick Stewart's real name was John Louis Captain John Louis Picard and then the character on the show is Patrick Stewart no no I thought Picard was also French and the actor was also French but I now I now realize that's not based in any fact whatsoever okay all right is there a French actor that looks like him or something no does he have a French friend no no his friend is that gay

guy right he's supposed to be French in the show but he just speaks in a British accent because it's the future damn okay his friend is the sir Ian though right the gay man yeah they're best friends even though that one's gay which is pretty cool that is pretty cool it's like us you think peace to ever let him give him top to be cool to be like I know you want to suck me off I think you could be best friends of the gay guy without getting head from him but I haven't tried it but no no what is that stop it I didn't have a coach I had something really special I think thank you very much Joshua of course you can take him as a couple's retreat for acting for Jewish acting the couple's just rents it out to local

well a couple means to doesn't know I don't want the thoughts thoughts and it's the old country for no men thoughts Adam what's going on you've been crying for the last couple minutes you're really upset dude I don't know I just need friends right now damn that was awesome I want that so scary this is the spookiest episode ever yeah yeah I'm sorry you're deeply mentally ill Adam my agent was not named Joshua the only other option drowning it out with cruising USA Paris cruising my ass fucking I used to love playing cruising USA at skate land in rosedale Maryland because I was not good it's too fast you can't be too fast for roller skates their wheels that are past your foot and they're just like you will break

the wheel there's no way to break the solid wheels I was not too fat let me make that very clear just let you walk out on the right I would gingerly I skating I tried once and it was scary I just keep adding I keep adding fucking you woke up in a pond in China I keep adding what's that what's the orange one egg egg custard I'm talking the flavors the syrup she would put on snow cones I've never had maybe one snow cone my entire life what you good you're crazy you don't speak at cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha and now I have finished speaking Italian I'm sleepy do you want to suck on my god I'm sleepy I'm sleepy I'm hungover in the for the first time in a while I'm from

LA and I love you sleepy I got fucking tore up I got twisted I got twisted that was a phone bro your birthday and then I drank drinking twisted pee thank you to everybody who came out to the birthday party slash show fat ooh we got another fat Tuesdays next week you guys want to do it I'm gonna be all right you want to do the show yeah I'll be on Los Angeles work out some some of this Harvey Weinstein stuff so come out for that I love the trial it's so funny it is funny to see him pretending to be fucking you know imagine you're like in court on some shit and like the people are just looking at pictures of your penis and you're like damn I guess I fucked up even if I beat the case I'm lost at that point

you got to just laugh you gotta laugh you gotta laugh what says you got here ever drive 64 what's courtside to featuring Kobe Bryant you're not allowed to play I don't you want to check it out yeah Nick has every single 64 games from the Ukraine I want this shit I'm jealous you get bored of it very quickly no not what do you mean it's unlimited games yeah let's play blitz but I'm telling you the problem is is that it's unlimited games when you're a kid you have like two games yeah and you beat them shit yeah but then you just keep playing them over and over and over some of those games are hard though kind of like my mega man when you have every game it's like I know but no you you find the ones

you really like I used to have a fucking emulator on my computer you got the power puff girls game I have every game dude that's the stuff's favorite no it's not I like the power puff girls I don't have anything a problem with them but it's not my favorite game what was it like was it like a thing in your school that like lesbian girls would be into the power puff girls no they'd always be in this game bro squadron squadron was good oh damn I forgot do you remember shadows of the Empire game suck I don't remember that one I remember there was one on GameCube that was good as fuck where you could be a Jedi you could create your own Jedi that shit rocked I remember what it was called but I used to get fucking

just get do you want to run us a smash real quick I don't I don't like it for game I like it for GameCube or we I don't really like it for N64 what Smash Brothers yeah I only have two controllers oh well I can watch you guys play Tom and Jerry in Fist of Fury now we're talking about Tony Hawk Pro Skater yeah but that was way better on PlayStation absolutely what's Tom and Jerry in Fist of Fury I want to play a Tom and Jerry game Tony Hawk is Tom and Jerry is it David Tom and Jerry fighting game that'd be cool Wayne Greski hockey is that fun probably not oh WCW nitro hell yes dude now that's some good shit right this is this game is fun it was like a twisted metal clone vigilante eight yeah I remember what is the

number is being on the side this game is pretty good too this is a fighting game okay but what number what oh like 12 m 32 is the file size megabytes you fucking dumb bitch oh cool fucking idiot no to rock I never play that shit but it looked cool yeah when I got this I played through gold nine perfect dark look immediately and then Conker's bad for a day which I don't think I finished Conker gets pussy in that yeah that game is great it's awesome and then it's like a woman right Donkey Kong 64 which is also good this game is cool San Francisco Rush it's like cruising and doing poppers game damn we should have done poppers on for your birthday that was awesome Elders brought the poppers last year yeah I thought it'd be

funny if we did gay stuff it was good to see the boy all this last night I have sex we moved in with this guy it's gone dude the apartment's a different place now I'm losing my boys are you still there what are you gonna do move out no I'm gonna hold it down I think I think my boy George is gonna come move in we got a sublet oh I was saying you should get an apartment for yourself in like sty town or something maybe I would like to be in the city some point we should all move to the city now I'm saying I'm Brooklyn no I think I'm gonna move to the upper east side upper east yeah what this guy my you got a deal on real estate my dad's friends with this guy who had this huge mansion and he went

to jail and he got murdered but then I think I can get a pretty good deal on it yeah would you live there it's right by the park Epstein's mansion of course I would do you see how amazing it looks it's huge damn well they had a batman beyond game was it good I still love Batman beyond there's no way it's good yeah I would I guess I would have heard about if it was good cruising yeah I'm fucking hungry but I don't know if I have time to eat before therapy should I get a hot dog at all on a hot dog cart was the last time you guys had a hot dog I can't probably fuck me up I think I'm finally at the age now where I just have to eat like good or real real like yeah it fucks me up yeah I'm the same way me too but I power through

sometimes because my dick is on turbo charge anything other than like fucking it even like vegetables it's like they gotta be fresh yeah I know you mean like I had like I look a pre-packaged salad the other day and it's like oh this is just poison yeah it's killing me yeah we're all gonna die you know I mean to think that I'm I can't even come up with anything for what a vintage jeans store would be called they got nothing we can go about let's revisit no I mean look four years ago you put me in that hot seat fucking when I was 22 years old you put me in that hot seat that jeans how I would have given you 15 names in a second I mean we can go back I think you did a good job man I think you'd be hard on a jeans store

old good old good things things remember what are their names the antique stores I couldn't tell you I don't know the antique business what about what's a second chance something yeah second chance jeans second double denim denim pussy denim Levi's denim gas Tommy Hilfiger nah you can't you can't I started brand synonymous enough with jeans what Tommy Hilfiger yeah you don't think so I don't think so gas structure but that doesn't even exist doesn't exist anymore lucky lucky brand lucky brand jeans true religion true religion I'm gonna get back into true religions I tried some on it a fucking Marshall's they're very comfortable I was when I say back in I've never had a pair before you just like two chains no yeah like

like Chief Keith in 2009 11 probably at that point yeah not even my favorite Chief Keith moment is when he tweeted he's that guy Joey a stitch in time does that make me okay I can't I can't sign off something about rivets they're rivets rivets you talking about those like buttons what they're not dude come on metal stop it chill out then we need one that's based on denim I don't think we have one with that we have leave what would you say denim denim denim denim denim world yeah that's where Ashley Judd goes I guess there we go I love it here denim come on come on mallin come on you got this baby old man you got this man we fuck sure it's to be this used to be I tell you my wheelhouse thinking of an antique

jeans store an antique jeans store I think jeans remembered is this close you had one with Levi's that was good I don't remember right leave leave Israel no no the one before that I don't remember what it was but it's pretty good man believe eyes women yeah it's a rape to jeans store boy so you buy what exactly is a business model is it jeans to rape and you know how like after you go to the doctor they have to cut your jeans open I don't know that they have to do that I think they do that about the golden age the golden age golden age golden age golden age golden age okay so that implies that it's old gold and it means old golden old golden and you try to get a golden oldies golden oldies denim

oldies golden oldies denim get a golden oldims day dickie dickie pussy pussy fucky fuckies denim memories denim and then I think we did then it to memories then then thens thens were the days denim's were the days yeah I think we got it I think that's pretty good all jeans past things close to jeans all jeans past dungarees dungaree members dungaree remembering dungaree I think we're gonna end with jeans remembered after all dungaree remembered what about can you drive here yeah you want to ride the dungaree retarded for jeans here we go about kings and jeans oh I like kings and jeans I don't get it kings and queens kings of kings of kings of jeans which is like the king of queens so it would

be so for fat based on oh I like that yeah you just have we are king of jeans pictures everywhere the king of kings of jeans kings and jeans is good kings and queens and what the hell would you call a vintage jeans store it's an impossible question to answer but this place had a name but it was in Greek it was probably it didn't translate probably because our language is so beautiful it's so beautiful compared to you it's disgusting and weighs hundreds of pounds extra languages don't weigh anything it's a fat language it's written in frat frat letters no they stole from frat no no they didn't no we didn't in Greece our favorite person is Brock Turner they don't even know who he is thank you very

much we can't wait to let him kiss every girl Brock Turner is not a national hero of Greeks yeah jeans all right fuck that's gonna do it for us this episode