The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 197 – Jerkules

Episode Date: March 5, 2020

Ey im freakin strong over here pal

Check, check. You are now about to witness the power of having gay sex. Have we started? Yeah. Oh, I had a good start for this episode. Ready? Let's hear it. Can you smell? What Mike Bloomberg is cooking? Why? I like that. Because he won the Samoa. Oh, that's right. Oh, can you smell la la la la la la? Yeah.

I'll go with that one. Shouts out to Mike Bloomberg, winning Samoa. And it was actually a pretty good investment because apparently he's going to save five billion dollars in taxes. Well, hold on. Bernie's not out. If Bernie doesn't win. But what if he got some drops? If he drops half a billion to save five billion people keep talking about,

oh, well, he spent seven hundred million dollars and blew it like what a loser. But he he has eight hundred trillion dollars. Yeah, he's got that's not real money. He spends eight hundred million dollars a year on come to eat. That is true. He's come to his own home. Yeah. No, he gets bottom of the barrel. He gets tricked because he doesn't know it's just the packaging.

It's just nice. Yeah. It's like that pasta sauce classic code that I used to think was good. But it was only because the label made it look like a tentative label. Always made me think it reminded me of like a jigsaw puzzle. What classic classic? Yeah. Is that the one in the see through in the glass container? I don't know. I don't know why or what that means really. But any time I saw it, I was I was always like,

fuck, I should do a jigsaw puzzle. Is that the one that's really? Is that the one that's is that the one that's yellow and red? No, it's got like all kind of the old timey. It looks old timey and like like a crack. Like you mean you go to a shitty Italian restaurant and they have like fake marble wallpaper. Yes, it looks like it's from Minona's house, you know that kind of vibe.

Yeah. But it's actually was crappy pasta sauce. Oh, yeah, this stuff does. I think that's what you call your grandmother in Italian. My Minona. No, no, no. My Minona. Ba da ba da ba ba ba ba ba da da da da. What? My Minona. I just want to fuck my my fucking mama.

Corona. Oh, OK. I was doing it like an Italian guy. Corona weirdo tweeted that he's not going to do it. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba I Corona I've got Corona. Hey everybody. It isn't that I thought it's so it's now Italians in the China in the Chinese basically equally two of my favorite cuisine we do a thing about weird Al Yankovic being an Arabic guy no no we good Al Yankovic yeah yeah that's good yeah that's good I was thinking did we do this so this is because we now it's Super Wednesday Super Wednesday this is

the big wrap-up show yeah last night was the the boys being angry we were sad we thought Bernie was getting his pussy floundered and he didn't I was mostly tired yeah I was mostly a sleepy boy ready for yeah we did we forgot what day it was just mad that I couldn't do that Charlie Rose thing did you study oh yeah huh no he can't because of he can't because of the timelines so we literally until next the next week because that one has that episode has to be with a blue tree oh yeah we don't have one next week I don't think so that's awesome that's it's really gonna drive some people absolutely insane no I like

this I like I like playing with time and space they're a lot of great movies like we're like Max flash for honestly this month on news you have something to look forward to in the future this month is gonna be our Memento what if we have just been recording backwards the entire time we haven't the first episode was our last we haven't we haven't we haven't done that's that would sound that sounds really stupid it was like a really stupid thing to say no it was okay Adam like it wasn't stupid no it was no I was saying psyched it would stop on my oh I thought you're saying stop on your thing I mean what I said you mean what

you said to me I mean everything that I say I mean there's no irony I was so many recently accused me of ironic racism and I was like ironic well I don't know what the hell you're talking about wait so they're getting corona in Europe now yeah yeah let's fucked up I'm about to go to Ireland dude yeah you're probably gonna have we might have to cancel the Australia tour if it's worse because why because the travel bans and stuff yeah I'm gonna be stuck in London you're gonna be by the way comes in London probably the US military is gonna have to airlift you back very a very big no a regular one

of those big I take regular planes all the time those you know those you've been all you've been on a lot of regular planes with me they have to see we took a pretty small one from Boston in New York that's a really they have to take ratchet straps no we don't be fair they did have to you get like whatever you said no whatever you're about to say no you see the airport we got the board early no because that was no with nightline that was very welcome Delta Sky Club members members active duty military and anyone who is very fast it was nice also our guest today oh yeah when my foot was broken yeah we got

to skip TSA every single you guys just wheel chair in front of the line we thought to go through the skater yeah we should just pretend my foot is fucked up every time I think that's a great idea that's better than than what do you call it the background people are like hey stop do you like the the window or the aisle and he's like what do you mean or because they make him buy his right he has three seats for his ass no I get it I think everybody got it yeah yeah so yes like I said I hope I don't get corona in Dublin or London but this week tomorrow please buy tickets to see me in Phoenix this the stand-up live tomorrow

on Thursday and Friday Tucson at 1 9 1 tool they say I had a corona virus yeah I can now I can no kiss my girlfriend because I had a corona virus so damn am I gonna get this shit in Dublin yeah do they have it in Ireland here's what I'm saying when I was in Japan apparently they had these like infrared sensors so when we were like passing through a corridor into customs they were like you know like those like guns where you can like measure how hot something is yeah they were like scanning people's heads to see if you're coming into the country country with a fever right yeah that was my balls are all masked dude

yeah they look cute they do kawaii mm-hmm yeah really yeah just dressed up in the mask dancing to the Wii menu music I would rather them not be wearing a mask yeah to see their little mouths no I think all women should know I'm saying I'm their lips I'm Wahhabiist I think you should only see the eyes is that what Wahhabiist is yeah you know I'm Saudi Arabia Wahhabi Wahhabi lobby you know yeah basically the same if you think about it yeah Wahhabi Wahhabi Wahhabi Wahhabi Bobby's world my dear but up but up but up but up but up but up and that's the show folks well well well Bobby Bobby's world Bobby Bobby's world by oh Bobby don't you know

starring comes look at my pussy that show fucking sucked yeah I think we've talked about this I liked it did you yeah yeah I don't remember a single point of it yeah I remember him riding his fucking right that's just the intro to the show that's what you remember from the show is the intro to the show and nothing else because the mom the mom being like oh Bobby yeah I've got a big pussy Bobby howie Mandel yeah he was howie Mandel can't probably suck my dick now that I think about it the being a live-action person in a cartoon world was something that blew my mind as a kid like Roger Abbott blew my mind it was

there another there's another guy who did that Space Jam Space Jam that's it now that's a good movie yeah do you guys ever have the binder the Space Jam binder the trapper keeper no idea the binder was there a binder for the zips around trapper keeper was like didn't have the zip you knew I was coming in strong with I didn't know what trapper keepers were ever I still don't know yeah they're basically it was probably a brand of binder that had like in the 80s Velcro it had like a velcro like that you flapped over no yes it did like close it I was always ashamed of myself because I would break the rings on the

binder immediately like misaligned and fucked up and oh I hated that when this it was the shit was jagging the glue and saliva all of everything just blot everywhere I'm like I don't know how to I'm sorry goddamn I was a put I was a throw everything in the binder in like week two yeah it fucking fell where my classic moves throughout school was always like when they come around to collect the homework I'm like oh do you hear somewhere yes but every every day I'm like I know I did it I remember the point I did it for sure it was you can just mark down that I did it if you want and I'll tell you one of these days

I'm gonna get through this thing we're gonna get to the bottom of this but go ahead and just write down yeah just go ahead and mark me down as having done it just go ahead and no you won't okay okay no problem no problem I'll just fail out of high school and in five years yeah now just continue to be a complete piece of shit until probably about probably about 2024 yep is that what you're gonna turn around oh yeah what's chapter two gonna be I'll be dead okay you won't like you won't reach oh I thought you said let me clarify oh yeah that oh no you're taking that one of the great okay okay

I thought you were gonna like turn it around no no no no no no no no no no no I would not be doing I do not think so here's um here's another one I was wondering have we ever done Bernard brothers and it's a black eye named Bernard brothers yeah that's good have we done that mm-hmm you like Elizabeth one you better get your slut pussy check for sand bitch you've been to the beach recently yeah Jesus Christ let me tell y'all while I while I love universal health care because you can get a free screening to get sand out to get all the sand out this bitch she misunderstood they said

hourglass they're talking about the figure you ain't supposed to crack our glass trying to put it you she's trying to tell Tom with a pussy bitch it's time to shut up it's time to endorse Bernie it's time to endorse Bernie the ultimate Bernie bro Bernard brothers I think that's pretty much what Sean King has been tweeting is that so yeah he's in big trouble what's his whole thing I don't know but I'm he's back in the fold dude I don't care what he is back in the mix I don't care any of the dumb shit he said over the years he's he's the homie he's now he's got my personal badge of you can call yourself

black I look Sean I'm giving you me I'm giving you permission now to call yourself black you didn't have it before but now you've earned it yes mm-hmm you know who else him and Cornell West you know who else is his big de Blasio dude he's all-in dude he's riding hard dude shouts out to Bill mm-hmm he's in the mix for Bernard another guy that's a fake race yeah yeah his real name is like William like Hyman or something he's like I'm just saying what I'm fucking Billy I'm just on me come on I'm just fucking saying I'm Billy the beak I'm just saying I'm just saying Billy the beak de Blasio hey the bluesy blob just

making up you know it's like you know just you just you call yourself some who gives a shit the Blasio it means the Blazer yeah they call me fucking out here smoke we build the Blasio wiki Jimmy the Italian Jimmy Jimmy the Italian you know Jimmy Italian Jimmy yeah right hey it's me man Michael macaroni hey now my real name is Patrick a planner yeah my name is Patrick Donagall but I go by fucking by by Kraft macaroni and cheese Liano yeah yeah so you get to be Italian Bill and I guess you're giving Sean King permission to be black King's allowed to be black so he's not black every isn't he is people this he

was doubt he looks white his parents are white the story is his mom cheated on his dad that rock and that's his story that's pretty he's like nah my mom got some extra cream pie like black guy on the side and his dad's like real happy about your career Sean things sound like they're going real well that's cool that you're just blowing vape smoke in my cat's face I didn't want to blow it in your face while she's trying to sleep literally directly into the other way no you just woke her up that was rude I didn't mean to blow it in the opposite direction she's just a defenseless animal she's just a kid and I understand

what it's like to take care of a beast I do it myself yeah you're pussy no that's not your best ever my dog I'm a master never never satiated always thirsting for semen your pussy no I'm not talking about my pussy which doesn't exist I'm talking about my dog who's a beast and I'm a master of bees no you're not yes I am first of all the Beast Masters a guy in a loincloth in the jungle well that's what I wear when I'm at home and that show sucked yeah it was really bad really fucking stupid was a movie wasn't it what was a TV show too I never be like you know the villagers would be like is there anyone that can

talk to ants maybe like yeah I got you I mean yeah yeah yeah he's like hey can you guys stop eating the town was it a different guy huh it wasn't Arnold what in the TV show yeah no it was fucking it's probably Lorenzo Lamas's cousin yeah it was like the production value of like Hercules or Zina those had none of the magic yeah Zina was Zina was good Hercules was okay not as good as Zina Zina was tight because I had a lesbian Zina was a Zina was a spin off but Zina was just a more fun show it was yeah I don't remember much of Hercules see I was just I loved mythology I was a little little Greek fat

boy is how you appreciate your hercules his whole shit is he's just strong so you know it's kind of like formula well no that is mom got raped by a god she didn't get raped she gave up the pussy okay but that we're not half god I'm talking about the show and the problems with the show and you're now saying no and then you want to let everyone know that you know the story of Hercules no what I'm saying is his his superpowers first feet of strength what was his first feet of strength Adam I don't know it's your history well don't talk like you know shit he pushed a heavy thing no idiot what is old the snake he killed

his little there's other his jealous brother put in the crib oh okay I remember that that's why I was pissed when the movie came out which is good it holds up it's a fun little cartoon cartoon the animated one you have pissed at it but at the time I was pissed because I was now that I've had some distance from mythology kid I didn't like that they put the Nambla logo on their cheeks I thought that was weird the pedophile symbol on the characters faces they all did they do that was that one of those secret Disney things no that's just what I remember as a kid and I remember why did you know what Nambla was yeah I

didn't know what that because I looked it was being careful I've been on this shit since the the get-go that is true no they don't have it is wrong I thought I thought I just just now remembered that from seeing it because I never saw that fucking movie it's a good movie did you it's fun it's a good movie who is his animal friend Danny DeVito what was he he was like a Danny to eat hole yeah Danny the eat hole he loves to eat pussy hey come here give me a pussy he's a Bernard brother you know I'm I need pussy was he a dragon no dragon was he was half man or he was with the goat legs yeah a pan is his name pan yeah yeah I

don't know what those guys are called a cherub no no no what are they called cherub is a little baby a little baby angel what are they called Puck Seder Puck is one of them Seder right what they're called the Seder with the goat legs yeah goat pants he's horny yeah you could play one of those that's exactly what I'm fucking born I can see your career going that way yes one of class of lustful drunken woodland gods a man with the horse's ears and tail oh wait no yeah he was a Seder Seder Danny DeVito yep yeah dude that's exactly who I am I'm Danny DeVito this is me I mean come

on oh my god that's you exactly look Nick it's me you should go to a comic con is that I should little pig guy he's not pig dude he just happens to be fat but he's got to go too much he's not a pig I'm not a pig I mean he might as well be a pig you're not really you're not saving yourself much dignity by saying I'm this guy and then doesn't look like to be clear he's not a pig no he's just a three-foot tall he's not half goat obese bald with horns yeah with horns but he's cool is he yeah because he's horny he's horny and he trained trains Hercules oh he's like a he's expert in combat yeah exactly that's what

you want do you want to help some guy a strong man I like you I want to coach people yeah that'd be nice I would love that but just one guy and no he'd he coached a lot of heroes who you love I don't like he didn't love man he didn't fuck him I'll tell you I'm looking at the pictures from the movie and I've never seen it but it looks like no you're not first of all you're not looking at them you're looking at something else so the bad guy from the movie is Adam the bad guy is played by the Jewish character played by Hades James Woods he's got the same as he's got the same teeth and lips as Adam and

Adam makes that face all the time what kind of looks like James Woods I don't have triangle teeth you have little little triangle and you make that face with look imagine this guy saying what are you a big Woodrow Wilson fan okay nice call back experiencing jet lag record yeah that's Adam is constantly making that face what kind of face my face isn't that long you make that face all the time what kind of it's not that long I will give you that right that face it actually kind of does look like James Woods I think they do that once they cast the guy they make his face they got him before they you know Chris

Farley was supposed to be Shrek but he died there yeah it's the Shrek curse can you imagine how much better of a movie that would have been it was him instead of the guy from Smash Mouth Mike like I guess Mike Meyer they ended up casting all right Peter Farley dude why couldn't it have been the guy from Smash Mouth instead yeah I really would do that trade which is fucked up to that guy's family you know there's a curse I think if they say it's a confederacy of dunces curse that everyone that's been cast in like a movie adaptation has died really maybe I'm making this up but I think it was him

John Candy fucking Belushi someone else confederacy done I've never read that book but it seems like you could play that guy but it seems are you trying to kill me now dude no I'm not saying I'm not trying to kill you but that the character looks like you people pretend is funny yeah a lot of shit it's pretty funny seems pretty gay to me catch 22 I remember I read it when I was like I don't know 20 or something it's not as funny as confederacy it doesn't it's not funny at all is that a book about the amount of you trying to the amount of dicks you're trying to catch in your ass are you asking me or either one hmm well you're

gonna have to clarify no either one seems like you both are interested in answering you throwing that out to the room yep to the room to the room okay well I'll let you take that one day oh you want me to answer on your behalf moving on moving on the record I never said that I never said that well it's on the record and we're moving on I'm so slick just fucking moving you've been outmaneuvered with with fucking okay what are those calls huh hold on I'm trying to remember a word for D chest no no no I don't think just can you for once let him think parliamentary procedure parliamentary procedure

Robert's rules that's what happened home rule home home home clause I think is what they say yeah in parliament home clause and then the guy says I'll speak on his behalf yes I do want to catch 22 dick's in my ass listen Nick you're staring battle and war just remember that yeah once again you've won another battle perhaps a long string of battles yeah perhaps a undefeated record in the battles I wanted to get a couple thank you I think you said who said no country for no pussy for game that that was me yeah well I guess you're right you got zero yep now I check the logs here

anyway what were we talking about no I didn't get you one time no yes I did I just remembered what it was it was when you were it was when you were calling me cool and you're like just get me back just call me gay Nick and I just know that's no and then I said no that's right that would mean that you were regular Nick but in reality you are gay Nick oh that's good that is good I did get him and he tried to set up a trap and I avoided it that's good man congrats who's got a charger I gotta plug my god that happened I don't want to do the show anymore we'll just record we'll do you're very fun no very good I forgot

about that I'm mad now you're good I'm I don't want to just give him a second man just give him a second cool off dude I'm just gonna look at pictures from Hercules for a minute here look up some porn of Megara dude who's Megara she's a girl in it imagine changing the first letter of her name all right I will not imagine that just imagine just wait hold on I found there is okay we she in the movie yeah why can't she be the love interest there's a Greek chorus if I was if I was half-man half-god and I could lift the house over my head you better believe it would be nothing but chocolate BBWs that's the only kind of woman

that could of course please you right because you can throw them against the wall and they weigh what 700 pounds bounce right back yeah this other thing Hercules about Lizzo that type of shit I'm just saying if I were Hercules that's what that would be my kind of need a lot more woman right you know yeah mm-hmm what I'm supposed to fuck somebody that weighs 115 pounds that's a great point yeah kill them that's true yeah I don't think so truly you need more cushion for the cushion if she's like pull my hair and then it's just a it's a naked skull with the skin and scalp ripped off of it yeah you're like

my bad fuck had a little of mice and men moment here in the bedroom once again murdered another woman trying to upset mm-hmm that's true I never considered how hard Hercules is penis was that rocks that Lenny snap that woman's neck you know how fucking hard that is to do yeah he must have been strong yeah that's why they shouldn't have picked them with a guy who played him Malcolm should have been someone stronger than him yeah like the rock should have been the rock dude yeah you should have picked or the big show or the big show he's even bigger all day they included on emails by accident and they think you're some

other guy yeah there's another Adam never happens to me stop us how he says my the only guy I know that name is my grandfather I'm gonna chain email here from a woman named Manuela bircher this is project peanut lift oh I got a peanut you can lift me well purchasing can you please provide a PO for the below Sunbelt rentals job named project peanut scope 19-foot scissor slim one week you got to respond dude yeah reply all thank you and then somebody named Michelle Ziegler is giving the PO number hmm I'm gonna reply to this what are you gonna say I don't know I'll figure it out okay yeah nice how about just how

about the classic hey guys yeah how are you guys doing you should just you should just be like I don't actually in my records and then whatever Michelle said say the opposite what is grown out us let's take a look at this let's check it out grew what is this fucking the menus movie hmm specialty contracting built on values that doesn't mean anything I doesn't yeah I guess it's what if you just HVAC plumbing process piping what if you just live in this other Nick Mullen skin just start all over again just run your own contracting just go down there just go down there you'll bob the builder outfit on fuck his wife

it's me and they're like you look different I'm like no I don't they're like okay check my ID it says Nick Mullen yep it's me back for my vacation in New York City where I got a driver's license is great I went to the M&M store I brought M&M's back to everybody and they're like Nick seems different but he brought us M&M's it's just like a fire all the equipment's on fire can I have my whole salary and the money up front where's my office again sorry I'm a little out of it yeah my office where do I live trouble getting back in the saddle which one of you is my wife I'm still figuring out what what exactly this

company is on some fucking mad men shit yeah so he don't spoil it for me I've only seen the first six episodes oh really yeah I know that he he ate somebody in Korea and I named Dickie yeah no his name is Dickie yeah what let me why don't you do the voice okay but what is he saying I haven't seen it so I don't know I hate a man in Korea oh sorry I shouldn't have tried on the impression why cuz I get nervous you know Adam it's gonna be okay man take a step take a deep breath in Korea okay there you go Korea in Korea they eat dogs why would you eat a dog you can eat a man when you can take a human being's life for

dinner something like that yeah I was gonna say something about like suck my dickie yeah cuz that's his name yeah I know I'm not done I'm suck my dick my first name is suck my middle name is my and my last name is Dickie you can call me suck my dickie everyone will call me that you call me suck suck dickie for sure you can call me suck my dickie good old suck dickie if you like suck dickie you can go to blue if you want to get your dickie suckied yeah hey listen up gay and not have it be limp for a change dick don't work check out blue chew dot com you

dickless bastard guess what you dickless bastard cock piece of fucking homo we got something for you if you like sex you'll like blue chew dot com oh yeah blue chew offers men and ladies but just men a performance and I suppose some ladies I suppose a woman could take the pill and see what happens yep some women have cocks some women are living in the future don't forget if you have a penis it's just a number if you have a penis you have a dick pill if you have science cocking yeah like doing regional ads yeah science curriculum if you have a phone you have a lawyer don't add them yeah you don't know science

curriculum from the American Southwest are you yeah yeah growing up putting sombreros on cut a little hole in the brim that's right you know that's what orthodox Jews yeah well he would sit in the town fountain okay and people would describe himself as disguise himself as a fountain and it's customary in the Arizona desert to that's from Nevada it's the same shit yeah it is so it's the Arizona Arizona is a state but the desert is called there it's called the Arizona desert it's called the Mojave desert I don't know about that man yeah anyway anyways he dressed up like a fountain and everybody they would come

and piss and come in the fountain yep and do you know how they get their dicks hard with bluetooth.com a southwest treat which you don't you know the San Francisco treat of the American Southwest is bluetooth.com it's their Riseroni you don't really need to get your dick hard to piss on someone to come on to come that's how I pissed dude that's why it takes me so hard I piss hard piss hard piss hard won't you suck the bones of my peas suck all the piss out of me the online position consult is free they got online doctors yo yeah yeah they really do goodbye Adam I guess he's leaving fucking piece of shit yeah

he doesn't need that he only he only wants to stay for the part that is not work literally for the only part we're paid for the only thing that sort of resembles work he's like oh I have to go to the bathroom the online position console all that talk about those guys jacking off on him got him hard I got him there jacking off yeah he's in there stealing my bluetooth pills to get hard so he can piss yeah well that was quick Adam sorry I'm allergic to this cat and it's just been it would be very funny to be just completely hard at a urinal next to some guy could you see you're standing out so your cock is

fully showing I have only your head is covered by the urinal but the like hard shaft I have I have a memory that would be very funny yeah so you could also use bluetooth for that yeah just oh your throat over and over again this is it normal I have a I was at what we took my grandparents the strip when they were visiting Vegas once when I was a kid and I saw a guy jacking off into a urinal at the Paris Hotel casino that's awesome and it was kind of a traumatic experience did you get horny you're gonna say you know I was molested by him did you get horny no I didn't get horny and he was molested by him and it turns out he was

molested good news we're back with our guest Adam Friedland's molester we wrote the book molesting Adam Friedland available at Barnes and Noble this week thank you for joining us tell us did you in fact molest Adam in the Paris Hilton hotel no it's the Paris the Paris one-third scale rep the Paris Hilton hotel in Las Vegas Arizona it's not Arizona yes yes I did that day that fateful day in where we all know factually as the Arizona desert where I was the most prolific molester of Adam specifically of Adam specifically molested several to my move would be to use the urinal hard and he could not he

was entranced yeah once he said his eyes on a hard penis he couldn't look away right you are very sleepy you are very gay I wonder how easy it is to hypnotize like a Mexican I think it's like you're getting sleepy I know no just you're getting sleepy but I was I was already sleepy that's a really good man yeah hold on I can keep going with this guy yeah why don't you you know we got some business though we got business here oh yeah calm if you're a sleepy Mexican check out bluetooth cock is soft whose cock is soft it's hard check out bluetooth.com it can be taken on a full or empty stomach and it's cheaper than

the other two yeah that's because you don't have to go to a doctor yep cut out the fucking middleman no more middleman okay they offer a performance enhancement I have no idea where they're chewable mm-hmm they got the same it's great active ingredients as Viagra only takes a few minutes to connect to the bluetooth.com affiliated physician if you qualify you get prescribed online quickly no in-person doctor visit no awkward conversation no waiting in line at a pharmacy mm-hmm like some kind of Soviet peasant waiting for your rationing Sanders once rationing of dick pills we live in America baby the

siege of Stalingrad mm-hmm you know they're all waiting for their they have to get their dicks hard to make more Russian people yep because what was it 78% of their population died yeah World War two is much worse than what much worse than what happened then you don't hear that much whining about it they didn't get their own country in the Middle East because they're soulless they kind of just stuck around their own place mm-hmm well they did get their own country they have their own country yeah Russia it's Israel huh no I meant the Russians all Israelis are just Russians no Eastern Europeans that's not true they

have a rich culture that's true goes all the way back to 19th century Russia so anyway yeah anyway ships directly to Israel dot com dot Israel dot I L yeah all of the pills come with tracking devices discreet packaging that read your mind and make sure that you don't harbor any negative opinions mm-hmm about the state of Israel the state of Israel mm-hmm and then it's on your administration mm-hmm what's his deal so he just he just keeps breaking the law and going becoming president they keep having elections you keep he becomes president every like two weeks president like well he can't form a coalition so they keep having to have

more why because his dick is too soft because they they have like a good if that's the case you should go to blue shoe dot com you should go yeah you get prescribed online by a doctor and they're made here in the USA mm-hmm you know so you don't have the BDS if you're a BDS guy good news good news blue shoe dot com is BDS approved that's right because they're made right here in the USA mm-hmm by a fucking union guy what if I'm on my fucking break over here what if it was a pee-pee and that's on Yahoo and he pisses on my Palestinians hard he's a hard a hard pisser yeah yes yes so I just thrown that out that's

not very good thanks Nick yeah do you want to do any more with that or you'd like do more like an impression of him yeah maybe impression him or he's selling blue shoe or yeah wrap up the read as pp net and yahoo yeah we have a you go to blue shoe here's what you tell the audience you got a great deal for them they visit blue shoe dot com okay a great deal for you and they all let me tell you everything you remember it and then you do your own version I'll try to be verbatim but but I want to hit all the notes I'm telling you now you gotta say we here's a great deal for you guys it's important that you emphasize great

deal and use your voice for that I've got a great deal for you nice it sounds authentic when you say like BB nets on your like you know because the notes that only some I'm saying just leave it up to interpretation visit blue shoe dot com and get your first order free when you use promo code come down just pay $5 shipping that's BLUE chew dot com promo code come down now hit it take it away get get get your first order of blue shoe come on do when you put in the code all right I mean Nick hit it already I don't need to do it as do the fucking character do it as pp neton yahoo hi I'm

pp neton yahoo sell it hi I'm pp neton yahoo fucking sell it man I'm hi I'm fucking sell the character man tell me this sell me this dick fill tell me this dick hi I'm sell it to hire tell me this dick I'm PSH and I'm lecturing hi I'm hi I'm Prime Minister people haha awful fucking job hi come on hi I'm Prime Minister pp neton yahoo of Israel sounds like your voice man hi I'm pp neton yahoo of Israel and I'm here to sell you it's Teva pharmaceuticals Israeli Israeli made dick I mean you made the USA dick pills at the end of the day it's still an ad okay so I'm here to tell you about blue shoe you get a promo if you put in come

town yet once again it's BLUE chew comm promo say you had a great deal and I got a great deal and it is a great deal fucking deal line okay all right you need a lot of work man all right I'll come you need a lot of work then I'll think it you pig fuck I'll think it over and what was what's P which movie is that from what pig fuck yeah that's from the master oh I've never seen the full master it's really good pig fuck like loses it and some guy that's like criticizing him the senior Amy Adams jacks him off in the bathroom or her chitchat yeah really are they I think she's in a night she's beating him off

she's beating him haha that's awesome that rocks dude it's pretty cool I would love to get jacked off by Amy Adams yeah she's cool he was great I just rewatched that scene he's in at heart eight which one he's just in one scene at the casino he's playing craps oh yeah I'm that's do a rewatch for me I've only seen it like twice yeah the first one right the first one what the first PTA or I guess he made a Dirk digler like story like short I have no idea I've never seen that chronology I think it's the first one I don't know I couldn't tell you couldn't tell you touch couldn't tell you I'm just making man

Mickey macaroni over here fuck my ass hey oh hey do me a favor pal why don't you come fuck me in my hey but a book oh come over here suck me on the fucking dick hey pal you're fucking me in my ass over hey oh wait oh what the fey come on you're fucking me in the ass you're bending me over and you're nothing in my fucking ass you're pulling my cheeks apart and you're filling me full of goo over here oh you're fucking hitting me wrong the way I like you make me a bitch oh fuck it I feel beautiful like a natural woman you're making me feel like a princess I'm your fucking horn right

now how in this moment I've surrendered to you completely and totally yeah I'm sorry there's a random way I could just give you two bucks for the coffee no it's too sad oh he just filled my ass up again you're fucking splitting me in half over here you're fucking making me you're making my legs shake if my boy pussy so hard I can't even yeah I'm squirting out of my cock in my ass I'm having trouble my prostate feels like it's gonna pop you're cream pie in the come out of my asshole you're making me a salute take a shot of it in a little shot glass you're fucking you're biting the back of my neck and twisted my nipples

I love you tell me you see a future for the tour I got a teeth cleaning today boys I gotta go back I cancel with this I do yeah because I had to cancel as I got coronavirus a couple weeks ago yeah wait what I think I might have had coronavirus what do you mean no well you know I had that weird thing like with where I was throwing up all that bile that's just a flu no right well and it was flu season yeah yeah but it's also coronavirus season that's true no it wasn't over here yeah it wasn't here yet I know but they're saying there's all these people that mild cases what if like we all have coronavirus and most of

us aren't pussies that's what I'm saying that's why I'm not scared this is another thing where it's like we were letting the weakest people in the world dictate the the emotional landscape mm-hmm that's true like why are we scared of it I don't get it because people can die from it well that's a that sucks old people old people might die of coronavirus instead of their melanomas they're supposed to die in other horrific ways I mean I would be sad if my grandma died I wouldn't if your grandma died I don't know I'm sad for you but she's nice what do you mean you'd be sad for him was this stuff would

be going through a hard time but what do you mean you'd be sad for him I'd be I'd make some kind of empathy you're gonna have to break well he doesn't know that word I don't know what you're talking about so basically when your friend is having a tough time shut up all right dude that fucking quiet that fucking turbo toothbrush they use that shit they go yeah that shit rocks dude mm-hmm just that noise I can I'm like I'm in pain no I mean that that the toothbrushing part is good the other part where they go and it has the tiny thing mm-hmm that stabs your shit yeah that sucks the scraper so I don't mind

being stabbed it's just like a my gum line my teeth are all rotted out at the gum line and I know you need feelings all in that but they liked it they when I had cavities there they're like does this hurt I'm like it's excruciating yeah that's what hurts horrifically yeah what you need to do is get a deep clean is when they fucking numb your shit and then like that's what I had to be a scaled and plain yes numb my shit and pull my gums back yes they did the same afterwards they showed it to me and it looks I mean I like my gums were purple and bleeding like everywhere yeah but they give they should give you anti

bacterial yeah there's a mouthwash I use for two weeks and I clean my shit up because my gums were fucked up yeah my breath was fucked up my gums were like like they were round yeah dude that's shit that was happening to me I would touch them and they would just bleed me too yeah but but my doctor was hot and had like lip implants and they're like what what's going on and I'm like I'm an artist yeah yeah yeah I don't get high as shit and fall asleep eating Ben and Jerry's every good to brush my teeth yeah every literally every single I didn't have a 30 year old recently quote-unquote get into diet soda that may

have something to do with it but yeah my my dentist was so hot that I did not want to ask for pain meds because if I did she would think I was a bitch and she wouldn't fuck me dude I did a I told man I did a group on for a whitening and and the whitening thing first of all I don't even need a whitening you know it's like what who cares right who gives a shit yeah but it came free with the cleaning mm-hmm so it's like all right I'll do it they do not tell you that shit is gonna be fucking like it's the worst pain in the world damn for real because whiten it well because they put this shit on your teeth and they put a

light on it and it's like you have to do three 15 minute sessions in a row and then like seven minutes in you'll just get like nerve pain in one tooth it's like a fucking like you're like oh fuck what was that and it'll go away you're like all right they're like yeah that'll happen and then it's like then another minute later it's like another one you're like oh fuck and then it'll just go like across an entire row of teeth and then it's like excruciating awful I did one 150 minute session and I'm like I don't I'm like does it any like they're like we'll see how like much whiter it got and they bring the chart out and

they're like yeah your shit's already like as white as it's I mean it can go maybe a shade or two lighter yeah but it's fine where it is yeah I was like then why the fuck are you doing yeah cuz you got the group on well I got the group on I'm like yeah I don't want to fucking do I mean it's like not worth it to me like I wouldn't get I wouldn't I barely get my fucking haircut if I went to if it hurt to get my hair cut I wouldn't do it right you know I got you yeah no it was and but then it continues hurting for another 24 hours I remember that it'll just you'll out of nowhere you'll get like fucking like you

know we did a we did an episode where you were like every like two minutes from the ultraviolet light it's starting I don't know what the fuck it is but that's that technology isn't there mm-hmm you know yeah I wanted to do a whitening before I got my tooth you know get everything a shade lighter before the new you just got to pull the Sean Patton and just save up and get veneers I don't want veneers I'm gonna get new eyeballs no you're not yeah it's a couple of baby blues no we'll see you look soulless now just all stitches and shit some dead guy's eyes you would look weird as shit with blue eyes yeah

would probably what Boris or less trustworthy probably interesting sometimes when you get people with dark features that has like randomly blue like the bodega you would look weird with blue eyes I have like blue green no one's ever looked at no good shit no people tell me yes I do what you think I have brown eyes take it back seriously take it fucking back yeah they're like green brown green brown yeah yeah it's kind of a diet of color you fuck right off but it's sort of like a baby shit like a baby's diaper we got a couple baby diaper Roger this is the first time Adam's actually been yeah I

am gorgeous it's because he's in love with himself if you insult you don't have the kind of eyes though that like no I don't have crystal blue eyes that somebody that are striking yeah like in a way that someone's like whoa what the fuck those eyes are too much my dad has black hair and blue eyes that's that could be you know that can I suppose I can work out I should mean I don't know maybe because I just know you first like if you had blue ass eyes why don't you just your eyes are dark why don't you just get color contacts because I don't actually give us or maybe like because I don't really care because this started

off as me cutting someone's eyes out why don't you get like West Portland from Limp Bizkit the black like just get black the only thing I would do is I told you if I lose and I'll get a little eight ball yeah and eight ball with crosshairs over yeah and then people like what's that I'm like you got to kill the eight ball the oh what I'm like I'm part Native American and then they stopped talking to me yeah that's more than a bar let's go back to drinking yeah what's that about you got to kill the eight ball you got to kill the eight ball was that me it's a Native American partner it's a saying from the Chippewa yeah

you know the Chippewa I'm a Chippendale Indian I'm a Chipperson Indian what's that that's just like a guy it's like a retarded guy that Jim Norton does and he spun it off he spun it off there's a podcast is a podcast I to be honest with you I have no idea what I've never listened to yeah fuck I wanted to shout out there was a fat guy that made a three-pointer and I wanted to shout him out as a member of the community wait in the NBA no it Jackson State University I believe I want to get his name correct his nickname was snacks mm-hmm Thomas snacks Lee salute to you for shooting a

three-pointer at the Jackson State game his nickname should be Sarah well apparently when he was new I read the novel article about him he's the team man he's the team's manager when they let him on the team and it was the last game of its senior night mm-hmm and they let him shoot three three-pointers and he switched it and the way he ingratiated himself to the team was by bringing snacks to the locker room when he first got there so he provided snacks yes you remember there was a fat quarterback for Kentucky what's your homepage like what is it fudge report stories like this no I follow a lot of

guy a lot of basketball pages though and snacks was all over basketball he did for his three-pointer he did and he switched it by the way is next develop mentally disabled no he's no obese because a lot of the time they let the retarded like play in the last game of the season this is like that but with a very fat man oh and so all those listen all those develop me develop mentally disabled they get a big story and everybody shouts them out what about the regular when you're fat as shit no one ever thought we talked about very he's a quite a fat you do if you're a fat woman but yeah fat guys really don't

so I just wanted to take this moment and say kudos to you Thomas snacks salute salute my friend remember when kudos came out I don't actually were they like granola bars chocolate oh yeah yes yes yes I do yeah fuck I like those yeah they were rigid the OG kind of got murked by the chewy corporation yeah but kudos were new at one point yeah and I remember because I forget where I was I think it like a pool or something yes that's exactly where you would have a kudos well z104 defunct radio station uh-huh had something set up where they were like 104 3 was the 104 I can't remember at all it was like the top I

never I don't 40 I remember yeah I don't I remember it sucked yes it was like just share and stuff yes my I'm pretty sure closet at homosexual roommate college yeah blasted it on our way when we to our internship yeah but they had something set up where there was maybe he's not homosexual but he's so there's something going on that he's hiding you could spin a wheel like a pinwheel yes and then one of the prizes was about one three kudos and I was like this is fucking and they're granola bars so they're healthy yeah it was just big ass chocolate chips in them I love kudos to you that way that little blip in

time when all of society considered granola bars with chocolate all over them all this shit I mean nobody knew what the fuck was healthy until like four years ago yeah you've been just pounded in Arizona iced easy chocolate chips you get the yeah yeah the green tea when you point a little guy hiking on a cliff bar being like yeah that's the I'm extra this exercise this is what you would eat if you were on a mountain it's fuel yeah give me a few give me five give me clip balls that I desire yeah clip bars are good shit dude they're mad good I like the white chocolate macadamia I might hit up I might hit up Costco

after this I gotta get more coconut water respect you and you want to be on a little likes electrolytes no but I'll tell you this here's a fun secret for you guys if you're going to the gym which I have I had a six month hiatus put him back in the gym now nice most people I mean it's kind of like I don't know if it's universal but the optimum nutrition way is sort of the it's the best tasting the good shit but and this is not a breed yeah this is no affiliation it's literally personal opinion but you get the I think that's the double rich chocolate I don't know I'm spying on Amazon but if you mix it

with coconut water oh yes you told me this it fucking tastes exactly like you who I'm so I'm so curious about this yeah I'm gonna do this and it's your muscles right and I had there I had the ratio figured out it was like 200 milliliters to 10 grams 10 grams of the weight protein to every 200 milliliters how much is 10 grams two scoops no it's like a half a scoop half it's like not even a full half scoop but that's I mean for every 10 grams it's 200 milliliters of coconut water if you put 30 in there then it's 600 yeah yeah a little whisk in there spin it up my hands and it tastes like you who and it tastes just like you

mean you're saying just exactly like you use like in a fucking in a fucking taste test you would not be able to bring you should do it I wouldn't exaggerate we should do the on-air taste test I'm not one of these fucking like you know it tastes just like you know it's just kind of tastes like it you're on some retarded diet yeah yeah yeah when I die it I go insane with it and it's like everything should taste bad it's punishment right you're reducing yourself to being an animal yeah in a cage the cage of your mind and body I really want to just transition to having one of those podcasts yeah you know

why not my guests are a guy that goes around pretending to be a Navy SEAL it's just like have you ever thought about doing karate but to yourself I wake up every morning and I imagine kicking my own ass look in the mirror just think about just be just kicking my ass with karate and that's that's the mentality you need to be in to start your day screaming into the mirror but I'm telling you man that you to you who tip let's do let's do a live taste test and see if okay next week Monday we're gonna do it I'm out of coconut water well you'll go to Costco this weekend and then Monday we'll have our you who challenge

mmm do they still make you who yes yeah what are you retarded I don't see it what do you mean you don't see it where do you see it do you go into Bodega you know it's fucking gay I don't see that change the orangeina bottle now we look like they never needed to they kept it the sexy bottle they kept it the same way for so long that it became an iconic it was like a fucking brand curvaceous and then as soon as people are like you know it's cool the orangeina bottle they're like let's go fucking crazy it looks stupid looks like everything else that's plastic it's not glass anymore it's not that glass her she

kiss shape you love orange dude and you know classy drink yeah you felt like a friend you were friends a little kid going to the beer store with my dad and getting my orangeina was like oh yeah fucking highlight of the day absolutely every morning he's driving to school yeah he's getting a little it's well back give me fuel suck my penis let me suck on onto your penis you know I love about the beer store too is the little blimps what do you remember the inflatable oh yeah they say like bud light on yeah yeah yeah oh yeah those were awesome they're supposed to be like I was like man I can't wait until I'm grown up and

I'm drinking and I'm drinking so yeah I'm here all the time as well I hope I get this disease and the good news is we all do yeah we all get the same problem as hard as we try to be different give me a few suck my penis let me suck on to your people like what this isn't try whoever the fuck it's a metallica yeah fuck I'm about to go to JFK I already feel myself making a slutty airport decision what are you gonna get I don't know it depends what's it isn't that always a fun moment where you're like in your area and you're like how much time do I have what's around mm-hmm you feel like you get it's like a scavenger hunt

for the best meal possible yeah yeah I do laps and I'm just satisfied with all the options and I like going to LaGuardia because they have that whole stealing area I love the stealing area yeah where it's the they put they put in self because it used to be there was a counter that was like so far away from all the shit that it was like please just steal whatever yeah yeah and now they put in self-checkout which is like just let us walk just walk just yeah this is well what I've taken to doing is while I wait for like a sandwich or something there I eat two kind bars yeah just while waiting yeah it's awesome

mm-hmm you just have your whole meal in the area you can in that yeah a little buffet yep that's attended to by like one Bangladeshi yeah oh yeah in the in the JetBlue the food hall no they have one in the JetBlue no you don't know what we're talking about it's before you get to either terminal it's like before C&D yeah you're right C&D oh and look board is Delta terminal to yep it's between the two Delta terminals yeah I think one other somebody else but I see I'm excited about JFK because I know LaGuardia I know what I'm getting there JFK sucks JFK sucks really JFK is a garbage airport it's not as bad as it's

extremely fucking busy but it's the Delta it takes like an hour to get through security yeah but I think Delta is in the international terminal they have their own dedicated terminal and then they also like most times when I take Delta from JFK but the last time I took Delta from JFK the food situation was good I remember but I don't remember specifically why I thought that anyway anyway hopefully there's a Chick-fil-A do they have those in airports oh yeah are you kidding me I haven't seen one you don't fly enough brother I haven't seen one joke I've been road-dogging at this last year and believe me they are there

in there well I guess more in the south I guess give me a few let me see your penis I'm also in the south they always they always have that burrito place that southern burrito place mode southern burritos yeah look how fat snacks is dude oh he's mad fat he's fat as shit let me see him he rules dude the crowd was chanting snacks snacks snacks that made his fat bro he's looks thinner than you know root stop what number is he 935 they should have given him I mean he literally looks no he's stuffed into his uniform okay yeah but I mean if you had those clothes on I would look similar yes but not fatter yeah

shout out the snacks that looks really fun I wish I hit a three me too I had a couple layups in middle school all right well I got to catch this flight all right have a good trip thank you for listening everyone Bernie's still good you can still win fuck Liz before and well who knows let's see what she does soon but yeah probably oh my god duck on with two old woman genders keep a keep keep supporting Bernard fuck Joe Biden I want to vote warium so bad I'm again in the Indian tick-tock yeah we got a lot of episodes to do come to we have funny moms funny mom on the ninth on the ninth go to stabby.biz slash tour to see me

again tomorrow Phoenix and then Friday Tucson and then I'm in Dublin at the sugar club on the 29th and I'm at the Soho Theater in London the 31st of March through the 4th of April I don't give a fuck about this fucking disease if I'm gonna get it I might get it eating fish and chips so I'm gonna be there having a cheat and then we're going to Australia come town dot events for all of the show coronavirus I'm gonna die like Arthur that'd be pretty tight you keep wanting to die like Arthur but Arthur dies heroically I am a hero to many you're you're you're fucking Micah you're just some hating ass bitch wow he called

you Micah yeah you're Mike don't all right Adams Micah goodbye everyone