The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 198 – Losing Track

Episode Date: March 12, 2020

Definitely a possibility ive already uploaded this episode Ive got all the files mixed up now

And we're back California King would it be comfortable for us to all nap in there? I'm like I might get I might get a king bed, dude I've never had it. I've always had a full bed And you know you have a full right now. Yeah. Oh you got to go Queen at least Yeah, I was I'm full right now But I'm I want to figure out a situation where I get a queen. Well that bedroom is huge huge and it's like maybe maybe it's the time of my life where You know, I it's like I I

I took a year off from blowing money on dumb shit And we're back and we're back when I said I took a year off. I mean I did not yeah you took maybe two weeks a couple weeks and Two weeks right around the street Mm-hmm No, it's time. It's very hard not to buy dumb shit. It's it's the whole point of our life There's maybe whatever you want something you get it as soon as the patreon went over like $2,000 I was like, I'm gonna keep working on the truck. I'm not gonna touch any of this money

And then the first time I got like seamless, I mean something now that I don't even consider it's not even I don't baton right like like fucking toilet paper that has words on the label. Yeah, that's how I did that. Oh Dude, it was like when you get the comfy shit. Yeah, you can't go the most expensive one at a store Mm-hmm the first time you purchased that toilet paper within three months. You're like, yeah, right? I'm gonna buy silverware at Target Sure No, thanks, I I need stamp to brass forks Dude, I just watched and the movie you guys did not like but I watched King of Gangs of New York again

Mm-hmm, and I want to live the way the fucking the shimmer horns live dude the Irish No, the uptown rich people skirmar horns skirmar horns. Yeah, the way the train named after them Yeah, the station. Yeah What's up? Hoyt Street Hoyt skirmar horn. Yeah. Yeah, I want to do they had some fun I don't even remember that part of the movie. They just like the they just go there for a second Stop was watching the Nick and he just Watch gangs of New York cuz we're just in New York, and it's just home alone, too

No, I like history the turtle dove old man I like this must be the bad guy. Yeah, and I understand this must be this This must be a name. I've heard was that movie historically. I think it was was bill the butcher a guy Yeah, that's what's cool about it. You're learning history, man Yeah, that's all they just took names and then fucking move them all around. Oh, really? Yeah Well, it's still cool. Bill the butcher wasn't actually Daniel Day. Lewis. Are you fucking serious? Yeah? It was a different that was a different guy. Yeah name bill the butcher Daniel Day Lewis

It was Look how quickly the cat run ran over to be pet by me as soon as it's on her a couple as soon as it's on Opportunity to be pet by the master wait. Yep. It won't happen. Yep. So you don't understand the power I have over this beast. Hey catty boy No, don't you've discovered the secret in calling her catty boy. Hey catty boy Oh, I'm a rope. Oh, yeah. Bye. Are you speaking Greek? Yeah, I'm a reella mori putana So how do you talk to cats? I love more in Michigan. I share equal social status

Did you know with women with the homosexuals? Look down by the dogs Boys those guys know those guys have earned a place to the game with their mouths I just put ropes in their ass down by the dog and pull up their hips pull up the very boats making Nauts in their colon by moving their hips around the tug boys on their hips catty boy Yeah Come here bitch. No, no, that means that she's warming up to me out. Yeah, she rubs her side against that's what Adam does

I rub my side against rubbing his nose against a 20-year-old woman and he goes have you ever heard of Wong Kar-Wai? Who's that? It's some it's a Chinese filmmaker that's on criteria. That's pretty cool. Adam definitely had I'm not answering that question Because then they would be like you can't resist But even in saying that you're implying no, I'm ahead of you at least two steps ahead He's still trying to show people that he knows something

I don't know the way you get the way you would get him. Okay. Tell me. Yeah. Well, I don't even trust this advice Continue I think you should trust it's too late. There's already too much shy. There's too much pulled out of the lake Okay, well not that I wanted the advice, but thank you on the Wong Kar-Wai But you get him by you have to just get some and piece of information wrong And let it slide. Yeah, you let it slide. You can't let him think that you're doing it on purpose. Yeah Yeah, because then at that point he wouldn't be able to yes, you'd have no choice If I said he was a Korean filmmaker, right that made a couple movies that Adam likes That's Adam hitting his

Jewel against the phone case. Yeah, but am I wrong though? I don't remember. What's that? I wasn't listening. Oh, that's my new strategy. No, that would have gotten you listening even worse. Yeah Juan car way, huh? Yeah, Juan Carlos Juan Carlos Juan Carlos with a mega movie He's called in the time for a nap What are what's one car ways cinema like the four loco express and the four loco express Mm-hmm. I guess what would it be that Jimmy Changa express? Why is it with the one ton express?

Got him. Yeah, I wasn't flexing. Yeah got I wasn't flexing got him Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. We got the Sean can express. Yeah Now we're doing that meme What man don't they use that song? What's up? Remember that fourth of July we had a couple years ago where you thought like 10 people were gonna come to your apartment And then we had to eat like oh, yeah me you and Peter Mooth. We're just eating fucking Mooth wasn't there for the first time We just ended up great by the way going to my apartment to take pictures of your penis on the roof. That's right. Yeah

Prior to that it was just me and you eating Just a bunch of sausage Fire we got like 40 sausages and I had a little less grill a little grill out on the patio that barely held anything Was it a fire escape? No, it's a Girls that's who you had to smoke smoke cigarettes with their feet perched up. Yeah Mm-hmm. Like I just got a lot of type last night. Okay, I'm going out the I'm going out the barcade to get raped That's the L train out to rape central

My favorite place in the world and you would think that they wouldn't go there because the name It's pretty dumb of the girl where he's 80 pounds and is covered in bed bug bites but God damn bed bugs are really her legs look like stovs arms Beautiful no beautiful lustrous whatever the cigarette burns. I have a couple of bug bites They got infected while I was in Greece And you know, it was a book but the thing is that's part of my beauty our imperfections are what make us beautiful Nick And that's what you see don't seem to understand. That's what the Greeks understood classical beauty and that's true

Jack to the little ass your people would actually completely disagree with you. Oh, wow He's the ancients the ancients would but look at beautiful Greek civilization right now. Yeah, that's not that doesn't exist Look, it's come on. It's of course it exists. You get a coffee and you chill with your boys for like five hours You cat call a Serbian nurse Who's who's there? You know, you're an old man trying to get your dick sucked by your nurse. Hello nurse Yeah, you say stuff like that, but in Greek You you know you shoot you throw rocks it Be funny to start saying that to women

I'm wearing a propeller beanie. Yeah, be like, hello nurse. That's like a 1940s Pula kind of thing And they stop then they give you the put a camera in your face to do a stop harassment And you're like I'm disabled Yeah, and they're like what's how so and you're like I have Wu Han People get really mad if you call it I've got I've gone retarded from Wu Han from the unchecked Wu Han virus half made my chromosomes more It's COVID-19 What's the what's don't stigmatize the cool guy opinion this week that it's not a big deal at all or that it's a very big deal

I think people are sorry to think it's a big deal. Yeah, so that's the new cool guy take on corona virus I'm still not scared and I maybe I should be but I don't care. Yeah, who gives a shit, right? I'm trying to get it like anything else Yeah, yeah, I was telling you here's the perfect thing. We get it in Australia Yeah, cancel all the shows, but we're hanging out on Vegas, yeah, we're hanging out we get quarantined that hotel Kick everybody else out that hotel rock. We use the pool. We don't else can use it because we're sick We get a heroin. No, I don't want to do heroin. I want to I want to have like what we have like a burger over there

Chinese food. No, the food in bris Vegas was dog She knows it's often I had a nice burger. I went to burger was good across the street That was a shockingly good burger. It was a pretty good. You know what? I think I would that was the last place We went those were we were there. Yeah, that was okay, but fucking I went up the street awful I'll say this when we have Chinese. I had lunch. I had lunch We had really good feet twice in Brisbane the entire time is there so two restaurants out of that 50% failure rate So I will say as an entire city the food is After two lunches. Yeah, no, we went and got lunch at some place that I'd like sliders or something

It was like this it was fucking like revolting The extent that I couldn't even have more than like one bite Because you go places in the food socks. It was really good finish me in Melbourne, of course Yeah, and we will be there at what it when is it in April April come town of events Damn, come town of events hopefully. I can't wait so this shit is over and it's just a pleasant memory What the shit the tour. Oh, yeah all the touring coming up You don't want to do it. You just want it to be a memory. Yeah, I mean, I don't I'm the opposite I like doing it and I hate when it's I don't like thinking about it when it's over. Really? Yeah, I

Love being on the road. Although I had a bunch of fun this last go around. I guess I enjoy thinking about it, but I miss it. Oh I'll be in fucking London and Dublin come see me then motherfuckers. I'm at the fucking sugar club in Dublin Blundin No I'm gonna get them dude. I'm gonna prank them Blonding I'm gonna do a go-pro video. I'm gonna do a I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna go in front of those guys. Yeah, the guys with the fuzzy One year one of the yanks is Donna Blondin again

That's me This is for fucking Princess Diana, and then I shit all over the old Buckingham Well, you know that happens. She was in the car. She's like, you know what would be funny And they did it and the driver's like the smell miss. Oh, I just smell it's making me crash into a wall I'll have to crush a new wall to get rid of a smell from from multiple royal London, that's right, and actually it was at that moment that Queen Elizabeth put her sniper rifle away Yeah, she realized the blundin the blundin was gonna was gonna do her in and she didn't even have to get her hands dirty She was laying she was laying down a fucking pink dress with the fucking sniper rifle aimed at fucking Muhammad

Whatever the guy's name was Dodie al-Fayed Dodie al-Fayed. Wow. I wonder I'll just That one was beautiful because you could argue that the Chinese filmmaker We were talking about that was too much to get it get Adam cleanly, but that was clean Well, you said you're saying a guy's name was clean Yeah, what did Nick say you get something wrong his name is and you have to believe it and who are you gonna believe more? Me who constantly gets things wrong and doesn't give a fuck me or Nick. Well, see Nick Nick is yeah exactly Nick Trickster, and I'm Thor Nick is the strong Gets pussy. No, you're you know, I'm Thor the eternal prankster tricking you into raping

She loves you do it Nick I'm dancing And only you can see me This is me and a bunch of fairies dancing around the corner Fucking purple you leotard. Yeah, just prancing around. Nobody can see me except a defendant You believed me you believe me. I wouldn't all to the wall Anyway, that's me with antlers that would be March 29th. I'm in Dublin March 31st through the fourth. I'm at the Soho Theatre doing doublins all over doing blundins all over this motherfucker

Yeah, but I take it's right now, please. I will be there. I Don't think you know, whatever. I'm not I'm gonna I got a really cheap flight through Italy. It's gonna be awesome What oh shit, I'm kidding. I'm doing Yeah, there's all these fucking deals. Yeah, dude, I'm gonna I'm gonna finally see Vatican City. Oh, dude Actually, you should go to Israel. Yeah. Yeah, why to see Israel? Have you been? Oh, yeah birthright? Yeah Oh, yeah, how many times we've been I'm planning planning a trip. We're I'm going to China I'm doing that child that that's back on now. I'm not scared of the virus Yeah, and then I'm gonna go see Israel. Yeah, I feel like it's timely finally time to squash the beef

Yeah, between you and the country So I'm going on a hand-shaking and face-kissing tour of China and then napkin eating tour of China I'm visiting Israel. Yep. Yeah to to do a Mm-hmm. It's a kind of a money-sneezing a piece That's how we do it, dude. Wow Factories yeah, full of Chinese people Sneezing on Yeah

To start a Chinese birthright tour company This week I was like, why are you what does the reason for doing these? You're like, I just think Chinese people should be They should see the Jews yeah, you never think about them the Chinese diaspora. Mm-hmm. You know. Oh, yeah, they're just they're not they're squinting from their allergies. Oh So they're actually they're so Jewish that they're squinting so hard They became China. Yeah, that's that's there's this allergic to the other Chinese people who are ethnically cats Interesting. Oh, okay. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, that's a good plan. They're like my favorite part of my culture is our food

On Christmas, right, that's what we do enjoy our own food. Yeah on Christmas. Yes, which is yep, which is Chinese our people Mm-hmm. I Did go off with that one. That's a great Christmas. Thank you star. I love that Christmas Chinese in a movie. Come on What's better than that? Opening presents and having the love of Jesus in your Being with your family. No fuck my family fuck Jesus and the hugging your family and knowing that one day Jesus will return and we will walk with him while everyone else perishes from Wuhan

Did some fucking fuck some fucking freaks are gonna isolate that and what you just said and just play it over and over Themselves what on Christmas? No, just be like, yeah, Nick is Nick's religious like me Believes in God like I do. I think those people are done the internet Christians Catholics No, the people that think I agree with them. Oh the races or anybody Yeah, I think you're a free agent at this point. They've settled down. Yeah, you're Leon the professional. Oh, really?

You're hired gone. I think you're gonna fuck a child like Leon in the unedited cut of that's that's why I brought it up I was thinking about something. No, I did see a video where a guy confronts his pet pedophile His mother his childhood molester damn, but the pedophile is a black dude So weird because you know, that's a rarity, you know, that's like a that's a that's like a holographic Pedophiles and some of our most high-profile pedophiles. I mean on tape, you know what I mean? Yeah, you know, you weren't seeing those guys on to catch a predator. Sure. Yeah, even the industry even got them out But anyways before diversity, they're like we need some women pedophiles. There's too many white guy pedophiles Or you watch the video and then it's like, you know, he's a pedophile, but as a black guy

He's still way cooler than all of them. The guy that you know, it's like you molested me man or whatever and he's like, no, come on No, I ain't trying not chill with all that. No, we got this nasty Damn, who was the guy? Who was the guy confronting him? Yeah, brain while I'm on a plane Someone's like, I think you're in your you're in my seat. I'm like, are you sure? I Think you're in my seat and you're playing that video about a pedophile without head Sorry, was it a white guy that got molested no Another gentleman of being black I do

So what in a situation where you confront your molester Really, shouldn't you just beat if you can't beat the fuck out of them? Why even bother? I don't know. Maybe it Oh, yeah, you put it on a video I mean, yeah, let's get the video out of here. If you if you had gotten molested. Well, the guy's threatening him He's like, you know, I'm gonna see you later or something. So I'm sure he wouldn't who the molester The special victim I think you should get I think you should get their call That's why when a woman wow, what if a returning guy gets raped when a woman says they're extra special double special Yeah, oh, I was sexually assaulted. I say I didn't realize you're a special victim

And they're like, why are you supposed to make you feel better? Why are you smiling at the end of that sense? Something about as you see it every now it was another something from earlier than somebody said I'm sorry that I thought of it right when you mentioned your assault But it has nothing to do with that It was something about Cookie monster From I was remembering something funny cookie. I'm sorry a bunch of cookies. Yeah, a bunch of cookies Someone told him not to and he's like, oh, no problem. Anyways, that's why I'm smiling

Remembered a classic sketch from Sesame Street. Oh some sketch comedy. Yeah, and we're in a gold in there Yeah, I was laughing at when you mentioned your assault because I was remembering the show whose line is it anyway I Remember calm mockery pretending to be gay. Yeah, I remember Wayne Brady pretending a big piece of foam was The thing it was shaped like yeah, well, it's a giant magnet. Oh Giant a giant like a C shaped piece of foam is a telephone Yeah, yeah, I was thinking about Colin mock rehab and The other guy's arms behind in front of him with his arms

audience, yeah That was always a really funny one. It got kind of I don't think you could do that one in a post-missive world Can you think of someone's cock is way too close to your ass? I don't think I just I wouldn't feel comfortable being a woman's arms in this day You wouldn't want to feel her tits on your back. See in my case The other would that the audience would be the arms or the no the audience the audience is definitely the arms Okay, well in that case, I'd let a woman feel some fucking tits on your shoulder blades ain't nothing wrong with that One of my favorite situations in fact and they replaced big but like Greg proof so said for a while

He was one of the Somebody weird hosting is Drew Carey carry hosted initially. No, but it was like a black lady who wasn't even like What was my Aisha Taylor is thick pen? Who's that the chief from where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Yeah, there's a black woman detectives your sketch prompt is this That's a crazy pull what Liz sick then the black Cop from where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Well, it's TV show hosts a black woman. That's either her or Oprah Those are the only two that are no, it's it was I I want to say I should Tyler Taylor. Yeah, she's hot. She's hot

She was in that Kanye West video. Yeah. Yeah, she was also on friends when people bitch it Is fucked wrong not a black women that host TV shows. I'm like, excuse me. What about Liz thick pen? You want to shut up now? Yeah, damn. She is what is fuck? Who's lying? I should Taylor who's a lot? Yep? Yes, she hosted it, which is weird. Did she do improv? I don't know. She was a comedian It's I should Taylor Tyler is an American actress comedian. Sorry. It's Lynn thick pen Lynn Lynn thick. Is she is she hot? She was a cartoon. I

Don't know. I should Tyler also was the voice of Lana in Archer And I wanted to fuck that cartoon That's a hot cartoon. I think we can all agree on that. I never watched it. Come on Honestly, a lot of the cartoons and um Archer were fuckable. Mm-hmm. They made him pretty fucking hot Even the lady the BBW they drew her with very round tits, which is nice Mm-hmm. Here we go. Yeah tribute to Lynn thick pen Lynn thick pen take it away Is it starting it's I think it's just images

Oh, yeah, I remember I What the hell is it dude YouTube is so weird I Told you I was like I found there was like a tribute video to Tony award winner Best featured actress in a play an American daughter. Yeah, very good Very good. I like the subcategory of Tribute videos on YouTube like slide shows that people made on iMovie Mm-hmm. I remember someone made one for Robin Williams after he killed himself set to a

Tupac song, I think Lynn great job on the show tonight. I was wondering if you wanted to come to my hotel room. I can show you a Video the color purple Doesn't matter just come up to my hotel room. I wanted to introduce you to the Sabian machine You know Charlie Rose probably has some incredibly red balls, yeah, yeah, very red balls Back on the States these days starring in the revival of Athol Fugarts play Loosman and you know, you have to do the Charlie Rose smile while he's like

Introducing you right always cuts to them and then they're always like They do it a pretty good face. Yeah, it's perfect on Unfortunately, everyone has to make that face on Charlie Rose while he fucking meanders through your slightly not Mm-hmm. Just that's that's saying that's a Shit-eating grin on your face. Well, Charlie is like, yeah author of the the pamphlet how not to get AIDS in San Francisco esteemed the sexual prowess of my guests and I needs no introduction as he has molested

You're too kind think thank you Charlie I have molested you're watching Charlie hoes and The premise of this show is I pull my penis out on the show. Oh hoes is in I'm Charlie hoes Yeah, good evening, I'm Charlie hoes and my guest tonight is any woman Whoever wants to come up from the audience is that any woman here is the anyone who would like to be sexually assaulted by a Charlie hoes In this black room that looks like infinity. It looks like we're in space right now

Fat pig Amy Schumer Author of the book pig comedians and how stop don't bite me. No, I'm riffing well the cat's mad at your Wow sexist. Yeah, yeah, I read a cat. Love. I feel pretty I'll guess not as big fat lady idiot Girl idiot and shitty joke thing Steven piece of shit. Okay, I'm just kidding I don't know. I was doing a bit there. I don't know. He was on the ONA subreddit. Oh, yeah, Charlie hoes definitely Charlie hoes is a big Patrice O'Neill fan. Yeah, yeah, I mean I actually don't really care about two of them But the two of them together on that interview

when she threw Kurt under the bus and then Also two weeks later. He got me toed is I mean, I guess it's probably like a year later, but you remember that no I just remember the clip of her talking about Kurt on the show. Yeah, she went on Charlie Rosen through Kurt under the Oh fuck really? Yeah, because she had like a book. She had like a fucking book coming out that week So she's like, you know, Kurt I care about him. First of all, what the fuck are you doing discussing Kurt Metzger on Charlie Rose? Yeah, like it's not just some Facebook drama between Literally open micers in Kurt, but anyways, oh, yeah, I forgot what that was going on. Yeah, it's because Kurt Aaron

Yeah, it's currently, you know, I don't post it something about how you think you should call the police instead of going CB management But his Facebook was popping for a while Why did he pop off on Facebook so much because he's a professional comedian and he comments on things because he's like One of the better comedians if not like top five in New York, especially the time at the time. Yeah, one of the best comedians I mean, I very funny. Why not? Who the fuck cares? It was his Platform you like. Yeah, he liked saying I mean you say shit. You could write longer stuff on there Tim Tim used to be a Facebook

But Tim is like the problem isn't the fucking the platform. I mean, yeah, okay, who cares where he said it? I Guess the I mean sometimes I think he's better than Facebook is what I was saying. I think is that he was winning Emmys like right? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Why are you on Facebook right shut up and not say something if it like Yeah, I'm saying shut up. Yes I'm saying Facebook sucks dick and Anyway, it's very funny that Charlie Rose was me too Literally fucking sexually assaulting people and Amy Schumer as well. Is anything else bad?

You want to say about Kurt? What's his name again? Let me check. Let me check his name again. Yeah, sorry Right before I go to do some raping. I unlock my phone with my cock Do you think they have do you think they have the technology where you can aim your penis? Yeah, like a dick print technology like the fingerprint technology or the front of your cock. Do you think dick heads are as different? Well, it depends what kind of apparatus you got. Do you think a dick print would be as different as a thumb print? Yeah, I think the thumb print is probably more unique. Do you have how many ridges do you have on your penis? What do you mean the one with the helmet? Do you think you have any ridges on your on the top of your cock? What are you? What are you talking about like a Klingon's head?

No, you got a wharf on your dick. No, like if you press your cock, would it just look like you pressed your arm? What do you mean? I have no idea. If you ink Like it's a thumb print If you ink your your dick head and press it down. I think it's I got a smooth helmet, buddy My I think so too. I'm just saying my thumb my thumb my thumb is Yeah, I guess you're right. I got a lot of circles I guess your finger does have a lot more circles. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think But maybe there's bumps or something

Yeah, maybe we've talked about the asshole before right like you could with the asshole. I Think yeah, we looked it up. There are no two assholes that are the same But no one's committing crimes with their assholes, you know, yeah, so say speak for yourself pal Yeah, my guest tonight is dr. Juan La Trobe and vento the asshole and edification system Used by the FBI and frequent consultant on the show Tell us what excites you most about looking at assholes through a magnifying glass. It's an activity most of us would find disgusting I just love science. Well, I fucking love science. You say you see Charlie it all started when I subscribed to the Facebook group

I fucking love science and also it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm gay And I would like to look at and that's kind of it. That's kind of my origin story from the whole thing That's my superhero. That's kind of my superhero story I'll guess tonight is astrophysicist and black genius Neil deGrasse Tyson And genius black division, yeah, my guess tonight is esteemed black genius Neil deGrasse Thank you You didn't need to say it that way. Thanks. He's just got like just a band-aid over his mustache That's never explained that's just a throwaway

visual joke During the Charlie Rose. Yeah, just like a hello kitty band-aid on his mustache over the whole thing It's like a whole thing because he got me, too There's something and so we haven't heard from him in a while And Charlie's like it's good to see you again. You seem to be in high spirits You know, you seem to be doing well. Yeah eating injury On his mustache the bitch stole my mustache

Didn't wasn't Charlie Rose gonna do a show where it's like he interviews people that got me to do something No, I think that's a joke you heard someone do at a comedy show like the me to zone I if there is no chance. I was not just somebody's premise at a show That you were ignoring their set and then your brain your stupid brain Convinced you that it was real I don't know it sounds like something like a link maybe the blaze would do that What's this name thing now, that's the shit that Tommy Loren was on Now to talk about a play that is not only about apartheid, but it's also about the relationship

Partied men and women and we want to explore that welcome Oh, yeah, Charlie definitely want to explore that. Tell me about this play Three characters So you're in a play so tell me about it now what explain to us what a character is and do plays have directors Is it like a movie? What's the difference between a play in a movie list they've penned five seconds that Was an opening question So tell us about the play and it's got characters. Yeah, and that show is on for 400 years

He's so shitty at interviews We should fuck his ass up. Does he live in New York? He probably yeah, he probably does They should just give his show to me. That'll be cool. I'm a guy that's done everything but rape You know what I mean? Yeah, all the other crimes. Yeah as Loki Mm-hmm Stranger comes in Dirt poor

Yet, there is something elemental about the relationships. Tell me what attracted you to it and what it says to us Basically, the truth is it and even though it follows through in their head basic idea rock boosman You know says Yena is an embodiment of all existential dilemma. Who am I? Where am I? How did I get here? Where'd I go from here? What is my life about? Those questions as boosman describes him who what when where why? Oh Your stupid bloody questions. Yeah. Yeah boosman doesn't want to ask those questions. They're too hard But yeah, I said to like this look at the size of this table that he uses This is like a dinner table for a family of 18

Yeah, he's at a conference table Mm-hmm in that blast should we become friends with Charlie Rose? No post me to Charlie Rose just trying to teach him about the world You know, we have to rotate I mean, yeah ask him if he's we literally should fuck anyone recently wait So what do you do? He raped or he was dangling his nuts out of a good female subordinates to come over to his crib and ask them If they wanted to go swimming just imagine this is what the world was before Rogan. Yeah, you'd have to watch Charlie Rose Yeah, it's true. If you think I listen to an hour of like, you know, the guy who came up with the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile Tell you what he thinks of Joe Biden

Because it's we don't want to admit that we do one things like that. Yes, you know, clearly we do of course I would I would watch that. I would watch it right now. I'd be like a very good to have you here mr. Wienermobile Yeah, man But no more char no more Chuck Rose. Oh speaking of him of important figures of history Oh, and what they think of Joe Biden actually it brings me no pleasure to report the Thomas snacks Whatever the fuck his last name the fact I did the three pointer is a Biden support

He gave like a speech when Biden came to visit his college. Oh my god, so that hurts man Maybe he just likes to name corn pop. That's true But those are good Corn pops pops. Yeah, they're not good, but they're like They're good. They're good. I like corn nuts very good dry. They are good dry That's a great point. I'm right out of the box. They're they're a top Eat them out of the box here with milk. It doesn't make any sense. No because there are they come they sort of yeah They sort of like become like

Styrofoam that's Saturated with a liquid when they're fucking in but straight out the box Chunks get your hand all sticky. Well, they have that weird layer of like syrup over top. Yeah. Yeah, yeah They're they're a fucking strange cereal man. They are for psychopaths. Do they still make corn nuts? Corn nuts I fuck with actually You must be out y'all damn Boy, you must be out your mother fucking mind Goddamn mine. There was a time to put corn nuts in the cereal bone. Come we're talking about cereal over here

This boy come in saying I remember corn I remember corn nuts saying I got mine. Y'all I remember corn nuts my boyfriend Came in here talking about look at my baby nuts Uh-huh. No, he's a little baby nuts talking about corn. I said corn nuts But he do guy he do be having baby do be having baby nuts though Just another day of Adam at the bar Okay, Clarence. Okay, Clarence. That's enough. No, he's a Chinese film This man watching Chinese movies he'd be watching Chinese

movies, I was I got I actually got one for you guys Ammunition this weekend. I was in a car what you think it is Hanukkah and my friend it was nice of my friend and his girlfriend in the front seat and This I put sensibly a homeless guy came up to his girlfriend He's like I just want to tell you you're a beautiful woman And you sir, you're a very handsome man and I ain't gay or nothing But you're very handsome and she very beautiful and then And then he said what about my friend in the back

And the homeless guy looked at me goes, oh he gay And then no off and the dude on the corner just he just shouted at the car goes welcome to New York That's awesome, dude, that almost got crushed it it did really hurt my feelings But, you know, I'm used to these kind of things happening on the street. That's so fun. Oh, he gay. Oh, he looked like he gay Your girlfriend you're hot. I like to think about you guys fucking your friend. He's a fucking homo. Oh, yeah Y'all should let him out the car right now hurt my feelings, but um, and then he said welcome to New York That's incredible. Yeah, that's just a little bit of the flavor. You got a flavor in New York flavor in New York The flavor flavor of New York, you know, we weren't dress shoes. Are you doing that again?

I think Someone someone bought me a pair of who we weren't chukkas. What is chukkas your boyfriend James Bond? It's dude. We'll say we'll say I've been blowing out An effeminate man. We'll say it was Sean Connery. I've already had sex with every woman. I'm tired of having sex with women I've fucked too many women. So now I'm blowing out. I'm blowing the buck out now. I've ugly Jewish Men I go to the clinic and I see who's gone

It's me James Bond And I go to the clinic and I ask them who's got the lowest testosterone And I fuck him in the ass. I wonder to James Bond has become very special to me. I went to a black barbershop Where's baby nuts corn pop? Where's baby nuts? Oh, yeah. Hey, baby. No, James Bobby looking for you Man, yeah. Oh, by the way, james bomb is in here. He's looking for you

And he's like James, he picks up his purse and runs away. Which way did he go? Good to see you Clarence. Yes. Where's baby nuts? I hope you boys are having a having one You're the man now dog Hopefully your nephew Marcus finally got his shit together No, dude them and James are just boys How's Marcus doing? Is he still on his bull shit? Is he still about his bullocks? Anyway, let me go get this nut off right quick. I've got to blow out that faggy

That faggy corn pop Corn nuts, yeah, whatever Who cares? The point is James Bond is friends with black guys that make fun of you Let's not get let's not fucking lose the trees for the fucking forest or whatever. Well, the important thing is you notice my new shoes and I appreciate it. Yeah James Bond, good boy. He's a good boy. My boy's from the government. Yeah. Sucking a man's dreams. And just he's walking out and he's like ba, da, ba, da, da, da, da, da. I like a world where he's like a world where he's like, James Bond knows the song.

He just listened to you. Da da da, hey, how you doing? How you done? I just mean I had James Bond and he didn't make James Bond. They have to have a Bollywood first. Bollywood James. That's gonna be the first movie they made. Yeah, that's how they're starting the first one. Can you imagine a more James Bond like a culture that appreciates James Bond? Yeah, he goes around to have sex with them because the only thing that's missing is James Bond would need a best friend that he holds hands with. It would have to be like a 008 that just like they kiss each other on

the cheek and make TikTok videos together. One of them is like sandal falls off while they're walking and the other one kisses the soul and puts it back on the other one's foot and then it cuts to slow motion. Yeah, they love slow motion TikToks. Well, they both look at the camera. Yeah, and my hair wind blows their hair back. It's all blown out. Yeah, you think our levels are bad. Listen to any Indian TikToks. That's a cool song. That's a cool. I like that genre where it's like girls singing. I went to the Statue of Liberty this weekend. Oh, yeah. And there were a ton of to try and fit it on your ass. No, I went with James Bond.

Yeah, and there's a ton of Indian guys taking FitPix in front of the Statue of Liberty. The statue and just trying to fuck the statue. It's just do they have it? Does she have a pussy? I can see. Just trying to look up the skirt. Yeah, up the toga. He's just raising his hand during the tour when you're inside. He's like, does this count as having sex? There are guys like, I don't sure. Yes. And then you just see the wet spot appear on his pants. He's like, yes. I've done it finally. Squads. So I love that it's that much jizz that makes a whole wet spot. He's never jizzed until then. He's never busted once. Rambo first bust. The great thing

is just to see like a squad of like 1012 deep and everyone's just taking turns. The same exact pose. The same exact position. Yeah. Everyone is boy. Their boys are all hyping each other up. Of course. It seems actually kind of not bad. That's communities. Respect to them. But yeah, it is pretty sick. Yeah, that's my that's my review of the Statue of Liberty. The smash you of liberty. The smash Matthew smash, smash mouth you have liberty. Yeah. Yeah. And on the tablet, it says somebody once told me somebody once showed me their cock and then I sucked it. I didn't know until then I was gay. Whether one I was doing the other

day with Smash Mountain was done before. But you know, might as well be stuck in on some cock. That one's so clean. Yeah, that's beautiful. The lesson. Man as well they suck in on some cock. That's good. Oh, I had I had one that's not really a song. It's but instead of the Mandalorian, it's the gay sex Dorian. And it's a man named Dorian. Does he wear the helmet? Yeah, he could got the spaceship and everything. I guess I was thinking it's just like a regular black guy named Dorian. All right, the gay sex Dorian checks out. I guess maybe he adopts a baby Yoda or something. Yeah. And he sees it and he sucks guys off to keep it safe.

I didn't really run the whole numbers on it. But I think there's something there. Yeah, I think that might as well be sucking on them. God. Fuck, dude, I'm hungry. Should I get tacos? You know, I'm gonna get tacos before the show. You know what I'm like a burrito. Why does that make burritos? You know, they have choco taco, but maybe choco burrito. Choco burrata. Can you imagine soft waiting in line Mexican Mexican stuff? Yeah. Dude, honestly, you guys say choco burrito and I'm fucking so you got my penis is so sleepy. I have this sleepy as being as a Mexican. Yeah. It's so sleepy. It's like a little sleepy baby. That is true.

It's Mexican stock. I think it's like a little sleepy baby. It's cute. You know, everybody wants to play with it. Everybody wants to put it in their pussy just like a baby. Do you think that's a fetish? You want to put a baby in your pussy? Yes. Women will turn everything is a fetish woman because they don't have sex normally. They have sex with their brains. We have sex with our cocks. You know, they come with their minds. Is that so? I have sex with my fists. Interesting. I have sex. Yeah. I have sex with my dick son at the time. He's explaining it, I think, with my fists. Yeah. Yeah, fuck fistually.

Bow. Bow. Bow, bitch. Yeah. I'm just fucking treating that pussy like a speedbag. It'd be interesting to be into like just punching someone in the face. That's a sexual thing. Yeah. And then trying to like float that is like something that you need to do. Right? Like slapping somebody around or whatever. Yeah. You know, I think that's definitely a thing that happens. Well, it is, but it's always like receptive. It's always some dumb girl that's like can you slam you know, whatever. Fine. Yeah. But to be a guy that's like, listen, I really just need to choke you in the face. I need to give you black

eyes. Yeah. That's the only way it works for me. Yeah. Yeah. I don't I don't want to fuck you unless I punch you in the fucking head two times before. And if you're if you're saying that you're being your king shaming, you're just pulling sock and boppers out of your bag. What is that? Yeah, dude, she just walks in. She's training on the heavy bag. Oh, sorry, I was jerking off. This is what I need. You fucking this is my fetish. Yeah, I guess it's they're definitely guys like man, and well, be second on some cock. I feel like those people just rape. You know, it's like Max Katie and Cape Fear. Never seen it.

Damn. I might. Well, I won't. But it would be nice to take drugs and rewatch the Cape Fear remake. The remake is with Robert De Niro 1990. It's Robert De Niro. It's a shot for shot remake. What was the first one we've talked about this way before? Well, who's the first one? The first one is called the Cape Fear as well. It's also in Cape Fear. Robert Mitchum. What's his name? Does he do the Gregory Peck? Okay, Greg, give me a little peck on the cheek. And then suck my little one car. Why was from Hong Kong, by the way? You're waiting for that. You thought that would be a big fun moment at the end of the podcast. But

guess what? We still got nine minutes. See, dude, you don't know how to time shit. Man, as well. Dude, if you waited nine minutes, you said it. If you said it at the end of the podcast, that would have been good. Might as well be busting in my ass. Might as well be sucking on some cock. It ain't no joke. I love to suck on fucking penis. I'm a guy who sucks on. I wish I knew the rest of the song. Yeah, I don't remember the rest of it. I don't remember that fucking mind as we'll be sucking on. I mean, yeah, that's all you need, brother. That's all you need, brother. You know, you know what else I watch part of Good Will Hunting? It's a good ass movie.

Yeah, it's a great movie. The best part of my day is walking up those fucking steps. And I think maybe you're not gonna be there. Maybe you'll be gone just with the gayest movie of all time. The relationship between those characters is worse than the relationship between any two Indian men on TikTok. I had a crush on many drivers. You had a crush on Matt Damon. No, you had a man. You wanted Matt Damon and Ben Affleck to stuff you full. No, I didn't get you airtight. I'm just going around smiling, imagining himself at Harvard being raped by construction workers. My parents would be proud of that. Why are you smiling? I know that smile. I hate it. You had it on your

face after we saw gladiator. You told me what you wanted him to do to you. I'm not taking you any more movies. No more movies. We're only seeing stuff. We're girls. It's only pornography now. Only lesbians. There will be no cocks. I know that smile. No, that's the getting raped smile. That's the smile you have on your fantasizing about being raped at a Dairy Queen. There's other families around. You can forget going to Ninja Turtle Secrets of the Ooze. But you don't leave because they're there for his ice cream. He's taking himself to get ice cream. You're lucky I'm about to have ice cream. I'd really lose it on you. I can't wait to watch them turn the blizzard upside down. That really gets me going. It's

defies logic. It's good show. Do it again. Do I said do it again. So we're only supposed to do it once. Hey, Lenny. Yeah, somebody killed themselves again. Dad, why'd you kill that guy? Somebody I was thinking about getting raped by him. I worked at Dairy Queen and you occasionally would get people to do that fucking you're supposed to turn it upside down bullshit. Oh, really? Yeah, they're like, aren't you supposed to turn it upside down? People suck. You'd be like, fuck you. No, I would just pretend like I didn't know what they were talking about. I've never heard that. Which would completely piss them off. Well, the people that owned that franchise were two Chinese brothers. There was no way

to tattle on that. That's awesome. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember this story. They had a special name for you. Well, yeah, I guess it was my name. But in Mandarin Chinese, you hear the end word all the time. Right. Because it's like their filler word. Yeah, that's awesome. But yeah, you know, because they had a Chinese accent, they'll add an A to the end of any consonants. So they'll be like, Nika, Nika, you live a word. Very funny. Yeah, as a child, I mean, hearing that as a teenager, is there any way you're not laughing every time? Well, it's one of those things where it's too funny to laugh at, you know, it's just kind of like, oh, this would be a funny story. Yeah, because I understand what's happening. Yeah, you know,

you know, that's his accent. Yeah. I don't know. I probably would have been smiling. Might as well be busting in my ass. Yeah, how does the rest of that song go? It's like a half wrap. Because I'm gay. Yeah. Because I'm gay. Yeah, that's how it goes. Check out genius.com. Formerly rap genius. Yeah. Yeah, that's for everything. Yeah. Why did that happen? Well, because Neil deGrasse tightness and patented the name. Good evening. We're with us today is rap black rap genius. My guest tonight is esteemed black rap genius Neil deGrasse Tyson. And of course, as always, my faithful co-host and my sobbing sex machine. It's just covered in shit. Yes. It's just like just like the guest is smiling while the dildos

were swinging around just just little pieces of shit getting stuck to their face. Like the Instagram freckle filter while they smile waiting for Charlie to finish talking to the intro. His belabored intro of his esteemed guest. But Macklemore. My guest tonight Macklemore. My next guest Macklemore will also be putting things in his ass. Larry King is still working though, right? My man's after doing an interview. He's like an internet show. That's pretty cool, man. He's a pimp. He loves what he does, bro. Yeah, he's what he's all these people are like, I have to work. I can never retire. Bro, that will never be me. I hate. I think well, he just got divorced from his like that bitch. Soaked him. Soaked him for all he was

worth. He's just trying to get more points. He's really hard to do the pressure. The music got fucked too. Thank you for joining us. Welcome to the broadcast. Boy, we have a terrific show for you tonight. Naturalist. You make fun of him doing gay shit so much that when you just hear him, he's trying to do his job. I just I can't stop thinking of him introducing his sex stories. My guest tonight is a teddy bear. How does a child that I attached a strap on dildo to and I fuck myself in the ass with it every night. Mr. Snuggum is welcome. She's kind of the shitty looking bear with matted fur strap on completely abused. Well, but the strap on he is fucking Charlie Rose. And then it's just a still shot of the bear for

like 30 seconds. Yeah. No, that's great. That is. That's delightful to hear Mr. Snuggums author and poet Diane Ackerman is here. She has done some wonderful work that somehow bridges art and science. And we'll talk about that. But first, does the end of the Cold War and the triumph of democracy mean the end of history? Francis Fukuyama for State Department official and political scientist really is right. Yes. And his essay on the subject in the national interest cost a storm of controversy in 1989. Now he has expanded his ideas into a book entitled the end of history in the last man. And once again, he is making headlines and I'm pleased to welcome to our broadcast to talk about it this evening. Welcome. Thank

you. Pleasure to have you here. This if there's ever been a provocative title, I know you could see this, but take a look at this. The end of history and the last man. I mean, if nothing else, you want to know why is history ending? And what does it mean for me? He's the middle schooler when I know he's like he's got like that fucking like didn't read the book. Time to do the book. Yeah, because he's talking so much. Yeah. Yeah. Now the end of history. Now, naturally, I think we're all thinking it, of course. Yeah, the last samurai. I mean, even the title itself, it makes you want to say what's going on with this movie? What is a samurai? How many of them were there before and who we reached the

last one? Who is the last one? Is he last? Is there another guy? Is there another guy coming afterwards? Is it leave open the possibility of a sequel? Our guest tonight is Tom Cruz. Tell us, are you named after cruise ships? Oh, I thought for a second, he thought the last samurai was Francis Fukuyama's book. The last samurai. I mean, actually, my book is called the end of history. And the last man. That's what I meant. I was asking questions about Tom Cruise. Now, what was Tom Cruise like to work with? And something that interests me, the scene in which Tom Cruise develops a love affair on a marriage with one of your native women. Did you find yourself tinsillated or perhaps offended by such a depiction of

what we call sort of a vanilla wafer situation? Well, one for the eighth time, Charlie, I've never seen the movie. And that is not what the book is about. Let me ask you this. Have you ever seen the movie Kazam? What are your thoughts on a man the size of Shaquille O'Neal being able to fit it entirely into a boombox? I understand the premises that he's magical in the film. But even even in such a magical world, I don't understand how a genie of that size could live inside of a boombox. No, I have not. Very well, very good. Damn, they're going to think that this was the Charlie Rose episode. Oh, right. There's another one coming in there. And they're not hearing that for another two weeks. Oh, I love that one already

dropped. Nope. No. Oh, hell yeah, this is awesome. Stay tuned. We're fucking with you little piggies. Actually, maybe this is like we're like doing a preview for what's to come. Yeah, we should just for I keep talking about Charlie Rose on every episode. It's it's very fun. It is. I did not realize how shitty was it? Oh, yeah. No, we could do a spin off like Charlie Rose podcast, where we just take an episode of Charlie Rose and then just fucking just go in and out. That would be great. I mean, yeah, I mean, fuck it. Fuck it. Why not? Yeah. Tomorrow, baby. Yeah, we're gonna do live commentary on a Charlie Rose episode. Unfortunately, we do not have a guest tonight because last week I got very excited off cocaine

and in the break room I demanded to meet Mr. Coffee himself. And I would not accept no for an answer when they told me that was just the name of the machine. And so in lieu of a guest, I will be from memory reciting the script to the movie Blue Streak. Stong Martin Laws and Owen Wilson. Oh, is that on Wilson? It's Luke Wilson. And a very charismatic Dave Chappelle, of course, and a very charismatic black entertainer. A black young Davis Chappelle. Davis Chappelle on. Fuck who fuck. Yeah, imagine if Charlie Rose had never put on a suit. Just some fucking idiot. What would people? What would he be doing? Fucking dumb? He'd be managing the photo lab at CVS. Yeah, he'd be in fucking Richmond, Virginia doing one

hour photo processing. Sometimes you look at the pictures, you can see naked ones. Yeah, I go through each and every one of them myself. You that would happen, right? People would get busted for like last man. Let me talk about what you meant. We have seen in the last several years, extraordinary cataclysmic events. The Cold War, we saw what happened with the wall being torn down, a visible evidence of the end of the Cold War, in a sense. And we see democracy struggling in the Soviet Union and in all of the former in the former Soviet Union and a lot of other places. Tell me what you mean by the end of history. Sure, it's a very reasonable question. So much has been happening in the world. But you know,

my sense of history or my definition of history is different from the commonplace one. You know, most people think of history as just a sequence of events with fields and newspapers or the television screens every night. But I have a very special sense of history, which is to say history with a capital H. That is to say the long term evolution of all human societies as they move from primitive agricultural tribal one. Bull ring sounds gay. Yeah. So tell me your name is Francis, but you're some kind of Chinaman. Have you been to dare queen? Explain to me how the blizzard turns upside down. And they get the spoon just stuck right here. How did they do that? Is that part of why the history why history is ending? I was

wondering, is it the end of history or the end of my penis going into your ass? I'm just kidding, of course, just a joke. Yeah, I'm trying to lighten the mood per se as one as one is want to do whatever just bullshit. What do you say? Because we have a visible evidence of the Cold War ending, yeah, so to speak. Yeah, did you try to hit that word limit? Yeah, we've noticed we've seen a lot of cataclysmic events such as the Cold War and everything that happened with that whole thing that was kind of going on. Yeah, that sense. The wall thing we all heard about that stuff. And we know what happened there. We don't need to even read James Bond films, which also they have something to do with I don't know if those come up in the book or not. There's a large theme in the James

Bond film, which by the way, I was watching movies. As an aside, I would like to say you look like our job. You remind me of our job. Do you get that a lot? Genese Qua, the of an odd job vibe, if you will, or perhaps an essence, an adobe in essence. Our next guest is an adobe in academic, not Joby and academic. Next guest is a renowned cellist. Very good. Even more impressive when you sit up. It was written with a piece of bamboo and the blood of your father. A lot of people are wondering this. The cello is a just a giant violin. And does that make it harder to play? The general rule is the bigger the violin is it? That's what they say. We have a saying in the South, it's the bigger the violin, the harder the notes are to play. And generally, that's

idiomatic and it refers to making a fat woman come. You find that to be true yourself musically changed. There's another one coming, folks. We don't know when it's dropping, but you can drop my dick into your ass. If you want to, I star very plug his dates, but if you want to see me, my shit is not canceled because of the coronavirus. If you want to see me, I am in Louisville, Nashville, Chicago, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, some other fucking place you go to bands in town.com slash Nick Mullen. You can buy tickets now. Please buy them. Don't be afraid of the virus. If I die, you're dying with me. That's the rule nation goes down with you, especially Adam will be buried alive in my sarcophagus. Yes, like King Tut. I'll be a you'll be you'll be there in

the afterlife interrupting you. I'll be I'll be a put we're gonna surgically add cat ears to his head buried. I'll be at your funeral reading fake letters that you wrote to me that I wrote myself. That would be cool. That would be funny, actually. Yeah, go see Nick. Come see us. We got funny moms Monday next Monday. Stop. I got we're doing a St. Patrick's Day Fat Tuesdays. The only one in March, March 17. Next week. Come out to that if you guys want to do it around. If you want to say yeah, I'll say Patrick's Day. I'll do it. Yeah, cool. I like that they have Irish people only shows at the stand now. Do they? Yeah. That's multiple of them. They have like Irish culture night or something. And they just book any comedian who's like name is Irish. Yeah, or

they're a drunk. Right, right, right. Yeah, they're like we have Karen Fee and hosting Irish night. Yeah. And it's like why? Because she has nine DUIs. Exactly. DUI night. Yeah, maybe we should book fee in for St. Patrick's Day. You should. Yeah. If she's not in the hospital. Yeah, well, we're gonna book Karen too. So the lineup is Adam, Nick and Karen. And it's going to be a benefit for Irish retards. All the money goes to having Karen's eyelids put back on her face after she face plants. We're going to do the first ever out of playwrights. That's right. We're doing the first ever preemptive. Just kidding. Yeah. Sorry. If Karen find because we're friends, we're not that close of friends. She'll be fine. She'll be fine. She'll be fine. They'll get those eyelids back on. Yeah.

So yeah, that'll be this. That's the show. Stobby dot bit slash tour. Dublin in London coming up. Please buy those tickets. So I'm not embarrassed across the fucking pond. And come town dot events. Come town dot events for Australia. I got some shit in more. Yeah, Stavros. Great show. My girlfriend, Adam told me about. Hey, James, good to see you. He was giving me a blunt in there. That's where you get your dick socks while walking around London. That's when you're shit in London. All right, see you guys from London with now you can say a little Chinese one car wise from Hong Kong. Cool. Too late. You're a