The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 204 – DLC

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

We got some new content

Okay, sorry about that folks Adam was just letting us know that he He just pissed his pants I've peed my pants. I have a like a sensory return to again my youth when I'm here. Yeah That sucks, dude. What do you think it was? I remembered this time that my dad watched me get beat up by girls The swimming pool nice. Did that really happen? It did happen once. Yeah Within an apartment complex and they had a pool there a bunch of Hell, yeah, I mean, I don't want to make a class judgment, but white trash girls were throwing me in the pool

damn and uh And he was just sitting there watching I missed his story. So this was two weeks ago and a bunch of six-year-old Yeah, they were there the whole family went to the pool. They were awesome. They were like seniors in high school And I was like in sixth grade, but yes, I was being bullied actually I should what happened is this happened last week and they were four years old. No, this didn't happen last week There's a shutdown order. We wouldn't be at the pool. We're responsible citizens. Yeah, but they have testing that you weren't a shirt Yeah, dude, I had to go. I'm wearing a shirt I only literally I brought like three shirts because I thought I was gonna be here for a while

Why would you be asking you that question? What? Why would you be asking me that question? I thought Nick man, I'm wearing a collared shirt Yes, I've been shirtless every time we've done this for okay I'm sorry. I'm just self-centered on edge because we we've exposed the fact that you were recently beat up by children And you called them I wasn't recent. It was when I was a kid. Oh I think at that point we were probably also In that socioeconomic bracket, but whatever I keep forgetting I keep forgetting to refill my pipe before we start this shit

Dude, I'm annoyed. You got this pipe. I got the green juice going. Yeah, I got a green pipe Mm-hmm. It is a really nice color green. That's my favorite color Yeah, dark. This is nice This is why I started smoking a pipe again because I saw this pipe and I was like fuck I gotta have that That's a good hunter green. I love you anybody that's never been to a tobacconist Go there Because it's like a style of customer service that hasn't existed for like a hundred years a guy in a fucking It's a yeah, it's a guy in a suit and a hat though. It just can't wait to make you a gentleman

Like what's what Stanley Tucci does is a gay man for women. Yes, these guys are like, you know They're all Andres, but not a not a hint of like, you know trying that none of that like they're neutered sexually They're not trying to make you cool. They're trying to make you a gentleman a gentleman and there's their class They're classic men Jidenis. They're kind of Jidenis style, but there's no flourish to it, you know I mean, it's absolutely much swag. Yeah, they're like They're like Albert. I guess like fucking You know Albert who can we have you pick out a a pipe master wine Alfred? Oh Alfred

Yes, they're there to serve. Yeah, and they're so excited that somebody wants to get in the pipes, you know, because it's like Oh, if you're under 60 years old and you go in there, dude, they're fucking thrilled. Yeah I I went in there one time and there was a guy or what was this time to get this thing There was a guy just staring at the window complaining about immigrants smoking a cigar. Oh Yeah, those are places that's that's that's the kind of place you're getting there. It's a safe space Have you been I watched there's like a bunch of cigar lounges in bedside I am I didn't I tried to watch it. There's one of them. There's one on Tompkins this on Tompkins. Yeah, I went there once to watch a Sunday night football game because like I didn't have TV

Mm-hmm, and it was pretty fun hanging out with those guys. There's some good opinions. Yeah I'm sure they appreciate you being there, too. Yeah, they they say taking fuck taking pictures of them I didn't take pictures. I respect it. I was like, whoops. Nick Literally looks like Joshua Joshua and he looks like that card to you when you have to see the beer You have to see these I saw the other day Trying to enjoy their life. I saw a bunch of I Was with I was with To non-jews one of whom was actually black, but wow actually now you're counting. Mm-hmm. Yes, I was

No, I was I was you know, it's not my space. Mm-hmm. It's still I got you. I Got you brother. It still tastes nice even though there's no, you know, I can't get any Mm-hmm Maybe it's just smoking cigars, dude, and you should get it a pipe. I'm telling you it's different It's a much different taste. It's like a lot nicer. Yeah, I Might dude cuz I haven't smoked weed and I'm getting fucking bored. I want to start doing drugs I haven't drank. I haven't smoked weed. I tried I tried doing weed on four times I can't handle it anymore. It's pathetic. Yeah, you're just getting a headache

Getting I had an edible at night and then I was just alone in bed being like everyone in your life hates you Yeah, you're a terrible person. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you'll never see your friends again It opens your mind to the truth. Yeah, no lies detected open my third eye You see God's truth is I gotta say so God spoke to me. How come no one ever says that with the bad trips That's true. You're right. Yeah. I had a great trip. I met God. It's like yeah I didn't really bad when I met God and he confirmed that I'm just a fucking Narciss doing drugs. I'm a piece of shit. No one will love me my dick is having early teenage

Teenage experiences with drugs up until age 40. I Used to be so good at weed man. Yeah, really back in my day. I used to be great at it There's just completely lost it. Yeah, I Can't I think I don't know if I start smoking weed It's really game over because I'm barely doing anything right now anyway. If I smoke weed. It's just gonna be like It's just watching for me. I try a couple months ago. I tried to get back into it. I bought a bong at Chelsea market Salute about yeah, yeah, I bought a bong, but it's just I can't it's just I get too faded man I can't do it. It's a weird Chelsea market purchase. I know I was I was I thought it was funny that they had a bong story

But it's like Chelsea markets where you go to get like a fuck Trump bamboo steamer. Yes, it is Yes, yes, or to have a meeting at Google right in the cafeteria Nancy Pelosi oven mitt for a baby My friend was telling me he my in DC the foodie was telling me a couple months ago when he had a kid They have a baby store in DC. That's just like she persisted ones these hell. Yeah Absolute fucking worse for that did absolutely. Have you been to DC since Trump won? Walking yeah, I think it's I mean that city was already like pushing it and now it's like fucking completely over the edge When I saw the DTLR became a SoulCycle that was

You should you should took a big hit that day brother. Yeah, dude I mean, I remember there was like there was some store like one of those like apothecary fucking mason jar like bulb stores in In pet in petworth and this was already. I don't know what eight years. It must have been 2012 Yeah, and I got in early and they they had stuff there Edison bull Yeah, they had stuff that they're like, you know shirts like for babies to say I am petworth Like literally that you are older than the gentrification in this fucking neighborhood I Am the child of my grandfather did buy my dad a house yeah in a neighborhood The black people used to live in up until 10 years. You can still smell the exhaust fumes from the U-Haul from the black family

They had to move to PGA County Cannot be any less You stupid fucking baby. I Would love to just tell that baby fuck that baby. Yeah, that baby my I Yeah, peace of mind you're ignoring its dad. You're like fuck you fuck fuck you think how dare you Yeah, guys like fuck off. He's like, I'm not this is not between this between me and the baby sir shut your fucking mouth You put the shirt on him cuz you wanted him to experience this

Fuck That baby's not even gonna live to see pet like it's not gonna remember petworth The that baby's parents are moving out and renting that to fucking Fucking losers and then we're going to fucking. I don't know back to fucking Alexandria Chevy Chase. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was here. I was in DC somewhat recently I'm trying to there was a handful of like really obnoxious things That I heard and saw and it was to my was overwhelming Yeah, like I can't ask a group of people and they were saying something about there was like

It's the opening was there was a yoga instructor and they were like doing something about not assuming people's pronouns And how it was really cool. Actually, I like I just like there was all of these things that They were then they go there was going to do PR for fucking a missile company, right? Exactly. They're there They work their lobby Twitter Yeah, to post to post like how like fucking their gender. Yeah, they're like they're except all different Profit that accuses victims of sexual assault of being a Russian bots Yeah, I wish there's I mean there's like fuck Trump stickers everywhere and fucking like just imagine like you're like You're doing micro Banksy graffiti in 2020. Hell. Yes. Yeah, dude. They just found out about Banksy

I saw a really good t-shirt last time I was there, which it was a like a, you know, like Rosie the Riveter looking at bitch Awareness any responsible adult 2020 shirt. It's just like brutal Any They are definitely the bright if Hillary won We'd be a brunch ass mother fuck. That's the most if Hillary won we'd be a brunch right now I asked that's like in the crying at the Javits center type bit The whole city right now is on one group zoom meeting having brunch and looking out their window looking for neighbors to call the police on for They're all they all cannot wait to send somebody to jail for not social distancing

It's a golden age for snitching these days much be nice Adam. Do you feel good about that? No, I haven't snitched once I've been doing my part. I like that all it took was a virus to get like anybody even remotely to the left of center to be against the idea of like freedom in its entirety Like anything revolving like people are like we want liberty and people are like, why are you racist? It's just the entire concept is just gone and then you should be calling the police on people Nobody's even like I mean there's people that like understand instinctually that it's wrong, but they're not saying anything Yeah, you know where's the de Blasio can be like you should call the police on people violate if children or social diss

They're not social listening. You should call the police on them and yeah, and now reasonable people are in a position where they have to be like Well, he's wrong, but You know, you should you should call the police on those children Yeah, you can't be fucking snitching man It stops snitching Carmelo Anthony, you know what I'm saying That's we never talked to the police never dude. Absolutely. I never have Have you never have you ever had a conversation with a police officer? Well, when I got punched in the face that one time I you spit in his face. You're like fuck you pig

No, it was by a crack head. I just told them I was like there's no punching people in the face around No, no, that's what you said to the cop who tried to help you. Oh, yeah, I'll never tell on a fellow brother of Brooklyn I'm a fellow brother of Bed-Stuy Yeah, spread spread love. It's the Brooklyn way officer Have you ever heard of the the notorious b.i.g. Officer live from Bedford Stuyveson the liveest one Dude, I really wanted to get Nick and I those alternate Nets jerseys this year that said Bed-Stuy on them. You absolutely should. That'd be so funny Just walking to the bodega way. Yeah

Just like a $200 authentic Jersey I just get a 4XL just a dress black history month Hey What's up? Just do you have any wishing everyone a happy black history? Let me get a let me get this 40 ounce of St. Ide's and do you have any kente cloth do rags? Yeah, I know it's March, but I'm trying to keep the party going the after party March is the after party to black history. Yeah, let me get a chopped cheese and a kente claw do rag Bay and March is the hotel lobby. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, I stayed here throughout the coronavirus

So I'm allowed to do all this I didn't leave I earned my stripes. Mm-hmm. I Moved in right before and I stayed throughout Mm-hmm is Do you think there's people that's gonna be buying up fucking parts of Brooklyn or some shit because of this shit I Wonder if there's gonna be like a I don't I think probably the real estate dip was like a couple weeks ago to get in there You could have gotten something cheap, but there's always like foreign money coming in What about all the like fucking mom and pop stores that are gonna close?

Okay, it was already happening. I mean half the half the bodegas are now that like natural grosser bullshit I mean, that's true. Most of them, but is that a chain or just a lot? You know what this means that I didn't think about Sweets for the sweeties is fucking closed boys. You know, it's a cool thing We never had got to have a malt to share a ball to sweet for sweeties a cool thing that they do in New York is like You know all those Kennedy fried chicken places. Yeah, so I mean, it's like a It's like pretty close to being a trademark violation of Kentucky fried chicken Yeah, but the intellectual property of Kentucky can Kennedy fried chicken isn't enforced internally

So it's like this any black person can just open a business called Kennedy fried chicken that rocks That's awesome because there was a Kennedy fried chicken in East Baltimore Yeah, that I thought was a chain, but the menu is completely different They're all there It's just a name any of them can use and there was one that changed his name to Obama fried chicken Hell yeah, I can't wait for a Adam to a guy in that in like a bedside Jersey to be like, um, oh, why don't you just call it war criminal fried chicken? Yes showing up. Thank you. Do you know how many people were killed at weddings?

Mm-hmm by drones, sir. Have you no honor you many guys does not give a fuck at all I love there. I love there. I love that. It's like no standardized menu and also what they have on the menus is like Pizza fucking fried chicken subs ice cream for some Chinese food. Yeah, some some of egg rolls and low-main and rock Yeah, apparently it's a good one. That's like halal. That's very good The one by where Nick lives the one on fuck in Baltimore was all they had awesome chicken boxes. I'm actually now nostalgic for it I'm so hungry, dude Oh shit, yeah, yeah, I I Oh, yeah, I went ground turkey because again, I gotta eat nothing but like lean protein

Mm-hmm ground. It was Bert 99% lean. I made a Hacking peanuts. It's all I made a bolognese a couple of days ago with ground turkey. It tasted very good Yeah, but you probably use like the regular ground turkey that has like that's what like 93% lean or so Yeah, even that little bit of fat like makes a world of difference plus all the sauce you probably put olive oil Yeah, you put a bunch of shit in there I just used rare in fact the best the best shit for like making breakfast sausages is is like a fatty ground turkey When I used to make like breakfast patties, I prefer that over pork Really? Yeah, and it's easy. It's just a little like what rosemary fucking black pepper. Maybe a little bit of sage

Yeah, yeah, red. Is any ground turkey fatty though or is even are you talking like the 90 10? I got the shit that's fucking yeah, like 90 10. I'm talking like the like I have 99% fat free ground We're the fuck do you even buy that at the grocery at the grocery store is just open up. Oh Yeah, I need to get some fucking psyllium husks because I'm shitting like once a week now and it like destroys the toilet every time What are we talking just a big fat lump of shit? Well, it's just like dancing in the toilet won't flush Bro, let me tell you the shits are flowing in this apartment. Yeah, I would I mean it's are flowing like a faucet I had I was so I like I ate nothing but fucking peppers as like a meal You know to like like I'm gonna get all my fiber in yeah for something through here. Nothing

Like smoothies brother. That's why I'm drinking these smoothies. Yeah, the smoothies this shit. Oh my run moves right the problem With smoothies is like, you know, you have them like then you just blew a whole meal on like a drink No, dude, you like this shit. You're not a bag of spinach I know but you're not on like a like a calorie deficit. So like the motherfucking I'm saying this much spinach is like 70 calories. So you got nothing in there, but fucking spinach I have I have like a couple some frozen berries and literally water. Yeah, but the berries shit I mean, that's a little bit more. I mean, I said you put an apple in there Some apple juice or something to fucking sweeten it up

But just trying to go like green smoothie that's like fucking kale and nothing it tastes like shit It's disgusting the only healthy thing I eat Yeah, you know my whole life. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's the only thing keeping my system flowing during this pandemic is I have one Of these disgusting green smoothies every day and I shit out the I also made some fucking burger yesterday It was burger night. Yeah as requested by my roommates and I got in the kitchen and I shafted up I got to figure out a way to get through the rest of these fucking Kirkland burger patties because I those those are real fatty And I plug you have those in my house. I plug them in and it's like they're too. I can't use them After like you have you could fucking break them up with turkey now

What I'm doing is I eat the whole thing because they're frozen so eat the whole thing Oh, yeah, and then I just subtract that fat from the next meal, you know, hmm just to get through it, but I see you brother Yeah, I Would want some Kirkland. Yeah, I made what I did need more get us mix more fiber I could maybe I could just be drinking more water too, but I mean, I'm like not shitting no energy Getting lean bro getting lean for sure that's good. Yeah You're gonna come out of this like a little butterfly dude. Mm-hmm like a sexy little butterfly Well, this will probably go on for another 18 months. So I'll probably weigh 10 pounds when it ends

You're gonna be the machinist. Yeah But your cock will he look huge That's what I hear your dick looks awesome. I really where have I heard this before? We talked about this Are you serious? I thought you were saying that as a joke this has come up. It's come up like five times in the last three months Bro, I don't remember anything we talked about ever on this fucking show. Yeah, I mean it feels like we just have a conversation I don't log our conversations in my head Someone is

Yeah, that's for damn sure. That's true. Well, um, yeah, I haven't even I can't even play doom eternal anymore I'm just like I just stare at the floor energy. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I've been getting kind of muscular. No, yeah, I shouldn't have said that you're so full of yourself I'm too humble. I'm too humble. You do two push-ups. You're like, I look yes No, that's not true. I've been doing burpees and pull-up once a year You'll pretend like you're going to the gym and then and then just lie about what you can bend. No, I've been I've been And it's always like, yeah, I'm benching like a hundred and forty five No, don't don't bring don't bring it up. Don't bring that up there

What a 12 year old girl should be able to There's a picture that Nick has on his phone that he uses. I haven't brought it That is one of the most unflattering pictures. I've ever seen in my life. It's pretty embarrassing I was honestly I gasped when I saw how much of a bitch you look at any time I was Anytime we're arguing things get too hot Nick can just Arguing it's about the gym like I've only dropped that on you when you specifically try to like make fun of me for going No, I didn't make you go to the gym to fun of you. You're bad at it. You're bad at the gym

We have the same goals you just suck It'd be like if I was like, oh, I'm gonna take I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go, you know I don't know the racetrack or something like oh with your car and then I post pictures of you crying at like go-kart course They go remember that yeah, you remember you said I'm getting really into racing and then you cried because four-year-olds beat You up to shape your body is I shouldn't I take it back I take it back. I I just have never seen someone struggle with that little weight Mm-hmm, and it makes you look I thought your body doesn't even look bad. Normally. It makes you look

Truly like a dick like an emaciated woman. I was not struggling I was doing just the bar for four before I put weights on but it does look like I've been pressing just the bar But I think I put weights on it, but your form is terrible. Yes. The form is what's horrible. Yeah, the form was bad And you look like you're doing this thing. They look aggrieved It looks like you're doing a Joaquin Phoenix make your body look shitty and fucked up in the joke Yeah, I like the Joker. It's like that thing that he does. That's how you look. He's really good when he does that It's very talented. You know, he just looks like that. You watch the master body actually His posture is all fucked up in the master, too

I know he's supposed to be playing a crazy guy, but it's like I don't think he's supposed to in the master I think he's a guy who got like shell shocked from the war So I think it's supposed to look like he was injured or something. Does he ever has he ever been jacked in a movie? No That would be cool. I don't think have you seen the movie where maybe glad Everybody's got to have like, you know, you were the little outfit. Yeah, it was crazy. Am I in Rome or not Rome in 300 where everyone had to be jacked like even the characters. It's like the mailman Yeah, yeah, the guy this guy this back in Sparta who like is just you know, he hangs out at the bar He's like, well, we had like a war or something and he's just got like a six-pack

He's like, oh, yeah, I don't know about that. I I work even the fucked up like retard a guy that snitches on there has like abs underneath his fucked up Like yeah, he's like a strong, but like it's weird. Yeah If the altis They named the name for a nightmare is named after that guy's name I'm gonna come out of this looking like Leo night is though. No for real though. Mm-hmm. No, Leo need night needs dick Oh, yeah, you're not Leo nice dick. I'm Leo nice dick. How can I be Leo needs dick? Can I be Leo Negro to Caprio? No, why not?

Yeah, I was doing one of the as a song. Can I do it? Yeah, you can tell me tell Nick seems like he's enjoying the Leo Negro the Caprio No, it reminds me of the song It's um It's a is it Nick when you do some kind of famous lines from his movies in some way Would you say I mean naturally that's where that would go. Okay, so no, let's I want to hear that It's better than that naturally You would say the thing and then walk a bit out to its natural conclusion, but I

What's the song go ahead? Hey, we got no now. It's like we got another 35 minutes here All right. Um, it's a black guy singing in the dead of night. That's that's That's all kept saying that that's like go on like bird. It's a black guy singing Well, that's even better than yeah, that's much better than black birds sucking on my dick. I'm gay Which was well, I just thought it's funny if people are saying that about a black a black guy So why couldn't it be black guy sucking on my dick? I'm gay. Think about that Think about I don't know that has to an old familiar. Yeah. Yeah, that's true

So I guess we can change it to black guys sucking on my dick. I'm gay. There you go. Sing it sing it with conviction Black guys snitch sucking on my dick. I'm gay. It'll be ethically wrong for me to go ride the The East River ferry right now for no reason. Is it going? Yeah, and they're tearing their tearing it up They're tearing it up on the river really No one's on there though because it's like, you know, I love that's literally what I ripped Ian for but this time It's about something I enjoy and not riding a bicycle

Taking that taking that ferry is is it's like a nice mini cruise in the middle of your day Yeah, yeah, you get to go. It's it's very pleasant. I wouldn't pick it up at Brooklyn Heights What? Would you pick it up at Brooklyn Heights? Yeah Yeah, yeah, I Wouldn't I don't know man. That's a whole thing It's a whole adventure

That's a that's a nice date You you walk you walk around Brooklyn Bridge Park, then you take the ferry It's a classic classic New York City date economical as well. What's that the fairies free? The fairies no, I think it's 275 Yeah, I spend on I spend on a bitch You'll open up the coffers for some I'll open up the wallet for a bitch 550 nice little boat ride for the two of us Yeah, that's just one way though. Yeah That is true. If I was cheap I'd take the Staten Island ferry

Damn dude the fucking ferry the Faradouche Who you call Black eyes You know and honestly, that's a beautiful portrayal of interracial love modern love Why do you jewel off-cam Adam? I feel like Embarrassed of what it looks like. Yeah, I think it probably looks kind of lame. Yes, it does But you know, I'm trying to protect my image works at all at this point. My image is Un unvarnished

Varnish What's Who cares I'm never leaving my house. What's the deal with so Kim Jong-un is not gonna die But they were saying he was They were saying he's brain dead. I thought what happened there. He's not right. Yeah, no Now they've got something in common with our our our freaking leader You know, thank you Tom does that kind of like this

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what he's got a real good one. Yeah, what he's got a real good when he wants to punctuate He's vibrating He's just charging up, baby He's just going super saying yeah brain dead. I don't when he gets like he goes like a little bit too far You know, it's always the best. Yeah It always goes like morbid. It's always about how he wants someone to die. Yeah, like when you said they wanted to stop to die. Oh Yeah, that's so me. Yeah, that was awesome. And then you told him No, I didn't I didn't tell on him

I made a joke about how he shouldn't be harassing this day and a report you started a mass report campaign against Yeah, I said we need I'd send it to some of the women from the meat nobody snitch I said listen Milano reposted it said we need a band Tom. I respect anyone that wishes me death Well, I'll tell you so Tom can stay. I was trying to stand up for stop I'll tell you what and I appreciate if you like the me-too movement. You'll love blue chew calm Hell, yeah, that's right. I think that's what it says here. Yeah, because There's never been anything bad that's happened if you like sex you'll love blue chew calm It's you good with the with the pipe to emphasize the point. Yeah, because of I've destroyed my

Circulation by just smoking a pipe all day long. I Now need penis enhancement pills for the bedroom. Oh Yeah Yeah, oh, yeah, Papito bedroom, but you can take a man says enhancement for the bedroom But you can take this shit in your car you get you know, you know in a bar bathroom when you're unexpectedly about to get pussy Yeah, you were you and you're now you're nervous because you're like shit is the pill gonna kick in on time You guys say that's the move are you can spend the whole Uber ride kind of stroking your cock a little bit to see if it's working You're driving your girlfriend's dad's car around you're gonna need to get you dot-com you get your

When you're picking up your girlfriend from high school in her dad's car Mm-hmm, but you're calm you get the same get the first troubles with the same active ingredients So so Dean of Phil So it's a dollar bill to dollar bill same active ingredients is Viagra and Chialis I love that they put that on Italians the Viagra No, she own Italian on Italian is like yeah, it's like I use been in the Viagra and a child is You're right. They do sound pretty Italian Once they're dick harder than an Italian. Yeah, I mean they both sound like they would be Hyundai's if they weren't dick pills

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So here's the deal for you guys visit bluetooth.com your first order free when you use promo code come town Just pay $5 shipping. That's BLUE chew.com promo come town But here's the thing and look they said, you know, we're we're not just fucking we're not just admin. We're customers Yeah, mm-hmm. I got that shit and you gotta know that in the bathroom, but doctor Uh-uh Fauci Fauci. Yeah, who has been 100% correct on this thing the whole time has said that it is okay to get pussy. He said wait for real Yeah, he's they I think it's I second third hand. I think I heard him say that is that serious Yeah, they said be careful with ass-eating. Yeah, they were like no that was the New York thing

But they said like look, I know people you know It's gotta suck to be somebody that wasn't fucking at all and then quarantine started and it was like three days and people are like Oh my god, I haven't fucked it all and to be the guy that's like, mm-hmm. Yeah, that's a long time That's things that sounds like a lot. I'm personally going crazy over. Yeah. I don't even know I mean, it's like I guess I'll just play video games for a decade Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah Anyways, I'm just gonna stay here with my parents. Yeah, they said you can fuck So if you're not you should go to Bluetooth or order some and also too if you get the prescription now

You just you're stocking up and then when the quarantine ends Guess who you can take two three pills at a time I can't wait my cock is gonna get so yeah, just rock star who's rock star car wash your way through the fucking unemployment line You know, I'm just going to hide. How you doing ladies? You ever hear of an erection? You just take a dick fill in front of a woman. You're trying to fuck. Yeah. Hey, listen, we'll need this for later, bitch Well, me too. What is this 2016? It's the apocalypse. Why don't you come suck my cock? I paid for the bills Heard bitch meet who's old news Joey Biden's the Democratic nominee. Yeah, everybody's getting pussy anyway. They want it. Yeah

Come here. Let me smell you you dumb bitch Did that tweet from the New York Times? It was like, oh my god Like no evidence that he did anything other than fucking what people say anything sniffing Other than the the well, so I didn't see it. What is it all accounts of him touching? Well, how about you? Don't worry about it. You know next time you have one of these I didn't see it thought. Okay, you just go Yeah, totally Cuz what would have happened if you didn't see it you would have said something cool about it Probably maybe there's a chance. I would have you would have said something

Yeah, I would have come in with a cool take. I'm just kidding blue chew dot com promo code come town promo code Joe Biden promo code Joe Biden Fuck dude, I'd like to slip him a couple of blue juice. Oh That would be awesome He seems like even if he's senile he seems virile still, but that's the thing imagine him with cockpills Yeah, oh my god. What kind of fucking hijinks he would get up to What kind of 80s style? Senator type behavior he would get up to some like teen sex comedy style shit

Porky's drill holes in my locker room wall. Would it be worth it to rewatch porkies this afternoon? There's all this shit that I want to do I don't know if it's that I remember that I think like oh that would be fun And what I'm just remembering is when I enjoyed weed as a teenager. Mm-hmm. Yes 100 you do get to see what's her name chemical trials Hooters if I were to smoke weed now, I would sit stare at the fucking wall and do nothing What I've been doing you know what I would do is I would justify having One serving of seaweed snacks and then end up eating like 15 packages of them. That's sure that would absolutely

How about it does it's fine. It's seaweed. I Would have completely blow my diet, but then on bullshit. Oh not even anything you're not something I enjoy I would not eat fucking like nine bags of rice cakes Yes Just not really just sort of slightly wincing every time. Yeah, dude. I do that's all you guys exactly when you like when you have like compulsive behavior and Like you start going off the rails with something you're like fuck it. I don't care. Fuck it. Let it go Yeah, yeah, just like no matter what you just can't stop. Oh, I had a nice little run last night

Yeah, it's almost home free. Just know like let me have some a little sweet on the way out But we didn't have any dessert. Yeah, I literally I was just fucking eating cereals I was just like yeah peanut butter in the cereal and mixing it up entire bag Dude, I can eat out like I think at one time I ate an entire barrel of those honey braided like twist pretzels. Yeah, because I was like I'm gonna let myself have one Yeah, and then I had three and it was like well Guess I learned my guess I learned my lesson So much for trying

Time to sit here and over the course of two and a half hours eat 15,000 calories worth. Yes shit. I barely like I mean it's barely. I love them Don't get me wrong the honey the honey twisted ones. Yeah, I've never had those. They're not they're not barrel eat worthy, brother. I Don't know. I love them the honey braided twist. We got different tastes That's true. That's the thing is like if you were an alcoholic you would be one of these like fucking like You know like whiskey or scotch tasting kind of guys. You're not like a fucking 30 cores light sort of dudes Um, yeah, that's probably true. Yeah, see these are just They're fine. I'm looking at them. They're good, but they're not oh you had to pull them up

I had to pull them up to make sure I had the right one Jamie. Let's get that on the screen. Can we get that on the screen? Take a look at let me remember what these look like Just not enough flavoring for me though, you know what I like to first of all two greatest snack brands Snyder's and utz That's I can definitely go with you there. Yeah, that's as good I don't know that I can follow you all the way on Snyder the Snyder's Rectangular box hard sourdough pretzels the big respect on that big fuckers 100% yeah, you're not gonna hear a fucking peep out of me about that and also the I just don't see the versatility of the Snyder's brand But go ahead. Yeah, they have like pretzel bites that are covered in like

Yes, honey, honey barbecue that I am so in yeah, and they have a buffalo situation now, too Yeah, they're going they had like a weird like onion one also those are unbelief remember I had a bag of those in my dumb bitch stepmom when I was like 15 was trying to tell me that I couldn't eat them in the apartment because she Was allergic to onions or something and I was like you're just trying to find any way To fucking shit to just shit on my life The smallest thing away for me a bag of pretzels I bought at the gas station Dusted with something that's probably gonna give me it's gonna stick your cancer. It's gonna make it so I can't have a family of my own So I will also be re relegated to the world of step parenting like you

If only you had that to tell her right then that would have really shut her bitch ass up, dude Yeah, but fuck, you know, whatever. This would be a bad time to get testicular cancer now that there's ever a good time Yeah, I feel like we don't I don't know anyone that's had ball cancer. I won my one of my friends one ball Nate Yeah, you had it. Damn. You don't know anyone. It's like that. You know who you know what that means Then I'm gonna get it you But I think it's early 20s you get it like the young man's cancer right if there's no gay guy It's you. What do I hear? I think I hear your your tiny balls filling with they're not Always that's the only thing that might save you is how small your balls. Yeah. Yeah, it's not enough surface area for the cancer

This and when they grow it's very noticeable any other cell. Yeah, I thought I had this particular cancer a couple years ago But I'm pretty sure it was coronavirus Yeah Yeah, I didn't your nut keep getting twisted or something me me. No, I got it I had like a cyst on one of my nuts that I thought was a tumor. Yeah, I went to the doctor and they were like, yeah It's just a cyst Did they suck it to check? No, it was a Chinese doctor who just like his equipment was like there was like Like doctors all these machines just jammed into the room and then a bucket of magnum condoms

And he was like, okay, yeah, pull your pants down and let me take a look, you know He's like one of those like New York Chinese guys. Yep, and he's like he's like, okay. Yeah, I can definitely feel it Let me look at me right here. It's a cyst. Okay, you know if it fucking gives you problems in the future Maybe you come back would do ultrasound, but for this it's a cyst. Don't worry. He said, okay Let me check your prostate real quick. Just by feeling it around. Yeah, he just he was like, it's fine Dude, the Chinese rock if I was gonna that's why it must be okay to like, you know Cuz I figure over there you work in a factory for 10 years and you're 27. They're like, yeah, you have every type of cancer The doctors probably like, hey, sorry slick, but hey, don't worry. Fuck it. That's life. And then you're like, yeah, I guess that is life

Just be 12 hours a day six days a week. Just be a Chinese guy. It's amazing. They don't have country music In China. Yeah, they do. They have like their country music is that Yeah, we fucked up Chinese guitar that I do know that we've talked about Yeah, cuz I love talking about that This is gonna be the clip that gets us What that's what I'm saying. Yeah, no, it definitely sounds like that. Just a Chinese Chinese Chinese guy Chinese guy named Johnny Cash only He's a Chinese Chinese country music musician Hurt myself today

What was he doing Refusing a black person service Yeah, I guess, you know, I mean rushing him out of his store or something like that I mean, you know, they instead of pickup trucks, I got rickshaws. That's why yeah, that's true. Yeah, I'm not too That's definitely true. I'm not too proud to That'd be funny if you were a Chinese Chinese incel trying to do like run people over but you drive a rickshaw Yes, that's trying to do like a truck attack with a rickshaw. That was just a funny image. Mm-hmm. You just get hit immediately Yeah, you would just yeah, it sounds bad instead of Garth Brooks. It's

Barth Okay, okay, you got it that one's kind of a connect the dots right it works for Brooks and Don also Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, sir. I guess so docks and brun. No, no, no gooks and Yeah Yeah, that's true Damn Johnny Cash only is good though, man. No, well, I keep talking. Okay. Let's go around Can he can he lodgers

What are we doing now we naming Chinese Chinese country singer country singers Yeah, I'd like the approach of Johnny Cash only more than just kind of yeah, because it's like a Chinese The chat the chats the chats got to be going wild right now. Oh, yeah Oh, they're so mad that they can Never know bitch. Yeah, sorry. We're not gonna see you. I don't care if you came over the first We'll arrive on it five minutes later and do it wrong I was the one that said it That's gotta be infuriating. Oh

Yeah, for sure. Mm-hmm. I Sucked my own penis because I'm gay and Chinese That's kind of the song he would do. Mm-hmm. You'd think it'd be a voice But no, he sounds just like Johnny Cash, but he lets you know he's Chinese That's my spin-on the whole thing. I Suck dick What's that?

Huh? Nothing. What's your name? Who I Can't remember anything in a big ass to a lady with dolly pardon dolly part So you can't remember her name and you also don't have a thing to pair it with You got to start with the name Yeah, oh give me the one of the names so I can not have an idea for it Yeah It wasn't like let me see if this fit. Oh, here it is. It's oh just that I the content to remember

Country people's names, and then you got to build off the name. Mm-hmm. I Got Kenny lodgers. That's That's that's half point. Nope Mm-hmm. All right, I just said no about John prawn John prawn because I feel like Chinese people call shrimps prawns more than the average person. Mm-hmm. Sure. Yeah, sure That guy was pretty good I never knew him at all and then he died and he's very sad dude shit. His shit was popping off some good-ass songs in there Mm-hmm

He's got a weird fucked up cheeky face. Oh, me so I'll be me so solid part Damn neck virtuoso. Mm-hmm. All right. Tears in my eyes the next one Bravo moving on Moving on So just a theory the Kim Jong-un is not dead people are lying. Yeah, no Good. He's thank God. He's alive. That's what I say And he's cute right him in his animal crossing looking ass body. He does. He does look cute What is that adorable? What's an animal crossing looking body? I don't know I've never even played animal crossing, but he's you know portly, but in a kind of a cute way

I thought they were like I assume that's what and eaters cute and eaters and raccoons and stuff. I Think there's people. I think it's people From what I can tell on the screen, but I haven't played because I'm sure that women have ruined it, you know So true It's the girl video game of quarantine and you won't play it. I Don't have any systems here So you're you're even lower than the girl gamers is what you're saying. Yeah, it's true who you malign who I don't by the way I want to play animal crossing, but I can't find one of my joy cons

It would suck it would suck to date one of those female streamers Well female twitch streamer. Oh, yeah, yeah because you're just coming in the bedroom and she's on just showing her breasts She's showing her breasts your mouth Your mortal enemies Mm-hmm. They're trying to unseat you with every fucking yeah, every donation. Yeah, we're giving her coins or something Or I don't even know at work. It would suck to date a woman that publicly sexualizes herself What's over shit on display? Yeah, I could see how I could see how that would be no that would be humiliating that would be hard

Never be yeah, it would suck to date a dumb bitch. Mm-hmm You know what I found that Dennis quit listen we got some competition Dennis Quaid has a podcast now. Oh my god What are we gonna Dennis Quaid has a It would be better if it was Randy Quaid had a podcast I think it's called the denisance the Dennis sign That's a cool name. That's a cool name. That's what I'm saying, dude That's up there with with the Chinese the Chinese country singers Yes, mm-hmm. We're about go ahead. What do you got?

No, I mean it go ahead fuck If it was like Waylon and then Chinese Jennings Waylon Chinese when you have a good way to believe in jennings, but it's like w e i l i n That's much better. Yeah, that's no Adam believe yourself way when Chinese Jennings is good It's worse than if it was Chinese Waylon Jennings. It's gotta be Chinese at the middle makes it even worse Yeah, so I've been I've been keeping up on who's what our competition is Dennis Quaid the denisance is a problem and also listen to this Michael Imperiali and Steve Sharipa have a fucking

Sopranos podcast two guys from the Sopranos have a Sopranos podcast. Wow. They have must have so much access Dude, I haven't listened to it yet, but I'm going to yeah, it sounds great. I haven't listened to a podcast since the quarantine, but Damn, I wish I had a fucking said that Chinese country singer thing because now I'm just gonna have those like yeah I'm still thinking about it. Just bouncing around on my head all day. Is that what your brain sounds like? Yeah, or to be to punish Oh, yeah Fuck I should replay Sonic Adventure 2 I wonder how much it costs to have a crazy taxi machine delivered to my apartment

All day, baby ain't nothing wrong with that ain't nothing wrong getting a slice of pussy No, sir getting a little peak warming up getting the taste Mm-hmm Little taste save you hold you over for the whole thing Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with chopping a bitch's pubic hair off putting in her pussy dipping it and saving it for later Yeah, slice great wall Confucius Confucius great wall Confucius moral Haggard Okay, that's more what's going on in my head Genghis Khan great wall moral Haggard Tiananmen Square

Yeah, Tiananmen Square moral Haggard Montgomery Trace Adkins Hong Kong Trace Adkins karate kung-fu Shaolin Shaolin Jennings That's really good Shaolin Jennings there he is that's good. That's very good Bayesian Bayesian Jennings works a little bit Mm-hmm, I like Shaolin Jennings. We've got to be Lou Reed. Lou Reed is it a trigger?

Lou Ram Parsons bat bat soup mm-hmm bat Parsons Keith Urban Keith Urban Keith I don't know that many country guys man Chopsticks and done Okay, okay and done Brooks and Yeah, it's okay. You could do better with Brooks and done. I feel like All right, I gotta look up most famous country music because that's the that's the real problem

You need to start with the names. That's what I was saying. Yeah, but you do that on your own. You don't say Well, I forgot our name. Oh What about Willie Nelson? There's got to be some for Willie Chili Chili chili oil Nelson. No, oh like chili oil chili oil Dumpling Yeah Dumpling chopsticks lo mein

I don't read the McIntyre. Yeah, oh Oh instead of Alan Jackson, you could do Alan bat bat soup. Okay bat bat. I guess Should I twain, okay, that's something Well, there's a muslim China Keith or bamboo Yes, thank you. That's okay. It's not a twain. It's China. Yeah, twain. Oh, so just right with China It's just China. Yeah, China. Should China twain? That's good. That would also be an awesome black lady's name is China. Should China. I went to school with a couple Let's see here

How about Hank Williams, it's just chink Williams I guess, yeah, I guess it fulfills the prompt for the assignment The white googly white googly Mm-hmm. Yep, so the Luke Holmes is just googly Yeah, yeah, no, we got the Dixie chinks Just we take it back to the classics and you don't really Maybe I put a little bit too much chili oil on this one and over the I think probably that's what you did Yeah, the Dixie chinks is probably that's where that peaks for me. Yeah, that's probably the best one word play wise

Yeah Or what the assignment was it's very good. Mm-hmm. How about Glen Campbell Glen Ross? Oh, that's not Chinese, but it's very good, but he's on tour in China Okay, and he's forgotten how to play guitar and the only thing he can remember is From glad yeah, how y'all doing tonight put that coffee down faggot You think off is foreclosures. Yeah, he's just got the guitar Oh He's saying this yeah

Where am I China now you don't say oh Here's one that's more PG Kenny chestnut sauce that's Kenny chestnuts Yeah, that's Kenny Kenny Kenny water chest. Yeah, I thought about that one earlier, but doesn't fit Yeah, that shit don't work pal The Glenn Glen Campbell peppers the you said they don't really use bell peppers Yeah, sometimes dude look at this. Yeah in a Kung Pao chicken. There's bell pepper And peanut

peanut. Yeah for sure But that's also more Thai I would say Damn there are so many shitty country musicians Johnny cashew chicken What the fuck is this the Florida Georgia line? Do you know? Oh, yeah, dude? I know them. This is awful They have a song called Cruz it's kind of a kind of a slapper. Yeah, you asked me. Yeah, their songs they covered It's about going to men's restrooms Really no, that would be funny country song about yeah, that would be awesome. The Florida Georgia line is a very bad name for a music artist

Well, that's where they are, dude They're a North Panhandle Florida hand handle situation. Is that the panhandle? Florida Georgia line. I'm assuming it's the border between those two states Oh, no, isn't the panhandle Alabama in Florida? How about instead of Chris Christofferson? It's boys piss boys pissed off or something Yeah, that one's really that's my favorite. Yeah, boys piss boys piss off or something How about just like one of those rap rock country groups called Panda Express? Yeah Panda there's some panda fucked. How about instead of Dwight Yocum. It's drink Yocum

Yeah, that's isn't that the guy from sling blade. It is a guy from yeah, he's also in he's also in panic room. Oh I thought that was the character's name No, no, he's he's a country musician and their name is sling blade But I thought it was like a nickname. Well, he plays the dad You thought you thought the name of the character in the movie was Dwight Yocum I swear to God, I swear to God because we've talked about it before and I thought you guys were saying Dwight Yocum No, Nick talks about how he likes Dwight Yocum's character in sling babe because he's always getting the band back together But just to make this clear, you thought that the character sling blades who no one calls him sling blade in the movie

I've never heard the move. I've never seen the movie. So it was just I just assumed the guy's name was Dwight Yocum Dwight Yocum and that like sling blade was his nickname. Oh, yeah. No, I don't think they believe Bob Thornton is sling blade The character's nickname at all even there's not a character named sling blade in the movie. Oh, it's not a guy It's not the main guy's not sling blade. No, his name is not sling blade His name is Carl something. It's like Carl uh, let me look it up. Oh, what the fuck? I thought that was like a cool nickname for like a murderer Yeah, Carl Childers is the name of the character, but they repeatedly refer to him as Carl His name is Carl. He doesn't have a nickname. They don't call him sling blade

I've never seen it. I assumed his nickname was sling blade and the guy's name was Dwight Yocum You have to admit Dwight Yocum is a retarded guys and it's sounding name I think it's a cool sounding name personally Damn, I want to rewatch the sling blade if you've never seen sling blade you should watch it I haven't seen it in like 15 years It is such a good movie We almost watched it. I think my room it was like it's dark It is dark, isn't it?

I don't know what year that was. I came out maybe 97, but it was like something like that Yeah, there was like a couple of years. It just like sucked You know Yeah, for movies And that one was like a highlight Billy Bob, right Billy Bob getting it in. Yeah, your was sling blade Ciri pull up sling blade 96

Yeah, I remember that just that that era of movies just makes me think about like Do you remember when Hollywood's fucking big cause was ending the death penalty? Yeah, that was a thing like that was like that was that was like as me as a little kid I thought celebrities like you know because they always talked about things so I thought they could do stuff I didn't know the difference between somebody who was rich and somebody who was famous and somebody who was the president You know what I mean? It was just like They're all the presidents And the biggest issues at the time when I was a kid were the death penalty and then the Titanic sinking

That's a huge problem Yeah That was a big problem in the 90s things that based on like award shows celebrities seem to care about And then nothing happened with the death penalty. They didn't change shit I guess the Oklahoma bombing happened and then they were like oh never mind Yeah, maybe Terrorism and mass shootings like ticked up and they were like oh I guess we do want to kill some people And then they kind of gave up on it

But then we had Rwanda was a bit for a while because of Hotel Rwanda Yeah, but the celebrities don't give a shit about things like that They never fucking care Oh as a cause What? Yeah, they don't care Every award show something comes up and I feel like Rwanda or just like Genocide or Darfur Darfur Darfur is like where that kind of started but that was like a one-off

Darfur I mean Bosnia was like a fucking big deal and like celebrity again literally James Cameron's whole fucking speech was about like Can we have a moment of silence for the victims of the Titanic? As like bombs were dropping Dude that that that speech is hilarious because he's full blown autistic Yeah And at the end of the speech he's like and to close things off and he's like I'm the king of the world and then it bombs

It's bombs in the room That's right Yeah That is so funny And that's where you would say we was Kang's of the world with Yeah, we were Kang's We were Kang's of the world If that had been

Beautiful Given That had been allowed some air Given the light of day Yeah Well no, but we had black guys singing in the dead of night Oh yeah, that classic I thought that was pretty good

Who could forget man I thought it was pretty good Ah fuck Black guys sucking on my dick, I'm gay I wish I could sing dude It's probably better if it's black girl singing Girl sounds like bird kind of It has the same assonance

No dude it was perfect Okay Don't try and rework perfection brother Thank you, I appreciate you saying that dude I wish I could sing Yeah Yeah, me too dude I wish I could sing, that would be awesome

I would just be singing a little Rock Me too, yeah I wouldn't be doing this Yeah Oh my god It would be like let me get it sub way An extra sweet onion chicken teriyaki sauce

And put more of the sweet onion sauce on there I'm like what do you mean it's 1575 Didn't you hit my song I should get it free It should be free if you can sing If you can sing it should be free And can I get some pussy please That's what the gig economy is dude

After this clears up and we're all working in the gig economy If you can bring your talent If you can trade your talent for That's what I'm saying, a lot of these like you know It's like Burning Man, it's gonna be like Burning Man I don't want to say younger comics Because most of them are my age or older But you know

People that are relatively new to the business 10, 15 years in Things aren't really working out It's like why If you just try bringing your talent To the people directly Just show up Go to the grocery store

Go into predimage And say you know you're like So I like fuck like six guys this week Having a normal one And then they're like They're like $8.75 And you're like No I'm trading my art

I'm bartering with my art I'm about to observe how guys Don't have more than one set of bedsheets And it should get me a free baguette I should be able to Can I eat out of the garbage please Can I please Just let me eat out of the garbage

I want to see some of those I'm not homeless, I'm not mentally ill I'm hungry And I got declined for an only Fans account, please let me Eat out of the garbage If there's an old Psy bowl I might be able to lick

And a Psy quinoa bowl That I could perhaps eat out of the garbage I would be much obliged to you Yeah Maybe we should become farmers dude Or grow our own crops I mean that's That's part of the whole compound dream man

Is you get a big plot of land And you get, I mean it's a compound You know, you bring people That have skills, shared resources Nobody owns anything Mandatory fucking gun ownership For everybody that lives on the fucking thing For starters

You will have a firearm And you will know how to use it And disputes are settled by the blade By the way The blade Damn I'm pissed they don't call a guy sling blade In the movie

You get it You pool your resources, everybody gets A big fucking thing And I'm sure it would fall apart, it would be a disaster You know, as it's always been As it literally is Every system fails Because people are terrible

You know That's the dream You see, I didn't think of it As more like a lot of people being there I thought of it as like, you know, you and your family No, no, it's a new No, you gotta, it's a compound You can make a new family now

Yeah, based on ideology A sex cult You could say that You know who is kind of a piece of ass Who? David Koresh He's a handsome guy, yeah, look it up I'm about to

I'm about to I always thought he was ugly and then I watched that documentary And I was like, he's kind of charismatic And good looking I was almost about to join the Yeah, he's a good looking guy He's not the hottest guy, there's some picture where he looks good Stop, you look 10 years younger

With the hair grown up Thanks man I gotta say, it's not a bad look It doesn't look bad Yeah, well, we're gonna let it run Yeah Stop is kind of right about how He has hair, but he keeps it short

I gotta fucking I gotta shave my head Or do something, or cut my hair If you shave your head, you look like a straight up white national Our hairlines look pretty similar Well, I can't, I mean, I guess I could I cut my own hair for years So I probably still have the skill set, I guess

Maybe I'll take a stab at it and see if I can do it You should give yourself dumb little haircuts Yeah I'll give myself a bob I'm gonna go back to the bob, dude Pretty soon Turf bangs, that would be so awesome Look like Twiggy, dude

Should look like that bitch, old British bitch, Twiggy The big eyes The fashion model Yeah There we go That's a good look Should we get scene haircuts? Like a, you know, kind of like a 70s sort of

No, it's scene, dude No, I like that Yeah That's a great look with the beard How you doing, brother? Oh, yeah Welcome to the compound Welcome to the compound, brother

Welcome to the compound, brother Much loved you, here's your mandatory firearm Join me on the shooting range You're so good to go, bro You've got it down Yeah Adam, you look fucked up, you don't look good What are you talking about?

You look like Velma from fucking Scooby-Doo right now No, dude Almost famous Then you push the hair back from here You look like a lady that works at the bank, dude Yeah I look like I drive a bus Stop playing on that

Nick looks like I'm on my way Stop playing on that Stop playing on that What you doing, is you playing on that Stop playing on that It looks like your doo-wop group Just got fucking taken by Are you playing on that at your home?

Do you play on that at your home? Well then don't play on it here Quit playing on that God damn, that's a great look Don't be playing on that Nick, you should grow your nails out and look like that Fuck, dude

That's beautiful You look like you're from someone's office Stop playing on that If I have to come back to it, it slides out Holy fuck That's a good ass look You look good, dude Massive respect for that look

You look like Mary J Blige That's the bit That's good stuff, man Alright, well Make some lunch here Thanks for listening I'm doing an Advice show on Twitch

If you want to tune in on Fridays at 6 Go to twitch.tv There's a phone There's a number you can call And I will solve all your problems As a genius that I am But that's pretty much it Maybe I should get some kind of project

Going, you know The way I stop The only thing that's caught me From not wanting to kill myself 24-7 Is I just plan some activity Every day and I just do it and then I go to bed Maybe I'll start a YouTube account called Jay Leno's Garage And I'll just go

And start touching people's cars And making videos of them on the street And pretend like they're my car I like that, getting yelled at At the end of every single one of them So you're on my new hidden camera show Jay Leno's Garage Get the fuck off my fucking beamer!

Hey, stop touching my car, man I'm like, I'm sorry Alright, well, yeah Okay, good night Bye folks, bye folks