The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 205 – Youtube Live

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

I dont even know what to say

There we go. All right. Yeah, so I mean, I guess this this has already been going on for like Five minutes, that's probably not the best way to do it. It's not this you've been broadcasting yourself. Yeah, well, I didn't there's no like There's no like green room or whatever. Well, I guess there is in zoom You just wait and then don't hit live until they don't hit what live. Yeah, but I just want to make sure everything's set up That's cool because then you got to post the link to patreon Fryer like because it's not with crowdcasts. You can post an hour before and then use way to go live I see with this you have to like go live then go into the event edited I mean, there's probably a smarter way to do it. I just don't

Yeah, I don't know how but boys. Let's ask Bobby. That's why yeah, so, you know, you got to see behind the scenes You know what it's love what it's really like to be the boys outside of broadcast time Yeah, just like that's what they've been right now. What about now? I have to shit hold on I have to shit kind of that kind of stuff. Yeah, you definitely like let me go make a coffee Okay, I'll piss that they like that. Yeah, that's the kind of that's that's the kind of crazy world that we're some kooky guys that we live in outside of You know doing the show Yep before dude, I'm standing up. I got us a full range of motion when I do the one now

Is that because of your your tailbone issue? What's going on? I just figured I'm not gonna sit too much today. Yeah, my ass cheeks get a rest Where is the pain? The pain is right at the tail that the bottom of the tailbone almost but it hurts when I squat and I did some really Wide squats yesterday. Yeah, it hurts when I come back up I think it's not a muscle. It could be your your SI joint. I mean, it could also be a muscle issue There's a lot of things down there a lot of stuff man could be a nerve issue That's I used to I would get to say I don't know if it's the same thing, but if I drive for like 12 hours

When I get out of the car when I straighten up, it's like being like stabbed in my tailbone Yeah, cuz I mean I'm sitting all the ever we're all sitting fucking. I don't know about you guys I'm sitting a ton. No, I'm not I'm mostly pacing around Yeah I'm at the battle station. I got my two monitors right now. I'm looking at him right now I'm looking at you guys like I'm looking at fucking audition like a stockbroker Exactly. Yeah, exactly right. Um, I Don't know if you guys know I somebody found my keys. What? Yeah, are you serious? Yeah, who I don't know

I was like I was out like working on a car this morning and this how they how they know they're yours You had you had your name there nice background. It's Bob Dylan. Yeah, I know what it is It's Howard Stern Tell me Bob a buoy did you know I make shitty music also? Yeah, it's Howard Stern wearing his his Microphone Bob a buoy my music sucks, and I'm gay. Yeah, no, so I'm not even gonna debate it some old guy just came by He's like, yeah, did you lose like keys for your car? I mean, how did you know they were yours though? Well, I was gonna. I'm telling the story. Maybe yeah, maybe if you just give him one second I'm sorry answer. He was in the process of answering. Yeah

That's the last apology you're getting all Why have you broke it you broke your smoking vape on on screen rule and you look like a dumb bitch. Yeah, I Might have to take off the mask to drink coffee. How does Bain drink coffee? That's a great cuz I'm sure you got to wake up to be vain, you know, he has like a What do you call it? You don't want to see me before I've had my coffee Before I've had my first cup Mondays Mondays, am I right? Yeah Mondays are more of a cunt than the office cunt

Right this big stocks. Can you call people fuck? Can you can you call people cunts in an office? No, it depends what office. Yeah, yeah, maybe when Gary Glenn Ross situation. You can yeah, the cops Yeah, it'd be funny to redo Glenn Gary Glenn Ross, but there's just like two women that work in clerical positions in that office Just getting abused not even getting abused just all that going on while women's like fucking calling her husband on the phone Yeah, they're probably tuning it out. They're professionals. Just doing dumb bitch stuff. Yeah, they're nails. Yeah filing complaining yeah being mad when they're racist towards Indians or whatever. Yes. Well, I got my keys. So what's going on with you?

What's what's new guys? What's new in the world? Well, I did a I did an apartment pump yesterday that I'm really the fact that was really felt good fat man and a little boy What do you mean a part an apartment pump the pump dude with the at the home people people keep messaging me Texting me also to go gallery view not speaker view Nick. Okay. How do I do that? It's on the top right corner perfect Does it that well I did it now Yeah, okay, all right should be good. So we're gonna have to kinks. Does anyone message you that the audio is fucked up still or no? I can ask Joe. I don't believe there's any Audio what not it was when I first like before I closed YouTube. There are people in the chat saying that the audio was

Really? Yeah, I kind of fucked up. I can't see the chat because we're just right I know but if you open up YouTube it'll like Jonas is the audio is good. Okay, because it was like it was like fucking Well, I don't know the what not feel Joe nice that he's cute Yeah, tell which which one's Jonah again the tall he'll see it on the stream. Shut the fuck up He's not even Look at his mischievous little eyes. I didn't say it. I said I like I can tell they I know what your face looks like underneath it Yeah, because we're friends, of course, you know what my face looks like everyone knows. I know what face you're making Yeah, well, it's mostly in the eyes. See that's the thing is like this runs counter to the theory that my eyes are dead

Because now Yeah, this whole thing is to prove you don't have dead eyes Mm-hmm That's why I set up the whole quarantine. I faked the whole thing just to prove to everyone That I have expressive I have expressive eyes that do lots Yeah, that's a way to have extra dead eyes to overdo it to overdo it. Hey You can have expressive brown. Why do we even have bottom eyelids? The only expressions that bottom eyelids can relate are like I'm gonna burn all your stuff, you know

It's like it's always just like insane. It's for insane women the top eyelid goes down all the way It's like how men have nipples and they don't need them We also have bottom eyelids that we don't need they're like those are those are female vestigial organs It only exists to do crazy dumb bitch shit be a bitch to be a bitch You know to like just like I don't know man. I think maybe I'm gonna once quarantine's over I'm gonna start getting my titties sucked. You're gonna get them licked on I think so by who Adam No women No, Adam would you suck on you would you would think it's very funny to do that to suck

There was a poison in it. Maybe to suck on stop in a heroic suck of course to get the poison out of me Oh kind of a Romeo and Juliet sort of situation Yeah, if you if the snake bit his nipple, I would gladly suck it to save my friend Would you tickle my nuts and kiss my neck back and forth while you did it? Well if the snake Yeah, the snake the snake also had a little poison in my neck and the only way to get the antibodies going is to stick It's in testicles So you'd have to tickle my nuts and kiss my neck and then suck my tits at the same time It's so cool. How much we're learning about science now that there's a corona. Yeah, I fucking love science. I

Can't get enough Yeah, so but I'm just kind of basically what I'm trying to do there Nick is to fight back against the idea that nipples Are as vestigial as the bottom eyelids? Yeah, I see nipples as you more useful than bottom eyelids If I was trans I would refer to my junk is my vestigial penis. I Was actually born with a vestigial penis Doesn't it feel good to get your dick sucked jacked even if you're a woman Um, is it vestigial in that sense? I don't know. I mean, I don't know any of the rules I don't know how the mechanics who knows what those folks are doing in quarantine

You think they're not getting their dick sucked if they still have them I think they are I think they are I remember reading if they get a sex change Do they refer to it as a phantom penis? That's cool Starring Billy's that would be And they have to wear a little mask on yeah, Billy Billy Zane is the phantom penis He does have a nice smooth cock head. Did we talk about you've seen that movie right the phantom I have not seen it is Yeah, it's like a PG-13 movie and I saw it when I was a kid and like treat Williams plays like the bad guy

And there's a scene where he like cool name. He yeah, I would love that if a mom name I know penis my name was treat. Yeah, just come to penis treat Treat penis treat now. That's a name. Yeah, it is Penis treatment facility Yes, well, there's a scene in the movie where he fucking like he like has like a Microscope I guess that he like has some guy looked through but the microscope is rigged So like razor blades come out of the eye sockets and stab the guy in the eye And it was like brutal. Yeah, and it like stayed with me and like even when I was like a fucking little kid

I'm like, I don't think this should be in a kid. I just shouldn't be in a movie Yeah, cuz they kind of I remember the branding for that movie being like it's kind of like adventurey But it's not yeah action there was a string of movies that the only point of them was to sell like cups at 7-eleven Yeah, there's like they just existed to like get people to get really into like the diabetes sodas when they were going wild In the late 90s Was it like 1930s? What's that? Yeah, they were all 30s movies because they were all in the 30s all this like super hero bullshit The old Batman's the people like now. It's like they tried doing that and it didn't work

You know, they made like Dick Tracy the phantom the shadow Fucking I was Dick Tracy for Halloween in kindergarten. Yeah, you were dick sucky. Yeah, Halloween Come on stop rocks, and you know, I can dig up. Yeah, what do you know what the costume was I was too young to be No, this last year you were dick sucky, you know, I didn't dress up. You know, I was being mature No, you were dick sucky your dress up now. You're wearing your your blouse That's a nice blouse you're borrowing To do the podcast of course it was the sports bra. You look you look absolutely ridiculous Me yeah of the three of us. Do you look the stupidest?

It is it's like it's like an upscale wife beater. Yeah, it's hot here right now You know, we're gonna break a hundred for the first time in April. Oh, it's over. It's overcast and shitty here again Yeah, it's it's really hot here and the air conditioning is not great in the upstairs, right? So you're toughing it out. I'm toughing it out boys. I might go down to the stuff Shit says soft Whatever what we're no shirt. No shirt. You don't have the good. You don't have the guts. Is your penis out underneath? I'm fully nude I'm fully nude, but I'm wearing you balance shoes. Oh, that's good

That's my podcast like a black guy in a porno like a black man in a porno about to get my turn to tear it up new Belance, I'm wearing a durag and new balances and I'm about to get that pussy What if you thought he's like I like the new balance of these shoes? Have you ever tried to fuck all nude with shoes on never I Want to try it fuck all you know, we get a second chance at life after this course. That's what I'm saying I'm getting my I want to try shoes. I want to try to have sex with basketball shoes I'm gonna have like you've never fucked outside. Of course, you've Like that's a pants around the ankle. It's kind of yeah, I mean, I've come

I'm talking all new just through the zipper. I mean, you know, we've gotten close to that kind of territory before I don't go through the zipper. I pull the pants down if I'm fucking yeah. Well, that's because your pants are all like elastic You don't have any you gotta go over the fence. Yeah, you don't have any pants with zippers. I have plenty of pants with zippers I have at least four pairs off the top of my head with zippers. Thank you very much Welcome to welcome checkmate to men's wide and gross Do they have a student I very briefly shopped in a men's plus size do they have short and fat stores No, they just they torture us with big and tall. Yeah, all the models are these six eight fucking hot guys Yeah, everyone in there is fucking five seven and

250 pounds and it's fucking it's ridiculous. Yeah, there should be a short fat model there And I'm pissed off about yeah, there's never a short fat guy. It's always some fucking giant awesome looking casual male taking owls Yeah, what is cat what is what is the the euphemism the cat casual is implying I think it's because Traditionally big and tall stores were only for suits. Hmm because so it's like more for like you could have it on the golf course They figured in your casual life. You just throw a fucking potato sack, right? Okay. See I always thought it was yeah It was like you have sort of a cavalier approach towards your health Yeah In your arteries right

That was always the vibe I got from From the name of those stores Yeah, I will say when you're in there It's all because I guess if you're super fucking fat and you don't have a wife You're usually just buying sweatpants. Uh-huh Costco or something. Yeah, so every time I would go into that store You reckon with it was when I had a girlfriend who cared about me you recognize like in college Recognize the fontes shirt. That's right. That's a cool shirt. That's a cool shirt. I respect that shirt for sure I love that. I got a sandwich on it. I hope they open back up. I went by speedy Romeo's and was boarded up

No This is gone. I just found out that my favorite taco place in Jackson Heights penis So common common at men's asshole tacos is closed That's a fucking you know, the Latin American community is incredibly homophobic. They wouldn't name it like that. Yeah, I'll burn tacos Yeah, yeah, Marica American tacos for gay guys who yeah Who's who are also what's that tacos who are also weak Jewish mighty cone tacos Jewish? weakling taco

Is that the place it closed no, is that no, well, I was gonna say it's back. It's coming back, but Well, I'm not gonna go there with you. I guess I was planning on a boys trip all of us going to Jackson Heights Yeah, and having some nice be the tacos. They would respect I want a style. They wouldn't serve us Because we're not Mari cones. They would serve us. They would serve you It's not an expressly homosexual That would be cool if there was if it was like the opposite of Like the people in power like if only gay guys could eat here Yeah, only Chinese guys could eat nice an inversion, you know, what if what if what if only Elizabeth Warren was allowed to eat at the

Do you see that fucking some people been like or the tweet that was like? 2020 it was an apology to Elizabeth Warren. That was so fucking funny. Yeah, what do you Right, you know who the the essential workers should be apologizing to is Elizabeth Warren I'm sorry. Yeah, the the fucking pork packers that have to go keep dying to go to work Yeah, we're so sorry we failed you Elizabeth Warren. I love this chainmail dude I really I wish I knew how to pronounce all my s's is f's You know what what do you mean stavro? Yeah, like favros Favros, you know, like in the script the way it looks

Favros. Favros. Favros. Favros. Favros. Favros. Favros. Favros. Favros. Favros. Favros. Honestly, fat is fat and tavros in Greek means bull. Yeah. I could be the fat bull, dude. That's not a bad name. Favros. Tavros means bull. Yeah. Favros. Bull cum. What's bull cum? Tavros, I guess, hisi. The only word I know for cum is hisi, which literally means spill, your spill. Mm-hmm. So they call it your spillage, basically. Interesting. But there's probably a technical term for a seaman that I don't know. Yeah. Because I only know it from the streets. The streets of Athens? Yes, I only, I learned, I didn't learn Greek in a, you know, in a formal setting. Yeah. So you speak like Ibonics? I speak Ibonics,

the Greek version of Ibonics. Do you speak like a, you speak like a kind of like a wigger kind of version of the Greek? Yeah, absolutely. Mm-hmm. Yup, Jamie Kennedy style. Malibu's most wanted. Yeah. So? I wonder what seaman means in Greek. The Blasio's centering his sites on the hesids. Did you see that tweet? Yeah. Pop, pop. You're gone. That is pretty funny. It was not a Hasid. It was all Jews. It was just any Jew whatsoever. Going back to his, going back to his German roots. What's his real name? German Miller? Willem. Yeah. Willem, what's his name? Willem something. I mean, the Blasio, it might be like the biggest fucking idiot. I mean, at like, if all this shit Trump gets for how he's handling the coronavirus,

it's like we know what Donald Trump, like the Blasio is like just a fucking moron. Yeah. I mean, what has he done wrong? I haven't really paid attention. I mean, he's just pretty late on shutting the shit. He's late on shit. He's hysterical. He never like talks about things in terms of like, kept the schools open for a while. There being any kind of plan, it's always just like, guys, this shit sucks. Have you seen this? This is fucking crazy. That's what we need right now. A message to the Kite community. And it's like, what are you doing? Yeah. I thought it was pretty funny to me. Yeah. It was funny. And it was brave because we all know. It was brave, especially in New York City where there's what, like two

millions. Well, it's all, but no, why it's stupid is because it's like they're not going to enforce that. You know that there's not going to be mass-arrests of Hasidic people. No, there's just going to be, they're going to send a cop in. It's going to be the same exact thing it already was. So the only thing you stand to gain by tweeting that out is having people call you anti-Semitic. Right. Yeah. From a PR perspective, I'm very dumb too. It's fucking stupid. It would be wild if he just started a little, a little mini Holocaust out of the blue. Right. It would be a wild move. I will admit that. I think literally, I guess where everyone's upstate right now. So if he gets the Gats out, dude,

if the Blasio gets the Gats out, that'll be something. That'll be something else, boy. I'll tell you what, should the Blasio start exterminating you. I would be like, damn, that's fucked up, Bill. Don't do them like that. That would be kind of my perspective. His name is like Kaiser Wilhelm II. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's something German. Let me look at, let me look at this. It's villain. Yeah, we've looked this up probably. Well, it's so funny. It's because the people that point out his name, like the most, are the same guys that did the Barack Hussein Obama thing. And that's the point out that he's like, not that he's even less white than you thought he was. But when you do it with the Blasio, it just

doesn't sound like the guys that are like, oh, Bill the Blasio, you mean Hank Berman? That sounds like your name. Sounds like you'd like that guy, probably. Yeah, they're pissed he changed it up, dude. Honestly, I respect that about him. I think that's the coolest thing about him, is that he changed his name to some Dago shit. I agree. I agree. Hold on. I mean, you should have given himself a black name. That would have been so cool. My name's Tyrell Hussein, the chocolate. But do it after he wins the election. Tyrell Hussein, the chocolate. He's already, he's been elected and then he like, does the paperwork to change his name to Tyrell Hussein, the chocolate. God damn, that would be incredible.

The chocolate is a great name. You just see that name blasting out tweets, like the Jews better wise up. That makes a lot of sense to me, actually. I feel like a guy named Tyrell the chocolate is definitely not too pleased about what the Jews have done to his neighborhood. It is funny though, they watch like the conservative Jews react to that tweet who already call everything anti-Semitism anyways. Yeah, that's, that's been, you know, the guys who like take a picture of like the price of peanut M&Ms have raised like 35 cents on the subway and they're like, not since the night of crystal knocked has an injustice this grave been levied against the Jewish community. You're like, what are you talking about? Just like, yeah, the Jews

who got a suit for their bar mitzvah and never stopped wearing it. Those kids, they just keep looking, curling into it. Right. And then them reacting to this thing is so funny. One of them is like a side-by-side of like the Blasio's anti-Jewish tweet, but then also just another tweet from him that just says, like, it's like basically just says happy Ramadan. Yeah, I saw that. The question mark face, which is like, you're just proving that you hate Muslims. Why bring that in? Is this the most slam dunk actually anti-Semitic public official has ever done? Yeah, he's like, he said something anti-Semitic, but also he's being nice to Muslims, the garbage religion. They wipe their asses with their hands with their hands.

Fuck yeah, dude. All those guys are named Ari. Every single one of that type of Jewish guys are Ari. Not my Ari. They're all from TNAC. Not my sweet boy. Yeah, you're Ari's cool. Not my sweet boy. Which one's Ari again? The tall one? You've known all these people for years, Nick. Have I? I don't know anybody anymore. He transcended knowing anyone. You know, it's funny. I kind of thought that like being funny was dependent on not being around people and like, you know, you just become more, your ability to socialize breaks further and it makes you better at jokes. Right. But now it might be that you do require interacting with other people. Oh, okay. Because I feel like I'm forgetting the English language. Oh,

I've become so dumb. Yeah, I'm at the point now where I can like barely communicate. Like I just won't speak to anyone for three days. My mom will call me and be like, how's it been? I'll be like, me have breakfast? Oh wait, outside you go in. There's clouds there. What? How are you? I know, dude. Yeah. Oh, no, bro. I've been forgetting really easy words. Like what? Like uncle and and all the safe words. What are the just he's forgotten the safe like safe words while he's getting fucked in the ass. Oh, yeah, yeah. Uncle. Yes. Sesame or whatever. Right. Yeah. Is there is there a universal number of safe words that I don't know about? I don't know. I really only know uncle. Oh, that's the classic. Yeah,

that's the classic. Say uncle. But is that about getting fucked in the ass or is that about getting being put in a full Nelson? I didn't know people say uncle when they're getting fucking. Yeah, why does that satisfy a bully who's giving you a headlock? The word uncle. Why is that? I made you say the name of your mother's brother. Well, because bullies are actually bullied themselves, you know, it's bullies being molested by his uncle at home. That's right. He's like, now I'm the pain. Now I'm the uncle. It triggers a PTSD response. Yeah, starts crying. He's like, I'm sorry. They pulls his ass out and you have him in the ass. That's how you beat a bully. What's that shitty Sean Connery movie where

you can talk to dragons or the dragon hard? I don't know. I think that might be the key to sitting down and watching things. I have to watch things that are bad and then get mad at them. Yeah, for sure. I might live stream twister later. I might do a twister. So I might put twister on and just do just do twisters fucking brutal go through the insane plot. Yeah, pack my pipe up, make a little coffee, put twister on and just sir and go to work. Ain't nothing wrong with that, Poppy. Yeah. Twister. Who's in that shit? Bill Pullman. It's a Bill Paxton. It's Bill Pullman. Bill Pullman is the president of the Bill P. Independence Day. Yeah, the president. Hold on a second. That's a different

way. Yeah. Paxton. They're completely different. There's also a way. There's also Will Paxton. I don't know him. Yeah, you do. He's another guy. Hold on. Well, that's why that's not the same guy, Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman. Are you fucking kidding me? Who is Bill Paxton? I know Bill Pullman. He was in a... Yeah, he just died. That show with the Mormons, he loved. I've never heard of that. Is this show on HBO? No thanks. Is that Bill Paxton? I think it was. Damn, RIP though, even though I didn't know who the fuck he was. There's also a guy named Will Patton who's one of those guys. Damn, I honestly thought, so Paxton is not, isn't it not Pullman? Yeah, well look up Will Patton. Will Patton. Yeah, because

he's the other Bill Pullman. There's Will Patton, Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton. There's also a guy, Skarsgard and a guy, Sarsgard. Yeah, this guy is not as much of this. Those guys is the other two guys though. Will Patton is more Bill Paxton than Bill Pullman is Bill Paxton. I guess I don't know who Bill Paxton is. That's kind of my thing. You do know who Bill Paxton is. No, I know, but I always, in my head, every time I've ever thought of Bill Paxton, it's always been Bill Pullman. But Bill Pullman isn't in that many movies. He's like, Independence Day is his big thing. What is Bill Paxton in? Tell me a list of things Bill Paxton, and I'll tell you if I thought Bill Pullman was in them or not.

See? Beethoven 3. They should bring all the dog movies back. There's Beethoven, there's fucking... It's prime time for dog movies. Obviously the Air Buds. There's the Shaggy Dog where Tim the Toolman tailors a dog, and he has to watch his wife get fucked. Goddamn. I wish I could just... I can't do it. I can't. I'm trying, and it's just like I cannot make my fucking brain work. It's just silence. It's just absolute silence in my fucking head. This fucking quarantine sucks. I know, bro. I can't do it. There was like maybe one or two times where there was some novelty to it so I could extract something, but talking to a fucking computer sucks. This is bullshit. I know. I don't even like hanging out with

people, but I need to hang out with people. It's fucking... This is shit. Nick needs to be in a room with other people looking at his phone. I don't look at my phone. First of all, motherfucker, you're the phone looker at her. No, you're a phone looker at her, Nick. Come on. Don't do this. No, no, no, no. But in social circumstances, if I'm hanging out with you guys, Adam, you look at your phone too. Don't pretend like you're not a phone looker at her. If there's enough of a familiarity, I feel free enough to look at my phone. Right, right. But if I'm in like a social setting, like a gathering, I won't look at my phone. Sure. Nick is more likely to do that, but I would say at the end of the day, it sort

of evens out because you... Although sometimes, Nick, you just won't look. You just straight up will not talk for 40-minute stretches. During the show or like hanging out? No, no, no. In a party life. Yeah, no, of course. Yeah, of course I'm going to be looking at my phone. What the fuck am I supposed to do at a party? I don't drink. Well, you know, even just to chill. Is there a bag out? Just a kickback. All right. Well, I guess I'll look at my phone then. Let me know if the bag comes out and then maybe we can talk about being social. I got to look at Bill Paxton's IMDB. Yeah, we're going to take a quick look at the Paxton brothers, see which one is which. We'll get to the bottom of this. Who's

Kip Pardue? We're going to go ahead and take a look at all the Kip Pardue movies while you tell me about your sister as breast cancer. And I'm like, huh? Oh, yeah, no, that's wild, dude. Damn. Did you ever see South of Pico? Yeah, and then she was in chemo for like six weeks and it didn't work. Is South of Pico any good? You ever see that? Oh, your sister, you're talking about your sister. Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah, Christina Hendricks isn't that. It's crazy. We never saw her breasts. Speaking of breast cancer, by the way, speaking of, I mean. You see her breasts somewhere, don't you? No, never. On the internet. No. Come on. I feel like I've jacked off the pictures I thought were her breasts. Her breasts have

never been seen. I mean, that should be a section on her Wikipedia page. It should say, Christina Hendricks is an actress and many have wondered, have we ever seen her breasts? Oh, maybe I've jacked off to very convincing photo shops. Yeah, you have. That's a shame. You've been tricked. I've been duped. And the photo shops are most likely done by men, so you're jacking off to another man's art, which makes you gay. Damn it. Are you serious? Who is this lady? There's a redhead with big tits that I'm looking at right now. I love that you have a dual monitor set up to quote unquote. One of them is looking at photo shops with Christina Hendricks. Get work done. Anything in your life involves even one monitor set

up. Damn, dude, I'm pissed. I cannot believe I jacked off to somebody else's tits. Why did I jack off to her? Because it makes him dishonorable. Yeah, it makes me dishonorable. That was a not earned jack. Your hair is looking... I didn't earn that knife. It looks like a newborn baby's hair. You look like a Korean infant. Honestly, I'd say let it grow. See, it might fill out, I think. It's not grow filling out, but I'm growing it out. Yeah. I'm getting the bald ponytail. That's sealed. That's in the... Put that on the books. Yeah. I just hope it grows in fast. Do you guys know a way to get hair to grow fast? Not fuller, but faster? No. No. Because I want to come out of this with a ponytail, but I feel like I'm... I can

grab it, which is nice. Yeah. I mean, I guess it'll probably... This will go on forever, so it'll happen, you know? Yeah, that's true. You want to flatten the curve of how long it takes for your hair to grow out. I want to look like Danny DeVito in Twins. Yeah. That's a good look. That's my look when all this is said and done. I'm trying to get a fiefdom haircut, you know? Everything combed forward. Like a bald cut. Yeah. And then, yeah. Just look like... That's a good look, too. Like shaved. Like an absolute fucking retard. Yeah, absolutely. I had that haircut once. Yeah. Yeah. As a kid. Yeah. My job is to gather the stones and put the stones in order. You mean you had a proper bald cut out of like cleaned out?

Yeah. I went to... My mom went to a salon and she got me a haircut and they let like the Cuban shampoo boy like try out... They let him try out hair cutting. And like he gave me a bald cut and he said to my mother, he said, all the boys on the playground have this haircut. All the boys. That was his... I got a bald cut on my damn stuff and it was from my mom's friend, these old Greek people, who we later found out were swingers. This lady would cut hair in her house and then her and her husband were the earring in the house. So you just had like businessman come all over your hair. She used those fucking scissors to clip fucking pews. Wife swapping. Did either of you ever have this haircut?

What is it? Ricky Martin? Of course. That was a fucking cool... I love that Dan Soder still gets that haircut. Dan Soder still does. The fifth grade haircut. Soder's whole shit is like fucking 1998 dude. That's when we... He's wearing like a long sleeve t-shirts to flip up hair. He really is. He's wearing Queens of the Stone Age t-shirts. Queens of the Stone Age, Abercrombie jeans. Yeah dude, he really is like a giant kid. And he's also good in the way a child is. You know what I mean? He's a nice boy. He's a good guy. He's a good boy. He hasn't been corrupted by adulthood. Yeah, it's true. Shout out to Dan. Shouts out to Big Sodes. So what's going on? You guys got any new like skills, skill sets? I'm trying

to learn how to... I'm not learning how to paint but just paint every day. But that's really only so I can not hang out with my family. Talk to us about that for a little bit. Maybe tell... Do you want to see what I was working on this morning? Tell the whole world out there exactly what, you know, what needs to be done to progress at that. Well I think you're learning lighting. We got to start getting... We got to start getting guests on the show. We got to have people... I got to just throw the worst questions possible to people. Calm down. Yeah. So Edward Snowden, you did something or whatever? So what's up with that man? Did you get pussy in that little jail cell? Did you get pussy off of the leak?

Did you get pussy off that leak, Ed? Russia's got to be crazy. What kind of pussy they got over there in Russia? It's got to be fucking crazy over there. So when's the last time you busted a nut, Ed? Can we get Snowden on for real? How hard would that be? Pretty easy probably. You hack stuff? Is that your job? Is your like a hacker or something? Do you have bang bros? Do you hack into bang bros? So you don't have to pay? You ever see Short Circuit 2? Do you think that movie's going to come real? Do you think the science was good on that movie? Yeah. Do you think that what we're headed towards is something like the film Short Circuit 2? Is that like what we could expect? Where do they got my man?

Is he just in a house in Russia or is he like... I think he's in an embassy. Yeah, I don't know. They like the media goes to him. No, that's Assange. Where they're like, Google wants to put microchips in everyone's brain and then Edward Snowden goes, I think that's bad. And then it's like, well, of course he does. Everybody acknowledges that's bad. But they'll just go talk to Edward Snowden anytime there's like another development. What did he leak initially? The NSA is like fucking spying program. Oh, okay. So he's chill. He's a chill bloke. Yeah, he is. He's a good bloke. And he's got a little apartment. Do you think he's got a PlayStation? Yeah, he's roommates with

Anders Brevik. He's in Norwegian jail. Yeah, they put all the guys from 2011 in the same. Oh, damn, I thought you meant Anders from Workaholics. Yeah, that's that guy's name is Anders Brevik. Yeah, he went by Ders. What the fuck is Anders Brevik? He's the guy that we talk about him all the time on the show. He shot all those Muslim kids. Oh, right. Right, right, right. That guy's not chill. That guy's not. He's not as good as Ders. He's not as chill as the Workaholics. Give me Ders. I'm taking Ders over. Anders Brevik, dude, 100% of the time. And what did the other guy, what did Assange do? Assange did WikiLeaks, the drone bombing video. And he's getting pussy from Pamela Andersen somehow. That's

what they say. That's a weird, that's weird. I was not expecting that one, I'll be honest. Damn, driving movie theaters are making a comeback. Should we go? That'll be fun. Well, I mean, they're just forgetting for fingering. Yeah, it would just be nice to leave your house, bro. Yeah. We could shout to each other from our cars. Is that what you want to do? Be like, hi, Nick. We're probably like, hey, stop. We're probably never going to hang out again unless they open a socially distanced Chinese buffet. I'm there in line like it's fucking Phantom of the Menace. Just a megaphone from the, the, the root beer float station. It's good to see you again. Phantom of the Menace. Is that what you said? The Phantom of the Menace?

Yeah, I did. Episode one, Phantom of the Menace. I'm trying to see that shit like it's Phantom of the Menace, dude. That's, that's what Tyrell LaChocolate would call Phantom Menace for sure. That guy is cool. Ah, fuck. I would go to a driving movie theater. Yeah. Is that shit safe? What do you mean is it safe? You're in the car. Yeah. Fuck yeah. And then could somebody give me top? I mean, when can, when do we get testing so we know who has it and who can suck your dick again? Well, they had that, those antibody tests and it proved that most people already have it, but then they're like, oh, that's all bad science. So wait, we're not going to go with that. How do you get that test? There was one in LA County. There was that Stanford one.

There's just like, there was one in New York too. Because there was like last week, I just, I just stopped reading the news because it's like, I can't with this fucking thing anymore. And I guess, dude, I'm like those protesters. America's open for business. If you ask me, Adam, Adam just marching up and down the Capitol steps, holding his asshole open with a sign that says open for business. I'm open for business, gentlemen. Honestly, if you made a hazmat shoot and the dick part is made out of condom material, you could fuck fight like that. The dick putt. Yeah, sure. So why are we getting those going? Can you get COVID from fucking? I don't think so. So you're saying you don't even need to wear a condom.

The rest of you just has to be, you just need to airlock your dick out. As long as you wear a mask, kind of like maybe even a scary mask or a Venetian mask. Right. Yeah. As long as you're wearing a cloak and some sort of mask with a giant bird beak. What about the Little Red Riding Hood wolf where it's the wolf, but it's the grandma? She's wearing glasses. You remember that mask? That was a standard scary mask. That was really scary. I don't even look at that. You could be wearing that and having sex. Yeah, we could. Nick, you're upset. Yeah, I'm just trying. I can't fucking think.

I can't think. Yeah. Yeah, because there's nothing. There's no change in life. I think that that's the problem. The problem is there's nothing. There's nothing. You can either go read fucking bad news or do nothing. I mean, it would be okay if I just could shut off and be fucking comatose, but there's like zero fucking inputs. There's nothing to fucking talk about. None of the distractions work. They're all bullshit. I don't want to watch any more fucking movies. You haven't watched a single movie? I've watched Hero like 15 times in a row. I watched maybe 10 minutes of a fucking movie and I just can't.

I just turn it off, make another fucking coffee, pace around my apartment. I don't know what the fuck to do. I mean, it's like I don't. I like, yeah, I don't do hands and push ups. That's pretty good for you. Sure. I just like, I can't. I need like something else has to fucking happen. You know what I mean? It's just this fucking bullshit over and over again. That's what I'm saying. We got to open care at a certain point outside de Blasio's office at a certain point. It becomes a matter of creative necessity for everyone to become COVID denialists. I'm in it. I'm in it. It's like, what the fuck? You can't do your job as somebody that has to fill an hour of time unless you're saying this thing's bullshit.

Yeah. I mean, you could just watch Twister. We could talk about who's Bill Paxton. Yeah, that's great. That sounds like great. Yeah, just fucking, not only super interesting, but definitely not extremely well-tread territory. No one has ever, ever thought that maybe Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman might be the same guy. I wonder what similarities they have other than they're both named Bill and they're fucking like vice-elabic last names that start with P. I mean, it's like actors too. Yeah, white guys, brown hair. They're both white guys. Yeah, I just need something else to happen. And I like, I lost my keys, but then I found them. And that's the most exciting thing that's happened this month. Yeah. We need like a war or something. We don't need a war. We need them to try to do a war and then you'd have something else to fucking talk about. I mean, they would do a war anyways. You can't stop them. This shit sucks. This shit sucks. I hate this.

I'm with you. You could start cooking, but you're not eating. I am eating. I do cook. No, I'm tired. I'm furious. I'm like, just like, if I try to think about anything, it's just, oh right, I'm fucking furious. I'm angry. This shit sucks. I don't know what to do. And it's like, okay, well, I guess I can just turn my brain back off. Welcome. Welcome to the team. No brain thinking. I mean, that would be fine if we didn't have like a responsibility to like an audience. Just say something. Just say anything. I mean, like when it goes, it gets to the point of like, okay, well, if I can just fill an hour and it's like, but now I can't even do that. I can't even fill an hour with bullshit conversation. Damn.

What about the UFOs? They got UFOs, bro. Yeah, that's it. The genesis of every conspiracy theory is just fucking like a capital interest in needing to maintain some kind of audience. No, they really did. They just released UFOs. Like a footage. Did they? Yeah, I feel like Alex Jones would just be like a normal guy if like he didn't get a job saying things. You know what I mean? Oh, because he has to regenerate you got a key. Yeah, he's got to fill the house. He's like, oh, I guess I'll talk about a fucking lizard bubbles. Well, what about other people that don't talk about shit like that? You know, you got Howard Sturry talks about pussies and retards and that kind of stuff. You got my girl Terry Gross. She interviews people. What's with this fucking UFO thing? Let's go ahead.

I guess we'll look at this. Pentagon officially releases UFO videos. I wonder why they're trying to distract us. Get us off the scent. Yeah. Oh, damn. I went back to my Christina Hendricks shit. UFO. I tell you one thing that did kind of spook me. Just that story about like the New York Times are like that one of the top doctors in New York killed themselves because of the deal with the patients. And it's like, does that happen? I mean, does that like that seems weird to me? I know she was like a coronavirus doctor and she so feels like it's out of the fucking Clinton playbook. You know what I'm saying?

I'm at the point now where I don't think that anyone has ever committed suicide ever. I think David Carradine was murdered. I think Robin Williams was murdered. No, he was jacking off. He was murdered. That's it. Those are the only things that happened. Either people were masturbating or they were killed by the Clintons. This is the only two options. The whole concept of suicide is just, it's mostly an abstraction. Copy our doctor who treated virus patients dies by suicide according to the New York Times dot com. A top emergency room doctor Manhattan police and a Manhattan hospital that treated many coronavirus patients died by suicide.

Just listening to stop. Try to read. Yeah. Damn. Sounds like a sort of Vince Foster situation. He died by suicide. Yeah. One to the back of the head. Yeah, she shot her down in her garage. One gunshot to the back of her head. She shot herself four times in the back of the head after deleting her video. The coronavirus is like I'm not seeing any patients or what. Well, didn't she she got coronavirus and then recovered and then went back to work. Dr. Breen's father said she had described devastating scenes of the toll the coronavirus took on patients. Her father, who I guess would must be in on it, says that what she saw caused her to kill herself. Would you see the truth? Maybe she could give us some insight into these UFO videos. Dr. Breen did not have a history of mental illness, her father said, but he said that when he last spoke with her, she seemed detached and he could tell something was wrong.

She had described to him an onslaught of patients who were dying before they could even be taken out of ambulances. She was truly in the trenches, he said. He added, make sure she praises a hero because she was, she's a casualty just as much as anyone else who has died. Wow. I'd like to see his bank account statements if you know what I'm saying. Well, I don't understand that statement. Let's make sure she counts as a hero just like everyone else who died, which is like, well, yeah, she's a hero. She was a doctor, but it's like the people who are dying of Corona aren't heroes. Yeah, they are. They're heroes in the war against the virus. Yeah, and that's, that's got to end. It's like, okay, well, why are they framing it like that? She's more of a hero than them. Easy.

Easy, yeah. Nobody was even close. Yeah, who's like, this bitch taking the easy way out? A lot of people are. Yeah, like civilian casualties in the war aren't heroes. They're not heroes. They're French. Sorry, none of those Iraqi children get medals. That's what you get for not standing up for your French self. That's true. You should have joined La Resistance and died like a hero's death.

Gone to Valhalla. Les Miserables. Yeah, that's true. Les Miserables. Damn, this is fucked, dude. What? This lady got herself. What is Les Miserables? It's just about French people.

The miserable. They're dirty. That's what it means. Oh, that's what it means? Yeah, the miserable. Damn, I didn't know you knew French. It's a musical named after Adam's dick and balls. The miserable.

That would make sense these days. It's about the French Revolution. Yep. This bitch is giving up pussy for bread. There's guys going to jail and shit for bread. It's mostly about bread. There's a guy named Javert. Yeah, John Valhalla. There's Cosette.

Cosette. Is she the one giving pussy for bread? I think so. A lot of people were giving up pussy back then, which is fucked. It's fucked that you have to give up pussy for basic needs. Do you think you saw that story where landlords are trying to get people to give up pussy now? Yeah, I did. That's when we're in trouble is when we go back to a pussy-based economy. Why? That's what you want.

That's what I want, but society is in trouble. Also, I don't want that. I don't want it to be an economy. I don't want it to be an exchange. What makes you think that women are sleeping with you for any other reason other than some kind of social exchange? That's what everyone gets. That's how everyone fucks. I don't want it to be an economic exchange. It is an economic exchange. Well, it's not for money. That's my wheelhouse.

But it's because you have the money is the reason that women are fucking you. As long as it ain't coming out of my pocket, I'm not looking too deep, brother. I'm on the surface waters having a nice time doing this float move. You know where people float on their back? I'm on a lazy pussy river. I'm not trying to go underneath the surface. You're not trying to see all this cum. Absolutely. You wouldn't talk about lies of the system.

One of the greatest systemic lies of all time is that if you piss in a pool, it'll turn blue. It really is a great lie. I was so scared. The times of not piss and the times of like, oh, yeah, it'll turn red. And then you go ahead and you piss or whatever and it's fine. You're like, these motherfuckers. I could have been pissing this whole time. This whole system is based on fear and lies, which is like if you had a different method of imposition,

one that was based on honesty, that maybe even more draconian, it wouldn't feel like such a spiritual violation. Yeah, I agree with that. Even if it was tougher, as long as I knew the real rules and there was no getting fucked one way or the other. Right. If you told me that instead of a red dye, if you piss in the pool and the lifeguard were to find out, he would pull down your pants and make everyone laugh at the size of your child penis. Then I would not only respect the rule, but if I was caught, I would say this is a justice system. I knew what the terms were and it turned out to be true.

There was a crime and there was a punishment. There's crime and there's punishment, but there's honesty at the core of the thing. Man, your little kid dick would probably be wrinkled too if you're in the pool. Justice without truth is not virtuous. So true. So effing true. Can there even be justice without truth, my friend? A question for the ages.

I guess. Probably. I can take an example. Like when you shit and you realize you're out of toilet paper and then you get toilet paper and then you wipe and it was one of those like turds that didn't need to be wiped. Wow. Now that is a great, yep. Wait, you're saying that's justice without truth? I don't think that qualifies as justice without truth, but that is some kind of specific circumstance of something. It is justice without truth. What's the justice?

Well, the justice is that you didn't have toilet paper and you wiped your ass and like you didn't need it. You didn't have the toilet paper and you didn't need it, which is a just reality. And the truth, the truth of the matter, not having truth is that you didn't know you didn't need it. Right. Not having truth is that there's no way to prove it unless you did have the toilet paper. Interesting. I guess truth and knowledge are the same. Yes. I was not equating them as the same thing, but right. I mean, I was just fishing for anything to say.

Maybe truth with knowledge instead of justice without knowledge. I was looking for maybe anything that might even remotely seem like sentences. I went to Lowe's yesterday. Oh, gotta go to Lowe's. I don't love to blow, man. Gotta go to Lowe's. Lowe's. Lowe's. Lowe's. Lowe's twice. Black Home Depot. It's time. Home Depot is Black Lowe's instead of the way around.

Really? Lowe's is nice. Lowe's is nice, dude. Lowe's is really nice. Have you been to the Lowe's in Red Oak? No. First of all, no. Home Depot is Eastern European Lowe's. Thank you very much. Home Depot is chaos. How about this? Hekengers was the best. I've never been there. Yeah, you'll never go. You'll never know about Hekengers.

Hekengers was nice. You'll never know about Hekengers. I have found some of the last fond memories with my father at Hekengers. Dude, as a kid, going to Hekengers with my dad, I'm like, like my dad is no, like, no idea what anything in that store is. You know, and as a kid, you're like, one day I'm going to be picking up this shit and there'll be a reason for it. You know, I'll know. I used to love going to, like, Track Auto when I was a little kid and be like, wow, some day I'll have, like, a shitty Honda. And I'll come here to buy things for my shitty Honda and I'll know what they are. I thought that would be so cool.

Yeah. But then Hekengers went out of business. I know. Yeah. But now it's all advanced auto. I don't think I've ever been to Lowe's. I'm a Home Depot guy. Adam, I cut you off. I'm sorry. You were going to Lowe's for what? Wow. Things are tough.

Yeah, let's just go to Adam. I didn't go anywhere. No bit there. Time to go to Adam. I went to Lowe's for an Ethernet cable. Nice. And I bought it. You're coming in crisp. You're coming in clear. Yeah. I bought it and it didn't have the connector plugs on the end. So I had to go back to Lowe's. What? It was just a cable without the connection?

What? This is Adam. Adam was like looking at the trip. I ordered it online. He was like, this one's only $3. This one's got $3 and it doesn't come with the clips. But you know, you save some money just by trying to plug the bare wires into his computer to save money on the clips. Electrocute himself. Yeah.

Because I'm now recording back upstairs again. So I can have some privacy for the show. And yeah, and they didn't have the connector. So I had to go back and it was a pleasure. It was a real pleasure leaving the house twice, going to Lowe's. I did a little people watching. Do you have to wear masks in Vegas? What the fuck is people watching? People say that and they're just like, oh, it's a great spot for people watching. And it's like, does that mean that you think that you're like, you're not an idiot?

I mean, that's the implication always. Is it like what you go to hang out and watch other people be stupid and banal in ways that you think that you're escaped from? I don't think there's any value judgment. Just around people, just soaking up different types of people that are at Lowe's. I always thought it was kind of like shitty and condescending, that expression. I think it can be read that way. I think that people that claim to be really into people watching are typically dickheads. It can be vindictive, but it can also be interesting.

I'd like to watch them. Who watches the watchers? Who watches the people watchers? Why don't we go take a look at these fucking dickhead people watchers and some guy sitting on a bench. Just get right up in his face. What are you looking at? See, now you know how it feels. Now you know how it feels.

You fucking asshole. Yeah. What are you doing? You're a guy who's never recovered from teenagers watching you shit your pants one time. I did see. What are you doing? You and your new girlfriend here having a nice spring day? Yeah, it's always about, yeah.

It's a big couple. I feel like that's what the Zodiac Killer was all about. He's going, I'm like, what are you guys doing? You're people watching? They're like, please leave us alone and then you time up and stab them to death. Yeah. It's like, consider yourself watched. You're watched, bitch.

Yeah. Welcome to Aquarius Rising. Your house is in Saturn. It's funny that they got this guy going around murdering people. He's just a dumb astrology bitch. Yeah. Yeah, that's very funny. That it's like the same kind of person.

He's like, you know, dear Mr. Police, if you ever want to see Caitlin breach her ninth birthday, you'll send $200 and 18 healing crystals to P.O. Box for 18. When this stick of incense burns out, I chop one of her toes off. They're calling him the Fortune Cookie Tarot Card Killer. They're calling him the Eachine Killer. Oh, fuck me. At Lowe's, I did see a gentleman who I believe was a Mexican gentleman wearing a t-shirt from a funeral, like the t-shirts that they make.

The swag? Yeah, the swag, the funeral swag, which I guess had been donated somewhere. He was wearing a funeral, which I thought, you know, and that's the kind of stuff you get from leaving the house, being out in the world, people watching. Salvation Armies, you'd go into them. It used to be like half the rack was like the Jefferson Jackson, 150th anniversary. Family reunion. Six Flags Reunion, growing and glowing, baby.

You know, and it was just, yeah, just 500 of those shirts. I know. Or like a class trip, or it's like some asshole just donated them unmasked. We should get some of that shit, man. I haven't been to a thrift store in a while. Damn. People would be going to thrift stores. Trift stores are worthless in New York.

You have to go. Yeah, they are pretty picked through. You can go to Jersey, though, for some gold. Yeah. I mean, what are you going to do? Get into like, ironic thrift store t-shirts now, again, is 35. Yeah, look in my 30s. 2007 stuff.

The shit that, like, by the time you turn 22, you're like, oh, I'm just a tool. Yeah, this is stupid. I love that shit, man. I don't begrudge my face of ironic t-shirt. I'm going Western, where? Restaurant graphic tees is the way to go, friends. It's a good look. I respect that.

Yeah. I got two shirts from La Filippe. I'm sucking John Wick's cock. Yeah. Your head is the wrong way. Should be the back of your head. Shut up. Everybody keeps asking me if I'm gay.

They didn't really have an answer. But now I'm thinking, yeah, I'm gay. Yeah, I'm gay. Yeah, I'm gay. I'm thinking I'm gay. I'm thinking I'm gay. That movie rocks. I rewatched that one recently, too.

Yeah, I could rewatch John Wick. That's a stone cold classic. I'm going to have to watch two again. My boyfriend gave me that dog before he died. What dog used to put that dog in my ass? That puppy lived in my ass for years. Adam, what's your background about? Why is Bob dealing with the Yarmulke?

He's praying at the western wall, I believe, in occupied Palestine. Damn. I wish I could go to Bob's Big Boy or Bob Evans. Damn. What's the... I mean, you're going to have to leave... It must have been awesome to leave some Eastern Bloc country in the 1980s. You spent your entire life there, and then you moved to America in 1993,

and you get to go to Wendy's for the first time. Oh, yeah, dude. Can you imagine that? I probably rocked. My family, we have gone to Wendy's, and it is filled with joy in my heart. To have Square Capitalist hamburger. Did they even have burgers in Russia?

No, they didn't have shit, dude. That's another question. You got to eat a radiated wallpaper. For Snowden. For Snowden. You all got hamburgers over there? Yo, Ed, you all got hamburgers? You all got Stem Square Wendy's hamburgers.

They got different menu items at the McDonald's. Yeah, they got a McDonald's over there. You all got Borscht at your McDonald's? What's the pussy situation like? Because they're mailing them all out elsewhere. I'm thinking, what's left over? It's got to be like a thrift store here in New York. It's true.

It's picked through. All the good, ironic pussies taken. You're only left with the sincere stuff. Yeah. Why, sturdy Russian wives. Fuck, I smell like shit. Did you guys feel like your body odor is worse than the quarantine? No.

I've been fine. I mean, kind of, I guess, but not really. I've also been showering more because I'm exercising. So I'll shower in the morning and I'll work out and I'll shower again afterwards. I see. Yeah. You do a little sandwich, a little shower sandwich. That's the other thing.

I take a million showers now. It wasn't for a while. I stopped bathing for the first couple weeks and then there's nothing to do. So it's like, okay, well, I guess I'll take a shower. Right. I mean, I don't know, maybe I should get a punching bag. I really have no idea. Punching bag's a good idea.

I have no fucking idea. And this is going to go on for another, I mean, it's like, it's going to be interesting to see what happens in New York after May 1st. When people can't pay their rent, when it's like, you know, they're tired of it, like, nobody wants to clap anymore. That's the thing. It's like, that's, that's, we need, these are the kind of models I need and statistics. Somebody should do a clapping at 8 p.m. index and see how long it takes before that peters out.

Because the first night in New York where there's only a single person clapping, the next night is the one when the fires start. Yeah. Yeah. No one has clapped here once in a story. Yeah. I mean, I can hear Williamsburg from here. I don't think my neighborhood's clapping.

It's like, because my neighborhood is like mostly older black people, I think still. Yeah. And they, I don't know. Yeah. Maybe Adam, Adam was right to flee, dude. Yeah. Adam was at the right move to flee in New York. To abandon New York.

To be scared. We have now. Adam's natural fear instinct when confronted with anything. I was not, it was not a cowardly move. I would, I would own up to it if it was, but it wasn't. I'm just saying you were right to do it. And I think now it's after May, we've, the real New Yorkers have proven who they are and they are now free to flee without any judgment attached.

And maybe it's time to get a fucking cabin, get a property. Yeah. Walk the grounds. Yeah. I just want to, I want to touch grass, bro. Well, you know exactly what will happen is you'll buy a house somewhere, right? And leave. And then that's when like all podcasts just immediately go bottom up.

Yeah. And you can't get a job at all and now you have a fucking 30 year mortgage on a property. You're like, oh, well, now I'm also out of work and I can't pay for anything. Yeah. So it just puts you in this like fucking holding, but like what the fuck, what the fuck is going to happen, dude? This shit sucks. I know.

It's not funny. It's not. I know. It's finally, I've found something that isn't funny. Dude, when I come back, if it's still quarantine, I'll hang out with you. I don't care, dude. You're not coming back, dude. I'm coming back.

You know when I'm coming back, but I'm coming back eventually. But yeah, I'll hang out with you. I don't care. I'll hang out with you. We go to that taco place, pick up those tacos. No, we're not doing that. Why? Look, me and stop, me and stop live here and we don't hang out.

I've been not seeing stop in months. Yeah, but you and I are neighbors. I'm not leaving the, I'm not leaving this story, bro. He doesn't leave the story. He doesn't leave his apartment. I don't leave my apartment. There's really not a reason to hang out. Nick, you should go for a drive.

Maybe that'll make you feel better. I can't go for a drive. There's nowhere to go driving. Go down to the Coney Island. Check it out. Old Desolate. Drive back. Yeah.

Maybe I'll go for it. It's not a bad drive. Go for a drive. My car's been up on like blocks for like three weeks. I'm going to go to the strip, I think, and see it all black. They suspended alternate side street parking. So I've been doing all the work that I put off that would require like not moving the car on.

How's it going? How's the work on the car going? It's nice. It's nice to have a project. But again, it's like all the things that I have to distract myself with, it's like, I don't know how to like turn that into, like there's not, I'm so fucking under stimulated that I can't produce anything. I can't fucking like do anything.

I've been make, I've like sit around and I make like, like, like instructions for myself on like how to do things. You know? I format them in page. I'm getting into like document processing. I mean, it's like, I don't know what to fucking do. I know, brother. Yeah.

It sucks, dude. Well, my offer to hang out with you when I get back is still on the table. No. All right. Ian said he's going to ride his bike and then we're going to talk for my balcony while he's downstairs. Yeah. That sounds nice.

I like that. It's like, I mean, it's, you kind of watch everybody creatively kind of flailing right now and the only emotion you're really capable of having is like disgust. And then you witness it in yourself and you're like, fuck. It's like, what do you, like, what do you do? I mean, all we can do is just sort of like, hey, look at me, you know, and then people do and you're like, whoops, sorry. Yeah.

Yep. I got nothing. I don't have the answer either. Sorry. Yeah, people's seen a lot of cringe content. Oh, yeah. Personally. Oh, yeah.

And comedy was comedy already was shit. It was gotten. It's gotten pretty bad. It was already like incredibly superfluous, all of this content that nobody really wanted, but there was enough money in the industry that, you know, they would keep making it. Somebody would just fucking throw a man like, yeah, let's do like, let's do like Viacom soon like a web series, I mean, like that's what like queebie is. It's funny that queebie hit right when this happened because that's the pinnacle of like

old media waste, throwing all this money at a fucking idea that's dog shit. Just setting money on fire. Just like, you know, did you, how much money they fucking raised for billions? Yeah. Billions. Billions. Billions of dollars. For a proprietary subscription phone only service where there's no way to share any of the content

on social media. I mean, it's like, it's unreal. Just how much, and like, you know, there's a lot of people that got into the, like the entertainment industry banking on the idea that like, you know, because it was like funny, it was like 10 years ago, they're like, comedy has a mediocre white guy problem. And it's like, yeah, you're right. And the answer is like, we should get rid of the mediocre white guys. It's not that we should have a bunch of mediocre, everything mediocre of every stripe.

Yeah. It's not an introduction of a bunch of mediocre bullshit from everybody else. They should just fire the mediocre white guys, leave the 15 of them that are fucking talented, and then maybe find like, you know, a black woman that's loud in a funny way. You know, maybe put, maybe throw Leslie Jones there. Maybe we do ghostbusters and there's only one of them. There's one of them. You pick one.

The best one of the Lady Ghostbusters. The best one. The best one. That's one Lady Ghostbusters. Yeah. You go Egon with Leslie Jones, and then I guess maybe you get it, maybe a Chinese Ghostbuster in there. I like that.

Chinese Bill Murray. Ken Jong. Ken Jong. It's, yeah. Jet Lee. No, not Ken Jong. Jet Lee. Ken Jong.

It's Dick is so small. It's so fun. He's 11. What's that? From the Ocean's Jet Lee and the Ocean's Eleven movie. Yep. That's the other Ghostbusters. That's Chinese Ghostbuster.

That's not Jet Lee. I used to think it was Jet Lee. That's not Jet Lee. It's not. Yeah. It's just a small guy. Isn't he, isn't he one of them? I thought it was Jet Lee too, bro.

No, he's in the, he's in the Expendables. That's it. He's not in the Ocean's Eleven. That's not even close to the same movie, dude. And he's doing way too much guns and not enough shots. It is close to the same movie. I'll say that. They're both ensemble casts with the Chinese.

I guess. They're quite fine. They're ensemble cast, but one is much more of an action movie. The other one's a caper. Not exactly a caper, but some, a heist, heist movie. What did you guys say are the kind of movies I should watch? The long goodbye? Yeah.

All those like 70s, like gritty crime movies. I'm about to write it down. Yeah. We should all, we should, you know how we should have this conversation is we should do the podcast from now on. One of us will say something and then the other person will go, hold on a second, let me write that down. We just have minutes of silence while we just take down notes here.

What was it? I've been taking notes this whole time. Hang on a second. You said it was Bill Pullman. And he's a different guy. Let me, let me, so that's, hold on real quick, P-U-L-L-M-A-M. And now, I'm sorry, just to follow up to back to what you were saying earlier, there is a Bill Paxton, to be clear, okay.

And that is P-A-X-T-O-N. Correct. Correct. You got that right. Very good. What are the other movies though, for real? Long Goodbye? What else?

Oh yes. Well, let's write these down. Long Goodbye. And I'm assuming that's the classic spelling of long L-O-N-G. What's the other option? L-O-N-G-E. L-A-W-L-O-N-G. Long.

Long. That's the original name of Long Island was L-O-N-G-E-I-S-I. Longe. Longe. Longe. Longe Island. Longe Isle. I have a very long spin-ass.

My balls are long. Long balls. So Long Goodbye, we'll go ahead and write that down here. You're listening to the Taking Notes podcast. This is episode 783 and note taking is, I wouldn't say an art form, but it's certainly nothing to thumb your nose at. And a lot of people, they don't know the right way to go about it. They think, somebody says something, you just jot it down.

That's incorrect. Well, I mean, not technically. What are the other aspects? Not technically. I mean, technically speaking, it is correct. That is both the essence and entirety of what note taking is, but if you were to, I wouldn't say necessarily belabor it, but add some flourish, there's things you can do. For example, I use capital letters, and that way I never have to dot my eyes.

But isn't that more work overall? No. In fact, over the course of years, I've saved probably $22 in pens based on the ink I've conserved. What are the capital letters smaller? Damn. What's that? Can you use small capital?

Who's sneezing? Who's sneezing? Let's investigate that. Oh, what are they? My roommate. What's going on with that? Want me to go check? Yeah.

All right. One sec. Be right back. Hold on. We'll sit here in silence. So Adam, you were saying earlier, I want to make sure I write this down. I get this down. You went to Lowe's?

You all right, bro? Yeah. All right. You went to Lowe's, you said? I went to Lowe's twice yesterday. And that's L-O-W-E-S. He's all right. Lowe's.

Yeah. Lowe's. He's doing fine. I just took down some notes here. Adam apparently went to the store Lowe's. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what happened?

I went to the correct chord. Then I went back, got the correct chord. That's fantastic. You know, just to add a little extra information. Just make sure I stop. You got that down here. You got that. I ordered the correct chord with the connectors on the end.

And then I got there the second time to the, because they have a online pickup thing. Right. I ordered it to the wrong Lowe's. So then I had to get refunded for that one. Yeah. Then go into the aisle. Oh, I'm sorry. I can't do it myself.

I'm looking at the order now. This one went to the Lowe's for the straight guys. So we don't have any. And he said it's a straight Lowe's. Yeah. This is actually the guy behind the counter is trying to rip on you. And he's like, yeah, sorry, that went to the straight Lowe's. This is only for gay guys.

And you're like, so you're gay? And he's like, what? No. Fuck. No. Fuck you. The guys that work here, they're the other thing. The customers that are gay.

I want to share it. I'm going to share it. This says the customer is always gay. Yeah. That's right. And it's a, it's a businessman bending over exposing his asshole. But he's, would he be the customer of the businessmen is he's selling his ass and he's straight.

But the rule here, there's only one rule, there's only one rule to call him the whole rule. And it's that the customer is always gay. Customers always gay, but I'm sure the guy getting fucked in his ass in a suit. I'm straight. Yeah. I'm straight. I'm, I'm a businessman.

I'm doing a good job. Sex work is work. It'd be funny. Yeah. Like mad men. It's like a sex work office where it's just a bunch of business guys get like going out and getting fucked in their ass all day wearing suits and then coming back to the office and being like, Meg, your tits look better every time I see it.

This is a cum dripping out of their pockets. Under the CEO of Polaroid just fucked in the ass. I got a three o'clock over at the Pan Am building. One trip is going to be blowing out my holes for about 15 minutes. I was thinking, Meg, maybe me and you could go get some Tom Collins after this. Listen to some jazz down in the West Village. What do you say? I have a fiance.

I'll have him killed either we have sex or I'll have him killed. You don't have, you have no idea how much gay sex I've been having in 1960s corporate America to keep my job. And now it's not falls on you to make me feel straight again. They've got a big Japanese client coming over and they're stressing out that they're having gay sex in the correct cultural way. Right. The Japanese clients coming.

They got to figure out who has to lay down on the table. Just cover yourself in sushi. Yeah. Well, being bukkake. Oh, okay. That's another thing we're doing. Yeah. Who goes out for eating a sushi off of a sexy lady and is like, this is cool.

What do you mean? I don't think it would be cool. That doesn't really, really? Yeah. I would feel bad for her. I'd want to talk to her. Be like, are you enjoying this? Yeah.

Of course you want to talk to her because you're like a predator. What do you mean? I'm like a predator. Well, you would have to. I think it's a predator kind of move to pay to you. You would have to. You're awful woman. It's a transaction.

You'd have to escape yourself from the transaction while still trying to get the ultimate result, which is to you to have some kind of. No. First of all, I wouldn't do it because it's kind of lame. Some kind of sexual interaction with this woman. You want to establish an emotional relationship where they would be like, I'm not like the other guys. And then you get the fuck without having it.

Whereas I'm happy to pay her, I'm happy to pay her for her talents. Right. We're being honest. I'm happy. This is back to the pool. You know what you are? As you're a pool liar, you're a guy who would lie about the fucking to die in the pool. That's not true.

I'm a pool pisser. I've been a pool pisser my whole life. I knew. Oh, I know you're a pool. I know you're a pool pisser. I'm saying you're one of the. You would have been one of the people propagating the line. You'd be sitting there pissing in the pool and being like, you know, there's a red dye

that's in the pool. And yes, that's true because I'm the puppeteer. I'm the puller of the strings. Do you see that? Do not do not lie to me. You're actually not the puppeteer. I'm not the puppeteer. I'm the puppeteer.

Nope. I'm the puppet master. I'm just a petal. You are. In that you would, you would make it what the fuck happens in Pinocchio. So Gepetto like loves Pinocchio and then he turns him into a real boy and then Gepetto is just out of the picture. He's not in the rest of the movie.

Wasn't there something with the whale? I think Pinocchio does something fucked up and Gepetto is like, fuck you, you fucking bitch. He lies. Yes. So he's like, go get fucked. Go get fucked by that donkey boy, then go get fucked by a whale. You watch a lot of baby movies, stop, don't you?

You've rewatched Dumbo recently. I have not rewatched Dumbo. I just figured, I just saw on the line that it was shorter than I thought. You rewatched Moana though, you told us that. That was a year plus ago and it's not a rewatch. Lilo instead. It's not, Moana is not a rewatch, it's a watch. Watched for the first time.

Thank you very much. You watched Moana. A couple years ago. Was it good? Maybe. It was pretty good. I actually saw a pretty cute video of the rock's daughter singing to the Moana song and she has no idea her dad is, is the guy.

He didn't even tell his own kids. She's a baby. You know what would be a fun thing to do is for the rock and Jason Moana to just switch and see if their children know. They look kind of different, one has long hair. Yeah. That's true. That's kind of the whole, in your plan, let's see what else is going on.

They got this Michael Jordan documentary. How about like a civil war plantation owner coming back to his plantation after being at the civil war for years. And then making a video. Dumbo's only 64 minutes, by the way. I like that. Interesting. Too short.

In and out. Not too short. It's too short. You know the sandlot is only 20 minutes long. Really? I did not know that. Look at this. What is that?

Shit? A piece of shit? It's paint. It's dried paint. You got a piece of shit that you're sticking on your head? I didn't stick a piece of shit on my head. Do not say that. Maybe it's time to call it quits on the dots.

Okay. Those get me for weeks. Just Bill Maher. You know, maybe we've had enough of the dots. Water bottle looks like a big, like the innards of a flashlight. It looks very fleshy. Yeah. It's a half gallon, I gotta stay hydrated.

I drink two of these a day. It looks very biological. Nothing wrong with that. You drink two of them a day? I try to. Your skin looks nice. Thank you. I think it's been drinking all that water.

Thank you. Why are you shaking your head? I'm just so disappointed with my inability to have any kind of thought. Listen. You should do cocaine, man. I know. I really should just start doing cocaine. Is cocaine still deliberate?

I have no idea. In New York? Probably. I have no idea. But I don't know how to... You know. Or maybe a different drug that's designed to make your brain work. Like what?

I don't know. Some of the doctor would prescribe? No. Because I go to a doctor and say, hey, I'm in quarantine and I'm having trouble like harnessing my natural erratic thought patterns and I need to maximize them in a certain way. I need help making my thinking more disordered so that I can do my fake job. Yeah. No.

I was just saying you take your regular pills again. They don't help. It's just a thought, man. Yeah. Well, you want you take your thoughts and bring them right to the Chinese buffet. Meet me there. I love to do that. That's what I need.

I need a fucking... I need a day out at Chinese fucking buffet. I need to be able to live my goddamn life the way I did. I agree. And it's not even like, you know, like all these protesters think they're protesting for freedom or whatever. It's not even like a fucking... These are like basic human needs and it's not even a matter of protest.

It's like eventually you're just going to like bash your head against a fucking wall. Yeah. I can't... I don't know what to fucking do. Yeah. You got to leave me... Go to the middle of the country. I guess.

You know, I don't know. I mean, yeah. Maybe I'll just put the fucking wheels back on my car. Maybe I'll try a drive. But this shit is fucking driving me goddamn insane. The drive is nice. I'll say a couple of my friends... A couple of my friends have fleed and although it is irresponsible, their lives sound so

much better. Yeah. Where have they gone? A couple... Like one of them went to Ohio. There's like... There's like 10 cases there. Everyone just fucking goes to the grocery store with masks on.

Ohio is like way locked down though. Ohio was the first place to lock down and they have all these like ridiculous measures. So they just did it right is what you're saying? If you think that that's right, I mean... Because it seems pretty chill over there is what I'm saying. What do you mean? Compared to here. It's the same.

I mean, again, I haven't paid attention but like they were also locked down. I think the biggest surface of a house party in Chicago is like a thousand people at it. What? Really fun. Yeah. Why dude? Damn. We're going to be in here forever.

Did it? Yeah. We're going to be in this motherfucker forever. I want some fucking top. I want top. Baby want pussy. What time is it? Ahhhh.

Ahhhh. It's 4.30 or 1.30 your time I guess. Yeah. Damn. I should get into making fireworks in my apartment. I think that's the answer. Why not? You know.

Put it in a big fertilizer order. Just practicing Chinese, learning how to make fireworks. Yeah. God damn it's so funny that we would have already been and come back from Australia by now. Yeah. And that'll never happen again. There won't be in Australia. Australia's going feral.

Yeah. Kangaroos on surfboards are overrunning everything. Are they fucked over there? I don't know. I don't know. That's the thing. It's like I can't pay attention to this shit because the only thing I can do is like get upset.

I mean it's like... Uh huh. Everything sucks. I'm with you mate. Everything fucking sucks. It just fucking sucks. It just sucks. Yeah.

There's no... I can't even be like, ah come on. It sucks dick. I hate it. You're a fucking liar. I want to kill myself. It's fucking awful. It's just fucking awful.

And it's like, you know, everybody already wanted to kill themselves. You know, it's like the feeling, the feeling, the overwhelming feeling is like it's too late you missed your chance to kill yourself. Right. Now we would have been in time. You kill yourself now. There's no... No one's going to be sad.

You already... If someone pointed out that Prince died right before Trump got elected in 2016, it would have been an awesome time to get fucked. Just kill yourself on drugs dude. Yeah. Do you ever know how fucking gay the world gets? Yeah. How to rock.

Also you kill yourself now, it's like fucking those EMTs are probably busy, you know. They got to come scoop your brain off like your PlayStation or whatever. It's rude. It's rude to kill yourself. It is rude to kill yourself right now. That's the only reason you can't do it. You could have done it. You could have done it weeks ago.

Now you're already... Now you're just like, well... Early March baby, that was the end. That was the last time you could have. Yeah. Let me see if quarantine ends and then, yeah, you know, fuck. Fuck dude. Life is gay.

Did you eat any Easter candy? Did you get any Easter candy to eat? Didn't get any Easter candy. No, that's a shame. Fuck. I just remembered that. It's a shame. Fuck.

I didn't get any fucking Tureki, the Greek Easter bread. You know how good it is to eat fucking chocolate with Tureki? So good. I have no idea. I've never had it. Maybe when this ends. Fuck. Yeah.

Do you know what the funniest part too is about like doing it? Because everybody's doing it. Everybody in the world is like, after this, it's like the whole kind of like premise of all that Glenn Beck like 9-12 movement bullshit is that like, oh, you're supposed to have some appreciation for things when this ends, you know? None. None. Yeah.

The media. You know what is funny? Because it's like it started and my dad's like FaceTiming with me and shit, which we've never done. And it took like FaceTimed one time. And now he's back to just blowing off my text messages for weeks on it. He does not respond to me, won't pick up the phone and he's like, you know, he's like, well, I miss you.

It'd be nice if, you know, like we could see you, but you know, obviously that's not like an option or whatever. And now it's just fucking radio silence. Yeah. Yeah. He's in the lab, dude. Yeah. He's in the lab taking advantage of his time.

No, he's not. He's not doing it. I know. He's just fucking doing the same thing. Everyone else is doing his nothing. And I keep seeing that shit on Instagram is people being like, use this time to work on yourself. And it's like, you're not doing that.

You just made that stupid fucking picture and then you're going back to eating oranges or whatever you're doing all day. Yeah. And I think the thing to be productive when everything you worried that the world might disappear is it sucks. It's hard to do anything. It's also, you were probably already productive. You're just not talented.

I mean, this is like, for the most people I know their, their hang up isn't that they're not productive. They're very productive. It's just they produce nothing but dog shit. It's that the majority of your production fucking sucks. You're absolutely right. Yeah. If the time is actually worse, it becomes, it allows you to realize that you've got the

time and you are dog shit. Yeah. There's probably some people actually putting in the work right now that are like, Oh, yeah, I sucked it. You're fucking terrible. The only, the real work to be done is coming to terms with that fact that maybe like a life dedicated to yourself was not the fucking answer and now that you're locked alone and isolated, you have to find like some kind of meaning in mindfulness or something small

or immediate. They're like fucking doing the dishes or like some other sustainable aspect other than just like pointing at yourself all fucking day long. And I don't know what it is. You know, costume changes. I mean, I'm enjoying that to be honest. I mean, I think I might, if I, you know, maybe I should just buy a couple more costumes. Yeah.

You need a crown to go over that. A crown would be cool. I was thinking, you know, maybe get, maybe get into cosplay, you know, and that's the thing. It's like right back to like, you're just brain just goes, well, no, I guess I'll just continue to distract myself. I'll just think about anything else, waste more money and it's, I'm on team distract yourself.

Right through it. One way or the other. And it goes on for so long that it's like, you know, it's like people are like, oh, well, the world will get so bad that won't like people have this idea that it'll inspire people to action or whatever. There'll be some kind of red revolution or something, but you become so worn out and drained and like tired and numb that really there's nothing, you know, there's nothing to even rebel again.

I mean, it's just like, you don't care. I mean, you just shut off. Like what would be the motivation to do anything? I don't know, not dying, I guess for some people. Yeah, who cares? Who cares? Yeah, literally, who cares? That's the right answer.

Yeah. It sucks, dude. I'm, yeah, I'm not, I'm not talking about what's going on here, but it's not an ideal situation. Yeah. Going to Lowe's coming back. Going to Lowe's. Again.

There's a lot of difficult things happening. Going to the straight guy Lowe's when you should have gone to the gay guy Lowe's. Yep. Yeah. That was pretty funny. No, it wasn't. It was, nothing was funny. Yeah, it's a good note.

It's nothing was funny and it's over now, everyone. So thank you. We'll get a guess. Yeah. We're going to have Dr. Edward Snowden on the show. Yeah. If you know Edward Snowden, if you know Edward Snowden for real, ask him if he wants to do the show.

Yeah. I don't know. No, we really should start having a guess. We'll start doing that. Yeah. I mean, because, you know, to be honest with you, I had, I did like Kurt's podcast and that was like our, it's like when there's other people that are new. Today?

No. I mean, like last week, I've been doing, I mean, like me and Tim and Lewis now we're doing that bastard radio show regularly and that one was like, but you know, it's only a matter of time before you get comfortable doing that. I mean, not being in person is fucking like, again, yeah, if it's a different show and there's like a different group of people, there's some like, you know, cause it's like a new conversation or whatever. There's some kind of like novelty to it and having to figure out Kurt's show was a lot

of fun. Doing that and Shane was a lot of fun, but it's like, you know, it's like you need something. You know, yeah. We should get a guess to mix it up. Yeah. All right. I'm going to see if Tim wants to do it or fucking. Yeah.

That'd be good. Yeah. Let's get him in the mix. Tim or. All right, folks. Well, I got a fucking curry. I'm trying to check up on, see how that bad boy's doing. Oh, nice dude.

Indian or Thai? Sort of. It's, it's kind of more Indian, I guess. Oh, so I guess I have to end the, I have to end it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Check me out on Twitch, twitch.tv slash Thauby baby every Friday at six o'clock.

I do a call-in show. You can leave, I forget the number, 903-883-Staub, I think, and you can call, leave a voicemail and I will answer it on the air. That sounds great. It's pretty fun. Adam, do you have anything? Nope. No.

Nothing. Okay. Well, yeah. Bye everyone. Bastard radio, if you want to check that out. Check out Bastard radio. It's kind of like this, but instead of Adam and Staub, it's two other guys I have nothing to say to after a fucking week's on end.

All right. Goodbye everybody. Love you guys.