The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 208 – This Is Your Captain Speaking

Episode Date: May 21, 2020

what do ya think ends first, quarantine, or the podcast?

All right. What's up boys? How we doing? I think there we go. And that should fix the audio thing. Whatever that issue was, that should be resolved now. Yeah, it didn't do it.

I don't think it did it. How do I sound to you guys good? Sounding good. A little loud. You might want to turn your shit all the way to zero. We should do the podcast completely just at zero. We talk for an hour. It exists.

It's a visual product now. Yeah, it's really low. It's some avant-garde shit, dude. We could become like podcast artists like that lady that pulled a pussy out of her scroll. Or the what scroll out of her pussy. What are you talking about? There's a lady who pulled a famous like performance artists

pulled a scroll out of her pussy. Who that one bitch? Marina. No, not her. The one that she jacked her whole shit from. Really? Yeah, you don't know about this. What's the story?

Well, the story. The thing about the story is I know a lot of details other than some bitch pulled a scroll out of her pussy. That's the story. I don't know, man. It was about fucking lady scroll pussy. It was about feminism or something. It's like in the 60s.

Carol Carol Lee, Carol Lee, Carol Shineman. Damn, I guess women have just been doing dumb shit for like decades prior to the quarantine. And we were told that that was important. How much of like how much of like women's creative output is entirely dependent on the CIA inventing modern art? It's just wait just because it's meaningless. They just need the CIA is like, all right, Jackson, you're just

going to fucking do a bunch of shit that looks like come and yeah, you bitches just put some things in your pussies. Right. And that'll be that worried art might do something like stop the Vietnam War. So we're going to let women have their period. And we're gonna say this is the best art in the world. And we're gonna have a gallery.

We're gonna have someone like Marina Abramovich hang out with child rapist globalists that control everything to establish their legitimacy and kind of feed into this system. This circular and every yeah, dude, they had some good ass art on Little Saint James, dude. Yeah. The apparent location is called interior scroll. You know, they said it was so weird that Epstein had that

like painting of Bill Clinton in the dress. But what would be really weird is if he had that like the poster that's like the oil painting of Kramer. Yeah, if Jeffrey Epstein had like like just like just shit from like Spencer's gifts and yeah, yeah, Bob Marley smoking a joint. We need a hell of a line. Yeah, one of those glow in the dark alien felt posters every

sexual position in the zodiac. Yes, the bitch. The best black light edition is the beer pond one with those ladies with the big ass fake titties. Yeah. But he wasn't into big fake titties. I guess. No, you're a pedophile.

I guess you don't. You're not it. You're not. Oh, that if you're a titty man means you can't be a pedophile. How about that? I think that's their color. I think all the titty guys are always just pedophiles. No.

Yeah. How dare you by very nature of being a titty man. You can't like children. No. Yeah. It's nix. I don't have tits. It's a charade.

It's a you have charade. You have tits. You're not small. You already have charade. You already have tits. Why would you want tits because you know they're a different quality for it was for. Yeah, it wants a different kind.

I don't want for I want to I want to I have tits. He's already got for about four and a half and he's got tits. No, four and three four and five four and seven eighths very much. The point is they're different kinds of tits and you know that these are man titties. They don't they're not round. They don't feel good in your hand.

They're they got hair on them. It's not the same thing. It's like legs. You have an ass. Do you want to fuck your own ass? Don't I don't have a lady's ass. I don't have an ass and I'll never have a big beautiful woman's ass.

But exactly correct. I don't have tits the way a woman has tits. Okay. She says so. You get it. I don't. You get it. So hold on.

If you so hold on to fuck a girl. And yeah, some women have tits like mine. Yeah. Some women like nice. Some women have awful tits. You just haven't have awful tits. Well, I don't want. I guess the solution is to get my tits.

It's not that there's no such thing as men's tits. You have a bad pair of women's breasts. There are first of all their breast tissue and shit like that. They feel different. Even ladies with little ass titties have something have something it feels like more bouncy a woman's tits feel more bouncy than a man's tits. Even the smallest lady titties have a little bit of that

flubber type atmosphere, which is what tits feel like. That's what that was about. The best titties feel like flubber and they bounce flubber is a it's a movie. I know that but I have the I can I can think about what it might feel like. So to describe what titties feel like you chose something you've never literally you've never felt.

No, it doesn't exist. Yeah, no, but it's you can imagine what it again. This is a problem. There's a limit of imagination with you two motherfuckers and I have none of that governor. It sounds like you've never felt titties before. You're self-proclaimed guy. You got you got real defensive when I said that titties guys

are just pedophiles seem to know a lot about Marina Bromovich. No, I don't you seem to be. I don't fucking know a lot about you. You've got a new world order background going on. This is Ron. There's been there's been an uptick in your you've been saying like you know just slipping in conversation like hey, I think globalism is pretty good and I can have been saying

that streamlines the market. You said I keep saying things like I hope they put the vaccine in Sour Patch kids. Yeah, because that way saves me a trip to the doctor. What's wrong with that? I get a nice snack in a vaccine. I don't see the issue there at all. And that's the kind of shit the government should be working on.

It's true. You have been leaving crumbs of clues everywhere. I really haven't put it together until now. Thank you very much because I'm eating my whole muffins. I'm not sure doing a shirt that's like the cover of Clue, but like you have to suggest that Clue is like the board game Clue. Yeah, but like they're trying to figure out who's a pedophile and all the characters look regular,

but then there's one guy that's just clearly a pedophile. It's like Miss Scarlett, Colonel Mustard, Mr. Fingers, yeah, Ruby Randolph. Is Mr. Fingers the pedophile? Yes. Okay, I didn't remember if that was one of their names. You've just played that version of Clue and every game ends

with like, oh, it was Mr. Fingers in the nursery. Whoever gets to go first wins. You know what I love as a kid? As a small autistic boy, the include a little like Manila envelope that said confidential owner that you put the cards in. Yeah, you liked it. I agree with that big time.

Yeah, dossiers. I did. I liked those small, yeah, a small dossier. There was some good pussy in the movie Clue. I'm going to try to do that. Make a board game about the steel dossier to sell the children at Urban Outfitters or wherever liberals buy that bullshit. You know, they're like, like the good night moon parody.

That's like good night fucking president bitch. And then it's like it sells 80 million copies. Yeah, where do they buy that? Like what store carries that? I don't know. Is it Urban Outfitters? I don't know. That guy Jeff tried Dick, whatever his name is.

That guy's my favorite. The guy that responds to everything Trump says. Oh, yeah. Who the fuck is that guy? Jeff tried. He's a guy that probably has an inverted penis. He's a fucking loser. Yeah, that guy.

He hasn't had a single nice own on him once. Never. He's got an invaginated penis and he he. It's great because the windup is there. You could tell he thinks he's about to drop a ball. Dude, every time. Hey, president dick suck ass. President dick suck is pretty good.

Yeah, I would love it. If honestly, it would fucking rule if Donald Trump tweeted first, like we're sending the police to Jeff Tadrick's house to shoot him in the chest and then he's like, this is it. This is supposed to be a fuck democracy shit ass. And then the police on the news is a helicopter. They just kicked down the door to his house and just blast him. Trump retweets body cam footage.

Yeah, we don't have to be like this is I mean, we live in a prison. This is fucking this is not normal, sir. This is worse than Nazi Germany, but it's it's pretty funny. It is fun. Look, man, you keep you keep barking. Eventually you're going to get clapped back, man. Squeaky wheel gets to grease. Is he just a guy?

Is he like a writer? Like he seems like some kind of shitty journalist or something. What is one of the guys is the producer of This Is Us, but it's not him. He's just some like really. I don't know. It's probably Jewish guy, probably him and Palmer Adam. Hold on to the other one. Adam, probably or Jeff, Jeff T.

Drake for sure. That sounds that doesn't sound Jewish. Look at it. It doesn't sound Jewish. But he looks, I don't know, man. I think that's either like Dutch or German or some shit. I think that's just a regular white guy. He's just annoying, I guess.

I think that's just a white guy with a shitty beard that's annoying. Yeah. Really? Yep. That ticks all the boxes. But somehow. Why does he have 350K followers? Because of that fucking Trump policy.

He was like, nobody before all this should happen. Oh, he's got a Patreon for a hot 244 a month. That's gonna be me in three years. Just responding to all of President Stacey Abrams tweets. Yeah. Nice try, you fat bitch. You fat black bitch. President Cunt is at it again.

Please donate to my Patreon, where I get $150 a month. And buy my parody of the Hardy Boys. Called Fuck You President Black Lady. I mean, can you imagine like the conservative inversion of like, I mean, because the conservatives do a lot of dumb gay shit, you know, like being obsessed with that snake. They love that fucking dumb. That fucking bitch ass snake. And it's got a German name, doesn't it? What's that shit called?

The Gadsden flag. It's the Gadsden flag, yeah. I thought it was called like the Doosendorf snake or something. That would be cool, dude. That would be way cooler. That would be my favorite minor league baseball team. The Doosendorf snakes. Yeah, I'm a big fan of the Doosendorf racist snakes.

Yeah, they're a short season team, but I go to every, I would go crazy for them. Every single game I'm there. I think the new kicker for the Patriots had to apologize because he had a Gadsden flag tattoo. No, it wasn't the Gadsden flag. He had like something, something. I thought it was the Gadsden flag. No, there's some kind of like rate, like racist group tattoo that he had or something. So kind of like white supremacist flag tattoo.

Biden's kind of getting my respect recently because I don't know if you saw him. Just isolating that sound clip at him saying, Biden's getting my respect recently and then his poll numbers just dropping. Just don't see it. I'm doing it. I'm doing a little espionage. No, no, no, because he had Stacy Abrams on like a joint television appearance. And she thought she was going to be announced for vice president.

And you just saw her face sink. Wait, really? Yeah, it was great. I thought it was a pretty good prank. Everybody's sucking that lady off, but what the fuck? Nobody's sucking that lady off. She's annoying. Washington Post wrote this fucking like glowing profile of her that was just absurd.

That's what I mean. Like the mainstream is sucking her titties. So like a year ago, I barely read it. But yeah, in the Washington Post, it's like she hits the stage, flashes everywhere. It's like, okay, well, we know anybody knows that there is no flash photography in 2021. You're describing a, this is fiction. This is absolutely fictional and it doesn't exist. She hits the stage.

Right. A crowd of admirers scream, Stacy, Stacy. Yeah. That's not happening anywhere. She's talking to me like a fucking literally a fashion show. You compared it to a fashion show and then you lied and said it was a fashion show. I don't, yeah. And it's like, it's not hyperbole.

You're describing the event. Imagine if like the opposite is like, well, she walked on stage and she immediately broke through the floor from being too fat. It was almost if she was too fat and she fell into the basement and then she was rolling around down there and bacon fat and just handing that into the editor and being like, here's my real profile of Stacy Abrams. Yeah. Just go ahead and publish that.

Yeah. Just go ahead and publish it. Yeah. I'm trying to check that over here. Yeah. So you go ahead and publish that. Yeah. I've been having sex with a picture of Michelle Obama since quarantine started.

I think some of the kind of the photo developing chemicals have got seeped through my penis into my brain. So you got a dark room for that. Yeah. You do them yourself. You get the photos yourself. Interesting. On a film camera.

On film. Yeah. That's one of those flash bulbs. That's how you get the best fucking photograph pussy, dude. You got to make it yourself. That's right. You get in the telescopic lenses. But she was like, she was going to win in Georgia, but there was voter suppression or some shit.

Isn't that right? Yeah. The guy she ran against was attorney general and probably cheated it. Yeah. That's fine. Kemp. But then, but basically she hasn't done shit except that, right? Yeah.

All she did is lose, which is what they love. They love. They love a dignified loser. That's what they love the most, dude. Just, yeah. Like a proud captain going down with a ship. Yeah. Damn.

That's a gay move. Oh my God, dude. I'm not going down with a fucking ship. I'm saving myself at any cost. I'm throwing women and children off board. Commercial airlines, only the captain should have a parachute and he should be wearing it when you get on the plane. And he's like saying hi to everybody and waving.

And he's just already wearing the parachute. Hi. How are you doing? How are you doing? We'll see how this one goes, huh? Have you felt folks ever seen the movie Flight with Denzel? Good afternoon, folks. This is your captain Osama bin Laden.

I'm just kidding. It's a beautiful sunny day here. It's been a while, I guess, with the quarantine stuff. I haven't flown a plane in months, I guess. So we'll see how it goes. But they gave us parachutes now, which is pretty funny. You think about it. It's like they're just...

They're expecting you to fuck up your job? I mean, you know, they're not. That's some of it. The co-pilot didn't show up to work. So usually I run this stuff by him. I've been getting into open mics lately. I've been doing a lot of Zoom comedy shows. My daughter, she's a slut.

I'm just kidding. No, she is. And it's a Louis. She has a... She moved to New York to do comedy. And she became a slut. No, I'm just kidding. But yeah, I watched her show. She's doing Queen Karaoke,

but she dresses up like classic Disney characters. And that's the theme of her comedy show. Well, you know, at the very least, there should be one joke, you know? It's true. And so I started writing them and I thought, well, listen, I got a 14-hour flight, you know, coming up. Why don't I write some stuff for that and I'll stay... I can just stay on mic.

I'll stay on mic the whole time. The entire flight. Obviously, your first-class passengers, if you want, you can hit the mute button and we'll turn it off for the economy classes if you'd like to upgrade and pay an additional $78. You can mute me for three and a half minutes and an additional $27 a minute for that.

You can mute those. And if you pay with your JetBlue card, which we will be assigning you up for, just based on... Hard list. We're running everyone's credit right now. So we're doing a hard pull on everyone's credit. And so if you got a mortgage coming up, I'm sorry,

you should have read through the carrier contract when you bought the tickets. That 85-page PDF that we mail out that you're supposed to read. Any lawyer will tell you, always read the fine print, which, of course, they definitely follow that advice as well. They go into Subway and they say, I'm not ready to place my order yet. Let me read all the small text on the fucking brochure first.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. People just hitting their buttons over and over again. That way I could be an asshole when somebody says, oh, yeah, I got... I went to this mechanic. He fucking took the brakes out of my car and it killed my three-year-old and said, well, did you read the fine print?

Yeah. Yeah, thanks a lot. Professor Asshole. Anyways. If you're booing, I can't hear you through the door. Yeah. Just go ahead and sit back and suck my dick. Just suck something like that.

You know, I started doing this a couple weeks before 9-11 started. And this is true. This is absolutely true. Two weeks. I forgot to put the wheels up on a flight, which is apparently really fucking dangerous. And then I was like, God, this fucking sucks. I'm going to lose my job.

And then what happens? A couple of Muslims come through, save my ass, dude. You know what I'm saying? There's a silver lining, you know? Assalaamu Alaikum to my brothers. There's a silver lining to every cloud. In my case, it was the wheels of my plane

sticking out from underneath the cloud. And I had forgotten. But it was also the Muslim guys. That was just kind of like a word play thing that I was working on. I'm getting pretty sleepy eyes stayed up all night writing these. Yeah, I just, you know, it's weird

because I ran this by some of the guys in the crew hangout area. That's what it's the real name of it. I'm assuming. Club. The firehouse, the airplane firehouse. We just had bunk bags. We all sleep there.

Honestly, I feel like more people would like their job. We could save capitalism if every workplace had a fireman's slide pool. Why is it that only firemen get to slide down a thing to get to work? That's facts. And they had that shit before 9-11 happened. You know?

How come we're not called the first responders? If you think about it, we were literally the first people in the towers. Right up front. In front of the seats. Very first responders. I'm sure I had a box cutter jam to my asshole, but... The first one in that motherfucking tower,

I'm guaranteed that. I'll tell you that right now. People just pelting little pretzels at the door. Trying to get in the stop. Yeah, that guy rocks. Yeah, he's a good guy to listen to. Fuck, dude, it would have been so... I cannot believe hijackers did that shit, dude.

Like, just blowing yourself up. I mean, driving a plane would be tight. And probably there's a couple moments where you're approaching the building where you're like, hell yeah. But being like, damn, I'm about to die for this bullshit. No, but then you get pussy in heaven. I guess, but weren't they like doing

coke and shit and strip clubs and shit? Yeah, in Florida, flight school. So... They get to go to fucking flight school? Flight school's cool, but God couldn't have been pleased. They're soldiers, man. That's true. That's something you don't understand.

You're right. I'm not an operator. Soldier mentality. More of the brains of the operation. I'm the getting brain of the operation. Yeah, I'm what you call a brain getter. I would like to get brain. I can't wait to... Do you guys see that

the fat Hawaiian guy is on Google? What fat Hawaiian guy? The guy that did Over the Rainbow? I was just about to fucking say the guy that did Over the Rainbow? Because here's what's interesting. Every single one of them is the fat Hawaiian guy.

If you said the Hawaiian guy, you would be talking about Dog the Bounty Hunter. Is he Hawaiian? That's right, brother. I mean, he's from Texas. Yeah, Israel cameo.

They fucking got him on Google because he's got such a nice little voice. What do you mean? What are you saying? He's the fucking main guy on Google today, mother fuckers. Oh, he's on the splash page? Yeah. Oh, it's Fat History Month.

It's Fat History Month. That's what I did in May. They're going to have Hurley from Lost on the next one. Do you think McDonald's would touch Fat History Month? Oh, 100%. Yeah. Instead of like Kentay cloth, they just got like shirts with mustard stains all over them. What's the fat version of Kentay cloth?

I don't know. Elastic pants, maybe. Napkin or that Italian restaurant tablecloth material. Oh, hell yeah. A bib, a nice adult size bib. Yeah. Fat History Month's nice.

We got a lot of fat pioneers. We got Israel. How did Jews feel about him being named Israel, Adam? I think a lot of Mexican people have that name too. It's not a big deal. Jesus or Israel.

My name is Palestine. Palestine is not a place. My name is Jasser Arafat. My name is Palestine Gaza Hernandez. I'm sorry, names what? Yes, my name is Hanukkah Manoro Juan Carlos. A chocolate money. A Diego.

What does Israel mean? Like land, good land or some shit? It's the name of the children of Israel. It was the tribe. That doesn't mean shit though. I don't fucking know. Doesn't mean like promised land.

That's Zion, I think. Zion. Zion Williamson, that's cool. Yeah, I guess that's true. I gotta say they are cool names, but not. Yeah, no, Israel is pissed at Zion Williamson though. Israel sounds cool, but it sucks. But it's a good name for a fat Hawaiian.

Next tomorrow they got Rosie O'Donnell on the fucking Google Splash page. Other fat pioneers, dude. Taft, that one president. The only thing people know about him is that they made the bathtub bigger. Yup, for that big juicy ass. He overseed the first flight in America.

Wasn't any witness. Was it him? I think he was in office when the right blow out brothers did their thing. Fuck that little wooden plane, dude. The only thing I have even remotely in my head about Taft is that he oversaw some kind of aviation.

All I know is the bathtub factoid. And I oversaw it. He was a witness. He was around while it happened. Wasn't that shit in North Carolina though? He went all the way down there. It may have been a demonstration

of the first flight with all mechanical controls. So early on it's like you can't see shit. Once the ground's not visible you have no idea. You just crash right into the fucking ground.

You have no idea which way you're going. That's true. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, what are some... Yeah, there's other facts about people. Should I get a plane? I don't want a plane. I want property with a little plane.

But I feel like anybody that has a private plane gets murdered. Yeah, you disappear in a foggy day. Oh, every time, dude. It's like the worst... John Denver? JFK Jr.

What's that? The fucking octopus journalist. Paul Castellano. Is it an octopus journalist? Frank Caliendo. What do you mean he's an octopus journalist? He covers octopus news? No.

He was working on a story called The Octopus which was like some widespread conspiracy involving like the Catholic Church and politicians to abduct and molest children and shit. Basically, Epstein. And he got got. Yeah, he was like, I gotta go meet this source out in West Virginia.

And then he left and then he just slit his wrists in a hotel room in West Virginia. Damn, yeah, man. I mean, you know, the work you really get to you sometimes. Yeah. It just happens. When you're on the verge of a really big story, sometimes the pressure's too much

and you slit your own wrists at a hotel with no note. With a note in somebody else's handwriting left. Yeah. See, I think I promise I'll never kill myself if I got a scoop. The only thing I'll do is suddenly stop caring and be like, you know, people should just not look into this.

Yeah. That's how you know they got to me. That's when I kill myself. Yeah. You know what, live and let live, brother. There's nothing here. This doesn't fucking... Look, I got PlayStation. I looked into it. It doesn't add up.

It doesn't make sense to me. Dershowitz is right. It doesn't. He's innocent. There was no Jeffrey Epstein. Damn, it would be so funny. I guess Alan Dershowitz is just going to be okay, huh? Yeah. He's never going to get caught.

They're not going to kill him. The Illuminati isn't going to kill him. Yeah. He just knows who to squat up with. He squatted up with Trump. He squatted up with Clinton. Yep. Big Dersh. Yeah. When you're a man with no nation, you kind of can float around.

It's kind of like a kind of like a showgun assassin. You would say he's like a showgun? Yeah. Or was it a Ronan? I guess a Ronan. Yeah. A showgun means something else. Damn, Ronan was good as hell.

Yeah, Ronan rocks. What was the movie you told me to watch, Adam? I haven't watched it yet. I don't remember. I'll look at my time. We'll talk about it later. Did you guys see that one goth bitch that talks like she's the nanny?

I rewatched Breakdown. What's Breakdown? 1997, Kurt Russell. Hell yeah. I love Kurt Russell, dude. I've watched so many Kurt Russell movies in this time. The premise of Breakdown is hilarious because it's like this guy and his wife

are driving to the desert in like a 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee. And it might have been, I don't think it was the first year of the Grand Cherokee. I'm pretty sure that that was around since like 1992 or 93. But he's driving the Grand Cherokee

and then like... the Grand Cherokee. Yeah. And then he had some kind of like weird dispute with some like pickup truck guy. Like he almost hits a pickup truck guy and then they meet at the gas station and the pickup truck guy is like, wow, you got a nice fancy car, huh?

Fully loaded leather seats, you know, air, you know, he's like just fucking like naming basic accessories and power windows. Exactly. And then Kurt Russell is like, listen, I didn't see you back there.

You know, you kind of just pulled out in front of me. The guy was like, watch a dickhead or whatever. And they had like some kind of dispute. And then like later down the road, their car just stops completely. And then this truck comes by and the trucker offers to take his wife to the service station

while he sits there and waits for the car or stays with the car when the wife's going to call. Is it a different trucker? Different trucker. And then eventually he looks under the car and he's disconnected. So he reconnects the wires and the car starts back up

and he drives to the diner and they're like, listen, buddy, we don't know who we're talking about. There's no truck that came here. And then it's like the whole town is in on or everybody's kind of in on like abducting this guy's wife and gaslighting him. Damn.

And then, you know, I mean, you can goes from there, but yeah, it's a fuck, that sounds awesome. I think I remember what I said. A lot of Kurt Russell wearing like a LaCaulks shirt and khakis being like, where's my goddamn wife? Does Kurt Russell have some kind of background?

He used to be a green beret and he's doing a, uh-huh. He's a regular guy. Yeah, he's like a middle class guy in the like the Arizona desert being harassed by, you know, they try to like paint like Southwestern people as being like.

We're being gay basically. You know. Yeah, for no reason. Because he had a couple of words, so a whole town is going to kidnap and rape his wife. I watched another Where Is My Wife movie. It's one of those. It's one of those.

Frantic. What did Kurt Russell do? Did he a badass? Does he become a badass? Does he kill? Oh. Does Kurt Russell become a badass? Uh, yeah, eventually. Nice. Yeah, but you know, it's just it's like, I feel like if I was in that situation

and I was that guy and somebody kidnapped my wife, it would be like, ah, fuck. You're like, fuck! I like her, dude. Okay, where do you get pussy around the Arizona? Yeah, just in the next just just walking and cruising into that diner

that for the second scene in the movie. Just being like, uh-huh. My wife just got kidnapped. Does there anywhere to get pussy around here? Y'all know, I'm trying to be a fucking desert fucking piece of shit like you. I'm trying to be a desert pimp like you guys. I'm trying to be

a mother fucking the Scarlet Pimpernel of the Dusty Rogue. If you know what I'm saying. Who's Scarlet Pimpernel? The Scarlet Pimpernel is a play and the Pimpernel is a type of flower, I think.

It doesn't describe I see. It doesn't mean- That sounds like a pimp. No, I know. Scarlet Pimpernel. Yeah, now as a kid I thought it was like about a guy that got a bunch of pussy. I thought it was like about a 70's like black guy. Wearing burgundy fur.

Yeah, just but in like fucking like like, uh-uh-uh Revolutionary France. So cool. Yeah. That would rock. Yeah. Hell yeah. I watched this movie. Sorry. Yeah, my name is Lawrence Movie The Knight. Max Amillion Robespierre.

Hey, Max Amillion. Yeah, Max Amillion Robespierre. The Scarlet Pimpernel. It's a novel, sorry. A historical fiction published in 1905. Except for her stage play, so it was a play. First, it's set during the reign of terror

Revolution. The title is Nom de Guerre, but it's here in protagonist. Okay, oh yeah, that's right. It's like a reactionary play where the Scarlet Pimpernel is an English guy that's like helping fucking like aristocratic French people

escape the reign of terror. Oh, big guy. So he's some rich fag from England that's trying to help us quickly. I need to help the people as gay as me get out of this. It's like other men wearing powdered makeup. It's like the opposite of V for vendetta.

Yeah. It's really non-sympathetic. Fuck the Scarlet Pimpernel. That's my stance. If I see the Scarlet Pimpernel, I'm gonna fuck his ass up. I could probably take like a lord from Britain in like the 1700s, right?

Yeah, Sir Percy Blakeney is a wealthy English baronet who rescues individuals. Baronet? He soon reveals himself to be a master of disguise, an imaginative planner, formidable swordsman, and a quick-thinking escape artist.

With each rescue, he taunts his enemies by leaving behind the card showing a small flower. The Scarlet Pimpernel. Goddamn. You could be... It's so funny that like gays pretend they were like oppressed historically. It wasn't just like something

that literally only happened in between like the 1930s and the 1980s. Yeah, this guy, the Scarlet Pimpernel is a drag queen that helped rich people escape getting what's coming to them. The whole world was LGBT

until like they invented like fascist haircuts in the 30s. You know, straight men took pencil mustaches and they were like, well, if everything's gonna be gay now, we might as well start locking them up and putting them in mental institutions.

I'm tired of that. It's like... Anything goes. The gayer, the better. Right, the fucking government, like French Parliament was just the movie Call Me By Your Name. That's right. They're all just like sucking each other off through... You got sexed into the French Parliament.

You would put your... You'd show up on your bicycle your first day. You'd put your dick through a grapefruit to vote I, and you would put it through a piece of orange... Yeah, you would put orange zest and then suck. And then get sucked off by

the baronet. The baronet would count all the votes by sucking everyone's dick, and if it was cherry-flavored, it's a no. If it was orange-flavored, it's a yes. You know what would be a fun take is the homophobic roots of the French Revolution and talk about the

disdain for aristocratic dandies. It's true. How dandies were the pinnacle of LGBT culture historically? The French Revolution was just like a homophobic populist movement.

Persecuted for wearing makeup and rouge on his cheeks. For getting syphilis and having your nose fall off. Having a fake-metal nose. Damn, fake-metal nose. Who's the guy with the face? I thought I was like, damn, do I know this character from a play?

I'm thinking of Chris Farley from Dirty Work. Yeah, you're thinking of Chris Farley. That's the only character. That's the only horror that bit my nose off. Such a good movie. The best movie. So you're getting a call. Yeah, that's annoying.

That's how that works. Yeah, I watched the movie where the character's wife died and he barely cared the other day and it rocked. It was rock. Charlie Varick with Walter Matthow. His wife dies in the first

10 minutes after assisting him in a bank heist. He moves on so fast. That rocks. Was Walter Matthow's wife? It's Walter Matthow's wife, yeah. And he gets pussy by the end of the movie. That's my type of flick.

That's my type of flick right there, pal. It's one of those movies where there's an ugly male protagonist that every woman just cannot resist. Yeah. That's my waking dream. I walk around feeling like, damn, I want to be Walter Matthow in that movie.

That's my goal, dude. I watched the Dead or Alive. The first two Dead or Alive movies. How many hours is that? They're both like an hour and a half long. Honestly, every movie should be an hour and a half long. Wait, Dead or Alive?

That's Scorsese. Dead or Alive? Dead or Alive, yeah. It's a Japanese movie. It's like Yakuza vs. Triad. Gory. Gory as hell. The first movie opens with

basically a music video. There's a scene that made me think of you. I think I put it on Twitter, but the Yakuza boss is like on smack. Admiring a woman that's in a bathtub of diarrhea. And he's like

they'll laugh at it when they look at it, but they love my cock. Sorry, it's so small. Hold on, give me a second. It's genetics. Wait, for real? It rules. He's in a bathtub of diarrhea?

It's genetics. No, no, he makes the whore go into a bathtub of diarrhea. He drugs her and puts her in a diarrhea bed. Damn, I fuck with every aspect described except for the diarrhea bathtub. I mean, it's like it's every scene as something

disgusting and insane. The first two, the second one I kind of maybe even like better. Which was like, it was one of those like you know how like Have you ever seen any of the John Woo movies? Do you hear that? I think I'm getting Nick's

phone call. It's still connected to his... Yeah, let's see. Yeah, I'm sorry. There's just nothing we can do about your penis. There's no way you can grow back after you had too much gay sex and it fell off.

That's right. Well, isn't there something we can do about it? Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking... No, it's not the time. I called you people and you said you could grow my penis back I'm going to need to talk to a manager.

I'm going to need to speak to somebody about this fast. It's like, Mr. Mon, I'm sorry. Our records indicate even before your penis fell off, it was under one centimeter. Dude, honestly, we're going to have to be really nice to him when he comes back after finding that out. Hold on. Yeah, let's end this because it's too...

I'm going to hang up the call so no one else can hear that because it's too embarrassing for Nick. It's really fucked up. It's really fucked up that the... they can't regrow his one centimeter long penis. That is pretty fucked up. That he fell off for having too much gay sex.

So please, we just respect Nick's privacy at a time like this, everyone. I can't believe it. I mean, I'll treat him the same now that I know that, but it's going to be hard not to be laughing in my brain. I know, but that's the kind of thing

that we can fucking figure out as good guys. Damn. They laugh, but they love his penis. See, honestly, I got to say I have every... I think they were pretty nice when it comes to looking at my penis. I've never had my penis laugh that

in front of me. Me neither. Me neither. You know what I found out recently, not recently, but in the last couple years is that I don't think guys do as much locker room talk as they say we do. I don't think we're like, oh, her pussy was... you know, this is the color

and this is the look. I've never described color of pussy. I think they all do that with every single every woman does that. Women are so much worse. They have absolutely no discretion. A lot of women put a mold in their pussy and then, so your dick is in it

and then once you stop fucking them, they pour wax into it and show their friends exactly the size of your body. They kind of make like a plaster of Paris. Sorry about that. No worries, dude. Unfortunately, the audio was still linked, so we heard

your doctor call and say they can't reattach your penis because it fell off from him. Yeah, I'm sorry, bro. We can cut that out of the episode. But we'll cut it out, even though it's on the live stream, we'll cut it out. I know it's live, but we should cut it out. No, it's live, so it doesn't.

It's fine. All right, well, just let's... we all right, well, that's big of you. You want to know who's FedEx? Yeah, okay, it was FedEx. Well, they were ringing my fucking doorbell. Yeah, yeah, no, we got it, dude. I got it, I understand. I did warranty my drill, the chuck seized on it.

The who sneezed on it? The chuck on my drill seized. I hate that, dude. I hate when the chuck seizes up. Dude, I bought a grill off of fucking... because I'm not trying to use Amazon anymore, so I'm using all these bullshit websites. Like Walmart.com, like a nice small company.

No, dude, no, not Walmart either. This fucking bullshit Mr. Green or something like that, Mr. Organics or some shit, and I just have not... I bought a grill a week ago that haven't shipped a full-size grill. No, I bought a one specifically for a small apartment for the balcony.

Oh, well, yeah, I mean, that's how it works. It's like, you don't want to use Amazon. There's a reason Amazon is the fucking...on its way down to fucking monopolies because it's the best one. I know, it sucks, dick. They control the post office. What's that? They control the post office,

which is like, you know, we're kind of in this like, we have...I have the same political dynamics as the Middle East when it comes to my relationships with the United States Postal Service and Amazon's enemies or friends, mutual enemies or, you know, it's weird

so you're against Amazon because they're friends with the post office. No, I'm with Amazon because they're the only people that have the power to control the post office. Oh, I see, they've mastered your enemies, so you're their friend. For now.

They're trying to get rid of the post office. It's fucked, dude, I love the post office. I actually do love the post office. It's cute to pop in there, mail a little letter. I'm gonna have to go in there and get all my mail when I get back. A Chinese couple runs the post office. I went into the post office by me one time.

The funny is, because it's always...the post office in Brooklyn are fucking nightmare. They are terrifying. And it's like, it's so bad that you can't even like get mad at the employees because it's like... It's a bulletproof class. It's like one person,

and it's like, you know, well, of course she's being a bitch. There's fucking 900 people in here in one person's staff. And no one ever knows how to mail anything. Yeah, I went in there one time and I just go in and it's fucking

completely empty. Like, there's just no... There's not a worker there. I'm like, what the fuck? And I go outside and I realize there was an hour earlier and they just fucking... They didn't lock it?

They just left the post office open. I was just, like, in there by myself looking through the fucking thing. That rocks, dude. Did you steal every envelope? I did all of the children's letters to Santa Claus. Damn. And you wrote back not gonna happen, you fucking bitch.

I brought them to Israel and used his compromise against the Christian children. All letters to Santa actually go to Israel. A lot of people don't know that. And they're stored there in case Israel needs to get revenge

on children for taking down Epstein. How dare those children? Honestly, I was there and got tired of getting fucked and took down Epstein single-handedly. Yeah, I think the post office is cute.

The one growing up was cute and Baltimore was always nicely staffed and it was right by a steakhouse. What's the name of that? I guess it's in D.C. They had the old post office, which wasn't a post office, it was just, like, the old post office. It's the Trump Hotel now, I think.

Is it? I think it is. I remember going there with my grandma a couple times when I was very small and there was a food court in it. It's a nice building. I had an elevator from the 1800s which I was both afraid of and respected and admired. 100%.

That's exactly the right attitude to have. We would walk in and I'd be excited to go to the food court and then I'd see the elevator. Just... And then, you know, maybe eat it. Wanting so bad to go in there, but scared of the gold buttons.

Yeah, the gold buttons, the cage, the whole system. Was there an old man working the elevator? It was not in use. Bummer. That's cool. I never went there. That was in DC. My family literally never went to DC.

We stayed within, like, a fucking... I respect that move. We were in Greek town and maybe we went to White Marsh. I didn't go to Towson until I was, like, 19 years old. Yeah, you didn't go anywhere. I mean, it's like, you're saying I went to place, but that's not...

That's not went. That's not going. That's what I'm telling you, though. We stayed in Greek town. Which is so funny, if you know the size of Greek town, it's four. Greek town is nine by, like, 12 blocks. It's tiny. It's 30 houses that all look exactly the same.

Yeah. Yeah, White Marsh was 20 minutes up 95 and it felt like a fucking road trip, dude. Dude, you're a townie. I am. I was. You betrayed your townie roots. Now I'm a fucking real New Yorker, dude. I'm looking at fucking houses. I'm going to buy

a house in Queens. You should. You're, like, flushing, detached. Yes. Flushing rocks. I mean, I've been looking at it. I guess houses are probably going to get cheaper. Yeah. I'll get foreclosed on. My life will suck in 10 years.

It'll be another guy who's, like, 27, who has a million dollars from, like, ZipZap. Yeah, I'm a star on ZipZap. We're buying your house in a short sale. Get fucked. Get fucked millennial. All right.

Dude, Queens, honestly, I would, that's my long-term plan. Like, I want to live in different parts of New York for a little longer, but I want to live in, like, flushing or fucking... If I move from bedside, I'm moving to Queens. This is the same thing as the Queens. It is, dude. I like Queens.

I'm trying to live all over New York, dude. No, I said... No, no, no. I want to live, I want to live in the city and all that stuff, and I want to live around, but eventually, like... Sunny side. Eventually, I would like to buy a house in, like,

sunny side or, like, you know, somewhere else in Queens. Woodside's nice. South Brooklyn's just as nice, but... Forest Hill. It's got weird architecture. It's a weird, like, fucking, like, like Caspian Sea vibe. Yeah.

Like, Eastern European people that have a bunch of money. They're like, I want to live in a house where everything look like Mercedes logo. Yeah. Every piece of house is very cool disco vampire vibe. There's a neighborhood

right next to Great Neck, but on the Queens side, that's all, like, uh... They actually named that neighborhood after the kind of neck that I get. Great Neck. Yeah. After the kind of sexual stuff I'm into.

But that neighborhood in Queens, like, the architecture is just a catastrophe. It's great. Yeah. There's parts between Astoria and, like, the fucking airport, basically, like, this weird fucked-up neighborhood that has a ton of space, but there's nothing there and there's no train or anything.

But it's hysterical where it's, like, you just... There's people that have built, like, little Parthenons. Like, it's just trashy-ass Greek people that have homes that go up these fucking big ass houses. Marble lions. And what's so funny is that there are, like,

Greek revival homes made by normal people that look good. Yeah, they're nice. They look fucking like some of those houses in, like, in D.C. on, like, fucking, I don't know, I guess, like, 16th or any of the avenues that lead out of this city. Those are fucking cool.

These are, like, they use, like, weird colored marble, like, cream colored, and they have, like, gold trim, it's so fucking funny. It looks like dog shit. Yeah, but some of those houses down in, like, Marine Park, did we go down there? Yeah.

Just everything's, like, that, like, wavy, kind of wrought iron, whatever that book is. And a lot of overlap with, like, the Hasid's make a lot of disgusting choices. They have awful taste, for sure. I like their cages for kids that they have on their apartment building.

Yeah. I support flushing, dude. I love seeing them in jail. That's the other thing, too, is it's basically fucking China, dude. I wouldn't have to, you know, because I'm always singing like, oh, I could move to China.

What if I just moved to flushing, and then I just spoke Chinese all day long and just hung out with Chinese people. No joke, yes, you should do that. That would be awesome. Hang out at the dim someplace, you never speak English unless you're doing a podcast. Not a word of English.

Speak back in Chinese. In fact, you do the podcast through an interpreter from now on. Yeah. Which is, make the podcast a Chinese language audience. We get 800 million downloads in China. That's the trick. Damn, you'd replace me with that Chinese guy

that drinks the beers when he, well, like, twirling. Pangsai. I love that guy. And Adam, you'd replace the little Chinese girl. The 14-year-old that Nick used to use to translate to his old roommates. Oh, yeah. The World of Warcraft child.

Oh, yeah. That kid, salute to him a warrior. Yeah, that kid rocked. That whole family rocked, dude. They were cool. I remember that apartment. They're not snitching. Them holding it down is the best thing I've ever heard. The kid using the N-word while playing, like,

Maple Story. I fucking love that, dude. And then he would sing, too. He would always be singing, like, top 40 songs. Hell, yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think what were, like, the hot songs in, like, 2014.

That must have been Classic Man era. Yeah, yeah, around then. But he wouldn't sing Classic Man. I don't remember. Um... Get Lucky Daft Punk. That was 2012. 2012.

2015. Happy by Pharrell. Dark Horse. Katy Perry featuring Juicy J. Yeah, that's, now we're talking. That was 2015. Fancy, Iggy Azalea. I saw a cum shot compilation once on on, uh,

set to Dark Horse by Katy Perry. It was very funny. Yeah, fucking rocks. You know, occasionally you get a nice chuckle. You a compilation guy, Adam? You a cum shot compilation guy? It's my shit fucked up.

Is it backwards? My sign? No, no, no, it flips the image in your view, but we see you regularly. I don't know why it does that, but it does. I think it's because you're used to looking at yourself in a mirror. So the, like, the asymmetry

of your face is, like, jarring if you've never seen yourself. Like, if you don't, you're not used to seeing yourself accurately. I'm about to switch my shit. They should make a mirror that shows you how other people see you. When you switch your shit and you look at your face, you're like, what the fuck?

I mean, my face is, like, particularly asymmetrical. So when I do it, it's like, yeah. One of my eyes is, like, pushed into my fucking head further. I got a droopy eyelid too. This one's droopy. Really? Yeah. Anyway,

I couldn't figure out how to do it, but I did figure out how to get, oh, it looks like it looks like Zoom auto-updated everyone with their real name. Which is pretty cool. What? That's not true, dude. What? No!

Did it auto-update? No, actually, now there's a bug. Yeah, now it's good. You mean, comma, gay, but cool? Uh, I didn't do anything. I don't know what you mean. Oh, now, yep. Things are looking pretty good.

I'm just playing ol' gay. Damn, dude, I'm this. I wish it's summertime almost. Yep. I would love to go down to fucking Brighton and just get some fucking liver and onions. That's what you miss?

Just some wild shit. Just get some wild Russian food. Look at those houses. I would like a cold borscht. That would be nice. You can make that at home. Yeah, borscht sucks. Although now I'm kind of...

You know what I'm interested in? I've never been a Bloody Mary, savory drinks guy. Bloody Mary's rock. See, this is what how I became, because I drank a lot as a teenager, but I mean, just like frequently, you know, I wasn't... Yeah, I guess I was

a drinking a lot as a teenager. But what really set me off was living in fucking Austin because the day drinking world was waking up hungover and then going and getting fucking Bloody Mary's. Hair of the dog, brother. Dude, Bloody Mary's at brunch,

your fucking moses. Drinking in the morning is one of the greatest joys in life. It is really nice because your day, you have so much hope for the day. Yeah, I mean, imagine combining the optimism of... Because I wake up at 6 a.m. every day,

and no matter what, even if I barely slept, it just feels good to be up. Even until fucking 9.30, I'm like, perfect. That's when I get stuff done. I read, I can watch stuff. And then every second of the day outside of that would normally require

lots of alcohol. You know, just massive amounts of alcohol and cocaine throughout the day to keep me going and keep that feeling alive. But if you combine the beginning of the day with alcohol, actually, you know what?

The best is to be waking up early, pounding coffee until about 11 a.m. and then you switch to beer or fucking get a good brunch. I agree with that. Because you want to ride out the early morning optimism, feel like you're a good guy. Feel wired, get stuff done. And then the second it tapers off,

it's not gone, it starts to taper off. That's when you switch to booze, light up a fat little joint. The work day should be from 5.45 a.m. You wake up at 5.30, right? Wash your face, brush your teeth, get coffee. Three hours, you just go.

You just fucking go. Six to nine, you just fucking go. Then you have an hour and a half of maybe like consumption, you know, maybe like broaden your horizons, try to learn something. Make a plan for the next day or whatever you're going to do. Exercise also would be nice. Exercise would be fine.

And then you start getting trashed. Then you get fucked up. You just get... But you're so fucked up. You go to brunch with your homos. And you get fucking cantaloupe, Bloody Mary's mimosas. You get trashed.

You sit there, you chat, you gossip. You compare abs. And then that should put you... That should land you somewhere around 12.30, 1.00 p.m. And then that's sort of the golden hour for me with like joking around.

So if I'm going to come up with ideas for like shirts or I need to punch up a bit or like I've written something and I need to go back and punch it up usually in between 12.30 and 2.00 is when I can do that. That's a great point.

I never thought of that, but you're right. That's me too. I feel like that's a nice zone. Oh, for sure. The nuts and bolts you do first thing in the morning. If you got to write like an essay or something and it's got to be funny, you just write it like strictly premise based first thing in the morning,

anyways, but now this is... You're drunk. It's 1.30, you go out on the hammock, you take a nap nice fucking... And I'm talking a nap, you know. You wake up, it's 7.30 at night you're hungover.

You get some cocaine in you, you get fucking, you get to take some pickleback shots and then the boys... The boys are just getting ready to go out so you hop in their car, one of them you wind up at some bar and now you're black out, you don't know what's going on. You've been kicked out of the bar,

you're texting people, you end up... You've stolen your friend's keys, you're driving around. You're driving around, there's a homeless guy in the car, you know. You're fucking talking to him about how you get it. You're calling him brother, man, because you think he's black but he's a Latina.

You keep saying God bless. Let me ask you something, you ever hear an Anthony show? God bless. You sleep through your alarm, you miss work tomorrow. The fucking Brooklyn gentrifying hipster that becomes religious the second he interacts with a black person at the bodega.

The best guy. God bless. It just makes me want to throw up. The Vulcom preacher. God bless you. Just fucking... Decentralizing shit in the world. I hate that shit. And also clearly how quickly they'll just switch up,

how they have no belief in anything. It's like you can just be like, nice day, huh? Good to see you, man. How are you? Real nice out, huh? Yeah, I love the sandwiches here, great place. That's it.

It's not like they're pressing you on God. They're not even like... You don't need to cradle their head and dip it in the river. All those motherfuckers have left though, they're places like, I don't know, Connecticut, Vegas. It's just kind of places like that.

Whereas the real guys are stuck around. Adam would be that guy if he could get any inroads with the black people at the bodega. Black people viscerally hate him so much he doesn't get the opportunity. Yeah. And your ass better not be thinking of saying God bless you to me.

Your fucking Jewish ass. And I'm just like, fuck. I just have the confidence leaving my house of saying God bless that guy and making them get him home. That's so true. Just openly throwing antisemitism at his face. No one at the bodega reacting.

What's up, brother? Do you have any of the berry blast monster energies? Can I get a black and milds? Do you have any... What kind of swishers sweets do you got? Yeah, where are your blunt wraps? I'm thinking of smoking an L tonight.

Trying to get the guys praying. Can you get up? Can you help me real fast? I'm trying to put one in the air with you, brother. Yeah, bless up, dude. God bless. Just bless up. Damn. I wonder how many motherfuckers...

Do you think people are going to not come back to New York? I don't know. It'll be interesting to see what happens with commercial real estate because there's a lot of offices that people have been renting that are like, oh, we can just make people work. We don't have to pay for all this commercial real estate.

Right. We work was already fucking collapsing and that rented a bunch of commercial real estate anyways. The residential housing market in New York was already kind of chilling out prior to any of this happening. It was like lost income and shit. It's also like, I don't know what the

cross-section of like home owners looks like with all the single family homes in Brooklyn or multi-family homes. It's like, is it mostly people that just rent, you know, like a unit or two and they're subsidizing their mortgage with it or areas that... It's mostly fucking rich.

The places that are emptied out are like rich areas. So it's like Queens is not... I mean, where I'm at, it's pretty fucking regular. I'm sure bedside is like that too. It's mostly like fucking the Upper West Side. Yeah. Well, a lot of people, I mean,

The New York Times published that infographic with like the numbers of address forwarding requests, like breakdown by neighborhood and it's like a lot. Really? Yeah, he taught me like a five block window and there's like a hundred people that have like, you know, forwarded...

Have you guys gone into Manhattan at all? I drove through it, yeah. I did some when I got the car off back on the ground. Was it cool? I mean, it's literally... I mean, you know, but... You're in your car. No, I mean, it's maybe a little bit less

traffic. My fucking car... My car shut off on the BQE yesterday and there's like... And there's no shoulders either. I just stopped in the middle of the BQE. Yeah, but it's like, I guess it's I'll die.

And that would be, you know what, I feel like that's good for me. That'd be good. It's like... I'm with the Volvo. 88 to 2020 getting creamed on the BQE by a fucking box truck.

You know? Yeah. Oh yeah. That'd be a cool story. It would be. Damn, I missed the BQE. I can't believe I said that. No, what had happened was is I had done some other shit the other night.

I had to fix some power steering issue. I had guys come in the keys. I had the battery out and then the battery tray was like... I just wanted to clean it off. So I put the battery back in the car and then I just kind of put the cables

on the terminals and didn't tighten them down in a way. So the cable would be all... Dumb bitch alert. Cable of the alternator was just a little loose. So it just shut off. So I just took two seconds to fix. Dumb bitch alert. Is that someone at your door?

No. Is that your doorbell? You're at the dumb bitch residence? Oh, it's your doorbell. First of all, why would it alert you? Dumb bitch? Why would it alert you? If a dumb bitch lived there, it wouldn't alert you. Well, it's alerting you that someone's at the door.

You're at the dumb fat bitch house. Can I talk about how mad I am that they renovated quote unquote the Maryland house. Oh, did they? Yeah, they made it look like the fucking... Because you know, they opened the Chesapeake house.

Which was nice because it's like... First of all, the Maryland house is like the perfect... It's great. Perfect rest stop. The ultimate fat guy move of like, let's get out on the road and then we'll get some... Oh yeah, immediately.

Yeah, well, we're going to need to stop at Roy Rogers. We've been driving for four to five. I know when I'm really fucking... When I'm on my eating bullshit when I stop at the Maryland house because when you get there I'm 40 minutes from my house. There's no reason to stop there. But the spread is beautiful. They got it all.

Well, they opened the Chesapeake house and that one sucked. But I remember being excited about the Chesapeake house opening but they also renovated the Maryland house because it used to be that cool old like fucking big colonial style building. Remember that shit? What's it like now?

It's gone and now it's like some new style shit just like the Chesapeake house. Bummer, it sucks. Yeah, a lot of glass. They got all the same restaurants? Jesus fucking Christ, man. There's just people just blowing up my fucking spot left and right.

Did you drive to Maryland? Why are you thinking about the Maryland house? Well, I'm hungry all the time. Oh, yeah. Is your diet done? Friday. Hell, oh shit. Well done.

Very nice. Actually, I got it. This is business so I'm going to take this phone call. But we're good here, right? Yeah, all right. They got Wendy. Oh, they got the Philips, Wendy's, Jerry's, Sub's, and Pizza. Carritos, burritos,

which if you want to change your pace. And they have a Carvel in there, which is very nice. Did you get a cake? You get a cake on the road. Yeah. But I guess that's going to do it for us, folks. Watch Stavey Solves Your Problems on Twitch this Friday at 6.

Ian Fidance will be my guest. Oh, that's a great. If you want advice from Ian, 903-883-STAV. Call in, leave a voicemail. Come.town. We got, I got three new shirts out this week. I'm rolling out some more soon. But the shop is

fully functional again. They're printed up. Everything being sent out. I don't know. Just go look at the shirts. Just buy the motherfuckers shirts. You don't have to buy them. Just go look at them. Come.town. If something appeals to you, then get it. Well, I say buy them.

We're still in the market research phase of me figuring out how to make t-shirts. Because I cross the line very too often. Yeah. And these are the ones that is retailing? Oh, yeah. That's a good one. I mean, that's things. Artwork can offset

being offensive, I guess. But imagine the ones Nick throws away. Yeah. The ones that don't see the light of day. Imagine ones that me and Adam are just like, oh, yeah, that's something. When he's like, what do you think of this?

Like, oh, yeah. I'm sure it's good. You can find a couple of retards to wear that. But I tell you, the shirts thing, this is, I mean, I've never, I've like, this is what's been missing from my life. This is like, feel the void that's been missing since I stopped writing.

I love that. Yeah, check them out. Adam, you got anything? Nope. Okay. Well, that's it folks. Thanks for joining us. Bye. See you all later.